1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,834
It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,204
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,745
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,474
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,746
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,515
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
7
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All the things that make us
8
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Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:30,760
He's a family guy
10
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,662
Okay, now, don't wander too far, kids.
11
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:40,331
You know, more children get kidnapped
at the grocery store than anywhere else.
12
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- Hey.
- You got me!
13
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- Not quick enough.
- Not quick enough, no.
14
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:53,181
- No, I was close, though.
- You were close.
15
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,918
I'm gonna go get some oranges, Stewie.
16
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,116
Here, hold the rest of these bags
for Mommy.
17
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:03,394
What brilliant parenting, Lois.
Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag.
18
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,363
You know, I might asphyxiate myself,
just to teach you a lesson.
19
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,162
Here I go, just like that boy from INXS.
20
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I am going to do it.
21
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Blast! Good Lord, Lois...
22
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,642
either I was a C-section
or you're Wonder Woman.
23
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:22,681
Chris, would you run and get some milk?
And be sure to take it from the back.
24
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,325
- Chris, where have you been?
- I don't know.
25
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:14,298
- $53.98.
- Oh no, I forgot to go to the bank.
26
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,096
I'm a little short.
I'll have to put the ham back.
27
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You know, I got some candy in my van,
if your kid wants some.
28
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Oh, great!
29
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:34,048
- Wait a second!
- You got me! You got me.
30
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,849
- I'll get him, though. I'll get him.
- I bet you will. I bet you will.
31
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,394
Is that ham? I thought you put that back.
32
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,659
Oh...
33
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,570
- No, I put the other ham back.
- I don't remember another ham.
34
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,832
Well, you were too busy
eyeballing that Redbook...
35
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:57,432
- with Glenn Close on the cover.
- Hey, she is a handsome woman.
36
00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:01,844
Well, well! Look who's carrying a little
flame for Glenn Close. What a surprise!
37
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,314
Although it's not the first time
you've surprised me.
38
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,146
I have so much stuff to do today.
39
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,252
I have to do laundry,
then I have a piano lesson...
40
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,720
then I have to make dinner. I am so busy.
Better hurry.
41
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,654
Lois, I want my graham...
42
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,493
Oh.
43
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,756
- Hey.
- Hey.
44
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,634
Playing a little dress-up?
45
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:26,898
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good.
46
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,970
It's fun to pretend.
47
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,007
- So listen, if you see Lois tell her...
- Graham cracker.
48
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,238
Graham cracker, yes, yes. That's it.
49
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,245
All right, so...
50
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:41,949
I'm just gonna go out in the hallway
and throw up about something else.
51
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,549
This is cute.
52
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,561
Oh, my God.
53
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,409
Oh, my God, that was such a rush.
54
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,079
Yeah. I'm alive!
55
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,957
- Thanks for having us over.
- Yeah, it's a wonderful dinner.
56
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:24,359
And on this beautiful new china.
You guys have a lot of new stuff.
57
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,922
- Yeah, Lois has been splurging her ass off.
- Yeah, she has.
58
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,745
You know, she bought me
something yesterday...
59
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,330
but I am not going to tell you what it is.
I want you to guess. Just close your eyes.
60
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,270
- It's a soccer horn.
- I know what it is!
61
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,810
Hey, is that an original Matisse?
62
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:44,007
Hey, Bonnie. Listen, why don't you stop
with the questions, huh?
63
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,982
You're ruining everyone's good time.
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00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,077
Like Peter did, when he used to entertain
terminally ill kids.
65
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,712
Hi there. How you all doing?
66
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:55,192
All right, so I'm at the DMV the other day.
Long lines. Long lines at the DMV.
67
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,991
But you'll find out all about that
when you get...
68
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,592
Moving on. So I finally tried Viagra and...
69
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,931
We got a joker in the audience there.
70
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,771
You got something
you want to say, there, Mr. Heckler?
71
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,606
Dying hurts.
72
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,010
Tell me about it.
So anyway, who hates flying?
