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00:00:02,249 --> 00:00:05,523
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,623 --> 00:00:08,909
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:12,462
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:12,497 --> 00:00:15,465
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:29,750
♪ Family Guy 11x20 ♪
Farmer Guy
Original Air Date on May 12, 2013
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00:00:29,751 --> 00:00:34,751
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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We now return to
Germany's favorite talk show,
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Das Ist Gut.
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Dad, what is this show?
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I don't know. It's just
a German guy listing items
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00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:44,227
and then declaring them good.
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00:00:44,262 --> 00:00:46,913
Wilkommen! Where are we?
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00:00:46,948 --> 00:00:49,366
Das! Ist! Gut!
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00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,185
Okay, sunsets.
Das ist gut.
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00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,954
Ja.
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Sauerkraut.
Das ist gut.
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The autobahn. Vroom vroom!
Das ist gut.
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00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,764
Oompa music.
Das ist gut.
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00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,033
Euthanasia for
the mentally feeble.
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00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,502
Das ist gut.
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00:01:10,188 --> 00:01:12,589
Das Ist Gut
is filmed before an audience
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00:01:12,623 --> 00:01:13,924
of the mentally feeble.
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God, I wish I could get tickets
to that show.
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We interrupt this program
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to bring you a Channel Five News
special report.
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Good evening. I'm Joyce Kinney
with this special report.
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The latest police
statistics have revealed
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00:01:26,788 --> 00:01:28,705
a significant rise in
crime throughout Quahog.
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00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:30,006
That's right, Joyce.
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00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:33,760
And just to put it out there,
Tom Tucker is packin'.
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00:01:33,795 --> 00:01:36,830
I drive a 2006 Infiniti,
and I don't intend to lose it.
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00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,532
So come and get some, punks.
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00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,066
An increase
in crime?
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00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,368
That can't
be right.
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00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,203
I haven't noticed
anything like that.
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00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:46,139
You're in the house 14 hours
a day. What would you notice?
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00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,324
Well, I hate to
admit it, Lois,
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00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:48,775
but over the last
couple of years,
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00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,278
this town has changed a lot, a
not necessarily for the better.
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00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,230
Yeah, I mean, the other day,
I left a doodie
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00:01:53,264 --> 00:01:54,998
right in the middle
of a Crate and Barrel.
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00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:57,050
Came back 45 minutes later,
it was gone.
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00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:58,969
Yeah, even school's
getting more dangerous.
49
00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:00,787
The bullies
have been so busy,
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00:02:00,822 --> 00:02:03,356
they're outsourcing
their bullying to India.
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00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:04,691
Okay, do you see
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00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,126
the back of your underwear
in the mirror?
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00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,427
Yes.
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00:02:07,462 --> 00:02:09,463
Okay, I want you to pull it up
as high as you can.
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00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,947
Well, I disagree
with you guys.
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00:02:10,982 --> 00:02:12,732
I think Quahog
is still pretty great.
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00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:14,134
You know, it's hard for me
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00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,735
to take the things
you say seriously
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00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:17,904
when I know what's been
in that mouth of yours.
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Look, I realize Quahog isn't
the small town it used to be,
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00:02:20,758 --> 00:02:22,225
but it's still
very special to me.
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It's my home.
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Yeah, come on, guys, she's got
dyed roots in this community.
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00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:28,198
Lois, I know you
love this town,
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00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,250
but nothing is ever as
innocent as it seems.
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♪
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00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,924
Attaboy, Ope.
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00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,131
Give me all
your money!
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00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,750
Okay, okay!
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00:02:46,784 --> 00:02:48,201
You have a white wallet?
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00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,603
Yeah, just like
Truman Capote.
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00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,971
Who's Truman Capote?
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00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,405
What a surprise!
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00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,375
The mugger's never
heard of Truman Capote.
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There's a library card in there!
Use it!
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00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:03,182
And now, let's meet our star!
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Give a warm Quahog Oceanland
welcome to Bojangles!
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All the fish
in the bucket now!
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Not one fish at a time
as a reward! All of them!
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00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,643
Okay, okay,
take it easy.
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00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:14,844
Okay, the one thing
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00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:17,714
you don't want to do
is tell me to take it easy.
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00:03:17,748 --> 00:03:19,833
Now do that thing
where you rub my belly!
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00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,384
I really like that!
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00:03:21,419 --> 00:03:24,554
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
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00:03:24,589 --> 00:03:28,425
Yeah, now I'm gonna balance
a ball on your face.
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One more push.
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There we go!
It's a boy!
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00:03:34,198 --> 00:03:35,549
And he's got a gun!
