1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,399
- Hi, I'm Brian Griffin.
- I'm Stewart.

2
00:00:04,479 --> 00:00:08,079
Many of you have written in with
suggestions for episodes you want to see.

3
00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:11,398
They're mostly God-awful.

4
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:14,677
Well, we've produced
three of our favourite suggestions.

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Favourites? That's charitable.

6
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What is that?

7
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- It's from Dharma and Greg.
- I'm surprised it still works.

8
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- Whoa!
- Enjoy.

9
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"It seems today that all you see

10
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"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

11
00:00:32,793 --> 00:00:36,272
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

12
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"On which we used to rely?

13
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"Lucky there's a family guy

14
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"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

15
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"Laugh and cry

16
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"He's a family guy

17
00:01:04,786 --> 00:01:07,066
Now back to "The Newlywed Game".

18
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Carol, how did Nick answer the following:

19
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"The last thing I would ever
give my wife is... blank"?

20
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A little spending money?

21
00:01:15,783 --> 00:01:18,583
Sorry, that's incorrect. Nick actually said

22
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"the antidote".

23
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- Nick, what are you talking abou...?
- Oh, Meg, you were right.

24
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- Oh, my God! A genie!
- I am here to grant you three wishes.

25
00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:35,209
- Peter, three wishes! This is so exciting!
- I want a new hat!

26
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- I want a new hat!
- I want them to have new hats!

27
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Kids, these are your father's wishes.
Get whatever you want.

28
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That's easy. I wish I could see
what Kelly Ripa was like off the set.

29
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So it shall be.

30
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- Great show today, Kelly.
- Thanks. You, too.

31
00:01:58,704 --> 00:02:01,423
Gelman needs us onstage
for a couple of reshoots.

32
00:02:01,503 --> 00:02:03,903
Be right there. I have to put on my face.

33
00:02:04,623 --> 00:02:07,422
Did you see the size of that dressing room?

34
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- They must really want to keep her.
- Your second wish?

35
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I gotjust the thing.
I wish I had my own theme music.

36
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Done!

37
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- I don't hear anything.
- Get up. Try it out.

38
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Sweet!

39
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:01,609
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!

40
00:03:09,888 --> 00:03:11,807
Hey, wanna turn that stuff down?

41
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:15,487
Come on, that's classic travelling music.
Try to enjoy it.

42
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"Riding on a bus, riding on a bus,
sitting next to bums

43
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"There's an open seat, hope that isn't pee

44
00:03:20,435 --> 00:03:24,035
- I'm sick of hearing it!
- I'm sorry, buddy, I can't turn it off.

45
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:27,659
Then I'm gonna break
every bone in your body.

46
00:03:27,779 --> 00:03:30,458
- I wish I had no bones!
- Done.

47
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,978
That ought to show you!

48
00:03:37,977 --> 00:03:42,775
Oh, no. I gotta fart,
but I don't know which way to lean.

49
00:03:45,575 --> 00:03:49,254
I know you might be a little concerned
about me not having bones,

50
00:03:49,254 --> 00:03:51,454
but I gotta tell you, it's not that bad.

51
00:03:51,574 --> 00:03:53,573
Dad's just like Silly Putty.

52
00:03:53,653 --> 00:03:57,252
Look what I can do to Mary Worth's
smug sense of self-satisfaction.

53
00:03:57,372 --> 00:04:00,172
That's right, son. Take her down a peg.

54
00:04:00,252 --> 00:04:02,851
I guess we could all adjust to this.

55
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:06,450
- Look! I'm making an angel!
- See? Everything's gonna be fine.

56
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:08,969
Now smile while I write
my name in you.

57
00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:16,168
Argh! Argh!

58
00:04:17,368 --> 00:04:18,567
Let go!

59
00:04:23,246 --> 00:04:24,166
Aagh!

60
00:04:34,644 --> 00:04:36,963
But, Mom, I've got to
use the bathroom now!

61
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:40,563
Your father gets incredibly filthy
rolling around everywhere.

62
00:04:40,643 --> 00:04:44,362
- He has to take 12 baths a day.
- I don't like Dad any more.

63
00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:47,441
I invited some friends over
to jump on him like a trampoline,

64
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but his roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe

65
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,160
and his mom yelled at him
when he got home

66
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:56,159
and he beat me up at school the next day!
It's all here in this pamphlet.