73
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,684
- Brian, what are you doing here?
- I should ask you the same question.
74
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,695
Lois, you're in an auto parts store,
stealing mufflers.
75
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,231
This is worse than
that Winona Ryder thing.
76
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,823
Are you saying I am a klepto?
77
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,164
Actually, I was talking about
The Age of Innocence.
78
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,795
It is settled, May.
Our parents have consented...
79
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,774
and you and I are to be married
on the first warm, sunny day of spring.
80
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:47,812
That would be most good, Newland,
most good.
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00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,642
I am sorry, but she is just awful.
Is there any way...
82
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,049
I mean, can we add, like,
a topless scene, or something?
83
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:55,415
- Yeah.
- Really?
84
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,649
- Yeah.
- We can? Great. All right, we got a movie.
85
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,854
God, you're right, Brian,
I'm out of control...
86
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:05,829
but I don't know what to do.
I'm just hooked on the rush of shoplifting.
87
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,499
I haven't felt a thrill like this
in a long time.
88
00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:12,002
Well, I think you've had enough thrills.
Why don't you just put everything back?
89
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:16,130
Okay, Brian.
You know, you really are a good friend.
90
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,073
Let me rub your belly.
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00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,584
Put it back.
92
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,688
Welcome back to Channel 5 News at 10:00.
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00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:35,871
For those of you wondering...
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00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,125
what I've been writing down
as we go to commercial...
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00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,461
it's a cat. Just a cat.
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00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,234
In other news, police are still looking
for the culprit...
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00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:46,669
who stole a valuable Matisse painting
from the Quahog Museum of Art.
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00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,572
A Matisse painting?
99
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,336
Also, scientists announced today...
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00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,675
that if your hand is bigger than your face,
you have cancer.
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Ha. Ha.
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Got you. That's not even really news.
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00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,314
Oh no, Rupert, we're out of gas.
104
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:10,453
We better ask directions at that creepy,
and possibly haunted, house.
105
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,399
A ghost! It's okay. It's okay.
106
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We got away just in time.
107
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,998
All right, now,
is that everything you stole?
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00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,198
That's everything.
109
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,673
You know, you really should talk
to a therapist about this.
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00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,256
I mean, it really helped Peter out...
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00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,539
when he became obsessed
with that fantasy world of his.
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00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,052
Yeah!
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00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,153
- You're a little too heavy, buddy.
- Yeah!
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00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,581
- We're going down.
- Yeah!
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00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,385
Yeah.
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00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,030
You know, Lois, we're just lucky...
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00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,458
we got this under control
before the police caught onto you.
118
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,765
Hold it right there, Lois,
you are under arrest.
119
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:55,330
Oh, crap. All right, look, just take it easy,
Joe. All right, Lois will go peacefully.
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00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:59,036
Oh, my God, I am so embarrassed.
Let me just get my purse.
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00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:02,809
Sucker!
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00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:27,130
Sorry, Lois. Regulations.
I can't give you any special treatment.
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00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,266
- It's okay, Joe, I understand.
- Shut up, maggot!
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00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,912
Your Honor, I am so sorry
for stealing all that stuff.
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00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,679
I just couldn't control myself.
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00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,653
Well, Mrs. Griffin,
considering this is your first offense...
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00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,953
I've decided to go lenient and...
Where the hell is my gavel?
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00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,419
Give me that.
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00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,363
I sentence you to two years
in the State Prison.
130
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,957
- Man, that is bogus.
- Order in the court!
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00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:59,196
Another outburst like that, Mr. Griffin,
and I'll extend the sentence.
132
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,572
- Okay, three years.
- That was a sneeze.
133
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,766
- Four years.
- I am sorry.
134
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,399
- Five years.
- You douchebag.
135
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:08,071
- All right, three years it is.
- Three years in prison?
136
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,080
Oh, my God, what have I done?
137
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:14,915
Oh, man, I haven't been this upset
since I watched The Blob on television.
138
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:19,156
Look out behind you, lady! It's the Blob!
I'll save you.
