1
00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:40,581
I say, it's 4:00, away with you.

2
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,250
-Stewie!
-Change it back!

3
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,210
Oh, forget it-- Jolly Farm Review is on.

4
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:46,087
It's the latest indoctrinating pabulum

5
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:47,338
for children with not enough to do.

6
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:48,422
Hey.

7
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,383
Shut up.

8
00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:57,390
Wakey, wakey, children.

9
00:00:57,473 --> 00:00:59,600
( British accents ):
Good morning, Mother Maggie.

10
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:00,685
The sun has risen

11
00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:02,562
on another day in Jolly Farm.

12
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,690
Let's see what life's rich
pageant has in store for us.

13
00:01:05,773 --> 00:01:07,984
Oh, she has the voice of an angel.

14
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,278
Not to mention a balcony
you could do Shakespeare from.

15
00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:12,572
Play your song, Melody Sheep

16
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,032
to aid the little one's nourishment.

17
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,492
But play softly

18
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,619
for Pengrove Pig wishes to read aloud...

19
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:22,081
BOTH: From his Magic Tome that holds
every book ever written!

20
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:24,834
"These were difficult times
for the children of Ipswich

21
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:27,461
when the lollipop famine cursed
their pleasant village... "

22
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,755
How can you stand watching this?

23
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,466
It's dreck and you know it.

24
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,385
Oh, don't have the guts to respond, huh?

25
00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:36,262
No intelligent defense
of this unmitigated crap?

26
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,680
Commercial!

27
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:38,764
( groans )

28
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,016
I'm going to get some graham crackers.

29
00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:46,439
Welcome back to Kiss Forum,
Rhode Island public access's

30
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:47,899
most popular show about Kiss.

31
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,567
Lois hurry, it's back on!

32
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:52,778
Calm down, Peter, you know I
wouldn't miss a second of this.

33
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,489
Okay, let's take a call.
You're on Kiss Forum.

34
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,241
MAN: Kiss rules! Whoo!

35
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:59,118
( chuckles ): Okay, good call, good call.

36
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,370
All right, hey, you're on Kiss Forum.

37
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,830
MAN #2: Yeah. Kiss sucks.

38
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,040
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

39
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:05,666
Trace the call, trace the call.

40
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,753
Yeah, um, they suck big time.
They bite ass.

41
00:02:08,836 --> 00:02:10,671
Wait a second, I recognize that voice.

42
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,174
Is this Dennis De Young,
lead singer from Styx?

43
00:02:13,257 --> 00:02:14,634
Come clean, man.

44
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:17,386
Yeah, yeah, it's me. It's Dennis.

45
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,223
Dennis, you jealous douche,
how about I crank a little

46
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,642
"Detroit Rock City"
and play "Come Sail Away"

47
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:25,937
and we can see how they stack up
side by side, huh?!

48
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:28,147
You want that, you high-voiced bastard?!

49
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,690
We'll be right back after this.

50
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,193
Hey, didn't see you come in.

51
00:02:32,276 --> 00:02:34,028
We're just getting into shape
for our upcoming tour.

52
00:02:34,111 --> 00:02:36,989
We're playing five big show in five days.

53
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,575
-So, if you're...
-Rock and roll!

54
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,412
Why don't you just sit
in the corner, huh? Go on.

55
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,332
So, if you're a Kiss fan
and you live in the Northeast

56
00:02:46,415 --> 00:02:47,750
come out for all five shows

57
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,002
of what we're calling "Kiss-Stock."

58
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,587
Aw, hell, the Northeast?

59
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,256
You know, it's times like this

60
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,175
I curse the fact that we live
in French Polynesia.

61
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,718
No, Peter, we're in the Northeast.

62
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:58,803
We are?

63
00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:01,180
And Kiss is coming to the Northeast.

64
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,851
Th-That means... uh...

65
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:05,935
That means...

66
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,103
No, no, Lois, don't help me.

67
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,898
It means we can do something...

68
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,401
Come on, Peter, you're almost there.

69
00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:16,279
( drilling )

70
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,738
We can go to Kiss-Stock!

71
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:18,990
( screams )

72
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,330
PETER: Hey, yo, Lois!

