1 00:00:02,274 --> 00:00:05,629 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:09,015 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:09,099 --> 00:00:12,502 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:15,472 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,539 --> 00:00:19,058 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:22,262 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:22,329 --> 00:00:23,863 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,948 --> 00:00:25,315 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:26,775 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,300 ♪ Family Guy 10x22 ♪ Viewer Mail 2 Original Air Date on May 20, 2012 11 00:00:29,301 --> 00:00:31,801 == sync, corrected by elderman == 12 00:00:31,839 --> 00:00:34,757 Hello, I'm Brian Griffin. And I'm Stewie Griffin. 13 00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:37,527 A few years ago, we did an episode called "Viewer Mail" 14 00:00:37,595 --> 00:00:40,096 where you, our fans, wrote in and suggested ideas 15 00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:41,714 for new episodes. 16 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:44,551 Well, it's ten years later, but you're still sending in ideas. 17 00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:47,287 Uh, to Rashad in Little Rock, we wanna let you know 18 00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:50,940 we kicked around idea, "Make the Baby Go Wild" for a while, 19 00:00:51,008 --> 00:00:53,059 couldn't really find an angle on it. 20 00:00:53,143 --> 00:00:55,328 Here's one from Lee Mills of Iowa. 21 00:00:55,396 --> 00:00:58,231 Lee writes: "Dear Family Guy, was your show based on anything?" 22 00:00:58,299 --> 00:00:59,949 That's a great question, Lee. 23 00:01:00,017 --> 00:01:02,785 In fact, Family Guy is based on an American television series 24 00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:04,754 called The Simpsons. 25 00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:07,907 Actually, Family Guy, much like The Office, 26 00:01:07,992 --> 00:01:10,026 is based on a British series called Chap of the Manor. 27 00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:11,444 Let's watch. 28 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:21,154 We now return to Britain's 29 00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:22,855 most popular game show... 30 00:01:22,923 --> 00:01:26,326 Wheel... of... Politeness! 31 00:01:26,393 --> 00:01:28,094 Do go ahead, then. Oh, no, you first. 32 00:01:28,162 --> 00:01:30,063 Wouldn't dream of it. Too kind, really, I insist. 33 00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:32,131 Wouldn't be proper of me. I appreciate your courtesy. 34 00:01:32,199 --> 00:01:33,399 Likewise. Well, we're all out of time. 35 00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:34,901 Join us same time tomorrow 36 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,936 if it's not entirely inconvenient for you. 37 00:01:37,004 --> 00:01:38,304 If so, of course, we do understand 38 00:01:38,372 --> 00:01:40,106 and we do apologize in advance. 39 00:01:40,174 --> 00:01:42,842 This has all been an imposition. I'm so dreadfully sorry. 40 00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:43,643 Sorry! Sorry. Sorry. 41 00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:44,844 Sorry, everyone! 42 00:01:44,912 --> 00:01:46,546 All right, kids, enough telly. 43 00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:49,082 I hope everyone's peckish for some boiled lamb shank. 44 00:01:49,149 --> 00:01:50,383 None for me, Lydia. 45 00:01:50,451 --> 00:01:52,051 I'm meeting me mates down at the pub. 46 00:01:52,119 --> 00:01:54,404 Again? But Neville, you spend all your time 47 00:01:54,455 --> 00:01:57,006 down at the Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat 48 00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:58,174 and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock. 49 00:01:58,242 --> 00:01:59,525 And that's where you're wrong. 50 00:01:59,593 --> 00:02:01,661 The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat 51 00:02:01,745 --> 00:02:03,580 and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock is for tossers. 52 00:02:03,631 --> 00:02:05,832 We're meetin' at the Dog and Cat and Bull and Whistle 53 00:02:05,899 --> 00:02:07,834 and Fiddle and Cock and Pig and Wolf and Carriage 54 00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:09,369 and Fife and Other Wolf! 55 00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:11,888 But I need you to stay and have a chat with Collingsworth. 56 00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,090 I found him with another fag in his mouth this morning. 57 00:02:14,158 --> 00:02:15,425 Oh, is that right? 58 00:02:15,492 --> 00:02:17,360 So you fancy fags, do you? 59 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,896 Well, here. Have a whole carton of fags! 60 00:02:19,964 --> 00:02:22,982 I just want a comely lass to look upon me with favour. 61 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,484 I look on you with favour. 62 00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:26,135 I look on all of you with favour. 63 00:02:26,203 --> 00:02:27,704 Shut up, British Meg. 64 00:02:27,771 --> 00:02:28,805 Look at Lydia. 