139
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,997
Here you go. Meet your new friends.
140
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,759
- Hi, I'm Lois.
- I'm Fisty, that's Stabby, and that's Balls.
141
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,772
- Pull up a chair, we're playing cards.
- Oh. Okay.
142
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,207
- So, are those biblical names?
- Yeah, Fisty is.
143
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,314
Boy, I sure miss Lois.
144
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,646
I wish she was here
to clean up all this stuff.
145
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,275
- Hey, what's this?
- Mustard.
146
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,479
Oh, that's right.
We had hot dogs last week.
147
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,717
- You gonna eat that?
- The mustard on your shoulder? No.
148
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:58,330
Kids, look! Look. A deer.
149
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,628
- Can we pet him?
- No, no. Just watch.
150
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,766
Peter!
151
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,477
There's so much doody in here.
152
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,148
I can't take it any more.
153
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,249
I haven't eaten in four days...
154
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,754
'cause I just can't fit any more in there.
155
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:24,683
Help me.
156
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,694
Okay, now when we get
to your mother's cage, say hello...
157
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,423
but don't drag your ass,
'cause I want to go the reptile house.
158
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:36,160
- And we got to see those pandas.
- Peter, this isn't a zoo, it's a prison.
159
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:39,101
- Quagmire, what are you doing here?
- It's conjugal visit day.
160
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,504
You know, I love doing a woman in the can.
Oh, giggidy, giggidy, goo!
161
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,042
Who else but Quagmire?
162
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,271
He's Quagmire Quagmire
163
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,745
You never really know
what he's gonna do next
164
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,113
He's Quagmire Quagmire
165
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:53,479
Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy.
166
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,746
Let's have sex
167
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:58,813
I do hope nothing happens
to spoil this fancy dinner party.
168
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,825
Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy,
giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, goo.
169
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,389
Who else but Quagmire?
170
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,290
He's Quagmire Quagmire
171
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,891
Giggidy, giggidy, goo.
172
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:13,801
Oh, it is so good to see all of you.
How is everything at home?
173
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:17,171
It's horrible, Lois. I've had to do
all the things that you usually do.
174
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,744
Like the other night,
I had to go to your book club meeting.
175
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,781
I really admired the mother character's
admission of personal torment...
176
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,477
- after her daughter's death.
- I disagree.
177
00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:28,815
I felt a total lack of ethical integrity...
178
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:32,379
in her readiness to abandon her children
and start a life of her own.
179
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:35,483
Here's another thing:
The book can also be...
180
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,255
a hat.
181
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,455
And the other night, I had to do a...
182
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:43,023
Well, you know, that thing that you
usually do for me every Thursday night.
183
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:55,636
I can't believe you're serving
a three-year sentence, it seems so harsh.
184
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,878
The only upside is that it's given me time
to think about why I ended up in here.
185
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:04,251
I guess I was stealing, because
I was so sick of the same old routine.
186
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,320
I felt like I had a void in my life.
187
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:09,917
- Like, there was a secret hole in me.
- Oh, God!
188
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:14,932
And I was trying to fill that hole with
all kinds of expensive objects and things.
189
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:16,567
Oh, God!
190
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:20,264
And I felt wonderful
with all those things filling that hole.
191
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,600
Oh, God!
192
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,364
I did this to myself...
193
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:27,344
so I'm just gonna have to lay back and
let the penal system teach me a lesson.
194
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,243
That one is also sexual.
195
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,111
Well, I guess with good behavior,
you could be out in two years.
196
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,516
I made my own bed with this one, guys.
197
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:37,088
I'm just gonna have to pay my debt
to society.
198
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:41,683
Not necessarily. I think I got an idea
of how to smuggle you out.
199
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,828
Bye-bye, take care, now. Have a nice day.
200
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,506
What do we do?
201
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,637
Hurry! We'll hide in that van.
202
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:09,450
My God, you know what this means?
203
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:13,491
- You're all accessories to my escape.
- She's right. We're fugitives from the law.
