1
00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:04,745
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:07,822
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,166
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,336
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,080
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,339
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,195
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,037
(lively chatter)
11
00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:43,024
Ah, it's so exciting to be back
at the Halloween Carnival.
12
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,601
Yep. Thanks to the vaccines,
13
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:47,028
we can all get back to doing
the things we hate.
14
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,530
Oh, for God's sakes, Peter,
15
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,624
I am so tired of you
not making an effort
16
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200
to be a part of this family.
17
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,461
Lois, I drove us here.
I bought the tickets.
18
00:00:54,613 --> 00:00:56,947
I'm sadly shuffling
through this place with you.
19
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,540
-What more do you want?
-Well, I don't know.
20
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,208
I want you to act
like you're happy
21
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,210
to be with your family
every now and again.
22
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,379
Look, I'm doing the best I can,
but I got to tell you...
23
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,473
Whoa!
24
00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,125
Careful.
25
00:01:08,127 --> 00:01:10,903
Oh, and there's my boss.
Even better.
26
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,072
Hey, Preston.
What's with the hat?
27
00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:14,981
This is my Halloween costume.
28
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,801
I'm dressed
as 1990s comedian Paul Shore.
29
00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:19,894
You-you mean Pauly Shore?
30
00:01:19,988 --> 00:01:22,230
Perhaps in less
formal circumstances.
31
00:01:22,324 --> 00:01:24,566
You may recall he borrowed
heavily from surf culture,
32
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:28,812
with phrases such as,
"Hey, buddy," and "Grindage".
33
00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,664
I don't think
this costume is working.
34
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,499
Neither is Pauly Shore.
35
00:01:32,651 --> 00:01:34,576
Ooh! That looks scary.
36
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:38,222
"The House of Unskippable
Podcast Ads."
37
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:43,084
PODCASTER: Before we get
to the thrilling conclusion
38
00:01:43,178 --> 00:01:44,419
of Murder at the South Pole,
39
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,920
I'd like to tell you about
UNTUCKit shirts.
40
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,013
(all gasp)
41
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:47,940
I-I'm hitting "skip ahead,"
42
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,666
but it's not doing anything!
43
00:01:49,685 --> 00:01:51,944
PODCASTER: Last weekend,
I was at a barbecue and thought,
44
00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:53,928
"What's with
all this excess fabric
45
00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:55,355
at the bottom of my shirt?"
46
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,508
Oh, God! A clearly fake
personal story!
47
00:01:58,527 --> 00:02:00,026
PODCASTER: The big game was
on the boob tube,
48
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,846
but the biggest touchdown
was the perfect length
49
00:02:02,865 --> 00:02:06,274
of my friend's premium-made,
affordably priced shirt.
50
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,368
Literally no one talks
like that!
51
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,854
PODCASTER: So, I went right home
and Bing-ed "UNTUCKit"
52
00:02:10,873 --> 00:02:12,539
on my Microsoft Surface.
53
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:15,801
Is this a promotion
within a promotion?!
54
00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:17,377
PODCASTER:
UNTUCKit shirts.
55
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:20,622
We weren't here for Kevin James,
but we're here now.
56
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,549
(lively chatter, screaming)
57
00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:27,204
All right, gang, as a mom
who planned a family activity,
58
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,130
I'm gonna put
wild pressure on you guys
59
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,724
to say you're having
a good time.
60
00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:34,987
Chris, honey, are you--
are you having a good time?
61
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,973
(nervous laugh) Okay, I'm gonna
need a verbal response.
62
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,642
-Yeah.
-Oh, good.
63
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,052
Chris is having a good time.
64
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,054
Meg. Meg, are you having
a good time
65
00:02:44,072 --> 00:02:45,889
-just like your brother?
-I guess.
66
00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,557
Okay, great.
67
00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:49,242
Can you sign this form
for my Mom Meeting,
68
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:51,395
acknowledging your merriment?
69
00:02:51,413 --> 00:02:53,747
Wow, very good.
70
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,323
I see everyone had a good time.
71
00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:58,427
Would you like to spin
the wheel of Mom Prizes?
72
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,430
(wheel clatters)
73
00:03:07,429 --> 00:03:09,913
"Donate spin to mom
you wish to belittle."
