1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,699 In the television comedy world, the people are entertained... 2 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:07,500 by two separate yet equally important types of shows. 3 00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:10,508 Traditional sitcoms that get laughs out of everyday situations... 4 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,376 like trying to fix your own plumbing or inviting two dates to the same dance. 5 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:18,008 And animated shows that make jokes about farting. This is the latter. 6 00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:22,254 Sorry. I just farted. 7 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,952 I'm glad you guys could come tonight. 8 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,151 Chris, honey, we wouldn't miss your open house. 9 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,127 You kids are the most important thing in our lives. 10 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,821 Oh, my God! We forgot Meg. 11 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:07,531 Don't worry about Meg. She's got everything she needs in her room. 12 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,113 Most of the time, the kids'll exercise out in the field. 13 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,117 But if it's raining or I'm hung-over, they stay inside and play dodge ball. 14 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,620 I love dodge ball! Heads up! 15 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,989 And this week in Home Ec, we're teaching your kids... 16 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,254 how to make bundt cake. 17 00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,556 I love bundt cake! Heads up! 18 00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:42,292 The school band offers a wide variety of instruments... 19 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,994 from the kettledrum to the trombone. 20 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,833 I love the trombone! 21 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:00,510 Wow! 22 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,880 I know, isn't he wonderful? He took lessons in junior college. 23 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,048 Heads up! 24 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,896 I like meeting Chris's teachers. This ought to be more interesting than... 25 00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,692 that time I met Ted Danson. 26 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,663 Wow! Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen! 27 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,702 Always nice to meet a fan. 28 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,905 Oh, shoot! I forgot my umbrella. 29 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,668 That's okay, honey. Come on over here. 30 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:23,775 Thanks, dear. 31 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:27,369 Sometimes it's good to be a freak. Do you want to sleep together later? 32 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:32,281 No. Thanks, though. 33 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:35,953 Good evening, parents. I'm Ms. Clifton. I'd like for you to fill out these... 34 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:39,252 contact information sheets. Now, who would like to pass them out? 35 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,460 Ms. Clifton, over here! 36 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:46,591 Ms. Clifton! Ms. Clifton! Ms. Clifton! Ms. Clifton! Ms. Clifton! 37 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,172 Mrs. Griffin. 38 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:59,035 I'm sorry. Will you all please excuse me for a moment? 39 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,110 Tonight's winning lottery numbers are... 40 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,809 6, 21, 18, 7, 42. 41 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:08,281 Oh, my God! I won! 42 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,915 I'm free from all those snot-nosed, little bastards! 43 00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:15,116 I'm free! 44 00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,093 - Is she coming back? - I don't know. 45 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:32,004 I can't believe Ms. Clifton's gone. Who's gonna teach my class now? 46 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,602 Brian, why don't you teach Chris's class? 47 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,512 You're very knowledgeable, the kids might knock you down a few pegs... 48 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:38,694 which would be good for you. 49 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:42,620 You know, that is a terrific idea, Lois. I probably have a lot to offer young people. 50 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,922 What's he going to teach them? 51 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,983 How to lick the Dorito crumbs from between the sofa cushions? 52 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:48,773 Or how to leave a dead bird on the carpet? 53 00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:50,522 That was a gift, you bastard. 54 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,461 That was a gift for the family. 55 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,696 Good morning, class. I'm your substitute teacher, Brian Griffin. 56 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:01,431 Good morning, Mr. Griffin. 57 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:05,374 Please. Call me Brian. Mr. Griffin is my father. 58 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:09,710 I thought your father's name was Cocoa, and he was hit by a milk truck! 59 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,717 All right. Our goal here is to gain a command of the English language. 60 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:16,152 So you can be successful writers like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. 61 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:20,724 There. Finished. Good Will Hunting by Matt Damon. 62 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,259 You think we could put both our names on that? 63 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:26,127 What? You've done nothing but eat Breyer's and smoke pot... 64 00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,460 for the last six months. 65 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,195 Oh, that's... Come on! I helped. 66 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,431 Oh, yeah? Okay, write a line. Just right now. 67 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,139 - Just pitch me a line right now. - Okay. 68 00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:37,266 How about that? 69 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,505 - That wasn't a line. You just farted. - Is there anymore pot? 70 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,909 So, how was your first day, Mr. Kotter? 