1 00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:39,860 Hey, guys, I didn't know you were coming 2 00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,160 to the church raffle. 3 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,070 I will confess a mix-up to you. 4 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:46,440 I thought Donna said we were going to the "church waffle." 5 00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:48,790 And we're only here for the fantasy weekend at Fenway park. 6 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:50,140 Fenway park? 7 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,410 Oh, yeah, the winner and a friend get to hang out 8 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,610 and practice with retired Red Sox players 9 00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:58,450 and then play in a real game, right on the field at Fenway. 10 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,980 Oh, my god, that's always been a dream of mine! 11 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:04,220 Well, that and tuning a guitar in front of a live audience. 12 00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:29,450 This was in perfect tune when they handed it to me. 13 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,350 Next up, our fantasy weekend for two at Fenway park. 14 00:01:36,390 --> 00:01:37,590 Oh, man, this is it! 15 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:41,020 And the winner is... Peter Griffin! 17 00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,660 Holy crap, I won! 18 00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,460 Wow, good for you! Congratulations! 19 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,230 I like it when people say your name out loud! 20 00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:48,800 How exciting, Peter. 21 00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:50,400 A weekend trip to Boston. 22 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:51,630 Yeah, and the best part is, 23 00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,500 I don't even have to get on a plane. 24 00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:55,510 I always have trouble at the airport. 25 00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,840 Sir, you're not allowed to be on the carousel. 26 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,350 Well, then maybe you shouldn't have named it such a fun word. 27 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:05,073 Uh, excuse me, excuse me, I'm not yours. 28 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,150 He's stealing me! 29 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:07,280 I'm being stolen! 30 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,750 Excuse me, I think you've got mine. 31 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,520 Oh, that's a good idea. 32 00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:21,870 Oh, hey, quagmire. Hey, Peter. 33 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,970 So I was just baking a coffee cake, 34 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,500 and I figured I'd bring it over, 35 00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:26,970 'cause you like coffee cake. 36 00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:27,970 Wow, thanks. 37 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,110 Yeah, yeah, no problem. 38 00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:30,740 So, who are you taking to Fenway? What? 39 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:32,633 Well, I was just thinking, you have that extra ticket, 40 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,610 maybe you'd want to... 41 00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:35,140 Peter, before you answer him, 42 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:39,180 I've got that murdered jogger's Discman you wanted last week. 43 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,580 Still bloody. 44 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:41,580 Hi, Peter. 45 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,790 You know how you like $40 cash? 46 00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,960 Well, here's almost $40 cash. 47 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,820 Guys, look, I know you all want to go, 48 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,090 but I-i need a little more time to figure this out. 49 00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:52,100 I mean, I-it's a tough decision. 50 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,930 Like what to do with that big watermelon I bought. 51 00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:56,530 Griffin, I just wanted to tell you... 52 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,700 ...that's a great outfit. 53 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:00,900 Keep it up. 54 00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:01,910 I knew it. 55 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,740 I have to start trusting myself more. 56 00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:07,010 Man, I don't envy you. 57 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:08,673 Whichever one of them you bring to Fenway, 58 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,280 the other two will be mad at you. 59 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,613 I don't want to bring any of them. 60 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,580 Those guys are all way better than me at baseball. 61 00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,920 They'd just show me up and ruin it for me. 62 00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,050 Why don't you bring Lois? 63 00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,353 She doesn't care about baseball, 64 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,220 and that way nobody gets their feelings hurt. 65 00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:21,890 Brian, that's a great idea. 66 00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:22,890 Thanks. 67 00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:25,230 Is it new-tennis-ball great? 68 00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:26,760 It's three-new-tennis-balls great. 69 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700 I'm gonna get 'em all, I'm gonna get 'em all, 70 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:29,700 I'm gonna get 'em all! 71 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,570 Mom, you're really going to Boston? 72 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,310 I didn't even think you liked baseball. 73 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,110 Oh, I'm not going for baseball, 74 00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:44,710 I-I'm going for shopping, the hotel spa, 76 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,320 and two days of being away 77 00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,920 from you life-sucking turds. 78 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:49,990 Anyway, be good. 79 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:52,120 And while we're gone, Brian's in charge. 80 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,160 Where is Brian? 