74
00:03:09,932 --> 00:03:12,082
Oh, thank you!
But, you know,
75
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,184
Bonnie needs this
more than I do.
76
00:03:15,587 --> 00:03:19,031
(whispers): Her rejuvenation
only made things worse.
77
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:22,117
(lively chatter)
78
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:28,189
Holography? That's
next door to witchcraft,
79
00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,767
and down the hall
from David-Blaine-ery.
80
00:03:30,786 --> 00:03:32,377
I do not care for his ruses.
81
00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:35,439
Ah, stop being such a wuss.
Let's go.
82
00:03:35,457 --> 00:03:37,424
♪ ♪
83
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:44,114
The Michael Cera hologram
is a weird choice.
84
00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:47,117
Oh, i-it's the real me.
I'm just kind of translucent.
85
00:03:47,135 --> 00:03:49,119
Oh, hello, Hollywood.
86
00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:50,454
Yes, I would like to star
87
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:52,064
in an action movie franchise.
(chuckles)
88
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:53,957
That's not a Bluetooth.
89
00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:55,717
He just stuck a Tootsie Roll
in his ear.
90
00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:58,462
Wow, these holograms are
the most amazing thing
91
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,740
I've ever seen, and I've seen,
like, a really big horse.
92
00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:04,451
(electrical crackling, whirring)
93
00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:09,915
Welcome to
my hologram laboratory.
94
00:04:10,142 --> 00:04:13,252
Would you like to see
how I make my babies?
95
00:04:13,328 --> 00:04:15,479
I mean, I'm already here.
96
00:04:15,497 --> 00:04:16,738
Is that a yes?
97
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,258
-Yes.
-Just say that, then.
98
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,577
This machine scans your data,
99
00:04:22,671 --> 00:04:25,505
then creates a virtual
hard light version of you
100
00:04:25,657 --> 00:04:28,934
that can physically interact
with the world.
101
00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,494
That sounds kind of bogus.
102
00:04:30,587 --> 00:04:31,937
Does the science check out
on that?
103
00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:33,921
They used it on Star Trek.
104
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,515
You got a problem
with Star Trek?
105
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,776
Okay, take it easy.
I accept your explanation.
106
00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,094
We all should.
It's Halloween.
107
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:43,690
You can command them
to perform any human task,
108
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,450
no matter how menial.
109
00:04:45,677 --> 00:04:47,694
So, you're saying
I can have something
110
00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:49,437
that looks exactly like me
111
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:52,349
seem like it's enjoying
spending time with its family?
112
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:53,792
Precisely.
113
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,869
-Can I have it?
-I'm afraid not.
114
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,462
It's my only one.
115
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,208
Maybe there are...
other arrangements we can make?
116
00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:05,211
Boy, this is the first
button-down shirt
117
00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:06,972
that looks great untucked.
118
00:05:07,049 --> 00:05:09,308
-It's an UNTUCKit.
-What's their secret?
119
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,551
Oh, they just make shirts
a tiny bit shorter.
120
00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:13,127
Genius.
121
00:05:13,221 --> 00:05:15,722
(thunder crashing)
122
00:05:15,874 --> 00:05:18,608
(thunder rumbling)
123
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,697
♪ ♪
124
00:05:27,553 --> 00:05:29,661
Man,
this machine is complicated.
125
00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,413
I hope I can figure it out.
126
00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:34,624
Here goes nothing.
127
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,413
Thank you for choosing
the Holomaker-9000.
128
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:43,083
Please input
personal characteristics.
129
00:05:43,159 --> 00:05:44,734
Do they have to be true?
130
00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:47,404
I have no way of knowing
what is true and what is not.
131
00:05:47,497 --> 00:05:50,090
Such is life
in the Post-Donald-Trump Era.
132
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,592
Ugh, leave the satire
to Garrison Keillor.
133
00:05:52,744 --> 00:05:55,020
Okay, time for
some statements about myself
134
00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:57,097
that are definitely not lies.
135
00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,265
Let's see,
I'm a black belt in karate,
136
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,434
I can cook
an eight-course French meal,
137
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,362
I always enter cars
through the window
138
00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:05,271
'cause doors ain't
the boss of me,
139
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,107
and I'm great
at remembering names.
