1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,745 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:07,506 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,699 --> 00:00:11,084 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,087 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:17,850 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:22,929 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,581 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:30,154 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:38,929 (alarm beeping) 11 00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:40,330 (alarm off) 12 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,459 (yawns) 13 00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:48,029 (blows raspberry) 14 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,215 Alexa, what's in the news this morning? 15 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,033 ALEXA: Here is your morning briefing. 16 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,444 In Washington, D.C., Congress has passed a measure.. 17 00:00:54,463 --> 00:00:57,056 Alexa, skip to celebrity birthdays. 18 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,117 Mario Lopez is 47 years old today. 19 00:01:00,177 --> 00:01:03,062 No way! Someone should tell his face. 20 00:01:03,255 --> 00:01:04,788 I know, right? 21 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,456 (chuckles): Seriously! 22 00:01:06,475 --> 00:01:08,901 Okay, see you later, Alexa. 23 00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:11,144 You're my best friend. 24 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,980 And you're... you're awesome, Lois. 25 00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:16,149 Best friends. 26 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:19,912 MEG (calling out): Hey, Mom, my period started on the couch. 27 00:01:20,105 --> 00:01:21,154 (takes deep breath) 28 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,583 You wanted to have a family, you wanted this life. 29 00:01:24,776 --> 00:01:27,068 My shoes are on the roof. Get 'em. 30 00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,755 (children's song playing on TV) 31 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,240 -♪ The driver on the bus peeks to check his phone ♪ -Come on, move your arm up. 32 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,093 -Up. Close your hand. -♪ Check his phone ♪ 33 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:36,744 -Okay, push it through. Good. -♪ Check his phone ♪ 34 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,989 -Just let me do it. -♪ The driver on the bus peeks to check his phone ♪ 35 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,991 -Other arm. Almost done. -♪ Whoops, he hit a dog ♪ 36 00:01:41,093 --> 00:01:43,936 Move your thumb. Move your thumb. Push. 37 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:45,604 -There. Done. -♪ The driver on the bus ♪ 38 00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:47,589 ♪ Says, "Shut up, shut up, shut up ♪ 39 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:51,001 ♪ Let me think for a second." ♪ 40 00:01:51,019 --> 00:01:52,519 (Lois straining) 41 00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:54,113 Why did you do this? 42 00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:56,189 If they didn't want us to put our foot down there, 43 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:59,343 they shouldn't make it a perfect fit for a toilet shoe. 44 00:01:59,361 --> 00:02:01,528 -Who's "they"? -Uh, Big Toilet? 45 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,622 "Big Toilet"? Is that a thing? 46 00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:05,457 Shh! 47 00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:07,126 MAN: Welcome back to the Stuff You Should Just Spend 48 00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:08,961 the Money On podcast. 49 00:02:09,112 --> 00:02:11,797 Today's episode: "Expressing Your Dog's Anal Glands." 50 00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:14,691 MAN 2: Yeah, you really don't want to DIY on the anal glands. 51 00:02:14,751 --> 00:02:16,618 Just spend the money. It can't cost more than, 52 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,620 -I don't know, 30 bucks. -(Brian grunts) 53 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,864 -MAN: $30 is three months of Netflix. -(grunts) 54 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,624 MAN 2: So don't watch The Crown for three months. 55 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,051 -I like The Crown. -MAN: What if I like The Crown? 56 00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:26,887 -MAN 2: Watch it all in one weekend. -(both grunting) 57 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,055 If you don't finish a Netflix series in a weekend, 58 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,057 -that's on you. -Lois, can we just... 59 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,893 can we just kiss a little first? 60 00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:34,636 You know what? I think it's actually starting 61 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,804 to clear up on its own. ♪ Whoa, Black Betty ♪ 62 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,157 ♪ Bam-a-lam, hey, Black Betty ♪ 63 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,491 ♪ Bam-a-lam! ♪ 64 00:02:39,684 --> 00:02:41,952 ♪ 65 00:02:45,449 --> 00:02:47,724 -(horn honks) -(Lois honks back) 66 00:02:47,826 --> 00:02:51,253 Take a bite out of my ass, you sack of dirt! 67 00:02:54,032 --> 00:02:55,990 (mellow music playing) 68 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,176 (inhales deeply) 69 00:02:57,369 --> 00:03:00,262 Ah... you made it. 70 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,090 Morning, Kyle, Lisa, Kyle H. 71 00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:05,517 Morning, Lois. 72 00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:07,186 What'll it be this morning? The usual? 73 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,337 Ah, you know it. And with the morning I had, 74 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,931 better make it a large. 