1 00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:04,745 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:07,822 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,166 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,336 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,080 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,339 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,195 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,037 (lively chatter) 11 00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:43,024 Ah, it's so exciting to be back at the Halloween Carnival. 12 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,601 Yep. Thanks to the vaccines, 13 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:47,028 we can all get back to doing the things we hate. 14 00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,530 Oh, for God's sakes, Peter, 15 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,624 I am so tired of you not making an effort 16 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200 to be a part of this family. 17 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,461 Lois, I drove us here. I bought the tickets. 18 00:00:54,613 --> 00:00:56,947 I'm sadly shuffling through this place with you. 19 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,540 -What more do you want? -Well, I don't know. 20 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,208 I want you to act like you're happy 21 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,210 to be with your family every now and again. 22 00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,379 Look, I'm doing the best I can, but I got to tell you... 23 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,473 Whoa! 24 00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,125 Careful. 25 00:01:08,127 --> 00:01:10,903 Oh, and there's my boss. Even better. 26 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,072 Hey, Preston. What's with the hat? 27 00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:14,981 This is my Halloween costume. 28 00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,801 I'm dressed as 1990s comedian Paul Shore. 29 00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:19,894 You-you mean Pauly Shore? 30 00:01:19,988 --> 00:01:22,230 Perhaps in less formal circumstances. 31 00:01:22,324 --> 00:01:24,566 You may recall he borrowed heavily from surf culture, 32 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:28,812 with phrases such as, "Hey, buddy," and "Grindage". 33 00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,664 I don't think this costume is working. 34 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,499 Neither is Pauly Shore. 35 00:01:32,651 --> 00:01:34,576 Ooh! That looks scary. 36 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:38,222 "The House of Unskippable Podcast Ads." 37 00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:43,084 PODCASTER: Before we get to the thrilling conclusion 38 00:01:43,178 --> 00:01:44,419 of Murder at the South Pole, 39 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,920 I'd like to tell you about UNTUCKit shirts. 40 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,013 (all gasp) 41 00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:47,940 I-I'm hitting "skip ahead," 42 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,666 but it's not doing anything! 43 00:01:49,685 --> 00:01:51,944 PODCASTER: Last weekend, I was at a barbecue and thought, 44 00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:53,928 "What's with all this excess fabric 45 00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:55,355 at the bottom of my shirt?" 46 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,508 Oh, God! A clearly fake personal story! 47 00:01:58,527 --> 00:02:00,026 PODCASTER: The big game was on the boob tube, 48 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,846 but the biggest touchdown was the perfect length 49 00:02:02,865 --> 00:02:06,274 of my friend's premium-made, affordably priced shirt. 50 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,368 Literally no one talks like that! 51 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,854 PODCASTER: So, I went right home and Bing-ed "UNTUCKit" 52 00:02:10,873 --> 00:02:12,539 on my Microsoft Surface. 53 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:15,801 Is this a promotion within a promotion?! 54 00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:17,377 PODCASTER: UNTUCKit shirts. 55 00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:20,622 We weren't here for Kevin James, but we're here now. 56 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,549 (lively chatter, screaming) 57 00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:27,204 All right, gang, as a mom who planned a family activity, 58 00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,130 I'm gonna put wild pressure on you guys 59 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,724 to say you're having a good time. 60 00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:34,987 Chris, honey, are you-- are you having a good time? 61 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,973 (nervous laugh) Okay, I'm gonna need a verbal response. 62 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,642 -Yeah. -Oh, good. 63 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,052 Chris is having a good time. 64 00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,054 Meg. Meg, are you having a good time 65 00:02:44,072 --> 00:02:45,889 -just like your brother? -I guess. 66 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,557 Okay, great. 67 00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:49,242 Can you sign this form for my Mom Meeting, 68 00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:51,395 acknowledging your merriment? 69 00:02:51,413 --> 00:02:53,747 Wow, very good. 70 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,323 I see everyone had a good time. 71 00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:58,427 Would you like to spin the wheel of Mom Prizes? 72 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,430 (wheel clatters) 73 00:03:07,429 --> 00:03:09,913 "Donate spin to mom you wish to belittle." 