67
00:04:56,239 --> 00:05:00,238
We have to learn to accept this,
like one of those stories on Dateline

68
00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:05,237
where a family member suffers a horrible
accident and is a burden on everybody.

69
00:05:05,357 --> 00:05:09,236
They pretend to be happy,
but they're dead inside. They're dead.

70
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:11,435
And that'll be our lives, hm?

71
00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:14,035
What a big, boneless jerk I am.

72
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I might've screwed up my life but there's
no reason to keep screwing up theirs.

73
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Goodbye, cruel bone-filled world!

74
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Oh, so this is where
all the waste and sewage winds up.

75
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Aaaargh!

76
00:05:40,430 --> 00:05:43,749
Cut and print. That's a wrap.
Greatjob, Peter.

77
00:05:43,829 --> 00:05:46,229
- Coming to the wrap party?
- I don't know.

78
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:49,548
I got a stand-up comedy class
at The Learning Annex.

79
00:05:49,628 --> 00:05:54,227
Actually, I won't be a stand-up comic.
I'll be more like an amorphous-blob comic.

80
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- I gotta write that down.
- Nonsense!

81
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I'll have the studio send a flatbed for you!
See you at eight!

82
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There's something
I've wanted to say all evening.

83
00:06:12,823 --> 00:06:15,342
What's that,
Mrs Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas?

84
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- I want to jump your non-bones.
- Jeez, I can't believe I'm your type.

85
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:23,340
As you can tell from my husband,
I've got a thing for saggy, shapeless men.

86
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:26,940
I'm married to Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Will you sleep with me?

87
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I'll have to pass.

88
00:06:28,539 --> 00:06:33,818
But Louie Anderson's eating the decorative
soaps in the bathroom. Why not try him?

89
00:06:33,938 --> 00:06:38,017
- Aren't you Peter, the human stunt bag?
- That depends on who's asking.

90
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:41,936
I'm a doctor doing an experimental procedure
to give bones to ajellyfish,

91
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:44,416
but I'd like to try it on a human. Interested?

92
00:06:44,416 --> 00:06:46,135
- I don't know.
- Interested?

93
00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:48,415
Didn't you just say that? I'll do it!

94
00:06:52,414 --> 00:06:56,133
The operation was a complete success!
What are you going to do now?

95
00:06:56,213 --> 00:06:59,732
I had the operation
so I could go back to my family.

96
00:06:59,812 --> 00:07:02,412
It's been so long.
What if they don't love me any more?

97
00:07:02,412 --> 00:07:05,211
Where do you think
all those bones came from?

98
00:07:05,211 --> 00:07:07,131
- Surprise!
- My God!

99
00:07:07,211 --> 00:07:10,130
You mean it's your bones that are inside me?

100
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Mostly. We picked up
a drifter to fill in the torso.

101
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Like I always say, a family of freaks
is better than no family at all!

102
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Let's go home! You know what's weird?
This was covered by my HMO.

103
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You dare me to pop a wheelie in this thing?

104
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That doesn't sound safe at all.
OK, I dare you.

105
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Wow! That was great!

106
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Six! Six bats.

107
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Seven! Seven bats!

108
00:07:58,999 --> 00:08:01,119
- Is the Count a vampire?
- What's that?

109
00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:06,117
Those big fangs. Have they ever shown him
do somebody in, then feed on him?

110
00:08:06,197 --> 00:08:08,517
You're asking if they've
done a Sesame Street

111
00:08:08,597 --> 00:08:12,316
in which the Count kills somebody,
then sucks their blood for sustenance?

112
00:08:12,396 --> 00:08:13,796
- Yeah.
- No.

113
00:08:13,916 --> 00:08:15,915
There's something out in the yard!

114
00:08:18,995 --> 00:08:23,794
- It looks like the back of a tanker truck.
- Wow! What do you think's inside?

115
00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:25,713
- Maybe it's candy!
- Chris, no!

116
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:28,113
Lois, Lois. Let him dream.

117
00:08:31,112 --> 00:08:34,391
- Eugh! What is this stuff?
- It's some kind of nuclear waste.

118
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Dear me.
Does anyone else feel a trifle queasy?

119
00:08:38,590 --> 00:08:40,910
What? Do I have a boogie? I say!