75 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,508 So the usual. 76 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,677 How are the muffins this morning, Lisa? 77 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:18,422 Oh, not the banana nut, 'cause I know you're allergic to nuts. 78 00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,424 (chuckles): That's right, I am. Good memory. 79 00:03:20,484 --> 00:03:22,183 Well, it's what makes you so unique. 80 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,702 MAN: Hurry up! 81 00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:25,853 You know, I always thought that peanut allergies 82 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,855 just went away when you became an adult. 83 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,115 You know, like tonsils. 84 00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:30,358 Tonsils go away, right? 85 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:31,952 I thought I read that. 86 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,045 What are tonsils? 87 00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,105 Anyway, let me put in my card. 88 00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:36,790 I got one with a chip on it. 89 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,459 It's like we're living in the Star Wars. 90 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,961 Okay, tip. 91 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,221 I'll do cash. 92 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,780 Good, you heard me. 93 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,116 "Would you like to donate a cup of coffee 94 00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:47,784 to a soldier overseas?" 95 00:03:47,844 --> 00:03:50,787 Yeah, that seems like a good cause. 96 00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,956 MAN: Hey. Here's your free cup of coffee 97 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,317 -from a lady in Rhode Island. -What? 98 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,574 ♪ 99 00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:24,078 Excuse me. Are you in line for the bathroom? 100 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,822 -No. -Oh. 101 00:04:25,924 --> 00:04:27,432 Then move! 102 00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:30,352 -(rattles doorknob) -Give me the key! 103 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,774 So, how was everybody's day? 104 00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:38,259 -I made the football team... -Congratulations. 105 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,171 ...throw up because I put cleaner in the Gatorade. 106 00:04:41,231 --> 00:04:42,447 Still pretty good. 107 00:04:43,842 --> 00:04:45,933 You know, the funniest thing happened to me today. 108 00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:48,011 I go to this coffee shop every morning, 109 00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:49,937 and they do this fun thing where every week 110 00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,939 they choose a Customer of the Week. 111 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,184 It's just a silly thing, which is why it's so fun. 112 00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:56,202 Anyway, I've never been picked. 113 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,188 Which is fine. 114 00:04:58,248 --> 00:04:59,856 The thing is... 115 00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:00,948 Oh, boy. 116 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,634 ...I'm friendly, I always tip, 117 00:05:02,827 --> 00:05:06,046 I almost never say anything when foreigners loudly FaceTime, 118 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,032 and in general, I'm a pretty good person. 119 00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:10,291 Right? 120 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,460 Yeah. I mean, you show little patience 121 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,147 for the handicapped at times, but... yeah. 122 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:16,890 Yeah, it just, it just feels like 123 00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:18,633 it should probably be my time. 124 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,152 Well, maybe this'll be your week. 125 00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:21,486 Oh, you think so? 126 00:05:21,679 --> 00:05:22,988 I don't know. That-that felt like 127 00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:24,381 the right thing to say, so I said it. 128 00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:25,973 I do impulsive things. 129 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,735 That's how I ended up getting Rod Stewart's hair. 130 00:05:28,887 --> 00:05:30,220 Morning, luv. 131 00:05:30,322 --> 00:05:32,831 Mind if I sing a tune into your vagina? 132 00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:35,876 ♪ 133 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,896 Everybody, if we could have your attention, 134 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:43,175 we'd like to announce this week's Customer of the Week. 135 00:05:43,368 --> 00:05:45,344 Ah. I've never seen them do it live. (chuckles) 136 00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:48,263 This must be what it feels like to see Bruce. 137 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:53,410 This week's Customer of the Week is... 138 00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:55,062 Lester! 139 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,523 ♪ 140 00:06:06,558 --> 00:06:09,034 (sobbing) 141 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,372 (sobbing loudly) 142 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,271 Hey, Bon, Wednesday Wisdom's live! 143 00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:23,030 -Is it good? -No. 144 00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,508 It's great! 