1 00:00:01,057 --> 00:00:03,091 Good evening, America. Tonight we present 2 00:00:03,314 --> 00:00:04,748 a full hour of Family Guy, 3 00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:07,183 beginning with a very special extended episode, 4 00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:09,686 followed by some never-before-seen musical clips. 5 00:00:09,754 --> 00:00:10,687 That's right. 6 00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:12,122 So, without further ado, 7 00:00:12,189 --> 00:00:14,858 here's a little episode entitled "Stewie and Brian." 8 00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:16,626 Well, actually, it's called "Brian and Stewie." 9 00:00:16,694 --> 00:00:18,828 Really? Shouldn't it be person before animal, 10 00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:20,130 like Turner and Hooch? 11 00:00:20,197 --> 00:00:21,931 I don't think that movie is a good example. 12 00:00:21,999 --> 00:00:23,266 Of anything. 13 00:00:23,334 --> 00:00:24,534 Besides, it's alphabetical. 14 00:00:24,602 --> 00:00:28,071 You asked to have your name first, didn't you? 15 00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:30,340 Ladies and gentlemen, here's "Brian and Stewie." 16 00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:31,441 Pathetic. 17 00:00:36,814 --> 00:00:38,114 Hurry up. 18 00:00:38,182 --> 00:00:40,183 We still have to swing by Wyndham's before they close. 19 00:00:40,251 --> 00:00:41,551 Relax. I'm almost done. 20 00:00:41,619 --> 00:00:43,653 And why do you have a safety deposit box anyway? 21 00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:45,789 What's in there that you can't bury in the yard? 22 00:00:45,856 --> 00:00:47,023 I have things. 23 00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:48,491 You have a dead bird in there? 24 00:00:48,559 --> 00:00:49,993 What are you gonna do with that? 25 00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,227 I was gonna take it home, 26 00:00:51,295 --> 00:00:52,762 show it to Lois, make her proud of me. 27 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:54,497 Hey, I'm starving. You want to grab a late lunch? 28 00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:55,632 Can't. I'm Jenny Craig-ing. 29 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,033 Already paid for the meals. 30 00:00:57,101 --> 00:00:59,669 And if I want to return this sweater, we've got to get 31 00:00:59,737 --> 00:01:01,671 to Wyndham's by half 6:00. Half 6:00? 32 00:01:01,739 --> 00:01:04,407 Yes. You have to return it within a fortnight for a refund. 33 00:01:04,475 --> 00:01:06,810 I love it, but I feel like it was too much. 34 00:01:06,877 --> 00:01:07,811 Cute, right? 35 00:01:07,878 --> 00:01:08,812 It's Thom Browne. 36 00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:10,347 It was over $3,000. 37 00:01:10,414 --> 00:01:12,849 You spent $3,000 on a sweater?! 38 00:01:12,917 --> 00:01:13,883 What's it to you? 39 00:01:13,951 --> 00:01:15,085 That's the most idiotic thing 40 00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:16,319 I've ever heard. You're a moron. 41 00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:17,654 A pretentious moron. 42 00:01:17,722 --> 00:01:19,255 Drop dead. I was returning it anyway. 43 00:01:19,323 --> 00:01:20,924 Where'd you even get that kind of money? 44 00:01:20,991 --> 00:01:22,625 None of your damn business, that's where. 45 00:01:22,693 --> 00:01:25,095 You know, today started as a really nice outing, 46 00:01:25,162 --> 00:01:26,629 but as usual, you had to ruin it. 47 00:01:26,697 --> 00:01:27,630 I had to ruin it? 48 00:01:27,698 --> 00:01:28,732 Yeah, you. 49 00:01:28,799 --> 00:01:30,166 You know, I-I was actually hoping 50 00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:32,135 that you'd talk me out of returning this sweater. 51 00:01:32,203 --> 00:01:34,237 So, you're right; I guess I am a moron. 52 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:37,006 You know, it's the one time I ever splurged on myself, 53 00:01:37,074 --> 00:01:39,209 and you have to go and make me feel foolish. 54 00:01:39,276 --> 00:01:40,610 Look, I didn't... Save it, okay? 55 00:01:40,678 --> 00:01:43,213 I'll be waiting outside under the porte cochere. 56 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,216 It's my own fault for thinking I could have pretty things. 57 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:47,784 I'm not having fun anymore. 58 00:01:47,852 --> 00:01:49,285 I feel you should know that. 59 00:01:49,353 --> 00:01:51,321 (door clanks) 60 00:01:51,389 --> 00:01:52,555 What was that? 61 00:01:53,791 --> 00:01:54,791 (grunting) 62 00:01:54,859 --> 00:01:56,159 I don't believe this. 63 00:01:56,227 --> 00:01:58,395 Hello?! Hello?! 64 00:01:58,462 --> 00:02:00,029 We're locked in! 65 00:02:00,097 --> 00:02:01,765 (sniffs) 66 00:02:01,832 --> 00:02:04,701 Did you... did you just crap your diaper? 67 00:02:04,769 --> 00:02:07,570 I got scared when the door closed. 68 00:02:07,638 --> 00:02:11,508 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 69 00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:14,811 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 70 00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:18,381 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 71 00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:21,451 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 72 00:02:21,519 --> 00:02:24,854 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 73 00:02:24,922 --> 00:02:28,057 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 74 00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:29,692 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 75 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,394 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 76 00:02:31,462 --> 00:02:33,029 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 77 00:02:33,097 --> 00:02:36,531 Family Guy 8x17 Brian and Stewie Original Air Date on May 2, 2010 78 00:02:36,602 --> 00:02:40,237 -- Sync, corrected by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 79 00:02:40,805 --> 00:02:42,639 (knocking) 80 00:02:44,842 --> 00:02:45,942 Hey! 81 00:02:46,010 --> 00:02:47,444 Hello! Hello! 82 00:02:47,511 --> 00:02:48,445 Somebody! 83 00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:49,946 We're trapped in here! 84 00:02:50,014 --> 00:02:51,247 You're wasting your breath. 85 00:02:51,315 --> 00:02:52,882 These bank vault doors close automatically 86 00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:54,217 at the end of the workday. 87 00:02:54,285 --> 00:02:55,852 This thing won't be open again till tomorrow. 88 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,887 Well, there's got to be some way out of here. Think! 89 00:02:57,955 --> 00:02:59,088 I don't know. You think of something. 90 00:02:59,156 --> 00:03:00,356 Well, I have no idea! 91 00:03:00,424 --> 00:03:01,691 So, you invented a time machine, 92 00:03:01,759 --> 00:03:03,660 but you can't get us out of a safe? 93 00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:05,528 Yeah, that's science. I'm not Houdini. 94 00:03:05,596 --> 00:03:06,996 Can't believe this. We're locked in here 95 00:03:07,064 --> 00:03:08,965 until tomorrow and the only thing I've eaten today 96 00:03:09,033 --> 00:03:10,834 was a grape Chris dropped at breakfast. 97 00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,335 It took me half an hour 98 00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:14,170 just to get the damn thing off the floor. 99 00:03:14,238 --> 00:03:16,206 I'm uncomfortable. You have to change me. 100 00:03:16,273 --> 00:03:17,373 I'm not changing you. 101 00:03:17,441 --> 00:03:18,641 We don't even have any diapers. 102 00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:20,009 Oh, my God, that smell 103 00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:21,344 is making me sick. (groans) 104 00:03:21,412 --> 00:03:22,612 Oh, thank you for making me more self-conscious. 105 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,013 I'm not gonna be able to stay like this 106 00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:25,482 until tomorrow, you know. 107 00:03:25,549 --> 00:03:28,051 Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about it. 108 00:03:28,118 --> 00:03:29,252 You don't? 109 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,054 No, I don't. 110 00:03:31,121 --> 00:03:32,489 Stop looking at me like that. 111 00:03:32,556 --> 00:03:35,258 Look, I'm ing to propose something, 112 00:03:35,326 --> 00:03:37,126 and I need you to hear me out. 113 00:03:37,194 --> 00:03:38,628 Will you promise me you'll do that? 114 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:39,696 I guess. 115 00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:41,130 You guess or you will? 116 00:03:41,198 --> 00:03:42,432 Yes, I'll hear you out. 117 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,835 Okay, well, I can't be in a soiled diaper 118 00:03:45,903 --> 00:03:47,770 until tomorrow, Brian; we both know that. 119 00:03:47,838 --> 00:03:49,239 I'll get a rash, which could lead 120 00:03:49,306 --> 00:03:50,874 to an infection if left like this. 121 00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,443 All-all right, fine, I'll take the diaper off. 122 00:03:53,511 --> 00:03:56,312 That doesn't really solve our problem, now, does it? 123 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,280 Yes, it does. 124 00:03:57,348 --> 00:03:59,849 No, it doesn't though, really. 125 00:03:59,917 --> 00:04:01,551 See, you're, you're not... (chuckles) 126 00:04:01,619 --> 00:04:02,919 you're not really thinking this through. 127 00:04:02,987 --> 00:04:04,254 W-We would still be faced 128 00:04:04,321 --> 00:04:06,523 with the problem of the odor, you see. 129 00:04:06,590 --> 00:04:08,057 And-and, of course, you know, 130 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:10,193 then what am I gonna do with no diaper? 