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00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,077
Well, you guys,
we did it.
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00:03:47,111 --> 00:03:49,713
We finally went to a restaurant
without somebody yelling at us,
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00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,932
and then the rest of the place
applauding them.
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00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,270
Oh, my God!
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00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,638
We've been
burglarized!
95
00:03:58,673 --> 00:03:59,839
Well, we'll just have
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00:03:59,874 --> 00:04:02,642
to get that $17 insurance check
and start over.
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00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,744
Oh, my God,
it's so creepy to think
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00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,212
there were strangers
in our house.
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00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,714
I've never
felt so scared.
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,049
I have.
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00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,587
And now we wait.
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00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,623
Oh, no, they took my gym shoes.
103
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,326
Sorry, glutes,
no blasting today.
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00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,028
They took my dirty rope
that was tied in a knot!
105
00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:24,297
They stole the chair
I use in the shower!
106
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,449
They stole
all my pens!
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00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:29,586
I... I don't have
a lot of stuff.
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00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:30,654
Son of a bitch!
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00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,023
They also stole
my sense of wonder.
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00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:35,425
Nope.
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00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:37,494
Oh, this is horrible!
112
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,795
Maybe you guys were right.
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00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:41,197
Maybe our town has changed.
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00:04:41,232 --> 00:04:42,432
I know, it's awful.
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00:04:42,466 --> 00:04:44,167
Pretty soon, guys are
just gonna be showing
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00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,636
their boners to babies
and stuff, I bet.
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00:04:46,671 --> 00:04:50,040
It's sad to think that Quahog
isn't safe for families anymore.
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00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:52,575
I mean, all I ever wanted was
to raise our children
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00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,712
in a wholesome place,
far away from all the crime
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00:04:55,746 --> 00:04:57,747
and problems of the big city.
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00:04:57,782 --> 00:04:59,182
I'm reading you, Lois.
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00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,651
I'm reading you loud and clear.
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00:05:06,257 --> 00:05:07,624
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin.
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00:05:07,658 --> 00:05:09,259
Um, I'm looking for
a wholesome place
125
00:05:09,293 --> 00:05:12,162
for my family to live, so
I'd like to buy your farm.
126
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,596
All right, well,
the going rate
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00:05:13,631 --> 00:05:16,666
for my farm is $875,000.
128
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,668
Uh... nobody
called ahead?
129
00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:20,203
What?
130
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,789
Well, somebody... somebody from
Fox was supposed to call ahead.
131
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,090
They usually
take care of it,
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00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:26,026
and then I just go
ahead and do stuff.
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00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,494
I didn't get
no phone call.
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00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,364
Hello?
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00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,599
Oh, yes.
136
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,034
Yes, that'll be fine.
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00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,201
Ah.
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00:05:41,377 --> 00:05:43,078
Hey, Lois, you know
how I'm always
139
00:05:43,112 --> 00:05:44,546
buying things
impulsively?
140
00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:46,515
Well, that's gonna
be very hard to do
141
00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:48,116
now that we're
living on a farm.
142
00:05:48,151 --> 00:05:49,851
What? What are you
talking about?
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00:05:49,886 --> 00:05:51,620
Um, a farm, Lois.
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00:05:51,654 --> 00:05:53,088
It's where
vegetables live.
145
00:05:53,122 --> 00:05:54,656
Peter, you went out
and bought a farm
146
00:05:54,691 --> 00:05:56,425
without even talking
to me about it?
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00:05:56,459 --> 00:05:58,727
Well, Lois, in my
defense, I have nothing
148
00:05:58,761 --> 00:06:00,512
to back up the beginning
of this sentence.
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00:06:00,546 --> 00:06:01,780
I can't believe this.
150
00:06:01,814 --> 00:06:03,782
And it's not like
it's the first time you made
151
00:06:03,816 --> 00:06:06,335
a big family decision
without consulting me.
152
00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:17,362
Yes, I'd like to
see your quietest doctor.
153
00:06:17,397 --> 00:06:19,064
Peter, where'd you
even get the money
154
00:06:19,098 --> 00:06:20,632
to make that kind
of purchase?
155
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:21,633
I sold the house.
156
00:06:21,668 --> 00:06:23,035
And I did it
on Craigslist,
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00:06:23,069 --> 00:06:24,770
so I also made a
dangerous friend.
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00:06:24,804 --> 00:06:26,805
What? How could
you sell the house?
159
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,407
Spooner Street is our home!
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00:06:28,441 --> 00:06:30,742
I mean, I have three aprons
that say "Quahog."
