1 00:00:32,675 --> 00:00:34,835 Guys, this is the best dirty bookstore in town. 2 00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,196 Family owned, great hours, 3 00:00:36,316 --> 00:00:37,716 and lots of parking in the rear. 4 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:38,836 Get it? 5 00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:40,556 Giggity Giggity Giggity Gig-gig-gig-gig! 6 00:00:40,636 --> 00:00:42,837 Wow. You usually expect these places to be dirty. 7 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,877 No, it's pretty clean. Carol Burnett works part time as a janitor. 8 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,999 You know, when she tugged her ear at the end of that show, 9 00:00:53,118 --> 00:00:55,519 she was really saying good night to her mom. 10 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,159 I wonder what she tugged to say good night to her dad. 11 00:00:58,239 --> 00:01:01,560 Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo. 12 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,320 What you staring at, Joe? 13 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,440 These dolls all look really surprised for some reason. 14 00:01:08,121 --> 00:01:11,561 I wonder what they're all so surprised about. 15 00:01:12,041 --> 00:01:14,722 What? You've never seen a handicapped man before? 16 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,522 They're polyurethane sex toys, Joe. 17 00:01:17,602 --> 00:01:19,442 They're not capable of judgment. 18 00:01:19,642 --> 00:01:21,483 And even if they were, who cares? 19 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:22,643 They're whores. 20 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,683 Well, an old-time penny show. 21 00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,844 "The Naughty Flapper Girl." 22 00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,924 Oh, hot! She's voting! 23 00:01:30,684 --> 00:01:32,604 Yeah. You break all the rules, eh? 24 00:01:32,724 --> 00:01:35,645 Yeah, that's right. Vote for Taft, you dirty girl. 25 00:01:35,885 --> 00:01:37,925 Hey, Quagmire. What's through that door? 26 00:01:38,045 --> 00:01:39,045 Oh, that's the exit. 27 00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:41,182 Of course, in this place every exit's also an entrance. 28 00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:44,766 Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo. 29 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,810 Meg, I need you to baby-sit Stewie tomorrow afternoon. 30 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,451 Mom, you know I go to the mall on Saturdays. 31 00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:13,931 I mean, I do have a life. 32 00:02:14,011 --> 00:02:15,931 Hey, what time is it? We're gonna miss the movie. 33 00:02:15,971 --> 00:02:17,892 Yeah. Let's go, everyone. 34 00:02:30,814 --> 00:02:32,494 Hey. Hey! 35 00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:33,774 Psst! 36 00:02:35,214 --> 00:02:36,935 Wow, Peter! That's a book, isn't it? 37 00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:38,911 That's the first time I've seen you reading something 38 00:02:38,935 --> 00:02:40,711 that didn't later turn out to just be a sandwich. 39 00:02:40,735 --> 00:02:43,056 Yeah. It's an erotic book. I bought it at that sex shop. 40 00:02:43,176 --> 00:02:44,992 I got to tell you though, I've read four chapters 41 00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:46,456 of this and it's not sexy at all. 42 00:02:46,576 --> 00:02:49,377 ' "Much Ado About Humping. '" Well, sounds sexy. 43 00:02:49,457 --> 00:02:50,897 Peter, would you put that away? 44 00:02:50,977 --> 00:02:52,817 I don't like you reading smut at the table. 45 00:02:52,937 --> 00:02:54,617 Yeah. If only this were smut, Lois. 46 00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:57,098 "He rubbed her shoulder sensually." 47 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,938 What the hell is that? That's not sexy. 48 00:02:59,058 --> 00:03:00,698 You can't do somebody in the shoulder. 49 00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:02,699 Why don't you and that book get a room? 50 00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:03,995 Did you hear what I said, Brian? 51 00:03:04,019 --> 00:03:05,435 I said, "Why don't you and that..." 52 00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:06,635 "That book get a room." Yeah. 53 00:03:06,659 --> 00:03:08,299 Okay. I just want to make sure you heard. 54 00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,940 Hey, guys. Tell me if this letter sounds all right. 55 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,621 "Dear Reek Publishing, 56 00:03:15,701 --> 00:03:18,461 "I was highly disappointed by your erotic novel. 57 00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:19,941 "Here's what I would have wrote. 58 00:03:20,021 --> 00:03:23,982 "'Lt was past midnight when the blonde, smoking-hot lab assistant, 59 00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:27,302 "'who looked a little like Heather Locklear, only with bigger jugs, 60 00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:30,143 "'was grabbed and thrown onto the lab table. 61 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:34,264 "'He ripped off her lab coat and she grabbed his metallic extension. ' 62 00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:36,944 "Oh. Did I mention he was a robot? 