1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,538 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:08,965 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:12,506 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,314 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,247 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:22,448 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 7 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,182 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,723 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:30,896 He's a family guy 10 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:38,400 And now back to Old People Agree With Arnold Palmer. 11 00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:41,406 Tomato soup, grilled cheese, and a weak cup of tea... 12 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:43,100 is the best lunch in my book. 13 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,305 - He's right. - I enjoy things I remember. 14 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,271 Peter, I'm off to my book club. 15 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,474 Don't forget you have to go to the PTA meeting. 16 00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,915 Me? Go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high? 17 00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:54,782 Not anymore. I crashed hours ago. 18 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,152 By the way, we're out of chips, cookies, and Funny Bones. 19 00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,158 Now, I'm going to my book club and you are going to the meeting. 20 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,251 Hey, Brian, how about you go to that meeting for me, huh? 21 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:04,853 Yeah. I don't think so. 22 00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,591 Oh, come on, buddy. You owe me. 23 00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,724 You remember what I did for you last week? 24 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:13,435 Sighing softly to the river 25 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:16,441 Comes the loving breeze 26 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,842 Setting nature all aquiver 27 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,244 Rustling through the trees 28 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,146 Through the trees! 29 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,919 All right. I'll go. 30 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,227 Quagmire, what are you doing here? You don't have kids. 31 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:42,499 Don't be so sure, Brian. I've slept with chicks all over the world. 32 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,502 Who knows, I could have kids in their 20s. 33 00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:05,752 - What are you doing here? - I got roped into this by Peter. 34 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,433 Wow, that's a lovely color. 35 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,499 Your dress is... The color of your dress is... 36 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,072 - I like... You're very pretty. - Oh, thank you. 37 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,164 I'm the 11th grade history teacher, Miss Parks. 38 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,503 Oh! Like Rosa Parks. 39 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,170 Or, you know, or someone white named Parks. 40 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,272 Nothing cuter than a nervous white dog. 41 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,147 Well, I'm Brian and... 42 00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:38,813 gosh, if I'm not being too forward, it's lovely to meet you, Miss Parks. 43 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,688 Oh, please. Call me Shauna. 44 00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,354 Shauna! Shauna! 45 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,659 So, Brian, you ready to go play some darts at The Clam? 46 00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:53,295 Sorry, Peter. I can't make it tonight. I have a date. 47 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,731 Dad! 48 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,571 You were supposed to drive tonight. What am I supposed to do? 49 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,941 If I drive, I'll have to have a bunch of drinks first... 50 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,480 because I am very self-conscious about my driving. 51 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,607 Oh, you've got a date! What's his name? 52 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,742 Do you see that? Do you see what I did? 53 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,185 I made it seem as though you were a homosexual. 54 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,551 That's funny to me. 55 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:13,626 How exciting, Brian. So who's the lucky lady? 56 00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:15,785 Well, actually, her name is Shauna Parks. 57 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,089 Meg's teacher? 58 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,864 Yeah, we really hit it off. She's great. 59 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,661 Brian on a date. 60 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,568 That'll be more pathetic than that game of Marco Polo I played with Helen Keller. 61 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:26,798 Marco. 62 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:28,833 Marco. 63 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,002 Marco. 64 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,239 Marco. 65 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,347 Marco. 66 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,583 Marco. 67 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:39,885 Marco. 68 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,720 Marco. 69 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:43,855 Marco. 70 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,187 I don't know. I mean, I think I want to have kids someday. 71 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,821 Oh, I love kids. I just love them. 72 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:56,095 I can't get enough of those little buggers, let me tell you. 73 00:03:56,202 --> 00:04:00,332 You know, it's like I tell the other volunteers down at the adoption center: 74 00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:04,200 My God, you know, if I could just take all the orphans in the world... 75 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,108 and just, you know, buy a farm somewhere... 76 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,204 and let them all run free, you know. 77 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:13,183 Just let them do little macaroni-art pictures of their dead parents. 78 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,785 So what's it like to work at a high school? 79 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,583 Oh, Brian, I just love it. 80 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,170 Working at James Woods High is great. 81 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,626 You know, I've always wondered why they named if after James Woods, you know? 82 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,697 I mean, there's got to be somebody more deserving. 