71 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,052 Yeah, Chris. What's it like to have Brian as a teacher? 72 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:55,116 It sucks! Mr. Griffin gave me an F on my first assignment! 73 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,493 What? An F, Brian? After all Chris has done for you? 74 00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,993 Yeah. Just kind of pull it out. Yeah. 75 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,597 If dogs aren't supposed to eat dental floss out of the garbage... 76 00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,172 why do they make it mint-flavored? 77 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:10,135 Chris, when I was in school, you know what we used to do... 78 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,553 when a teacher gave us a bad grade? 79 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:13,238 - What? - We'd egg his house. 80 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,974 - Come on. Where's this bastard live? - I'll show you. 81 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,709 That's his house! 82 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,880 - Take that! - I got it! 83 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,182 Take that, you bum! 84 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,476 What the hell are you doing? 85 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,786 - Is that him? - Yeah! 86 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:26,892 Oh, crap! 87 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:34,159 Hello, class. Mark Twain here, filling in for Brian Griffin. 88 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:38,327 I understand you children read my book, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. 89 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:39,735 Yeah, we read it. 90 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,364 Now, who can tell me... Bobby, stop screwing around back there! 91 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,911 Who can tell me the significance of the carpetbaggers in my novel? 92 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,980 Yeah. They stood for corruption and greed. 93 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:52,313 That's exactly right. Just like the presidency of James Garfield. 94 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,980 He died in office. 95 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,888 You kids are mighty smart. You must have a powerful good teacher. 96 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,961 Well, I gotta catch my time steamboat back to the 1800s. 97 00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:11,025 - Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything? - Yeah! Cap'n Crunch was here. 98 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,230 Didn't you pass him on the stairs? 99 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:16,035 Well, I hope the rest of you kids learned something today. 100 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,632 Yeah. 101 00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,905 Good morning, this is Principal Sloan. 102 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,256 Mr. Griffin, you've been reassigned. 103 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,804 Please report to Remedial English. 104 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:26,544 Reassigned? Can I at least come down to your office and talk to you about this? 105 00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:29,883 No. I'm afraid I'm far too busy today. 106 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:33,220 Estoban, mucho tension lower. 107 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,895 Little lower. Lower. 108 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,158 Lower. 109 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,791 On top of old Smokey 110 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,500 Gosh, I was really starting to like this job. 111 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,766 It was nice interacting with intelligent people. 112 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,194 I usually hang out with an idiot. 113 00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:52,938 Brian, check it out. I made a water slide in the house. 114 00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:06,286 I'm not gonna call the hospital because you won't learn anything if I do. 115 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,924 Well, kids, I'll see you later. 116 00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:13,059 Pardon me. Is this first-period English? 117 00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,059 I'm your new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart. 118 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,772 Oh, my God. I'm in love. 119 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,845 Watch out for the stairs! 120 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:40,283 - Good morning, class. - Good morning, Mrs. Lockhart. 121 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:43,851 I graded your quizzes from yesterday. Most of you did well. 122 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:48,124 Some of you, I think, can do better. What do you see here, Chris? 123 00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,703 Two D's and an F. 124 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,948 Hi. I'm Mr. Griffin. But you can call me Brian. 125 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,686 Mr. Griffin is my father. 126 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,856 Well, has anybody read Huckleberry Finn? 127 00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:15,217 All right. How about we go around the room and everyone can say... 128 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,955 a little something about themselves? 129 00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,507 Let's start with you there in the front. 130 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,999 My name's Tim. I'm 28 years young. 131 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,328 And I love weed. 132 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:27,338 My name is Carlos. And beneath my tough exterior is a boy aching to learn. 133 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,470 And beneath that is a rapist. 134 00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:32,339 My name is Amanda. And my water just broke. 135 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,572 - Oh, my God! - Yo, it's my turn to deliver. 136 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,877 Can I have this one? My mom keeps giving mine away. 137 00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:44,317 Dad, I need some advice. I need to know how to get a girl to like me. 138 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:46,755 Chris, buddy, there's a million ways to do that. 139 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,179 You just got to do something simple, like Vincent van Gogh. 140 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,953 It's... What is this? 141 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,929 It's my ear. Do you like it? 142 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,592 You don't like it. 143 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,898 No, I like it. But it's just... Why your ear? 144 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,131 Because I love you. 145 00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:03,402 Well, at least this will be a funny story to tell our kids someday. 