1 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,342 It was awfully nice of our new neighbors 2 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,010 to invite us over for dinner. 3 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:10,886 I don't know, Lois. 4 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,012 Going to Cleveland's house 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,764 with someone else living there just seems weird. 6 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:16,308 Like when a new Pope moves into the Vatican. 7 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,310 Hi, I don't know who to complain to about this, 8 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,313 but I'm still getting XVlll's mail. 9 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,648 Yeah, no. 10 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,025 No, he's not here anymore, this is XXIV. 11 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,818 Yeah, no, I don't need Newsweek. 12 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,196 No, I don't need National Geographic. 13 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,658 Oh yeah, no, yeah, we'll-we'll hang on to Boys' Life. 14 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,536 Hello, neighbors. 15 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,954 Joe, you can walk. 16 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:37,955 How do you do? 17 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,039 I'm Stan Smith. 18 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,207 Please, come in. 19 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,962 Oh, I'm so glad everyone could make it. 20 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,547 Stan, I need $50. 21 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,883 They're selling a biopsy of Celine Dion's uterus on eBay. 22 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,426 What the hell kind of dog is that? 23 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,679 I was going to ask the same thing. 24 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,681 Oh, uh, that's our alien, Roger. 25 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,558 He lives in our attic, but nobody can know. 26 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,893 And don't tell anybody about our attic. 27 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,894 (phone ringing) 28 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,895 Hello? 29 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,896 Oh, hey, Quagmire. 30 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,314 Hey, you're not gonna believe this. 31 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,567 I'm over here with Joe, and he's got a space alien. 32 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,194 (all screaming) 33 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,321 (moaning) 34 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,408 Peter, wake up. 35 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,909 You're having a nightmare. 36 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:16,910 (gasps) 37 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:17,911 Oh, Lois. 38 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:19,580 Thank God, it was just a dream. 39 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,706 Hey. 40 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,958 Lois, what's that fat man doing in our bed? 41 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:26,211 Ugh, damn it, I always wake up 42 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:29,214 before I find out if they can understand the baby. 43 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,926 ( King of the Hill theme song playing) 44 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,628 Thanks for helping me set up this jungle gym, guys. 45 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,796 Lois says Stewie's been getting a little chunky. 46 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,299 Ugh, everybody's always commenting on my weight. 47 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,760 This is why I almost died from anorexia. 48 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,429 (monitor beeping) 49 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,805 You... 50 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,140 look... 51 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,433 fat. 52 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,644 All right, I got the monkey bars all put together. 53 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,936 Aw, God, look at that, 54 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,563 they already got AI Qaedas all over them. 55 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,814 Get, get out of here. 56 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:28,815 Scat! 57 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,567 Man, they're gonna be so good 58 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,569 at swinging bar-to-bar, when they invade. 59 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,530 Wow, Quagmire, how did you build that part so fast? 60 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:36,657 It was easy. 61 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,824 I just followed the instructions. 62 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,950 I couldn't find the English ones. 63 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,702 These are in Latin and those stuffy 64 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,537 Ivy League professors won't help me. 65 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,955 (laughing) 66 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,791 Nullum gratuitum prandium, eh, Peter? 67 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,042 Oh, yeah? 68 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,835 Why don't you catch a football, you nerds? 69 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:50,962 Nerds. 70 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:51,963 No, I just read the back, 71 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,048 where it's printed in French. 72 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,466 You speak French? 73 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,842 Sure, they love me in France. 74 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,222 Oh, Quagmire! Shh. Quagmire! 75 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,973 Silence! C 'est Quagmire. 76 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,355 (audience laughing) 77 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,692 Quagmire. Aw, Quagmire. 78 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,486 Oh, Quagmire, don't fall near ze mouse trap. 79 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,071 Yeah, and French also comes in handy 80 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,864 when I have layovers in Montreal. 81 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:18,990 That place is the best. 82 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,867 I always wanted to go to Canada, 83 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,869 but then South Park went, so we couldn't go. 84 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,705 Oh, man, you guys should come with me sometime. 85 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,498 Montreal has the best strip clubs in the world. 86 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:27,499 They do? 87 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,875 Yeah, they're unbelievable. 88 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,711 The girls up in Canada are gorgeous. 89 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,003 And they all play ice hockey, 90 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,505 so they lose their teeth by age ten. 91 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,756 Wow. 92 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,508 In fact, I'd even go so far as to say 93 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,884 that a Canadian strip club 94 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,095 is the most magical place in the world. 