1 00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:06,035 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,334 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,809 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,843 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,847 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,651 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 7 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,280 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,983 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:30,825 He's a family guy 10 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,692 Come on, everybody. Let's go. 11 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,429 Oh, this is so exciting. 12 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,098 This is the tenth year my father's raced his yacht in the Newport Regatta. 13 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,402 Man, I hope he lets me on his team this year. 14 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:46,172 I haven't been part of a team since I was with the Four Peters. 15 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,408 - Come on, Stewie. Let's go. - Yes, yes. I'm just checking the mail. 16 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:22,572 - I say, here's one from the vet. - Give me that. 17 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,174 Good lord, worms? You have worms? 18 00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:29,221 I don't have worms, all right? I just got checked for worms. 19 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,017 Oh, wait. No, I do have worms. 20 00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:34,389 Oh, God. What am I gonna do? I can't afford the medication for this. 21 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:37,156 - Well, you could ask Lois and the fat one. - No. No. No. 22 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,128 You cannot tell them about this, please. 23 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:41,325 Peter is not very discreet with private matters. 24 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:45,037 Hey, everybody! Meg just had her first period! 25 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,663 Peter, shut up! It's 3:00 in the morning. 26 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,072 What the hell's going on out there? 27 00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,734 Damn it! People are trying to sleep. 28 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,712 I'm just saying, I'm proud of her. She's a woman. 29 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,783 Yes, that's very hot, and I'll deal with it in the morning... 30 00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,442 but right now, I am exhausted. 31 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:00,981 Just please don't tell them. 32 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,715 Perhaps you should worry a little less about your pride... 33 00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,568 and a little more about the creepy-crawlies... 34 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,924 shawshanking their way out of your balloon knot. 35 00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:11,019 Come on, kids. Off to Grandma and Grandpa's house. 36 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:16,595 Thank God I finally get some time away from the evil monkey in my closet. 37 00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,294 Mrs. Babs. Mr. Carter. 38 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,159 La familia Griffin. 39 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:48,029 Lois, darling. It's wonderful to see you. 40 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,601 Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy. 41 00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,636 - Grandpa! - Hello, everyone. 42 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,102 Hiya, Mr. Pewterschmidt. 43 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,504 Peter, I see you're still fatter than holy hell. 44 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:57,473 You can read me like a book. 45 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,144 So, which of the Latin countries are you from? 46 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,407 The one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine... 47 00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:04,973 or the one with the fancy hats? 48 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,619 Isn't this fun, Peter? 49 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,154 You and I get to stay in my old high-school room. 50 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,486 Wow. This looks just like my room at home. 51 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:15,823 Yeah, except for all the trophies and pictures of friends. 52 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,762 That's the second most impressive trophy I've ever seen. 53 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,030 And the Grammy for Album of the Year goes to... 54 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:24,870 Justin Timberlake. 55 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,902 It actually goes to Nelly. 56 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:30,475 Nelly. 57 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,338 Wow, Mom. Were you a Miss Teen Rhode Island? 58 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,040 I sure was, Meg, when I was 16 years old. 59 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,911 In fact, your mom was offered a modeling contract. 60 00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,986 Really? Why didn't you take it? 61 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,554 Well, I wanted to, but your grandfather wouldn't let me. 62 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,918 But, Daddy, they offered me a contract. 63 00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:49,426 My girl is not lowering herself to modeling. 64 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,259 That sort of uncouth activity is below this family. 65 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,162 Now go away. I'm busy. 66 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,400 - Farnsworth. - The usual, sir? 67 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:17,217 - Feeding the worms, are you? - Stewie, shut up, all right? 68 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,554 Yes, I imagine those little fellows are enjoying quite a feast. 69 00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:25,289 You know what's interesting? I've only been alive for six weeks. 70 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,458 I know nothing of the world beyond this dog's stomach. 71 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,532 And I still find Six Feet Under pretentious. 72 00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:35,105 So, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow, eh? 73 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,019 Bet you're gonna need some big strapping men... 74 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,123 to help you with your boat. 75 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,211 Are you calling me gay? 76 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,803 No. No, I just thought you might want some extra seamen... 77 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,575 on your poop deck. 78 00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,949 Cashscam is your way to make real money. 79 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,391 You could become rich beyond your wildest dreams... 80 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,964 by selling these fine products over the phone. 81 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,090 Rich beyond my wildest dreams. 