1 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:37,570 Tvnnouncer: From time life music, comes a one-of-a kind 3 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,673 Rat pack collection, "their most bigoted songs." 4 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,976 All your favorite, once acceptable hits like 5 00:00:43,208 --> 00:00:44,442 "drunk old injun." 6 00:00:46,245 --> 00:00:49,213 ¶ the drunk old injun's squattin' in his teepee ¶ 7 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:51,883 ¶ fire water keepin' him warm. ¶ 8 00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:53,584 Announcer: "jewish nose" 9 00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:57,188 ¶ she's got a big, beautiful jewish nose ¶ 10 00:00:57,256 --> 00:01:00,625 ¶ and it's there two minutes early wherever she goes. ¶ 11 00:01:00,692 --> 00:01:03,861 Announcer: Dean martin singing "chinaman's chance." 12 00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:07,331 ¶ and mr. Chinaman say, in his chinaman way ¶ 13 00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:10,868 ¶ a ding-a-ling, a ching-a-chong a ching-a-chong choo. ¶ 14 00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:14,105 Announcer: "pew, stinky frenchman." 15 00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:17,175 ¶ paris is lovely and nice sure is nice ¶ 16 00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:20,545 ¶ and marseilles is charming with champagne on ice ¶ 17 00:01:20,612 --> 00:01:24,015 ¶ but you, stinky frenchman, haven't a clue ¶ 18 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:27,485 ¶ pew, stinky frenchman, frog you. ¶ 19 00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,886 "hey there, fruity." 20 00:01:30,355 --> 00:01:31,856 ¶ hey there, fruity ¶ 21 00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:33,624 ¶ you can do my hair ¶ 22 00:01:33,692 --> 00:01:35,159 ¶ hey there, fruity ¶ 23 00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:37,061 ¶ don't touch me down there ¶ 24 00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:38,696 ¶ hey there, fruity ¶ 25 00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:42,166 ¶ you're gay and I don't approve. ¶ 26 00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:44,168 Announcer: And many more! 27 00:01:45,804 --> 00:01:47,371 You know, I'm sick of looking at that. 28 00:01:47,439 --> 00:01:48,940 What? That empty space. 29 00:01:49,007 --> 00:01:51,275 It just reminds me that cleveland's not here anymore. 30 00:01:51,343 --> 00:01:52,910 Yeah, it's just not the same without him. 31 00:01:52,978 --> 00:01:54,112 I sure wish he... 32 00:01:54,179 --> 00:01:55,746 Hey, guys, look! 33 00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,015 It's him! 34 00:01:58,083 --> 00:01:59,417 Hey, cleveland! 35 00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:01,853 Why didn't you tell us you were back, buddy? 36 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,254 Oh, it's a lamp. 37 00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:07,525 You know, guys, I've been thinkin'. 38 00:02:07,593 --> 00:02:09,660 We need a new fourth guy for our group. 39 00:02:09,728 --> 00:02:10,795 We're a man short. 40 00:02:10,863 --> 00:02:12,396 Like stadler without waldorf. 41 00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:13,798 (laughing) 42 00:02:13,866 --> 00:02:15,466 You know, without the other guy yappin' in my ear, 43 00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:16,834 These guys aren't half bad. 44 00:02:20,906 --> 00:02:23,341 Now I know you're interested in being the fourth guy 45 00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:25,610 In our entourage, kevin connolly, but don't you 46 00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,845 Think you're a little small? Listen, I tell you what. 47 00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:30,314 You can be in our group if I can have some of your cereal. 48 00:02:30,382 --> 00:02:32,950 Oh, no! They're after me kevin connolly charms! 49 00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:40,725 How's your friend search going? 50 00:02:40,792 --> 00:02:42,827 (sighs) not great, lois. What friend search? 51 00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:43,828 Oh, we're just trying to find 52 00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:44,829 A friend to replace cleveland. 53 00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:45,830 We've been meeting people 54 00:02:45,898 --> 00:02:47,198 For the past three days. 55 00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,766 Well, you don't need to look for somebody new. 56 00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,668 I'll hang out with you guys. Yeah, you know, 57 00:02:50,736 --> 00:02:52,236 I don't think that's gonna work out, brian, 58 00:02:52,304 --> 00:02:53,404 'cause of the whole quagmire thing. 59 00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:54,805 What quagmire thing? 60 00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:56,307 Oh, you know, just that he hates you. 61 00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,342 Quagmire hates me? Hates you. 62 00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:00,912 I-I don't get it. Why, why wouldn't quagmire like me? 63 00:03:00,979 --> 00:03:02,547 Because he thinks you're annoying. 64 00:03:02,614 --> 00:03:04,715 Like people who never shut up about their kids. 65 00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:07,451 He, he would have been four today. 66 00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:09,687 I-I still don't understand. 