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00:06:30,777 --> 00:06:33,045
What do you want me to do,
start all over?
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00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:34,759
Lois, you were saying
yourself how you want
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00:06:34,781 --> 00:06:36,715
our kids to grow up
in a wholesome place
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00:06:36,749 --> 00:06:37,916
away from the big city.
165
00:06:37,950 --> 00:06:40,152
I... I did say that.
166
00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:41,753
And, Chris, you been
telling me how you wanted
167
00:06:41,788 --> 00:06:42,988
to watch animals
humping other animals
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00:06:43,022 --> 00:06:44,423
what might not
be okay with it.
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00:06:44,457 --> 00:06:45,657
That's true.
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00:06:45,692 --> 00:06:48,026
And, Meg, you yourself
said lip gloss unicorns
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00:06:48,061 --> 00:06:50,162
Channing Tatum something
something bullcrap.
172
00:06:50,196 --> 00:06:51,563
You were listening
the whole time?
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00:06:51,597 --> 00:06:52,864
Don't you see,
you guys?
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00:06:52,899 --> 00:06:54,199
I did this for
the family.
175
00:06:54,233 --> 00:06:56,601
Just think of this farm as
our next great adventure.
176
00:06:56,636 --> 00:06:59,271
Like when we tried to
invade the city of Troy.
177
00:07:03,493 --> 00:07:05,827
Peter, I don't think
this is the right horse.
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00:07:05,862 --> 00:07:08,964
I am 100% positive
this is the right horse.
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00:07:08,998 --> 00:07:10,432
Come on, guys,
what do you say?
180
00:07:10,466 --> 00:07:12,000
Will you join me
in eating eggs
181
00:07:12,035 --> 00:07:13,402
fresh out of a
chicken's butt?
182
00:07:13,436 --> 00:07:16,104
Yay! Now I can be one
of those filthy teens
183
00:07:16,139 --> 00:07:18,740
with sad eyes
at a farmer's market!
184
00:07:18,775 --> 00:07:20,642
Well, with what's
become of Quahog,
185
00:07:20,676 --> 00:07:22,477
maybe it is time
to make a change.
186
00:07:22,512 --> 00:07:23,478
I'm in, Dad!
187
00:07:23,513 --> 00:07:24,479
Me, too!
188
00:07:24,514 --> 00:07:26,148
All right, let's do it.
189
00:07:26,182 --> 00:07:27,466
Hey, what's going on?
190
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,102
Well, we've made a decision
as a family, Brian.
191
00:07:30,136 --> 00:07:34,039
We've decided to take you to a
nice, big farm upstate.
192
00:07:34,073 --> 00:07:35,741
Wh-What?
193
00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:37,876
A farm with big
open fields, Brian,
194
00:07:37,910 --> 00:07:40,212
where you can just run
and run and be free
195
00:07:40,246 --> 00:07:41,963
and no one will
ever hurt you.
196
00:07:41,998 --> 00:07:43,832
Doesn't that sound
wonderful, Brian?
197
00:07:43,866 --> 00:07:46,218
Are you ready to go
to the nice farm?
198
00:07:46,252 --> 00:07:47,285
No! No!
199
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,687
You'll never take me alive!
200
00:07:51,591 --> 00:07:55,193
Okay, I am at full
candy corn right now.
201
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,672
Here we are, everyone.
202
00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,674
The Griffin family farm.
203
00:08:09,725 --> 00:08:12,277
Wow, look at us, Brian,
frontier people.
204
00:08:12,311 --> 00:08:14,379
I feel like those miners
who first struck gold
205
00:08:14,413 --> 00:08:15,781
in San Francisco.
206
00:08:16,816 --> 00:08:18,166
Oh, my God,
we did it!
207
00:08:18,201 --> 00:08:19,301
We struck gold!
208
00:08:19,335 --> 00:08:21,253
This is amazing!
We're gonna be rich!
209
00:08:21,287 --> 00:08:22,537
Rich and gay.
210
00:08:22,572 --> 00:08:23,688
Come here.
211
00:08:27,443 --> 00:08:29,244
Peter, what are you doing?
212
00:08:29,278 --> 00:08:31,029
Well, Lois, a big part
of owning a farm
213
00:08:31,063 --> 00:08:33,298
is crossing a road
very slowly with cows.
214
00:08:33,332 --> 00:08:35,834
Okay, okay, Bessie, now.
215
00:08:35,868 --> 00:08:37,736
Get yourself out there.
Easy does it.
216
00:08:38,938 --> 00:08:42,107
Hey, come on, man!
I got to get to work!