74 00:03:09,932 --> 00:03:12,082 Oh, thank you! But, you know, 75 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,184 Bonnie needs this more than I do. 76 00:03:15,587 --> 00:03:19,031 (whispers): Her rejuvenation only made things worse. 77 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:22,117 (lively chatter) 78 00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:28,189 Holography? That's next door to witchcraft, 79 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,767 and down the hall from David-Blaine-ery. 80 00:03:30,786 --> 00:03:32,377 I do not care for his ruses. 81 00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:35,439 Ah, stop being such a wuss. Let's go. 82 00:03:35,457 --> 00:03:37,424 ♪ ♪ 83 00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:44,114 The Michael Cera hologram is a weird choice. 84 00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:47,117 Oh, i-it's the real me. I'm just kind of translucent. 85 00:03:47,135 --> 00:03:49,119 Oh, hello, Hollywood. 86 00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:50,454 Yes, I would like to star 87 00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:52,064 in an action movie franchise. (chuckles) 88 00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:53,957 That's not a Bluetooth. 89 00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:55,717 He just stuck a Tootsie Roll in his ear. 90 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:58,462 Wow, these holograms are the most amazing thing 91 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,740 I've ever seen, and I've seen, like, a really big horse. 92 00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:04,451 (electrical crackling, whirring) 93 00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:09,915 Welcome to my hologram laboratory. 94 00:04:10,142 --> 00:04:13,252 Would you like to see how I make my babies? 95 00:04:13,328 --> 00:04:15,479 I mean, I'm already here. 96 00:04:15,497 --> 00:04:16,738 Is that a yes? 97 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,258 -Yes. -Just say that, then. 98 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,577 This machine scans your data, 99 00:04:22,671 --> 00:04:25,505 then creates a virtual hard light version of you 100 00:04:25,657 --> 00:04:28,934 that can physically interact with the world. 101 00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,494 That sounds kind of bogus. 102 00:04:30,587 --> 00:04:31,937 Does the science check out on that? 103 00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:33,921 They used it on Star Trek. 104 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,515 You got a problem with Star Trek? 105 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,776 Okay, take it easy. I accept your explanation. 106 00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,094 We all should. It's Halloween. 107 00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:43,690 You can command them to perform any human task, 108 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,450 no matter how menial. 109 00:04:45,677 --> 00:04:47,694 So, you're saying I can have something 110 00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:49,437 that looks exactly like me 111 00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:52,349 seem like it's enjoying spending time with its family? 112 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:53,792 Precisely. 113 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,869 -Can I have it? -I'm afraid not. 114 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,462 It's my only one. 115 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,208 Maybe there are... other arrangements we can make? 116 00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:05,211 Boy, this is the first button-down shirt 117 00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:06,972 that looks great untucked. 118 00:05:07,049 --> 00:05:09,308 -It's an UNTUCKit. -What's their secret? 119 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,551 Oh, they just make shirts a tiny bit shorter. 120 00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:13,127 Genius. 121 00:05:13,221 --> 00:05:15,722 (thunder crashing) 122 00:05:15,874 --> 00:05:18,608 (thunder rumbling) 123 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,697 ♪ ♪ 124 00:05:27,553 --> 00:05:29,661 Man, this machine is complicated. 125 00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,413 I hope I can figure it out. 126 00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:34,624 Here goes nothing. 127 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,413 Thank you for choosing the Holomaker-9000. 128 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:43,083 Please input personal characteristics. 129 00:05:43,159 --> 00:05:44,734 Do they have to be true? 130 00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:47,404 I have no way of knowing what is true and what is not. 131 00:05:47,497 --> 00:05:50,090 Such is life in the Post-Donald-Trump Era. 132 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,592 Ugh, leave the satire to Garrison Keillor. 133 00:05:52,744 --> 00:05:55,020 Okay, time for some statements about myself 134 00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:57,097 that are definitely not lies. 135 00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,265 Let's see, I'm a black belt in karate, 136 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,434 I can cook an eight-course French meal, 137 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,362 I always enter cars through the window 138 00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:05,271 'cause doors ain't the boss of me, 139 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,107 and I'm great at remembering names. 140 00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:10,260 Just ask my friends: Joel, Clemson and QuickTime. 141 00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:12,746 ♪ ♪ 142 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:26,868 Hello, Peter Griffin. I am Hologram Peter Griffin. 143 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,962 How may I be of service? 144 00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:30,222 LOIS: Come upstairs, Peter! 