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00:00:01,027 --> 00:00:04,367
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,387 --> 00:00:07,822
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:11,610
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:14,579
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:26,930
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:26,955 --> 00:00:29,955
♪ Family Guy 10x07 ♪
Amish Guy
Original Air Date on November 27, 2011
11
00:00:29,956 --> 00:00:32,956
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,068
There it is,
you guys.
13
00:00:37,136 --> 00:00:39,504
The best roller coaster
in all of Quahog.
14
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:42,741
The League of Extraordinary
Gentlemen: The Ride.
15
00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:44,809
You know, I think they kind
of figured that movie
16
00:00:44,877 --> 00:00:46,199
was going to turn out
to be bigger than it was.
17
00:00:46,224 --> 00:00:47,767
Oh, come on Lois,
it'll be awesome.
18
00:00:47,792 --> 00:00:49,244
It simulates all the fun of...
19
00:00:49,245 --> 00:00:51,445
of, um...
w-what was it now?
20
00:00:51,447 --> 00:00:53,882
It was like a... like a
tall guy in a black hat
21
00:00:53,950 --> 00:00:55,124
and a cape or something?
22
00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:56,226
Yeah, yeah, and there
was the guy
23
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:58,125
with the
mask who wore a mask.
24
00:00:58,421 --> 00:00:59,788
And one guy
had an umbrella.
25
00:00:59,856 --> 00:01:01,824
Yeah, and I believe he
opened it at one point.
26
00:01:01,891 --> 00:01:03,459
Yeah, and it
wasn't overly long.
27
00:01:03,526 --> 00:01:04,927
Yeah, not-not
overly long.
28
00:01:04,995 --> 00:01:08,097
Sorry, sir, there's a weight
limit on this coaster.
29
00:01:08,164 --> 00:01:09,698
Oh, really,
what's the limit?
30
00:01:09,766 --> 00:01:11,233
The rule is you can't
look hilarious
31
00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:13,135
on this motor scooter.
32
00:01:16,089 --> 00:01:17,456
I'm sorry, there's
just no way.
33
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,413
Big news out of Six Flags
Columbus today,
34
00:01:24,481 --> 00:01:25,981
as they unveil
what promises to be
35
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:28,384
the largest roller coaster
in the United States.
36
00:01:28,451 --> 00:01:29,418
That's right, Joyce.
37
00:01:29,486 --> 00:01:31,120
They call it The Holocaust.
38
00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:33,155
The ride has several
Jewish groups up in arms...
39
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,090
as they go over
the first rise.
40
00:01:36,159 --> 00:01:37,092
No, I'm-I'm kidding.
41
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,694
They're actually pretty upset.
42
00:01:38,762 --> 00:01:39,795
Wow.
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00:01:39,863 --> 00:01:41,046
I had heard about
the Holocaust,
44
00:01:41,114 --> 00:01:42,865
but I never believed it
till right now.
45
00:01:42,932 --> 00:01:44,783
I have to ride
that ride.
46
00:01:44,851 --> 00:01:46,685
Peter, come on, they're not
going to let you that ride either.
47
00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:48,053
You're overweight.
48
00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:49,488
Yeah, if you want to
ride that roller coaster,
49
00:01:49,556 --> 00:01:51,440
you're going to have
to go on a diet.
50
00:01:51,508 --> 00:01:52,641
A diet, huh?
51
00:01:52,709 --> 00:01:53,742
All right, well,
how's that work?
52
00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:55,127
Well, I suppose
you can start
53
00:01:55,195 --> 00:01:56,328
by keeping a
food journal,
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00:01:56,396 --> 00:01:57,596
like Quagmire does.
55
00:01:57,664 --> 00:01:59,148
Yeah, in fact,
I got it right here.
56
00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:01,517
"Today I ate peaches...
ginger...
57
00:02:01,584 --> 00:02:03,419
honey... candy... olive..."
You know what?
58
00:02:03,486 --> 00:02:04,987
This is the wrong list.
59
00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:07,356
All right, if that's what it
takes to ride that ride,
60
00:02:07,424 --> 00:02:09,374
I am going on a diet.
61
00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:11,076
And I'm not stopping
till I look as good as my
62
00:02:11,144 --> 00:02:13,328
great Aunt "Legs-Go-All-The-
Way-Up" Griffin.
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00:02:13,396 --> 00:02:16,665
Hey, baby, do those legs
go all the way up?