140
00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:10,260
Just ask my friends:
Joel, Clemson and QuickTime.
141
00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:12,746
♪ ♪
142
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:26,868
Hello, Peter Griffin.
I am Hologram Peter Griffin.
143
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,962
How may I be of service?
144
00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:30,222
LOIS:
Come upstairs, Peter!
145
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,449
I need you to put
the too-small slip covers
146
00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,542
on the hard-to-grip
couch pillows.
147
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,636
(shudders) You can start
by handling that.
148
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,381
I would be happy to help your
family with whatever they need.
149
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,550
Aw, sweet! If this works out,
150
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,736
I'll have more time
for those QAnon rallies.
151
00:06:44,888 --> 00:06:46,905
-What do we want?
-We don't know!
152
00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:49,616
-When do we want it?
-Also unclear!
153
00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:52,244
-Why do we want it?
-Because it was forwarded to us
154
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,746
in an email,
so it must be true!
155
00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,581
Yeah!
156
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,900
Oh, Peter, there you are.
157
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,977
Listen, I'm trying
to clear out my closet,
158
00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:04,631
so I want you to give me your
honest opinion of every garment.
159
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:11,078
Perfect. I love working
as a team to reduce clutter.
160
00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:14,491
Okay, first,
my "7 Up Yours" T-shirt.
161
00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:17,661
That was the most provocative
thing ever put on television
162
00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:20,830
-at the time,
you have to keep that.
-Okay, great.
163
00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:24,334
Now my "Skinny Girl Margarita"
T-shirt Bethenny Frankel gave me
164
00:07:24,352 --> 00:07:26,169
after she hit Chris
with her car.
165
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,004
That's a fun story. Keep.
166
00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:29,430
Great. Okay.
167
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,691
Under-the-seat
studio audience poncho
168
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,343
from The Meredith Vieira Show?
169
00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:36,938
Maybe it's time
to say goodbye to Miss Vieira.
170
00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:39,273
(muffled):
Oh, man, this is going great!
171
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,518
(banging)
172
00:07:41,611 --> 00:07:44,187
Aw, crap, I'm stuck.
173
00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:46,113
Let me call
my eyehole painting guy.
174
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,115
-(phone beeps)
-Hey, it's Peter Griffin.
175
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,451
Yep, trapped in the painting
again.
176
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,119
I know, I know.
177
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,121
Well, can't you just
look up my account?
178
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,049
No, I don't have my ID number.
179
00:07:56,201 --> 00:07:58,292
No, I can't get my ID number!
180
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,461
Because I'm trapped
in the painting!
181
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,722
I'm sorry, I-I'm mad
at your company, not you.
182
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:03,982
You-You're fine.
183
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,490
Okay, yesterday
worked out great.
184
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:14,718
So here's some more dumb family
stuff I want you to do for me.
185
00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:17,387
"Teach Stewie
what sound the cow makes."
186
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:20,073
It's "moo."
"Quack" is duck.
187
00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:21,816
"Get opiates from John."
188
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,317
Yeah, I'll give you
John's number.
189
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,912
Tell him it's Peter calling
for opiates from John.
190
00:08:26,064 --> 00:08:27,506
-He'll know what you mean.
-Got it.
191
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,840
Now that you're doing all that,
192
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,009
I'm going to The Clam
with the guys.
193
00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:33,178
Oh, man, this hologram thing
is the best idea
194
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,739
since the Mayflower hired
a cruise director.
195
00:08:35,757 --> 00:08:37,907
Okay, everyone,
from 8:00 until 9:00,
196
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,167
we'll be trembling
before our angry God.
197
00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:42,912
From 9:00 to 10:00, there's
yellow fever on the lido deck.
198
00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:45,172
And at 10:00,
it's everybody's favorite,
199
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,841
Buckle-Hat Bingo.
200
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,693
What if we lost our buckle hat?
201
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,754
-Well, do you have a plain hat?
-Yeah.
202
00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,346
-Do you have a belt?
-Yeah.
203
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:55,016
-You got a buckle hat.
-(murmuring)
204
00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:58,286
(whispers):
I just love knowing
what's going on.
205
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,208
Oh, Peter, thanks
for clearing out
206
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,268
an area for us
to start a garden.
