1
00:00:01,685 --> 00:00:04,852
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,889 --> 00:00:08,157
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,193 --> 00:00:11,728
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,763 --> 00:00:14,731
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:18,234
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,537
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,573 --> 00:00:23,106
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,141 --> 00:00:24,474
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,509 --> 00:00:25,014
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,015 --> 00:00:29,015
♪ Family Guy 13x18 ♪
Take My Wife
Original Air Date on May 17, 2015
11
00:00:29,016 --> 00:00:35,016
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:36,886
Okay, I call.
What do you got?
13
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,489
Boom. Full house, jokers
over instruction cards.
14
00:00:39,524 --> 00:00:41,557
I do not enjoy
playing with you.
15
00:00:41,593 --> 00:00:43,393
Everything's so silly.
16
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:45,428
You guys, you'll
never guess what.
17
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,397
Randy Jackson was just
a big sea turtle
18
00:00:47,432 --> 00:00:49,065
in human clothes,
we heard.
19
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:51,367
No, we all just booked
a vacation together
20
00:00:51,403 --> 00:00:53,770
to a private resort
in the Bahamas.
21
00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:55,371
Well, that's a lot
of my money,
22
00:00:55,407 --> 00:00:57,006
but I used to have
sex with you,
23
00:00:57,042 --> 00:00:58,341
so that's
the trade-off.
24
00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:00,443
Look, it's not as
expensive as it sounds.
25
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:03,212
We found a great group rate
on a discount Web site.
26
00:01:03,248 --> 00:01:05,014
Wow, the Bahamas.
27
00:01:05,050 --> 00:01:08,251
I can't wait to get down there
and dip my fingers in the water.
28
00:01:08,286 --> 00:01:10,353
Yeah, it'll be awesome
to nail a hotel masseuse
29
00:01:10,388 --> 00:01:12,588
and then watch Nanny
McPhee in the room.
30
00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:13,823
So, when do we leave?
31
00:01:13,858 --> 00:01:15,758
Oh. Sorry, Glenn.
32
00:01:15,794 --> 00:01:17,727
The deal was
for couples only.
33
00:01:17,762 --> 00:01:19,662
I... I'm afraid
you can't come.
34
00:01:19,697 --> 00:01:21,898
All right, fine.
Since you'll all be gone,
35
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:24,600
I'll just walk around my yard
naked, pee anywhere I want.
36
00:01:24,636 --> 00:01:25,768
I don't care.
37
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:32,875
I think it's great
that Peter and Lois
38
00:01:32,911 --> 00:01:34,243
are getting away together.
39
00:01:34,279 --> 00:01:36,746
Yeah, I think Dad's actually
kind of excited about it.
40
00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:39,415
Yes, very. He even bought
some sort of language tapes,
41
00:01:39,451 --> 00:01:41,818
although I don't think
he's using them properly.
42
00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:43,820
I would like
to hear the specials.
43
00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:48,224
I would like to
hear the specials.
44
00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:51,494
Where is the Eiffel Tower?
45
00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:53,396
I would rather
hear the specials.
46
00:01:56,101 --> 00:01:57,433
I'm sorry I'm late.
47
00:01:57,469 --> 00:02:00,136
I shoved an employee at Wendy's
and they called the cops.
48
00:02:00,171 --> 00:02:02,939
You got to warn somebody before
you hand him a square burger.
49
00:02:02,974 --> 00:02:05,641
Thanks again for watching the
kids while we're gone, Daddy.
50
00:02:05,677 --> 00:02:07,157
Yeah, but how come
Babs couldn't come?
51
00:02:07,178 --> 00:02:10,046
Oh, she wanted to be here, but
she got hired to be the stuffy
52
00:02:10,081 --> 00:02:13,916
old woman who slowly comes
around to it in a rap video.
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00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:17,720
I'm so glad the times
are not changing.
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00:02:17,755 --> 00:02:20,756
♪ You a bitch and a ho
and a ho and a bitch ♪
55
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:24,427
My garden party has been ruined.
56
00:02:24,462 --> 00:02:28,431
But I'm beginning
to tap my foot.
57
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:33,469
All right, I know most of you
haven't traveled with me,
58
00:02:33,505 --> 00:02:35,538
but get ready to see
a lot of airport elevators
59
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:37,373
you didn't know existed.
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00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,609
Hey, guys. Say, Lois, I-I
know you said this trip
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00:02:39,644 --> 00:02:41,410
was couples only,
but great news.
