1 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:10,011 Nice muffler! 2 00:00:10,012 --> 00:00:11,513 We should definitely be getting a ride. 3 00:00:11,514 --> 00:00:13,348 Right here is the best spot. 4 00:00:13,349 --> 00:00:15,016 This is cool. 5 00:00:15,017 --> 00:00:16,393 Hitchhiking. 6 00:00:16,602 --> 00:00:18,979 It's like in kerouac, you know? 7 00:00:19,438 --> 00:00:21,481 Kerouac? 8 00:00:21,482 --> 00:00:22,482 Jack kerouac. 9 00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:24,484 He wrote “on the road." 10 00:00:24,485 --> 00:00:27,153 Kim, we've been reading it in English class 11 00:00:27,154 --> 00:00:29,614 for the last two weeks. Where've you been? 12 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:31,242 All we ever do in that class is read. 13 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,661 Ooh, ooh, ooh! Stick out your thumb, would ya? 14 00:00:34,161 --> 00:00:35,828 We're so sheltered, you know? 15 00:00:35,829 --> 00:00:39,207 There's this whole other america out there. 16 00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:41,102 And the person who picks us up could be an artist 17 00:00:41,126 --> 00:00:44,629 or a psychic or an escaped felon. 18 00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:45,713 It's so exciting. 19 00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:46,965 Okay, one thing that helps... 20 00:00:46,966 --> 00:00:49,552 Point your boobs towards the road. 21 00:00:53,222 --> 00:00:54,890 Redneck! 22 00:00:56,684 --> 00:00:57,684 Oops, I mean, 23 00:00:57,810 --> 00:00:59,436 cool guy. Come on! 24 00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:03,147 J“ Come along if you care 25 00:01:03,148 --> 00:01:05,483 I come along if you dare 26 00:01:05,484 --> 00:01:07,444 hey. Drop us as close to the corner 27 00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:09,363 of Wilson and elm as you can. 28 00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:15,410 Hi, I'm Lindsay. 29 00:01:18,539 --> 00:01:20,665 So are you from around these parts? 30 00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:22,543 1210 lilac terrace. 31 00:01:24,003 --> 00:01:25,421 Oh. 32 00:01:25,796 --> 00:01:27,631 So what do you do? 33 00:01:31,719 --> 00:01:33,470 You pick up hitchhikers a lot? 34 00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:42,770 Listen, I know you. 35 00:01:42,771 --> 00:01:44,480 I buy gear from your dad's store. 36 00:01:44,481 --> 00:01:46,441 And I don't think you girls should be doin' this, 37 00:01:46,442 --> 00:01:49,486 and I feel obliged to tell him what you're up to. 38 00:01:57,661 --> 00:02:00,623 J“ I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation 39 00:02:02,374 --> 00:02:05,252 j“ livin' in the past, it's a new generation 40 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,130 j“ a girl can do what she wants to do 41 00:02:09,131 --> 00:02:11,716 j“ and that's what I'm gonna do 42 00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:14,553 I and I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation 43 00:02:16,347 --> 00:02:18,848 j“ oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 44 00:02:18,849 --> 00:02:20,850 I not me 45 00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:21,893 j“ whah! No! 46 00:02:21,894 --> 00:02:23,603 J“ no, no, no, no, no, no, no 47 00:02:23,604 --> 00:02:24,604 I not me 48 00:02:24,605 --> 00:02:25,813 j“ me, me, me, me 49 00:02:25,814 --> 00:02:29,068 j“ I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation 50 00:02:30,778 --> 00:02:33,489 I I've never been afraid of any deviation 51 00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:37,617 I and I don't really care if you think I'm strange 52 00:02:37,618 --> 00:02:39,619 j“ I ain't gonna change 53 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:43,748 I and I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation 54 00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:50,672 this... the thumb? 55 00:02:50,673 --> 00:02:52,256 You think I don't know what that means? 56 00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:54,175 I know, Lindsay. 57 00:02:54,176 --> 00:02:56,177 It means, "hey, stranger, 58 00:02:56,178 --> 00:02:58,179 "please lock me in your car, 59 00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,556 drive me to god knows where, and murder me." 60 00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:02,350 Dad, you're overreacting. 61 00:03:02,351 --> 00:03:05,061 Lindsay, I will not have my daughter hopping into cars 62 00:03:05,062 --> 00:03:06,688 like some woman of the night. 63 00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:09,148 You could have been picked up by Ted Bundy. 64 00:03:09,149 --> 00:03:12,193 Dad, Kim does it all the time. 65 00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:13,945 Don't be so overdramatic. 66 00:03:13,946 --> 00:03:16,906 What, her parents let her hitchhike? 67 00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:19,033 Oh, I don't know. 68 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:21,160 I bet she doesn't even have parents. 69 00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:23,287 Of course she does, dad. 70 00:03:23,288 --> 00:03:25,581 Mom, you talked to her mom on the phone. 71 00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,083 Well, maybe we should meet her. 72 00:03:27,084 --> 00:03:29,627 I used to know all your friends' parents. 73 00:03:29,628 --> 00:03:31,546 You know... 74 00:03:31,547 --> 00:03:32,964 We should invite her over for dinner. 75 00:03:32,965 --> 00:03:33,965 Get acquainted. 76 00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:37,760 Mom, no. Please? 77 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:39,178 Yeah, well, I think she oughta know 78 00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:41,974 what a bad influence her daughter is, don't you? 79 00:03:45,018 --> 00:03:45,936 All right, guys, 80 00:03:45,937 --> 00:03:47,521 let's play a little softball. 81 00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:49,064 Pick your team, gents. 82 00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,232 Oh, man, here we go. 83 00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:52,233 I've got Lewis. Yeah. 84 00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:53,736 Got humphries. 85 00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:57,530 Uh, heathcliff. 86 00:03:57,656 --> 00:03:59,324 - Shawn! - Pick me. 87 00:03:59,992 --> 00:04:00,992 Give me Richie. 88 00:04:00,993 --> 00:04:02,910 Um, Jeremy. 89 00:04:02,911 --> 00:04:04,913 - Pick me, pick me. - Give me Nathan. 90 00:04:06,457 --> 00:04:07,457 Winnington. 91 00:04:07,458 --> 00:04:10,042 No... he sucks. 92 00:04:11,004 --> 00:04:12,379 - I'm good. - Justin. 93 00:04:13,672 --> 00:04:14,882 Henry. 94 00:04:16,008 --> 00:04:17,633 Okay, white. 95 00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:19,428 Yeah! 96 00:04:27,644 --> 00:04:29,103 All right, divvy 'em up. Let's go. 97 00:04:29,104 --> 00:04:30,814 - Come on. - Let's go. 98 00:04:36,445 --> 00:04:40,406 J' There is no language in our lives 99 00:04:40,407 --> 00:04:42,492 I to tell the world 100 00:04:42,493 --> 00:04:47,997 I just how we feel 101 00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:49,499 j“ no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 102 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:52,960 I bridge of thoughts 103 00:04:52,961 --> 00:04:55,922 I no mental link 104 00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:57,965 j“ no letting out 105 00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:02,012 I to start to think 106 00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:08,893 I there is no language in our lives 107 00:05:08,894 --> 00:05:14,775 I lives, lives, lives 108 00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:21,989 I there is no muscle in our tongues 109 00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:25,701 j“ tongues, tongues, 110 00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:31,583 itongues 111 00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:42,469 - Hey. - Hey. 112 00:05:46,765 --> 00:05:48,183 Hey, Nick. 113 00:05:49,017 --> 00:05:50,017 How's it goin'? 