207
00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:09,363
Yeah, they say the best day
to plant a garden is yesterday.
208
00:09:09,457 --> 00:09:11,775
And the next best day is today!
209
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:13,276
(both laugh)
210
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,445
This, this is what I meant
211
00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,447
about making an effort
with the family.
212
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:21,375
And I can garden, too,
'cause I have a brown thumb.
213
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,378
That's more of a wiping issue,
son, but I'm glad you're here.
214
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,565
This is great,
but I'm a little hot.
215
00:09:26,716 --> 00:09:29,550
No problem, that's why
I bought a giant sun hat
216
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,810
that can fit all of us.
217
00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,296
And now to quote
the kitchen towel,
218
00:09:33,315 --> 00:09:35,389
"Lettuce turnip the beet."
219
00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:39,727
(laughing):
Stop it or I'm gonna wet myself.
220
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,322
Me, too. I always wet my plants.
221
00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:44,307
(laughter)
222
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,900
Where do you get all this?
223
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,419
They're all from towels, Lois!
224
00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:49,421
They're all from towels!
225
00:09:52,317 --> 00:09:54,259
Well, what do you think, guys?
226
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:55,576
Should we wrap it up?
227
00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:58,004
Yeah, but can one of you
throw glitter on me?
228
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,657
It's-it's better if Lois thinks
I'm at a strip club.
229
00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:02,142
She hates you guys.
230
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,329
Peter, I think you're
a little too drunk to walk home.
231
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:09,515
-Yeah, give us your shoes.
-Can we give you a ride?
232
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,351
No, no, it's okay.
I'll just black out
233
00:10:11,503 --> 00:10:13,778
and-and never know
how I got home.
234
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,596
(insects trilling)
235
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,674
Works every time.
236
00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:20,076
And it's good
for the environment, maybe.
237
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,497
(family laughing inside)
238
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,533
-Boy, they look pretty happy.
-(piano music playing)
239
00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:30,203
(gasps) And they're singing
Halloween carols.
240
00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:33,022
♪ Halloween has lots of candy ♪
241
00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:35,541
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
242
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,452
♪ Wear a mask
and ring a doorbell ♪
243
00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:41,122
-The perfect rhyme!
-♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
244
00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:43,642
♪ Don't be racist
with your costume ♪
245
00:10:43,869 --> 00:10:47,312
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
246
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:48,963
(music ends)
247
00:10:49,057 --> 00:10:50,540
Ah, that was fun.
248
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:52,633
And now that we're
just about done with Halloween,
249
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,728
maybe it's time to start writing
the family Christmas letter.
250
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,231
Ah, Peter, that's a great idea!
251
00:10:58,383 --> 00:10:59,824
(scoffs) Good luck, pal.
252
00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:01,326
Our Christmas letter
always runs aground
253
00:11:01,553 --> 00:11:03,328
'cause our family has
no accomplishments.
254
00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:06,055
All right, we need
some highlights from our year.
255
00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:09,058
Um, I got suspended
for setting up a tent
256
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:11,336
in my Spanish teacher's
front yard.
257
00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:13,505
"After several
adventurous camping trips,
258
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:15,990
"Chris is becoming
quite the outdoorsman
259
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,735
and has found a true mentor
in Señora Diaz."
260
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:21,179
I was trying to snag a bagel
from the school dumpster
261
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,831
and got accidentally hoisted
into the garbage truck.
262
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,259
"This was the year
Meg caught the travel bug."
263
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,428
Stewie's first pony ride ended
264
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,338
after he blew out his diaper
all over the horse's back.
265
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,174
"Stewie pooped on a horse."
266
00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:35,509
Whoa, Pop,
where's my razzle-dazzle?
267
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:39,013
"And Lois celebrated
her 29th birthday this year."
268
00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:41,682
(laughs):
Oh, Peter.
269
00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,259
What the h-- Lois isn't 29...
270
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:45,704
Oh, I see what he's doing.
271
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,539
That's-that's very funny.
272
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,770
What the hell?
No one kisses my wife
273
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:55,547
except, begrudgingly, me!
274
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,957
It's time for
Hologram Peter to go back
275
00:11:58,109 --> 00:11:59,718
inside the machine
where he came from.
