1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,214
♪♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪♪

2
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:08,342
♪♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪♪

3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,929
♪♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪♪

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,765
♪♪ On which we used to rely? ♪♪

5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,352
♪♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪♪

6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,605
♪♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪♪

7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,106
♪♪ All the things
that make us ♪♪

8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,775
♪♪ Laugh and cry ♪♪

9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,780
♪♪ He's...
a... fam... ily... guy! ♪♪

10
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,496
A tragic accident today
in the North Providence area.

11
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,623
A family of four
lost their lives

12
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,792
when their minivan swerved off
the road and into a ravine

13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,502
exploding on impact.

14
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,837
( snickers )

15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,046
Do you find
this funny, Tom?

16
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,381
Oh, no, no, no.

17
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,466
I was remembering I accidentally
put my shirt on

18
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,968
inside out this morning.

19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,427
It's fine now, though.

20
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,430
S-so wh-what were you saying
about a f-fashion show?

21
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,015
Chris, turn the TV off.

22
00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,101
We got to find an anniversary
gift for Mom and Dad.

23
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,894
Don't look!

24
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,479
We're shopping,
we're shopping!!

25
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,023
Oh, kids, you don't need to do
anything special

26
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,234
for our anniversary,
just your father.

27
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,902
I hope he doesn't wait

28
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,404
and get your gift
at the last minute again.

29
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,614
My goodness, a human thumb.

30
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,117
Where did you ever
find this?

31
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,785
It was on E-bay...

32
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,537
( throws up )

33
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,997
Oh, God, call
an ambulance!

34
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,207
This year, instead of
exchanging gifts

35
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,917
I told him it'd be nice

36
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:26,170
if we could just spend
a romantic day together.

37
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,714
Oh, dear, I think we all know
what that means...

38
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:29,882
Boy-yoy-yoy yoy-yoy-ying!

39
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,049
Gross.

40
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,803
Hey, fellas, guess what.

41
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,890
I got us a tee time tomorrow at
Barrington Country Club.

42
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,016
Barrington, wow.

43
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,392
I'm in.

44
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,227
Uh, Peter, tomorrow's
your anniversary.

45
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:43,812
Ah, crap.

46
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:46,023
If Lois finds out
I'm ditching her to play golf

47
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,233
she'll hit me
with a frying pan.

48
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:52,237
Which is why I'm going to drink
this frying pan antidote.

49
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,281
All right, hit me
with this.

50
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,782
Didn't work.

51
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,219
What the hell?

52
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,347
"Lois, it's an anniversary
scavenger hunt.

53
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:22,059
Your first clue is at the
Quahog Mini-mart. Love, Peter."

54
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,477
Oh, how fun!

55
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,316
All right, gentlemen,
before you tee off

56
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,069
here are your complimentary
monogrammed bag towels

57
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,654
a sleeve of balls

58
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,531
and this mobile
ball cleaner.

59
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:40,118
( swooshing and squeaking
sounds )

60
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,120
Clean as a whistle, sir!

61
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:45,958
I'm not going to get short by
touching your spit, am I?

62
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,960
You'd be the first, champ.

63
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,461
Well, it's about time.

64
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:53,257
Sorry, fellas, I'm not
going to be able to play.

65
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,133
Loretta's mother
is in town

66
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:58,428
and we have to go buy
new sheets for the dog bed.

67
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805
Cleveland!

68
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,807
I mean the
pull-out sofa bed.

69
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,350
Cleveland,
this is Barrington.

70
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:06,144
You could be the first black guy
ever to play this course.

71
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,479
People will be impressed.

72
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,730
Hey, a black guy!
Ooh, fun!

73
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,190
Come on, Cleveland.

74
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,150
Maybe we should
play another time.

75
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,569
Screw that.

76
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,445
I busted my ass keeping Lois
busy so I could be here.

77
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,947
Now let's grip it and rip it.

78
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,740
The Fed is going to be
lowering rates

79
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,701
so get your money out of T-bills

80
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,703
and put it all into...
waffles, tasty waffles

81
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,787
with lots of syrup.

