1 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,468 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,032 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,710 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:15,447 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,315 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,652 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 7 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,087 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,714 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:30,692 He's a family guy 10 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,966 All right, boys. Let's see what we've got. 11 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,268 Well, at least we got something. 12 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,699 God! Damn! Stupid penguins. 13 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,223 Sorry, guys, but the way things have been going... 14 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,512 I can't afford to keep you. I'm gonna have to put you down. 15 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,680 This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 16 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:08,825 I love you both. So, sorry. I'll always love you. 17 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:16,800 We now return to Gilmore Girls. 18 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,387 Mom, I need to talk to you about Dean. 19 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,789 Which Dean? Howard Dean, James Dean or Jimmy Dean. 20 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,157 Too old, too dead, and too fattening. 21 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,491 You don't have to tell that to my thighs. 22 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,193 Can you ask your thighs if they borrowed my Gap capris? 23 00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,195 They did not and are insulted that you've asked such a thing. 24 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,419 As insulted as Kitty Kelley... 25 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,099 when people accuse her of taking liberties with her best-selling tell-alls. 26 00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,801 - Almost. Wanna make out? - Absolutely not. 27 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,292 - Oh, you're so lying. - I so am. 28 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,954 Oh, honey, how was your day? Did you catch any fish? 29 00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,326 No, but I caught this turtle. Named him Terence. 30 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,161 Then killed him, and hollowed him out into an ashtray for Stewie. 31 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:45,101 Peter, we have a family to feed. We all count on you to provide for us. 32 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,196 I know, and I feel terrible. 33 00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,504 I must look like a bigger loser than when I was on that game show. 34 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,975 And now, back to America's favorite game show... 35 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:54,079 Bobcat or Bjork. 36 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,373 Okay, Peter. Listen closely and tell us... 37 00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:00,282 if this is a song by Icelandic vocalist Bjork... 38 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,617 or, the rantings of former comedian Bobcat Goldthwait. 39 00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:04,923 Here we go. 40 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,258 Well, Bill, that's gotta be Bobcat. 41 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,098 Sorry, that was Bjork. 42 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:19,064 I tell you, fellows, if I don't find some fish out there soon... 43 00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,469 my family's gonna go hungry. 44 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:24,676 If it's fish you wants, Pelican's Reef is where you'll find them. 45 00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:29,105 I've seen fish there. More fish than you could possibly imagine. 46 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,747 Fish as far as the eye can see. 47 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,652 Lots and lots of fish... 48 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:37,746 I guess, would be the main bullet point of this presentation. 49 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,552 Jeez, where is this Pelican's Reef? 50 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,152 There. 51 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,591 But beware, no man has ever returned. 52 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:51,636 Many have gone. All have been lost. Vanished, never to be seen again. 53 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,605 No one has ever come back... 54 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:58,006 I guess, would be the central theme of what I'm trying to get across here. 55 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,103 Pelican's Reef, huh? Then, that's where I'll go. 56 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:05,116 'Cause I'm not afraid of a challenge. Like that time I outfarted Michael Moore. 57 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,132 - Hi, there. - How are you doing? 58 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,952 All right, everybody. I'll be back in a week. 59 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,988 - Brian, look after the family. - Aye, aye. 60 00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,920 - Chris, don't pick your bum. - No promises. 61 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,424 Meg, if you get intimate with a guy, make him wear this. 62 00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,290 Dad, that's a garbage bag. Don't you mean a condom? 63 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:54,765 Meg, hefty, hefty, hefty. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy. 64 00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,732 Honey, be careful. This Pelican's Reef sounds dangerous. 65 00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,929 That's why I built you a widow's walk, Lois. 66 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,440 So you can watch the sea until I return. Go on, try it out. 67 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,144 - Peter, that doesn't look entirely... - Go on! 68 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,767 Peter, I'm really not comfortable, stepping foot on this... 69 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,749 Lois, I gotta leave in, like, five minutes. 70 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,947 Is this scotch tape? 71 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,420 You drunk. 72 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,562 Boy, I really appreciate you guys helping me out on this. 73 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,962 Peter, we're your friends. We're always there for you in your time of need. 74 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,830 Especially when you provide the free beer. 75 00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,003 Hey, I got an idea. Let's play "I never". 