1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,834 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,204 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,745 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,474 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,746 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,515 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 7 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:24,180 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,780 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:30,760 He's a family guy 10 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,662 Okay, now, don't wander too far, kids. 11 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:40,331 You know, more children get kidnapped at the grocery store than anywhere else. 12 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,337 - Hey. - You got me! 13 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,272 - Not quick enough. - Not quick enough, no. 14 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:53,181 - No, I was close, though. - You were close. 15 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,918 I'm gonna go get some oranges, Stewie. 16 00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,116 Here, hold the rest of these bags for Mommy. 17 00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:03,394 What brilliant parenting, Lois. Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. 18 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,363 You know, I might asphyxiate myself, just to teach you a lesson. 19 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,162 Here I go, just like that boy from INXS. 20 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,365 I am going to do it. 21 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,135 Blast! Good Lord, Lois... 22 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,642 either I was a C-section or you're Wonder Woman. 23 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:22,681 Chris, would you run and get some milk? And be sure to take it from the back. 24 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,325 - Chris, where have you been? - I don't know. 25 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:14,298 - $53.98. - Oh no, I forgot to go to the bank. 26 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,096 I'm a little short. I'll have to put the ham back. 27 00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,912 You know, I got some candy in my van, if your kid wants some. 28 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,140 Oh, great! 29 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:34,048 - Wait a second! - You got me! You got me. 30 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,849 - I'll get him, though. I'll get him. - I bet you will. I bet you will. 31 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,394 Is that ham? I thought you put that back. 32 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,659 Oh... 33 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,570 - No, I put the other ham back. - I don't remember another ham. 34 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,832 Well, you were too busy eyeballing that Redbook... 35 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:57,432 - with Glenn Close on the cover. - Hey, she is a handsome woman. 36 00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:01,844 Well, well! Look who's carrying a little flame for Glenn Close. What a surprise! 37 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,314 Although it's not the first time you've surprised me. 38 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,146 I have so much stuff to do today. 39 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,252 I have to do laundry, then I have a piano lesson... 40 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,720 then I have to make dinner. I am so busy. Better hurry. 41 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,654 Lois, I want my graham... 42 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,493 Oh. 43 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,756 - Hey. - Hey. 44 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,634 Playing a little dress-up? 45 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:26,898 - Yeah. - Yeah, good. 46 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,970 It's fun to pretend. 47 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,007 - So listen, if you see Lois tell her... - Graham cracker. 48 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,238 Graham cracker, yes, yes. That's it. 49 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,245 All right, so... 50 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:41,949 I'm just gonna go out in the hallway and throw up about something else. 51 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,549 This is cute. 52 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,561 Oh, my God. 53 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,409 Oh, my God, that was such a rush. 54 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,079 Yeah. I'm alive! 55 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,957 - Thanks for having us over. - Yeah, it's a wonderful dinner. 56 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:24,359 And on this beautiful new china. You guys have a lot of new stuff. 57 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,922 - Yeah, Lois has been splurging her ass off. - Yeah, she has. 58 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,745 You know, she bought me something yesterday... 59 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,330 but I am not going to tell you what it is. I want you to guess. Just close your eyes. 60 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,270 - It's a soccer horn. - I know what it is! 61 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,810 Hey, is that an original Matisse? 62 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:44,007 Hey, Bonnie. Listen, why don't you stop with the questions, huh? 63 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,982 You're ruining everyone's good time. 64 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,077 Like Peter did, when he used to entertain terminally ill kids. 65 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,712 Hi there. How you all doing? 66 00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:55,192 All right, so I'm at the DMV the other day. Long lines. Long lines at the DMV. 67 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,991 But you'll find out all about that when you get... 68 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,592 Moving on. So I finally tried Viagra and... 69 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,931 We got a joker in the audience there. 70 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,771 You got something you want to say, there, Mr. Heckler? 