1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,703 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:08,006 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:11,710 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,679 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:18,016 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,888 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,222 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:29,895 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,736 We now return to The Terminator. 11 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,239 I've been sent here from the future. 12 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:44,209 I have to have sex with your housekeeper to save humanity. 13 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,244 What? 14 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,578 Bring me your housekeeper! 15 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,346 I have to have sex with her now! 16 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,714 I'm the Terminator! 17 00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,049 I don't have a housekeeper. 18 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,184 And I think you're just 19 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,785 present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger. 20 00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,420 No, I am a machine. 21 00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,390 Every second I'm not having sex with a housekeeper, 22 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,193 robots are killing people in the future. 23 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,195 Okay, I finish for the day. 24 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,429 You lied to me! 25 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,031 You do have a housekeeper! 26 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,301 Let's go make a large-faced boy. 27 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,637 Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop. 28 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:15,574 Peter, it's me, and you're an adult man drinking in a bar. 29 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,908 Anyway, sorry I'm late. 30 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,411 The pantry down at the station needed new shelf paper. 31 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,086 That's what they got you doing down there? 32 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,482 Well, that, and I'm also in charge of the office gerbil. 33 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,651 And let me tell you, Lieutenant Nibbles is quite a handful. 34 00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:28,954 He'll only eat real cheese, not processed. 35 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,256 You buy special cheese for a gerbil? 36 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,091 Yeah, I have to, he outranks me. 37 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,759 Jeez, Joe, what the hell happened? 38 00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:37,229 You used to be this badass cop out there on the street, 39 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,164 busting heads and keeping us safe. 40 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:42,334 Well, it may not sound exciting, but I play an important role. 41 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,069 I go through all the body cam footage 42 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,638 and take out all the parts where the cops go pee-pee. 43 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,508 So you're just erasing cop wieners all day? 44 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,676 Eh, not erasing, sort of cutting them together 45 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,979 into a funny montage we show on birthdays. 46 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,515 Speaking of which, Flannigan's got the big "four-oh" coming up. 47 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,550 Got to go. 48 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:01,419 Man, you guys think Joe's as happy as he says he is, 49 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,288 just doing all that desk work? 50 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,291 No way, he's just putting lipstick on a pig. 51 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,926 This is called "Crimson Sky." 52 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,094 What do you think? 53 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,262 Mmm. 54 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,363 Harold? 55 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,531 Get this off of me! 56 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,466 What are you doing in the women's department? 57 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:16,101 Uh, waiting for you. 58 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,803 Well, I'm ready. Let's go. 59 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,541 Who are you? 60 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,949 Ugh, she just put her tampons on top of the bread. 61 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,218 Take the groceries out, we got start over. 62 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:36,454 Mom, can I go barehand raisins from the bulk aisle? 63 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,689 Okay, but if you get caught, 64 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,225 just say, "oopsie-poopsie," like a simpleton. 65 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,894 Hey, watch your fat arms! 66 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:45,564 Excuse me, ma'am, your little girl dropped her teddy bear. 67 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,599 What? 68 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,066 "Little girl"? 69 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,002 Yeah, she hates it when she drops that. 70 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:54,072 He's actually a little boy, but thank you very much. 71 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,740 Did she just think I was a girl? 72 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,242 Why would she think that? 73 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:59,245 I don't know, maybe she saw you try to throw that feather 74 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,512 in the yard yesterday. 75 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,981 Hey, don't watch me when I'm doing stuff. 76 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,149 What are you doing, kid? 77 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,184 Those aren't free! 78 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,152 Oopsie-poopsie! 79 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,820 Aw, God bless you. 80 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,622 Help yourself. 81 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:21,967 Car trouble? 82 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,168 Ah, son of a bitch, Joe! 83 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,303 Didn't even hear you coming. 84 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,905 Yeah, I'm kind of quiet on grass. 85 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,443 Thanks for giving me a ride, Joe. 86 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,044 Hey, since we're in a cop car, 87 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:35,519 let's talk about our hunches and how something doesn't add up. 88 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,615 All right. 