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00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:04,585
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,652 --> 00:00:08,005
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,056 --> 00:00:11,141
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:12,051 --> 00:00:14,954
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:15,021 --> 00:00:18,891
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:28,686
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:28,711 --> 00:00:32,611
♪ Family Guy 9x14 ♪
Trading Places
Original Air Date on March 20, 2011
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00:00:32,636 --> 00:00:36,236
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
12
00:00:36,326 --> 00:00:39,095
We interrupt this
program because I have had
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kind of a crap day,
14
00:00:41,131 --> 00:00:42,998
and I know all the station
passwords to do it.
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So, smell that finger, Quahog!
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00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,304
Ooh, a drunk news report
from Tom Tucker.
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00:00:48,371 --> 00:00:50,639
We haven't had one of those
since they cancelled Passions.
18
00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:52,141
This should be good.
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00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,878
Okay, our top story tonight: a
local car dealer has announced
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00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:59,181
a "Hands On A Hard Body"
promotion in which
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00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:02,518
a used dirt bike will be rewar-
awarded to the one customer
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00:01:02,586 --> 00:01:05,821
who can successfully outlast
his competitors.
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00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:09,925
And, and in other news, they're
bringing back Passions!
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00:01:09,993 --> 00:01:11,210
Yes, they are!
25
00:01:11,277 --> 00:01:12,711
Holy crap!
A dirt bike!
26
00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:13,762
That's awesome!
27
00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:15,731
Lois, I'm gonna win
that thing!
28
00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,633
Peter, why would you want
a used dirt bike
29
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,335
when you already
have a car?
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00:01:19,402 --> 00:01:21,270
Because this is 1978, Lois,
31
00:01:21,338 --> 00:01:22,771
and dirt bikes have
never been hotter.
32
00:01:22,839 --> 00:01:24,456
Besides, I get one
of those things,
33
00:01:24,508 --> 00:01:26,292
it's gonna be a buffet
of beave.
34
00:01:26,359 --> 00:01:28,227
Mmm, I don't know.
Seems stupid to me.
35
00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:33,666
Thanks to all of you for coming
out today.
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00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:35,100
In just a minute, we'll begin
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00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:37,336
our "Hands On A Hard Body"
contest.
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00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:40,523
And the lucky one of you who can
keep his or her hand on
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00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:42,658
this dirt bike for the longest
amount of time
40
00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,493
will get to take it home!
41
00:01:44,578 --> 00:01:46,712
Yeah, all right! Yeah!
42
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:49,582
Okay, everyone who wants to win
this dirt bike,
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00:01:49,649 --> 00:01:52,051
come on up and put a hand on it!
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00:01:55,589 --> 00:01:57,640
Mr. Pewterschmidt?
What are you doin' here?
45
00:01:57,707 --> 00:01:59,341
You want
a used dirt bike?
46
00:01:59,426 --> 00:02:02,228
Oh, not at all. But Lois told
me how much you wanted it.
47
00:02:02,295 --> 00:02:03,696
So I decided to win it
for myself
48
00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:05,481
just so I could destroy
it in front of you.
49
00:02:05,549 --> 00:02:07,449
And the clock starts...
50
00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:08,784
now!
51
00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,269
How are you gonna destroy
a dirt bike?
52
00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:11,670
You can't even open
your own aspirin.
53
00:02:11,738 --> 00:02:12,571
With that.
54
00:02:14,574 --> 00:02:16,258
Aw, damn it!
55
00:02:16,326 --> 00:02:19,762
Ooh! Our first hand off
the dirt bike!
56
00:02:19,829 --> 00:02:21,847
Huh. I guess you're out,
Mr. Pewterschmidt.
57
00:02:21,915 --> 00:02:23,549
Well, I already paid
for that thing.
58
00:02:23,617 --> 00:02:25,201
So I'm just
gonna stick around
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00:02:25,268 --> 00:02:26,619
and smash other
stuff you like.
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00:02:28,588 --> 00:02:31,023
Hey, fatass, you like, um...
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00:02:31,091 --> 00:02:32,374
you like, uh...
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00:02:32,442 --> 00:02:33,576
this-this bus bench?
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00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,678
Uh, I, it's okay.
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00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:38,147
All right, that's good enough
for me. I'm smashing it!