63 00:03:37,024 --> 00:03:38,704 "'Cause that's kind of important. 64 00:03:38,784 --> 00:03:41,745 "Yeah, a robot. Awesome." 65 00:03:41,865 --> 00:03:44,185 Whoa! That is hot. I got to get a copy of that. 66 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,626 Yeah. You got some serious talent there, Peter. 67 00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:49,386 - Really? - I'm no school administrator, 68 00:03:49,466 --> 00:03:52,947 but there's an extension program going on in my trousers. 69 00:03:55,707 --> 00:03:59,908 "And then Captain Leroy Hot Dog Zanzibar and Gina from my work 70 00:04:00,028 --> 00:04:02,628 "got in the back seat of his really cool spaceship. 71 00:04:02,748 --> 00:04:06,429 "Gina was finally wearing that tank top I got her and nothing else. 72 00:04:06,509 --> 00:04:08,629 "Zanzibar knew he couldn't control 73 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,789 "his space horniness any longer, 74 00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,630 "and then they totally did it. 75 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,030 "And if I'd have been there, I would have been like, 76 00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:17,510 "'Oh, sweet. '" What do you think? 77 00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:19,831 You certainly do paint a picture, Peter. 78 00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:22,111 I felt like I was right there on Planet Niptune. 79 00:04:22,231 --> 00:04:23,551 You're not the only one. 80 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,232 Everyone down at the bar wanted a copy. 81 00:04:25,312 --> 00:04:27,712 Wow! Maybe you should think about publishing it. 82 00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:28,912 Hey, if you ask Daddy, 83 00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,929 he might even give you some money to do it yourself. 84 00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,593 That's a great idea, Lois. I'll talk to him tomorrow. 85 00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,473 If this works out, I could make more money 86 00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,594 than when I had that rat farm in the basement. 87 00:04:37,874 --> 00:04:39,434 Armando, do you have the rent? 88 00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:41,434 We are trying, Seсor Griffin. 89 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,795 But the land, she gives us nothing. 90 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,595 There is no sunlight. 91 00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:47,355 It's been two months, Armando. 92 00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:49,475 You're putting me in a real awkward position here. 93 00:04:49,595 --> 00:04:50,796 Oh, please, Seсor Griffin. 94 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:51,916 Just one more week. 95 00:04:51,996 --> 00:04:53,316 I will pay you double. 96 00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:55,916 Perhaps we can work out another arrangement. 97 00:04:56,036 --> 00:04:59,197 Oh, please, Seсor. Not my beloved! 98 00:04:59,317 --> 00:05:03,078 Armando, Armando, it is for the children. 99 00:05:06,918 --> 00:05:09,319 Yes. Yes. 100 00:05:11,359 --> 00:05:12,479 He takes the beam. 101 00:05:12,559 --> 00:05:15,319 The spectators hold their breath as Stewie Griffin 102 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,440 is America's last hope to take home the gold. 103 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,120 Oh. Did you see that, Mitch? 104 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,201 I sure did, Kathy. That was impressive. Here comes the dismount. 105 00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,121 Hey, Stewie, I just took a nap. 106 00:05:26,241 --> 00:05:27,401 You want an eye booger? 107 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,242 Damn you, Chris! Look what you've done! 108 00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,642 I'm training for the Olympics, 109 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,722 and I need absolute concentration. 110 00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:36,683 Look at him. Look how fat he is. 111 00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:38,403 Hmm. 112 00:05:42,764 --> 00:05:44,324 Oh, my God! That was even cooler 113 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:47,485 than playing with the speech function on my Macintosh. 114 00:05:47,645 --> 00:05:50,405 So, computer, what are you thinking about right now? 115 00:05:50,485 --> 00:05:52,365 Stewie is cool. 116 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,647 What do you want, homo? 117 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,047 Listen, Mr. Pewterschmidt. 118 00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,047 You're a businessman. I'm a businessman. 119 00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:07,368 And I've got a proposal that I guarantee you can't refuse. 120 00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:08,768 See, I wrote this erotica book. 121 00:06:08,848 --> 00:06:11,968 And I was hoping you could loan me $7 billion to publish it. 122 00:06:12,048 --> 00:06:13,449 How about I loan you $5? 123 00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:16,649 It's at the bottom of this jar of barbed wire and salt. 124 00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,970 Why do you keep these things together? 