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00:02:16,733 --> 00:02:18,851
Why, yes, they do.
65
00:02:18,918 --> 00:02:21,036
Oh, my God!
You're a monster!
66
00:02:21,087 --> 00:02:22,254
Come back.
67
00:02:22,338 --> 00:02:24,089
My legs are shaved
like a little girl.
68
00:02:27,193 --> 00:02:29,461
Hey, what do you
got there, Peter?
69
00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:30,679
Rice cakes.
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00:02:30,747 --> 00:02:32,064
Never had one, but
somebody told me
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00:02:32,132 --> 00:02:34,049
this is a really good
way to start your diet.
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00:02:48,648 --> 00:02:50,032
Who...
73
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,301
who could think of such
a horrible thing?!
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00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:56,021
We know you not like
rice cake.
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00:02:56,089 --> 00:02:58,724
♪ Ricey, ricey rice,
no one like rice cakes. ♪
76
00:03:02,395 --> 00:03:04,012
All right, Peter, the
most important thing
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00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,681
when you're on a diet
is willpower.
78
00:03:05,748 --> 00:03:07,449
Now I'm going to put
this steaming pie
79
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,284
on the windowsill to cool.
80
00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:11,053
Now no matter how many
beckoning fingers
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00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,288
that steam morphs into
or how badly it tries
82
00:03:13,339 --> 00:03:16,758
to sneak its way up your nose,
I want you to resist the urge
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00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:18,293
to levitate
off the ground
84
00:03:18,344 --> 00:03:19,428
and float towards the pie.
85
00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:20,762
Doesn't seem too hard.
86
00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:23,265
All right, go
stand over there.
87
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:29,521
No, you don't.
88
00:03:30,773 --> 00:03:34,610
No, no,
you can't go in there.
89
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:36,811
No, no, stay out of there.
That's my special area!
90
00:03:38,031 --> 00:03:39,982
No, stop!
91
00:03:40,049 --> 00:03:41,316
I'm saying no!
92
00:03:42,502 --> 00:03:44,219
What kind of pie is this?!
93
00:03:44,287 --> 00:03:46,955
Peter, it's making me watch!
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00:03:50,326 --> 00:03:52,945
Peter, I don't understand why
we have to drive all the way
95
00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:55,047
to Ohio to ride a
stupid roller coaster.
96
00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:57,216
Yeah, besides, they're still
not going to let you on.
97
00:03:57,283 --> 00:03:58,967
You haven't actually
lost any weight.
98
00:03:59,018 --> 00:04:01,954
Oh, I think my lithe figure
would suggest otherwise.
99
00:04:02,021 --> 00:04:04,022
A girdle is not a substitute
for weight loss, Peter.
100
00:04:04,107 --> 00:04:05,224
Hey, I'm riding
that roller coaster,
101
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:06,692
and that's all
there is to it.
102
00:04:06,776 --> 00:04:07,993
Now let's get out of here.
103
00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:09,494
This thing's squishing
all my organs around.
104
00:04:15,785 --> 00:04:18,520
There it is, kids.
Columbus, Ohio.
105
00:04:18,588 --> 00:04:20,122
Now remember, there
are no rules
106
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:21,990
about who can wear
stretch pants here,
107
00:04:22,058 --> 00:04:23,959
so you're going to see
some pretty shocking things.
108
00:04:24,026 --> 00:04:26,662
Brian, is this
our vacation?
109
00:04:26,713 --> 00:04:27,963
Yeah.
110
00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:29,531
Oh.
111
00:04:29,582 --> 00:04:31,300
Are we trash?
112
00:04:31,367 --> 00:04:32,467
Kind of.
113
00:04:32,535 --> 00:04:33,502
Oh.
114
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:41,810
I'm sorry, sir. You're too fat
to ride the coaster.
115
00:04:41,878 --> 00:04:43,345
Aw, darn it.
116
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,214
Yeah, why don't you go back
to your pond, hippo?
117
00:04:46,349 --> 00:04:47,649
How about me, sir?
118
00:04:47,717 --> 00:04:49,318
Am I too fat to ride?
119
00:04:49,385 --> 00:04:50,519
No, you don't seem to be.
120
00:04:53,389 --> 00:04:55,224
Well, you got
to hand it to him.
121
00:04:55,291 --> 00:04:57,125
He had a dream
and he made it happen.