145 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,449 I need you to put the too-small slip covers 146 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,542 on the hard-to-grip couch pillows. 147 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,636 (shudders) You can start by handling that. 148 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,381 I would be happy to help your family with whatever they need. 149 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,550 Aw, sweet! If this works out, 150 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,736 I'll have more time for those QAnon rallies. 151 00:06:44,888 --> 00:06:46,905 -What do we want? -We don't know! 152 00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:49,616 -When do we want it? -Also unclear! 153 00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:52,244 -Why do we want it? -Because it was forwarded to us 154 00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,746 in an email, so it must be true! 155 00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,581 Yeah! 156 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,900 Oh, Peter, there you are. 157 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,977 Listen, I'm trying to clear out my closet, 158 00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:04,631 so I want you to give me your honest opinion of every garment. 159 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:11,078 Perfect. I love working as a team to reduce clutter. 160 00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:14,491 Okay, first, my "7 Up Yours" T-shirt. 161 00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:17,661 That was the most provocative thing ever put on television 162 00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:20,830 -at the time, you have to keep that. -Okay, great. 163 00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:24,334 Now my "Skinny Girl Margarita" T-shirt Bethenny Frankel gave me 164 00:07:24,352 --> 00:07:26,169 after she hit Chris with her car. 165 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,004 That's a fun story. Keep. 166 00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:29,430 Great. Okay. 167 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,691 Under-the-seat studio audience poncho 168 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,343 from The Meredith Vieira Show? 169 00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:36,938 Maybe it's time to say goodbye to Miss Vieira. 170 00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:39,273 (muffled): Oh, man, this is going great! 171 00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,518 (banging) 172 00:07:41,611 --> 00:07:44,187 Aw, crap, I'm stuck. 173 00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:46,113 Let me call my eyehole painting guy. 174 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,115 -(phone beeps) -Hey, it's Peter Griffin. 175 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,451 Yep, trapped in the painting again. 176 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,119 I know, I know. 177 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,121 Well, can't you just look up my account? 178 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,049 No, I don't have my ID number. 179 00:07:56,201 --> 00:07:58,292 No, I can't get my ID number! 180 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,461 Because I'm trapped in the painting! 181 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,722 I'm sorry, I-I'm mad at your company, not you. 182 00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:03,982 You-You're fine. 183 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,490 Okay, yesterday worked out great. 184 00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:14,718 So here's some more dumb family stuff I want you to do for me. 185 00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:17,387 "Teach Stewie what sound the cow makes." 186 00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:20,073 It's "moo." "Quack" is duck. 187 00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:21,816 "Get opiates from John." 188 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,317 Yeah, I'll give you John's number. 189 00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,912 Tell him it's Peter calling for opiates from John. 190 00:08:26,064 --> 00:08:27,506 -He'll know what you mean. -Got it. 191 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,840 Now that you're doing all that, 192 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,009 I'm going to The Clam with the guys. 193 00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:33,178 Oh, man, this hologram thing is the best idea 194 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,739 since the Mayflower hired a cruise director. 195 00:08:35,757 --> 00:08:37,907 Okay, everyone, from 8:00 until 9:00, 196 00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,167 we'll be trembling before our angry God. 197 00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:42,912 From 9:00 to 10:00, there's yellow fever on the lido deck. 198 00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:45,172 And at 10:00, it's everybody's favorite, 199 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,841 Buckle-Hat Bingo. 200 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,693 What if we lost our buckle hat? 201 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,754 -Well, do you have a plain hat? -Yeah. 202 00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,346 -Do you have a belt? -Yeah. 203 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:55,016 -You got a buckle hat. -(murmuring) 204 00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:58,286 (whispers): I just love knowing what's going on. 205 00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,208 Oh, Peter, thanks for clearing out 206 00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,268 an area for us to start a garden. 207 00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:09,363 Yeah, they say the best day to plant a garden is yesterday. 208 00:09:09,457 --> 00:09:11,775 And the next best day is today! 209 00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:13,276 (both laugh) 210 00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,445 This, this is what I meant 211 00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,447 about making an effort with the family. 