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00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,819
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,748
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Boy, oh, boy.
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-Is it Friday yet?
-Tomorrow.
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And actually, in Tasmania,
it's already Friday.
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I thought you'd be more fun.
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Griffin, you'll be
very happy to know
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I've finished conducting
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my employee productivity
evaluations.
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I used a system called
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the Determining Employee
Advancement,
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Duties, Work-Engagement,
Intelligence-Gains Hourly Test,
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00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,556
or DEADWEIGHT.
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And my results show you
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to be the brewery's
least productive employee.
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-So, pack your bags.
-I'm fired?
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No, you're going on a business
trip with me as my assistant,
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since you won't be missed
at the office.
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We're meeting with
our New Jersey distributor
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in Atlantic City.
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Everyone,
I'll be away on business
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for a few days
starting tomorrow,
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so we're bringing in
a substitute boss.
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I hope he's a hard-ass.
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But what if he's wearing jeans?
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Hey, guys, my first name is Dan,
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which is what
you'll all call me.
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Now, who wants to watch
Ratatouille?
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(cheering)
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(grunts)
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Sorry, that guy over there
tripped me.
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Mr. Edwards,
the guidance counselor?
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Yeah, the bullying
in this school has gotten
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a little out of hand.
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You must be Heather,
the new girl.
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How'd you know I was new?
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I'm Quahog's
number three Realtor.
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I really wanted to sell
that house to your folks,
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but you're in great hands
with Gil.
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What's this?
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Principal Shepherd is directing
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an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann's
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William Shakespeare's
Romeo and Juliet.
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The local Ruth's Chris
Steak House is sponsoring it.
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I'm playing Juliet.
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Wow. You're Juliet
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in Ruth's Chris's
Principal Shepherd's
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Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's
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Romeo and Juliet?
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Yes, it's great,
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but we're auditioning
for a new Romeo.
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The parents of
the boy we cast said
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he needed
emergency conversion therapy.
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Anyway, nice to meet you, Chris.
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♪ ♪
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I have to be in that play.
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WOMAN:
Nice hat, dork!
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That's not nice, Mrs. Danneman,
the elderly school nurse.
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Peter, is something wrong?
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We've been here an hour,
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and you've hardly touched
your penis.
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It's not like you.
It's getting cold.
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Sorry, guys.
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I just found out
I have to meet my stupid boss
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in Atlantic City
for a business trip.
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Peter, business trips are great.
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00:02:57,494 --> 00:03:00,070
Yeah, haven't you seen
Cedar Rapids with Ed Helms?
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He plays a salesman
who goes to a conference
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in the titular city.
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There, he encounters
three repeat attendees
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who lead him
on a profound weekend journey,
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equal parts hope
and self-discovery.
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I memorize Rotten Tomatoes
movie descriptions.
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You'll have one meeting,
and then the rest of the time
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-you just party.
-Party with Preston?
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But he doesn't drink.
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I wish you guys could come.
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Wait a minute. Why not?
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You guys should drive down
with me.
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-All right!
-Let's do it!
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Cedar Rapids,
rated R for drug use
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and mild sexual content!
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I've never been
to Atlantic City.
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Let's just watch this ad
from their tourism department.
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ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to Atlantic City,
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the inspiration for Bruce
Springsteen's saddest song.
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Want to see brown ocean water
stained with gasoline rainbows?
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Come on down to Atlantic City!
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Love to watch guys with no noses
fight women with trach holes?
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You're in luck!
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And if you're wondering
where Taylor Hicks has been,
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he's here!
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In a small lounge
with a low stage.
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Atlantic City!
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Come flick a lit cigarette
at a dealer today!
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(insects chirping)
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(British accent):
"Published by
the Samuel French Company,
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"New York, copyright this ed.
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MCMLXX."
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-What are you doing?
-(normal voice): Reading
Romeo and Juliet.
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We're doing it at school,
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and this girl I like
is playing Juliet.
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I'm going to audition for Romeo.
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There's kissing.
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Chris, listen,
acting isn't easy.
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You're going to need some help.
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See what I'm doing?
Scarf, a high stool?
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One leg up,
hands clasped over knee?
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Engaged and in the moment.
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Do you know what this means?
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-You're gay...
-An acting coach, yes.
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What does a baby
know about acting?
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Yes, I'm a baby.