125 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,011 All right. Who wants to buy some Peterotica? Ten bucks a pop. 126 00:06:27,091 --> 00:06:28,131 - I'll take one. - Me, too. 127 00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,291 Hey, give me one of those. 128 00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:31,772 I look forward to having a raging semi. 129 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,932 Wow, Peter. 130 00:06:33,012 --> 00:06:34,852 You're going into the publishing business? 131 00:06:34,932 --> 00:06:38,013 Yeah. Mr. Pewterschmidt gave me $5 for these Xeroxes, 132 00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,853 and I haven't looked back. 133 00:07:00,456 --> 00:07:02,776 I'm such a huge fan of Peterotica. 134 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,337 There you go. Thanks for reading. 135 00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,737 Hi. Would you be offended if I told you 136 00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:10,138 your prose suggests a male, working-class version of Emily Bronte? 137 00:07:10,258 --> 00:07:11,858 No. Would you be offended if I said 138 00:07:11,938 --> 00:07:13,554 I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum? 139 00:07:13,578 --> 00:07:14,578 Yes. 140 00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:18,739 Well, then we are on two different wavelengths. 141 00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:21,459 Peter Griffin. Thanks for reading. 142 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:31,101 Welcome to Peterotica on tape. 143 00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:34,141 I'm Betty White reading The Hot Chick Who Was Italian 144 00:07:34,261 --> 00:07:37,182 or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish, by Peter Griffin. 145 00:07:37,542 --> 00:07:38,902 '"Chapter One. 146 00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:41,983 '"Oh, God! You should have seen this one hot chick. 147 00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:43,983 '"She was totally Italian 148 00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:46,263 ' "or maybe some kind of Spanish. '" 149 00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,264 Oh, yeah. Getting hot in here. 150 00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,264 I better take my shirt off. 151 00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:59,665 Wow. You know, from the other side, that's kind of annoying. 152 00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:04,066 Happy birthday, darling. 153 00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:07,707 Oh, honey, a fur coat. Thank you. 154 00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:10,627 Well, it's not real fur. It's actually made from bald eagle. 155 00:08:10,747 --> 00:08:12,307 And it's weather-treated with a mixture 156 00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:14,348 of whale skin oil and children's tears. 157 00:08:15,588 --> 00:08:16,628 Yes? 158 00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:19,228 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm Scott Greenberg, Attorney at Law. 159 00:08:19,348 --> 00:08:21,709 My client was injured listening to this audio book. 160 00:08:21,829 --> 00:08:24,149 We're suing you for every penny you've got. 161 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:25,429 What? Why? 162 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:26,710 You're liable as publisher. 163 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,710 I'm here to seize your assets. 164 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,831 Griffin. 165 00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:35,791 Well, Mr. Greenberg, I'd like to see you try to seize my assets 166 00:08:35,911 --> 00:08:37,791 after battling the rancor. 167 00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:03,235 Huh. Didn't realize Greenberg was a Jedi name. 168 00:09:07,596 --> 00:09:09,996 And now, back to Blind Justice. 169 00:09:14,557 --> 00:09:17,878 I need you to go down to 54th and Main, talk to the suspect's wife. 170 00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,374 While you're there, see if you can get 171 00:09:19,398 --> 00:09:20,958 a sample of his hair to match his DNA. 172 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,718 All right. I'm on it. 173 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,016 - Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt. - Hello, Peter. 174 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,480 - What's up? - Good. Oh, damn it! I mean, not much. 175 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,480 - What you got there? - Oh, this? It's a gun. 176 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,361 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. I'm going to kill you. 177 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:38,761 Daddy, what are you doing? 178 00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:42,201 Your fat, bastard husband ruined me! I lost my home, my money, 179 00:09:42,322 --> 00:09:44,442 and perhaps just as serious, my wife left me! 180 00:09:44,562 --> 00:09:45,722 Mom left you? 181 00:09:45,842 --> 00:09:47,482 Yeah. She ran off with Ted Turner. 182 00:09:47,602 --> 00:09:48,939 God only knows what they're doing. 