122
00:04:57,193 --> 00:04:58,327
That's what
the Wright Brothers did.
123
00:04:58,394 --> 00:05:01,163
So, how's your boyfriend,
Orville, doing?
124
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:02,698
Ex-boyfriend,
if you don't mind.
125
00:05:02,765 --> 00:05:04,499
And who cares?
126
00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:06,201
He's probably off
in a barn somewhere
127
00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:08,237
working on a contraption
with that weird brother of his.
128
00:05:08,304 --> 00:05:09,421
Ew.
129
00:05:11,407 --> 00:05:13,959
Ha-ha, bitch.
130
00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:15,877
You're so pretty. I miss you.
131
00:05:27,991 --> 00:05:30,492
Well, this has given me
a lot to think about.
132
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,028
My son is dead!
133
00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:39,618
We are going to have
to send that family money.
134
00:05:39,702 --> 00:05:40,769
I know we are.
135
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,120
Mom, I'm hungry.
136
00:05:42,205 --> 00:05:43,772
Can we stop
and get some food?
137
00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,540
Well, I guess it is
close to dinnertime.
138
00:05:45,608 --> 00:05:46,608
Chris, Stewie,
you hungry?
139
00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:52,297
What are you looking at?
140
00:05:52,382 --> 00:05:53,749
You going to propose?
141
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,350
What?
Yeah, exactly.
142
00:05:55,418 --> 00:05:56,752
"What?" Eyes front.
143
00:05:58,054 --> 00:05:58,987
What the hell?!
144
00:06:05,561 --> 00:06:07,896
Looks like it's the radiator.
145
00:06:07,964 --> 00:06:10,415
Well, we're just going to have
to find a local mechanic.
146
00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,100
On a Friday evening?
147
00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:13,535
I don't think we're going to
have any luck till Monday.
148
00:06:13,603 --> 00:06:16,138
Besides, probably not a lot
of mechanics around here.
149
00:06:20,677 --> 00:06:23,095
So, we're stuck here?
150
00:06:23,162 --> 00:06:24,780
Hey, Lois, you see
that barn out there?
151
00:06:24,847 --> 00:06:26,214
You know who
it was built by?
152
00:06:26,282 --> 00:06:27,816
♪ By... Mennonites. ♪
153
00:06:27,884 --> 00:06:30,786
Well, I guess we better see if
there's a hotel or something.
154
00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:33,088
I can't believe we're
stuck in Amish country.
155
00:06:33,156 --> 00:06:34,589
Yeah, I thought
something was "a-mish."
156
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:47,639
Hey, uh, excuse me, fella?
157
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,207
Yeah, we're looking for a room.
158
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,109
Are ye indeed, outsiders?
159
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:53,845
We do not see many of
your folk in these parts,
160
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,348
but we welcome all of God's
children in their hour of need.
161
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,934
Well, actually, I think we need
it for more than an hour.
162
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,103
Or do we, right, Lois?
163
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,505
I-I do not last very long.
164
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,028
Ugh, creepy. What's this?
165
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,680
It's an Amish doll.
166
00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:13,031
They're not allowed
to have faces.
167
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,399
Has something to
do with vanity.
168
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,018
Looks like a cross-dressing
Cobra Commander.
169
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:17,552
Who?
170
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,154
Cobra Commander.
He's the head of Cobra.
171
00:07:19,222 --> 00:07:20,889
The bad guys from G.I. Joe.
172
00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:22,658
The guys who oddly
shout the name
173
00:07:22,725 --> 00:07:25,727
of their terrorist organization
as they're attacking.
174
00:07:25,795 --> 00:07:28,063
Guys, we're under attack.
By who?
175
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:29,031
I don't know.
176
00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:36,355
Cobra!
177
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:37,556
Oh, it's Cobra.
178
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,124
Oh, of course.
179
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,276
Look, they have the pictures
of the snakes on their planes.
180
00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:42,878
Duke, what have I been
saying for years?
181
00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:44,980
What makes a good
terrorist organization?
182
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,982
Brand recognition.
Brand recognition.
183
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,034
Mom, I can't stay here.
184
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,636
There's no electricity, no
telephones, it's horrible.
185
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:52,938
Excuse me.
186
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,590
I assure you,
our community is quite pleasant.
187
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,576
Perhaps I could
show thee around.
188
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,244
Okay.
