CHEEKY
- Are you ItaIian? - From Venice. How did you know?
I was married to an ItaIian and you speak EngIish Iike him.
- Are you Iooking for a house? - A IittIe flat, reaIIy.
Something cheap. For four weeks.
- In which area? - Near the Hyde Park HoteI if possibIe.
I work there, on the reception desk. I'm staying in a IittIe room in the attic.
- And you're not happy with it? - No, it's fine for me.
But my boyfriend's coming in ten days for a fuII immersion...
- Serious reIationship? - WeII, kind of.
I see.
You're Iooking for a flat for a fuII sexuaI immersion.
If onIy!
I think I'II be abIe to heIp you. Not where you want, though.
- ReaIIy? - No.
- Where, then? - Come with me.
I'II show you.
We're in CheIsea and your hoteI's here, in Knightsbridge.
I've got a Ioft overIooking the Thames, in the DockIands.
It's not far from the Hyde Park HoteI.
It takes no time at aII on the Underground.
- Where, exactIy? - Here.
- Did you get an eIectric shock? - No, I've just got sensitive nippIes.
- Lucky him. What's his name? - Who?
The boy who's coming to London to see you.
Matteo.
It's a shame he's coming. You couId have stayed with me for free.
There's a Iot more room in my house now that I'm on my own.
- Can I go and see it? - Yes, but not today.
There's nobody eIse here.
- And how much is it? - That depends on you.
Is he a good kisser, at Ieast?
He's not bad.
Men have no idea about what women Iike.
Matteo reaIIy...
That's boIIocks.
They're aII the same. They onIy think about themseIves.
No, Moira. PIease.
Why not? I know you Iike it.
Be honest, you IittIe sexpot. Do you go out with no pants in Venice?
I'm a bit aIIergic...
You're aII wet Iike your home town.
That's enough, Moira. Stop it.
- I don't want to do it. - Liar.
See you tomorrow to go and Iook at the Ioft?
AII right. When?
Ten o'cIock, here.
- What's your name, by the way? - CarIa Borin.
CarIa. That's a nice name.
CarIa from Venice.
Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
These diagrams are such a drag.
Do you know what aII these curves remind me of?
TeII me about it!
What we need is a good shag to reIax before the exams.
You couId aIways have a wank.
I've aIready done that, my friend.
I thought about that sIut GiuIia.
BIoody heII, she gives me a reaI hard-on.
GiuIia? PaoIo's girIfriend?
OfficiaIIy PaoIo's but actuaIIy everybody's.
Does PaoIo know?
He's the onIy one who doesn't. At Ieast he pretends not to.
Be honest, Matteo, you've thought about her too.
- I onIy think about CarIa. - Even when you wank?
- EspeciaIIy when I wank. - ReaIIy? How do you imagine her?
Just normaI. Naked, her on top and me underneath.
Where's your imagination?
You couId imagine her doing it doggy-styIe with an EngIish guy.
Why with somebody eIse?
When you're not having any sex...
Sorry, but how Iong has CarIa been in London?
A month, more or Iess.
You think someone can go for a month without shagging?
You're obsessed with sex.
It's different for women. Emotions are more important.
BoIIocks. They're just bigger Iiars than us and better at faking it.
Don't you beIieve it. They get wet first and then they faII in Iove.
Stop it. Not aII of them.
AII of them. That's why I Iike them, because they're aII whores.
- HeIIo? - Hi, darling, it's me.
CarIa.
Aren't you pleased to hear from me?
Of course I am. ReaIIy pIeased.
- Why are you caIIing? - Because l miss you.
What is it? You sound strange.
It's just that I wasn't expecting you to caII.
- TeII me about London. - lt's beautiful. So beautiful.
- What's wrong? - Nothing. I'm keeping in shape for you.
I'm working out on an exercise bike.
Matteo, I can't wait for you to come.
lt's not long now. Have you found a flat?
That's why I'm caIIing. I'm seeing one tomorrow by the Thames.
By the Thames? Won't it be expensive?
Moira wiII give me preferentiaI treatment.
Who's Moira?
She owns the estate agency that's renting it out.
- She's got a soft spot for me. - A soft spot?
I think she's a Iesbian and she wants to go to bed with me.
Go to bed with you? Are you crazy, Carla?
No. I'm just horny.
- Can you hear me, Matteo? - Yes, I can hear you.
- Has she tried it on aIready? - No.
But hurry up and come over. I've had enough of being on my own.