183 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,163 - Should we give Elmo a bath? - Yeah. 184 00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,283 - Should we give Telly a bath? - Yeah! 185 00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:55,524 - Should we give Ernie a bath? - No. 186 00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:57,564 Ernie doesn't like the monsters. 187 00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,124 Look, you can stay with us if you want, you filthy hobo. 188 00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:01,341 You shouldn't be embarrassed 189 00:10:01,365 --> 00:10:03,005 about mooching off your kids at age 70. 190 00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:05,325 Go to hell, fathead! Have I used that one? 191 00:10:05,445 --> 00:10:06,805 No, I haven't. Yeah, fathead. 192 00:10:06,925 --> 00:10:08,646 Daddy, don't talk to Peter like that. 193 00:10:08,726 --> 00:10:10,742 All you've done his whole life is treat him like crap, 194 00:10:10,766 --> 00:10:12,166 and now he's offering to help you. 195 00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:13,686 The least you can do is be grateful. 196 00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:14,807 Oh, all right. 197 00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:16,503 Then it's settled. You're staying with us. 198 00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:17,727 I promise you'll love it here, 199 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,167 even more than Julia Roberts loves herself. 200 00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:22,448 Hi, I'm Julia Roberts. 201 00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:24,888 You know, a lot of people died in the tsunami. 202 00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,089 But don't worry. I didn't. 203 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:30,609 And I'll be here to entertain you and love my life 204 00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:33,049 for many, many years to come. 205 00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:35,250 Me! 206 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,050 Me! 207 00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,250 Me! 208 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,892 Daddy, you're not dressed! 209 00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:49,852 Huh? Oh, yeah. I couldn't figure that one out. 210 00:10:49,972 --> 00:10:51,172 I used to have a guy for that. 211 00:10:51,212 --> 00:10:54,053 Mom, I can't believe you came out of that belly. 212 00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:59,454 Um, what is that? 213 00:10:59,574 --> 00:11:01,854 Daddy? Did you 214 00:11:01,974 --> 00:11:04,534 - use the bathroom this morning? - Yeah. 215 00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:07,775 And did you remember to clean up afterwards? 216 00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:09,815 No. I was hoping you would... 217 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,656 - Oh, Daddy. No. No. - Okay. 218 00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,936 - Brian? - Oh, God! No. No. No, no, no. 219 00:11:15,056 --> 00:11:16,056 I'll do it. 220 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,977 Daddy, I never thought you'd be so lost without your money. 221 00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:20,577 You're right, Lois. 222 00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:23,097 Who the hell am I kidding? I can't live like this. 223 00:11:23,177 --> 00:11:24,858 I should never have come here. 224 00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:27,538 Oh, I hate to see Daddy like this. 225 00:11:27,618 --> 00:11:29,714 Maybe there's something you can do to help cheer him up. 226 00:11:29,738 --> 00:11:31,739 Don't worry, Lois. I know just what to do. 227 00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:35,059 I am gonna teach your father how to be a regular guy. 228 00:11:35,139 --> 00:11:36,379 You think you can do that? 229 00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:38,780 Sure. I've steered our family through bigger problems. 230 00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,620 Like when we were cartoon sketches on The Tracey Ullman Show. 231 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,061 Well, that's the end of Puss. 232 00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,461 He was the best cat anyone ever had. 233 00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:49,542 Hey, Lois, what do you say we go downtown and buy a dog? 234 00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:51,462 Hey, wait a minute. You already have a dog. 235 00:11:51,582 --> 00:11:52,582 So long, Puss. 236 00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:53,622 We'll miss you. 237 00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:56,583 It's gonna be quite a different place with him gone. That's for true. 238 00:12:00,263 --> 00:12:02,304 All right, Kathy. It looks like Stewie Griffin 239 00:12:02,424 --> 00:12:05,024 is preparing to begin the floor routine. That's right, Mitch. 240 00:12:05,144 --> 00:12:06,624 And as we watch Griffin doing this, 241 00:12:06,744 --> 00:12:10,145 I want to remind everyone that this is absolutely not gay. 242 00:12:24,907 --> 00:12:26,267 Boy, that was really gay. 243 00:12:26,347 --> 00:12:28,548 No, no! Didn't you just hear the announcers? 