114 00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,146 It's goin'. 115 00:05:54,147 --> 00:05:55,731 Great. 116 00:05:56,817 --> 00:05:57,817 It is great. 117 00:05:57,818 --> 00:05:58,943 It's never been greater. 118 00:06:00,112 --> 00:06:01,529 Hey, Kim. 119 00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:03,698 So... what happened with your parents? 120 00:06:03,699 --> 00:06:04,699 You, like, grounded? 121 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,118 Oh, not exactly. 122 00:06:07,119 --> 00:06:09,371 My parents wanna meet your mom. 123 00:06:10,831 --> 00:06:11,956 What? 124 00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:13,958 Yeah, they wanna get to know her. 125 00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:14,959 Shut up. 126 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,295 No, I'm serious. 127 00:06:17,296 --> 00:06:18,713 They're inviting her over for dinner. 128 00:06:18,714 --> 00:06:20,798 Could you be quiet, please? 129 00:06:20,799 --> 00:06:21,883 Class is starting. 130 00:06:21,884 --> 00:06:26,220 Today... we are not in a classroom. 131 00:06:26,221 --> 00:06:29,349 We are in a coffeehouse. 132 00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:33,102 And you are not students. 133 00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:36,939 You are beat poets. 134 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:39,233 And we're gonna be reading aloud. 135 00:06:39,234 --> 00:06:42,069 Hey, batta batta batta. 136 00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,488 Swing, batta batta batta. 137 00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:46,617 Miss! Batta 138 00:06:46,825 --> 00:06:48,911 could you be quiet, please? 139 00:06:53,415 --> 00:06:55,167 You know, I'm really a shortstop. 140 00:07:01,214 --> 00:07:02,882 Hey, they got a meeting on the mound. 141 00:07:02,883 --> 00:07:05,885 I wonder what they're talkin' about. 142 00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:09,221 Must be fascinating. 143 00:07:09,222 --> 00:07:10,890 I hate this. 144 00:07:10,891 --> 00:07:12,308 This is so unfair. 145 00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:14,101 Maybe I'm good. 146 00:07:14,102 --> 00:07:15,102 They don't know. 147 00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:17,313 Maybe I'm unbelievably good. 148 00:07:17,314 --> 00:07:18,773 But are they ever gonna find out? 149 00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:20,358 Uhuh.no. 150 00:07:20,359 --> 00:07:21,692 'Cause they never put me in a position 151 00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:24,570 where I can... where I could catch a stupid ball. 152 00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:26,365 I hate them. 153 00:07:26,615 --> 00:07:29,159 Maybe they're scared of you. 154 00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:31,118 Come on, ladies. 155 00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,286 Maybe. 156 00:07:32,287 --> 00:07:33,413 Hey, Chuck! 157 00:07:33,622 --> 00:07:34,998 Look alive out there! Come on! 158 00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:38,794 Let's play some ball. 159 00:07:57,688 --> 00:07:59,897 Oh! Wait. 160 00:07:59,898 --> 00:08:01,900 All the teachers' numbers are there? 161 00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:06,029 Phone. 162 00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:13,161 Think we could be arrested for making prank calls? 163 00:08:14,997 --> 00:08:17,623 And we'll get sent to telephone prison. 164 00:08:17,624 --> 00:08:19,543 Oh. Ha, ha. 165 00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:28,759 Hello? 166 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,971 Hello? Coach fredericks? 167 00:08:31,972 --> 00:08:33,639 Yes. 168 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,182 This is Mr. Crisp. 169 00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:36,976 Gordon crisp's father. 170 00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:38,394 Mr. Crisp? 171 00:08:38,395 --> 00:08:40,104 Uh, how are you? 172 00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:42,523 Not good. I want to give you a piece of my mind. 173 00:08:42,524 --> 00:08:43,983 I think it's very unfair 174 00:08:43,984 --> 00:08:46,986 the way you've been running baseball in gym class. 175 00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:49,947 You always let the Jack kids run the game. 176 00:08:49,948 --> 00:08:53,576 Now, some kids like Gordon, my son, 177 00:08:53,577 --> 00:08:55,494 never, never get a chance 178 00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:57,455 'cause you guys think he's not very good. 179 00:08:57,456 --> 00:08:59,623 For example, he may wanna play shortstop, 180 00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:02,418 but, yeah, you never give him a shot. 181 00:09:02,419 --> 00:09:06,797 Look, I'm sorry, but, uh, you know, I always assumed 182 00:09:06,798 --> 00:09:09,258 Gordon, uh, didn't have any interest in sports. 183 00:09:09,259 --> 00:09:10,509 You know what I'm sayin'? 184 00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:11,510 Well, he does. 185 00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:13,096 Don't judge a book by its cover. 186 00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:14,890 Oh, I..I..I, uh, 187 00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:16,725 I apologize. All right? 188 00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:18,726 I'll rectify the situation immediately. 189 00:09:18,727 --> 00:09:20,853 Okay, then. Thank you very much. 190 00:09:20,854 --> 00:09:21,896 Goodbye now. 191 00:09:21,897 --> 00:09:23,356 All right, bye. 192 00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,234 Gordon crisp! 193 00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:27,526 I did it. 194 00:09:27,527 --> 00:09:28,737 What did he say? 195 00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:30,864 He totally bought it. 196 00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:33,240 He called me Mr. Crisp and everything. 197 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:36,202 Fellas, I just changed our lives. 198 00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:37,912 Oh, great. 199 00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:40,999 Now we're gonna have to actually play baseball. 200 00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,918 Thanks a lot, bill. 201 00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:45,003 I can't wait till tomorrow. 202 00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:52,427 You have such a lovely house. 203 00:09:52,636 --> 00:09:53,970 Thank you. 204 00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:56,348 I had a beautiful house once. 205 00:09:56,598 --> 00:09:58,849 Oh, yeah. Over on maple drive. 206 00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:02,103 Then Kim's father left me with two kids 207 00:10:02,104 --> 00:10:05,356 and a huge mortgage and, well... 208 00:10:05,357 --> 00:10:06,565 That's life, huh? 209 00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:09,151 I can't imagine how difficult it must be 210 00:10:09,152 --> 00:10:10,861 to raise children by yourself. 211 00:10:10,862 --> 00:10:12,823 Oh, it isn't easy. 212 00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:17,201 Chip, my oldest, oh, he's a doll. 213 00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:20,287 He's got water in his brain, but, oh, he's a sweet kid. 214 00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:23,249 Kim, she's another story. 215 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,584 Yeah, tell us about Kim. 216 00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:28,212 Well, she ain't the sharpest crayon in the box. 217 00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:31,257 She's a big pain in the neck. 218 00:10:31,258 --> 00:10:34,176 And I know she hates me for being strict... 