73
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,249
-What?
-I'm packing for Kiss-Stock.

74
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:29,834
I can't find my favorite underwear.

75
00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:31,794
The pair with the rip
in the right butt cheek

76
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,171
from when you stepped on them
pulling them up

77
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,631
in the airplane bathroom
from when you had the trots?

78
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,633
No, no, the pair
with the hole in the left butt cheek

79
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,051
from when I held it in for two hours

80
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,386
'cause it was that extra long

81
00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:41,721
Palm Sunday Church sermon

82
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,764
and I thought blowing gas
would offend Jesus

83
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,600
so I let it go in the vestibule after mass

84
00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,351
and it sounded like Louis Armstrong?

85
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:48,519
Oh, bottom drawer.

86
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,855
Children, tell Mother Maggie

87
00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:52,481
what you want to be when you grow up?

88
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,275
-A scientist.
-A novelist.

89
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:55,443
A Cambridge don.

90
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:56,694
Oh, what's my future

91
00:03:56,777 --> 00:03:58,321
coming from these squalid surroundings?

92
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,656
Getting into a fight
with some dude at the Laundromat

93
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,366
'cause he was hitting on my baby's mama?

94
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,826
I should be there, not here.

95
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,039
London...

96
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,415
Hey, Dad, can me and Meg

97
00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:10,625
stay up late every night

98
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,084
while you're at Kiss-Stock?

99
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,628
You can do whatever you want, son

100
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,630
just don't eat from the Candy tree.

101
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,508
He's right to caution you.
I feed on children.

102
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:20,301
( screams )

103
00:04:20,384 --> 00:04:22,637
You don't mind watching Stewie
for a few days, do you, Brian?

104
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,348
No, ever since Jolly Farm Review came on

105
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,266
he's been pretty distracted--
it'll be a breeze.

106
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,809
Well, bye, everyone.

107
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,229
I can't believe my stupid
parents are going to spend

108
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,481
five days following
stupid old Kiss around.

109
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,649
It's painful.

110
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,651
Not half as painful as a
tire iron upside your head.

111
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:37,818
What?

112
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:38,945
I'll miss you.

113
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,240
Hey, Stewie, what do you want for lunch?

114
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,367
STEWIE: "Dear stupid dog

115
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,535
"I've gone to live

116
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,619
"with the children on Jolly Farm.

117
00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,579
Good-bye forever, Stewie."

118
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,791
"P.S. I never got a chance
to return that sweater

119
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,417
"Lois gave me for Christmas.

120
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,170
"I left the receipt on top of my bureau.

121
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,172
"I'm probably over the 30-day return limit

122
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,174
"but I'm sure if you make a fuss

123
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,094
"they'll at least give you
a store credit or something.

124
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,013
"It's actually not a horrible sweater.

125
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,267
"It's just I can't imagine when
I'll ever wear it, you know?

126
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,770
"Oh, and, uh, I also left
a button on the bureau.

127
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,106
"I'm not sure what it goes to

128
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,817
"but I can never bring myself
to throw a button away.

129
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,403
"I know as soon as I do, I'll
find the garment it goes to

130
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,196
"and then... and then it'll...

131
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,907
"Wait a minute, actually, could
it have been from the sweater?

132
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,618
"Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm.

133
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,662
"Well, I should wrap this up
before I start to ramble.

134
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,289
Again, good-bye forever."

135
00:05:32,039 --> 00:05:33,708
"P.P.S. You know what?

136
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,418
"It might be a little chilly in London.

137
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,836
"I-I'm actually going to take the sweater.

138
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,212
Oh, my God!

139
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,885
One of these planes must be
going to London.

140
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,721
Queue up, children. Spit-spot.

141
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,223
Here are the tickets, miss.
These are all ours. Thank you.

142
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:54,228
Spit-spot, Albert Hall,
meat and two veg, Big Ben

143
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,480
Dave Clark Five, Spam and eggs,
pip-pip, cheerio.

144
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:14,749
Hot towel?

145
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,584
Yes, thank you.

146
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,211
Well, come on!

147
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,629
What the hell are you doing here?

148
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,172
I'm taking you off this plane.

149
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,840
Well, think again, Rover.

