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00:00:02,274 --> 00:00:05,629
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:09,015
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:09,099 --> 00:00:12,502
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:15,472
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:15,539 --> 00:00:19,058
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:22,329 --> 00:00:23,863
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,948 --> 00:00:25,315
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:26,775
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,300
♪ Family Guy 10x22 ♪ Viewer Mail 2
Original Air Date on May 20, 2012
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00:00:29,301 --> 00:00:31,801
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:31,839 --> 00:00:34,757
Hello, I'm Brian Griffin.
And I'm Stewie Griffin.
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00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:37,527
A few years ago, we did an
episode called "Viewer Mail"
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00:00:37,595 --> 00:00:40,096
where you, our fans,
wrote in and suggested ideas
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00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:41,714
for new episodes.
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00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:44,551
Well, it's ten years later, but
you're still sending in ideas.
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00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:47,287
Uh, to Rashad in Little Rock,
we wanna let you know
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00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:50,940
we kicked around idea, "Make the
Baby Go Wild" for a while,
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00:00:51,008 --> 00:00:53,059
couldn't really find
an angle on it.
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00:00:53,143 --> 00:00:55,328
Here's one from
Lee Mills of Iowa.
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00:00:55,396 --> 00:00:58,231
Lee writes: "Dear Family Guy,
was your show based on anything?"
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00:00:58,299 --> 00:00:59,949
That's a great question, Lee.
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00:01:00,017 --> 00:01:02,785
In fact, Family Guy is based
on an American television series
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00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:04,754
called The Simpsons.
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00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:07,907
Actually, Family Guy,
much like The Office,
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00:01:07,992 --> 00:01:10,026
is based on a British series
called Chap of the Manor.
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Let's watch.
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We now return to Britain's
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00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:22,855
most popular game show...
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Wheel... of... Politeness!
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Do go ahead, then.
Oh, no, you first.
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Wouldn't dream of it.
Too kind, really, I insist.
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00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:32,131
Wouldn't be proper of me.
I appreciate your courtesy.
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00:01:32,199 --> 00:01:33,399
Likewise.
Well, we're all out of time.
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00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:34,901
Join us same time tomorrow
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if it's not entirely
inconvenient for you.
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00:01:37,004 --> 00:01:38,304
If so, of course,
we do understand
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00:01:38,372 --> 00:01:40,106
and we do apologize in advance.
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This has all been an imposition.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.
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Sorry! Sorry.
Sorry.
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00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:44,844
Sorry, everyone!
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00:01:44,912 --> 00:01:46,546
All right, kids, enough telly.
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I hope everyone's peckish
for some boiled lamb shank.
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None for me, Lydia.
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00:01:50,451 --> 00:01:52,051
I'm meeting me mates
down at the pub.
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00:01:52,119 --> 00:01:54,404
Again? But Neville,
you spend all your time
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00:01:54,455 --> 00:01:57,006
down at the Fox and Pig
and Dog and Wolf and Cat
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00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:58,174
and Fiddle and
Whistle and Cock.
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00:01:58,242 --> 00:01:59,525
And that's where
you're wrong.
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00:01:59,593 --> 00:02:01,661
The Fox and Pig and Dog
and Wolf and Cat
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00:02:01,745 --> 00:02:03,580
and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock
is for tossers.
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00:02:03,631 --> 00:02:05,832
We're meetin' at the Dog and Cat
and Bull and Whistle
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00:02:05,899 --> 00:02:07,834
and Fiddle and Cock
and Pig and Wolf and Carriage
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00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:09,369
and Fife and Other Wolf!
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00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:11,888
But I need you to stay and have
a chat with Collingsworth.
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00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,090
I found him with another fag
in his mouth this morning.
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00:02:14,158 --> 00:02:15,425
Oh, is that right?
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00:02:15,492 --> 00:02:17,360
So you fancy fags, do you?
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00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,896
Well, here.
Have a whole carton of fags!
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00:02:19,964 --> 00:02:22,982
I just want a comely lass
to look upon me with favour.
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I look on you with favour.
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I look on all of you
with favour.