131 00:04:10,261 --> 00:04:11,594 I'm-I'm not gonna walk around here 132 00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:12,962 with-with my Tic Tac hanging out. 133 00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:14,330 I-I need a clean diaper. 134 00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:16,232 I told you, we don't have any clean diapers. 135 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,635 Well, well, no, I mean, not right now we don't, no. 136 00:04:18,702 --> 00:04:22,405 But if-if the poo were to be removed... 137 00:04:22,473 --> 00:04:23,706 I'm not following you. 138 00:04:23,774 --> 00:04:27,944 If the poo were to be removed... 139 00:04:28,012 --> 00:04:30,113 W-What does that...? What are you driving at? 140 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:31,681 Eat it. 141 00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,550 What? Eat it, Brian. 142 00:04:33,617 --> 00:04:34,851 You're out of your (bleep) mind. 143 00:04:34,919 --> 00:04:36,553 Now, you promised you'd hear me out. 144 00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:38,354 Besides, is it really that big a deal? 145 00:04:38,422 --> 00:04:40,423 You just said yourself that you're starving. 146 00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:42,592 And, you know, I've seen you eat poop before, Brian. 147 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:43,726 Yeah, mine! 148 00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:45,094 Is that really a huge distinction? 149 00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:46,496 It is to me! 150 00:04:46,564 --> 00:04:48,364 I can't even... How would... You... 151 00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:49,966 That's sick! That is sick! 152 00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:52,335 How messed up in the head are you that y-you would even ask? 153 00:04:52,403 --> 00:04:53,970 Look, okay, okay, just calm down, okay? (groans) 154 00:04:54,038 --> 00:04:55,505 We're not, we're not... we're just talking. 155 00:04:55,573 --> 00:04:56,739 We're not doing anything yet. 156 00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:57,907 All right, we're just talking. 157 00:04:57,975 --> 00:04:59,475 Nobody's doing anything at this point. 158 00:04:59,543 --> 00:05:01,411 Dogs sometimes eat feces. 159 00:05:01,478 --> 00:05:03,346 It's not a judgment; it's just a fact. 160 00:05:03,414 --> 00:05:07,650 So what I would need you to do is eat what's in my diaper, 161 00:05:07,718 --> 00:05:10,553 lick the diaper clean, possibly lick my fanny 162 00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:13,089 and then put the diaper back on me. 163 00:05:13,157 --> 00:05:14,991 Probably lick my fanny. 164 00:05:15,059 --> 00:05:17,493 Yeah, you should start wrapping your brain around that, too. 165 00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:19,395 There is no way any of that is happening. 166 00:05:19,463 --> 00:05:21,230 Well, I don't see a way around it, do you? 167 00:05:21,298 --> 00:05:22,565 I would shoot myself first. 168 00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:23,733 Well, how you gonna shoot yourself? 169 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:24,701 There's no gun in here. 170 00:05:27,738 --> 00:05:30,673 There's a gun in your safety deposit box, isn't there? 171 00:05:34,411 --> 00:05:36,312 (both grunting) 172 00:05:39,883 --> 00:05:41,217 (gun cocks) 173 00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:43,119 Stewie, come on. You don't know how to use that thing. 174 00:05:43,187 --> 00:05:45,788 Oh, really? What if I hold it sideways like a black guy? 175 00:05:45,856 --> 00:05:47,490 Whoa, whoa, come on, man. Take it easy, all right? 176 00:05:47,558 --> 00:05:48,458 I-I don't want any trouble. 177 00:05:48,525 --> 00:05:49,759 There's not gonna be any trouble 178 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,160 as long as you eat my poo. 179 00:05:51,228 --> 00:05:52,428 That's not happening. 180 00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:53,663 Well, then I'll be forced to shoot you. 181 00:05:53,731 --> 00:05:55,131 Go ahead. There aren't any bullets in that gun. 182 00:05:55,199 --> 00:05:56,332 I don't believe you. Then shoot me. 183 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,500 I will. I will! Do it. Then do it! 184 00:05:57,568 --> 00:05:59,068 What are you waiting for? Go on! 185 00:05:59,136 --> 00:06:00,637 I will! I'll blow your (bleep) head off! 186 00:06:00,704 --> 00:06:03,072 Wait a minute. Don't you have your cell phone with you? 187 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:05,208 (gasps) You're right! 188 00:06:05,275 --> 00:06:07,543 Oh, no, low battery. 189 00:06:07,611 --> 00:06:10,079 I have to make this call count. 190 00:06:10,147 --> 00:06:11,280 Hurry up. 191 00:06:11,348 --> 00:06:12,248 It's ringing. 192 00:06:12,316 --> 00:06:13,282 Oh, thank God. 193 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:14,851 Come on, come on. 194 00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:17,053 Yes, hi. Can you connect me to men's designer wear, please? 195 00:06:17,121 --> 00:06:18,321 Thank you. What are you doing?! 196 00:06:18,389 --> 00:06:19,689 This will just take a second. 197 00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:20,690 Give me that! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 198 00:06:20,758 --> 00:06:22,425 Hi, uh, this is Stewie Griffin. 199 00:06:22,493 --> 00:06:23,993 Uh, who am I talking to? 200 00:06:24,061 --> 00:06:25,328 Hi, Matthew. 201 00:06:25,396 --> 00:06:26,929 I think you're the salesman who helped me 202 00:06:26,997 --> 00:06:29,098 pick out a Thom Browne sweater two weeks ago. 203 00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:30,800 Yes, I was going to see 204 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,669 The Bounty Hunter that night. 205 00:06:32,736 --> 00:06:34,337 Well, I enjoyed it very much. Thank you. 206 00:06:34,405 --> 00:06:35,471 Good memory, my word. 207 00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,507 Anyway, it doesn't fit properly and... 208 00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:38,675 Give me the damn phone! Hey! 209 00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:39,676 Stop it. 210 00:06:39,743 --> 00:06:41,444 Um, and I don't think I'm gonna 211 00:06:41,512 --> 00:06:43,813 make it to the store before closing time today. 212 00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:47,316 Is it possible to get an extension on that refund? 213 00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:49,252 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 214 00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:50,720 No exceptions, I see. 215 00:06:50,788 --> 00:06:53,890 So you're telling me if I was James Franco calling, 216 00:06:53,957 --> 00:06:57,527 I would still not be able to get an extension for one day? 217 00:06:57,594 --> 00:06:59,429 Yes, Matthew, I will hold for your manager. 218 00:06:59,496 --> 00:07:00,963 (whispers): I'm gonna wrap this up so quickly. 219 00:07:01,031 --> 00:07:03,433 Hey! Sorry, he's gonna have to call you back... 220 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,268 It's dead. 221 00:07:05,335 --> 00:07:08,237 You wasted the one phone call we had to return a sweater?! 222 00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:11,541 A $3,000 sweater, which I am now stuck with. 223 00:07:11,608 --> 00:07:12,608 Oh, this day. 224 00:07:12,676 --> 00:07:13,643 (grunts) 225 00:07:13,711 --> 00:07:14,911 Ow. 226 00:07:14,978 --> 00:07:16,479 You stink! And now I'm trapped in here 227 00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:18,514 with you and your stink because you were too stupid 228 00:07:18,582 --> 00:07:19,816 to call somebody who could help us! 229 00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:22,085 That really hurt. 230 00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,086 Just get away from me! 231 00:07:23,153 --> 00:07:24,053 I can't even look at you! 232 00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:25,221 Well, I'm-I'm sorry. 233 00:07:25,289 --> 00:07:26,222 Don't be mad. 234 00:07:26,290 --> 00:07:28,091 Don't! 235 00:07:35,232 --> 00:07:36,332 (sniffles) 236 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,836 (sniffles) 237 00:07:43,307 --> 00:07:45,308 (sighs) 238 00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:47,577 All right, I'll do it. 239 00:07:47,644 --> 00:07:48,911 What are you talking about? 240 00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:50,546 (sighs) 241 00:07:50,614 --> 00:07:52,115 I can't leave you like this. 242 00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:54,851 But you have to swear never to tell anybody. 243 00:07:54,918 --> 00:07:56,586 (gasps) You mean, you're gonna eat my... 244 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,888 Yeah, no, no, I won't tell anybody. I swear! 245 00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:01,090 Okay, how should we do it? 246 00:08:01,158 --> 00:08:02,925 I-I guess it's dealer's choice, really. 247 00:08:02,993 --> 00:08:04,594 I suppose the easiest way would be 248 00:08:04,661 --> 00:08:06,662 to use the diaper as a-a bowl of sorts. 249 00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,498 Do you know how to take it off? 250 00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:10,633 No, I've never done it myself. Mum does it. 251 00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:12,769 All right, well, we should get your overalls off first. 252 00:08:12,836 --> 00:08:14,337 I know how to do the snaps. 