82
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,248
Waffles! Buy waffles!!

83
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,584
All:
Waffles! Waffles!

84
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:37,259
Okay, kids, keep your eyes
peeled for a clue.

85
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,595
Now what Jughead
has done here--

86
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,471
and it's really quite
ingenious, actually--

87
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,892
is paint pupils on his eyelids
so he can sleep through class

88
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:48,854
without Miss Grundy
being any the wiser.

89
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,690
( cackles ):
He's sleeping!!

90
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,567
Mom, I found
Dad's first clue.

91
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,195
I can't believe your father
organized this.

92
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,989
Usually, he can't even handle
simple tasks.

93
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,784
Peter, why is there a diaper
in the lamp socket?

94
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,786
Oh, Lois, he's done it again!

95
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,288
Wait a minute.

96
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,290
( electrical buzzing )

97
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,374
Ha!

98
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,004
Peter, let's pack it in.

99
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,756
There's too much
water out here.

100
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,424
Yeah, let's hit
the bar, huh?

101
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,552
Oh, come on, there's worse
things in life than rain...

102
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,054
like, eh... like spiders.

103
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,097
Oh, he's behind the door...

104
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,641
( coughing )

105
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,267
Peter, he's bothering everyone.

106
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:28,727
Say something.

107
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,437
Say something.

108
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,397
I'll kick his ass,
someone ought to kick his ass.

109
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,233
Don't go in there!!

110
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,567
Peter...

111
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,152
All right,
give me a Kleenex.

112
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,737
I knew he was bad!

113
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,113
I knew...ahhhh!!

114
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:43,200
Out of me way, they're after
me Lucky Charms!

115
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,245
I paid him ten bucks
to say it.

116
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:47,329
Classic.

117
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,248
We'll be in the clubhouse.

118
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,707
Go on, run away.

119
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,876
More golf course
for me.

120
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,214
That was close.

121
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,465
Huh, that looks dangerous.

122
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,300
Somebody's going to get hurt.

123
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,723
Ah, it'll be fine.

124
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,481
( gasps )

125
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:15,983
Both:
You again?

126
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,239
Oh, Death, please
don't take me now!

127
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,574
Relax, you're not dying.

128
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,534
You're just having
a near-death experience.

129
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:26,869
Oh, thank God.

130
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,662
Oh, yeah, thank God.

131
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,790
Thank God I get to hang out
with a fascinating gent like yourself.

132
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,876
So wh-when am I
going to die?

133
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,170
About two years after
your wife divorces you.

134
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,338
What the hell
are you talking about?

135
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:39,715
Lois'd never leave me.

136
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,634
She's been crazy about me
since the night we met.

137
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,972
Oh, my God, that's me.

138
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,391
Look how thin
I was!

139
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,311
My, this is certainly
a beautiful night.

140
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,104
I love looking at stars.

141
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,480
Say no more.

142
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:56,732
Peter, wait.

143
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,319
"Very interesting...
but stupid!"

144
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,904
( laughing )

145
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,406
Oh, my God,
I love Arte Johnson!

146
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,950
Then why don't you give him
a kiss, heh?

147
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,869
Oh, Peter, get
away from me!

148
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,579
Come on, come on.

149
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,247
Stop it, stop it.

150
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,636
Oh, my God!

151
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,221
( tires screeching )

152
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,140
( crashing )

153
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,558
♪♪ Oh, baby, I love your way...♪

154
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,268
Oh, Peter, I hear music.

155
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,436
Yeah, me, too.

156
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,731
From now on,
this'll be our song.

157
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,650
( "Baby, I Love Your Way"
playing )

158
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,318
( explosion )

159
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,945
( groaning)

160
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,197
I've never met a guy like you.

161
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,324
You're so full of life.

162
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,910
( wolves growling )

163
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,245
( man screams )

164
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,373
It's like I can really be myself
with you.

165
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,832
I'm so happy.

166
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,001
Ah, man, she was
beautiful.

