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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,446 --> 00:00:07,687
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,688 --> 00:00:11,223
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:14,226
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 12x18 ♪
Baby Got Black
Original Air Date on April 27, 2014
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00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:35,447
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
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00:00:36,883 --> 00:00:38,951
Tonight, the conclusion
of our three-part report
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00:00:38,985 --> 00:00:40,486
on bestiality at the aquarium.
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00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,188
But first, our top story:
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00:00:42,222 --> 00:00:44,623
A local boy dies
after playing video games
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00:00:44,658 --> 00:00:46,625
for 51 hours straight.
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00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:49,328
He was playing Halo;
now he has a halo.
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00:00:49,362 --> 00:00:51,130
Just kidding. He was gay.
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00:00:51,164 --> 00:00:52,298
Look at that.
Big deal.
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00:00:52,332 --> 00:00:53,666
Stayed awake
for 51 hours.
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00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:54,867
That's nothing.
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00:00:54,901 --> 00:00:56,661
Yeah, I've flown
back-to-back Australia trips
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00:00:56,670 --> 00:00:57,837
that were longer
than that.
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00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:58,838
I never sleep.
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00:00:58,872 --> 00:01:00,005
Something's
been beeping
27
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,240
in our bedroom
for three years.
28
00:01:01,274 --> 00:01:02,374
Bonnie won't
look for it,
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00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:03,576
and I can't
find it.
30
00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:04,877
Hey, I got a fun idea.
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00:01:04,911 --> 00:01:05,878
Let's bet on it.
32
00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:07,413
100 bucks says
I can stay awake
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00:01:07,447 --> 00:01:08,547
longer than both of you.
34
00:01:08,582 --> 00:01:09,815
Yeah!
Let's do this!
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00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:10,816
You in, Peter?
36
00:01:10,851 --> 00:01:12,485
Oh, hell yeah,
I'm in!
37
00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:13,619
You guys don't
know nothing
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00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:14,620
about staying
up late.
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00:01:14,654 --> 00:01:16,055
I used to pull
all-nighters
40
00:01:16,089 --> 00:01:17,356
when I worked
for that lesbian
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00:01:17,390 --> 00:01:18,791
carpet-cleaning
company.
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00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:22,962
Lesbians have regular carpets,
too, you pervs.
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00:01:22,996 --> 00:01:24,663
When you're done with that,
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00:01:24,698 --> 00:01:26,799
can you help me plug
the hole in this dike?
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00:01:28,034 --> 00:01:29,635
I'm kind of
a Jack-of-all-trades.
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00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:32,004
Hey, help me
fix this gash.
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00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,307
Somebody's been having
scissor fights on this thing.
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00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:39,979
All right, let's get
some ground rules down.
49
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:42,181
No closing your eyes and
pretending you're thinking.
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00:01:46,787 --> 00:01:47,753
Peter. Peter!
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00:01:47,788 --> 00:01:49,088
I was thinking!
52
00:01:49,122 --> 00:01:50,289
Hi, boys.
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00:01:50,323 --> 00:01:51,824
I baked a fresh
batch of cookies
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00:01:51,858 --> 00:01:52,825
for your
slumber party.
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00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:53,826
Hey!
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00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:55,561
It's not a slumber
party, Lois!
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00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:56,695
Yeah, get out
of here!
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00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:58,430
Just leave the cookies
and go.
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00:01:58,465 --> 00:01:59,431
Okay.
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00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:00,599
You boys
have fun.
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00:02:00,634 --> 00:02:02,201
We will. Just go!
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00:02:02,235 --> 00:02:03,235
Geez.
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00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:04,503
Ah, I'm already bored.
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00:02:04,538 --> 00:02:05,571
What should we do?
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00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:06,572
Hey, let's prank-call
Cleveland.
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00:02:06,606 --> 00:02:07,573
Oh, yeah.
Yeah!
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00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:14,446
Brown house.
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00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:16,348
Uh, Cleveland?
It's Loretta.
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00:02:16,383 --> 00:02:17,349
What?
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00:02:17,384 --> 00:02:19,318
But... but
you're dead.
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00:02:19,352 --> 00:02:21,554
No... no, I...
I faked my death
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00:02:21,588 --> 00:02:23,923
to get the IRS
off my back.