76 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,302 You gotta drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. 77 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:39,503 Well, I got one. 78 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:42,804 I never slept with a woman with the lights on. 79 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:44,883 I'll go next. 80 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,414 I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. 81 00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,389 All right, let's see. 82 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,653 I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. 83 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,354 God, let's see. What else is there? 84 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,630 I never gave a reach around to a spider monkey... 85 00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,397 while reciting the pledge of allegiance. 86 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,631 Oh, God. 87 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,405 I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot... 88 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,741 to take home and choke me, while I touched myself. 89 00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:14,972 Oh, come on. 90 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:19,074 I never did the same thing but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics. 91 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,880 Oh, God, this is ridiculous. 92 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,553 Oh, boy. He's out cold. Hey, let's write on him. 93 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,466 What the hell is that? 94 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:40,230 Oh, my God. There's fish everywhere. 95 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:44,843 - Wow! This must be Pelican's Reef. - Holy crap! We're rich! 96 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,224 Rich? I'll tell you what's rich. 97 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,610 The amusing folksy monologues of young Will Rogers. 98 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:52,344 But me, I like the visual slapstick gag. Like this comically oversized powder puff. 99 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,687 Makeup. Now, that's rich. 100 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,887 Play me off, Johnny. 101 00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:07,896 In local news, we have more on the approach of Hurricane RuPaul... 102 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,899 which is working his or her way up the coast. 103 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,104 Let's go live to Ollie Williams with the blackie weather report. 104 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,604 - Ollie. - It's raining sideways. 105 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,318 Sounds rough, Ollie. You have an umbrella? 106 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,342 Had one. 107 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,054 - Where is it? - Inside out, two miles away. 108 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,423 - Is there anything we can do for you? - Bring me some soup. 109 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,447 - What kind? - Turkey. 110 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,592 All right, we'll get on that. 111 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,813 Coming up next, a pig who refuses to eat Jews. 112 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:27,919 After this. 113 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:31,456 A hurricane. Oh, my God! Peter's out there. 114 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,838 Don't worry, Lois. Peter's good at getting out of trouble. 115 00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,018 Just like Kobe Bryant. 116 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,425 We want the truth, Kobe. Did you rape her? 117 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:41,613 What were we talking about? 118 00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:46,566 - That's a hell of a catch, Peter. - Guys, this is great. 119 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,866 Not only will I be able to put food on the table, and pay all my bills... 120 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,137 I'll also be able to finance my Christmas album. 121 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,371 Sessions presents, a Peter Griffin Christmas. 122 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,478 Featuring such standards as... 123 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,857 Everybody, look at the snow in the yard 124 00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,425 And who could forget... 125 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:10,491 I brought these gifts for you 126 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,822 They're up in my bum 127 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,761 And everyone's favorite... 128 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,163 Look at the bells, look at the bells 129 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,730 Holy crap, here come Jesus And he doesn't look too happy 130 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,236 Merry Christmas, everyone. 131 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,007 Here's to fish. 132 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,854 Hey, could I have one of those? 133 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,422 Hey, Death, what are you doing here? 134 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,111 Me? I'm here because of that. 135 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:44,293 And their vessel was swept to the bottom of the briny deep. 136 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:48,031 Swallowed whole by the treacherous, unforgiving sea. 137 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,060 They sank, I guess, would be the one thing... 138 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,850 to take away from this part of the seminar. 139 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,372 When we come back, I'll show you... 140 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,568 how eye contact can make or break any business relationship. 141 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:16,126 It's lucky you packed so many blow-up dolls... 142 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,319 Quag, Quagmire. 143 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:22,333 Be careful. The tiniest prick will pop these things. 144 00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:24,226 Giggidy. 145 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,870 We've been out here for days. I'm starving. 146 00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,906 - Hey, what's that? - Where? What? 147 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,635 You're eating something. 148 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,680 - You bastard! You have food? - I don't know what you're talking about. 149 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:36,781 Give me that. 150 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,889 Peter! You've been eating my legs? 151 00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,903 Yeah. See, now this is why I didn't say anything. 152 00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,055 - I knew you were gonna get like this. - What the hell is wrong with you? 153 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,825 - Look, Joe... - You've been eating me! 154 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,878 Okay, you know what. Let's just agree to disagree. 155 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,062 Hey, guys. There's an island. 156 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,261 Oh, thank goodness. 157 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,740 Oh, wow. I feel like an explorer. 158 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,177 Just like my ancestor, Ponce de Leon Griffin. 159 00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:08,845 There it is boys, the Fountain of Youth. Just like I told you. 160 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,515 Well, that was worth the eight-year boat ride. 161 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:20,285 We gather today to remember those brave Quahog men... 162 00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:21,859 who were lost at sea. 163 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,690 The Bible declares an eye for an eye. 164 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:28,596 So, let us now take our vengeance on this murderous ocean. 165 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,801 You won't be hurting anyone anymore. 166 00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:38,336 - I just can't believe he's gone. - Don't worry, Lois. We'll get through this. 167 00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,604 Daddy, I'm gonna miss you. 168 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,173 Daddy! 169 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,249 Oh, he's dead. 170 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:48,115 I know, sweetie. I'm sad, too. But you're making a scene. 171 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,380 All our friends are here. 172 00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,924 Screw you, fish. 173 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,428 I miss you so much. 174 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:03,366 But I promise, one day I'll see you again, Captain Caveman. 175 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,803 It feels like we've been here forever. 176 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,032 Okay, here's one. 177 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,740 What would you guys rather be? Blind or a midget? 178 00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,778 Oh, that's easy. Blind. 179 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:17,313 It heightens your other senses to near superhero levels. 180 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,647 Yeah, and every woman I did would be Cheryl Tiegs. 181 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:21,945 Definitely blind. 182 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,522 You guys are crazy. Hey, you don't wanna be a midget? 183 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,156 One of those funny little guys running around... 184 00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,749 getting in all kinds of shenanigans. 185 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,159 Smoking a cigar, while you're riding around in a stroller. 186 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,808 - Good point. - Never thought of it that way. 187 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:36,359 - They are God's little punch lines. - Okay, all right. Here's another one. 188 00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:37,593 Black or crippled? 189 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,700 All right, fellas. We've been out here for months. 190 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,743 And we all know that men have certain needs. 191 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:49,644 And being there's no women around, we're gonna have to have an orgy. 192 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,751 - Anybody horny? - No. 193 00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,912 - No. - Yeah, me neither. 194 00:10:56,422 --> 00:11:00,620 And whoever's toe that is, I appreciate your enthusiasm... 195 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,626 but I think, you can stop. 196 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,492 Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this. 197 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,867 And if you look off the left side of the ship... 198 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,936 you'll see a bunch of homosexuals. 199 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,636 - That was a great cruise. - Yeah, the buffet was great. 200 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,712 And I enjoyed shooting Skeet. 201 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,077 Don't worry, Mr. Ulrich, we'll get you to the hospital. 202 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,581 You bastard. 203 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,848 There's nothing good about what you do or who you are. 204 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,655 Lois, I'm home. 205 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,354 - Peter. - Daddy. 206 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,860 - Dad. - What's your name again? 207 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,221 I wanna say Allen. 208 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:42,289 - Oh, it's so good to see you guys. - Peter, we'd given up hope. 209 00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,370 I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alive. 210 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,836 Oh, come here, sweetheart. 211 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,703 Wait, Peter. There's something you should know. 212 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:54,412 I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, but I got remarried. 213 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,580 What? 214 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,750 It was a very difficult time and he was there for us. 215 00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,714 What the hell... Who was there for you? 216 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,184 Honey, I'm home. 217 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,585 - Peter, you're alive. - Brian. 218 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:09,684 This is just like that sitcom where there's two dads. 219 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:13,689 Except nobody's laughing. No, wait, it's the same. 220 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,130 You married Brian? 221 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,364 Peter, remember. We thought you were dead. 222 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,839 I needed help and Brian was there. 223 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,370 He even took a job selling cars to keep the family afloat. 224 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,175 Well, just get a divorce and everything will be back to normal. 225 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:33,080 It's not that easy. What am I supposed to tell Brian? 226 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:38,151 Thanks for saving our family, now scram. And besides, he's been great with the kids. 227 00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,325 I mean, Chris is doing better in school. 228 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,862 And Meg even went on a date with the announcer from the Super Friends. 229 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,395 Meanwhile, under Meg Griffin's bra. 230 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,627 Fine. I can see, I'm not wanted here. Maybe I'll just find my own place. 231 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,806 Oh, Peter. I just feel terrible about this. 232 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,534 I don't need your sympathy. I don't need anything. 233 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,278 You know what? Maybe I'll just go take up my old job... 234 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,176 as a construction worker in New York. 235 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,146 Although I never did get the cat calling right. 236 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,084 - Yeah, baby. - I want a piece of that. 237 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,848 You suck! 238 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,818 Hey, listen, Lois. 239 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,335 You know, I know, your head must be turned upside down... 240 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,361 by this whole Peter thing. 241 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,933 So, you know, if there's anything you wanna talk about... 242 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,524 Oh, don't worry, Brian. 243 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,896 I'll admit this is an emotional time for me but you and I are married... 244 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,201 and that's the way it's gonna stay. 245 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,334 So any possibility of... 246 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,103 tonight being the night we finally push the beds together. 247 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:36,442 Good night, Brian. 248 00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:38,741 Come on. 249 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,945 Jeez, enough with that already. You're like a dog with a bone. 250 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,554 Tell me about it. I'll be in the basement. 251 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,990 - Doing what? - What do you think? 252 00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:53,090 Wow, Joe, where did you get the new legs? 253 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,828 Transplant. They belonged to a death row inmate who got the chair. 254 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,767 Unfortunately for me, he was also a paraplegic. 255 00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:03,308 Guys, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Lois is the only woman for me. 256 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:06,503 Well, then, it sounds like you've gotta find a way to win her back. 257 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:09,740 Yeah, like we could get her drunk and take turns having sex with her. 258 00:14:09,882 --> 00:14:11,645 - How would that help me? - Oh, help you? 259 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,753 Yeah, yeah. Then, no. No, then, that wouldn't help you. 260 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,855 Well, Joe is absolutely right. 261 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,322 I just gotta figure out a way to win Lois back. 262 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,188 I can do that, I'm a smart guy. 263 00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,557 I once built that time machine out of a DeLorean. 264 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,230 All right, past. Here I come. 265 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:39,300 Wow. Everybody in 1955 was on fire. 266 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,204 I never knew that. 267 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,383 - Oh, hello, Lois. - Peter. 268 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,019 What are you doing here and where are your clothes? 269 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,780 Oh, did I forget my clothes? 270 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,064 You know, I'd leave my ass behind... 271 00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:55,558 if it wasn't so perfectly attached to my sternum. 272 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,319 Perhaps I should cover myself. 273 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,166 Look, Peter, I know what you're trying to do... 274 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,600 but it's not gonna work. I'm married to Brian. 275 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:11,108 Oh, that's right. How inappropriate of me. Well, I guess, I should be going. 276 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,736 - Lois, do you have a magnet in your head? - What? 277 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,782 You must, because it's attracting my buns of steel. 278 00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:19,884 Peter, knock it off. 279 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,863 You knock it off. You're the one with the magnet. 280 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,151 I'm serious, knock it off. 281 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:25,690 Peter, no. 282 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:27,785 Peter, for God's sake. 283 00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,255 Oh, who am I kidding? I can't fight this anymore. 284 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,896 I missed you so much. 285 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,765 Lois, I smell whipped cream. Are you making strawberry shortcake? 286 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:51,174 So it's a shouting match you want, eh? Well, game on, Quahog. 287 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:56,953 I'm beating you! 288 00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:04,556 Hey, Griffin, your sales are in the toilet. You got problems at home? 289 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,290 No! What would make you say that? 290 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:09,333 Ex-husband back in the picture, you're working during the day. 291 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,335 They got time to bump uglies. That's right, I said, bump uglies. 