81 00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,790 What's up, bitches? 82 00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:58,190 Oh, come on, mom, really? 83 00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,600 I'm in high school, 84 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,900 and you're still putting the dog in charge? 85 00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,570 Believe me, Meg, you want me in charge. 86 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,200 Stewie can be a bit of a handful. 87 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,370 He's right, you know. 88 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,710 I'm a total Taurus, stubborn as they come. 89 00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,040 All right, fine, Meg. 90 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,280 While we're away, you can be in charge. 91 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:14,540 Come on, Lois, time to get to Fenway. 92 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,810 Wow, dad, you look awesome. 93 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,420 But I thought you were gonna dress like a baseball player. 94 00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:20,620 I am, Chris. 95 00:04:20,650 --> 00:04:22,443 I'm the type of player who arrives at the stadium 96 00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:23,420 in a suit. 97 00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:25,320 With a tie knot as big as an apple. 98 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,760 That's how you know I got Mon-ay. 99 00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:30,260 All right, we'll see you guys Sunday. 100 00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:34,030 Okay, now you heard mom say I'm in charge, 101 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:36,300 so I just want to lay a few ground rules. Yeah. 102 00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:38,030 I promise we're gonna have fun, 103 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,770 but there will be a schedule, uh-huh. 104 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,563 Just to keep everything running smoothly. Sure, got to have boundaries. 105 00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:43,503 And I may assign a chore or two, that's great, Meg. 106 00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:45,633 Because it's actually more fun sounds like you got it all worked out. 107 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,343 When everyone pitches in. Hey, by the way... 108 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:48,880 Ah! 109 00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:50,710 I'm gonna flush your retainer down the toilet. 110 00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:11,670 Look at this, Lois, the Fenway park locker room. 111 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:12,940 All right, Peter, I'm gonna go. 112 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:15,370 You want to hand me some cash in front of the other men 113 00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:16,870 so you feel powerful? 114 00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:20,010 Instead, why don't you just take my minions discover card? 115 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,350 Hey, there, sluggers. 116 00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:24,680 Welcome to Red Sox fantasy weekend. 117 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,220 Well, who's this? 118 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,280 We've never had a lady come out for this before. 119 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,550 Oh, no, no, that's my wife, she's just dropping me off. 120 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:33,360 Yeah, you're nice, but I'm not staying. 121 00:05:33,390 --> 00:05:35,460 I don't know the first thing about baseball. 122 00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,390 Look, your spot's already paid for. 123 00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:40,460 And besides, if you leave, the teams will be lopsided. 124 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,270 So, as your coach, I insist you stay and play with us. 125 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:44,630 Right, fellas? 126 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,900 Well, I don't know. 127 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,610 What do you think, Peter? 128 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,940 What do I think about sharing fantasy baseball camp 129 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,040 with my wife? 130 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,650 Yeah, come on, let her play. 131 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,020 Wow, 1980s all-star Wade Boggs! 132 00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:01,380 Hey, would you mind standing next to a star of today? 133 00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:02,420 Sure. 134 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,520 Man, what happened to our game? 135 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,890 David Ortiz, will you pick him up like a baby? 136 00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,130 It's your weekend. 137 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,830 Now let me put this baby bonnet on his head 138 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:14,160 and a cigar in his mouth. 139 00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:16,930 So, what do you say? 140 00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:18,370 Are you gonna let your wife play? 141 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,540 Absolutely. 142 00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:21,000 Lois, stay here and play with us. 143 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,340 I can't say no to baby Boggs. 144 00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:25,270 Coochie-coochie-coo... ah, he bit me. 145 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,840 Oh, my god, I can't believe I'm here. 146 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,550 Lois, see that wall there? 147 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,810 They call that "the green monster." 148 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:43,350 And over there's where I threw a d-cell battery at Jose Canseco. 149 00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:44,920 All right, let's play ball. 150 00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,360 Wow, you must be excited, Peter. 151 00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:51,230 Yep, guess I can cross this one off my bucket list. 152 00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:54,660 All that's left now is living the pueblo lifestyle. 153 00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,530 Peter, what the hell did you do to the house? 154 00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:02,400 I know, it seems pretty lame until you realize I'm 58. 155 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,870 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go lick the foot 156 00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:08,840 of a fleshy, pale woman for real sex 34. 