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00:02:23,957 --> 00:02:25,257
Oh, my God.
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00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:26,613
Does that mean
I have to give back
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00:02:26,626 --> 00:02:27,827
the insurance money?
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00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:30,863
Who's there
with you, Loretta?
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00:02:31,998 --> 00:02:32,965
It+s us,
you idiot!
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00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:33,966
She's still
dead.
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00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,701
Oh, you guys
are more meaner
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00:02:35,735 --> 00:02:37,837
than The Jerky Boys.
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00:02:38,872 --> 00:02:39,839
Ah, that was awesome.
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00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:41,173
Hey, who else
has a dead wife?
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00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:42,775
Mort.
Uh, I got this one.
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00:02:46,646 --> 00:02:47,780
Uh, hello?
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00:02:47,814 --> 00:02:49,615
Uh... shalom.
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00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:51,217
Muriel?
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00:02:57,757 --> 00:02:59,658
You guys are gonna lose.
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00:02:59,693 --> 00:03:02,094
It's been 62 hours.
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00:03:02,128 --> 00:03:04,029
Joe, you're about to drop.
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00:03:04,064 --> 00:03:06,899
And, Peter, you've been
hallucinating all night.
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00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:08,968
Yeah, whatever, Quagmire.
I got to go to the bathroom.
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00:03:09,002 --> 00:03:10,402
Where's your toilet?
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00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:15,708
Right here, Peter.
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00:03:15,742 --> 00:03:19,311
Better cover the seat.
Oh, J/K, I'm not fancy.
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00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:22,147
Aah, leave me alone.
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00:03:31,791 --> 00:03:34,159
We are all one.
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00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,300
Pizza. Pizza.
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00:03:41,334 --> 00:03:42,902
Peter. Peter.
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00:03:44,437 --> 00:03:46,906
Damn it, Joe. What are you
staring at? Pull him off me.
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00:03:49,809 --> 00:03:52,344
Oh!
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00:04:00,987 --> 00:04:04,123
Oh, my God, Joe,
when did you start running?
102
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:06,825
And jumping? And sky-dancing?
103
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,295
He ain't sky-dancing;
he fell asleep.
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00:04:12,065 --> 00:04:14,033
That means
it's just you and me.
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00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:16,969
Yeah, and tiny
Sharon Stone from Casino.
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00:04:17,003 --> 00:04:18,737
You son of a bitch.
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00:04:18,772 --> 00:04:21,340
I will go to the FBI.
I will go to the police.
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00:04:21,374 --> 00:04:22,741
Quagmire, help.
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00:04:22,776 --> 00:04:24,076
I-I don't...
I don't see her.
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00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:26,979
I-I-I didn't...
I didn't see the movie.
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00:04:32,652 --> 00:04:34,620
Peter, wake up.
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00:04:34,654 --> 00:04:37,856
I need to know if I can delete
your iCarlys from the DVR.
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00:04:37,891 --> 00:04:39,458
What? Aw, damn it.
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00:04:39,492 --> 00:04:41,193
Wait, I didn't
fall asleep first, did I?
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00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:42,561
Oh, wha... Wait,
what-what-what happened?
116
00:04:42,595 --> 00:04:44,530
W-Wait, wait...
Were you asleep?
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00:04:44,564 --> 00:04:46,098
Did I win? I won.
118
00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:47,766
Guys, we were
all so tired.
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00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:48,901
There's no way
to prove
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00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:50,402
which one of you
fell asleep first.
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00:04:50,437 --> 00:04:51,704
Oh, yes, there is, Joe.
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00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:53,973
I got cameras
in every room of this house.
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00:05:02,849 --> 00:05:05,751
There's a naked lady squatting
over a cake in your kitchen.
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00:05:05,785 --> 00:05:07,219
She'll wait.
She-she knows to wait.
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00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:24,536
Well, it looks
like Peter won.
126
00:05:24,571 --> 00:05:27,840
And it looks like I went
48 hours without an e-mail,
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00:05:27,874 --> 00:05:30,075
text message
or voice mail.
128
00:05:30,110 --> 00:05:32,111
All right, I won 200 bucks.
129
00:05:33,747 --> 00:05:36,949
And there's a little bit
of blood in my ear.