167
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,546
You know, this looks
awfully familiar...

168
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,881
Wait a second, I remember this.

169
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,383
That's me.

170
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,051
Look at all
that hair.

171
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,012
I can't believe I thought
that looked good.

172
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,681
I must've been high.

173
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,225
I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt.

174
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,310
I love you, Peter Griffin.

175
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,020
Look at that, huh, huh?

176
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,314
There's no way
she's going to leave me.

177
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,526
Now put me back in
my freakin' body, all right?

178
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,153
I can't put you back
until you have a revelation.

179
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:27,614
You know, one of those things
that changes your life.

180
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,366
Oh, to hell with this,
I'm going home.

181
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,617
What are you doing?

182
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:31,910
You can't get
in that way.

183
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,329
I'm sure as hell not
going in the back door.

184
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,623
Oh, crap, I don't have time
for this.

185
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,876
Listen,
I'm late for an appointment.

186
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,253
You don't want to follow
procedure, fine.

187
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,588
Stay here in limbo.

188
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,339
No, no, no, wait.

189
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,842
I don't want to be in limbo.

190
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,310
Okay, it says the next note
will be right under my nose.

191
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,394
( bell rings )

192
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,562
Announcer:
And they're off.

193
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,397
And quick out in front

194
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,691
Silver Dasher,
followed by My Nose.

195
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,359
Aha! Hold my purse!

196
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,782
What's Mom doing?

197
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,034
I'll tell you
what she's doing.

198
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,077
She's screwing up my 6-2
quinella, damn it!

199
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,538
My Nose out in front,
followed by Sea Biscuit

200
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,373
followed by Some Crazy Lady

201
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,375
followed by
Middle-Aged Housewife

202
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,211
followed by Wait A Minute,
Who's That?

203
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,795
followed by Silver Dasher.

204
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,547
And now it appears there's
a woman chasing the dogs!

205
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,799
( dogs barking )

206
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,844
Let's go, kids!

207
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:33,222
Lucky, tell the boys in
Kansas City the bet's off.

208
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:34,681
Too late, Stewie.

209
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,434
The fix is in and the noodles
are boiling in the pot--

210
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,186
boiling, I tell you.

211
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,605
Wait a minute, I got it, I got
it, I figured out my revelation.

212
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,024
Uh, God loves
a working man.

213
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,192
No!

214
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,610
The Shadow is, in reality

215
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,070
Lamont Cranston,
wealthy young man-about-town.

216
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,738
No!

217
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,324
Crap, I'm late;
I'm in big, big trouble.

218
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:55,494
Geez, you're pretty shook up
about that appointment of yours.

219
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,663
You're Death,
what are you afraid of?

220
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,331
Where the hell
have you been?

221
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,167
When I said lunch, I said noon,
not noon-ish.

222
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,377
Sorry, Ma...

223
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,962
Sorry!

224
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,839
Is sorry going to
reheat the casserole?

225
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,590
So who's your friend?

226
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,968
It's a work thing, Ma,
near-death experience.

227
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,135
Where are you going?

228
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,262
I got to take a leak.

229
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,430
Don't forget to zip up
your fly.

230
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:19,184
If you don't zip up your fly,
a seagull will get you.

231
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:23,188
God, she's a pain in the ass,
I wish Dad was still dead.

232
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,441
Lois's dad was a pain in the ass
when I met him.

233
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,611
( doorbell rings )

234
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,908
Hi. Can I take my tie off yet?

235
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:36,368
Oh, Peter,
you look so wonderful.

236
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,787
You aren't nervous about
meeting Daddy, are you?

237
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:40,497
Oh, you'll know
when I'm nervous.

238
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,623
Father:
Lois!

239
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,208
( passes gas ):
Now!

240
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,210
Lois, take the
rap for this.

241
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,213
I only get one chance
to make a first impression.

242
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:49,673
( sniffs )

243
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,801
Hi, Daddy, that was me,
and this is Peter.

244
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,261
Hey, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

245
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,138
What are you feeding
this gal?