71 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,606 Dying hurts. 72 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,010 Tell me about it. So anyway, who hates flying? 73 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,684 - Brian, what are you doing here? - I should ask you the same question. 74 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,695 Lois, you're in an auto parts store, stealing mufflers. 75 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,231 This is worse than that Winona Ryder thing. 76 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,823 Are you saying I am a klepto? 77 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,164 Actually, I was talking about The Age of Innocence. 78 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,795 It is settled, May. Our parents have consented... 79 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,774 and you and I are to be married on the first warm, sunny day of spring. 80 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:47,812 That would be most good, Newland, most good. 81 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,642 I am sorry, but she is just awful. Is there any way... 82 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,049 I mean, can we add, like, a topless scene, or something? 83 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:55,415 - Yeah. - Really? 84 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,649 - Yeah. - We can? Great. All right, we got a movie. 85 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,854 God, you're right, Brian, I'm out of control... 86 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:05,829 but I don't know what to do. I'm just hooked on the rush of shoplifting. 87 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,499 I haven't felt a thrill like this in a long time. 88 00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:12,002 Well, I think you've had enough thrills. Why don't you just put everything back? 89 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:16,130 Okay, Brian. You know, you really are a good friend. 90 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,073 Let me rub your belly. 91 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,584 Put it back. 92 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,688 Welcome back to Channel 5 News at 10:00. 93 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:35,871 For those of you wondering... 94 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,125 what I've been writing down as we go to commercial... 95 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,461 it's a cat. Just a cat. 96 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,234 In other news, police are still looking for the culprit... 97 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:46,669 who stole a valuable Matisse painting from the Quahog Museum of Art. 98 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,572 A Matisse painting? 99 00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,336 Also, scientists announced today... 100 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,675 that if your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer. 101 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:55,914 Ha. Ha. 102 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:59,678 Got you. That's not even really news. 103 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,314 Oh no, Rupert, we're out of gas. 104 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:10,453 We better ask directions at that creepy, and possibly haunted, house. 105 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,399 A ghost! It's okay. It's okay. 106 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,229 We got away just in time. 107 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,998 All right, now, is that everything you stole? 108 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,198 That's everything. 109 00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,673 You know, you really should talk to a therapist about this. 110 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,256 I mean, it really helped Peter out... 111 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,539 when he became obsessed with that fantasy world of his. 112 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,052 Yeah! 113 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,153 - You're a little too heavy, buddy. - Yeah! 114 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,581 - We're going down. - Yeah! 115 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,385 Yeah. 116 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,030 You know, Lois, we're just lucky... 117 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,458 we got this under control before the police caught onto you. 118 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,765 Hold it right there, Lois, you are under arrest. 119 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:55,330 Oh, crap. All right, look, just take it easy, Joe. All right, Lois will go peacefully. 120 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:59,036 Oh, my God, I am so embarrassed. Let me just get my purse. 121 00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:02,809 Sucker! 122 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:27,130 Sorry, Lois. Regulations. I can't give you any special treatment. 123 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,266 - It's okay, Joe, I understand. - Shut up, maggot! 124 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,912 Your Honor, I am so sorry for stealing all that stuff. 125 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,679 I just couldn't control myself. 126 00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,653 Well, Mrs. Griffin, considering this is your first offense... 127 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,953 I've decided to go lenient and... Where the hell is my gavel? 128 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,419 Give me that. 129 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,363 I sentence you to two years in the State Prison. 130 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,957 - Man, that is bogus. - Order in the court! 131 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:59,196 Another outburst like that, Mr. Griffin, and I'll extend the sentence. 132 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,572 - Okay, three years. - That was a sneeze. 133 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,766 - Four years. - I am sorry. 134 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,399 - Five years. - You douchebag. 135 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:08,071 - All right, three years it is. - Three years in prison? 