146 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,569 You want kids? Oh, yikes. 147 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,776 I wish you'd told me that before I got you this. 148 00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:15,280 Did I hear my big boy say he's got a crush on some lucky girl? 149 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,789 You know, Chris, I knew this day would come. So, I brought you a condom. 150 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,052 Use it wisely, though. It wasn't easy to obtain. 151 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,121 What the hell are you doing? 152 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,928 Give that back! Man! 153 00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:32,436 Now, where were we? This is much better. 154 00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:36,808 Chris, honey, the way to win a girl is to do something romantic and unexpected. 155 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,537 Remember the naked spaceman, Lois? 156 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:42,512 Yeah. You remember the naked spaceman. 157 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,649 On my 25th birthday, your father surprised me by showing up... 158 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,482 in nothing but a space helmet and moon boots. 159 00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:51,450 It just came to me. 160 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:56,421 - You want some Tang, Mr. Spaceman? - Do I? 161 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,994 Just remember, fat man, those jugs are mine until the milk dries up. 162 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,292 Then you can have the remains. 163 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:11,741 So, basically, what Orwell was saying was, "It's not perfect but I'll take it." 164 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,341 All right, moving on... 165 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,414 Sorry, I'm late, Mrs. Lockhart. 166 00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:18,278 Oh, my God, Chris! What are you doing? 167 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,614 Being romantic and unexpected. 168 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,777 Chris, you can't be so impulsive. 169 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,879 People have gotten into a lot of trouble that way. 170 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,653 - Marie? - Yeah, Donny? 171 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,760 We cannot tell Mom. 172 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,805 So, Chris, what's the latest with your little girlfriend? 173 00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:43,306 I don't think Mrs. Lockhart likes me at all. 174 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,842 Mrs. Lockhart? Your teacher? 175 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,535 Whoa! 176 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,671 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 177 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,283 Lois, this is not my Batman glass. 178 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:57,014 Peter, are you listening? Chris has a crush on his teacher. 179 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,385 Gross! 180 00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,788 You know what else is gross? 181 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,018 Broke a damn blood vessel! 182 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,290 How's it coming, dog? 183 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,529 God! Just listen to this kid's report on Great Expectations. 184 00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:15,266 "Miss Havisham should have throwed that cake out so it don't like... 185 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,569 "mess all up the bitch's house." 186 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,613 I don't know what to do, you know? Society's given up on these kids. 187 00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,692 I feel like I may be the only one who can help them. 188 00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:26,116 I think your problem is you're not communicating in a way... 189 00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:27,462 that speaks to their experience. 190 00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:28,714 You know what you should do? 191 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,812 Get in there tomorrow and do the robot. 192 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,322 Wow. You know, you're right. Maybe I should just try... 193 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,421 a whole new approach. Thanks. 194 00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,535 Okay, you can stop that now. 195 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,263 I can't hear you. I'm a robot. 196 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,635 - Come on, knock it off. - Does not compute. 197 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,874 - I'm going to bed. - I do not require sleep. 198 00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,976 Let's see the kid with the hearing aid from Barney do this. 199 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:05,089 All right. So's I'm chilling in Verona when my homie busts out with: 200 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,991 "Yo, Romeo. Check out that biotch Juliet in the window." 201 00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,596 Problem is, Juliet's peeps are, like, East Coast rappers... 202 00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:14,689 and my posse's representing West Side. 203 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,894 Just like my boys Tupac and Biggie. Know what I'm saying? 204 00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:21,162 - That's racist, man. - Yeah, that's just straight ignorant, dog. 205 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,236 It's good to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. 206 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:28,370 We wanted to talk to you about our son. You see, Chris really... 207 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:32,144 Lois, honey, let's make sure we do this delicately, all right? 208 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,277 Mrs. Lockhart, our son... 209 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,656 would like to plow you. 210 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,421 I had a feeling that's what was going on. 211 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,725 Sorry. Our son can sometimes be a boob. I mean a melon. 212 00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:50,461 I mean, a sopping-wet pair of breasts barely covered by a racing t-shirt. 