217
00:08:42,141 --> 00:08:43,775
And so do they, sir.
218
00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,944
Hurry it up!
219
00:08:45,978 --> 00:08:47,762
Wait a second.
220
00:08:48,798 --> 00:08:50,665
Now get in line, you!
221
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:55,437
Hey, I thought I told you kids
to go plow in the field.
222
00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:57,939
But, Dad, we've been
plowing all morning.
223
00:08:57,974 --> 00:08:59,708
Yeah, I can't take
any more plowing.
224
00:08:59,742 --> 00:09:00,876
I can barely walk.
225
00:09:00,910 --> 00:09:03,145
Look, I know it seems
like dirty work, but, Chris,
226
00:09:03,179 --> 00:09:05,280
you got to spread that seed
until your sack is empty.
227
00:09:05,314 --> 00:09:07,215
And, Meg, you got to clear
away all that brush
228
00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:09,584
so he can plant it deep
where it needs to be.
229
00:09:09,619 --> 00:09:11,636
Okay, we'll keep
at it, but I think
230
00:09:11,671 --> 00:09:13,338
that hoe is pretty
much worn out.
231
00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:15,590
Well, flip it over;
you can use both sides.
232
00:09:20,279 --> 00:09:22,414
Peter, there's a guy
standing out in the yard.
233
00:09:22,448 --> 00:09:23,715
Oh, yeah, that's Larry.
234
00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:26,151
Part of being a farmer is having
a best friend named Larry
235
00:09:26,185 --> 00:09:27,752
who I spend huge
amounts of time with,
236
00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:29,321
but never actually talk to.
237
00:09:29,355 --> 00:09:33,825
♪ Ooh, you make me
live now, honey ♪
238
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:37,796
♪ Ooh, you make me live
239
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,164
♪ Oh
240
00:09:39,198 --> 00:09:41,533
♪ You're the best friend
241
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:44,169
♪ That I ever had
242
00:09:44,203 --> 00:09:47,105
♪ Been with you
such a long time ♪
243
00:09:47,139 --> 00:09:49,107
♪ You're my sunshine
244
00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:51,776
♪ And I want you to know
245
00:09:51,811 --> 00:09:53,778
♪ That my feelings are true
246
00:09:53,813 --> 00:09:56,831
♪ I really love you.
247
00:09:56,866 --> 00:09:59,284
Peter, I'm dying.
248
00:09:59,318 --> 00:10:01,653
This is the last time
I'll ever see you.
249
00:10:01,687 --> 00:10:02,821
Bye.
250
00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:09,661
Peter, I've been running
the numbers on this farm,
251
00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:11,329
and we're in deep trouble.
252
00:10:11,364 --> 00:10:13,665
We haven't grown
a single crop to sell.
253
00:10:13,699 --> 00:10:16,067
And meanwhile,
you're spending half our money
254
00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:17,802
down at the General Store,
and the other half
255
00:10:17,837 --> 00:10:19,404
at the Specific Store.
256
00:10:19,438 --> 00:10:21,406
Do you have almonds?
What kind of almonds?
257
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,008
Marcona almonds.
From what region?
258
00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,009
The Basque Region.
259
00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:25,343
The Basque Region's
pretty big.
260
00:10:25,378 --> 00:10:26,578
North? South?
261
00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:27,579
Southern Basque.
262
00:10:27,613 --> 00:10:28,730
How much should
each almond weigh?
263
00:10:28,764 --> 00:10:29,764
Point eight ounces?
264
00:10:29,799 --> 00:10:31,333
Sorry, we only
have point sixes.
265
00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:32,367
Aw.
266
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:35,921
Yeah, hi. Do you have stuff?
267
00:10:35,955 --> 00:10:37,422
Yeah, we have stuff!
268
00:10:37,456 --> 00:10:39,958
And is it true that you've been
spending the farm's money
269
00:10:39,992 --> 00:10:43,261
on gingham shirts you tie into
a knot to expose your belly?
270
00:10:43,296 --> 00:10:44,763
I bought a couple.
271
00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:47,449
Well, with all this debt
and no income, there's no way
272
00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,784
we're gonna be able
to keep up our bank payments.
273
00:10:49,819 --> 00:10:51,586
Peter, if something
doesn't change,
274
00:10:51,621 --> 00:10:54,022
I'm afraid we're
gonna lose this farm.
275
00:10:54,056 --> 00:10:55,857
Great, just what I need
on my conscience:
276
00:10:55,891 --> 00:10:57,292
another failed business.
277
00:10:59,662 --> 00:11:01,997
Hi, I'd like to rent
The Proposal.
