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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Is it me, or does David Ortiz
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look just like the mom on Good Times?
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- Oh, Peter, that's racist.
- Well, no. Look.
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I take it back.
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That's not racist. That's just accurate.
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Hey, guys, guess who's got the keys
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to a speedboat just sitting
down at the station?
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How'd you get a speedboat?
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Well, it's a funny story.
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[LAUGHTER]
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That was a funny story.
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Especially the funny part.
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You really delivered on your promise.
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All right, who's up for waterskiing?!
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- Hell yeah!
- All right!
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Yeah, let's do it!
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Oh, that sounds amazing! I love boats.
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Boats are my thing.
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Anything to get out on the open
water, enjoy the salt air.
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Oh, they're already gone.
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PETER: No, you didn't widen enough.
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But you still can't come.
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Good evening, Quahog. Just
parking. Be there in a sec.
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[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
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Our top story:
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Authorities have uncovered a
mob-run prescription drug ring
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targeting Goldman's Pharmacy.
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The scam involved
fraudulent prescriptions
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submitted for dead people.
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Pharmacist Mort Goldman failed to report
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to authorities for questioning.
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A $10,000 bounty has been
offered for his return.
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$10,000? That's a lot of money.
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Could be our money, Brian.
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We could find Mort. Easily.
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Besides, we haven't
done anything together
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since our confusing two-host talk show.
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So, Chris Pratt, I hear
you have a new movie out.
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So, Chris, you're from Seattle?
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Chris, what was it like
working with Amy Poehler?
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Hey, Chris, anything you can
tell us about Guardians 3?
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- Chris! Chris!
- Chris! Chris!
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- Chris Pratt, always a pleasure.
- Well, that's all the time
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- we have with Chris Pratt.
- BOTH: Take it away,
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- multiracial modern band!
- Retro swing guys!
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- [both bands playing]
- MALE ANNOUNCERS: Guests of
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- The Stewie Griffin Show stay
- The Brian Griffin Show stay
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- at the Essex House.
- At the W Times Square.
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[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
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Waterskiing!
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- All right!
- Water-sitting!
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You got to cut to the right.
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No, no, it's counterintuitive.
You got to cut left.
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I know how to drive.
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- [HORNS HONKING]
- Stop looking at us!
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Ugh! Maybe we won't be
going waterskiing today.
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Shut up, Joe.
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Hey, you want some help?
I do this all the time.
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[BLEEP] Get back in your
car with your wife!
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When you're going backwards,
everything's the opposite.
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Oh, really? Thanks, driving instructor.
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I feel like everyone watching knows
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I'm incapable of pleasing
my wife sexually.
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Now cut the wheel. Cut the wheel!
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No, the other way!
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[ENGINE REVVING]
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[TIRES SCREECH]
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Ah, hell, we're gonna
be on the Internet.
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- [METAL SCRAPING]
- [QUAGMIRE SIGHS]
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You know what? Screw it.
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Let's boat!
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Cleveland, aren't you waterskiing?
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- I don't like getting wet.
- Oh, come on.
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What's the worst that could happen?
[LAUGHS]
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[YELLING]
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[CREATURES SHRIEKING, CHITTERING]
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[PEOPLE SCREAMING, CLAMORING]
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Mort must have panicked after the
pharmacy bust and fled town.
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If we're gonna collect our ten grand,
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we need to figure out where he went.
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Crap. His computer is
password-protected.
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Um, try "Such heat this day."
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- [BEEP]
- Nope.
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How about "This fish is
cold, I want a refund"?
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- [BEEP]
- No.
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"But I lost the receipt."
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- [BEEP]
- Bingo.
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Aha!
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A confirmed plane ticket to Boca Raton.
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Looks like we're going to Florida.
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They must have figured out
where the pharmacist is.
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We got to get to him first.
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We're going to Florida, too.
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I know the answer is no,
but is there any chance
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there's time for the Wizarding
World of Harry Potter?
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Tony, what if the answer
is a resounding yes?
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[LAUGHS] Oh!
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♪ ♪
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What the hell?
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[PANTING] Oh. Oh, God!
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[YELLING]
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Oh, my God! That shark's
attacking Quagmire!
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I think it's got him by the wiener!
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Man, that guy can get
anyone to do that to him.
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[YELLING]
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[PANTING]
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- Quagmire, are you okay?
- Do I look okay?!
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I think you'll be fine.
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You just got to wipe that
squashed tomato off your crotch.