62
00:02:41,446 --> 00:02:42,812
We're now
a couple.
63
00:02:42,847 --> 00:02:44,614
Oh. Who's this?
64
00:02:44,649 --> 00:02:46,682
This is Kimmie.
I met her in a pop-up window
65
00:02:46,718 --> 00:02:48,584
on the Internet.
She was in my area.
66
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,153
Hi. Peter Griffin,
all but separated.
67
00:02:50,188 --> 00:02:51,420
Oh, right on.
68
00:02:51,456 --> 00:02:53,890
All right, well,
I suppose I could look into
69
00:02:53,925 --> 00:02:55,558
adding you two
to the reservation.
70
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,660
Yeah, you guys
should definitely come.
71
00:02:57,695 --> 00:02:59,162
Yeah, this
is gonna be awesome.
72
00:02:59,197 --> 00:03:00,263
Relax, Peter.
73
00:03:00,298 --> 00:03:01,931
Geez, I haven't
seen you this excited
74
00:03:01,966 --> 00:03:04,734
since you got that letter
sent by carrier owl.
75
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,737
Oh, my God. Is this my
acceptance to Hogwarts?
76
00:03:07,772 --> 00:03:09,739
No, it's a letter
asking you
77
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,641
to stop throwing rocks
at my nest.
78
00:03:11,676 --> 00:03:14,343
You hit one of my kids,
and now he can't fly right.
79
00:03:14,379 --> 00:03:16,979
Well, fine, then I'll just
throw rocks at the hornets.
80
00:03:18,983 --> 00:03:20,716
He told me to do it.
81
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,058
And thus began
the Thousand Year War
82
00:03:29,093 --> 00:03:31,260
between the avians
and the insects.
83
00:03:31,296 --> 00:03:34,096
It was a brutal war,
it was a bitter war.
84
00:03:34,132 --> 00:03:37,600
And most importantly, it was
a visually spectacular war.
85
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,303
Attack!
86
00:03:40,338 --> 00:03:43,005
Charge!
87
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:47,677
Sorry, I'm being told this
would be very expensive
88
00:03:47,712 --> 00:03:50,112
to animate, so instead,
here's some stock footage
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00:03:50,148 --> 00:03:52,315
of an old plane
trying to take off.
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00:03:55,687 --> 00:03:58,487
They didn't have enough wings.
91
00:04:05,296 --> 00:04:08,130
♪ ♪
92
00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:18,074
Oh, my God, this
place is gorgeous.
93
00:04:18,109 --> 00:04:21,277
Yeah, I can't wait to puke up
a club sandwich in the pool.
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00:04:21,312 --> 00:04:24,046
Hello, couples.
My name is Noel,
95
00:04:24,082 --> 00:04:26,449
and welcome
to Pleasant Surroundings.
96
00:04:29,921 --> 00:04:33,155
Something about black people
wearing all-white clothes--
97
00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:35,458
it's very peaceful.
98
00:04:35,493 --> 00:04:38,628
We have a special beach barbecue
planned for you tonight,
99
00:04:38,663 --> 00:04:41,864
but in the meantime, please
enjoy all our amenities.
100
00:04:41,899 --> 00:04:45,067
We will. Come on, girls, let's
go wear big floppy sun hats
101
00:04:45,103 --> 00:04:47,403
in the pool and then
be mad when they get wet.
102
00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:49,272
Yeah, I'm gonna hit
the pool soon, myself.
103
00:04:49,307 --> 00:04:52,308
Got to let the lifeguard know
he better keep an eye on me.
104
00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:59,715
I'm here a whole week, pal.
105
00:05:04,522 --> 00:05:07,657
Hey, Brian, check it
out-- HotOrNot.com.
106
00:05:07,692 --> 00:05:09,992
- Ten.
- One.
107
00:05:10,028 --> 00:05:11,494
Ten.
One.
108
00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:13,029
Five.
Five.
109
00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,697
Hey, I just made
black coffee
110
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,900
in an old tin pan.
Who wants some?
111
00:05:17,935 --> 00:05:19,735
No one? What's wrong
with you people?
112
00:05:19,771 --> 00:05:22,371
Dick Fosbury won
an Olympics on this.
113
00:05:22,407 --> 00:05:23,806
Well, say, this is pretty neat.
114
00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,876
I brought you kids an old seed
packet I found in my garage.
