1 00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:41,460 And now, the history channel presents 2 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:45,160 the true story of Henry Ford. 3 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:47,600 This is my Jew flattening machine. 4 00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,130 It'll flatten any Jew. 5 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,500 Simply climb behind the wheel, 6 00:00:50,570 --> 00:00:52,230 drive it towards a Jew, and flatten him. 7 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:53,840 Could you also use it just to drive 8 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,440 from place to place and stuff? 9 00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:56,970 It-it's a Jew flattening machine. 10 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,320 It's not what it's designed for. 11 00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,640 But you could use it that way? 12 00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:01,433 Yeah, yeah, you cou... Yeah, yeah, you-you could 13 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,480 also use the Mona Lisa as a placemat. God. 14 00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:06,150 Hey, guys. Oh, hey, quagmire. 15 00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:07,920 How was marching band practice? 16 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,320 Peter, you know this is a pilot's uniform. 17 00:01:10,390 --> 00:01:12,420 It represents years of specialized training. 18 00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:14,013 Yeah, well, you know what else takes years 19 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:16,290 of specialized training? Crossing your eyes. 20 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,330 Aah! Aah! Aah! Too far! Too far! 21 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,360 Hold still. 22 00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:27,600 Thank you, Korean sweatshop animator. 23 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,500 You've earned your nickel this week. 24 00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:31,110 Where're you coming from, quagmire? 25 00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,440 I had to fly to Aruba, so I brought my mom along 26 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,440 with my "friends and family" discount. 27 00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:36,440 Did you... 28 00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:38,910 Yes, Joe, I got you a magnet. 29 00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:41,120 Where do you even put all those magnets, Joe? 30 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,250 Well, you know I have that fridge in the garage 31 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,250 with bags of blood in my blood type? 32 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:48,690 What's "friends and family"? 33 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,760 Oh, airline employees can get discounted tickets 34 00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,430 for family and close friends. 35 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:54,960 What? How-how come you've never done that for us? 36 00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:56,630 If I'm being honest, I've also got 37 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,170 a few Celeste pizzas in that fridge. 38 00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:00,330 I don't know, I-I guess I just figured you guys 39 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,240 always have to work, or you're with your kids. 40 00:02:02,310 --> 00:02:03,833 But sure, yeah, I could take you somewhere. 41 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,310 I'm going to San Francisco next week. You guys want to come? 42 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,080 San Francisco? 43 00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:10,040 That city from and the band played on and milk? 44 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:11,280 I'm in! 45 00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:12,650 Yeah, thanks, quagmire. 46 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,450 Oh, wow, this'll be great. 47 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,450 Hey, can you make us X-Men? 48 00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:22,060 What a surprise. 49 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,300 Well, I'm off to San Francisco with the guys. 50 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,000 Okay, I'm off to Hilton head with the girls. 51 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,270 You what? Peter, 52 00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:34,540 I told you about this a month ago. 53 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,940 I'm going with Bonnie and Donna 54 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,640 to Donna's sister's time share. 55 00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:40,270 Well, we can't both go on a trip at the same time. 56 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:43,580 I'm sorry, Peter, but I already have a taxi waiting. 57 00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:46,510 All right, I'll go tell the guys I'm not going. 58 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,180 Why is he taking his suitcase to tell the guys? 59 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,213 You guys, come on, we got to go now. Let's go, move it. 60 00:02:51,220 --> 00:02:52,660 I'm in the shower. It doesn't matter, 61 00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:55,360 we're stealing Lois' cab. 62 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:56,620 Son of a... 63 00:02:56,690 --> 00:03:00,430 Oh, and the idiot took my suitcase. 64 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:04,570 Aw, he was taking me with him. 65 00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,670 Ah, San Francisco. 66 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:15,980 Aah! San Francisco! 67 00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:17,550 So what are we gonna do first? 68 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,013 I want to see the golden gate bridge. 69 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:20,480 I want to see Lombard street. 70 00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:22,050 I want to see Ghirardelli square. 71 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,420 Guys, guys. 72 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:26,620 Let's get lesbian haircuts and see 'em all. 73 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,310 All right, the gay jokes are out of the way, 74 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,110 now let's get down to business. 