276
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:02,779
I'll be back in a minute.
277
00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:04,222
Don't pray without me.
278
00:12:04,449 --> 00:12:06,132
Give me that!
You're not the only one
279
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,017
who can do things
for this family.
280
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,229
Can you... can you pick that up?
281
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:13,714
Listen, I appreciate
you covering for me,
282
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,974
but I can take it from here.
283
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,627
Don't be silly.
I've got 'em all taken care of.
284
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,405
-Go have fun.
-I thought this was gonna be
a good idea,
285
00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:22,298
and-and these last few hours
have been great...
286
00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:23,775
You've been gone three days.
287
00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,893
But I'm ready to go
back to my family.
288
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,412
Okay, you're the boss.
289
00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:29,322
The hologram machine is
in the basement.
290
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,000
Let's head down there together
and sort this out.
291
00:12:34,904 --> 00:12:36,646
(thunder crashes)
292
00:12:36,664 --> 00:12:38,965
♪ ♪
293
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:44,137
Where's the machine?
I left it right over-- (grunts)
294
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,824
WEST:
As Peter lost consciousness,
295
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:52,011
he finally saw the folly
of his hologram misadventure.
296
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:54,255
(toilet flushes)
297
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,166
Also, going forward,
I'd appreciate
298
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,352
a bit more warning
before having to narrate.
299
00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:02,021
-(water running)
-Even just a few minutes
300
00:13:02,173 --> 00:13:04,507
-to finish whatever it is
I'm doing.
-(water stops)
301
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,951
-(knocking)
-CLERK: Sir, you're supposed
to buy something
302
00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:08,694
if you want to use the restroom.
303
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,180
WEST:
Well, what's
the cheapest thing you got?
304
00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:13,315
CLERK:
Probably a near-the-register
cookie?
305
00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,335
WEST:
Well, put me down
for one of those.
306
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,619
Wha... what happened?
307
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:28,381
-I knocked you out
and tied you up.
-Why?
308
00:13:28,457 --> 00:13:30,958
Because they're my family now.
309
00:13:31,052 --> 00:13:32,869
(laughs maniacally)
310
00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:34,312
Well, the joke's on you.
311
00:13:34,539 --> 00:13:37,315
When you first got here,
I sent a letter to the FBI
312
00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:40,276
because I knew something
like this might happen.
313
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,654
Is it bad?
314
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:45,381
It's better than the last one.
315
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,492
You should put it up
on the FBI fridge
316
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,068
next to his drawing of Shrek.
317
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,236
-(laughs)
-What?
318
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:52,497
Nothing. It's not
supposed to be Shrek.
319
00:13:52,724 --> 00:13:54,891
It's supposed to be the Hulk,
but that's funny.
320
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,650
You don't deserve your family.
321
00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:59,003
I care about them way more
than you ever did.
322
00:13:59,189 --> 00:14:00,321
That's not true!
323
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:03,232
Oh, yeah? Who bought
double-decker burial plots
324
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:04,992
because Lois likes to be on top?
325
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,362
Who taught Chris to whisper...
(whispers) "Black"
326
00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:09,422
out of respect for...
(whispers) "Blacks"?
327
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:13,409
Me! And once I finish you,
they'll be all mine.
328
00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:16,187
LOIS:
Peter! Can you come upstairs
329
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,748
and tell me if
this gray chicken smells funny?
330
00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:20,174
Be right up, babe!
331
00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:23,570
Aw, man. This is worse than--
(muffled speech)
332
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,775
Wait, what are we supposed
to do in this cutaway?
333
00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:32,019
I don't know, I didn--
I didn't understand the setup.
334
00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:34,097
Well, we have to do something.
335
00:14:34,115 --> 00:14:38,543
Um, I mean, you do have
a long neck and I have fangs.
336
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,527
Maybe something in that area?
337
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,955
Uh, maybe we just wait
to hear what the grown men
338
00:14:43,108 --> 00:14:45,008
who write for cartoons say?
339
00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:53,616
Cream number 99 and cream 100.
340
00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:55,968
Okay, I'm ready for bed.
341
00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:58,045
Well, we had meatloaf tonight,
342
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,972
so I guess I'm in
for a Dutch oven.
