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00:00:00,694 --> 00:00:03,763
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,831 --> 00:00:07,167
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:10,286
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,371 --> 00:00:13,273
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,840
♪ Family Guy 9x16 ♪
Brothers & Sisters
Original Air Date on April 17, 2011
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00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:33,841
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:33,915 --> 00:00:37,918
We now return to a later-season
episode of Family Ties.
13
00:00:37,986 --> 00:00:41,422
Elise, have you noticed how
puberty has changed Jennifer?
14
00:00:41,489 --> 00:00:43,891
Shh! Keep
your voice down.
15
00:00:43,959 --> 00:00:46,160
I have a date
with my boyfriend.
16
00:00:46,228 --> 00:00:48,529
Well, uh,
have fun.
17
00:00:48,597 --> 00:00:50,064
You are to gather
grapes for wine
18
00:00:50,131 --> 00:00:52,049
and prepare victuals
for my return.
19
00:00:56,238 --> 00:00:57,271
Griffin residence.
20
00:00:57,339 --> 00:00:58,973
Oh, hi, Peter.
21
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,774
Who is this? How do
you know my name?
22
00:01:00,842 --> 00:01:02,142
Give me back my son!
23
00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,845
Peter, it's Carol,
your sister-in-law.
24
00:01:04,913 --> 00:01:06,480
Carol, how the
hell are you?
25
00:01:06,548 --> 00:01:09,216
Not too good.
Jason left me.
26
00:01:09,284 --> 00:01:11,685
It's going
to be my ninth divorce.
27
00:01:11,753 --> 00:01:13,187
Oh, you know,
just hanging out.
28
00:01:13,255 --> 00:01:14,371
Peter, give me the phone.
29
00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:16,774
Carol, hi.
What's up?
30
00:01:16,841 --> 00:01:19,093
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
31
00:01:19,144 --> 00:01:22,213
Well, you know, Carol sweetie,
we are always here for you.
32
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,431
Boy, Carol's lucky
to have a sister like Lois.
33
00:01:24,499 --> 00:01:25,633
You're telling me.
34
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,201
I always wanted a
brother or sister,
35
00:01:27,269 --> 00:01:28,852
but instead I
got a bro-ster.
36
00:01:28,937 --> 00:01:31,889
Hey, Peter, you want
to see my peginas?
37
00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:35,593
Uh... I-I...
I don't know.
38
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:40,898
I'm just saying
that if you read somewhere
39
00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:42,616
that Gwen Stefani
was a grandmother,
40
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,535
you might not even bat an eye.
41
00:01:44,619 --> 00:01:46,036
What the devil?
What's going on?
42
00:01:46,121 --> 00:01:47,671
Oh, I'm sorry, Stewie.
43
00:01:47,739 --> 00:01:49,590
Your Aunt Carol's going
to be staying with us
44
00:01:49,658 --> 00:01:51,675
for a little while, so she's
going to need your room.
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00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,310
Who the hell
do you think you are?
46
00:01:53,378 --> 00:01:54,561
Stop it this instant!
47
00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:56,046
We're not going
to fit through there.
48
00:01:56,131 --> 00:01:58,515
Only circles can fit through
that rectangular doorway.
49
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,684
Oh, my God,
it's going right through.
50
00:02:00,769 --> 00:02:02,736
I-I-I got to get better
at shapes.
51
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:06,790
Hey, Stewie. You going to
sleep in here with us?
52
00:02:06,858 --> 00:02:08,659
Is this how you spend
your free time, fat-ass?
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00:02:08,727 --> 00:02:10,978
Lying half-naked
on a bed in black socks
54
00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:12,379
at 11:30
in the morning?
55
00:02:12,447 --> 00:02:14,681
You want to play
with one of Daddy's socks?
56
00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:16,233
What... do I want to...
No, what...
57
00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,085
No, what... what an odd request.
58
00:02:18,153 --> 00:02:20,387
Ah, the first one's always hard.
59
00:02:20,455 --> 00:02:22,373
There we go.
60
00:02:22,457 --> 00:02:24,792
The second one's easier,
'cause... toes.
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00:02:24,859 --> 00:02:26,076
Ah, come on, fella.
62
00:02:26,978 --> 00:02:28,746
That's it.
63
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:31,649
There you go.
64
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,617
Create an adventure
with that.
65
00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:40,441
Carol, you're here.
66
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:41,875
Hi, Lois.
67
00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:44,144
Oh, it's so wonderful
to see you.
68
00:02:44,212 --> 00:02:45,779
Hey, need some help
with those bags?
69
00:02:45,847 --> 00:02:47,965
Ooh, well, yes.
Thank you so much.
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00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:50,884
Oh, it's my pleasure, Lois's
recently divorced sister.