65 00:02:28,872 --> 00:02:31,374 What a two-bit Wichita whore. 66 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,676 One of these days, she's gonna wake up killt. 67 00:02:33,744 --> 00:02:35,144 Ah, matricide. 68 00:02:35,212 --> 00:02:37,180 Yet another of your childhood whims. 69 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:38,915 No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow through with... 70 00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:40,216 Wait, why'd you say it like that? 71 00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:43,186 Cutaway, sir? 72 00:02:43,253 --> 00:02:45,288 Yes, that's good then. 73 00:02:45,356 --> 00:02:48,191 Friends, family, and characters random 74 00:02:48,258 --> 00:02:51,027 To bring you joy and laughter in tandem 75 00:02:51,095 --> 00:02:53,863 To divert and dazzle is our intention 76 00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:57,183 So sit back, relax, and enjoy our invention. 77 00:02:59,803 --> 00:03:02,221 Ah, I love summer. 78 00:03:10,798 --> 00:03:13,266 Good evening, Billingsbury. I'm Clive Crowley. 79 00:03:13,334 --> 00:03:15,802 Coming up: a man with a gun and two bullets 80 00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:17,970 has taken over the city of Manchester. 81 00:03:18,038 --> 00:03:20,707 But first, our top story tonight: Her Majesty, the Queen, 82 00:03:20,774 --> 00:03:23,009 will be passing through our very town tomorrow. 83 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,944 With details, we now go live 84 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:26,913 to Indian reporter, Tricia Dasgupta. 85 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:29,649 Oh, my golly, there is much commotion. 86 00:03:29,717 --> 00:03:31,317 Thank you, Tricia. After the interval, 87 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:34,187 find out which 12 football teams tied tonight. 88 00:03:34,254 --> 00:03:36,122 The Queen's comin' to Billingsbury? 89 00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:37,824 That's bloody sweet! 90 00:03:37,891 --> 00:03:39,959 You know, I'm actually a relation of the royal family. 91 00:03:40,027 --> 00:03:41,828 You most certainly are not. 92 00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,629 Where would you get that idea? 93 00:03:43,697 --> 00:03:45,631 Me mum used to claim she was a Windsor. 94 00:03:45,699 --> 00:03:48,534 And I always heard my Nana talk about how she took a duke. 95 00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:50,136 Must've been a difficult marriage, too, 96 00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:51,904 'cause every afternoon she'd be belly-achin' 97 00:03:51,972 --> 00:03:53,473 about her bloody duke. 98 00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:55,608 I think you just had a gross grandmother. 99 00:03:55,676 --> 00:03:57,877 No, I'm quite sure of it. And to prove it, 100 00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,912 I'm gonna nick one of the Queen's hairs 101 00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:01,531 during her visit tomorrow. 102 00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:04,484 And when the DNA proves a match, you'll see I'm royalty. 103 00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:05,952 The Queen, eh? 104 00:04:06,019 --> 00:04:08,154 I'd like to mash my banger in her blood pudding. 105 00:04:08,222 --> 00:04:09,255 Googity. Googity. Glop. 106 00:04:09,339 --> 00:04:11,474 Hello, lads. Oh, hello, Seamus. 107 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,910 Right fine performance at the cricket match today. 108 00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:16,979 Aye. I was spirited to have you down there watching me. 109 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,848 Well, it's a brilliant day 110 00:04:18,916 --> 00:04:20,116 for a long and confusing game of cricket. 111 00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:22,151 The field is teeming with men in helmets 112 00:04:22,219 --> 00:04:23,820 who don't seem like they need helmets, 113 00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:25,388 and men not in helmets 114 00:04:25,456 --> 00:04:26,856 who seem like they probably should be wearing helmets. 115 00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:29,826 Oh, he's batted it clear out of the stadium. 116 00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:33,329 Is that good? We don't know, but it's what we do! 117 00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:34,731 Y-Yay! 118 00:04:34,798 --> 00:04:35,665 Boo! Boo! 119 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:36,666 Boo! 120 00:04:39,903 --> 00:04:42,789 Oh my goodness, the Queen is going to be here presently. 121 00:04:42,856 --> 00:04:44,624 This is oh-so-exciting! 122 00:04:44,691 --> 00:04:46,859 My favorite part before the Queen arrives 123 00:04:46,927 --> 00:04:49,629 is yelling "wanker" at Prince Charles as he passes. 124 00:04:49,713 --> 00:04:51,047 Wanker! Wanker! 125 00:04:51,114 --> 00:04:52,782 I know, I know. 126 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,083 Wanker! Wanker! 127 00:04:54,134 --> 00:04:55,951 Yes, I know. Yes. 128 00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,470 Wanker! You're a wanker! 