150
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:27,553
Great.

151
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,264
I'm stuck on a transatlantic
flight with a petulant runaway.

152
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,724
How could this get any worse?

153
00:06:31,807 --> 00:06:33,476
You know what I hate about flying?

154
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,479
The peanuts-- first of all,
you can't get them open.

155
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,981
Who are they trying
to keep out of these things?

156
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,191
What's the deal

157
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,859
with the razor blade slot in the bathroom?

158
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,861
Are people actually shaving in there?

159
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,113
Hi, Andy Dick here. Excuse me.

160
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,491
I've got to get my bag
up in the overhead bin here...

161
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:52,787
Oh! Whoa! No! No! Wow, that's wacky.

162
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,330
( sighs )

163
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:00,253
( beep )

164
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,755
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Did you sleep at all?

165
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,840
Yeah, a little.

166
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,551
Ugh, I couldn't sleep a wink.
My pillow smelled like farts.

167
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,135
That's all right,
because we're in England.

168
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:10,847
Uh-oh.

169
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:14,684
Well, I don't get it.

170
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,269
Where are England's verdant fields,

171
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,813
its rosy-rumped maidens
and bucktoothed solicitors?

172
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,983
About 3,000 miles that way.
We're in the Middle East.

173
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,402
Where are we going?

174
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,570
I don't know, I'm not exactly familiar

175
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,488
with this particular Arabian Village.

176
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,031
VENDOR: Stuff for sale!

177
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,033
Bad, cheaply made stuff for sale!

178
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,994
Hey, Americans! You like movies?

179
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,913
I've got "Dude, My Car
is Not Where I Parked It

180
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,707
But Praise Allah, We Are Not Hurt."

181
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,751
Camels for sale, this one
owned by little old man

182
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,087
who only drove it to mosque on Sundays.

183
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,047
Just had its knees replaced.

184
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,883
Well, great, buy one,
and let's get out of here.

185
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:47,967
What do you mean, buy one?

186
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,051
All I've got is 50 bucks.

187
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,303
We're going to have to distract them--

188
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,721
follow my lead.

189
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,973
( show tune begins )

190
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,309
You and I are

191
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,437
So awfully different

192
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,273
Too awfully different

193
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,400
To ever be pals

194
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,319
-Do you want to go first?
-Yeah, I'll go.

195
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:10,198
Your favorite hero is the Marquis de Sade

196
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,699
Oh, you're one to talk.

197
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,911
You get a stiffy from Phylicia Rashad

198
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:15,995
Oh, one time.

199
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,289
I've a style flair

200
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,499
Just look at my hip hair

201
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,084
Oh, yeah, that's quite a nice 'do there.

202
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,211
Thanks.

203
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,670
For me to poop on!

204
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,589
-What?
-Come on, you look like Charlie Brown.

205
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,673
Bite me, Snoopy.

206
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,383
There's not a whole lot

207
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:33,513
That we've got to agree on

208
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,517
'Cause I love the strings
of a classical score

209
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,812
And I like that singer
who looks like a whore

210
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,314
-Ricky Martin?
-Love him.

211
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:47,818
We're too different to ever be pals

212
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,987
-You and I are
-Doo, doo, doo

213
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,739
So awfully different

214
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:52,823
Doo, doo, doo

215
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,200
Too awfully different

216
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:55,409
Doo, doo, doo

217
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,953
To ever be pals

218
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,413
Doo, doo, doo,doo, doo doo

219
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,749
Your head's as massive

220
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,084
As a meteorite

221
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,502
STEWIE: Oh, very funny.

222
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:08,422
You have a weenie like
a Christmas tree light

223
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,342
I bet money

224
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,095
You'll marry a honey

225
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,514
Who's pretty and funny

226
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,682
And her name will be Ted

227
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:18,891
Oh, a gay joke.

228
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,852
I just work with what you give me.

229
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,728
You might think we're 'NSync

230
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,813
But we stink...

231
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,858
As a duo

232
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:30,653
'Cause you get a kick out
of carnage and guts

233
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,447
And you get a kick out of stroking your...

234
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,782
Whoa, whoa, you can't say that on TV.

235
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,200
-What, ego?
-Never mind.