89 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,451 I have a hunch Madea's not really a girl. 90 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,419 Yeah, something doesn't add up about that. 91 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,921 All units, 92 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,190 reports of a drug deal in progress at Fifth and Maple. 93 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,225 Shots fired. 94 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,792 Suspect possibly armed. 95 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,962 Well, shots fired, so definitely armed, duh. 96 00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,130 Dispatch much? 97 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,632 Sorry, guys. 98 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,000 Fifth and Maple? That's right near here. 99 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,101 We got to go! 100 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,802 No can do, I got to go to the station 101 00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,704 and tidy up the bulletin board. 102 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,406 No one's biting on those guitar lessons. 103 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:02,508 What are you talking about? 104 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,142 There's a drug deal going down! 105 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,978 Peter, there's a lot you don't understand about police work. 106 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,880 What's to understand? I watch TV. 107 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,817 Come on, Joe, let's put this 70's siren on your car and go. 108 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,253 Did you just wipe a booger on my roof? 109 00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:16,855 Let's go! Let's go! 110 00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:22,427 Oh, crap! Cops! 111 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:23,462 That's the house! 112 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,665 Hold on, Peter, we can't go in there. 113 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,966 We got to wait for backup. 114 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,734 The hell we do! 115 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,136 Peter! 116 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,971 Reach for the stars! 117 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,139 What? 118 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,441 I think he's telling us to follow our dreams. 119 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,476 Where are the drugs? 120 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,510 What are you doing? 121 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,679 You are violating all kinds of procedures! 122 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,514 There's no drugs here, pig. 123 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,252 Ah-ha! No drugs, huh? 124 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,653 Well, what do you call this? 125 00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,528 And I'll bet there's more where that came from. 126 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:53,325 They're trying to flush their stash! 127 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,760 Nice try, scumbag, 128 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,595 but I got your squishy drugs right here. 129 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,030 Uh-oh. 130 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,032 Peter, hand me my gun and get out of here! 131 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,600 I could get fired for this! 132 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,371 And I can't go back to my job as a magician's assistant. 133 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,243 And now, to pull the two sides apart. 134 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,314 And wiggle your toes! 135 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,217 I said, wiggle your toes! 136 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,652 Yeah, that's, uh, 137 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,822 that's why I wanted to talk to you before the show. 138 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:29,894 What's up, dudes? 139 00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,329 Stewie, what the hell is all this? 140 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,732 Uh, only the most manly thing ever. 141 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,835 A little something called American football. 142 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,703 Is that a Michael Sam jersey? 143 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,238 Yep. Two boy names. 144 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,673 Doubly masculine. 145 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:43,074 Like George Michael? Shut up! 146 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,976 Come on, Stewie, are you still hung up about 147 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,251 that woman at the grocery store thinking you were a girl? 148 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,546 Elton John. 149 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:49,581 Is another. 150 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,216 It has nothing to do with that, Brian. 151 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,585 I just thought it'd be good to take up a sport. 152 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,053 You know, like boys do. 153 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,322 You don't have to play football to prove you're a boy. 154 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,757 Barney Frank. 155 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,592 Is yet another one. 156 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,627 Chris, please. 157 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:02,628 Actually, you know what? Ricky Martin. 158 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,928 There's a bunch of these. 159 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,597 Anyway, they're not gonna let you play football, Stewie. 160 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:06,598 You're too little. 161 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:07,766 Oh, don't worry. 162 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,834 I'm gonna be bad news for the other team. 163 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,103 And nobody likes bad news. 164 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:15,106 Except for Larry, the Self-Loathing Idiot. 165 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,443 Larry, I'm afraid you only have three months to live. 166 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,618 Swanson! 167 00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,820 I need to see you right now! 168 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,524 Captain. 169 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:33,758 Lieutenant. 170 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,127 You had no business participating in that raid 171 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,562 at Fifth and Maple. 172 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,197 I know that, Captain. I'm sorry that I... 173 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,465 But I'm glad you did. 174 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,900 Excuse me? 175 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,636 You brought down one of the biggest drug rings in Quahog. 176 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,638 Above and beyond, Swanson. 177 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,306 Well, sir, I... 178 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,108 I'm just like any other cop. 179 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,577 My wife puts on my pants one leg at a time. 180 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,879 I appreciate your modesty, but nice work. 181 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,148 It's hard to believe you did that all by yourself. 