212 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:21,375 And I can garden, too, 'cause I have a brown thumb. 213 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,378 That's more of a wiping issue, son, but I'm glad you're here. 214 00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,565 This is great, but I'm a little hot. 215 00:09:26,716 --> 00:09:29,550 No problem, that's why I bought a giant sun hat 216 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,810 that can fit all of us. 217 00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,296 And now to quote the kitchen towel, 218 00:09:33,315 --> 00:09:35,389 "Lettuce turnip the beet." 219 00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:39,727 (laughing): Stop it or I'm gonna wet myself. 220 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,322 Me, too. I always wet my plants. 221 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:44,307 (laughter) 222 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,900 Where do you get all this? 223 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,419 They're all from towels, Lois! 224 00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:49,421 They're all from towels! 225 00:09:52,317 --> 00:09:54,259 Well, what do you think, guys? 226 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:55,576 Should we wrap it up? 227 00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:58,004 Yeah, but can one of you throw glitter on me? 228 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,657 It's-it's better if Lois thinks I'm at a strip club. 229 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:02,142 She hates you guys. 230 00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,329 Peter, I think you're a little too drunk to walk home. 231 00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:09,515 -Yeah, give us your shoes. -Can we give you a ride? 232 00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,351 No, no, it's okay. I'll just black out 233 00:10:11,503 --> 00:10:13,778 and-and never know how I got home. 234 00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,596 (insects trilling) 235 00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,674 Works every time. 236 00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:20,076 And it's good for the environment, maybe. 237 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,497 (family laughing inside) 238 00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,533 -Boy, they look pretty happy. -(piano music playing) 239 00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:30,203 (gasps) And they're singing Halloween carols. 240 00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:33,022 ♪ Halloween has lots of candy ♪ 241 00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:35,541 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 242 00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,452 ♪ Wear a mask and ring a doorbell ♪ 243 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:41,122 -The perfect rhyme! -♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 244 00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:43,642 ♪ Don't be racist with your costume ♪ 245 00:10:43,869 --> 00:10:47,312 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪ 246 00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:48,963 (music ends) 247 00:10:49,057 --> 00:10:50,540 Ah, that was fun. 248 00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:52,633 And now that we're just about done with Halloween, 249 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,728 maybe it's time to start writing the family Christmas letter. 250 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,231 Ah, Peter, that's a great idea! 251 00:10:58,383 --> 00:10:59,824 (scoffs) Good luck, pal. 252 00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:01,326 Our Christmas letter always runs aground 253 00:11:01,553 --> 00:11:03,328 'cause our family has no accomplishments. 254 00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:06,055 All right, we need some highlights from our year. 255 00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:09,058 Um, I got suspended for setting up a tent 256 00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:11,336 in my Spanish teacher's front yard. 257 00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:13,505 "After several adventurous camping trips, 258 00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:15,990 "Chris is becoming quite the outdoorsman 259 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,735 and has found a true mentor in Señora Diaz." 260 00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:21,179 I was trying to snag a bagel from the school dumpster 261 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,831 and got accidentally hoisted into the garbage truck. 262 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,259 "This was the year Meg caught the travel bug." 263 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,428 Stewie's first pony ride ended 264 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,338 after he blew out his diaper all over the horse's back. 265 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,174 "Stewie pooped on a horse." 266 00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:35,509 Whoa, Pop, where's my razzle-dazzle? 267 00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:39,013 "And Lois celebrated her 29th birthday this year." 268 00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:41,682 (laughs): Oh, Peter. 269 00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,259 What the h-- Lois isn't 29... 270 00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:45,704 Oh, I see what he's doing. 271 00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,539 That's-that's very funny. 272 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,770 What the hell? No one kisses my wife 273 00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:55,547 except, begrudgingly, me! 274 00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,957 It's time for Hologram Peter to go back 275 00:11:58,109 --> 00:11:59,718 inside the machine where he came from. 276 00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:02,779 I'll be back in a minute. 