95 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,392 ♪ Nip nip here, nip nip there 96 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,018 ♪ And a bevy of porno stars 97 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,396 ♪ There's jugs and mugs of Molson beer ♪ 98 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,398 ♪ In Canadian nudie bars 99 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,525 ♪ Dirty ho's put on shows 100 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,235 ♪ And a lot of 'em don't have scars ♪ 101 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,404 ♪ They'll even take it up the nose ♪ 102 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,905 ♪ In Canadian nudie bars 103 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,741 ♪ You can touch and squeeze 'em ♪ 104 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,243 ♪ They don't even care 105 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,370 ♪ Would they even dye their pubes ♪ 106 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,079 ♪ To match my hair? 107 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:06,997 ♪ Uh-huh 108 00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,373 ♪ Color me there 109 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,750 ♪ Like me, say "Oui-Oui" 110 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,752 ♪ And tell them you're a friend of Bill Maher's ♪ 111 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,879 ♪ That's how you'll get to watch them pee ♪ 112 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,714 ♪ In Canadian nudie bars 113 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,965 ♪ Ha, ha, ha 114 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,091 ♪ Ho, ho, ho 115 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:18,967 BOTH: ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha 116 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,260 ♪Ha 117 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,762 ♪ A guy can get his hockey pucked ♪ 118 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,724 ♪ In Canadian nudie bars. 119 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:26,892 That sounds incredible! 120 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:27,893 We got to go. 121 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:28,894 Yeah, will you take us, Quagmire? 122 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:29,895 Please? 123 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,021 All right, let's do it! 124 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,022 But I don't want to get any crap 125 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,106 from your wives about me 126 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:33,982 taking you to a strip joint. 127 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,233 So you guys are gonna have to 128 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,401 lie about where we're going. 129 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,778 Okay, sure. Yeah, no problem. 130 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,029 I'm a great liar. 131 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,783 Okay, we're good this way. 132 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,534 Is it clear in your direction? 133 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,163 Yep. 134 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,794 HOST: We now return to Stabbed in the Butt, 135 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,796 the only game show where if you get the answer wrong, 136 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,130 you get stabbed in the butt. 137 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,549 All right, Bradley, here's your question. 138 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,177 What is the atomic weight of nitrogen? 139 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:04,930 Get him, guys! 140 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,139 Stab him in the butt! 141 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,766 Okay, bye, you guys- 142 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:08,809 I'm leaving now. 143 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,144 Peter, tell me again why you're going to Montreal? 144 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,813 Hey, do I give you the third degree 145 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,315 every time you go for one of those luxurious mammograms? 146 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,317 Dad, why can't we all go? 147 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,819 Because somebody's got to stay here 148 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,945 and round up all these rattlesnakes. 149 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:20,946 (rattling) 150 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:21,947 (all screaming) 151 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,073 Bye. 152 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,829 HEY, guys. 153 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,580 Check it out. What do you think? 154 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,957 Wow, a private plane? 155 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,333 How'd you swing that, Quagmire? 156 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,836 Well, let's just say I walked in on John Travolta 157 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,337 with not Kelly Preston. 158 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,340 Oh, my God, this plane is awesome, Quagmire. 159 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,842 Hey, who's that? 160 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,552 Oh, that's J. Private Planington. 161 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,845 He invented private planes. 162 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,347 He was also the world's foremost squid hunter. 163 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,975 I've got a lot of big ideas, too, 164 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,601 but everybody's just so jealous. 165 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,480 Boy, this is nice. 166 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,190 Hey, Joe, I'm gonna go check out the john. 167 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,069 Oh, my God, have you seen this? 168 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,863 Look how fancy this thing is. 169 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,865 They even got a special map that lets you choose 170 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,491 who you wan to dump your poop on. 171 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,871 Geez, the synagogue button's almost worn out. 172 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,209 Oh, my God, Joe, there's a man on the wing. 173 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,003 Peter, there's no man on the wing. 174 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,004 There is! I saw him! 175 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,881 Peter, stop being ridiculous. 176 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:21,882 I'm telling you, lift up the shade. 177 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:22,883 There's a man on the wing. 178 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,885 (sighs) Fine. 179 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,760 It's me. 180 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,012 I'm the man on the wing. 181 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,889 Peter, how the hell did you get out there? 182 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,015 Are you crazy?! 183 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,641 Get back in here, Peter! 184 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,394 What the hell's going on back there? 185 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,395 We're losing altitude. 186 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,524 Hang on, you guys; I don't know 187 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:40,901 if I can pull out of this-- giggity! 188 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,777 Wow, from up here, everything looks 189 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,654 so huge and coming faster. 190 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,795 Uh, what happened? 191 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:01,880 Did we crash? 192 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,548 Yeah, we crashed. 