182 00:06:57,183 --> 00:07:00,452 Yep, did it all by myself, I did, I did. 183 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,455 My little lonesome, says I. 184 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,657 That's weird phrasing, but I'll tell you this, Swanson, 185 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,125 you keep up this kind of work, 186 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,160 there'll be no more grocery runs for you. 187 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,162 You'll be back on the street full-time. 188 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,464 Thank you, Captain. 189 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,732 Sir? 190 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:15,767 Thank you, sir. 191 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,844 Hey, Peter. 192 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,313 You know, I was just thinking about how much fun we had 193 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,582 the other day, and wondered if you'd want to join me 194 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,150 for another ride-along. 195 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,419 Well, yeah, but I-I thought you said I couldn't do that 196 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,620 'cause you'd get in trouble. 197 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,121 Eh, it'll be our little secret. 198 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,156 All right. 199 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,357 Hey, can I drive the car? 200 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,326 Yeah, I guess I can let you drive. Awesome! 201 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,595 Hey, and-and can we go slow up to a homeless guy 202 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,530 and go "joop-joop" and see what he does? 203 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:46,698 That's half the job. 204 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,467 So, what do you say? You think you're up to it? 205 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,534 You bet I am. 206 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,169 I'm in the best shape of my life. 207 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,005 I've been working my Dave Matthews Punching Bag. 208 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,940 Thank you very much for using me today. 209 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,211 This isn't annoying enough. 210 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,680 I need my David Lee Roth bag. 211 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,126 Wow. So these are the wife-beaters of tomorrow. 212 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,895 Which team is Stewie gonna be on? 213 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,396 He's not gonna be on any team. 214 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,199 He's just overcompensating because he was called a girl. 215 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,902 But once he sees how big the other kids are, he'll back out. 216 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,905 Ooh! My shoes have 12 little heels. 217 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,039 They're cleats! 218 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,408 Okay, kids, let's start practice. 219 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,576 Yeah! Football! 220 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,244 Boy stuff. Hitting the shower. 221 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,412 Getting embarrassed. 222 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,513 Going home to shower. 223 00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,015 Okay, Stewie, enough is enough. 224 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,750 All right, let's-let's get you out of here. 225 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,619 Yeah, you probably should get him out of there, 226 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,186 'cause he's just a little shrimp. 227 00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,821 Uh, okay, thank you. 228 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:44,923 I mean, look at him. 229 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,758 My Tyler would kill him out there. 230 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,159 Okay, well, believe me, there's 231 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,361 there's more to him than you think. 232 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,362 Come on, Stewie. 233 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,096 You know, ballet is great exercise. 234 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,599 Maybe you should put short stack in a tutu. 235 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,867 No, you know what, Stewie? 236 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,435 Get the hell out on that field! 237 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,704 And if you see that Tyler, take his knee out. 238 00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:00,739 All right, let's do it! 239 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:01,773 Football game! 240 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,375 Then, reminder, showering at home. 241 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:07,378 Okay, I guess we'll see who's got the toughest kid here. 242 00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:08,880 Yeah, I guess we will. 243 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,284 Hey! 244 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,285 Oopsie-poopsie! 245 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,720 Aw. 246 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,755 ♪ No sleep till ♪ 247 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,328 ♪ Brooklyn ♪ 248 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,132 ♪ Foot on the pedal ♪ 249 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,134 ♪ Never ever false metal ♪ 250 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:31,770 ♪ Engine running hotter than a boiling kettle ♪ 251 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,973 ♪ My job ain't a job, it's a damn good time ♪ 252 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,975 ♪ City to city, I'm running my rhymes ♪ 253 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,010 ♪ On location ♪ 254 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,444 ♪ Touring around the nation ♪ 255 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,245 ♪ Beastie Boys always on vacation ♪ 256 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,747 ♪ Itchy trigger finger ♪ 257 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,482 ♪ But a stable turntable ♪ 258 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,984 ♪ I do what I do best ♪ 259 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,652 ♪ Because I'm willing and able ♪ 260 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,454 ♪ Ain't no faking, your money I'm taking ♪ 261 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,990 ♪ Going coast to coast to watch all the girlies shaking ♪ 262 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,659 ♪ While you're at the job working 9:00 to 5:00 ♪ 263 00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:57,195 ♪ The Beastie Boys at the Garden cold kickin' it live ♪ 264 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,801 ♪ No sleep till ♪ 265 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,605 ♪ Another plane, another train ♪ 266 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,007 ♪ Another bottle in the brain ♪ 267 