1
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:08,283
It was awfully nice of our
new neighbors
2
00:00:08,317 --> 00:00:09,784
to invite us
over for dinner.
3
00:00:09,819 --> 00:00:10,719
I don't know, Lois.
4
00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:11,987
Going to
Cleveland's house
5
00:00:12,021 --> 00:00:13,605
with someone else
living there just seems weird.
6
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,291
Like when a new Pope
moves into the Vatican.
7
00:00:16,325 --> 00:00:18,259
Hi, I don't know
who to complain to about this,
8
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:21,296
but I'm still getting
XVIII's mail.
9
00:00:21,330 --> 00:00:22,530
Yeah, no.
10
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,066
No, he's not here anymore,
this is XXIV.
11
00:00:25,101 --> 00:00:26,901
Yeah, no, I don't need
Newsweek.
12
00:00:26,936 --> 00:00:29,237
No, I don't need
National Geographic.
13
00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:32,540
Oh yeah, no, yeah, we'll-we'll
hang on to Boys' Life.
14
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,460
Hello, neighbors.
15
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:36,995
Joe, you can walk.
16
00:00:37,029 --> 00:00:37,996
How do you do?
17
00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,030
I'm Stan Smith.
18
00:00:39,065 --> 00:00:40,181
Please, come in.
19
00:00:42,351 --> 00:00:45,020
Oh, I'm so glad
everyone could make it.
20
00:00:45,054 --> 00:00:46,454
Stan, I need $50.
21
00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:49,924
They're selling a biopsy of
Celine Dion's uterus on eBay.
22
00:00:49,959 --> 00:00:51,393
What the hell
kind of dog is that?
23
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:53,628
I was going to
ask the same thing.
24
00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,580
Oh, uh, that's
our alien, Roger.
25
00:00:55,614 --> 00:00:57,532
He lives in our attic,
but nobody can know.
26
00:00:57,566 --> 00:00:59,718
And don't tell
anybody about our attic.
27
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:01,720
Hello?
28
00:01:01,754 --> 00:01:02,854
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
29
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,272
Hey, you're not gonna
believe this.
30
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:06,458
I'm over here with Joe,
and he's got a space alien.
31
00:01:13,332 --> 00:01:14,315
Peter, wake up.
32
00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:15,750
You're having
a nightmare.
33
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,752
Oh, Lois.
34
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:19,437
Thank God,
it was just a dream.
35
00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:20,588
Hey.
36
00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,991
Lois, what's that
fat man doing in our bed?
37
00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:26,161
Ugh, damn it,
I always wake up
38
00:01:26,195 --> 00:01:29,230
before I find out if they can
understand the baby.
39
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,959
♪ Family Guy 11x17 ♪
Bigfat
Original Air Date on April 14, 2013
40
00:01:36,984 --> 00:01:41,984
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
41
00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:07,485
Thanks for helping me set
up this jungle gym, guys.
42
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,587
Lois says Stewie's been
getting a little chunky.
43
00:02:09,622 --> 00:02:12,273
Ugh, everybody's
always commenting on my weight.
44
00:02:12,308 --> 00:02:14,559
This is why
I almost died from anorexia.
45
00:02:17,363 --> 00:02:18,630
You...
46
00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:20,064
look...
47
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:21,299
fat.
48
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,468
All right, I got the
monkey bars all put together.
49
00:02:23,502 --> 00:02:24,719
Aw, God,
look at that,
50
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:26,438
they already got
Al Qaedas all over them.
51
00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:27,655
Get, get
out of here.
52
00:02:27,673 --> 00:02:28,873
Scat!
53
00:02:28,908 --> 00:02:30,492
Man, they're gonna be so good
54
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,477
at swinging bar-to-bar,
when they invade.
55
00:02:32,511 --> 00:02:35,463
Wow, Quagmire, how did you
build that part so fast?
56
00:02:35,498 --> 00:02:36,531
It was easy.
57
00:02:36,565 --> 00:02:37,715
I just followed
the instructions.
58
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,046
I couldn't find
the English ones.
59
00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:40,602
These are in Latin
and those stuffy
60
00:02:40,636 --> 00:02:42,470
Ivy League professors
won't help me.
61
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,824
Nullum gratuitum
prandium, eh, Peter?
62
00:02:45,858 --> 00:02:47,058
Oh, yeah?
63
00:02:47,092 --> 00:02:48,732
Why don't you catch
a football, you nerds?
64
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,795
Nerds.
65
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:52,013
No, I just read the back,
66
00:02:52,031 --> 00:02:53,064
where it's printed in French.
67
00:02:53,115 --> 00:02:54,415
You speak French?
68
00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:55,917
Sure, they love mein Fran.
