1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:08,206
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Ugh. This is
gonna suck.
11
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80% of these acts
are either air guitar
12
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or girls dancing to
songs from Frozen.
13
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Yeah, back in my day
you had to be a triple threat
14
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to even get on that stage.
15
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You were a
triple threat?
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I sure was.
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I could sing, dance,
18
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and guess the weight of any baby
that was tossed to me.
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♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy ♪
20
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Eight pounds!
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♪ Yankee Doodle do or die ♪
22
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12-nine! A big one!
23
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,131
♪ A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam ♪
24
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,800
♪ Born on the Fourth of July ♪
25
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Three pounds? Someone
couldn't wait to be here.
26
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Did that really happen?
27
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Nah, I just lip-synced
"Born to Run."
28
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The show is
about to start.
29
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I-Is Daddy still
parking the car?
30
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Yes. Everything
takes him longer these days.
31
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His cataracts
are getting worse.
32
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Hey, Lois, look over there,
it's Jessica Chastain.
33
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Oh, Daddy, that's
Bryce Dallas Howard.
34
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You're blind as a bat.
35
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Okay, for the first of our
65 performances tonight...
36
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- You got to be kidding!
- Son of a bitch!
37
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I agree.
Now please welcome Meg Griffin
38
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and Ruth Cochammer.
No laughing.
39
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It's "Coke-a-mer"!
40
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Not in the boys' room it isn't.
41
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♪ One, two, three
and to the four ♪
42
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♪ Meg Meggy Meg and Dr. Ruth
is at the door... ♪
43
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Wake up, people, Monsanto
is poisoning the world
44
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with frankenfoods, and
we're letting it happen.
45
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Monsanto equals
murder!
46
00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:27,279
Monsanto equals murder!
That's enough.
47
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I am so sick of this being used
as a platform
48
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to attack
genetically modified foods.
49
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,152
You can't silence
the truth!
50
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What, what?
51
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:36,821
It's over, Patty.
52
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Hi, Patty. I like Patty.
53
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Okay, up next,
here's Evelyn Fong,
54
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,032
our 11-year-old
high school junior.
55
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Oh, my God.
56
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,053
What is that?
57
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,189
It's... it's the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.
58
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It's a violin, Peter.
59
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And now, two football players
are going to do something
60
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that only makes sense to
the rest of the football team.
61
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Coach, the bus is here.
62
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This is an away game?
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It's true!
64
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Remember that happened?
65
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Those are the kids
I bought beer for.
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I got to take a leak.
Daddy, you can't see.
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Let me help you
to the bathroom.
68
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I can see fine.
69
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,716
All right, there's only
so many seats on the bus.
70
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One of you will have
to sit next to me.
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I will, Coach.
72
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,123
Oh! He talked
on the whole bus ride!
73
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How are you, gentlemen?
74
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Dude! What the hell?
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Whoa! With cataracts
like those,
76
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,934
someone needs a big
pair of glasses.
77
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Hey! Jessica Chastain!
78
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,442
I'm glad you
finally agreed to have
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00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,044
the cataract surgery, Daddy.
80
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,279
I wish I hadn't!
81
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,447
I can't see anything now!
This is terrible!
82
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:13,084
Well, tha-that's why the whole
family came to support you.
83
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:16,121
Oh, really? Oh, wow,
that's so kind. Who's here?
84
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,156
Oh, uh, well,
as you know, I'm here.
85
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:21,159
Who else?
Uh, Stewie and Brian.
86
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,161
Hey, hope you
feel better soon.
87
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,330
That doesn't sound like
the whole family.
88
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,166
Hey, hope those
eyes get better soon, Pop.
89
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,468
It's me, Peter.
Shipoopi.
90
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,470
Oh, thanks
for coming, Peter.
91
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,606
I-I'm here, too, Grandpa.
92
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:38,910
And, uh, and Meg went down
to-to put money in the meter.