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00:02:50,952 --> 00:02:52,553
When I heard you
were coming to town,
72
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,954
I figured I should
introduce myself.
73
00:02:54,022 --> 00:02:55,422
How you doing?
74
00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:57,591
Well, not so good.
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00:02:57,659 --> 00:02:59,560
You may have heard
that my husband left me.
76
00:02:59,627 --> 00:03:01,412
Oh, I'm so depressed.
77
00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:04,848
I mean, it can't always be
my fault, right? Uh-huh.
78
00:03:04,916 --> 00:03:06,984
You know, at first I thought
what I needed Uh-huh.
79
00:03:07,052 --> 00:03:09,653
was the immediate loving physical
touch of a new man. Uh-huh, yeah.
80
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,256
But now I know what I
really need is a friend
81
00:03:12,324 --> 00:03:14,892
to just sit and listen to my problems.
Mm-hmm, uh-huh, uh-huh.
82
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:16,927
I don't think that's too much to ask.
No, uh...
83
00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:20,497
I mean, how come men always feel
like they can just use a woman?
84
00:03:20,565 --> 00:03:21,598
You know?
Yeah.
85
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:23,200
I mean, we have feelings.
Uh-huh.
86
00:03:23,268 --> 00:03:24,902
We're people.
Uh-huh, right.
87
00:03:24,969 --> 00:03:27,104
It's like they all have the same mindset.
Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
88
00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:29,640
It's all about sex, sex, sex.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
89
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:32,726
And there's so much
more to life than that.
90
00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:35,529
20 feet that way, please.
91
00:03:38,266 --> 00:03:40,634
Oh, it's so great
to see you kids.
92
00:03:40,702 --> 00:03:43,270
Here. I brought you
all gifts from Texas.
93
00:03:43,338 --> 00:03:46,507
Meg, this is a bar of soap
with a scorpion in it.
94
00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:49,777
Stewie, this is a lollipop
with a desert spider in it.
95
00:03:49,844 --> 00:03:53,613
And Chris, this is a comb
made out of an armadillo shell.
96
00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:55,766
Now, just don't use it
to comb your hair
97
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,135
and make promises
to women you won't keep.
98
00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,837
I probably just won't use it.
99
00:03:59,904 --> 00:04:01,538
Well, if you all
don't mind,
100
00:04:01,606 --> 00:04:03,340
I'm going to freshen up
before dinner.
101
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,578
Mom, she's so sad
and lonely.
102
00:04:07,645 --> 00:04:09,046
Look who the
's talking.
103
00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:10,514
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
104
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,549
It-it's just that
she's my sister.
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00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:14,451
No wonder her husbands
all left her.
106
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:16,120
Well, that's what
her problem is.
107
00:04:16,187 --> 00:04:18,856
She has such low self-esteem
that every time a man shows her
108
00:04:18,923 --> 00:04:20,657
the slightest glimmer
of attention,
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00:04:20,725 --> 00:04:22,459
she rushes
into something serious
110
00:04:22,527 --> 00:04:24,928
and gets her heart broken
like a teenage girl.
111
00:04:24,996 --> 00:04:27,164
Hey, Tyler.
You on your way to algebra?
112
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:28,449
Yeah, I'll
see you there.
113
00:04:34,122 --> 00:04:37,341
You're awful!
114
00:04:37,425 --> 00:04:39,993
The preceding joke
was brought to you by: Men.
115
00:04:40,061 --> 00:04:41,812
♪ Men ♪
116
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,114
♪ We don't know what we did. ♪
117
00:04:47,485 --> 00:04:50,220
Lois, thanks again for
letting me stay here.
118
00:04:50,288 --> 00:04:51,855
You can't imagine
how it feels
119
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:54,224
to have your heart
broken so many times.
120
00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:57,494
Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd
make a great Florida whore.
121
00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:58,896
What does that mean?
122
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:04,551
Oh, Chris, I said that
about Kate Hudson.
123
00:05:04,619 --> 00:05:07,237
You know, I always thought
I'd be a good Florida whore.
124
00:05:07,322 --> 00:05:11,892
Thanks to you, my hair stays
like this when we stop.
125
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,448
Mayor West? What are
you doing here?
126
00:05:17,515 --> 00:05:18,949
I'm being a rascal
127
00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:21,919
and ringing people's doorbells
and running away.
128
00:05:21,986 --> 00:05:23,620
Then, what are you
still doing here?
129
00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:26,657
It's my first house.
I'm not very good at this.
130
00:05:26,724 --> 00:05:28,058
Hello.
131
00:05:28,126 --> 00:05:30,727
Well, dot dot dot,
hello.