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It's hard being youngest,
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always looking for a way
to distinguish myself,
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to contribute.
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(sobbing softly)
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Stewie, I-I didn't mean it.
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Neither did I.
That was acting, Chris.
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Wow. You're amazing.
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Do you think you can give me
some pointers?
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It will be my great honor.
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That was also acting.
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Thought I'd swing by work first
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and pick up a case of beer
for the road.
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Then we're off. (groans)
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Hear him breathe?
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AC's on full blast,
and he's covered in sweat.
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Lois'll be a widow soon, right?
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Yeah, he's circling the drain.
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And let me guess--
no estate planning?
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Would you guys tell me
if my car smelled this bad?
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Everywhere I look,
I see another stray french fry.
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Hey, guys? I know
I'm new to the group,
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but Peter's not here
to defend himself,
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so I don't think it's right for
us to talk about him like this.
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(phone chimes)
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Griffin?
What are you doing here?
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Oh, hey, Preston.
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Why do you have a case of beer?
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Oh. Oh, this?
Um, uh, samples.
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-For clients.
-Excellent idea.
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Say, why don't you
just drive me?
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00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:06,180
That way I can be productive
the entire trip.
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It'll be like Green Book,
a movie I only saw
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because I believed it
to be a book.
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Oh, yeah, you know,
I once tried to read Jaws
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'cause I thought
it was the movie.
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Couldn't go into a library
for years after that.
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Guys, listen,
Preston wants to drive with me.
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He can't know you're all coming,
so everyone in the way back.
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I'm not hiding
in the back of your car.
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Why? There's nothing in there
except for Lois' jog bras.
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All right, you heard the man!
Everyone in!
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These are Meg's!
We've been duped!
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Hop in, boss.
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If I speed, we can make it
in four hours.
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You'll do a steady
55 miles per hour,
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and we will stop
to read historical markers
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-along the way.
-(Cleveland groans)
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Starting with the Museum
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-of Black Guy Mustaches.
-CLEVELAND: Oh!
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Some hotel.
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They only had smoking rooms
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and very smoking rooms.
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Check it out, a stack of
prewritten suicide notes.
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All you have to do is
sign your name.
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This place has everything.
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I wish there were
more than two beds.
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I'll just sleep in my chair.
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You sleep sitting up, Joe?
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Yeah, Bonnie puts
a falcon hood on me,
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and I go right out.
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I'm calm and no longer
motivated by prey.
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(knocking)
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PRESTON:
Griffin, open up.
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Guys, hide in the shower.
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Hello, Griffin.
I'm right next door
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in a slightly larger room.
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Seems like
an unnecessary detail.
188
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Here is
this weekend's itinerary.
189
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We're working all weekend?!
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00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:37,864
Griffin, our New Jersey
distributor is threatening
191
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:40,533
to drop our beer
in favor of hard seltzer,
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because... New Jersey.
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I need to convince them
194
00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,872
that we are the best
scumbag beverage around.
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If we lose this account,
we lose the brewery.
196
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,877
And then it's time
to cast open the windows
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00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:52,879
and drop to
the freedom of the pavement.
198
00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:55,715
I read that in a stack of
suicide notes in my room.
199
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,201
See you at 1800 hours, Peter.
200
00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,886
I better shower
because I have no idea
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00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,147
how soon or late that is.
202
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,299
-(shower running)
-CLEVELAND: Hey!
-QUAGMIRE: Ah!
203
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,876
-JOE: What the hell?!
-PETER: Sorry, I forgot.
204
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,378
JOE:
Why are you at half-mast?
205
00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:11,323
PETER:
I'm 45, Joe. That's full mast.
206
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,737
Chris, any good acting coach
will tell you
207
00:08:17,889 --> 00:08:21,057
that before your audition,
it's important to warm up.
208
00:08:21,076 --> 00:08:22,834
Now let's improv.
Give me a location.
209
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,077
Stewie's bedroom.
210
00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,079
Okay, maybe just spend
another second on...
211
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:27,672
Stewie's bedroom!
212
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,508
Okay, fine. And a profession?
213
00:08:29,735 --> 00:08:30,842
Acting teacher.
214
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,010
Again, maybe just give it
one more...
215
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,253
Failed actor?
216
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,904
I got tired of
playing their game!
217
00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,089
It's okay, Stewie.