278
00:11:02,031 --> 00:11:04,165
Hang on, let me check
the return slot.
279
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,767
I'm sorry, it hasn't
been returned yet.
280
00:11:05,801 --> 00:11:08,203
I have a poster from The
Proposal you can look at.
281
00:11:08,237 --> 00:11:09,487
You'll get
most of the story.
282
00:11:09,522 --> 00:11:11,489
Huh. They seem
pretty mismatched.
283
00:11:11,524 --> 00:11:12,757
There you go.
284
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:13,942
Look, it's like
I've been saying,
285
00:11:13,976 --> 00:11:15,477
farming is
very difficult.
286
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:17,245
When? W-When did
you say that?
287
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,080
Farming takes incredible
skill and knowledge
288
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:20,882
and the sort
of specialized experience
289
00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:22,634
that takes generations
to acquire.
290
00:11:22,668 --> 00:11:26,204
Dad, my favorite hen laid
this crazy-looking egg!
291
00:11:27,256 --> 00:11:28,723
Cheep-cheep.
292
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:29,791
What's your point, Brian?
293
00:11:29,825 --> 00:11:31,910
My point is that
maybe I should go
294
00:11:31,944 --> 00:11:34,546
to the local state college and
take some agriculture courses.
295
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,614
With the proper training,
maybe I can actually
296
00:11:36,649 --> 00:11:38,383
learn something that
will save this farm.
297
00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:39,851
Wow, Brian,
that's a great idea.
298
00:11:39,885 --> 00:11:42,387
And, hey, maybe I could give
the speech at your graduation.
299
00:11:42,421 --> 00:11:43,822
I'm really good at that.
300
00:11:43,856 --> 00:11:47,892
And so, as I look out at your
smiling faces filled with hope,
301
00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:50,829
all I can think is,
you are completely screwed.
302
00:11:50,863 --> 00:11:54,399
As Martin Luther King once said,
"Ouch, I've been shot."
303
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,001
Thank you.
304
00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,604
Okay, that's
all my stuff.
305
00:11:59,638 --> 00:12:02,507
I'm off to State Tech Ag
Central College Tech.
306
00:12:02,541 --> 00:12:04,309
There's really two
"techs" in there?
307
00:12:04,343 --> 00:12:06,578
The proudest day
of a man's life
308
00:12:06,612 --> 00:12:08,747
is when his dog
goes off to college.
309
00:12:08,781 --> 00:12:10,081
I'll learn all I can.
310
00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,200
And I'll see you guys soon.
311
00:12:15,054 --> 00:12:18,023
Aw, he packed a guitar?
What a douche.
312
00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:22,093
Guys, what's that over there?
313
00:12:29,352 --> 00:12:31,619
Oh, my God, it's a tornado!
314
00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:34,255
And it's coming this way!
We got to run!
315
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:37,992
Hang on, guys, it might just be
the Tasmanian Devil.
316
00:12:38,027 --> 00:12:40,528
Come on!
Into the storm cellar!
317
00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,735
What is this place?
It's really dark down here.
318
00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:48,570
- Shh.
- What? Did you hear something?
319
00:12:48,571 --> 00:12:50,605
No, I just want you
to stop talking.
320
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,807
Wait, I think
I found the lights.
321
00:12:54,577 --> 00:12:56,511
Wh-What is that?
322
00:12:56,545 --> 00:12:57,962
Aw, sweet!
It's some kind of lab.
323
00:12:57,997 --> 00:13:00,331
Hey, maybe it has
one of those things that goes...
324
00:13:02,802 --> 00:13:04,402
'Cause that's
important for science.
325
00:13:04,437 --> 00:13:06,004
Look at all this stuff.
326
00:13:06,038 --> 00:13:08,006
Burners, plastic tubing.
327
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,008
12 cases of
cold medicine?
328
00:13:10,042 --> 00:13:11,342
You guys...
329
00:13:11,377 --> 00:13:13,545
I think this is
a meth lab.
330
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:14,546
Oh, my God.
331
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,181
You mean like
as in...
332
00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:18,049
D-R-U-G-S?
333
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:20,885
Aren't those
I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
334
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:21,886
What's going on?
335
00:13:21,921 --> 00:13:23,254
What are you guys
talking about?
336
00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:25,457
Uh-oh, someone's
getting cranky.
337
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,475
I think he
needs an N-A-P.
338
00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:29,244
What's happening?
Where are you taking me?
339
00:13:29,278 --> 00:13:30,995
Man, I got to crack this code.
340
00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:37,741
Oh, my God!