130
00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,283
Well, a bet's a bet.
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00:05:38,318 --> 00:05:40,085
Yeah, congratulations,
Peter.
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00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,087
What are you gonna do
with your winnings?
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00:05:42,122 --> 00:05:45,257
Joe, never ask me
about money. It's rude.
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00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:46,959
We're gonna go out to eat.
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00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:56,168
This is a great
place, Peter.
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00:05:56,202 --> 00:05:57,536
You can tell
by the laminated
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00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,638
high school football
schedule on the wall.
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00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:03,475
I'm gonna go see which lobster
I think deserves to die.
139
00:06:05,178 --> 00:06:06,245
Hey, Chris.
140
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:07,980
Oh, hi, Pam.
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00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:10,749
I thought you gave a great
book report at school today.
142
00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:14,086
Well, thanks. All the credit
goes to Slash's biography.
143
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,287
What a maniac.
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00:06:15,321 --> 00:06:17,022
Well, all I know is
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00:06:17,057 --> 00:06:19,024
you looked cute
while you gave it.
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00:06:19,059 --> 00:06:21,627
Hey, Chris. I didn't know
you knew my daughter.
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00:06:21,661 --> 00:06:23,829
Sure, I do.
We're in the same gossip group
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00:06:23,863 --> 00:06:25,964
in the cafeteria at lunch.
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00:06:25,999 --> 00:06:28,233
♪ Pick a little, talk a little,
pick a little, talk a little ♪
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00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:30,502
♪ Cheep, cheep, cheep, talk
a lot, pick a little more. ♪
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00:06:30,537 --> 00:06:32,938
Come on, Pam, we got to go
before they see the tip.
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00:06:32,972 --> 00:06:34,306
40%?
153
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:37,443
I would've left more, but
he messed up our order.
154
00:06:37,477 --> 00:06:38,777
I'm sorry, I got to go.
155
00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,979
I like bumping into
you outside of school.
156
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,614
You should move into our house.
157
00:06:43,783 --> 00:06:45,184
You're funny, Chris.
158
00:06:45,218 --> 00:06:48,720
Hey, uh, maybe we could...
hang out again sometime.
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00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:50,622
You know, if you want.
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00:06:50,657 --> 00:06:53,692
I'd like that.
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00:06:53,726 --> 00:06:55,861
Ooh!
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00:06:55,895 --> 00:06:57,896
See you at school, Chris.
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00:06:59,899 --> 00:07:02,101
Hey, Chris. These...
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00:07:02,135 --> 00:07:04,570
on her nipples.
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00:07:04,604 --> 00:07:06,171
Kill that one.
166
00:07:09,848 --> 00:07:11,882
The Hallmark Channel
is proud to present
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00:07:11,891 --> 00:07:14,092
Hallmark Greeting Cards
Explained.
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00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:16,428
So, there's a penguin
on the front and it says,
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00:07:16,462 --> 00:07:17,662
"I hear you're 40."
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00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:19,831
And when you're 40,
your eyes start to go.
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00:07:19,865 --> 00:07:21,633
And then y-you open the card.
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00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,902
And then "happy birthday"
is all blurry,
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00:07:23,936 --> 00:07:27,072
because whoever opens the card
is 40 and you want to
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00:07:27,106 --> 00:07:31,209
give them the impression that
their eyes are starting to go.
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00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:34,212
Hey, guys, there's someone
I want you to meet.
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00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,347
Pam, this
is my family.
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00:07:36,382 --> 00:07:39,317
Family, this
is my girlfriend, Pam.
178
00:07:39,351 --> 00:07:41,553
You know, Chris, Usher
categorizes his girls
179
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,722
into two groups:
bitches he's with
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00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:45,390
and bitches he's gonna get with.
181
00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,726
So is this one you got
or one you gon' get?
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00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,595
Wait. Jerome's daughter
is your girlfriend?
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00:07:50,629 --> 00:07:53,131
Chris, can I speak to you
for a moment privately?
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00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,302
I voted
for Obama once.
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00:07:57,336 --> 00:07:59,637
Dad, if this is about Pam...
186
00:07:59,672 --> 00:08:01,039
Yes, it is about Pam.
187
00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:02,373
And I have
something to say.
188
00:08:02,408 --> 00:08:04,642
Chris, she's...
she's not fat.