75 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:57,620 Okay, guys, this is the original Levi jeans factory, 76 00:03:57,690 --> 00:04:01,060 created by Levi Strauss in the year 1853 77 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,790 so that gold miners could wear a comfortable yet durable fabric. 78 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,290 This is boring. 79 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,030 Well, then you plan the vacation! 80 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,300 Aah! 81 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,230 Peter, Peter, calm down, it-it's okay, 82 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,563 we'll-we'll do whatever you want. 83 00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:13,270 All right, if you promise. 84 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,463 I was thinkin' we could tuck our shirts into our pants, 85 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:18,270 put on huge helmets, and ride segways. 86 00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:21,410 We're not from here! We're not from here! 87 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,610 You guys, look. 88 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,450 It's golden state warriors star Steph curry. 89 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:31,450 Oh, my god, Steph, I'm such a big fan. 90 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,890 Thanks. It's nice to meet you. 91 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,290 Hey, I know we just met, but can I sit on your lap 92 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,390 during your next post-game press conference? 93 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:39,390 Sure, I don't see why not. 94 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,260 This is exciting for the whole bay area, 95 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,430 to be just four games away from the championship... 96 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,800 Dad, I dooked. 97 00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,790 That other team's not just gonna go away, though. 98 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,270 We've got to stay focused, keep doing what we've been doing. 99 00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:51,640 Fat lady. Dad, dad, a fat lady. 100 00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,040 Yeah, I-i see her, Peter. 101 00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:54,340 Make her go. 102 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:55,710 That's not how we talk to people. 103 00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:56,980 Make her go. 104 00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,210 I'll leave. 105 00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,920 Yay! I'm learning bad lessons. 106 00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:08,690 Wow. So that was San Francisco. 107 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,430 I didn't realize how hilly it was gonna be. 108 00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:13,290 Thanks again for taking us, quagmire. 109 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:14,600 Hey, no problem. 110 00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:15,863 Hey, you know, we're here early. 111 00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:17,470 You guys want a little tour of the plane? 112 00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:18,730 Yeah, that'd be great. 113 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,400 Normally I'd just go to Hudson news 114 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:23,140 and pretend to be the most important guy there. 115 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,270 Can I help you? 116 00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:26,340 Yes, I will have eight dasanis 117 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,410 and a JD Power & associates. 118 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,150 Wow, this place is cool. 119 00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:38,250 Yeah. What do all these buttons do? 120 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,650 Like, what's this red one? 121 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,090 Oh, that's a voice filter, so the passengers always think 122 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,390 the pilot is a 60-year-old Midwestern white man. 123 00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:46,630 What? That's impossible. 124 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,200 Hi y'all, this is Cleveland. 125 00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:50,630 Good afternoon, folks, 126 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,870 this is captain Dale Clark up here in the flight deck. 127 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,970 We're way up in the air. 128 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,370 We've reached our cruising altitude of 37,000 feet. 129 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,210 Y'all get ready to watch big momma's house. 130 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,560 Our in-flight entertainment today 131 00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:04,410 will be under the Tuscan sun. 132 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:05,650 Ooh, I like that. 133 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,080 I hear it's good. 134 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:09,120 Hey, what's this button? "Autopilot"? 135 00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:11,790 Oh, that allows the plane to fly itself when I need a break. 136 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:13,120 W-what do you mean, "a break"? 137 00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:14,470 You don't have to fly the plane? 138 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,120 Of course I do. I just take a short break sometimes. 139 00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:19,530 Short break? It looks like you had time 140 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,430 to put together the 10,000-piece Lego Hogwarts. 141 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,300 You don't have to touch it, Joe, you can just say you noticed it. 142 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,270 And what's this booth over here? 143 00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:28,840 Oh, that's my back-in-time box. 144 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,910 I go inside, magically go back in time, 145 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:33,440 and then come out and react to the fact that we're flying. 