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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,265 --> 00:00:10,668
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 12x19 ♪
Meg Stinks!
Original Air Date on May 4, 2014
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00:00:30,879 --> 00:00:35,879
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Welcome, all,
to James Woods High's
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00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,096
annual college fair,
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where each year,
our seniors gather to decide
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where they will go
in the fall to get HPV.
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Wow, Meg,
so many choices.
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00:00:48,106 --> 00:00:49,874
Yeah.
There's a state college
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with an incredibly offensive
Native American mascot.
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I'm Drunky!
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The Dakota University mascot!
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Look how drunk I am!
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This is important for sports!
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Oh, look,
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00:01:03,121 --> 00:01:04,955
you can go to
Oral Roberts.
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00:01:06,391 --> 00:01:08,759
Oh, and there's Anal Roberts.
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00:01:08,794 --> 00:01:11,962
Oh, boy, that is a tough,
tough place to get into, Lois.
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00:01:11,997 --> 00:01:13,431
That is tough,
but once you're in there,
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you'd be surprised
how much you like it.
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Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.
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So glad
you could make it.
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You know, Meg has
attracted interest
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00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,704
from several colleges.
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00:01:20,739 --> 00:01:21,972
Meg going to college.
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00:01:22,007 --> 00:01:24,108
I always thought she was
gonna be one of those ladies
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00:01:24,142 --> 00:01:26,544
who wears a jean jacket
and hangs out at the bar
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00:01:26,578 --> 00:01:28,078
in a chain restaurant.
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00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:30,981
Hey. You know you can get
a slice of pineapple
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on your burger here.
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00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:34,919
Hey, Jimmy,
another water.
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00:01:34,953 --> 00:01:36,454
I call Miller Lite "water."
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00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:38,389
Jimmy knows me,
he knows that.
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Come on, hockey team!
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00:01:39,991 --> 00:01:42,293
This one's on me.
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00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:44,161
Merry Christmas, Meg.
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You really think Meg
is college material,
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Principal Shepherd?
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Yeah, she's
a solid B student
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00:01:49,301 --> 00:01:50,701
and that's quite
an accomplishment,
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00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,903
considering none of her teachers
are willing to sleep with her.
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00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,839
Sophomore year,
she was molested by the janitor.
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00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,074
Mr. Griffin,
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00:01:57,108 --> 00:01:59,610
I believe they're
called "custodians."
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Anyway, I was able to get Meg
an interview this weekend
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00:02:02,147 --> 00:02:04,281
at Green Mountain College
in Vermont.
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00:02:04,316 --> 00:02:05,583
Green Mountain College?!
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Oh, my God!
That's my first choice!
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00:02:07,886 --> 00:02:09,720
Can one of you guys
take me up there?
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00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,690
Meg, please excuse your mother
and I for a moment.
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00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:14,191
We need to work out
our schedules.
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I'd be happy
to take you, Meg.
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We now return to
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Extreme Makeover:
Bethenny Frankel Edition.
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Move! That! Bus!
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Put! That! Bus! Back!
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Hey, can you guys
turn that down?
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I'm trying to read.
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Oh, shut up, Brian.
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We were here first.
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Yeah, Brian,
go read in your own room!
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Yes, you do.
You have that wicker basket
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in the laundry room
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with the
frayed bath mat in it.
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God, I can't get any
peace and quiet in this house.
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00:02:53,765 --> 00:02:56,233
Well, now you know how
I felt at Mardi Gras.
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Hey! Keep it down!
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I'm trying to get
some sleep up here!
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Show us your boobs...!
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My boobs?
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Wait, I-I don't think I...
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Oh, my! Jewelry!
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The rules of this city
are very unclear.
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This is actually very pleasant.
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Hey. Who the hell
knocked over the garbage ca--
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Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
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I-I don't want
any trouble.
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Well, you in the wrong place
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if you ain't looking for
trouble, boy.
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Nothin' but trouble
out here.
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Big ol' hoot-owl come down,
scoop you up, take your eye out.
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All right.
Well, can you at least
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clean this stuff up
when you're done?
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It's... otherwise it's gonna
start to smell.
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Oh... you don't like
smell, huh?
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Well, sniff on this!
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Yeah! You got that stink
all up on you, now!
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Oh, my God!
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What is that smell?!
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It's like a burning tire dump
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right in my nose!
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00:04:03,101 --> 00:04:05,235
Brian, why are you doing this?!
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We're sorry...!
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Ah! You bastard!
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I can't see!
I'm blind!