213 00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:52,469 Mrs. Lockhart, we just wanted you to know... 214 00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:55,199 so you could spare his feelings and let him down gently. 215 00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:58,105 Don't worry. I know exactly what to say to Chris. 216 00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:01,407 Thank you so much. You've been very understanding. 217 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:06,946 Gosh. You know, I don't mean to impose, but do you have a picture of yourself... 218 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,111 that I could tape to the back of Lois's head? 219 00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,991 - Mrs. Lockhart? - Chris, come down here. 220 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,964 I need to talk to you. 221 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,362 Why are you here? 222 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,370 'Cause I couldn't stand to be away from you for another moment. 223 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,032 I think I'm falling in love with you. 224 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:32,440 - I love you, too! - The only problem is I'm married. 225 00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,539 Therefore, there's only one thing to do. 226 00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:40,579 Make a flip book of a stick figure whose head gets bigger and bigger... 227 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,313 and bigger and then pops? 228 00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:47,151 This isn't a flip book, Chris. They're instructions. 229 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:51,389 If we're going to be together, I need you to kill my husband. 230 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,029 Do you have any idea what time it is? 231 00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,500 Get in the house, fatty! 232 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:10,214 Chris, you big beautiful man, I'm so glad you came. 233 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:14,583 Up the stairs, second door on the left. He should still be asleep. 234 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,985 - Mrs. Lockhart, I don't think I can do this. - What? 235 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,888 Maybe you could just get a divorce, and we could live together... 236 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,358 in the fort under my bed. 237 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,487 Fine. I'll do it myself. But we're through. 238 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:29,125 Okay. But I got to give you the password, or you can't get into the fort. 239 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,234 It's taco. Taco! 240 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,739 Good God! Look at the fat man's underwear. 241 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:41,176 It looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. Don't put that in with my things! 242 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,542 What's this? 243 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:46,345 You know, Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pockets. 244 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:47,942 She's more respectful than that. 245 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,385 Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch. 246 00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,821 Oh, my God! 247 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,393 Chris is gonna murder Mrs. Lockhart's husband! 248 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,121 We got to stop him! 249 00:14:57,329 --> 00:15:01,356 Can we stop at the supermarket? I want a Granny Smith apple. 250 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,902 How's your oatmeal, honey? 251 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,736 You know, it tastes kind of different than usual. 252 00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:13,539 Oh, my God! There's a bear in my oatmeal. 253 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:27,690 Yeah, I know. I'm late. Okay, let's just get started. 254 00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,731 Yo, man, what's that thing in the middle? 255 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:39,296 What, this? You got to be freaking kidding me. 256 00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:42,531 That's an ampersand. It's a symbol for the word "and." 257 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,372 My God, nobody can be this stupid. Not even Peter when he took... 258 00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:49,090 that blow to the head and thought he was Larry from Three's Company. 259 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,912 Jack, there's a hot tub party across the street and we're invited. 260 00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:56,010 And don't worry. If Mr. Furley comes by, I'll make sure he thinks you're... 261 00:15:56,588 --> 00:16:00,217 Mr. Griffin, chillax. We're doing the best we can. 262 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:03,386 There is nothing I would like to do more than chillax, Amanda. 263 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:06,589 But without a decent education, you could spend the rest of your life... 264 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,826 as a ditch digger or a motel maid or a hooker. 265 00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,494 - I could be a ditch digger? - A motel maid? 266 00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:12,763 I could be a hooker? 267 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,930 Well, no. You don't want to be a hooker. 268 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,601 Wow, Mr. Griffin! You're the first teacher that ever told us we could do anything. 269 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,339 Well, I didn't mean sell your body for money. 270 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,305 "O, Captain! my Captain!" 271 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,759 No, you're actually misunderstanding. 272 00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:25,909 "O, Captain! my Captain!" 273 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,429 Well, if it works for you, I guess... 274 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:28,920 "O, Captain! my Captain!" 275 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,966 What the hell? Be the best damn hooker you can be. 276 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,548 "O, Captain! my Captain!" 277 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,649 In your case, I'd get the money up front. 278 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,557 Jack, twins! Swedish. My place. Now. 279 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:50,466 We're too late! Oh, my God. 280 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,677 Okay, I gotta call the police. 281 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,337 What's that smell? 