146 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,850 By god, we're levitating. 147 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:39,750 That's just a box full of costumes. 148 00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:41,450 It's my back-in-time box! 149 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,580 What the hell, quagmire? So-so, basically, 150 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:44,850 your job is just goofin' off. 151 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:45,920 That's not true. 152 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,590 I broke Gandalf in half. 153 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:48,660 It's Dumbledore! 154 00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:50,183 Screw you guys. You know, being a pilot 155 00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:52,190 is hard work. Look, I tried to be nice 156 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:53,830 and take you fellas on a free trip, 157 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,160 and all you can do is crap all over my job. 158 00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,330 I was a Navy pilot, you jerks. 159 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,930 Get the hell out of my cockpit. 160 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:05,470 Joke's on him. I farted just before he kicked us out. 161 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:07,640 Ugh. Oh, god! 162 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,450 All right, let's see what's in the in-flight magazine. 163 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,390 Muscular old guy. 164 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,550 Already filled-in crossword puzzle. 165 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:22,760 Ooh, this is food for different routes I'm not on. 166 00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:26,090 All right, time to use the potty. 167 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,560 Don't say "potty." You're an adult. 168 00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:36,970 Okay, nobody move! 169 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,940 Oh, my god, those guys in first class have guns. 170 00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:41,780 Cleveland, just be happy with what you have. 171 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,010 Don't envy people. 172 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,810 No, Peter, we're being hijacked. 173 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,480 Close the cockpit door! 174 00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:52,620 This plane now belongs to us. 175 00:07:52,690 --> 00:07:54,120 You move, you're dead. 176 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,190 So nobody try to get smart. 177 00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,790 Mm, page 100. Mm. 178 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,100 We have a hijacking in progress. 179 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,740 Our flight has been... 180 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,840 Oh, damn it, they jammed the transmission. 181 00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:13,470 I'm gonna have to go to the backup communication system. 182 00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:19,580 Hello? Can you hear me? 183 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:20,980 This is flight 364. 184 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,420 We're being hijacked. 185 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,650 I can hear you... oh! 186 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,160 This is your last chance. 187 00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:32,660 Open the door, or your copilot gets it. 188 00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,690 No. I'm landing at the closest airfield, 189 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,460 which is less than an hour away. So just let him go, 190 00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:39,430 'cause you're not getting control of this plane. 191 00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:43,000 Aah! Jimmy! Oh, my god! 192 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,300 Why are you doing this? 193 00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:45,770 America needs to be punished 194 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,780 for supporting the other side of my country's civil war. 195 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,140 Which country? 196 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:51,550 Do you really want to know, 197 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,950 or are you just asking because 198 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:54,850 we're gonna be on a plane for a while 199 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,280 and you think you should make small talk? 200 00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,120 The second thing. 201 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,550 Open the door, or I'll start 202 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,120 executing passengers. 203 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:06,430 Man, coming on this trip was a terrible idea. 204 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,530 I know, now I wish I'd just stayed home 205 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,860 and finished my remake of inside out. 206 00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,170 I'm joy. 207 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,600 I'm sadness. 208 00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:14,430 I'm anger. 209 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,740 I'm disgust. 210 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,800 I'm poo. 211 00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:21,640 Ooh, I need to use the bathroom. 212 00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,910 Yay! I win! 213 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,700 We interrupt this program with a special report. 214 00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,950 A flight from San Francisco to quahog 215 00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,520 has lost contact with air traffic control. 216 00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:39,330 Oh, my god, that's your father's flight. 