67 00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:12,190 How do you drown in an inch of water? 68 00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:14,258 (sobbing) well... 69 00:03:14,326 --> 00:03:17,328 I guess I don't have a new sweater and a haircut. 70 00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:22,900 (sighs): Who would've thought 71 00:03:22,968 --> 00:03:24,468 It would be this hard to replace cleveland? 72 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:25,937 You know, guys, we've kind of been 73 00:03:26,004 --> 00:03:27,338 Ignoring the obvious here. 74 00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:28,940 I mean, if you really break it down, 75 00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:30,708 What we need is a black guy. 76 00:03:30,776 --> 00:03:32,810 Yeah, that was the best thing about cleveland. 77 00:03:32,878 --> 00:03:34,946 Oh, by far. I sure do miss him. 78 00:03:35,013 --> 00:03:36,981 Peter's right. We gotta find another black guy. 79 00:03:37,049 --> 00:03:38,149 Yeah, 'cause otherwise we're just 80 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,584 A bunch of boring white guys. 81 00:03:39,651 --> 00:03:41,419 Like a london gentlemen's club. 82 00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:44,121 (clears throat) 83 00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:46,357 (clears throat) 84 00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:47,592 (clears throat) 85 00:03:47,659 --> 00:03:48,826 (clears throat) 86 00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,161 (clears throat) 87 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,029 (clears throat) 88 00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:53,931 (clears throat) 89 00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:55,566 (clears throat) 90 00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:57,468 (clears throat) 91 00:03:57,536 --> 00:03:58,869 (clears throat louder) 92 00:03:58,937 --> 00:04:00,338 (clears throat) 93 00:04:00,405 --> 00:04:02,373 (clears throat loudly) 94 00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:03,674 (clears throat even louder) 95 00:04:03,742 --> 00:04:05,243 (clears throat loudly) 96 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,445 (clears throat even louder) 97 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:09,447 (clears throat loudly) 98 00:04:09,514 --> 00:04:11,048 (clears throat loudly) 99 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:14,719 (angrily clears throat) 100 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:18,122 (annoyingly clears throat) 101 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:20,224 (clears throat noisily) 102 00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:21,392 (clears throat) 103 00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:22,927 (clears throat) 104 00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:25,630 (clears throat quietly) 105 00:04:25,697 --> 00:04:27,231 (clears throat a bit softer) 106 00:04:27,299 --> 00:04:28,733 (clears throat even softer) 107 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,201 (clears throat softly) 108 00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:31,469 (clears throat briefly) 109 00:04:31,536 --> 00:04:33,971 (clears throat softly) 110 00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:36,140 (clears throat very quietly) 111 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,943 Hey, you guys want to enter the darts tournament? 112 00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:40,978 First prize is free drinks all night. 113 00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:43,214 Oh, we'd love to, horace, but there's only three of us. 114 00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,116 Man: Did I hear some sorry ass fools 115 00:04:45,183 --> 00:04:47,051 In need of a motherlovin' fourth? 116 00:04:52,157 --> 00:04:54,325 I'll join your darts game. 117 00:04:54,393 --> 00:04:55,626 How do we know you're any good? 118 00:05:00,032 --> 00:05:03,200 Gentlemen, we got us a black man. 119 00:05:04,703 --> 00:05:06,570 (all laughing) 120 00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:10,641 Oh, boy, what a fantastic evening. 121 00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:13,444 Jerome, you are a wonderful addition to our group. 122 00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:14,879 Hey, thanks, peter. 123 00:05:14,946 --> 00:05:16,414 I like you guys, too. 124 00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:18,983 What do you say we hit another bar, keep it goin'? 125 00:05:19,051 --> 00:05:21,819 I can't. There's a girl tied up in my basement who needs some food. 126 00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:24,455 That's funny. You funny, pointy man. 127 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:26,590 Yeah, I... I joke around a lot. 128 00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:33,097 Thanks for the lift home, jerome. 129 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,532 Hey, if you got time to come in, 130 00:05:34,599 --> 00:05:35,900 I'd love for you to meet my wife. 131 00:05:35,967 --> 00:05:38,002 I got time for whatever I want, fool. 132 00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:40,738 My watch don't tell time, I tell it. 133 00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:43,974 Wow, you're cooler than a york peppermint pattie. 134 00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:46,077 When I bite into a york peppermint pattie, 135 00:05:46,144 --> 00:05:48,112 I get the sensation... 136 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:51,582 Of being on a frozen mountaintop! 