69
00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:00,205
Oh, Quagmire!
Shh. Quagmire!
70
00:03:00,239 --> 00:03:01,906
Silence!
C'est Quagmire.
71
00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:11,549
Quagmire.
Aw, Quagmire.
72
00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:14,369
Oh, Quagmire, don't
fall near ze mouse trap.
73
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,054
Yeah, and French also
comes in handy
74
00:03:16,088 --> 00:03:17,689
when I have layovers
in Montreal.
75
00:03:17,723 --> 00:03:18,957
That place is the best.
76
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,658
I always wanted to go
to Canada,
77
00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:22,677
but then South Park went,
so we couldn't go.
78
00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,562
Oh, man, you guys should
come with me sometime.
79
00:03:24,597 --> 00:03:26,438
Montreal has the best
strip clubs in the world.
80
00:03:26,465 --> 00:03:27,448
They do?
81
00:03:27,483 --> 00:03:28,683
Yeah, they're unbelievable.
82
00:03:28,717 --> 00:03:30,552
The girls
up in Canada are gorgeous.
83
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:31,769
And they
all play ice hockey,
84
00:03:31,804 --> 00:03:33,421
so they lose
their teeth by age ten.
85
00:03:33,455 --> 00:03:34,622
Wow.
86
00:03:34,657 --> 00:03:36,424
In fact,
I'd even go so far as to say
87
00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:37,692
that a Canadian strip club
88
00:03:37,726 --> 00:03:40,061
is the most magical place
in the world.
89
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,316
♪ Nip nip here, nip nip there
90
00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:47,068
♪ And a bevy of porno stars
91
00:03:47,086 --> 00:03:49,287
♪ There's jugand mugs of
Molson beer ♪
92
00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:51,406
♪ In Canadian nudie bars
93
00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:53,474
♪ Dirty ho's put on shows
94
00:03:53,509 --> 00:03:55,260
♪ And a lot
of 'em don't have scars ♪
95
00:03:57,429 --> 00:03:58,997
♪ In Canadian nudie bars
96
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,865
♪ You can touch
and squeeze 'em ♪
97
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,167
♪ They don't even care
98
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,320
♪ Would they even dye
their pubes ♪
99
00:04:05,354 --> 00:04:06,037
♪ To match my hair?
100
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:06,971
♪ Uh-huh
101
00:04:07,006 --> 00:04:08,239
♪ Color me there
102
00:04:08,274 --> 00:04:09,807
♪ Like me, say "Oui-Oui"
103
00:04:09,842 --> 00:04:11,793
♪ And tell them you're a friend
of Bill Maher's ♪
104
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:13,645
♪ That's how you'll get
to watch them pee ♪
105
00:04:13,679 --> 00:04:15,513
♪ In Canadian nudie bars
106
00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:16,948
♪ Ha, ha, ha
107
00:04:16,982 --> 00:04:18,049
♪ Ho, ho, ho
108
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:18,950
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha
109
00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:20,151
♪ Ha
110
00:04:20,202 --> 00:04:21,819
♪ A guy can get
his hockey pucked ♪
111
00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:25,523
♪ In Canadian nudie bars.
112
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:26,891
That sounds incredible!
113
00:04:26,926 --> 00:04:27,909
We got to go.
114
00:04:27,943 --> 00:04:28,943
Yeah, will you
take us, Quagmire?
115
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:29,928
Please?
116
00:04:29,962 --> 00:04:30,995
All right,
let's do it!
117
00:04:31,046 --> 00:04:31,996
But I don't want to
get any crap
118
00:04:32,031 --> 00:04:33,081
from your wives about me
119
00:04:33,115 --> 00:04:34,015
taking you to a strip joint.
120
00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,209
So you guys are gonna have to
121
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:36,338
lie about where we're going.
122
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:37,835
Okay, sure.
Yeah, no problem.
123
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:39,003
I'm a great liar.
124
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:42,890
Okay, we're
good this way.
125
00:04:42,925 --> 00:04:44,425
Is it clear
in your direction?
126
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:48,112
Yep.
127
00:04:51,317 --> 00:04:53,618
We now return to
Stabbed in the Butt,
128
00:04:53,652 --> 00:04:55,887
the only game show where if
you get the answer wrong,
129
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,121
you get
stabbed in the butt.
130
00:04:57,156 --> 00:04:59,457
All right, Bradley,
here's your question.
131
00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:02,060
What is the
atomic weight of nitrogen?
132
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:04,662
Get him, guys!
133
00:05:04,697 --> 00:05:06,030
Stab him
in the butt!
134
00:05:06,081 --> 00:05:07,532
Okay,
bye, you guys.