217 00:09:39,390 --> 00:09:40,460 Government officials 218 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:41,923 are monitoring the situation closely. 219 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:44,400 I'll be here to update you as this story progresses. 220 00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:46,830 Coming up on the midday news, a couple in their 30s 221 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,300 gets married without their dog being in the wedding. 222 00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:51,540 You're not gonna believe their story. 223 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:55,710 What's it gonna be? 224 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,180 Are you going to open this door, 225 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,730 or am I going to start killing people? 226 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,110 I'm not opening it. 227 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,350 Excuse me, I'd just like to ask the mom behind me 228 00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:04,780 who told me to stop watching game of thrones on my laptop 229 00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:08,790 if I'm still "the worst person on this plane." 230 00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,520 You, fat guy. Get up here! 231 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:11,930 Aah! 232 00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:14,760 Last chance. Open the door, 233 00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:16,560 or this idiot gets it. 234 00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:18,223 Don't open it, quagmire. It's not worth it. 235 00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:19,400 Okay. 236 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:20,730 Wait... wait, what? 237 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,440 That-that was quick. 238 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,940 I'm sorry, Peter, but I have to think about the whole plane. 239 00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:27,310 There's over 150 passengers back there, 240 00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:29,340 several of whom are in our commander's club, 241 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:31,910 and to them I'd like to issue a special welcome. 242 00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:33,510 Oh, man, we got to help Peter! 243 00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:36,250 Those crazy European guys are gonna kill him! 244 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,590 You know, I have a gun in the bag I checked. 245 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,020 If we can get to the galley, 246 00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:42,590 we can take the elevator down to the cargo hold. 247 00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:44,420 Good idea, Joe. 248 00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:48,030 Oh, man, it feels like we're in one of those hijacking movies. 249 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,530 You're right, it does. There's even an impatient businessman 250 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,530 who really wants to reach his destination 251 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,970 so he can conduct more business. 252 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,570 Can't you see how important I am? 253 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,570 My shirt is blue, but the collar is white. 254 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,510 It's the same shirt! 255 00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:02,510 Quick, he's distracted. 256 00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:12,650 "Get off my plane." 257 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,720 "Get off my plane." 258 00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,220 What's that, now? Hmm? 259 00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:17,860 Nothing. 260 00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:20,530 "Always bet on black." 261 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,030 "Always bet on black." 262 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,030 Did you say something? I don't think so. 263 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,200 "Double trouble!" "Double trouble!" 264 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,040 That's it. We found it. 265 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,700 What the hell?! 266 00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,610 Hey! Two of the passengers are missing! 267 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,380 Okay, you guys watch the main cabin. 268 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,580 I'll go find them. 269 00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,880 I'll take this fat guy as a human shield. 270 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,010 Oh, nice. Last guy picked for dodgeball, 271 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,220 first guy for human shield. 272 00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:48,690 Everybody be quiet! 273 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,460 There's another update! 274 00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:51,770 Good afternoon. I'm tom Tucker. 275 00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:53,960 The search for a missing airliner continues, 276 00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:57,130 as speculation grows that the plane has been hijacked. 277 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,170 Oh, this is all so awful! 278 00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:02,500 What will our lives be like if our husbands don't make it? 279 00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:31,200 Oh, my god! Now I want dad to die! 280 00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:36,770 Hey, Joe, look at me. 281 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,710 Do I look like Mickey the mouse? 282 00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:40,440 Get out of people's stuff! 283 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,340 Ah, here's my bag. 284 00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:48,280 Hey! What are you two doing down here? 285 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:53,390 Oh, someone's shipping live lobsters. 286 00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:54,820 Yum. 287 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:55,820 Prepare to die. 288 00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,020 You first! 