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00:08:04,677 --> 00:08:05,910
What?
190
00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,012
I-I figured the day you
came home with a girl,
191
00:08:08,047 --> 00:08:10,081
we'd have to back her
through the garage.
192
00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:12,550
A little further, little further.
193
00:08:12,585 --> 00:08:15,520
Little further...
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
194
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:16,955
Okay, all right.
Now, do you prefer
195
00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:19,324
"Fatty" or
"Miss Boom-Bi-Latty?"
196
00:08:19,358 --> 00:08:22,227
So, you don't mind
that Pam is... black?
197
00:08:22,261 --> 00:08:24,129
Chris, it's 1998.
198
00:08:24,163 --> 00:08:26,998
Actually, Dad...
Peter Griffin does not see color.
199
00:08:27,032 --> 00:08:28,900
Now, let's go see
your mom's done listing
200
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:31,402
all the black people she's
ever seen on television.
201
00:08:31,437 --> 00:08:36,307
Flip Wilson, John Amos,
Diahann Carroll,
202
00:08:36,342 --> 00:08:38,710
that monster
that plays tennis.
203
00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:44,315
So, I saw Chris is dating
Jerome's daughter.
204
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,618
Looks like they've had
some pretty hot dates.
205
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,686
Don't, uh...
don't look at my kids
206
00:08:48,721 --> 00:08:51,089
when they're off doing
their private lives.
207
00:08:51,123 --> 00:08:54,159
Hey, there's my new
brother-in-law brother, now.
208
00:08:54,193 --> 00:08:55,927
Griffin, you and me
have to talk.
209
00:08:55,961 --> 00:08:57,262
What's up, blood?
210
00:08:57,296 --> 00:09:00,064
Nobody's dating nobody.
You understand?
211
00:09:00,099 --> 00:09:01,199
Oh, don't worry, Jerome.
212
00:09:01,233 --> 00:09:03,334
I already gave
Chris the sex talk.
213
00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:06,404
It's... awesome.
214
00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,173
Peter, you don't understand.
215
00:09:08,207 --> 00:09:10,241
I don't want Pam
dating a white boy.
216
00:09:10,276 --> 00:09:12,177
What? Jerome.
217
00:09:12,211 --> 00:09:13,511
You're a racist.
218
00:09:13,546 --> 00:09:15,380
Black people
can't be racist.
219
00:09:15,414 --> 00:09:18,650
We can be way sexist,
but we ain't racist.
220
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,385
Sure, black people
can be racist.
221
00:09:20,419 --> 00:09:22,387
They gave Michelle Pfeiffer
such a hard time.
222
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,389
She didn't pick that school;
they sent her there.
223
00:09:24,423 --> 00:09:25,523
Coolio had her back.
224
00:09:25,558 --> 00:09:27,625
Look, I think if you
got to know us better,
225
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:28,793
you wouldn't have
any problem
226
00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,295
with your daughter
dating one of us.
227
00:09:30,329 --> 00:09:31,729
I'll date her.
228
00:09:31,764 --> 00:09:33,965
Look, why don't you and Pam
come over tomorrow night,
229
00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:35,366
a-and you'll see
that white people
230
00:09:35,401 --> 00:09:37,202
are even better
than black people.
231
00:09:37,236 --> 00:09:38,670
Peter.
Y-Y-You know what I mean.
232
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,438
They-they're equal.
Separate but equal.
233
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:42,173
Peter.
Just equal.
234
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,008
All right, we'll
come to dinner.
235
00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:45,944
But I want you to know
I'm very skeptical
236
00:09:45,978 --> 00:09:47,412
about this whole thing.
237
00:09:47,446 --> 00:09:48,746
Oh, that's okay.
Hey, listen,
238
00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:51,416
I was skeptical about
traveling to Mexico.
239
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,253
I took one step
outside the resort.
240
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:02,160
Thanks for having us to
dinner, Mrs. Griffin.
241
00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:03,761
Oh, my pleasure, Pam.
242
00:10:03,796 --> 00:10:06,397
Yes. I, for one, say
this is long overdue.
243
00:10:06,432 --> 00:10:09,534
It's about time people of color
broke bread at this table.
244
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,436
Broke bread? W-What?