189
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,545
My name is Eli.
190
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,180
My parents run the inn.
191
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,916
If there is anything we can do
to make your room more plain,
192
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,184
do not be afraid to ask.
193
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,536
Ah, we'll be all right.
194
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,237
A hotel in Amish country
can't be any worse
195
00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:10,739
than staying in a youth hostel.
196
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,090
Hi, I'd like a room.
197
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,992
Uh, preferably one
where I have to sleep
198
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,794
with my bag
taped to my body.
199
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,363
We have one where some Italian
backpackers have laid out
200
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,198
every item of clothing
they own on all of the beds.
201
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,466
Oh, perfect.
202
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,485
Will my bunkmates be
constantly talking about me
203
00:08:23,553 --> 00:08:24,586
in a foreign language?
204
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:26,321
Yes, they will, sir.
Oh, great.
205
00:08:26,389 --> 00:08:28,190
Uh, also, I'm going to have
some mail delivered here,
206
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,692
and I want it to sit in
that box for four years.
207
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,461
Oh, and what street
is the bathroom on?
208
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,432
So, what do you do
for fun around here?
209
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,268
We do chores and we watch
other people do chores.
210
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,586
Sounds kind of boring.
211
00:08:41,637 --> 00:08:43,939
Alas, there are times
when I feel as if
212
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,557
there is much of life
I am missing.
213
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,093
Yeah, it'd be tough
having no technology.
214
00:08:48,144 --> 00:08:49,611
I don't think I could
live without my iPhone.
215
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,262
You have an iPhone?
216
00:08:51,314 --> 00:08:52,764
Yeah. You've heard of it?
217
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:54,983
Yes, but only because
people sometimes search
218
00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,768
for Amish farms
on their iPhones.
219
00:08:56,819 --> 00:08:57,986
Here comes one now.
220
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,398
Thanks for a fun evening, Eli.
221
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,901
And-and thanks
for being so nice to me.
222
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,795
I think you are the
most fascinating girl
223
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,020
I have ever met, Meg.
224
00:09:18,508 --> 00:09:21,543
Here. I want you
to have this.
225
00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:23,044
Your iPhone?
226
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:24,379
Yeah.
227
00:09:24,447 --> 00:09:27,466
I made you a playlist
of songs that I like.
228
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,217
Who is this I am hearing?
229
00:09:29,285 --> 00:09:30,452
It's Avril Lavigne.
230
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:31,870
Why does she shout at me?
231
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,238
I don't know.
232
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,507
Most of my music I just
get pressured to buy.
233
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,075
Thank you for
this gift, Meg.
234
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:46,935
Eli! What are you doing
with that outsider?
235
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,937
Her name is Meg, Father.
236
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,505
And I was just showing her
our community.
237
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,957
You stay away from her.
238
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,191
She will try
to corrupt you.
239
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,693
That is not true, Father.
240
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:55,861
Meg is wonderful.
241
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,813
She is an outsider.
242
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,664
She does not follow
the one true path.
243
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,716
You are not to see
this girl again.
244
00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:03,652
Do you understand?
I forbid it.
245
00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:05,971
Yes, sir.
246
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:09,007
Now come home at once.
247
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,027
And, as for you,
248
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,397
I suggest you stay away
from my son, you harlot.
249
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,856
Hey, there, young one,
why so sad?
250
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,459
It's just that I really like
this boy, but his dad...
251
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,527
Oh, look out.
252
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:30,962
Sorry, there.
253
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,247
Didn't realize
how long it'd been
254
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,266
since Ol' Dumper
did his business.
255
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,934
He'll be done soon enough.
256
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,936
Oh, maybe not.
257
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,071
Doesn't sound
like pooping, does it?
258
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,773
Sounds more like someone
259
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,875
dropping sandwiches
off a rooftop.
260
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,577
Watch out below, right?
261
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,212
Look like Hacky Sacks.
262
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,414
You'll be sorry
if you kick 'em, though.
263
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,217
All righty, well he seems
to be all done now.
264
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,385
You have a good evening...
265
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:54,719
Oh, my goodness.
266
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,521
He must have gotten into
the chicken feed again.
267
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,123
You'd think they'd know
268
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:01,026
it wasn't in their diet,
but this is how they find out.
269
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:02,794
You may want
to close your mouth.
270
00:11:12,534 --> 00:11:14,251
Meg, what's wrong?