157 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,280 Rupert, what do you think of this fan fiction I wrote? 158 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,850 "Diego pressed Dora against the wall, 159 00:07:18,890 --> 00:07:20,290 "her bosom heaving, 160 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,920 "her hot Latina breath on his face. 161 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,630 For once, Diego was going to do the exploring." 162 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:30,100 Whew, just reading it... Muy caliente. 164 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,330 Okay, Stewie, time for you to get dressed. 165 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:34,700 Yeah, a closed door means "come in," I guess. 166 00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:37,540 What the hell do you think you're doing? 167 00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:39,510 Let's pick out a cute shirt for you. 168 00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,380 Then I thought we can go to the park. 169 00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:42,510 Or, how about this? 170 00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,710 I press my butt against the wall and dook on it? 171 00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:46,880 Stewie! 172 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:47,920 Don't do that! 173 00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,113 You're messing with my schedule, 174 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,890 so I'm giving you wall poo. 175 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,450 Stop that right now. 176 00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:54,120 You just earned a time-out. 177 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,620 A what? Let go of me! 178 00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:56,860 Don't you walk away! 179 00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:59,330 Hey, don't bruise me, I'm going dancing later. 180 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,400 You listen to me, you little monster, 181 00:08:01,430 --> 00:08:03,600 I take abuse from everybody around here, 182 00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,830 but I am not gonna take it from you. 183 00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:08,070 Now sit here until I say you can get up. 184 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,270 And if you move one muscle before then, 185 00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:12,470 I'll smack you in your weird head. 186 00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,040 Hey, it's not weird. 187 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,810 Mom says it's distinctive. 188 00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:26,720 Griffin, you're up. 189 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,060 It's always the fat one. 190 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:32,960 I heard that. 191 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,730 I said it right to you. 192 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:35,730 You know what? 193 00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:37,170 Let's just get Lois up to bat. 194 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,300 Where's Lois? 195 00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:40,270 I'm right here, coach. 196 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,700 Guess you don't have a lot of babes out here. 197 00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:45,010 Except for babe Ruth. 198 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:48,110 Babe Ruth. Ha! 199 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,840 That's funny 'cause she's hot. 200 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,580 Ah, it's a little like tennis. 201 00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,390 Uh, did you see that, Peter? 202 00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,750 I'm doing it all! 203 00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:01,120 Damn it. This is supposed to be my weekend. 204 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,400 Stewie? 205 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,540 What the hell's going on? 206 00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,800 Meg's awful! 207 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,510 She gave me a time-out and she made me sit in this chair. 208 00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,910 My god, she put eye shadow on you, too. 209 00:09:20,940 --> 00:09:23,140 I might've gotten up from the chair. 210 00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,650 Brian, Meg's lost her mind. 211 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,880 You've got to talk to her. 212 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,550 Stewie, Lois put Meg in charge, 213 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,850 and, honestly, once I knew that, 214 00:09:29,890 --> 00:09:31,050 I ate a pot cookie. 215 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:32,890 So, um, yeah. 216 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,320 So good luck with all that. 217 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,660 Uh, you got any cool DVDs? 218 00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,030 Brian, please, I need help. 219 00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,060 Totally. 220 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,260 Hey, where's Chris? 221 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:42,560 I wonder if he'll play Wii bowling with me. 222 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,730 All right, that's it, I'm not just gonna sit here 223 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,270 and see what that psycho does next. 224 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,270 All right, think. 225 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,370 Ah! 226 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,270 I shall fashion a makeshift ladder 227 00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:53,070 with my diaper genie entrails, shimmy down to the yard, 228 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:54,840 and I'm free. 229 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,780 The trick, Chris, is thinking of the wand 230 00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:59,110 as an extension of your arm. 231 00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:01,250 Wow, I can't believe I'm pretend bowling 232 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,750 with a dog on drugs! 233 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,690 Ah! Son of a bitch! 234 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:12,430 Oh, my god, a baby! 235 00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,690 My name's Shelly. 236 00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,130 I can't have any of my own. 237 00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:17,000 Would you like to come home with me? 238 00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,200 I love you so much. 239 00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:20,070 Ah! Everywhere's a nightmare! 