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Ah! What is that smell?
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Oh, my God!
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Brian got sprayed
by a skunk!
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No! Not against the wall.
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You're gonna scare off
the cockroaches.
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Oh, that's not good.
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They were 70% of the structure
of this house.
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Peter, please tell me this is
covered by our insurance.
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Sorry, Lois,
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it doesn't cover
acts of "dog."
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Hey, guys,
I-I think the tomato juice
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is really working. Don't you?
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No. You smell like
my six-foot-tall German girlfriend.
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00:05:05,063 --> 00:05:08,232
Christopher, are you ready
to go to the Guttenschvartzen?
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Hell, da!
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00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,770
She can swim across the pool
in two strokes.
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Wh... I don't know
what else to do.
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I do.
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Until the smell wears off,
you're staying outside!
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Outside? Lois,
I'm an inside dog!
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I'm an inside dog!
I'm sorry, Brian,
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but you stink.
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I'll take smelling good
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over walking good any day.
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You don't
smell good, Joe.
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I'm sorry,
I thought I was alone.
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Morning, Brian.
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Ew! You still
really stink.
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Yeah, you smell like
the meatball sub
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I left under
the couch.
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Damn it, I just gave away my
hiding place for meatball subs!
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I-I'll tell you where there
definitely aren't any meatball subs--
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the side pocket
of my golf bag.
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00:06:01,871 --> 00:06:03,672
Geez, Peter, shut up!
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Did you sleep okay
out here, Brian?
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00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:07,910
No! I was so cold.
And you have no idea
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00:06:07,944 --> 00:06:10,746
how many terrifying things
there are out here in the dark.
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00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:13,916
My nephew, Scrappy Brian,
didn't even make it through the night.
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00:06:15,451 --> 00:06:17,853
Hey, Uncle Brian, let's
go check out that noise.
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00:06:17,887 --> 00:06:19,154
I don't know, Scrappy Brian.
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It might be better
just to stay put.
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Aw, I'm not afraid!
Let me at 'em!
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Let me at 'em!
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Damn it! I told my sister
this wasn't a good weekend.
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00:06:37,874 --> 00:06:40,309
Hey, Bri. How's
it going out there?
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Oh, boy, I need this cold air.
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00:06:42,345 --> 00:06:44,980
They got the heat
cranked up so high in here,
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00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,149
Lois is walking around
without a shirt.
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00:06:47,183 --> 00:06:48,517
Oh, come on, Stewie.
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Hey, throw me a jacket
or something, huh?
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Nope. You'll stink it up.
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00:06:51,921 --> 00:06:53,355
Also, since
you've been out there,
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I've stopped sneezing,
so this might be permanent.
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Well, at least throw me down
some food or something.
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00:06:58,127 --> 00:06:59,795
Well, I'm afraid
I finished my dinner.
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All I have is a steak,
but that belongs to Rupert.
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Can I have it?
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00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:04,820
I don't know, that's
a question for Rupert.
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You'll have to ask him.
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00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,938
Uh... hey, Rupe.
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"Rupe"? Oh, no. No, no.
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No, this is already over.
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Come on, Stewie, I'm starving.
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Good Lord, Brian,
get a hold of yourself.
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You're in a suburban yard.
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00:07:18,181 --> 00:07:21,149
What kind of dog
can't live outside?
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God, he's right.
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I'm a disgrace to my species.
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Like that gumball machine
traffic cop.
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00:07:32,629 --> 00:07:35,330
Oh, my God, O'Connor's
a disaster out there.
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It's not his fault.
He was a great gumball machine--
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00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:40,435
they just shouldn't
have promoted him.
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Oh, I think we're
getting close here.
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00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,242
Meg, what are
you doing?
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00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:48,977
Just letting the wind
wave my hand.
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00:07:49,012 --> 00:07:50,979
Sometimes I like
to pretend that I'm flying.
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00:07:51,014 --> 00:07:53,582
Plus, it tickles.
That's stupid.
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00:07:56,786 --> 00:07:58,854
Hey-hey-hey...
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The wind wants my
hand to go back,
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but I'm not letting it.
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I'm stronger than it.
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00:08:05,328 --> 00:08:07,663
Oh, my God, Dad,
you lost your hand!
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00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:10,165
That's all right.
I can regenerate.
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00:08:14,504 --> 00:08:16,838
My name is Retep,
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00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:19,007
and I am evil.
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00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:24,413
Come on, Brian,
you can find your own food.
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00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:26,548
Every animal finds its prey.