253 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:17,907 There. I did it. 254 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,742 Okay, good. Now let's get your feet out. 255 00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:21,043 (giggles) 256 00:08:21,111 --> 00:08:22,578 I can't believe we're doing this. 257 00:08:22,646 --> 00:08:24,413 Oh, really smells bad, doesn't it? 258 00:08:24,481 --> 00:08:26,516 Yeah. You sure you can't stay like this? 259 00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,251 I'm getting a rash, Brian. I can feel it. 260 00:08:28,318 --> 00:08:30,119 Okay, okay, I can do this. 261 00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:31,220 All right, lay down. 262 00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:35,291 It's so amazing to me that you know how to do that. 263 00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:36,659 It's-it's like watching someone do algebra. 264 00:08:36,727 --> 00:08:38,427 I just have no conception of how it's done. 265 00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:41,030 Oh, God! 266 00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:42,865 (gagging, coughing) 267 00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:43,966 Okay, you ready? 268 00:08:48,172 --> 00:08:49,672 Okay. 269 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:52,675 (breathing deeply) 270 00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:53,843 Ah, don't do it right here! 271 00:08:53,911 --> 00:08:54,977 I don't want to watch! What? 272 00:08:55,045 --> 00:08:56,679 Take it over there. Do it in the corner. 273 00:08:56,747 --> 00:08:58,080 It's gross! It's your poop! 274 00:08:58,148 --> 00:09:00,483 Yeah, but it's your... activity, you know? 275 00:09:00,551 --> 00:09:02,718 It's... it's your... it's your thing... 276 00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:04,253 (sighs) 277 00:09:15,132 --> 00:09:17,166 (gasping) 278 00:09:17,234 --> 00:09:18,801 (panting) 279 00:09:18,869 --> 00:09:19,802 I can't finish! 280 00:09:19,870 --> 00:09:20,903 You have to! 281 00:09:20,971 --> 00:09:22,471 How would we explain it half-eaten? 282 00:09:22,539 --> 00:09:24,140 There's no going back from this. 283 00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:28,945 (gagging) 284 00:09:29,012 --> 00:09:30,146 (groans) 285 00:09:31,215 --> 00:09:33,516 (gasps) 286 00:09:33,584 --> 00:09:34,884 It's done. 287 00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:39,155 Got some dessert for you. 288 00:09:39,223 --> 00:09:40,356 You've gotta be kidding me. 289 00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:41,624 Come on. It's throw-up. 290 00:09:41,692 --> 00:09:43,025 You like throw-up. 291 00:09:43,093 --> 00:09:45,294 I do. I do like throw-up. 292 00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:49,999 All right, now let's get this diaper back on you. 293 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,768 Mmm, there's just one part left. 294 00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:54,503 What are you talking about? There's nothing left. 295 00:09:54,571 --> 00:09:55,571 Look, the diaper's completely clean. 296 00:09:55,639 --> 00:09:57,740 Yeah, yeah, but my ass isn't. 297 00:09:57,808 --> 00:09:59,709 You have to clean my ass. 298 00:09:59,776 --> 00:10:01,911 Oh, God, Stewie, there's got to be a line! 299 00:10:01,979 --> 00:10:03,579 Brian, this is the most important part. 300 00:10:03,647 --> 00:10:05,214 You've seen Lois with those sanitary wipes. 301 00:10:05,282 --> 00:10:07,650 She gets all up in my biznatch with those. No, no way. 302 00:10:07,718 --> 00:10:08,918 I could get really sick. 303 00:10:08,986 --> 00:10:10,319 Look, there's hardly anything on it. 304 00:10:10,387 --> 00:10:11,787 This will take one second, 305 00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:14,090 and then we can put this whole unpleasantness behind us. 306 00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,492 If you ever... 307 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,794 I'm not gonna breathe a word to anybody ever. 308 00:10:18,862 --> 00:10:20,263 Now go on. Get started. 309 00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:22,765 All right, here goes. 310 00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:24,300 Oh, and just do me a favor 311 00:10:24,368 --> 00:10:26,402 and tell me when you're about to begin 312 00:10:26,470 --> 00:10:28,404 because I don't wanna be surpri... ♪ Moon river! ♪ 313 00:10:28,472 --> 00:10:30,773 Oh, by God, there... there it goes. 314 00:10:30,841 --> 00:10:33,542 (sighs) 315 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:35,111 Brian, you rock. 316 00:10:35,178 --> 00:10:36,913 Thank you so much for doing this. 317 00:10:43,186 --> 00:10:45,554 Oh, wait. I-I can do this part. 318 00:10:51,728 --> 00:10:53,829 So... yeah. 319 00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:54,897 Thanks. 320 00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,401 I feel a lot better now. 321 00:10:58,468 --> 00:11:01,137 (sniffs) Smell's gone. 322 00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:07,310 Look, I hope this hasn't created anweirdness between us. 323 00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:09,712 I mean, it's not that strange what happened. 324 00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:11,514 What'd you eat? 325 00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:13,616 Italian Wedding Soup. 326 00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:15,184 Oh, actually, it wasn't bad. 327 00:11:15,252 --> 00:11:16,585 I know, right?! 328 00:11:16,653 --> 00:11:18,621 Jenny Craig, can you believe? Only 220 calories. 329 00:11:18,689 --> 00:11:20,790 Probably less for you. 330 00:11:20,857 --> 00:11:23,192 You know, I think I missed my nap today. 331 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:24,360 I'm sleepy. 332 00:11:24,428 --> 00:11:25,594 Well, why don't you lie down? 333 00:11:25,662 --> 00:11:26,529 I think I will. 334 00:11:27,764 --> 00:11:28,698 (sighs) 335 00:11:31,268 --> 00:11:32,668 Brian? What? 336 00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:34,170 I just realized something. 337 00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:35,604 What? 338 00:11:35,672 --> 00:11:37,106 Tomorrow's Sunday. 339 00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,274 (bleep) 340 00:11:44,032 --> 00:11:45,366 (Stewie snoring softly) 341 00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:04,676 Guess this is as good a time as any. 342 00:12:06,979 --> 00:12:08,146 Ah.... 343 00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:11,149 Mmm, whatcha doin'? 344 00:12:11,217 --> 00:12:12,417 Oh. Hey. 345 00:12:12,485 --> 00:12:14,286 Just needed a little drink. 346 00:12:14,353 --> 00:12:16,221 Was kind of saving it, but, uh... 347 00:12:16,289 --> 00:12:17,255 what the hell, right? 348 00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:18,323 Saving it for what? 349 00:12:18,391 --> 00:12:19,658 It's not important. 350 00:12:19,725 --> 00:12:20,692 Want a sip? 351 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,028 You're offering me some? 352 00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,329 It's liquor, isn't it? 353 00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:25,430 Yeah, it's liquor. 354 00:12:25,498 --> 00:12:27,265 Babies aren't supposed to have liquor. 355 00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,801 This would be the most naughty thing ever. 356 00:12:29,869 --> 00:12:31,670 Do you want a sip or not? (giggles) 357 00:12:31,737 --> 00:12:33,538 Yeah, yeah! 358 00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,473 But I don't want to get too buzzed. 359 00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:36,841 People take advantage of kids 360 00:12:36,909 --> 00:12:37,909 when they're buzzed. 361 00:12:37,977 --> 00:12:39,144 It's so easy, 362 00:12:39,211 --> 00:12:40,245 and I wouldn't even remember. 363 00:12:40,313 --> 00:12:41,546 So don't you try anything. 364 00:12:41,614 --> 00:12:42,914 Try what? 365 00:12:42,982 --> 00:12:44,516 I already practically French-kissed your butt. 366 00:12:44,584 --> 00:12:47,118 Yeah, there was no practically about that. 367 00:12:47,186 --> 00:12:48,753 Mmm, smooth. 368 00:12:48,821 --> 00:12:50,755 I like what comes out of Lois' breasts better, 369 00:12:50,823 --> 00:12:52,223 but I, I like this, too. 370 00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:57,896 Ah... 371 00:12:57,964 --> 00:13:02,267 Oh, startin' to... startin' to feel that. 372 00:13:02,335 --> 00:13:03,602 Oh. You know, 373 00:13:03,669 --> 00:13:05,704 I-I like, I like hanging out with you, Brian. 374 00:13:05,771 --> 00:13:08,573 I feel like, I feel like a big boy right now. 375 00:13:08,641 --> 00:13:10,141 Yeah, this isn't so bad, right? 376 00:13:10,209 --> 00:13:13,445 It's like a very private party. 377 00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:16,181 Mmm, I feel like dancing. 378 00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:21,853 Yeah, you know how to move. 379 00:13:21,921 --> 00:13:23,688 That is real... 380 00:13:23,756 --> 00:13:25,156 You... Wow, that is awesome. 381 00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:26,791 I'm really impressed. 382 00:13:26,859 --> 00:13:28,893 Oh, wait, I can hurdle my own leg 383 00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:30,595 like they used to do in the '90s. 384 00:13:35,368 --> 00:13:37,669 (slurring): Okay, all right, you know, 385 00:13:37,737 --> 00:13:39,037 this is gonna sound really weird. 386 00:13:39,105 --> 00:13:40,472 This is gonna sound really weird, 387 00:13:40,539 --> 00:13:42,874 but I really want you to do it, okay? Wha... what? 388 00:13:42,942 --> 00:13:44,709 First you have to say that you'll do it 389 00:13:44,777 --> 00:13:45,777 before I tell you, 390 00:13:45,845 --> 00:13:47,612 no mat... no matter what it is. 391 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:48,947 All right. Really?! 