120
00:08:40,990 --> 00:08:43,989
It appears my cranium has doubled in size!

121
00:08:48,388 --> 00:08:53,107
How delightful! This toxic stew seems
to have given me telekinetic abilities!

122
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Hey! I can make fire!

123
00:08:59,585 --> 00:09:02,585
Come here a second.
This is gonna be hilarious.

124
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:07,184
OK, on the count of three. One, two, three...

125
00:09:08,703 --> 00:09:09,783
Do it again!

126
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,902
All right. Clearly something
very strange has happened here.

127
00:09:17,404 --> 00:09:20,523
We've each acquired superpowers
from that nuclear waste.

128
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:24,802
We've been given a gift.
Whether that gift is Chris's fire conjuring,

129
00:09:24,922 --> 00:09:28,001
Stewie's telekinesis, Brian's superspeed...

130
00:09:28,121 --> 00:09:30,001
- Ask how the queen of England is.
- How's...

131
00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:33,000
- She's great.
... Peter's morphing ability...

132
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,399
Hey, Lois, I'm a wishing troll.

133
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:38,919
...my superstrength,

134
00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:43,797
or Meg's, um... super-amazing
ability to grow her fingernails,

135
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:50,396
we must to use these powers properly
and not abuse them for personal gain.

136
00:09:50,516 --> 00:09:51,516
- Understand?
- Yes.

137
00:09:51,596 --> 00:09:53,315
- Mm-hm.
- Got it.

138
00:09:58,394 --> 00:10:02,913
Oh, no. I forgot the detergent. Excuse me,
would you watch him for a moment?

139
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,793
Sure thing, ma'am.

140
00:10:04,913 --> 00:10:06,992
Whoa there, little guy. You gotta pay for that.

141
00:10:07,112 --> 00:10:09,312
Go suck a railroad spike. I have no money.

142
00:10:09,392 --> 00:10:12,991
Then I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take it away from you.

143
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:15,510
Argh! Argh! Argh!

144
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:18,310
Oh, God! Please help me!

145
00:10:22,609 --> 00:10:25,408
Move it, you slowpoke, the light's green!

146
00:10:25,488 --> 00:10:30,407
What does that cloud look like to you,
honey? To me it looks like... rain.

147
00:10:30,487 --> 00:10:33,406
I used thatjoke at work today.
I'm the funniest guy at the office.

148
00:10:33,486 --> 00:10:37,086
- They say I should do stand-up.
- Oh! This is insane!

149
00:10:46,084 --> 00:10:49,603
Oh, my God, *NSync is in town.
If you get me a lock of Justin's hair,

150
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,082
I'll never ask you
for shopping money again. Please?!

151
00:10:53,082 --> 00:10:56,201
We promised Lois
we'd use our powers responsibly.

152
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,080
I suppose doing the exact opposite
couldn't hurt.

153
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:10,378
- Hey, do you want to split a Toblerone?
- Oh, gosh! Yeah. I think I do.

154
00:11:10,498 --> 00:11:13,178
Whoo-whoo! Next stop, my thighs!

155
00:11:14,777 --> 00:11:17,497
All right, Meg, wait here. I'll be right back.

156
00:11:17,776 --> 00:11:20,176
Hi. Britney Spears. You mind if I go in?

157
00:11:20,296 --> 00:11:23,095
- Oh, not at all, Miss Spears.
- Oh, call me Peter.

158
00:11:23,175 --> 00:11:26,095
- Hey, fellas.
- Britney? What are you doing here?

159
00:11:26,174 --> 00:11:29,774
I was in the neighbourhood -
I'm gonna steal one of your beers -

160
00:11:29,894 --> 00:11:32,093
and I figured I'd stop by and say hi.

161
00:11:32,173 --> 00:11:34,093
You mind if I have a seat?

162
00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:39,171
- I am out of shape. I got a favour to ask you.
- What is it?

163
00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:41,891
I got a hole in my car's muffler.
I need to plug it.

164
00:11:41,971 --> 00:11:44,170
- Can I have some of your hair?
- I guess so.

165
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:48,169
Oh, great. Thanks. All right, hold still now.

166
00:11:49,289 --> 00:11:51,569
You'll be fine. Give me a kiss.

167
00:11:53,168 --> 00:11:57,287
- Agh!
- I'm Gene Shalit now! Bye!

