1 00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:34,180 We now return to JAG. 2 00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:36,260 Harm, I found that evidence we need. 3 00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:39,020 Now we can finally clear that Chief Petty Officer of all charges. 4 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,340 Oh, what's the point? 5 00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:41,796 Does anybody even watch this show? 6 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:43,460 Well, yeah, old people. 7 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,340 I mean, they don't really pay attention. 8 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,140 They just like the noise and the company. 9 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:48,740 Hey, how you doing? 10 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:50,580 How's that hip doing there? 11 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:52,780 Remember the '40s? 12 00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:58,500 Hey, everybody. 13 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,020 I'm just here to let y'all know that 14 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,380 movie night's been moved to Joe's place. 15 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:04,420 What? But we always do it here. 16 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,660 Movie night at the Griffin house is a tradition. 17 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:10,340 Yeah, but Joe just finished putting in his new home theater. 18 00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:12,300 It's gonna be tight, y'all. 19 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,701 Oh, my God, Joe, how did you do this? 20 00:01:17,821 --> 00:01:21,141 I built it myself with supplies I got at the Home Supply downtown. 21 00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:24,261 Between you and me, I think Joe's got a little free time these days. 22 00:01:24,341 --> 00:01:26,301 I hear he hasn't touched Bonnie in months. 23 00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:28,421 Peter, you just whispered that to me. 24 00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:29,501 Shh. Here he is. 25 00:01:29,581 --> 00:01:31,821 Joe, what a great job you've done here. 26 00:01:31,901 --> 00:01:33,861 All right, let's get this started. 27 00:01:36,021 --> 00:01:38,781 Thank you for choosing Joe Swanson Theaters. 28 00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,981 Rocky, please don't go to Mars and fight the Martian. 29 00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,741 I got to do what I got to do. 30 00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:03,781 But there's no oxygen on Mars. 31 00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,581 Yeah? That means there's no oxygen for him, either. 32 00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:08,661 That Martian wants a fight, he'll get a fight. 33 00:02:08,781 --> 00:02:12,021 You can't win, Rock! You're 60 years old! 34 00:02:12,141 --> 00:02:14,621 Hey, look what Rocky bought me with his money. 35 00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:19,461 Freaking Joe with his home theater. 36 00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:21,221 Has to top everything I do. 37 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,181 Well, tomorrow I'm gonna go to that Home Supply 38 00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:25,221 and I'm gonna build an entire multiplex. 39 00:02:25,301 --> 00:02:28,101 Well, let's just hope it looks better than that balcony you built. 40 00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,821 Boy, that was a great episode of Lost. Wasn't it, fellows? 41 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,597 Well, at least the show's got the right name. 42 00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:34,061 Yeah, I couldn't follow any of it. 43 00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:38,181 They don't care for most things. 44 00:02:44,501 --> 00:02:45,741 - Can I help you? - Yeah. 45 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:46,901 Uh, I hate my neighbor, 46 00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:48,942 and I want to build something crazy out of spite. 47 00:02:49,062 --> 00:02:50,878 Well, I'll take you to our One-Upsmanship aisle. 48 00:02:50,902 --> 00:02:52,622 Man, this place has everything. 49 00:02:52,742 --> 00:02:55,062 I bet you can even get one of those gay mailboxes. 50 00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:57,622 Hello, hello! Right here. Yeah, just right here. 51 00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,078 Just go ahead and put that right in here. 52 00:02:59,102 --> 00:03:00,582 Yeah. Gulp. 53 00:03:00,662 --> 00:03:01,742 Just kidding. 54 00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:02,902 Uh, pardon me. 55 00:03:03,022 --> 00:03:04,582 I just bought a rottweiler and I need 56 00:03:04,702 --> 00:03:06,822 a sign to warn people how dangerous it is. 57 00:03:06,942 --> 00:03:08,102 Well, we have exactly what... 58 00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:10,742 Ah, yes, here it is, "One way." 59 00:03:10,862 --> 00:03:13,622 So people will know if they step into my yard, 60 00:03:13,742 --> 00:03:15,502 there's only one way out. 61 00:03:15,622 --> 00:03:18,782 In a body bag from dog injuries. 