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Shut up, British Meg.
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00:02:27,771 --> 00:02:28,805
Look at Lydia.
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00:02:28,872 --> 00:02:31,374
What a two-bit Wichita whore.
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00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,676
One of these days,
she's gonna wake up killt.
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00:02:33,744 --> 00:02:35,144
Ah, matricide.
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00:02:35,212 --> 00:02:37,180
Yet another of
your childhood whims.
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No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow
through with...
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00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:40,216
Wait, why'd you say it
like that?
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00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:43,186
Cutaway, sir?
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Yes, that's good then.
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00:02:45,356 --> 00:02:48,191
Friends, family,
and characters random
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To bring you joy
and laughter in tandem
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To divert and dazzle
is our intention
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So sit back, relax,
and enjoy our invention.
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Ah, I love summer.
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00:03:10,798 --> 00:03:13,266
Good evening, Billingsbury.
I'm Clive Crowley.
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Coming up: a man with a gun
and two bullets
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00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:17,970
has taken over the city
of Manchester.
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00:03:18,038 --> 00:03:20,707
But first, our top story
tonight: Her Majesty, the Queen,
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will be passing through
our very town tomorrow.
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With details, we now go live
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00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:26,913
to Indian reporter,
Tricia Dasgupta.
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Oh, my golly,
there is much commotion.
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00:03:29,717 --> 00:03:31,317
Thank you, Tricia.
After the interval,
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00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:34,187
find out which 12 football teams
tied tonight.
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00:03:34,254 --> 00:03:36,122
The Queen's comin'
to Billingsbury?
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00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:37,824
That's bloody sweet!
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00:03:37,891 --> 00:03:39,959
You know, I'm actually a
relation of the royal family.
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00:03:40,027 --> 00:03:41,828
You most certainly are not.
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00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,629
Where would you
get that idea?
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00:03:43,697 --> 00:03:45,631
Me mum used to claim
she was a Windsor.
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00:03:45,699 --> 00:03:48,534
And I always heard my Nana talk
about how she took a duke.
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00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:50,136
Must've been a difficult
marriage, too,
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00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:51,904
'cause every afternoon
she'd be belly-achin'
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00:03:51,972 --> 00:03:53,473
about her bloody duke.
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00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:55,608
I think you just had
a gross grandmother.
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00:03:55,676 --> 00:03:57,877
No, I'm quite sure of it.
And to prove it,
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I'm gonna nick
one of the Queen's hairs
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during her visit tomorrow.
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00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:04,484
And when the DNA proves a match,
you'll see I'm royalty.
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00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:05,952
The Queen, eh?
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00:04:06,019 --> 00:04:08,154
I'd like to mash my banger
in her blood pudding.
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00:04:08,222 --> 00:04:09,255
Googity. Googity. Glop.
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00:04:09,339 --> 00:04:11,474
Hello, lads.
Oh, hello, Seamus.
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00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,910
Right fine performance
at the cricket match today.
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00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:16,979
Aye. I was spirited to have you
down there watching me.
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Well, it's a brilliant day
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for a long and
confusing game of cricket.
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00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:22,151
The field is teeming
with men in helmets
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who don't seem like
they need helmets,
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and men not in helmets
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00:04:25,456 --> 00:04:26,856
who seem like they probably
should be wearing helmets.
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00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:29,826
Oh, he's batted it
clear out of the stadium.
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00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:33,329
Is that good? We don't know,
but it's what we do!
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Y-Yay!
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Boo!
Boo!
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00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:36,666
Boo!
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00:04:39,903 --> 00:04:42,789
Oh my goodness, the Queen is
going to be here presently.
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This is oh-so-exciting!
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My favorite part
before the Queen arrives
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is yelling "wanker"
at Prince Charles as he passes.
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Wanker!
Wanker!
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I know, I know.
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Wanker!
Wanker!
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00:04:54,134 --> 00:04:55,951
Yes, I know. Yes.
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00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,470
Wanker!
You're a wanker!
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Wanker!
Right, quite right.
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00:04:59,456 --> 00:05:01,007
Spot on. He's got it.