82 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,395 I say, I could be a millionaire playboy. 83 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,968 Okay, girls. Are you all ready to play? 84 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,669 All right, then. One, two, three. Green light. 85 00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,834 Red light. Green light. 86 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,002 Red light. 87 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:14,836 Brandy, you're out. 88 00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:17,507 Sorry, you have to sleep with Rob Schneider tonight. 89 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:21,109 "Making copies." Remember that? 90 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,380 I was born in 1987. 91 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,384 Ladies and gentlemen... 92 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:28,324 welcome to the 20th annual NewPort Regatta. 93 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,756 NewPort would like to extend a sPecial welcome... 94 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:34,697 to all those here today who have children stationed overseas in Iraq. 95 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,133 I'm just kidding. 96 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,165 There they are, team Pewterschmidt. 97 00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,674 Say, where's your husband or as I call him, "my son-in-lard"? 98 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,337 Snap. Snap. 99 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,480 Oh, I'm sure he'll be along, Daddy. 100 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,843 Ahoy, Mr. Pewterschmidt. 101 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:52,903 Peter, what the hell are you doing in my bathtub? 102 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,579 Oh, this is not a bathtub. 103 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,053 This is the SS Pewterschmidt Kicker. 104 00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,156 This is ridiculous. 105 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,748 I won't have a member of my family racing in a bathtub. 106 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,851 Well, Daddy, you didn't want Peter in your boat... 107 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,624 so team Griffin is gonna give you a run for your money. 108 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,393 And now, to fire the starting gun... 109 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,594 is recently Paroled Presidential assassin, John Hinckley. 110 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,501 You fired that gun real nice, John. 111 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:16,507 Wow, Jodie Foster. Hey, thanks. 112 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:20,238 Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe I was wrong about all men. 113 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,147 We're not going fast enough. 114 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,586 - Loser! - What did he say? 115 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,651 - Hello? - I said you're a loser. 116 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,123 Who is this? 117 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,825 There's the finish line. We can't let him beat us. 118 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:45,836 We gotta lose some extra weight. Quick, everyone, take off your clothes. 119 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,009 - It's working. - Just need a little more... 120 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,241 We love you, honey. 121 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,177 Lois, what the hell were you doing out there? 122 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,552 Not listening to you for once, Daddy... 123 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,951 and look what happened. 124 00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,525 I had a lot of fun. 125 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,289 I should've stopped listening to you a long time ago. 126 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,330 - Let's go home, Peter. - Right behind you. 127 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,763 Hey, where's Meg? 128 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:15,667 What is it, sir? 129 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,828 That's what we call a manatee, boys... 130 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,997 or, in nautical slang, the sea-cow. 131 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,404 Damn these worms. Ow, this itch. 132 00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,945 Brian, what the hell are you doing? 133 00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:31,414 Nothing. Just some Pilates. 134 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,111 Don't lie to me, Brian. I know what this is. 135 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,881 You're looking for an ass-race. 136 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,081 First one to the kitchen wins. Go! 137 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:42,788 - Still got the worms, eh? - Yeah, that stupid medicine's $300. 138 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,754 Well, let me make you a proposal. 139 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,799 I'll front you the money, and you pay it off by working for me. 140 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:51,631 Cashscam? Are you kidding? I don't want anything to do with that pyramid scheme. 141 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,171 - Very well, then. Enjoy your worms. - Wait. Wait. 142 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,434 What would I have to do? 143 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,511 Just be in my room tomorrow at 9:00 a. m. For orientation. 144 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,239 Until then, keep this in mind. 145 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:05,147 Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. 146 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,716 See you tomorrow. 147 00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:09,214 Hey, everybody. Wait till you see this. 148 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,916 Oh, my God. Movable printed type. 149 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,582 We must keep this from the serfs lest they gain literacy... 150 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,025 and threaten the landed gentry. 151 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:19,696 - What you got there, my lord? - Nothing. Back to your turnips. 152 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,097 Look, it's a picture of us at the Regatta. 153 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,362 Wow, Mom. You look pretty. 154 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,995 Thank you, Chris. I thought so, too. 155 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,053 And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance... 156 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:31,303 my father never let me take when I was younger. 157 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,241 I'm gonna become a model. 158 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,837 Hey, that's fantastic, Lois. And I'll pleasure myself to your photos. 159 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,541 - Me, too. - Me, too. 160 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,684 Oh, God. Meg, that's sick. 161 00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,982 - That's your mother. - I'm just trying to fit in. 162 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,058 Get out. Get out of this house. 