236
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:41,831
We're too different to ever be pals

237
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,251
( music fades )

238
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,550
Oh, man, we're screwed.
We're lost in the desert.

239
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,051
We have no food, no water

240
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,928
and our camel is dead from exhaustion.

241
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:59,223
( sobbing ): And I had named him
and given him a back story.

242
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,809
"Chucky had the biggest hump
of all the camels in his village

243
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:02,935
"and he was picked on for it.

244
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,687
"But then, there was a terrible drought

245
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,898
"and Chucky went
to the oasis at great risk--

246
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:07,982
"'cause he was like that--

247
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,275
"and he drank and drank

248
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,277
"and stored enough water
in his massive hump

249
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,029
"to slake the thirst of the entire...

250
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,323
Cut the maudlin crap,
we're in trouble here!

251
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,408
It's already below freezing
and it's getting colder.

252
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,578
We're going to die unless...
unless we do something drastic.

253
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:21,787
What?

254
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,706
We have to slice open our camel's stomach

255
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,083
and shelter ourselves in his entrails.

256
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,002
( gasps ):
Eviscerate Chucky? I won't do it!

257
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,378
Look, we'll die if we don't.

258
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,880
( sighs ): All right.

259
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,802
Oh, God, it's like Orson Welles's autopsy!

260
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,096
All right, just hold your breath and go.

261
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,098
What are you doing?

262
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,643
Wiping my feet, I don't want
to track any sand inside.

263
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,645
Once you get it in there,
you can't get it out.

264
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,230
( inhales )

265
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,190
( gagging : Oh, God!

266
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,150
Oh, God, I just threw up in his lung!

267
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,486
Look, I know it's gross,
but when you're desperate

268
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,154
and you're staring death in the face

269
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,948
you have no other choice but to...

270
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,032
Oh, there's a Comfort Inn.

271
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,200
STEWIE: Really?

272
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,618
Yeah, good luck for us, huh?

273
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,620
You know, actually, once
you feng shui the organs

274
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,704
it's kind of cozy.

275
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,212
Oh, isn't this exciting?

276
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,463
Hey, anyone got a light?

277
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:14,507
Thanks.

278
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,717
Peter, look, there's Dave
and Dottie, the nudists.

279
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,636
Well, hey, there, Griffins.

280
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,930
Dave, Dottie, what a pleasant surprise.

281
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,140
Don't tell me you're Kiss freaks, too.

282
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,102
Kiss Army soldier since 1977;
how about you?

283
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:29,689
'76. I don't think anyone
knows more about Kiss than I do.

284
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,649
I-I'm sorry, what was that?

285
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:32,859
Peter, it's not important.

286
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:33,943
Let him answer, Lois.

287
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,071
I said no one knows more
about Kiss than I do.

288
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,823
Fellas, please keep it civil.

289
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,992
I'm not sure I
like the tone of your voice, Dave.

290
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,077
Well, throw down if that's what you want.

291
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,787
Name Gene Simmons' special effects mentor.

292
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:45,872
Amazo the Magician.

293
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,623
What high school did Paul Stanley go to?

294
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,749
New York High School of Music.

295
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,084
Paul and Gene's band before Kiss.

296
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,169
Wicked Lester.

297
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,254
What year did Kiss appear
on the Jim Nabors Halloween special?

298
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,673
Trick question--
it was Paul Lynde, and it was 1975.

299
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,133
Now, recite the magazine ad

300
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,051
that brought Peter
Criss to Paul and Gene's attention.

301
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,803
BOTH: "Drummer willing
to do anything to make it."

302
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,014
Rolling Stone, October, 1972.

303
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,807
-Exemplary!
-Rock 'n roll!

304
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,188
How in the hell
are we going to get out of here?

305
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,106
Are you going to finish your red paste?

306
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,274
No.

307
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,942
What about your sweet, crusty thing?

308
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,027
No, you can have it.

309
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,445
No more balloon for you!

310
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,906
I am sick of you tooling around
the village in that thing

311
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,157
honking at the girls

312
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,242
blasting your 1980s American rock music

313
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,619
that we got here last week.

314
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:25,745
But, Father...

315
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,038
Go to your palace!