277 00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:04,222 Don't pray without me. 278 00:12:04,449 --> 00:12:06,132 Give me that! You're not the only one 279 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,017 who can do things for this family. 280 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,229 Can you... can you pick that up? 281 00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:13,714 Listen, I appreciate you covering for me, 282 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,974 but I can take it from here. 283 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,627 Don't be silly. I've got 'em all taken care of. 284 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,405 -Go have fun. -I thought this was gonna be a good idea, 285 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:22,298 and-and these last few hours have been great... 286 00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:23,775 You've been gone three days. 287 00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,893 But I'm ready to go back to my family. 288 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,412 Okay, you're the boss. 289 00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:29,322 The hologram machine is in the basement. 290 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,000 Let's head down there together and sort this out. 291 00:12:34,904 --> 00:12:36,646 (thunder crashes) 292 00:12:36,664 --> 00:12:38,965 ♪ ♪ 293 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:44,137 Where's the machine? I left it right over-- (grunts) 294 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,824 WEST: As Peter lost consciousness, 295 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:52,011 he finally saw the folly of his hologram misadventure. 296 00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:54,255 (toilet flushes) 297 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,166 Also, going forward, I'd appreciate 298 00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,352 a bit more warning before having to narrate. 299 00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:02,021 -(water running) -Even just a few minutes 300 00:13:02,173 --> 00:13:04,507 -to finish whatever it is I'm doing. -(water stops) 301 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,951 -(knocking) -CLERK: Sir, you're supposed to buy something 302 00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:08,694 if you want to use the restroom. 303 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,180 WEST: Well, what's the cheapest thing you got? 304 00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:13,315 CLERK: Probably a near-the-register cookie? 305 00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,335 WEST: Well, put me down for one of those. 306 00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,619 Wha... what happened? 307 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:28,381 -I knocked you out and tied you up. -Why? 308 00:13:28,457 --> 00:13:30,958 Because they're my family now. 309 00:13:31,052 --> 00:13:32,869 (laughs maniacally) 310 00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:34,312 Well, the joke's on you. 311 00:13:34,539 --> 00:13:37,315 When you first got here, I sent a letter to the FBI 312 00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:40,276 because I knew something like this might happen. 313 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,654 Is it bad? 314 00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:45,381 It's better than the last one. 315 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,492 You should put it up on the FBI fridge 316 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,068 next to his drawing of Shrek. 317 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,236 -(laughs) -What? 318 00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:52,497 Nothing. It's not supposed to be Shrek. 319 00:13:52,724 --> 00:13:54,891 It's supposed to be the Hulk, but that's funny. 320 00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,650 You don't deserve your family. 321 00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:59,003 I care about them way more than you ever did. 322 00:13:59,189 --> 00:14:00,321 That's not true! 323 00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:03,232 Oh, yeah? Who bought double-decker burial plots 324 00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:04,992 because Lois likes to be on top? 325 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,362 Who taught Chris to whisper... (whispers) "Black" 326 00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:09,422 out of respect for... (whispers) "Blacks"? 327 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:13,409 Me! And once I finish you, they'll be all mine. 328 00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:16,187 LOIS: Peter! Can you come upstairs 329 00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,748 and tell me if this gray chicken smells funny? 330 00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:20,174 Be right up, babe! 331 00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:23,570 Aw, man. This is worse than-- (muffled speech) 332 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,775 Wait, what are we supposed to do in this cutaway? 333 00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:32,019 I don't know, I didn-- I didn't understand the setup. 334 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:34,097 Well, we have to do something. 335 00:14:34,115 --> 00:14:38,543 Um, I mean, you do have a long neck and I have fangs. 336 00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,527 Maybe something in that area? 337 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,955 Uh, maybe we just wait to hear what the grown men 338 00:14:43,108 --> 00:14:45,008 who write for cartoons say? 339 00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:53,616 Cream number 99 and cream 100. 