218
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,165
After a few noes,
these young Brandos
219
00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:39,667
lose a little of their vinegar.
220
00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:42,687
Tell you what, let's improv
as Romeo and Juliet.
221
00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:45,190
You be he, I'll be she.
222
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:46,599
(softly):
Get in. Let's get in.
223
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,918
I'd like permission
to go inside, Juliet.
224
00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,177
Hi, Juliet!
225
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,179
I'm not--
I'm not there just yet.
226
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,940
All right, Juliet is
eluding me a little.
227
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,109
My transformation
is not yet complete.
228
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:58,370
(takes deep breaths)
229
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,041
Hi, Juliet!
230
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:04,376
Damn it, Chris! I'm not ready!
231
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,694
But you were standing
like a girl.
232
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,271
My bodywork was perfect, yes,
233
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:10,048
but I still hadn't
touched the soul.
234
00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:11,550
All right, all right,
even though you're off
235
00:09:11,777 --> 00:09:13,109
to a rough start, it's okay.
236
00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:16,370
Even Michelangelo wasn't
appreciated until later in life.
237
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,281
-Hey, how's Jakey doing?
-He's good.
238
00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:20,225
They got him building arches
over at the Coliseum.
239
00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:22,710
Big construction job.
How about Mikey?
240
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,211
Yeah, he's, um...
241
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,306
he's been carving dongs
out of marble.
242
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:27,983
You know, something different.
243
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:33,029
-(machines chiming)
-(lively chatter)
244
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,410
Wow. This place is... sad.
245
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,394
I'm one of
the skinniest guys here.
246
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:42,989
Guys, Preston's coming. Beat it.
247
00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,398
I'm 11 seconds late.
248
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,810
I'll credit you the time
in our two-minute break
249
00:09:46,828 --> 00:09:48,253
in 180 minutes.
250
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,546
Let's work.
251
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,665
"Pawtucket Patriot Ale:
252
00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:55,835
"The Best Carbonated
Fermented Alcoholic Beverage
253
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,246
Made from Malted Cereal Grain
for the New Jersey Market."
254
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,324
-Zing.
-That's not very catchy.
255
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,417
I didn't bring you
for your opinions, Griffin.
256
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,936
I brought you for your width.
257
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:08,231
Now, stand up while I project
my presentation on your back.
258
00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:11,943
(projector whirring)
259
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,503
This is humiliating.
260
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:15,188
I got to figure out a way
to escape Preston
261
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:16,356
and join the guys.
262
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,450
"Which is why our beer is
the best beer
263
00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:19,843
for the Garden State."
264
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:22,996
And now for a restorative
60-second power nap.
265
00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:34,782
You'll nail this audition,
Chris.
266
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,209
Behind you, fellas.
267
00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:38,211
-Oh, hi, Meg.
-That's not her.
268
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:41,598
All high school theater
tech girls just look like Meg.
269
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,536
SHEPHERD:
Chris Griffin to the stage,
please.
270
00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,438
Okay, Chris. Go time.
271
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:54,377
Curtain rises, lights up,
a story begins.
272
00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:57,322
And today our story is
about a rising star
273
00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:01,234
in Constellation Showbiz Major:
Chris Griffin.
274
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,052
At the Stewie Griffin Workshop,
275
00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:04,570
he's studied
Commercial Technique
276
00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:06,072
and Acting for Camera,
277
00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:08,424
and will soon be seen
in a local news story
278
00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:10,576
about kids
who throw stuff at birds.
279
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,396
Enter... Chris.
280
00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:16,082
"She doth teach the torches
to burn..."
281
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,902
Great! It's fine, Chris.
The part's yours.
282
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,904
I got my first-ever response
on Tinder,
283
00:11:20,922 --> 00:11:22,681
and I got to make
this happen now.
284
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:24,498
"Are you sure you're not
285
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:29,929
a baby pretending to be
a middle-aged divorcée?"
286
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:34,508
"Would a baby be wearing a sheer
chemise from Lane Bryant?"
287
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,361
Chris, congratulations!
288
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:37,862
We did it, Stewie.
289
00:11:38,089 --> 00:11:41,515
(gasps) Oh, my God,
I'm going to kiss Heather!
290
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,017
Thanks again for all your help.
291
00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:45,036
Dear boy,
I'm not going anywhere.