219 00:10:34,177 --> 00:10:35,386 I get worried. 220 00:10:35,387 --> 00:10:36,762 Of course you do. 221 00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:39,640 Because I don't know what she's doin' out there. 222 00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:41,725 She lies. 223 00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:43,603 These girls today, they all lie. 224 00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:45,729 She says to me... 225 00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,730 Mmhmm. 226 00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,482 “I'm gonna go study at the library." 227 00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:51,735 She goes to a party. She gets loaded. 228 00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:54,155 She says she's seein' a movie... 229 00:10:54,156 --> 00:10:57,324 She's foolin' around with some guy in the back of a Van. 230 00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:59,161 Oh, my. 231 00:10:59,786 --> 00:11:01,246 Want to know how I find out? 232 00:11:02,831 --> 00:11:04,708 I read her diary. 233 00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:07,794 I sneak into her room, and I read it. 234 00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:10,087 Oh, she won't do her homework, 235 00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:12,423 but she got a freakin' novel in there. 236 00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:14,258 I have to. 237 00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:15,843 It's the only way I get the truth. 238 00:11:15,844 --> 00:11:17,636 And you wanna know somethin'? 239 00:11:17,637 --> 00:11:19,597 The truth is very scary. 240 00:11:19,598 --> 00:11:21,974 Because times have changed. 241 00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:23,142 These girls today... 242 00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:25,437 Oh, they run wild. 243 00:11:35,238 --> 00:11:36,447 So how was dinner? 244 00:11:36,448 --> 00:11:38,157 Lindsay, your mother and I don't want you spending 245 00:11:38,158 --> 00:11:39,491 any more time with Kim Kelly. 246 00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:40,410 Do you understand? 247 00:11:40,411 --> 00:11:42,203 No, dad, she's my friend. 248 00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:43,996 I mean, yes, she's not like Millie, but... 249 00:11:43,997 --> 00:11:45,706 No, she's not like Millie all right. 250 00:11:45,707 --> 00:11:47,125 She's as dumb as a crayon. 251 00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:48,960 Even her own mother says so. 252 00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:52,380 Dad, just because Kim's mother is insane... 253 00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:56,592 No, she's not insane, honey, she's practically a Saint. 254 00:11:56,593 --> 00:11:58,428 Lindsay, do you know what happens 255 00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:01,056 when you put a rotten banana in a fruit bowl? 256 00:12:01,723 --> 00:12:04,141 All the other bananas go rotten. 257 00:12:04,142 --> 00:12:06,977 And that's what Kim Kelly is. A bad banana. 258 00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:09,271 Mrs. Kelly had some pretty alarming things 259 00:12:09,272 --> 00:12:10,773 to tell us about Kim. 260 00:12:10,774 --> 00:12:12,191 Like what? 261 00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:13,567 That she experiments. 262 00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:14,902 With drugs! 263 00:12:14,903 --> 00:12:16,988 And boys! 264 00:12:17,197 --> 00:12:18,782 Is that true, honey? 265 00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:23,577 Enough said. 266 00:12:23,578 --> 00:12:25,830 Now, no more Kim Kelly! 267 00:12:28,708 --> 00:12:30,918 You know, maybe she needs her head shrunk. 268 00:12:30,919 --> 00:12:32,087 Harold... 269 00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:34,755 It's about trust, and frankly... 270 00:12:34,756 --> 00:12:36,423 I don't think I trust her anymore. 271 00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:39,218 Lindsay's always been very honest with us. 272 00:12:40,262 --> 00:12:41,762 Well, she told us she didn't cheat. 273 00:12:41,763 --> 00:12:43,305 We believed her. 274 00:12:43,306 --> 00:12:46,225 We ended up with egg on our faces. 275 00:12:46,226 --> 00:12:48,353 Does Lindsay have a diary? 276 00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:52,816 Yeah. I think I've seen her writing in it. 277 00:12:54,776 --> 00:12:57,027 Harold, no! 278 00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,862 That is her private property. 279 00:12:58,863 --> 00:13:01,074 I just wanna know what's going on. 280 00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:03,410 I had a diary when I was little. 281 00:13:03,785 --> 00:13:06,203 If my parents had read it, I would've been furious. 282 00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:09,206 It's such a violation. 283 00:13:09,207 --> 00:13:10,249 Spooning with a stranger 284 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,459 in the backseat of a Van, that's a violation! 285 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:15,088 She hasn't done that. 286 00:13:17,007 --> 00:13:19,259 There's only one way to know for sure. 287 00:13:21,594 --> 00:13:22,594 Good night, dear. 288 00:13:22,595 --> 00:13:23,805 Good night. 289 00:13:28,601 --> 00:13:31,645 Oy, I got the worst gas. 290 00:13:31,646 --> 00:13:33,189 Please don't. 291 00:13:42,615 --> 00:13:44,659 All right, I want crisp. 292 00:13:47,704 --> 00:13:48,996 You heard him, crisp, come on. 293 00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:50,290 Join your team. 294 00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,336 You wanna play shortstop? 295 00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:59,256 No. No, I like playing backup right. 296 00:13:59,257 --> 00:14:01,258 You sure? 297 00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:03,261 Yeah, I like playing backup. 298 00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:06,430 I can play shortstop. 299 00:14:06,431 --> 00:14:08,932 Yeah. And, uh, I'm married to Raquel Welch. 300 00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:10,476 In my dreams. 301 00:14:10,477 --> 00:14:12,478 Phillips, your pick. 302 00:14:12,479 --> 00:14:16,441 All right, I'm gonna take, uh, not haverchuck. 303 00:14:18,109 --> 00:14:19,778 Heh, heh. Funny. 304 00:14:25,325 --> 00:14:26,325 Hey, Kim. 305 00:14:26,326 --> 00:14:28,535 So my mom, like, loved your parents. 306 00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:29,912 Guess it went all right. 307 00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:30,996 Yeah, I guess. 308 00:14:30,997 --> 00:14:32,206 What did your parents say? 309 00:14:32,207 --> 00:14:34,458 Oh, they really liked your mom. 310 00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:37,628 Cool. You know, I'm glad it worked out. 311 00:14:37,629 --> 00:14:40,464 And they also said... 312 00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:43,175 Oh, they're such dorks. 313 00:14:43,176 --> 00:14:44,344 Get this. 314 00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:46,763 I'm not allowed to hang out with you. 315 00:14:49,849 --> 00:14:51,141 I mean, it'll blow over. 316 00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:53,395 We've just got to wait it out a while, you know? 317 00:14:57,941 --> 00:14:59,274 Well, what did they say about me? 318 00:14:59,275 --> 00:15:00,610 I don't know. 319 00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,737 No, you can tell me. 320 00:15:03,696 --> 00:15:04,948 I'm interested. 321 00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:09,202 He said you're a bad banana. 322 00:15:09,411 --> 00:15:11,204 Aren't they queer? 