136 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,080 Oh, my God, what have I done? 137 00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:14,915 Oh, man, I haven't been this upset since I watched The Blob on television. 138 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:19,156 Look out behind you, lady! It's the Blob! I'll save you. 139 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,997 Here you go. Meet your new friends. 140 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,759 - Hi, I'm Lois. - I'm Fisty, that's Stabby, and that's Balls. 141 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,772 - Pull up a chair, we're playing cards. - Oh. Okay. 142 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,207 - So, are those biblical names? - Yeah, Fisty is. 143 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,314 Boy, I sure miss Lois. 144 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,646 I wish she was here to clean up all this stuff. 145 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,275 - Hey, what's this? - Mustard. 146 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,479 Oh, that's right. We had hot dogs last week. 147 00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,717 - You gonna eat that? - The mustard on your shoulder? No. 148 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:58,330 Kids, look! Look. A deer. 149 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,628 - Can we pet him? - No, no. Just watch. 150 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,766 Peter! 151 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,477 There's so much doody in here. 152 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,148 I can't take it any more. 153 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,249 I haven't eaten in four days... 154 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,754 'cause I just can't fit any more in there. 155 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:24,683 Help me. 156 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,694 Okay, now when we get to your mother's cage, say hello... 157 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,423 but don't drag your ass, 'cause I want to go the reptile house. 158 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:36,160 - And we got to see those pandas. - Peter, this isn't a zoo, it's a prison. 159 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:39,101 - Quagmire, what are you doing here? - It's conjugal visit day. 160 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,504 You know, I love doing a woman in the can. Oh, giggidy, giggidy, goo! 161 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,042 Who else but Quagmire? 162 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,271 He's Quagmire Quagmire 163 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,745 You never really know what he's gonna do next 164 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,113 He's Quagmire Quagmire 165 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:53,479 Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy. 166 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,746 Let's have sex 167 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:58,813 I do hope nothing happens to spoil this fancy dinner party. 168 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,825 Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, goo. 169 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,389 Who else but Quagmire? 170 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,290 He's Quagmire Quagmire 171 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,891 Giggidy, giggidy, goo. 172 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:13,801 Oh, it is so good to see all of you. How is everything at home? 173 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:17,171 It's horrible, Lois. I've had to do all the things that you usually do. 174 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,744 Like the other night, I had to go to your book club meeting. 175 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,781 I really admired the mother character's admission of personal torment... 176 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,477 - after her daughter's death. - I disagree. 177 00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:28,815 I felt a total lack of ethical integrity... 178 00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:32,379 in her readiness to abandon her children and start a life of her own. 179 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:35,483 Here's another thing: The book can also be... 180 00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,255 a hat. 181 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,455 And the other night, I had to do a... 182 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:43,023 Well, you know, that thing that you usually do for me every Thursday night. 183 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:55,636 I can't believe you're serving a three-year sentence, it seems so harsh. 184 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,878 The only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. 185 00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:04,251 I guess I was stealing, because I was so sick of the same old routine. 186 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,320 I felt like I had a void in my life. 187 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:09,917 - Like, there was a secret hole in me. - Oh, God! 188 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:14,932 And I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things. 189 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:16,567 Oh, God! 190 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:20,264 And I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole. 191 00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,600 Oh, God! 192 00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,364 I did this to myself... 193 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:27,344 so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson. 194 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,243 That one is also sexual. 195 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,111 Well, I guess with good behavior, you could be out in two years. 196 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,516 I made my own bed with this one, guys. 197 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:37,088 I'm just gonna have to pay my debt to society. 198 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:41,683 Not necessarily. I think I got an idea of how to smuggle you out. 199 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,828 Bye-bye, take care, now. Have a nice day. 200 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,506 What do we do? 201 00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,637 Hurry! We'll hide in that van. 202 00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:09,450 My God, you know what this means? 