271
00:11:14,319 --> 00:11:15,953
Eli's father,
Ezekiel, said
272
00:11:16,021 --> 00:11:18,606
that I can't see him
anymore!
273
00:11:18,673 --> 00:11:21,242
He said I was trying
to corrupt his son!
274
00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:22,660
He did, did he?
275
00:11:22,728 --> 00:11:23,844
Well, that does it!
276
00:11:23,912 --> 00:11:26,047
We are gonna teach
this town how to dance!
277
00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:28,199
Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry.
278
00:11:28,266 --> 00:11:30,267
I'd try to talk to Eli's father
for you, honey,
279
00:11:30,335 --> 00:11:32,069
but I don't know
if it's my place.
280
00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:33,454
Ezekiel wouldn't listen
to you anyway, Lois.
281
00:11:33,522 --> 00:11:34,722
You're a woman.
282
00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,724
These people live in
a patriarchal society.
283
00:11:36,792 --> 00:11:39,260
The only member of our family
whose word would carry
284
00:11:39,327 --> 00:11:40,995
any weight
would be Meg's father.
285
00:11:41,063 --> 00:11:43,731
Dad, will you talk
to Ezekiel?
286
00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:45,015
Will you tell him
287
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:46,584
I'm not trying to
corrupt his son?
288
00:11:46,651 --> 00:11:47,618
Please?
289
00:11:47,686 --> 00:11:48,986
All right, I'll do it.
290
00:11:49,054 --> 00:11:50,755
But don't expect
any miracles.
291
00:11:50,822 --> 00:11:51,922
I'm not good
with confrontation.
292
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:53,324
Like when I got stuck
293
00:11:53,391 --> 00:11:54,792
behind that giraffe
at the ballgame.
294
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,393
Yeah! Nice hit!
295
00:11:56,461 --> 00:11:57,895
Frozen rope!
Awesome!
296
00:11:57,963 --> 00:11:58,929
What just happened?
297
00:11:58,997 --> 00:12:00,498
Ground rule double! Whoo!
298
00:12:00,565 --> 00:12:01,732
I couldn't
even see it.
299
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,000
Yeah, it was something.
300
00:12:03,068 --> 00:12:04,802
Ducks on a pond!
Let's bring 'em in!
301
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,137
Could you please
sit down?
302
00:12:06,204 --> 00:12:07,772
I am sitting down.
You sit up.
303
00:12:07,839 --> 00:12:08,873
I am sitting up,
304
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,608
but I still can't see
a thing.
305
00:12:10,675 --> 00:12:11,842
Yeah, sounds
like a "you" problem.
306
00:12:11,910 --> 00:12:13,010
Let's go, Sox!
307
00:12:15,447 --> 00:12:16,647
Before we commence
308
00:12:16,715 --> 00:12:20,184
with Samuel Fisher's
barn raising, let us pray.
309
00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:21,585
Dear Amish Lord,
310
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:25,055
thou looketh sternly down
upon us thine flock,
311
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:27,258
even though we did not
do anything wrong
312
00:12:27,325 --> 00:12:30,861
and have been doing
chores like (bleep) crazy,
313
00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:33,864
please make us humble,
and deliver us more hardship,
314
00:12:33,932 --> 00:12:36,400
that we may get thick,
calloused hands,
315
00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:38,369
much larger
than other people's.
316
00:12:38,436 --> 00:12:41,172
And grant that we become dull,
like Eric Bana,
317
00:12:41,239 --> 00:12:42,840
who we have never seen,
318
00:12:42,908 --> 00:12:44,341
but are just going
by reputation
319
00:12:44,409 --> 00:12:46,277
because it is your will.
320
00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:48,679
We solemnly believe
that although humans
321
00:12:48,747 --> 00:12:51,048
have been around
for a million years,
322
00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:52,650
you feel strongly
that they had
323
00:12:52,717 --> 00:12:54,585
just the right amount
of technology
324
00:12:54,653 --> 00:12:57,454
between 1835 and 1850;
325
00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:59,690
not too little,
not too much.
326
00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:01,692
Please deliver us
from Thomas Edison,
327
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,195
the worst human being
who ever lived.
328
00:13:04,262 --> 00:13:06,130
And protect us
from those who laugh
329
00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:08,199
at our buggies or our hats
330
00:13:08,266 --> 00:13:10,167
and deliver us
from mustaches.