145 00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:32,724 You know what I think the problem is, Stewie? 146 00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:34,226 I need to show them 147 00:06:34,335 --> 00:06:36,210 that I deserve to be Customer of the Week. 148 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,212 -You don't. -Well, they probably see a woman like me and think, 149 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,140 -"She's got it all." -They don't. 150 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,142 I know it's a silly little award, 151 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,069 -but I don't ask for much. -You do. 152 00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,553 And this is the one place, 153 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,830 the one place that makes me feel happy. 154 00:06:47,832 --> 00:06:49,966 -You aren't. -I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. 155 00:06:50,026 --> 00:06:52,318 I-I feel like I really vibe with everyone there. 156 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,320 -You don't. -I'm one of their best customers. 157 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,156 You know, if I stopped showing up, 158 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,582 they'd probably wonder where I went. 159 00:06:57,775 --> 00:06:59,751 -They wouldn't. -Because I'm a nice person. 160 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,235 -You're not. -I tip in cash. 161 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,088 -So? -And I can't think of one reason 162 00:07:03,281 --> 00:07:04,998 -why they wouldn't pick me. -I can. 163 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,166 Oh, thanks for listening, Stewie. 164 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,652 -I had no choice. -You know, I'm gonna show them 165 00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,244 that I deserve to win this award. 166 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,246 I need this-- just like I needed 167 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,082 my own Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane. 168 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,751 -Next. -Hi, Gil. 169 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:17,510 Uh, can I get... 170 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,679 Pound of honey ham. Cut it thin. 171 00:07:19,831 --> 00:07:21,255 Oh, excuse me, I believe I was next. 172 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,442 Step aside, lady. 173 00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,355 Yeah, hi, Gil. 174 00:07:29,508 --> 00:07:31,933 Can I try a piece of the pepper turkey? 175 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,119 ♪ 176 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:38,623 Here you go. Anything else today? 177 00:07:38,816 --> 00:07:40,775 Yeah, the coffee, and you know what? 178 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,203 I'll take that piece of artwork for sale on the wall. 179 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,205 Really? That's my painting. 180 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,023 Wha...? Is it? 181 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,967 You are very talented. 182 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,211 Well, how much do I owe you? 183 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,806 -$600. -(chokes) $600? 184 00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:55,974 Do you still want it? 185 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:56,975 Of course. 186 00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:58,384 (quiet grunt) 187 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,127 It's important to support local artists 188 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,129 by spending a year's worth of co-pays 189 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:04,057 on a painting of a... (chokes, belches) 190 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,391 (pounding counter) 191 00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:06,376 ...bridge. 192 00:08:06,436 --> 00:08:08,153 A ladder and an apple. 193 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,064 A ladder and an apple! What a theme! 194 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,049 Can you split it on two debit cards? 195 00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,977 -I have a limit. -I can't really ring it up on the register. 196 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,205 -It has to be cash. -(chokes) 197 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,890 Perfect! 198 00:08:20,951 --> 00:08:23,084 ♪ 199 00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,507 -By the way, I told you. -Told me what? 200 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:30,509 I told you nobody could tell I was drinking. 201 00:08:30,702 --> 00:08:33,253 -No one cares. -I care. I do. 202 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,832 Here, take this. Start recording right before they say my name. 203 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,759 And hold it landscape, not portrait. 204 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,262 This is an important moment, not a fast-food worker fight. 205 00:08:42,414 --> 00:08:44,523 (quietly): I wish it was a fast-food worker fight. 206 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:48,101 -What? -(loudly): I wish it was a fast-food worker fight. 207 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,528 Welcome, everybody. 208 00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:52,531 This week's Customer of the Week is... 209 00:08:53,525 --> 00:08:55,951 ...Terry Newcustomer. 210 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:02,098 Wow, this is so unexpected, because I'm such a new customer. 211 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:03,283 Lois, should I stop recording? 212 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,784 Oh, you got a text. 213 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,027 Oh, I clicked it. 214 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:06,878 Oh, it's Bonnie. 