323 00:15:11,955 --> 00:15:14,916 Yeah, what does that mean, you know? 324 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,710 I don't know. I guess like a bad influence. 325 00:15:19,712 --> 00:15:21,548 Well, what else did they say about me? 326 00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:23,549 Tell me! 327 00:15:24,676 --> 00:15:26,803 Kim, I don't know. 328 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:32,016 You're not smart, you do drugs, you have sex... 329 00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:34,519 Stupid stuff like that. 330 00:15:37,439 --> 00:15:39,857 My parents are morons, Kim. 331 00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:41,901 Wait. You don't actually think that I care 332 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:44,446 about what your parents think of me, do you? 333 00:15:46,239 --> 00:15:47,364 No. Of course not. 334 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,117 Lindsay! 335 00:15:50,118 --> 00:15:51,243 Mueve tu cola. 336 00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:53,036 Uh, just a minute. 337 00:15:53,037 --> 00:15:54,872 En espanol. 338 00:15:54,873 --> 00:15:56,498 Lo siento, senor O'Hara, 339 00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:58,542 pero esta hablando con mi amiga. 340 00:15:58,543 --> 00:16:00,169 Es importante. 341 00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:02,254 La clase es importante tambien. 342 00:16:02,255 --> 00:16:06,467 Yo se, pero puede esperar UN momento por favor. 343 00:16:07,594 --> 00:16:09,429 Senorita, ahora. 344 00:16:10,138 --> 00:16:11,181 What? 345 00:16:11,389 --> 00:16:13,056 Well, I'll talk to you later, right? 346 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:15,268 Yeah. Sure. 347 00:16:24,444 --> 00:16:25,695 Lindsay? 348 00:16:27,947 --> 00:16:28,947 Lindsay? 349 00:16:28,948 --> 00:16:30,240 Why do you keep calling her name? 350 00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:31,658 She's in school, for god's sake. 351 00:16:31,659 --> 00:16:33,243 My heart is racing, Harold. 352 00:16:33,244 --> 00:16:35,162 I don't think we should be doing this. 353 00:16:35,163 --> 00:16:36,497 Well, look, Jean, we wanna find out 354 00:16:36,498 --> 00:16:38,499 what's going on in our daughter's life, don't we? 355 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,000 I mean, for all we know, she could become 356 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,627 a junkie or a hooker! 357 00:16:41,628 --> 00:16:44,254 Harold, she is not gonna become a hooker. 358 00:16:44,255 --> 00:16:46,089 Well, everybody's got parents, Jean. 359 00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,799 Even hookers. 360 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,426 Remember that TV movie we saw? 361 00:16:49,427 --> 00:16:51,054 Shh. Hurry up. 362 00:16:57,852 --> 00:16:59,436 These stamps... 363 00:16:59,437 --> 00:17:02,857 I heard the kids put LSD on the back of them. 364 00:17:06,736 --> 00:17:10,113 “Are you there, god? It's me, Margaret." 365 00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:11,281 What? 366 00:17:11,282 --> 00:17:13,535 Oh, just the name of a book. 367 00:17:15,161 --> 00:17:17,330 Aha! Birth control pills. 368 00:17:18,665 --> 00:17:20,208 Our little daughter with a... 369 00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:21,668 Sewing kit. 370 00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:27,714 - Harold... - What? 371 00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:28,882 Here it is. 372 00:17:28,883 --> 00:17:29,883 You got it? 373 00:17:29,884 --> 00:17:31,553 Well, come on. Break it out. 374 00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:34,430 Maybe we should do this later. 375 00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:35,639 Now, Jean, look... 376 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:36,974 My lunch hour's almost over. 377 00:17:36,975 --> 00:17:38,225 The store's not gonna run itself. 378 00:17:38,226 --> 00:17:41,103 - Come on, let's go. - Shh, shh. 379 00:17:41,104 --> 00:17:44,064 “Warning to all snoops! Do not read beyond this page. 380 00:17:44,065 --> 00:17:45,065 “If you read on, 381 00:17:45,066 --> 00:17:47,693 "it's because you have no life and nothing better to do 382 00:17:47,694 --> 00:17:49,278 "than to pry into mine. 383 00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:52,240 “Anyone who keeps reading on is cursed 384 00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:57,245 and will suffer until they die a slow and painful death." 385 00:17:57,996 --> 00:17:59,163 Ooh! 386 00:17:59,372 --> 00:18:01,332 Real scared. Read on! 387 00:18:06,546 --> 00:18:08,297 What's it say about Kim Kelly? 388 00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:09,423 Oh, nothing. 389 00:18:09,424 --> 00:18:13,218 Just that she thinks Kim has, uh... 390 00:18:13,219 --> 00:18:14,511 - What? - Well, uh, uh... 391 00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:16,763 A different word for courage. 392 00:18:16,764 --> 00:18:18,974 Not... oh. 393 00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:20,809 Well, does it say anything about drugs? 394 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:22,603 Pot? Acid? 395 00:18:22,604 --> 00:18:23,604 I don't think so. 396 00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:24,730 Well, what does it say? 397 00:18:24,731 --> 00:18:26,523 Oh, here, here. “I'm... I'm sick of living 398 00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:29,318 in this claustrophobic suburban world..." 399 00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:30,527 Oh, get used to it. 400 00:18:30,528 --> 00:18:32,237 "Where everyone is trying to fit in. 401 00:18:32,238 --> 00:18:34,865 “I feel like I live in a world of scared robots. 402 00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:36,533 “Honestly, this is terrible, 403 00:18:36,534 --> 00:18:38,869 but two of the worst ones are mom and dad." 404 00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,203 What? What does that mean? 405 00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:42,581 “They are the most boring, repressed people 406 00:18:42,582 --> 00:18:44,208 on the face of the entire earth." 407 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:46,836 Repressed? I'll repress her. 408 00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:49,088 “They say they love each other, but who knows? 409 00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:52,383 “It's probably just part of their routine. 410 00:18:53,176 --> 00:18:56,095 Anyway, can robots really be in love?" 411 00:18:56,304 --> 00:18:58,598 Harold, I - I don't think we should be reading this. 412 00:18:58,806 --> 00:19:00,433 Yeah, yeah, keep reading. 413 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,100 Let's see... 414 00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:06,521 “Their whole life is this monotonous routine. 415 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,731 “She cooks dinner, 416 00:19:07,732 --> 00:19:10,651 "practically the same meal every night. 417 00:19:10,652 --> 00:19:13,528 “He comes home barking at everyone like a fascist dictator 418 00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:15,572 who's scared his..." 419 00:19:15,573 --> 00:19:17,157 What? 420 00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:18,784 “Who's scared his penis will fall off 421 00:19:18,785 --> 00:19:20,744 "if he ever helped clear the table. 422 00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:24,122 “And she lets him walk all over her. 423 00:19:24,123 --> 00:19:27,210 “I love them, but it's not the life for me. 424 00:19:27,585 --> 00:19:29,504 No, thank you." 425 00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:40,473 I'll get it in the other room. 426 00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:46,895 The worst would be getting eaten alive by wolves 427 00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,605 from the feet up. 428 00:19:48,606 --> 00:19:49,940 Uhuh.no. 429 00:19:49,941 --> 00:19:52,734 It'd be worse if you were, like, a deep sea diver 430 00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:55,445 and you came up too quick, and your head, like, exploded. 