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00:05:01,074 --> 00:05:03,760
I say, a lot of people have
turned out to see the Queen.
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00:05:03,827 --> 00:05:05,128
Should make for a grand day.
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00:05:05,195 --> 00:05:07,980
Hey, watch it there!
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Good show, old chap.
Well played.
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Here she comes!
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00:05:23,096 --> 00:05:24,814
Very well.
Time for action.
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A lock of the Queen's hair
shall soon be mine.
138
00:05:28,085 --> 00:05:29,836
Here she comes.
Have at it then.
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Crikey! This is a haircut
fit for a queen!
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Oh, bloody hell!
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00:05:37,244 --> 00:05:39,245
All right, time for Plan B.
Let's go!
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I'm not going any lower.
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00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,439
Well, Father,
you gave it a good go.
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Oh, we're not done yet.
Come on!
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Queen! Queen! Give me
some of your hair!
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Come on, Queen!
Don't be a bitch!
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00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,034
Get us away
from that lunatic!
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She's heading into that tunnel!
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00:06:18,535 --> 00:06:21,337
Dear God! The Queen's dead!
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00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:26,542
All right, Collingsworth,
I got a hair.
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00:06:26,593 --> 00:06:30,062
Now, just walk away casual-like
and we're in the clear.
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00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,681
Oh, no!
Here come the coppers!
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Bugger.
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00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,115
Bugger.
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00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:52,318
Bugger.
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Well, it turns out
I'm not royalty.
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Shame about the Queen, though.
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Yeah, I reckon she's with
Jesus Christ in heaven now.
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00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:05,414
Well, I'm just happy our
family is safe and sound
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00:07:05,482 --> 00:07:07,617
back in our cozy row house.
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Row house.
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00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,271
We now return
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00:07:18,339 --> 00:07:20,223
to The Comedy Central Roast
of Robin Williams.
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Aw, man, Robin Williams
is my favorite!
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He must be getting recognized
166
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,545
for all his contributions
to show business.
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00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,147
I don't think
that's what a roast is.
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00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,150
Robin, as a comic, it's an honor
to be up here roasting you.
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00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,385
As a moviegoer, I want
to punch you in the face.
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00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,955
Oh, that's funny.
Advocate violence.
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00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,323
And let's face it, Mork.
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00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,392
You're getting Nanu-Na-old!
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00:07:41,429 --> 00:07:43,062
Stop it! You stop it!
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00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,699
Robin Williams has a manic gift
that gladdens a sad world
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00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:50,637
and all he asks in return
is our unceasing attention!
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How can you allow this?!
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00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,558
Robin Williams has given us
nothing but joy!
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00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:58,011
I wish everyone
was Robin Williams!
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00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:04,383
Boy, that looks enticing.
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00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,239
Yeah, this is nice.
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00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:16,212
Oh, my God.
What happened?
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00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,132
You were in a coma, and then I
kissed you, and you woke up.
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00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,667
Like two days later.
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00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,702
Anyway, all your
numbers are normal.
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00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,204
What numbers?
No idea.
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00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,173
Well, congratulations.
You're gonna be just fine.
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00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,226
Oh, my God!
188
00:08:30,294 --> 00:08:31,678
You're...
You're Robin Williams!
189
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,314
Ding! Thank you for playing
"That's Obvious!"
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00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:35,682
Tell him what he's won, Cletus!
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00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,883
- Money!
Ho-ho! Money.
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00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:37,867
Or as the Republicans
call it,
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00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:38,885
Mine!
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00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,088
I hope this is covered
by your HMO.
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00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:44,157
I was covered once by
an HMO in San Francisco.
196
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,426
I Haight my Ashbury
in these jeans!
197
00:08:46,494 --> 00:08:48,094
Ding-ding, Rice-A-Roni!
198
00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:51,197
Ah! You got all those
references in there!
199
00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:52,632
Of course now everyone
can afford health care
200
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,600
because of Obama.
201
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,201
Yeah, you want a Band-Aid?
202
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,937
No problem, turkey.
Come on down to Obama-Mart!
203
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,406
The price is free,
but yo ass better vote for me.
