1
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:38,120
Hi, it's me, Peter, your TV cartoon pal.
2
00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:39,605
Y'know, Lois has bitchin' lately
3
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,140
that I watch too much
TV and don't read enough books.
4
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,390
So I went to the library
and picked up three books
5
00:00:44,425 --> 00:00:47,350
by the greatest author
of the last thousand years.
6
00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:48,905
Stephen King.
7
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:51,040
And tonight I'd like
to share them with you.
8
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,785
We begin with a little
tale called "Stand by Me"
9
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,660
about 4 young boys who
went looking for a dead body
10
00:00:56,695 --> 00:00:59,270
and instead found ..... themselves.
11
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,460
... and also a dead body.
12
00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:07,260
The year was 1955
13
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,230
and the voice in my head
was that of Richard Dreyfuss.
14
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,310
I never had friends like
the ones I had when I was 12.
15
00:01:13,345 --> 00:01:15,215
There was me, Petey Lachance
16
00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:18,140
Anyone else fed up with
this over-saturation of media?
17
00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,330
Three channels, and still nothin' on.
18
00:01:20,365 --> 00:01:21,905
Then there was Joey Duchamp
19
00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:24,240
The voice in his head was Roy Scheider.
20
00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:25,417
How are you, Richard?
21
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:26,566
Fine, Roy, how are you?
22
00:01:26,601 --> 00:01:27,645
Good, good.
23
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,250
We should grab a
drink sometime and catch up.
24
00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:32,020
Maybe reminisce about "Jaws".
25
00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:34,220
Great, you should
give me a call sometime.
26
00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:35,870
My number's 555 ...
27
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,040
Wait, wait. What?
28
00:01:37,075 --> 00:01:38,575
555?
29
00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,585
Er ... yeah.
30
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:40,635
You know what, Richard?
31
00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:42,540
If you don't want
to have drinks, just say so.
32
00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:43,950
You don't have to be a dick about it.
33
00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:44,705
Oh, please!
34
00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:46,360
Make the voices stop!
35
00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:48,635
And then there was Quag Chambers.
36
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,420
He was the leader of our gang.
37
00:01:50,455 --> 00:01:51,965
He had sex when he was five
38
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,390
and committed his
first rape when he was ten.
39
00:01:54,425 --> 00:01:55,115
Rape, of course,
40
00:01:55,150 --> 00:01:56,750
being legal in the 50's.
41
00:01:56,782 --> 00:01:58,730
Ha ha. Beat those cards, fellows!
42
00:01:58,779 --> 00:01:59,579
Ha ha ha.
43
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,390
Giggity, giggity, 50's, giggity
44
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:02,535
Hey, you guys ...
45
00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:04,320
Finally, there was Cleve Brown
46
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:06,070
my pudgy black friend.
47
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,810
I can still see him now
48
00:02:07,845 --> 00:02:09,355
all pudgy and black.
49
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,585
Cleve, please, we're
busy lookin' at Playboy.
50
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:13,780
Look at the way these
women starve themselves.
51
00:02:13,815 --> 00:02:15,835
This one can't be more that 180 pounds.
52
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,180
This is way better than Playboy.
53
00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:20,480
Do you guys wanna see a dead body?
54
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,330
Cleve, it's 1955.
55
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:26,110
Please re-enter the clubhouse in a
more stereotypically animated fashion.
56
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,190
Lord a'mighty! I done seen me
57
00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:30,905
a dead body down by the lake!
58
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:33,100
Sho' nuff, I thought I'd go deef and dumb
59
00:02:33,135 --> 00:02:34,540
when I saw me that dead body!
60
00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:35,335
Cleve, calm down!
61
00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,570
You're not making any sense!
62
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,380
Anything was possible
as we set out that day
63
00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:45,005
except contracting AIDS
64
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,570
because AIDS had not yet
been invented by the government
65
00:02:47,605 --> 00:02:50,710
in an effort to eradicate
the homosexual community.
66
00:02:50,810 --> 00:02:56,070
Have Gun, Will Travel,
reads the card of a man
67
00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:01,320
A knight without
armour in a savage land
68
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,845
OK, I got another one.
69
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,590
- Show me that smile again
- Ooh, show me that smile
70
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:10,740
Don't waste another
minute on your cryin' ...