204
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,060
- What the hell is wrong with you?
- I'm a dog, all right.
205
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,061
I have a very tough time
standing up in the car.
206
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:22,430
Well, then we're fugitives.
But at least the family's back together.
207
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,526
- I wonder where we're going.
- Calm down!
208
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,127
I'll tell you what were going to do.
209
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,401
Wherever this van stops,
we'll begin a new life together.
210
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,942
We'll blend in
to the fabric of that community.
211
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,605
Peter, we're in Asiantown.
212
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:42,148
Well, at least I don't have to worry
about the evil monkey here.
213
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,551
If we're gonna hide out here in Asiantown
we have to find a place to live.
214
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,532
Yes, and we should do nothing to draw
attention to ourselves as outsiders.
215
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,568
Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan.
216
00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,900
Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan.
217
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,067
Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan.
218
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,574
Hi there!
Always nice to meet a fan of my movies.
219
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,168
- My God, you're Ethan Hawke!
- No, I'm not.
220
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:10,146
Sorry, my mistake.
My God, it's Ethan Hawke!
221
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,412
- Mom, can we go get some food?
- My God, there's Malcolm in middle!
222
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,646
- I'm not a boy.
- Yes, you are.
223
00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:23,486
- I can't believe we have to live here.
- This sucks!
224
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:27,421
Tell me about it. I haven't seen
one female baby since we got here.
225
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,057
This place is a sausage-fest.
226
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,797
Come on, kids, we've been through worse.
Meg, you remember when you found out...
227
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:34,702
your gynecologist
never finished med school?
228
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,571
All right, Meg,
let's take a look at that bergina.
229
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,672
But Peter, how are we going to support
ourselves here?
230
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:44,647
We'll all have to get jobs, but I'm sure
we'll each find something we can do.
231
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,813
- Where are you from?
- Tokyo.
232
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,683
Tokyo! Yeah, it's a great town.
233
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,585
- Lot of people, though.
- Yup.
234
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,251
You're here on business?
I bet its business...
235
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,921
'cause I had a fare earlier today that...
236
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:01,765
This used to be a people business,
but now, I don't know.
237
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:08,767
Damn! I say, I seem to have sewn
a shoe to my hand, may I go to the nurse?
238
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,239
Replace him!
239
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,282
Faster!
240
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:22,312
So, what exactly would you say
qualifies you to work as a sumo wrestler?
241
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,913
Oh, are you kidding? I'm a born
athlete, just like Greg Louganis.
242
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:27,591
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin.
243
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,628
You're probably asking yourself,
"Which way are they gonna go?
244
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,391
"Are they gonna make
a diving-board head-injury joke?
245
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,262
"Are they gonna make an AIDS joke?
246
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,494
"Or are they gonna make a joke
about the fact...
247
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,128
"that his last name
sounds suspiciously like 'anus'?"
248
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:43,902
Well, we're gonna take the high road
and do a no-body-hair joke.
249
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,240
- Brian?
- Hi, I'm Greg Louganis. I'm totally shaven.
250
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,507
Terrific! Terrific.
251
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,911
Damn it, Swanson. I want them found.
252
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,319
Mayor West, we have every available man
looking for the Griffins.
253
00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,721
We just don't have any leads.
254
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,520
Not the Griffins, you moron!
255
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:05,619
The rest of my Lite Brite pieces!
My name isn't "Adam We"!
256
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:09,993
Or is it? Who am I?
What number did you dial?
257
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:13,538
Don't ever call here again.
I guess I told him!
258
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,804
Nobody messes with Adam We.
259
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,805
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
260
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:22,014
Sumo Tonight,
brought to you by Asian Trix.
261
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,544
Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!
262
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,015
You share!
263
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:32,113
I'm not really sure what to do here.
264
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,391
Boy! You've put on weight, Jackie Chan.
265
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,459
Oh, my God!
Did you walk?
266
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,075
Oh...
267
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:56,071
You're watching CBS ASIANTOWN.
268
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,977
- Hey, everybody, I'm home.