115
00:05:26,911 --> 00:05:29,078
I know what you got
your fingers crossed for,
116
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:30,946
and yes,
they're persimmons.
117
00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:34,784
All right, that's it.
118
00:05:34,819 --> 00:05:37,486
Damn it, I tried two things
that all kids love:
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00:05:37,522 --> 00:05:38,754
coffee and
old seed packets.
120
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,656
And all any of you
can do is stare
121
00:05:40,692 --> 00:05:43,025
at those Game Boy machines!
I'm sick of it!
122
00:05:43,061 --> 00:05:46,228
In fact, for the rest
of the week, no more screens.
123
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:48,898
I'm locking those things up.
Wait, you what?
124
00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,499
Oh, come on, what the hell?
Aw...
125
00:05:50,535 --> 00:05:52,168
Aw, but what...?!
That's right,
126
00:05:52,203 --> 00:05:54,643
I'm gonna show you kids how to
have fun the old-fashioned way,
127
00:05:54,672 --> 00:05:56,305
like I did when
I was a kid.
128
00:05:56,341 --> 00:05:58,107
But I can't live
without my laptop.
129
00:05:58,142 --> 00:06:00,042
How else am I supposed
to get my degree
130
00:06:00,078 --> 00:06:01,777
from the University
of Phoenix?
131
00:06:01,813 --> 00:06:03,212
Credit card information.
132
00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:04,580
And submit.
133
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,949
And I'm a lawyer.
134
00:06:06,984 --> 00:06:09,719
We find the defendant
guilty of murder.
135
00:06:09,754 --> 00:06:11,587
Sorry.
136
00:06:16,761 --> 00:06:18,728
Oh, hey, you guys.
137
00:06:18,763 --> 00:06:20,496
Uh, Quagmire, I don't think
you can go to dinner
138
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:21,531
in your swimsuit.
139
00:06:21,566 --> 00:06:22,965
And what the hell
happened to you?
140
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,900
Oh, Kimmie and I
fell asleep on the beach.
141
00:06:24,936 --> 00:06:27,069
Yeah, I think
you better change.
142
00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,105
Okay, we'll be down
in a minute.
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00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:32,007
Welcome, everyone.
144
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,442
I hope you enjoyed
your afternoon,
145
00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,578
but now it's time
to get to work.
146
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,613
On the rippin'
and the tearin'?
147
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:41,283
Even better. We're going
to work on your relationships.
148
00:06:41,319 --> 00:06:43,352
After all,
this isn't just a vacation,
149
00:06:43,388 --> 00:06:45,421
it's a couples
counseling retreat.
150
00:06:45,456 --> 00:06:46,956
Oh, what the hell?!
151
00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:48,457
Sorry, Peter.
152
00:06:48,493 --> 00:06:50,826
We had to trick you guys
or you wouldn't have come.
153
00:06:50,862 --> 00:06:52,228
No. You can't
make me.
154
00:06:52,263 --> 00:06:54,964
I'll get hit with a coconut
so I lose my memory of this.
155
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,734
Aah! I remember
everything!
156
00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:01,303
I was abused
by my dad!
157
00:07:08,110 --> 00:07:09,976
Lois, I can't believe
you tricked us
158
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,045
into coming on a couples
counseling retreat.
159
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,913
I do not like
being lied to.
160
00:07:13,949 --> 00:07:16,316
Me neither.
I mean, wives conspiring
161
00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:18,118
against their husbands.
What's next, huh?
162
00:07:18,153 --> 00:07:20,754
Freakin' Cheney
back in the White House?
163
00:07:20,789 --> 00:07:23,523
Hmm, that didn't link up.
164
00:07:23,558 --> 00:07:25,358
Trust me,
you won't regret this.
165
00:07:25,394 --> 00:07:29,029
I'll see you all in the morning
for our first session.
166
00:07:29,064 --> 00:07:30,764
Sheesh, couples counseling?
167
00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:33,767
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to anyone.
168
00:07:33,802 --> 00:07:37,537
Wives, huh?
He gets it.
169
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:43,610
Hey there,
buckaroos!
170
00:07:43,645 --> 00:07:45,311
Who's ready for
some old-timey fun?
171
00:07:45,347 --> 00:07:47,681
I thought we could go down
to the old swimmin' hole
172
00:07:47,716 --> 00:07:48,948
and swim in a hole.
173
00:07:48,984 --> 00:07:50,784
Ugh.