93
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,245
Aw, I don't care.
94
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,314
Now, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
your vision will be impaired
95
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,349
for a few weeks
while you recover.
96
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,351
I recommend you and your wife
have someone around
97
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:47,952
to help you during this time.
98
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,921
Well, I'd love to
help you, Daddy,
99
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,424
but Stewie's just
been so fussy lately.
100
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,926
He's constantly crying
for no reason.
101
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What are you talking about?
I'm fine.
102
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,696
Ow! Bitch!
103
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,030
She does this a lot!
104
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,132
You know,
maybe Brian could help you.
105
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,668
He could be your service dog.
106
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:05,837
Come on, Lois,
I don't want to do that.
107
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,472
Your father and I have
nothing in common.
108
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,708
Brian, please.
If you do this for me,
109
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,876
you'll be a hero...
just like King Arthur
110
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,179
when he pulled the sword
from the stone.
111
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,983
Oh... yeah!
112
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Whew!
113
00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:21,886
Oh, God,
this is embarrassing.
114
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:23,788
I'm so sorry.
115
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,657
It's been, like,
500 years.
116
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,094
Aw, this is your big moment
and I'm ruining it.
117
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,634
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
118
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,003
I'm learning violin.
It's kind of like my new hobby.
119
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,740
Well, if we're talking
about new hobbies...
120
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,909
What is this?
It's a Mason jar
121
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,411
filled with layered sand.
122
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,179
You can put it
in your bathroom
123
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,215
or anywhere you want
to feel peaceful.
124
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,717
Now it's nothing.
125
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,419
I always liked the violin,
126
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,821
'cause it kind of
has curves like a lady.
127
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,557
Hey, you know what? Maybe you guys
can learn an instrument, too,
128
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:01,259
and then we could all
play together.
129
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,927
Really? That sounds
like a lot of work.
130
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,830
Yeah, no offense, muchacho,
but I don't know
131
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,766
if I have time
for that, muchacho.
132
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,101
Yeah, you're doing
"muchacho" wrong.
133
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,902
Come on, guys,
it could be cool.
134
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,904
I did play the oboe
in high school,
135
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and the girls
wouldn't leave me alone.
136
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Girls do like guys
in a band.
137
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I'm in. Giggity.
138
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,446
Oh, Quagmire,
you are so predictable.
139
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,615
And that's why
I love you, muchacho.
140
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,917
See? That's how
you do "muchacho."
141
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,286
And, you know,
there's four of us...
142
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We could be
a string quartet.
143
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,688
All right, I'll do it.
144
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,857
But first you guys got
to do one thing for me.
145
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,025
Sure, Joe. What is it?
146
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,860
I want you to put me
in the booth.
147
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,096
I want to feel like a person
for a second.
148
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,531
Aw, yeah, sure,
no problem.
149
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,766
All right, Quagmire,
you do upper, I'll do lower?
150
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,068
Sure. Let's do it!
151
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:54,746
Wow. Thanks, guys.
152
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,782
Uh-oh.
153
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,118
Hey, guys, guys,
put him back up.
154
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,120
I just thought
of something.
155
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,026
This is gonna be
a blast.
156
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:19,637
Mr. Pewterschmidt, your
service dog has arrived.
157
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,306
Hey, Carter.
Brian!
158
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,775
Y-You have a butler?
Then why am I here?
159
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,810
Why can't he help you?
What? That's stupid.
160
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:26,978
Who would announce him?
161
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,413
See, this right here,
162
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,615
this is the one-percenter
crap I can't stand.
163
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Yes, it is. Now, sit
your 99-percenter ass down
164
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,853
and read me the comics.
165
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Okay. The Wizard of Id is
addressing his subjects.
166
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,025
Is he up on that balcony?
Yes.
167
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,828
Ha-ha! Then it's a good one.
168
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,205
Okay, hang on,
hang on, hang on.
169
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,940
Peter, what note
are you playing?