193 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,799 Wow. 194 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,551 Still, you know, we saved so much trouble 195 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,553 not flying commercial, I think we came out ahead. 196 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,763 Sure. 197 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,181 Drive right up to the plane. Exactly. 198 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,266 If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash 199 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,643 for another hour, at least. 200 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,271 Oh, they made pretty good time. 201 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,071 (sighs) I'm bored. 202 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,323 Peter, you made me crash the damn plane! 203 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,950 Okay, I know you're a pilot and everything, 204 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,785 but not everyone likes to talk about planes 205 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,328 as much as you, Quagmire. 206 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,081 Well, we're out of cell phone range 207 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:36,957 and the radio's shot. 208 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,083 This is not good. 209 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,292 No one knows we're out here, 210 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,835 and we've got no food or water. 211 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,796 Relax, Quagmire, there's food all around us. 212 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,089 The trick is just knowing 213 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,924 what's safe to eat and what's not. 214 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,097 Okay, these are a "maybe." 215 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,932 You guys, I think, for the time being, 216 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,309 we're gonna have to start thinking in terms of survival. 217 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,852 Yeah, we're just gonna have to do 218 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:58,979 what Davy Crockett would do. 219 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,314 I mean, that guy killed a bear when he was only three. 220 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,983 Honey, don't you think it's weird 221 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,234 that our three-year-old son 222 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,443 is murdering animals? 223 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,486 Nonsense. 224 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,862 He's a healthy, normal young boy. 225 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,116 Ma, Pa, I killed my pet raccoon. 226 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,951 Why, Davy? 227 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,327 So I could have this cool hat 228 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,038 and 'cause it felt like heaven when I was doing it. 229 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,295 Well, it's getting dark. 230 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,880 We should probably start a fire. 231 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,923 Man, how do we do that? 232 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,383 Hey, do you think there's directions 233 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,926 about starting fires in the song 234 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,177 "We Didn't Start the Fire"? 235 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,178 I don't think so. 236 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,513 I better go through it all. 237 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,181 ♪ Stuff, stuff, stuff and stuff ♪ 238 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,808 ♪ History and stuff and stuff 239 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,519 ♪ People, people, someone's name, history and sports ♪ 240 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,312 ♪ Big disaster, someone's name 241 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,189 ♪ Stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff ♪ 242 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,441 ♪ History, someone's name 243 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,692 ♪ Something I don't know 244 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,318 ♪ Famous guy, movie star 245 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,945 ♪ Don't know who these people are ♪ 246 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,196 ♪ Stuff and stuff and history 247 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,906 ♪ Yelling really loud at me! 248 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,324 Okay, how's the fire coming? 249 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,451 (frogs croaking, owl hooting) 250 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,329 Okay, this should work. 251 00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,831 If it rains, at least we know we can stay dry. 252 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:00,832 Yeah. 253 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,042 So, now our number one concern 254 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,335 is that Predators are watching our body heat. 255 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,545 Peter, that's just a movie. 256 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,589 That's not real. 257 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,090 (distorted): No, I think we need to cover ourselves in mud 258 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,175 to avoid being seen. 259 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,342 Peter, Joe's right. 260 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,552 That's only a movie. 261 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,720 Oh, God, somebody farted! 262 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,846 Ugh, it stinks! 263 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,431 We should not rule out the Predator 264 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,474 having been the farter. 265 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:21,728 Okay, we still got nothing to eat, 266 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,937 so it looks like we're gonna 267 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,856 have to hunt animals for food. 268 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,107 And since we have no weapons, 269 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,984 I set up some traps and snares. 270 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,486 Well, I was about to take a leak. 271 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,695 Can I go in that direction? 272 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:31,571 Yes. 273 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,864 (screaming, cracking) No. 274 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,365 Ah, damn it, my legs! 275 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,492 I think they're broken! 276 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,743 Yay, Joe. 277 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,244 Now you have a friend. 278 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,249 Damn it, Peter, this is all your fault. 279 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,085 Listen, I wish you had a family 280 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,004 to take care of you, too, but that's a choice you made. 281 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,255 Here you go, guys- 282 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,258 First time in a while I've had wood in my lap. 283 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,636 Are... are we supposed to laugh at that? 284 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:55,512 'Cause it's upsetting. 285 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,097 Man, being out here sucks. 