245
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:14,138
Who are you, St. Francis
of Assisi all of a sudden?
246
00:10:14,173 --> 00:10:16,407
Jerome, you have done
a wonderful job raising Pam
247
00:10:16,442 --> 00:10:18,209
to be a lovely
young woman.
248
00:10:18,244 --> 00:10:20,011
You say that like
you're surprised.
249
00:10:20,045 --> 00:10:21,346
I-I beg your pardon?
250
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:23,581
Sounds like you're saying
a single black man
251
00:10:23,616 --> 00:10:25,617
can't raise a child
on his own.
252
00:10:25,651 --> 00:10:27,552
Yes, Lois, what
are you saying?
253
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,754
You know, before I speak,
I like to ask myself,
254
00:10:29,788 --> 00:10:32,757
"Would Dr. King approve
of what I'm about to say?"
255
00:10:32,791 --> 00:10:34,959
Most of the time,
I find that he would.
256
00:10:34,994 --> 00:10:37,962
Dad, I think Mrs. Griffin was
just giving you a compliment.
257
00:10:37,997 --> 00:10:39,564
Yeah, I was just trying to say
258
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,634
we all appreciate having you
in our home.
259
00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:45,303
Oh, so suddenly
we're all friends?
260
00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:47,305
Wait, w-we've always
been friends.
261
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,040
If we're friends,
what's my last name?
262
00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:50,041
Cool J?
263
00:10:50,075 --> 00:10:51,175
Where am I from?
264
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:52,644
The south part
of a large city?
265
00:10:52,678 --> 00:10:53,912
Where'd I go to college?
266
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,714
Does it air commercials
during daytime judge programs?
267
00:10:56,749 --> 00:10:59,517
Peter, you only got two of
those three things right.
268
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:01,653
Look, I know what
this is about.
269
00:11:01,687 --> 00:11:04,255
You're being all nice
just so your son can get
270
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:05,590
into my daughter's pants.
271
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:06,991
Dad, stop it.
272
00:11:07,026 --> 00:11:09,327
White guys don't want a
relationship with black women--
273
00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:11,262
they just want a notch
on their belt.
274
00:11:11,297 --> 00:11:13,298
You're a novelty
to these people.
275
00:11:13,332 --> 00:11:14,465
"These people"?
276
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,135
This is the moment in the meal
when I stand up!
277
00:11:17,169 --> 00:11:18,803
W-Wait a minute, "a novelty"?
278
00:11:18,837 --> 00:11:21,139
We used to date
before I met Peter.
279
00:11:21,173 --> 00:11:23,474
S-So what are white women
to black men?
280
00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:26,978
A very pleasant page
in our memory books.
281
00:11:27,012 --> 00:11:28,246
Aw.
282
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,081
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You banged my wife.
283
00:11:30,115 --> 00:11:31,416
She did? Huh.
284
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,418
No wonder I had
so much room in there.
285
00:11:33,452 --> 00:11:35,286
Her womb was like one
of those places
286
00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:37,789
where they reconstruct
crashed airplanes.
287
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,863
Look, Jerome, I-I know
you think we're all terrible,
288
00:11:39,892 --> 00:11:42,660
but white people have done a lot
of good things for the world.
289
00:11:42,695 --> 00:11:44,529
Oh, yeah? Like what?
290
00:11:44,563 --> 00:11:46,331
Well, I'll tell you!
Listen up.