170
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,176
I-I'm sorry, I'm
not familiar. Note?
171
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,544
Haven't you
been practicing?
172
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:00,979
All right, fine,
I haven't.
173
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,947
But I've been doing
other violin stuff.
174
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,550
Like I bought this jacket
like what Bugs Bunny wears
175
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,586
when he's with
that opera guy.
176
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,054
Wow, that looks sharp.
177
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:13,391
Yeah, I've been practicing
how to sit down in it.
178
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:16,127
Ew, Peter,
those tails are soaking wet.
179
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,430
They may have been
in the toilet.
180
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,068
Brian! Get in here!
181
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,737
Wh-What's up?
What do you need?
182
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,672
I'm done with my bath.
Put on this lady wig
183
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:30,575
and help me out of the tub. What?
Why do I have to wear a wig?
184
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,544
Otherwise it's weird.
185
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,413
Thank you, Penelope.
186
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,882
Hey, it's 4:30...
Time for dinner.
187
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,052
But first, grab that Gold Bond
and powder my speed bag.
188
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,992
Ah. There's the tingle.
189
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,001
Wow, so you can just
bypass all that gridlock?
190
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,003
Having a helicopter's
amazing!
191
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,205
And that's not all...
I also use it
192
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,608
to throw boxes of frogs
down on that church.
193
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,343
They go bananas!
194
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,913
Boy, I could really get used
to this rich guy stuff.
195
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,849
♪ Funny, funny, funny
what money can do ♪
196
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,451
♪ Them that have it ♪
197
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,953
♪ Get more of it ♪
198
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,621
♪ Less they need it ♪
199
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,122
♪ The more they love it ♪
200
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,024
♪ And it sticks to them ♪
201
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,026
♪ Like glue ♪
202
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,463
♪ Funny, funny, funny
what money can do ♪
203
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,098
♪ Ask the rich man ♪
204
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,967
♪ He'll confess ♪
205
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,702
♪ Money can't buy ♪
206
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,036
♪ Happiness ♪
207
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,605
♪ Ask the poor man ♪
208
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,139
♪ He don't doubt ♪
209
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:38,042
♪ But he'd rather be miserable
with than without ♪
210
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,477
♪ If you spend it ♪
211
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,412
♪ Please be wiser ♪
212
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:42,780
♪ If you save it ♪
213
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,449
♪ You're a miser ♪
214
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,050
♪ You don't want it ♪
215
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,219
♪ You're cuckoo ♪
216
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,623
♪ Funny, funny, funny
what money can do... ♪
217
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,327
You guys,
I got great news!
218
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,162
Some skank I used to bang
is getting married,
219
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,298
and they need someone
to play at the ceremony.
220
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,134
We got our first gig! Wow, a
wedding... that's awesome!
221
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,289
All right, then we should
probably practice our piece.
222
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:18,683
Wait, hold on, hold on.
Peter, uh, that's terrible.
223
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,418
You sounded like
you were strangling a cat.
224
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,287
Well, I was... that's how
I got revved up to perform.
225
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:25,123
No, just now.
Look, it's clear
226
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,758
that you still
haven't practiced at all.
227
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,093
Yeah, this was your idea
in the first place,
228
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,995
but you're the only one
who's done no work.
229
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,998
No work? I stared in
a mirror for hours
230
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:37,001
playing air violin to the
song "Bittersweet Symphony."
231
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,636
Peter, you're out
of the group.
232
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:39,971
What?!
233
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,840
Well, fine.
Screw you guys!
234
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,977
Wow, he seemed
pretty angry.
235
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,512
Yeah, I haven't
seen him this upset
236
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,048
since he got caught
using that fake ID.
237
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,050
Can I see your
ID, please?
238
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,555
Give me one second.
239
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:01,326
Uh, sir, that lady who came in
and ate all the pies is back.
240
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,832
Okay, let's see how
those eyes are doing.