132
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:32,563
Lois, aren't you
going to introduce me
133
00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:33,764
to your handsome
friend?
134
00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:34,998
Handsome?
135
00:05:36,434 --> 00:05:37,584
Wow!
136
00:05:37,652 --> 00:05:39,386
Oh, uh, sure.
137
00:05:39,454 --> 00:05:42,322
Carol, this is our
town's mayor, Adam West.
138
00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:44,324
Mayor West,
this is my sister Carol.
139
00:05:44,392 --> 00:05:48,095
Well, hubba-hubba ding-ding,
who invented this thing?
140
00:05:50,331 --> 00:05:52,366
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
141
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:55,736
Only the ones I'm about to ask
to Friendly's for a Fribble.
142
00:05:55,803 --> 00:05:58,772
Well, I don't really have
any plans this afternoon.
143
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,391
Uh, Carol, given
your present situation,
144
00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:02,926
it's possible
that dating
145
00:06:02,994 --> 00:06:05,362
might not be such
a good idea right now.
146
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,265
Actually, Lois, I think
it's exactly what I need.
147
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:10,234
Hooray, it's a date!
148
00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:13,170
But we mustn't let
the local nobleman find out.
149
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:16,373
Otherwise, he'll assert
his right of prima noctus.
150
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:17,824
Oh, no,
we're too late.
151
00:06:17,892 --> 00:06:20,727
Ah! I must bless this coupling
with my soggy English penis.
152
00:06:20,795 --> 00:06:23,947
Oh, no!
153
00:06:24,032 --> 00:06:26,650
Come hither, that I may
sire thee a dreary Brit!
154
00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:33,707
You ever wonder what
a seagull tastes like?
155
00:06:33,774 --> 00:06:35,942
You know,
I actually have.
156
00:06:35,994 --> 00:06:38,078
I used to wonder,
but now I know.
157
00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:39,413
And it's not good.
158
00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:40,947
It's great!
159
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:43,500
Wow, Adam. I just
have to tell you,
160
00:06:43,585 --> 00:06:45,802
I'm... I'm having
a terrific time.
161
00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:48,555
Me, too, Carol.
That was a great idea you had,
162
00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:50,624
about walking parallel
to the water.
163
00:06:50,675 --> 00:06:52,726
It makes for a longer walk.
164
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:56,296
See? We're already making
each other better people.
165
00:06:56,347 --> 00:07:00,367
Carol, I want to make this
a night you'll never forget.
166
00:07:03,638 --> 00:07:05,872
Oh, my.
Right?
167
00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:23,790
Oh, by the way, I should
tell you I've got AIDS.
168
00:07:23,858 --> 00:07:26,393
What? Yeah, they're right
over there waiting for me.
169
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:28,262
Ready to go when you are, sir!
170
00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:30,631
Poor guys. They
both have AIDS.
171
00:07:30,682 --> 00:07:32,783
Not okay!
172
00:07:39,791 --> 00:07:42,259
Now let's hear
your fake laugh.
173
00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:43,727
How was your
date, you guys?
174
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:46,146
Oh, Lois, it
was wonderful.
175
00:07:46,214 --> 00:07:47,648
I wish it didn't
have to end.
176
00:07:47,715 --> 00:07:49,232
Well, it's not over yet.
177
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,517
What do you mean?
178
00:07:50,568 --> 00:07:53,220
You're right, Carol.
It was a wonderful date.
179
00:07:53,288 --> 00:07:55,222
And I want to have
a million more,
180
00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:58,158
every night of the week
for the rest of my life.
181
00:07:59,811 --> 00:08:01,144
Carol Yastrzemski--
182
00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:03,480
oh, please, let that
be your last name--
183
00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:05,449
will you marry me?
184
00:08:05,516 --> 00:08:07,184
What?
Oh, Adam.
185
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:09,586
Yes, yes!
Adam, I will!
186
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:11,104
Carol, what are
you doing?
187
00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:12,539
Are you crazy?
188
00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:13,840
You can't just jump
right back into...
189
00:08:13,908 --> 00:08:15,809
Lois, this is my life.
190
00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:17,477
And this is what I want.
191
00:08:17,545 --> 00:08:19,997
I will marry you,
Mayor Adam West!
192
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:21,398
Oh, great!
193
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:24,201
I can't wait to tell
the gals at my singles group.
194
00:08:24,268 --> 00:08:27,137
Ah, come on. This is
the goal, isn't it?
195
00:08:31,159 --> 00:08:32,859
Carol, I'm really not sure
196
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,028
you should be rushing into
another marriage right now.
197
00:08:35,126 --> 00:08:37,494
Well, Lois, I
appreciate your input,
198
00:08:37,562 --> 00:08:39,796
but I'm capable of
making my own decisions.