168
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,986
- Here's your martini.
- Thanks.

169
00:12:04,066 --> 00:12:07,665
- Hey, it's gone!
- I'm sorry, ma'am. Here's another one.

170
00:12:07,785 --> 00:12:09,985
What the hell is going on here?

171
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:15,983
Hi. Can I get some pretzels or something?
I gotta drive.

172
00:12:16,063 --> 00:12:20,182
Hey, did you bring enough breasts
for the rest of the class?

173
00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:27,081
Hector, how long have we known each other?

174
00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:29,360
- Since first grade.
- Yeah. Yeah.

175
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,480
You remember that time
you called me "Chris Gristle"?

176
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,279
- I think so.
- Well, burn for it!

177
00:12:40,758 --> 00:12:44,477
It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a lower-middle-class Irish family.

178
00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:49,276
This is just one of
many public disturbances

179
00:12:49,356 --> 00:12:53,475
caused by the Griffin family of Quahog,
who seem to have acquired superpowers.

180
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:56,874
Very strange story, Diane.
Coming up next: Can bees think?

181
00:12:56,954 --> 00:12:59,554
A new study confirms that no, they cannot.

182
00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:03,753
Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!

183
00:13:03,873 --> 00:13:06,072
You're damn right! Peter stole my hair!

184
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,672
- Settle down, Jeffrey!
- Justin.

185
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:11,551
Mike. Clearly the Griffin family
is out of control, but not to fear.

186
00:13:11,671 --> 00:13:15,150
I've tangled with superbeings before.
They can be stopped!

187
00:13:15,270 --> 00:13:20,269
You can't stop us, Mayor West!
We are all-powerful!

188
00:13:20,349 --> 00:13:23,148
Clearly you've let yourselves
become drunk with power.

189
00:13:23,268 --> 00:13:25,068
Silence!

190
00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:27,947
- We demand obedience!
- Or else!

191
00:13:27,947 --> 00:13:31,466
Is that all you can do?
Ow! That kinda hurt!

192
00:13:31,546 --> 00:13:34,666
Is that bleeding?
I guess it's all right. Ouch, though!

193
00:13:34,746 --> 00:13:37,865
Anyone who opposes our demands
will be destroyed!

194
00:13:39,145 --> 00:13:42,664
Our first demand:
You will erect a statue in the town square.

195
00:13:42,744 --> 00:13:46,743
It will depict Blair Warner admitting to
Mrs Garrett that the poem she submitted

196
00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:51,262
for her creative writing class was
plagiarised from a work by Emily Dickinson.

197
00:13:51,342 --> 00:13:53,661
We have spoken! Agh!

198
00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:58,260
That's it! We have to fight fire with fire.

199
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:02,539
If nuclear refuse gave them superpowers,
it could do the same for me.

200
00:14:02,539 --> 00:14:06,858
Citizens, I'm off to the toxic waste dump!

201
00:14:14,457 --> 00:14:16,936
- Mayor West, you have lymphoma.
- Oh, my!

202
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:19,536
Probably from rolling around in toxic waste.

203
00:14:19,656 --> 00:14:22,535
- I see.
- What were you trying to prove?

204
00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:25,854
- I was trying to gain superpowers.
- That's just silly.

205
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:28,734
Silly, yes. Idiotic, yes.

206
00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:38,931
No, no! That's not what Mrs Garrett's
bosom looked like. It looked more like this.

207
00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:41,651
Notice the sun spots
at the top of the right can.

208
00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:44,850
Excuse me. I have a message
from the Quahog hospital.

209
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:52,448
- I just feel awful about this, Mayor West.
- Yeah. Me, too. Stewie, fluff his pillows.

210
00:14:52,528 --> 00:14:55,128
I'll heat up his soup.

211
00:14:56,248 --> 00:14:58,727
I'll go to China to see if there's a cure.
Nope.

212
00:14:58,847 --> 00:15:03,646
Now, now. The doctor says I'll make
a full recovery. But you learned your lesson.

213
00:15:03,726 --> 00:15:07,125
I can't believe we let those superpowers
go to our heads.

214
00:15:07,245 --> 00:15:10,044
- I feel like such a bastard.
- Me, too.

215
00:15:10,124 --> 00:15:13,044
For now, we'll use our powers
to help you get better.