83 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:27,288 Like, just, you know, off the top of my head, I don't know... 84 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,234 Sidney Poitier, Reggie Jackson, Martin Luther King... 85 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,498 You know, those are just three names that come to mind. 86 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,064 Brian, that's a great idea. 87 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,609 We should get them to rename the school after Dr. King. 88 00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,841 You like Dr. King? Because I love Dr. King. I love... M.L. K! 89 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,084 Man, he's my guy. 90 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:48,085 He's... I mean, I love all black people, you know. 91 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:51,088 I mean, if I could take all the black people in the world... 92 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:54,956 and just, you know, just buy a farm somewhere and let them all... 93 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:58,223 Whoa, you know what, that actually didn't really come out right. 94 00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:01,789 Brian, relax. I'm having a great time. You don't have to try so hard. 95 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,735 Great. Great. 'Cause, you know, I'm not okay with slavery. Just so we're clear. 96 00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:09,131 I mean, if I was offered a slave, I'd say no. 97 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:12,870 By the way, Bonnie... 98 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,504 we just finished reading The Da Vinci Code at my book club. 99 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,583 You were right. It's terrific. 100 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:22,212 Let me guess. Some flowery, 300-page, menopausal masturbatory aid. 101 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,619 I loved it. 102 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,123 And the chapters are only about two pages long. 103 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,988 So you feel really smart when you read it. 104 00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,652 Take it outside, Lois. 105 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,927 Good night, sweetie. 106 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:38,198 Oh, yes. Just as I thought: France, art... 107 00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,496 murder? 108 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:43,336 Well, this is a bigger surprise than that time Peter vanished into thin air. 109 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,774 - Hey, Stewie. Peekaboo! - Yes, I see you, fat man. 110 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,210 Where's Daddy? 111 00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,872 Where did you go? Oh, this is impossible. 112 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,048 I can hear you, but I can't see... 113 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,051 Well, he must really be gone! 114 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,789 - Peekaboo! - How the hell did you do that? 115 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,689 I thought you'd disappeared, otherwise I wouldn't have picked my... 116 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,754 Great, leave when I'm in the middle of a sentence. 117 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,867 Hey, there you are, Brian. We're all set for tonight, right? 118 00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:11,766 Oh, tonight's no good, Peter. I have another date with Shauna. 119 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,236 Oh, come on. Again? 120 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:16,206 Well, fine, Brian. If that girl is more important to you than me... 121 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,504 then I guess I'll have to find a new best pal. 122 00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,814 Boy, Barney, it's sure been great hanging out with you. 123 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,516 I've enjoyed it, too, Peter. 124 00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:28,178 Hey, you almost done in the john? 'Cause we're late for darts. 125 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,618 All done, Peter. 126 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,147 You think you have a crap job. 127 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,628 I don't need Brian to watch TV with. I got you, Meg. 128 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,799 Hey, what's that? What's that? Is that a dog? 129 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,668 Is that another dog on the TV, huh? 130 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,039 You see that? Go get it. Go get it. 131 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,605 What's that? Who's that? Who's that? 132 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:54,737 Oh! Who's that? 133 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,609 Who's there? Is there somebody at the door? 134 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,183 Somebody at the door? Huh? 135 00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:00,411 Somebody at the door? What are you gonna do about it? 136 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,385 What are you gonna do about it? 137 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,921 What are you... 138 00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,991 I'm not a dog, you fat bastard! 139 00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,630 Wow, Stewie, you're up early. 140 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,029 I'm up still. I've been reading all night. 141 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,192 Hang on, Lois. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. 142 00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:19,863 Well, I loved this book. 143 00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,940 Nothing like a good story to recharge your batteries. 144 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,009 Hey, everybody, check this out. 145 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,309 This is wonderful. Look at this, Peter. 146 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:33,344 "Two hundred die in train derailment." 147 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,945 Oh, God, Lois. That is just morbidly obese. 148 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,455 No, no, Peter. Right here. 149 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,823 I mentioned to Shauna that they ought to change the name of James Woods High... 150 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,522 to Martin Luther King, Jr., and she really ran with it. 151 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,275 The school board is voting on it tomorrow. 152 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,994 Congratulations, Brian. 153 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,611 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait. 154 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,763 You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school? 155 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:55,363 - Well, yes. For Martin Luther King. - That's crazy. 156 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,273 You're gonna name the school after the star of SPace 1999? 157 00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,776 No, that's Martin Landau. 158 00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:02,272 - Oh. The guy who played Sheneneh? - That's Martin Lawrence. 159 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,759 - The drunk crooner? - That's Dean Martin. 160 00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,228 - The drink that's best served on the rocks? - Martini & Rossi. 161 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,696 - The guy on The West Wing? - Martin Sheen. 162 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,164 - The guy from Platoon? - Charlie Sheen. 163 00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,588 No, no, the other guy from Platoon. 164 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,383 - It's... - Come on. 165 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,718 Willem Dafoe. 