341
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,576
You guys, there's
a fully functional meth lab
342
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,911
in our basement.
343
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,513
Boy, we should
clean this place up.
344
00:13:42,547 --> 00:13:43,981
It's a meth.
345
00:13:44,015 --> 00:13:45,282
Brian?
346
00:13:45,317 --> 00:13:46,617
Oh, right, you're at college.
347
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,885
We have to call
the police.
348
00:13:47,919 --> 00:13:49,019
Whoa, whoa,
hang on, Lois.
349
00:13:49,054 --> 00:13:50,287
Now, I know you're
freaked out,
350
00:13:50,322 --> 00:13:52,222
but when you really stop
and think about it,
351
00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:54,191
this meth lab is our
family's best chance
352
00:13:54,225 --> 00:13:55,693
to make meth in a lab.
353
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,661
What... what are you
talking about, Peter?
354
00:13:57,696 --> 00:13:59,163
I'm talking about
saving the farm.
355
00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:00,531
Don't you see?
356
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:02,967
This lab is just what we need
to get back on our feet.
357
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:04,201
No way, Peter.
358
00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:05,536
Dealing drugs
is morally wrong,
359
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:07,838
not to mention
incredibly dangerous.
360
00:14:07,872 --> 00:14:09,440
Come on, we've always
been risk takers.
361
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,741
You remember
when we did it
362
00:14:10,775 --> 00:14:12,409
in the bathroom at
that restaurant?
363
00:14:12,444 --> 00:14:14,511
I can't believe
we're actually gonna do this.
364
00:14:14,546 --> 00:14:18,649
Yeah. You go in first,
and I'll go in a minute.
365
00:14:23,088 --> 00:14:24,521
Oh, wow!
366
00:14:24,556 --> 00:14:26,090
Oh, my God!
367
00:14:26,124 --> 00:14:28,475
Oh, this is amazing!
368
00:14:31,513 --> 00:14:33,781
You dirty girl.
369
00:14:33,815 --> 00:14:36,250
Peter, I haven't
left yet.
370
00:14:36,284 --> 00:14:39,086
You sick whore.
371
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,481
Look, it'd just be
temporary, Lois.
372
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:43,357
Just for a bit, just till we
get the farm back on its feet.
373
00:14:43,391 --> 00:14:45,492
Till we get our family
back on its feet.
374
00:14:45,527 --> 00:14:46,960
I don't know...
Lois, we've always
375
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,096
given our family
whatever it needs.
376
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:51,198
Well, right now,
our family needs us
377
00:14:51,232 --> 00:14:53,751
to sell illegal drugs to
the tank top community.
378
00:14:53,785 --> 00:14:55,019
What do you say?
379
00:14:57,822 --> 00:15:00,958
All right, Peter, we can make
one meth, and that's it.
380
00:15:00,992 --> 00:15:03,961
And it's only because I don't
see any other way out of this.
381
00:15:03,995 --> 00:15:05,029
Thanks, Lois.
382
00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:06,663
Oh, this is gonna
work out great.
383
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,866
Hey, are you guys
gonna feed us anytime soon?
384
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,968
No, sorry, we're
doing meth stuff now.
385
00:15:11,002 --> 00:15:12,269
I'll eat that.
386
00:15:12,303 --> 00:15:14,505
You just got clean.
387
00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:19,877
Everyone, now that
I'm a meth dealer,
388
00:15:19,911 --> 00:15:22,463
I'm going to respond
violently to outside noises
389
00:15:22,497 --> 00:15:23,997
that the rest of
you don't hear.
390
00:15:24,032 --> 00:15:25,315
Uh, okay, Peter,
but I...
391
00:15:25,350 --> 00:15:27,267
What was that?!
392
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,286
Dad, I think that
was just a cricket.
393
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,287
Then what the hell was that?!
394
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:31,655
That was just
me saying,
395
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:32,990
"That was just
a cricket."
396
00:15:33,024 --> 00:15:33,991
Dad, settle down.
397
00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:35,893
There's no one
out there, Peter.
398
00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:37,344
You sure?
399
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:39,012
Yeah, yeah, you're right,
it's probably just a--
400
00:15:39,046 --> 00:15:40,381
Did you guys lock the truck?!
401
00:15:40,415 --> 00:15:41,615
Dad, we don't
even have a...
402
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,667
What the hell is
going on out there?!
403
00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:44,835
Come on out,
whoever you are!
404
00:15:44,869 --> 00:15:46,036
I want to show my kids
405
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,671
what it looks like
when a bitch dies!
406
00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:48,839
Peter, there's
no one there.