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00:08:31,587 --> 00:08:33,555
♪ Love in an elevator...
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00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:35,557
Dude! Check it out!
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00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:41,096
All right, I can do this.
194
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:54,209
Holy crap, I'm so much faster
on all fours!
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00:08:55,812 --> 00:08:57,946
What's that big rock
doing there?
196
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:07,589
Now, go on, get out of here,
you little bastard.
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00:09:13,996 --> 00:09:16,098
I did it.
I caught a bird.
198
00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,833
I caught a bird! Yes!
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00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:20,001
Fear me! Aah...!
200
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:22,070
Aah! I feel so alive!
201
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:25,540
I feel like a dude who
just touched his first vagina.
202
00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,709
Hey. Pound it.
203
00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:29,745
Cool baby.
204
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,916
Well, I called
and confirmed
205
00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,918
my interview
for tomorrow morning.
206
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:39,154
I ordered you nothing.
207
00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:40,822
What else is new?
208
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,494
Hey, "Night Moves"!
209
00:09:45,528 --> 00:09:47,963
At least there's one cool
person in this dump.
210
00:09:47,997 --> 00:09:50,031
I wonder who played this.
I did.
211
00:09:50,066 --> 00:09:51,533
You played
"Night Moves"?
212
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,769
How would you even know
what that song is?
213
00:09:53,803 --> 00:09:55,570
From you. Dad,
I've been hearing that song
214
00:09:55,605 --> 00:09:58,340
in the backseat of your car
since I was a little kid.
215
00:09:58,374 --> 00:10:00,342
Huh. I never knew
you were listening.
216
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:02,010
Never even knew
you were there.
217
00:10:02,044 --> 00:10:04,446
Wait, were you that little
fat boy with the glasses?
218
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,616
Yes, Dad.
I know a lot about you.
219
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,851
You do?
I know you're afraid of guacamole.
220
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:11,186
It's the devil's vomit.
221
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:13,355
In the last election,
you voted for Mighty Mouse.
222
00:10:13,389 --> 00:10:15,857
Time to put the might-mouse
in the White House, Meg.
223
00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:17,926
And I know you
love Augustus Gloop.
224
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,595
And you hate Mike Teavee.
Oh, don't even say his name.
225
00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:22,697
And you know a lot
about me, right?
226
00:10:22,732 --> 00:10:26,535
♪ Out past the cornfields
where the woods got heavy ♪
227
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,471
♪ Out in the backseat
of my '60 Chevy ♪
228
00:10:29,472 --> 00:10:31,840
♪ Working on mysteries
229
00:10:31,874 --> 00:10:33,675
♪ Without any clues...
230
00:10:33,709 --> 00:10:38,146
Dad, sometimes I wonder
why you even had a family.
231
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:40,182
I don't know, it's just,
I was dating your mother,
232
00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:42,384
I don't like the way condoms feel,
next thing you know,
233
00:10:42,418 --> 00:10:45,320
I got a mortgage, a kid, and
a crappy job at a toy factory.
234
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,389
I thought you liked working
at the toy factory.
235
00:10:47,423 --> 00:10:50,325
Hell no. I always wanted
to be a podiatrist.
236
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,394
Thanks to you, Dr. Griffin,
my bunion is healed
237
00:10:52,428 --> 00:10:54,196
and I can walk
without pain.
238
00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:58,166
This isn't a joke. I once had
legitimate aspirations.
239
00:10:58,201 --> 00:11:00,235
You never got
to pursue your dream.
240
00:11:00,269 --> 00:11:02,270
No wonder you hate me.
241
00:11:02,305 --> 00:11:03,605
I don't hate you, Meg.
242
00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:05,273
You're my kid.
243
00:11:09,078 --> 00:11:10,111
Who had
the chicken parm?
244
00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:11,379
Oh, that's my
second entree.
245
00:11:11,414 --> 00:11:13,715
But you know what?
You have it, Meg.
246
00:11:13,749 --> 00:11:15,217
Thanks, Dad.
247
00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:17,819
Boy, after all this food,
248
00:11:17,854 --> 00:11:19,688
we're gonna have
a couple of "night moves"
249
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,623
back at the motel later,
huh, Dad?
250
00:11:21,657 --> 00:11:24,226
Oh, absolutely. You know, that's
what this song's about, Meg.
251
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:25,760
It is?
Oh, yeah.
252
00:11:25,795 --> 00:11:28,430
All of Bob Seger's songs are
about taking dumps at night.