71
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:14,275
We decided to cut through
old man Pressman's junkyard.
72
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:17,846
Even though legend had it,
that any kid caught scaling the fence
73
00:03:17,885 --> 00:03:20,900
ran the risk of being
attacked by the old man's dog.
74
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,410
who would charge to the cry of "Chopper,
sick balls"
75
00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:27,280
I got a bad felling about this.
76
00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:28,175
Hey!
77
00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:29,310
What are you kids doin'?
78
00:03:29,345 --> 00:03:30,660
Oh no, it's him!
79
00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:31,365
That's right!
80
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,540
Old man Pressman.
81
00:03:32,575 --> 00:03:33,645
I own the junkyard.
82
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,970
I'm cranky 'cos all my stuff is junk.
83
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:38,320
Why can't I have nice things?
84
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:39,945
Chopper, sic 'em!
85
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:40,940
Sic 'em, boy!
86
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,030
Now, he said "sic 'em, boy",
87
00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:49,620
but what I heard was
88
00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:52,680
"Chopper, talk to
disfigured World War 2 veterans
89
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,350
who aren't as
bitter as they should be."
90
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,420
Glad I could do my part.
91
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,330
I think you may have done too much.
92
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:02,400
Hey, how about this brand
new thing called rock'n'roll?
93
00:04:02,435 --> 00:04:03,902
Even though it was just invented,
94
00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:05,370
we already remember it fondly.
95
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,280
Here's Little Richard
with "Piano Riff Woooo"
96
00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:29,630
My arse!
97
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,580
Man, this trip is dangerous.
98
00:04:31,615 --> 00:04:33,100
Couldn't we have just taken a bus?
99
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,350
..... black guy.
100
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,905
Uh, guys, anyone know
when the next train is scheduled?
101
00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:43,850
Don't worry. If a train comes
I'll warn you in slow motion.
102
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:54,400
T-r-a-i-n!
103
00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:58,619
Aaaaaaahhhh!!!
104
00:05:06,502 --> 00:05:08,850
Aaaaahhh! Aaaaahhh! My legs!
105
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:13,290
A-n-o-t-h-e-r t-r-a-i-n!
106
00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:15,965
Aaaaaaahhhh!!!
Aaaaaaahhhh!!! Aaaaaaahhhh!!!
107
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:19,140
What an odd, clustered train schedule!
108
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:21,700
Hey, sorry you paralyzed, Joey.
109
00:05:21,735 --> 00:05:23,000
Ah, it's alright.
110
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,235
Thanks for goin' all the way back
111
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:26,070
to the junkyard to
get me this wheelchair.
112
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,900
Boy, was old man Pressman angry.
113
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,294
O-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h!!!
114
00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,105
Well, there it is.
115
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,685
None of us could breathe.
116
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,115
The twisted and mangled body
117
00:05:39,150 --> 00:05:40,475
we had come to see
118
00:05:40,510 --> 00:05:41,860
was far more disgusting
119
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,167
than any of us could
120
00:05:43,202 --> 00:05:44,440
ever have imagined.
121
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:47,230
He's nasty.
122
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,445
Out of my way, you little pipsqueaks!
123
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,660
I'm taking credit for finding this body.
124
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,480
It was the meanest guy in town.
125
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,590
Ace, and his whole gang.
126
00:05:56,730 --> 00:06:00,740
Beast-man, Mer-man, and for
some reason, Norm from "Cheers."
127
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,465
Hey, gang.
128
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,120
What, are we beatin' somebody up?
129
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,325
Now, get lost!
130
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,880
We'll take it from here.
131
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:11,165
Kiss my grits,
132
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,790
you cheap dime store hood.
133
00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,770
This ain't over, Lachance.
134
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,195
I mean, you have a
gun right now, but tomorrow
135
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,880
I'll get a gun and come
to your house and kill you.
136
00:06:21,312 --> 00:06:24,280
Oh .... yeah, I guess
you could do that, huh?
137
00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,035
I mean, we live in the same town.
138
00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,600
And I just can't be on
my guard for the rest of my life.
139
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,770
Boy, that is a major hole in this story.