282 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:57,608 Dead body, right. That's what that is. 283 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:02,011 I just had a dream I was an egg, and I was being hatched by Elisabeth Hasselbeck. 284 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,851 No, wait a minute. I can't call the police. 285 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,620 I have to get rid of this body, or Chris'll go to prison! 286 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:12,185 And we all know what happens in those prison showers. I've seen Oz. 287 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:14,455 Scrub scrub here, scrub scrub there 288 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,033 Whether you're white or bronze 289 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:20,071 A man can wash another man in the merry old land of Oz 290 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:29,474 All right, wait here, Stewie, while Mommy gets the cement blocks. 291 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,844 - Everything all right here? - Fine, Officer. Just enjoying the sunset. 292 00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:39,924 No law against that, is there? 293 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:44,052 - What happened to your shirt? - You know, just a pizza party at the office. 294 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,528 Yeah? Where do you work? 295 00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:48,065 First Fidelity Insurance over on Wabossette Street. 296 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,364 - My cousin, Arnie, works over there. - Arnie's your cousin, is he? 297 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:52,835 - You know him? - Somewhat. 298 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:55,805 Good middle-management type. Just blends in with the furniture there. 299 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,739 Never really wowed anyone at the office. 300 00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:00,937 Yeah, that's always been Arnie's problem. Well, take it easy. 301 00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:04,209 Yes. You, too. And if you see Arnie, tell him: 302 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,884 He'll know what it means. 303 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:16,088 You know what I hate? A guy in a blue suit. 304 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:20,632 There's one right behind me, isn't there? 305 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:26,260 You know, Lois, Chris is cool and everything, but since he killed that guy... 306 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,550 I don't know. Maybe he shouldn't be living with us here now. 307 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:29,574 Peter, I'm scared. 308 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,303 Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll have plenty of time to escape... 309 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:35,039 while he's killing Meg. He hates her the most. 310 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:38,310 Hey, everybody. What's for dinner? I'm starving. 311 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,147 My God, his blood lust is unquenchable! 312 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:44,017 Chris, why don't you take your sister into the kitchen for a sandwich? 313 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,784 I don't want to die! 314 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,352 Why is everybody acting weird? 315 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,087 Chris, honey, we know what you did. 316 00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,823 And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve. 317 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:57,630 What I did? That I lied about my age to get into Indian Bingo? 318 00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:59,294 No. 319 00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:01,895 That I had hard gas and pooed myself? 320 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:03,099 Close, but still no. 321 00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,208 How is that close? 322 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,709 For God's sake, Chris! You murdered Mr. Lockhart! 323 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,279 What? No, I didn't! 324 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,940 Come on. Everybody's done something they're not proud of. 325 00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:12,529 Like when I used to be a Wonder Twin. 326 00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:15,553 Peter, the old schoolhouse is on fire! Let's go! 327 00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:17,655 Wonder Twin powers, activate! 328 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,280 Form of a hawk! 329 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,055 - Come on, Peter. - Yeah, I'll be right behind you. 330 00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:27,360 Shape of Jayna's tampon. 331 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:34,171 And now I play the waiting game. 332 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,007 Chris, I saw the body. 333 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:39,942 Premeditated murder is one thing, but I will not have lying in this house. 334 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:43,014 Wait, hold it. Can we finish this after Joan of Arcadia? 335 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,707 Is Joan of Arcadia on? 336 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,009 All right. 337 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,210 Must be good. 338 00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:48,319 Enjoyable program. 339 00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:51,389 We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a breaking news story. 340 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,550 We apologize to Joan of Arcadia's sanctimonious, fear-based... 341 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,389 and probably overweight viewers. 342 00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,793 That's right, Diane. It appears Ronald Lockhart... 343 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:02,025 has been brutally murdered by his wife, Lana, and a local bear. 344 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,303 Well, I'll be damned. Chris, I guess we owe you an apology. 345 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:10,535 That's okay. I just wonder what happened to Ms. Lockhart and that bear. 346 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,939 The whereabouts of these suspects are currently unknown. 347 00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,814 - You ready? - What's that? 348 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,711 I thought we'd try that lobster place we passed in the car. 349 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:24,221 - Yeah, can I just finish watching this? - You can watch TV anytime. I'm starving. 350 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:28,157 Lana, this is gonna be a real long trip if you don't knock off the crap! 351 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:31,920 Love you.