62 00:03:18,862 --> 00:03:20,142 Good day, ma'am. 63 00:03:21,622 --> 00:03:23,782 This'll teach Joe to steal my movie night. 64 00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:25,902 I'm gonna have my own multiplex theater. 65 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:28,582 I haven't been this excited since I learned how to speak Braille. 66 00:03:28,662 --> 00:03:31,422 Hey, bump, bump, no bump, bump, 67 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,382 three vertical bumps, four bumps and a square. 68 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,662 Yeah, I've heard they all look alike. 69 00:03:39,422 --> 00:03:41,062 Hey, look what I found. 70 00:03:41,142 --> 00:03:43,502 Wow, authentic Native American remains. 71 00:03:43,622 --> 00:03:45,182 Peter, I'd put that back if I were you. 72 00:03:45,222 --> 00:03:47,022 You may be disturbing a sacred burial site. 73 00:03:47,142 --> 00:03:48,582 Hey, look, it's Robin Williams. 74 00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,182 Black preacher voice. 75 00:03:51,902 --> 00:03:53,302 Gay Elmer Fudd. 76 00:03:55,022 --> 00:03:57,582 The more you hear it, the funnier it gets. 77 00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:03,182 Want some more peas, Chief Diamond Phillips? 78 00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,518 Peter, I really think you should put that back where you found it. 79 00:04:05,542 --> 00:04:06,678 You know, Brian, I really don't think 80 00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:07,958 you should breast-feed the skull. 81 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,062 Uh, I'm not breast-feeding. 82 00:04:09,102 --> 00:04:10,398 All right, fine. God, you're pushy. 83 00:04:10,422 --> 00:04:12,422 Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. 84 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,358 - Hey, cut it out! - So many nipples. Suck, suck, suck. 85 00:04:14,382 --> 00:04:16,278 - Knock it off! - Oh, I'm Brian. I'm having sustenance. 86 00:04:16,302 --> 00:04:17,719 - What's wrong with you? - Look at me, everybody. 87 00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:20,503 I'm breast-feeding in public even though it's wrong. 88 00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:25,663 And now back to 1943's Fast Talking High Trousers. 89 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,159 Well, isn't this a fine song and dance? 90 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,759 - What are you getting so hot about? - Keep your shirt on. 91 00:04:28,783 --> 00:04:29,879 Where do you get off making remarks like that? 92 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,039 Supposing I say you're a lunkhead? 93 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,199 Well, I ain't much for supposing. 94 00:04:32,223 --> 00:04:34,119 - Well, supposing you were? - Well, maybe I'm through supposing 95 00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,679 - and I fix to start figuring. - Ah, horseradish. 96 00:04:35,703 --> 00:04:37,079 Well, aren't you a pocketful of firecrackers? 97 00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:38,199 Oh, yeah? You got something to say about it? 98 00:04:38,223 --> 00:04:39,223 I'll say plenty. 99 00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:41,103 I can't wait to see the expression 100 00:04:41,183 --> 00:04:43,143 on Joe's legs when I open my multiplex. 101 00:04:43,263 --> 00:04:46,063 I have to say I'm a little concerned about the zoning for... 102 00:04:46,183 --> 00:04:48,343 Peter, are you peeing in that skull? 103 00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:50,063 No, Lois, I'm getting up and walking 104 00:04:50,183 --> 00:04:52,623 all the way to the bathroom and doing it there. 105 00:04:52,743 --> 00:04:54,023 Pain in the ass. 106 00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:13,263 This concludes our broadcast day. 107 00:05:13,343 --> 00:05:14,983 The only time of the day I get to try out 108 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,063 my Fred Schneider B-52's voice. 109 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:20,463 Now try to get some sleep out there. 110 00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:22,943 Not bad. Getting better. 111 00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,343 Yeah. 112 00:05:43,903 --> 00:05:45,103 Uh-huh. 113 00:05:45,903 --> 00:05:47,344 I don't know. 114 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,544 I don't know. 115 00:05:50,024 --> 00:05:51,144 Oh, you didn't see it? 116 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,784 Uh, Ross and Rachel got back together. 117 00:05:52,824 --> 00:05:54,224 It wasn't that great. 118 00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,744 - Holy crap! - What the hell was that? 119 00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:16,064 Stewie, what are you doing? 120 00:06:16,144 --> 00:06:17,864 They're here. 121 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:18,944 Who's here? 122 00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,224 The TV people. 123 00:06:20,304 --> 00:06:22,584 What? No, they did a spin-off. 124 00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:26,504 Um, he's still playing Joey, but, uh, it's not doing so well. 125 00:06:35,744 --> 00:06:38,784 Uh, Lois, have you noticed some spooky things going on 126 00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:40,864 ever since Peter brought that skull into the house? 