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,282 ♪ Another girl, Another fight ♪ 268 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:11,843 ♪ Another drive all night ♪ 269 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:12,878 ♪ Our manager's crazy ♪ 270 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,412 ♪ He always smokes dust ♪ 271 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,115 ♪ He's got his own room at the back of the bus ♪ 272 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,583 ♪ Tour around the world ♪ 273 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,118 ♪ You rock around the clock, plane to hotel ♪ 274 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,020 ♪ Girls on the jock ♪ 275 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,295 ♪ We're trashing hotels like it's going out of style... ♪ 276 00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,627 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 277 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,129 Our top story tonight: 278 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,797 local news anchor too professional 279 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,600 to laugh at penis poked through hole in cue card. 280 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,036 But first, earlier today at city hall, 281 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,804 the mayor honored a hero cop 282 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,306 who has foiled a string of recent crimes. 283 00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:45,309 Good afternoon, we had a budget meeting that ran long, 284 00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:47,111 so I'm gonna eat my lunch 285 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:50,381 while I hold this press conference. 286 00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,283 Ooh, my favorite! 287 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,019 Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox. 288 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,355 I'm gonna now shake this up 289 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,858 like a lady in your office. 290 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,628 Okay, while the dressing does its magic, 291 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,164 let's honor Officer Joe Swanson, 292 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:10,869 who single-handedly cut crime in Quahog by 75%. 293 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,539 What? "Single-handedly"? 294 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:18,009 Officer Swanson, as thanks from a grateful city, 295 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,511 please accept this Certificate of Merit. 296 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:25,416 And with that, I hereby declare this hero cop open! 297 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,385 Whoa, sweet bod. 298 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,020 You lift, bro? 299 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:31,522 Damn it, I can't believe Joe's hogging all the credit. 300 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,358 That bastard's just getting famous by tricking people. 301 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,094 Like Orson Welles. 302 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,830 So the aliens have come to Earth 303 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,232 to destroy all mankind. 304 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,534 And, uh... 305 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,703 they're going to start at McDonald's. 306 00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:49,107 So if you're in line there, you better run. 307 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,409 Whoa, whoa! N-Not the workers, though. 308 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,379 They've already said the workers are safe. 309 00:11:57,416 --> 00:12:01,786 Excuse me, Coach Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...? 310 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:02,954 It's Herrera. 311 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,623 Okay, well that's a lot of Rs, but listen, 312 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,390 I-I noticed you're not starting Stewie. 313 00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:07,792 Oh, I can't put him in. 314 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,461 I mean, he can come out for limp handshakes 315 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,763 at the end of the game, but I can't play him. He's too little. 316 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,897 "Little"? 317 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,732 Oh, like that car you drive over there? 318 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,769 Let's see if it looks bigger when I throw a Sprite at it. 319 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,639 Well, that's not my car, but I don't care, 320 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,407 I'm just a volunteer. 321 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,976 All right, Griffin, get in there! 322 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,649 Come on, Stewie, give your dog something to post on Facebook! 323 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,584 Something to post on Facebook, let's go. 324 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,956 All right, and nobody's blocking. 325 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,827 Oh, my God. Stewie! 326 00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,263 Are you okay? 327 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,964 Back off! He may have a concussion. 328 00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:48,099 A concussion? 329 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,268 You do me an honor, Lieutenant, 330 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,605 but my dance card is full. 331 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,111 Officer Swanson, as you requested, 332 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,280 here's a big stack of all the cases you cracked. 333 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,149 Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go ahead and brood over a photo 334 00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:08,786 of the girl whose case was the one I couldn't solve. 335 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,756 Your '70s sweater and feathered hair let people know 336 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,125 this is a cold case. 337 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,128 Well, hello, Officer Swanson. 338 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,863 Peter? What are you doing? 339 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,531 You're not supposed to be here. 340 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:24,135 I saw you on TV, hogging all the credit for my police work. 341 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,971 Look, I told you, I need you to be a silent partner on this. 342 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,140 The truth is I could get in a lot of trouble. 343 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,343 Oh, I see. You need me to be the bad cop who kicks all the ass 344 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,278 and then I'm supposed to be quiet about it? 345 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,681 Well, my silence is gonna cost you. 346 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:37,782 What are you saying? 347 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,984 I'm saying you get stuff, I want stuff. 348 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,485 I've seen that evidence locker. 349 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,354 I know you got Discmans in there. 