407
00:15:48,873 --> 00:15:50,240
Well, maybe I
should just fire
408
00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:52,309
a couple of rounds
into the darkness.
409
00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:56,246
Don't hear those
crickets no more.
410
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:58,082
I'm not...
gonna make it.
411
00:15:58,116 --> 00:15:59,750
You hang in there,
you hear me?
412
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:00,951
Listen to me.
413
00:16:00,985 --> 00:16:02,986
I want you to take
care of my kids.
414
00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:04,388
I will.
415
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:08,525
And I want you to be there
whenever there's a bad joke.
416
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,762
Let them know.
Let them know.
417
00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:14,848
Gee, I hope I didn't
scare the cows.
418
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:17,217
I don't want to put
them in a bad mood.
419
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:26,293
What's that, Dad?
420
00:16:26,327 --> 00:16:28,495
It's my new meth
distribution system.
421
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,797
I've trained this
carrier pigeon
422
00:16:29,831 --> 00:16:31,448
to do all my deliveries for me.
423
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:32,866
Fly away, Benjamin!
424
00:16:34,652 --> 00:16:36,086
Ah, perfect, perfect.
425
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,255
Now this is the money
I owe Peter.
426
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,574
I want you
to take it back to him.
427
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:41,625
Do you understand?
428
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:45,779
♪ Round and round
429
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,731
♪ With love, we'll find...
430
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:53,470
Yes, hello, I'd like to buy
400 blister packs of Actifed,
431
00:16:53,505 --> 00:16:55,772
or similar pseudoephedrine-based
decongestant.
432
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:56,840
Why?
433
00:16:56,875 --> 00:16:59,510
I have a cold.
434
00:16:59,544 --> 00:17:00,878
Achoo.
435
00:17:00,912 --> 00:17:03,213
Hang on, let me
check something.
436
00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:09,203
Okay, you're fine.
437
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,704
Be right back.
438
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:11,805
Well done, Stewie.
439
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,340
That could've gone really wrong.
440
00:17:13,374 --> 00:17:14,942
Like that Kid Rock concert.
441
00:17:14,976 --> 00:17:16,610
♪
442
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,196
Oh, my God, help!
443
00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:20,547
He's having
a heart attack!
444
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,149
Is anyone here
a doctor?!
445
00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:25,018
No way
someone's a doctor here.
446
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,475
Hey, everyone, I'm back!
447
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:32,843
Hello?
448
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,444
What the hell?
449
00:17:40,151 --> 00:17:41,768
Hey, Brian's home!
450
00:17:41,803 --> 00:17:43,637
What the hell
is going on?
451
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,972
Nothing, nothing.
452
00:17:45,006 --> 00:17:46,440
Just working on
a family project.
453
00:17:46,474 --> 00:17:47,708
Getting in some
together time.
454
00:17:47,742 --> 00:17:48,942
I have a crossbow!
455
00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:50,177
Chris has a crossbow.
456
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:52,546
Okay, well, uh...
457
00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:54,314
I'm back
from agricultural school,
458
00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:57,017
and I might have the solution
to our farming trouble.
459
00:17:57,051 --> 00:17:59,002
I brought some
heirloom tomato seeds.
460
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,404
That's nice, Brian.
461
00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:02,506
Here's a new kind of meth
you put in your pee-hole.
462
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,540
Wh-What?
463
00:18:03,575 --> 00:18:04,641
Oh, yeah,
we're meth dealers now.
464
00:18:04,676 --> 00:18:05,642
Yeah, you missed it.
465
00:18:05,677 --> 00:18:07,611
My teeth came in
and then fell out again.
466
00:18:07,645 --> 00:18:09,446
I don't believe this!
Are you guys insane?!
467
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:10,631
We're rich
is what we are!
468
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:11,832
Look at all
that cash, Brian.
469
00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:13,300
He don't get none of that!
470
00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:14,668
He wasn't
here for it!
471
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:15,736
Well, this is just great!
472
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:17,154
I turn my back for a month,
473
00:18:17,188 --> 00:18:18,755
and this place
turns into a drug den!
474
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:22,192
For your information,
it is also a drag queen hangout.
475
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,828
Hey, look, our meth
is on the news!
476
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:26,196
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
477
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:29,132
Our top story: Methamphetamine
is flooding into Quahog
478
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:31,802
in epidemic amounts, and is
believed to be originating
479
00:18:31,836 --> 00:18:34,204
from the nearby
rural community of Farmton.
480
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,906
Farmton-- that's the name
of the place we live.
481
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,040
I forgot to mention
that earlier.