127 00:06:40,904 --> 00:06:42,424 No. What are you talking about? 128 00:06:42,544 --> 00:06:44,824 Well, like the whole business last night with the TV. 129 00:06:44,944 --> 00:06:47,144 I'm just saying, maybe we have a poltergeist. 130 00:06:47,264 --> 00:06:49,824 Brian, there's no such thing as ghosts. It's all just... 131 00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:54,664 Oh, I must have accidentally stacked all those things upside down 132 00:06:54,784 --> 00:06:56,424 and then just forgot about it. 133 00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:58,184 Yeah, that's probably what happened. 134 00:06:58,264 --> 00:06:59,744 I haven't seen this much denial 135 00:06:59,824 --> 00:07:01,824 since John Travolta married Kelly Preston. 136 00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:04,224 John, do you take Kelly to be your wife? 137 00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:07,464 I totally do. I mean, yeah, yes. Absolutely. 138 00:07:07,584 --> 00:07:10,904 And I'm going to do stuff to her, too, like, touch her. 139 00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:13,864 Yeah, touch her and, uh, kiss her 140 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,504 and touch her penis. 141 00:07:15,624 --> 00:07:17,425 I mean, no, not that. Not that. 142 00:07:22,585 --> 00:07:23,745 Good night, buddy. 143 00:07:23,825 --> 00:07:24,945 Hey, what's the matter? 144 00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:27,025 I'm scared of the storm, Dad. 145 00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:29,561 Why, you know, I think the storm is moving away from us, Chris. 146 00:07:29,585 --> 00:07:30,585 You know how I can tell? 147 00:07:30,665 --> 00:07:31,665 Here's a little trick. 148 00:07:31,745 --> 00:07:34,505 When you see the lightning, you count all the terrible things 149 00:07:34,585 --> 00:07:37,305 that can happen to a child, until you hear the thunder. 150 00:07:37,425 --> 00:07:38,945 And if you count higher each time, 151 00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,641 you know the storm is moving away from you. 152 00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:42,065 - Okay, ready? - Ready. 153 00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:44,705 Okay. Drowning. 154 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,505 Getting shot in a drive-by. 155 00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:48,425 Lyme disease from a deer tick. 156 00:07:48,585 --> 00:07:50,385 Good, good. Getting stabbed in the face. 157 00:07:50,465 --> 00:07:51,505 Getting shot in the face. 158 00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:52,681 Shot in the face. There you go. 159 00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,745 I see you're kind of stealing mine, but it's okay. Leukemia. 160 00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,985 Having a mosquito bite you on your scab. 161 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,145 Oh! There's your thunder. 162 00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:01,705 Okay, let's try again. 163 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,625 Okay. Swallowing a razor blade accidentally. 164 00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:07,305 Oh, crap! It's getting closer. 165 00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:10,025 Okay, okay, try to think of a happy place to be. 166 00:08:10,065 --> 00:08:11,225 Happy place. Uh... 167 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,825 Okay, okay, I'm on MTV's Jackass. 168 00:08:13,945 --> 00:08:15,425 Hey, I'm Stewie Griffin, 169 00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:18,425 and I'm going to be kicking my dad's ass all day today. 170 00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:24,985 What the hell? Stewie, stop, stop! 171 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,905 Knock it off! Knock it... 172 00:08:28,105 --> 00:08:29,305 Come on! 173 00:08:29,745 --> 00:08:31,265 Come on, Stewie. 174 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,745 You're acting crazy out there, man. 175 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,625 No! 176 00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:44,865 I haven't seen anything suck this much since I Heart Huckabees. 177 00:09:03,866 --> 00:09:04,946 Propane. 178 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,826 I wish that scary-looking clown 179 00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:10,026 at the end of my bed would go away. 180 00:09:19,506 --> 00:09:23,146 Hey, skinny britches. That there is my man. 181 00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:26,306 Why don't you pick on someone your own size? 182 00:09:29,266 --> 00:09:31,906 You shall not pass. 183 00:10:01,386 --> 00:10:04,866 Stewie? Oh, my God, Stewie, honey, where are you? 184 00:10:05,426 --> 00:10:06,986 Peter, I can't find him anywhere. 185 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,266 Mommy? 186 00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:10,506 Stewie? Where are you? 187 00:10:10,706 --> 00:10:12,666 Look behind you, you stupid cow! 188 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,026 Stewie? 189 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,226 Oh, my God! What's happening? 