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00:00:00,619 --> 00:00:03,844
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,944 --> 00:00:07,212
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:10,783
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,818 --> 00:00:13,786
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:23,598 --> 00:00:27,598
♪ Family Guy 14x09 ♪
A Shot in the Dark
Original Air Date on December 13, 2015
11
00:00:27,599 --> 00:00:34,099
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:35,841
Hey, great idea bringing
the couch out here
13
00:00:35,876 --> 00:00:37,576
from your den, Peter.
Yeah, Lois and I
14
00:00:37,611 --> 00:00:39,878
dragged it out here last night
for a little hump sesh,
15
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:41,480
so I figured I'd let it dry.
16
00:00:41,515 --> 00:00:43,448
"Couch." That's
one of those words
17
00:00:43,484 --> 00:00:46,585
that if you say it over and over
it starts to sound silly.
18
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:48,920
Joe, you need to take
a class on small talk.
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00:00:48,956 --> 00:00:51,590
You're not gonna believe
this-- I'm in one.
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00:00:51,625 --> 00:00:53,825
It sure is cloudy today.
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00:00:53,861 --> 00:00:56,361
Good. You could have
also responded to Janet,
22
00:00:56,397 --> 00:00:58,397
who said her son died.
23
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:02,234
I'm sorry your son died
on such a cloudy day.
24
00:01:07,274 --> 00:01:09,207
All right, kids,
here's your bacon.
25
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,610
I call the paper towel!
Aw, damn it!
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00:01:11,645 --> 00:01:14,646
Ha-ha! You got to move fast
when Meg's at the table, Brian.
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00:01:14,681 --> 00:01:17,582
All right, well, I get the box
when we have pizza for dinner.
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00:01:17,618 --> 00:01:19,384
Uh-uh. It
doesn't work that way.
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00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,520
You got to call it
when it's happening.
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00:01:21,555 --> 00:01:23,155
Good morning, family.
I'll be out front
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00:01:23,190 --> 00:01:24,823
with the guys
if anybody needs me.
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00:01:24,858 --> 00:01:26,491
Peter, I thought
we were gonna try
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00:01:26,527 --> 00:01:28,393
to get the garden going
again today.
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00:01:28,429 --> 00:01:31,930
I know, sweetie, but then
I realized how stupid that is.
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00:01:31,965 --> 00:01:34,766
Okay, bye. You guys
are my everything.
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00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:36,301
Why'd you ever marry him?
37
00:01:36,336 --> 00:01:39,771
Believe it or not, he used to
look like a young Gene Hackman.
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00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:42,707
That's... that-that's
not even good.
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00:01:42,743 --> 00:01:43,909
It's gone!
40
00:01:43,944 --> 00:01:45,243
What? What's gone?
41
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,779
Our drinking couch!
Somebody must've stole it!
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00:01:47,815 --> 00:01:49,481
You left a couch
out on the curb?
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00:01:49,516 --> 00:01:51,883
Well, somebody probably thought
it was trash and took it.
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00:01:51,919 --> 00:01:54,252
You said you were gonna bring
the couch right back in!
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00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,922
What were you thinking?
I'll tell you what I was thinking.
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00:01:56,957 --> 00:01:59,091
I was thinking we lived
in a safe neighborhood.
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00:01:59,126 --> 00:02:00,725
But apparently,
I was wrong!
48
00:02:00,761 --> 00:02:03,728
Wait, you're saying
you were wr-wr...
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00:02:03,764 --> 00:02:04,996
wr-wro...
50
00:02:05,032 --> 00:02:06,264
wr-wrrr...
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00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,934
Oh, I get it--
the Fonz can't say "wrong."
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00:02:08,969 --> 00:02:12,237
No, Peter, he's 70--
he's having a stroke.
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00:02:17,044 --> 00:02:18,910
Wow, Peter, I think
starting a community watch
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00:02:18,946 --> 00:02:19,818
is a great idea.
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00:02:19,843 --> 00:02:21,701
Yeah, I even got shirts
made up for us.
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00:02:22,382 --> 00:02:23,648
This is quality work.
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00:02:23,684 --> 00:02:25,984
Where did you get these?
Via the Web?
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00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:27,185
Hey, listen, Joe, um,
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00:02:27,221 --> 00:02:29,187
you think you
can get us all guns?
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00:02:29,223 --> 00:02:30,689
No, Peter,
they're too dangerous.
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00:02:30,724 --> 00:02:32,991
Besides, you can't
just go get a gun,
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00:02:33,026 --> 00:02:35,193
you have to be certified
in gun safety,
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00:02:35,229 --> 00:02:37,377
go through an extensive
background screening process.
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00:02:37,378 --> 00:02:38,064
Got 'em.
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00:02:38,065 --> 00:02:40,031
Whoa. How'd you
get 'em so quick?
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00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:42,367
Eh, it was easy-- like
pressing that "easy" button
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00:02:42,402 --> 00:02:44,202
at the office
supply store.
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00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:46,037
Hey, thanks for all your help.
No problem.
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00:02:46,073 --> 00:02:47,800
Why don't you go ahead
and hit the "easy" button.
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00:02:47,824 --> 00:02:49,104
Okay.
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00:02:50,077 --> 00:02:53,011
What did I just do?
Don't worry about it.
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00:02:56,917 --> 00:02:59,484
Hey, Quagmire,
you're a sex guy.
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00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,687
You watch any good,
uh... pornos lately?
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00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,956
I mean...
I-I guess.
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00:03:04,992 --> 00:03:06,525
So what's your pleasure?
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00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,193
What kind of
movies you like?
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00:03:08,228 --> 00:03:10,529
I don't know.
MILF stuff's kind of cool.
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00:03:10,564 --> 00:03:12,464
What-what about you?
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00:03:12,499 --> 00:03:14,933
Me? I have very
particular tastes.
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00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:17,402
I like a soapy bottom.
What?
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00:03:17,437 --> 00:03:19,070
Soft-core
soaped-up butts,
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00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,072
like from a PG-13
camp movie.
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00:03:21,108 --> 00:03:23,508
I can't get enough of it.
Drives me wild.
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00:03:23,544 --> 00:03:25,343
Okay, let's talk
about something else.
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00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:28,446
All right. Uh...
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00:03:28,482 --> 00:03:30,615
it's kind of too cool
for the air-conditioner
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00:03:30,651 --> 00:03:32,584
and too warm for
the heater, huh?
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00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:36,721
Ah, got to walk
that boner off, huh?
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00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:38,356
Yeah.
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00:03:41,295 --> 00:03:43,161
Hey, guys, you
better come with me.
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00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:45,597
There's some weird, big-nose
guy hiding in the bushes
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00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:47,566
outside some
chick's house.
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00:03:48,969 --> 00:03:51,436
"My heart always
timidly hides itself
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00:03:51,471 --> 00:03:53,071
behind my mind."
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00:03:54,308 --> 00:03:56,274
"I set out
to bring down stars
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00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:57,542
from the sky..."
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00:03:58,579 --> 00:04:00,278
"Ow. Ow.
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00:04:00,314 --> 00:04:03,148
"Oh, my God,
four men are beating me.
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00:04:03,183 --> 00:04:05,550
"My arm.
I think it is broken.
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00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:07,052
"Who are you guys?
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00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:08,587
"Why? Why?
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00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:12,057
"I'll give you anything if
you would only stop hitting me.
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00:04:12,092 --> 00:04:14,059
"Please stop pulling my nose.
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00:04:14,094 --> 00:04:15,460
"It is not fake.
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00:04:15,495 --> 00:04:17,295
"I think I am dying.
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00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:19,931
Please take me to the hospital."
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00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,600
Your words have bewitched me.
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00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:23,602
I need your arms around me.
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00:04:23,637 --> 00:04:25,470
Come to
my chamber at once.
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00:04:25,505 --> 00:04:27,005
"Come to my chamber
at once."
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00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,642
And bring pound cake.
"And bring pound cake."
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00:04:34,514 --> 00:04:35,947
Peter, please
come to bed.
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00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:37,482
Enough of the
community watch.
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00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:39,818
We live on a very
safe street.
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00:04:39,853 --> 00:04:42,254
Lois, you wouldn't believe
the things we see out there.
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00:04:42,289 --> 00:04:45,290
There was a kid riding his bike
while holding a tennis racket.
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00:04:45,325 --> 00:04:47,792
For real.
Come on! Let's fool around,
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00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:49,261
or watch a movie,
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00:04:49,296 --> 00:04:52,197
or finally click that
"Crackle" icon on the TV.
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00:04:52,232 --> 00:04:54,532
Lois, I am
an unelected vigilante,
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00:04:54,568 --> 00:04:56,801
and I take my job
very seriously.
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00:04:56,837 --> 00:04:58,803
Like Serious George.
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00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:00,705
Hey, George, want
to go to the park?
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00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,540
Uh, thank you, but no.
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00:05:02,576 --> 00:05:05,076
It's a beautiful day--
lots of mischief to get into.
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00:05:05,112 --> 00:05:06,344
I don't doubt that,
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00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:08,380
but as you can see,
I'm pretty busy.
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00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:10,849
I'm trying to get
a head start on my taxes.
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00:05:10,884 --> 00:05:13,351
Oh, I see-- trying
to figure out a way
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00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:15,053
to deduct bananas?
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00:05:15,088 --> 00:05:17,822
Ah. 'Cause I eat
bananas. Terrific.
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00:05:17,858 --> 00:05:20,392
Hey, your inside,
so don't wear a hat.
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00:05:20,427 --> 00:05:23,828
Unless you're leaving,
which would be terrific also.
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00:05:32,105 --> 00:05:34,072
What the hell? Hey, you!
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00:05:35,776 --> 00:05:37,409
Step away from that table.
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00:05:37,444 --> 00:05:40,979
Brain fart. Window. Sorry.
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00:05:41,848 --> 00:05:43,048
Hold it right there!
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00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:46,584
I'm warning you!
Hands where I could see 'em.
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00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,727
♪ ♪
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00:05:55,762 --> 00:05:57,262
Cleveland Jr.?!
141
00:05:57,297 --> 00:05:59,764
Mr. Griffin! You shot me!
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00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,533
Oh, my God!
143
00:06:01,568 --> 00:06:03,568
Peter, where are you?
144
00:06:03,603 --> 00:06:08,039
Peter? Okay, I'm starting
The Good Wife without you.
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00:06:08,075 --> 00:06:09,341
Phew! Heh.
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00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:11,176
Unlike you,
I just dodged a bullet.
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00:06:17,401 --> 00:06:21,169
Okay, next is the...
brown family.
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00:06:21,204 --> 00:06:23,638
Oh. Oh, my goodness.
I'm-I'm so sorry.
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00:06:23,772 --> 00:06:25,939
Sometimes I write
descriptions of my patients
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00:06:25,974 --> 00:06:27,407
to help me
remember them.
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00:06:27,443 --> 00:06:30,077
No, it's okay.
Our last name is Brown.
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00:06:30,112 --> 00:06:31,378
Oh, okay. Phew.
153
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:34,214
Ah, then this must be
"Chubster Dumb-Dumb."
154
00:06:35,584 --> 00:06:37,384
I'm sorry, sir. No visitors.
155
00:06:37,419 --> 00:06:40,454
Excuse me, I'll have you know
I'm the shooter!
156
00:06:40,489 --> 00:06:42,022
So, uh, how's he doing?
157
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"How's he doing"?!
How do you think he's doing!
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You shot my son!
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00:06:45,961 --> 00:06:47,427
Look, Cleveland,
I-I'm real sorry.
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00:06:47,463 --> 00:06:50,530
I thought someone was breaking
into your house, and I panicked.
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00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,332
It was dark. I-I...
I don't know why
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00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:53,867
he didn't just say
it was him.
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00:06:53,902 --> 00:06:55,936
I couldn't hear you.
I was listening to music,
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I went to turn it down,
and the next thing I know.
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00:06:58,741 --> 00:07:00,181
you shot me!
166
00:07:00,205 --> 00:07:01,509
Why the hell were you
climbing in the window
167
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:02,909
of your own house
anyway?
168
00:07:02,945 --> 00:07:04,711
My dad says opening the door
169
00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:06,646
lets out too much
air-conditioning.
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00:07:06,682 --> 00:07:08,648
I already have a bullet
in my son,
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00:07:08,684 --> 00:07:10,517
I don't need one
in my wallet.
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00:07:10,552 --> 00:07:13,153
You wouldn't have fired
that gun if he was white!
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00:07:13,188 --> 00:07:14,855
That's not true--
I'll shoot anybody.
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00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,256
Joe, give me
your gun.
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00:07:16,291 --> 00:07:17,657
Here you go...
Hey, wait a second!
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00:07:17,693 --> 00:07:19,659
Look, let's all just calm down.
177
00:07:19,695 --> 00:07:20,761
Calm down?!
178
00:07:20,796 --> 00:07:22,596
I want this racist
out the room,
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00:07:22,631 --> 00:07:24,164
and I want him arrested!
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00:07:24,199 --> 00:07:26,433
Racist? I put these
gloves on for everybody.
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00:07:26,468 --> 00:07:28,135
Oh, oh, you're
talking to him.
182
00:07:28,170 --> 00:07:30,904
Look, the police department has
deemed the shooting accidental.
183
00:07:30,939 --> 00:07:33,540
Given the circumstances,
Peter was within his rights
184
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:34,975
to fire his weapon.
185
00:07:35,010 --> 00:07:38,245
And what about my son's rights
not to be shot?!
186
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,746
Look, Cleveland...
187
00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:41,448
Lat... Latisha?
188
00:07:41,483 --> 00:07:43,316
I thought he had a gun.
189
00:07:43,352 --> 00:07:46,086
I'd never want to do anything
to hurt you or your family.
190
00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:47,154
You're my friend.
191
00:07:47,189 --> 00:07:48,321
I was your friend.
192
00:07:48,357 --> 00:07:49,556
Now, get out of here!
193
00:07:49,591 --> 00:07:51,925
You're nothing but
a worthless bigot!
194
00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:56,930
Wow, I really messed up.
195
00:07:56,965 --> 00:08:00,200
I haven't felt this bad since
I drove by that speed sign.
196
00:08:08,076 --> 00:08:09,609
Aw...
197
00:08:20,088 --> 00:08:22,155
Hey, does anybody know
if Cleveland's coming by?
198
00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:24,558
I was hoping to apologize
and collect his deposit
199
00:08:24,593 --> 00:08:27,394
for the community watch shirts.
I talked to him earlier.
200
00:08:27,429 --> 00:08:30,030
He, uh, he doesn't want
to be anywhere near you.
201
00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:32,332
Hey, look-- they're talking
about the shooting.
202
00:08:32,367 --> 00:08:33,633
Good evening.
Two nights ago
203
00:08:33,669 --> 00:08:36,403
there was a shooting right here
in our own backyard.
204
00:08:36,438 --> 00:08:39,773
The victim: a 14-year-old boy
named Cleveland Brown Jr.
205
00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:42,309
Joining me tonight is
his father, Cleveland Brown.
206
00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:45,412
So that's not really Quahog?
It's just a big picture?
207
00:08:45,447 --> 00:08:48,081
Now, Mr. Brown, I understand
you're trying to get the police
208
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:49,583
to reopen the investigation.
209
00:08:49,618 --> 00:08:51,985
That's right, Tom.
My family and I believe
210
00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:55,355
this shooting was a hate crime,
and we'd like to see Mr. Griffin
211
00:08:55,390 --> 00:08:57,357
held accountable
for his actions.
212
00:08:57,392 --> 00:08:58,959
Hate crime? That's crazy!
213
00:08:58,994 --> 00:09:00,360
I love all people!
214
00:09:00,395 --> 00:09:02,362
I love blacks, I love Asians...
215
00:09:02,397 --> 00:09:04,731
hell, I even love
gay Aborigines.
216
00:09:16,745 --> 00:09:19,212
Wow, this is
just great, Peter.
217
00:09:19,248 --> 00:09:21,448
Everyone in town
hates us now.
218
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:24,150
The cashier at the grocery store
told her to "push on,"
219
00:09:24,186 --> 00:09:25,652
and then
she snapped her fingers,
220
00:09:25,687 --> 00:09:28,822
and now I think she's my new
favorite lady in the world.
221
00:09:28,857 --> 00:09:31,391
I don't understand.
I'm not a racist.
222
00:09:31,426 --> 00:09:33,693
It's well documented
that my dream three-way
223
00:09:33,729 --> 00:09:36,796
is S. Epatha Merkerson
and CCH Pounder.
224
00:09:36,832 --> 00:09:38,265
S., this is CCH.
225
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,633
CCH, this is S.
226
00:09:39,668 --> 00:09:41,868
It is my intention
that we conduct this
227
00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:44,304
with both sexiness
and dignity.
228
00:09:44,339 --> 00:09:46,006
Peter, this is a
hot-button issue.
229
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,074
I mean, you shot an
African-American kid.
230
00:09:48,110 --> 00:09:50,477
Of course this isn't
just gonna go away.
231
00:09:50,512 --> 00:09:53,046
Well, there's got to be something
I can do to make things right.
232
00:09:53,081 --> 00:09:55,582
I'll just have to prove to everybody
that I'm not a racist.
233
00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:57,817
How are you gonna do that?
Well, for starters,
234
00:09:57,853 --> 00:09:59,619
I'm gonna head over
to the YMCA.
235
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:01,488
There's nothing
black guys like more
236
00:10:01,523 --> 00:10:04,724
than out-of-shape
indoor-basketball white guys.
237
00:10:06,395 --> 00:10:09,162
Hey! I'm trying
my best here.
238
00:10:09,197 --> 00:10:11,798
And trying is
what matters most of all.
239
00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:12,966
You're right, Peter.
240
00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:14,701
We need to give
you a chance,
241
00:10:14,736 --> 00:10:16,503
no matter what
color your skin is.
242
00:10:16,538 --> 00:10:18,405
Come on, let's
play some ball.
243
00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:23,209
"...and then Peter and his
new friends went for ice cream."
244
00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:24,844
The end.
245
00:10:26,048 --> 00:10:28,715
Okay, kids, are your parents
out of the room?
246
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:32,953
Good. Let's get back
to Sloppy Floppers magazine.
247
00:10:37,526 --> 00:10:38,992
What are you doing?
248
00:10:39,027 --> 00:10:41,194
Lois, to show I'm in touch
with what it's like
249
00:10:41,229 --> 00:10:43,496
to be African-American,
I am gonna go to the middle
250
00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:46,433
of the town square, get naked
and paint myself brown.
251
00:10:46,468 --> 00:10:48,501
No, no, that's
offensive.
252
00:10:48,537 --> 00:10:50,103
You can't pretend
to be black.
253
00:10:50,138 --> 00:10:51,438
That's a stupid idea.
254
00:10:51,473 --> 00:10:53,206
What?
It's a stupid idea!
255
00:10:53,241 --> 00:10:56,876
You're a stupid man!
A stupid, stupid man!
256
00:10:56,912 --> 00:10:59,713
Ow, you're hurting me!
Stop it, stop it, Lois!
257
00:10:59,748 --> 00:11:02,549
No! I'm so sick
of your crap.
258
00:11:02,584 --> 00:11:04,918
Why do you always
do these stupid things?
259
00:11:04,953 --> 00:11:08,188
And why do you always announce
them to me before you do them?
260
00:11:08,223 --> 00:11:10,757
Are you trying
to get a rise out of me?
261
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:14,361
Are you happy now?
Is this what you want?
262
00:11:14,396 --> 00:11:15,996
Oh, no,
it's not what I want!
263
00:11:16,031 --> 00:11:19,532
It's not what I want.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
264
00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:23,603
It's never been this bad before.
What do we do?
265
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:26,039
What we always do.
266
00:11:26,074 --> 00:11:29,843
I'm in charge of my head--
that much I know!
267
00:11:35,017 --> 00:11:37,017
What the hell
are you doing on my property?
268
00:11:37,052 --> 00:11:39,085
Look, it's time we
bury the hatchet.
269
00:11:39,121 --> 00:11:40,654
So I brought a bottle
of your favorite booze.
270
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,089
Now let's just have a drink
and put this all behind us.
271
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:44,758
I don't want
nothing from you.
272
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:46,559
Well, hold on,
I got something else.
273
00:11:46,595 --> 00:11:48,995
Cigars. We can smoke 'em
together, all happy,
274
00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:51,164
like a bunch of douche bags
outside a wedding.
275
00:11:51,199 --> 00:11:52,465
Peter, get out of here.
276
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,768
I'm never gonna forgive you
for what you did.
277
00:11:54,803 --> 00:11:56,803
Aw, come on.
This'll change your mind.
278
00:11:59,641 --> 00:12:01,641
Oh, my God!
Quick, do something!
279
00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,413
It's not working.
Get rid of it!
280
00:12:14,022 --> 00:12:15,655
Get your family
out of that house!
281
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,490
If they don't leave,
they'll die.
282
00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:19,392
Round up your family
and get out
283
00:12:19,428 --> 00:12:20,527
or you're all
gonna be sorry.
284
00:12:20,562 --> 00:12:22,062
Get out, now!
285
00:12:23,398 --> 00:12:25,432
See, kids, I told you
we'd make friends here.
286
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:28,268
I guess me getting transferred
by the Xerox Corporation
287
00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:30,704
wasn't the worst thing
after all.
288
00:12:38,346 --> 00:12:40,346
Oh, thank God, Joe.
289
00:12:40,382 --> 00:12:42,982
Are you here to give me the
deposit for the shirts?
290
00:12:43,018 --> 00:12:44,951
No, Peter, I'm here to place you
under arrest
291
00:12:44,986 --> 00:12:47,253
for the attempted murder
of Cleveland Junior.
292
00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:49,622
What are you talkin' about?
You know it was an accident.
293
00:12:49,658 --> 00:12:52,225
Yeah, but let's just say,
public opinion has shifted.
294
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,861
And the boys upstairs said
they can no longer ignore it.
295
00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:56,830
Who the hell are
the "boys upstairs?"
296
00:12:56,865 --> 00:12:58,631
I have no idea.
There's no elevator.
297
00:12:58,667 --> 00:12:59,899
But whoever they are,
298
00:12:59,935 --> 00:13:01,801
they're pretty steamed
about this whole thing.
299
00:13:03,105 --> 00:13:04,437
Peter, what-what's
going on?
300
00:13:04,473 --> 00:13:06,039
They're taking me to jail!
301
00:13:06,074 --> 00:13:07,207
Oh, my God!
302
00:13:07,242 --> 00:13:08,541
Don't worry, Dad!
303
00:13:08,577 --> 00:13:11,277
I'll send you a cake
with a file in it!
304
00:13:12,781 --> 00:13:15,648
These are just the owner manuals
for all our kitchen appliances.
305
00:13:15,684 --> 00:13:17,383
Well, guess I finally have time
306
00:13:17,419 --> 00:13:20,019
to learn to reset the clock
on the coffee maker.
307
00:13:20,055 --> 00:13:22,489
He never did.
308
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,908
You're-you're, uh...
309
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,643
you're not gonna
rape me, are you?
310
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,378
Of course I'm not
gonna rape you.
311
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,714
I'm gonna make you
fall in love with me.
312
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,983
Then... we'll
see what happens.
313
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:42,620
Oh, no.
It's already working.
314
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,755
Griffin, you have a visitor.
315
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,757
Carter? What are
you doing here?
316
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,059
Hello, Griffin.
317
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,194
I'd like to talk to you
about these charges
318
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,629
that have been
brought against you.
319
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,631
Why don't we go somewhere
a little more private?
320
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,734
I, uh, guess I'll see you
in a little bit?
321
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,836
It's gonna feel
like an eternity.
322
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:02,607
How is it that I'm only
just now meeting you?
323
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,277
Look, Carter, you
got to believe me.
324
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,846
I didn't shoot Cleveland
Junior because he was black!
325
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,748
Hey, you don't have
to tell me that.
326
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,451
But the media's out there
making you look like a monster,
327
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,354
all for exercising
your constitutional rights.
328
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,688
Grover's a monster.
329
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,857
But don't worry.
We're gonna get you out of this.
330
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,525
I'll be damned
if I'm gonna sit back
331
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,594
and let them do this
to one of my own.
332
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,663
What, you mean your family?
Huh?
333
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,198
Oh, yeah, yeah, that.
Yeah, right.
334
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,000
Look, I'm gonna
bail you out of here,
335
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,535
set you up with my lawyer,
and get these charges dropped.
336
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,803
Well, how you gonna do that?
337
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,538
Don't worry.
I'll come up with a good story,
338
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,773
and they'll eat it up.
339
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,009
Not like when I read
my JAG fan fiction
340
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,578
at the NCIS convention.
341
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,113
"JAG stood up and yelled,
342
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,515
"'Objection, Your Honor,
by Navy law.'
343
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,417
"He then turned
to the lady lawyer,
344
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,486
"the gal from the October Maxim,
345
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,887
"who still managed to be hot
346
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,456
"despite her sexless,
pageboy haircut.
347
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,125
Or perhaps because of it."
348
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,593
Boo!
Terrible!
349
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,896
Right branch of the military,
wrong investigative arm!
350
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,537
And I was trying to
get back into my house,
351
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,907
and my neighbor,
Mr. Griffin, shot me.
352
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,876
He said
he felt threatened by me,
353
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,478
and that hurt even worse
than getting shot!
354
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,080
Aw!
355
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,049
Your Honor, permission
to hug the witness?
356
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,617
Granted.
357
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,621
Don't worry,
Mr. Griffin.
358
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,955
You're every bit
as sympathetic
359
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,791
as this chubby-cheeked
cocoa angel.
360
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,060
I haven't been listening.
What's goin' on?
361
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,761
I don't think it's
lost on any of us
362
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,697
that the laws are
written on white paper.
363
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,166
Yeah, white paper.
Check your jacket pocket.
364
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,335
"I don't think it's
lost on any of us
365
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,236
that the laws are
written on white paper."
366
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,671
Hey, look,
I'm just saying,
367
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:43,307
it's no surprise that
justice isn't colorblind.
368
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,076
Check your other
jacket pocket.
369
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,477
"Hey, look, I'm just saying
370
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,579
it's no surprise that
justice isn't colorblind."
371
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,847
Stewie, you're a jerk!
372
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,282
Check Chris' pocket.
373
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,757
What? There's nothing
in here, and...
374
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,286
Oh, God, the bottom of the
pocket's been cut out!
375
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,554
Thanks, Brian!
376
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,824
I was the mastermind
behind this whole thing!
377
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,759
Your witness.
378
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,327
All right, watch this.
379
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,297
This is where we take control
of the situation.
380
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,666
Mr. Brown, you testified
that you were listening to music
381
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,067
at the time of the shooting.
382
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,268
That's right.
383
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,271
And isn't Jay-Z music?
Yes.
384
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,708
And doesn't he have the lyrics,
"I put the gun to you.
385
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,877
"I'll kill ya, I'll chop ya up,
386
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,646
put ya inside the mattress
like drug money"?
387
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:27,485
I was listening
to Neil Sedaka's Hanukkah album.
388
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,086
And isn't true
that your last name
389
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,821
is the same
as Chris Brown's?
390
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,790
Yes, but I don't see what--
391
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,892
And what did Chris Brown
do to Rihanna?
392
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,461
He hit her, like,
a hundred times.
393
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,363
Your Honor, I'd like
to enter into evidence
394
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,766
this photo of a
badly beaten Rihanna
395
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,435
as well as this print ad
for the Entourage movie.
396
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,470
Why?!
397
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,871
I can't unsee this!
398
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,139
Who is this for?!
399
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,407
What's he doing?
400
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,409
He's making Cleveland Jr.
look like a thug.
401
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,777
I know.
That's the idea.
402
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,912
You don't want to go
back to jail, do you?
403
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:01,619
I don't know.
404
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,354
Maybe.
405
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:06,056
Mr. Brown, please
pick up this knife.
406
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,691
Aah!
He's got a knife!
407
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:19,570
This isn't fair!
408
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,006
They're making my son
look like a common hoodlum!
409
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,441
Joe, you're a cop!
410
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,742
Do something!
411
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,844
No, the soap
covers everything.
412
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,713
You might see, like, the
very top of the crack,
413
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,516
but that's-that's
not what it's about.
414
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,290
How do you sleep
at night?
415
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,525
Propped up on pillows,
on account of my fat throat.
416
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,661
If I lay flat on
my back, I die.
417
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,230
I need pillows
between my thighs myself.
418
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:48,432
And this friendship
is over!
419
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:00,778
Thanks for letting me
sit in the back.
420
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,346
I was flipping people
off the whole way.
421
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,851
Get out of here,
all of you!
422
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,488
My son didn't do
anything wrong!
423
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,794
Carter, I think this has
all kind of gone too far.
424
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,795
What do you think
you're doing?
425
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,097
I'm gonna make this right.
426
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,833
Everyone!
Everyone!
427
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,902
Listen, I have
something to say.
428
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,638
Cleveland Jr. doesn't
deserve any of this.
429
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,940
All those things you heard
about Cleveland Jr. were lies.
430
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,343
He didn't do anything to me.
431
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,612
He's a good kid,
from a good family.
432
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,948
I just got scared,
and I did something stupid.
433
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,224
I swear, it had nothing to do
with the color of his skin,
434
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,454
but... I did shoot him.
435
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:48,192
I deserve to be held
responsible for my actions.
436
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,661
Even if that means
going to jail.
437
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,829
You heard him,
other cops.
438
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,597
Let's take him in.
439
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,065
He doesn't know
our names, does he?
440
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,700
I don't think he does.
441
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:01,605
Wait a minute.
442
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,607
Peter didn't shoot my son.
443
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,175
I did.
444
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,312
Peter was just taking
the blame for me.
445
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:11,048
He's a good friend.
446
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:14,385
Eh, Mr. Brown,
what exactly are you saying?
447
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,420
I'm saying that I,
Cleveland Brown,
448
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:17,888
a black man,
449
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,523
shot Cleveland Brown, Jr.,
450
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,825
another black man.
451
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,630
Wait, wh-where
did everybody go?
452
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,399
You want to make
the media go away?
453
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,168
Just mention
black-on-black crime.
454
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,337
Boy, the world
we live in, huh?
455
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:35,739
Brian, reach into
Meg's pocket.
456
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,141
Go ahead, Brian.
457
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,843
I-I-I don't want to.
458
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,079
Cleveland,
why did you do that?
459
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,182
Peter, since this is about
racism, why don't we take
460
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:49,119
a slow, hands-clasped-behind-
the-back walk together?
461
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,322
Listen, I know you wouldn't
have shot Cleveland Jr.
462
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,257
on account of his race.
463
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:55,225
You shot him because
you're stupid.
464
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,661
That's all
I'm trying to say!
465
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,763
And I know you don't
have hate in your heart.
466
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,299
You were willing to go to jail
for shooting my son.
467
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,535
You took responsibility.
468
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,870
That's what's important.
469
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,239
So... you forgive me?
470
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,408
Of course I do.
471
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,678
Oh, thanks, Cleveland.
472
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,447
Hey, how you
feeling there, champ?
473
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:17,681
I'm good.
474
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,183
Getting better
every day.
475
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,684
Aw, I'm happy
to hear that.
476
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,754
Look, I-I hope
you know I'm sorry.
477
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,556
Hey, these things happen.
478
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:27,458
That's my boy.
479
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,362
Mr. Griffin?
Yeah?
480
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,596
Just so you know,
481
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,531
I'm gonna be coming
for your ass.
482
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,133
Wh-What's that now?
483
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,635
I'm saying it's on!
484
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,637
You ever feel the cool steel
485
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,673
of a switchblade
pressed against your temple?
486
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,943
He Mr. Griffin,
487
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,444
I'm just kidding.
488
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,612
Or am I?
489
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:51,015
You're gonna wonder about that,
you fat bitch.
490
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:51,906
See you later!
491
00:20:51,907 --> 00:20:55,407
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man