135
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:08,800
I'm leaving now.
136
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:11,035
Peter, tell me again
why you're going to Montreal?
137
00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:12,787
Hey, do I give you
the third degree
138
00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:15,290
every time you go for one of
those luxurious mammograms?
139
00:05:15,324 --> 00:05:17,258
Dad, why can't we all go?
140
00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:18,660
Because somebody's
got to stay here
141
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:19,994
and round up all
these rattlesnakes.
142
00:05:22,014 --> 00:05:23,014
Bye.
143
00:05:27,603 --> 00:05:28,853
Hey, guys.
144
00:05:28,887 --> 00:05:30,471
Check it out.
What do you think?
145
00:05:30,505 --> 00:05:31,723
Wow, a private plane?
146
00:05:31,774 --> 00:05:33,291
How'd you swing
that, Quagmire?
147
00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:35,627
Well, let's just say
I walked in on John Travolta
148
00:05:35,661 --> 00:05:37,295
with not Kelly Preston.
149
00:05:37,329 --> 00:05:40,264
Oh, my God,
this plane is awesome, Quagmire.
150
00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:41,666
Hey, who's that?
151
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,434
Oh, that's
J. Private Planington.
152
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,902
He invented
private planes.
153
00:05:44,937 --> 00:05:47,305
He was also the world's
foremost squid hunter.
154
00:05:47,339 --> 00:05:49,941
I've got a lot of big
ideas, too,
155
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,476
but everybody's
just so jealous.
156
00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:55,363
Boy, this is nice.
157
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,115
Hey, Joe, I'm gonna
go check out the john.
158
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,102
Oh, my God,
have you seen this?
159
00:06:01,136 --> 00:06:02,670
Look how fancy this thing is.
160
00:06:02,705 --> 00:06:04,689
They even got a special map
that lets you choose
161
00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:06,357
who you wan to dump
your poop on.
162
00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:10,628
Geez, the synagogue
button's almost worn out.
163
00:06:14,066 --> 00:06:16,100
Oh, my God, Joe,
there's a man on the wing.
164
00:06:16,151 --> 00:06:17,735
Peter, there's
no man on the wing.
165
00:06:17,770 --> 00:06:18,970
There is! I saw him!
166
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,672
Peter, stop
being ridiculous.
167
00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:21,906
I'm telling you,
lift up the shade.
168
00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:22,840
There's a man on the wing.
169
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,709
Fine.
170
00:06:24,743 --> 00:06:25,777
It's me.
171
00:06:25,811 --> 00:06:26,944
I'm the
man on the wing.
172
00:06:26,979 --> 00:06:28,713
Peter, how the hell
did you get out there?
173
00:06:28,747 --> 00:06:30,031
Are you crazy?!
174
00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:31,499
Get back
in here, Peter!
175
00:06:32,735 --> 00:06:34,268
What the hell's going on
back there?
176
00:06:34,303 --> 00:06:35,303
We're losing altitude.
177
00:06:37,873 --> 00:06:39,407
Hang on, you guys;
I don't know
178
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,908
if I can pull out
of this-- giggity!
179
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,844
Wow, from up here,
everything looks
180
00:06:42,878 --> 00:06:44,545
so huge and coming faster.
181
00:06:58,227 --> 00:07:00,661
Uh, what happened?
182
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:01,829
Did we crash?
183
00:07:01,864 --> 00:07:03,398
Yeah, we crashed.
184
00:07:03,432 --> 00:07:04,599
Wow.
185
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,401
Still, you know,
we saved so much trouble
186
00:07:06,435 --> 00:07:08,369
not flying commercial,
I think we came out ahead.
187
00:07:08,404 --> 00:07:09,537
Sure.
188
00:07:09,571 --> 00:07:11,105
Drive right up to the plane.
Exactly.
189
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,141
If we went to Logan,
that plane wouldn't crash
190
00:07:13,175 --> 00:07:14,442
for another hour,
at least.
191
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,146
Oh, they made
pretty good time.
192
00:07:24,514 --> 00:07:25,873
I'm bored.
193
00:07:25,874 --> 00:07:28,042
Peter, you made me crash
the damn plane!
194
00:07:28,076 --> 00:07:29,710
Okay, I know you're a
pilot and everything,
195
00:07:29,745 --> 00:07:31,579
but not everyone
likes to talk about planes
196
00:07:31,613 --> 00:07:33,014
as much as you, Quagmire.
197
00:07:34,082 --> 00:07:35,850
Well, we're out
of cell phone range
198
00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:36,724
and the radio's shot.
199
00:07:36,752 --> 00:07:37,852
This is not good.