190 00:10:16,346 --> 00:10:18,907 Oh, wait, hold on a second. I want to try something. 191 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,307 Thank you for coming. 192 00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:44,427 We've never hired a spiritual medium before, 193 00:10:44,507 --> 00:10:46,587 but I'll do anything to get my baby back. 194 00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:48,803 You know, Peter, we wouldn't have to be messing around with ghosts 195 00:10:48,827 --> 00:10:50,987 if you hadn't desecrated those Indian remains. 196 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,347 Probably a bad time to mention 197 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:54,147 I'm wearing the skull as an athletic cup. 198 00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:56,907 Okay, let's talk to some spirits. 199 00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,827 Hey, how y'all ghosts doing? 200 00:10:59,027 --> 00:11:01,907 Y'all got a little friend of ours named Stewart up there. 201 00:11:02,027 --> 00:11:04,667 We was just wondering if you could send him back. 202 00:11:04,947 --> 00:11:05,947 Uh-huh. 203 00:11:06,547 --> 00:11:08,187 Well, yes, but I... 204 00:11:08,307 --> 00:11:11,427 Well, I don't see how that's anybody's business but my own. 205 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,107 Well, how about you and my father 206 00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:14,667 go and hang out at the gun range 207 00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:16,307 some afternoon and you can spend 208 00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:18,387 the whole day just agreeing with each other. 209 00:11:18,507 --> 00:11:20,507 What are they saying? Is my baby all right? 210 00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:22,347 They said that your baby had entered 211 00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,427 their world through the closet upstairs, 212 00:11:24,507 --> 00:11:27,427 and that the exit is... Well, I don't know how else to say this, 213 00:11:27,507 --> 00:11:29,747 but the exit is your daughter's bum. 214 00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:31,267 Meg's ass! 215 00:11:31,347 --> 00:11:33,387 God, this is even weirder than when Bob Costas 216 00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:36,907 insisted on getting into the tub with me every time I took a bath. 217 00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:38,947 Ah, this will be relaxing. 218 00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:41,507 Hello again, Peter, and this is gonna be great. 219 00:11:41,587 --> 00:11:44,467 We can talk sports and we can play with your tub toys. 220 00:11:45,107 --> 00:11:47,988 Yeah, listen, Bob, this is kind of my time. 221 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,708 Ah, a miniature boat. And if I'm not mistaken, 222 00:11:50,828 --> 00:11:52,708 it's a replica of the Gretel II, 223 00:11:52,788 --> 00:11:56,348 which lost the America's Cup to Intrepid in 1973. 224 00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,948 Yeah, uh, I'm going to dry off now. 225 00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,948 Peter, now that you're getting out of the tub, 226 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,748 what will you miss most? 227 00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:06,828 You ready down there? 228 00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:08,228 Okay, Meg, if this works, 229 00:12:08,308 --> 00:12:10,508 then we might just have a chance at getting Stewie back. 230 00:12:10,548 --> 00:12:11,788 - Are you ready? - No. 231 00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:12,868 Ready! 232 00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:14,188 Okay, here we go. 233 00:12:15,988 --> 00:12:16,988 Got it! 234 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,828 Cool! Ass ball! 235 00:12:18,908 --> 00:12:20,108 Peter, it worked! 236 00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:22,348 We found the portal to the other side. 237 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,108 Peter, what the hell are you doing up there? 238 00:12:26,228 --> 00:12:27,908 We're gonna get those terrorists. 239 00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,668 Now watch this drive. 240 00:12:31,828 --> 00:12:35,908 Stewie? Stewie, if you can hear me, head for Meg's butt! 241 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,868 Have you lost your mind? 242 00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:39,628 And, Lois, get ready to laugh. 243 00:12:39,748 --> 00:12:41,228 Get ready to laugh. 244 00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:44,428 Gee, must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. 245 00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:52,428 Are you sure Stewie can find his way out? 246 00:12:52,508 --> 00:12:54,628 We just got to be patient, Lois. 247 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,108 Like waiting on the results of a blood test. 248 00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,868 A real important blood test. 249 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,828 Will I ever see my baby brother again? 250 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,948 Only if he can find his way into the light, Chris. 251 00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:08,508 For some people, it's easier than others. 