137 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:54,518 It has been two months since I made the tragic choice 138 00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:56,654 To bite into a york peppermint pattie, 139 00:05:56,722 --> 00:05:58,389 And still I have made no progress 140 00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:00,191 Finding my way out of the mountains. 141 00:06:00,258 --> 00:06:02,259 The only food I have is the rest of this 142 00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:04,595 York peppermint pattie, which unfortunately, 143 00:06:04,663 --> 00:06:07,064 Keeps bringing me back to the top of the mountain. 144 00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:10,468 If anyone finds this, tell my family I love them. 145 00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:12,803 ...Of being on a frozen mountaintop! 146 00:06:16,942 --> 00:06:18,943 Hey, lois. I'd like you to meet our new friend... 147 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:19,944 Jerome? 148 00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:21,379 Loose lois? 149 00:06:21,446 --> 00:06:23,447 Wha... You guys know each other? 150 00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:24,882 Know each other? 151 00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,284 Peter, jerome is an old boyfriend of mine. 152 00:06:27,352 --> 00:06:29,153 What?! (stewie yawning) 153 00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:31,021 Sorry, I was out of it. Wait, are we being robbed? 154 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:38,245 Peter, I know I told you about jerome. 155 00:06:38,313 --> 00:06:40,080 Lois, I would've remembered if you told me that. 156 00:06:40,148 --> 00:06:41,582 I told you, peter. 157 00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,651 I remember exactly what we were doing. 158 00:06:43,718 --> 00:06:45,586 (both laughing) 159 00:06:47,622 --> 00:06:49,356 I slept with a black guy. 160 00:06:49,424 --> 00:06:52,259 I hope this doesn't make you feel awkward, my man. 161 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,161 It was a long time ago. 162 00:06:54,229 --> 00:06:55,696 Hey, that's a beautiful baby. 163 00:06:55,764 --> 00:06:56,931 Mind if I hold him? 164 00:06:56,998 --> 00:06:58,599 Go right ahead. 165 00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,234 Hey there, lil' fella. 166 00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:01,535 What's that around your neck? 167 00:07:01,603 --> 00:07:03,971 Well, I say, it's a little black jesus. 168 00:07:04,039 --> 00:07:06,140 ¶ black jesus. ¶ 169 00:07:06,207 --> 00:07:08,876 I rode into town on an ass. 170 00:07:08,944 --> 00:07:10,778 Your mama's ass. 171 00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:13,614 ¶ black jesus. ¶ 172 00:07:13,682 --> 00:07:15,549 It was really good to see you, lois. 173 00:07:15,617 --> 00:07:17,785 We should grab a coffee or something and catch up. 174 00:07:17,852 --> 00:07:19,620 That would be great. 175 00:07:19,688 --> 00:07:21,589 It was really nice to see you, too. 176 00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:22,890 Well, it's gettin' late, jerome. 177 00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:24,625 I'm sure you got stuff to do. 178 00:07:24,693 --> 00:07:26,627 Yeah, I gotta go down to the gas station 179 00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:28,495 And buy a framed painting of a tiger. 180 00:07:28,563 --> 00:07:30,831 Catch y'all later. 181 00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:33,067 You're not really gonna hang out with him, lois, are ya? 182 00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:34,835 We're just friends, peter. 183 00:07:34,903 --> 00:07:36,337 Don't tell me you're jealous? 184 00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:39,673 Well, you datin' that guy? It's just a lot to take in. 185 00:07:39,741 --> 00:07:41,575 (laughs): Oh, you're tellin' me. 186 00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:43,744 Oh, come on! Those kinds of jokes aren't helpin'. 187 00:07:43,812 --> 00:07:45,412 Well, what do you want me to say? 188 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,947 You're bein' silly. 189 00:07:47,015 --> 00:07:50,117 I mean, jerome and I dated over 12 inches ago. 190 00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:52,086 (laughs): I said inches! 191 00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:54,188 What did I just say?! I'm sorry. 192 00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:56,523 I'm sorry. Okay, look, just relax. 193 00:07:56,591 --> 00:07:58,892 You're my husband and I love you, 194 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,527 So just put jerome out of your head. 195 00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:03,931 Get him out of my life is more like it. 196 00:08:06,768 --> 00:08:09,336 Brian, I just found out chris farley died. 197 00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:11,171 Yeah, that happened like 12 years ago. 198 00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:12,973 But I just watched tommy boy yesterday. 199 00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:14,775 He was right there. Yeah, that's a movie. 200 00:08:14,843 --> 00:08:17,177 It's shot beforehand. It's not happening right now. 201 00:08:17,245 --> 00:08:19,880 Really? But I thought my knocking on the tv glass 202 00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:22,316 Distracted him, and that's what made him fall down that hill. 203 00:08:22,384 --> 00:08:24,385 (laughing): Oh, oh, seeing him fall down that hill 204 00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:25,953 Put me in a good humor! 