163 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,025 I said now! 164 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,757 That's good about your modeling, Lois. 165 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,200 Here are your pictures, Lois. They sure are terrific. 166 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,102 Thank you, Mort. I'm trying to get into modeling. 167 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,199 That's great. Oh, hey! Get out of here. 168 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,810 Hey, go on. Get out. 169 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,210 - I didn't hurt anybody. - Scat, Mister. 170 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,975 I know deep down I'm your friend. 171 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,577 That greased-up deaf guy is going to be the death of me. 172 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,779 Like business isn't bad enough already. 173 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,721 Well, gosh, Mort. You ever think about sending out a mailer? 174 00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:21,952 'Cause I know where you could get a good deal on a model. 175 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,493 - I'm touching on the candy. - Get out. Get out. 176 00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,674 What the hell is all this? 177 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:45,148 Oh, Brian, you're here. Good. Okay, let me give you the rundown. 178 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,479 This is your work area. 179 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,315 Please keep personal knickknacks tasteful. 180 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,118 You get 25 minutes for lunch, and... Enjoy it here. 181 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,520 Welcome aboard. 182 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,855 - Yes? - It's Brian. 183 00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,125 Oh, yes, the new fellow. Come on in. 184 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,934 What exactly am I supposed to do? 185 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:06,037 You'll pick up the phone and you'll sell, sell, sell. 186 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,367 But before you go thinking it's all seriousness... 187 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,500 the first Friday of every month is Wacky-Tacky-Tie Day... 188 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:16,778 so, you know, start thinking up some fun tacky ties to wear. 189 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,351 Oh, we're done. 190 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,349 Here you go, guys. 191 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,790 Lois, could I be a son of a bitch and impose on you... 192 00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,986 to sign one of your flyers for me. 193 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,961 Of course, Cleveland. 194 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,396 Oh, man. I can't believe I'm sleeping with a model. 195 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,331 I'm luckier than the State of Rhode Island. 196 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,937 Well, I can't decide what to call this place. 197 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,062 We'll flip a coin. 198 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,733 All right. Heads, Rhode Island. Tails, Ca-ca-poo-poo-pee-pee-shire. 199 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:47,968 Pardon me. Are you Lois Griffin, the Goldman's Pharmacy girl? 200 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,412 Yes, I suppose I am. 201 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,711 Karin Parotta, modeling agent. 202 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:56,948 Listen, sugar, I've seen your stuff. You're a breath of fresh air in my stoma. 203 00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:01,215 I could get you a lot more work if you sign with my agency. 204 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,694 Really? Oh, my God! How exciting. 205 00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,856 Well, here's my card. Give me a call. 206 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:10,034 Now, perhaps some young gentleman would like to light me up. 207 00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:11,228 Allow me. 208 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,633 So, what's going on? 209 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,640 You ever get freaky with that thing or what? 210 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:20,677 Brian, could you come in here for one second? 211 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,641 Yeah, what is... 212 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,273 Hang on. Hang on one second. 213 00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,583 Yes, Grover, what is it? This has to be quick. 214 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,018 I am so pressed. 215 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,613 Yes, the letter "G" is wonderful. 216 00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,624 Of course, and the number "6." 217 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,225 Okay. Okay. 218 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,818 Grover. Grover. Grover. 219 00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,894 Grover. Grover. 220 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,465 You know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later. 221 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,672 Okay. All right, you know what? Call me back when you calm down. 222 00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:47,772 You wanted something? 223 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,003 Oh, yes. Can you go ahead and send Lois a congratulatory basket? 224 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,110 Thank you. 225 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,975 Oh, and if Cookie Monster calls, tell him I'm not talking to him... 226 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,412 until he gets out of rehab. 227 00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,248 Contraband check. 228 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:01,952 - What are these? - I don't know. 229 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,521 What do you mean, you don't know? 230 00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,249 I don't know how they got there. 231 00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:06,824 Well, I think you do know. 232 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:11,124 No. No, Derek was in here earlier. He was making the beds. 233 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,991 He probably put them... I was in the john. 234 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,333 You guys are Nazis, man. You're freaking Nazis. 235 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,944 Well, here we are, Lois. Your first professional photo shoot. 236 00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,607 Karin, this is so exciting. 237 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:32,274 Knock them dead, honey. 238 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,247 Hey. Peter Griffin. How's it going? 239 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,655 I'm... I'm hitting that. 240 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:54,597 Hi, is Mr. Donald Nguyen there, please? 241 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,775 And is he the head of the household? 242 00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,868 If I can just have a few moments of your time... 243 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:00,979 Hello? 