431 00:19:55,446 --> 00:19:56,988 - Oh, yeah, that's worse. - Lot of pressure. 432 00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,429 You know, you guys are really morbid. 433 00:19:58,491 --> 00:19:59,867 Kim, you asked the question. 434 00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:01,996 Yeah, but I didn't think we'd be talking about it 435 00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:03,203 for half an hour. 436 00:20:03,371 --> 00:20:04,580 Hey, guys. 437 00:20:10,002 --> 00:20:11,045 I gotta, uh... 438 00:20:11,254 --> 00:20:12,337 Go to shop class. 439 00:20:12,338 --> 00:20:14,424 I also told Ken I'd meet him there. 440 00:20:16,926 --> 00:20:19,302 Yeah... you know, come to think of it... 441 00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:21,179 I should probably get going too. 442 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,764 'Cause I gotta go... 443 00:20:22,765 --> 00:20:24,058 You know, do drugs... 444 00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:26,351 Oh, yeah, and have sex. 445 00:20:26,352 --> 00:20:27,853 What? 446 00:20:27,854 --> 00:20:30,772 Lindsay knows what I'm talking about. 447 00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:31,773 Oh... 448 00:20:31,774 --> 00:20:33,400 Is this about what my parents said? 449 00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:35,777 You know what, I told you, Lindsay, 450 00:20:35,778 --> 00:20:37,905 I don't give what your parents say about me. 451 00:20:38,698 --> 00:20:40,450 Well, why are you so mad? 452 00:20:40,658 --> 00:20:42,869 Well, I do give what my friends say about me. 453 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,038 I didn't say anything. 454 00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:51,669 Wow, you sure know how to clear a room. 455 00:20:54,756 --> 00:20:56,424 Is this the best cereal you've got? 456 00:20:57,592 --> 00:20:58,592 I don't know. 457 00:20:58,676 --> 00:20:59,802 I never eat breakfast. 458 00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:01,304 I just have my coffee. 459 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,098 Before or after you shave? 460 00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,517 Don't you have any sugar cereals? 461 00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:10,353 Not in this house. Rots the choppers. 462 00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,354 Hey, dad. 463 00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:12,564 Oh, hey, Dr. Schweiber. 464 00:21:12,565 --> 00:21:13,649 Sam, bill. 465 00:21:13,858 --> 00:21:15,485 Got your shoes off? 466 00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:19,780 So you guys got big plans for the afternoon? 467 00:21:19,781 --> 00:21:21,490 Not really. 468 00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:22,991 We're gonna make some phone calls. 469 00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:25,577 Ixnay igbay outhmay. 470 00:21:25,578 --> 00:21:27,329 Hey hey hey! 471 00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:29,499 I speak pig Latin too, you know? 472 00:21:29,707 --> 00:21:31,250 Who you guys gonna call? 473 00:21:31,876 --> 00:21:33,001 Mean people. 474 00:21:33,002 --> 00:21:35,921 Oh. Prank calls, huh? 475 00:21:35,922 --> 00:21:38,340 Oh, well. Boys will be boys. 476 00:21:38,341 --> 00:21:42,011 I could tell you some great prank call stories. 477 00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:43,596 Really? 478 00:21:44,347 --> 00:21:45,347 All right. 479 00:21:45,473 --> 00:21:46,766 Just one. 480 00:21:47,391 --> 00:21:49,100 We used to pick out a number, 481 00:21:49,101 --> 00:21:51,478 and we'd call it over and over and over again. 482 00:21:51,479 --> 00:21:53,688 We'd keep asking for Maurice, you know? 483 00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:56,566 We'd call and say, “hello, is Maurice there? 484 00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:57,692 “Hello, is Maurice there? 485 00:21:57,693 --> 00:21:59,277 Hey, is Maurice at home?" 486 00:21:59,278 --> 00:22:01,279 You got the idea? We'd call for Maurice a lot. 487 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,156 We'd call back an hour later and go, “hello. 488 00:22:03,157 --> 00:22:05,493 This is Maurice. Any messages?" 489 00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:10,539 Anyway... 490 00:22:10,540 --> 00:22:11,790 Just keep it clean, all right? 491 00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:13,917 - No heavy breathing. - Okay. 492 00:22:13,918 --> 00:22:16,462 - See you later, short stuff. - Okay. 493 00:22:19,841 --> 00:22:21,926 Heavy breathing. That's a good idea. 494 00:22:23,052 --> 00:22:24,761 Hey, I thought your dad worked during the day. 495 00:22:24,762 --> 00:22:27,723 Mm. Sometimes he comes home to change his shirt. 496 00:22:27,932 --> 00:22:29,809 Root canals make him sweaty. 497 00:22:30,601 --> 00:22:32,520 Listen to this. This is gonna be good. 498 00:22:37,817 --> 00:22:39,818 Hello? Fredricks? 499 00:22:39,819 --> 00:22:42,487 You're a turd. A stinky, fat turd. 500 00:22:42,488 --> 00:22:45,407 Go sniff a jockstrap, you poophead. 501 00:22:45,408 --> 00:22:47,075 You love patting boys' butts. 502 00:22:47,076 --> 00:22:48,743 You love patting boys' butts. 503 00:22:48,744 --> 00:22:50,912 Butt. I I you butt patter. 504 00:22:50,913 --> 00:22:52,789 You're a perv and a loser... 505 00:22:52,790 --> 00:22:55,668 And a stinky... turd. 506 00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:05,553 It's, uh, an old friend. 507 00:23:08,723 --> 00:23:10,223 Oh ho. 508 00:23:10,224 --> 00:23:12,851 Oh, you better hope he doesn't find you out. 509 00:23:12,852 --> 00:23:16,187 You know, if the cops trace that... 510 00:23:16,188 --> 00:23:18,733 You're so dead. 511 00:23:20,818 --> 00:23:23,362 No, if the cops trace the call, you're dead. 512 00:23:28,159 --> 00:23:30,410 Who does she think she is anyway? 513 00:23:30,411 --> 00:23:31,745 I don't know. 514 00:23:31,746 --> 00:23:33,622 Let's talk about it for four more hours 515 00:23:33,623 --> 00:23:34,831 and try to find out. 516 00:23:34,832 --> 00:23:37,292 Oh! And you should've heard her speaking Spanish. 517 00:23:37,293 --> 00:23:40,670 “UN moment, UN moment. Kim, Kim!" 518 00:23:40,671 --> 00:23:42,505 Oh, that sounds terrible. 519 00:23:43,841 --> 00:23:46,927 She thinks she's the queen of england or something. 520 00:23:49,347 --> 00:23:51,432 Oh, man! 521 00:23:52,558 --> 00:23:53,850 Daniel, will you get me a stick? 522 00:23:53,851 --> 00:23:55,853 I'm gonna kill that dog! 523 00:24:00,107 --> 00:24:01,399 Gross. 524 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,860 I mean, who are they, you know? 525 00:24:03,861 --> 00:24:07,656 The great weirs to call me a whore and a drug addict? 526 00:24:07,657 --> 00:24:09,658 Well, they didn't actually call you a whore 527 00:24:09,659 --> 00:24:11,077 and a drug addict. 528 00:24:11,953 --> 00:24:13,787 Well, basically, they did. 529 00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:17,332 And... I'm not just some whore, you know? 530 00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:19,501 They just can't take it that I have sex, you know? 531 00:24:19,502 --> 00:24:21,271 They're afraid some bad man's gonna come along 532 00:24:21,295 --> 00:24:23,965 and soil their perfect little daughter. 533 00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:26,801 Well, you do have sex. 534 00:24:28,052 --> 00:24:30,011 Well, yeah. With you. 535 00:24:30,012 --> 00:24:32,013 Yeah, and I'm a bad man. 536 00:24:32,014 --> 00:24:34,015 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 537 00:24:34,016 --> 00:24:35,308 I don't know. 538 00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:37,018 If I had some daughter in high school, 539 00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:39,188 I wouldn't want some guy crawlin' all over her. 540 00:24:39,897 --> 00:24:42,775 What the hell are you talking about? 