205 00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,187 Stewie, get lost. 206 00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:28,856 What are you doing just standing out here? 207 00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:30,724 I'm waiting for quagmire to get his mail. 208 00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:32,359 I'm gonna conveniently stroll by 209 00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:33,861 And strike up a conversation with him, 210 00:08:33,928 --> 00:08:35,529 And maybe find out why he hates me. 211 00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:37,164 Oh, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. 212 00:08:37,232 --> 00:08:38,666 You'll smooth it over. 213 00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,871 Hey, quagmire, what a coincidence. 214 00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:45,806 You and me just runnin' into each other. 215 00:08:45,874 --> 00:08:47,141 How, how ya doin'? Fine. 216 00:08:50,045 --> 00:08:51,745 Oh, takin' a break, huh? 217 00:08:51,813 --> 00:08:53,380 She's a hot piece of ass. 218 00:08:53,448 --> 00:08:55,315 And from the looks of it, she likes it rough. 219 00:08:55,383 --> 00:08:56,684 That's my sister, brian. 220 00:08:56,751 --> 00:08:58,686 Her boyfriend has been beating her mercilessly. 221 00:08:58,753 --> 00:09:01,021 The last thing she'd want right now is to be objectified. 222 00:09:01,089 --> 00:09:03,290 Oh, god. I'm, I'm really sorry. 223 00:09:03,358 --> 00:09:05,325 I got a deaf brother, you want to make fun of him, too? 224 00:09:06,494 --> 00:09:07,494 (door closes) 225 00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:08,462 (brakes screeching) 226 00:09:11,633 --> 00:09:13,067 Man: Where is she? Quagmire: She's not here. 227 00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:14,268 Harriet: Get out, jeff! 228 00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:15,969 Just get out of here! 229 00:09:16,037 --> 00:09:17,938 Oh, I'll get out when I'm finished. 230 00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:19,339 (punch landing, glass shattering) harriet: No! Ow! 231 00:09:19,407 --> 00:09:21,442 You feel good about your sex joke earlier, brian? 232 00:09:21,509 --> 00:09:23,510 He's savagely beating her again. You hear that? 233 00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:24,745 Yeah, I'm not deaf. 234 00:09:24,813 --> 00:09:26,280 Oh, oh, what, like my brother? 235 00:09:26,347 --> 00:09:27,881 Boy, you have no class! 236 00:09:27,949 --> 00:09:29,683 Man: Yeah, that's the guy's brother, man! 237 00:09:29,751 --> 00:09:31,218 Harriet: Yeah! Shut up, bitch! (fist smacking) 238 00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:37,057 Hey, you know what they say. 239 00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:39,660 See a broad, to get that booty, yak 'em. 240 00:09:39,728 --> 00:09:42,029 Quagmire & jerome: Leg her down and smack 'em yak 'em! 241 00:09:42,097 --> 00:09:43,831 (laughs) cold got to be. 242 00:09:43,898 --> 00:09:45,933 (both laughing) 243 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,668 Golly! If you'll excuse me, 244 00:09:47,736 --> 00:09:49,470 I'm gonna order me some cheap cognac 245 00:09:49,537 --> 00:09:51,872 And put it in a fancy glass. 246 00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:53,273 Boy, jerome is the greatest. 247 00:09:53,341 --> 00:09:54,408 We really lucked out. 248 00:09:54,476 --> 00:09:55,576 I don't know, you guys. 249 00:09:55,643 --> 00:09:57,077 I'm not so sure about jerome. 250 00:09:57,145 --> 00:09:59,012 I mean, how do we know we can really trust him? 251 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,482 What are you talking about, peter? Jerome's awesome. 252 00:10:01,549 --> 00:10:03,350 Yeah, why the hell wouldn't we be able to trust him? 253 00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:04,918 All right, you guys want the truth? 254 00:10:04,986 --> 00:10:07,621 Before me and lois were married, our new friend 255 00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:09,623 Used to slip her the old pringles can. 256 00:10:09,691 --> 00:10:12,526 Well, so what, peter. That was 20 years ago. 257 00:10:12,594 --> 00:10:13,761 That doesn't matter! 258 00:10:13,828 --> 00:10:15,596 Look, peter, jerome's the coolest guy 259 00:10:15,663 --> 00:10:17,097 We've met since cleveland left. 260 00:10:17,165 --> 00:10:19,399 Yeah, don't do anything to ruin this, peter. 261 00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:21,435 You know, the way you ruined my parrot. 262 00:10:21,503 --> 00:10:23,036 I just bought it yesterday. 263 00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:24,505 Isn't it beautiful? 264 00:10:24,572 --> 00:10:26,573 Cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, 265 00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:27,975 Cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple. 266 00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:29,276 Cripple! Damn it! 267 00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:35,182 That son of a bitch. 268 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,884 Thinks he can sleep with my wife! 269 00:10:36,951 --> 00:10:38,285 Not on my watch. 270 00:10:40,989 --> 00:10:43,123 Alex keaton (on tv): Listen, I don't care that you're dating mallory. 271 00:10:43,191 --> 00:10:44,992 Nobody in this family likes you, nick. 272 00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:47,761 You just stand your ground, garbage sculpture man. 273 00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:49,363 They'll come to respect you. 274 00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:50,731 You bastard. 