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[ALL GASP]
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Oh, my God! Quagmire lost his penis!
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All right, we got to let
all the other boats know.
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What is it again?
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White flag for "friendly,"
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black for "not friendly,"
blue flag for "penis loss"?
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Oh, man, that sucks.
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Doc, give it to us straight.
What's going on with our friend?
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Well, Mr. Griffin, there's
no easy way to put this,
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so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.
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- He's black.
- Not that friend. Quagmire.
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Oh, him. Well, Mr. Quagmire,
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you've had quite the nasty shark attack.
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Luckily, you'll be okay.
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But you're going to have to
learn to live without a penis.
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Or will you?
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Oh, what's this?
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Is it... your penis?
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Nah, I'm just foolin'.
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I play that with my penis-less
patients to lighten the mood.
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Liev Schreiber gets a
big kick out of it.
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Doc, do you know who you're talking to?
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- That penis was my whole life!
- It's not so bad.
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At least you're not this pathetic guy
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who couldn't get his boat in the water.
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[LAUGHS] Have you seen this?
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You should take his wiener.
He's clearly not using it.
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- [ENGINE REVVING]
- PETER: Stop looking at us!
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[LAUGHTER]
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Ah, that... that does... that
does make me feel better.
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- What are we doing here?
- This is Pitbull's house.
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He knows everything about South Florida.
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He can help us find Mort.
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DOORBELL [PITBULL'S VOICE]:
Doorbell, doorbell,
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doorbell, ring.
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[LAUGHS] It's my house.
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Esta mi casa.
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Wow. Imagine kind of
knowing two languages.
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Hang on. I'm in the
middle of writing a song.
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♪ Tingta tongka te tong tong tink. ♪
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[LAUGHS] That's a hit.
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What can I do for you,
my friends amigos?
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I told you. This guy's the real deal.
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We're looking for a friend
who's hiding out down here.
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He's a Jewish pharmacist
from Rhode Island.
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- Coral Palm Motel.
- Told you.
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RADIO DJ: And here's Pitbull
with his newest hit,
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"Tingta Tongka Te Tong Tong Tink."
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[HEAVY DANCE BEAT PLAYING]
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Adios good-bye, amigo friends.
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I got to go get paid to scream
"Make some noise!" in Vegas.
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- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- [DOOR CREAKS]
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I think I hear Mort in the bathroom.
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MORT: Come on, urine, you can do this!
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It's just like your
toilet at home. Please!
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It's been five days now. Why
won't you just cooperate?!
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- [FLOORBOARD CREAKS]
- Is someone out there?
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[HIGH-PITCHED]: Housekeeping!
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Oh, come on in. I'm just urinating.
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Tinkle, tinkle, splash, splash,
swoosh. Yeah, look at...
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Oh, boy, what a healthy stream!
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- Will it ever end?
- [ZIPS PANTS]
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What are you guys doing here?
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We're taking you back to
Quahog to collect our reward.
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Oh, no, I can't go back there!
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- The mob will kill me!
- [PHONE CHIMES]
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00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,480
- Ha!
- What?
187
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A shark bit Quagmire's penis off.
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Ha.
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I can't believe it. This is horrible.
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00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:07,760
- What am I gonna do?
- Come on, now.
191
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:09,680
Keep that enormous chin up, Glenn.
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,130
There's lots you can do.
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00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,090
You could devote your life to Christ,
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00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:14,860
or become a eunuch.
195
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,730
Cleveland, why don't
you sit this one out?
196
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:18,630
Listen, Quagmire, I got just the way
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00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:20,870
for you to embrace your
new life without a penis.
198
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,370
I've had this computer blocked
199
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:24,670
so you can discover all
the other exciting things
200
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:27,060
- on the Internet besides porn.
- Like what?
201
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,040
Well, uh, there's, uh...
202
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,110
I like to research birds.
Try to learn a bird a day.
203
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,750
Well, not that necessarily, but, uh...
204
00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:36,180
You got your robin.
205
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,320
Wow, you really know your stuff, Joe.
206
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,020
- Your swallow.
- Swallow?
207
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,400
Uh, actually this is what
we're trying to avoid.
208
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,499
You got your titmouse.
209
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,230
Damn it, Joe, stop with the sex birds!
210
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,240
Look, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, guys,
211
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,630
but this is a disaster.
212
00:10:48,670 --> 00:10:50,770
You don't understand what
that penis meant to me.
213
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,730
We did everything together.
214
00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:54,780
Absolutely everything.