292
00:11:45,146 --> 00:11:46,871
My coaching will continue.
293
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:49,523
Today's lesson:
Acting teachers are weirdos
294
00:11:49,617 --> 00:11:51,768
who always grab your hands
like this,
295
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:54,195
and you can't do
anything about it.
296
00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:55,714
No! No.
297
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,425
No.
298
00:12:03,372 --> 00:12:04,389
This is awesome.
299
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:06,799
Here's to us,
doing what we normally do,
300
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,301
but in a different place.
301
00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:12,472
Griffin. I knew
I'd find you in a bar.
302
00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,624
I am furious.
303
00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:16,067
But that doesn't mean
you shouldn't introduce me
304
00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:17,961
to your friends
as a common courtesy.
305
00:12:18,054 --> 00:12:20,296
Oh, yeah. Uh, Quagmire,
Cleveland, Joe.
306
00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:23,390
Want to see Sebastian Maniscalco
with us in the Stardust Room?
307
00:12:23,485 --> 00:12:25,318
He's that comedian
who's always startled
308
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:27,495
by the pasta
he takes pictures with.
309
00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:32,475
No. I'm too busy
trying to save our jobs.
310
00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:33,752
Go home, Griffin.
311
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:36,145
You are useless to me
and the brewery.
312
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,405
You will never amount
to anything at work.
313
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,259
Oh, yeah? Well, you'll never
amount to anything at life.
314
00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:43,486
You don't know how to
make friends or have fun.
315
00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,838
You never even tasted
the beer you sell.
316
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,057
At least I know
why it's special.
317
00:12:48,994 --> 00:12:50,009
Maybe you're right.
318
00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:52,011
I don't quite understand
its appeal.
319
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:53,605
Well, here's your chance.
320
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,260
("The Man in Me" by Bob Dylan
playing)
321
00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,020
♪ ♪
322
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,740
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la ♪
323
00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:06,618
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
324
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:10,013
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la... ♪
325
00:13:10,031 --> 00:13:13,374
For the record,
I've never seen this movie.
326
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,537
Actors onstage.
327
00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:20,614
I think you mean,
company, positions!
328
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:24,469
Now, this is the scene
where Mercutio warns Romeo
329
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,530
about Juliet's angry brother
Tybalt.
330
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:28,865
Who's playing Mercutio?
331
00:13:28,883 --> 00:13:30,533
A ten-ounce bone-in rib eye.
332
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:32,735
(sizzling)
333
00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:35,296
Man, Ruth's Chris really has
their hooks in this thing.
334
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,464
Okay, Chris, move to the right.
335
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,225
-Stage left.
-Heather, come forward.
336
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,210
-Downstage.
-And to the right.
337
00:13:41,229 --> 00:13:42,803
-Stage left.
-Back up, Chris.
338
00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:43,855
Upstage, Chris.
339
00:13:44,007 --> 00:13:45,139
-Stop.
-Stage go.
340
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,732
Am I scared of Tybalt?
341
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,068
Yes, but Juliet can't know.
342
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,386
I'm gonna build on that,
if I may.
343
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:51,663
Ignore that direction, Chris.
344
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:55,074
No, Chris, follow the emotion
and take it further.
345
00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:56,984
Great note. Chris,
don't listen to the note.
346
00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,244
Take it further.
347
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,987
Of course,
absolutely take it further
348
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,080
but in the opposite direction.
349
00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:02,248
Who's in charge here?
350
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,008
I'm starting to wonder
that myself.
351
00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:06,827
If you're trying to drive me
out of my own production,
352
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,388
-you've got another...
-(phone chimes)
353
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:11,498
Oh, my first response
on Farmers Only.
354
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,409
A divorcée in Ohio
wants to show me
355
00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:16,095
her sheer Lane Bryant teddy.
356
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,397
Fine. The show's yours.
357
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,358
(seagulls squawking)
358
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,699
Oh, man, my head is killing me.
359
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,350
(groans)
360
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,370
Did... did we do
something bad last night?
361
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,946
Something really bad?
362
00:14:34,099 --> 00:14:36,499
Preston texted me at 2:00 a.m.
363
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,193
What do we do?
364
00:14:39,287 --> 00:14:40,712
If Preston isn't
at that presentation,
365
00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,455
the brewery's gonna go under!