275 00:10:50,799 --> 00:10:52,199 Nick was no good for her 276 00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,067 And it broke skippy handleman's heart! 277 00:11:03,978 --> 00:11:06,647 Dear god and black jesus! 278 00:11:14,088 --> 00:11:15,088 Jerome? 279 00:11:15,156 --> 00:11:16,557 What, uh... 280 00:11:16,624 --> 00:11:18,225 What-- what the hell are you doing here? 281 00:11:18,293 --> 00:11:20,694 Oh, peter, something terrible has happened. 282 00:11:20,762 --> 00:11:22,963 Somebody burned down jerome's house last night. 283 00:11:23,031 --> 00:11:25,833 This whacked-out world. 284 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,835 It just makes you want to grab your nephew 285 00:11:27,902 --> 00:11:30,304 And get in a van and shoot people in the d.C. Area. 286 00:11:30,371 --> 00:11:32,873 Yeah, well, when I find the guy who did it, 287 00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:36,043 I'm gonna rip his arms off and do his wife in front of him. 288 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,744 And no one would blame you. 289 00:11:37,812 --> 00:11:39,213 But, meanwhile, jerome, 290 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,014 You are more than welcome to stay with us. 291 00:11:41,082 --> 00:11:42,149 What? 292 00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:43,784 Oh, well, thank you, lois. 293 00:11:43,852 --> 00:11:46,987 Man, I'm so lucky to have real friends like you and peter. 294 00:11:47,055 --> 00:11:48,455 Well, I guess you can stay here. 295 00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:49,756 But I'll tell you one thing... 296 00:11:49,824 --> 00:11:51,291 Oh, hang on a second. 297 00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:53,126 What is that? 298 00:11:53,194 --> 00:11:55,395 I don't know, it's trying to do something. 299 00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:56,964 Oh... 300 00:11:57,031 --> 00:11:59,867 Well, well, I guess we're just gonna have to wait. 301 00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:07,735 So how long is jerome gonna be staying with us, dad? 302 00:12:07,803 --> 00:12:10,337 I don't know, chris, but the sooner he's out of here, the better. 303 00:12:10,405 --> 00:12:12,506 I don't trust him around lois for a second. 304 00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:15,643 Lois: Oh, god, jerome, that is so good. 305 00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:18,379 Oh, yeah, it's so hot and moist. 306 00:12:20,682 --> 00:12:23,217 Mmm, these scones are delicious. 307 00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,519 You are quite the little baker, jerome. 308 00:12:25,587 --> 00:12:26,654 Oh, thank god. 309 00:12:26,721 --> 00:12:28,222 What's going on in here?! 310 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,557 Relax, mr. Furley. 311 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,192 I thought what you thought, but it's okay. 312 00:12:31,259 --> 00:12:33,627 Well, it sounded like... I know, I know, but it's fine. 313 00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:35,296 Go back to being dead. 314 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:36,797 Peter, is everything all right? 315 00:12:36,865 --> 00:12:38,532 Yeah. Yeah, lois. Everything's fine. 316 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,801 You guys, uh, having a little breakfast? 317 00:12:40,869 --> 00:12:43,070 Yes, and jerome made scones. 318 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,840 Would you like one? Oh, they're delicious. 319 00:12:45,907 --> 00:12:48,209 I thought maybe later today, we could all... 320 00:12:48,276 --> 00:12:50,711 (choking) 321 00:12:50,779 --> 00:12:52,847 Oh, my god! Mom's choking! 322 00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,715 Out of the way. I'm an emt. 323 00:12:59,287 --> 00:13:00,955 Her airway's jammed. 324 00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:02,189 Come on, now. Just like that. 325 00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:03,691 (both grunting) 326 00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,559 I need some gravitational help. 327 00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:09,597 Oh, no, her clothes are constricting! 328 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,465 As are mine! 329 00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:13,400 (breathing heavily) 330 00:13:16,304 --> 00:13:17,471 (coughs) 331 00:13:17,539 --> 00:13:18,873 Oh, my god! 332 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:21,008 Oh! Thank you, jerome! 333 00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:22,810 You saved my life! 334 00:13:22,878 --> 00:13:25,513 "um, I'll have what she's having," 335 00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:27,781 Says the funniest person in the room. 336 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,555 Hey, what are you getting all dressed up for? 337 00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:36,390 I'm treating quagmire to a night out. 338 00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:37,758 Really? I thought he hated you. 339 00:13:37,826 --> 00:13:39,059 How'd you convince him to go? 340 00:13:39,127 --> 00:13:40,861 I tricked him. Sent him a phony card. 341 00:13:40,929 --> 00:13:43,097 He thinks he's going on a date with an old girlfriend. 342 00:13:43,164 --> 00:13:45,032 But instead, you're going to show up. 343 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,634 You got it. Yikes. 344 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,335 That's a recipe for disappointment. 