289 00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:59,360 That's what you think. 290 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:03,860 Peter! Grab on to something! 291 00:13:03,930 --> 00:13:06,470 Uh-oh. I grabbed my own belt. 292 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,590 Attention, passengers, I know we're being hijacked, 293 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:31,660 but I would be remiss if I didn't point out 294 00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:34,560 that we're presently passing over Yosemite national park. 295 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:37,660 Wow! That is truly awe-inspiring! 296 00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,230 It certainly is. 297 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,230 And you know what you don't see from up here? 298 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,900 Borders. 299 00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:52,050 Die in hell, eurotrash! 300 00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:53,610 Hang on, Peter! 301 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,280 Holy crap, that was close. 302 00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,513 Joe, how'd you know that lever would open the landing gear? 303 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,360 Wheels are my expertise, Peter. 304 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:05,490 I notice every wheel in a room as soon as I enter. 305 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,900 Special delivery from the U.S. of a.! 306 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,630 Aw, rats. 307 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,470 My bullets are in my shaving kit. 308 00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,580 Get off my pl... Double trouble! 309 00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:28,150 Sorry. Come on, man! 310 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:31,150 Oh, my god, you guys did it! 311 00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:32,350 We're saved! 312 00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:33,850 Yep, we wrapped this up quicker 313 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,060 than the treaty signing at Appomattox. 314 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,730 So, if I sign this, the war is over, 315 00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:42,100 we surrender, and we still get to be dicks forever? 316 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,330 Okay, you win. 317 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,730 You can all relax now, everybody! 318 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,330 We're ten minutes away from landing 319 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,700 at an airfield in Nevada. 320 00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:52,540 Looks like you'll make that business meeting after all. 321 00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:56,040 Great! Thanks for keeping us in the sky, boys. 322 00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:58,040 Now reach for it. 323 00:14:58,110 --> 00:15:00,150 You're one of the hijackers, too?! 324 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,720 Yes. I was in reserve in case the plan went awry. 325 00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:06,050 And now I can finally get into the cockpit 326 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,020 crashing this plane into the ultimate symbol 327 00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:11,590 of American materialism, 328 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,560 Las Vegas. 329 00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,700 You know, I've lost a ton in Vegas, 330 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,200 but I never thought I'd lose my life there. 331 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:20,470 Did you just think of that? Yeah, just now. 332 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,640 You know, you are seriously funny, man. 333 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,700 I know I crap on you a lot, but sometimes, 334 00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:27,510 when I'm driving, I think about stuff you say and I laugh. 335 00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:29,840 Thank you, Peter. No, thank you. 336 00:15:34,910 --> 00:15:38,240 Very good. We are less than 20 minutes from Las Vegas. 337 00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:42,550 Get ready to say good-bye to your precious Rita Rudner. 338 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,220 Is-is your plan just to kill Rita Rudner? 339 00:15:45,290 --> 00:15:48,620 No. We're going to crash into the biggest hotel on the strip! 340 00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:52,420 Killing Rita Rudner will just be the custard on the dumpling. 341 00:15:52,490 --> 00:15:53,823 You know, we never quite nailed down 342 00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:56,090 what region you guys are from. 343 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,063 Good afternoon. I'm tom Tucker with the latest 344 00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:03,500 on the hijacking crisis. 345 00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:05,440 As you can see, I've taken off my blazer 346 00:16:05,510 --> 00:16:07,270 to show the severity of the situation. 347 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:09,840 We understand the plane has been found by satellite. 348 00:16:09,910 --> 00:16:11,780 It's apparently veered off its flight plan 349 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:13,480 and is headed for Las Vegas. 350 00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:15,210 The government, fearing the worst, 351 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,980 is considering shooting it down. 352 00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:19,480 Now here's an over-the-top news graphic. 353 00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:24,490 Nightmare over Vegas. 354 00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:30,230 Hijack jackpot. 355 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,433 Oh, look, there's one guy who slept through this whole thing. 356 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,540 Hey, buddy, wake up. 357 00:16:38,610 --> 00:16:40,140 We're all about to die. 358 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,810 What? What are you talking about? 