199
00:08:39,864 --> 00:08:41,181
Are you sure?
200
00:08:41,249 --> 00:08:42,616
I mean, look
at your track record.
201
00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:44,084
Nine divorces.
202
00:08:44,152 --> 00:08:45,852
Do you really enjoy being
203
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,121
Carol Pewterschmidt-Johnson-
Carrington-Stone-O'Craggity-
204
00:08:48,189 --> 00:08:51,191
Canseco-Shteinholtz-
Washington-Proudfoot-Fong?
205
00:08:51,259 --> 00:08:53,593
Look, I know I have a bit
of a checkered past,
206
00:08:53,661 --> 00:08:56,263
but I believe in
love at first sight.
207
00:08:56,314 --> 00:08:58,715
Hey, Lois, I didn't flush.
I want you to come see it.
208
00:08:58,783 --> 00:08:59,950
Looks like the
Starbucks mermaid.
209
00:09:00,018 --> 00:09:02,219
Peter, Carol
is marrying Mayor West.
210
00:09:02,286 --> 00:09:03,220
You serious?
211
00:09:03,287 --> 00:09:04,788
That's right, Peter.
212
00:09:04,856 --> 00:09:07,124
Say hello to your
future brother-in-law.
213
00:09:07,191 --> 00:09:08,592
Brother?
214
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,193
I don't know those other
two words, but brother?
215
00:09:10,261 --> 00:09:11,728
I'm going to have a brother?
216
00:09:11,796 --> 00:09:14,097
Well, what we're discussing
is whether or not marriage
217
00:09:14,165 --> 00:09:17,067
is a smart move for Carol
at this point in time.
218
00:09:17,135 --> 00:09:19,369
I was hoping you might
be able to weigh in.
219
00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:20,937
I'm going to have a brother!
220
00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:22,889
Hey Adam, want to
go get in a fight
221
00:09:22,957 --> 00:09:25,042
over the rules of a
game we made up? Yep!
222
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,594
Five points. I win.
223
00:09:27,662 --> 00:09:29,429
That's not fair.
You weren't touching the bush.
224
00:09:29,497 --> 00:09:32,632
I was too touching the bush...
Oh, cool, this rock has mica.
225
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,900
Let me see!
226
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,369
Don't touch it.
It's worth money!
227
00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:38,972
I didn't know
you rode bikes.
228
00:09:39,023 --> 00:09:40,807
I didn't know
you rode bikes.
229
00:09:40,858 --> 00:09:42,225
Let's go butts-up
and fast.
230
00:09:44,195 --> 00:09:45,979
Oh, no!
Patch of sand.
231
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:52,519
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
232
00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:55,122
I'm fine. Let's just
keep riding bikes.
233
00:09:55,189 --> 00:09:56,973
Are you sure? That was
a wicked wipeout.
234
00:09:57,041 --> 00:10:00,293
I'm fine. Can we just keep
riding bikes, please?
235
00:10:04,098 --> 00:10:06,099
Thanks for coming
to dinner, Lois.
236
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:08,268
I know you have mixed
feelings about this.
237
00:10:08,336 --> 00:10:09,836
I was worried
you'd say no.
238
00:10:09,904 --> 00:10:13,140
Actually, I was worried you'd
say "Beetlejuice" three times.
239
00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:15,375
'Cause if you say
"Beetlejuice" three times,
240
00:10:15,443 --> 00:10:16,543
then Beetle...
241
00:10:16,611 --> 00:10:19,179
Oh, that was a close call.
242
00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:20,547
Oh, Carol.
243
00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:23,417
I would never miss any
of your meet-the-fiancé dinners.
244
00:10:23,484 --> 00:10:25,018
This is the tenth one.
245
00:10:25,086 --> 00:10:26,653
Oh, Lois.
246
00:10:26,721 --> 00:10:28,889
Well, Carol, I'm just saying
it's a big decision.
247
00:10:28,956 --> 00:10:30,390
Life is full of big decisions.
248
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:31,858
Like deciding whether or not
249
00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:33,260
you're going to have time
to masturbate.
250
00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:35,295
Peter, I'm going to run
and pick up Stewie.
251
00:10:35,363 --> 00:10:36,963
I'll be back in five
or ten minutes.
252
00:10:37,031 --> 00:10:38,498
Well, which is it?
253
00:10:38,566 --> 00:10:40,133
It's like I told you, Lois.
254
00:10:40,201 --> 00:10:41,902
This time it's different.
255
00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:45,338
Adam is the most kind and
attentive man I've ever known.
256
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:46,907
Oh, that's interesting.
257
00:10:46,974 --> 00:10:49,876
'Cause I remember you saying
the same exact thing about Evan.