215
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:58,270
"As she tenderly unlaced
her silken corset,
216
00:10:58,310 --> 00:11:00,980
Jennifer shuddered in anticipation of...
217
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,280
the sensual night ahead."
218
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,050
This is not good.
219
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,720
As soon as I'm back in Quahog,
220
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,590
- the mob is gonna kill me!
- I don't care.
221
00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:17,330
We're getting the hell out of Florida.
222
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,330
Florida. Which, interesting trivia,
223
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,460
was the name of the mom in Good Times
224
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,460
played by David Ortiz.
225
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,100
Uh-oh, looks like the mob
knew we were coming.
226
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,900
It's him! Get him!
227
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:29,470
Oh, no! We're done for!
228
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,580
No, we're not. I'm the
fastest Jew in the world.
229
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:45,590
Crap. They got Mort.
There goes our reward.
230
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,620
Well, maybe we were in over our heads.
231
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:50,400
Like an announcer who knows
nothing about his sport.
232
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,760
ANNOUNCER 1: He's got about
190 yards to the hole.
233
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,130
Looks like he's going for his 5-iron.
234
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,270
And those greens are playing very fast,
235
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,400
so he's gonna have to use
caution on his approach.
236
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,000
ANNOUNCER 2: Yeah, yeah.
237
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,320
ANNOUNCER 1: Jordan Spieth, of course,
238
00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:03,610
having a great tournament.
239
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,240
He birdied this hole yesterday.
240
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,740
ANNOUNCER 2: Is that right? Wow.
241
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,610
ANNOUNCER 1: And he hits a great
shot, right on the green.
242
00:12:10,650 --> 00:12:12,280
ANNOUNCER 2: Yeah, yeah.
243
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,860
How, uh... how do you win golf?
244
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:21,890
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to HGTV's
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00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:23,390
Couples Looking for a House
246
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:25,990
Where the Woman Doesn't
Know the Guy's Gay.
247
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,350
Well, I'm looking for a
place with good schools,
248
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,800
and, because he works in the city,
249
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,500
he's looking for an easy commute.
250
00:12:31,530 --> 00:12:33,370
Yeah, she teaches here
at the high school
251
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,340
and I work in town as a
choreographer and florist.
252
00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:38,710
And we'll probably need a nursery.
253
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:40,580
Well, that's a discussion.
254
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,940
[DOORBELL RINGS]
255
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,040
- Oh, hey, Quagmire.
- Hey, Peter.
256
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,500
I just came by to thank you
257
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,196
for giving me the kick
in the pants I needed
258
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,979
to stop feeling sorry for myself
259
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:51,850
- and embrace my new life.
- I farted.
260
00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:54,400
As a result, I've
rediscovered an old hobby
261
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:57,040
I used to love as a kid: Ventriloquism.
262
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,906
And I wanted to invite
you guys to the opening
263
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,180
of my new show at the Quahog Playhouse.
264
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,099
Quagmire, we'd be delighted
to attend. Wouldn't miss it.
265
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,170
Gosh, thanks, Peter. That means a lot.
266
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,600
Okay, see you there.
267
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,440
Damn it! Why did I even open the door?!
268
00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:12,210
Ugh!
269
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,480
Getting excited.
270
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:17,980
Now I got to go to this
thing! Ugh! Bite me!
271
00:13:18,010 --> 00:13:20,320
Laughing already just thinking about it.
272
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,480
Only one way to get out of this!
273
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,850
[GUNSHOT]
274
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,520
Oh, I'm so glad Quagmire's
back on his feet again.
275
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,240
PETER: God, this is gonna be torture.
276
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,080
Break a leg.
277
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,440
Oh, hello.
278
00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:45,040
I didn't realize the curtain was up.
279
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,040
- And people think I'm the dummy.
- [PETER LAUGHS]
280
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,080
CHRIS: How is that doll talking?!
281
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:51,980
I'm Glenn, and this is Edgar.
282
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,920
What a great crowd, huh, Edgar?
This is gonna be a fun night.
283
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,250
You call this fun?
284
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,550
You're talking to a wooden
doll to make up for the fact
285
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:00,250
that you can't have sex anymore.
286
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:01,920
[CHUCKLES] Come on, come on, Edgar.
287
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,490
That's-that's not true.
288
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,990
Besides, if you've got all the
answers, what do you suggest?
289
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:07,430
Here's a suggestion.
290
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:10,160
Blow your [BLEEP] brains out
in front of all these people.