204
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,208
Ha! Political
with a twist.
205
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:03,776
It's funny from the news!
206
00:09:03,827 --> 00:09:05,828
What's going on in here?
You gotta check this out!
207
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,130
It's Robin Williams!
208
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,882
Ho-ho! A nurse
is a nurse, of curse.
209
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,117
Up yours, Wilbur.
210
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,502
Oh, my God!
211
00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:14,771
Everyone I touch
turns into Robin Williams!
212
00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:17,307
Yess! Peter Sweet Cheeks
Griffin-uh!
213
00:09:17,374 --> 00:09:20,026
You have been given
the power from god-uh!
214
00:09:20,094 --> 00:09:21,027
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!
215
00:09:23,581 --> 00:09:26,382
I will be so responsible
with this.
216
00:09:26,450 --> 00:09:27,850
Thanks, guys!
217
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:29,302
Ho-ho!
Bye!
218
00:09:29,353 --> 00:09:31,304
See you, Peter!
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
219
00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:32,739
It's Patch Adams Robin.
220
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,291
He cures stuff the fun way,
not the medicine way.
221
00:09:38,796 --> 00:09:41,164
So, somehow the lightning
gave your dad
222
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,000
the power to turn anyone
I touch into Robin Williams.
223
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,836
Peter, did Dr. Hartman say
how long this was gonna last?
224
00:09:46,904 --> 00:09:48,271
There is no more
Dr. Hartman, Lois.
225
00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:50,073
He's Robin Williams now.
226
00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,474
Bet you kids never thought
your dad
227
00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:53,659
would have superpowers, huh?
228
00:09:53,711 --> 00:09:56,446
Peter!
Ho-ho! You pat my back, I pat yours,
229
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,047
and Pat Robertson
pats Mr. Happy.
230
00:09:58,115 --> 00:10:00,550
Yayuss! Praise
Jesus with your Visa card!
231
00:10:00,618 --> 00:10:02,385
Max it out
on the Lord, people!
232
00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:03,753
Oh, boy!
233
00:10:03,821 --> 00:10:05,989
And that's the second
Southern preacher one.
234
00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:07,657
Look, Brian! Meg is
one of the sensitive,
235
00:10:07,725 --> 00:10:09,292
bearded Robin Williams
characters.
236
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,660
Ha!
237
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,295
You think that's funny, chief?
Well, I...
238
00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:13,763
My wife is dead.
239
00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:15,865
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
240
00:10:15,933 --> 00:10:17,734
She's dead, chief.
Ho-ho! Dead.
241
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:20,703
The Grateful Dead. Please
do not take the brown acid.
242
00:10:20,771 --> 00:10:22,522
It will turn you
into a Martian.
243
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,324
Take me to your wiener.
Ho-ho!
244
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,993
We're.
245
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,696
("Rockin' Robin"
by Bobby Day playing)
246
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,250
♪ ♪
247
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,873
♪ He rocks in the treetop
all a day long ♪
248
00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:43,359
♪ Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singin' the song ♪
249
00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:46,379
♪ All the little birds
on Jaybird Street ♪
250
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,898
♪ Love to hear the robin
goin' tweet-tweet-tweet ♪
251
00:10:48,966 --> 00:10:51,184
♪ Rockin' robin,
tweet-tweet-tweet. ♪
252
00:10:53,804 --> 00:10:55,888
I don't know, Peter.
This all seems kind of creepy.
253
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,640
What do you mean?
This is great!
254
00:10:57,708 --> 00:10:59,475
Everyone's hilarious now!
255
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:01,311
What do you think, Quagmire?
256
00:11:01,378 --> 00:11:03,665
What? I can't hear a thing
over this noise.
257
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:04,163
What?!
258
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,765
This is unbearable!
259
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,201
I think I got just the thing
to cheer you up, Joe.
260
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:11,704
I know I said I was a leg man,
but this is ridiculous. Ho!
261
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,573
I feel like a testicle
on steroids.
262
00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:15,541
Honey, I shrunk my nuts!
Ho! Ha!