129 00:04:57,554 --> 00:04:59,388 Wanker! Right, quite right. 130 00:04:59,456 --> 00:05:01,007 Spot on. He's got it. 131 00:05:01,074 --> 00:05:03,760 I say, a lot of people have turned out to see the Queen. 132 00:05:03,827 --> 00:05:05,128 Should make for a grand day. 133 00:05:05,195 --> 00:05:07,980 Hey, watch it there! 134 00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:18,191 Good show, old chap. Well played. 135 00:05:18,258 --> 00:05:19,325 Here she comes! 136 00:05:23,096 --> 00:05:24,814 Very well. Time for action. 137 00:05:24,882 --> 00:05:28,017 A lock of the Queen's hair shall soon be mine. 138 00:05:28,085 --> 00:05:29,836 Here she comes. Have at it then. 139 00:05:29,903 --> 00:05:32,889 Crikey! This is a haircut fit for a queen! 140 00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:37,176 Oh, bloody hell! 141 00:05:37,244 --> 00:05:39,245 All right, time for Plan B. Let's go! 142 00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:48,488 I'm not going any lower. 143 00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,439 Well, Father, you gave it a good go. 144 00:05:50,507 --> 00:05:53,342 Oh, we're not done yet. Come on! 145 00:05:55,011 --> 00:05:58,231 Queen! Queen! Give me some of your hair! 146 00:05:58,315 --> 00:06:00,316 Come on, Queen! Don't be a bitch! 147 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,034 Get us away from that lunatic! 148 00:06:12,329 --> 00:06:13,796 She's heading into that tunnel! 149 00:06:18,535 --> 00:06:21,337 Dear God! The Queen's dead! 150 00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:26,542 All right, Collingsworth, I got a hair. 151 00:06:26,593 --> 00:06:30,062 Now, just walk away casual-like and we're in the clear. 152 00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,681 Oh, no! Here come the coppers! 153 00:06:43,977 --> 00:06:45,244 Bugger. 154 00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,115 Bugger. 155 00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:52,318 Bugger. 156 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,723 Well, it turns out I'm not royalty. 157 00:06:57,791 --> 00:06:59,458 Shame about the Queen, though. 158 00:06:59,526 --> 00:07:01,961 Yeah, I reckon she's with Jesus Christ in heaven now. 159 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:05,414 Well, I'm just happy our family is safe and sound 160 00:07:05,482 --> 00:07:07,617 back in our cozy row house. 161 00:07:07,684 --> 00:07:08,985 Row house. 162 00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,271 We now return 163 00:07:18,339 --> 00:07:20,223 to The Comedy Central Roast of Robin Williams. 164 00:07:20,291 --> 00:07:22,409 Aw, man, Robin Williams is my favorite! 165 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,843 He must be getting recognized 166 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,545 for all his contributions to show business. 167 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,147 I don't think that's what a roast is. 168 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,150 Robin, as a comic, it's an honor to be up here roasting you. 169 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,385 As a moviegoer, I want to punch you in the face. 170 00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,955 Oh, that's funny. Advocate violence. 171 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,323 And let's face it, Mork. 172 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,392 You're getting Nanu-Na-old! 173 00:07:41,429 --> 00:07:43,062 Stop it! You stop it! 174 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,699 Robin Williams has a manic gift that gladdens a sad world 175 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:50,637 and all he asks in return is our unceasing attention! 176 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,538 How can you allow this?! 177 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,558 Robin Williams has given us nothing but joy! 178 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:58,011 I wish everyone was Robin Williams! 179 00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:04,383 Boy, that looks enticing. 180 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,239 Yeah, this is nice. 181 00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:16,212 Oh, my God. What happened? 182 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,132 You were in a coma, and then I kissed you, and you woke up. 183 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,667 Like two days later. 184 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,702 Anyway, all your numbers are normal. 185 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,204 What numbers? No idea. 186 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,173 Well, congratulations. You're gonna be just fine. 187 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,226 Oh, my God! 188 00:08:30,294 --> 00:08:31,678 You're... You're Robin Williams! 189 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,314 Ding! Thank you for playing "That's Obvious!" 190 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:35,682 Tell him what he's won, Cletus! 191 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,883 - Money! Ho-ho! Money. 