252 00:13:08,668 --> 00:13:11,348 Some people just get lost on the way to the light. 253 00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:13,668 They're walking along, they stop and say, 254 00:13:13,748 --> 00:13:15,748 "Oh, is that a new restaurant?" 255 00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:17,749 "That place must've just opened up 256 00:13:17,869 --> 00:13:21,029 "'cause I remember there was another place there a few weeks ago. 257 00:13:21,109 --> 00:13:24,749 "I went in there once and there was a guy with a harelip eating soup, 258 00:13:24,829 --> 00:13:25,869 "and I was like... 259 00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:29,429 "It wasn't the restaurant's fault, I know. 260 00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:31,629 "But I still never went back there. 261 00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:34,629 "I mean, I guess there's only, like, a one in 50 chance 262 00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:37,389 "of me getting the same spoon that he had, 263 00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:39,629 "but I still don't like them odds." 264 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,309 Oh, I can't bear this anymore! 265 00:13:44,429 --> 00:13:46,509 If Stewie can't find his way out of Meg's ass, 266 00:13:46,589 --> 00:13:49,349 we have to enter the other realm and get him ourselves. 267 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,149 Lois, I told you it ain't safe. 268 00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:52,509 I'll tell you what's not safe. 269 00:13:52,629 --> 00:13:54,069 Going hunting with Dick Cheney. 270 00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:55,949 So, you all set to go hunting? 271 00:14:02,269 --> 00:14:04,189 Sorry, I thought you were a deer. 272 00:14:06,069 --> 00:14:07,269 Be careful, Lois. 273 00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:08,509 I will, Peter. 274 00:14:16,509 --> 00:14:18,269 I don't feel anything! 275 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:21,629 Now she knows how I felt when I was at her piano recital. 276 00:14:22,869 --> 00:14:24,549 No, you're doing fine, Meg. 277 00:14:25,669 --> 00:14:27,789 Oh, Stewie, you're all right! 278 00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:29,469 Oh, thank God you guys are... 279 00:14:29,589 --> 00:14:30,669 You're covered in slime. 280 00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:33,549 This must be how Tom Arnold felt on his wedding night. 281 00:14:36,069 --> 00:14:38,029 Holy crap! Let's get out of here. 282 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,189 Wait a minute. Where's Meg? 283 00:14:42,269 --> 00:14:43,325 - I don't know. - I didn't see her. 284 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,509 Yeah, I kind of thought you guys would attend to that. 285 00:14:45,589 --> 00:14:47,646 - Peter, you got to go back and get her. - Oh, yeah, right. 286 00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,350 - Like I'm going back for Meg. - Peter! 287 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,150 Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? 288 00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:52,910 If we could only save two, we leave Meg. 289 00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:54,670 - I know, but... - You bastard! 290 00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:56,230 How could you leave me in there? 291 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,510 She's... Okay, see? It resolved itself. 292 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,710 Oh, I forgot one thing. 293 00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:13,270 So, no hard feelings? 294 00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,190 No, no, let's just put it all behind us. 295 00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,430 You wanna come over for some tea and cookies? 296 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:18,550 Sure. 297 00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:22,590 Are you a giving tree or a receiving tree? 298 00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:27,750 A bit of breaking news. 299 00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,470 A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. 300 00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,950 Who are they gonna call? 301 00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,190 Ghostbusters, Tom? 302 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,190 No, Diane, their insurance company. 303 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,750 That's just stupid what you said. 304 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:40,270 And now back to Disney's Too Many Ostriches starring Don Knotts. 305 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,950 There's way too many ostriches. 306 00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:45,750 Why are there so many ostriches? 307 00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:49,670 The brochure said there'd only be a few ostriches. 308 00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,550 This is a terrible vacation! 309 00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:56,710 So, what was it like on the other side? 310 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,230 Well, I met Jesus up there. 