263
00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:17,343
Ho-ho! I'm a
San Francisco pirate.
264
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,879
I Haight my Ashbury
in these jeans!
265
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,964
A lot of the material
is repeated.
266
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:26,953
Mmm, Lois,
267
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:30,289
your torso is
so broad and solid.
268
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,544
Ah! You're not Lois!
269
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,879
I can hear you!
I'm not deaf!
270
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,632
I don't believe that's
real sign language!
271
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,451
Brian, this is
a disaster!
272
00:11:41,518 --> 00:11:43,002
I turned everyone
into Robin Williams!
273
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,620
You gotta help me!
274
00:11:44,688 --> 00:11:45,788
Yo-yo-yo! Peter G.
275
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,990
What's happening,
dawg?
276
00:11:48,058 --> 00:11:50,243
Oh, Sideways Hat Robin.
Dear God, no!
277
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:56,332
♪ Gonna have some hot tea,
baby, this morning! ♪
278
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,552
Run, Forrest, run!
Run, Forrest, run!
279
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,170
All right, Rupert,
all we have to do
280
00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:02,472
is act like Robin Williams,
281
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,440
and he'll think
we've already changed.
282
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:05,875
Ho-ho! Scattered
stream of references!
283
00:12:05,943 --> 00:12:08,111
Lots of energy! One good one
for every ten! Ho-ho!
284
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,134
Damn these hands!
285
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,836
Mwah!
286
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,138
Vell, I haven't been
to temple in a while!
287
00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:20,840
Ah!
288
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,575
Ladies and gentleman,
The Doors!
289
00:12:25,028 --> 00:12:26,996
Ho-ho! Jogging!
Running on empty! Ho-ho!
290
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:28,748
Run, Forrest, run!
291
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,501
Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
292
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,569
Ho-ho! I'm a Mercedes!
293
00:12:33,637 --> 00:12:34,871
Und vere are your papers?
294
00:12:34,938 --> 00:12:36,939
Are you from
East or Vest Berlin?
295
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,675
Vell, I'm from Vest Berlin, pilgrim.
296
00:12:42,479 --> 00:12:43,763
Shut up!
297
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,669
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
298
00:12:50,721 --> 00:12:52,989
Stop riffing!
299
00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:57,310
Jump, Forest, jump!
300
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:58,795
Must be a leap
year, ho-ho!
301
00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:07,453
Time to lose
some weight, dearie?
302
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,556
No... more... comedy.
303
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,830
Guys, will you please
settle down?
304
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,365
Can we, can we settle down,
please?
305
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:20,683
Every... everyone.
306
00:13:20,751 --> 00:13:22,084
Everyone, can I have
your attention?
307
00:13:22,152 --> 00:13:23,486
Oh, Captains! My Captains!
308
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,539
I have an announcement to make:
309
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,040
You are all free!
310
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,109
You have been fired
from the school.
311
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,863
Vietnam is over.
The hospital is closing.
312
00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:35,898
Will Hunting is all better.
313
00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:37,567
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
314
00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,702
Shut up. Seriously, shut up.
315
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:41,204
Please, you are done here.
316
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:44,507
Go and spread your comedy
to all corners of this country.
317
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,011
Wait, not you five.
318
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:52,215
I'm gonna keep you for...
an experiment.
319
00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:55,251
Ho-ho! Eggs!
320
00:13:55,319 --> 00:13:57,103
Who came first, the chicken
or the porn star?
321
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:58,204
Ho-ho!
The Porn Identity!
322
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,505
Who am I? Oh, yeah!
The pizza man!
323
00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:01,741
Baka-chikka-bwow-bwow!
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
324
00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:03,009
Peter, can you pass
the coffee?
325
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,711
Sure, Brian the dog.
326
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:10,633
Anything for my family.
327
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,802
Coffee now.
Here we go, here we go.
328
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:18,757
I guess Disney wouldn't let us
do the Aladdin one.
329
00:14:28,213 --> 00:14:31,148
Stewie, rise and shine.
330
00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:35,753
Good morning, Stewie.
331
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:37,021
you.
332
00:14:37,088 --> 00:14:39,206
You ready for the day, sweetie?