That sounds lame.
174
00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:51,851
Who-whose hole is it?
175
00:07:51,887 --> 00:07:53,453
I'm potentially in.
176
00:07:53,488 --> 00:07:55,855
Grandpa, can I just
have my video games back?
177
00:07:55,891 --> 00:07:57,524
I want to play
Call of Duty.
178
00:07:57,559 --> 00:08:00,493
Oh, I've got the original
Call of Duty right here.
179
00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:03,296
It's called jacks.
180
00:08:03,331 --> 00:08:04,798
Got one!
181
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:07,267
Will I get two?
Come get in on this.
182
00:08:07,302 --> 00:08:09,803
Wait, this-this game
is cleaning up toys?
183
00:08:09,838 --> 00:08:11,805
Carter, read the room.
They're not into it.
184
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,073
All right,
fair enough.
185
00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:14,174
I just don't want
you kids sitting
186
00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:16,242
around here glued
to your screens.
187
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:19,312
So let's get the blood pumping
with my Jack LaLanne record.
188
00:08:23,351 --> 00:08:24,784
Bend to the left.
189
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,586
Bend to the right.
190
00:08:26,621 --> 00:08:28,188
Get the big spring.
191
00:08:28,223 --> 00:08:30,023
Stretch the
big spring.
192
00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:31,858
Stop to smoke.
193
00:08:31,893 --> 00:08:33,526
Get a big towel.
194
00:08:33,562 --> 00:08:35,195
Put it behind
your neck.
195
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:36,996
Tuck it in
your shirt.
196
00:08:37,032 --> 00:08:38,798
Looks like boobs.
197
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,533
Put on a wig.
198
00:08:40,569 --> 00:08:42,435
Dance with a man.
199
00:08:42,471 --> 00:08:44,037
Don't tell your wife.
200
00:08:44,072 --> 00:08:46,239
Take it to your grave.
201
00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:48,775
Okay, good workout.
202
00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:51,177
I got to go call
somebody and hang up.
203
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:58,084
All right, our first
counseling exercise will be
204
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,221
speaking to each other
with "I feel" statements.
205
00:09:01,256 --> 00:09:02,856
Lois, please begin.
206
00:09:02,891 --> 00:09:06,259
I feel
unappreciated,
207
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:08,428
like you don't want
to spend time with me.
208
00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:12,198
Okay. I feel a numbness
radiating down my left arm.
209
00:09:12,234 --> 00:09:15,535
I feel like you should help
out more around the house.
210
00:09:15,570 --> 00:09:17,904
I feel like salty and sweet.
211
00:09:17,939 --> 00:09:20,173
You got white chocolate
French fries?
212
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:22,175
I feel like my cervix hurts.
213
00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:24,377
I feel pride.
214
00:09:26,448 --> 00:09:28,047
Okay, for our next exercise,
215
00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:30,216
let's play
The Oldlywed Game.
216
00:09:30,252 --> 00:09:33,253
Relax,
it's just a questionnaire.
217
00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:35,723
Really?
218
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:38,258
Whatever, I like
likin' things.
219
00:09:38,293 --> 00:09:40,393
Peter, when
is Lois's birthday?
220
00:09:40,428 --> 00:09:42,362
Uh, let's see, when
is Hitler's birthday?
221
00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:43,863
April 20.
222
00:09:43,899 --> 00:09:46,566
Wow. Okay, Noel.
Yikes.
223
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,668
Joe, what is Bonnie's
favorite food?
224
00:09:48,703 --> 00:09:50,103
Well, she must like
ground glass,
225
00:09:50,138 --> 00:09:52,272
because I keep
finding it in my food.
226
00:09:52,307 --> 00:09:53,940
Cleveland...
Pass.
227
00:09:53,975 --> 00:09:56,409
Quagmire, what color
are Kimmie's eyes?
228
00:09:56,444 --> 00:09:58,478
Shaved.
Sor-sorry, what-what is it?
229
00:09:58,513 --> 00:09:59,879
What's the question?
230
00:10:04,886 --> 00:10:07,520
Okay, last night I did some
personality assessments
231
00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:09,756
based on yesterday's session,
and what I found
232
00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:11,257
was none of
you couples
233
00:10:11,293 --> 00:10:13,626
are compatible with
each other at all.
234
00:10:17,098 --> 00:10:18,932
No, no, no, that's
not a good thing.