286 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,765 I mean, I'm not a forest guy. 287 00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,891 -I'm more of a 288 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,643 "take-it-all-in- at-the-beach" guy. 289 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,479 (sighs contentedly) 290 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,772 Excuse me, sir. 291 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,773 This is private property. 292 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,774 What are you doing? 293 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,775 (sighs) 294 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,901 Just taking it all in. 295 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,278 You're staring at my daughter's bedroom. 296 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,114 She's really grown into her body. 297 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,990 This is gonna be a fun summer for her. 298 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,284 You guys, we've been out here a couple days now, 299 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,121 and I don't think anyone's coming to get us. 300 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,997 It might be time for one of us to go for help. 301 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,499 Well, what do you want us to do? 302 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,167 Peter's the only one who can walk. 303 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,293 What?! 304 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,545 You want me to just walk out there, 305 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:29,796 straight into the woods? 306 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:30,922 Peter, if you don't, 307 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,800 the only other option is we sit here and wait to die. 308 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,927 (sighs) All right, I'll do it. 309 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,137 If I just keep walking, 310 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,304 I gotta hit civilization 311 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,305 at some point, right? 312 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,306 Thanks, Peter. 313 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,307 Yeah. 314 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,309 And good luck. 315 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,563 Uh-oh. 316 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,772 What? 317 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,816 Well, I hate to ask you this, Quagmire, 318 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,568 but do you know how to change a diaper? 319 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,153 Yeah, of course I know how to change a diaper. 320 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,029 I saw Mr. Mom four times. 321 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:58,825 (air blowing) 322 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,828 (laughing): That's not how you dry a baby. 323 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,956 He has to do it 'cause his wife has the job. 324 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,958 But motherhood's a job. 325 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,960 M-Motherhood's a job, too, though. 326 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:11,963 Morning. 327 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,089 What the hell?! Where'd you come from?! 328 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,674 Yeah, what are... what are you doing 329 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,050 out here in the middle of nowhere?! 330 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,302 Middle of nowhere?! 331 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,970 No, I live right over there. 332 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,847 What?! A plane crashes in your backyard, 333 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,724 and you don't say anything?! 334 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,975 This is Canada, eh? 335 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,477 I thought it might be rude to intrude on your plane crash. 336 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,854 Well, this is great news! 337 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:28,813 We're saved! 338 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,190 Yes, I suppose so. 339 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,358 Listen, why don't we head back to my place, 340 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,236 grab a bite to eat and watch the big curling match on TV? 341 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:38,198 Canada is in the world final against Mexico. 342 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:45,872 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 343 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,083 (cheering) 344 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,338 (car horn plays "La Cucaracha") 345 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,381 Okay, well, we have to grab our friend Peter. 346 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,383 He just headed out that way to get help. 347 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,010 Oh. That's not good. 348 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,595 There's nothing in that direction 349 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,639 but wilderness for thousands of kilometers. 350 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,890 What?! You're kidding. 351 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,850 Oh, crap. Peter! 352 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,894 Peter, come back! Peter! 353 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:11,231 (garbled, electronic): Peter! Peter! 354 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,857 I think he's gone. 355 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,537 I'm afraid he might not have survived, Mrs. Griffin. 356 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,414 We've been searching these woods for weeks. 357 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,916 We've got to keep looking. 358 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,793 He's got to be out there somewhere. 359 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,253 Oh, my God, we're in Canada. 360 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,421 I get to use my new passport. 361 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,424 I hope my picture looks okay. 362 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,176 That's Liam Hemsworth. 363 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,761 No, it's not. It's me. 364 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,179 It's just a really good angle. 365 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,431 God, just look for Peter. God. 366 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,060 I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin, 367 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:51,562 there's been no sign of your husband for two months. 368 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,273 We're gonna have to suspend our search. 369 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,566 But there's got to be something we can do! 370 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,777 Well, the odds were always against us. 371 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,570 Most black men don't possess the skills 372 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,447 to survive out here in the wilderness. 373 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,074 My husband isn't black. 374 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,450 Oh, boy. 375 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,453 Well, then, we need to regroup because... 376 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,080 we haven't been looking. 377 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,166 Wait! We may have a possible lead on Peter Griffin! 