240 00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:35,220 Wow, it's nice they put on a banquet for you. 241 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,320 It looks like I'm the only woman here. 242 00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:38,520 Yeah, they're ex-athletes, 243 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,990 which means they're all divorced. 244 00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:42,023 In fact, their ex-wives are having a banquet next door 245 00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:43,260 with their money. 246 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,730 Oh, they're having fun. 247 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,860 They're doing a lot of pointing dancing. 248 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,170 Well, at least somebody's having fun here tonight. 249 00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:57,940 Oh, you're just nervous about the big game tomorrow. 250 00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:00,410 I-is it 'cause of how pink you turn when you run? 251 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,880 A couple guys mentioned that today on the field. 252 00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:04,080 What? Who said that? 253 00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:05,950 I don't know, "N-Nomar" something. 254 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,280 You met Nomar?! 255 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,680 Hey, there you are. 256 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,850 We've been saving a spot at the head table for you 257 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:11,953 with all the hall-of-famers. 258 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,250 Oh, thanks. 259 00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:15,060 Finally something's going my way. 260 00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:17,830 Where should I... Not you. Lois. 261 00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:18,990 What? 262 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:23,600 This is the one night of the year 263 00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:26,070 they let me out of the scoreboard. 264 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:29,170 Oh, I don't know if I deserve to sit at the head table. 265 00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,770 No, no, we took a vote. 266 00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:32,340 We all want to sit next to you. 267 00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:33,773 You're the only one here who doesn't have 268 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,180 a fistful of baseball cards for us to sign. 269 00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,610 I wasn't gonna have 'em sign 'em. 270 00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:39,380 I was just gonna tell 'em their stats. 271 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,250 But this is Peter's weekend. 272 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,850 Aw, don't worry about Peter. 273 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:44,920 Now, come on, Lois, we've got you sitting 274 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,790 right between Pedro Martinez 275 00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:49,120 and Ted Williams' severed head. 276 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,890 There's a special place in hell 277 00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:54,100 for whoever's responsible for me ending up like this. 278 00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:02,270 Hey, Meg, is anybody gonna eat this grilled cheese? 279 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,770 No, don't eat that. That's Stewie's lunch. 280 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,610 Oh, my god, Stewie! 281 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,380 I forgot, he's been in a time-out for six hours. 282 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,350 Stewie? Oh, no, where is he? 283 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:17,180 He's gone... I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 284 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,320 I tried to tell you, watching Stewie wasn't easy. 285 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,460 Oh... aw, man, this is terrible. 286 00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:24,560 Stewie could be anywhere. 287 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,740 Sorry, I forgot my jacket. 288 00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,520 Okay, everybody, we're gonna do some double-play drills. 289 00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:50,890 Oh, yeah, a little infield. 290 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,350 Let's flash some leather, huh, guys? 291 00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,020 Who wants to play second? 292 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:54,860 I will. 293 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:56,860 Lois, why don't you take second? 294 00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:58,890 How could he not see that? 295 00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,130 I even held up my arm with my other hand. 296 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,600 That is the most noticeable way 297 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:03,730 to raise your hand. 298 00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:04,863 Okay, Griffin, you go out there 299 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,600 and be the base runner. 300 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,200 All right, Peter, show 'em what you got. 301 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,770 Okay, Lois, catch the ball, 302 00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:12,270 and if your foot comes off the bag, 303 00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,540 just tag Peter on any part of his body. 304 00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,140 How could I miss, right? 305 00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:17,880 It'll be like tagging a barn. 306 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,550 Sorry, Peter, that's baseball. 307 00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:26,620 I'll show you baseball, you sexually unsatisfied wife! 308 00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,890 Oh. 309 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,210 Yeah! Now, that's a big-league slide, huh, coach? 310 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,810 Damn it! 311 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,540 I think it's broken. 312 00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,280 Griffin, what are you, an idiot? 313 00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,110 Yeah, an idiot who's gonna show up 314 00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:55,220 on Sportscenter tonight. 315 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,420 Coming up after the break, 316 00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:58,413 we'll have highlights of the playoff game between... 