1 00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,819 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,748 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,075 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,411 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:22,855 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:24,264 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:30,112 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,595 --> 00:00:37,852 Boy, oh, boy. 11 00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:40,021 -Is it Friday yet? -Tomorrow. 12 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,783 And actually, in Tasmania, it's already Friday. 13 00:00:42,935 --> 00:00:44,376 I thought you'd be more fun. 14 00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,378 Griffin, you'll be very happy to know 15 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,454 I've finished conducting 16 00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,715 my employee productivity evaluations. 17 00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:51,124 I used a system called 18 00:00:51,277 --> 00:00:52,626 the Determining Employee Advancement, 19 00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:56,037 Duties, Work-Engagement, Intelligence-Gains Hourly Test, 20 00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,556 or DEADWEIGHT. 21 00:00:57,707 --> 00:00:58,949 And my results show you 22 00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:01,134 to be the brewery's least productive employee. 23 00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:03,804 -So, pack your bags. -I'm fired? 24 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:07,066 No, you're going on a business trip with me as my assistant, 25 00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,050 since you won't be missed at the office. 26 00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:10,718 We're meeting with our New Jersey distributor 27 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:11,737 in Atlantic City. 28 00:01:11,964 --> 00:01:13,772 Everyone, I'll be away on business 29 00:01:13,999 --> 00:01:15,240 for a few days starting tomorrow, 30 00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:17,076 so we're bringing in a substitute boss. 31 00:01:17,303 --> 00:01:18,819 I hope he's a hard-ass. 32 00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:20,579 But what if he's wearing jeans? 33 00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:22,973 Hey, guys, my first name is Dan, 34 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,084 which is what you'll all call me. 35 00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:28,328 Now, who wants to watch Ratatouille? 36 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,464 (cheering) 37 00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:37,321 (grunts) 38 00:01:37,414 --> 00:01:40,157 Sorry, that guy over there tripped me. 39 00:01:40,175 --> 00:01:41,934 Mr. Edwards, the guidance counselor? 40 00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:44,103 Yeah, the bullying in this school has gotten 41 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,753 a little out of hand. 42 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,180 You must be Heather, the new girl. 43 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,756 How'd you know I was new? 44 00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:50,792 I'm Quahog's number three Realtor. 45 00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:52,853 I really wanted to sell that house to your folks, 46 00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:56,031 but you're in great hands with Gil. 47 00:01:58,527 --> 00:01:59,693 What's this? 48 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,102 Principal Shepherd is directing 49 00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,437 an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann's 50 00:02:02,531 --> 00:02:04,364 William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. 51 00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:06,867 The local Ruth's Chris Steak House is sponsoring it. 52 00:02:07,019 --> 00:02:08,685 I'm playing Juliet. 53 00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,295 Wow. You're Juliet 54 00:02:10,372 --> 00:02:12,189 in Ruth's Chris's Principal Shepherd's 55 00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:14,115 Baz Luhrmann's William Shakespeare's 56 00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,801 Romeo and Juliet? 57 00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:17,210 Yes, it's great, 58 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,363 but we're auditioning for a new Romeo. 59 00:02:19,381 --> 00:02:20,973 The parents of the boy we cast said 60 00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,066 he needed emergency conversion therapy. 61 00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,626 Anyway, nice to meet you, Chris. 62 00:02:24,794 --> 00:02:27,062 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:35,687 I have to be in that play. 64 00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,156 WOMAN: Nice hat, dork! 65 00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:41,243 That's not nice, Mrs. Danneman, the elderly school nurse. 66 00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:45,889 Peter, is something wrong? 67 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:46,981 We've been here an hour, 68 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:48,483 and you've hardly touched your penis. 69 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,076 It's not like you. It's getting cold. 70 00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,336 Sorry, guys. 71 00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:53,246 I just found out I have to meet my stupid boss 72 00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,507 in Atlantic City for a business trip. 73 00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:57,342 Peter, business trips are great. 74 00:02:57,494 --> 00:03:00,070 Yeah, haven't you seen Cedar Rapids with Ed Helms? 75 00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,255 He plays a salesman who goes to a conference 76 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,498 in the titular city. 77 00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:05,575 There, he encounters three repeat attendees 78 00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:08,094 who lead him on a profound weekend journey, 79 00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:11,765 equal parts hope and self-discovery. 