343
00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,382
What's a Dutch oven?
344
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,276
(gasps)
345
00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:12,410
Peter, wh-why is there dental
floss in this trash can?
346
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,912
Because I just flossed.
347
00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:15,914
Death creeps in
through the gums, you know.
348
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,582
(muffled scream)
349
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,567
Um, Peter,
I-I need to go downstairs.
350
00:15:20,645 --> 00:15:24,071
I... I left a lame excuse
on the stove.
351
00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:27,133
Okay, but be careful,
I just mopped the kitchen floor.
352
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,835
HOLOGRAM PETER:
I love you!
353
00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:32,338
Stewie, wake up! We got to go.
354
00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:34,157
Chris, come on. We got to go.
355
00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:37,009
Meg, can you drag the trash to
the curb tomorrow before 9:00?
356
00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,394
We won't be here.
357
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:41,397
♪ ♪
358
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,260
Thanks for telling us
that whole backstory
359
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,612
on the way down the stairs, Mom.
360
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:50,189
Yeah, now we don't have
to waste time hearing about
361
00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:52,133
how a hologram of Peter
replaced the real Peter.
362
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,526
Although, I don't know
why we had to hear about
363
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,769
Bonnie not inviting you
to Rosé Game Night.
364
00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:58,848
Well, I just thought it was
weird, 'cause it was my idea.
365
00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,458
(thunder crashes)
366
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:02,460
♪ ♪
367
00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,504
(screaming)
368
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,465
Going somewhere, family?
369
00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:11,094
-(laughing maniacally)
-(thunder crashes)
370
00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:15,390
-(laughing fades)
-(thunder crashes)
371
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:18,959
I didn't want to
have to tie you up.
372
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,536
I did everything for you.
373
00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,297
And people think
holograms don't have feelings.
374
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,482
Well, we don't.
375
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,134
And then I watched
one episode of This Is Us,
376
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,212
and now I'm all feelings.
377
00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:32,824
Don't mention This is Us.
Aw, great. Now I'm gonna cry.
378
00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:34,975
Save your crocodile tears.
379
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,736
None of you appreciated me.
380
00:16:36,888 --> 00:16:39,813
And if I can't have you,
no one will.
381
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,500
PETER:
I hate This is Us.
382
00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:44,985
Let my family go.
383
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:46,987
-(all gasp)
-I'm impressed.
384
00:16:47,156 --> 00:16:49,156
How did you free yourself
from the bindings?
385
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,326
I found a hacksaw
and sawed through my hands.
386
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,253
Why didn't you saw
through the ropes?
387
00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,572
Hacksaw hindsight is
twenty-twenty, Lois.
388
00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:59,666
The important thing is,
I stitched my hands back on
389
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,102
with Twizzlers.
390
00:17:04,265 --> 00:17:06,415
All right,
fat guy fight rules:
391
00:17:06,509 --> 00:17:08,584
We grab at each other's shirts
until we're out of breath
392
00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:10,936
-and then a three-minute break.
-Got it.
393
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,864
Should we just take
a three-minute break now?
394
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,282
Agreed.
395
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,428
It turned into a pudding break.
396
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:20,780
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
397
00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:22,281
I didn't get to lick the lid.
398
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:24,267
(grunting)
399
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,377
♪ ♪
400
00:17:27,605 --> 00:17:31,031
-(crackling)
-Now for the final download.
401
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,509
Everything in your mind.
402
00:17:35,113 --> 00:17:37,221
-(crackling stops)
-(gasps)
403
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,391
Joke's on you.
There's nothing in there.
404
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,685
(grunting)
405
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,312
Guys, Dad needs help!
406
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,797
(groans)
407
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:57,817
(crackling)
408
00:17:57,893 --> 00:17:58,910
(screams)
409
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,578
We have to short-circuit
the hologram.
410
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,914
Can anyone shoot lightning
from their fingers?
411
00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:04,582
I can,
412
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:08,127
but I have to be very angry.
413
00:18:08,871 --> 00:18:10,088
(cries out)
414
00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:13,091
Wait, Brian, there are
other kinds of electricity.
415
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,151
By simply rubbing my feet
on the carpet,
416
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,595
I may be able to generate
enough static electricity
417
00:18:17,822 --> 00:18:19,839
-to do the job.