541 00:24:42,984 --> 00:24:46,027 I'm just saying it's not like they don't have a point. 542 00:24:46,028 --> 00:24:48,739 I mean, who wants their kid to have sex and do drugs? 543 00:24:48,948 --> 00:24:50,241 Nobody. 544 00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:53,119 You're a jerk. 545 00:24:53,619 --> 00:24:55,663 Hey, don't get mad at me. 546 00:24:56,747 --> 00:24:57,999 I'm just tryin' to be rational. 547 00:24:58,207 --> 00:24:59,792 Are you calling me irrational? 548 00:24:59,959 --> 00:25:01,519 Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. 549 00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:03,879 I'll tear it off, and I'll throw it over that fence. 550 00:25:06,257 --> 00:25:07,882 I'm not saying I don't love you. 551 00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:09,552 I like the way you are. 552 00:25:11,846 --> 00:25:14,223 You probably just scare the hell out of them. 553 00:25:14,807 --> 00:25:17,101 Oh. And how am I? 554 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:21,439 Are a sex crazed drug addict. 555 00:25:21,981 --> 00:25:24,065 Screw you! 556 00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:26,026 Hey, come on. 557 00:25:26,027 --> 00:25:27,945 I didn't mean nothin'. 558 00:25:28,154 --> 00:25:31,323 I'm just tryin' to spice up the conversation. 559 00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:36,286 Sam, you getting a kickback from the fire department? 560 00:25:36,287 --> 00:25:39,539 No, mom was the one who put the candles on the table. 561 00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:42,709 Okay. I've got something special for us tonight. 562 00:25:42,710 --> 00:25:44,294 Tada! 563 00:25:44,295 --> 00:25:45,962 What the hell? 564 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:50,342 Uh, Harold, they're cornish game hen with a plum wine sauce. 565 00:25:50,551 --> 00:25:52,178 They're fantastic. 566 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:56,098 What'd you do, put poison in a bird feeder? 567 00:25:56,307 --> 00:25:57,975 They're exotic. 568 00:25:58,768 --> 00:26:00,603 Is it a pigeon? 569 00:26:01,062 --> 00:26:02,980 It is not a pigeon. 570 00:26:03,189 --> 00:26:05,066 It's a kind of a chicken. 571 00:26:05,274 --> 00:26:08,110 Jean, you know we can afford to buy fully grown chickens. 572 00:26:09,111 --> 00:26:10,780 That a girl, Lindsay. 573 00:26:10,988 --> 00:26:12,531 It's good to try new things. 574 00:26:13,074 --> 00:26:14,949 Lindsay, watch out! 575 00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:18,620 That little miniature bird of yours is trying to escape! 576 00:26:18,621 --> 00:26:19,746 But don't worry! 577 00:26:19,747 --> 00:26:21,414 My little chicken will help him 578 00:26:21,415 --> 00:26:23,124 'cause I'm a brave little chicken! 579 00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:24,751 I'm the hero, am I not? 580 00:26:24,752 --> 00:26:26,169 Yes! Is that right? 581 00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:27,712 That's right. 582 00:26:27,713 --> 00:26:30,548 Follow me! We will go! Let's take off! Whoa! 583 00:26:30,549 --> 00:26:33,094 Whoo! Whoo! 584 00:26:33,302 --> 00:26:36,305 Hey, mom, dad's playing with his food. 585 00:26:36,514 --> 00:26:38,307 Well, it's better than eating it. 586 00:26:38,516 --> 00:26:39,766 Just try it. 587 00:26:39,767 --> 00:26:40,934 They're delicious. 588 00:26:40,935 --> 00:26:42,435 Help yourself to mine. 589 00:26:42,436 --> 00:26:44,229 I'm gonna go make a sandwich. 590 00:26:44,230 --> 00:26:45,397 Yeah, me too. 591 00:26:45,606 --> 00:26:46,607 Sit down. 592 00:26:46,816 --> 00:26:48,234 Harold, if you're not gonna eat, 593 00:26:48,442 --> 00:26:50,151 help clear the table. 594 00:26:50,152 --> 00:26:50,945 What? 595 00:26:50,946 --> 00:26:52,070 That's not my job. 596 00:26:52,071 --> 00:26:53,405 Oh, but it's mine? 597 00:26:53,614 --> 00:26:56,826 Yes. You don't run a store for 12 hours a day. 598 00:27:01,539 --> 00:27:03,581 All right, settle down. 599 00:27:03,582 --> 00:27:05,166 Don't bother changing yet. 600 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:07,210 Oh, great. Scoliosis testing again. 601 00:27:07,211 --> 00:27:08,754 Shut it. 602 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,924 I've got something serious to say. 603 00:27:14,051 --> 00:27:16,928 I've been getting prank phone calls at my house. 604 00:27:16,929 --> 00:27:18,972 Now, I know I got a lot of jokers here, 605 00:27:18,973 --> 00:27:20,975 a lot of funny guys. Let me tell you something. 606 00:27:21,183 --> 00:27:23,435 What you're doing is not funny. 607 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,021 It's annoying. 608 00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:28,149 More importantly, it's illegal. 609 00:27:28,649 --> 00:27:30,358 So I want every one of you comedians 610 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,570 in my office one at a time. 611 00:27:32,778 --> 00:27:34,155 Let's go. 612 00:27:35,614 --> 00:27:38,784 Smooth move, Alexander Graham bell. 613 00:27:43,998 --> 00:27:44,999 Read it. 614 00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:56,259 “You... are a turd. 615 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:58,386 A stinky turd." 616 00:27:58,387 --> 00:28:01,014 “Go sniff a jockstrap, you poophead." 617 00:28:01,015 --> 00:28:04,517 “Hey, fredricks, you love patting boys' butts. 618 00:28:04,518 --> 00:28:07,562 You love patting boys' butts." 619 00:28:07,563 --> 00:28:08,938 You are a dimwit 620 00:28:08,939 --> 00:28:10,440 and an imbecile. 621 00:28:10,441 --> 00:28:13,234 I blow my nose in your general direction. 622 00:28:13,235 --> 00:28:14,862 That's not in there. 623 00:28:15,070 --> 00:28:16,197 It isn't? 624 00:28:16,572 --> 00:28:17,822 “Hey, fredricks, 625 00:28:17,823 --> 00:28:20,284 "you love patting boys' butts. 626 00:28:20,492 --> 00:28:22,453 “You love patting boys' butts. 627 00:28:23,162 --> 00:28:26,039 Butt, butt... patter." 628 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,583 Start it again. Make it lower. 629 00:28:28,584 --> 00:28:30,627 “Hey, fredricks, 630 00:28:30,628 --> 00:28:32,795 you love patting boys' butts." 631 00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:35,965 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 632 00:28:35,966 --> 00:28:37,842 “You're a perv... 633 00:28:37,843 --> 00:28:39,594 "And a loser... 634 00:28:39,595 --> 00:28:41,763 And a turd." 635 00:28:41,764 --> 00:28:42,764 “Go snik a... 636 00:28:42,765 --> 00:28:44,807 Go sniff..." 637 00:28:44,808 --> 00:28:46,643 - Sniff? - Sniff. 638 00:28:46,644 --> 00:28:48,269 “A jockstrap, you poophead." 639 00:28:48,270 --> 00:28:49,938 “You are a turd, 640 00:28:49,939 --> 00:28:51,815 “a stinky turd. 641 00:28:52,024 --> 00:28:54,944 Go sniff a jockstrap, you poophead." 642 00:28:55,444 --> 00:28:57,654 Jeez, coach, this is harsh. 643 00:28:57,655 --> 00:28:59,531 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 644 00:29:01,242 --> 00:29:04,535 “You're a perv and a loser 645 00:29:04,536 --> 00:29:05,787 and a turd." 646 00:29:05,788 --> 00:29:07,664 You know what? Why don't you do a Spock? 647 00:29:07,665 --> 00:29:10,458 All right? Go ahead. Do Leonard nimoy. 648 00:29:11,877 --> 00:29:12,877 Low. 649 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,546 Speak low. 650 00:29:15,506 --> 00:29:17,216 “You're a, you're a perv... 651 00:29:17,424 --> 00:29:19,425 "And a loser... 652 00:29:19,426 --> 00:29:21,428 And a... turd." 653 00:29:24,807 --> 00:29:27,101 Okay, I've heard enough. 654 00:29:33,649 --> 00:29:36,609 So... you think you're a comedian, hmm? 655 00:29:36,610 --> 00:29:38,028 Why don't you tell me a joke? 656 00:29:39,947 --> 00:29:41,656 A... a joke? 657 00:29:41,657 --> 00:29:42,783 Mmhmm. 658 00:29:42,992 --> 00:29:45,577 Come on. Gimme something to make me laugh. 