331
00:13:10,235 --> 00:13:12,219
Amen.
332
00:13:12,287 --> 00:13:13,437
Hey, uh, Ezekiel?
333
00:13:13,522 --> 00:13:15,322
You must be Mr. Griffin.
334
00:13:15,390 --> 00:13:18,392
Look, I-I know you guys are busy
with your barn raising and all,
335
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,628
but, um, you know,
I just wanted to tell you
336
00:13:20,695 --> 00:13:22,663
how much my daughter Meg loves
your boy Eli.
337
00:13:22,731 --> 00:13:25,216
I promise you, she ain't trying
to corrupt him or nothing.
338
00:13:25,283 --> 00:13:26,901
Mr. Griffin,
with all due respect,
339
00:13:26,952 --> 00:13:28,452
we live in two
different worlds.
340
00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:31,655
I must do what is best
for my son... and I have.
341
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,390
Hey, how do we know
what's gonna happen?
342
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,392
For all we know,
Meg might want to Amish herself.
343
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:37,695
I had not considered this.
344
00:13:37,762 --> 00:13:40,464
I was verily preoccupied
with Eli's corruption.
345
00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:42,483
Plus, it is the time
of the month
346
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:44,118
when Eli's mother
is on the burlap.
347
00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:46,220
So whaddaya say,
let the kids give it a shot?
348
00:13:46,288 --> 00:13:48,088
Perhaps, Mr. Griffin.
Perhaps.
349
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:49,289
Good.
350
00:13:49,341 --> 00:13:50,808
Now on another note,
I notice you don't have
351
00:13:50,876 --> 00:13:52,676
a damn lick of music
in this town.
352
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,778
We do not believe in
such ostentations.
353
00:13:54,846 --> 00:13:57,982
Well, I am about
to change your mind.
354
00:13:58,049 --> 00:14:00,885
Introducing rock 'n' roll!
355
00:14:00,952 --> 00:14:02,219
♪ Whoo! ♪
356
00:14:02,287 --> 00:14:07,174
♪ I'm on a highway
to hell! ♪
357
00:14:07,242 --> 00:14:10,044
♪ Highway to hell! ♪
358
00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:11,495
♪ I'm on the high... ♪
359
00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:13,981
You are banished from
our community at once!
360
00:14:14,049 --> 00:14:16,050
And take your whore
daughter with you!
361
00:14:19,487 --> 00:14:20,754
How did it go, Dad?
362
00:14:20,822 --> 00:14:22,089
Very well, Meg.
363
00:14:22,157 --> 00:14:24,157
My recollection is that
it went extremely well.
364
00:14:24,209 --> 00:14:26,944
Really?! Oh, my God, Dad,
that's fantastic!
365
00:14:27,012 --> 00:14:28,545
So I-I can see Eli again?
366
00:14:28,613 --> 00:14:29,747
Griffins!
367
00:14:33,852 --> 00:14:35,703
What's going on here?
368
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:37,338
Your family must leave
our community
369
00:14:37,405 --> 00:14:39,573
and return to the outside world.
370
00:14:39,641 --> 00:14:40,741
Dad, what's happening?
371
00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:42,243
I thought you talked to him.
372
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:45,145
Sir, please, whatever your
quarrel is with my husband,
373
00:14:45,213 --> 00:14:46,680
I'm sure it's
probably justified,
374
00:14:46,748 --> 00:14:49,984
but I'm begging you, don't
punish the children for it.
375
00:14:50,051 --> 00:14:51,252
They're innocent in all this.
376
00:14:51,319 --> 00:14:52,553
Innocent, are they?
377
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,905
I found this
in Eli's corn hole!
378
00:14:54,973 --> 00:14:56,440
Well, I... His what?
379
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:59,176
A compartment in Eli's room
where he stores his corn.
380
00:14:59,244 --> 00:15:01,462
Oh. Well, okay,
whatever you say.
381
00:15:01,529 --> 00:15:02,763
Look, Ezekiel, we would love
382
00:15:02,831 --> 00:15:04,064
to go back to the city,
believe me.
383
00:15:04,132 --> 00:15:05,866
I-I haven't had a drink
in three days.
384
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:07,401
But our car broke down.
385
00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:09,536
We-we can't go anywhere
until it gets fixed.
386
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,256
I have arranged
to have that taken care of.