140
00:06:30,805 --> 00:06:32,090
OK, take the body.
141
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,263
We never forgot
that wonderful summer,
142
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,953
and eventually, we all
went our seperate ways.
143
00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:42,578
Joey learned to live
without the use of his legs,
144
00:06:42,579 --> 00:06:46,137
and even went on to create
a wheelchair type rugby game
145
00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:49,259
called
"Don't-feel-sorry-for-us-ball"
146
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:52,635
Cleve grew up and went
on to marry Rebecca Romjin.
147
00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:54,794
Actually, I'm not
even joking about that.
148
00:06:54,795 --> 00:06:58,812
The fat kid from "Stand by Me"
is now married to Rebecca Romjin.
149
00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:00,137
Can you believe that?
150
00:07:00,138 --> 00:07:01,232
I swear to God!
151
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,498
Look it up on the internet!
152
00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:03,901
Doesn't that piss you off?
153
00:07:04,361 --> 00:07:07,345
Quag grew up to become
a famous Hollywood actor.
154
00:07:07,346 --> 00:07:09,421
Unfortunately, about a week ago,
155
00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:12,853
he took an overdose of
designer drugs at the Viper Room.
156
00:07:12,952 --> 00:07:15,558
He died on the kerb outside.
157
00:07:15,722 --> 00:07:18,535
And now, we're left
with a hair lipped reminder
158
00:07:18,536 --> 00:07:20,178
of what might have been.
159
00:07:24,265 --> 00:07:26,766
Hi. Welcome
back from commercials.
160
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,781
Joaquin Phoenix, if
you're still watching,
161
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,858
you are a good sport and a trooper.
162
00:07:30,859 --> 00:07:32,414
And you passed our test,
163
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,167
and you can be our friend.
164
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:37,717
And now for a segment
we like a little less than
the first and the last ...
165
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,073
Here's "Misery."
166
00:07:45,112 --> 00:07:46,186
Marcia, I've done it!
167
00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:48,513
I've finished the book
and Snuggly Jeff is dead
168
00:07:48,514 --> 00:07:50,171
and the readers
are just gonna love it.
169
00:07:50,172 --> 00:07:52,220
Paul, I still wish I
could talk you out of this.
170
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,640
Snuggly Jeff is the most
succesful children's book series ever.
171
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,202
Yeah, but I wanna get
into writing more serious stuff.
172
00:07:58,203 --> 00:08:01,452
Y'know, something where
the reader doesn't have a load in
his pants while he's lookin' at it.
173
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,399
Well, we'll talk about
it when you get back.
174
00:08:09,045 --> 00:08:10,048
This just in ...
175
00:08:10,049 --> 00:08:13,056
The Weather Service has
reported a big snow storm on its way.
176
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:16,877
Oh, my God!
177
00:08:16,878 --> 00:08:17,828
Stephen King!
178
00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:20,618
Aaaaahhhh!!!
179
00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:23,622
Hey, this'd make a neat story!
180
00:08:25,908 --> 00:08:26,604
Done!
181
00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:47,776
I'm your number one fan.
182
00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:49,431
I'm your number one fan.
183
00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:51,068
I'm your number one fan.
184
00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:53,040
O-o-o-o-o-h-h-h ...
185
00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:56,054
Who ... wh-who are you?
186
00:08:56,055 --> 00:08:57,261
I'm Stewie Wilkes.
187
00:08:57,262 --> 00:08:58,371
I saved your life.
188
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:00,109
You were in a terrible car accident
189
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,538
and you broke both your legs.
190
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:03,355
I taste lipstick!
191
00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:04,363
Am I wearing lipstick?
192
00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:05,802
Not any more.
193
00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:12,153
Um, Paul, quick question,
and feel free to say no,
194
00:09:12,154 --> 00:09:15,261
but I couldn't help but notice
the new Snuggly Jeff manuscript
195
00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:17,939
in your bag, and, I was
wondering if I could read it
196
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,276
then kill you if I hate it?
197
00:09:19,277 --> 00:09:20,761
Well, I guess that'd be OK.
198
00:09:20,762 --> 00:09:22,172
Oh, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!
199
00:09:22,207 --> 00:09:24,451
Can I read it while I touch
your ear and suck my thumb?