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00:03:59,512 --> 00:04:02,214
Ha-ha! You loved that thing.
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00:04:09,522 --> 00:04:11,590
♪ ♪
67
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,484
Amazing!
68
00:04:22,552 --> 00:04:24,019
Nine hours with no break!
69
00:04:24,087 --> 00:04:26,138
Who's gonna win this thing?
70
00:04:26,206 --> 00:04:28,140
You might as well give up now,
Mr. Mayor.
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00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:29,375
This dirt bike is mine.
72
00:04:29,442 --> 00:04:30,826
Like heck, it is!
73
00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:33,329
Hey, check your phone.
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00:04:33,396 --> 00:04:34,797
Why?
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00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:37,199
I just sent you a picture
of a kitten in sunglasses.
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00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:38,934
Well, this I gotta see!
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00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:40,969
Hello, cool kitty.
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00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,004
Oh...!
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00:04:42,072 --> 00:04:44,206
And we have a winner!
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00:04:46,276 --> 00:04:47,710
Aw, darn it.
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00:04:47,777 --> 00:04:49,712
Well, I guess
I'll just disappear
82
00:04:49,779 --> 00:04:52,114
into that field of corn.
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00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:58,854
Help! I'm lost in corn!
84
00:05:02,242 --> 00:05:04,009
Hey, where's Peter?
85
00:05:04,077 --> 00:05:07,363
I don't know. I haven't heard
from him since he left work.
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00:05:07,447 --> 00:05:09,715
Hope you made extra.
I brought a guest.
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00:05:09,783 --> 00:05:11,583
What the hell?! Who is this?!
88
00:05:11,651 --> 00:05:13,452
This is my dirt bike girlfriend.
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00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,486
Amber.
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00:05:14,554 --> 00:05:15,921
I'm a dirt bike guy now,
91
00:05:15,989 --> 00:05:17,222
so I need a dirt bike
girlfriend.
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00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,424
Yes, she has small breasts,
93
00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:20,025
but she makes up
for it by smoking.
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00:05:20,093 --> 00:05:21,093
Peter, she has to leave.
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00:05:21,161 --> 00:05:22,494
We're havin' dinner.
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00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:25,064
No, Lois! I will not allow you
to look down on Amber
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00:05:25,131 --> 00:05:27,332
just 'cause she goes to an
alternative high school!
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00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,501
There's different ways
to measure intelligence
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00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:31,036
besides someone's
grade-point average!
100
00:05:31,104 --> 00:05:33,105
Fact is, she rumpled up some
poetry she wrote
101
00:05:33,173 --> 00:05:34,907
and threw it away in a fit,
102
00:05:34,974 --> 00:05:37,242
but I unrumpled it,
and it was really good!
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00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,445
Fine.
Amber, would you like to have
104
00:05:39,512 --> 00:05:40,946
some dinner with our family?
105
00:05:41,014 --> 00:05:42,247
Nah, I can't.
106
00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:44,950
I got a wicked bruise on
the back of my throat.
107
00:05:45,018 --> 00:05:48,387
Ladies and gentlemen,
please rise for our national anthem,
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00:05:48,455 --> 00:05:52,591
performed this afternoon by
Peter Griffin and his dirt bike.
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00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:18,717
There it is, Meg.
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00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:20,803
What do you say
we take it for a spin?
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00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:21,870
Chris, get off there.
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00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:23,439
You shouldn't
be sitting on that.
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00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:24,473
Come on.
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00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:31,814
That's fake.
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00:06:31,881 --> 00:06:34,116
Come on, Meg, just get on!
116
00:06:45,628 --> 00:06:47,379
Hey, Meg, check it out.
117
00:06:47,446 --> 00:06:49,498
I'm gonna jump
that fire hydrant.
118
00:06:49,582 --> 00:06:51,917
Chris, don't!
You're gonna wreck Dad's bike!
119
00:06:51,968 --> 00:06:54,470
Too late, I already
narrowed my eyes.
120
00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:05,314
Chris, you idiot!
Look at what you did!
121
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,766
You mean look what two black
teenagers did
122
00:07:07,817 --> 00:07:09,485
when they stole Dad's bike.
123
00:07:12,755 --> 00:07:14,389
What were you
kids thinking?!
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00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:15,791
You could have
been killed!