392 00:13:49,015 --> 00:13:50,248 Yeah. Sure, w-what is it? 393 00:13:50,316 --> 00:13:53,051 I want you to pierce my ear. 394 00:13:53,119 --> 00:13:55,053 Let's do it. 395 00:13:55,121 --> 00:13:56,354 You mean it? 396 00:13:56,422 --> 00:13:57,889 Because I-I... Look-look at my face. 397 00:13:57,957 --> 00:13:59,557 I'm totally serious. Are you totally serious? 398 00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:01,326 I-I'm with ya. I'm on the train! 399 00:14:01,394 --> 00:14:02,827 You have...? Do you have a needle? 400 00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:04,796 Uh, uh, ooh, there's a pin in the sweater. 401 00:14:04,864 --> 00:14:06,665 Here. 402 00:14:06,732 --> 00:14:07,866 Oh, my God! This is happening! 403 00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:08,933 This is really happening! 404 00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:10,502 Oh, you know, I think this is going 405 00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:11,803 to look so good on me. 406 00:14:11,871 --> 00:14:13,471 This, this... You know what else? 407 00:14:13,539 --> 00:14:16,207 Oh, maybe I'll buy a glove with no knuckles. 408 00:14:16,275 --> 00:14:18,009 Aren't we supposed to, like, heat it or something? 409 00:14:18,077 --> 00:14:19,310 I don't care. I really... 410 00:14:19,378 --> 00:14:21,379 I don't give a... I'm all worked up right now, 411 00:14:21,447 --> 00:14:23,448 so we have to do it. Just do it, okay? 412 00:14:23,516 --> 00:14:24,649 Before... Wha-what are we drinking anyway? 413 00:14:24,717 --> 00:14:25,684 Glenfiddich. 414 00:14:25,751 --> 00:14:26,851 ♪ Love her! ♪ 415 00:14:26,919 --> 00:14:28,086 Oh, you know what? 416 00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:29,654 I'll just sterilize it in the scotch. 417 00:14:29,722 --> 00:14:31,256 You just sterilize it in the scotch. 418 00:14:31,323 --> 00:14:32,390 Why didn't...? It's, it's... 419 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,693 Bitch, sterilize that bitch up, you know? 420 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,962 You know, I don't, I don't know why I told Matthew 421 00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:40,565 that I liked, that I liked The Bounty Hunter 422 00:14:40,633 --> 00:14:41,833 'cause I hated it. 423 00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:44,402 I just, I wanted him to like me in that moment. 424 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,837 And that's why I said it. 425 00:14:45,905 --> 00:14:48,073 I don't... Why do I... why do I do that? 426 00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:50,608 Why do I...? Why am I such a people pleaser, you know? 427 00:14:50,676 --> 00:14:52,444 When, when is it Stewie's turn, you know? 428 00:14:52,511 --> 00:14:54,679 I, I, I'm... 429 00:14:54,747 --> 00:14:55,914 I voted for McCain. 430 00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,315 Okay, left ear. Left, left ear. 431 00:14:57,383 --> 00:14:58,249 Right now. Stick it in. 432 00:14:58,317 --> 00:14:59,517 me on, dude. 433 00:14:59,585 --> 00:15:01,619 Can I just... can I just say before...? 434 00:15:01,687 --> 00:15:03,321 Can we just, like, take two...? 435 00:15:03,389 --> 00:15:05,056 I-I love... You're so brave. 436 00:15:05,124 --> 00:15:07,292 I just love how brave you're being right now. 437 00:15:07,359 --> 00:15:09,360 This is like the closest I've ever felt to you. 438 00:15:09,428 --> 00:15:10,628 Okay. Oh, my God, 439 00:15:10,696 --> 00:15:12,097 I was thinking the same thing. 440 00:15:12,164 --> 00:15:14,599 We are so "us" right now. 441 00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,468 Do you... do you know that? 442 00:15:17,336 --> 00:15:18,837 Okay, okay. 443 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:19,938 Okay, here we go. 444 00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:20,939 (screams) 445 00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:22,640 Oh, my God! 446 00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:23,608 Oh! Are you okay? 447 00:15:23,676 --> 00:15:24,642 Is it over? 448 00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:25,810 I think. 449 00:15:25,878 --> 00:15:27,245 I-I don't know where the pin went. 450 00:15:27,313 --> 00:15:28,146 Mov... Wait, move your hand. 451 00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:32,217 Oh, wow! Oh, (bleep)! 452 00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:34,052 What? What? What is it? 453 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,587 There's so much blood. 454 00:15:35,654 --> 00:15:37,055 Ew...! 455 00:15:37,123 --> 00:15:38,223 It's stuck in there. 456 00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:39,491 I think the pin's too thick 457 00:15:39,558 --> 00:15:40,825 to go all the way through. 458 00:15:40,893 --> 00:15:42,694 Ew! Get it out! (screams) 459 00:15:42,762 --> 00:15:44,062 Got it. 460 00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,296 How's it look? 461 00:15:45,364 --> 00:15:47,132 Cool. 462 00:15:47,199 --> 00:15:48,800 Really? Oh, that's good. 463 00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:51,069 Oh, I knew it was... I knew it would look... 464 00:15:51,137 --> 00:15:52,036 it would look cool. 465 00:15:52,104 --> 00:15:53,138 We don't... Wait. 466 00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:55,173 Don't we have to put an earring in it 467 00:15:55,241 --> 00:15:56,608 so the hole won't close? 468 00:15:56,675 --> 00:15:58,843 I don't think it's gonna close. 469 00:15:58,911 --> 00:16:00,078 I can't believe... 470 00:16:00,146 --> 00:16:03,047 I can't believe I have pierced ears. 471 00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:07,018 I'm one of those people who I talk about. 472 00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:08,920 Finally, no more clip-ons, you know? 473 00:16:08,988 --> 00:16:10,922 No... Hey, give me some of that. 474 00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:12,056 Don't hog that there. 475 00:16:12,124 --> 00:16:13,558 Give me some of that. 476 00:16:13,626 --> 00:16:15,860 It looks... it looks really good, Stewie. 477 00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,195 I wish we had a mirror 478 00:16:17,263 --> 00:16:19,130 'cause I-I-I actually did a really good job. 479 00:16:19,198 --> 00:16:20,198 Oh, yeah, it's awesome. 480 00:16:20,266 --> 00:16:21,166 I'm not worried. 481 00:16:23,002 --> 00:16:25,203 Mmm, cozy. 482 00:16:25,271 --> 00:16:27,739 So, um, question. 483 00:16:27,807 --> 00:16:28,740 Yeah? 484 00:16:28,808 --> 00:16:30,375 This is gonna seem stupid, 485 00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:32,477 but I've been dying to know. 486 00:16:32,545 --> 00:16:33,444 The Dog Whisperer. 487 00:16:33,512 --> 00:16:34,546 Wha... what is that? 488 00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:36,114 Is any, is any of that true? 489 00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:37,916 Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I've offended you. 490 00:16:37,983 --> 00:16:39,818 No, no, no, no, not at all, Stewie, no. 491 00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:41,486 No, it's, some, some of that stuff, 492 00:16:41,554 --> 00:16:42,787 some of that stuff is right on. 493 00:16:42,855 --> 00:16:43,855 Really? Wow. 494 00:16:43,923 --> 00:16:45,190 Well, give me a "for instance." 495 00:16:45,257 --> 00:16:46,224 Well, the guy talks about... 496 00:16:46,292 --> 00:16:47,826 Cesar Millan. Right, Cesar Millan 497 00:16:47,893 --> 00:16:50,061 talks about living in the moment 498 00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:52,730 because that's how dogs live, you know? 499 00:16:52,798 --> 00:16:53,932 We live in the moment. 500 00:16:53,999 --> 00:16:56,034 I so don't live in the moment. 501 00:16:56,101 --> 00:16:58,169 I'm always, "Oh, remember that petting zoo?" 502 00:16:58,237 --> 00:17:00,371 Or "I can't wait to go to Florida." 503 00:17:00,439 --> 00:17:02,841 I'm never, I'm never, like, really present. 504 00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:04,742 You know, you-you gotta help me work on that. 505 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:06,144 Oh, definitely. Definitely, man. 506 00:17:06,212 --> 00:17:07,545 Live with purpose, you know? 507 00:17:07,613 --> 00:17:09,347 Celebrate every day. 508 00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:12,016 He talks about all those things that dogs do. 509 00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:13,184 Like, we do that. 510 00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:14,886 Dogs do that. It's instinctual. 511 00:17:14,954 --> 00:17:17,355 In us, you know? It's like I can't not do it. 512 00:17:17,423 --> 00:17:19,057 That's kind of what his whole thing is. 513 00:17:19,124 --> 00:17:21,259 Such beautiful lessons. 514 00:17:21,327 --> 00:17:22,861 I hope he's not Mexican. 515 00:17:22,928 --> 00:17:25,363 There's something off about him, but I hope it's not that. 516 00:17:25,431 --> 00:17:28,600 You know, people can learn a lot from dogs, you know? 517 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,902 A lot. Like, we're like, like here's us... 518 00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:31,903 We're, like, "Yeah! Yeah!" 519 00:17:31,971 --> 00:17:33,438 Like that. "Yeah! Yeah!" 520 00:17:33,505 --> 00:17:35,473 Okay, sure, sure, relax, relax. 521 00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:37,542 It's just, well, you don't... 522 00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:41,246 I mean, you don't really do any of those things, do you? 523 00:17:41,313 --> 00:17:43,181 Yeah, I do. Wait. What are you talking about? 524 00:17:43,249 --> 00:17:45,283 It's just, I don't know... 525 00:17:45,351 --> 00:17:47,118 I mean, do you, you really live with purpose? 526 00:17:47,186 --> 00:17:48,753 How could you say that to me? 527 00:17:48,821 --> 00:17:50,288 Just callin' it like I see it. 528 00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:51,956 Listen, why, why don't... why don't you... 529 00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:53,892 You know what? You can just go to hell! 530 00:17:53,959 --> 00:17:56,394 Hey, whoa, whoa. Look, I didn't mean to start anything. 