Swear to me nothing's happened.
Matteo, you're such a bore.
You know that sex doesn't even exist for me when you're not there.
So why do you think that she wants to go to bed with you?
WeII, you know how it is.
Women understand each other where certain things are concerned.
- Are you telling me the truth, Carla? - Of course I am, you idiot.
Do me a favour, darIing.
Before you Ieave, caII in at my house
and get my mum to give you my pants with the butterfly on them
and "The Interpretation of Dreams".
Even though the interpretation is aIways sex, I'm reaIIy missing that book.
- More than me? - WeII, you can aIways be repIaced.
By Moira, maybe.
Be honest. Has anything happened between you?
My card's running out. Come, Matteo.
PIease hurry.
I need you.
Speak of the deviI and horns appear.
Fuck off.
Statistics say 98 per cent of women
cheat on their partner when they're on hoIiday.
CarIa's not on hoIiday.
- Is it here? - No.
The taxi can onIy come this far. The entrance is on Riverside WaIk.
- It's beautifuI. - I'm gIad you Iike it.
The bathroom's over there.
I'm sure Matteo wiII Iike it. I wonder how much it costs.
Matteo?
Oh, yeah, your boyfriend.
Don't worry about the price.
I'm sure we'II come to an agreement.
I'II take it, then.
- I dreamt about you Iast night. - ReaIIy?
You were naked.
ReaIIy? What was I doing naked?
You were riding a mare bareback and sweating.
Freud wouId interpret that as sex.
- I Iike you, CarIa. - What are you doing?
- I want you. - No, Moira.
PIease.
- No. - Why not? I know you Iike it.
Don't resist me, CarIa. Don't fight.
Yes!
Make me come.
Make me come, Moira. PIease. Make me come.
Who are you?
Good morning, Mr Borin. It's me, Matteo.
Sorry to bother you.
I've come to pick up CarIa's things.
I'm going to London next week so I can take them to her.
- What things? - She said she'd toId her mother.
She's not here. Do you know what she wants?
Yeah, more or Iess. A pair of pants and a book.
Wait a minute and I'II go and see if my wife's put them out.
"The more I wank, the Iess I disappoint."
"AIe, I Iove you."
"Nina is a whore."
"The thought of you cheating on me makes me mad with jeaIousy."
"And jeaIousy makes me crazy with desire."
I'd go crazy if I thought you were cheating on me.
That wouId never happen because you'd never know.
Thinking about you with someone eIse makes me want to die.
- Thinking about me how? Like this? - Yeah, Iike this.
- You'II never know about it. Never. - Yes, I wiII.
- Yes. - Never. Never.
Are these the ones?
I don't know. There shouId be a butterfly on them.
There's no butterfly here.
Come up and Iook for them.
You couId have caIIed before you came over.
Sorry, I thought everything was ready.
Ready, my arse!
- Have a Iook. - Thank you. I'II be quick.
If you need me, I'II be out there.
Here they are. The book and the pants.
"My dear Charlotte, I can't Iive without you.
"I keep thinking about our happy days in Venice
"and the blissful times that we spent together.
"I Iove you, my darling. I Iove you. Bernard."
You whore!
Have you toId Matteo about the Ioft?
Of course. I caIIed him and said I'd go and see it.
Have you toId him you've been?
Not yet.
- But I'II teII him that I've rented it. - And that's aII?
- What eIse is there to teII him? - WeII, about me, for exampIe.
Oh, yes.
I'II teII him you came with me.
Come on in, it's IoveIy!
Moira. Where are you going, Moira?
Moira?
So many questions.
Get out of the water and come with me.
Come and Iive with me.
Moira, don't you ever stop? Matteo wiII be here soon.
So? I'm not jeaIous.
- Matteo is. - Dump him, then.
Forget about him.
Are you crazy? I Iike men.
What are you thinking? I'm not a...
- Lesbian? - Yes, a Iesbian. Like you.
You hurt me.
I don't Iike you when you're vioIent.
Sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't want to...
Come on, Iet's go and have a massage.
You go.
The masseur's a man.
I'm here for the photos. CarIa Borin.
Choose the ones you want to have printed. They haven't aII come out weII.
Come here.
Put the negatives on here.
- I stiII can't see them properIy. - Try using this.
What did I teII you?
Can you see that they haven't aII come out weII?
Which ones do you think I shouId reject?
The ones that are out of focus and the ones that are bIurred.
You choose which ones.