659 00:29:47,204 --> 00:29:48,580 I don't know. 660 00:29:50,791 --> 00:29:53,710 Okay. A guy goes into a bar with a pig with a wooden leg. 661 00:29:53,711 --> 00:29:55,713 Stifle. 662 00:29:55,921 --> 00:29:59,883 See, I don't think we share a similar sense of humor. 663 00:30:00,968 --> 00:30:02,885 I didn't do it to be funny. 664 00:30:02,886 --> 00:30:04,721 Yeah? 665 00:30:04,722 --> 00:30:06,222 So you did it to, uh, to what? 666 00:30:06,223 --> 00:30:08,267 To be educational? 667 00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:11,936 It's not fair. 668 00:30:11,937 --> 00:30:13,438 Okay, you don't understand. 669 00:30:13,439 --> 00:30:15,982 It's not like anyone forgets who gets picked last. 670 00:30:15,983 --> 00:30:17,151 I've always been picked last. 671 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,278 Everyone knows. Girls know. 672 00:30:19,987 --> 00:30:22,780 And the thing is, I might not be bad. 673 00:30:22,781 --> 00:30:25,575 I never get better because I'm never given the chance. 674 00:30:25,576 --> 00:30:26,909 But I could be good. 675 00:30:26,910 --> 00:30:29,413 You know, I mean, I know I could be good. 676 00:30:31,332 --> 00:30:34,500 But it's not my fault you get picked last. 677 00:30:34,501 --> 00:30:37,920 Yes, it is. 678 00:30:37,921 --> 00:30:40,089 I mean, you've got all the power. 679 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:41,508 You could change everything. 680 00:30:42,718 --> 00:30:44,928 And how would I do that? 681 00:30:45,971 --> 00:30:47,264 Simple. 682 00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:50,184 Let me pick the teams. 683 00:30:54,772 --> 00:30:57,107 Hey, Lindsay... 684 00:30:57,858 --> 00:30:59,233 I can't take it anymore. 685 00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:00,568 You gotta talk to Kim. 686 00:31:00,569 --> 00:31:02,403 Why? Does she wanna talk to me? 687 00:31:02,404 --> 00:31:03,571 I don't know, 688 00:31:03,572 --> 00:31:04,989 but you gotta do something. 689 00:31:04,990 --> 00:31:06,949 She's driving me nuts. 690 00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:10,536 She's bitching nonstop about her mom, you, 691 00:31:10,537 --> 00:31:12,038 your parents. 692 00:31:12,039 --> 00:31:13,081 I'm dying. 693 00:31:13,082 --> 00:31:14,957 Why is she going so crazy? 694 00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:16,835 She says you didn't stick up for her. 695 00:31:17,044 --> 00:31:18,462 I tried. 696 00:31:19,296 --> 00:31:20,631 She's still mad. 697 00:31:20,839 --> 00:31:23,300 I know, but mostly just her feelings are hurt. 698 00:31:23,926 --> 00:31:25,343 Oh, really? 699 00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:28,889 Thought Kim was too tough to have her feelings hurt. 700 00:31:29,723 --> 00:31:31,265 Yeah, right. 701 00:31:31,266 --> 00:31:32,308 Kim? 702 00:31:32,309 --> 00:31:34,977 She's like the rawest nerve there is. 703 00:31:34,978 --> 00:31:38,106 Yeah. She's like a body without skin. 704 00:31:38,107 --> 00:31:39,107 She's like a bloody... 705 00:31:39,233 --> 00:31:41,276 Okay! I get it. 706 00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:43,277 Can you do it soon? 707 00:31:43,278 --> 00:31:45,947 'Cause she's really being a pain in my ass. 708 00:31:45,948 --> 00:31:47,907 Yeah, okay. 709 00:31:47,908 --> 00:31:50,618 Great. I owe you my life. 710 00:31:50,619 --> 00:31:51,995 Thanks. 711 00:31:54,039 --> 00:31:56,040 All right! 712 00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:59,001 Haverchuck here is one of our captains today. 713 00:31:59,002 --> 00:32:00,545 Hey, shouldn't the team captain 714 00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:02,380 actually know how to play baseball? 715 00:32:02,381 --> 00:32:04,883 Don't question me, people, okay? 716 00:32:05,092 --> 00:32:06,552 Who's the other captain? 717 00:32:07,010 --> 00:32:08,220 Gordon crisp. 718 00:32:09,179 --> 00:32:10,973 Gordon crisp it is. 719 00:32:11,181 --> 00:32:12,474 Come on. 720 00:32:12,683 --> 00:32:14,977 Okay. Who should I pick first? 721 00:32:15,185 --> 00:32:19,147 I need a power hitter who can hustle in the field, 722 00:32:19,148 --> 00:32:21,023 with a strong arm. 723 00:32:21,024 --> 00:32:22,024 Gimme Weir. 724 00:32:22,025 --> 00:32:23,109 Come on, Weir. 725 00:32:23,110 --> 00:32:25,445 Yes! Ha, ha, ha! 726 00:32:25,446 --> 00:32:26,779 Ha, ha, ha! 727 00:32:26,780 --> 00:32:28,991 - Gimme Lewis. - Okay. 728 00:32:32,870 --> 00:32:36,915 Now, we need a little speed around the base pads. 729 00:32:37,124 --> 00:32:39,168 Uh, schweiber. Come on, schweiber. 730 00:32:39,543 --> 00:32:40,668 Yes! 731 00:32:40,669 --> 00:32:41,752 Yeah! 732 00:32:41,753 --> 00:32:43,046 Yeah, yeah! All right! 733 00:32:43,255 --> 00:32:45,924 Oh, man, the geeks have inherited the earth. 734 00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:50,553 Today we are going to continue our discussion 735 00:32:50,554 --> 00:32:52,221 of “on the road." 736 00:32:52,222 --> 00:32:56,601 Ms. Proetzel's comments last time about pioneer symbolism 737 00:32:56,602 --> 00:32:59,103 were particularly interesting. 738 00:32:59,104 --> 00:33:00,189 Ms. Kelly, 739 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:04,610 I am sure that you have some original insights. 740 00:33:05,152 --> 00:33:08,655 Tell me, what, in your opinion, 741 00:33:08,864 --> 00:33:11,825 is the theme of “on the road"? 742 00:33:14,536 --> 00:33:18,748 The theme... of “on the road" 743 00:33:23,879 --> 00:33:26,298 The theme's about... 744 00:33:28,967 --> 00:33:31,093 The theme is... 745 00:33:31,094 --> 00:33:32,763 America... 746 00:33:32,971 --> 00:33:34,640 And... 747 00:33:37,017 --> 00:33:38,727 Being... 748 00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:45,608 “On the road" is about being on the road. 749 00:33:47,027 --> 00:33:50,113 That's good. That's good. 750 00:33:50,948 --> 00:33:53,033 You... go on. 751 00:33:54,451 --> 00:33:56,453 I hated the book, all right? 752 00:33:57,287 --> 00:33:58,872 I have no idea what it's about, 753 00:33:59,081 --> 00:34:01,832 and the writer was clearly on drugs when he wrote it. 754 00:34:01,833 --> 00:34:04,920 I mean, it just, it went on and on and on, 755 00:34:05,128 --> 00:34:07,297 like it was written in a total hurry. 756 00:34:07,839 --> 00:34:09,173 If I handed in something like this, 757 00:34:09,174 --> 00:34:11,217 there's no way I'd get a good grade on it. 758 00:34:11,218 --> 00:34:14,554 I mean, it's boring, and it's unorganized, 759 00:34:14,555 --> 00:34:17,181 and I only read 30 pages of it anyway. 760 00:34:17,182 --> 00:34:18,891 Well, that was passionate, 761 00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:21,602 albeit entirely misinformed. 762 00:34:21,603 --> 00:34:23,438 Who dares follow 763 00:34:23,647 --> 00:34:27,442 Ms. Kelly's lucid analysis, hmm? 764 00:34:29,528 --> 00:34:31,071 Well, I think Kim's right. 765 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,480 Kerouac was high on benzedrine 766 00:34:32,614 --> 00:34:34,907 during the three weeks he took to write “on the road." 767 00:34:34,908 --> 00:34:36,826 The structure of the story isn't strong, 768 00:34:36,827 --> 00:34:39,662 and his experiments with prose style are tedious. 769 00:34:39,663 --> 00:34:42,916 In fact, Truman capote said about “on the road," 770 00:34:43,125 --> 00:34:45,961 “that isn't writing. It's typing." 771 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,300 Pearls before swine. 772 00:34:52,426 --> 00:34:53,634 What the hell does that mean? 773 00:34:56,763 --> 00:34:59,850 Hey, man, sure had a lot of fun with your wife last night. 774 00:35:00,058 --> 00:35:01,268 My what? 775 00:35:04,605 --> 00:35:06,440 Ball four. Take your base. 776 00:35:07,608 --> 00:35:10,027 I mean, a lot of fun! 777 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:14,447 What's the matter with you? 778 00:35:14,448 --> 00:35:15,532 Are you hurt? 779 00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:16,992 Um... time! 780 00:35:17,326 --> 00:35:19,077 All right, time out! 781 00:35:21,079 --> 00:35:23,080 What? I told you I couldn't pitch. 