192 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:37,867 Or as the Republicans call it, 193 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:38,885 Mine! 194 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,088 I hope this is covered by your HMO. 195 00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:44,157 I was covered once by an HMO in San Francisco. 196 00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,426 I Haight my Ashbury in these jeans! 197 00:08:46,494 --> 00:08:48,094 Ding-ding, Rice-A-Roni! 198 00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:51,197 Ah! You got all those references in there! 199 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:52,632 Of course now everyone can afford health care 200 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,600 because of Obama. 201 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,201 Yeah, you want a Band-Aid? 202 00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,937 No problem, turkey. Come on down to Obama-Mart! 203 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,406 The price is free, but yo ass better vote for me. 204 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,208 Ha! Political with a twist. 205 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:03,776 It's funny from the news! 206 00:09:03,827 --> 00:09:05,828 What's going on in here? You gotta check this out! 207 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,130 It's Robin Williams! 208 00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,882 Ho-ho! A nurse is a nurse, of curse. 209 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,117 Up yours, Wilbur. 210 00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,502 Oh, my God! 211 00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:14,771 Everyone I touch turns into Robin Williams! 212 00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:17,307 Yess! Peter Sweet Cheeks Griffin-uh! 213 00:09:17,374 --> 00:09:20,026 You have been given the power from god-uh! 214 00:09:20,094 --> 00:09:21,027 Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 215 00:09:23,581 --> 00:09:26,382 I will be so responsible with this. 216 00:09:26,450 --> 00:09:27,850 Thanks, guys! 217 00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:29,302 Ho-ho! Bye! 218 00:09:29,353 --> 00:09:31,304 See you, Peter! Y'all come back now, y'hear? 219 00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:32,739 It's Patch Adams Robin. 220 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,291 He cures stuff the fun way, not the medicine way. 221 00:09:38,796 --> 00:09:41,164 So, somehow the lightning gave your dad 222 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,000 the power to turn anyone I touch into Robin Williams. 223 00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,836 Peter, did Dr. Hartman say how long this was gonna last? 224 00:09:46,904 --> 00:09:48,271 There is no more Dr. Hartman, Lois. 225 00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:50,073 He's Robin Williams now. 226 00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,474 Bet you kids never thought your dad 227 00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:53,659 would have superpowers, huh? 228 00:09:53,711 --> 00:09:56,446 Peter! Ho-ho! You pat my back, I pat yours, 229 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,047 and Pat Robertson pats Mr. Happy. 230 00:09:58,115 --> 00:10:00,550 Yayuss! Praise Jesus with your Visa card! 231 00:10:00,618 --> 00:10:02,385 Max it out on the Lord, people! 232 00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:03,753 Oh, boy! 233 00:10:03,821 --> 00:10:05,989 And that's the second Southern preacher one. 234 00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:07,657 Look, Brian! Meg is one of the sensitive, 235 00:10:07,725 --> 00:10:09,292 bearded Robin Williams characters. 236 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,660 Ha! 237 00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,295 You think that's funny, chief? Well, I... 238 00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:13,763 My wife is dead. 239 00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:15,865 Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. 240 00:10:15,933 --> 00:10:17,734 She's dead, chief. Ho-ho! Dead. 241 00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:20,703 The Grateful Dead. Please do not take the brown acid. 242 00:10:20,771 --> 00:10:22,522 It will turn you into a Martian. 243 00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,324 Take me to your wiener. Ho-ho! 244 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,993 We're. 245 00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,696 ("Rockin' Robin" by Bobby Day playing) 246 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,250 ♪ ♪ 247 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,873 ♪ He rocks in the treetop all a day long ♪ 248 00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:43,359 ♪ Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' the song ♪ 249 00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:46,379 ♪ All the little birds on Jaybird Street ♪ 250 00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,898 ♪ Love to hear the robin goin' tweet-tweet-tweet ♪ 251 00:10:48,966 --> 00:10:51,184 ♪ Rockin' robin, tweet-tweet-tweet. ♪ 252 00:10:53,804 --> 00:10:55,888 I don't know, Peter. This all seems kind of creepy. 