80 00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:15,585 I memorize Rotten Tomatoes movie descriptions. 81 00:03:15,604 --> 00:03:17,587 You'll have one meeting, and then the rest of the time 82 00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:19,923 -you just party. -Party with Preston? 83 00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:21,608 But he doesn't drink. 84 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,443 I wish you guys could come. 85 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,204 Wait a minute. Why not? 86 00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:26,763 You guys should drive down with me. 87 00:03:26,782 --> 00:03:28,189 -All right! -Let's do it! 88 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,116 Cedar Rapids, rated R for drug use 89 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,211 and mild sexual content! 90 00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:33,954 I've never been to Atlantic City. 91 00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:36,882 Let's just watch this ad from their tourism department. 92 00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:38,700 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Atlantic City, 93 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,945 the inspiration for Bruce Springsteen's saddest song. 94 00:03:41,964 --> 00:03:45,206 Want to see brown ocean water stained with gasoline rainbows? 95 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,950 Come on down to Atlantic City! 96 00:03:46,969 --> 00:03:50,287 Love to watch guys with no noses fight women with trach holes? 97 00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,713 You're in luck! 98 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,974 And if you're wondering where Taylor Hicks has been, 99 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,292 he's here! 100 00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:57,827 In a small lounge with a low stage. 101 00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,071 Atlantic City! 102 00:03:59,222 --> 00:04:02,157 Come flick a lit cigarette at a dealer today! 103 00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:04,985 (insects chirping) 104 00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:09,306 (British accent): "Published by the Samuel French Company, 105 00:04:09,399 --> 00:04:12,567 "New York, copyright this ed. 106 00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:15,570 MCMLXX." 107 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,923 -What are you doing? -(normal voice): Reading Romeo and Juliet. 108 00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:19,316 We're doing it at school, 109 00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:22,002 and this girl I like is playing Juliet. 110 00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:24,654 I'm going to audition for Romeo. 111 00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:26,372 There's kissing. 112 00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:28,100 Chris, listen, acting isn't easy. 113 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,977 You're going to need some help. 114 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:35,256 See what I'm doing? Scarf, a high stool? 115 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,684 One leg up, hands clasped over knee? 116 00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,185 Engaged and in the moment. 117 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,337 Do you know what this means? 118 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,839 -You're gay... -An acting coach, yes. 119 00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:45,008 What does a baby know about acting? 120 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,860 Yes, I'm a baby. 121 00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:48,287 It's hard being youngest, 122 00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,622 always looking for a way to distinguish myself, 123 00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:52,532 to contribute. 124 00:04:52,684 --> 00:04:54,626 (sobbing softly) 125 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,704 Stewie, I-I didn't mean it. 126 00:04:57,873 --> 00:05:00,190 Neither did I. That was acting, Chris. 127 00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,025 Wow. You're amazing. 128 00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:04,027 Do you think you can give me some pointers? 129 00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:06,120 It will be my great honor. 130 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,056 That was also acting. 131 00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,145 Thought I'd swing by work first 132 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:14,813 and pick up a case of beer for the road. 133 00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:17,482 Then we're off. (groans) 134 00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:20,894 Hear him breathe? 135 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,155 AC's on full blast, and he's covered in sweat. 136 00:05:23,306 --> 00:05:24,881 Lois'll be a widow soon, right? 137 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,399 Yeah, he's circling the drain. 138 00:05:26,552 --> 00:05:28,885 And let me guess-- no estate planning? 139 00:05:28,904 --> 00:05:31,479 Would you guys tell me if my car smelled this bad? 140 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,391 Everywhere I look, I see another stray french fry. 141 00:05:34,409 --> 00:05:36,835 Hey, guys? I know I'm new to the group, 142 00:05:36,986 --> 00:05:38,411 but Peter's not here to defend himself, 143 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,081 so I don't think it's right for us to talk about him like this. 144 00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,258 (phone chimes) 145 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,391 Griffin? What are you doing here? 146 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,743 Oh, hey, Preston. 147 00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:55,670 Why do you have a case of beer? 148 00:05:55,764 --> 00:05:58,673 Oh. Oh, this? Um, uh, samples. 