200
00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:25,269
Uh, I guess.
201
00:09:25,358 --> 00:09:26,773
Oh, goody, goody!
202
00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:49,387
Stewie?
203
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:52,895
I just finished the
book, you dirty birdy!
204
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,355
How could you?
205
00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:55,544
He can't be dead!
206
00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:57,725
Snuggly Jeff cannot be dead!
207
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,311
Aaaaaarrrr!!
208
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:02,125
Look, Stewie, I've gone as
far as I can with Snuggly Jeff,
209
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:04,255
and I .. I wanna
write something more serious
210
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,123
Well, you are gonna write
Snuggly Jeff back to life, Mr. Man.
211
00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:09,181
Look, Stewie, first of all,
212
00:10:09,182 --> 00:10:10,136
you're insane.
213
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:12,713
And second of all, I have
to be inspired before I write.
214
00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:14,349
Well, how 'bout a little TV?
215
00:10:15,193 --> 00:10:17,590
We now return to Magnum B.M.
216
00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:19,662
Magnum, I've found a fingerprint
217
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:21,174
smudge at the crime scene.
218
00:10:21,175 --> 00:10:23,530
Do you have poo on your hands?
219
00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:25,342
A little.
220
00:10:31,476 --> 00:10:32,567
No, no, no!
221
00:10:32,568 --> 00:10:33,955
This won't do, Paul.
222
00:10:33,956 --> 00:10:35,504
You can't just have Snuggly Jeff
223
00:10:35,505 --> 00:10:36,629
magically brought back to life
224
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:37,989
by a child's wish.
225
00:10:37,990 --> 00:10:39,374
It's insulting to the reader!
226
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:39,999
What do you mean?
227
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,702
Well, it's just bad story telling.
228
00:10:41,703 --> 00:10:43,365
Let's see ... How
can I explain this to you?
229
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:44,862
Did you ever see the movie Contact?
230
00:10:44,863 --> 00:10:45,560
Yeah.
231
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:49,326
So, like, they spent a trillion dollars
building this mile high space machine
232
00:10:49,327 --> 00:10:50,952
and Jake Busey blows it up.
233
00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:51,906
So, now they're all like:
234
00:10:51,907 --> 00:10:54,051
"Oh, no. We can't
use the space machine"
235
00:10:54,052 --> 00:10:55,343
But then this other guy's like:
236
00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:56,781
"Hey, it just so happens,
237
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,951
"I built another identical
trillion dollar space machine
238
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,121
at my own expense,
on the other side of the world"
239
00:11:02,177 --> 00:11:03,341
And we're supposed to believe
240
00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:04,727
no-one noticed that?
241
00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:07,000
Well, I stood up in the theatre and I said:
242
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,999
"No! You can't go into space
243
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,201
because the machine
already got blown up
244
00:11:11,202 --> 00:11:13,871
by Jake Cock-a-Doody Busey!"
245
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:15,374
Start over!
246
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,008
Fine. But you're
gonna have to go into town
247
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:17,989
and get me some more paper.
248
00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:18,758
I'm all out.
249
00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:19,701
Uh, I don't know, Paul
250
00:11:19,702 --> 00:11:21,726
Let me see if I can
get the Big Wheels started.
251
00:11:24,026 --> 00:11:25,026
Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr.
252
00:11:25,027 --> 00:11:27,054
Oh, I don't know, Paul. It's not starting.
253
00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:28,251
Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr.
254
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,019
Oh, I'm afraid I'm gonna flood it.
255
00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:32,057
Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr.. Vrooooom!
256
00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:33,188
Vrooooom! Vrooooom!
257
00:11:33,189 --> 00:11:34,594
OK. I got it now.
258
00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:35,704
I'll see you in a bit.
259
00:12:11,296 --> 00:12:14,230
Heh heh. He's too big for that car.
260
00:12:23,278 --> 00:12:24,340
Mr. Sheldon?
261
00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:25,857
Oh, my God! I'm saved!
262
00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:27,589
Let's get outta here
before Stewie gets back!
263
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:32,322
Ah! My legs!
264
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:35,821
Now I'm gonna have to spend
the rest of my life in a wheelchair!
265
00:12:35,861 --> 00:12:37,025
No you're not.