215 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:08,380 She's responding to you. 216 00:09:08,573 --> 00:09:10,790 Oh, about me. Oh, I'm reading the old texts. 217 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:11,916 Oh, I should stop. 218 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:12,884 Oh, but I can't. 219 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,052 Oh, you're unhappy. 220 00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:15,220 Oh, who's Greg? 221 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,113 Oh, there's Greg. 222 00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,040 ♪ 223 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,969 All right, on three, everyone say their favorite Spider-Man. 224 00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:25,230 All right? One, two, three. 225 00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,048 (saying different Spider-Man characters and actors) 226 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,049 ALL BUT LOIS: What?! 227 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,111 (Meg, Chris, Peter, Brian and Stewie arguing) 228 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,907 In fact, there'd be no superhero movies without Tobey Maguire. 229 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,743 No way! Garfield never got a chance. 230 00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:40,061 Is Affleck the best Batman? 231 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,413 No. But he had the best Batman body. 232 00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:44,082 He'll be the first ex-Spider-Man to win an Oscar. 233 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,859 Just 'cause it's in animation, people think it's not legit. 234 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,588 (indistinct arguing) 235 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,332 ♪ 236 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,010 (others continue arguing) 237 00:10:00,124 --> 00:10:01,766 I don't get it! 238 00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:02,992 Wait, Spider-Man? 239 00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:04,344 He's a guy with spider powers. 240 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,087 Can't I have one thing in my life? 241 00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,180 Is that too much to ask? 242 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,756 What is it, do they hate me? 243 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,017 Because astrologically I'm very compatible 244 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,019 with Kyle H. and Lisa. 245 00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,021 I'm a Gemini and they're both Aquarius, 246 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,764 so we're natural matches! 247 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,766 Kyle is a Virgo, which doesn't match with Gemini, 248 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:21,194 but they're supposed to at least care about people! 249 00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:22,787 What am I missing? 250 00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,956 You know, Mom, if you really want to get noticed, 251 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,941 you should save one of their lives. 252 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,793 -What? -There was a kid at school 253 00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:31,187 who got a whole page in the yearbook dedicated to him 254 00:10:31,289 --> 00:10:34,190 because he saved a kid who had a peanut allergy. 255 00:10:34,292 --> 00:10:36,359 Peanut allergy? 256 00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:38,044 I have a peanut allergy. 257 00:10:38,196 --> 00:10:41,865 Yeah. This kid accidentally ate something with peanuts in it 258 00:10:41,925 --> 00:10:43,549 and the other kid came over 259 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,718 and Pulp Fictioned him with an EpiPen. 260 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,811 Huh... 261 00:10:47,004 --> 00:10:48,705 I can't even touch peanuts. 262 00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:51,040 That kid was a hero. 263 00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:52,558 Hero... 264 00:10:52,711 --> 00:10:53,801 You flush it! 265 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,528 It scares me when it goes away. 266 00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,398 Yes... hero. 267 00:10:58,492 --> 00:10:59,382 I'll be a hero, 268 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,218 and then they'll have to make me Customer of the Week. 269 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,736 Why is this story all about Mom this week? 270 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,956 What, are we giving Seth's voice a rest? 271 00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:15,256 (electric guitar riff plays) 272 00:11:20,872 --> 00:11:24,165 Okay, I'll just pour some of these Planters peanuts 273 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,833 into Lisa's car. 274 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,093 The official peanut 275 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,761 of poisoning people with allergies. 276 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,855 What? No, she's kidding! 277 00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:32,265 Come on, look at me: 278 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,767 top hat, gloves, shoes, no other clothes. 279 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,194 I'm a good guy! 280 00:11:36,387 --> 00:11:39,346 Okay, now I wait for her to get in her car 281 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,274 and start to have a reaction. 282 00:11:41,426 --> 00:11:44,185 Then I'll swoop in and save her with this EpiPen. 283 00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,871 Then I'll be a lock to be Customer of the Week. 284 00:11:47,064 --> 00:11:49,023 Stewie, you okay back there? 