244 00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:30,108 They said it's not gay. 245 00:12:30,188 --> 00:12:31,268 Stewie one, you zero. 246 00:12:32,108 --> 00:12:33,188 What are we doing here? 247 00:12:33,308 --> 00:12:35,325 Listen, I know you're upset about losing your money. 248 00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:39,229 So I wanted to show you it's not so bad living like a regular guy. 249 00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,751 - So these people live here? - No, this is a bus. 250 00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:50,911 People ride it to get places that they need to go. 251 00:12:51,311 --> 00:12:52,351 You look familiar. 252 00:12:52,431 --> 00:12:54,632 I was your gardener for 12 years. 253 00:12:54,712 --> 00:12:57,032 Oh. You look different without my lawn under you. 254 00:12:57,112 --> 00:12:58,912 I don't take the lawn with me when I go. 255 00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:00,753 Well, I was right to trust you with it then. 256 00:13:02,673 --> 00:13:04,793 And this is called waiting in line at the movies. 257 00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:06,154 It's what us regular people do. 258 00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,274 Trust me. It makes it that much more special 259 00:13:08,394 --> 00:13:10,354 when we finally get inside and see Renee Zellweger 260 00:13:10,394 --> 00:13:12,475 doing her whole scrunch-face routine. 261 00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:13,835 Coming this March, 262 00:13:13,915 --> 00:13:15,595 Jude Law and Renee Zellweger 263 00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:16,915 in The Picnic. 264 00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:20,156 Oh, no. These ants are ruining our picnic. 265 00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,276 You mean this picnic is ruining our ants. 266 00:13:31,638 --> 00:13:34,238 You know, Peter, what you showed me today was just awful. 267 00:13:34,358 --> 00:13:35,374 What are you talking about? 268 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,999 I really don't see what's so great about being a regular person. 269 00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:40,319 The bus smells like crap, the movie theater is sticky, 270 00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:42,879 and Renee Zellweger should only be the cute friend at best. 271 00:13:42,999 --> 00:13:45,280 You know, I never thought about it till now, 272 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,760 but maybe being a regular person does suck. 273 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,681 My God. Is this what my whole life is destined to be? 274 00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:52,241 Not unless you do something about it. 275 00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:53,481 Yeah. But what? 276 00:13:53,561 --> 00:13:56,482 Carter, hand me my thinking grenades. 277 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,842 Where did you get these? 278 00:13:57,922 --> 00:13:59,642 Carter, I'm thinking. 279 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,443 Uh-huh. 280 00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:06,843 Oh, my God! He's dead! 281 00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,403 That might work. 282 00:14:09,884 --> 00:14:11,124 What's happening? 283 00:14:11,244 --> 00:14:12,244 I got it! 284 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:16,085 Carter, somehow you and me are gonna find a way to get rich. 285 00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:17,565 Now you're talking my language. 286 00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:19,005 All right, then, let's do it! 287 00:14:21,605 --> 00:14:22,766 Hi. I'm Betty White. 288 00:14:22,846 --> 00:14:25,646 I just got a subpoena regarding an erotic novel, 289 00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:28,126 and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible. 290 00:14:32,927 --> 00:14:35,424 All right, Peter, how are we gonna do this? How are we gonna get rich? 291 00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:37,048 Well, I say we start out small, Carter. 292 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,168 Here's my plan. 293 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:41,409 I'll distract Lois while you steal money from her purse. 294 00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,609 Lois, look at me! Look at me! Look at me! 295 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,971 Cacaw! I've got her wallet! Cacaw! 296 00:14:55,091 --> 00:14:56,531 Daddy, what are you doing? 297 00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:58,011 Look at the unicycle. 298 00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,172 Well, she's got $10 in here. 299 00:15:00,292 --> 00:15:03,652 And it cost me $900 for the six weeks of unicycle lessons. 300 00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,412 So we're a little in the red right now. 301 00:15:05,532 --> 00:15:08,133 But you got to spend money to make money, champ. Moving on. 302 00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:13,374 All right. Now we play it cool. 303 00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:16,214 Hey, Meg. Uh, we're trying to make some money. 