203 00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:13,491 - You're all accessories to my escape. - She's right. We're fugitives from the law. 204 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,060 - What the hell is wrong with you? - I'm a dog, all right. 205 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,061 I have a very tough time standing up in the car. 206 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:22,430 Well, then we're fugitives. But at least the family's back together. 207 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,526 - I wonder where we're going. - Calm down! 208 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,127 I'll tell you what were going to do. 209 00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,401 Wherever this van stops, we'll begin a new life together. 210 00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,942 We'll blend in to the fabric of that community. 211 00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,605 Peter, we're in Asiantown. 212 00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:42,148 Well, at least I don't have to worry about the evil monkey here. 213 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,551 If we're gonna hide out here in Asiantown we have to find a place to live. 214 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,532 Yes, and we should do nothing to draw attention to ourselves as outsiders. 215 00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,568 Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan. 216 00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,900 Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan. 217 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,067 Oh, my God! It's Jackie Chan. 218 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,574 Hi there! Always nice to meet a fan of my movies. 219 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,168 - My God, you're Ethan Hawke! - No, I'm not. 220 00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:10,146 Sorry, my mistake. My God, it's Ethan Hawke! 221 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,412 - Mom, can we go get some food? - My God, there's Malcolm in middle! 222 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,646 - I'm not a boy. - Yes, you are. 223 00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:23,486 - I can't believe we have to live here. - This sucks! 224 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:27,421 Tell me about it. I haven't seen one female baby since we got here. 225 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,057 This place is a sausage-fest. 226 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,797 Come on, kids, we've been through worse. Meg, you remember when you found out... 227 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:34,702 your gynecologist never finished med school? 228 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,571 All right, Meg, let's take a look at that bergina. 229 00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,672 But Peter, how are we going to support ourselves here? 230 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:44,647 We'll all have to get jobs, but I'm sure we'll each find something we can do. 231 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,813 - Where are you from? - Tokyo. 232 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,683 Tokyo! Yeah, it's a great town. 233 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,585 - Lot of people, though. - Yup. 234 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,251 You're here on business? I bet its business... 235 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,921 'cause I had a fare earlier today that... 236 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:01,765 This used to be a people business, but now, I don't know. 237 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:08,767 Damn! I say, I seem to have sewn a shoe to my hand, may I go to the nurse? 238 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,239 Replace him! 239 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,282 Faster! 240 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:22,312 So, what exactly would you say qualifies you to work as a sumo wrestler? 241 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,913 Oh, are you kidding? I'm a born athlete, just like Greg Louganis. 242 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:27,591 Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. 243 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,628 You're probably asking yourself, "Which way are they gonna go? 244 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,391 "Are they gonna make a diving-board head-injury joke? 245 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,262 "Are they gonna make an AIDS joke? 246 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,494 "Or are they gonna make a joke about the fact... 247 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,128 "that his last name sounds suspiciously like 'anus'?" 248 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:43,902 Well, we're gonna take the high road and do a no-body-hair joke. 249 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,240 - Brian? - Hi, I'm Greg Louganis. I'm totally shaven. 250 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,507 Terrific! Terrific. 251 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,911 Damn it, Swanson. I want them found. 252 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,319 Mayor West, we have every available man looking for the Griffins. 253 00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,721 We just don't have any leads. 254 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,520 Not the Griffins, you moron! 255 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:05,619 The rest of my Lite Brite pieces! My name isn't "Adam We"! 256 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:09,993 Or is it? Who am I? What number did you dial? 257 00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:13,538 Don't ever call here again. I guess I told him! 258 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,804 Nobody messes with Adam We. 259 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,805 And now, ladies and gentlemen... 260 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:22,014 Sumo Tonight, brought to you by Asian Trix. 261 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,544 Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids! 262 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,015 You share! 263 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:32,113 I'm not really sure what to do here. 264 00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,391 Boy! You've put on weight, Jackie Chan. 265 00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,459 Oh, my God! Did you walk? 266 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,075 Oh... 267 00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:56,071 You're watching CBS ASIANTOWN. 