258
00:10:49,944 --> 00:10:51,344
Isn't that right, Evan?
259
00:10:51,412 --> 00:10:54,581
Yeah. Yeah, I do remember
her saying that about me.
260
00:10:54,649 --> 00:10:56,233
Evan. What are
you doing here?
261
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,601
I brought him.
262
00:10:57,668 --> 00:10:59,870
Lois, you didn't tell me
you were bringing Evan here.
263
00:10:59,937 --> 00:11:01,671
We bonded over
the Red Sox one time,
264
00:11:01,739 --> 00:11:03,857
and now he's got to bring it up
every time I see him.
265
00:11:03,925 --> 00:11:05,375
How about those
Red Sox, Peter?
266
00:11:05,443 --> 00:11:07,360
Yeah, how about 'em, Evan?
They exist.
267
00:11:07,428 --> 00:11:08,795
How about
last season, huh?
268
00:11:08,863 --> 00:11:10,330
Yep.
How about next season?
269
00:11:10,398 --> 00:11:11,665
We'll see.
270
00:11:11,732 --> 00:11:13,500
Ho ho, I'm going
to hold you to that.
271
00:11:13,568 --> 00:11:16,203
Look, I see what you're
trying to do, Lois.
272
00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:18,505
And then there was your
second husband, Randall,
273
00:11:18,573 --> 00:11:19,973
who you called
your soul mate.
274
00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:21,625
Oh, God, not that guy.
275
00:11:21,692 --> 00:11:23,960
He always comes bearing
really inconvenient gifts.
276
00:11:24,028 --> 00:11:25,395
Hey, you guys.
277
00:11:25,463 --> 00:11:28,431
Peter, I brought you some
saltwater tropical fish.
278
00:11:28,499 --> 00:11:30,300
Now, you got to feed
'em every two hours,
279
00:11:30,368 --> 00:11:31,668
and I fed 'em
an hour ago.
280
00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:33,203
Uh, all right.
You got the food?
281
00:11:33,271 --> 00:11:34,554
No, I don't
have the food.
282
00:11:34,622 --> 00:11:36,223
You get that at a
tropical fish store.
283
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:38,091
It's 9:30 at night.
284
00:11:38,159 --> 00:11:39,559
Well, you better
get going.
285
00:11:39,627 --> 00:11:41,645
Son of a bitch.
286
00:11:41,712 --> 00:11:44,181
And then there was your
third husband, Doggie Daddy,
287
00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:45,549
but you couldn't
make it work
288
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:47,934
'cause he had that son
from a previous marriage.
289
00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:50,370
Hey, Carol.
Oh, hey.
290
00:11:50,438 --> 00:11:51,872
Just want
to let you know,
291
00:11:51,939 --> 00:11:54,040
Auggie's all grown up now,
out of the house.
292
00:11:54,108 --> 00:11:55,976
So... you know...
293
00:11:56,043 --> 00:11:58,211
Anyway, I'm around.
294
00:11:58,279 --> 00:12:00,680
This is really insensitive
of you, Lois.
295
00:12:00,748 --> 00:12:02,916
Do you have any idea
how difficult it is
296
00:12:02,984 --> 00:12:04,284
for me to see
my ex-husbands?
297
00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:06,119
That's my point, Carol.
298
00:12:06,187 --> 00:12:08,388
This is the kind of pain
I'm trying to spare you
299
00:12:08,456 --> 00:12:09,990
from experiencing
all over again.
300
00:12:10,057 --> 00:12:13,026
Why can't you just let me be
happy with the man I love?
301
00:12:13,094 --> 00:12:17,330
Carol, if you marry him, you're
just going to get hurt again.
302
00:12:17,398 --> 00:12:18,732
Is that what you want?
303
00:12:18,799 --> 00:12:21,001
Well... no.
304
00:12:21,068 --> 00:12:22,752
Look at these men.
305
00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,554
Are you psychologically able
306
00:12:24,622 --> 00:12:26,473
to deal with this pain
a tenth time?
307
00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:28,909
Oh, my God.
308
00:12:28,976 --> 00:12:31,011
Lois, you're right.
309
00:12:31,078 --> 00:12:33,230
Adam... I'm sorry.
310
00:12:33,297 --> 00:12:34,798
I can't marry you.
311
00:12:34,866 --> 00:12:36,216
What?
312
00:12:36,284 --> 00:12:37,918
B-B-B-But, Carol...
313
00:12:37,985 --> 00:12:41,238
I'm so sorry, Adam.
314
00:12:48,529 --> 00:12:51,264
I think you sh...
should go now, Lois.
315
00:12:51,332 --> 00:12:52,699
I... I can't.
316
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,100
My husband took the car.