266
00:12:42,810 --> 00:12:43,840
Well, that's it, Stewie.
267
00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:44,890
The book is done.
268
00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:46,013
Can I go now?
269
00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:48,267
Oh, no, Paul. I'm not stupid.
270
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,605
If I let you go, you'll
just run straight to the police
271
00:12:50,606 --> 00:12:52,527
and tell them I kidnapped
you and held you hostage
272
00:12:52,528 --> 00:12:54,123
and fondled you
while you were asleep.
273
00:12:54,124 --> 00:12:55,521
No, I ...wait ...What?
274
00:12:55,556 --> 00:12:56,919
You'll tell them that
while you were sleeping
275
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,605
I did things to you
that you don't remember.
276
00:12:58,606 --> 00:13:01,054
You .. fondled me
while I was asleep?
277
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:01,769
Yeah.
278
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:02,777
I don't think I like that.
279
00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:03,788
Well, it's done.
280
00:13:09,754 --> 00:13:11,020
Everybody still awake?
281
00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:12,534
Alright. Big finish.
282
00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:14,097
Now, you remember
that Stephen King story
283
00:13:14,098 --> 00:13:15,506
when the guy went
up to the empty hotel
284
00:13:15,507 --> 00:13:16,928
and there were those creepy twins
285
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,584
and a guy was
runnin' around with that axe
286
00:13:18,585 --> 00:13:20,084
and a kid talked to his finger?
287
00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,246
Ah ha, can't you see Stewie doin' that?
288
00:13:22,247 --> 00:13:24,313
Well, here's
"The Shawshank Redemption"
289
00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:45,075
The first time I
laid eyes on Andy Dufresne
290
00:13:45,076 --> 00:13:46,903
I didn't think much of him.
291
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,915
He was a fat drink of water,
292
00:13:49,077 --> 00:13:51,501
the kind of drink of
water that y'know your friend
293
00:13:51,502 --> 00:13:54,318
got from the bathroom
and not from the kitchen.
294
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:58,314
5 packs of cigarettes says the
fat one breaks first tonight.
295
00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:00,840
You're on. I'll take the
Don Martin looking one.
296
00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:10,382
A month went by before
Andy said 2 words to somebody.
297
00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:13,276
As it turned out,
that somebody was me.
298
00:14:13,277 --> 00:14:14,601
Vagina, boob.
299
00:14:15,348 --> 00:14:18,510
Later, Andy came back
with more than 2 words.
300
00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:21,135
I understand you're a man
who knows how to get things.
301
00:14:21,192 --> 00:14:24,480
I've been known to procure
various and sundry items.
302
00:14:24,481 --> 00:14:26,795
I .. I .. I don't
understand what you just said.
303
00:14:26,796 --> 00:14:27,596
I need stuff.
304
00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:28,295
Can you get it?
305
00:14:28,296 --> 00:14:29,135
What do you need?
306
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,325
I need a rock hammer.
307
00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:31,295
What's it for?
308
00:14:31,296 --> 00:14:33,655
I carve Star Wars
figurines outta stone
309
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:36,106
but it's also for not
tunneling my way outta here.
310
00:14:36,107 --> 00:14:38,022
Wow. Can you carve me a set of
311
00:14:38,035 --> 00:14:40,047
women's private parts out of stone?
312
00:14:40,136 --> 00:14:40,531
Sure.
313
00:14:40,532 --> 00:14:42,425
Or you could just
have sex with Helen Hunt.
314
00:14:42,442 --> 00:14:44,176
- Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha ha haa!
315
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,165
Ah, we've only had one conversation
316
00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:48,725
but I can tell we're
gonna be life long friends.
317
00:14:48,776 --> 00:14:50,544
And since you're
black and I'm white
318
00:14:50,545 --> 00:14:52,913
that makes it more
especial for the audience.
319
00:14:59,919 --> 00:15:01,145
Inspection!
320
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:10,090
You Andy Dufresne?
321
00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:11,310
A little bit. You?
322
00:15:11,356 --> 00:15:12,056
Ah ha ha ha ha!
323
00:15:12,057 --> 00:15:13,274
I'm just tweakin' your bum.
324
00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:14,017
What can I do for you?