285 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,192 Having fun playing with Mommy's phone? 286 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,269 Yup. I put the headphones up my nose, 287 00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:55,004 but I made it work. 288 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,274 Okay, there she is. 289 00:11:58,293 --> 00:12:00,051 She's walking to her car... 290 00:12:00,244 --> 00:12:01,794 she's getting out her keys... 291 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,537 she's starting her car... 292 00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,140 driving away? 293 00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:12,230 Damn it, I didn't put enough peanuts in there. 294 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,233 Oh, shaving cream! 295 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,279 Ooh, shaving cream. 296 00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:23,908 Oh... 297 00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:26,202 shaving cream. 298 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:31,458 Oh, good. 299 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:34,085 Oh, shaving cream. 300 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:44,153 Mom, why are we at the hospital to visit your barista? 301 00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:46,656 Chris, I promise that if one of your baristas 302 00:12:46,758 --> 00:12:49,492 ever gets into an accident, I'll go to the hospital, too. 303 00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:51,160 Okay. That's all I wanted to hear. 304 00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:54,347 I've got a lot of baristas who make questionable choices. 305 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,424 Hi, you must be Lisa's mother. 306 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,351 How's she doing? 307 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,186 Did she say what happened? 308 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,763 No, she's mostly just said... 309 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,357 (ghastly moaning) 310 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,284 Oh, that's not a good moan. 311 00:13:06,477 --> 00:13:09,103 Well, apparently, someone put peanuts in her car 312 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,847 and she's deathly allergic. 313 00:13:10,907 --> 00:13:12,015 Oh, no. 314 00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,625 Here are flowers. 315 00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:15,776 STEWIE: She took those from a guardrail memorial. 316 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:18,021 D-Do they have any leads on who could have done it? 317 00:13:18,081 --> 00:13:18,871 No. 318 00:13:19,024 --> 00:13:20,540 Good. Grief! 319 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,801 "Good grief," is what Charlie Brown would say here. 320 00:13:22,994 --> 00:13:24,952 Peanuts. Probably a poor choice of reference. 321 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,363 But they're going to check the parking lot surveillance tape 322 00:13:27,382 --> 00:13:28,306 to see who did. 323 00:13:28,499 --> 00:13:30,883 Surveillance tape? Good grief! 324 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,293 Uh, who are you again? 325 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,887 I'm a... a very good customer. 326 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,463 Oh, my God, I've got to go. 327 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,525 Exit stage left! 328 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:44,405 That was a very sad door to run in to. 329 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,418 What the hell? Lois? 330 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,131 LOIS: Put the phone down, Kyle H. 331 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,251 ...so then I start hearing people say 332 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,919 there are different levels 333 00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:08,588 of peanut allergies and I was like, "Levels?" 334 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,182 I mean, when I hear allergy, I think rash, 335 00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:13,334 not throat-close-car-crash. 336 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:16,412 Okay, well, I-I'm so glad that we could talk about this 337 00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:19,190 and that you understand how we got to where we are. 338 00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:20,766 So, are you gonna let me go? 339 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:21,767 Yes. 340 00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:23,936 I mean, once I figure out this whole kerfuffle. 341 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,088 Oh. 342 00:14:25,189 --> 00:14:27,198 Why, are you scared, Kyle H.? 343 00:14:27,391 --> 00:14:30,017 This isn't scary. 344 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,703 I'm a good person. 345 00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:34,038 Now, there are two ways we can go from here: 346 00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:36,099 you can give me your absolute trust, 347 00:14:36,159 --> 00:14:38,918 or I can get you hooked on heroin. 348 00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:40,286 Heroin's not bad. 349 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,289 Not having heroin, that's what's bad. 350 00:14:43,441 --> 00:14:45,884 Y-You can trust me. It's just... 351 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,034 Just what? 352 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,277 I have a cat. 353 00:14:48,338 --> 00:14:49,888 Someone needs to feed him. 354 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,557 (long inhale) 355 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:56,135 Now, a bad person would say "who cares" here. 356 00:14:56,287 --> 00:14:58,804 But since I am a good person, 357 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,714 I will take care of your cat. 358 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,383 Now, open your mouth, I'm gonna stuff 359 00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:04,277 my son's baseball sock in it. 360 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,081 What the hell? Who are you? 361 00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,324 Oh, hello. 