166 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,057 No, it's Tom Berenger. We were looking for Tom Berenger. 167 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,825 Well, thanks for playing. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. 168 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,526 Oh, that's okay. I had a lot of fun. I'm a big fan of the show. 169 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,227 Wait a minute! 170 00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:28,272 Peter, Martin Luther King was an inspiration to an entire generation. 171 00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,808 He was a driving force behind the civil rights movement. 172 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,572 Lois, we're talking about Rhode Island's own James Woods here. 173 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,977 He's a hero in these parts, huh? Use your head. 174 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,359 Peter, you're acting like an idiot. 175 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,623 Oh, yeah? I don't like the way you've been acting lately. 176 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,330 I think it has a lot to do with that woman... 177 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,831 you've been spending so much time with. 178 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,975 Why don't you just mind your own damn business, Peter? 179 00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:47,355 Will you guys stop fighting, please? 180 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,322 What's wrong with Meg? 181 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,896 Oh, nothing. It's just her time of the month. 182 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,625 Not again. 183 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,010 Well, Mr. Griffin, your arguments for the school's name change... 184 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,347 are quite compelling. 185 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,109 Brian, I think you did it. 186 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,444 Oh, amen. 187 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,781 By the way, I just want to remind everybody... 188 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,753 to put their e-mail address on the list in the back there... 189 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,381 so we can send you our quarterly newsletter. 190 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:24,155 It's chock-full of goings-on around the school. It's got a word jumble. 191 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,321 A little hint: 192 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:28,525 All the answers have to do with something here at the school. 193 00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,727 Yes, I'm sure we're all looking forward to that. 194 00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:34,431 Now, unless there is any objection, I move that the board pass this measure. 195 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,407 I've got an objection, and so does this man. 196 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,138 James Woods! 197 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,713 - Oh, my God. - I don't believe it. 198 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,509 Hi. How are you? Hello, everyone. 199 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,380 He brought James Woods here? What the hell is he doing? 200 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,612 Believe me, Peter does stupid things all the time. 201 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,401 That's why he got fired from that airline. 202 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,787 - Coffee for you, Capt. Griffin? - Thank you, stewardess. 203 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,658 Hey, where are we right now? 204 00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,523 On an airplane? 205 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,828 No. This room. What is this room called? 206 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,698 - The flight deck? - No. 207 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,898 - Control room? - No. 208 00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:09,007 Cockpit? 209 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,903 Oh, God! I told you I'd get her to say it. 210 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:18,076 Oh, God! 211 00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,674 All right. Go on. Get out of here. 212 00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:23,116 Look, I came as soon as Peter contacted my website. 213 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:27,215 Let me just say, I'm all in favor of renaming the school after Dr. King. 214 00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,588 - What? - Wow! 215 00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,753 A big star and yet so humble. 216 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,922 James Woods High School it remains. 217 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,522 - What? - You can't be serious. 218 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,126 Yes! This is more exciting than that time I got to ride the washing machine. 219 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:54,080 Man, what a great lunch, Lois. Thank you so much for having me over. 220 00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:56,711 Well, it's not often we get to meet celebrities. 221 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,655 Yeah, except when I was Christina Aguilera's manager. 222 00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:12,661 Okay, let me just go ahead and stop you right there. You sound terrible, all right? 223 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:16,731 You're doing this thing, which is just, you know... What the hell is that? 224 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,937 And you look like if I touched you, you'd be sticky... 225 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,445 and frankly, you smell bad. 226 00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,777 You're pretty much offensive to all five senses. 227 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:24,883 That's only four. 228 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:28,249 Well, actually, you know when you smell something and it gets stuck in there... 229 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,514 and you can sort of taste it? 230 00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,079 Yeah. Well, I'm tasting you right now and it tastes awful. 231 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,785 Truly disgusting, like salty garbage. 232 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,057 Yeah, I totally taste it. 233 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:41,489 Oh, Brian, there you are. Look who's here for lunch. 234 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,194 Hello, Mr. Woods. Peter tells me you're in films. 235 00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,063 Peter, can I talk to you in the living room? 236 00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:50,700 I can't believe you went to that much effort just to sabotage me. 237 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,970 You're a jerk, you know that? 238 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,876 Listen, at least I wasn't trying to change the name of the school... 239 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:55,980 to impress my girlfriend. 240 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,082 Now that is not true. 241 00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,845 Oh, yeah? Then why did you pick Martin Luther King? 242 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,817 Why not Ronald Reagan? 243 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,446 He was always fun, especially in his later years. 244 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,549 Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. 