253
00:11:28,464 --> 00:11:30,899
Uh, "Night Moves,"
"Like a Rock,"
254
00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,368
"Shakedown,"
"The Fire Down Below."
255
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,571
"Against the Wind" was him
poopin' out of a car.
256
00:11:37,607 --> 00:11:38,573
Quick!
257
00:11:38,608 --> 00:11:40,742
Someone give me
my notebook!
258
00:11:44,046 --> 00:11:45,614
Well, here we are.
259
00:11:45,648 --> 00:11:47,916
Oh, my God, Meg,
there's a keg party!
260
00:11:50,119 --> 00:11:53,188
Let's go. If we meet any
chicks, you're my daughter.
261
00:11:57,727 --> 00:11:59,961
Yes!
Yeah! College!
262
00:11:59,996 --> 00:12:01,830
Oh, God, I got
to take a whiz.
263
00:12:01,864 --> 00:12:03,899
Yeah, I got to whiz, too.
264
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:09,571
Sword fight!
265
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:11,072
Gonna get ya!
266
00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:14,342
You got a funny little wiener,
but you're a nice guy, Meg.
267
00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:16,211
This is great, Dad.
I know!
268
00:12:16,245 --> 00:12:18,079
I'm having even more fun
than when I...
269
00:12:18,114 --> 00:12:22,350
I mean, than when
we went Fiona Apple-picking.
270
00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:25,253
Dad, they're all bruised
and filthy.
271
00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:27,055
Yeah, these might be
throwin'-at-buses apples,
272
00:12:27,089 --> 00:12:29,057
not eatin' apples.
See, Meg?
273
00:12:29,091 --> 00:12:32,294
You can be in the flashback
'cause we're friends now.
274
00:12:47,843 --> 00:12:49,578
Hey, Brian.
275
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:51,079
Hey, you don't even smell
like skunk anymore.
276
00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:52,347
Why are you still
out here?
277
00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:54,282
There's nothing
inside for me anymore.
278
00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:55,483
I've moved on.
279
00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:59,588
There was a boo-ger
in that spit, wasn't there?
280
00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:00,589
Stewie, leave me alone.
281
00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:02,057
This is where I belong,
282
00:13:02,091 --> 00:13:03,758
out here in the wild.
283
00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:04,759
The wild?
284
00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,294
You're standing
on the driveway.
285
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,496
Come on.
Hey, hey! Let go of me!
286
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:12,467
I can't believe it.
You've become a wild animal.
287
00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:15,370
You're like that tiger
from Siegfried and Roy.
288
00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:19,341
Um, I think we all know
the answer to this,
289
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:21,776
but should I get tested?
290
00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:31,052
You guys are back!
291
00:13:31,087 --> 00:13:33,021
Meg, how was
your interview?
292
00:13:33,055 --> 00:13:34,356
Ah, we didn't go.
293
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:36,024
I slept
right through it.
294
00:13:36,058 --> 00:13:36,791
What?!
295
00:13:36,826 --> 00:13:37,792
Yeah, it was awesome.
296
00:13:37,827 --> 00:13:39,060
We stayed up all night partying.
297
00:13:39,095 --> 00:13:40,929
By the way,
if a girl named Rachel calls,
298
00:13:40,963 --> 00:13:43,465
it's a wrong number,
but do tell me that she called.
299
00:13:43,499 --> 00:13:45,133
Where's your
wedding ring?
300
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:47,207
Yeah, so we missed the
interview, so that's a shame.
301
00:13:47,236 --> 00:13:49,137
Meg, how could you
miss your interview?
302
00:13:49,171 --> 00:13:51,139
That school was
your first choice.
303
00:13:51,173 --> 00:13:53,475
I'll get it!
304
00:13:53,509 --> 00:13:54,809
It doesn't matter, Mom.
305
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,344
Dad and I had
a great time.
306
00:13:56,379 --> 00:13:57,746
We went to a party!
307
00:13:57,780 --> 00:14:00,348
We bonded for the first time
in our lives.
308
00:14:00,383 --> 00:14:01,883
It was just Joe.
309
00:14:01,917 --> 00:14:03,418
Meg, how could you blow
your chance
310
00:14:03,452 --> 00:14:05,220
to go
to your first-choice college?
311
00:14:05,254 --> 00:14:07,989
I can't believe
you would be so irresponsible.
312
00:14:08,024 --> 00:14:10,325
Hey, Meg, you want to huck
some water balloons at nerds?
313
00:14:10,359 --> 00:14:12,060
Sure!