253 00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,640 What do you mean? This is great! 254 00:10:57,708 --> 00:10:59,475 Everyone's hilarious now! 255 00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:01,311 What do you think, Quagmire? 256 00:11:01,378 --> 00:11:03,665 What? I can't hear a thing over this noise. 257 00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:04,163 What?! 258 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,765 This is unbearable! 259 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,201 I think I got just the thing to cheer you up, Joe. 260 00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:11,704 I know I said I was a leg man, but this is ridiculous. Ho! 261 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,573 I feel like a testicle on steroids. 262 00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:15,541 Honey, I shrunk my nuts! Ho! Ha! 263 00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:17,343 Ho-ho! I'm a San Francisco pirate. 264 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,879 I Haight my Ashbury in these jeans! 265 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,964 A lot of the material is repeated. 266 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:26,953 Mmm, Lois, 267 00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:30,289 your torso is so broad and solid. 268 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,544 Ah! You're not Lois! 269 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,879 I can hear you! I'm not deaf! 270 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,632 I don't believe that's real sign language! 271 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,451 Brian, this is a disaster! 272 00:11:41,518 --> 00:11:43,002 I turned everyone into Robin Williams! 273 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,620 You gotta help me! 274 00:11:44,688 --> 00:11:45,788 Yo-yo-yo! Peter G. 275 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,990 What's happening, dawg? 276 00:11:48,058 --> 00:11:50,243 Oh, Sideways Hat Robin. Dear God, no! 277 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:56,332 ♪ Gonna have some hot tea, baby, this morning! ♪ 278 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,552 Run, Forrest, run! Run, Forrest, run! 279 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,170 All right, Rupert, all we have to do 280 00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:02,472 is act like Robin Williams, 281 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,440 and he'll think we've already changed. 282 00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:05,875 Ho-ho! Scattered stream of references! 283 00:12:05,943 --> 00:12:08,111 Lots of energy! One good one for every ten! Ho-ho! 284 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,134 Damn these hands! 285 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,836 Mwah! 286 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,138 Vell, I haven't been to temple in a while! 287 00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:20,840 Ah! 288 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,575 Ladies and gentleman, The Doors! 289 00:12:25,028 --> 00:12:26,996 Ho-ho! Jogging! Running on empty! Ho-ho! 290 00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:28,748 Run, Forrest, run! 291 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,501 Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 292 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,569 Ho-ho! I'm a Mercedes! 293 00:12:33,637 --> 00:12:34,871 Und vere are your papers? 294 00:12:34,938 --> 00:12:36,939 Are you from East or Vest Berlin? 295 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,675 Vell, I'm from Vest Berlin, pilgrim. 296 00:12:42,479 --> 00:12:43,763 Shut up! 297 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,669 Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 298 00:12:50,721 --> 00:12:52,989 Stop riffing! 299 00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:57,310 Jump, Forest, jump! 300 00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:58,795 Must be a leap year, ho-ho! 301 00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:07,453 Time to lose some weight, dearie? 302 00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,556 No... more... comedy. 303 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,830 Guys, will you please settle down? 304 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,365 Can we, can we settle down, please? 305 00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:20,683 Every... everyone. 306 00:13:20,751 --> 00:13:22,084 Everyone, can I have your attention? 307 00:13:22,152 --> 00:13:23,486 Oh, Captains! My Captains! 308 00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,539 I have an announcement to make: 309 00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,040 You are all free! 310 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,109 You have been fired from the school. 311 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,863 Vietnam is over. The hospital is closing. 312 00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:35,898 Will Hunting is all better. 