304 00:15:16,294 --> 00:15:17,934 And... 305 00:15:18,054 --> 00:15:20,695 Would you like to buy some pot from your granddaddy and me? 306 00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:23,175 Um, wow! Sure. 307 00:15:23,295 --> 00:15:24,535 Fantastic. 308 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,616 What the hell was that for? 309 00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:28,976 Now we have the pot and the money. 310 00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:31,656 You sure this is gonna work, Peter? 311 00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,697 All I know is there's a lot of money to be made 312 00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:36,457 in these stupid teen dramas they keep putting on TV. 313 00:15:36,577 --> 00:15:38,017 And we're gonna get our share. 314 00:16:02,981 --> 00:16:05,422 Come on, Joey. I wanna be with you. 315 00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:08,102 Dawson, I'm just not ready to give up my virginity. 316 00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,863 - Come on. - No! 317 00:16:09,983 --> 00:16:12,543 I promised myself that I'd save it for the man that I marry. 318 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,063 Come on. That's stupid. 319 00:16:14,143 --> 00:16:16,584 - I'm just not comfortable, you know? - Well, I don't... 320 00:16:16,704 --> 00:16:18,184 This is, like, the '90s, man. 321 00:16:18,304 --> 00:16:20,144 I mean, like, everybody... 322 00:16:20,224 --> 00:16:23,665 Come on. You saw me on that boat. I was wearing a blazer. 323 00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:25,585 - Come on. - No! I just... 324 00:16:25,705 --> 00:16:27,801 I don't want to! All right? I don't want to right now! 325 00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:29,066 I told you I'm not comfortable. 326 00:16:29,186 --> 00:16:30,546 I think you could respect that. 327 00:16:30,626 --> 00:16:32,866 - You know? - I do respect. I totally respect it. 328 00:16:32,946 --> 00:16:35,146 That just makes me want you more, you know? 329 00:16:35,226 --> 00:16:37,867 Come on, man. Let's just... Let's just go nuts. Let's just... 330 00:16:37,947 --> 00:16:40,067 - No, I said... I don't... - Come on! 331 00:16:40,147 --> 00:16:42,748 I don't want... No! No! Peter, stop! Just stop! All right! 332 00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:43,908 Turn off the camera! 333 00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:45,548 God, I'm sorry, Mr. Pewterschmidt. 334 00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:47,324 I don't want to do this anymore, all right? 335 00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:48,628 You know what? You went too far. 336 00:16:48,669 --> 00:16:49,949 - What? - You went too far. 337 00:16:50,069 --> 00:16:51,205 That's his character. That's how... 338 00:16:51,229 --> 00:16:52,285 I mean, he's that kind of... 339 00:16:52,309 --> 00:16:53,309 No! Forget it. Forget it. 340 00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:54,686 You know what? It's just weird, man. 341 00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:55,806 It's just weird. You're weird. 342 00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:57,150 All right? Just get off it. 343 00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,310 Let's just do something else to make money. 344 00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,911 And we will be back. 345 00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:07,952 Stand back, Brian. I'm preparing for my vault. 346 00:17:08,072 --> 00:17:10,512 You can't vault inside the living room. You're gonna get hurt. 347 00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:12,712 Yeah. I'll get hurt right onto a Wheaties box. 348 00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:13,872 I don't see that happening. 349 00:17:13,913 --> 00:17:15,233 Yeah? Who cares what you say? 350 00:17:15,353 --> 00:17:17,433 You're a dog. You can't see colors. 351 00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,234 Which means you can't see the colors of the American flag. 352 00:17:20,314 --> 00:17:21,354 Commie. 353 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,795 I think I'm okay. 354 00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,036 Oh, God! Somebody! 355 00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:42,117 Do I take it out or do I leave it in? 356 00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,558 - Got it! We'll rob a train. - Love it. 357 00:17:52,159 --> 00:17:53,359 All aboard. 358 00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:58,080 All right, everybody. This is a... 359 00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,520 Hey, where the hell is everybody? 360 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,520 Oh, we haven't had a paying customer in months. 361 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,640 Nobody rides the train anymore. 362 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,401 Oh, well, for God's sake! 363 00:18:06,321 --> 00:18:08,321 Are... Are you robbers? 364 00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:09,441 Yeah. 365 00:18:09,961 --> 00:18:11,482 Well, you could take my wallet. 366 00:18:11,602 --> 00:18:13,802 My MasterCard's in there. Although, to be honest, 367 00:18:13,922 --> 00:18:16,722 I'll probably just cancel it before you can use it. So... 368 00:18:16,802 --> 00:18:18,003 Oh, um... 369 00:18:19,643 --> 00:18:20,843 Give me that hole punch! 