378 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,460 What?! Oh, my God, where is he?! 379 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,839 Well, we didn't find him, but we found this. 380 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,967 And there's some scribbling on the back 381 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:21,968 that says, "Mrs. G." 382 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,680 We figured "G" has to stand for "Griffin." 383 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,974 No. That G isn't for "Griffin." 384 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,976 It's for "Garrett." 385 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,687 This is Mrs. Garrett from The Facts Of Life! 386 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,105 And Different Strokes. 387 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,481 Why does everyone forget that? 388 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,608 Kids, your father made this. 389 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:38,943 That's so weird. 390 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,362 Dad gets lost in the woods, and he makes a doll? 391 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,697 Eh, it's not that strange. 392 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,741 It's kind of what Tom Hanks did in Castaway. 393 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,826 (seagull screeching, waves crashing) 394 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,957 I'm sorry, Wilson! 395 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,501 (sobbing) 396 00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,133 Right here is where we found the doll. 397 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,844 Okay, everybody fan out and look for your father. 398 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,262 Peter! Peter! 399 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,639 Dad! Fat-ass! 400 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,142 (rustling in brush) 401 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,646 (gasps) Peter?! 402 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:21,986 (gasps) 403 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,863 Oh, thank God! We found you! 404 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,782 Are you okay?! 405 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,867 (grunting and whimpering) 406 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,160 What the hell?! 407 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,246 It looks like he's become some kind of feral beast. 408 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,539 Oh, my God! 409 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,875 (whimpering and muttering) 410 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,170 I can't live by society's rules, either. 411 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,056 (grunting and muttering) 412 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,682 Mom, I still don't get it. 413 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,935 How could Dad turn into some kind of feral creature 414 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,937 just from two months in the wilderness? 415 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,021 Yeah, it's weird. 416 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,272 He doesn't even talk. 417 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,691 Well, he was living among wild animals for two months, 418 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,319 and you know how impressionable your dad can be. 419 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,907 Hmm. 420 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,910 Peter, this is your home. 421 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,912 (grunting) 422 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,831 This is the couch where you sit. 423 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,916 (sniffing) 424 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,588 Oh, yes, that's the television. 425 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,841 Kids, I think he recognizes the TV. 426 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,719 We're all thinking it, and he just does it. 427 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,597 (sighs) You guys, this is gonna be harder than we thought. 428 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,225 I guess we're all just gonna have to work together 429 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,853 to reintroduce your father to civilized society. 430 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,604 Well, that's gonna be a challenge. 431 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:39,981 But it can't be any harder 432 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:42,066 than folding that thousand-mile-long sheet. 433 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,943 All right, I got my corner. Everybody ready? 434 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,445 Ready. Chris? 435 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,946 Ready. Meg? 436 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,497 You know, long ago, before this happened, 437 00:15:56,497 --> 00:16:00,126 your father did make some videos in case he ever became feral. 438 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,587 I guess they're worth a shot. 439 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,964 Hello, feral Peter. 440 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,258 If you're listening to this, you've probably become feral, 441 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,636 and you're probably thinking of a nice juicy rabbit right now. 442 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,472 (muttering) 443 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,140 But this isn't who you really are, Peter. 444 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,850 We got to get you back on track. 445 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,101 Isn't that right, buddy? 446 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,394 (grunting and muttering) 447 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,396 (gasps) Look, it's working! 448 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,772 Okay, good. So, feral Peter, 449 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,901 why don't you put in tape number two and let's get started. 450 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,658 Don't listen to that Peter! That Peter is a liar! 451 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,660 Run! Be free! They will enslave you! 452 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,786 (grunting gibberish) 453 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,787 (grunts gibberish) 454 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,789 (grunting gibberish) 455 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:39,790 (grunting gibberish loudly) 456 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,627 (grunting gibberish) 457 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:45,796 All right, now, I've been trying 458 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,173 to figure out something we can do together, 459 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,674 and I think I've found it. 460 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,884 We're gonna sing a song. 461 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,636 Now, I'll start, and when I point to you, 462 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,513 you'll sing your part. Ready? 463 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,972 ♪ War! (grunts) 464 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,892 ♪ Yeah! What is it good for? ♪ 465 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,519 ♪ Absolutely nothing! 466 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,145 Okay, all right, good job. 467 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,855 Now, let's try something else. 468 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,649 ♪ I wanna get you home and ♪ Ugh 469 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,400 ♪ Double up ♪ Ugh, ugh. 470 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,027 Okay, I like where this is going. 