359 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,380 Yeah, I thought I should wake you up. 360 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,773 Nobody wants to die in their sleep. 361 00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:47,410 Oh, my god! No! I have a family! 362 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,680 There you go. 363 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:52,180 Only a few more minutes until your country pays 364 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:54,350 for its imperialistic sins. 365 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:55,990 Us? What about you?! 366 00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,890 Like-like, how come you eastern European guys 367 00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,490 can't be quieter in pornos? 368 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,490 I mean, nobody's ever been like, "yeah, yeah, more guy noises." 369 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,500 They ask us to do that to cover up the sound 370 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:05,930 of children playing nearby. 371 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,470 Now shut up and get ready to die. 372 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,510 So, uh, you ever been to Vegas before? 373 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,710 No. 374 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,550 Well, I think you're gonna... 375 00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:23,920 Flip for it! 376 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:34,990 Attention, passengers, the plane... 377 00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:40,630 Oh, come on! Doesn't anybody pay attention to the sign?! 378 00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:46,340 That was some quick thinking, Glenn. 379 00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:49,640 And look! Even that plane with all the missiles is impressed. 380 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,280 Missiles? That's a military fighter jet! 381 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,880 He's here to shoot us down! 382 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,020 Or "she." What?! 383 00:17:58,090 --> 00:18:00,220 They must think the hijackers still control the plane! 384 00:18:00,290 --> 00:18:01,553 And our communications are jammed, 385 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,560 so we can't even tell them everything's okay! 386 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,620 Don't worry, I'll signal to 'em. 387 00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:08,390 Hey! We knocked out all the bad guys! 388 00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:09,990 See? We don't need your help! 389 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:12,400 We kicked their asses and we have their guns! 390 00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:14,130 I've got a visual on the terrorists. 391 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,870 They've got a hostage in a blue shirt with a white collar. 392 00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:18,470 He must be an important businessman. 393 00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:20,870 Copy that. Prepare to engage. 394 00:18:23,710 --> 00:18:25,010 Oh, good, he's movin' away. 395 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,050 No, he isn't. He's getting in position to fire! 396 00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,810 He thinks we're gonna crash into the strip! 397 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,420 Everybody in your seats! 398 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,470 Frank Caliendo does a 5:00 show? 399 00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,440 Quagmire, land this plane! 400 00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:04,950 We've been hit! 401 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:07,890 Oh, god, this is it! 402 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:09,050 We're gonna die! 403 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:10,220 Like hell we are! 404 00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:11,690 We're gonna make it. 405 00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:27,140 We're going too fast! 406 00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:28,940 We're gonna crash into that lake! 407 00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:31,710 Oh, no, we're not! 408 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,860 Oh, yeah, right there. That's good. 409 00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:48,530 And now to discharge the plane's fire retardant. 410 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,530 Giggity. 411 00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:03,680 Wow, quagmire, thanks for saving all of our lives. 412 00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,880 We're sorry for saying your job was easy. 413 00:20:05,950 --> 00:20:08,110 Yeah, you're the best damn pilot in the world. 414 00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:11,120 He's right. What you did up there was amazing. 415 00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:12,880 Thanks, guys, that means a lot. 416 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,550 Boy, that was quite a trip, wasn't it? 417 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:17,790 Sure was. And we learned a lot about blue jeans, 418 00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:19,790 didn't we, guys? Yes, yes, we did, yeah. 419 00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:22,790 That's right, Peter. Thank you for planning a wonderful day. 420 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:29,370 Cleveland! Joe! 421 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,570 Peter! 422 00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:37,710 Dad, I was really worried, 423 00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:39,740 so I pulled a record of your credit card purchases 424 00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:41,810 in San Francisco, and I saw some things 425 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,750 I think you'd prefer to keep private. 426 00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:45,150 We'll talk later, Chris. 427 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,650 I think we will. 428 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,890 I do believe we will. 429 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,390 Well, let's head home. 430 00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:53,060 I know I, for one, am ready to put all this behind us. 431 00:20:53,130 --> 00:20:54,660 Sounds good.