245 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,293 Tear it down. 246 00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:13,023 Reagan smash. Reagan smash. 247 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,269 What's that? 248 00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,431 Oh, it's just Reagan. Just leave him alone. He'll tire himself out. 249 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,337 Reagan sleepy. 250 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,136 You're an ass, you know that? 251 00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,771 You're just jealous because I'm hanging around with someone else. 252 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,758 Hey, I don't care, man. Girls are stupid anyway. 253 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,773 Well, fine. Then maybe I'll go see her right now. 254 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,318 Fine! I'll just hang out with James Woods. 255 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,411 Well, Peter, thanks for lunch. 256 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,786 - Guess I'll be heading back to old L.A. now. - You're leaving? 257 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,883 Oh, man, I thought maybe you could stick around... 258 00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:43,825 and, you know, maybe you and me could be pals. 259 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,460 You mean just hang around like regular people. 260 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:47,725 Regular people, sure, yeah. 261 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,892 That does sound appealing. 262 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:53,165 You know what? I'm gonna check back into my hotel. 263 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,145 Oh, screw that. You'll stay with me right here. 264 00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:56,847 Come on, we'll have a campout in the yard. 265 00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:58,035 Wicked cool. 266 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,610 His sweater was neatly folded on the grave... 267 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,046 so we went back to the car... 268 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:06,880 and the severed hook was hanging from the door handle... 269 00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,853 because the calls were coming from inside the house. 270 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,983 That's a scary story, Peter. 271 00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,528 It's almost as scary as... boo! 272 00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,896 Boy, James Woods, you're the best friend a guy could ever have. 273 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,198 I feel the same way about you, Peter. 274 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,774 Someone to care for 275 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,610 To be there for 276 00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,476 I have James Woods 277 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,217 Someone to do for 278 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,019 Muddle through for 279 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,281 You have James Woods 280 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:48,459 Someone to share joy Or desPair with 281 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,524 Whichever betides you 282 00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:55,192 Life becomes a chore 283 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,898 Unless you're living for 284 00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:03,137 Someone to tend to Be a friend to 285 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,836 I have James Woods 286 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,839 Someone to strive for 287 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,447 Do or die for 288 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,245 You have James Woods 289 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,687 It's true 290 00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,422 We two 291 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,086 Have a likewise Point of view 292 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,093 'Cause James Woods 293 00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,090 has you 294 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,324 And I have James Woods 295 00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:28,566 too 296 00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:35,539 - Shauna? - Brian, over here. 297 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:36,969 I couldn't save your seat. 298 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,634 I know I'm late, I apologize. 299 00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:42,271 - Hello, fellow moviegoer. - Sorry, I couldn't get him to move. 300 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,747 - Where have you been? - I just had it out with Peter. 301 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,080 Would you like some corn? I brought it from home. 302 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,155 Peter? You're still not friends with that idiot after what he did? 303 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,724 Well, I mean, that may be a little harsh. 304 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,623 I'm not going to avoid Peter like the drunk chick at a party. 305 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,093 I just smoked the wrong side of a cigarette! 306 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,399 Who wants to go swimming? 307 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,194 This song is about me! 308 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,562 Look, Brian, Peter is a jerk. 309 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:10,267 And as far as I'm concerned, it's either him or me. 310 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,867 Shauna, come on, why you want to play a brother like that? 311 00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:14,946 I think I have my answer. 312 00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,481 You know what? I will have some of that. 313 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,245 - What the hell is this? - Creamed corn. 314 00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:24,288 I brought it from home, because I don't like the creamed corn they have here. 315 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,914 It's too crunchy. 316 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,825 Peter, I'm sorry, I was a jerk. Let's be friends again. Okay. 317 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:35,192 - Peter, can I talk to you for a second? - What is it, Brian? 318 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,826 Listen, I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us... 319 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,873 and I figure, I don't know, I thought maybe we could be friends again, huh? 320 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,704 What do you say? I kind of miss sleeping at the foot of your bed. 321 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,802 - I don't think so. - Come on, can't we just go... 322 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:52,048 - I tried to tell you. - This is my spot now, Brian. 323 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:53,908 Oh. I see. 324 00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:03,718 Look, Lois. Lois, look, look, look. He's dreaming he's running. 325 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,071 Okay, James, you ready? Now catch it in your mouth like Brian. 326 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,867 - James, you got to bite down. - I got a question, Peter. 327 00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,338 Motivation. What is my motivation? 