350 00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,323 I want a murdered jogger's Discman. 351 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,058 Peter, you know I can't do that. 352 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,627 Yeah? Well, maybe I accidentally reveal 353 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,662 that you're not the hero everyone thinks you are 354 00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,031 and that you've been letting your neighbor 355 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,665 do all kinds of cop stuff. 356 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,534 You wouldn't do that, would you? 357 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:57,835 You bet I would. 358 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,004 And one more thing. 359 00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,405 Peter asked me to do this. 360 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,207 He, he said it's something from before. 361 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,076 I, I don't know, I... I hope it's funny. 362 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:16,520 All right, I'm here. But why did you want me to bring this? 363 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,589 I'll tell you why. You're getting all the credit 364 00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:21,192 for my police work, so I want stuff from you. 365 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,427 I want a minute in your house with this shopping cart, 366 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:24,829 like Supermarket Sweep. 367 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,097 Here, time me. 368 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,000 Peter, you expect me to let you ransack my house? 369 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,435 Well, unless you'd rather I spill the beans to the chief 370 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,905 about who's been doing your dirty work. 371 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,873 Okay, go. 372 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,710 Aw, sweet, board games! 373 00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,112 I'm taking the cannon from your Monopoly! 374 00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,848 Why is Peter in the house? 375 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,917 It's a police matter, Bonnie! 376 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:48,085 Hey, how come Kevin's room is locked? 377 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,720 He just wants some privacy! 378 00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,455 It's locked from the outside! 379 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,224 Don't open it, Peter! 380 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,128 Hi, baby. Hi, baby. 381 00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:58,729 Get out of Susie's room! 382 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,935 Your stuff sucks. I didn't need the full minute. 383 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:11,109 Hey, Stewie, how's our little concussion guy? 384 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,447 Oh, my God. Can you... can you see me? 385 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,582 Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. 386 00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:21,085 I-Is anybody gonna answer that telephone? 387 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,587 He keeps thinking the phone is ringing, Brian. 388 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,089 Well, at least he's talking again. 389 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:26,491 I think that means he's getting better. 390 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,292 Is it day or night? 391 00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,294 I don't-I don't care, I just want to know. 392 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,796 Lois, answer the bloody phone! 393 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,597 N-No, no! W-we don't need Lois. 394 00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:35,299 Chris, pretend to answer the phone. 395 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,168 Oh, uh, hello? 396 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,570 Okay. Yes, one second. 397 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,439 Mom, it's for you! 398 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,907 What? No! Damn it, Chris! 399 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,608 Um, um... I'll, I'll take that. 400 00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,510 Hello, this is Brian Griffin. 401 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:49,113 Actually, I already receive The New York Times, 402 00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:52,416 and I always enjoy finishing the crossword puzzle. 403 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,352 You're bragging to nobody? 404 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,686 Phone's still ringing. 405 00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,521 Crap, Chris, he's worse off than I thought. 406 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:58,856 We have to do something. 407 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,092 Well, on TV if somebody gets hit on the head, 408 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,495 you hit them a second time and that gets them back to normal. 409 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,130 No, no, Chris. This is very serious. 410 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,000 You see, what a concussion is is the impact of brain matter 411 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,801 on the inside of the skull. 412 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,804 That's why you sometimes hear this nonsense about, 413 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,339 "Oh, let's just give them better helmets." 414 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,108 But you can't make a helmet for the inside... 415 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,609 Chris, are you crazy? 416 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,779 Shh. Let's just let him sleep this off. 417 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,614 Look how peaceful he is. 418 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,384 I wonder what's going on in that little head of his. 419 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:32,156 ♪ The world looks mighty good to me ♪ 420 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:35,659 ♪ 'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see ♪ 421 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,896 ♪ Whatever it is I think I see ♪ 422 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:43,034 ♪ Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me! ♪ 423 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,507 Joe, is something wrong? 424 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,676 I didn't hear you crying in the shower this morning. 425 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,678 I'm just dealing with some stuff at work. 426 00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,680 But everything's going so well. 427 00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,516 You've been getting all those commendations 428 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:02,486 and my online handmade lip balm business is really taking off. 429 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,255 I don't even know what you're talking about. 430 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,990 Well, I'm proud of you. 431 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,060 And you should be proud of yourself. 