387
00:15:16,678 --> 00:15:18,846
This ride's gonna be
so frustrating.
388
00:15:18,913 --> 00:15:20,314
I know.
These horses are
389
00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:22,583
so slow.
Sexy.
390
00:15:22,651 --> 00:15:23,984
Sexy.
391
00:15:27,122 --> 00:15:29,389
Good-bye,
Abraham Lincoln people.
392
00:15:33,862 --> 00:15:34,945
I'm sorry, Meg.
393
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:38,115
Eli was the best boy
I'll ever meet.
394
00:15:38,199 --> 00:15:40,501
And now I'll never
see him again.
395
00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:43,287
Yes, you will, Meg.
396
00:15:43,371 --> 00:15:44,338
Eli.
397
00:15:44,405 --> 00:15:46,256
Eli? What are you doing here?
398
00:15:46,324 --> 00:15:48,075
I could not let you
leave without me, Meg.
399
00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:49,293
I love you.
400
00:15:49,377 --> 00:15:52,246
I love you, too.
401
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:55,966
Hey, Lois, watch me lay rubber
in front of these losers.
402
00:15:56,051 --> 00:15:57,051
Hyah!
403
00:16:00,138 --> 00:16:02,523
Yeah! Choke on that, nerds.
404
00:16:07,912 --> 00:16:09,946
Eli, I agree
that your father was being
405
00:16:10,014 --> 00:16:11,181
somewhat unreasonable,
406
00:16:11,249 --> 00:16:13,483
but I don't think
running away is the answer.
407
00:16:13,551 --> 00:16:15,552
I know, Mrs. Griffin.
And I am sorry.
408
00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,454
But I just could
not bear the thought
409
00:16:17,522 --> 00:16:18,972
of never seeing Meg again.
410
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,790
You ever seen one
of these, Eli?
411
00:16:20,858 --> 00:16:22,425
It's a Coleco
football game.
412
00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:23,793
Pretty mind-
blowing, huh?
413
00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:24,961
You know what?
414
00:16:25,029 --> 00:16:27,247
This is garbage to us.
415
00:16:28,499 --> 00:16:29,850
What the hell is that?
416
00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:37,674
Holy crap! Who did this?
417
00:16:37,742 --> 00:16:39,459
It must have been my father.
418
00:16:39,527 --> 00:16:41,228
This is how
the Amish declare a feud.
419
00:16:41,295 --> 00:16:42,746
But I thought they
were nonviolent.
420
00:16:42,813 --> 00:16:43,964
We are,
421
00:16:44,031 --> 00:16:46,499
but Peter must have
really pissed off my dad.
422
00:16:46,567 --> 00:16:47,934
Hey, who raked the leaves?
423
00:16:48,002 --> 00:16:49,102
And look,
somebody mowed the lawn.
424
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:50,570
I was supposed to do that.
425
00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,839
Ha-ha! I have done your chores
426
00:16:52,907 --> 00:16:55,108
to rob you of the joy
of doing chores.
427
00:16:55,176 --> 00:16:56,376
You bastard.
428
00:16:58,196 --> 00:16:59,696
Peter, we don't have
a choice.
429
00:16:59,764 --> 00:17:01,164
We've gotta bring
Eli back.
430
00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:02,599
Oh, no, we don't.
431
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,134
What are you talking about?
432
00:17:04,202 --> 00:17:06,436
We-we can't be part of a feud
with the Amish.
433
00:17:06,504 --> 00:17:07,904
I didn't start
this thing, Lois,
434
00:17:07,972 --> 00:17:10,073
but I'm gonna finish it.
435
00:17:12,894 --> 00:17:15,161
Joe, go round up Quagmire
436
00:17:15,229 --> 00:17:17,197
and all the modern-day
technology you can find.
437
00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:19,499
We are going to war.
438
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:21,334
Oh. Oh, hey, Bonnie.
439
00:17:21,402 --> 00:17:23,370
Is Joe there?
440
00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:25,839
Well, can I leave
a message for him?
441
00:17:25,907 --> 00:17:29,576
Yeah, it's what I said before
about the-the war thing.
442
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:50,847
All right, men,
this is it.
443
00:17:50,915 --> 00:17:53,516
Technology versus
old-timey wooden stuff.
444
00:17:53,584 --> 00:17:55,051
Let's hit 'em hard.
445
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,052
What, again, was
the nature
446
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,454
of your beef
with them?