291
00:11:49,768 --> 00:11:51,536
♪ We gave you Eminem ♪
292
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:53,538
♪ And Justin Bieber, too ♪
293
00:11:53,572 --> 00:11:57,442
♪ Even though they dress
and try to talk like you ♪
294
00:11:57,476 --> 00:11:59,177
♪ The music of Taylor Swift ♪
295
00:11:59,211 --> 00:12:01,446
♪ And clothing from J.Crew ♪
296
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,648
♪ And Jon Heder ♪
297
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,717
♪ Also half
of Derek Jeter ♪
298
00:12:05,751 --> 00:12:08,953
♪ Add to that a fleet
of soccer moms ♪
299
00:12:08,988 --> 00:12:12,724
♪ Packed into
their yoga tights ♪
300
00:12:12,758 --> 00:12:16,594
♪ And so for all this awesome,
neat, wonderful stuff ♪
301
00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:18,262
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord ♪
302
00:12:18,297 --> 00:12:20,264
♪ You thank the whites ♪
303
00:12:20,299 --> 00:12:22,100
♪ Thank the whites ♪
304
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:24,268
♪ Thank the whites ♪
305
00:12:24,303 --> 00:12:26,270
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord ♪
306
00:12:26,305 --> 00:12:28,172
♪ You thank the whites ♪
307
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,174
♪ We gave you Breaking Bad ♪
308
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,976
♪ And all the songs
by Creed ♪
309
00:12:32,011 --> 00:12:34,112
♪ All the cast
of Friends ♪
310
00:12:34,146 --> 00:12:35,913
♪ And trash like Tara Reid ♪
311
00:12:35,948 --> 00:12:39,784
♪ A virtual world of porn
so you can spill your seed ♪
312
00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:42,186
♪ Ray-Ban glasses ♪
313
00:12:42,221 --> 00:12:44,155
♪ Leggy blondes
with tiny asses ♪
314
00:12:44,189 --> 00:12:47,759
♪ Frisbee sports
and fancy coffee, too ♪
315
00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:51,095
♪ Energy-efficient lights ♪
316
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:54,632
♪ And so for all this awesome,
neat, wonderful stuff ♪
317
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,634
♪ You know, you don't
thank the Lord ♪
318
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:58,970
♪ You thank the whites ♪
319
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:02,707
♪ Thank the whites,
thank the whites ♪
320
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,143
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord ♪
321
00:13:05,177 --> 00:13:09,847
♪ You thank the whites. ♪
322
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:14,185
You know what?
That song only made me
323
00:13:14,219 --> 00:13:15,853
hate white people
even more.
324
00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:17,321
What about
eight more verses?
325
00:13:17,356 --> 00:13:19,190
Let's go, Pam.
We're leaving.
326
00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:21,526
But, Dad,
Chris treats me really well.
327
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,828
He gave me
this diamond necklace.
328
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,630
That's my diamond necklace!
329
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:27,498
Cool it. I'm trying to get laid.
330
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,434
Look, this ain't
happening, Pam.
331
00:13:29,468 --> 00:13:31,302
Straight up.
You ain't swervin' with him,
332
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,838
you ain't gonna shump-a-jump,
you're not hollerin' at him,
333
00:13:33,872 --> 00:13:35,807
you ain't his shorty
or his boo.
334
00:13:35,841 --> 00:13:38,276
Oh, my God, Lois, I think
he just summoned Candyman.
335
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,811
You're a fool.
336
00:13:49,332 --> 00:13:51,233
I was hoping
they'd be darker.
337
00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:59,525
God, I miss Pam
so much.
338
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,928
I don't think
I can live without her.
339
00:14:01,962 --> 00:14:04,364
It's okay, Chris.
Hey, here's someone your type.
340
00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:06,499
Whoo-wee, Chris! You're cute!
341
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:08,167
Stewie, that's
Log Cabin.
342
00:14:08,202 --> 00:14:10,103
Uh, h-he gets the joke.
343
00:14:10,137 --> 00:14:12,105
I'm sorry, Chris.
Jerome just doesn't think
344
00:14:12,139 --> 00:14:14,107
his daughter should date
a white guy.
345
00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:16,109
Black racism
is the biggest problem
346
00:14:16,143 --> 00:14:17,944
facing this country today.
347
00:14:17,978 --> 00:14:20,480
You know, I should go
over there and fight for Pam.
348
00:14:20,514 --> 00:14:22,015
Absolutely you should.
349
00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:23,883
You should always fight
for what you believe in.
350
00:14:23,917 --> 00:14:25,451
Like Patrick Henry.
351
00:14:25,486 --> 00:14:28,421
Give me liberty
or give me death.
352
00:14:29,823 --> 00:14:31,457
Oh, that was easy.
353
00:14:31,492 --> 00:14:32,592
I know, right?
354
00:14:32,626 --> 00:14:34,694
Ryan wanted to give him liberty.
355
00:14:34,728 --> 00:14:37,063
You do the paperwork, Ryan.
356
00:14:40,301 --> 00:14:44,470
And now the HBO
original series, Boys.