531 00:17:56,462 --> 00:17:57,695 Let's just forget it, okay? 532 00:17:57,763 --> 00:17:59,097 We're... we're having a good time. 533 00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:00,498 I don't want to forget it. 534 00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:02,967 How dare you tell me that my life doesn't have purpose. 535 00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:05,103 No, that's not what I said. That's what you're saying. 536 00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,405 No, no, no. Don't do that. Don't try to turn my words on me. 537 00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:08,606 And you know what, take that sweater off. 538 00:18:08,674 --> 00:18:10,008 It makes you look queer. 539 00:18:10,075 --> 00:18:11,342 Okay, well, now you're just bein' a dick. 540 00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:12,777 Well, you might as well get used to it. 541 00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:14,612 You're gonna be hearing a lot worse once you go to school. 542 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,081 Are you trying to hurt me? 543 00:18:17,149 --> 00:18:18,416 Because you've succeeded. 544 00:18:18,484 --> 00:18:20,051 Oh, just calling it like I see it. 545 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,287 Oh, I see. Is that what we're doing? 546 00:18:22,354 --> 00:18:24,222 All right, well, I'll play that game with you. 547 00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:26,024 Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do? 548 00:18:26,091 --> 00:18:27,158 You think I care about you? 549 00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:28,259 I don't. 550 00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:29,794 Yes, you do. I know you do. 551 00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,562 I don't really care. 552 00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:34,165 No, you're just smart enough and you're just clever enough 553 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:35,767 to occasionally amuse me. 554 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:38,836 If I had anybody else-- anybody else to choose from-- I would. 555 00:18:38,904 --> 00:18:41,372 You are the best of a bad situation. 556 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,674 Nothing more. 557 00:18:42,741 --> 00:18:44,008 I use you, man. 558 00:18:44,076 --> 00:18:46,244 Yeah, I would know if you were using me. 559 00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:47,312 Oh, oh, you would? 560 00:18:47,379 --> 00:18:48,680 I got you to eat my poop. 561 00:18:48,747 --> 00:18:50,114 And you know why I did it? 562 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,649 Yeah, you were afraid you were going to get sick. 563 00:18:51,717 --> 00:18:53,685 Because I wanted to see if I could. 564 00:18:53,752 --> 00:18:55,620 What? 565 00:18:55,688 --> 00:18:59,023 Come on, Brian, I spend half the day in a dirty diaper. 566 00:18:59,091 --> 00:19:00,224 I was bored. 567 00:19:00,292 --> 00:19:01,759 Just passing the time. 568 00:19:01,827 --> 00:19:04,662 I thought, "How low can I get this douchebag to go?" 569 00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,064 Oh, my God! 570 00:19:06,131 --> 00:19:09,434 And when you did it, I actually felt sorry for you. 571 00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:10,702 There. Your turn. 572 00:19:10,769 --> 00:19:12,470 You're a monster. 573 00:19:12,538 --> 00:19:13,871 Hey, you started this whole thing. 574 00:19:13,939 --> 00:19:16,307 You son of a bitch, I could kill you for that! 575 00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:17,475 Oh, really? Well, how convenient. 576 00:19:17,543 --> 00:19:18,476 You got a gun right there. 577 00:19:20,612 --> 00:19:23,081 Here you go, Brian. You want to kill me? Kill me with this. 578 00:19:23,148 --> 00:19:25,016 Oh, but there are no bullets in it, are there? 579 00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:27,118 Yeah, there are. I lied. 580 00:19:27,186 --> 00:19:28,453 Oh, you're so full of crap. 581 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:29,821 Besides, if you shot me, 582 00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:31,255 it'd all be caught on that security camera. 583 00:19:33,926 --> 00:19:36,894 Security cam... Oh, my God, maybe somebody can see us! 584 00:19:36,962 --> 00:19:38,463 Hey, hey, somebody help! 585 00:19:38,530 --> 00:19:40,064 We're in here! 586 00:19:40,132 --> 00:19:41,899 No one's out there, Brian. They would have come in. 587 00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:43,034 Save your energy. 588 00:19:43,102 --> 00:19:46,571 Oh, my God. What? 589 00:19:46,638 --> 00:19:48,673 It's all on tape. What's all on tape? 590 00:19:48,741 --> 00:19:51,476 (laughing) Oh. 591 00:19:51,543 --> 00:19:55,913 Oh, my God, oh, that is gonna be on YouTube. 592 00:19:55,981 --> 00:19:57,415 Oh, God. 593 00:19:57,483 --> 00:19:58,516 Everybody that works in an office 594 00:19:58,584 --> 00:19:59,951 is gonna say to their coworkers, 595 00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:01,219 "Hey, type in 'dog, baby, heinie lick.' 596 00:20:01,286 --> 00:20:02,920 Check this out." 597 00:20:02,988 --> 00:20:05,857 And then the boss is gonna say, "Hey, what are you doing there? 598 00:20:05,924 --> 00:20:07,859 Oh, yeah, that's funny. I saw that in my room." 599 00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:10,094 "Okay, now type in 'Japanese, fish, ass.'" 600 00:20:10,162 --> 00:20:11,996 I am gonna be so humiliated. 601 00:20:12,064 --> 00:20:13,331 Well, I could save you the embarrassment 602 00:20:13,399 --> 00:20:14,699 and shoot you in the head 603 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:15,833 except there aren't any bullets in this gun. 604 00:20:17,469 --> 00:20:18,436 (both screaming) 605 00:20:37,489 --> 00:20:39,390 I'm sorry, Stewie. 606 00:20:39,458 --> 00:20:41,125 Me, too. 607 00:20:42,728 --> 00:20:44,328 How long is this gonna last? 608 00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:45,897 No idea. 609 00:20:54,234 --> 00:20:57,536 (breathing deeply) 610 00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:02,557 Hope I'm not bothering you. 611 00:21:02,738 --> 00:21:03,704 Nope. 612 00:21:03,772 --> 00:21:05,273 Just doing some stretching. 613 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:07,875 Maybe a few poses. 614 00:21:07,943 --> 00:21:09,477 You'll tell me if I'm bothering you, right? 615 00:21:09,545 --> 00:21:10,478 Uh-huh. 616 00:21:10,546 --> 00:21:12,213 I know what you're thinking. 617 00:21:12,281 --> 00:21:14,749 Stewie's so late to the yoga party. 618 00:21:14,817 --> 00:21:16,384 I'm not even any good. 619 00:21:16,452 --> 00:21:17,785 Right? 620 00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:19,020 I mean, I'm okay. 621 00:21:19,087 --> 00:21:20,955 You know, I'm not the worst in the class. 622 00:21:21,023 --> 00:21:22,890 I've even been singled out a few times. 623 00:21:22,958 --> 00:21:25,193 Probably because it's mostly pregnant women in the group. 624 00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:27,662 Still, Brody must see something. 625 00:21:27,729 --> 00:21:29,096 Although I certainly don't. 626 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,365 But then again I'm not the instructor, am I? 627 00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,000 Oh, yuck. What happened to my ear? 628 00:21:33,068 --> 00:21:34,068 We pierced it. 629 00:21:34,136 --> 00:21:36,070 Oh, yeah. 630 00:21:36,138 --> 00:21:39,207 Lot of crazy (bleep) went on last night. 631 00:21:39,274 --> 00:21:40,708 Well, we were both drunk. 632 00:21:40,776 --> 00:21:42,176 Oh, of course, of course. 633 00:21:42,244 --> 00:21:43,411 Oh, yes, that's right. 634 00:21:43,479 --> 00:21:45,213 We were four pillows to the breeze, my friend. 635 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,781 I don't know what the phrase is. 636 00:21:46,849 --> 00:21:47,915 W-w-what're you... what are you reading? 637 00:21:47,983 --> 00:21:48,983 David Copperfield. 638 00:21:49,051 --> 00:21:50,084 It looks old. 639 00:21:50,152 --> 00:21:51,519 It's a first edition. 640 00:21:51,587 --> 00:21:53,387 That's why I keep it in my safety deposit box. 641 00:21:53,455 --> 00:21:54,589 It's by Charles Dickens. 642 00:21:54,656 --> 00:21:55,623 Ha. Giggity. 643 00:21:59,495 --> 00:22:01,062 What are you doing? 644 00:22:01,129 --> 00:22:02,129 I was hungry. 645 00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:03,431 You want one? 646 00:22:03,499 --> 00:22:05,566 You've had energy bars this whole time?! 647 00:22:05,634 --> 00:22:06,701 You idiot! 648 00:22:06,768 --> 00:22:08,336 Not energy bars. 649 00:22:08,403 --> 00:22:09,770 Jenny Craig Anytime Bars. 650 00:22:09,838 --> 00:22:11,572 And you just bitched yourself out of a bite. 651 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,441 All right, I'm sorry. 652 00:22:13,509 --> 00:22:15,176 All right, can I have one, please? 653 00:22:15,244 --> 00:22:16,444 All right. 654 00:22:16,512 --> 00:22:18,513 Can you give me a caramel one? No. 655 00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:22,817 You can have... um... 656 00:22:22,885 --> 00:22:25,386 You can have... um... 657 00:22:25,454 --> 00:22:26,487 you can have strawberry yogurt. 658 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:27,822 I don't like strawberry yogurt. 659 00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:29,690 Oh, picky for someone who eats the same food 660 00:22:29,758 --> 00:22:31,659 out of a plastic bowl on the floor every night. 