340 00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:55,968 Okay, I'm ready for bed. 341 00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:58,045 Well, we had meatloaf tonight, 342 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,972 so I guess I'm in for a Dutch oven. 343 00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,382 What's a Dutch oven? 344 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,276 (gasps) 345 00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:12,410 Peter, wh-why is there dental floss in this trash can? 346 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,912 Because I just flossed. 347 00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:15,914 Death creeps in through the gums, you know. 348 00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,582 (muffled scream) 349 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,567 Um, Peter, I-I need to go downstairs. 350 00:15:20,645 --> 00:15:24,071 I... I left a lame excuse on the stove. 351 00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:27,133 Okay, but be careful, I just mopped the kitchen floor. 352 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,835 HOLOGRAM PETER: I love you! 353 00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:32,338 Stewie, wake up! We got to go. 354 00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:34,157 Chris, come on. We got to go. 355 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:37,009 Meg, can you drag the trash to the curb tomorrow before 9:00? 356 00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,394 We won't be here. 357 00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:41,397 ♪ ♪ 358 00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,260 Thanks for telling us that whole backstory 359 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,612 on the way down the stairs, Mom. 360 00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:50,189 Yeah, now we don't have to waste time hearing about 361 00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:52,133 how a hologram of Peter replaced the real Peter. 362 00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,526 Although, I don't know why we had to hear about 363 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,769 Bonnie not inviting you to Rosé Game Night. 364 00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:58,848 Well, I just thought it was weird, 'cause it was my idea. 365 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,458 (thunder crashes) 366 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:02,460 ♪ ♪ 367 00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,504 (screaming) 368 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,465 Going somewhere, family? 369 00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:11,094 -(laughing maniacally) -(thunder crashes) 370 00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:15,390 -(laughing fades) -(thunder crashes) 371 00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:18,959 I didn't want to have to tie you up. 372 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,536 I did everything for you. 373 00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,297 And people think holograms don't have feelings. 374 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,482 Well, we don't. 375 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,134 And then I watched one episode of This Is Us, 376 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,212 and now I'm all feelings. 377 00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:32,824 Don't mention This is Us. Aw, great. Now I'm gonna cry. 378 00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:34,975 Save your crocodile tears. 379 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,736 None of you appreciated me. 380 00:16:36,888 --> 00:16:39,813 And if I can't have you, no one will. 381 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,500 PETER: I hate This is Us. 382 00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:44,985 Let my family go. 383 00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:46,987 -(all gasp) -I'm impressed. 384 00:16:47,156 --> 00:16:49,156 How did you free yourself from the bindings? 385 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,326 I found a hacksaw and sawed through my hands. 386 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,253 Why didn't you saw through the ropes? 387 00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,572 Hacksaw hindsight is twenty-twenty, Lois. 388 00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:59,666 The important thing is, I stitched my hands back on 389 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,102 with Twizzlers. 390 00:17:04,265 --> 00:17:06,415 All right, fat guy fight rules: 391 00:17:06,509 --> 00:17:08,584 We grab at each other's shirts until we're out of breath 392 00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:10,936 -and then a three-minute break. -Got it. 393 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,864 Should we just take a three-minute break now? 394 00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,282 Agreed. 395 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,428 It turned into a pudding break. 396 00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:20,780 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 397 00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:22,281 I didn't get to lick the lid. 398 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:24,267 (grunting) 399 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,377 ♪ ♪ 400 00:17:27,605 --> 00:17:31,031 -(crackling) -Now for the final download. 401 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,509 Everything in your mind. 402 00:17:35,113 --> 00:17:37,221 -(crackling stops) -(gasps) 403 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,391 Joke's on you. There's nothing in there. 404 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,685 (grunting) 405 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,312 Guys, Dad needs help! 406 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,797 (groans) 407 00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:57,817 (crackling) 408 00:17:57,893 --> 00:17:58,910 (screams) 409 00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,578 We have to short-circuit the hologram. 410 00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,914 Can anyone shoot lightning from their fingers? 411 00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:04,582 I can, 412 00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:08,127 but I have to be very angry. 