366
00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:44,549
(yawns)
367
00:14:45,777 --> 00:14:47,443
Hotel cribs are always so comfy.
368
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,703
I wish I knew where to get
one of these puppies.
369
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,223
Guys, Preston's missing!
We got to find him!
370
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:55,143
That hooker in the bathroom
was dead when I found her!
371
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,312
(phone chimes)
372
00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:11,892
Okay, Preston's
not answering texts,
373
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,636
and the presentation's
in three hours.
374
00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:15,729
We got to retrace our steps.
375
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,957
♪ ♪
376
00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:23,646
We've been to
every strip joint in town
377
00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,239
and can't find Preston anywhere.
378
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,241
We hit Uggoz, with a "Z"
at the end.
379
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,410
Jersey Girlz,
with a "Z" on the end.
380
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,337
C Sectionz, with a "Z"
on the end.
381
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:34,157
I think we can all agree
that the "Z" on the end
382
00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:35,934
takes sexy to the next level.
383
00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,603
And when the "Z" is a little
tilted on the sign,
384
00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:41,088
ooh-la-la.
385
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,757
Hey, do you remember seeing us
last night
386
00:15:43,851 --> 00:15:45,501
with a dignified Black man?
387
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,020
Getting a little tired of you
punching that word.
388
00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:49,672
No, just you four.
389
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:52,008
But that pilot there said
he'd pay for my college.
390
00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:53,176
That doesn't sound like me.
391
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,601
Two-year community college?
392
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:57,538
Oh, yeah, that--
Yeah, that sounds like me.
393
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,610
I really like working with you,
Heather.
394
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,796
Me, too, Chris.
395
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:06,113
By the way,
396
00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:08,524
if you want to go in
for a real kiss today,
397
00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:10,117
I won't stop you.
398
00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,285
Places, everyone.
399
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,196
And I want to see acting today.
400
00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:15,181
No more amateur hour.
401
00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:18,792
-Oh, Romeo.
-STEWIE: I don't believe you.
402
00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:20,144
-Again.
-Oh, Romeo.
403
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:21,704
-Bring it down.
-Oh, Romeo.
404
00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:23,039
-Bring it up.
-Oh, Romeo!
405
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,057
Can we get a sip of water
for our actress?
406
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,877
She's sounding a little...
(smacks lips) "smacky."
407
00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,228
That's it! I quit!
408
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,480
I am too pretty and rich
to put up with this.
409
00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:34,066
She is rich.
Her dad owns a bunch of
410
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,384
Ruth's Chris Steak Houses.
411
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,996
Stewie, you ruined everything.
412
00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:41,407
I was finally going to kiss
a beautiful, nice girl.
413
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:44,243
She had my heart
and I had hers.
414
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,580
Why must dark forces conspire
415
00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:50,591
to extinguish love's light?
416
00:16:54,088 --> 00:16:56,997
Everyone,
we finally have our Romeo.
417
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,392
(cheering)
418
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:02,169
Thanks, Stewie.
419
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,688
But what about Juliet?
420
00:17:03,839 --> 00:17:05,023
Don't you worry.
421
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,859
Ruth's Chris's Stewie Griffin's
Principal Shepherd's
422
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,101
Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's
423
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,587
Romeo and Juliet...
424
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,532
-What was the question?
-I-I don't remember.
425
00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:21,855
Hello, I lost my boss,
426
00:17:21,949 --> 00:17:24,267
so I'll be
your substitute presenter today.
427
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,711
(giggles) But, uh,
no watching Ratatouille.
428
00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,454
EXECUTIVE:
We don't get that joke
429
00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,339
which references something
from earlier.
430
00:17:32,443 --> 00:17:34,886
PETER:
"The Importance of Pawtucket
Patriot Ale Products
431
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,280
"in Relation to
the Greater New Jersey Market,
432
00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:39,640
as Prepared by Preston Lloyd."
433
00:17:44,972 --> 00:17:46,305
I've already lost 'em.
434
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,398
What can I do?
435
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,233
I need a beer.
436
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,719
Ah... much better.
437
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,480
Wait a minute. That's it!
438
00:17:54,632 --> 00:17:56,816
Look,
you're not gonna understand beer
439
00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:58,467
with numbers or PowerPoints.
