NEXT UP, WITH THEIR SUMMER BREAK REPORT, BROOKE McQUEEN AND SAM McPHERSON.
HI.
WELL, AS, UH, MOST OF YOU KNOW, OUR SUMMER STARTED STRANGELY.
WHEN MY REAL MOM, WHO LEFT WHEN I WAS EIGHT,
SHOWED UP AND STOPPED THE WEDDING OF OUR PARENTS.
THINGS WERE A LITTLE TENSE AT FIRST, BUT THEN THE HEALING BEGAN.
JUST CALM DOWN.
I AM TIRED OF WALKING AROUND HERE ON EGGSHELLS SO THE GIRLS WON'T GET UPSET!
[JANE] THEY SHOULD BE UPSET. WE ALL SHOULD.
[MIKE] WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.
BLAME MY LAWYER, WHO I FIRED.
BABY, WE JUST HAVE TO GO ON.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK DOWN THAT AISLE AGAIN, WHEN APPARENTLY,
I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING FROM YOU.
[JANE] YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE FIRST WOMAN YOU LOVED.
I LOVE YOU. I HAVE NOTHING BUT PITY OR DISDAIN FOR KELLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST THAT. COME ON, WHERE YOU GOING?
I AM GONNA GO AND GRAB A CONE AT 31 FLAVORS AND HAVE MY EGGS FROZEN,
BECAUSE BY THE TIME THIS MESS IS FIXED, I'LL BE FRIGGIN' 80!
[BROOKE] MY MOM'S SECOND HUSBAND, THE RICH ART DEALER IN SAN FRANCISCO,
WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT MY MOM HAD A HIDDEN DAUGHTER AND WAS STILL MARRIED,
HE WAS COOL ABOUT IT.
UH, YEAH, I MEAN, HE FLEW TO PUERTO RICO AND GOT DIVORCED THAT VERY DAY,
LEAVING KELLY FREE TO SPEND HER SUMMER HERE IN LOS ANGELES.
AND READY TO PAY FOR HER MISTAKES.
♪ I GOTTA STEP UP
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HANGING BY A THREAD?...
THIS SUMMER'S EVENTS ALSO SERVED TO BRING ME AND MY MOM CLOSER.
WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN CUT THE WEDDING DRESS OFF AT THE KNEE
AND USE IT AS A COCKTAIL THINGY.
THANKS, DEAR ABBY, I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH PROBLEM SOLVING FOR ONE YEAR.
OKAY, LOOK, YES, I RAN AWAY AND FOUND HER, BUT...
MOM, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HID THEIR DIVORCE PAPERS.
- [SIGHS] - [SAM] YOU HAVE TO DEAL.
KELLY'S HERE FOR THE SUMMER AND THEN SHE'S GOING BACK TO HER BUSINESS
IN SAN FRANCISCO AND...
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING THIS IS FOR ME?
I WAS STANDING UP THERE AT THE ALTAR
FOR THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, AND SHE WALKED IN AND STOPPED IT.
I FELT LIKE I WAS RIGHT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL AND ONCE AGAIN,
I WAS THE WALLFLOWER WITH ACNE THAT DIDN'T GET ASKED TO THE DANCE.
STANDING THERE, IN FRONT OF ME, WITH THE MAN I LOVE,
WAS THE BLONDE HOMECOMING QUEEN I COULDN'T COMPETE WITH.
DAMN, DO THESE ISSUES NEVER END? I AM 36 FOR GOD'S SAKE.
WHEN DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON SOLID GROUND, WHEN YOU'RE DEAD?
[SAM] AS A FAMILY, WE LEARNED THE ONLY WAY TO HEAL WAS TO COMMUNICATE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
OH, UM, IT'S MOM. I GOTTA GO.
- HI! - HI, BABY.
SO, UM, ARE WE STILL GONNA GO TO A MOVIE?
KELLY, CAN I, UH, GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK?