311 00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,310 Wow, what's he like? 312 00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:00,990 Uh, believe it or not, he's Chinese. 313 00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,150 - Really? - Yup, Jesus is Chinese. 314 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:06,190 In fact, his last name is Hong. Jesus Hong. 315 00:16:06,390 --> 00:16:09,070 Says he has no idea where people are getting Christ. 316 00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:11,750 Quagmire, you got to help us. We pissed off a bunch of ghosts, 317 00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:14,110 and now our house is gone and we got no place to stay. 318 00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:15,750 Uh, Peter, this is not the best time. 319 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,351 Glenn, are you coming? 320 00:16:17,431 --> 00:16:18,751 Yeah, honey, I'll be right there. 321 00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:20,671 I'll be right there. 322 00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:22,047 Peter, I'm really slammed right now. 323 00:16:22,071 --> 00:16:23,247 Can you give me the short version? 324 00:16:23,271 --> 00:16:26,111 Uh, what's, uh... What's going on in there? 325 00:16:26,231 --> 00:16:27,231 Nothing. 326 00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:32,471 So, uh, as you can see, my family's here. 327 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,431 And, uh it's game night. 328 00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:36,151 We're playing... 329 00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:37,791 Sex. 330 00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:44,191 A soup kitchen, Dad? 331 00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,151 Isn't there any other place we can go? 332 00:16:46,231 --> 00:16:47,231 We're homeless, Meg. 333 00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:48,791 This is where homeless people go. 334 00:16:48,911 --> 00:16:50,831 Well, it'll just be good to get some food in us. 335 00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:52,991 Hi, welcome to the soup kitchen. 336 00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,711 I'll just start you off with this basket 337 00:16:54,791 --> 00:16:56,551 of pizza crusts and apple cores. 338 00:16:56,631 --> 00:16:58,551 Oh, and we do have one special today. 339 00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:01,831 It's an avocado pit with a little bit of avocado still on it, 340 00:17:01,911 --> 00:17:04,111 and that comes on a ripped pair of boxer shorts. 341 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,831 Now, I'm trying to decide between 342 00:17:05,911 --> 00:17:07,791 the tossed spaghetti on a newspaper 343 00:17:07,871 --> 00:17:10,591 and the half yogurt with the balled-up tissue in it. 344 00:17:14,191 --> 00:17:16,751 Hi, there. Do you have any books on how to get rid of ghosts? 345 00:17:16,871 --> 00:17:19,951 Have you tried telling them you're ready for a commitment? 346 00:17:22,711 --> 00:17:24,711 Oh, like a relationship. 347 00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:25,791 Exactly. 348 00:17:25,831 --> 00:17:27,791 That'll send them running, huh? 349 00:17:29,751 --> 00:17:31,311 I like her. 350 00:17:33,751 --> 00:17:35,711 Here you go. Maybe this'll help. 351 00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:39,751 All right, here it is. 352 00:17:39,831 --> 00:17:43,791 "To vanquish poltergeists, one must restore all disturbed remains 353 00:17:43,871 --> 00:17:45,511 "to their original resting places." 354 00:17:45,591 --> 00:17:48,832 So all we got to do is bring the skull back home and bury it. 355 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,272 What are you doing? 356 00:17:50,392 --> 00:17:52,472 You said you were using the skull as an athletic cup. 357 00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:55,112 I was, but don't you remember, I threw it in the garbage? 358 00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:56,312 Oh. 359 00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:58,672 - So, you're not wearing it now? - No. 360 00:17:58,752 --> 00:18:00,952 That's, uh, pretty much just me you're grabbing. 361 00:18:01,072 --> 00:18:03,752 That's how my old scoutmaster shakes hands. 362 00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,568 Boy, this is more awkward than that threesome 363 00:18:05,592 --> 00:18:07,392 when the girl didn't show up. 364 00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:10,552 So, uh, you definitely left her a voicemail? 365 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:11,592 Yeah. Two. 366 00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:13,568 - Home and cell. - Oh, good, you got the cell, too. 367 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,392 Okay, I was gonna say. 368 00:18:24,632 --> 00:18:25,952 Ew! That is vile. 369 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,272 I know. I hate myself, but it's so good. 370 00:18:30,472 --> 00:18:31,888 Can I help you folks find something? 371 00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:32,912 No, we're just browsing. 