447
00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:58,755
I don't know.
Something about
448
00:17:58,823 --> 00:17:59,906
a roller coaster.
Let's go.
449
00:18:11,102 --> 00:18:12,769
Apples... fire!
450
00:18:17,775 --> 00:18:18,858
Ah! Damn it!
Ow! God!
451
00:18:18,943 --> 00:18:20,860
Quilters... advance!
452
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:29,119
Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh! Oh! Ooh! Oh!
453
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,486
I bet this hurts so much!
454
00:18:33,007 --> 00:18:35,158
Ow! Damn it! I'm bleeding!
455
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:36,760
Uhp, now it's an AIDS quilt.
456
00:18:45,069 --> 00:18:47,103
Suck on this,
you furry little weirdoes!
457
00:19:12,529 --> 00:19:13,580
Enough of this crap.
458
00:19:14,699 --> 00:19:15,532
Ezekiel.
459
00:19:18,769 --> 00:19:22,322
Call off your boys and let's you
and me finish this man-to-man.
460
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,841
Indeed.
Prepare for a goodly beating.
461
00:19:30,014 --> 00:19:31,765
Dad, stop.
Leave him alone.
462
00:19:31,849 --> 00:19:33,733
Father, what are you doing?
463
00:19:33,801 --> 00:19:35,301
I am going to
kill that man.
464
00:19:35,369 --> 00:19:37,070
That man
is my girlfriend, Meg.
465
00:19:38,556 --> 00:19:40,907
This is against everything
our people stand for.
466
00:19:40,991 --> 00:19:42,792
Will you listen to me
for one moment?
467
00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:45,762
You were so worried
about these outsiders
468
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,897
coming into our community
and corrupting me.
469
00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:49,666
But look at yourself.
470
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:52,302
You're the one who's allowed
yourself to be corrupted.
471
00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:55,505
God in heaven...
472
00:19:55,573 --> 00:19:56,973
you are right.
473
00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,542
I am deeply ashamed.
474
00:19:59,593 --> 00:20:01,828
I only wanted to protect you.
475
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,363
I know you did, Father.
476
00:20:03,431 --> 00:20:06,332
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
477
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,036
Son, it is your life to live.
478
00:20:10,104 --> 00:20:12,305
I must accept
the life you choose.
479
00:20:15,659 --> 00:20:18,261
I choose to stay here.
480
00:20:18,329 --> 00:20:19,646
What?!
What?!
481
00:20:19,713 --> 00:20:22,449
Meg, you are the
most beautiful woman
482
00:20:22,516 --> 00:20:23,783
I will ever know.
483
00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:25,902
You have shown me
so many wondrous things
484
00:20:25,953 --> 00:20:29,072
that have opened my eyes
to the world beyond my home.
485
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:32,058
But this is where I belong.
486
00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:33,760
I'm sorry
if this upsets you, Meg.
487
00:20:33,828 --> 00:20:36,096
I love you, Eli.
488
00:20:36,163 --> 00:20:37,730
I'll always love you.
489
00:20:37,798 --> 00:20:40,066
If this is what you
have to do,
490
00:20:40,134 --> 00:20:42,402
then all I can say is...
491
00:20:42,470 --> 00:20:44,370
I'll never forget you.
492
00:20:47,708 --> 00:20:51,144
I am sorry there has been
conflict between us.
493
00:20:51,212 --> 00:20:52,846
Allow me to make amends.
494
00:20:52,913 --> 00:20:56,316
Please help yourself
to anything in my corn hole.
495
00:20:56,383 --> 00:20:57,550
Hey, don't worry
about it.
496
00:20:57,618 --> 00:20:59,018
We can still be pals.
497
00:20:59,086 --> 00:21:00,987
And I know just
the place for us
498
00:21:01,055 --> 00:21:03,156
to go and blow off
all this steam.
499
00:21:03,181 --> 00:21:07,181
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
500
00:21:07,202 --> 00:21:11,769
♪ We went dancing
across the USA ♪
501
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:19,623
♪ On that crazy King's Highway ♪
502
00:21:19,624 --> 00:21:23,560
♪ Too much passion ♪
503
00:21:23,628 --> 00:21:27,464
♪ Too much play ♪
504
00:21:27,532 --> 00:21:32,893
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
505
00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:36,037
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
506
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:39,619
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
507
00:21:39,644 --> 00:21:42,227
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