317 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,790 Streaking. Unrelated. 318 00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:07,350 Yep, her leg is fractured. 319 00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,720 We should get her to the hospital. 320 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,260 My only medical training is to say "walk it off." 321 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:12,960 Can you walk it off? No! 322 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,560 Oh, well, that's not good. 323 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,300 Okay, I'm gonna go fake-use the phone in the dugout. 324 00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:19,430 Peter, what the hell got into you? 325 00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,870 Nothing. I was just trying to play hard, like Pete rose. 326 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:25,170 Look, I can even do the Pete rose haircut. 327 00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:28,140 I bet you a thousand bucks I have a drinking problem. 328 00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,040 Guys, we got to get that leg set. 329 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,740 I guess I should ride in the ambulance. 330 00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:33,500 You think I'll be back in time for the game? 331 00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:35,410 What? You're not playing in the game. 332 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,020 It's supposed to be a fun day out here, 333 00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,350 and you go nuts and break your wife's leg. 334 00:14:39,390 --> 00:14:40,990 It's not my fault, I'm all hopped up 335 00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,690 on hard baseball card gum. 336 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,400 Mmm, it's like eating a MasterCard. 337 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:53,570 Let's get her out of here. 338 00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:56,100 And you, you're done. 339 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,270 Clean out your locker! 340 00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:01,240 Kicked out? I'm totally screwed. 341 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,800 Like those poor guys who had to come up 342 00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:05,040 with a new ad campaign for subway. 343 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,550 Hey, I'm Mike. 344 00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:09,110 I like sandwiches and people my own age. 345 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:12,480 Subway... please don't think of pedophilia. 346 00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:20,960 You know what I'm getting sick of saying? 347 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,000 "My husband did this to me, but it's not what you think." 348 00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,470 Please forgive me, Lois. I'm so stupid. 349 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,200 The reason I didn't bring my friends is 350 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,300 'cause I didn't want 'em hogging the spotlight. 351 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:32,660 And then when I saw everyone giving you all that attention, 352 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,010 I-I guess I kind of lost it. 353 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,840 You did a little. 354 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,210 But of course I forgive you. 355 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:42,050 I just don't understand why you went so crazy. 356 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,920 Well, ever since I was little, 357 00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:45,920 I was always the fat, uncoordinated kid 358 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,550 that nobody wanted on their team. 359 00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,620 And I was excited that for one weekend, 360 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,360 if I could just step on that field 361 00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:53,190 and get a hit at Fenway park, 362 00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,330 I could erase all that and feel like a champ 363 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,960 for the first time in my life. 364 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,570 But I'm not a champ, I'm a fat loser. 365 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,300 No wonder nobody ever picked me. 366 00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:06,610 I picked you, Peter. 367 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,240 And to me and our kids, you will always be a winner. 368 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,040 Thanks, Lois. 369 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,780 And you know what? If that's true, 370 00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:15,510 I don't need to play in some stupid 371 00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:17,120 fantasy baseball game. 372 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,250 Well, guess what. 373 00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:19,483 You're gonna play in that game, 374 00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:20,820 and you're gonna get that hit. 375 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,890 And when you do, we're all gonna be there 376 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,020 to cheer you on. 377 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,430 Really? Well, how's that gonna happen? 378 00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,530 Peter, these guys have been sexually harassing me 379 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,900 since the second I got here. 380 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,960 Either you play, or every one of these Red Sox 381 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,730 are going to jail... even Ted Williams. 382 00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,330 Mmm, new meat. 383 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,870 I think we're gonna get along just fine. 384 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,570 This is the number-one fear 385 00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,940 of only being a head. 386 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,020 Brian, do you always listen to the Sirius XM preview station? 387 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,810 Yeah, I'm thinking about pulling the trigger, 388 00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,283 but they make you sign, like, a two-year... 389 00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:55,050 Guys, who cares about your dumb radio?! 390 00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,960 We can't find Stewie anywhere. 391 00:16:57,990 --> 00:17:01,430 Hello. Oh, hi, mom. 392 00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,100 Hi, honey. How you doing? 393 00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:04,430 How's Stewie? 