125
00:07:15,859 --> 00:07:18,060
It was Chris' idea.
He talked me into it.
126
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,361
Is that right?
127
00:07:19,429 --> 00:07:20,863
So you like taking
dirt bikes
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00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,397
that don't belong
to you, huh?
129
00:07:22,465 --> 00:07:24,349
Then here, have a whole
carton of cigarettes!
130
00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:25,551
W-what?!
131
00:07:25,618 --> 00:07:27,169
Peter, that's not what
this is about.
132
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:28,537
See how you like 'em!
133
00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:30,172
Here, I'll even
get you started.
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00:07:31,858 --> 00:07:33,025
Dad, I don't smoke.
135
00:07:33,092 --> 00:07:34,793
Sure, you don't now.
But keep at it.
136
00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:35,794
You'll get the hang of it.
137
00:07:35,862 --> 00:07:37,479
By the end of that pack,
138
00:07:37,547 --> 00:07:39,898
you'll be smoking like a real pro.
Like a cool kid.
139
00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:41,049
There, that's it.
140
00:07:41,117 --> 00:07:42,017
Gettin' smoother,
isn't it?
141
00:07:42,085 --> 00:07:43,352
Yeah.
Oh, yeah!
142
00:07:43,436 --> 00:07:45,637
Wait till you try it
after a meal. Delicious!
143
00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:47,356
And after sex?
Forget about it.
144
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:49,825
It's like puttin' your penis
to sleep in a feather bed.
145
00:07:49,893 --> 00:07:51,610
I think I may want
more cigarettes.
146
00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:52,895
Oh, I'll get you more
cigarettes.
147
00:07:52,962 --> 00:07:54,496
But I'm pretty mad
about my dirt bike!
148
00:07:54,564 --> 00:07:55,898
Kids, I'm sorry to say this,
149
00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,300
but I think the two of you need
to be punished.
150
00:07:58,368 --> 00:07:59,735
Look, it was
an accident, okay?
151
00:07:59,802 --> 00:08:02,037
I mean, you can always buy
another one, right?
152
00:08:02,105 --> 00:08:03,338
Buy another one?!
153
00:08:03,406 --> 00:08:05,173
You know, I don't think
you kids appreciate
154
00:08:05,241 --> 00:08:06,575
how hard your father
and I work
155
00:08:06,643 --> 00:08:08,110
to provide you with
everything we do.
156
00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:11,079
Sometimes you just seem
to take us for granted.
157
00:08:11,147 --> 00:08:13,115
You know, it's very
difficult bein' a parent.
158
00:08:13,182 --> 00:08:14,550
No, it's not.
159
00:08:14,617 --> 00:08:16,151
You get to do
anything you want.
160
00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:17,886
And you get to make
all the rules.
161
00:08:17,954 --> 00:08:20,322
Damn right I do,
'cause I make the money!
162
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:22,791
I'm the big...
mamoo around here!
163
00:08:22,859 --> 00:08:24,693
Now, w-w-when you start bringin'
in a paycheck
164
00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:27,129
and providin' for this family,
then you can make the rules!
165
00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:29,231
Well, I'd do a better
job of it than you!
166
00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:30,866
Oh, you think so, huh?
167
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:33,368
Well, maybe you'd like
to try it for a little while.
168
00:08:33,436 --> 00:08:34,469
You be the adults!
169
00:08:34,537 --> 00:08:35,737
What do you mean?
170
00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:38,206
I mean, maybe we try
a little experiment.
171
00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:40,642
You kids switch places
with your dad and me.
172
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:44,446
For the next week, you'll be the
parents and we'll be the kids.
173
00:08:44,514 --> 00:08:46,014
Seriously?
Yeah, that'd be awesome!
174
00:08:46,082 --> 00:08:47,182
That sounds great!
175
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,418
That's a great idea, Lois.
Crisscross!
176
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,153
Yes, that is
a crisscross.
177
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,187
Yes!
178
00:08:52,255 --> 00:08:53,388
So we got a deal?
179
00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:54,623
Yeah, we got a deal.
180
00:08:54,691 --> 00:08:56,024
Face-off!
181
00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:57,292
No, Peter.
182
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,327
Road House.
183
00:09:04,924 --> 00:09:06,624
Here's your breakfast, Lois.