333
00:14:39,274 --> 00:14:41,575
Oh, someone needs
a diaper change.
334
00:14:47,248 --> 00:14:48,582
Are you proud
of yourself?
335
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,934
That this
is what you do?
336
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,052
Is this a dime?
Did you swallow a dime?
337
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,572
Yeah, wipe it off
and put it back in your purse,
338
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:55,940
you white trash hen.
339
00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:57,174
There we go.
340
00:14:57,242 --> 00:14:59,760
Who's my clean little boy?
341
00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:04,732
Ugh! Your roots
are ridiculous.
342
00:15:04,799 --> 00:15:05,883
I'm gonna grab
your hair 'cause
343
00:15:05,951 --> 00:15:07,017
I like grabbing stuff.
344
00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:09,453
Okay. Okay, Stewie, let go.
345
00:15:09,538 --> 00:15:11,639
Let, let go, Stewie.
Let go of Mommy's hair.
346
00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:13,841
When I grow up, I'm
never gonna call you.
347
00:15:13,909 --> 00:15:16,110
I'm gonna be busy
with my job and my family.
348
00:15:16,177 --> 00:15:17,845
You'll be nothing.
349
00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:25,786
Stewie, I want you
to have my ring.
350
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:27,605
It's one of my most
important possessions,
351
00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:29,473
and I want you to have it.
352
00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:32,109
Okay, red flag.
Red flag, everybody!
353
00:15:36,264 --> 00:15:38,265
Hey, Stewie,
wanna go down the slide?
354
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,917
Um...
355
00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:41,118
What's the matter?
356
00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:42,987
Ya never been down
the slide before?
357
00:15:43,054 --> 00:15:44,922
Yeah, like,
like a thousand times.
358
00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:48,158
Just done it so much
I'm bored with it, that's all.
359
00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,630
All right, I guess
we're doing this.
360
00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:57,167
Whoa.
361
00:15:57,235 --> 00:15:58,919
Come on down,
Stewie!
362
00:16:01,289 --> 00:16:04,692
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy.
363
00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:08,629
All right, you can do this,
Stewie. Here we go.
364
00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:12,616
Are you okay?
365
00:16:12,684 --> 00:16:14,084
Yeah, that wasn't so bad.
366
00:16:14,152 --> 00:16:15,519
You might wanna move.
367
00:16:15,587 --> 00:16:17,721
That farting Polish kid
is coming down the slide.
368
00:16:19,624 --> 00:16:20,991
Ah, Pavel!
369
00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:39,293
Hey, kid, come here.
I wanna see
370
00:16:39,361 --> 00:16:41,662
if I can still smell
your mom's boobs on your mouth.
371
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:43,881
Why don't you go hump
a pile of garbage?
372
00:16:47,969 --> 00:16:50,421
All right, here we go.
Classic.
373
00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:53,424
Uh-oh.
374
00:16:57,211 --> 00:16:58,595
Oh, God! Brian! Brian!
375
00:17:00,765 --> 00:17:03,183
Guess I'm going for a ride.
376
00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:12,393
Why are we stopping?
377
00:17:13,611 --> 00:17:16,229
Oh, come on.
378
00:17:16,281 --> 00:17:20,884
For God's sake, Brian.
It's just a squirrel.
379
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,086
Yeah!
380
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,203
Oh, God!
381
00:17:29,027 --> 00:17:30,928
He can't hurt you anymore.
382
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,034
Hey there, little fella.
383
00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:39,636
We sure got a lovely day for it,
don't we?
384
00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:41,505
Stay away from
my brother's butt.
385
00:17:43,274 --> 00:17:46,393
Okay, Stewie, let's get
that little face washed off.
386
00:17:46,461 --> 00:17:48,629
Then you can play
with your bath toys, huh?
387
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:50,681
No, I hate getting
my face washed!
388
00:17:50,749 --> 00:17:52,483
Oh, look!
It's just Mr. Frog!
389
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:54,401
Hello, Mr. Frog...
390
00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:58,138
My God, how the hell
do I keep falling for that?