362 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:22,086 Um, hi, I'm Kyle H.'s cat-sitter. 363 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,480 He didn't tell me he had roommates 364 00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:26,573 who could feed his cat for him. 365 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,168 Wait, why do you have his laser pointer 366 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,987 and Heisenberg keychain? 367 00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:33,839 Yeah, his keychain flair is how he expresses his quirkiness. 368 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,391 He must be in danger! 369 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,256 You can't leave us like this, lady. 370 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,274 Don't say "lady." 371 00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,001 It makes me feel old. 372 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,019 And why is everyone acting like this is my fault? 373 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,338 If anything, it's Kyle H.'s fault. 374 00:15:49,399 --> 00:15:51,174 I'm a good person. 375 00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,617 People are gonna know we're gone. 376 00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,101 I promised my boyfriend that I'd... 377 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,528 -Wait, you're gay? -Yeah. 378 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,679 You sound surprised. 379 00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:58,623 I don't know, you just don't present as gay. 380 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,016 Oh, so gays "present"? 381 00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:01,367 No, no, no, that's not-- 382 00:16:01,519 --> 00:16:03,294 What? I'm woke, okay? 383 00:16:03,487 --> 00:16:04,537 Is he your boyfriend? 384 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,855 No, I'm not gay. 385 00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:07,540 What? But you're roommates. 386 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,283 -So? -So?! 387 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,284 And that's not weird? 388 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,619 I mean, do you have your own bathrooms? 389 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,621 -No. -What, so you just walk around 390 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,215 -like there's nothing potentially sexual? -Yeah. 391 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,309 Yeah. I mean, ever since he joined the gym, 392 00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:19,978 he's really turned his body around. 393 00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:21,646 But that's not what I'd be attracted to. 394 00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:24,056 It's more sticking to his commitment to get healthy. 395 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,150 -That's attractive. -Aw, thank you, bro. 396 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,226 Mm, you're welcome, bro. 397 00:16:27,378 --> 00:16:28,728 See, this! 398 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,138 I don't know. I-I guess I'm not woke, okay? 399 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,216 Fine, you win with your gay stuff. 400 00:16:33,276 --> 00:16:35,051 That's what you want, right? To win? 401 00:16:35,069 --> 00:16:38,404 Here, drink whatever you think a day's worth of water is. 402 00:16:38,556 --> 00:16:40,223 Look, what I was trying to say is that 403 00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,892 you can't leave us like this because I promised my boyfriend 404 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:44,818 that I'd make a meal for his grandmother's meal train. 405 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,821 If I don't drop it off, they're gonna know something's wrong. 406 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,750 (long inhale) 407 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,084 (exhales) 408 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,660 What are you supposed to make? 409 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:56,180 -Beef Wellington. -What-- Beef Wellington?! 410 00:16:56,373 --> 00:16:57,831 -For tonight? -Yeah, why? 411 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,350 -Is that hard? -Yes! 412 00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:03,021 If you're starting at 2:00 p.m., very! Yes! 413 00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:09,919 Lois, have you seen the pooping iPad? 414 00:17:09,979 --> 00:17:12,104 I can only go while watching Tiger King . 415 00:17:12,257 --> 00:17:13,773 -Huh? -The iPad we use only 416 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,592 while pooping and occasionally on flights for Stewie. 417 00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:19,595 Ew, I play Elmo's ABCs on that. 418 00:17:19,614 --> 00:17:21,873 Is that why I keep getting pink eye? 419 00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:24,100 I don't know where it is. 420 00:17:24,118 --> 00:17:25,376 But it's definitely not in the shed. 421 00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:27,027 So don't even look back there in the shed. 422 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,029 What, you mean the earwig fortress? No thanks. 423 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,456 I haven't been in there 424 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,865 since I won the Battle of the Wheelbarrow. 425 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,217 Nyah-ha! 426 00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:36,220 Too fast and too smart for you, earwigs. 