246
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,390
Peter Griffin. Can I take
this freakin' tie off?

247
00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,725
It's a pleasure, Peter.

248
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,185
My daughter is quite taken
with you.

249
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,603
And I'm taken with her.

250
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,354
I mean, look at her.

251
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,065
Show us front and
back there, Lois.

252
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,235
And don't think I don't know
where that comes from.

253
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,237
That's some world-class juice

254
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,574
you got brewing in the old flesh
balloon down there, Carter?

255
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,367
I'm going to get my purse.

256
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,702
All right.

257
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,913
Based on what you've seen
with your wife

258
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,915
what can we expect
in terms of droopage here?

259
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,499
Are we talking a slight slope

260
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:25,751
or the full-blown
fried eggs

261
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,085
hanging on a nail thing?

262
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,253
Peter, what do you think of
this bronze statue?

263
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:29,421
It's nice.

264
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:30,547
It's early Etruscan.

265
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,715
Oh, get out of here!

266
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,966
No, seriously.
Oh, that's great.

267
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:44,686
( sputtering and coughing )

268
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,606
Hey, look, a manatee.

269
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,233
We can use it for soup.

270
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,031
Ensign Glen Quagmire;
welcome aboard.

271
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,158
You picked a great day
to get rescued.

272
00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:00,702
We were just about to sing
a song about mopping.

273
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,746
( breezy show music plays )

274
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,666
♪♪ We're mopping the deck,
which is Navy for floor ♪♪

275
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:09,419
♪♪ And when we're done mopping,
we'll mop it some more ♪♪

276
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:12,297
♪♪ Swab means mop,
deck means floor... ♪♪

277
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,300
Could you tell me when you're
leaving to go back in time?

278
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:18,053
I was talking to a robe on
the coat rack for 20 minutes

279
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,472
before I realized
you weren't in it.

280
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,809
Ahh, for God's sake,
leave me alone, I'm working.

281
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,435
Don't yell at your mother.

282
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,104
If you yell at your mother

283
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,273
a hen will lay eggs
in your tummy.

284
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,358
Wow, brilliantly choreographed.

285
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,110
That's your tax
dollars at work.

286
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,153
Why don't you join us
and see the world?

287
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:39,575
Sorry, pal, I've seen
the world, and its name is Lois.

288
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,951
How romantic.

289
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,036
Why can't you find a nice girl?

290
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,830
Ma, she's going
to dump him.

291
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,832
Well, at least he got that far.

292
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,668
You know who he took to
the prom-- his cousin!

293
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,086
That's weak.

294
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,963
Yeah.

295
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,591
All right, that's it,
I'm sick of both of you.

296
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,342
Come on, Peter.

297
00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,678
Death, put your jacket on
or you'll get frostbite.

298
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,096
I don't have skin.

299
00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:03,015
That's 'cause you didn't
eat your beans.

300
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,895
Come on, come on, get back
in your big, fat body.

301
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,980
Why should I help some guy
save his marriage

302
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,274
when I can't even
get a girl?

303
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,525
What are you saying?

304
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:15,152
The revelation, jackass.

305
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,654
It could've helped you
save your marriage.

306
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,239
Oops, but too late.

307
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:22,367
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
when the lightning hit you

308
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:23,452
you soiled yourself.

309
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,412
Enjoy.

310
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,538
I can't lose Lois.

311
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:27,706
I'll do anything.

312
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:31,001
What if I helped you get a girl?

313
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,046
Y-you think you
could do that?

314
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:37,382
Sure, all we got to do is get
you a little fixed up, you know.

315
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,426
Get your hair cut,
give you a good, clean...

316
00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:41,011
( screams )

317
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,264
shave, maybe some cologne, the
chicks will be all over you.

318
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,600
Gee, y-you really think so?

319
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:47,976
Absolutely.

320
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:55,359
You got any SPF-50?

321
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,860
I bleach like
a gym sock.

322
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,487
What? Death,
will you relax?