I'II come by tomorrow and pick them up.
- HeIIo? - Hi, darling...
- Who is it? - Go away.
Nice way to treat your mother.
- Can you hear me, Matteo? - Yes, I can hear you.
- Guess where l am. - In bed with the estate agent.
ldiot. We're in the loft. It's amazing.
- So she reaIIy is in Iove with you. - Looks like it.
- Have you got a pen? - What for?
- To write down the address. - I don't know if I can come.
- What do you mean? - I can't come.
- Have you gone mad? - No, I've got to revise for an exam.
- Can't you revise here? - No, I can't.
Why not? It's reaIIy quiet in the Ioft. You can do aII the studying you want.
- And l'm here. - ExactIy.
- What do you mean, "exactIy"? - I was just saying it.
I don't understand you. Don't you want to see me?
Think what we could do after three weeks apart.
Don't insist, CarIa. I said I can't and that's that.
I don't beIieve you. It's a joke. You're doing it to make me angry.
- Write down the address. - I said I'm not coming.
- Write it down anyway. - You don't stop, do you? Go on.
53, Dock Street, North East 1 5.
The phone number's 0044 64567876.
- Have you written it down? - Yes, but I'm not going to bIoody use it.
Why, Matteo? What's happened?
I've had enough, that's what's happened!
Of me? Please don't be like that. You're worried about your exam.
I'm worried about you. Don't you understand?
Understand what? Please tell me.
I said no. Bye.
ArsehoIe! These were for you!
Bastard! Go fuck yourseIf!
I hate you! I hate you!
- DarIing. - You missed me, then.
It's you.
- Who did you think it was? - Nobody. How are you?
How are you? You don't sound happy.
No, it's just that I'm feeIing a bit IoneIy with aII this space around me.
I thought as much. Do you fancy coming to a party?
- A party? - At my house.
- I don't know. When? - This evening.
There are Iots of peopIe. PIenty of ItaIians too.
Well?
AII right. Why not?
Where do I go?
OK. I'II get dressed and come straight over.
Make sure you don't put too many cIothes on.
See you soon. Bye.
ArsehoIe!
- You're here too. - I wouIdn't miss the Judgment of Paris.
- I wonder who wiII win this year. - It depends on who Paris is.
Someone said it's Moira.
That's a reIief. She understands these things.
If there was a prize for the most use, you'd definiteIy win.
Why do we have to show our arses?
Because the face can deceive but the arse never Iies.
Don't you know it's the mirror of the souI?
Why is it Iaughing?
- What? - That arse.
It's got dimpIes in its cheeks.
I think it's Iaughing at us. It needs to be taught a Iesson.
Yes, it needs to be punished.
You ugIy arse-breaker.
Yours is sad because of aII the pricks that have fucked it.
This is such fun. I'm tempted to join in too.
Oh, no. That wouId be unfair, darIing.
With your arse, you'd win hands down.
Cheers.
- WiII you introduce your friend? - Sure, darIing.
CarIa, one of my cIients.
Mario, my arsehoIe of an ex-husband.
She says that because she's stiII in Iove with me.
- Are you ItaIian too? - Yes, from Venice.
So beautifuI. I Iove Venice. EspeciaIIy the women.
Watch out, CarIa. Don't be deceived.
Mario bewitches women Iike snakes bewitch frogs.
What? You make me sound Iike a pIayboy.
You're worse, darIing. You're just a Latin Iover.
Ignore her. ShaII we dance?
Yes, pIease.
- Who drew that for you? - Giotto.
I couId bite that.
Every year somebody tries to be cIever, but with Moira as Paris...
I've aIways wondered... Do you know who designs the Queen's hats?
He's got to be a dickhead.
The scent of Venice.
I Iike women who get wet straightaway.
It's Iike champagne that's about to pop.
Where's the bathroom?
Over there, at the end.
CarIa.
Is it true that women don't kiss you down here in EngIand?
They do something eIse instead.
What?
- They take it up here. - No. What are you doing?
The path of the satyr.
The road to Gomorrah or the aIIey of Sodom.
CarIa, are you in there?
Open the door, CarIa. I know you're in there.
Just a minute.
ExceIIent choice, my dear. A reaI deIicacy.
I invited you because I'm in Iove with you,
not so that you couId pIay the whore with my ex-husband.
I don't give a toss!
I'm not interested in you. I Iike men.
Can't you get that into your stupid head? Men, not women!
Men! I Iike dicks!
CaIm down, CarIa.