391
00:17:58,206 --> 00:17:59,823
Now you play with your toys
392
00:17:59,891 --> 00:18:02,443
and I'll go get yo
a nice, fluffy towel.
393
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:06,413
Stewart Griffin, explorer,
adventurer,
394
00:18:06,481 --> 00:18:08,632
skin-diving
international playboy.
395
00:18:15,173 --> 00:18:17,007
I'm swimming at night
'cause I'm a slut
396
00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:19,343
and now I'm paying
the price for it.
397
00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:23,597
Hey, Stewie!
398
00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:26,133
Wow, looks like you got
some cool bath toys in there.
399
00:18:26,201 --> 00:18:27,935
Is it okay if I join ya?
400
00:18:27,986 --> 00:18:29,603
No!
401
00:18:32,073 --> 00:18:34,141
Hey, is that
my froggie butt cloth?
402
00:18:36,978 --> 00:18:39,730
Okay, Stewie, bedtime's
in ten minutes.
403
00:18:39,798 --> 00:18:41,064
I'll be right back.
404
00:18:42,383 --> 00:18:44,118
Hmm. I think I have time
for a quickie.
405
00:18:53,661 --> 00:18:55,345
Excuse me, Mr. Cobain.
406
00:18:55,413 --> 00:18:56,513
Look, I know
you're depressed.
407
00:18:56,581 --> 00:18:58,782
Made some bad choices
with women,
408
00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:00,067
but there's another way.
409
00:19:00,135 --> 00:19:02,653
Haagen-Dazs,
lots of Haagen-Dazs.
410
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,609
Well, let's see if it worked.
411
00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,144
Here we go.
412
00:19:10,211 --> 00:19:12,863
Ha! You're still alive,
you fat.
413
00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:15,115
Okay, Stewie, time for bed.
414
00:19:15,183 --> 00:19:17,201
You want Mommy to read you
a night-night story?
415
00:19:17,268 --> 00:19:19,169
Oh, how 'bout this one?
416
00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:23,123
"Good Night, Town
from Footloose"?
417
00:19:29,697 --> 00:19:31,298
Who is this book for?
418
00:19:39,073 --> 00:19:41,475
Hey, Lois.
I'm home from the Clam.
419
00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:43,227
You know what that means.
420
00:19:43,311 --> 00:19:46,196
You spent the last ten minutes
parked in front of the house
421
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:47,748
crying in your car?
422
00:19:47,816 --> 00:19:50,350
Not now, Peter. I'm doing
story time with Stewie.
423
00:19:50,418 --> 00:19:51,618
Yeah, scram, Drinky.
424
00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:52,986
I got a story.
425
00:19:53,054 --> 00:19:55,489
It's about the little penis
that could.
426
00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:57,591
It thinks it can, it thinks...
427
00:19:57,659 --> 00:19:59,359
In fact, it's pretty sure
it can.
428
00:19:59,427 --> 00:20:00,828
It-It, it's gonna.
429
00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:02,362
Hey, am I gonna have
to handle this?
430
00:20:02,413 --> 00:20:03,881
Do you want me
to handle this?
431
00:20:03,948 --> 00:20:04,882
Peter, just go wait
in the bedroom.
432
00:20:04,949 --> 00:20:06,500
I'll be right there.
433
00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:10,337
Fine, but if I gotta pee first,
this night's gonna be ruined.
434
00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:11,622
Ruined.
435
00:20:15,576 --> 00:20:17,427
Good night, sweetie.
Mommy loves you.
436
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,588
Huh?
437
00:20:33,678 --> 00:20:35,512
It's big, isn't it?
438
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,548
Yes, Peter.
It's very big.
439
00:20:37,615 --> 00:20:41,235
Yeah, it's big.
440
00:20:41,286 --> 00:20:43,620
Oh, God, yes!
441
00:20:43,688 --> 00:20:45,622
Ah, yes...
442
00:20:45,707 --> 00:20:47,808
Ah, yeah.
443
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:55,174
Oh, you're gonna use that thing,
good. I love you so much.
444
00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:59,274
== sync, corrected by elderman ==