184
00:09:06,692 --> 00:09:08,460
Thank you, Mom.
185
00:09:08,527 --> 00:09:10,695
Wh-wh-what is,
what is this?
186
00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:12,263
What's goin' on?
187
00:09:12,331 --> 00:09:14,049
Oh, apparently, Chris and
Meg are switching places
188
00:09:14,116 --> 00:09:16,084
with Peter and Lois
for the week.
189
00:09:16,152 --> 00:09:17,252
Myah!
190
00:09:17,319 --> 00:09:19,487
Hey, Mom, do you mind
if I go shoppin'
191
00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:20,789
with Jennifer
after school?
192
00:09:20,856 --> 00:09:22,590
No, Peter, no, no,
you're still you.
193
00:09:22,658 --> 00:09:24,359
Y-you're just a teenager.
194
00:09:24,427 --> 00:09:25,493
You're not
switching genders.
195
00:09:25,561 --> 00:09:27,762
Ah. I shall return.
196
00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,283
Well, I'm off to work
at the brewery.
197
00:09:32,351 --> 00:09:34,219
Okay, have
a good day, honey.
198
00:09:34,286 --> 00:09:36,421
You know, Brian, you
and I should do... No.
199
00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:39,140
Okay, it just,
it-it-it... it looked fun.
200
00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:42,627
All right, time to make
all those popular kids pay
201
00:09:42,695 --> 00:09:44,195
for ignoring me!
202
00:09:44,263 --> 00:09:47,132
Peter, no, y-you're just
a normal high school kid.
203
00:09:47,199 --> 00:09:49,851
Oh.
204
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,336
Hey, Lance,
it's off, it's off.
205
00:09:51,404 --> 00:09:53,104
It's off, it's off.
206
00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:55,990
Throw this phone
away, Lois!
207
00:09:58,928 --> 00:10:01,963
Griffin, did you finish
those reports I gave you?
208
00:10:02,031 --> 00:10:03,598
Right here, Angela.
209
00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,935
Wow. You know, I gotta say,
when your dad told me
210
00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:08,670
about this whole switching
places thing,
211
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,271
I was kinda skeptical,
212
00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:12,507
but you're actually
doing good work.
213
00:10:12,575 --> 00:10:14,576
Well, it's a lot easier
than high school,
214
00:10:14,643 --> 00:10:15,760
I'll tell you that.
215
00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:17,078
Well, how do you mean?
216
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:18,680
High school's like
Lord of the Flies.
217
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,215
It's a social nightmare.
218
00:10:20,282 --> 00:10:22,984
And I-I hear Canadian high
schools are even worse.
219
00:10:23,052 --> 00:10:26,988
Well, well, look who
matriculated to grade nine.
220
00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:29,290
Someone wants
to get into university.
221
00:10:29,358 --> 00:10:31,326
Hey, guys, I'm sorry.
222
00:10:31,393 --> 00:10:32,660
Well, you're gonna be "sore-y"
223
00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:34,763
when we put you in
the hospital for free, eh?
224
00:10:40,152 --> 00:10:41,986
I don't know what the kids are
complainin' about.
225
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:42,954
This ain't so bad.
226
00:10:43,022 --> 00:10:44,456
I know, this is fun.
227
00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,424
I haven't been
to a pep rally in years.
228
00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:48,009
Do you have school spirit?!
229
00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:49,260
Yeah!
230
00:10:49,328 --> 00:10:51,262
Do you have school spirit?!
231
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:52,464
Yeah!
232
00:10:52,515 --> 00:10:54,432
Who's got
the most school spirit?!
233
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,533
I do!
234
00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:58,486
Show me
your school spirit!
235
00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,910
The players will remember
this while they're playing.
236
00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:10,181
Hey, Mom, where
the hell's dinner?
237
00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:11,249
I'm starving.
238
00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:13,485
Oh man, can you
imagine the disaster
239
00:11:13,552 --> 00:11:14,886
she's gonna
walk out here with?
240
00:11:14,954 --> 00:11:17,455
She has no idea how
hard it is to cook.
241
00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:20,091
Yeah, yeah, I bet-- I bet
she comes out with just like--
242
00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,726
just like a poop
on a plate, right?