216
00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:18,642
Thank you. As long as I have Mrs Garrett's
giant rack by my bedside, I'll be all right.

217
00:15:18,722 --> 00:15:21,322
Girls! Girls! Girls!

218
00:15:37,318 --> 00:15:42,117
Hear ye, hear ye. I call to order the
first meeting of the We Hate Broads Club.

219
00:15:42,237 --> 00:15:45,516
- Yeah!
- Cos all you need in life is your best pals.

220
00:15:45,516 --> 00:15:49,116
- Sure! As long as those pals ain't dames!
- O-tay!

221
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:51,635
What was that?

222
00:15:51,715 --> 00:15:54,514
Hey! We told you guys
to quit snooping around here!

223
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:57,834
We need to find a story
if I'm ever gonna be a big-time reporter.

224
00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:03,312
All right, make like Siamese twins
and split... and then one of you die.

225
00:16:03,432 --> 00:16:06,511
When do we have the grape juice?
I came for grape juice.

226
00:16:11,131 --> 00:16:13,930
Hey, Quagmire, watch this.

227
00:16:14,410 --> 00:16:16,410
Hey, "kick me"!

228
00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:22,608
We have a new studentjoining us this
morning. Her name is Lois Pewterschmidt.

229
00:16:22,608 --> 00:16:25,927
- Ugh! Just what we need, another girl.
- You said it!

230
00:16:27,207 --> 00:16:30,406
Wow! I'd like to play doctor with her!

231
00:16:30,526 --> 00:16:34,205
And remove her inflamed appendix
before it bursts, causing sepsis.

232
00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:37,605
Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!

233
00:16:40,204 --> 00:16:42,924
- What you reading?
- The Red Badge of Courage.

234
00:16:43,004 --> 00:16:46,803
I sure wish I could meet a brave fella
like the guy in this book.

235
00:16:46,803 --> 00:16:51,522
- You know, I'm a brave guy, Lois.
- You're not brave enough to laugh at death!

236
00:16:51,602 --> 00:16:53,401
Watch me!

237
00:16:53,521 --> 00:16:56,600
Thanks! Like I don't have
enough trouble fitting in!

238
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,920
You're not brave enough
to take your clothes off!

239
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,719
Way ahead of you. Oh!

240
00:17:00,799 --> 00:17:04,519
I bet you're too chicken
to spend a night at the old Selberg place.

241
00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:09,797
- Cleveland, mind stepping out of the way?
- Oh, sorry.

242
00:17:13,117 --> 00:17:15,116
I ain't chicken to spend the night!

243
00:17:15,196 --> 00:17:18,196
I ain't neither!
To prove it, I'll go up there tonight!

244
00:17:18,316 --> 00:17:21,115
- See you there, pal!
- You can't stay in that house!

245
00:17:21,195 --> 00:17:23,595
Old man Selberg's ghost still haunts it.

246
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:26,314
Not to mention the myriad
of bacteria and allergens

247
00:17:26,394 --> 00:17:30,193
from years of substandard housekeeping.
It does not augur well for you.

248
00:17:30,313 --> 00:17:33,712
Aw, zip it, egghead.
You with your big words and your...

249
00:17:33,792 --> 00:17:36,511
and your small difficult words.

250
00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:39,591
Wow! Any boy who would
spend the night in that creepy place

251
00:17:39,711 --> 00:17:42,390
sure would be the bravest fella I ever met.

252
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:44,990
That Lois is some kind of woman.

253
00:17:45,109 --> 00:17:48,589
Yeah. Just thinking about her
makes my testicles want to drop.

254
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:51,188
Oops, speak of the devil.
Ooh. Make that devils.

255
00:18:01,256 --> 00:18:06,135
Quagmire's team takes the left side of the
house and Peter's team will take the right.

256
00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:08,935
Whoever's alive in the morning
can bury his dead pals.

257
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:14,053
Do I have a cobweb in my hair?
It feels like I have a cobweb in my hair.

258
00:18:18,852 --> 00:18:22,331
- What was that?
- Michael Winslow from Police Academy.

259
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:36,728
- This house gives me the creeps.
- Yeah, let's get out of here.

260
00:18:36,728 --> 00:18:39,327
Wait, wait. We can't let those guys win.