- I'D KILL FOR A GLASS OF CHARDONNAY. - [MIKE] KELLY?
I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH DRINKING AND DRIVING, WHEN MY DAUGHTER IS IN THE CAR.
- DON'T BE NASTY. - THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE.
I DON'T CARE. YES, SHE HURT YOU. YES, SHE HURT ME.
SHE'S SORRY. SHE'S TRYING TO DO RIGHT NOW. WHAT DO YOU WANT, BLOOD?
- I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT. - EASILY REMEDIED. COME ON, MOM.
[DOOR SLAMS]
- ALL IN ALL... - A PRETTY UNEVENTFUL SUMMER.
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE
♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO THEN BABY
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
♪ WELL ME AND B
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
COME ON, SUG, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR PRACTICE.
WHY ARE YOU BEING A WOODPECKER?
UPPERCLASSMEN TRADITION SAYS THAT IF YOU ANNOUNCE YOUR ROMANTIC AFFECTIONS
ON THE FRONT OF A TREE, LEGEND HAS IT YOU AND YOUR BOO WILL LAST A LIFETIME.
NOT TO BURST YOUR BUB, SUG, BUT THAT'S A LOAD OF CRAP.
- WHEN DID YOU BECOME THE CYNIC? - AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR AND OVER THE SUMMER.
THEN MY PARENTS CALLING IT QUITS...
I DON'T KNOW IF RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE PERMANENT. MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO JUST
ROAM THE SUBURBAN COUNTRYSIDE LIKE A ROGUE BACHELOR LION, YOU KNOW?
YO, I THINK YOU BEEN WATCHING WAY TOO MUCH ANIMAL PLANET.
SO, UM, YOU AND EXQUISITE GOT IT GOING ON, HUH?
THAT'S WHY I'M STANDING HERE CARVING ON THIS MIGHTY TREE
FOR ALL PLAYERS TO SEE MY MESSAGE:
HANDS OFF. SHE'S ALL MINE.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
I WISH WE COULD HAVE HUNG OUT MORE OVER THE SUMMER. THE MONTHS FLEW BY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
YOU HAD TO BOND WITH LA MÈRE, AND I APPROVE.
YOU'RE GONNA MISS HER WHEN SHE GOES BACK, HUH?
SO MUCH, NIC. I CAN'T THINK ABOUT IT OR ELSE I'LL CRY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT'D YOU DO OVER THE BREAK?
NOT MUCH. YOU KNOW, GOT MY ARMS LASERED, BROKE UP A COUPLE OF MARRIAGES.
HEY, SPAM. I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING TUNA BUT IT'S YOU WAFTING THROUGH THE HALLS.
HEY, SATAN, NICE IMPLANTS. BROOKE, ARE YOU GONNA BE HOME FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
WE HAVE TO GO OVER THE GLAMAZON TRYOUT ROUTINE
AND I WAS GONNA GO SHOPPING WITH MY MOM, I SHOULD BE HOME BY SIX.
- WHY? - IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE AT LEAST
GIVE THE ILLUSION OF GETTING ALONG SO THAT MOM AND MIKE THINK THEY CREATED
- THIS FAMILY... - SAM, WE ARE GETTING ALONG NOW, OKAY?
- RIGHT. SIX, A FAMILY THING? - OKAY.
COOL. OKAY, THANK YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
- HI. - HEY.
- [HARRISON] GOOD NEWS. - THE DOCTOR'S VERDICT IS IN,
AND I AM NOT WITH CHILD.
- OH, THANK GOD. - I KNOW. [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] WISH MY PROBLEMS COULD BE ALLEVIATED WITH A SIMPLE MEDICAL TEST.
- JANE AND MIKE ARE STILL FIGHTING? - YEAH.
THE CHAOS IS HIDEOUS. I HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK AT HOME, YOU GUYS.
I FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DRAMARAMA.
- WELL, YOU KINDA ARE, SAM. - [SAM] THANKS, HARRISON.