394 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,700 Oh, he's great. Not lost or anything. 395 00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:08,670 How's fantasy camp going? 396 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,870 Uh, your father broke my leg out of jealousy, 397 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,440 but that didn't ruin our honeymoon, 398 00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:13,770 and it's not gonna ruin this. 399 00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:16,210 So listen, I want all you guys 400 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,040 to drive up to Boston this afternoon 401 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,110 to see your father play in the big game. 402 00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,380 Uh, wow, we'd love to... 403 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,950 Mom, but we promised Stewie 404 00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:28,620 we'd perform a puppet show for him later today. 405 00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:31,590 Oh, you can perform it for all of us up here in Boston. 406 00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,090 The game's in two hours. 407 00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:34,860 Drive safely. 408 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:38,100 Crap! Now we got to find Stewie and write a puppet show. 409 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,230 We could repurpose my one-act farce. 410 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,470 Or we could write something fresh. 411 00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,400 Look, just because it's already been written 412 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,940 doesn't mean it's not fresh. 413 00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:50,180 What did I just say? Shut up! 414 00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:53,040 We're in trouble. I'm in trouble. 415 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,050 Hey, what's this, a dickweed convention? 416 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,080 Stewie! 417 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,420 Oh, thank god you're home! 418 00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:58,950 Where the hell have you been? 419 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:01,390 As far away from her as possible. 420 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:02,820 I forgot her name, honestly. 421 00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:05,190 Who, Meg? - Yes, yes, Meg. She's scary and mean, 422 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:08,060 and I don't ever want her to be in charge of me. 423 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,200 Are you afraid of me, little guy? 424 00:18:10,230 --> 00:18:13,970 Oh, Stewie, I'm really sorry I left you in that time-out. 425 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,670 I love you very much, and I'm so happy you're home. 426 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,670 You're my little brother. 427 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,440 Can you forgive me? 428 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,510 Well... all right. 429 00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,250 Can I have your baby? 430 00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:33,050 Don't let her in! 431 00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,390 We're all proud of you, Peter. 432 00:18:41,430 --> 00:18:42,790 N-now, don't be nervous. 433 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,730 I ain't nervous, Lois... I'm just sweating 434 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:47,470 'cause I was too embarrassed to get nude in the locker room, 435 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,570 so I'm wearing all this over long pajamas. 436 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,970 Ladies and gentlemen, now batting 437 00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:56,140 for the Boston Red Sox, Peter Griffin! 438 00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,930 Fair ball! Run, Peter! Run it out! 439 00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:21,770 Peter's brain. 440 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,640 Yeah, uh, this is the muscle department. 441 00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:25,300 What the hell is he doing? 442 00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:27,670 Uh, apparently, he's trying to sprint. 443 00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:29,940 Sprint? He got winded walking to the plate. 444 00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:32,810 And he's been out in the blazing sun for two days. 445 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:34,550 Has he had any water? 446 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,580 No. He told his wife there's juices in the hot dogs. 447 00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,480 Well, I'm sorry, I got no choice 448 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,850 but to call for a complete muscle failure. 449 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,160 Look! Dad's planking, 450 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,860 from, like, eight years ago! 451 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,860 Is there a Neiman Marcus in Boston? 452 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,830 Peter! Get up! Get up and run! 453 00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:58,970 Run, Peter! Come on, dad! 454 00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:02,010 We love you! Copley place. How far is that? 455 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,590 I ran like a champion that day, pushing through the pain 456 00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:18,120 of two torn hamstrings and a ruptured groin, 457 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,290 to leg out the hit at Fenway park 458 00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:23,460 I had always dreamed of. 459 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,630 But nobody noticed, 'cause the account manager from B of a 460 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,070 who was playing third base had a massive coronary 461 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:32,070 trying to field my crappy little nubber. 462 00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:35,640 The hit was amazing, but what made it even better 463 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,540 was that my family was there to share the moment with me. 464 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,050 And on the car ride home, they put on a puppet show 465 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,050 that made me laugh so hard I crashed into a tollbooth 466 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,080 on the mass pike, totaling the car 467 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,090 and breaking Lois's other leg. 468 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,890 The casts kind of smell, 469 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,590 so I won't let her sleep in the bedroom till they're off.