261
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:43,846
- We ought to pretend we're ghosts, see?
- Then we'll scare the other guys out...

262
00:18:43,926 --> 00:18:46,526
We say we spent the night
and everyone thinks

263
00:18:46,646 --> 00:18:50,325
we're the bravest kids in the world.
Especially Lois.

264
00:18:50,445 --> 00:18:52,524
All right!

265
00:18:59,323 --> 00:19:01,443
Hey, I got a great idea!

266
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:03,722
This'll really scare them. Everybody set?

267
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,242
- Check!
- Check!

268
00:19:05,322 --> 00:19:07,041
Sock it to me!

269
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,239
If we had a teacup, this would be like
playing find the teacup in the bedsheet,

270
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:17,239
like I do with my Aunt Sophia.

271
00:19:27,037 --> 00:19:29,036
Aaaagh!

272
00:19:32,016 --> 00:19:36,335
My God! Not only are ghosts real,
but their innards are made of children.

273
00:19:36,415 --> 00:19:37,414
It's us!

274
00:19:37,534 --> 00:19:39,534
Whoo-oo-oo!

275
00:19:41,964 --> 00:19:44,963
- That's a nice effect!
- Yeah, that's really scary,

276
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:48,282
Wait a second. If you're there, and I'm here,

277
00:19:48,362 --> 00:19:51,961
and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area,
then who the hell is that?

278
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,879
Ha! Get used to this sight, Diane:
Guys running away from you.

279
00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:05,078
You're so deep in the closet
you're finding Christmas presents.

280
00:20:09,977 --> 00:20:13,457
Remember our story:
We tell Lois we both stayed all night.

281
00:20:13,577 --> 00:20:15,576
And I caught the ghost with my lasso.

282
00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:18,855
I punched him so hard
he ran crying all the way back to hell!

283
00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:21,855
She'll have to believe that.
It hangs together perfectly.

284
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:25,974
Our top story: Cowardly kids
lay down rubber at the old Selberg place.

285
00:20:26,054 --> 00:20:27,053
Turn that up.

286
00:20:27,173 --> 00:20:29,853
Peter Griffin and Glen Quagmire
were seen bolting

287
00:20:29,973 --> 00:20:33,852
out of the supposedly haunted house
after one half-hour,

288
00:20:33,972 --> 00:20:37,171
leaving only their pride
and twin trails of urine behind them.

289
00:20:37,251 --> 00:20:40,250
Cheese and crackers!
Now Lois'll know everything!

290
00:20:40,370 --> 00:20:41,850
Not if I can help it!

291
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:45,849
- Newsroom.
- This is Peter Griffin.

292
00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:48,768
Stop saying that stuff
or we'll watch something else!

293
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:52,368
Today on The View:
Cooties, the silent killer.

294
00:20:56,247 --> 00:20:59,046
Lois, there's something we gotta tell you.

295
00:20:59,046 --> 00:21:02,845
Yeah. We didn't stay in the haunted house.
We're not brave.

296
00:21:02,965 --> 00:21:06,644
- I've decided I don't care about bravery.
- You don't?

297
00:21:06,644 --> 00:21:10,764
No. I realised what I really like is smarts.

298
00:21:10,844 --> 00:21:14,163
Sorry I'm late, darling.
I was checking my stool for blood.

299
00:21:14,243 --> 00:21:18,562
- Mort Goldman!
- He's so clever! Show 'em, Morty!

300
00:21:20,241 --> 00:21:22,241
Whoo-oo-oo!

301
00:21:29,139 --> 00:21:30,259
He got us again!

302
00:21:30,339 --> 00:21:33,458
This just shows that
women are nothing but trouble!

303
00:21:33,538 --> 00:21:36,338
You said it! Let's you and me
swear off 'em for good!

304
00:21:36,458 --> 00:21:37,737
And how!

305
00:21:41,957 --> 00:21:45,756
Quagmire, it seems to me we've each
made another 500 million dollars.

306
00:21:45,836 --> 00:21:50,355
Good thing we swore off women
so we could accumulate this vast wealth.

307
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:53,634
Watch the ticker. I'll go microwave
a bagel and have sex with it.

308
00:21:53,754 --> 00:21:55,434
Butter's in the fridge!

309
00:22:21,428 --> 00:22:23,827
Visiontext Subtitles: Karin Baker