- YOUR OBSERVATION BATHES ME IN RELIEF. - GUYS, CAN WE PLEASE CHEER UP?
LOOK, I KNOW IT'S THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL,
BUT THERE'S REASON TO GO ON LIVING BECAUSE...
[BOTH] NO MORE MISS GLASS.
I HEARD THAT AFTER HER AUTOPSY WITHOUT ANESTHESIA, SHE'S IN A NURSING HOME.
AND I HEAR THAT THE NEW CHEMISTRY TEACHER IS, LIKE, THE COOLEST FREAK.
HE'S GOT ALL THESE GREAT, WHACKED, PROGRESSIVE RULES, LIKE...
NO HOMEWORK. EVER.
AND NO TESTS.
I WANT EVERYBODY TO PARTICIPATE MONTESSORI STYLE.
- THE MR. DAVE WAY. - [HARRISON] I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
- IT'S A COOL TEACHER. - FINALLY, ZIT ZITLER,
SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON. AFTER THE HORROR SHOW OF BIO GLASS,
IT IS SUCH A RELIEF TO HAVE A NORMAL INSTRUCTOR.
[LOUD KNOCKING]
[MAN] MR. DONALD DAVE.
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR TRAFFICKING IN CRUSH VIDEOS
TO SUBSIDIZE YOUR PALTRY TEACHER'S SALARY. LET'S GO, BUDDY.
I REPEAT, COUNSELING WILL BE PROVIDED FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS TRAUMATIZED
BY THE ARREST AND/OR HOBBIES OF MR. DAVE.
[CLEARS THROAT] BUT WHO'S GONNA BE OUR NEW CHEMISTRY TEACHER NOW?
[MISS GLASS] TAKE A WILD GUESS!
[DRAWN OUT] I'M BACK.
IT'S ALIVE.
- BOBBI, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE UP TO... - HAVE COLOSTOMY BAG,
WILL TRAVEL, VICE PRINCIPAL CALVIN KRUPPS.
AS SOON AS YOU CALLED WITH WORD OF MR. DAVE'S MONSTROUS PERVERSIONS,
I REALIZED WHAT MY KIDS NEED IS A CONSERVATIVE CHEMISTRY TEACHER,
NOT A LOONY LIBERAL.
AT EASE.
[GLASS] WELL,
MY LITTLE CHEMO KIDS, THOUGHT YOU COULD BREAK ME, DIDN'T YOU?
THINK AGAIN!
[GLASS] NOW, FOR THE GOOD NEWS.
MAMA'S GOT A NEW FINGER.
[METAL RINGING]
[GIRL] OOH!
AND NOW, FOR THE BAD NEWS.
YOU'RE GONNA PAY. BIG TIME.
CLAW? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO US?
FIVE HOURS OF HOMEWORK A NIGHT, TWO ESSAYS A WEEK,
AND EVERYBODY STARTS OFF THE YEAR WITH A SOLID F.
- CLAW, THAT IS NOT FAIR. - THERE'S A REASON YOU'RE CALLED
"GENERATION E."
YOU'VE HAD IT TOO... EASY.
NO WARS TO FIGHT, NO BRAS TO BURN, SWEET LEAFY SHADE OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM,
WHERE THERE SHOULD BE CHARACTER-BUILDING 105-DEGREE HEAT.
[WHISPERS] EXCUSE ME.
[PHONE DIALS, RINGS]
- YEAH, HI, SNUFFY IN MAINTENANCE. - [ON PHONE] THIS IS HIM.
RIGHT, THIS IS MS. BOBBI GLASS.
I WANT THAT 200-YEAR-OLD OAK PARKED OUTSIDE MY CLASSROOM CUT DOWN, PRONTO.
- [ON PHONE] YES, SIR. - OKAY, OKEY-DOKE,
LOVE TO THE WIFE AND KIDS, MM-HMM, BUH-BYE.