314
00:14:12,094 --> 00:14:13,461
What the hell?!
315
00:14:15,498 --> 00:14:17,966
We'll work on the laugh,
but you'll get there.
316
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,001
To the Meg-copter!
317
00:14:23,105 --> 00:14:24,673
Huh, look down there.
318
00:14:24,707 --> 00:14:26,608
That looks like me
with a green shirt.
319
00:14:26,642 --> 00:14:28,343
He's murdering a lady.
320
00:14:36,616 --> 00:14:37,877
Dinner's getting cold.
321
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,479
I wonder where your father
and Meg are.
322
00:14:39,513 --> 00:14:42,515
They left for the movies
five hours ago.
323
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,220
God, look at Lois picking food
from her teeth with her nail.
324
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,821
Someone should tell her
she's a pig.
325
00:14:48,856 --> 00:14:50,022
Mom, you're a pig!
326
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,557
No, you're not supposed
to actually do it!
327
00:14:51,592 --> 00:14:52,892
We were
just talking here!
328
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,961
Oh, now she's crying.
That's not what I wanted.
329
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,996
Stop crying, you bitch!
330
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,065
I got to get Brian back
in the house.
331
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,833
It's just not the same
without him here.
332
00:15:00,868 --> 00:15:04,137
It's like Arnold Schwarzenegger
without an accent.
333
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,471
It might be a tumor.
334
00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:07,406
It's not a tumor.
335
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,147
Where are you two
going now?
336
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:17,383
We're going two places:
none of yo and beeswax.
337
00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:19,152
Clean slam! Come on, Meg!
338
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:22,221
Meg, I'm glad you're having
a good time with your father,
339
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:24,891
but don't let him distract you
from your priorities.
340
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,760
Remember, you still have
a chance to get into college.
341
00:15:27,795 --> 00:15:29,428
Mom, we're just having fun.
342
00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:31,764
I've never had a good
time with Dad before.
343
00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:33,633
I'm just saying,
it's not easy
344
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,635
dealing with
your father's craziness.
345
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,303
Believe me,
this is no job
346
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,572
for the family's
designated schmendrick.
347
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,841
Trust me, Mom.
I know what I'm doing.
348
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,176
That's what
your father said
349
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:46,012
before he took that walking tour
of Providence.
350
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,814
This is where a homeless
man ate the finger
351
00:15:47,848 --> 00:15:49,215
of another
homeless man.
352
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,717
This is where some teenagers
beat a gay guy to death.
353
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:54,654
This building used to be
Irish. Now it's Cambodian.
354
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:56,923
And this is where fake
tour guides throw rocks
355
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,524
and steal
tourists' wallets.
356
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,726
Oh, yeah, I read
about this part on Yelp.
357
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:11,571
Meg.
358
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,941
Meg.
359
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,311
Come on.
360
00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:25,651
Come on, it'll be fun.
361
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,290
Isn't this great, Meg?
362
00:16:32,593 --> 00:16:35,461
Sorry I forgot
to get you an ostrich.
363
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,666
All right, Meg, you and me
364
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:42,268
are gonna get
something pierced together.
365
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,870
I'll get my ear done.
How about you?
366
00:16:43,904 --> 00:16:46,405
Um, I guess my ears
would be okay.
367
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,880
Oh, come on, Meg,
you're my daughter.
368
00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:49,208
Nothing but the best for you.
369
00:16:49,243 --> 00:16:50,276
You're getting the works!
370
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,811
Here, I want everything you got.
371
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,913
Only the best
for my daughter Meg.
372
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,181
Ah, look at that.
373
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:56,849
You look like one of them
beautiful, troubled
374
00:16:56,884 --> 00:16:59,385
Scandinavian youths I've
seen on the porn sites.
375
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,987
- You like it?
Mm-hmm.
376
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,655
Awesome. Come on,
let's go next door
377
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,258
and get your mom a funny
refrigerator magnet.
378
00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:12,531
I got a piercing, too.
379
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,205
Hey, Lois, guess who made
15 baskets in a row
380
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,740
at the county fair.
381
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:21,941
Some kid we beat up.
382
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:23,643
Oh, what a great day!
383
00:17:23,677 --> 00:17:25,244
Had enough yet?
Yes!
384
00:17:25,279 --> 00:17:26,579
I don't know
how you do it.
385
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,514
Everything he does
is exhausting.
386
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,484
Even something as simple
as going to the bank.
387
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,359
Meg, you've probably wondered
from time to time
388
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,421
how on earth I pay
for all my shenanigans.