345 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,970 Like walking a floral arrangement 346 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,405 Through an office full of fat women. 347 00:13:52,974 --> 00:13:54,508 Is there a miss... (excited gasping) 348 00:13:54,576 --> 00:13:56,076 ...Es. (all sighing) 349 00:14:00,649 --> 00:14:03,250 Brian? Where's cheryl tiegs? 350 00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:05,085 Well, she's not coming. 351 00:14:05,153 --> 00:14:07,655 I wrote you that, because I knew you'd never come if it was me. 352 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,157 But I planned a big night and we're gonna have a great time. 353 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,760 Brian, cheryl was the one that got away. 354 00:14:12,827 --> 00:14:14,795 She was the great love of my life. 355 00:14:14,863 --> 00:14:16,564 I thought this was my chance 356 00:14:16,631 --> 00:14:18,632 To finally achieve some real happiness. 357 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,168 Ever since she left, I've been chasing girls 358 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,337 To fill the hole she made when she walked out. 359 00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,172 And now I'm forever lost. 360 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,241 Well, I bet a thick, juicy steak 361 00:14:27,309 --> 00:14:28,776 Could help fill that hole, huh? 362 00:14:28,843 --> 00:14:30,711 (sobbing) 363 00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:34,815 Aw, come on, it'll be great. 364 00:14:34,883 --> 00:14:37,518 Listen, glenn, I-I want us to be friends. 365 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,587 I think we could be an even better team 366 00:14:39,654 --> 00:14:42,356 Than lewis and clark and the guy who likes to rip up maps. 367 00:14:42,524 --> 00:14:45,426 All right, the northwest passage.E. 368 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:47,494 Hey, can I see that? 369 00:14:48,964 --> 00:14:50,564 Damn it! You ass! 370 00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:52,700 Easy, clark. I hate that guy! 371 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,934 It's been a long trip. 372 00:14:54,002 --> 00:14:55,669 You're tired. No! I hate him! 373 00:14:55,737 --> 00:14:57,972 Look, you're angry, you're dehydrated. 374 00:14:58,039 --> 00:14:59,707 Just have some water from the canteen 375 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,009 And you'll feel better. Okay. 376 00:15:02,077 --> 00:15:04,378 I just totally drowned this ant hill. 377 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:10,951 Hey, when are we going to get there? 378 00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:14,188 Oh, and this is peter and I at our wedding. 379 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:15,756 Aw, you look beautiful. 380 00:15:15,824 --> 00:15:17,558 And he's a handsome fella, ain't he? 381 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,460 Well, I am ready for my evening. 382 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:20,928 Oh, my god, peter! 383 00:15:20,996 --> 00:15:23,197 What the hell?! Peter, what are you doing? 384 00:15:23,264 --> 00:15:25,566 Oh, surely, jerome, you don't want to stay in the same house 385 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,668 As a ghost who carries a torch around. 386 00:15:27,736 --> 00:15:30,170 Ooh, fire ghost! 387 00:15:30,238 --> 00:15:31,939 Ooh! Ya scared yet? 388 00:15:32,007 --> 00:15:33,574 Didn't know this place was haunted, did ya? 389 00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,075 Peter, take that thing off! 390 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,543 Hey, what the hell's going on? 391 00:15:36,611 --> 00:15:37,845 I'll tell you what's going on. 392 00:15:37,912 --> 00:15:39,647 I have had about enough of you, jerome. 393 00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:41,949 I know you want my wife, but you can't have her! 394 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,018 You are no longer welcome in my house! 395 00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:45,719 Whatchu talkin' 'bout, peter? (laughs) 396 00:15:45,787 --> 00:15:47,287 But you can't have sex with lois! 397 00:15:47,355 --> 00:15:49,089 Now, I want you out of here right now! 398 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,525 I can't believe this. 399 00:15:51,593 --> 00:15:53,761 I thought I found a true friend in you. 400 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:57,398 I'd never do anything to hurt you or your family. 401 00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,600 Man, you're breaking my heart. 402 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,001 Jerome, wait. 403 00:16:01,069 --> 00:16:02,803 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 404 00:16:02,871 --> 00:16:04,371 I'm sorry, lois. 405 00:16:04,439 --> 00:16:06,707 I think it would be better if I left. 406 00:16:06,775 --> 00:16:09,843 Peter, I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble. 407 00:16:09,911 --> 00:16:12,746 I won't be bothering you again. 408 00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:18,552 Wow, what just happened was kind of sad. 409 00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:23,157 (hums family guy theme morosely) 410 00:16:33,168 --> 00:16:35,703 So... Whose leg do you have to hump 411 00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:37,237 To get a dry martini around here? 412 00:16:37,305 --> 00:16:39,440 (chuckles) hmm. 413 00:16:39,507 --> 00:16:41,508 God, look at the size of these steak knives. 