149 00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,934 -For clients. -Excellent idea. 150 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,587 Say, why don't you just drive me? 151 00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:06,180 That way I can be productive the entire trip. 152 00:06:06,274 --> 00:06:09,016 It'll be like Green Book, a movie I only saw 153 00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:10,427 because I believed it to be a book. 154 00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:12,278 Oh, yeah, you know, I once tried to read Jaws 155 00:06:12,431 --> 00:06:13,705 'cause I thought it was the movie. 156 00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:16,116 Couldn't go into a library for years after that. 157 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,693 Guys, listen, Preston wants to drive with me. 158 00:06:18,787 --> 00:06:21,529 He can't know you're all coming, so everyone in the way back. 159 00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:23,273 I'm not hiding in the back of your car. 160 00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:26,200 Why? There's nothing in there except for Lois' jog bras. 161 00:06:26,278 --> 00:06:28,261 All right, you heard the man! Everyone in! 162 00:06:30,282 --> 00:06:31,556 These are Meg's! We've been duped! 163 00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:33,116 Hop in, boss. 164 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,968 If I speed, we can make it in four hours. 165 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,229 You'll do a steady 55 miles per hour, 166 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,398 and we will stop to read historical markers 167 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,474 -along the way. -(Cleveland groans) 168 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,717 Starting with the Museum 169 00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,319 -of Black Guy Mustaches. -CLEVELAND: Oh! 170 00:06:56,475 --> 00:06:57,082 Some hotel. 171 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:58,750 They only had smoking rooms 172 00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:00,234 and very smoking rooms. 173 00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:03,255 Check it out, a stack of prewritten suicide notes. 174 00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,740 All you have to do is sign your name. 175 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,484 This place has everything. 176 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:09,744 I wish there were more than two beds. 177 00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:11,321 I'll just sleep in my chair. 178 00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:12,822 You sleep sitting up, Joe? 179 00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,790 Yeah, Bonnie puts a falcon hood on me, 180 00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:16,083 and I go right out. 181 00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:20,330 I'm calm and no longer motivated by prey. 182 00:07:20,348 --> 00:07:21,164 (knocking) 183 00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:22,515 PRESTON: Griffin, open up. 184 00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:24,192 Guys, hide in the shower. 185 00:07:26,338 --> 00:07:28,095 Hello, Griffin. I'm right next door 186 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,689 in a slightly larger room. 187 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,283 Seems like an unnecessary detail. 188 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,118 Here is this weekend's itinerary. 189 00:07:33,345 --> 00:07:34,953 We're working all weekend?! 190 00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:37,864 Griffin, our New Jersey distributor is threatening 191 00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:40,533 to drop our beer in favor of hard seltzer, 192 00:07:40,686 --> 00:07:42,035 because... New Jersey. 193 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,411 I need to convince them 194 00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,872 that we are the best scumbag beverage around. 195 00:07:46,024 --> 00:07:48,525 If we lose this account, we lose the brewery. 196 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,877 And then it's time to cast open the windows 197 00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:52,879 and drop to the freedom of the pavement. 198 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:55,715 I read that in a stack of suicide notes in my room. 199 00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,201 See you at 1800 hours, Peter. 200 00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,886 I better shower because I have no idea 201 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,147 how soon or late that is. 202 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,299 -(shower running) -CLEVELAND: Hey! -QUAGMIRE: Ah! 203 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,876 -JOE: What the hell?! -PETER: Sorry, I forgot. 204 00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,378 JOE: Why are you at half-mast? 205 00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:11,323 PETER: I'm 45, Joe. That's full mast. 206 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,737 Chris, any good acting coach will tell you 207 00:08:17,889 --> 00:08:21,057 that before your audition, it's important to warm up. 208 00:08:21,076 --> 00:08:22,834 Now let's improv. Give me a location. 209 00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,077 Stewie's bedroom. 210 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,079 Okay, maybe just spend another second on... 211 00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:27,672 Stewie's bedroom! 212 00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,508 Okay, fine. And a profession? 213 00:08:29,735 --> 00:08:30,842 Acting teacher. 214 00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,010 Again, maybe just give it one more... 215 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,253 Failed actor? 216 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,904 I got tired of playing their game! 217 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,089 It's okay, Stewie. 218 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,165 After a few noes, these young Brandos 219 00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:39,667 lose a little of their vinegar. 220 00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:42,687 Tell you what, let's improv as Romeo and Juliet. 221 00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:45,190 You be he, I'll be she. 222 00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:46,599 (softly): Get in. Let's get in. 223 00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,918 I'd like permission to go inside, Juliet. 