323
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,406
I told you the beach is the perfect place
to pick up chicks.

324
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,950
I want you
to go over there

325
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,826
and ask those girls
if you can play.

326
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:08,497
Uh... hey!
Can I join you?

327
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,457
I guess.
What's your name?

328
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,085
Josh.

329
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,045
Do you, like, live
around here?

330
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,089
No. I, uh...
I live with my mom.

331
00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:19,675
Let's get
out of here.

332
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,759
See you, Josh.

333
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,427
Tell your mom
we said hi.

334
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:23,512
( giggling )

335
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,680
Man:
Heads up!

336
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,934
How do we get
up there?

337
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,477
Dad put grease on the pole.

338
00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:31,854
Don't worry, Meg.

339
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,772
We've been studying fulcrums
in school.

340
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,899
You simply have
to counterbalance the weight

341
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,776
at the point
where the lever pivots.

342
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,194
Like so.

343
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:42,072
Stewie, honey, you want
to play rocket ship?

344
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,074
-What the deuce?
-Blast off!

345
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,158
Go on, Stewie.

346
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,910
Get the note
for Mommy.

347
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,913
How dare you use me for your own
personal, selfish...

348
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,124
Hmm... Whoo. Pull slower.

349
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:55,335
I must remember to do this again
when no one's around.

350
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,087
What the hell
was I thinking?

351
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,423
You don't know anything
about picking up chicks.

352
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,591
Are you kidding?

353
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,009
I learned from the best.

354
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,306
Come on, buddy. We're about
to anchor in Jamaica.

355
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,141
Aw, Craig, we're getting closer
to Rhode Island.

356
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,767
Rhode Island? Forget that.

357
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,811
I'm taking off
for some shore leave.

358
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,396
Does this look like
a "q" to you?

359
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,064
-No.
-How about now?

360
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:17,316
Sorry, Quagmire.

361
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,860
Your crotch just looks like
Lois to me.

362
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,403
Well, let's ask her, then.

363
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,822
Hey, Lois, should Peter
sit around and mope all night?

364
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,826
Or should Peter go out
with his buddy

365
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,203
and have some fun?

366
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:31,580
Huh, huh. All right.

367
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,081
( music playing )

368
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,375
Okay. That one's
a feminist type--

369
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,504
she's into he-man--
and that one's mad for jazz.

370
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,005
Watch this.

371
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,758
The plight of women in this
hemisphere is deplorable.

372
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,468
I can bench-press 800 pounds.

373
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,762
You, me and Coltrane till dawn.
Giga-giga-gigadi!

374
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:48,263
Huh. There you go, Peter.

375
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:49,765
One for you, two for me.

376
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,767
You guys go on without me.

377
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,274
( sighs )

378
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,235
So why didn't you go
with them?

379
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,904
You don't know what it's like
when you're in love.

380
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,364
Oh, yeah?
Her name's Amy.

381
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:06,865
She works
at a pet store.

382
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,576
I met her last summer
when her dad hung himself.

383
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:11,411
But I was too shy
to ask her out.

384
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,996
Aah, what's with
that mustache?

385
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,540
Huh? Let me see that.

386
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,500
Sorry. That's
Edward James Olmos.

387
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,835
Here. This is her.

388
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,545
Ah, nice ass.

389
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,004
Oh, sorry. No, no.

390
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,756
That's
Edward James Olmos's ass.

391
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,633
I guess I don't have
a photo of her

392
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:25,968
but trust me, she's cute.

393
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,678
Well, let's go get her.

394
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,389
I'm going to need that picture
of Olmos's ass back.

395
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:31,473
Oh. Yeah, right.

396
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,353
Mom, hurry!
I can't stand the smell.

397
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,105
I found the note.

398
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,983
"Go back to the Mini-mart"?

399
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,026
Oh, this isn't very creative.

400
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,486
Let's go, kids.

401
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:46,405
Mom, you remember
that goldfish

402
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,115
we flushed down
the toilet?

403
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,575
He wasn't dead.