243
00:11:21,794 --> 00:11:23,795
Poop on a plate would be
good, because at least
244
00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,847
there'd be traces
of my food still in there.
245
00:11:25,915 --> 00:11:28,216
Oh ho ho, snap! Snap! Snap!
246
00:11:28,284 --> 00:11:29,417
Hey, guys?
247
00:11:29,485 --> 00:11:31,019
Give her a
chance, all right?
248
00:11:31,086 --> 00:11:32,821
Here it is, gang.
249
00:11:32,888 --> 00:11:36,591
Seared ahi tostadas,
grilled asparagus, couscous,
250
00:11:36,659 --> 00:11:39,561
and for dessert, molten
chocolate lava cake.
251
00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,848
Wait a minute.
252
00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:46,384
Meg, when did you find
the time to do all this?
253
00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:48,119
Oh, I had all day to do this.
254
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:49,554
Mm.
255
00:11:49,622 --> 00:11:51,489
Oh my God, this is delicious.
256
00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:53,424
Wh-- what do you
mean "all day"?
257
00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:54,993
W-What about all
the housework?
258
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:57,495
I did it in like an hour.
I don't understand why
259
00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:59,297
you're such a freakin'
martyr all the time.
260
00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:00,331
It's a house.
261
00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:01,816
It's a finite area.
262
00:12:01,884 --> 00:12:03,368
I'm not cleaning a town.
263
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,653
Hey, family, I'm home.
264
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,889
Ooh, that smells fantastic.
265
00:12:07,957 --> 00:12:10,558
Hey, buddy, how was your first
day in the real world?
266
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:12,227
It was actually really great.
267
00:12:12,294 --> 00:12:14,629
And Angela even told me
I might get a raise
268
00:12:14,697 --> 00:12:16,130
for doing such a good job.
269
00:12:16,198 --> 00:12:18,116
Wow, guys, you hear that?
270
00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:19,167
A raise.
271
00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:20,435
Hm, interesting.
272
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:22,337
Seems like the kids are
doing pretty well
273
00:12:22,404 --> 00:12:23,671
at this grown-up thing, huh?
274
00:12:23,739 --> 00:12:25,840
I would suggest
that you suck that.
275
00:12:25,908 --> 00:12:28,309
Wow, I am already
so stuffed.
276
00:12:28,377 --> 00:12:29,844
Guess I shouldn't have had
277
00:12:29,912 --> 00:12:31,479
so many action figure
guns for lunch.
278
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,021
Well, hello, you two.
279
00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:41,656
How's your little
experiment going?
280
00:12:41,724 --> 00:12:43,391
Horrible.
281
00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:46,661
Three girls I don't care about
made me cry in the bathroom.
282
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:50,815
Um, hey, you guys.
283
00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:54,002
I bet you Lois Griffin
doesn't make the track team,
284
00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:56,321
which is an important thing
in high school right now.
285
00:12:56,388 --> 00:12:57,906
Yeah, everyone who's
anyone is running track
286
00:12:57,973 --> 00:12:59,591
at our high school right now.
287
00:12:59,642 --> 00:13:02,393
Yeah, and I bet she also doesn't
live on the south side of town,
288
00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:03,845
which is suddenly important.
289
00:13:09,051 --> 00:13:11,970
I hate your north side face.
290
00:13:12,037 --> 00:13:13,972
Lois, that's terrible.
291
00:13:14,039 --> 00:13:15,523
My day was even worse.
292
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,425
I got pegged by a
new form of spitball.
293
00:13:28,003 --> 00:13:29,270
Hey, get up,
you faker.
294
00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:30,738
It's just
a spitball.
295
00:13:32,608 --> 00:13:35,460
Hi, family, I'm home.
296
00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:37,195
Oh, Chris,
there you are.
297
00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:38,896
Good, now that
you're both here,
298
00:13:38,964 --> 00:13:40,732
your father and I have
something to say.
299
00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:42,967
Kids, we're callin' off
the experiment early.
300
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,452
What? Why?
301
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:45,937
Because you were right.
302
00:13:46,005 --> 00:13:48,373
Being a kid is a lot harder
than bein' an adult.
303
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,658
High school sucks.
Everything sucks.
304
00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,794
So let's just put things
back the way they were
305
00:13:52,861 --> 00:13:54,479
and just forget all about
this, all right?