427 00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:40,449 Now, to continue clearing the yard... 428 00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:44,303 (monotone): ...collecting moisture and sleeping in wood. 429 00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,046 Hey, Lois, what ever happened to 430 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,714 -that Customer of the Week thing? -Th-the what? 431 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,292 The Customer of the Week at the coffee shop. 432 00:17:49,352 --> 00:17:50,551 Did you ever win? 433 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,070 Why? Why would you bring that up? 434 00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:53,479 What are you, obsessed with it? 435 00:17:53,631 --> 00:17:55,147 Uh, you-- you had been talking about it... 436 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,966 Oh, so you can hear me when I say that, 437 00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:58,818 but can't hear me when I say "get off the couch." 438 00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,319 I like to be up by people. 439 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,580 May I be excused to... 440 00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:06,375 (monotone): bring this plate of moisture to the crawl space? 441 00:18:08,329 --> 00:18:09,979 Yeah, for the record, 442 00:18:10,039 --> 00:18:11,147 I would rather drink a sinus infection 443 00:18:11,207 --> 00:18:12,256 than win that stupid award. 444 00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,499 It's all rigged anyway. 445 00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:16,743 Did you know that Lester lived in the same building as Lisa? 446 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,487 How is that fair, huh? 447 00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:21,006 God, what a boring thing to bring up at dinner, Brian. 448 00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:22,842 I'm going to the sunroom, 449 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,828 and that's where I'll be from 9:00 to 11:00 if anyone asks. 450 00:18:25,888 --> 00:18:27,421 No one come check on me. 451 00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:31,216 You guys want to play spin the bottle for finger stuff? 452 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,018 Crank this night up a notch? 453 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,113 I'm in. 454 00:18:37,358 --> 00:18:38,765 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 455 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,767 In local news, two roommates were found 456 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,678 bound and gagged in their apartment this morning 457 00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:45,790 in what they're calling, "The Cat-Sitter Tie-er Upper." 458 00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:48,367 Guys, we need to get better name-comer-upper-withers. 459 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,087 ♪ 460 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,374 (sirens wail faintly) 461 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,552 ♪ 462 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,110 Okay. 463 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,323 (indistinct radio chatter) 464 00:19:19,475 --> 00:19:20,566 Lois? 465 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,068 I'm just finishing the dishes. 466 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,221 I'm a good person, Joe. 467 00:19:25,323 --> 00:19:27,890 Sometimes good people do bad things, Lois. 468 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,392 You can finish the dishes. 469 00:19:29,493 --> 00:19:31,151 Then I gotta take you in. 470 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,078 You can't take her away, Joe! 471 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,747 (whispering) 472 00:19:34,899 --> 00:19:36,323 And you can put in one load of laundry. 473 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,009 Then I gotta take you in. 474 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,510 (whispering) 475 00:19:39,703 --> 00:19:41,904 After that, you can write down the Wi-Fi log-in. 476 00:19:41,964 --> 00:19:43,848 Then I gotta take you in. 477 00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:45,090 (whispering) 478 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,833 Where's the peanut butter? 479 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,260 (whispering) 480 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,912 Well, Peter, I think the main difference is 481 00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:51,414 Chinese people are from China 482 00:19:51,474 --> 00:19:53,582 and Japanese people are from Japan. 483 00:19:53,684 --> 00:19:54,508 (whispering) 484 00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:57,987 Yes, that's probably why you were banned from the restaurant. 485 00:20:04,195 --> 00:20:07,096 ♪ 486 00:20:07,156 --> 00:20:09,332 ♪ 487 00:20:27,343 --> 00:20:29,301 Good morning. 488 00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:31,620 Ah, what a charming place this is. 489 00:20:31,681 --> 00:20:34,123 Oh, look, you do a Customer of the Week. 490 00:20:34,183 --> 00:20:35,382 How cute. 491 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,885 Now, I'll take a Nitro Cold Brew. 492 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,797 And with the morning I've had, better make it a large. 493 00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:43,223 Hey, that's funny. 494 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,076 Yeah, I know. 495 00:20:45,227 --> 00:20:47,119 There you go. 496 00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:50,639 And there you go. 497 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,233 Well, you could have said thank you. 498 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,902 Don't see a lot of five dollar bills in there. 499 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:59,507 I must be a pretty good person to give a five.