224 00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,177 Hi, Juliet! 225 00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,179 I'm not-- I'm not there just yet. 226 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,940 All right, Juliet is eluding me a little. 227 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,109 My transformation is not yet complete. 228 00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:58,370 (takes deep breaths) 229 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,041 Hi, Juliet! 230 00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:04,376 Damn it, Chris! I'm not ready! 231 00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,694 But you were standing like a girl. 232 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,271 My bodywork was perfect, yes, 233 00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:10,048 but I still hadn't touched the soul. 234 00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:11,550 All right, all right, even though you're off 235 00:09:11,777 --> 00:09:13,109 to a rough start, it's okay. 236 00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:16,370 Even Michelangelo wasn't appreciated until later in life. 237 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,281 -Hey, how's Jakey doing? -He's good. 238 00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:20,225 They got him building arches over at the Coliseum. 239 00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:22,710 Big construction job. How about Mikey? 240 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,211 Yeah, he's, um... 241 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,306 he's been carving dongs out of marble. 242 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:27,983 You know, something different. 243 00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:33,029 -(machines chiming) -(lively chatter) 244 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,410 Wow. This place is... sad. 245 00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,394 I'm one of the skinniest guys here. 246 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:42,989 Guys, Preston's coming. Beat it. 247 00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,398 I'm 11 seconds late. 248 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,810 I'll credit you the time in our two-minute break 249 00:09:46,828 --> 00:09:48,253 in 180 minutes. 250 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,546 Let's work. 251 00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,665 "Pawtucket Patriot Ale: 252 00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:55,835 "The Best Carbonated Fermented Alcoholic Beverage 253 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,246 Made from Malted Cereal Grain for the New Jersey Market." 254 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,324 -Zing. -That's not very catchy. 255 00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,417 I didn't bring you for your opinions, Griffin. 256 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,936 I brought you for your width. 257 00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:08,231 Now, stand up while I project my presentation on your back. 258 00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:11,943 (projector whirring) 259 00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,503 This is humiliating. 260 00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:15,188 I got to figure out a way to escape Preston 261 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:16,356 and join the guys. 262 00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,450 "Which is why our beer is the best beer 263 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:19,843 for the Garden State." 264 00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:22,996 And now for a restorative 60-second power nap. 265 00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:34,782 You'll nail this audition, Chris. 266 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,209 Behind you, fellas. 267 00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:38,211 -Oh, hi, Meg. -That's not her. 268 00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:41,598 All high school theater tech girls just look like Meg. 269 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,536 SHEPHERD: Chris Griffin to the stage, please. 270 00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,438 Okay, Chris. Go time. 271 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:54,377 Curtain rises, lights up, a story begins. 272 00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:57,322 And today our story is about a rising star 273 00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:01,234 in Constellation Showbiz Major: Chris Griffin. 274 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,052 At the Stewie Griffin Workshop, 275 00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:04,570 he's studied Commercial Technique 276 00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:06,072 and Acting for Camera, 277 00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:08,424 and will soon be seen in a local news story 278 00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:10,576 about kids who throw stuff at birds. 279 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,396 Enter... Chris. 280 00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:16,082 "She doth teach the torches to burn..." 281 00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,902 Great! It's fine, Chris. The part's yours. 282 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,904 I got my first-ever response on Tinder, 283 00:11:20,922 --> 00:11:22,681 and I got to make this happen now. 284 00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:24,498 "Are you sure you're not 285 00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:29,929 a baby pretending to be a middle-aged divorcée?" 286 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:34,508 "Would a baby be wearing a sheer chemise from Lane Bryant?" 287 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,361 Chris, congratulations! 288 00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:37,862 We did it, Stewie. 289 00:11:38,089 --> 00:11:41,515 (gasps) Oh, my God, I'm going to kiss Heather! 290 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,017 Thanks again for all your help. 291 00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:45,036 Dear boy, I'm not going anywhere. 292 00:11:45,146 --> 00:11:46,871 My coaching will continue. 