291
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,340
Is this, is this real?
292
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,220
[CHUCKLES]: Oh, c-come on, Edgar.
293
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:16,500
I-I got a lot to live for
according to everybody.
294
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,040
I'm not gonna kill myself.
295
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:19,970
- Well, then, maybe I can help.
- [GUN COCKS]
296
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:22,079
- [CROWD GASPS]
- Quagmire, no!
297
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,860
JOE: Oh, God, Peter's here. I
so don't want to talk to him.
298
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:27,740
Hey, buddy. We got to catch up.
299
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,950
Well, Edgar, if you think
that would be best.
300
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,690
Yes, you'll be out of your misery.
301
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,860
CHRIS: I think it's the guy talking!
302
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,100
Quagmire, have you lost your mind?!
303
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,720
I'm holding this gun until
you start thinking straight.
304
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,230
GUN: Use it on yourself, Joe.
305
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,420
There's more than one
bullet in here, Joe.
306
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:48,220
Yeah, on second thought, maybe
you should hold this, Cleveland.
307
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,910
GUN: Are you really gonna just sit there
308
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:55,010
after all the crap white people
have given you your whole life?
309
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:58,410
You know, maybe you
should hold this, Peter.
310
00:14:58,450 --> 00:15:01,820
GUN: Peter, you could
get free tacos with me.
311
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,020
It worked!
312
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,870
Quagmire, why the hell would
you want to kill yourself?
313
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,260
Yeah, who ever heard of a
depressed ventriloquist?
314
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:20,500
You want to know why? Because
I can't do this anymore.
315
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,140
My life is over.
316
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,610
I tried to adjust, but it's impossible.
317
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:28,150
Come on, Quagmire, it's not impossible.
318
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,590
You want impossible,
try eating local pizza
319
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,250
with a guy from New York.
320
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,700
You call this pizza?
321
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,320
We do here, yes.
322
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,300
All right, Brian, I
negotiated to get Mort
323
00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:43,930
- back from the mob.
- How?
324
00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:46,160
I told them Mort gave us his flash drive
325
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:48,170
with enough evidence to
put them all in jail.
326
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:51,110
We're going to trade it for
Mort and collect our money.
327
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:54,310
And I also ordered an
extra slice of pie.
328
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,680
Because you know how many
times we live, Brian?
329
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,180
Once.
330
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,250
[SNICKERS] Once.
331
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,520
[BOTH LAUGH]
332
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:08,400
[DOORBELL RINGS]
333
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:13,660
- Hey, Dad.
- I'm so sorry, Glenn.
334
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,060
Stop staring, Cleveland!
335
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,900
CLEVELAND: I can support his lifestyle
336
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,830
and still think it's weird!
337
00:16:18,870 --> 00:16:21,700
- Thank you, Cleveland.
- Have a blessed day!
338
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:26,020
Believe me, Glenn, I know
what you're going through.
339
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,260
No, you don't.
340
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,680
You had yours surgically
removed in a hospital.
341
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,510
I had mine bitten off by a shark!
342
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,780
I'm not allowed to go
into the ocean anymore.
343
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:36,400
The doctor says I can't
get seawater in it.
344
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,760
I also have Crohn's disease.
345
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,180
They're unrelated.
346
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,260
Why are you here, Dad?
347
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,920
I knew you were down in the dumps,
348
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,930
so I brought you something
to cheer you up.
349
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,930
A Yeti cooler?
350
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,200
- That is kind of rad.
- No, that's mine.
351
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,480
Your gift is inside.
352
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:54,100
♪ ♪
353
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:55,420
Is that your...?
354
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:58,170
Yes, Glenn. It's my penis.
355
00:16:58,210 --> 00:17:00,610
After my surgery, I
kept it in my freezer.
356
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,750
Next to a snowball from the
winter, if you can believe that.
357
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,560
I want you to have it.
358
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:08,840
I... I can't take your penis, Dad.
359
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,280
Please, take it.
360
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,520
If you don't, I'm just gonna
give it to Paul Ryan.
361
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,360
I don't know what to say.
362
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,940
Thank you.
363
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:17,790
[SINGSONGY]: Weird.
364
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:20,620
Proud of you guys, but weird.
365
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,520
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
366
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:29,170
Okay, has everyone washed their hands?
367
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:31,580
Me neither, but going
forward, let's try.
368
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,640
I'm so nervous for Quagmire.
369
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,710
I know, but it's nice that they
served hot dogs for the surgery.