292 00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,798 Big whoop. Want to fight about it? 293 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:16,672 Shut up, Paddy, you're crazy. Lois would never cheat on me. 294 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:17,967 I trust her completely. 295 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,081 Excuse me. 296 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:35,554 I'm looking for a car that's been tricked out to look like an ice-cream truck. 297 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,322 Damn it! I'm sorry, what? 298 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:40,865 You know, with colorful pictures of ice cream treats. 299 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:44,127 And it plays a tune that's fun for the young children. 300 00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,944 Okay, I'm going out. 301 00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:03,510 - Where are you going? - To my garden club. 302 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:06,352 It's 10:30 at night and you have a saddle. 303 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:07,492 Well, it's a... 304 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,955 What's this? What's this, Brian, huh? What's this, huh? 305 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,967 - It's a ball. - Oh, is this your ball? 306 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,899 You want it, huh? You want this, huh? 307 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,904 Yes, I would like it, please, yes. 308 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,564 You want this, huh? You want the ball? 309 00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,472 - Yes, I would like to have it very much. - You want the ball? 310 00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:27,337 I would enjoy having it, yes. Give it to me. 311 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,403 Go, get it. 312 00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:33,280 I'm sorry, Lois, I was mistaken. I thought you threw the ball in there... 313 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,763 but I can see now you still have it. 314 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,811 Go, get the ball. 315 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,814 I say, are you blind, or just stupid? 316 00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,803 - What do you mean? - Perhaps you'd like to see... 317 00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:44,455 what Lois and the fat man have been up to in your absence. 318 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:51,333 Hello, MTV, I think I would be perfect for The Real World. 319 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:56,071 Because I speak my mind and not everyone likes that. 320 00:17:57,309 --> 00:18:01,507 But I'm not afraid to go there. And I can be sexy. 321 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,645 Look at my fanny, look at my fanny, look at my fanny. 322 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,243 - Wow, I can't believe they didn't take you. - Shut up! 323 00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,719 All right, here it is. 324 00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:13,915 Oh Peter. 325 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:18,663 Hang on. 326 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,730 Shazzam! 327 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,062 Good for you. 328 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,865 My God. How could they do this to me? 329 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,922 Peter, I can't keep sneaking around with you like this. 330 00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:49,983 - See, it's not fair to Brian. - What about me, Lois. I love you, too. 331 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:53,587 And the other thing is, Lois, hi, he's a dog. 332 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:56,634 Please. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be. 333 00:18:56,768 --> 00:19:00,704 You know, I will always love you, but I made a commitment to Brian. 334 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:04,031 I can never repay him for what he's done for this family. 335 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,270 I'm sorry, Peter. 336 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:12,773 All right, Simon, do your worst. 337 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,318 I find it's easy if I make it into a little song. 338 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:21,050 Red, green, blue, green, blue, blue Then you put in words 339 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:24,490 I like tea and cakes for tea and cake time 340 00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:28,632 - Brian, you're still up. - Lois, listen. 341 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,330 We need to talk. 342 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,427 Oh, my, I better leave you two alone. 343 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,275 - What's the matter, Brian? - I've been thinking about us. 344 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,112 And I just don't think it's working out. 345 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,546 Oh, my God. No way. 346 00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,117 You wanna break up. Why? 347 00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,816 I just don't think you're the right woman for me. 348 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,154 Oh, bitch. You got jacked, bitch. 349 00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,695 Maybe you should see if Peter will still take you back. 350 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,394 - I'm sorry, Lois. - I understand, Brian. 351 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,796 There's no possible way I can ever thank you enough for this. 352 00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:10,106 - You're a good friend. - You're a good friend too, Lois. 353 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,668 That's kind of nice. 354 00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,071 Well, thank God, everything's back to normal. 355 00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,206 I'll say. 356 00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:21,980 And to think, Brian, I was, like, a day away from having sex with you. 357 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,187 I was gonna push those beds together... 358 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,951 and take you around the freaking world, Brian. 359 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,421 But a nice pat on the head is just as good, huh? 360 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:34,363 - You want your ball? - No, Lois, I don't want the ball right now. 361 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,600 I'll be in the basement. 362 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,157 - Doing what? - What do you think? 363 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,872 Okay, somebody's gonna have to explain that to me.