661 00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:32,860 Okay, I get it. 662 00:22:32,928 --> 00:22:34,629 A bowl that starts in the kitchen 663 00:22:34,696 --> 00:22:37,632 at the beginning of a meal and ends up in the living room. Shut up. 664 00:22:37,699 --> 00:22:40,234 And then forgets four seconds later that he ate it. Shut up! 665 00:22:40,302 --> 00:22:43,070 Ooh, harsh tone, you just got bumped down to coconut mint. 666 00:22:43,138 --> 00:22:44,539 (sighs) 667 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,414 Hey, Bri? 668 00:22:53,482 --> 00:22:54,982 Yeah? 669 00:22:55,050 --> 00:22:56,317 How come you have a gun? 670 00:22:56,385 --> 00:22:58,386 I don't know. 671 00:22:58,453 --> 00:22:59,921 What do you mean you don't know? 672 00:22:59,988 --> 00:23:01,756 You... you... what about all that liberal crap 673 00:23:01,823 --> 00:23:04,525 you're always spewing about stricter gun regulations? 674 00:23:04,593 --> 00:23:06,193 You even cried after Columbine. 675 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,862 Because that was a national tragedy. 676 00:23:07,930 --> 00:23:09,897 Oh, it was kind of a regional tragedy. 677 00:23:09,965 --> 00:23:10,998 Whatever. 678 00:23:11,066 --> 00:23:12,166 It's just weird, you know? 679 00:23:12,234 --> 00:23:13,434 I mean, you're the last person 680 00:23:13,502 --> 00:23:14,769 anybody would expect to have a gun. 681 00:23:14,836 --> 00:23:16,671 Well, that's why I keep it here where it's safe. 682 00:23:16,738 --> 00:23:18,005 That doesn't make any sense. 683 00:23:18,073 --> 00:23:19,941 Why have it if you're not gonna use it? 684 00:23:20,008 --> 00:23:22,777 (gasps) Is it like a sexual thing? No. 685 00:23:22,844 --> 00:23:24,412 Oh, that's a relief. 686 00:23:24,479 --> 00:23:26,247 I hate the idea of you getting your thrills 687 00:23:26,315 --> 00:23:28,416 pressing a gun up against your crotch. 688 00:23:28,483 --> 00:23:30,251 Ugh, just picturing it gives me the willies. 689 00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:32,887 You know, I really don't want to talk about this with you, Stewie. 690 00:23:32,955 --> 00:23:34,822 Okay, okay, I respect that. Thank you. 691 00:23:36,825 --> 00:23:38,626 Are you sure it's not a sexual thing? 692 00:23:38,694 --> 00:23:40,294 I'm sure. 693 00:23:40,362 --> 00:23:42,863 Oh, good, 'cause that'd be strange if you had fantasies 694 00:23:42,931 --> 00:23:44,999 about pressing a gun up against your crotch 695 00:23:45,067 --> 00:23:46,500 and feeling your heartbeat through your balls. 696 00:23:47,836 --> 00:23:49,236 Please tell me why you have it. 697 00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:51,072 I said I don't want to talk about it. 698 00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,139 But I want to know. 699 00:23:52,207 --> 00:23:53,140 Just tell me. Come on. 700 00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:54,241 No. 701 00:23:54,309 --> 00:23:55,309 Come on, please. 702 00:23:55,377 --> 00:23:58,512 (sighs) 703 00:23:58,580 --> 00:24:02,984 I keep it in case... I ever want to commit suicide, okay? 704 00:24:03,051 --> 00:24:04,385 Wow. 705 00:24:04,453 --> 00:24:06,654 Oh. 706 00:24:06,722 --> 00:24:08,089 Oh, my God. 707 00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,924 You're... you're serious. 708 00:24:09,992 --> 00:24:11,359 But why, Brian? 709 00:24:11,426 --> 00:24:13,194 You wouldn't understand. You're just a kid. 710 00:24:13,261 --> 00:24:14,895 Well, I could try. 711 00:24:14,963 --> 00:24:19,367 I don't know. Sometimes it's... all too much. 712 00:24:19,434 --> 00:24:21,669 What is? Life. 713 00:24:21,737 --> 00:24:23,204 Everything. 714 00:24:23,271 --> 00:24:25,039 Just having the gun here, 715 00:24:25,107 --> 00:24:27,642 knowing there's a way out, it... it helps. 716 00:24:27,709 --> 00:24:29,777 Yes, but a gun... it's so messy. 717 00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:30,978 What about pills? 718 00:24:31,046 --> 00:24:32,913 Even hanging yourself is better. 719 00:24:32,981 --> 00:24:35,182 At least then you might grow an inch or two 720 00:24:35,250 --> 00:24:36,217 while you're hanging there. 721 00:24:36,284 --> 00:24:37,652 Of course, when they find you, 722 00:24:37,719 --> 00:24:39,654 you might have those Illeana Douglas eyes. 723 00:24:39,721 --> 00:24:41,689 Hmm. 724 00:24:41,757 --> 00:24:43,924 So, um, why the gun? 725 00:24:43,992 --> 00:24:46,994 It just seemed the quickest way, I guess. 726 00:24:47,062 --> 00:24:49,697 I suppose. 727 00:24:49,765 --> 00:24:52,266 But I-I-I don't quite understand why you're so unhappy. 728 00:24:52,334 --> 00:24:58,205 Yesterday when you said I don't live with purpose... 729 00:24:58,273 --> 00:25:00,174 you were right. 730 00:25:00,242 --> 00:25:01,642 I don't. 731 00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:03,477 What purpose does my life have? 732 00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:04,845 I don't like when you talk like this. 733 00:25:04,913 --> 00:25:06,881 Oh, it's true, Stewie. 734 00:25:06,948 --> 00:25:09,884 Dogs are supposed to be able to instinctively live with purpose, 735 00:25:09,951 --> 00:25:12,386 not even to have think about it, just born like that. 736 00:25:12,454 --> 00:25:15,156 But I wasn't. 737 00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:17,358 You know, I've tried to find meaning in my life, 738 00:25:17,426 --> 00:25:20,394 and I just... I just can't. 739 00:25:20,462 --> 00:25:23,130 And that bottle of Scotch? 740 00:25:23,198 --> 00:25:25,866 I was saving it for my last drink. 741 00:25:25,934 --> 00:25:27,802 Wow, heavy. 742 00:25:27,869 --> 00:25:29,737 And, you know, I'm not talking about purpose 743 00:25:29,805 --> 00:25:32,239 in the shallow, Rick Warren over-the-counter self-help variety 744 00:25:32,307 --> 00:25:33,841 because that's... that's just delusion. 745 00:25:33,909 --> 00:25:34,942 That's not real. 746 00:25:35,010 --> 00:25:36,711 I mean, is there ever a time 747 00:25:36,778 --> 00:25:39,647 when we're truly in the present moment 748 00:25:39,715 --> 00:25:41,849 and not looking toward the past or the future? 749 00:25:41,917 --> 00:25:43,684 I mean, right there, in the moment? 750 00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:48,089 I get that way when I watch Handy Manny. 751 00:25:48,156 --> 00:25:50,324 So is that why we came here? 752 00:25:50,392 --> 00:25:51,992 Were you gonna end it? 753 00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:54,195 No, I was just putting money in my Christmas club. 754 00:25:54,262 --> 00:25:55,996 God, I have to get one of those. 755 00:25:56,064 --> 00:25:57,965 You know, last year I only had $30 saved 756 00:25:58,033 --> 00:25:59,066 when the holidays came around. 757 00:25:59,134 --> 00:26:00,601 I was so embarrassed. 758 00:26:00,669 --> 00:26:02,636 I think I gave Meg tape. 759 00:26:02,704 --> 00:26:06,707 Well, you're the... only person I've ever told this to. 760 00:26:08,477 --> 00:26:09,910 Aren't you gonna say anything? 761 00:26:09,978 --> 00:26:12,379 Well, I don't know what to say. 762 00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:15,282 Wanting to kil yourself, I... 763 00:26:15,350 --> 00:26:16,984 Well, I think that's pretty selfish of you. 764 00:26:17,052 --> 00:26:18,486 How is that selfish? 765 00:26:18,553 --> 00:26:21,188 What would I do if you weren't here? Hmm? 766 00:26:21,256 --> 00:26:23,424 You're the only one who makes my life bearable. 767 00:26:23,492 --> 00:26:26,727 I thought you said I was the best of a bad situation. 768 00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:29,563 I was just trying to hurt you 'cause you hurt me. 769 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:30,998 But the truth is... 770 00:26:31,066 --> 00:26:32,399 you're my only friend, Brian. 771 00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:34,135 If I didn't have you, I'd be lost. 772 00:26:34,202 --> 00:26:35,236 You'd be okay. 773 00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:37,037 No, I wouldn't. 774 00:26:37,105 --> 00:26:39,340 I don't really care for anybody else. Just you. 775 00:26:39,407 --> 00:26:40,808 You're the only one I like. 776 00:26:40,876 --> 00:26:44,345 Well... thanks. 777 00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:47,148 I like you a lot. 778 00:26:47,215 --> 00:26:51,952 I guess you could say I... really like you. 779 00:26:52,020 --> 00:26:55,422 I would even dare to go a little further perhaps. 780 00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:58,793 I care a great deal about you. 781 00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:00,127 A very great deal. 782 00:27:00,195 --> 00:27:02,229 Maybe even... 783 00:27:02,297 --> 00:27:03,764 deeper than that. 784 00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:07,868 I... I... 785 00:27:07,936 --> 00:27:09,436 I love you. 786 00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:12,139 I mean, not in like a "Hey, let's, you know, 787 00:27:12,207 --> 00:27:13,774 let's have an underpants party," 788 00:27:13,842 --> 00:27:16,043 or whatever grownups do when they're in love, but I mean, 789 00:27:16,111 --> 00:27:20,481 I mean, I love you as one loves another person 790 00:27:20,549 --> 00:27:22,883 whom one simply cannot do without. 791 00:27:22,951 --> 00:27:25,152 Well, I.... 792 00:27:25,220 --> 00:27:26,887 I love you, too, Stewie. 793 00:27:26,955 --> 00:27:29,623 You give my life purpose. 794 00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:33,227 And maybe, maybe that's enough. 795 00:27:33,295 --> 00:27:35,963 Because that's just about the greatest gift 796 00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:37,398 one friend can give another. 