293 00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:49,523 Today's lesson: Acting teachers are weirdos 294 00:11:49,617 --> 00:11:51,768 who always grab your hands like this, 295 00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:54,195 and you can't do anything about it. 296 00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:55,714 No! No. 297 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,425 No. 298 00:12:03,372 --> 00:12:04,389 This is awesome. 299 00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:06,799 Here's to us, doing what we normally do, 300 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,301 but in a different place. 301 00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:12,472 Griffin. I knew I'd find you in a bar. 302 00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,624 I am furious. 303 00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:16,067 But that doesn't mean you shouldn't introduce me 304 00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:17,961 to your friends as a common courtesy. 305 00:12:18,054 --> 00:12:20,296 Oh, yeah. Uh, Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe. 306 00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:23,390 Want to see Sebastian Maniscalco with us in the Stardust Room? 307 00:12:23,485 --> 00:12:25,318 He's that comedian who's always startled 308 00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:27,495 by the pasta he takes pictures with. 309 00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:32,475 No. I'm too busy trying to save our jobs. 310 00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:33,752 Go home, Griffin. 311 00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:36,145 You are useless to me and the brewery. 312 00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,405 You will never amount to anything at work. 313 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,259 Oh, yeah? Well, you'll never amount to anything at life. 314 00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:43,486 You don't know how to make friends or have fun. 315 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,838 You never even tasted the beer you sell. 316 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,057 At least I know why it's special. 317 00:12:48,994 --> 00:12:50,009 Maybe you're right. 318 00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:52,011 I don't quite understand its appeal. 319 00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:53,605 Well, here's your chance. 320 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,260 ("The Man in Me" by Bob Dylan playing) 321 00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,020 ♪ ♪ 322 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,740 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 323 00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:06,618 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 324 00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:10,013 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... ♪ 325 00:13:10,031 --> 00:13:13,374 For the record, I've never seen this movie. 326 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,537 Actors onstage. 327 00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:20,614 I think you mean, company, positions! 328 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:24,469 Now, this is the scene where Mercutio warns Romeo 329 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,530 about Juliet's angry brother Tybalt. 330 00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:28,865 Who's playing Mercutio? 331 00:13:28,883 --> 00:13:30,533 A ten-ounce bone-in rib eye. 332 00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:32,735 (sizzling) 333 00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:35,296 Man, Ruth's Chris really has their hooks in this thing. 334 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,464 Okay, Chris, move to the right. 335 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,225 -Stage left. -Heather, come forward. 336 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,210 -Downstage. -And to the right. 337 00:13:41,229 --> 00:13:42,803 -Stage left. -Back up, Chris. 338 00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:43,855 Upstage, Chris. 339 00:13:44,007 --> 00:13:45,139 -Stop. -Stage go. 340 00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,732 Am I scared of Tybalt? 341 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,068 Yes, but Juliet can't know. 342 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,386 I'm gonna build on that, if I may. 343 00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:51,663 Ignore that direction, Chris. 344 00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:55,074 No, Chris, follow the emotion and take it further. 345 00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:56,984 Great note. Chris, don't listen to the note. 346 00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,244 Take it further. 347 00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,987 Of course, absolutely take it further 348 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,080 but in the opposite direction. 349 00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:02,248 Who's in charge here? 350 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,008 I'm starting to wonder that myself. 351 00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:06,827 If you're trying to drive me out of my own production, 352 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,388 -you've got another... -(phone chimes) 353 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:11,498 Oh, my first response on Farmers Only. 354 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,409 A divorcée in Ohio wants to show me 355 00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:16,095 her sheer Lane Bryant teddy. 356 00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,397 Fine. The show's yours. 357 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,358 (seagulls squawking) 358 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,699 Oh, man, my head is killing me. 359 00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,350 (groans) 360 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,370 Did... did we do something bad last night? 361 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,946 Something really bad? 362 00:14:34,099 --> 00:14:36,499 Preston texted me at 2:00 a.m. 363 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,193 What do we do? 364 00:14:39,287 --> 00:14:40,712 If Preston isn't at that presentation, 365 00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,455 the brewery's gonna go under! 