316
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,164
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

317
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,582
Ugh, yes-- just wait

318
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,876
until they have to suffer
through Jesus Jones.

319
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,461
Pee-yew!

320
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:34,962
Not that; the balloon.

321
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,714
Oh, yes, the balloon. Let's take it.

322
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:41,052
Wow. I didn't know
it really looked like that.

323
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,470
Oh, neither did I.

324
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,181
Such lovely printing, too.

325
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:48,893
...Yeah, people shout it,
you people shout it...

326
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,854
Oh, Lois, here comes the best part.

327
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:57,985
I wanna rock and roll all night...

328
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:01,072
And have a wonderful... time

329
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,573
( mic feedback )

330
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:03,699
Is that it?

331
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,117
Oh, n-no, it's, uh...

332
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,037
And something-something all... day

333
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,330
Right?

334
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,499
Oh, man, I've lost all faith in mankind.

335
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,251
Music is dead to me now.

336
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,044
Hey, now's our chance!

337
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,254
Let's do it!

338
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,091
Pardon me, boy

339
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,760
Is that the Chattanooga choo-choo?

340
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,929
Track 29

341
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:27,348
And can you give me a shine?

342
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,142
I say, where the hell are we?

343
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,855
Pope? Pope!

344
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,565
( groaning )

345
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,150
It's-a time to get up and put on your hat.

346
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,986
It's a stupid hat.

347
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,153
Pope?!

348
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,990
All right, okay. God!

349
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,324
( flushing )

350
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,535
Pope, the floor is not a hamper.

351
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,203
Man!

352
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,080
Good. Now it's-a time to go on the balcony

353
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,373
and address-a the people.

354
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:53,541
Il nome...

355
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,293
Ah!!!

356
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:58,004
( yelling )

357
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,634
All right, all we got to do
is find the American Embassy

358
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:04,719
and they'll help us get home.

359
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,679
Home? I have no intention of returning

360
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,432
to that disgusting hovel
with that intolerable woman

361
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,726
that fat slob, and that insufferable dog.

362
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,394
Oh, you're right here, aren't you?

363
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:14,812
Oh, well, I stand by it.

364
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,189
My future is with Jolly Farm.

365
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,899
You really think that, don't you?

366
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,317
I know it.

367
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,401
Okay, we've got three days

368
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,445
until Peter and Lois get back
from their Kiss concerts.

369
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:23,905
Let's go to Jolly Farm.

370
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,448
Now you're talking.

371
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,034
You make-a the Pope look like a fool.

372
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,702
God will make you pay.

373
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,162
Smite them!

374
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,502
He's a-cooking a-something up.

375
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,760
I say, Brian, look-- three rows down.

376
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:46,886
What?

377
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,554
Is that Tom Bosley?

378
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,056
What would Tom Bosley be doing

379
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,641
on a train in Switzerland?

380
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,559
I'm almost certain. Tom!

381
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,353
Did he look?

382
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,521
I don't know.

383
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,356
Well, if I yell, you have to watch.

384
00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,649
Tom Bosley!

385
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,733
No, it's not him.

386
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:01,859
Huh.

387
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,405
Besides its beautiful
historic architecture

388
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,533
Munich was the home of many great writers

389
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,076
such as Thomas Mann.

390
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,787
You'll find more on Germany's
contribution to the arts

391
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,580
in the pamphlets we have provided.

392
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,040
Yeah, uh, about your pamphlet--

393
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:19,126
um, I'm not seeing anything
about German history

394
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,420
between 1939 and 1945.

395
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,505
There's just a big gap.

396
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:23,923
Everyone was on vacation!

397
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,384
On your left is Munich's first city hall

398
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,468
erected in 15...

399
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,928
Wait, w-w-wait,
what are you talking about?

400
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,013
Germany invaded Poland in 1939.

401
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,181
We were invited!

402
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,558
Punch was served! Check with Poland!

403
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,268
You can't just ignore those years.

404
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,727
Thomas Mann fled to America

405
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,896
because of Nazism's
stranglehold on Germany.

406
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,815
Nope. Nope.
He left to manage a Dairy Queen.

407
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,859
A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.

408
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,278
I will hear no more insinuations
about the German people!