432 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,532 I want these: rechargeable heated mittens. 433 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,567 Write it down. 434 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,902 Forget it, Peter. 435 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,437 I'm done being blackmailed by you. 436 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,604 Oh, yeah? 437 00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:21,872 Well, fine, but remember, 438 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,874 you're nothing without your muscle. 439 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:25,176 Any available unit, 440 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,212 we have a report of an armed robbery in progress. 441 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,681 Go on, hero cop. You don't need me. 442 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,752 Well, uh, maybe you and I could do one last bust 443 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,053 for old time's sake. 444 00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:38,055 Yes! All right, let's do it. Let's go be heroes. 445 00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,057 Like the designated Shriver. 446 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:44,028 Is there a skeleton with a wig that can drive me home? 447 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,563 I can. 448 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,198 Look at this mess! 449 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,767 Where is the housekeeper? 450 00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:56,474 Well, you already look better. 451 00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:57,942 The doctor should be in any minute. 452 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,078 Chris, what the hell? 453 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:04,582 There is a room where you can go in and just get free people. 454 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,151 Yeah, you should give that back. 455 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,987 Look, I'm really sorry I let you get hurt, Stewie. 456 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,289 I never should've pushed you into that game. 457 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:13,724 Oh, it's not your fault. 458 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,260 I just have to accept that I'm not a man 459 00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,962 and I'm never going to be one. 460 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,263 That's ridiculous. You can't let 461 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:22,600 what one woman says in a grocery store define who you are. 462 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,101 Mom and Dad said it, too. 463 00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,437 I heard it through a vent in the wall. 464 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,072 Hey, knock, knock. 465 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,240 Coach Herrera? 466 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,608 You came to see Stewie? 467 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,644 Yeah, I wanted to check in on this tough little guy. 468 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,513 "Tough little guy"? 469 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,848 It takes a real man to take a hit like that. 470 00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,984 Feel better, sport. 471 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,752 How about that? 472 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,354 "Real man." 473 00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:44,755 See? I told you, Stewie. 474 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,323 You're a big, tough boy. 475 00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:48,125 Yes, I guess I am. 476 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,326 That may be, Stewie. 477 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,595 But if I were you, I'd stay off the field. 478 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,632 Concussions are the number one problem in football today. 479 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,667 Recent brain scan studies have shown... 480 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:02,006 ...that brain injuries are directly linked to dementia 481 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,475 and suicides in former players! 482 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,477 Yet the league... 483 00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:10,515 You can play the music louder but you can't silence the truth! 484 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,985 Peter, slow down! 485 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,687 No can do, Joe. I'm all hopped up 486 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,190 'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack. 487 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,027 I also got some of it in my eyes. 488 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,997 Am I getting them? Am I getting the robbers? 489 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:30,167 Peter, put the gun down! 490 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,203 On the floor, punks. 491 00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,637 Everybody dies. 492 00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,041 My already-irritated eyes! 493 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,813 Aw, damn it, Peter! 494 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,182 This is Officer Swanson, I need backup at... 495 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,152 Ow! They're beating me with vaping accessories! 496 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,855 Forget it, there's no time. 497 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,591 Freeze, police! 498 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,093 Too late, Joe. I already identify with my captors. 499 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,362 Don't hurt Max and Ken. 500 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,784 Holy crap, Joe. That was freaking amazing! 501 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,052 You kicked their ass! 502 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,221 You're right, I guess I did. 503 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:25,589 And without my help. 504 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,591 See, this is the Joe I remember. 505 00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:31,095 You know, maybe you had it in you all along. 506 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:34,198 Wow. I guess I just got ground down by years 507 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,400 of people treating me like an errand boy, 508 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:39,270 and I just let them walk all over me. 509 00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,739 You know, you were a real pain in the butt as a partner, 510 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,941 but you helped me find myself again. 511 00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,409 Thanks, Peter. 512 00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:47,244 You're welcome, Joe. 513 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:50,481 Excuse me, do you have any Tab soda I can bring back 514 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,584 to the sex dungeon where I've been held captive for decades? 515 00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,152 Ma'am, this is a crime scene. 516 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:58,289 I'm gonna have to ask you to move along. 517 00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:01,926 You're right, Peter. I'm a pretty good cop.