- SIR! THAT'S THE FOREVER TREE. - NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
LIFE IS CHANGE, CHANGE IS GOOD.
THAT TREE COMING DOWN TO MAKE FIREWOOD IS A METAPHOR
- YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO. - MISS GLASS?
YOU CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE CUT DOWN
A 200-YEAR-OLD, LEAFY, SPIRITUAL BEING,
WHO SOME DRUIDS WOULD SAY HAS A VERY RICH EMOTIONAL LIFE.
HEY, NUT JOB.
WATCH ME.
[LUNCHROOM CHATTER]
ISN'T IT ROMANTIC HOW SUGAR STOOD UP TO THE CLAW WHEN
HE SAID SHE'D TAKE DOWN THAT TREE OVER HIS DEAD BODY,
'CAUSE HE'D CARVED HIS AND EXQUISITE'S NAMES IN IT.
IT WASN'T ROMANTIC, IT WAS SUPERSTITION.
HE THOUGHT IF THE TREE WAS GONNA FALL DOWN, HIS RELATIONSHIP WOULD FALL DOWN.
ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T THINK A BOND BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE CAN LAST?
- HI, WHAT ABOUT US? - [SCOFFS]
LET'S SAY I DON'T WEAR ETERNITY COLOGNE FOR MEN ANYMORE.
WE HAD A DATE AFTER SCHOOL.
MY MOM WASN'T GONNA BE HOME AND I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU. REMEMBER?
I WANTED TO ALL SUMMER. I BOUGHT D'ANGELO'S NEW CD,
- WASHED MY SHEETS, I MEAN... - LOOK, MY MOM WANTED TO SEE ME
AND SHE'S GOING BACK TO SAN FRANCISCO SOON.
[STAMMERING] I WOULD FEEL GUILTY IF I CANCELED.
- GUILTY, WHY? - I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, I FEEL LIKE...
...MAYBE SHE LEFT BECAUSE OF ME.
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT I DID.
- I DON'T WANNA DISAPPOINT HER. - WHAT ABOUT DISAPPOINTING ME?
YOU CANCELED ON ME 50 TIMES THIS SUMMER.
I CAN UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR MOM, BUT CAN'T YOU EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? MY FRIENDS LAUGH HOW I'M TOTALLY MANIPULATED BY YOU.
I'M NOT MANIPULATING YOU.
JOSH, I'M JUST TRYING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
WELL, LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU, BROOKE. I WANT CONSTANCY AND DEPTH.
A RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR NAME CARVED ON A TREE WITH ME, FINE.
I'LL JUST FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOES.
I'M OUT.
EXQUISITE, IN PREP FOR THIS WEEK'S GLAMAZON TRYOUTS,
BE A LOVER AND CUT MY CARROT INTO PIRANHA-SIZE MORSELS.
IS IT JUST ME, OR SHOULDN'T YOU STILL BE LOCKED UP IN A SANITARIUM?
NIC, BROOKIE AND I ARE RUNNING THE GLAMAZONS NOW.
SO IF YOU WANT TO UP YOUR SOCIAL ANTE, BE PREPARED TO RUB MY BELLY
LIKE THE POPULARITY BUDDHA I HAVE BECOME.
OH, HEY, NIC. LET'S LEAVE THE WANNABE HERE
AND GO OVER OUR MOVES FOR THE TRYOUTS.
EXQUISITE, I PITY WOO.
THANK GOODNESS I NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE NERVE-WRACKING TEST
OF "WILL I MAKE IT? WHAT TRYOUT AUDITIONS THOUGHT WILL I HAVE?"
MARY CHERRY, YOU'VE GOT THIRD SLOT THIS YEAR AFTER POPPITA FRESH. GODSPEED.
[LAUGHING] NIC, YOU JOKER.
AS LONG AS I'M THE CO-ARBITER OF COOL AT THIS SCHOOL,
NO ONE'S SOCIAL POSITION IS SAFE.