241
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,201
See if you can tell
me where Waldo is.
242
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,236
He's right there
buying an ice cream cone.
243
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:14,672
Damn it! I've been stuck
on that page for two days.
244
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:16,374
Oh, and your eyes are fine.
245
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,742
Hey, that's
terrific, Carter!
246
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,310
Seems like it's time
to go home
247
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,579
and pour some of that Scotch
of yours to celebrate.
248
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,314
That sounds like
a great idea.
249
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,849
See you later.
Wait, wait, wait.
250
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,084
What are you talking about?
251
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,385
I meant, like...
like, both of us.
252
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,087
Didn't you hear him?
I'm all healed.
253
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,822
I don't need a
service dog anymore.
254
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,190
What are you saying?
255
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,691
I'm saying I'm
done with you.
256
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,059
Now, before I go,
257
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:39,597
I'm just gonna old-man
drink this glass of water.
258
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,409
Now, to take
an old man pee.
259
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:56,114
Ow. Ow.
260
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,582
Ow.
261
00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,685
Ow. Ow.
262
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,120
Ow.
263
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,956
Ow. Ow.
264
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,224
Ow.
265
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,026
Ow. Ow.
266
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,863
Ow.
Ow.
267
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,565
Ow.
268
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,807
Oh, Brian, just
in time for dinner.
269
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,442
We're having
sloppy Joes.
270
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,877
Eh, what else
you got?
271
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,612
How about
a knuckle sandwich?
272
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,313
If Peter
said that,
273
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,415
you all would've lost
your minds laughing.
274
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:32,984
It's just that
at Carter's house,
275
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,352
if you don't want
something heavy,
276
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,621
Etienne will whip you up
an egg dish with some shallots
277
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,589
and chanterelles
or whatever's fresh.
278
00:12:38,624 --> 00:12:40,391
Yeah, I know all about Etienne.
279
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,460
He climbed into my bed
when I was 11.
280
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,830
I'm sure this is a
step down for you, Bri,
281
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,431
but now you're back
in the real world
282
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,734
where our poop stinks,
and we all eat garbage.
283
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,102
Yeah, I guess I got used
284
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,937
to being a little pampered
over at Carter's.
285
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,806
Well, I'd be careful
with your uptown ways.
286
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,808
Some of the other
kids don't like it.
287
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,278
He thinks he's
better than us.
288
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,280
What time you going to bed,
fancy boy?
289
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,848
I don't know. 9:00?
290
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,650
9:00, Chris.
291
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,019
Look, it's not even
about the stuff.
292
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,288
Carter and I
became friends.
293
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,856
Wait a minute!
Of course!
294
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,991
Whatever you're going to say
next, I bet it's wrong.
295
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,961
I offended Carter
by offering to work for him.
296
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,663
I mean,
once it became a friendship,
297
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,498
he didn't want me
working for him.
298
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,833
He wanted a pal.
299
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:23,034
Brian,
you're not kidding anyone.
300
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,002
We all know
you don't care about Carter.
301
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,270
You only care about his money.
302
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,306
No, no, no.
He knows I'm his friend.
303
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,509
Yeah, right. That's what Woody
thought about Buzz Lightyear.
304
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,978
Bo Peep!
305
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,347
What-what's going on here?
306
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:40,518
Um... you've got
a friend in me?
307
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,957
What are you doing here?
308
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,125
I-I thought you were
rehearsing with the guys.
309
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,828
Ah, the bastards kicked me out
'cause I'm not good enough.
310
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:52,330
Oh, and they also taught me
311
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,733
that if your hand is bigger
than your face, you have cancer,
312
00:13:55,768 --> 00:14:00,071
so maybe you should, uh,
you know, do the test.
313
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,406
I had cancer,
Peter. Remember?
314
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,976
I was in the hospital?
You weren't there for it.
315
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,577
Well, maybe
you have it again.