409
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,571
Nothing bad happened!

410
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,322
( yelling in Germanlike Hitler )

411
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,579
Uh, i-is that a beer hall?

412
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,498
Oh, yes. Munich is renowned
for its historic beer halls.

413
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,004
Why is everybody glaring at us?

414
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,213
Why, Lois?

415
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,339
I'll tell you why.

416
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,341
Your faux pas last night at the concert

417
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,426
was so upsetting

418
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,886
I had to call a university professor

419
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,345
to tell me what phrase I could use

420
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,430
to describe it.

421
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,723
Use "faux pas."

422
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,099
Thanks, Professor.

423
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,143
You've been living a lie all these years.

424
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,896
You represented yourself
as a Kiss fan, and why?

425
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,439
To make me look foolish.

426
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:22,899
No, to make you happy.

427
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,110
I wanted to share in all
aspects of your life, Peter

428
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,529
but I just was never that big a Kiss fan.

429
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,655
Yeah, I should have guessed that

430
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,908
when you were willing
to dress up as Peter Criss.

431
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,785
No one wants to be Peter Criss,
Lois, not even Peter Criss.

432
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,496
I guess I'm just not as
cool as you thought I was.

433
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,498
I guess not.

434
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,504
Oh, I'm exhausted.

435
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:45,838
Let's get a coffee.

436
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,885
( coughing)

437
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,220
Ugh, this smoke is so acrid.

438
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:53,971
Ugh, a man can hardly breathe in here.

439
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,723
You should get some hash, man.

440
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:56,974
You can't go wrong.

441
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,476
Oh, not true.

442
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,354
Ground meat can
go very wrong for me very quickly

443
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,314
and everyone in
this room will suffer the consequences.

444
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,025
You are out there, man-- in the ether.

445
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,944
Yes, well, I'd love to
further pursue our palaver

446
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,029
but I'm not fluent in Freaka

447
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,907
so I'm just going to turn back over here--

448
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,408
back towards my table.

449
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,493
Say, are you hungry?

450
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,577
I wasn't when I came in

451
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:17,662
but isn't that so funny?

452
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,871
I'm getting there.

453
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,081
Yeah, same here.

454
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,963
I think the only reason we die is that...

455
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,339
Dude, dude

456
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,007
I know what you're going to say

457
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,592
and I am so completely...

458
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,928
W-w-w-w-wait, wait, wait, ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh.

459
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,472
The only reason we die

460
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:42,562
is because we accept it
as an inevitability. Ah!

461
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:44,564
Do you think I'll ever
find the right woman?

462
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,649
Oh, God, I... yes, man!

463
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,568
Come on, dude, you're great.

464
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,156
Peter, are you ever going to forgive me?

465
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,367
Lois, I am obligated to keep loving you

466
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,578
so I will take my rage out on my own body.

467
00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,662
Let's go to Denny's.

468
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,165
Oh, man

469
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,084
I don't believe it! Kiss is here!

470
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,379
We don't deserve
to be under the same roof with them.

471
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,463
Let's go.

472
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,590
Well, all right.

473
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:13,259
I guess I could fix us something
when we... Chaim?

474
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:16,929
Lois, do not address Kiss
unless they address you first!

475
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,725
Oh, my God, Chaim Witz? It is you!

476
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,186
Uh, which one do you want
me to sign, left or right?

477
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,730
No, no, no, it's Lois--
Lois Pewterschmidt.

478
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,232
I knew you before you changed your name.

479
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,942
Lois! I don't believe it.

480
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,319
It's been ages.

481
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,362
Hey, guys, this is the girl
I told you about.

482
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,031
You know, I knew her
before we formed Kiss.

483
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,115
"Loose Lois."

484
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,450
Cool-- Loose Lois!

485
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,826
The legend herself!

486
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,704
My Grand Slam was supposed to
be with sausage.

487
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,997
I never realized

488
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,416
you were Gene Simmons, the rock star.

489
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,751
You look great, Lois.

490
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,211
Anyone nailing you now?

491
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,587
Yes, my husband nails me.

492
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,130
This is him, Peter.

493
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:54,258
You... are... gods!

494
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,718
Yeah, thanks, right.