414 00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,777 Wha-what are they serving us? Tyrannosaurus rex? 415 00:16:43,845 --> 00:16:46,613 Not likely. 416 00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:50,684 Hey, what if I just drank this whole bottle of ketchup? 417 00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,553 Can you imagine? You dare me? 418 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,221 Kind of ruins it for the next person 419 00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,290 Who might want some ketchup. 420 00:16:56,357 --> 00:16:57,958 So, how's the flying business? 421 00:16:58,026 --> 00:17:00,627 Not so great. The economy's sort of taken its toll, 422 00:17:00,695 --> 00:17:03,230 Lot of salary cuts, lot of layoffs. Yeah? 423 00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:04,631 That's pretty much it. 424 00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:07,067 I mean, you want to learn more, read the papers, 425 00:17:07,135 --> 00:17:08,569 Go on the internet, I-I don't know. 426 00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:10,003 Boy, that's got to be an interesting job. 427 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,705 I'll bet you got-- how do those things work? 428 00:17:11,773 --> 00:17:13,507 What? Planes? 429 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,909 How does a plane work? Yeah. 430 00:17:15,977 --> 00:17:18,712 You want me to sit here and explain to you how a plane works? 431 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:20,280 I don't know. Yeah. 432 00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:21,582 You want to maybe just go? 433 00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:23,617 Quagmire, come on, I'm really trying hard here. 434 00:17:23,685 --> 00:17:25,018 Who asked you to try hard? 435 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,087 Nobody, but all-- I'm trying to establish 436 00:17:27,155 --> 00:17:28,388 A friendship with you. 437 00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:30,390 All I've done is try to be nice to you, 438 00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:32,926 And you still don't like me. How can you not like me? 439 00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:35,028 Okay. I'll tell you. 440 00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,297 You are the worst person I know. 441 00:17:37,365 --> 00:17:39,066 You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. 442 00:17:39,134 --> 00:17:40,834 The man pays for your food and rescued you 443 00:17:40,902 --> 00:17:42,736 From certain death, and this is how you repay him? 444 00:17:42,804 --> 00:17:45,672 And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. 445 00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,941 And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. 446 00:17:48,009 --> 00:17:49,510 You always say, "oh, I'll get you later." 447 00:17:49,577 --> 00:17:50,811 But later never comes. 448 00:17:50,879 --> 00:17:52,679 And what really bothers me, is you pretend 449 00:17:52,747 --> 00:17:55,015 You're this deep guy who loves women for their souls 450 00:17:55,083 --> 00:17:56,617 When all you do is date bimbos. 451 00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,418 Yeah, I date women for their bodies, 452 00:17:58,486 --> 00:17:59,853 But at least I'm honest about it. 453 00:17:59,921 --> 00:18:01,655 I don't buy them a copy of catcher in the rye 454 00:18:01,723 --> 00:18:04,158 And then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation 455 00:18:04,225 --> 00:18:06,660 Of how holden caulfield is some profound, intellectual. 456 00:18:06,728 --> 00:18:08,796 He wasn't. He was a spoiled brat. 457 00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:10,764 And that's why you like him so much-- he's you. 458 00:18:10,832 --> 00:18:12,099 God, you're pretentious! 459 00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:13,901 And you delude yourself by thinking you're some 460 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,202 Great writer, even though you're terrible. 461 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,570 You know, I should have known cheryl tiegs 462 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,105 Didn't write me that note. 463 00:18:18,173 --> 00:18:20,307 She would have known there's no "a" in the word "definite." 464 00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:22,009 And I think what I hate most about you 465 00:18:22,076 --> 00:18:24,011 Is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should 466 00:18:24,078 --> 00:18:25,612 "legalize pot, man," 467 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,548 How big business is crushing the underclass, 468 00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:29,750 How homelessness is the biggest tragedy in america. 469 00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,084 Well, what have you done to help? 470 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,686 I work down at the soup kitchen, brian. 471 00:18:32,754 --> 00:18:34,121 Never seen you down there. 472 00:18:34,189 --> 00:18:35,656 You want to help? Grab a ladle! 473 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:38,826 And, by the way, driving a prius doesn't make you jesus christ. 474 00:18:38,893 --> 00:18:40,494 Oh, wait, you don't believe in jesus christ, 475 00:18:40,562 --> 00:18:41,929 Or any religion for that matter, 476 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,463 Because "religion is for idiots." 477 00:18:43,531 --> 00:18:45,465 Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? 478 00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:47,000 You failed college twice. 