482
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,875
For more on the story,
we now go live
483
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,211
to Asian correspondent
Tricia Takanawa.
484
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,546
Tom, meth is fine!
Everything's fine!
485
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,897
Go back to your own business!
486
00:18:43,932 --> 00:18:45,098
Thanks, Tricia.
487
00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:47,267
She's doing fun things
for me, for money.
488
00:18:47,302 --> 00:18:48,619
Oh, my God.
489
00:18:48,653 --> 00:18:50,587
We're hurting
our own hometown.
490
00:18:50,622 --> 00:18:51,955
All those drugs that are
491
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:54,107
flooding into Quahog
are from us.
492
00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:55,375
Oh, yeah?
493
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:57,477
Well, if we're dealing
so many drugs to Quahog,
494
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,696
why is the Quahog envelope
so light this week?
495
00:18:59,731 --> 00:19:01,415
Yeah, I say
we go down there
496
00:19:01,449 --> 00:19:03,400
and talk to
those people in Quahog.
497
00:19:03,451 --> 00:19:05,719
No! This is
what I'm talking about.
498
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,854
Meth has turned
us into monsters.
499
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:09,856
Lois, take it easy.
No. You know what?
500
00:19:09,891 --> 00:19:11,858
This is my own fault
for listening to you.
501
00:19:11,893 --> 00:19:13,927
I forgot you don't even
know your ass
502
00:19:13,962 --> 00:19:15,629
from a hole
in the ground.
503
00:19:16,648 --> 00:19:19,800
Is that... is that my ass?
504
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,668
Lois, where
the hell you going?
505
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,354
I'm going back home to
Quahog, where I belong.
506
00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:27,224
If any of you want to come
with me, you're welcome to.
507
00:19:27,258 --> 00:19:28,759
First of all,
you sat in something green
508
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,894
and it's on your butt,
so no one's gonna follow you.
509
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,796
And second,
no one's gonna leave a place
510
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:34,031
where there are
tons of beakers
511
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:35,966
for a place where
there are zero beakers.
512
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,467
Peter, don't you see?
513
00:19:37,502 --> 00:19:39,936
We left Quahog because
of the crime problem.
514
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,806
But now we've become
part of that problem.
515
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,708
Yo, what is this bitch
trippin' about?!
516
00:19:44,742 --> 00:19:45,976
Look at our
lives, Peter.
517
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,344
Look at our family.
518
00:19:47,378 --> 00:19:49,513
I don't recognize
us anymore.
519
00:19:49,547 --> 00:19:51,448
It's time to go back
to Spooner Street
520
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,483
and be the
Griffins again.
521
00:19:55,553 --> 00:19:56,953
Let's go, Peter.
522
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,989
Let's go back
to Quahog.
523
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:01,024
But... but what about
this farm?
524
00:20:01,059 --> 00:20:02,326
And this house?
525
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:05,028
And the lab inside the house,
which is currently producing
526
00:20:05,063 --> 00:20:06,863
an incredibly volatile
and explosive batch
527
00:20:06,898 --> 00:20:08,415
of thermo-reactive chemic...
528
00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:18,842
There were a lot of
Rottweilers in that house.
529
00:20:22,213 --> 00:20:24,581
Well, it's good to be
back in our old house.
530
00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:26,683
How did we get this place
back, by the way?
531
00:20:26,718 --> 00:20:28,719
Well, luckily the value
of this place plummeted
532
00:20:28,753 --> 00:20:30,187
because this is
a meth town now.
533
00:20:30,221 --> 00:20:32,255
You know, I think the
lesson here is that
534
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:35,692
if your community has problems,
you don't abandon it.
535
00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:38,512
It's better to stay put and
help fix those problems.
536
00:20:38,546 --> 00:20:40,347
That's right, Lois, 'cause
wherever you run to,
537
00:20:40,381 --> 00:20:42,449
your problems have a
funny way of finding you.
538
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:45,252
Hey, are you guys in there?
539
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,120
Peter, I need a taste!
540
00:20:48,189 --> 00:20:49,429
Oh, my God, it's Jodie Sweetin.
541
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:50,774
Quick, everyone
lie on the floor.
542
00:20:51,672 --> 00:20:54,864
Peter, come on! I've got
Maureen McCormick with me.
543
00:20:54,865 --> 00:20:56,265
She'll let you
finish anywhere.
544
00:20:56,299 --> 00:20:59,414
Okay, everyone hide upstairs.
Daddy's gonna take care of this.
545
00:20:59,415 --> 00:21:04,415
== sync, corrected by elderman ==