389
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,756
Well, I'm gonna show you.
390
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:39,558
This is a robbery! Everybody
get on the ground!
391
00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:41,627
If this bitch moves,
shoot him in the eye!
392
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:43,296
Dad, I don't want
to do this!
393
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,431
You have to! Next week,
we're buying a zebra!
394
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,433
But, Dad...
There's no time to argue!
395
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,768
We got 150 seconds
396
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,836
before the police respond
to the silent alarm!
397
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:52,505
Now check those
bags for dye packs!
398
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,508
Who's the manager here?!
399
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,575
I-I am.
400
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,178
What are you doing?!
401
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,846
You said if he moves,
shoot him!
402
00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:03,049
He's the only one with the
combination to the safe!
403
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,384
It's blown! It's blown!
This whole operation is blown!
404
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:07,653
I'll get the car.
Kill everyone else.
405
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:08,854
You've got
to help me, Mom.
406
00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:10,056
What do you want me to do?
407
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,224
Please, take him back.
408
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,826
I suppose I could, Meg.
409
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,095
But a part of growing up
is learning how to handle
410
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:19,031
a tough situation on your own,
like getting into college
411
00:18:19,066 --> 00:18:21,067
or breaking up
with your father.
412
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:26,205
I guess,
but it's not gonna be easy.
413
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,007
Well, life's not
always easy, Meg.
414
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,376
Just ask an
ugly Boy Scout.
415
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,646
Scoutmaster Davenport, you want
to share a tent with me tonight?
416
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,516
Oh, Billy, I like
you as a friend.
417
00:18:42,823 --> 00:18:44,657
Brian, you got
to get in here, man.
418
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,892
I've been taking a break
from Lois's breast milk,
419
00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:49,028
and her boobs
are enormous.
420
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:51,230
They're like Jiffy Pop
just before the foil breaks.
421
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,699
You should come check 'em out
before they get infected.
422
00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:56,168
Yeah, nice try, Stewie,
but I'm still not coming inside.
423
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,337
But, Brian,
I need you inside.
424
00:18:58,372 --> 00:19:00,406
I'm going crazy in here
without you.
425
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,608
Please, I need
my friend back.
426
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,744
Look, Stewie,
I've learned something out here.
427
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,079
You see, living in the wild,
I-I've realized
428
00:19:07,114 --> 00:19:09,148
that all the pain
I've ever had in my life
429
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:12,351
has-has come from me always
trying to be something I'm not.
430
00:19:12,386 --> 00:19:15,154
I mean, I'm not a writer,
I'm not an artist,
431
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,023
I'm not an intellectual.
432
00:19:17,057 --> 00:19:19,425
What I am... is a dog.
433
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:23,295
And as a dog,
my place is outside.
434
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,630
I'm sorry, Stewie,
435
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,633
but nothing will ever
make me come back inside.
436
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:34,874
Stewie, get the
hell in here!
437
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:39,578
That dog sure changed
his mind quick.
438
00:19:44,151 --> 00:19:45,618
Oh, Meg, there you are!
439
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:46,786
Hey, let's put on
fake eyelashes
440
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,320
and flirt with
people on the bus.
441
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,190
Dad, I'm sorry,
but I can't go with you.
442
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,859
Mmm, are you sure?
443
00:19:53,894 --> 00:19:55,394
I called Green Mountain College.
444
00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:56,929
They let me reschedule
my interview,
445
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,798
so I'm gonna drive
back up there.
446
00:19:58,832 --> 00:20:01,000
It's time for me
to get serious about my life
447
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,701
and take some responsibility.
448
00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:04,570
I don't like this Meg.
449
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,038
I like the fun Meg!
450
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:07,773
I thought we were friends.
451
00:20:07,808 --> 00:20:09,975
Dad, I don't need you
to be my friend.
452
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:12,344
I need you to be my father.
453
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,146
Well, that is too much
to ask, Meg.
454
00:20:14,181 --> 00:20:16,148
It's hard being a father.
455
00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:18,951
This is why that woman in Texas
drowned all her kids.
456
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:21,020
I hate the passage of time!
457
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,489
My little girl's growing up!
458
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,726
Yes, she is, Dad.
459
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:29,261
Yes, she is.
460
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,272
I did get
into Green Mountain College,
461
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,641
and contracted HPV
my first night there.
462
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,310
I got nicknamed the Warthog,
463
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:47,813
and, like the HPV,
it stuck for life.
464
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:52,848
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man