200
00:07:37,886 --> 00:07:39,020
No one knows
we're out here,
201
00:07:39,054 --> 00:07:40,655
and we've got
no food or water.
202
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,590
Relax, Quagmire,
there's food all around us.
203
00:07:42,624 --> 00:07:43,858
The trick is just knowing
204
00:07:43,892 --> 00:07:45,493
what's safe to eat
and what's not.
205
00:07:50,532 --> 00:07:51,866
Okay, these are a "maybe."
206
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:53,718
You guys, I think,
for the time being,
207
00:07:53,752 --> 00:07:56,020
we're gonna have to start
thinking in terms of survival.
208
00:07:56,054 --> 00:07:57,488
Yeah, we're just
gonna have to do
209
00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:58,823
what Davy Crockett
would do.
210
00:07:58,857 --> 00:08:01,008
I mean, that guy killed a
bear when he was only three.
211
00:08:01,076 --> 00:08:02,777
Honey, don't you
think it's weird
212
00:08:02,811 --> 00:08:03,978
that our
three-year-old son
213
00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:05,112
is murdering animals?
214
00:08:05,147 --> 00:08:06,214
Nonsense.
215
00:08:06,248 --> 00:08:07,698
He's a healthy,
normal young boy.
216
00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:10,868
Ma, Pa, I
killed my pet raccoon.
217
00:08:10,902 --> 00:08:12,520
Why, Davy?
218
00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:14,021
So I could
have this cool hat
219
00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:16,591
and 'cause it felt like
heaven when I was doing it.
220
00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:23,965
Well, it's getting dark.
221
00:08:23,999 --> 00:08:25,466
We should
probably start a fire.
222
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:26,701
Man, how do
we do that?
223
00:08:26,735 --> 00:08:28,085
Hey, do you think
there's directions
224
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,720
about starting
fires in the song
225
00:08:29,755 --> 00:08:30,955
"We Didn't
Start the Fire"?
226
00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:31,956
I don't think so.
227
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:33,190
I better go
through it all.
228
00:08:33,225 --> 00:08:34,959
♪ Stuff, stuff,
stuff and stuff ♪
229
00:08:34,993 --> 00:08:36,594
♪ History and stuff and stuff
230
00:08:36,628 --> 00:08:39,196
♪ People, people, someone's
name, history and sports ♪
231
00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:41,032
♪ Big disaster, someone's name
232
00:08:41,066 --> 00:08:42,934
♪ Stuff and stuff
and stuff and stuff ♪
233
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:44,168
♪ History, someone's name
234
00:08:44,202 --> 00:08:45,403
♪ Something I don't know
235
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,104
♪ Famous guy, movie star
236
00:08:47,139 --> 00:08:48,572
♪ Don't know who
these people are ♪
237
00:08:48,607 --> 00:08:50,007
♪ Stuff and stuff and history
238
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:51,742
♪ Yelling really loud at me!
239
00:08:51,777 --> 00:08:53,110
Okay, how's
the fire coming?
240
00:08:56,581 --> 00:08:58,032
Okay, this should work.
241
00:08:58,066 --> 00:08:59,433
If it rains, at least
we know we can stay dry.
242
00:08:59,468 --> 00:09:00,434
Yeah.
243
00:09:00,469 --> 00:09:01,736
So, now our number one concern
244
00:09:01,770 --> 00:09:03,971
is that Predators
are watching our body heat.
245
00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:05,139
Peter, that's
just a movie.
246
00:09:05,173 --> 00:09:07,208
That's not real.
247
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:08,809
No, I think we
need to cover ourselves in mud
248
00:09:08,844 --> 00:09:09,844
to avoid being seen.
249
00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:11,012
Peter, Joe's right.
250
00:09:11,046 --> 00:09:12,146
That's
only a movie.
251
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:13,547
Oh, God,
somebody farted!
252
00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:14,649
Ugh, it stinks!
253
00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,100
We should not rule out
the Predator
254
00:09:16,134 --> 00:09:17,134
having been the farter.
255
00:09:20,272 --> 00:09:21,593
Okay, we still
got nothing to eat,
256
00:09:21,606 --> 00:09:22,706
so it looks
like we're gonna
257
00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:24,425
have to hunt
animals for food.
258
00:09:24,459 --> 00:09:25,860
And since we
have no weapons,
259
00:09:25,894 --> 00:09:27,762
I set up some
traps and snares.
260
00:09:27,796 --> 00:09:29,180
Well, I was about to
take a leak.
261
00:09:29,214 --> 00:09:30,314
Can I go
in that direction?
262
00:09:30,349 --> 00:09:31,215
Yes.
263
00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:32,516
No.
264
00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:34,085
Ah, damn it, my legs!