306
00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:57,181
You kids go back to school,
Lois goes back to groceries,
307
00:13:57,249 --> 00:13:58,466
I go back to my job.
308
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,801
That's not gonna
work out, Dad.
309
00:13:59,868 --> 00:14:01,002
Why not?
310
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:02,737
'Cause you don't have
a job anymore.
311
00:14:02,805 --> 00:14:04,572
What? Chris, what do you mean?
312
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,075
Angela fired you
and hired me.
313
00:14:07,142 --> 00:14:09,744
She said I've been doing twice
as good a job as you did.
314
00:14:09,812 --> 00:14:12,797
So from now on, I'm the
breadwinner in this house.
315
00:14:12,865 --> 00:14:15,099
Hey, I forget. Were you
in for this or not?
316
00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:24,072
Chris, you are not
taking Peter's job.
317
00:14:24,158 --> 00:14:26,492
You're a 14-year-old boy,
and you belong in school.
318
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,828
Why, so I can get
a job someday?
319
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:30,229
I already have a job.
320
00:14:30,297 --> 00:14:32,582
Chris, we're not gonna
allow you to do this.
321
00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:34,384
I seem to remember
somebody saying
322
00:14:34,451 --> 00:14:36,636
the breadwinner
makes the rules.
323
00:14:36,703 --> 00:14:39,422
Well, I'm the breadwinner.
And you know what?
324
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:42,024
I like being a grown-up,
and I wanna stay this way.
325
00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:43,693
Well, Lois, practically
speaking,
326
00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:45,661
somebody's gotta pay
the bills around here.
327
00:14:45,729 --> 00:14:47,480
Seems like you don't
have a choice
328
00:14:47,548 --> 00:14:49,148
but to let Chris work
at the brewery
329
00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:50,583
until Peter finds a new job.
330
00:14:50,651 --> 00:14:52,318
Well, I suppose that
makes sense.
331
00:14:52,386 --> 00:14:54,887
I guess it could take
Peter a long time
332
00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:56,422
to find a job
in this economy.
333
00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:58,157
Well, it may not
be that bad, Lois.
334
00:14:58,225 --> 00:15:00,026
I could see about
getting back my old job
335
00:15:00,094 --> 00:15:01,527
as a police sketch artist.
336
00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:03,896
Now, did you get a look
at the man who assaulted you?
337
00:15:03,964 --> 00:15:05,765
I did.
Okay, can I get a description?
338
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,234
Yeah, he was probably
around five-nine, five-ten?
339
00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:09,535
Which is it, five-nine
or five-ten?
340
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:11,037
I'd say five-ten.
341
00:15:11,088 --> 00:15:12,438
Okay, we'll go
five-nine and a half.
342
00:15:12,506 --> 00:15:13,639
And now, how old was he?
343
00:15:13,707 --> 00:15:15,575
Late 30's, maybe 37.
344
00:15:15,642 --> 00:15:17,343
I-I don't know, anywhere
between 35 and 40.
345
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:18,811
Okay, well, let's say 37.
346
00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:19,879
How about ethnicity?
347
00:15:19,947 --> 00:15:21,214
Yeah, he was Asian-American.
348
00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:22,515
Asian-American.
349
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,066
Are we talking Korean?
Are we talking Thai?
350
00:15:24,134 --> 00:15:25,084
Are we talking Vietnamese?
351
00:15:25,152 --> 00:15:26,352
Maybe Korean.
352
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,871
Could have been Japanese,
but I-I think Korean.
353
00:15:28,939 --> 00:15:30,323
Okay, Korean.
354
00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:31,674
Now how about identifying
characteristics?
355
00:15:31,742 --> 00:15:33,142
Any-any marks, piercings?
356
00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:35,812
He may have had a tattoo.
He may have had a tattoo?
357
00:15:35,879 --> 00:15:37,130
Did have a tattoo?
Which one was it?
358
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,198
I-I don't know, it-- it
all happened so fast.
359
00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:40,433
You know what?
It's fine.
360
00:15:40,501 --> 00:15:41,617
I have a preliminary
sketch here.
361
00:15:41,702 --> 00:15:43,202
Is this the man
who assaulted you?
362
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:45,438
Peter, they're never
gonna take you back.
363
00:15:45,506 --> 00:15:47,473
You got fired for
racist drawings.