797 00:27:37,465 --> 00:27:40,167 Thank you. 798 00:27:40,235 --> 00:27:41,836 Hey. 799 00:27:41,903 --> 00:27:43,070 What? 800 00:27:43,138 --> 00:27:44,171 Will you read to me? 801 00:27:44,239 --> 00:27:45,506 Sure. 802 00:27:45,574 --> 00:27:48,342 Wait, wait, wait. I want to get all snuggled in. 803 00:27:48,410 --> 00:27:49,810 Okay, go. 804 00:27:49,878 --> 00:27:53,147 "Chapter One: I am born. 805 00:27:53,215 --> 00:27:56,050 "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, 806 00:27:56,117 --> 00:27:58,652 "or whether that station shall be held by anybody else, 807 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,188 "these pages must show. 808 00:28:01,256 --> 00:28:03,824 "To begin my life with the beginning of my life, 809 00:28:03,892 --> 00:28:07,962 I record that I was born on a Friday, at 12:00 at night..." 810 00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:14,034 (vault door opening) 811 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:33,468 We hope you enjoyed our very special episode. 812 00:28:33,535 --> 00:28:36,037 And for the rest of the hour, we'd like to treat you 813 00:28:36,105 --> 00:28:37,939 to some of your favorite Family Guy musical moments. 814 00:28:38,006 --> 00:28:39,640 That's right. Some you may know, 815 00:28:39,708 --> 00:28:41,843 and others you've never seen before-- like this first one. 816 00:28:41,910 --> 00:28:43,778 A few years back, Lois had a visit 817 00:28:43,846 --> 00:28:45,580 from her long-lost brother, Patrick. 818 00:28:45,647 --> 00:28:47,749 He had an irrational hatred of fat people 819 00:28:47,816 --> 00:28:49,383 and began strangling them. 820 00:28:49,933 --> 00:28:51,801 Though several of these hefty men were killed, 821 00:28:51,868 --> 00:28:53,836 Peter and his friends from the National Association 822 00:28:53,904 --> 00:28:55,638 for the Advancement of Fat People 823 00:28:55,706 --> 00:28:57,607 never got to mourn for any of the victims. 824 00:28:57,674 --> 00:28:59,609 Until now. 825 00:28:59,676 --> 00:29:02,878 People, people, I know what will make us feel better. 826 00:29:02,946 --> 00:29:05,848 Let us sing the NAAFP anthem. 827 00:29:05,916 --> 00:29:09,285 ♪ Stand up, all fat men ♪ 828 00:29:09,353 --> 00:29:12,388 ♪ Stand up straight ♪ 829 00:29:12,456 --> 00:29:15,992 ♪ Stand up because no chair ♪ 830 00:29:16,059 --> 00:29:19,862 ♪ Can hold your weight ♪ 831 00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:23,599 ♪ If God created us ♪ 832 00:29:23,667 --> 00:29:27,903 ♪ To be so big ♪ 833 00:29:27,971 --> 00:29:30,940 ♪ That's proof he must be ♪ 834 00:29:31,008 --> 00:29:36,045 ♪ A big fat pig ♪ 835 00:29:36,113 --> 00:29:38,614 ♪ God's real flabby ♪ 836 00:29:38,682 --> 00:29:42,551 ♪ With an ass so wide ♪ 837 00:29:42,619 --> 00:29:45,855 ♪ His arms look like pillows ♪ 838 00:29:45,922 --> 00:29:50,226 ♪ With cake mix inside ♪ 839 00:29:50,294 --> 00:29:53,963 ♪ God's man boobs are flabby ♪ 840 00:29:54,031 --> 00:29:59,568 ♪ And they hurt when he jogs ♪ 841 00:29:59,636 --> 00:30:03,439 ♪ And the back of God's neck ♪ 842 00:30:03,507 --> 00:30:12,114 ♪ Looks like a pack of hot dogs. ♪ 843 00:30:13,650 --> 00:30:15,618 One thing we like to do at Family Guy 844 00:30:15,686 --> 00:30:17,687 is make fun of pop culture by twisting it 845 00:30:17,754 --> 00:30:19,155 and mocking it and commenting on it. 846 00:30:19,222 --> 00:30:20,756 Yeah, and sometimes we just steal stuff 847 00:30:20,824 --> 00:30:22,325 and put our characters in it. 848 00:30:22,392 --> 00:30:24,093 Here's a scene inspired by... Copied from... 849 00:30:24,161 --> 00:30:26,028 A Jerry Lewis film entitled The Errand Boy 850 00:30:26,096 --> 00:30:27,963 that was created for the episode where Peter 851 00:30:28,031 --> 00:30:30,333 takes over Pewterschmidt Industries. 852 00:30:31,902 --> 00:30:34,303 Peggy, hold my calls for a few minutes, please. 853 00:30:34,371 --> 00:30:37,206 (jazzy tune plays) 854 00:30:44,681 --> 00:30:48,417 (silently mouthing to the beat of the music) 855 00:30:58,895 --> 00:31:00,663 ♪ ♪ 856 00:31:15,245 --> 00:31:17,012 ♪ ♪ 857 00:31:27,090 --> 00:31:29,992 ♪ ♪ 858 00:31:41,571 --> 00:31:43,339 ♪ ♪ 859 00:31:55,919 --> 00:31:57,686 ♪ ♪ 860 00:32:11,401 --> 00:32:13,169 ♪ ♪ 861 00:32:25,649 --> 00:32:26,949 (music ends) 862 00:32:29,883 --> 00:32:31,317 Several years back, Brian made friends 863 00:32:31,385 --> 00:32:33,719 with an elderly woman who had been homebound for years, 864 00:32:34,514 --> 00:32:36,649 and he attempted to bring her out of her shell. 865 00:32:36,716 --> 00:32:37,883 Ah, yes. Pearl. 866 00:32:37,951 --> 00:32:39,318 She was a nice woman. 867 00:32:39,386 --> 00:32:41,020 So vibrant, full of life. 868 00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:42,454 We became close friends, 869 00:32:42,522 --> 00:32:44,390 and I sang this song to explain to her 870 00:32:44,457 --> 00:32:46,392 all the wonderful things that she was missing 871 00:32:46,459 --> 00:32:47,893 by shutting herself off from society. 872 00:32:47,961 --> 00:32:49,195 And by the song's end, 873 00:32:49,262 --> 00:32:50,629 she felt the courage to venture out. 874 00:32:50,697 --> 00:32:53,132 And did she get to see all those things you sang about? 875 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,201 No. She immediately got hit by a truck and died. 876 00:32:55,268 --> 00:32:57,570 Ah. Well, then, I'm sure she's glad she met you. 877 00:32:57,637 --> 00:32:58,971 Here's the musical number 878 00:32:59,039 --> 00:33:01,407 that ended that poor woman's life. 879 00:33:01,474 --> 00:33:03,108 Come on, Pearl. 880 00:33:03,176 --> 00:33:05,477 There's so much you've missed in the last 30 years. 881 00:33:05,545 --> 00:33:08,547 In fact, allow me to fill you in. 882 00:33:08,615 --> 00:33:11,517 ♪ The '60s brought the hippie breed ♪ 883 00:33:11,585 --> 00:33:14,653 ♪ And decades later, things have changed indeed ♪ 884 00:33:14,721 --> 00:33:17,990 ♪ We lost the values, but we kept the weed ♪ 885 00:33:18,058 --> 00:33:21,627 ♪ You've got a lot to see ♪ 886 00:33:21,695 --> 00:33:24,663 ♪ The Reagan years have laid the frame ♪ 887 00:33:24,731 --> 00:33:27,566 ♪ For movie stars to play the White House game ♪ 888 00:33:27,634 --> 00:33:31,237 ♪ We're not too far from voting Feldman/Haim ♪ 889 00:33:31,304 --> 00:33:34,506 ♪ You've got a lot to see ♪ 890 00:33:34,574 --> 00:33:37,543 ♪ The town of Vegas has got a different face ♪ 891 00:33:37,611 --> 00:33:40,879 ♪ 'Cause it's a family place with lots to do ♪ 892 00:33:40,947 --> 00:33:42,681 ♪ Where in the '50s ♪ 893 00:33:42,749 --> 00:33:46,085 ♪ A man could mingle with scores of all the seediest whores ♪ 894 00:33:46,152 --> 00:33:48,087 ♪ Well, now his children can, too ♪ 895 00:33:48,154 --> 00:33:50,990 ♪ You heard it from the canine's mouth ♪ 896 00:33:51,057 --> 00:33:52,591 ♪ The country's changed ♪ 897 00:33:52,659 --> 00:33:54,326 ♪ That is, except the South ♪ 898 00:33:54,394 --> 00:33:57,229 ♪ And you'll agree ♪ 899 00:33:57,297 --> 00:34:00,933 ♪ No one really knows, my dear lady friend ♪ 900 00:34:01,001 --> 00:34:03,769 ♪ Just quite how it all will end ♪ 901 00:34:03,837 --> 00:34:05,104 ♪ So hurry ♪ 902 00:34:05,171 --> 00:34:10,209 ♪ 'Cause you've got a lot to see ♪ 903 00:34:14,581 --> 00:34:17,716 ♪ The baldness gene was cause for dread ♪ 904 00:34:17,784 --> 00:34:20,986 ♪ But that's a fear that you can put to bed ♪ 905 00:34:21,054 --> 00:34:24,089 ♪ They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head ♪ 906 00:34:24,157 --> 00:34:27,626 ♪ You've got a lot to see ♪ 907 00:34:27,694 --> 00:34:31,063 ♪ The PC age has moved the bar ♪ 908 00:34:31,131 --> 00:34:34,466 ♪ A word like redneck is a step too far ♪ 909 00:34:34,534 --> 00:34:37,169 ♪ The proper term is country music star ♪ 910 00:34:37,237 --> 00:34:40,472 ♪ You've got a lot to see ♪ 911 00:34:40,540 --> 00:34:42,074 ♪ Our flashy cell phones ♪ 912 00:34:42,142 --> 00:34:43,876 ♪ Make people mumble, "Gee whiz" ♪ 913 00:34:43,943 --> 00:34:45,511 ♪ Look how important he is ♪ 914 00:34:45,578 --> 00:34:46,979 ♪ His life must rule ♪ 915 00:34:47,047 --> 00:34:48,580 ♪ You'll get a tumor ♪ 916 00:34:48,648 --> 00:34:50,382 ♪ But on your surgery day ♪ 917 00:34:50,450 --> 00:34:52,318 ♪ The doc will see it and say ♪ (phone ringing) 918 00:34:52,385 --> 00:34:53,986 ♪ "Wow, you must really be cool" ♪ 919 00:34:54,054 --> 00:34:55,754 (indistinct attering) 920 00:34:57,390 --> 00:34:58,991 There's lots of things you may have missed. 921 00:34:59,059 --> 00:35:00,659 Like Pee-Wee and his famous wrist. 922 00:35:00,727 --> 00:35:04,063 Or Sandy Duncan's creepy, phony eye. 923 00:35:04,130 --> 00:35:05,597 That awesome Thundercats cartoon. 924 00:35:05,665 --> 00:35:07,199 Neil Armstrong landing on the moon. 925 00:35:07,267 --> 00:35:09,401 Neil Armstrong-- wait, was he the trumpet guy? 926 00:35:13,707 --> 00:35:17,109 ♪ So let's go see the USA ♪ 927 00:35:17,177 --> 00:35:20,145 ♪ They'll treat you right unless you're Black or gay ♪ 928 00:35:20,213 --> 00:35:23,248 ♪ Or Cherokee ♪ 929 00:35:23,316 --> 00:35:26,719 ♪ But you can forgive the world and its flaws ♪ 930 00:35:26,786 --> 00:35:30,289 ♪ And follow me there because ♪ 931 00:35:30,357 --> 00:35:37,029 ♪ You've still got a hell of a lot to see ♪ 932 00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:46,672 ♪ You've got... a... lot to... see. ♪ 933 00:35:46,740 --> 00:35:49,308 Brian, I've missed so much. 934 00:35:49,376 --> 00:35:51,343 I wouldn't be standing here right now 935 00:35:51,411 --> 00:35:53,112 if it wasn't for you. 936 00:35:53,179 --> 00:35:55,013 (gasps) 937 00:35:55,081 --> 00:35:57,950 Quahog is a wonderful example of suburban America-- 938 00:35:58,017 --> 00:36:00,419 full of neighbors who look out for each other 939 00:36:00,487 --> 00:36:01,720 and enjoy spending time together. 940 00:36:01,788 --> 00:36:03,188 Like a big family. 941 00:36:03,256 --> 00:36:05,891 Up next, we find Peter and Lois in need of a babysitter, 942 00:36:05,959 --> 00:36:07,693 and their kind, elderly neighbor, Herbert, 943 00:36:07,761 --> 00:36:08,827 offers to help out. 944 00:36:08,895 --> 00:36:10,162 It's a musical number 945 00:36:10,230 --> 00:36:11,663 that will warm the cockles of your heart. 946 00:36:11,731 --> 00:36:12,831 Yeah, check it out. 947 00:36:12,899 --> 00:36:15,701 Herbert's got a raging cockle in this one. 948 00:36:15,769 --> 00:36:17,669 So, it would only be till Monday, 949 00:36:17,737 --> 00:36:19,671 and we could pay you for it. 950 00:36:19,739 --> 00:36:21,206 Yeah, and it's real easy-- I promise. 