What's the matter? Is something wrong?
You can teII me everything. I'm your friend.
- I didn't mean to offend you. - That's got nothing to do with it.
It's Matteo's fauIt.
I don't understand him.
I was so happy when I caIIed him about the Ioft
and then the stupid idiot said he wasn't coming to London.
He was coId and unfriendIy and nasty.
He even sIammed the phone down on me.
Don't cry, darIing.
I toId you, aII men are arsehoIes.
But Matteo wasn't Iike that.
Everything was going so weII between us.
Here. It's a token of my Iove. It wiII bring you good Iuck.
I don't understand. Something must have happened.
No, I understand compIeteIy and I know how you're feeIing,
because I've been there too.
Never trust men.
They're fickIe and untrustworthy.
Listen to me, my darIing.
Forget about Matteo. TeII him to fuck off, Iike I did with Mario.
Come with me.
Come on.
See, CarIa? We don't need men. We do very weII without them.
Painters, writers and architects of worIdwide renown
were aII attracted by the Iure of the Doge's court.
The profits from Venice's monopoIy of the siIk and spice market
were invested to adorn the city with a pomp and spIendour that,
according to the CounciI of Ten,
wouId reflect the immense weaIth produced by its trade.
The government of La Serenissima was focused Iess on conquering Iand
and more on creating secure outposts
in the commerciaI ports of the BaIkans
so that they couId penetrate
the rich siIk and spice markets of the East more easiIy.
We therefore have evidence to substantiate our cIaim
that the Venetian repubIic's penetration
into the markets of the Mediterranean...
Does the word "penetration" derive from "penis"?
Maybe from "prick". Our teacher's prick.
Look at that amazing arse.
...and Venice's poIiticaI and cuIturaI success.
We can IegitimateIy say that La Serenissima's mercantiIe penetration
underpinned its artistic spIendour.
Pietro Aretino, for instance...
Whore!
CuckoId!
Matteo!
Surprise!
- What about your exam? - I'II sit it in September.
Do you aIways answer the door dressed Iike that?
Have you come here to fight?
You don't seem very pIeased to see me.
No, I'm reaIIy happy.
It's just that I wasn't expecting you.
Now that I'm here, aren't you going to Iet me in,
instead of keeping me here on the doorstep?
Sorry. Sure, come on in.
Who is it at this time of the morning?
Matteo, this is Moira.
The estate agent?
I'm Iate for work.
Come and Iook out of the window.
Look at the beautifuI view.
BeautifuI.
- I wonder how much it costs. - Moira gave me a speciaI price.
Sure, I can imagine.
It's not what you think.
Nothing's happened between Moira and me.
So what's she doing here?
She gave me a Iift home Iast night.
We'd been to the theatre.
It was Iate so she stayed over.
Naked?
And in your bed?
AII right, then. Bye, CarIa.
Bye, Matteo. It was nice to meet you.
By the way, CarIa's toId me a Iot about you.
She's toId me a Iot about you too.
Have you brought "The Interpretation of Dreams" and my butterfly pants?
I've brought you these.
What's this stuff got to do with us?
It's got a Iot to do with us.
Am I mistaken or is this your arse?
What the heII were you doing on the beach naked?
- Who gave them to you? - Don't worry about that.
You teII me what happened between you and that French poof
who writes, "Je t'aime, mon amour.
"Je t'aime."
It's an oId reIationship. Water under the bridge.
BoIIocks!
If you want to stay with me, you need to be honest and teII me everything.
There's nothing to say.
ReaIIy? Is it normaI for you to have your photo taken naked?
It's not what you think.
We went to Iook at the tourist faciIities at the beach hoteIs on the Lido.
It was with the catering coIIege.
You know what these trips are Iike.
On the water buses, in the kitchens, between the cabins.
We'd mess around and strike poses.
We'd get our photos taken and flirt for a Iaugh.
Aftrr Iunch we'd go off for waIks in groups.
I ended up with Bernard on the dunes on AIberoni beach.
It was September.
It was hot and there was nobody around.
We took our cIothes off and dived into the sea.
- Naked? - Of course.
We didn't have any swimming costumes.
Carry on. Stick to the point.
It was very warm for the time of year.
The sea was caIm. The sun was setting.
The water was stiII and inviting.
l love you, Carla.
I fancy you.
Look this way.
And then?
And then nothing. We got dressed.
Are you taking the piss?
I mean it. Nothing eIse happened. It was just an innocent bit of fun.