235
00:10:18,967 --> 00:10:21,334
But, interestingly,
you have high compatibility
236
00:10:21,369 --> 00:10:23,069
with other people
in this group.
237
00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:24,904
Oh, my God.
That is crazy.
238
00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:26,806
More mac and cheese.
Here, just keep it going.
239
00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:28,408
Keep it going... don't be
afraid of the burned edges.
240
00:10:28,443 --> 00:10:29,443
Just give me the tray.
241
00:10:29,444 --> 00:10:30,543
Wait, so what happened?
242
00:10:30,579 --> 00:10:32,579
Anyway, I'd like
to do an exercise.
243
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:34,614
Just for the morning,
you'll all be paired
244
00:10:34,649 --> 00:10:36,082
with your
more compatible match.
245
00:10:36,117 --> 00:10:38,017
And hopefully,
you'll bring some lessons back
246
00:10:38,053 --> 00:10:40,486
from that experience
into your marriages.
247
00:10:40,522 --> 00:10:42,455
Okay, so the new
couple pairings
248
00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:44,524
are as follows:
Cleveland and Lois...
249
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:48,394
Oh, cool! My FICO score
just went up a hundred points.
250
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,129
...Quagmire
and Bonnie,
251
00:10:50,165 --> 00:10:51,798
Joe and Donna,
252
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,199
and Peter
and Kimmie.
253
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,768
Yay! I win
couples counseling!
254
00:11:01,376 --> 00:11:03,676
Look at those
hairless shins.
255
00:11:03,712 --> 00:11:05,178
They're magnificent.
256
00:11:05,213 --> 00:11:06,813
Decades of black
dress socks
257
00:11:06,848 --> 00:11:09,282
have rendered them
smooth and mirror-like.
258
00:11:09,317 --> 00:11:11,484
Grandpa, what are we
even doing out here?
259
00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:13,453
Looking for shapes
in the clouds.
260
00:11:13,488 --> 00:11:15,922
That one looks like the Thompson
Throat Lozenge girl!
261
00:11:15,957 --> 00:11:18,157
See? She's got the boater on
and everything!
262
00:11:18,193 --> 00:11:20,126
I'm bored. Can't we
do something else?
263
00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:21,995
Well, back when
I was your age,
264
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,197
there was nothing better
than knocking on doors
265
00:11:24,232 --> 00:11:26,633
and throwing paper bags
full of flour at people.
266
00:11:26,668 --> 00:11:28,902
That's a thing?
What, flour facin'?
267
00:11:28,937 --> 00:11:31,471
It's the best thing!
We used it to keep Italians
268
00:11:31,506 --> 00:11:34,207
from going to the polls.
269
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:39,145
Stay home today, Guido!
270
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:44,150
Yay! Old-fashioned things
are the best!
271
00:11:48,857 --> 00:11:51,257
♪ Every girl wants you ♪
272
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,793
♪ To be her man ♪
273
00:11:53,828 --> 00:11:55,895
♪ But I'll wait, my dear ♪
274
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:58,765
♪ Till it's my turn ♪
275
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,634
♪ I'm not the kind of girl ♪
276
00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:06,372
♪ Who gives up just like that ♪
277
00:12:06,408 --> 00:12:08,975
♪ Oh, no.. . ♪
278
00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,777
♪ The tide is high ♪
279
00:12:10,812 --> 00:12:13,813
♪ But I'm holding on ♪
280
00:12:13,848 --> 00:12:16,382
♪ I'm gonna be your ♪
281
00:12:16,418 --> 00:12:18,918
♪ Number one ♪
282
00:12:18,954 --> 00:12:20,920
♪ Number ♪
283
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,790
♪ One ♪
284
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:26,192
♪ Number ♪
285
00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:28,261
♪ One ♪
286
00:12:28,296 --> 00:12:30,563
♪ Num... ♪
287
00:12:30,598 --> 00:12:32,932
So, this is the second vacation
that I've watched
288
00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:34,567
every Jurassic Park.
289
00:12:34,602 --> 00:12:36,836
Peter, you're awesome.
You're so funny.
290
00:12:36,871 --> 00:12:38,871
Hey, Kimmie, I'll pay you
a thousand dollars
291
00:12:38,907 --> 00:12:40,974
for one whole handful
of your butt.
292
00:12:41,009 --> 00:12:43,042
For two handfuls,
I'll give you my car.
293
00:12:43,078 --> 00:12:44,444
All right,
that's enough!