440
00:17:58,486 --> 00:18:00,578
Beer is good
because it makes you feel better
441
00:18:00,655 --> 00:18:03,397
and do awesome things
you wouldn't normally do.
442
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,917
Beer makes memories
that will last...
443
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,476
until you black out.
444
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:11,172
And when you forget,
there are no regrets.
445
00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,592
Beer is courage--
446
00:18:14,819 --> 00:18:18,003
the courage to moon people
from a not-moving car.
447
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,414
Beer helps you
achieve new heights,
448
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,842
atop the shoulders
of unwilling strangers
449
00:18:22,994 --> 00:18:24,160
in a chicken fight.
450
00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:26,345
Beer makes you grab
the brass ring,
451
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,648
or the taser
of a casino security guy.
452
00:18:30,184 --> 00:18:31,517
But if you won't listen to me,
453
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,612
listen to Supreme Court Justice
Brett Kavanaugh.
454
00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:37,173
I liked beer.
Still like beer.
455
00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:40,192
Beer is great
because life is hard.
456
00:18:40,345 --> 00:18:42,769
Don't make it harder
with seltzer.
457
00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:44,697
(cheering)
458
00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:46,791
Oh, my God. You're cheering me.
459
00:18:47,018 --> 00:18:48,609
No, we just saw
a picture of Bon Jovi
460
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,019
on the wall behind you.
461
00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:51,295
But you still won us over.
462
00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:53,022
Pawtucket Patriot Ale will stay
463
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,449
the choice of
New Jersey alcoholics.
464
00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:57,468
♪ ♪
465
00:19:05,036 --> 00:19:06,644
Preston! You're alive!
466
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:09,147
Yes. And thanks to you,
so is our company.
467
00:19:09,298 --> 00:19:10,890
But how are you even standing?
468
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:14,043
Peter, I had one sip,
found it disgusting,
469
00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,820
then watched you get
totally annihilated
470
00:19:16,047 --> 00:19:17,321
in three minutes flat.
471
00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:20,474
I realized only a true drunk
could save the brewery.
472
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:22,885
That's why I sent you
that text last night.
473
00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:24,220
I spent the morning enjoying
474
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:26,146
all four Monopoly
railroad properties.
475
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,648
I love trains.
476
00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:28,891
I'm on the spectrum.
477
00:19:28,984 --> 00:19:30,367
Why didn't you respond to texts?
478
00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:32,895
Looking at trains. Love trains.
479
00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:35,247
I also love watching
an employee go
480
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,551
from least productive to...
well, kind of productive.
481
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,680
Thanks for believing in me,
Preston.
482
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,407
Hey, you want to go
down to the pier
483
00:19:44,425 --> 00:19:46,091
and watch the bodies float in?
484
00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:47,518
I'd like that.
485
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,520
♪ ♪
486
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,597
(seagull squawks)
487
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,191
Ooh, there's one.
488
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,009
Oh, that bird is going to town
on him.
489
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,029
Oh, there's another one
with no hands and no feet.
490
00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,697
What do you think it is,
Russians?
491
00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,032
Always the Russians.
492
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,850
How come the bodies
are all so fat?
493
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,536
They're full of water, Peter.
494
00:20:05,688 --> 00:20:07,020
Is that why I'm so big?
495
00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:08,372
On account of the water?
496
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:11,024
No, Peter.
You are aggressively obese.
497
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,785
You have no self-control.
498
00:20:12,937 --> 00:20:14,103
If you don't change your ways,
499
00:20:14,196 --> 00:20:16,029
you are going to die
prematurely.
500
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:18,274
(seagulls squawking)
501
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,051
PETER:
Oh, look, a lady!
502
00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:23,262
PRESTON:
(sighs) Yes, Peter. A lady.
503
00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:32,980
Here's to my love.
504
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,067
Oh, true apothecary,
505
00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:37,902
thy drugs are quick.
506
00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:40,738
Thus, with a kiss...
507
00:20:40,889 --> 00:20:43,991
I die. (groans)
508
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,970
Oh, no, Romeo's dead.
509
00:20:47,989 --> 00:20:50,306
Now he can't enjoy
Ruth's Chris Steak House's
510
00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:52,458
Surf-and-Turf
Two-for-One Fridays.
511
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:55,378
(applause, cheering)
512
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:57,922
He did it.
513
00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,508
The son of a bitch did it.