244 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,208 Oh, Brian, there you are. Can I talk to you about something? 245 00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:05,316 Yeah, what is it? 246 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,842 That coffee mug you have on your desk that says, "Life's a beach"... 247 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:13,456 that's dangerously close to the word "bitch," isn't it? 248 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,026 Yeah, that's the joke. 249 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,187 Absolutely, and nobody appreciates a joke like Stewie. 250 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,026 And, you know, between you and me, I think it's a stitch... 251 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,897 but some of the other employees have found it offensive. 252 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,233 Other employees? Who else works here besides me? 253 00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,965 ...you. That's who works here! 254 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,169 Dinner's almost ready, kids. 255 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,613 Wow, Lois, look at you. You're like Britney Spears... 256 00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:38,836 except you're not a fat guy. 257 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,045 I'll get it. 258 00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:45,245 Dad, how could you be okay with Mom parading herself around like this? 259 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,292 I mean, she's half-naked. It makes all women look bad. 260 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,190 Meg, who let you back in the house? 261 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,925 Oh, Karin. Come on in. 262 00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,663 Lois, I got your new headshots, and I set up a shoot for you... 263 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,398 over at Glamour next Monday... 264 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:03,066 but, sugar, you're gonna need these to stay on top. 265 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,643 Diet pills? Karin, I'm not gonna take these. 266 00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:06,744 I don't need to. 267 00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:10,848 Lois, sooner or later every model needs a little boost, huh? 268 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,281 I just wanna make sure you got everything you need. 269 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,216 - Hey, you like Pez? - Sure. 270 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:24,929 Hey, who's putting together a puzzle? 'Cause I just found a hot piece. 271 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,057 Wow. Lois, you look great. 272 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:31,068 I'd like to split you in half like a piece of lumber. 273 00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,330 Thank you, Glenn. 274 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,339 Yeah, Lois. I'd like to wear you like a hockey mask. 275 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,965 You guys! 276 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,373 Okay, easy, fellas. 277 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,675 Lois, I'd like to make a caramel-colored baby with you. 278 00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:43,873 Take it easy, Cleveland. 279 00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,211 Take your jacket off. 280 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:49,083 Jacket off. Jacket off. Jacket off. 281 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:51,068 All right. All right. That's it. That's enough. 282 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:52,249 Peter, what are you doing? 283 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,952 Lois, if you being a model means you're going to be eye-candy... 284 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,860 for the whole town, then I ain't going for it. 285 00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,796 Excuse me? Who do you think you are, my father? 286 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,389 Lois, I think Meg was right. 287 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,264 Lowering yourself and women and something and all that noise. 288 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,429 You can't stop me from modeling, Peter. 289 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,062 This is important to me. 290 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:12,473 I am going to the top, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. 291 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,510 Who the hell does he think he is? 292 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,153 Come on. Come on. 293 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,588 Go away! 294 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,468 We now return to... 295 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:38,569 Mmm-mmmh. 296 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,996 Mmm-hmmm. 297 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,433 Mmm-hmmmh. 298 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:43,675 Mmm-hmmm. 299 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,777 Hey, there, sweetie. 300 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,974 I got a wax this morning, and let's just say... 301 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,210 - you're cleared for landing, huh? - Giggidy! 302 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,896 Lois, what the hell's up with you lately? 303 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,201 You're acting all weird, and you're staying out all night. 304 00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,850 I was just out with some of the girls, and you're not gonna believe this. 305 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,020 I got invited to a Vogue magazine party. 306 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,425 That guest list is more exclusive than the Garden of Eden. 307 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,901 So, basically, you can eat from any tree you want, except this one. 308 00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,004 Can we sit underneath it? 309 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,830 You know, I would just not go near it at all. 310 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,508 Brian, thanks for showing up so promptly for your quarterly evaluation. 311 00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:25,811 Now, then. I'm going to do something I call the compliment sandwich... 312 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,944 where I say something good, then talk about where you need improvement... 313 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,487 and then end with something good. 314 00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:31,749 Whatever you gotta do. 315 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,188 Okay. 316 00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:36,056 Let's see. Something good. Something good. Something good. 317 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:39,729 You look like Snoopy, and it makes me smile. 318 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,362 Where you need improvement. 319 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,827 You have smelly dog farts. 320 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,062 Something good. Something good. 321 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,833 You really dazzled that rep from the Cincinnati office last week. 322 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:55,436 That is sensational. You really made me feel confident about those numbers. 323 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:57,787 Listen, if you're ever looking for a change of scenery... 