328 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:21,538 Just throw it back to me. 329 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,172 You know what? This is boring. I got a better idea. 330 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,711 James, do we really have to watch Videodrome? 331 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,763 Yeah, I think you're really going to appreciate... 332 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:31,153 all the subtle nuances in my performance. 333 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,555 See? For example, see how even though this other guy is talking... 334 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,150 your eye is drawn to me. 335 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,593 Yeah, that's neat. 336 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:42,397 - Is there going to be any nudity? - Yes, I get naked. 337 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,228 You know, it's bad enough that Peter and I were fighting... 338 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,274 but ever since he met James Woods, it's like I don't even exist. 339 00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:53,140 Do you really care about a man who used to try and pick up girls... 340 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,542 at the Miss USA Pageant? 341 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:58,609 Hey, how's it going? I'm Peter. You want to go out sometime? 342 00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:00,275 Maybe you got a Saturday night free... 343 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:03,048 You know what? To hell with you, then. Yeah, go to hell. 344 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:07,182 I'm Peter. What do you say you and me go get a couple of beers, maybe we could... 345 00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:09,492 Fine. You know what? You got mosquito-bite boobs anyway. 346 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,306 I don't care. I don't care. I don't need you. 347 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,298 Hey, how are you? I'm Peter. 348 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,458 I got a coupon for Sizzler with your name on it. 349 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:16,932 Maybe the two of us could... 350 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,680 You know what? I don't care. You're a bitch. 351 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,333 Brian, I know you're upset now, but if there's anything I've learned in this life... 352 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,238 is that you can't let the little things... 353 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,742 Hey! Hey! 354 00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:28,870 Where's my money? Don't you walk out on me! 355 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,056 Hey. 356 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:39,824 Hey. 357 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,459 So where's your good buddy, James Woods? 358 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:45,792 Turns out he wasn't very good at catching stuff with his mouth. 359 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,196 - Where's your girlfriend? - Same problem. 360 00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:07,178 James, what are you doing here? 361 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,584 - What's going on? - Hello, Peter. 362 00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,883 Would you like some cold roast beef? 363 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,958 What do you mean? 364 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,620 I don't know, Peter, I had this crazy idea... 365 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:20,129 that you and I were supposed to have dinner tonight. 366 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,097 But I guess you had other plans, huh? 367 00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,601 Brian and I were just at The Clam. 368 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,763 Oh, that's fun. That sounds like you had a fun time. 369 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,375 And where would I fit in with the fun time? 370 00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:35,707 Where does James Woods fit into the fun, you? 371 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,488 Look, James, you're acting kind of weird. 372 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,747 I'll act however I want to act, you son of a bitch! 373 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,445 I'm sorry, Peter, I didn't mean that. 374 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:45,751 Boy, I haven't been this creeped out since I saw that episode of Star Trek. 375 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,618 - Number One. - Yes, Captain. 376 00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:51,991 Let me ask you something. 377 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,565 If I whispered in your ear that Commander Worf's head... 378 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,533 looks like a fanny, would you join me in a laugh? 379 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:00,104 - Yeah, I could get in on that. - All right! 380 00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,763 Here it comes! 381 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,399 Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny! 382 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:11,743 - You can both suck my ridges. - Get a sense of humor, Rocky Dennis. 383 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,610 Boy, I tell you, Brian, James Woods has been getting kind of obsessive... 384 00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,599 ever since you and me started hanging out again. 385 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:18,900 How are you going to handle that? 386 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:23,327 We got to come up with some crazy scheme like the kids on That '70s Show. 387 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,024 And I think I got it. 388 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,724 All right, that's the last of the Reese's Pieces. 389 00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,739 Good. Now we wait. 390 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:48,151 Peter? A piece of candy! 391 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,011 A piece of candy! 392 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,449 A piece of candy! 393 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,657 A piece of candy! 394 00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,058 A piece of candy! 395 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:55,786 A piece of candy! 396 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,188 A piece of candy! 397 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,588 A piece of candy! 398 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:00,064 A piece of candy! 399 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:01,390 A piece of candy! 400 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,097 A piece of candy! 401 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,368 A piece of candy! 402 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,796 A piece of candy! 403 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:10,736 Man, I hope that's James Woods. 404 00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,675 'Cause if it's me under there again, I'm gonna be really pissed off. 405 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,413 It's good to have you back in that spot, Brian. 406 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,814 It's good to be back, Peter. 407 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,078 By the way, what did you end up doing with James Woods? 408 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:25,214 Don't worry, Brian. He's being examined by top men. 409 00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,952 - Who? - Top men.