479 00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:49,203 Which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. 480 00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:50,771 How's that son of yours you never see? 481 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,739 But you know what? I could forgive all of that, 482 00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:55,709 All of it, if you weren't such a bore. 483 00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:57,311 That's the worst of it, brian. 484 00:18:57,378 --> 00:19:00,948 You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore. 485 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,516 (exhales) 486 00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:03,951 Well, see ya, brian. 487 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,586 Thanks for the (bleep) steak. 488 00:19:09,624 --> 00:19:11,191 Boy, it sure is nice 489 00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:12,893 Having our house to ourselves again, huh? 490 00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:14,962 Lois? 491 00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:18,398 Peter, sometimes you just make me sick to my stomach. 492 00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:20,868 Look, I know you think jerome was a good guy, but... 493 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,669 No, he was a good guy, peter. 494 00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:24,171 And I'm gonna prove it to you. 495 00:19:24,239 --> 00:19:27,007 And you're gonna feel like a real jackass. 496 00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:28,442 What's that? 497 00:19:28,509 --> 00:19:30,444 It's a gift. For you. 498 00:19:30,511 --> 00:19:32,279 You don't deserve it, but if anything, 499 00:19:32,347 --> 00:19:33,780 It's gonna wake you up a little bit. 500 00:19:33,848 --> 00:19:35,582 Jerome got you this as a thank you 501 00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:38,118 For letting him stay here. 502 00:19:38,186 --> 00:19:40,954 It's an actual prop from family ties. 503 00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:44,658 This is... This is one of nick's garbage sculptures. 504 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,793 Yeah. Pretty thoughtful, isn't it? 505 00:19:46,861 --> 00:19:49,897 Oh, boy, do I feel like a jackass. 506 00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:52,332 Lois, I'm sorry. I'm just... 507 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,534 I let my jealousy get the best of me. 508 00:19:54,602 --> 00:19:56,503 Jerome's such a cool guy and I, 509 00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,005 I guess I was worried he was cool enough 510 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,473 To steal you away from me. 511 00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:01,675 You should know better than that, peter. 512 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,744 Now, I think you have an apology to make. 513 00:20:13,955 --> 00:20:16,957 Hey, you look like you could use a pal. 514 00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:18,992 Oh. Hi, peter. 515 00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:21,929 Look, I'm sorry about how I acted. 516 00:20:21,996 --> 00:20:23,630 It's just... 517 00:20:23,698 --> 00:20:24,698 Lois means everything to me. 518 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,133 And when I saw you together, 519 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,801 I-- I didn't know what was gonna happen. 520 00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:30,103 I just thought you might try to mount her 521 00:20:30,171 --> 00:20:31,705 Or whatever it is you guys do. 522 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:34,174 Peter, how could you even think that? 523 00:20:34,242 --> 00:20:36,476 I would never do anything like that to you. 524 00:20:36,544 --> 00:20:38,445 You were my boy. We were like family. 525 00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,347 Yeah, I know. 526 00:20:40,415 --> 00:20:41,615 I messed up bad. 527 00:20:41,683 --> 00:20:42,983 I'm really sorry, jerome. 528 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,021 We cool, peter. We cool. 529 00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:50,924 But, listen, there is something I got to fess up to. 530 00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:52,759 While I was living with y'all, 531 00:20:52,827 --> 00:20:55,862 I had myself lots of nasty ass sex with meg. 532 00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:57,631 I don't care about that. 533 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:03,941 Hey, brian, how'd it go? 534 00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:05,175 Fine. 535 00:21:05,243 --> 00:21:06,477 Wha-- have you been crying? 536 00:21:06,544 --> 00:21:07,878 What happened? 537 00:21:07,946 --> 00:21:09,980 It didn't work. He still hates me. 538 00:21:10,048 --> 00:21:11,381 You want to know something? 539 00:21:11,449 --> 00:21:12,649 That's okay. 540 00:21:12,717 --> 00:21:14,384 You don't need quagmire to like you. 541 00:21:14,452 --> 00:21:18,455 You only need one person to like you and that person is you. 542 00:21:18,523 --> 00:21:21,125 And I'll tell you something else, I like you. 543 00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,326 Thanks. 544 00:21:22,393 --> 00:21:23,894 You want to sleep in my room? 545 00:21:23,962 --> 00:21:24,928 Yeah, that'd be nice. 546 00:21:24,929 --> 00:21:32,929 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com