325
00:15:14,018 --> 00:15:16,911
I understand you
make Star Wars figurines.
326
00:15:16,936 --> 00:15:18,818
Oh, Grievous! Wicked!
327
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,823
Well, anyway, I'm
a pretty corrupt guy
328
00:15:20,824 --> 00:15:23,717
so I figured I could sell your
figurines and pocket the cash.
329
00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:24,539
What d'ya say?
330
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,634
I don't know ...
331
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:26,478
Oh, come on!
332
00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:28,793
I'll even cripple that guy
who rapes you in the shower.
333
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:29,825
But I like that guy.
334
00:15:29,826 --> 00:15:30,734
Too late!
335
00:15:32,736 --> 00:15:34,229
Ah, my legs!
336
00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:36,656
Two things never happened again
337
00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:37,711
after that.
338
00:15:37,712 --> 00:15:39,517
Boggs never walked again,
339
00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:40,687
and Andy's farts
340
00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:42,465
never made a sound again.
341
00:15:48,096 --> 00:15:50,970
Thanks to the Star
Wars figurines Andy carved,
342
00:15:50,971 --> 00:15:54,155
he landed a cushy job
cleanin' the warden's office.
343
00:15:54,156 --> 00:15:55,845
OK, you clean up the warden's office
344
00:15:55,846 --> 00:15:57,870
while I go pop out a pine cone.
345
00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:13,765
Plays "Hollaback Girl"
by Gwen Stefani
346
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:20,687
To this day, I have no idea what
347
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,421
that woman was singin' about.
348
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,649
Like, literally, no idea.
349
00:16:25,053 --> 00:16:27,748
I don't know what a hollaback girl is.
350
00:16:27,749 --> 00:16:29,094
But I have to imagine
351
00:16:29,095 --> 00:16:31,430
it's a foul disease ridden thing
352
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:33,125
that wears too much makeup
353
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:37,554
to cover up the fact
that it's a 47 year old fish dog.
354
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:41,049
Andy, I think you know why
I've called you in here today.
355
00:16:41,116 --> 00:16:43,429
A prison is an
environment which requires
356
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:45,468
the highest level of discipline ...
357
00:16:45,469 --> 00:16:47,969
and that little stunt you pulled today
358
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,313
.. that little stunt you pulled today
359
00:16:50,314 --> 00:16:52,142
made a lot of
people look very foolish.
360
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,999
Look, warden ..
we got it rough in here
361
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,550
I just thought we
could use a little music.
362
00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:58,562
Music is expressly
forbidden inside prison walls!
363
00:16:58,563 --> 00:17:00,491
My God! How can you be so obtuse?
364
00:17:00,492 --> 00:17:01,614
What did you call me?
365
00:17:01,615 --> 00:17:03,092
Obtuse. You're bein' obtuse.
366
00:17:03,093 --> 00:17:04,456
Two months in the hole!
367
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,838
Or am I being obtuse?
368
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:07,515
Nope, now you're bein' acute.
369
00:17:09,244 --> 00:17:12,132
That time in the
hole changed ol' Andy.
370
00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:14,650
I'm gettin' outta here tonight, Red.
371
00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:17,026
I'm gonna take the
poop pipe to the crap swamp.
372
00:17:17,027 --> 00:17:19,385
Wow. Where you
headed once you get out?
373
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,892
Zihuatanejo.
374
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:22,087
Sounds fancy.
375
00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:24,150
Eh, actually, it's
a filthy Mexican village.
376
00:17:24,151 --> 00:17:25,200
Listen, Red
377
00:17:25,201 --> 00:17:26,370
when you get outta here,
378
00:17:26,371 --> 00:17:28,314
I want you to do somethin' for me.
379
00:17:28,477 --> 00:17:32,015
Up in a hayfield in Buxton,
Maine, under an old oak tree,
380
00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:35,112
there's a rock that has
no earthly business bein' there.
381
00:17:35,202 --> 00:17:38,611
Under that rock is a box with
somethin' I want you to have.
382
00:17:38,795 --> 00:17:41,150
Course, now that I think about
it, I've been in her 25 years
383
00:17:41,151 --> 00:17:44,120
All these landmarks are based
on possibly outdated observations.