370 00:18:20,963 --> 00:18:22,683 Yeah! 371 00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:25,204 Is this your hole punch or the train company's? 372 00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:26,484 Well, that's... You know what? 373 00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:27,604 I got to pay for that. 374 00:18:27,684 --> 00:18:30,085 That comes out of my paycheck if you take it. 375 00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,285 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 376 00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:34,565 Well, I can't in all good conscience take that, then. 377 00:18:34,685 --> 00:18:36,966 - Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you, that's... - Yeah. Yeah. 378 00:18:37,086 --> 00:18:38,846 No. I'm a working man myself. 379 00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:40,022 - No. It's tough out there. - Yeah. 380 00:18:40,046 --> 00:18:41,046 You know, you can't... 381 00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:43,567 - You got to find a way. - It's tough, it is. 382 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:46,367 All right. Well, can you stop this thing so we can get off? 383 00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:48,808 No. I mean, I'd love to. 384 00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,168 But it stops at the predesignated stops. 385 00:18:51,248 --> 00:18:53,768 You know, I don't have control, you know, over that. 386 00:18:53,888 --> 00:18:55,185 - Oh. - That's the engineer who does that stuff. 387 00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:56,209 Well, how... 388 00:18:56,289 --> 00:18:58,289 Well, how much are our tickets? 389 00:18:58,409 --> 00:19:00,929 Well, for this, this is a first-class cabin. 390 00:19:01,049 --> 00:19:02,210 It's 25 bucks. 391 00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:04,330 Wow! And we're the robbers. 392 00:19:04,930 --> 00:19:07,891 - Okay. How much is coach? - $12 for coach. 393 00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:09,291 Well, he's a senior... 394 00:19:09,331 --> 00:19:12,331 You know what? That's fine. Just give me two coach tickets. 395 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,172 All right, thank you. 396 00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:16,452 Oh, wow! When did Mamma Mia! Come to the Oakdale? 397 00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:18,372 Oh, yeah. What... Just a week ago, I think. 398 00:19:18,452 --> 00:19:20,533 Oh, wow! We should go. Do you want to... 399 00:19:20,653 --> 00:19:21,813 You want to go see Mamma Mia? 400 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:24,653 Peter, could I speak to you over by the door? 401 00:19:27,134 --> 00:19:28,414 Good as new. 402 00:19:29,254 --> 00:19:30,694 Oh, come on! 403 00:19:33,094 --> 00:19:34,095 I give up. 404 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,615 We're gonna be lower middle-class Americans forever. 405 00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:38,415 A fate worse than death. 406 00:19:38,535 --> 00:19:40,416 Seriously, we may as well just be dead. 407 00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:42,376 You know what, Peter? That's not true. 408 00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:44,936 In the time we've spent together, I've learned something. 409 00:19:45,056 --> 00:19:47,657 When you're rich, you don't own your possessions, 410 00:19:47,737 --> 00:19:49,377 your possessions own you. 411 00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:50,937 Oh, Carter, darling! 412 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,458 Babs, sweetheart! 413 00:19:52,578 --> 00:19:54,178 Honey, we're rich again. 414 00:19:54,298 --> 00:19:56,578 I divorced Ted Turner and took half his money. 415 00:19:56,658 --> 00:19:58,218 We own half of CNN. 416 00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:01,059 - And TNT. - Neat! 417 00:20:01,139 --> 00:20:03,819 - All right, buddy, we did it! We're rich! - "We"? 418 00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:05,460 Go to hell, you fat peasant! 419 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:06,860 Crap! 420 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:09,900 Peter, listen to me. Money doesn't matter. 421 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:13,141 10 years ago Daddy offered to give us $10 million, 422 00:20:13,261 --> 00:20:14,541 and I turned it down. 423 00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:15,661 - What? - Yes. 424 00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,261 And I'll always turn it down 425 00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:19,822 because money just complicates everything. 426 00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:22,742 We don't need money because we have each other. 427 00:20:22,902 --> 00:20:25,583 Happiness isn't about buying expensive things, 428 00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:27,503 it's about being together. 429 00:20:27,863 --> 00:20:30,544 It's not about taking expensive trips. 430 00:20:30,624 --> 00:20:33,864 It's about holding each other during a thunderstorm. 431 00:20:33,944 --> 00:20:36,384 And we have that kind of happiness, Peter. 432 00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:39,505 Real happiness because we have each other. 433 00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,225 Yeah.