372 00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:34,808 God, I hate it when they pester you like that. 373 00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:36,912 Peter! Yes, we need help. 374 00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,312 A skull, huh? Then you want the human remains bin. 375 00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:44,888 But I should warn you folks, we're pretty cleaned out right now, 376 00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:47,712 'cause Carrot Top comes by every morning to rummage for new props. 377 00:18:47,832 --> 00:18:50,912 Well, then we'll just have to pay this Carrot Top a visit. 378 00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:52,272 He's funny. 379 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,032 Except for that one show he did 380 00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:56,392 in Ohio after the airline lost his luggage. 381 00:18:56,472 --> 00:18:59,072 Ladies and gentlemen, Carrot Top! 382 00:18:59,352 --> 00:19:01,472 All right, you guys look like a good crowd. 383 00:19:01,592 --> 00:19:03,728 I hope it goes well, 'cause I don't have my prop trunk. 384 00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:05,768 I normally have, like, a case with all my little props 385 00:19:05,792 --> 00:19:06,992 and gadgets and whatnot, 386 00:19:07,072 --> 00:19:08,328 but, it's okay, you can use your imagination, 387 00:19:08,352 --> 00:19:10,672 like maybe a piece of luggage that shoots dog biscuits. 388 00:19:10,752 --> 00:19:13,248 So, like, if you had, like, weed in your bag and you went to the airport, 389 00:19:13,272 --> 00:19:14,528 you could shoot the dog biscuits out, 390 00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:15,768 and then the drug dog would be... 391 00:19:15,792 --> 00:19:16,993 Would go away from your bags. 392 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,593 Kind of if you can imagine the dog... 393 00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:20,273 And then, the dog... 394 00:19:20,353 --> 00:19:22,633 Man, it's a lot funnier if I had my prop. 395 00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:28,353 Well, there it is. Carrot Top Manor. 396 00:19:34,913 --> 00:19:36,969 So, you having a good time there, Chief Diamond Phillips? 397 00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,929 Oh, that's funny. He came up with the same thing that... 398 00:19:38,953 --> 00:19:41,153 All right, Carrot Top, I want that skull. 399 00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:42,273 Who the hell are you? 400 00:19:42,353 --> 00:19:44,913 I'm Peter Griffin, and that skull belongs to me. 401 00:19:44,993 --> 00:19:47,473 Well, it's hardly just a skull, Mr. Griffin. 402 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,833 I put it on my head, and it's a skullcap! 403 00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:53,433 Put it with David Duchovny, and it's Agent Scully. 404 00:19:53,753 --> 00:19:56,753 You got to appreciate that... Hey, don't distract me. 405 00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:58,593 Now, hand it over, Mr. Top. 406 00:19:58,713 --> 00:20:00,673 Very well, Mr. Griffin, I'll give you the skull, 407 00:20:00,793 --> 00:20:02,673 but you have to catch me first! 408 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,353 Looks like you found me, Mr. Griffin. 409 00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:12,273 But which one of us is the real king of prop comedy 410 00:20:12,353 --> 00:20:14,193 and not just an illusion, huh? 411 00:20:14,273 --> 00:20:16,033 That's right, Mr. Griffin. 412 00:20:16,193 --> 00:20:17,793 Just a little further. 413 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:23,873 Sucker. 414 00:20:24,553 --> 00:20:25,633 What the hell? 415 00:20:25,753 --> 00:20:27,313 How'd you get through the trap door? 416 00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:28,913 I found this saw with glasses on it. 417 00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:30,513 Oh, that's my see-saw. 418 00:20:33,113 --> 00:20:36,073 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 419 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,713 You are so fucking funny! 420 00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:39,953 You are so... 421 00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:42,073 God damn you for being so funny! 422 00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:45,913 Oh, my God! Oh, oh, God. You know what? 423 00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:47,170 Here, here, just, you know what? 424 00:20:47,194 --> 00:20:49,074 Keep it, keep it. You deserve it. 425 00:20:49,594 --> 00:20:50,714 Just take it. 426 00:20:51,314 --> 00:20:53,034 No, no, I need it. I need it. 427 00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:58,434 Well, Chief, time for you to go back where you came from. 428 00:21:06,554 --> 00:21:08,274 Peter, you did it. 429 00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:15,594 What the hell? 430 00:21:20,754 --> 00:21:22,994 Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you. 431 00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,554 Once again you brought our family to the edge of the abyss, 432 00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:28,074 and at the very last minute, you saved us all. 433 00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,554 I love you, honey. 434 00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:31,314 And I've grown fond of you, Lois. 435 00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:33,074 Let's go home.