317
00:12:57,355 --> 00:12:59,222
Hey... no, yeah.
No, I know it's late.
318
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:00,640
I just need some
tropical fish food.
319
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,077
Come on, where the hell
am I supposed to go?!
320
00:13:04,145 --> 00:13:05,395
You're in there!
321
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:08,415
Don't worry, fish.
322
00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:10,033
I'm going to take care of you,
323
00:13:10,101 --> 00:13:12,586
'cause I know one day
you'll do the same for me.
324
00:13:12,653 --> 00:13:15,438
I'm sorry, but your friend
doesn't have insurance.
325
00:13:15,523 --> 00:13:18,541
I don't care what it costs.
Just make this man well again.
326
00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:20,143
Thank you, fish.
327
00:13:23,867 --> 00:13:27,670
MAN
We now return to Germany's most
popular late-night talk show,
328
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:29,586
Still Awake
with Otto von Stade.
329
00:13:29,654 --> 00:13:31,889
Some weather we're having.
330
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:34,558
Okay.
I was recently in Munich.
331
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:36,827
Did you ever notice how
the government buildings there
332
00:13:36,895 --> 00:13:38,662
are quite well-maintained?
333
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,464
Okay.
We have no guest.
334
00:13:40,531 --> 00:13:41,765
Good night.
335
00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:44,268
Oh, how you
holding up, Carol?
336
00:13:44,335 --> 00:13:45,702
Not so good.
337
00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:48,522
Look, I know you're
depressed about Mayor West,
338
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:51,425
but I promise you made
the right decision.
339
00:13:51,492 --> 00:13:52,793
Just give yourself
some time,
340
00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:55,028
and I'm sure you'll feel
much better about it.
341
00:13:55,096 --> 00:13:57,464
She says that to Meg a lot,
so that's not good.
342
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,799
You're probably right.
343
00:13:58,866 --> 00:14:00,634
Oh, well.
344
00:14:00,702 --> 00:14:03,337
I guess I just better
go call all my friends
345
00:14:03,404 --> 00:14:05,505
and tell them
the wedding is off.
346
00:14:09,794 --> 00:14:11,295
Oh, hi, Mayor West.
347
00:14:11,362 --> 00:14:12,496
Hi, Lois.
348
00:14:12,563 --> 00:14:14,865
I just wanted to return
Peter's Bedazzler.
349
00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:19,202
Tell him I never even
opened the box.
350
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:20,470
Wait, Mayor West.
351
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,372
Okay, I might have
opened the box.
352
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,557
But listen,
353
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,476
could you also say good-bye
to Carol for me?
354
00:14:26,544 --> 00:14:28,645
Good-bye?
Where are you going?
355
00:14:28,713 --> 00:14:31,181
As of today,
I'm stepping down as mayor
356
00:14:31,249 --> 00:14:33,150
and leaving Quahog forever.
357
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:34,418
Because of Carol?
358
00:14:34,485 --> 00:14:35,886
That's right.
359
00:14:35,954 --> 00:14:38,689
I've decided to move to Alaska
and become an Eskimo.
360
00:14:38,756 --> 00:14:40,190
Alaska?
361
00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:41,959
But that's so far away.
362
00:14:42,026 --> 00:14:43,360
And the summers are so short.
363
00:14:44,879 --> 00:14:45,963
Yay.
Summer's here.
364
00:14:46,014 --> 00:14:47,714
Awesome.
365
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,433
Best summer ever.
Let's stay friends.
366
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,167
I lost my virginity.
Yeah, right. To who?
367
00:14:51,219 --> 00:14:53,053
You don't know her.
I met her at camp.
368
00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:58,175
Peter, what are you doing?
369
00:14:58,242 --> 00:15:00,127
I'm running away.
Why?
370
00:15:00,194 --> 00:15:02,095
Because you took away
my brother!
371
00:15:02,163 --> 00:15:03,730
You ruined my life!
372
00:15:03,798 --> 00:15:05,365
Adam and I were going
to be brothers forever,
373
00:15:05,433 --> 00:15:06,800
and now he's gone!
374
00:15:06,868 --> 00:15:09,603
All you got there is toys
and cans of tuna fish.
375
00:15:09,671 --> 00:15:11,905
Well, I got to eat.
And I got to have fun.
376
00:15:11,973 --> 00:15:13,273
Peter, you're just
acting out.
377
00:15:13,341 --> 00:15:14,675
No, I'm not.
I'm acting in.
378
00:15:14,742 --> 00:15:16,443
Okay, now you're just saying
the opposite of what I say.
379
00:15:16,511 --> 00:15:18,328
No, I'm not. I'm saying
the same as what you say.
380
00:15:18,396 --> 00:15:19,313
Peter.