294
00:12:44,479 --> 00:12:45,878
I have had it, Peter!
295
00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:48,047
So, how are the new
pairings working out?
296
00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:50,049
Are you all gaining
lots of insights?
297
00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:51,484
No! I can see now
298
00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:53,686
that coming here
was a huge mistake!
299
00:12:53,722 --> 00:12:55,355
You're hopeless, Peter!
300
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,056
Your feet look old.
301
00:12:57,092 --> 00:12:59,025
This retreat is over!
302
00:12:59,060 --> 00:13:01,728
Fire up the boat--
we're going home!
303
00:13:04,165 --> 00:13:05,898
Mrs. Griffin, please,
304
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:07,333
I urge you to finish
the program.
305
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,668
No, thank you.
306
00:13:08,703 --> 00:13:10,203
I never should've
come here.
307
00:13:10,238 --> 00:13:11,871
Or at least
not with him.
308
00:13:11,906 --> 00:13:13,373
Is there anything
I can do to change...
309
00:13:20,115 --> 00:13:21,514
Oh, my God!
310
00:13:21,549 --> 00:13:23,383
We're taking this
island back.
311
00:13:23,418 --> 00:13:26,319
Yeah! Kill the whites!
Race war!
312
00:13:26,354 --> 00:13:27,453
(grunts
313
00:13:28,456 --> 00:13:30,523
Run! Everybody run!
314
00:13:40,902 --> 00:13:42,535
What the hell is happening?!
315
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,270
Somebody do something!
316
00:13:46,574 --> 00:13:50,143
Look! We got to get
the attention of that plane!
317
00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:01,754
You got to help us!
318
00:14:07,459 --> 00:14:09,425
Man, those natives
are pissed!
319
00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:11,427
This is like
a full-blown revolution!
320
00:14:11,463 --> 00:14:14,163
Do you think me throwing
full sodas into the garbage
321
00:14:14,199 --> 00:14:16,266
had anything
to do with this?
322
00:14:18,236 --> 00:14:20,236
Quick!
Into the jungle!
323
00:14:25,277 --> 00:14:27,143
What are we gonna do?
324
00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:29,145
Wait a minute-- yesterday,
near the north beach,
325
00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:31,147
I saw a small
landing strip, giggity.
326
00:14:31,182 --> 00:14:34,083
It might be our best chance
to get off, giggity, the island.
327
00:14:34,119 --> 00:14:36,753
Did you really see that,
or was it just an excuse
328
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:37,800
to say "giggity"?
329
00:14:37,824 --> 00:14:39,523
I don't know, baby--
I'm crazy with the heat.
330
00:14:39,524 --> 00:14:40,990
Take your pants off.
331
00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:42,859
Oh, my God,
this is legit ridic.
332
00:14:42,894 --> 00:14:44,360
I got to post this.
333
00:14:44,396 --> 00:14:48,097
Josh Radnor's
twitter feed is so funny!
334
00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:49,766
That's impossible.
335
00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,768
Geez, coming here
was a bad idea.
336
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,604
Like when I brought
museum behavior into my home.
337
00:15:01,613 --> 00:15:04,781
Excuse me, we do ask that
you don't touch anything.
338
00:15:11,456 --> 00:15:13,856
I got to say, Carter,
you've done a good job.
339
00:15:13,892 --> 00:15:15,625
We'd become slaves
to our electronics.
340
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,660
But you know what
we're doing here?
341
00:15:17,696 --> 00:15:19,128
We're reclaiming
our lives.
342
00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:21,331
You're kind of an egghead,
aren't you, Brian?
343
00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:24,567
Vroom! Everyone on this plane
is wearing a suit.
344
00:15:24,602 --> 00:15:26,102
Say, that reminds me.
345
00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:28,237
Everyone,
time to dress for dinner.
346
00:15:28,273 --> 00:15:30,173
Ooh! I want to light
the candles, Pop-Pop!
347
00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:32,108
Oh, boy,
I haven't had this much fun
348
00:15:32,143 --> 00:15:34,410
since I played
with that Bublé wrap.
349
00:15:34,446 --> 00:15:36,512
MICHAEL BUBLE-STYLE SINGER (with
♪ I... just... ♪
350
00:15:36,548 --> 00:15:38,715
♪ Haven't met you yet ♪
351
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:39,882
Oh, cool!