-Stewie, that's a great idea!
418
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:20,932
What can I do to help?
419
00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:22,583
I need something
to get my feet going.
420
00:18:22,677 --> 00:18:24,160
Can you sing "I Got Rhythm"?
421
00:18:24,253 --> 00:18:27,271
Um, I-I... Can I,
can I just say "da da"
422
00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:28,514
for the words I don't know?
423
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:29,849
We have no choice. Go!
424
00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:31,667
♪ Da da rhythm ♪
425
00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:32,944
Wait, wait, wait. (stammers)
426
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,113
We're starting
with the "da das" already?
427
00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:37,615
You don't know "I got rhythm"?
It's in the name!
428
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:38,783
Okay, I got it. Got it, got it.
429
00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,026
-♪ I got da da ♪
-Rhythm!
430
00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,678
You said that the first time!
431
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,606
Okay, now I'm starting
to get angry.
432
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,016
(groans) I'll do it myself.
433
00:18:47,185 --> 00:18:48,684
♪ I got rhythm ♪
434
00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,128
♪ Da da music. ♪
435
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:51,370
Oh-ho! The expert.
436
00:18:51,522 --> 00:18:53,113
Well, I got through the title
at least.
437
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,134
(screams, grunts)
438
00:18:58,696 --> 00:18:59,879
(straining)
439
00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:01,881
-(crackling)
-It's working!
440
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:03,048
Quick, everyone, hold hands.
441
00:19:03,201 --> 00:19:04,559
We have to reach Peter.
442
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,815
-(grunting)
-(crackling)
443
00:19:11,042 --> 00:19:12,633
We can't reach him!
444
00:19:12,727 --> 00:19:13,818
Lois, use your toe!
445
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:16,136
I haven't had a pedicure
in four weeks!
446
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:18,281
Just do it. We won't look.
447
00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:21,734
Ew.
448
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,661
Peter! Touch my toe!
449
00:19:23,738 --> 00:19:25,554
-Ew.
-ALL: Do it!
450
00:19:25,556 --> 00:19:28,891
That's usually my line,
but whatever.
451
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,502
(straining, grunting)
452
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:38,176
(cries out)
453
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,011
-(groaning)
-(crackling)
454
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:43,097
(groaning)
455
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,185
Wilma!
456
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:52,915
(hissing)
457
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,358
(gasps)
458
00:19:55,603 --> 00:19:58,196
You saved us, Peter.
459
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,032
Yeah, glad you thought of it.
460
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,700
I hate this place.
461
00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:04,260
Of course I did.
462
00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:05,369
I love you guys.
463
00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:07,872
And from now on,
I'll try to be half as good
464
00:20:08,099 --> 00:20:09,373
as Hologram Me was.
465
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,116
Oh, but don't you see, Peter?
466
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,211
The hologram was you.
467
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,028
He was just
the best version of you.
468
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,215
You can get there,
it'll just take work.
469
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:20,367
No, the deal was
I promise to be half as good
470
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,460
as a fake thing.
471
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,262
-All right, just do that.
-No promises.
472
00:20:29,136 --> 00:20:31,211
Well, Peter,
I'm glad you're safe,
473
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,879
and everything's back to normal.
474
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,291
Yeah. Me, too.
And you know what?
475
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,309
I realized
how much I missed you guys.
476
00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:39,295
What do you say
we turn off that TV
477
00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:40,813
and do something as a family?
478
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,240
-(all gasp)
-Damn it.
479
00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:44,133
He created another hologram.
480
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:46,077
(sighs)
I'll get my feet started.
481
00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:48,821
-Brian, little "Camptown Races"?
-You got it.
482
00:20:48,973 --> 00:20:50,414
♪ Da da ladies sing this song ♪
483
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,142
-I just gave you the title!
-Sorry, uh...
484
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,144
♪ Camptown ladies sing
this song ♪
485
00:20:55,162 --> 00:20:56,979
-♪ Da da-- ♪
-It's "Doo-dah"!
486
00:20:56,998 --> 00:20:57,997
At least I got one of 'em.
487
00:20:58,149 --> 00:20:59,632
The second one doesn't count!