313 00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:37,567 It's not your fault. It's not your fault. 314 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,702 Shut up. Seriously, shut up. 315 00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:41,204 Please, you are done here. 316 00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:44,507 Go and spread your comedy to all corners of this country. 317 00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,011 Wait, not you five. 318 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:52,215 I'm gonna keep you for... an experiment. 319 00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:55,251 Ho-ho! Eggs! 320 00:13:55,319 --> 00:13:57,103 Who came first, the chicken or the porn star? 321 00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:58,204 Ho-ho! The Porn Identity! 322 00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,505 Who am I? Oh, yeah! The pizza man! 323 00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:01,741 Baka-chikka-bwow-bwow! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 324 00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:03,009 Peter, can you pass the coffee? 325 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,711 Sure, Brian the dog. 326 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:10,633 Anything for my family. 327 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,802 Coffee now. Here we go, here we go. 328 00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:18,757 I guess Disney wouldn't let us do the Aladdin one. 329 00:14:28,213 --> 00:14:31,148 Stewie, rise and shine. 330 00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:35,753 Good morning, Stewie. 331 00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:37,021 you. 332 00:14:37,088 --> 00:14:39,206 You ready for the day, sweetie? 333 00:14:39,274 --> 00:14:41,575 Oh, someone needs a diaper change. 334 00:14:47,248 --> 00:14:48,582 Are you proud of yourself? 335 00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,934 That this is what you do? 336 00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,052 Is this a dime? Did you swallow a dime? 337 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,572 Yeah, wipe it off and put it back in your purse, 338 00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:55,940 you white trash hen. 339 00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:57,174 There we go. 340 00:14:57,242 --> 00:14:59,760 Who's my clean little boy? 341 00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:04,732 Ugh! Your roots are ridiculous. 342 00:15:04,799 --> 00:15:05,883 I'm gonna grab your hair 'cause 343 00:15:05,951 --> 00:15:07,017 I like grabbing stuff. 344 00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:09,453 Okay. Okay, Stewie, let go. 345 00:15:09,538 --> 00:15:11,639 Let, let go, Stewie. Let go of Mommy's hair. 346 00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:13,841 When I grow up, I'm never gonna call you. 347 00:15:13,909 --> 00:15:16,110 I'm gonna be busy with my job and my family. 348 00:15:16,177 --> 00:15:17,845 You'll be nothing. 349 00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:25,786 Stewie, I want you to have my ring. 350 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:27,605 It's one of my most important possessions, 351 00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:29,473 and I want you to have it. 352 00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:32,109 Okay, red flag. Red flag, everybody! 353 00:15:36,264 --> 00:15:38,265 Hey, Stewie, wanna go down the slide? 354 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,917 Um... 355 00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:41,118 What's the matter? 356 00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:42,987 Ya never been down the slide before? 357 00:15:43,054 --> 00:15:44,922 Yeah, like, like a thousand times. 358 00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:48,158 Just done it so much I'm bored with it, that's all. 359 00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,630 All right, I guess we're doing this. 360 00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:57,167 Whoa. 361 00:15:57,235 --> 00:15:58,919 Come on down, Stewie! 362 00:16:01,289 --> 00:16:04,692 This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. 363 00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:08,629 All right, you can do this, Stewie. Here we go. 364 00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:12,616 Are you okay? 365 00:16:12,684 --> 00:16:14,084 Yeah, that wasn't so bad. 366 00:16:14,152 --> 00:16:15,519 You might wanna move. 367 00:16:15,587 --> 00:16:17,721 That farting Polish kid is coming down the slide. 368 00:16:19,624 --> 00:16:20,991 Ah, Pavel! 369 00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:39,293 Hey, kid, come here. I wanna see 370 00:16:39,361 --> 00:16:41,662 if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth. 371 00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:43,881 Why don't you go hump a pile of garbage? 372 00:16:47,969 --> 00:16:50,421 All right, here we go. Classic. 373 00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:53,424 Uh-oh. 374 00:16:57,211 --> 00:16:58,595 Oh, God! Brian! Brian! 