268 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,977 - Hey, everybody, I'm home. - Oh, you're just in time. 269 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,847 I ordered Caucasian for dinner. 270 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,786 Chris, I'm hungry. It's your turn to keep watch for the cops. 271 00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,289 Wait a minute, am I the only one who thinks this is nuts? 272 00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,882 We've given up our whole lives. 273 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:10,393 Come on, Brian, a change of scenery is always good. 274 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,226 Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Nebraska. 275 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:22,095 So, anybody see any good movies lately? 276 00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,868 - No, not really. - No. 277 00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,878 Read any good books? 278 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,241 No. 279 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,180 Anything new with corn? 280 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,807 - Yeah, corn... - Corn... 281 00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,909 - You betcha! - Corn... 282 00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:36,612 - Yeah. - Corn is always interesting. 283 00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,991 Hey, Mom, Mr. Swanson's here to visit us. 284 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,092 What? 285 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,461 Oh, my God, we got to get out of here! 286 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,966 Taxi! Follow that family. 287 00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,549 Come on, everybody, over the fence. 288 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,317 Ah, yes, a fence. The cripple's natural enemy. 289 00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,222 I think we lost him. 290 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,861 - There they are. - Quick! Into the sewer. 291 00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:30,270 - Good Lord! It's disgusting down here. - Boy, Stewie's got the right idea. 292 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:33,573 - What the hell are you doing? - It's wet down there, Brian. 293 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,240 This sucks worse than that time I did cocaine with Karl Malden. 294 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,336 What are you getting all bent out of shape about? 295 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:42,615 Well, you know, Karl, I didn't get... I got virtually nothing here, you know? 296 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,032 Look, I don't see what the problem is. 297 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,546 No, you wouldn't, would you? 298 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,955 Look, all I'm saying is, I got the raw end of the deal. 299 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,585 - You invited me over. - Yeah, well, now I'm regretting it. 300 00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,160 When I fire rockets... 301 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:59,704 I always pretend I shooting at Alan Alda and Jamie Farr. 302 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,535 Take that, wisecracking meatball surgeon! 303 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,189 - Which way should we go? - I don't know, let's ask the Goonies. 304 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:23,693 - Take the left one. - Thanks. Hey, Chunk, come here. 305 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,794 Before you go, do the truffle shuffle. 306 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:30,326 - Oh, come on! - Do the truffle shuffle. 307 00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,338 Childhood obesity. 308 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,345 Lois, come on, what are you doing? 309 00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,374 - I can't do it, Peter. - What are you talking about? 310 00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:49,250 Look at us? We're running through a sewer, and it's because of me. 311 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:52,118 Look, honey, it was very sweet of you to break me out of jail... 312 00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:53,885 but I did something wrong. 313 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,257 And I'm the one who should pay, not my whole family. 314 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,999 I'm gonna turn myself in. 315 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,999 You're mine now, Lois! 316 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,898 Oh, my God, Joe! 317 00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,844 Joe, you're too heavy. I can't hang on. 318 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,242 Pretend I'm your child, Lois. 319 00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:18,616 Not Meg! Not Meg! 320 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,249 Lois, you saved my life. 321 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,082 I say, Corey Haim! Are you with the Goonies as well? 322 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,684 No, I just live down here. Mine! 323 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,399 It was so nice of Joe to work things out with that judge. 324 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:40,300 Yeah, but I'm sure gonna miss my buddies down at the sumo ring. 325 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,965 Dad, can you teach me how to sumo wrestle? 326 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,600 It's not too hard, Chris. Brian, help me demonstrate. 327 00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:48,646 - Peter, maybe somebody else could... - Come on! 328 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,573 Okay, so on the count to three, you try to push me out of the ring... 329 00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,584 I try to push you out of the ring. Okay? Ready? 330 00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,244 One, two, three! 331 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,887 What the hell? What the hell? 332 00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:03,092 - Brian, I'm sorry... - No! No. You know what? 333 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,390 It's not cool, Peter. It's not cool.