265
00:09:34,119 --> 00:09:35,186
I think they're broken!
266
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:36,354
Yay, Joe.
267
00:09:36,388 --> 00:09:37,989
Now you have a friend.
268
00:09:41,026 --> 00:09:42,994
Damn it, Peter,
this is all your fault.
269
00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:44,862
Listen, I wish
you had a family
270
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:47,782
to take care of you, too,
but that's a choice you made.
271
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:48,949
Here you go, guys.
272
00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,969
First time in a while
I've had wood in my lap.
273
00:09:52,004 --> 00:09:54,305
Are... are we supposed
to laugh at that?
274
00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:55,219
'Cause it's upsetting.
275
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,874
Man, being
out here sucks.
276
00:09:56,908 --> 00:09:58,626
I mean,
I'm not a forest guy.
277
00:09:58,660 --> 00:09:59,727
I-I'm more of a
278
00:09:59,761 --> 00:10:01,295
"take-it-all-in-
at-the-beach" guy.
279
00:10:04,199 --> 00:10:05,383
Excuse me, sir.
280
00:10:05,417 --> 00:10:06,434
This is
private property.
281
00:10:06,468 --> 00:10:07,485
what are you doing?
282
00:10:08,437 --> 00:10:09,737
Just taking it all in.
283
00:10:09,771 --> 00:10:12,056
You're staring
at my daughter's bedroom.
284
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:13,924
She's really
grown into her body.
285
00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:15,826
This is gonna
be a fun summer for her.
286
00:10:15,861 --> 00:10:18,045
You guys, we've been out here
a couple days now,
287
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,898
and I don't think
anyone's coming to get us.
288
00:10:20,932 --> 00:10:22,817
It might be time
for one of us to go for help.
289
00:10:22,851 --> 00:10:24,218
Well, what do
you want us to do?
290
00:10:24,252 --> 00:10:25,953
Peter's the
only one who can walk.
291
00:10:25,987 --> 00:10:27,071
What?!
292
00:10:27,105 --> 00:10:28,272
You want me to
just walk out there,
293
00:10:28,306 --> 00:10:29,440
straight into the woods?
294
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:30,775
Peter, if you don't,
295
00:10:30,809 --> 00:10:33,444
the only other option
is we sit here and wait to die.
296
00:10:33,478 --> 00:10:35,746
All right, I'll do it.
297
00:10:35,781 --> 00:10:36,931
If I just keep walking,
298
00:10:36,965 --> 00:10:38,049
I gotta hit civilization
299
00:10:38,083 --> 00:10:39,050
at some point, right?
300
00:10:39,084 --> 00:10:40,084
Thanks, Peter.
301
00:10:40,118 --> 00:10:41,085
Yeah.
302
00:10:41,119 --> 00:10:43,087
And good luck.
303
00:10:44,723 --> 00:10:46,290
Uh-oh.
304
00:10:46,324 --> 00:10:47,425
What?
305
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:49,727
Well, I hate to ask
you this, Quagmire,
306
00:10:49,761 --> 00:10:51,328
but do you know how
to change a diaper?
307
00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:52,963
Yeah, of course I know
how to change a diaper.
308
00:10:52,998 --> 00:10:54,899
I saw
Mr. Mom four times.
309
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,689
That's not how you dry a baby.
310
00:11:01,723 --> 00:11:04,725
He has to do it
'cause his wife has the job.
311
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,727
But motherhood's a job.
312
00:11:06,762 --> 00:11:08,763
M-Motherhood's
a job, too, though.
313
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:11,782
Morning.
314
00:11:11,816 --> 00:11:12,867
What the hell?!
Where'd you come from?!
315
00:11:12,918 --> 00:11:14,335
Yeah, what are...
what are you doing
316
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:15,836
out here in the middle
of nowhere?!
317
00:11:15,871 --> 00:11:17,004
Middle of nowhere?!
318
00:11:17,038 --> 00:11:18,539
No, I live right
over there.
319
00:11:18,573 --> 00:11:20,708
What?! A plane crashes
in your backyard,
320
00:11:20,742 --> 00:11:22,376
and you don't say anything?!
321
00:11:22,411 --> 00:11:23,778
This is Canada, eh?
322
00:11:23,812 --> 00:11:26,213
I thought it might be rude to
intrude on your plane crash.
323
00:11:26,248 --> 00:11:27,448
Well, this is
great news!
324
00:11:27,482 --> 00:11:28,616
We're saved!
325
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:29,984
Yes, I suppose so.
326
00:11:30,018 --> 00:11:32,169
Listen, why don't we
head back to my place,
327
00:11:32,204 --> 00:11:35,039
grab a bite to eat and watch
the big curling match on TV?