404
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:50,659
( gun cocks )

405
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,452
There she is.
That's her.

406
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:53,620
All right now, go on.

407
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:54,913
Just like we practiced.

408
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,164
( inhales,
then exhale)

409
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,749
Hey, you.

410
00:15:57,833 --> 00:16:00,127
Hi. I was, just, uh...

411
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,628
( animals yelping )

412
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:04,423
uh... and, and, uh, I was just

413
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,758
in the neighborhood and, uh

414
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,553
so I thought that, uh...

415
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,388
so, uh, you...

416
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,182
uh, I'll, uh...

417
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,601
( louder ):
This is a bad time.

418
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:18,896
Maybe I'll just come back.

419
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,856
Who am I kidding?
I'll never get he.

420
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,191
Not with that attitude.

421
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,568
Come on! Robert Reed
got Florence Henderson

422
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,279
and he was one of them
toe-tappin' burgermeisters.

423
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,531
You've got to find a way
to make it happen.

424
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:30,699
So long, Peter.

425
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,326
I hope you find your girl.

426
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,535
Thanks, Quagmire.

427
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:35,829
Hope you live next
door to me someday.

428
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:38,415
Hey... hey! Does this
look like a "q" to you?

429
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,499
( woman screams )

430
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,626
How about now?

431
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:49,343
So, where is it that you need
to go, my new honky friend?

432
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,929
Rhode Island.
That's not to far, is it?

433
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:55,974
Nothing's too far away from
Maxine the cheatin' queen.

434
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,977
Women. That's not fair.

435
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,979
I'm just speaking
out of hurt.

436
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:08,111
That truck's coming up
on us awful fast.

437
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,780
( horn honking )

438
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,198
Holy crap!

439
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,533
Do you see what I see?

440
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:13,659
I'm afraid I do.

441
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,536
We're being chased by ghosts!

442
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,415
So you went through all this
trouble just to see a girl?

443
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,459
I just did, and I'm
just a fat idiot.

444
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,419
What's your excuse,
you big chicken?

445
00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:26,046
Chicken?
You take that back.

446
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,130
And make me.

447
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,466
I don't make monkeys--
I train them.

448
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:32,010
( both grunting and groaning)

449
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,303
Holy crap!
I'm sorry.

450
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:34,388
Did that hurt?

451
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:35,806
No. But this will!

452
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,474
Ah! Ah! You bastard!

453
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,935
( yelling )

454
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,478
What the hell is going on
out here?

455
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,771
Um...

456
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,523
Actually, I, uh...
I, uh...

457
00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:47,109
Actually, he wanted
to ask you something.

458
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:50,070
Amy, you want to go somewhere
and grab a coffee?

459
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,446
Sure. I get off at 2:00.

460
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:52,948
Great. Uh, uh, Great.

461
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,449
Uh, I'll meet you here.

462
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,244
You did it!

463
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:58,620
All right!

464
00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:01,164
Hey, who knows?
You might even, uh, you know?

465
00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:05,752
I'm not following you.

466
00:18:05,836 --> 00:18:07,212
-Intercourse.
-Ha.

467
00:18:08,714 --> 00:18:10,382
What are you
doing here?

468
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,135
Loretta's mom
was hankering for a snack

469
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,096
so we had to pick her up
some Kibbles 'n Bits.

470
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:17,181
Cleveland!

471
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,682
I mean Cheez-its.

472
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,392
Did Peter give you
a clue for me?

473
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,520
Peter? He's down at Barrington
with Brian and Quagmire.

474
00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:24,897
He's golfing?

475
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,024
On our anniversary?

476
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,985
Oh, boy. You just put
Peter in a doghouse

477
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,321
which is where
your mother...

478
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,739
Don't say it!

479
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:36,909
Your mother smells.

480
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:43,498
See? This is why I
hate clothes shopping.

481
00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:45,417
I have no ass.
I'm minus an ass.

482
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:46,668
You're trying too hard, Death.

483
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:49,004
She's not going to care
what you're wearing.