782 00:35:23,081 --> 00:35:25,000 It's not about your pitching, Sam. 783 00:35:25,208 --> 00:35:27,419 Then what are you doing out here? 784 00:35:28,003 --> 00:35:31,006 I just always wanted to call a meeting on the mound. 785 00:35:31,715 --> 00:35:33,257 This is so cool. 786 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,302 Meeting on the mound? 787 00:35:36,303 --> 00:35:37,429 Very cool. 788 00:35:37,638 --> 00:35:40,724 Listen, bill, I've got nothing left. 789 00:35:41,141 --> 00:35:43,934 Why don't you just let one of those jocks pitch? 790 00:35:43,935 --> 00:35:45,811 What are you talking about? 791 00:35:45,812 --> 00:35:47,772 This is our game. 792 00:35:47,773 --> 00:35:49,732 We can do this. 793 00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:51,525 I don't want them to think they were right 794 00:35:51,526 --> 00:35:54,654 for putting me in deep right field for 11 years. 795 00:35:54,655 --> 00:35:56,822 Come on! 796 00:35:56,823 --> 00:35:58,075 Come on. 797 00:35:59,159 --> 00:36:00,827 He's the butt patter. 798 00:36:01,161 --> 00:36:02,621 Ugh! 799 00:37:36,798 --> 00:37:39,551 Yeah! Ha, ha, ha! 800 00:37:41,052 --> 00:37:42,845 Tag up! 801 00:37:42,846 --> 00:37:45,682 We did it! We did it, yeah! 802 00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:47,434 Tag up! 803 00:37:48,769 --> 00:37:51,605 That's the first out, you morons! 804 00:37:55,692 --> 00:37:57,444 - Huh? - Oh. 805 00:37:59,529 --> 00:38:01,906 Only 8 2/3 more innings to go. 806 00:38:01,907 --> 00:38:03,407 Yeah! 807 00:38:03,408 --> 00:38:04,408 Ha, ha! 808 00:38:04,534 --> 00:38:06,953 You see that? I looked like Willie mays! 809 00:38:09,748 --> 00:38:12,667 Hey, Kim, Kim. 810 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,128 Yeah? 811 00:38:16,129 --> 00:38:18,089 Can I talk to you for a minute? 812 00:38:18,298 --> 00:38:19,841 What do you want? 813 00:38:20,926 --> 00:38:22,844 What are you doing right now? 814 00:38:25,388 --> 00:38:26,640 Nothing. 815 00:38:27,390 --> 00:38:29,434 Do you wanna come over to my house? 816 00:38:29,851 --> 00:38:31,686 I thought we could hang out. 817 00:38:32,896 --> 00:38:35,106 Well, what about your parents? 818 00:38:35,857 --> 00:38:37,359 What about them? 819 00:38:44,032 --> 00:38:46,075 Daniel, I'll see you later. 820 00:38:46,076 --> 00:38:47,660 I'm gonna go over to Lindsay's. 821 00:38:47,661 --> 00:38:48,661 Okay. Later. 822 00:38:48,662 --> 00:38:49,912 God, this is good. 823 00:38:49,913 --> 00:38:51,872 I swear to god, another day of hanging out with him, 824 00:38:51,873 --> 00:38:53,708 and I'd puke my guts out. 825 00:38:53,917 --> 00:38:55,669 Swear to god. 826 00:38:57,712 --> 00:39:01,174 Jean, is the grocery store out of normal food? 827 00:39:01,383 --> 00:39:02,383 Is that the problem? 828 00:39:02,425 --> 00:39:03,718 This is normal food. 829 00:39:03,927 --> 00:39:05,970 No. Normal food is pot roast. 830 00:39:05,971 --> 00:39:07,764 Normal food is meat loaf. 831 00:39:07,973 --> 00:39:10,934 It is dead animal, and it is not on fire. 832 00:39:12,894 --> 00:39:16,606 No! No! No, no! 833 00:39:23,196 --> 00:39:24,613 Maybe some of us are up for something 834 00:39:24,614 --> 00:39:26,782 a little different around here. 835 00:39:26,783 --> 00:39:29,369 Don't you wanna live life, Harold? 836 00:39:29,578 --> 00:39:32,330 Or maybe you've just turned into a mean, old man. 837 00:39:37,460 --> 00:39:39,920 Don't you run away from me! 838 00:39:39,921 --> 00:39:42,632 What's wrong with us, Harold? 839 00:39:42,841 --> 00:39:44,593 What's happened to us? 840 00:39:46,219 --> 00:39:47,596 We need change, don't we? 841 00:39:47,804 --> 00:39:50,390 Things need to change. 842 00:39:50,807 --> 00:39:53,392 I don't want us to just be robots. 843 00:39:53,393 --> 00:39:54,602 We are not robots, 844 00:39:54,603 --> 00:39:56,937 and things do not need to change. 845 00:39:56,938 --> 00:39:58,772 I like how things are. 846 00:39:58,773 --> 00:40:00,524 I like eating the same things. 847 00:40:00,525 --> 00:40:01,692 And you know why? 848 00:40:01,693 --> 00:40:03,819 Because those are the things I like. 849 00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:06,488 I like chicken, and I like pot roast. 850 00:40:06,489 --> 00:40:09,074 And that's how I feel about you, Jean. 851 00:40:09,075 --> 00:40:10,534 Oh, please. 852 00:40:10,535 --> 00:40:13,329 You like me like you like a pot roast? 853 00:40:13,330 --> 00:40:15,289 I love pot roast! 854 00:40:15,290 --> 00:40:18,459 God, you just don't get it, do you? 855 00:40:18,460 --> 00:40:21,086 I give up! I quit! 856 00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:22,087 Is that right? 857 00:40:22,088 --> 00:40:24,925 Yes! You don't appreciate me. 858 00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:26,293 Maybe I'll go back to school. 859 00:40:26,426 --> 00:40:27,886 What about that? 860 00:40:29,846 --> 00:40:32,098 You think I don't appreciate you? 861 00:40:33,183 --> 00:40:34,601 Well, I do. 862 00:40:38,271 --> 00:40:41,066 Everything I do, I do to serve you. 863 00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:43,443 I think of you when I'm... 864 00:40:43,652 --> 00:40:45,820 Stocking fishing Poles, and... 865 00:40:46,988 --> 00:40:49,866 I think of you when I'm answering questions 866 00:40:50,075 --> 00:40:52,452 about cross-country ski wax. 867 00:40:53,036 --> 00:40:55,872 My whole life is about serving you. 868 00:40:57,248 --> 00:40:59,209 And I love you, Jean. 869 00:41:05,006 --> 00:41:06,633 Thank you. 870 00:41:09,344 --> 00:41:11,137 You mean it? 871 00:41:20,271 --> 00:41:22,899 Mom, dad, we're home. 872 00:41:26,319 --> 00:41:28,363 Is this what's for dinner? 873 00:41:29,614 --> 00:41:31,157 Ugh. 874 00:41:46,881 --> 00:41:49,175 Mom? Dad? 875 00:41:57,809 --> 00:42:00,020 Oh, god. Let's get outta here. 876 00:42:03,398 --> 00:42:04,898 Neal! 877 00:42:04,899 --> 00:42:06,359 Those are my parents! 878 00:42:06,568 --> 00:42:08,236 Okay, okay. 879 00:42:09,404 --> 00:42:11,447 God, you're gross. 880 00:42:11,448 --> 00:42:13,240 What? 881 00:42:13,241 --> 00:42:15,242 Hey, linds 882 00:42:15,243 --> 00:42:17,578 I know what you're trying to do, 883 00:42:17,579 --> 00:42:20,247 but, you know, we don't have to do this. 884 00:42:21,249 --> 00:42:22,958 I want to. 885 00:42:22,959 --> 00:42:25,712 All right, but if they call the cops on me, 886 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:27,380 I'm outta here. 887 00:42:30,633 --> 00:42:32,218 Hey, Lindsay. 888 00:42:33,261 --> 00:42:36,014 I was catcher in gym class today. 889 00:42:36,556 --> 00:42:38,015 That's great, Neal. 890 00:42:38,016 --> 00:42:39,767 Where's mom and dad? 891 00:42:39,768 --> 00:42:41,727 In their room. 892 00:42:41,728 --> 00:42:43,938 Yeah, they've been in there for over an hour. 893 00:42:44,147 --> 00:42:45,565 Are they fighting? 894 00:42:50,945 --> 00:42:53,489 Oh! Hi, sweetie! 895 00:42:53,490 --> 00:42:54,948 Hi, mom. 896 00:42:54,949 --> 00:42:57,409 Uh, I think we're gonna order food in tonight, 897 00:42:57,410 --> 00:43:00,079 so maybe you could call a pizza place 898 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:01,789 and have them deliver. 899 00:43:01,790 --> 00:43:03,291 Jean! 900 00:43:04,375 --> 00:43:06,044 Hey, dad... 901 00:43:06,252 --> 00:43:07,378 Kim's here. 902 00:43:07,587 --> 00:43:09,880 She gave me a ride home from school. 903 00:43:09,881 --> 00:43:11,298 Hi, Mr. Weir. 904 00:43:11,299 --> 00:43:12,925 Nice to see you, Kim. 905 00:43:12,926 --> 00:43:14,802 Thanks for giving Lindsay a ride home. 906 00:43:14,803 --> 00:43:17,262 Jean, could I have a word with you, please? 907 00:43:17,263 --> 00:43:19,890 Yeah. Your father and I are gonna be in our room, 908 00:43:19,891 --> 00:43:22,184 so let us know when the food gets here. 909 00:43:22,185 --> 00:43:24,479 And you kids play nice now, you hear? 910 00:43:29,609 --> 00:43:31,277 Oh, my god. 911 00:43:32,654 --> 00:43:34,447 Lindsay... 912 00:43:34,656 --> 00:43:36,366 Your parents are swingers. 913 00:43:38,952 --> 00:43:40,370 Ugh.