Lois.
381
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,781
God.
Allah.
382
00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:23,550
Look, I'm not sacrificing
my sister's happiness
383
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,185
so you can have a playmate.
384
00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:26,953
She and Mayor West
never would've made it.
385
00:15:27,021 --> 00:15:28,488
Oh, yeah? Well, nobody
believed we'd make it,
386
00:15:28,573 --> 00:15:29,906
and look at us now.
387
00:15:29,957 --> 00:15:31,825
I drink, and you use
sex as a weapon.
388
00:15:31,893 --> 00:15:34,061
That seems to me like a
successful New England marriage.
389
00:15:34,128 --> 00:15:35,495
Oh, come on, Peter.
390
00:15:35,563 --> 00:15:37,531
My parents may have been
against our relationship,
391
00:15:37,598 --> 00:15:39,333
but a lot of people
supported us.
392
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,334
Oh, yeah? Like who?
393
00:15:40,401 --> 00:15:42,636
Well, like... like Carol.
394
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,571
God, if it wasn't
for her support,
395
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:47,824
I don't know that I would've had
the confidence to marry you.
396
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:50,143
And now that she
needs my support,
397
00:15:50,228 --> 00:15:52,162
here I am abandoning her.
398
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,630
Oh, my God.
399
00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:55,949
Peter, I've made
a terrible mistake.
400
00:15:56,017 --> 00:15:57,451
Well, that's what
I tried to tell you,
401
00:15:57,518 --> 00:15:59,786
but you were as stubborn as
a pigeon at an ad agency.
402
00:16:01,572 --> 00:16:06,326
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,
these are all good ideas,
403
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:08,595
but I think what people
really get excited about
404
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,414
is dropped
museum popcorn.
405
00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:12,749
But this is an ad campaign
for a Nissan SUV.
406
00:16:12,817 --> 00:16:14,051
How does that possibly...?
407
00:16:14,118 --> 00:16:16,620
Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil.
408
00:16:16,687 --> 00:16:18,789
I was put in charge
of this meeting.
409
00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:22,025
And we're going with
dropped museum popcorn.
410
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:31,251
I'd like one ticket
to Alaska, please.
411
00:16:31,319 --> 00:16:32,419
One-way.
412
00:16:49,654 --> 00:16:52,906
Has the... has the 4:10 flight
to Alaska left yet?
413
00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:54,207
I'm afraid so.
414
00:16:54,292 --> 00:16:55,709
That... that's it
right there.
415
00:17:00,181 --> 00:17:02,983
Oh, no, we're too late.
416
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:04,518
I'm sorry, Carol.
417
00:17:04,585 --> 00:17:07,604
But if it helps, you're not the
first person to get a bum deal.
418
00:17:07,672 --> 00:17:10,340
Mr. Edison, we're going
to use your invention
419
00:17:10,408 --> 00:17:11,541
to power the world.
420
00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:13,610
And Mr. Tesla,
we're going to use yours
421
00:17:13,678 --> 00:17:15,228
in the background
of Frankenstein movies.
422
00:17:15,296 --> 00:17:16,663
Aw, I wanted that one.
423
00:17:20,468 --> 00:17:22,803
I am so sorry, you guys.
424
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:24,504
This is all my fault.
425
00:17:24,572 --> 00:17:26,106
It's okay, Lois.
426
00:17:26,174 --> 00:17:28,742
I know you tried your best
to make things right.
427
00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:31,278
Well, since I ain't got no
brother to play army guys with,
428
00:17:31,345 --> 00:17:32,879
I might as well go
to the Clam.
429
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,701
Hey, Quagmire, it's me.
Meet me at the Clam in 20.
430
00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:39,636
That sounds great, Peter,
but I can't right now.
431
00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:41,104
Oh, crap. Why not?
432
00:17:41,172 --> 00:17:42,172
'Cause I'm working.
433
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,557
I'm flying a plane to Alaska.
434
00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:45,242
Alaska? What the hell?
435
00:17:45,309 --> 00:17:47,127
I never even heard
of this place an hour ago,
436
00:17:47,211 --> 00:17:48,044
and now everybody's
flying there.
437
00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:49,212
What did you say?
438
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,964
Quagmire's flying
to Alaska?
439
00:17:51,032 --> 00:17:53,116
Peter, that's the plane
Mayor West is on!
440
00:17:53,184 --> 00:17:55,152
Oh, I get what
you're driving at.
441
00:17:55,219 --> 00:17:57,737
If Carol can't have
Mayor West, no one can.
442
00:17:57,805 --> 00:17:59,473
Quagmire, I want you
to crash that plane.
443
00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:00,707
No survivors,
you hear me?
444
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,576
Peter,
for God sakes, no.