364
00:15:47,541 --> 00:15:48,891
I guess.
365
00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,993
Hey, you know what else
I draw really well? Bullwinkle.
366
00:15:51,078 --> 00:15:52,295
I'd probably still be working
367
00:15:52,362 --> 00:15:53,629
if more crooks
looked like Bullwinkle.
368
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:00,253
Early night, Griffin?
369
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,355
Well, actually, it's 8:00.
370
00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:04,724
Well, did you finish
all the accounts payable
371
00:16:04,791 --> 00:16:05,958
and the accounts receivable?
372
00:16:06,026 --> 00:16:07,560
But that's not my department.
373
00:16:07,628 --> 00:16:09,228
It is now.
374
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,730
The company's making
cutbacks.
375
00:16:10,797 --> 00:16:13,799
You can handle it, it's just
a little extra paperwork.
376
00:16:19,406 --> 00:16:21,157
♪ ♪
377
00:16:35,589 --> 00:16:38,424
Ugh. I am exhausted.
378
00:16:50,704 --> 00:16:53,589
Can this day get
any more stressful?
379
00:16:59,763 --> 00:17:03,699
Muscular man for
discreet pushing and pulling."
380
00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,451
Well, I'm not above
manual labor.
381
00:17:05,519 --> 00:17:08,120
Oh, hi, Chris.
How was your day?
382
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:10,172
You know what
would be great?
383
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,658
If I could come home
and have five minutes
384
00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:14,694
before you jump
all over my back.
385
00:17:14,761 --> 00:17:16,462
Also, she broke a plate.
386
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,965
And what about you?
Did you get a job today?
387
00:17:19,032 --> 00:17:21,500
I kind of got one.
388
00:17:21,568 --> 00:17:23,436
Right, Lois? Right?
389
00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,071
So, Chris, good day
at the office?
390
00:17:25,138 --> 00:17:27,456
You know, actually, Angela
said that the spreadsheets
391
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,859
I presented were beyond the
projections for last quarter.
392
00:17:29,927 --> 00:17:31,260
Oh, is that good?
393
00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:32,979
You know what?! Never mind!
394
00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:36,482
Now I'm mad at you!
395
00:17:40,487 --> 00:17:42,721
Peter, I'm really
worried about Chris.
396
00:17:42,773 --> 00:17:45,141
All this pressure seems
to be getting to him.
397
00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:46,676
I know, he's turning
into a jerk.
398
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:49,679
Oh, hey, Chris.
399
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,347
You wanna keep it down in here?
400
00:17:51,415 --> 00:17:53,516
One of us has to work
in the morning.
401
00:17:53,584 --> 00:17:55,651
Chris, have you--
have you been drinking?
402
00:17:55,719 --> 00:17:58,454
Yes. Have you been aging?
403
00:17:58,522 --> 00:18:01,190
I want you two to do it
right in front of me.
404
00:18:01,258 --> 00:18:03,459
And I'm gonna throw 40 bucks
on your sweaty bodies
405
00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:05,294
when you're done.
406
00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:06,679
Let's see the money.
407
00:18:06,746 --> 00:18:09,315
Why do you guys hate me?
408
00:18:09,383 --> 00:18:12,852
Ugh, that pain in my
stomach is back.
409
00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:18,124
Ow!
410
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,877
What? What?
411
00:18:21,945 --> 00:18:23,412
What are you looking at?
412
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,281
I could fight you both.
413
00:18:25,349 --> 00:18:28,200
You don't know what
I go through every day.
414
00:18:29,703 --> 00:18:33,823
Now go to sleep,
the both of you.
415
00:18:33,890 --> 00:18:36,559
PETER I think we
should go live with Mom.
416
00:18:36,627 --> 00:18:38,194
I just heard all of that,
417
00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:40,896
and I just wanna say this family
is disintegrating.
418
00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:48,104
Oh, hey, Chris, by the way,
419
00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:49,538
the roofer came today
while you were at work.
420
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,622
And?
421
00:18:50,674 --> 00:18:52,124
It's gonna be
five grand to fix it.
422
00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:54,226
Oh that's just perfect.
423
00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:57,296
I love spending $5,000 on
something nobody can see.
424
00:18:57,364 --> 00:18:59,015
Anyone got more happy news?