366 00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:44,549 (yawns) 367 00:14:45,777 --> 00:14:47,443 Hotel cribs are always so comfy. 368 00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,703 I wish I knew where to get one of these puppies. 369 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,223 Guys, Preston's missing! We got to find him! 370 00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:55,143 That hooker in the bathroom was dead when I found her! 371 00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,312 (phone chimes) 372 00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:11,892 Okay, Preston's not answering texts, 373 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,636 and the presentation's in three hours. 374 00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:15,729 We got to retrace our steps. 375 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,957 ♪ ♪ 376 00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:23,646 We've been to every strip joint in town 377 00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,239 and can't find Preston anywhere. 378 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,241 We hit Uggoz, with a "Z" at the end. 379 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,410 Jersey Girlz, with a "Z" on the end. 380 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,337 C Sectionz, with a "Z" on the end. 381 00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:34,157 I think we can all agree that the "Z" on the end 382 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:35,934 takes sexy to the next level. 383 00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,603 And when the "Z" is a little tilted on the sign, 384 00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:41,088 ooh-la-la. 385 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,757 Hey, do you remember seeing us last night 386 00:15:43,851 --> 00:15:45,501 with a dignified Black man? 387 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,020 Getting a little tired of you punching that word. 388 00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:49,672 No, just you four. 389 00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:52,008 But that pilot there said he'd pay for my college. 390 00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:53,176 That doesn't sound like me. 391 00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,601 Two-year community college? 392 00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:57,538 Oh, yeah, that-- Yeah, that sounds like me. 393 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,610 I really like working with you, Heather. 394 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,796 Me, too, Chris. 395 00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:06,113 By the way, 396 00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:08,524 if you want to go in for a real kiss today, 397 00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:10,117 I won't stop you. 398 00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,285 Places, everyone. 399 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,196 And I want to see acting today. 400 00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:15,181 No more amateur hour. 401 00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:18,792 -Oh, Romeo. -STEWIE: I don't believe you. 402 00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:20,144 -Again. -Oh, Romeo. 403 00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:21,704 -Bring it down. -Oh, Romeo. 404 00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:23,039 -Bring it up. -Oh, Romeo! 405 00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,057 Can we get a sip of water for our actress? 406 00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,877 She's sounding a little... (smacks lips) "smacky." 407 00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,228 That's it! I quit! 408 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,480 I am too pretty and rich to put up with this. 409 00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:34,066 She is rich. Her dad owns a bunch of 410 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,384 Ruth's Chris Steak Houses. 411 00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,996 Stewie, you ruined everything. 412 00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:41,407 I was finally going to kiss a beautiful, nice girl. 413 00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:44,243 She had my heart and I had hers. 414 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,580 Why must dark forces conspire 415 00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:50,591 to extinguish love's light? 416 00:16:54,088 --> 00:16:56,997 Everyone, we finally have our Romeo. 417 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,392 (cheering) 418 00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:02,169 Thanks, Stewie. 419 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,688 But what about Juliet? 420 00:17:03,839 --> 00:17:05,023 Don't you worry. 421 00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,859 Ruth's Chris's Stewie Griffin's Principal Shepherd's 422 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,101 Baz Luhrmann's William Shakespeare's 423 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,587 Romeo and Juliet... 424 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,532 -What was the question? -I-I don't remember. 425 00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:21,855 Hello, I lost my boss, 426 00:17:21,949 --> 00:17:24,267 so I'll be your substitute presenter today. 427 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,711 (giggles) But, uh, no watching Ratatouille. 428 00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,454 EXECUTIVE: We don't get that joke 429 00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,339 which references something from earlier. 430 00:17:32,443 --> 00:17:34,886 PETER: "The Importance of Pawtucket Patriot Ale Products 431 00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,280 "in Relation to the Greater New Jersey Market, 432 00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:39,640 as Prepared by Preston Lloyd." 433 00:17:44,972 --> 00:17:46,305 I've already lost 'em. 434 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,398 What can I do? 435 00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,233 I need a beer. 436 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,719 Ah... much better. 