357
00:14:44,505 --> 00:14:46,539
Hey, sorry I slept
with that girl you liked.
358
00:14:46,573 --> 00:14:47,674
Eh, it's cool.
359
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,542
Did you walk around naked
after you had sex?
360
00:14:49,576 --> 00:14:51,878
What? No. No one
wants to see that.
361
00:14:51,912 --> 00:14:54,080
Isn't this time in our lives
so interesting?
362
00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:55,648
No.
363
00:14:55,683 --> 00:14:57,850
Griffin! Where the hell
is my daughter?
364
00:14:57,885 --> 00:15:00,953
She left me a note saying
she ran off with Chris.
365
00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,488
Oh, my God, Chris?
366
00:15:02,523 --> 00:15:04,991
That dirtbag hangs
around my daughter, too!
367
00:15:05,025 --> 00:15:06,526
I don't have time
for your nonsense.
368
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:07,994
I got to find
my daughter.
369
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:10,196
Look, let me help you!
I'm great at finding stuff.
370
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:11,998
Last night, I found
Lois's G-spot.
371
00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:14,067
No, he didn't!
I didn't know she was home.
372
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:16,336
I was able to please her
in other ways, though.
373
00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:18,771
No!
Okay, let's just go.
374
00:15:22,543 --> 00:15:24,010
My dad's such a jerk.
375
00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:26,946
I'm glad we ran away.
Yeah.
376
00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:30,750
So... what do people do
in motels?
377
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:32,418
They get naked.
378
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:35,555
Okay, but all I know about sex
is from Internet porn,
379
00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:38,658
so I'm very excited
to try buffering.
380
00:15:38,692 --> 00:15:40,793
Then I'll leave you alone
381
00:15:40,828 --> 00:15:42,895
to get undressed and
under the covers,
382
00:15:42,930 --> 00:15:44,897
and I'll be right back.
383
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:56,809
Hey, I'm trying to sleep
and urinate here.
384
00:15:56,844 --> 00:15:58,611
Do you mind using
the other bed?
385
00:15:58,645 --> 00:15:59,679
Sorry.
386
00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:01,681
I was the cousin in Vacation.
387
00:16:01,715 --> 00:16:03,483
Yeah, I know who you are.
388
00:16:06,587 --> 00:16:08,221
How do I look?
389
00:16:08,255 --> 00:16:10,289
Oh, God. Are we at that part
of the relationship?
390
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:11,691
You look fine!
391
00:16:11,725 --> 00:16:14,227
Pam, this may come
as a surprise to you,
392
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:16,963
but I am not
an experienced lover.
393
00:16:16,997 --> 00:16:19,565
Don't worry. It's my
first time, too.
394
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,368
Wow, I guess everybody
has a first time.
395
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:24,670
Even Maverick from Top Gun.
396
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,706
Thank you, pretty lady!
397
00:16:31,845 --> 00:16:35,214
So, all those other black
drivers that you're nodding at,
398
00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:36,816
do you know them?
399
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:44,023
Ah, man.
400
00:16:44,057 --> 00:16:45,892
Look, relax. We'll just
tell him the truth.
401
00:16:45,926 --> 00:16:47,226
We're cruising
around town
402
00:16:47,261 --> 00:16:49,896
looking for a sexually active
14-year-old boy.
403
00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:52,632
You have any idea how
fast you were going?
404
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:54,467
I was going the speed limit,
Officer.
405
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:55,568
He was.
406
00:16:55,602 --> 00:16:57,103
Are you here against
your will, sir?
407
00:16:57,137 --> 00:16:59,772
If you're asking if I'd rather
be at the zoo, then yes.
408
00:16:59,807 --> 00:17:01,374
Maybe you step
out of the car
409
00:17:01,408 --> 00:17:03,409
and we see if you've
been drinking.
410
00:17:05,179 --> 00:17:09,449
I'm too fat to be
in the car by myself.
411
00:17:12,486 --> 00:17:15,588
The police pull me over for
made-up violations all the time.
412
00:17:15,622 --> 00:17:18,391
You don't know what it's like
to be treated like a criminal.
413
00:17:18,425 --> 00:17:20,059
What's it like?
Bad.
414
00:17:20,093 --> 00:17:21,627
Whoa.