445
00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:04,478
Tell him
to turn the plane around.
446
00:18:04,545 --> 00:18:05,879
Oh, hey, listen,
Quagmire,
447
00:18:05,947 --> 00:18:07,647
turn the plane around
and bring it back here.
448
00:18:07,715 --> 00:18:09,049
Peter, I can't do that.
449
00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:10,550
The FAA would be
all over my ass.
450
00:18:16,824 --> 00:18:18,859
Um, hey Quagmire,
you know that stray cat
451
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:21,077
we got in our neighborhood?
The pregnant one?
452
00:18:21,145 --> 00:18:22,946
Yep, she's having
her kittens right now.
453
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,898
Oh, no way.
454
00:18:24,966 --> 00:18:26,299
Yeah, making all those
high-pitched
455
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:28,084
"mew mew" noises and everything.
456
00:18:28,135 --> 00:18:30,020
I love them already.
457
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,355
Yeah, but Brian's been eyeing
them pretty good. What?
458
00:18:32,423 --> 00:18:34,224
Yeah, and I got to go
to work now.
459
00:18:34,292 --> 00:18:35,926
So I hope he's not, like,
hungry or nothing.
460
00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:38,345
This is your captain speaking.
461
00:18:38,429 --> 00:18:39,779
We've discovered a shoe bomb
on board.
462
00:18:39,847 --> 00:18:41,431
We're going to have to return
to the terminal.
463
00:18:52,677 --> 00:18:55,862
Hello, Alaska!
464
00:18:55,947 --> 00:18:56,947
Adam!
465
00:18:57,014 --> 00:18:58,248
Carol?
466
00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:06,606
I don't know
what I was thinking.
467
00:19:06,691 --> 00:19:08,208
I made nine mistakes,
468
00:19:08,276 --> 00:19:10,944
and I was afraid that I was
going to make another one.
469
00:19:11,012 --> 00:19:13,530
And you know what?
I almost did.
470
00:19:13,597 --> 00:19:17,067
Adam, I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.
471
00:19:17,134 --> 00:19:19,002
Oh, Carol.
472
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,904
Nothing would
make me happier.
473
00:19:28,746 --> 00:19:31,414
Hey, you know, when it's
your turn to say, "I do,"
474
00:19:31,482 --> 00:19:33,483
you should say, "I do
the Dew," and then...
475
00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:35,385
and then we both pull
out a Mountain Dew,
476
00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:36,786
and then I'll-I'll...
and then I do,
477
00:19:36,854 --> 00:19:38,588
like, a radical skateboard
jump off the altar.
478
00:19:38,656 --> 00:19:40,490
Well, obviously, yeah.
479
00:19:48,032 --> 00:19:50,000
Good luck.
480
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:51,468
I hope you like
weird boobs.
481
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,608
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
482
00:19:58,676 --> 00:20:02,045
to join this man and
this woman in holy matrimony.
483
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:04,681
The bride and groom
have written their own vows.
484
00:20:04,749 --> 00:20:07,817
Adam, from the first
day I met you,
485
00:20:07,885 --> 00:20:10,353
I knew that we were
meant to be together.
486
00:20:10,421 --> 00:20:12,055
I know I've said
that before--
487
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,323
a lot of times--
488
00:20:13,391 --> 00:20:15,292
and it's always
blown up in my face.
489
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:16,326
Giggity.
490
00:20:16,394 --> 00:20:17,560
But this time
it's different.
491
00:20:17,628 --> 00:20:19,462
I know it's
going to work.
492
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:20,664
I love you...
493
00:20:20,731 --> 00:20:23,133
and I'll be proud
to be your wife.
494
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,722
That was lovely.
495
00:20:24,812 --> 00:20:25,745
Adam?
496
00:20:26,914 --> 00:20:29,449
Milk. Butter. Cat food.
497
00:20:29,517 --> 00:20:32,118
Those new potato chips
in the snack aisle.
498
00:20:32,186 --> 00:20:35,722
Beer. Deodorant.
Garbage bags. Toothpaste.
499
00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:37,691
Adam, I think that's
your shopping list.
500
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,726
No. These are my vows.
501
00:20:39,794 --> 00:20:42,462
They're all the reasons
why I'll always love you.
502
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:44,197
Oh, Adam.
503
00:20:44,265 --> 00:20:46,399
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
504
00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:48,602
You may kiss the bride.
505
00:20:51,289 --> 00:20:53,857
Oh, Peter, I'm so happy
for the both of them.
506
00:20:53,925 --> 00:20:56,934
Hey, I just realized...
I have a sister.
507
00:20:59,229 --> 00:21:00,671
Ha. Stand much?
508
00:21:00,696 --> 00:21:04,496
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==