384
00:17:44,121 --> 00:17:46,210
That whole area could
be a Wal-Mart by now.
385
00:17:46,211 --> 00:17:48,476
If it is, pick yourself
up some nice cheap pants
386
00:17:48,477 --> 00:17:49,770
and good life to you.
387
00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:52,721
Inspection!
388
00:17:57,585 --> 00:18:00,083
Dufresne? Dufresne!
389
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,182
Dufresne, you better get
your arse out here before
390
00:18:02,183 --> 00:18:04,572
here before you make
me cut this sentence shor ....
391
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,168
Where is he?
Where the hell is Dufresne?
392
00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:12,119
I don't know, Sir.
393
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,864
I want him found ... now.
394
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:15,648
Not after breakfast
395
00:18:15,649 --> 00:18:17,569
Not after C.S.I.
396
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:18,695
Now!
397
00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:19,710
God, I'm so angry
398
00:18:19,711 --> 00:18:22,455
I could just throw a rock
at that poster of David Cassidy.
399
00:18:44,728 --> 00:18:47,125
What the warden and
his boys didn't realise was
400
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:50,500
that Andy Dufresne had
escaped from Shawshank Prison
401
00:18:50,584 --> 00:18:51,703
the night before.
402
00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:10,759
Andy crawled to freedom
403
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,770
through 500 yards of foulness
404
00:19:12,771 --> 00:19:14,485
I can't even imagine.
405
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,322
Andy Dufresne,
406
00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:21,575
the man who crawled
through a river of poop
407
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,943
and came out clean on the other side.
408
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,029
Why he chose enchilada night,
409
00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:29,429
I will never know.
410
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:33,701
Do you believe,
in your best judgement,
411
00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:35,298
that you have been rehabilitated?
412
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,658
Rehabilitated?
413
00:19:36,659 --> 00:19:39,377
It's just a stupid made up word
414
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,713
so boys like you
can sit behind a desk,
415
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,134
wear a fancy suit,
and feel important.
416
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,671
You're a jerk! And I had
sex with your mother last night!
417
00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:49,703
And I swear to God,
you let me out of here,
418
00:19:49,704 --> 00:19:52,123
first thing I'm
gonna do is kill again.
419
00:19:55,015 --> 00:19:56,518
When I got outta Shawshank,
420
00:19:56,519 --> 00:19:58,981
there was only one thing on my mind.
421
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:02,322
A promise I made to
a friend that I had to keep.
422
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:07,612
Walk along the stone wall
until you reach the tree,
423
00:20:07,719 --> 00:20:09,908
and that's where
you'll find the rock.
424
00:20:24,498 --> 00:20:25,725
Dear Red,
425
00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:26,977
If you've come this far,
426
00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:29,009
maybe you're
willing to go a little further.
427
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,649
You remember the name
of the town in Mexico, right?
428
00:20:33,038 --> 00:20:33,982
Crap!
429
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,977
What? Oh! Oh, is that him?
430
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:42,897
Is that..? No, no, beach dog.
431
00:20:43,853 --> 00:20:45,570
Oh! Oh! Is that Red?
432
00:20:45,571 --> 00:20:47,643
Is it? No, no. Not him either.
433
00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:51,381
Where the hell is that jagoff?
There's like 1200 bucks in that box.
434
00:20:51,382 --> 00:20:53,228
Oh, my God,
if he ran off with that ...
435
00:20:53,229 --> 00:20:55,422
Oh, I am gonna be so pissed!
436
00:20:55,541 --> 00:20:57,245
And what am I gonna do?
Go to the authorities?
437
00:20:57,246 --> 00:20:58,493
I just broke out of prison.
438
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:00,964
Now, what? I gotta spend the
rest of my life here by myself?
439
00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:04,281
Well, at least I won't have to be
self conscious about my farting.
440
00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:07,376
Well, that's our show.
441
00:21:07,444 --> 00:21:08,656
Thank you, Stephen King.
442
00:21:08,657 --> 00:21:09,971
We'll see you in court.
443
00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:11,974
Now stay tuned for whatever FOX
444
00:21:11,974 --> 00:21:13,326
is limpin' to the barn with.
445
00:21:13,827 --> 00:21:14,327
Subtitles by Keef