- Oh, you're just in time.
269
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,847
I ordered Caucasian for dinner.
270
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,786
Chris, I'm hungry.
It's your turn to keep watch for the cops.
271
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,289
Wait a minute,
am I the only one who thinks this is nuts?
272
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,882
We've given up our whole lives.
273
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:10,393
Come on, Brian,
a change of scenery is always good.
274
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,226
Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed
my trip to Nebraska.
275
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:22,095
So, anybody see any good movies lately?
276
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,868
- No, not really.
- No.
277
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,878
Read any good books?
278
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,241
No.
279
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,180
Anything new with corn?
280
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,807
- Yeah, corn...
- Corn...
281
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,909
- You betcha!
- Corn...
282
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:36,612
- Yeah.
- Corn is always interesting.
283
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,991
Hey, Mom, Mr. Swanson's here to visit us.
284
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,092
What?
285
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,461
Oh, my God, we got to get out of here!
286
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,966
Taxi! Follow that family.
287
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,549
Come on, everybody, over the fence.
288
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,317
Ah, yes, a fence.
The cripple's natural enemy.
289
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,222
I think we lost him.
290
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,861
- There they are.
- Quick! Into the sewer.
291
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:30,270
- Good Lord! It's disgusting down here.
- Boy, Stewie's got the right idea.
292
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:33,573
- What the hell are you doing?
- It's wet down there, Brian.
293
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,240
This sucks worse than that time
I did cocaine with Karl Malden.
294
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,336
What are you getting
all bent out of shape about?
295
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:42,615
Well, you know, Karl, I didn't get...
I got virtually nothing here, you know?
296
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,032
Look, I don't see what the problem is.
297
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,546
No, you wouldn't, would you?
298
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,955
Look, all I'm saying is,
I got the raw end of the deal.
299
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,585
- You invited me over.
- Yeah, well, now I'm regretting it.
300
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,160
When I fire rockets...
301
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:59,704
I always pretend
I shooting at Alan Alda and Jamie Farr.
302
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,535
Take that, wisecracking meatball surgeon!
303
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,189
- Which way should we go?
- I don't know, let's ask the Goonies.
304
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:23,693
- Take the left one.
- Thanks. Hey, Chunk, come here.
305
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,794
Before you go, do the truffle shuffle.
306
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:30,326
- Oh, come on!
- Do the truffle shuffle.
307
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,338
Childhood obesity.
308
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,345
Lois, come on, what are you doing?
309
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,374
- I can't do it, Peter.
- What are you talking about?
310
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:49,250
Look at us? We're running
through a sewer, and it's because of me.
311
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:52,118
Look, honey, it was very sweet of you
to break me out of jail...
312
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:53,885
but I did something wrong.
313
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,257
And I'm the one who should pay,
not my whole family.
314
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,999
I'm gonna turn myself in.
315
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,999
You're mine now, Lois!
316
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,898
Oh, my God, Joe!
317
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,844
Joe, you're too heavy. I can't hang on.
318
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,242
Pretend I'm your child, Lois.
319
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:18,616
Not Meg! Not Meg!
320
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,249
Lois, you saved my life.
321
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,082
I say, Corey Haim!
Are you with the Goonies as well?
322
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,684
No, I just live down here. Mine!
323
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,399
It was so nice of Joe to work things out
with that judge.
324
00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:40,300
Yeah, but I'm sure gonna miss my buddies
down at the sumo ring.
325
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,965
Dad, can you teach me
how to sumo wrestle?
326
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,600
It's not too hard, Chris.
Brian, help me demonstrate.
327
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:48,646
- Peter, maybe somebody else could...
- Come on!
328
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,573
Okay, so on the count to three,
you try to push me out of the ring...
329
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,584
I try to push you out of the ring.
Okay? Ready?
330
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,244
One, two, three!
331
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,887
What the hell? What the hell?
332
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:03,092
- Brian, I'm sorry...
- No! No. You know what?
333
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,390
It's not cool, Peter. It's not cool.