951 00:36:21,274 --> 00:36:23,575 I mean, you-you've spent time watching children, right? 952 00:36:23,643 --> 00:36:25,277 Uh, yes, sir. Yes, I have. 953 00:36:25,345 --> 00:36:26,545 Ah. Wonderful. 954 00:36:26,613 --> 00:36:28,380 You mind stopping by tomorrow morning? 955 00:36:28,448 --> 00:36:31,016 I'll wear my snazziest duds. 956 00:36:31,084 --> 00:36:32,317 ♪ ♪ 957 00:36:32,385 --> 00:36:34,686 ♪ Got my tweed pressed ♪ 958 00:36:34,754 --> 00:36:37,122 ♪ Got my best vest ♪ 959 00:36:37,190 --> 00:36:41,627 ♪ All I need now is the boy ♪ 960 00:36:41,694 --> 00:36:43,929 ♪ Got my striped tie ♪ 961 00:36:43,997 --> 00:36:46,331 ♪ Got my hopes high ♪ 962 00:36:46,399 --> 00:36:49,268 ♪ Got the time and the place and I got rhythm ♪ 963 00:36:49,335 --> 00:36:51,670 ♪ Now all I need is Chris to go with 'em ♪ 964 00:36:51,738 --> 00:36:54,306 ♪ If he'll just appear ♪ 965 00:36:54,374 --> 00:36:57,376 ♪ We'll fill this big town ♪ 966 00:36:57,444 --> 00:36:59,745 ♪ Full of joy ♪ 967 00:36:59,813 --> 00:37:02,848 ♪ And if he'll say ♪ 968 00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,917 ♪ "My darling, I'm yours," I'll throw away ♪ 969 00:37:04,984 --> 00:37:09,288 ♪ My striped tie and my best pressed tweed ♪ 970 00:37:09,355 --> 00:37:14,159 ♪ All I really need is the boy. ♪ 971 00:37:19,261 --> 00:37:21,195 And now we have a super special treat: 972 00:37:21,263 --> 00:37:23,197 a never-before-aired clip that may be 973 00:37:23,265 --> 00:37:25,599 the greatest thing we've ever done. 974 00:37:25,913 --> 00:37:27,914 Featuring the last known recording 975 00:37:27,981 --> 00:37:29,949 of Michael Jackson, here is... 976 00:37:30,017 --> 00:37:32,351 Stewie, that number has been cut. What? No way! 977 00:37:32,419 --> 00:37:34,487 But it had the Toy Story 3 sneak peek. 978 00:37:34,555 --> 00:37:36,089 Sorry-- legal said no to all of it. 979 00:37:36,156 --> 00:37:37,557 Well, that sucks. 980 00:37:37,624 --> 00:37:39,225 What else we got? "Shipoopi". 981 00:37:39,293 --> 00:37:40,560 Seriously? Again? 982 00:37:40,627 --> 00:37:42,061 Fine. 983 00:37:42,129 --> 00:37:44,097 Here's (bleep) "Shipoopi". 984 00:37:44,164 --> 00:37:47,300 ♪ ♪ 985 00:37:47,367 --> 00:37:49,068 ♪ Now, a woman who'll kiss on the very first date ♪ 986 00:37:49,136 --> 00:37:50,770 ♪ Is usually a hussy ♪ 987 00:37:50,838 --> 00:37:52,739 ♪ And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out ♪ 988 00:37:52,806 --> 00:37:54,407 ♪ Is anything but fussy ♪ 989 00:37:54,475 --> 00:37:56,476 ♪ But a woman who'll wait till the third time around ♪ 990 00:37:56,543 --> 00:37:58,277 ♪ Head in the clouds, feet on the ground ♪ 991 00:37:58,345 --> 00:37:59,912 ♪ She's the girl he's glad he's found ♪ 992 00:37:59,980 --> 00:38:01,481 ♪ She's his shipoopi ♪ 993 00:38:01,548 --> 00:38:04,217 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 994 00:38:04,284 --> 00:38:05,818 ♪ The girl who's hard to get ♪ 995 00:38:05,886 --> 00:38:08,387 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 996 00:38:08,455 --> 00:38:10,256 ♪ But you can win her yet ♪ 997 00:38:10,324 --> 00:38:12,258 ♪ Walk her once just to raise the curtain ♪ 998 00:38:12,326 --> 00:38:14,127 ♪ Walk around twice and you make for certain ♪ 999 00:38:14,194 --> 00:38:15,595 ♪ Once more in the flower garden ♪ 1000 00:38:15,662 --> 00:38:17,630 ♪ She will never get sore if you beg her pardon ♪ 1001 00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:21,033 ♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do ♪ 1002 00:38:21,101 --> 00:38:22,869 ♪ Si, la, so, fa, mi, re, do ♪ 1003 00:38:22,936 --> 00:38:24,637 ♪ Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin' ♪ 1004 00:38:24,705 --> 00:38:26,272 ♪ Get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin' ♪ 1005 00:38:26,340 --> 00:38:27,974 ♪ Once more for a pepper-upper ♪ 1006 00:38:28,041 --> 00:38:30,042 ♪ She will never get sore on the way to supper ♪ 1007 00:38:31,912 --> 00:38:34,747 ♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do, si, do ♪ 1008 00:38:34,815 --> 00:38:38,217 ♪ Now, little ol' Sal was a no gal as anyone could see ♪ 1009 00:38:38,285 --> 00:38:41,788 ♪ Look at her now, she's a go gal who only goes for me ♪ 1010 00:38:41,855 --> 00:38:43,956 ♪ Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin' ♪ 1011 00:38:44,024 --> 00:38:45,992 ♪ Get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin' ♪ 1012 00:38:46,059 --> 00:38:47,460 ♪ Once more for a pepper-upper ♪ 1013 00:38:47,528 --> 00:38:49,495 ♪ She will never get sore on the way to supper ♪ 1014 00:38:49,563 --> 00:38:52,498 ♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do, si, do ♪ 1015 00:38:52,566 --> 00:38:55,268 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 1016 00:38:55,335 --> 00:38:56,869 ♪ The girl who's hard to get ♪ 1017 00:38:56,937 --> 00:38:59,672 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 1018 00:38:59,740 --> 00:39:01,541 ♪ But you can win her yet ♪ 1019 00:39:20,394 --> 00:39:22,995 No! No! 1020 00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:29,735 (blows whistle) 1021 00:39:46,119 --> 00:39:48,554 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 1022 00:39:48,622 --> 00:39:50,122 ♪ The girl who's hard to get ♪ 1023 00:39:50,190 --> 00:39:52,859 ♪ Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi ♪ 1024 00:39:52,926 --> 00:39:54,760 ♪ But you can win her yet ♪ 1025 00:39:54,828 --> 00:40:01,634 ♪ You can win her yet ♪ 1026 00:40:01,702 --> 00:40:04,503 ♪ Shipoopi! ♪ 1027 00:40:04,571 --> 00:40:06,472 You know, when it comes to road show episodes, 1028 00:40:06,540 --> 00:40:08,341 you and I do most of the traveling. 1029 00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:10,443 True, but when Peter found out that his father 1030 00:40:10,510 --> 00:40:12,345 wasn't Francis, the man who raised him, 1031 00:40:12,412 --> 00:40:15,047 but instead a man in Ireland, Peter decided to visit. 1032 00:40:15,115 --> 00:40:16,649 And did we explore the effects 1033 00:40:16,717 --> 00:40:18,885 of the difficult political and agricultural dynamics 1034 00:40:18,952 --> 00:40:20,686 that have rent Ireland for centuries? 1035 00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:22,989 No. We just made them a country of drunken redheads. 1036 00:40:23,056 --> 00:40:25,324 Ah. Groundbreaking. 1037 00:40:25,392 --> 00:40:27,827 You knocked up my mom and never called her again. 1038 00:40:27,895 --> 00:40:29,128 Yeah. So what? 1039 00:40:29,196 --> 00:40:31,063 So what? So, let's dance! 1040 00:40:31,131 --> 00:40:33,266 ♪ Oh, he doesn't smell like Irish Spring ♪ 1041 00:40:33,333 --> 00:40:35,134 ♪ And he never taught me anything ♪ 1042 00:40:35,202 --> 00:40:36,836 ♪ But still I slap my chest ♪ 1043 00:40:36,904 --> 00:40:39,205 ♪ And sing of my drunken Irish dad ♪ 1044 00:40:39,273 --> 00:40:40,973 ♪ Oh, his face looks like a railroad map ♪ 1045 00:40:41,041 --> 00:40:42,608 ♪ And he never shuts his freakin' trap ♪ 1046 00:40:42,676 --> 00:40:44,277 ♪ But all the ladies catch the clap ♪ 1047 00:40:44,344 --> 00:40:46,078 ♪ From your drunken Irish dad ♪ 1048 00:40:46,146 --> 00:40:48,014 ♪ Ask a Hennessey, Tennessey, Morrison, Shaughnessy ♪ 1049 00:40:48,081 --> 00:40:50,082 ♪ Riordan and Rooney, they'll tell you the same ♪ 1050 00:40:50,150 --> 00:40:51,684 ♪ McNultey, Mulrooney and Cotter and Clooney ♪ 1051 00:40:51,752 --> 00:40:53,719 ♪ All feel the same mixture of pride and of shame ♪ 1052 00:40:53,787 --> 00:40:55,688 ♪ Finnegan, Hannigan, Kelly and Flannigan ♪ 1053 00:40:55,756 --> 00:40:57,623 ♪ Look to the ground when their dad passes by ♪ 1054 00:40:57,691 --> 00:40:59,191 ♪ Cafferty, Rafferty, Joyce and O'Lafferty ♪ 1055 00:40:59,259 --> 00:41:03,396 ♪ Fight for his honor and then start to cry ♪ 1056 00:41:19,179 --> 00:41:21,614 ♪ Oh, we Irish lads are all infirm ♪ 1057 00:41:21,682 --> 00:41:23,549 ♪ And our moods infect us like a germ ♪ 1058 00:41:23,617 --> 00:41:26,919 ♪ 'Cause we're all the spawn of a pickled sperm ♪ 1059 00:41:26,987 --> 00:41:28,821 And we don't tan well, either. 1060 00:41:28,889 --> 00:41:31,757 ♪ From our drunken Irish dad. ♪ 1061 00:41:31,825 --> 00:41:34,427 Do you remember when Peter got his own TV station? 1062 00:41:34,494 --> 00:41:35,828 Yeah, and the FCC censored him. 1063 00:41:35,896 --> 00:41:37,697 We all sang a song about how they take 1064 00:41:37,764 --> 00:41:39,098 the best parts out of everything. 1065 00:41:39,166 --> 00:41:41,500 I know, and the worst part is that after the song aired, 1066 00:41:41,568 --> 00:41:43,469 we heard the FCC people liked it. 1067 00:41:43,537 --> 00:41:45,204 They liked the parody of them. 1068 00:41:45,272 --> 00:41:46,672 Doesn't that just suck? 1069 00:41:46,740 --> 00:41:48,107 I mean, like, you know, like when-when... 1070 00:41:48,175 --> 00:41:50,176 when you make fun of someone and then they laugh. 1071 00:41:50,243 --> 00:41:52,044 It's like, "No, man. No, you don't get it. 1072 00:41:52,112 --> 00:41:53,412 The joke is on you." 1073 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,715 And then they're supposed to be like, "Oh, you got me. 1074 00:41:55,782 --> 00:41:57,350 Oh, now I've got to think about myself." 1075 00:41:57,417 --> 00:41:59,251 And you're like, "Yeah. Yeah, you do. 1076 00:41:59,319 --> 00:42:00,753 "Take that. 1077 00:42:00,821 --> 00:42:02,321 And stay out of our playground." 1078 00:42:02,389 --> 00:42:04,890 But those FCC bozos liked the song. 1079 00:42:04,958 --> 00:42:06,926 I-I don't know-- it just... it ruins it for me. 1080 00:42:06,994 --> 00:42:08,160 Anyway, let's take a look. 1081 00:42:08,228 --> 00:42:09,328 Actually, because of your little rant, 1082 00:42:09,396 --> 00:42:10,629 we don't have time for that song. 1083 00:42:10,697 --> 00:42:11,931 Really? 1084 00:42:11,999 --> 00:42:13,933 So, what, that means the show is over? Yep. 1085 00:42:14,001 --> 00:42:15,768 Oh. 1086 00:42:15,836 --> 00:42:17,403 Okay. Good night.