484
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,756
She's just going to
be glad to see you.

485
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:51,965
That's how it was with Lois.

486
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,262
( growling )

487
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,598
-( yells )
-( barking )

488
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,892
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

489
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,602
( barking ferociously )

490
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,898
Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

491
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,900
What the hell
are you doing her?

492
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,109
That's a long story

493
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,528
with some
terrific performances

494
00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:14,196
and a wonderful scene
in a carnival

495
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,697
but I'll cut to the ending.

496
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:17,074
I want to marry Lois.

497
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,659
Out of the question!

498
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:21,328
Now, listen, Griffin,
I want you to take this

499
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,914
and stay away from
my daughter forever.

500
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,083
( gasps ):
A million dollars!

501
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,292
A million dollars.

502
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:28,502
No deal.

503
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,712
Lois may be worth
a million to you

504
00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:32,798
but to me, she's worthless.

505
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,550
I love her, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

506
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:35,968
Oh, Peter!

507
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,638
Holy crap!

508
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,891
Back then, I gave up a million
bucks just to be with Lois.

509
00:19:42,975 --> 00:19:44,935
Now I won't even miss
a lousy golf game

510
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,104
to spend our anniversary
together.

511
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,689
No wonder she's
going to dump me.

512
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,107
Or... is she?

513
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,234
Wait a minute.
That's my revelation.

514
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:54,361
I got to pay more attention
to my wife!

515
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,863
Eureka.

516
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,614
Now come on back
to the golf course.

517
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,824
I've got a date.

518
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,242
Death, wait, wait, wait.

519
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,412
Before we go, I need you
to do me one more favor.

520
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,582
Peter...

521
00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:09,209
Peter Frampton!

522
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:10,711
Oh, no! God, please, no!

523
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,629
I'm too young to die.

524
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:16,508
Are you sure you're not supposed
to be at Keith Richards's house?

525
00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:20,721
All right. If you want to live,
come with me

526
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:22,097
and bring your guitar

527
00:20:22,181 --> 00:20:24,558
and bring that thing
you use to make it go:

528
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,894
♪♪ Wa, wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. ♪♪

529
00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:29,354
Hey!

530
00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:30,647
Hey!

531
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:33,192
( tires squealing )

532
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:36,695
How could he lie to me
on our anniversary?!

533
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,238
( brakes screeching )

534
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,033
( guitar playing softly )

535
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:44,036
Frampton: ♪♪ Ooh, baby,
I love the way... ♪♪

536
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,873
( music grows louder )

537
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,584
♪♪ I wanna tell you
I love the way... ♪♪

538
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:58,800
♪♪ I wanna be with you
night and day ♪♪

539
00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:01,386
Oh, Peter, our song!

540
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:04,306
Happy anniversary, Lois!

541
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:07,476
This is the most romantic gift
you've ever given me.

542
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,103
How did you ever put
all of this together?

543
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:12,147
Well, I had a little help

544
00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:14,525
from a very special friend.

545
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:15,859
( song ends )

546
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,070
I like animals.

547
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:19,279
Uh-huh.

548
00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:20,864
'Cause they're
like people.

549
00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:22,574
Just little
furry people.

550
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,702
Yeah. Uh, hey!
You ever go on the internet?

551
00:21:25,786 --> 00:21:29,164
They've got some cool stuff
there on that internet.

552
00:21:29,248 --> 00:21:30,874
Oh, yeah. I bought
these shoes

553
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:32,334
from a company
on the internet

554
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,169
because they don't
test on animals.

555
00:21:34,253 --> 00:21:36,463
Wow. ( sighs )

556
00:21:36,547 --> 00:21:39,049
You know, animals
never have wars.

557
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,260
War is an invention
of mankind.

558
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:43,595
What the hell
are you talking about?

559
00:21:43,679 --> 00:21:45,305
Animals fight all the time.

560
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:47,057
Not with
nuclear arms.

561
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,143
You can't hug your children
with nuclear arms.

562
00:21:51,937 --> 00:21:53,522
Check, please.