324 00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,444 we could sure use a fellow like you in Cincinnati. 325 00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,272 - That was you in disguise. - No, it wasn't. 326 00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:03,365 - Yes, it was. - No, it wasn't. 327 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,084 - Fine, it wasn't. - It was. 328 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,552 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I need your help. 329 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,094 Lois is out of control. 330 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:14,723 I mean, she's acting crazier than I did that time I tried Ecstasy. 331 00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:21,332 Oh, Brian, your fur is so soft. 332 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,372 Oh, your ears. 333 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,505 Your ears are like dog ears. 334 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,107 Oh, this couch. 335 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,888 Stewie, your head is so smooth. 336 00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,425 How is that even... How you doing that? 337 00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,158 How you doing that? 338 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,830 Oh! Everything here is fantastic. 339 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,002 Oh, these clothes. 340 00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,096 I'm really worried about her, Mr. Pewterschmidt... 341 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,214 and I figured I'd come to you since you were always good at reeling her in. 342 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,757 Well, Lois was always a wild stallion... 343 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,759 but don't worry. I know how to control her. 344 00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:16,987 And I'll help you... 345 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,428 but first, you have to do something for me. 346 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,793 Eat this pine cone. 347 00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:23,231 - Well... - Eat it. It will amuse me. 348 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,662 - How is it? How does it taste? - It's awful. 349 00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,706 - Finish it. Eat it. - I hate it. 350 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,639 Eat it. Eat it. Swallow it. 351 00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:34,303 - It hurts. - This is for Lois. Go on. 352 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:38,042 - It hurts! - Good. 353 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,470 - All right. We good to go? - Yup. 354 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,219 All right, how's my man-tan? 355 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,553 There we go. All set. 356 00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,786 Good. A little body glitter for you. 357 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:53,463 Yeah. Yeah. That's hot. That's hot. All right, let's do this. 358 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,833 - What are you doing? Like... obvious. - Shut up. 359 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,459 Check out these ribs, Lois. 360 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,561 Oh, yeah? That's nothing. 361 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,865 Go ahead. Try them out. 362 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,503 Hey, not bad. 363 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:18,700 - You see Jimmy Smits in there? - Yeah. 364 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:19,816 Yeah, that was cool. 365 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,556 So, what did you wanna see me about? 366 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,631 You know, Brian, there was a note in the suggestion box that says: 367 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:29,166 "Stewie should eat a steaming bag of..." 368 00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,627 Well, I'm not gonna say the last word, but I think you know what it is. 369 00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:36,504 Look, Brian, a corporation is a lot like a centipede. 370 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,378 It only works if all the legs are moving toward the same end. 371 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,913 And you know what you are, Brian? 372 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,915 - You're a busted leg. - What? 373 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,450 Are you firing me? 374 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,799 Don't think about coming back and shooting up the place... 375 00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,247 because security has your picture. 376 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,321 What the hell are you guys doing? 377 00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,554 You're not leaving this room until you agree to stop this modeling thing... 378 00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:58,663 once and for all. 379 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,561 This isn't gonna work, you guys. 380 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,567 Why can't you understand I'm doing what I want? 381 00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:05,534 Jeez, Carter, what are we doing? 382 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,901 I mean, if Lois wants to be a model... 383 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,767 we don't got any right to stop her. 384 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,036 You really mean that, Peter? 385 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,612 Of course, I do. I just want you to be happy. 386 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,181 This is ridiculous. No daughter of mine is going to be happy. 387 00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,750 Excuse me, Carter. I think I owe you this. 388 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,819 That's for giving me a book last Christmas. 389 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,388 You're rich, you jerk. 390 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:28,220 Well, Lois, I guess you should go ahead and get back to your party. 391 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,161 What's wrong? 392 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:33,254 Aren't you gonna go do your little turn on the catwalk, Lois? 393 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,525 On the catwalk? 394 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,123 Yeah, on the catwalk? 395 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,996 Do your little turn on the catwalk? 396 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,037 Well, now that you say you're fine with it... 397 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:43,369 to be honest, I'm not really sure I wanna do it anymore. 398 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,040 I think all I really wanted was the freedom to know I could... 399 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,576 and now I have it because I have you. 400 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:51,342 You sure do, Lois. 401 00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,718 What are we gonna do with him? 402 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,748 Hey, you wanna make him really mad, Lois? 403 00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:59,346 Let's have sex on his back like we used to. 404 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,189 What the hell's going on?