370
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,340
There it is! Give me that!
371
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:41,350
- [MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
- ♪
♪
372
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:48,020
Nurse, you put it on there. I'm not gay.
373
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:54,960
The operation was a success.
374
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,760
- Congratulations, Quagmire!
- Thanks, guys.
375
00:17:58,030 --> 00:18:00,940
And, Dad, I don't know how to thank you.
376
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:03,980
You've given me the greatest
gift I could ever ask for.
377
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:07,140
- I love you, son.
- I love you, too.
378
00:18:12,620 --> 00:18:15,050
- So, will it work, Dr. Hartman?
- Oh, yes.
379
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:17,920
I'm not sure about urination
or sex, but otherwise, yes.
380
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,350
So, how you feeling?
381
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,420
I'm actually in extreme pain, Doc.
382
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,620
It's like knives are
stabbing into my crotch.
383
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:25,060
Don't worry, that'll go away
384
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,240
once you fill your prescription
at Goldman's Pharmacy.
385
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,560
- Mort's is closed.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.
386
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,930
Cool tie-in with the
other story, though.
387
00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:34,740
I'm trying to get more involved
in the writing this season.
388
00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:37,380
In fact, I think Family Guy
should be more of a dramedy.
389
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,270
- What's a dramedy?
- Well, for one thing,
390
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,910
the scenes don't have to end with jokes.
391
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:47,960
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
392
00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:51,020
- You got the flash drive?
- Yep.
393
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:53,590
All the information that
could put you away forever.
394
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,420
Now, again, I don't know why we couldn't
395
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:56,790
have done this by Dropbox.
396
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:59,130
I mean, I don't mind coming
here to a parking lot...
397
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,559
I had to get Mort anyway... but
398
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,399
Dropbox would've saved you time.
399
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,730
And you wouldn't have to
mail me back my flash drive.
400
00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:06,470
What do you mean, mail it back?
401
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,480
You were planning to
keep it? It's 64 gigs!
402
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,910
I bought the coverage. You're
not getting the coverage.
403
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:14,660
Hi, guys. I'm a pharmacist.
404
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,400
Ugh, Mort is so hard to write for.
405
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,750
Okay, give us Mort.
406
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,760
My mailing address is
in the flash drive.
407
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,460
- [SIREN WAILING]
- FBI! Freeze!
408
00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:26,500
[TIRES SCREECH]
409
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,720
What the hell is this?
410
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:35,330
Thanks for your cooperation, Mr.
Goldman.
411
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,900
Wait a minute. You were
working with the Feds?
412
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:39,330
Absolutely.
413
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,099
When I heard there was a reward,
414
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,480
I immediately turned myself in.
415
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,740
So you guys get bupkis.
416
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,400
I'm a pharmacist.
417
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,220
Well, Brian, we may not
have gotten the $10,000,
418
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,360
but it'll be a joy
419
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,096
[DR. HARTMAN'S VOICE]: To
hear no more Jewish talk
420
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,120
for a long while.
421
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:58,950
"Brian and Stewie laugh.
The image freezes.
422
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,390
The end."
423
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,560
Ah, that was a good day's work.
424
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,160
I've earned this.
425
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:09,230
Little shot of the ol'
Sorkin genius juice.
426
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:18,830
So, Quagmire, how's the
new rod holding up?
427
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:21,430
Yeah, you know. Good, pretty good.
428
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,300
I've been having a lot of sex. Um...
429
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,900
My dad didn't mention there's a
four-inch mole on the left side.
430
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,240
- What?
- Uh-huh.
431
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,340
It's, like, the size of a 50-cent piece
432
00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:33,380
- and a dime kissing each other.
- Yikes. Frightening.
433
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,210
Yeah, some gals find it off-putting.
434
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:38,410
I try to tell them it's my dad's
old penis, but that, um...
435
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,580
that just tends to make it worse.
436
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:42,580
But the girls that stay are just great.
437
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:44,420
Well, I'm happy for you, Quagmire.
438
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:47,190
Don't be. Anyway, I got to take a leak.
439
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,980
Well, I'm just glad our friend's
440
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,440
- back to his old self.
- [QUAGMIRE SCREAMING]
441
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,340
Yeah, seems he hasn't missed a beat.
442
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,560
It's great that we can be there
for each other in trying times.
443
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,040
- What's that noise?
- [QUAGMIRE CONTINUES SCREAMING]
444
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,450
That's the sound of peeing
out your daddy's wiener.
445
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:06,460
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --