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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:08,248
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:11,626
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Guys, sorry I'm late.
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I was watching The Muppet Show
with Stewie.
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light
the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to meet
the Muppets ♪
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♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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What's that from?
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise
the curtain ♪
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♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
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♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
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♪ It's like some kind
of torture ♪
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♪ To have to watch the show ♪
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♪ But now
let's get things started ♪
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♪ Why don't you get
things started? ♪
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♪ It's time
to get things started ♪
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♪ On the most sensational,
inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show.
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(blows sour note)
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Did you guys just
make that up?
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Fellas, I want to introduce you
to my fiancée Rachel.
35
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She's a wonderful woman,
36
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and she's Madeleine Albright's
niece.
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Oh, pleasure
to meet you, Rachel.
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No! If you want
to shake hands,
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put a sheet over that thing.
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I know it's last minute,
but we got a great deal
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at CanceledBarMitzvahs.com,
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and you're all invited
to our wedding this Thursday...
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-I can't go.
-...in New Orleans.
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By myself.
I have to bring my family.
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-I'm in!
-Yes!
-Way in!
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Ah, New Orleans, combining
the luck of Puerto Rico
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with the mosquitoes of Haiti.
48
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(whoops) New Orleans.
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I can't wait to get up
on a balcony
50
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and bust out the twins.
(laughs)
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Did you hear what I said, Meg?
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I said I can't wait
to get up on a balcony
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-and bust out the...
-Yeah, I heard you.
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Feels a little "hoo-mid."
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What, what's that?
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♪
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Oh, every morning
from 7:00 to 10:00
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we serve
a complimentary breakfast.
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Complimentary breakfast?
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Imagine the possibilities.
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♪
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Wow.
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-Can I get you a cup of coffee?
-Coffee?
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Imagine the possibilities.
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♪
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Wow.
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(liquid splashing)
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♪ It's time to swim in coffee ♪
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♪ It's time to flutter kick. ♪
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How did that Muppet song
get in my head?
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light... ♪
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Oh, yeah, it was playing
when we Inception-ed.
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♪
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The bride and groom
have written their own vows.
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PETER:
Oh, no.
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Rachel, I love you.
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And today we merge our lives,
our hearts,
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and our fraudulent
home businesses.
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Mort, may my plantar fasciitis
act like the roots
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for our tree of love.
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We will reshape
our lives together
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just as socks reshape
my calves daily.
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I am so happy to be merging
the napkins in my pockets
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with the napkins
in your pockets.
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Rachel, with you by my side
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there is no Christmas display
that I can't sue the city over.
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I vow to keep you nourished
by filling our home
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with the worst wine in the world
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and preparing potatoes
and applesauce.
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Just like nobody.
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And I vow to adorn our walls
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with only brown art
from the '70s.
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Mort, we're two peas in a pod.
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We just go together.
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You are the plastic covering
to my furniture.
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And you are
the little spit bubble
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in the corner of my mouth.
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Mort, you are my forever person.
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Aw.
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May we continue
to have no respect
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for other drivers on the road
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and view stop signs
as suggestions.
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And, Rachel,
you are my forever person.
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Aw.
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And may my dead ex-wife's
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uncle's Netflix account continue
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to be fruitful to us
for many years to come.
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Mort, do you take Rachel
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to be your wife in sickness
and in sickness?
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I Jew.
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And, Rachel, do you take Mort
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to be your husband
in bad times and bad?
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I Jew, too.
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(applause)
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Stewie, what's
going on with you?
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I just found all that
very moving.
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-Really?
-Yes, I had no idea
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00:05:08,550 --> 00:05:10,216
marriage could be
that beautiful.
120
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There really is somebody
for everybody.
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Even Helen Keller
had her tailor.
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$100, please,
blind and deaf lady!
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(sighs) Always nice coming back
to your own house, huh?
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This isn't your house.
It's my dad's.
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I have a package
for Stewie Griffin.
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-Day just starting or ending?
-Smack dab in the middle.
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Oh, dude. Brutal.
128
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Well, welcome to the back nine.
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I can't believe this worked.
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I'm Stewie.
I'm going to be your husband.
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-Zlata.
-We're such each other's
forever people.
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Brian, I'd like you
to meet my fiancée
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that I ordered from the Ukraine,
the soon-to-be Zlata Griffin.
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Is that--
is there a dead body in there?
135
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Yeah, they send two
in case one dies.
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She was sister.
137
00:06:05,014 --> 00:06:06,773
Looks like her arm
was gnawed off.
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Babe, you don't have
to eat people. We got food.
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Stewie, this is crazy.
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You can't marry that woman.
You don't even know her.
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I know she can disassemble
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and reassemble a rifle
in 15 seconds.
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-How does that matter...
-I know it's adorable
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that she thinks we're gonna see
Whoopi Goldberg
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-everywhere we go.
-Stewie...
146
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I hear Whoopi Goldberg out here?
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00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,393
Z and Bri, my two favorites.
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I-I don't even...
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00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,397
Zlata, what--
why would you marry a baby?
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In my country,
everyone I know blows up.
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She wanted to leave,
I had 200 bucks.
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Boom, we're each other's
forever people.
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Are there any more options
for breakfast, Mom?
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Bread without whole walnuts
in it? Yuck.
155
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,363
What's going on with you two?
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Well, it's just,
hotel living got us accustomed
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00:06:57,826 --> 00:06:59,751
to having multiple
breakfast options.
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Yeah, we're like when astronauts
come back from space
159
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,874
and can't fit back in with
society, but with breakfasts.
160
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:08,927
Well, I'd advise you space
cadets to come back to Earth,
161
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because I'm only
making one thing.
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(laughs): Okay.
Meg, did you hear what I said?
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00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:16,050
I said I'd advise
you space cadets to come back
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-to Earth because...
-Yeah, I heard you!
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(shatters)
166
00:07:18,847 --> 00:07:21,723
You know, there is
a Best Western in Quahog.
167
00:07:21,799 --> 00:07:24,359
Well, yeah, but don't we need
a room key to get breakfast?
168
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You mean like this one?
169
00:07:27,522 --> 00:07:29,355
Oh, you dog.
170
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Grab your coat,
we're going to the Best Western.
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I don't need my coat; it's hot.
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Get your (bleep) coat now!
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That's the gatekeeper.
174
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We just show her the key
and we get free food.
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Yep, just keep it simple.
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Now, if asked,
we're brothers from Sweden,
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same mom, different dad.
178
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,304
Well, shouldn't it be same dad,
179
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:53,180
-different mom?
-No, no, no.
180
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,715
The Swedes have a very long
fertility window, Chris.
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00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:58,384
Trust me on this.
Remember, big accent.
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00:07:58,461 --> 00:08:01,480
Hey, guys, FYI, breakfast
is closing in five minutes.
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00:08:01,556 --> 00:08:03,389
BOTH:
Ja.
184
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,434
We're doing it, Chris.
Our cover story is working.
185
00:08:06,511 --> 00:08:08,653
I'm looking
for a pair of half brothers
186
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:11,314
with different fathers
from Finland.
187
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BOTH:
Haloo?
188
00:08:13,142 --> 00:08:14,984
-(man groans)
-(thudding)
189
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,495
It's done.
190
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,331
This is why Sweden, Chris.
191
00:08:19,407 --> 00:08:22,283
-Never Finland.
-I'll never doubt you again.
192
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,327
Good. Now grab a yogurt
that's way smaller
193
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,162
than you knew they made yogurts.
194
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,289
And you grab an orange juice
that doesn't taste
195
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:30,583
like orange juice,
but like someone described
196
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,428
the taste of orange juice
to an alien.
197
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:45,690
-I better get going.
-Have good day at work, husband.
198
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:48,485
Mwah. Babe,
you're too good to me.
199
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,439
I just left
my car in stall four.
200
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:55,700
-Perfect. I can
take it from here.
-Okay, great.
201
00:08:55,777 --> 00:08:57,869
And I apologize,
but my son threw up in the back.
202
00:08:57,946 --> 00:08:59,988
Okay, it's no problem,
we can clean that up for you.
203
00:09:00,064 --> 00:09:02,615
Thanks, you're the best.
204
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:06,995
Hey, Levi, we got a backseat
vomit in the maroon PT Cruiser.
205
00:09:07,071 --> 00:09:09,455
Levi?
206
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:14,043
Levi? Levi?
207
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,471
(sighs)
208
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,596
Hey, uh, so, I'm really sorry,
but I-I threw up
209
00:09:24,672 --> 00:09:26,472
-all over the front seat.
-Not a problem.
210
00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:28,057
Thanks, man. Late for a flight.
211
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,518
Levi?
212
00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:33,613
Levi? Levi?
213
00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:46,409
(gags)
214
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,129
Hey, I accidentally barfed
in my car.
215
00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:50,538
They told me
I could leave it here?
216
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:52,415
-Yeah. I'll clean it.
-Thanks.
217
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,709
I got to catch my flight.
218
00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:56,052
♪
219
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:05,562
Levi? Levi?
220
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,020
Uh, this one looks good.
The, uh, second cheapest one.
221
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:16,281
I'd actually recommend
that first Cab there.
222
00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,566
-Sound good.
-I love Cab.
223
00:10:18,643 --> 00:10:20,360
That second cheapest
one sounds great, too.
224
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:21,944
We'll take that one.
225
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,238
Indulge me
in one more work story?
226
00:10:24,315 --> 00:10:26,908
So, last week I put
this nice family in a Sonata.
227
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:28,793
Those are supposed
to be great cars.
228
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:30,244
(chuckles):
Actually, uh, yeah...
229
00:10:30,321 --> 00:10:32,297
They're-they're not great.
They're okay.
230
00:10:32,374 --> 00:10:34,749
Anyway, he says he'll fill the
car up before he brings it back.
231
00:10:34,826 --> 00:10:36,709
He opts out of buying our gas.
232
00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:40,138
Which is, like, ten percent
of less than anywhere in town.
233
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:41,464
That's right, babe.
234
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,590
But that's his prerogative,
as Mitch says.
235
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:43,925
Mitch is my manager.
236
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:45,426
So, fast-forward
to this morning.
237
00:10:45,503 --> 00:10:47,812
I get the car back,
I check the tank.
238
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:50,598
Three-quarters full.
Quahog, we have a problem.
239
00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:53,818
(laughs)
Stewie, you're so funny.
240
00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:54,936
It's from a movie.
241
00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:57,146
Anyway, that's a 150% markup.
242
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,823
Turns out he was late
for a flight and figured
243
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,492
it's worth it to eat
the nine bucks.
244
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:03,995
So, yeah, a Wednesday
I won't soon be forgetting.
245
00:11:04,072 --> 00:11:07,248
-One check fine?
-$15 on this,
the rest on theirs.
246
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,837
-I like them.
-Hmm?
247
00:11:12,914 --> 00:11:15,164
Aaron and Shauna.
They're nice. I like them.
248
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,333
-Yeah.
-It's comfortable
going out with people
249
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,128
in the same socioeconomic class
as us, you know?
250
00:11:20,204 --> 00:11:21,846
I mean, I love the Burtons,
but I don't really like
251
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,965
to go to dinner parties
in apartments.
252
00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:27,009
Apartment no worse
than room in house.
253
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,345
You're having a lot
of those tonight.
254
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,931
I think there's
a new This Is Us.
255
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:34,100
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
256
00:11:34,177 --> 00:11:35,643
Babe, no. Our show.
257
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,404
(grunting)
258
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:40,940
What's Kate up to this week?
259
00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,525
Losing weight with Toby maybe?
260
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,528
Why you not have sex with me?
261
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,321
No, I know. I totally want to.
262
00:11:47,398 --> 00:11:49,449
It's just,
it's our show, you know?
263
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:50,825
We watch show later.
264
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:52,869
Uh, and we sleep... when?
265
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,496
Uh, th-there's just
only so many hours in the day.
266
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:57,123
-You know?
-No more putting off.
267
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,375
Sex now.
268
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,211
Wait, wait, wait.
Black man in glasses?
269
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,505
Yes, yes.
It's a Sterling Brown episode.
270
00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:07,559
I like Black man in glasses.
271
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:13,389
Okay, now we don't have
a room key for this hotel,
272
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,557
so follow my lead.
273
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,517
They didn't even ask
at the last place.
274
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,394
Yeah, but we had one
and we carried ourselves
275
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,481
-with key card confidence.
-So, what's the plan?
276
00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:23,524
-Let's try hello.
-Got it.
277
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,909
Good morning,
how may I help you?
278
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:26,578
Hello...
279
00:12:26,654 --> 00:12:28,905
Good morning,
I'm staying here with my son,
280
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,365
the Guinness record holder
for longest hello.
281
00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:33,493
We were just wondering,
where's your breakfast buffet?
282
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:36,412
-Just through those doors.
-Thank you.
283
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,998
...o...
284
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:42,043
-What is it?
-Nothing, it's just...
285
00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:45,755
(chuckles)
...this job is so cool.
286
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,766
♪
287
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,714
♪
288
00:13:38,676 --> 00:13:41,435
My God, Chris, look.
289
00:13:41,512 --> 00:13:44,605
The crown jewel
of hotel breakfasts.
290
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:47,275
The Suites. At The Point.
291
00:13:47,351 --> 00:13:48,326
At The Quahog.
292
00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,443
At The Harbor.
293
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:50,820
At The Promenade.
294
00:13:50,855 --> 00:13:52,163
At the goofy squirrel.
295
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,614
I'm not a part of the sign.
296
00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:57,243
But I am a little nutty.
(laughs)
297
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,996
-That's our next target.
-I don't like it.
298
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,748
I hear that breakfast buffet
is like Fort Knox.
299
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,417
I'll figure out a way in.
300
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:07,420
After all, I snuck into
Bryan Singer's birthday party.
301
00:14:07,496 --> 00:14:08,504
(dance music playing)
302
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,006
Excuse me, how old are you?
303
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,008
Not of legal age
anywhere in the world.
304
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,801
Have fun, tell whoever you want.
305
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:16,229
Weirdly, no one
cares about this.
306
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,526
(knocking on door)
307
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:24,478
Hey. Is Stewie around?
308
00:14:24,555 --> 00:14:27,532
-No, he's still at work.
-Cool. Cool.
309
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:29,483
Uh, can you just let him
know I stopped by?
310
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,611
You can stay and wait for him.
311
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:33,872
Yeah, no, I'm just--
I'm just late for my thing.
312
00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:35,948
I hear you are famous writer.
313
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,876
I want to talk your book.
314
00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:41,329
I have Dasani water bottle
full of Rite Aid vodka.
315
00:14:41,405 --> 00:14:42,755
I could chat for a second.
316
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:49,596
Every damn Wednesday.
317
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,966
Sorry I'm so late, babe.
Levi no-showed again...
318
00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:55,009
(glass shatters)
319
00:14:55,086 --> 00:14:56,844
Uh, hey, Stewie.
320
00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:58,387
Brian? What the hell?
321
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,514
That's my wife, man.
Get off her.
322
00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:03,234
-Stewie, wait, I-I can explain.
-What's there to explain, Brian?
323
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:05,561
-You...
-(phone ringing, vibrating)
324
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:09,023
Hello?
Levi, where you been, man?
325
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,566
Look, I already gave you
a verbal warning,
326
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,735
so I'm gonna have
to write you up.
327
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,246
Levi, don't call me that.
Don't-don't use that word.
328
00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:16,989
Stop-stop using that word.
329
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:18,407
I already warned you
about calling me that
330
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,242
at the last staff meeting.
331
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,244
Okay, now that's strike two,
Levi.
332
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,205
I can, too, give strikes.
333
00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:27,416
Mitch said I can give strikes.
Don't call Mitch that.
334
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,126
Listen, I can't talk
about this right now.
335
00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:31,253
My dog is banging my wife.
336
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,089
I'm not gonna write him up.
He's the only one strong enough
337
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,432
to change the water jugs.
338
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:41,555
Look, Stewie, I'm sorry.
339
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:43,432
I honestly didn't think
you'd care.
340
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,393
It's not like
you're having sex with her.
341
00:15:45,469 --> 00:15:48,437
I know, right? Once they say
"I do," they don't.
342
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,272
Stewie, don't be mad.
343
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,399
Don't be mad?
344
00:15:51,475 --> 00:15:53,067
I'm driving all over New England
345
00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:54,902
picking up rigs
and scrubbing upholstery
346
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,946
so I can take you
to nice places,
347
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,448
and you're in bed with my friend
pitching woo?
348
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,460
I'll show you what happens
to guys who touch my wife
349
00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:05,287
with this Mike Moustakas
signature bat.
350
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,039
Geez, they're getting
rather loosey-goosey
351
00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:08,624
with signature bats.
352
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,876
(yelling)
353
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,586
Stewie play ball?
354
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:14,630
-Stewie, wait.
-(laughs): Aw.
355
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:18,050
A boy and his dog.
356
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:20,052
You play doctor
with my wife, Bri?
357
00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:22,138
You show her yours?
358
00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:23,556
She show you hers?
359
00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:25,224
Those are private parts.
360
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:27,893
We don't touch private parts.
361
00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,488
Did you kiss butts?
Did you, Bri?
362
00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:33,992
I kiss butts with a lot of
people, but, Stewie, I'm sorry.
363
00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:35,994
I guess I just got
carried away in the moment.
364
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:40,281
Well, I'm getting
a little carried away right now.
365
00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:42,616
Bad one to miss on right there.
366
00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:45,837
Do I even need to ask,
have you had your cooties shot?
367
00:16:45,913 --> 00:16:48,006
-Stewie, come on.
-Just answer me, man.
368
00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:53,169
Circle, circle, dot, dot,
now I've got the cooties shot.
369
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,421
You can't get it here.
370
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:58,725
(crying):
It has to be at school.
371
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,306
Well, Dad, we did it.
372
00:17:05,382 --> 00:17:07,183
We sure did, Chris.
373
00:17:07,218 --> 00:17:09,569
What did we do again?
374
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,619
-He passed him a note.
-What's it say?
375
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,542
Okay, it's okay.
Just let them keep talking.
376
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,219
He'll mess up--
why is he getting up?
377
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,055
Why is he getting up?
378
00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:39,015
He's on the move.
379
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:42,393
♪
380
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,222
-What do you got?
-I got nothing.
381
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,140
Are you kidding me?
382
00:17:48,217 --> 00:17:50,226
(wheels squeaking)
383
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,312
CHRIS:
They never did catch my dad,
384
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:56,524
but I wasn't so lucky.
385
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,243
GUARD:
That's breakfast, ladies.
386
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,906
I was sentenced to 12 to 15
years for hotel breakfast crim.
387
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,460
But I wouldn't snitch
on the old man.
388
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:09,712
PETER:
Hey, give me that oatmeal.
389
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,415
♪
390
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,334
In the end,
Dad figured out a way
391
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,428
we could keep
eating breakfast together.
392
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:20,005
We just had to kill
a guard or two.
393
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,174
Actually, we had
to kill a bunch of guards.
394
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:23,592
It was bad.
395
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,511
It became a so-so
Netflix documentary
396
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:27,605
that Mort and Rachel
were able to watch
397
00:18:27,682 --> 00:18:30,525
with his dead wife's
uncle's password.
398
00:18:35,857 --> 00:18:38,190
Why always we come only here?
399
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,943
(chuckles) Babe,
when-when you find gold,
400
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,529
you don't then, like,
go looking for silver.
401
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:45,289
Stewie, why are we here?
402
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:47,074
Look, Brian,
you're my best friend.
403
00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:49,410
Zlata, you're my wife.
404
00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:51,453
Mistakes have been made,
but we need to move forward.
405
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,373
-We all agree on that?
-So, you forgive me?
406
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,375
Well, I've been thinking
about this situation,
407
00:18:56,452 --> 00:18:58,377
and I have a proposal for you.
408
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,130
I want you to sleep
with my wife again.
409
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:01,848
What?
410
00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:05,551
I want you to have
no-ties sex with my wife.
411
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:07,887
But that's it.
If you think for one second
412
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,306
that you're gonna take her
to a museum, think again.
413
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,151
-You blew that chance.
-Um...
414
00:19:13,227 --> 00:19:15,936
I'm talking like, right when
you're done boning, you're gone.
415
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,655
Stew Man comes in
for the cuddles.
416
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:19,940
Stew Man cleans up wet spots.
417
00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:22,443
You don't get to do that.
Not after what you did.
418
00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:24,829
Uh, I'm-I'm a little confused.
419
00:19:24,906 --> 00:19:27,498
Look, together we're kind of
the perfect husband.
420
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:30,534
While you're banging her,
I'm walking with a shoebox
421
00:19:30,611 --> 00:19:32,620
full of our receipts
to H&R Block.
422
00:19:32,696 --> 00:19:35,956
So, y-you just want
the crappy parts of marriage?
423
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,000
My friend, we have
a very different idea
424
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,293
of what that is.
425
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,512
And I'm serious,
if I catch you pulling
426
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,965
one hair tie from her jeans
pocket before you do laundry,
427
00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:46,684
I'll break your arm, man.
428
00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:49,178
Okay, Stewie, I-I guess I'm in.
429
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,013
-Just one thing.
-What's that?
430
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,523
I'm gonna need
some more breadsticks.
431
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,476
(all laughing)
432
00:19:55,552 --> 00:19:57,353
ANNOUNCER:
Macaroni Grill.
433
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,071
Come arrange your cuckolding
agreement here.
434
00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:07,205
Hey, Stewie, where's Zlata?
435
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,447
It's over. She left.
436
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:10,241
I'm boxing up her underwear.
437
00:20:10,317 --> 00:20:11,876
She would just take them off
438
00:20:11,953 --> 00:20:13,535
and kick them into the corner
of the room.
439
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,547
-Hey, Stewie.
-Hey, Doug.
440
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:18,540
Oh, I heard about Splitsville.
441
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,885
Uh, that's why I prefer
the bachelor life:
442
00:20:20,962 --> 00:20:22,711
just me, my big wheel,
443
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,964
and the doll
I draw private parts on.
444
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,382
I hear you.
445
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,550
I like to put rocks
in cups, Stewie.
446
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,887
You can't really do that with
some gnat buzzing in your ear.
447
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,397
Do you shake the cup?
448
00:20:33,474 --> 00:20:36,734
Not sure what else you do
with rocks in a cup.
449
00:20:38,721 --> 00:20:41,239
God, he's so (bleep) cool.
I hate it.
450
00:20:41,315 --> 00:20:44,400
Well, there's only one thing
left for me to do.
451
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,152
-You can take this job and...
-ALL: Surprise!
452
00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:50,489
Me? Yes, yes. Thank you.
453
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:53,909
(crying): You don't know
how much I needed this today.
454
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,419
You're all right, Griffin.
455
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:57,705
-Levi...
-For a (bleep).
456
00:20:57,781 --> 00:20:59,632
Stop using that word.