352
00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:41,751
♪ Your mom thinks of me ♪
353
00:15:41,786 --> 00:15:43,653
♪ When she's doing your dad ♪
354
00:15:43,688 --> 00:15:44,887
What?
355
00:15:44,923 --> 00:15:47,523
♪ Seriously,
I drive older woman nuts ♪
356
00:15:47,559 --> 00:15:49,258
♪ I can make your ♪
357
00:15:49,294 --> 00:15:51,294
♪ Mom and aunt kiss... ♪
358
00:15:51,329 --> 00:15:54,297
This is a very skeevy
packing product.
359
00:15:57,602 --> 00:15:59,569
Oh, my God, this is bad.
360
00:15:59,604 --> 00:16:01,871
I know. If we die,
what's gonna happen
361
00:16:01,906 --> 00:16:03,606
to my mail?
What?
362
00:16:03,641 --> 00:16:06,442
I'm just sayin', how's the post office
supposed to know?
363
00:16:06,478 --> 00:16:08,978
And my DVR!
It'll be full in a week!
364
00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:10,813
I record Ellen every day!
365
00:16:10,849 --> 00:16:13,015
I know I shouldn't,
but whenever she dances,
366
00:16:13,051 --> 00:16:16,419
I'm like, "Go ahead, girl,
it's your world!"
367
00:16:16,454 --> 00:16:18,588
I heard she gay.
368
00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:21,691
Well, it seems like
we're pretty talked out.
369
00:16:23,328 --> 00:16:27,263
Thanks for changing your mind
about drowning me in that river.
370
00:16:31,202 --> 00:16:33,403
Hey. Did you see
those pictures of me
371
00:16:33,438 --> 00:16:35,338
doing ducklips
by a pool?
372
00:16:35,373 --> 00:16:37,373
I don't know,
some island.
373
00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:38,409
Shh!
374
00:16:40,478 --> 00:16:42,645
You rebel scum!
375
00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:46,649
Ah, you're too young.
You don't know.
376
00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:54,424
So, how did you guys
get captured?
377
00:16:54,459 --> 00:16:56,426
Quagmire screams
when he urinates.
378
00:16:56,461 --> 00:16:57,794
How about you?
379
00:16:57,829 --> 00:17:00,563
Cleveland kept stopping
to scratch his back on trees.
380
00:17:00,598 --> 00:17:02,331
Lois don't
do it right.
381
00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:03,599
Come here, baby.
382
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,635
You need them Lee Press-Ons.
383
00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:07,537
Mmm. There it is.
384
00:17:07,572 --> 00:17:09,071
Mmm.
385
00:17:11,576 --> 00:17:12,642
Ah, Peter!
386
00:17:12,677 --> 00:17:14,477
I was so worried
about you.
387
00:17:14,512 --> 00:17:17,547
Lois, when we got captured,
I said, "You rebel scum,"
388
00:17:17,582 --> 00:17:19,549
and Kimmie didn't get it.
389
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:20,650
That's funny!
390
00:17:20,685 --> 00:17:22,151
From The Star Wars!
391
00:17:22,187 --> 00:17:25,755
Well, just Star Wars.
But I missed you, sweetheart!
392
00:17:25,790 --> 00:17:27,824
Why are you doing this?
Let us go!
393
00:17:27,859 --> 00:17:30,827
Every year we have to deal
with you American tourists!
394
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:34,063
Stuffing your slob faces,
taking video you'll never watch,
395
00:17:34,098 --> 00:17:37,333
and asking if I'm
the Captain Phillips guy.
396
00:17:37,368 --> 00:17:38,801
I'm not!
397
00:17:38,837 --> 00:17:40,703
Take the couples out,
two by two,
398
00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:42,271
and execute them.
399
00:17:46,010 --> 00:17:47,310
Oh, my God!
400
00:17:47,345 --> 00:17:50,746
Well, at least I ain't going out
with a itchy back.
401
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,786
Oh, no!
This is terrible!
402
00:17:56,821 --> 00:17:59,989
Now, now, maybe
they just shot Donna twice.
403
00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:02,658
Bonnie, quick,
lock my wheels!
404
00:18:02,694 --> 00:18:05,027
We don't have
to make it easy for them!
405
00:18:08,733 --> 00:18:12,802
Scuffin' up those floors
pretty good!
406
00:18:15,173 --> 00:18:17,340
Boy, they're really
going at Donna.
407
00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:21,544
Any last words?
408
00:18:21,579 --> 00:18:23,079
Moist.