415
00:17:21,662 --> 00:17:23,896
I've never broken a law
in my life, Peter.
416
00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:25,731
I'm a 42-year-old man,
417
00:17:25,766 --> 00:17:27,533
I own a business,
I pay my taxes,
418
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:29,435
and yet I got to deal
with this crap
419
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:31,137
every time
I step outside my house.
420
00:17:31,171 --> 00:17:35,107
Makes me so damn angry, I don't
know what to do with myself.
421
00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:36,509
Well, you should be like me.
422
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:39,278
Whenever I get angry,
I go do some Footloose dancing.
423
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:06,739
♪ You can never, never, never,
ever, never, never ♪
424
00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:10,376
♪ Never, ever hide your heart ♪
425
00:18:10,410 --> 00:18:12,612
♪ Don't ever, ever ♪
426
00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:17,717
♪ Ever, ever try ♪
427
00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:19,719
I'm also thinking
about ice creams.
428
00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:21,787
♪ Don't give... ♪
429
00:18:21,822 --> 00:18:23,923
Peter, you seem
like a nice guy.
430
00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:26,192
I don't mind having
you in my bar, man,
431
00:18:26,226 --> 00:18:28,494
but it's different when
it's your baby girl.
432
00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:31,097
I guess.
I just have boys.
433
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:33,099
Forgive me for being
a protective father,
434
00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,835
but white people have exploited
and mistreated blacks
435
00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:39,805
for centuries, and I'm not gonna
let that happen to Pam.
436
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,143
Wow, we've driven 55 miles
with the gas light on.
437
00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:51,450
Hold it right there!
438
00:18:51,485 --> 00:18:52,985
Dad! Jerome!
439
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:54,620
How did you find us?!
440
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,423
We didn't.
You just told us.
441
00:18:57,457 --> 00:18:58,491
You okay, honey?
442
00:18:58,525 --> 00:18:59,825
Dad, I'm fine.
443
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:01,460
Don't worry.
Nothing happened.
444
00:19:01,495 --> 00:19:05,264
I tucked it between my legs
as a joke and then it got stuck.
445
00:19:05,299 --> 00:19:09,335
Look, I'm sorry, Chris, but we
got to respect Jerome's wishes.
446
00:19:09,369 --> 00:19:11,671
Now that I understand
what he's been through,
447
00:19:11,705 --> 00:19:13,940
I realize he's a good
man who has reason
448
00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,741
to be a little
suspicious of Whitey.
449
00:19:15,776 --> 00:19:17,743
Thank you
for understanding, Peter.
450
00:19:17,778 --> 00:19:20,212
Jerome is right. White is
white, black is black--
451
00:19:20,247 --> 00:19:22,214
got to keep the races
completely separate.
452
00:19:22,249 --> 00:19:25,151
That... wasn't
exactly my point.
453
00:19:25,185 --> 00:19:26,686
Chris, from now on,
I don't want you
454
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,987
talking to any
black people.
455
00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:30,289
How the hell am I supposed
to get through airport security?
456
00:19:30,324 --> 00:19:31,624
We'll figure it out.
457
00:19:31,658 --> 00:19:33,292
It's the least we
can do for Jerome.
458
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:35,161
Isn't that
right, Jerome?
459
00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:43,235
Is that the lesson
you want me to learn, Dad?
460
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:45,438
No, baby.
461
00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:48,107
You know, Peter,
maybe I did overreact.
462
00:19:48,141 --> 00:19:50,176
Just 'cause I've experienced
some hard times
463
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:53,512
doesn't mean this generation
can't teach us a thing or two.
464
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:55,715
All right,
465
00:19:55,749 --> 00:19:57,617
if these kids want to date,
466
00:19:57,651 --> 00:19:59,830
then I guess
that's okay with me.
467
00:19:59,855 --> 00:20:03,855
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
468
00:20:03,991 --> 00:20:06,359
It takes a man with
a crazy big hog
469
00:20:06,393 --> 00:20:07,749
to admit when
he's wrong.
470
00:20:07,895 --> 00:20:10,597
Thanks, Peter.
471
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:15,740
Hey, Jerome, you want to
help me kill Randy Quaid?
472
00:20:15,741 --> 00:20:16,872
Who?
473
00:20:16,873 --> 00:20:21,873
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man