328
00:11:35,073 --> 00:11:37,975
Canada is in the world
final against Mexico.
329
00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:45,749
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
330
00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:55,126
Okay, well, we have
to grab our friend Peter.
331
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,128
He just headed out
that way to get help.
332
00:11:57,162 --> 00:11:58,862
Oh. That's not good.
333
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,314
There's nothing
in that direction
334
00:12:00,348 --> 00:12:02,299
but wilderness for
thousands of kilometers.
335
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:03,651
What?! You're kidding.
336
00:12:03,685 --> 00:12:05,419
Oh, crap. Peter!
337
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:07,538
Peter, come back! Peter!
338
00:12:07,572 --> 00:12:10,925
Peter! Peter!
339
00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:12,660
I think he's gone.
340
00:12:23,321 --> 00:12:26,273
I'm afraid he might not
have survived, Mrs. Griffin.
341
00:12:26,308 --> 00:12:28,108
We've been searching
these woods for weeks.
342
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,743
We've got to keep looking.
343
00:12:29,778 --> 00:12:31,462
He's got to be out there
somewhere.
344
00:12:31,496 --> 00:12:33,030
Oh, my God,
we're in Canada.
345
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:35,115
I get to use my
new passport.
346
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:38,202
I hope my picture
looks okay.
347
00:12:38,236 --> 00:12:39,970
That's Liam Hemsworth.
348
00:12:40,005 --> 00:12:41,422
No, it's not. It's me.
349
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,957
It's just a
really good angle.
350
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:45,125
God, just look
for Peter. God.
351
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:48,913
I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin,
352
00:12:48,947 --> 00:12:51,315
there's been no sign
of your husband for two months.
353
00:12:51,349 --> 00:12:53,050
We're gonna have
to suspend our search.
354
00:12:53,084 --> 00:12:55,352
But there's got to be
something we can do!
355
00:12:55,387 --> 00:12:57,454
Well, the odds were always
against us.
356
00:12:57,489 --> 00:12:59,290
Most black men don't
possess the skills
357
00:12:59,324 --> 00:13:01,192
to survive out here
in the wilderness.
358
00:13:01,226 --> 00:13:02,893
My husband isn't black.
359
00:13:02,928 --> 00:13:04,128
Oh, boy.
360
00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:07,198
Well, then, we need
to regroup because...
361
00:13:07,232 --> 00:13:08,866
we haven't been looking.
362
00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,936
Wait! We may have a possible
lead on Peter Griffin!
363
00:13:11,970 --> 00:13:14,138
What?! Oh, my God,
where is he?!
364
00:13:14,172 --> 00:13:17,441
Well, we didn't find him,
but we found this.
365
00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:20,544
And there's some scribbling
on the back
366
00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:21,779
that says, "Mrs. G."
367
00:13:21,813 --> 00:13:25,332
We figured "G" has
to stand for "Griffin."
368
00:13:25,383 --> 00:13:27,551
No. That G isn't for "Griffin."
369
00:13:27,586 --> 00:13:29,587
It's for "Garrett."
370
00:13:29,621 --> 00:13:32,356
This is Mrs. Garrett
from The Facts Of Life!
371
00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,841
And Diff'rent Strokes.
372
00:13:33,892 --> 00:13:35,209
Why does everyone forget that?
373
00:13:35,243 --> 00:13:37,294
Kids, your father
made this.
374
00:13:37,329 --> 00:13:38,562
That's so weird.
375
00:13:38,597 --> 00:13:41,131
Dad gets lost in the woods,
and he makes a doll?
376
00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:42,399
Eh, it's not that strange.
377
00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:44,435
It's kind of what Tom Hanks did
in Castaway.
378
00:13:49,658 --> 00:13:52,560
I'm sorry, Wilson!
379
00:13:59,968 --> 00:14:01,885
Right here is where
we found the doll.
380
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,622
Okay, everybody fan out
and look for your father.
381
00:14:04,656 --> 00:14:05,989
Peter!
Peter!
382
00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:08,275
Dad!
Fat-ass!
383
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:15,249
Peter?!
384
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,657
Oh, thank God!
We found you!
385
00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,426
Are you okay?!
386
00:14:27,696 --> 00:14:28,929
What the hell?!
387
00:14:28,964 --> 00:14:31,999
It looks like he's become
some kind of feral beast.
388
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:33,267
Oh, my God!
389
00:14:35,553 --> 00:14:38,906
I can't live by
society's rules, either.
390
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,066
Mom, I still
don't get it.
391
00:14:52,101 --> 00:14:54,235
How could Dad turn
into some kind of feral creature
392
00:14:54,236 --> 00:14:56,004
just from two months
in the wilderness?