- When did it happen? - I toId you. Last year.
Towards the end of September.
- So you were aIready with me? - Yes, but we hadn't been together Iong.
TeII me the truth. Did you make Iove?
- No, Matteo, I swear. - Don't swear.
WeII, not reaIIy. Just a IittIe bit.
What do you mean, a IittIe bit?
WeII, we flirted a bit.
He was turned on and kissed me.
Where? On your arse?
TeII me at Ieast how Iong your innocent flirting Iasted.
A coupIe of months.
At Christmas, Bernard Ieft catering coIIege and went back to France.
Did you see each other again?
No. Never. I swear.
I toId you not to swear.
- Did you write to each other? - For a IittIe whiIe.
Just those Ietters you're hoIding. He wanted me to go to Paris.
- Why didn't you go? - Because I'd faIIen in Iove with you.
I wasn't interested in him any more.
- PIease, Matteo, stop tormenting me. - The heII I wiII.
How couId you have done it when you were with me?
I toId you, it was right at the beginning. I didn't know I'd faII in Iove with you.
My reIationship with you was just an affair Iike aII the others.
PIease, Matteo.
Matteo, Iet's make Iove.
I want to feeI you inside me.
What happened doesn't mean anything.
The onIy thing that matters is that I Iove you and I want you.
No, no. You're just a whore! You did it with Bernard.
What did you do with that bastard?
That's enough. It's pointIess. You don't turn me on any more.
So I'm the Iiar, am I?
I want to know. How many times have you cheated on me?
It's your Iast chance to be honest with me
and convince me that our reIationship wasn't a big mistake.
How did your affair with Bernard start?
If you're ashamed to teII me to my face,
write it in a Ietter with aII the facts and detaiIs,
Iike the ones your Bernard wrote to you.
Don't worry about offending me.
Your Iies and your siIence offend me much more.
My darling Matteo,
betrayaI doesn't exist without the illusion of closeness
due to one's own presumption or another's deception.
If you reaIIy need to know, don't be afraid, I'II teII you everything.
Do you remember when we went to see
"The Key" at the Olympia cinema?
lt was the end of October and Luca and Bernard were with us...
- SandreIIi's Iike our oenoIogy professor. - She's beautifuI, though.
Her husband's right when he says, "Under that faIse modesty,
"you're more of a whore than aII the whores I've ever met."
I don't understand him, trying to get his wife to cheat on him.
No, my friend, without betrayaI there's no jeaIousy,
without jeaIousy there's no desire and without desire there's no sex.
- Isn't that right, CarIa? - AbsoIuteIy.
My dear Matteo, betrayaI shouId be seen as a gift of Iove.
It's the magic potion that wakes up peopIe who've been asIeep for too Iong.
Do me a favour.
How can thinking about your woman with another man turn you on?
Where's CarIa?
CarIa!
You go that way. We'II go this way.
l was all wet. Watching that fiIm had turned me on.
CarIa!
CarIa, jokes are onIy funny if they don't Iast too Iong.
Come on, CarIina. TeII us where you are.
That's enough, CarIa. What are you pIaying at?
NINA IS A WHORE
Hi, Nina. You're stiII awake.
It's the March scirocco wind. I can't sIeep.
TeII me about it!
- Where's your husband? - At the furnace.
He's on the night shift.
It must be hot there.
It's hot here too. I'm soaking wet.
- FeeI. - Yeah, you are.
ReaIIy soaking.
It's burning me.
Touch me.
- Nina, someone's there. - Be quiet, you idiot.
It's my husband. He Iikes to watch.
"The thought of you cheating on me makes me mad with jeaIousy,
"and jeaIousy makes me crazy with desire."
Yes, darIing, I'II come straightaway.
You were right. What happened doesn't matter.
What matters is that I'm crazy about you.
Matteo, I'm crazy about you too.
Look. I did what you wanted.
I don't need it now.
Oh, darIing.
Suspicion is better than the truth, aftrr aII.
Your Iies reveaI your desire more than any confession couId.
Promise that you'II aIways Iie to me.
Yes, of course. Whatever you want.
AIthough I don't understand why.
I Iied to you before, because I didn't want to Iose you.
But why shouId I do it now?
Because suspicion makes me mad with jeaIousy,
and jeaIousy makes me fuII of desire for you.
Oh, Matteo, I Iove you.
Oh, darIing.
I swear I'II aIways Iie to you.
You're such a whore.