375 00:17:00,765 --> 00:17:03,183 Guess I'm going for a ride. 376 00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:12,393 Why are we stopping? 377 00:17:13,611 --> 00:17:16,229 Oh, come on. 378 00:17:16,281 --> 00:17:20,884 For God's sake, Brian. It's just a squirrel. 379 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,086 Yeah! 380 00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,203 Oh, God! 381 00:17:29,027 --> 00:17:30,928 He can't hurt you anymore. 382 00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,034 Hey there, little fella. 383 00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:39,636 We sure got a lovely day for it, don't we? 384 00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:41,505 Stay away from my brother's butt. 385 00:17:43,274 --> 00:17:46,393 Okay, Stewie, let's get that little face washed off. 386 00:17:46,461 --> 00:17:48,629 Then you can play with your bath toys, huh? 387 00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:50,681 No, I hate getting my face washed! 388 00:17:50,749 --> 00:17:52,483 Oh, look! It's just Mr. Frog! 389 00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:54,401 Hello, Mr. Frog... 390 00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:58,138 My God, how the hell do I keep falling for that? 391 00:17:58,206 --> 00:17:59,823 Now you play with your toys 392 00:17:59,891 --> 00:18:02,443 and I'll go get yo a nice, fluffy towel. 393 00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:06,413 Stewart Griffin, explorer, adventurer, 394 00:18:06,481 --> 00:18:08,632 skin-diving international playboy. 395 00:18:15,173 --> 00:18:17,007 I'm swimming at night 'cause I'm a slut 396 00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:19,343 and now I'm paying the price for it. 397 00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:23,597 Hey, Stewie! 398 00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:26,133 Wow, looks like you got some cool bath toys in there. 399 00:18:26,201 --> 00:18:27,935 Is it okay if I join ya? 400 00:18:27,986 --> 00:18:29,603 No! 401 00:18:32,073 --> 00:18:34,141 Hey, is that my froggie butt cloth? 402 00:18:36,978 --> 00:18:39,730 Okay, Stewie, bedtime's in ten minutes. 403 00:18:39,798 --> 00:18:41,064 I'll be right back. 404 00:18:42,383 --> 00:18:44,118 Hmm. I think I have time for a quickie. 405 00:18:53,661 --> 00:18:55,345 Excuse me, Mr. Cobain. 406 00:18:55,413 --> 00:18:56,513 Look, I know you're depressed. 407 00:18:56,581 --> 00:18:58,782 Made some bad choices with women, 408 00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:00,067 but there's another way. 409 00:19:00,135 --> 00:19:02,653 Haagen-Dazs, lots of Haagen-Dazs. 410 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,609 Well, let's see if it worked. 411 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,144 Here we go. 412 00:19:10,211 --> 00:19:12,863 Ha! You're still alive, you fat. 413 00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:15,115 Okay, Stewie, time for bed. 414 00:19:15,183 --> 00:19:17,201 You want Mommy to read you a night-night story? 415 00:19:17,268 --> 00:19:19,169 Oh, how 'bout this one? 416 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:23,123 "Good Night, Town from Footloose"? 417 00:19:29,697 --> 00:19:31,298 Who is this book for? 418 00:19:39,073 --> 00:19:41,475 Hey, Lois. I'm home from the Clam. 419 00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:43,227 You know what that means. 420 00:19:43,311 --> 00:19:46,196 You spent the last ten minutes parked in front of the house 421 00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:47,748 crying in your car? 422 00:19:47,816 --> 00:19:50,350 Not now, Peter. I'm doing story time with Stewie. 423 00:19:50,418 --> 00:19:51,618 Yeah, scram, Drinky. 424 00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:52,986 I got a story. 425 00:19:53,054 --> 00:19:55,489 It's about the little penis that could. 426 00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:57,591 It thinks it can, it thinks... 427 00:19:57,659 --> 00:19:59,359 In fact, it's pretty sure it can. 428 00:19:59,427 --> 00:20:00,828 It-It, it's gonna. 429 00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:02,362 Hey, am I gonna have to handle this? 430 00:20:02,413 --> 00:20:03,881 Do you want me to handle this? 431 00:20:03,948 --> 00:20:04,882 Peter, just go wait in the bedroom. 432 00:20:04,949 --> 00:20:06,500 I'll be right there. 433 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:10,337 Fine, but if I gotta pee first, this night's gonna be ruined. 434 00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:11,622 Ruined. 435 00:20:15,576 --> 00:20:17,427 Good night, sweetie. Mommy loves you. 436 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,588 Huh? 437 00:20:33,678 --> 00:20:35,512 It's big, isn't it? 438 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,548 Yes, Peter. It's very big. 439 00:20:37,615 --> 00:20:41,235 Yeah, it's big. 440 00:20:41,286 --> 00:20:43,620 Oh, God, yes! 441 00:20:43,688 --> 00:20:45,622 Ah, yes... 442 00:20:45,707 --> 00:20:47,808 Ah, yeah. 443 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:55,174 Oh, you're gonna use that thing, good. I love you so much. 444 00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:59,274 == sync, corrected by elderman ==