393
00:14:56,038 --> 00:14:57,239
Yeah,
it's weird.
394
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:58,473
He doesn't
even talk.
395
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:01,076
Well, he was living among
wild animals for two months,
396
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:03,478
and you know how impressionable
your dad can be.
397
00:15:05,314 --> 00:15:08,116
Hmm.
398
00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:11,119
Peter, this
is your home.
399
00:15:12,972 --> 00:15:14,873
This is the couch
where you sit.
400
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,664
Oh, yes, that's
the television.
401
00:15:22,698 --> 00:15:25,083
Kids, I think he
recognizes the TV.
402
00:15:26,452 --> 00:15:28,820
We're all thinking it,
and he just does it.
403
00:15:28,855 --> 00:15:31,723
You guys, this is gonna
be harder than we thought.
404
00:15:31,757 --> 00:15:34,359
I guess we're all just
gonna have to work together
405
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,095
to reintroduce your father
to civilized society.
406
00:15:37,129 --> 00:15:38,730
Well, that's gonna be
a challenge.
407
00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,198
But it can't be any harder
408
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,267
than folding
that thousand-mile-long sheet.
409
00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:44,169
All right, I got my corner.
Everybody ready?
410
00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:45,604
Ready. Chris?
411
00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:47,172
Ready. Meg?
412
00:15:54,647 --> 00:15:56,648
You know, long ago,
before this happened,
413
00:15:56,682 --> 00:16:00,385
your father did make some videos
in case he ever became feral.
414
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,621
I guess
they're worth a shot.
415
00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:04,923
Hello, feral Peter.
416
00:16:04,957 --> 00:16:07,392
If you're listening to this,
you've probably become feral,
417
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:10,662
and you're probably thinking of
a nice juicy rabbit right now.
418
00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:14,332
But this isn't
who you really are, Peter.
419
00:16:14,367 --> 00:16:16,067
We got to get you back on track.
420
00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:17,235
Isn't that right, buddy?
421
00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:20,505
Look, it's working!
422
00:16:20,539 --> 00:16:22,007
Okay, good. So, feral Peter,
423
00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:24,910
why don't you put in tape number
two and let's get started.
424
00:16:30,549 --> 00:16:32,784
Don't listen to that Peter!
That Peter is a liar!
425
00:16:32,818 --> 00:16:34,719
Run! Be free!
They will enslave you!
426
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:45,897
All right, now,
I've been trying
427
00:16:45,932 --> 00:16:47,365
to figure out something
we can do together,
428
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,733
and I think
I've found it.
429
00:16:48,768 --> 00:16:49,935
We're gonna sing a song.
430
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:51,703
Now, I'll start, and
when I point to you,
431
00:16:51,737 --> 00:16:53,638
you'll sing your part.
Ready?
432
00:16:53,673 --> 00:16:55,173
♪ War!
433
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:57,943
♪ Yeah! What is
it good for? ♪
434
00:16:57,977 --> 00:16:59,644
♪ Absolutely nothing!
435
00:16:59,679 --> 00:17:01,346
Okay, all right,
good job.
436
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:02,847
Now, let's try
something else.
437
00:17:02,882 --> 00:17:04,716
♪ I wanna get you home and ♪
♪ Ugh
438
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:06,518
♪ Double up
♪ Ugh, ugh.
439
00:17:06,552 --> 00:17:08,186
Okay, I like where
this is going.
440
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:09,487
Let's take it
from the top.
441
00:17:09,522 --> 00:17:12,757
♪ I like big butts
and I cannot lie... ♪
442
00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:22,367
Oh, damn it, he's in
the garbage again!
443
00:17:24,804 --> 00:17:25,937
Oh, my God!
444
00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:28,073
Come on! Get out
of the trash.
445
00:17:30,076 --> 00:17:32,043
Who threw out my sequin top?
446
00:17:32,078 --> 00:17:34,379
You're 43! Accept it!
447
00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:41,586
Hey, Lois.
448
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,088
Oh, hi, Glenn.
449
00:17:43,122 --> 00:17:45,824
We just thought we'd come by
and see how Peter was doing.
450
00:17:45,858 --> 00:17:47,058
Yeah, has he gotten
any better?
451
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,259
I'm afraid not.
452
00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:49,961
He's still only
speaking gibberish.
453
00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:51,996
Yeah, and we could live
without the semen throwing,
454
00:17:51,998 --> 00:17:53,131
I'll tell you that.
455
00:17:53,165 --> 00:17:54,866
I don't know
what else to do.
456
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,202
We've tried everything
to bring the old Peter back,
457
00:17:57,236 --> 00:17:59,671
but we can't
break through to him.