437 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,480 Wait a minute. That's it! 438 00:17:54,632 --> 00:17:56,816 Look, you're not gonna understand beer 439 00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:58,467 with numbers or PowerPoints. 440 00:17:58,486 --> 00:18:00,578 Beer is good because it makes you feel better 441 00:18:00,655 --> 00:18:03,397 and do awesome things you wouldn't normally do. 442 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,917 Beer makes memories that will last... 443 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,476 until you black out. 444 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:11,172 And when you forget, there are no regrets. 445 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,592 Beer is courage-- 446 00:18:14,819 --> 00:18:18,003 the courage to moon people from a not-moving car. 447 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,414 Beer helps you achieve new heights, 448 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,842 atop the shoulders of unwilling strangers 449 00:18:22,994 --> 00:18:24,160 in a chicken fight. 450 00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:26,345 Beer makes you grab the brass ring, 451 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,648 or the taser of a casino security guy. 452 00:18:30,184 --> 00:18:31,517 But if you won't listen to me, 453 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,612 listen to Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. 454 00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:37,173 I liked beer. Still like beer. 455 00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:40,192 Beer is great because life is hard. 456 00:18:40,345 --> 00:18:42,769 Don't make it harder with seltzer. 457 00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:44,697 (cheering) 458 00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:46,791 Oh, my God. You're cheering me. 459 00:18:47,018 --> 00:18:48,609 No, we just saw a picture of Bon Jovi 460 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,019 on the wall behind you. 461 00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:51,295 But you still won us over. 462 00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:53,022 Pawtucket Patriot Ale will stay 463 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,449 the choice of New Jersey alcoholics. 464 00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:57,468 ♪ ♪ 465 00:19:05,036 --> 00:19:06,644 Preston! You're alive! 466 00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:09,147 Yes. And thanks to you, so is our company. 467 00:19:09,298 --> 00:19:10,890 But how are you even standing? 468 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:14,043 Peter, I had one sip, found it disgusting, 469 00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,820 then watched you get totally annihilated 470 00:19:16,047 --> 00:19:17,321 in three minutes flat. 471 00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:20,474 I realized only a true drunk could save the brewery. 472 00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:22,885 That's why I sent you that text last night. 473 00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:24,220 I spent the morning enjoying 474 00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:26,146 all four Monopoly railroad properties. 475 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,648 I love trains. 476 00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:28,891 I'm on the spectrum. 477 00:19:28,984 --> 00:19:30,367 Why didn't you respond to texts? 478 00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:32,895 Looking at trains. Love trains. 479 00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:35,247 I also love watching an employee go 480 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,551 from least productive to... well, kind of productive. 481 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,680 Thanks for believing in me, Preston. 482 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,407 Hey, you want to go down to the pier 483 00:19:44,425 --> 00:19:46,091 and watch the bodies float in? 484 00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:47,518 I'd like that. 485 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,520 ♪ ♪ 486 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,597 (seagull squawks) 487 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,191 Ooh, there's one. 488 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,009 Oh, that bird is going to town on him. 489 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,029 Oh, there's another one with no hands and no feet. 490 00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,697 What do you think it is, Russians? 491 00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,032 Always the Russians. 492 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,850 How come the bodies are all so fat? 493 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,536 They're full of water, Peter. 494 00:20:05,688 --> 00:20:07,020 Is that why I'm so big? 495 00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:08,372 On account of the water? 496 00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:11,024 No, Peter. You are aggressively obese. 497 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,785 You have no self-control. 498 00:20:12,937 --> 00:20:14,103 If you don't change your ways, 499 00:20:14,196 --> 00:20:16,029 you are going to die prematurely. 500 00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:18,274 (seagulls squawking) 501 00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,051 PETER: Oh, look, a lady! 502 00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:23,262 PRESTON: (sighs) Yes, Peter. A lady. 503 00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:32,980 Here's to my love. 504 00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,067 Oh, true apothecary, 505 00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:37,902 thy drugs are quick. 506 00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:40,738 Thus, with a kiss... 507 00:20:40,889 --> 00:20:43,991 I die. (groans) 508 00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,970 Oh, no, Romeo's dead. 509 00:20:47,989 --> 00:20:50,306 Now he can't enjoy Ruth's Chris Steak House's 510 00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:52,458 Surf-and-Turf Two-for-One Fridays. 511 00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:55,378 (applause, cheering) 512 00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:57,922 He did it. 513 00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,508 The son of a bitch did it.