471 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,362 Let's take it from the top. 472 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,657 ♪ I like big butts and I cannot lie... ♪ 473 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,659 (crickets chirping) 474 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,661 (Peter mutters, thudding) 475 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,538 (Peter gibbering in distance) 476 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,664 (clattering and banging in distance) 477 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,250 Oh, damn it, he's in the garbage again! 478 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:25,920 Oh, my God! 479 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,880 Come on! Get out of the trash. 480 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,801 Who threw out my sequin top? 481 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,262 STEWIE: You're 43! Accept it! 482 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,267 (knocking on door) 483 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,519 Hey, Lois. 484 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:42,895 Oh, hi, Glenn. 485 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,773 We just thought we'd come by and see how Peter was doing. 486 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:46,774 Yeah, has he gotten any better? 487 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,067 I'm afraid not. 488 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,902 He's still only speaking gibberish. 489 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,904 Yeah, and we could live without the semen throwing, 490 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:52,905 I'll tell you that. 491 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,782 I don't know what else to do. 492 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,951 We've tried everything to bring the old Peter back, 493 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,579 but we can't break through to him. 494 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,831 Lois, I think you've done all you can. 495 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,708 Hard as it is to admit, 496 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,586 it might be time to let Peter be where he belongs. 497 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,920 What do you mean, Brian? 498 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,715 We might have to release Peter back into the wild. 499 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,091 What?! We-we can't do that. 500 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,552 We'll never see him again! 501 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,596 Eh, enough time passes, you'll forget all about him. 502 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,222 Just like Inspector Gadget forgot 503 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,932 about that one-night stand. 504 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,726 Suzanne, we have to talk. 505 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,810 Okay. 506 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,104 Someone has made contact with me. 507 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,941 Someone from my past, and, well, long story short, 508 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,986 go, go, Guatemalan son. 509 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,326 (speaking gibberish) 510 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:41,579 Peter, we all love you very much, 511 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,956 but we think maybe this is where you belong 512 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,750 and where you'll be happy. 513 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,501 This is barely even a forest. 514 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,629 I can see an Arby's through the trees. 515 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,963 (Cries) 516 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,256 You're free, Peter. 517 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,467 Whatever adventures lie ahead of you, 518 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,970 know that my heart will always be with you. 519 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,848 Now, go! Go on! Get out of here! 520 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,895 (gibbering) 521 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,773 I always knew, one day, this would happen. 522 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:12,276 We will never forget you, but you're better off here. 523 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,487 Why are we dragging this out? It's 6:30. 524 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,781 Go ahead, Peter. Go on! 525 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,616 Be with your own kind! 526 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,287 We're all gonna miss you, Dad! 527 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,914 More than you know! 528 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:29,293 (speaking gibberish) 529 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,795 What? My God, I... 530 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,005 I think he's trying to talk to you. 531 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,298 (gasps) 532 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,508 Say something else! 533 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,510 Well, okay, um... 534 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,803 I love you, Dad, 535 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,931 and no matter where you are, you'll always be my father. 536 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,058 (speaking gibberish) 537 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,644 Shut... up... 538 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:47,895 M-Meg- 539 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,647 (all gasp) I don't believe it! 540 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,023 Peter, you talked! 541 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,067 (garbled): Shut up, Meg. 542 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,319 Shut... up, Meg. 543 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,030 Shut up... Meg. 544 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,032 Shut up, Meg. 545 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,200 Peter! CHRIS: Dad! 546 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,035 BRIAN: You're back! MEG (flatly): Yay. 547 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,082 Jim. 548 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,835 Your name is Jim. 549 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,962 Close enough, Peter! 550 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,714 Come on, you guys, let's go home! 551 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,215 (overlapping chatter) 552 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,425 Yeah! 553 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,427 (indistinct chatter and laughter) 554 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,054 STEWIE: Is she... is she letting him drive? 555 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,560 Boy, I sure am happy to be back. 556 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,854 Yeah, Peter, we thought we'd lost you for good. 557 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,731 And luckily, I don't know many words, 558 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,108 so I was able to relearn them all in a day. 559 00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,860 Don't ever leave us again, Dad. 560 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,361 Aw, sorry, Chris, but this weekend, 561 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,864 Quagmire's taking me to a Canadian strip club. 562 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:43,242 He said he's put together a very special surprise, just for me. 563 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,369 MAN (French accent, over P.A.): Mesdames et monsieurs, 564 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,997 all the way from America, please welcome, 565 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,874 Miss Charlotte Rae! 566 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,001 (applause and cheering) 567 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,753 Mrs. Garrett! Mrs. Garrett! 568 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,213 Girls, girls, girls!