425
00:18:59,082 --> 00:19:00,983
I'm gonna need
a check for the dentist.
426
00:19:01,051 --> 00:19:02,485
Peter has two cavities.
427
00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,920
I'll bet if I go upstairs
to that bathroom
428
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:06,789
that toothbrush is
as dry as a bone.
429
00:19:06,857 --> 00:19:08,591
Sometimes I forget.
430
00:19:08,659 --> 00:19:10,810
Anything else I should
know about?!
431
00:19:10,877 --> 00:19:13,479
Well, my science class
is taking a field trip
432
00:19:13,547 --> 00:19:15,081
to the water
purification center.
433
00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:18,517
And? And it costs ten dollars
for lunch and the bus.
434
00:19:18,585 --> 00:19:20,119
Ten dollars?
435
00:19:20,187 --> 00:19:22,271
What-- What the hell is
it with that school
436
00:19:22,339 --> 00:19:24,640
that every time you walk in there
somebody wants ten dollars?!
437
00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:26,559
Look, I-I'm really sorry,
438
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:27,977
but if we're that
desperate for money,
439
00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:29,462
isn't there something we can do?
440
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:31,347
I mean, maybe we could ask
441
00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:32,815
to borrow some
from Mr. Quagmire.
442
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,617
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
443
00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:36,419
Like to see me
walk next door,
444
00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:38,220
hat in hand, and
ask him for money.
445
00:19:38,288 --> 00:19:40,189
Bet you'd have your nose
pressed against the glass
446
00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:42,191
to watch that conversation.
447
00:19:42,259 --> 00:19:44,160
No, you know what? Instead, let's
just go knock on all the doors
448
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:46,028
of all our neighbors and
tell 'em I'm a failure!
449
00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,881
No, that's not what I...
No, no, no, it's a good idea.
450
00:19:48,949 --> 00:19:51,517
Let's just go right now and tell
everyone how much of a failure I am.
451
00:19:51,585 --> 00:19:52,451
But I...
452
00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:57,189
Oh, hey, Chris.
453
00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:59,375
Meg has something
she wants to tell you.
454
00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:01,894
Chris, please, I'm sorry.
Say it!
455
00:20:01,962 --> 00:20:03,345
MEG
Chris is a failure.
456
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:04,880
Uh, okay.
457
00:20:04,948 --> 00:20:06,749
Now we're going
to the Swansons!
458
00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:14,540
Oh, my God!
459
00:20:14,591 --> 00:20:16,425
I think Chris is
having a heart attack!
460
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,260
We're not aspose'ta
leave the table.
461
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,551
Be cool, be quiet, be quiet.
462
00:20:27,938 --> 00:20:29,455
All right, well,
nothing to worry about.
463
00:20:29,523 --> 00:20:30,806
Chris is going to
be just fine.
464
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:36,429
Oh, Chris, I'm so
glad you're okay.
465
00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:37,930
What-- what happened?
466
00:20:37,998 --> 00:20:39,882
You had a
heart attack, sweetie.
467
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,383
A heart attack?
468
00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:43,735
Yeah, you almost worked yourself
right into the ground, buddy.
469
00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:46,255
Oh, it's all our fault.
We never should have let you
470
00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:47,857
take on the pressure
of being an adult.
471
00:20:47,924 --> 00:20:49,525
It's okay, Mom.
472
00:20:49,593 --> 00:20:51,260
Boy, I thought being a grown-up
473
00:20:51,328 --> 00:20:52,728
would be easier
than being a kid.
474
00:20:52,796 --> 00:20:54,697
But it turned out
it was just as hard.
475
00:20:54,765 --> 00:20:57,533
I guess what we all learned is
that no matter who you are,
476
00:20:57,601 --> 00:21:00,402
or where you come from,
life is a terrible thing.
477
00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:03,305
Yeah, but if you got your family
to help you get through it,
478
00:21:03,373 --> 00:21:04,573
it's not quite as bad.
479
00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:06,809
And, hey, at least
I get my old job back.
480
00:21:06,877 --> 00:21:09,278
You know, from now on,
let's not complain so much.
481
00:21:09,346 --> 00:21:12,880
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
482
00:21:14,301 --> 00:21:16,302
Hey, what do you guys do
after the screen goes black?