316
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,512
Peter, I'm not falling
for your trick,
317
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,147
but if you're upset
about the guys
318
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,550
kicking you out of the group,
you can't really blame them.
319
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,486
The violin takes
discipline and dedication.
320
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,355
You never even practiced.
321
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,757
They probably thought you
were just wasting their time.
322
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,259
Maybe you're right. I guess...
323
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,828
guess I could've been
a little more serious about it.
324
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,563
Well, it's not too late.
325
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,065
Maybe you could find a teacher
who could help you learn,
326
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,067
and if you work at it
and get a little better,
327
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:31,535
they'll see you
care about them.
328
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:32,938
You know what?
That's a great idea!
329
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,071
I'll take some lessons.
330
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:36,774
I'm gonna work really hard
just like my deodorant.
331
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:39,010
How does a guy
like me stay fresh?
332
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,012
I use Fat Guys Deodorant.
333
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,847
Whether you're sitting, leaning,
334
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,050
lying down or sitting,
Fat Guys keeps ya dry.
335
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:49,086
Apply every five minutes, and
you're good for five minutes.
336
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,756
And now for the confusing
commercial backstory.
337
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,758
Ready for the
fund-raiser, Dad?
338
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,760
Yeah, be right there, buddy.
339
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,830
We're going to a fund-raiser,
and we share a bedroom.
340
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:06,103
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
you have a visitor.
341
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,772
Hey, buddy, looking good!
342
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,040
So, what are we drinking?
343
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,108
Or better yet, why
aren't we drinking?
344
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:12,710
Get the hell out of here!
345
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,045
I told you I'm done with you!
346
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,114
And besides, I'm off
to the spa down at the club.
347
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:19,150
How's the temp?
Good and hot?
348
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,753
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
349
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:26,590
Hey, did you also not wash
your ass before getting in?
350
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,761
Yeah, that sign.
351
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,766
There you go, Mr. Glenn. Thanks.
352
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:38,636
Hey, can I get a couple
of extras of these plastic bags?
353
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,272
Let me just
test this out quickly.
354
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,010
Yeah, that works.
Okay, now you go.
355
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:49,447
I have to get back to
teaching violin lesson.
356
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:56,954
Those scales
sound terrible!
357
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,789
You fat and lazy!
You leave now!
358
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:00,424
No, please! I
got to get better
359
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,259
so I can be as
good as my friends.
360
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,861
I really let 'em down.
361
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,631
You fingers no bleeding.
362
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,100
You no try hard enough!
363
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,202
You want me press iron
on your back again?
364
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,503
I'm trying! I'm trying!
365
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,171
Try harder!
Play better!
366
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,646
Is somebody making
a Cuban sandwich?
367
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,885
Lousy no-good rotten
frassum-rassum...
368
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,023
Brian, what's up?
369
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,291
Why are you engaging
in cartoon profanity?
370
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,127
Carter wants nothing
to do with me.
371
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,195
I'm just so mad.
Don't you mean sad?
372
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,997
You know, about
the friendship?
373
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,533
Oh, no, of course, you
mean mad about the money.
374
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,168
All right, fine,
it was about the money.
375
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,870
I miss the money.
Yes, I know.
376
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,838
I saw all your Instagrams
on his helicopter
377
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,340
like it was your helicopter.
378
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,208
I never said
it was my helicopter.
379
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:52,843
Yeah, never said it wasn't.
380
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,746
The implication was that it was
a regular part of your life.
381
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:58,849
Anyway, I know this makes me
sound awful, but I almost wish
382
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:01,252
Carter was still blind
so he'd still need me.
383
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:02,686
Yeah, but he's not.
384
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:05,823
But... he could be.
385
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,826
But he isn't.
But he should be.
386
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,327
Oh, no.
387
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,929
Come on, it'd be temporary,
388
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,531
just until he realizes
I'm a great hang.
389
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,866
But you're not, so I don't
want any part of this.
390
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,068
Okay. I get it. I get it.