409
00:18:26,851 --> 00:18:31,053
Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry
I lied to get you to come here.
410
00:18:31,089 --> 00:18:33,189
I should've been
honest with you.
411
00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:35,625
Please forgive me?
I do, Lois.
412
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:38,761
I know you were just trying
to do something good for our marriage.
413
00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:42,131
And I'm sorry I've been
such a jerk about it.
414
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,466
I need you, Lois.
415
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:44,634
I always will.
416
00:18:44,669 --> 00:18:47,303
And if I got to get shot
by ooga-booga people,
417
00:18:47,338 --> 00:18:49,205
I want it to happen
with you.
418
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,740
Oh, Peter.
419
00:18:56,681 --> 00:18:59,048
I love you so much, Lois.
420
00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:00,716
I love you,
too, Peter.
421
00:19:00,752 --> 00:19:02,718
Lois, I think
you should know,
422
00:19:02,754 --> 00:19:05,454
I never cared for your
most recent haircut.
423
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:08,190
Peter, I've had the same
haircut for 20 years.
424
00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:09,559
We're ready now.
425
00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:19,035
Congratulations,
Griffins-- you did it!
426
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,270
You've successfully
completed the program.
427
00:19:21,306 --> 00:19:22,505
What?!
What?!
428
00:19:24,909 --> 00:19:27,743
We just found out, too!
The whole thing was staged.
429
00:19:27,779 --> 00:19:30,079
Noel dying,
the uprising, all of it.
430
00:19:30,114 --> 00:19:32,815
Oh-ho, that's what they
meant on their Web site:
431
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,651
"Staged Revolution
Marital Counseling."
432
00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:37,653
It all makes sense.
433
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,891
Yes, sorry to deceive you all,
434
00:19:41,926 --> 00:19:44,093
but we find that when couples
don't respond
435
00:19:44,128 --> 00:19:46,796
to traditional counseling,
the stress of extreme danger
436
00:19:46,831 --> 00:19:49,532
reminds them of what
matters most in their lives--
437
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:51,567
their love for each other.
438
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,603
I feel like I
should be mad, but...
439
00:19:53,638 --> 00:19:54,837
I guess you're right.
440
00:19:54,872 --> 00:19:56,939
Lois and I have
never felt closer.
441
00:19:56,975 --> 00:19:59,342
And I did get to kill a guy.
What?!
442
00:19:59,377 --> 00:20:00,943
Thanks for
everything, Noel.
443
00:20:06,017 --> 00:20:07,750
Well, kids,
it's Dyngus Day.
444
00:20:07,785 --> 00:20:09,552
Here are your
pussy willow branches.
445
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:11,754
Find your sweetie
and give her a tap.
446
00:20:11,789 --> 00:20:14,824
Looks like I found
my sweetie.
447
00:20:14,859 --> 00:20:16,058
Oh, sarsaparilla!
448
00:20:16,094 --> 00:20:18,060
I was going to take sister!
449
00:20:18,096 --> 00:20:20,162
Hey, you little rats.
450
00:20:20,198 --> 00:20:22,064
All right, Lois, let's
just leave our bags here
451
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,433
and wonder where our clothes
are for the next two days.
452
00:20:24,469 --> 00:20:25,868
How was your trip, Father?
453
00:20:25,903 --> 00:20:27,536
We've prepared
a song for you.
454
00:20:27,572 --> 00:20:28,804
Nope.
455
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,973
Ah, boy, it's nice
to be home.
456
00:20:31,009 --> 00:20:33,876
Sure is, Lois.
Now, shush. TV.
457
00:20:33,911 --> 00:20:35,711
Television?
How pathetic.
458
00:20:35,747 --> 00:20:37,046
Yeah.
459
00:20:37,081 --> 00:20:39,682
You know where the
most interesting stuff is, Dad?
460
00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:41,651
The human hat.
461
00:20:41,686 --> 00:20:43,686
We now return
to Police Chases...
462
00:20:43,721 --> 00:20:46,789
No, thank you-- we are
a screen-free family.
463
00:20:46,824 --> 00:20:48,691
...That End in Fire.
464
00:20:48,726 --> 00:20:50,826
That's awesome!
465
00:20:54,766 --> 00:20:57,199
Nobody look at him,
and maybe he'll just leave.
466
00:21:00,672 --> 00:21:02,238
Good job, people.
467
00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:09,312
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man