495
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,512
Hey, we're recording some tracks
in Boston next month.

496
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,055
You should come on by.

497
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:03,184
We'd love that, Chaim,
I mean Gene, you big rock star.

498
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,602
( chuckling ): Bye.

499
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,396
Oh, wow, such a small world.

500
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,731
He was a nice boy.

501
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,191
And he's still nice.

502
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,777
Listen, Lois, uh, what I said before...

503
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,029
I've never been more wrong in my life.

504
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,323
You are the coolest girl in the world.

505
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,242
My wife did Kiss!

506
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,535
And J. Geils.

507
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,702
-What?
-Nothing.

508
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:25,373
There it is-- the BBC.

509
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:29,794
Well, this is it.

510
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,295
I'll say good-bye to you now.

511
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,755
Well, have a good life, Stewie.

512
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,173
Mmm, I shall.

513
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,050
Oh, hey, I meant to ask you.

514
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,218
Did you ever find out

515
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,178
what that button on my bureau was from?

516
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:40,847
Oh, yeah, Chris's denim jacket.

517
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:41,931
Ah. I like that jacket.

518
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,307
It looks good on him.

519
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:44,892
Okay, then, so, we'll keep in touch?

520
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,060
Sure.

521
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,144
Well, I have your address.

522
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:48,229
See you.

523
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,439
( gasping )

524
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,149
Oh, there's Happy Hill!

525
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,442
( grunting )

526
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,861
What the deuce?

527
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,154
( gasping )

528
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,865
Pengrove! Pengrove Pig!

529
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,826
Pengrove, I've come to live on Jolly Farm.

530
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,578
Oh, my-- the Magic Tome!

531
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,454
Well, it's, it's cardboard.

532
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,956
A-and there are no words.

533
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,958
There are just...
what is it you've drawn here?

534
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,377
Oh, that's Oswald Owl
slammin' Mother Maggie

535
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,462
in one of them Chinese baskets.

536
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,631
( laughing )

537
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:16,716
( yelling )

538
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,093
Oh, Mother Maggie, thank God!

539
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,469
Something's terribly wrong!

540
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,971
( Cockney accent ):
Whose stinky brat is this?

541
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,890
Oh... oh, that not your voice.

542
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,559
Your voice is lyrical,
like the gentle strum of a lute.

543
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,561
Piss off, you grotty little wanker!

544
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,063
It's a fake.

545
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,273
It's not real.

546
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,399
I thought it would be best

547
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,775
for you to find out on your own, kid.

548
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,444
I feel like such a fool.

549
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,612
Don't even look at me.

550
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:40,781
Hey, come on.
You want to get some ice cream?

551
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,366
That would make you feel better, right?

552
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:44,869
You want to get some McDonald's?

553
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,998
You want to take a dump
in Mother Maggie's shoes?

554
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,668
Okay, let's go take a dump
in Mother Maggie's shoes.

555
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,382
Jolly Farm is on, Stewie.

556
00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,467
Don't you want to watch?

557
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,135
Oh, the Stewie who loved Jolly Farm

558
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:02,637
is dead, Megan.

559
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,931
Meet the Stewie
who loves funky fruit hats.

560
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,602
Ooh, turn it up.

561
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,811
Mom and Dad are on.

562
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,688
Hey, we're back here with more Kiss Forum.

563
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,023
I'm here with the Griffins

564
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,775
and they got something
really exciting to share.

565
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,527
Yeah, my wife here did Kiss.

566
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,694
Get out of here!

567
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,904
Hand to God.

568
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,114
Whoa! Peter, how does that make you feel?

569
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,575
I feel like I've done Kiss, too, Donny

570
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:25,701
and it feels good.

571
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,036
Lois, you got any tips

572
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,330
for the young girls in
the audience tonight?

573
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,332
Well, I guess the best advice I can give

574
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:34,043
is that you never know who's
going to grow up to be famous

575
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,586
so, just make yourself available.

576
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:36,879
Cool, cool.

577
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,173
Well, that's our show for tonight.

578
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:41,843
Now, stay tuned
for Battlestar Galactica Forum.

579
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:44,512
Welcome to Battlestar Galactica Forum.