413 00:18:08,871 --> 00:18:10,088 (cries out) 414 00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:13,091 Wait, Brian, there are other kinds of electricity. 415 00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,151 By simply rubbing my feet on the carpet, 416 00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,595 I may be able to generate enough static electricity 417 00:18:17,822 --> 00:18:19,839 -to do the job. -Stewie, that's a great idea! 418 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:20,932 What can I do to help? 419 00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:22,583 I need something to get my feet going. 420 00:18:22,677 --> 00:18:24,160 Can you sing "I Got Rhythm"? 421 00:18:24,253 --> 00:18:27,271 Um, I-I... Can I, can I just say "da da" 422 00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:28,514 for the words I don't know? 423 00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:29,849 We have no choice. Go! 424 00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:31,667 ♪ Da da rhythm ♪ 425 00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:32,944 Wait, wait, wait. (stammers) 426 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,113 We're starting with the "da das" already? 427 00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:37,615 You don't know "I got rhythm"? It's in the name! 428 00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:38,783 Okay, I got it. Got it, got it. 429 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,026 -♪ I got da da ♪ -Rhythm! 430 00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,678 You said that the first time! 431 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,606 Okay, now I'm starting to get angry. 432 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,016 (groans) I'll do it myself. 433 00:18:47,185 --> 00:18:48,684 ♪ I got rhythm ♪ 434 00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,128 ♪ Da da music. ♪ 435 00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:51,370 Oh-ho! The expert. 436 00:18:51,522 --> 00:18:53,113 Well, I got through the title at least. 437 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,134 (screams, grunts) 438 00:18:58,696 --> 00:18:59,879 (straining) 439 00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:01,881 -(crackling) -It's working! 440 00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:03,048 Quick, everyone, hold hands. 441 00:19:03,201 --> 00:19:04,559 We have to reach Peter. 442 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,815 -(grunting) -(crackling) 443 00:19:11,042 --> 00:19:12,633 We can't reach him! 444 00:19:12,727 --> 00:19:13,818 Lois, use your toe! 445 00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:16,136 I haven't had a pedicure in four weeks! 446 00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:18,281 Just do it. We won't look. 447 00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:21,734 Ew. 448 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,661 Peter! Touch my toe! 449 00:19:23,738 --> 00:19:25,554 -Ew. -ALL: Do it! 450 00:19:25,556 --> 00:19:28,891 That's usually my line, but whatever. 451 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,502 (straining, grunting) 452 00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:38,176 (cries out) 453 00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,011 -(groaning) -(crackling) 454 00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:43,097 (groaning) 455 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,185 Wilma! 456 00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:52,915 (hissing) 457 00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,358 (gasps) 458 00:19:55,603 --> 00:19:58,196 You saved us, Peter. 459 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,032 Yeah, glad you thought of it. 460 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,700 I hate this place. 461 00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:04,260 Of course I did. 462 00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:05,369 I love you guys. 463 00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:07,872 And from now on, I'll try to be half as good 464 00:20:08,099 --> 00:20:09,373 as Hologram Me was. 465 00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,116 Oh, but don't you see, Peter? 466 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,211 The hologram was you. 467 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,028 He was just the best version of you. 468 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,215 You can get there, it'll just take work. 469 00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:20,367 No, the deal was I promise to be half as good 470 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,460 as a fake thing. 471 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,262 -All right, just do that. -No promises. 472 00:20:29,136 --> 00:20:31,211 Well, Peter, I'm glad you're safe, 473 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,879 and everything's back to normal. 474 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,291 Yeah. Me, too. And you know what? 475 00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,309 I realized how much I missed you guys. 476 00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:39,295 What do you say we turn off that TV 477 00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:40,813 and do something as a family? 478 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,240 -(all gasp) -Damn it. 479 00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:44,133 He created another hologram. 480 00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:46,077 (sighs) I'll get my feet started. 481 00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:48,821 -Brian, little "Camptown Races"? -You got it. 482 00:20:48,973 --> 00:20:50,414 ♪ Da da ladies sing this song ♪ 483 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,142 -I just gave you the title! -Sorry, uh... 484 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,144 ♪ Camptown ladies sing this song ♪ 485 00:20:55,162 --> 00:20:56,979 -♪ Da da-- ♪ -It's "Doo-dah"! 486 00:20:56,998 --> 00:20:57,997 At least I got one of 'em. 487 00:20:58,149 --> 00:20:59,632 The second one doesn't count!