NIC! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY EXPECT ME TO...
DANCE? NO, WE GAVE UP THAT DREAM LONG AGO.
SO, NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I MUST GO VOMIT AND POST THE AUDITION LIST.
WELL, CALVIN KRUPPS WAS NO HELP. HE ALREADY HAS HIS AX OUT.
HE TOLD SUGAR AND ME THAT THE FOREVER TREE'S ROOTS
- ARE STRANGLING OUR SEPTIC SYSTEM. - WOW. LILY, THAT SUCKS.
YOUR FIRST CAUSE OF THE YEAR SHOT DOWN.
WHATEVER, JUST ENJOY THE SHOCKING PAIRING OF SD AND LIL.
TOO BAD WE CAN'T SEE THAT FORBIDDEN SOCIAL DUO PLAY ITSELF OUT.
[SUGAR DADDY] YO, LIL.
- IT'S HAMMER TIME. - OH, BUT YOU CAN.
- OH, NO. - THAT'S ODD.
PLEASE, YES. YES.
UM, DO YOU HAVE A PEN I COULD BORROW?
NO, SORRY. I LEFT MY HAND SANITIZER AT HOME, HON.
SWEET, CONFLICTED CARMEN.
YOU QUIT THE SQUAD LAST YEAR DURING THE TRIAL OF EMORY DICK
BRINGING MUCH SHAME TO MY HOUSE OF RAH-RAH.
I QUIT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. BUT, IN RETROSPECT, MAYBE TOO HASTILY.
- REALLY? AND WHY IS THAT? - BECAUSE EVER SINCE I QUIT,
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TELLING ME HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO THEM THAT I WAS A GLAMAZON.
I SHOWED THEM THAT YOU COULD BREAK THE MOLD AND STILL SUCCEED.
I ALSO REALIZED HOW MUCH FUN I HAD DANCING.
RHYTHM IS A DANCER, YOU ARE NOT.
FYI, WANNABE, I VOTE ON WHO GETS IN AND I WOULD NEVER CAST MY VOTE
FOR A CREEPY LOSER LIKE YOU, CARM.
WELL, BROOKE ALSO CASTS A VOTE AND, UM, BROOKE LIKES ME.
BROOKE IS PREOCCUPIED WITH HER FAMILY. SCHOOL MATTERS SUCH AS THESE, I'M SURE,
SEEM UNIMPORTANT TO HER BY COMPARISON.
AND THIS GIVES MY FEROCIOUS WILL TO POWER ROOM TO DOMINATE AND DEVOUR.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. I'M GONNA SIGN UP AND I'M GONNA TRY OUT,
AND MAKE THIS A GOOD YEAR. FOR ME AND EVERYBODY ELSE AT THIS SCHOOL.
YOU'RE RIGHT, CARM. YOU DO DESERVE A SHOT. GOOD LUCK.
- THANK YOU. - I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE. YOUR CLUMSY DANCING OR THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE
WHEN I POST THE LIST AND YOUR NAME'S NOT ON IT.
[BROOKE AND KELLY CHATTING]
HI, DAD.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME AT SIX. IT IS 11:00.
- I'M SORRY, WE LOST TRACK OF TIME... - BROOKE!
COULD YOU GIVE ME A MOMENT WITH YOUR MOTHER, HERE?
SURE, DAD.
- I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU, TOO.
GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
I'M SORRY I BROUGHT HER HOME AT 11:00.
YOU CAN BLAME ME, NOT HER.
AH, KEL, WHAT'S FIVE HOURS OF SELFISHNESS... CORRECTION.
- NINE YEARS OF IT. - TOUCHÉ.
EVERY TIME I HEAR HER CALL YOU "MOM" A CHILL RUNS DOWN MY SPINE.
THEN I REMEMBER THERE'S DIFFERENT TYPES OF MOTHERS, AREN'T THERE?