458
00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:02,040
Lois, I think you've
done all you can.
459
00:18:02,074 --> 00:18:03,775
Hard as it is to admit,
460
00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:06,678
it might be time to let
Peter be where he belongs.
461
00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:07,929
What do you mean, Brian?
462
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:10,732
We might have to release
Peter back into the wild.
463
00:18:10,766 --> 00:18:12,267
What?! We-we can't do that.
464
00:18:12,301 --> 00:18:14,602
We'll never
see him again!
465
00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:16,705
Eh, enough time passes,
you'll forget all about him.
466
00:18:16,739 --> 00:18:18,406
Just like
Inspector Gadget forgot
467
00:18:18,441 --> 00:18:20,108
about that one-night stand.
468
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,776
Suzanne, we have to talk.
469
00:18:21,811 --> 00:18:23,044
Okay.
470
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:25,246
Someone has made
contact with me.
471
00:18:25,281 --> 00:18:29,150
Someone from my past, and,
well, long story short,
472
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:32,220
go, go, Guatemalan son.
473
00:18:38,527 --> 00:18:41,663
Peter, we all
love you very much,
474
00:18:41,697 --> 00:18:43,965
but we think maybe
this is where you belong
475
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,067
and where you'll be happy.
476
00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:47,635
This is barely
even a forest.
477
00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:49,738
I can see an Arby's
through the trees.
478
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,474
You're free, Peter.
479
00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:54,576
Whatever adventures
lie ahead of you,
480
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:57,979
know that my heart
will always be with you.
481
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:01,082
Now, go! Go on!
Get out of here!
482
00:19:06,122 --> 00:19:08,773
I always knew, one day,
this would happen.
483
00:19:08,808 --> 00:19:12,410
We will never forget you,
but you're better off here.
484
00:19:12,445 --> 00:19:14,546
Why are we dragging this out?
It's 6:30.
485
00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:16,848
Go ahead, Peter.
Go on!
486
00:19:16,882 --> 00:19:18,650
Be with your own kind!
487
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,388
We're all gonna
miss you, Dad!
488
00:19:23,422 --> 00:19:25,090
More than you know!
489
00:19:29,462 --> 00:19:31,062
What?
My God, I...
490
00:19:31,097 --> 00:19:33,198
I think he's trying
to talk to you.
491
00:19:33,232 --> 00:19:34,399
Quick, Meg!
492
00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:35,600
Say something else!
493
00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,569
Well, okay, um...
494
00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,037
I love you, Dad,
495
00:19:39,071 --> 00:19:41,940
and no matter where you are,
you'll always be my father.
496
00:19:44,276 --> 00:19:46,678
Shut... up...
497
00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:48,113
M-Meg.
498
00:19:48,147 --> 00:19:49,681
I don't believe it!
499
00:19:49,715 --> 00:19:51,216
Peter, you talked!
500
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:53,284
Shut up, Meg.
501
00:19:53,319 --> 00:19:55,520
Shut... up, Meg.
502
00:19:55,554 --> 00:19:58,223
Shut up... Meg.
503
00:19:58,257 --> 00:20:00,225
Shut up, Meg.
504
00:20:00,259 --> 00:20:01,426
- Peter!
- Dad!
505
00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:03,228
- You're back!
- Yay.
506
00:20:06,348 --> 00:20:08,316
Jim.
507
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:11,085
Your name is Jim.
508
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,021
Close enough, Peter!
509
00:20:13,055 --> 00:20:14,823
Come on, you guys,
let's go home!
510
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:17,592
Yeah!
511
00:20:19,628 --> 00:20:22,263
Is she...
is she letting him drive?
512
00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:27,702
Boy, I sure am happy
to be back.
513
00:20:27,736 --> 00:20:30,171
Yeah, Peter, we thought
we'd lost you for good.
514
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:31,806
And luckily,
I don't know many words,
515
00:20:31,841 --> 00:20:34,375
so I was able to relearn them
all in a day.
516
00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:35,944
Don't ever leave
us again, Dad.
517
00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:37,612
Aw, sorry, Chris,
but this weekend,
518
00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:39,981
Quagmire's taking me
to a Canadian strip club.
519
00:20:40,015 --> 00:20:43,551
He said he's put together a very
special surprise, just for me.
520
00:20:43,586 --> 00:20:45,620
Mesdames et monsieurs,
521
00:20:45,654 --> 00:20:48,289
all the way from America,
please welcome
522
00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:50,024
Miss Charlotte Rae!
523
00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:54,495
Mrs. Garrett!
Mrs. Garrett!
524
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:56,831
Girls, girls, girls!
525
00:20:58,338 --> 00:21:03,338
== sync, corrected by elderman ==