391
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,470
Nah, you-you wouldn't
want to help me.
392
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,038
What was I thinking?
He... he's your grandfather.
393
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:23,607
Even though he did say
that thing about you.
394
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:24,909
What? What did he say about me?
395
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,844
Oh, I... I'm sorry.
I thought I told you.
396
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,947
Um, he said you couldn't cut it
as a member of One Direction.
397
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,949
What?! But they
have an opening!
398
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,250
Zayn is gone!
399
00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:34,952
He does know Zayn
is gone, right?
400
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,053
Oh, he definitely knows.
401
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,855
Yeah, he-he thinks
you could be in O-Town,
402
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,123
but not One Direction.
403
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:41,392
Okay, I'm pretty sure
you're manipulating me,
404
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,561
but let's go blind
that old bastard.
405
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,939
Listen, Peter, we know you've
been working hard on the violin,
406
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,875
but more importantly,
you're our pal,
407
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,577
and we'd like you
to be back in the group.
408
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,046
Really?
What if I'm not good enough?
409
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,714
Well, that's
the thing.
410
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,917
We decided we'd rather be lousy
with you than great without you.
411
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:09,653
Joe, no offense, but I'd prefer
to hear it from someone else.
412
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,922
That's fair.
So, what do you say, Peter?
413
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,991
Will you come
and play the wedding with us?
414
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,893
Oh, you bet I will!
Oh, thanks!
415
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,395
You guys won't regret this,
and don't you worry.
416
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:22,333
I'll be ready, unlike Lois
getting dressed for a night out.
417
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:23,901
Tell them the truth!
418
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,402
It's me. It's me.
419
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,238
I'm the one who takes
too long to get ready.
420
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,640
It's 'cause I don't have
any nice clothes. Peter!
421
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,276
All right. It's 'cause
I don't like the way I look.
422
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:39,984
Okay, Brian,
Carter's in the shower.
423
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,087
As soon as he comes out,
we spray this right in his eyes.
424
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,622
What'd you put
in there again?
425
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,991
Oh, it's just tap water
from Flint, Michigan.
426
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:53,097
♪ And that's how
the penis song goes. ♪
427
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,099
Aah! Son of a bitch!
My eyes!
428
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,300
You're up.
429
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,668
Carter, what happened?
430
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,137
You look like you
could use some help.
431
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,005
Aah! My face! Aah!
432
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,109
Oh, my God!
433
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,311
What did I let money do to me?
434
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:08,979
Who did this?
Who are you?
435
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,115
Carter, it's me, Brian.
436
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,717
I did this, and
it's made me realize
437
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,320
that I was blinded by
luxury and comfort,
438
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,989
but now I see that none of
that matters if I don't...
439
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:21,025
Brian, Brian, hold on.
440
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:31,335
Looks like we've learned a lot,
and my face is better.
441
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,480
God, I'm so nervous.
442
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,382
You sure you guys want me
to play with you?
443
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,751
Yes, Peter.
You play away.
444
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,019
We're a quartet.
445
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:51,155
Just do the best you can.
446
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,424
You may kiss the bride.
447
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,748
Peter, that
was amazing!
448
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,950
I know. Those lessons
really paid off!
449
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,019
I'll say!
The way you play,
450
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,921
we'll have more gigs
than we can handle.
451
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,258
Not a chance. Mr. Washy Washy
took all the joy out of this.
452
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,627
I hate the violin.
I hate music.
453
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,796
I hate life,
and I'm never doing this again!
454
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,799
All right, guys, let's go drink
a bunch of free booze
455
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,235
and be a huge presence
in the wedding photos.
456
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:41,038
♪ Oh, what a night ♪
457
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:45,442
♪ Late December back in '63 ♪
458
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:49,146
♪ What a very special time
for me ♪
459
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:54,285
♪ As I remember, what a night ♪
460
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,688
♪ Oh, what a night... ♪