I THINK YOUR TYPE IS MORE CLOSELY RELATED TO THE GARDEN VARIETY ALLEY CAT,
THAT DUMPS HER LITTER IN THE GUTTER AND LEAVES THEM DEFENSELESS
SO SHE CAN RUN OFF AND SQUEEZE IN HER NEXT MATING OPPORTUNITY.
I'M SORRY, THAT WAS NASTY, I'M...
I'M NOT EMOTIONAL BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SAID, MIKE.
I'M CRYING BECAUSE I REALIZE WHAT I WALKED AWAY FROM.
[MIKE] JANE, YOU ARE OVERREACTING.
WELL, LET ME SEE. I SAW YOU, I SAW HER, I SAW HER LIPS COLLIDE WITH YOURS.
I THINK I'M BEING PRETTY DAMN RATIONAL.
SHE KISSED ME, OKAY? I ENDED IT AS SOON AS IT STARTED.
YOU CAN'T WALTZ OUT OF HERE. SAM IS MY DAUGHTER TOO.
I AM NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER.
OH, HELLO, I AM RIGHT HERE. THIS INVOLVES ME AND BROOKE.
- WHAT IS GOING ON? - WELL, APPARENTLY, A CHANGE OF HEART.
BROOKE, AN UPDATE. FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR BLOWING OFF DINNER.
SECONDLY, MY MOM SAW YOUR MOM KISSING MIKE.
WHY WAS MOM KISSING YOU, YOU'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER?
- NO. IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING. - MM-HM. ON MY PART.
ONE THAT LASTED AN ENTIRE YEAR. COME ON, SAM, LET'S GO. MOVE IT.
- [JANE] MOVE IT. MOVE IT, SAM. - [SAM] BYE.
DAD...
[JANE] THIS IS NOT A HORRIBLE THING.
I WOULD RATHER LEAVE NOW KNOWING HOW HE FEELS ABOUT HER
THAN DIVORCE HIM IN THREE YEARS.
NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO THROW MYSELF INTO MY REAL ESTATE CAREER.
YOU KNOW, MAKE A KILLING, GET BOTOX, GO ON DATES, BEFORE MY CHANCES ARE USED UP.
- [SIGHS] - [BED RUMBLING]
[BELL DINGS]
- DID YOU HEAR ONE WORD I SAID? - NO.
I WAS TOO BUSY RENAMING THIS PLACE IN THE WINDMILLS OF MY MIND.
GUESS WHAT CATCHY NAME WON? CHEZ CRACKWHORE.
THIS IS JUST UNTIL I FIGURE OUT OUR MONEY.
[STAMMERING] OUR?
HOW NOVEL, YOU FINALLY USE A PRONOUN THAT INVOLVES ME.
- BE MAD AT ME, THAT'S FINE. GO ON. - I AM MAD.
HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONNA HAVE TO UPROOT MYSELF AND FOLLOW YOU ON A WHIM?
US MOVING OUT OF THAT HOUSE IS YOUR DREAM, SAM.
YOU DON'T LIKE BROOKE, YOU DON'T LIKE MIKE.
I DO LIKE THEM. THEY WERE HOME TO ME.
I'M SORRY HE KISSED HER.
YOU DESERVE BETTER, I KNOW THAT.
THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS HAVE JUST BEEN EMOTIONAL FOR ALL OF US.
I THINK THAT MIKE WAS JUST MOMENTARILY CONFUSED AND ONCE KELLY LEAVES...
[JANE] WAKE UP, SAM. SHE NEVER LEFT HIS HEART.
AND HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING HER.
WHICH MEANS THAT HE PROBABLY NEVER LOVED ME.
[SOBBING] THE CONCEPT OF US LIVING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY IS A DREAM.
IT'S TIME TO WAKE THE HELL UP AND FIND SOMETHING REAL.
IS THE WAY KELLY MAKES ME FEEL, THE WAY BROOKE USED TO MAKE YOU FEEL?
LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
- [WHISPERS] YEAH. - [SIGHS]
- BUT I GOT OVER IT. - I DON'T THINK I WILL.
[SIGHS]
WE HAVE TO TALK.
[GLASS] AFTER CLASS, McBUSYBODY. SIT DOWN.
- SUGAR DADDY BERNARDINO. - [SD] HERE.
LILY IRRITATING.
I'M SORRY, ESPOSITO.
- [LILY] HERE. - YOU'RE NOT HERE, YOU'RE THERE.
- WHERE IS THERE? - [LILY] THERE IS IN THE FOREVER TREE.
WHERE SUGAR AND I WILL LIVE LIKE FOREST GREENPEACERS UNTIL WE RECEIVE
YOUR PLEDGE THAT THIS LIVING, FEELING ORGANISM
WILL NOT BE CHOPPED DOWN.
MISS LILY "BUTTERFLY HILL" ESPOSITO, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE TOO LATE.
I PUT A CHAINSAW ON MY SEARS CHARGE THIS MORNING.
THE GROUNDKEEPERS CUTTING THAT NUISANCE DOWN AT FOUR.
CORRECTION, I'VE NOTIFIED VP CALVIN KRUPPS OF OUR VEGETATION VIGILANCE.
HE'S CANCELED THE ORDER TO HARVEST. IT SEEMS HE CAN'T CUT DOWN THE TREE
'CAUSE WE COULD DIE.
WE STAY, THE TREE STAYS.
WELL, MARY CHERRY. SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON A FOAM MAT SOMEWHERE,
SUMMER-SIZING THOSE ABS IN ANTICIPATION OF TRYOUTS?
HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME TRY OUT?
ME? MARY CHERRY? WE'RE FRIENDS.
IT'S CALLED "SHOW BUSINESS," NOT "SHOW FRIENDS."
ALL RIGHT, PLAN B. WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE TO GET ME ON THAT SQUAD?
EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICE, EVEN YOU, WHORE OF BABYLON.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION DEMANDS, BACK-SEAT TEASE.
I DID SOME DOODLING IN STUDY HALL.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY I'M A GIRL IN NEED. HOWEVER,
SEEING AS WE HAVE HISTORY, I'VE DECIDED TO LOWER THE LIST OF DEMANDS FROM 300
TO ONE.
GIVE ME YOUR KNEE.
NEVER. I DRAW THE LINE AT AMPUTATION.
BUT, UM, I TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU MY UTERUS AND WE'LL JUST CALL IT A DAY, OKAY?
NO TRADE. I NEED THE CARTILAGE.
AS YOU KNOW, MARY CHERRY, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON MY KNEES.
AND THIS SUMMER I REALIZED THAT MY RIGHT KNEECAP MADE A HORRIFIC CREAKING NOISE.
[CREAKING]
OH! UGH!
THAT MADE ME COVER MY EARS IN HORROR AND SHAME.
UH, NIC, A LOGIC MOMENT FOR YOU.
UH, IF I GIVE YOU MY KNEE, HOW WILL I CHEER?
HOW WILL I EVEN TRY OUT?
WELL, YOU MADE IT LAST YEAR WITH YOUR JAW-DROPPINGLY BAD
"PIG ON NYQUIL SLOPPING TOWARDS THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE" ROUTINE.
- WHY BREAK A WINNING STREAK? - POINT TAKEN.
I CANNOT GO ON AS CO-CAPTAIN OF THE GLAMAZONS WITH A DOLBY SOUND RIGHT KNEE
THAT'S THREATENING TO CRACK.
YOU GIVE ME YOURS,
OR YOUR GLAMOROUS CAREER WILL BE COLDER THAN LAUREN HOLLY'S.
SUGAR, KUDOS. THIS PLACE IS STUNNING.
AND MY BERET IS OFF TO YOU FOR BUILDING IT WITH BAMBOO.
A NATURALLY RECYCLABLE MATERIAL CURRENTLY IN TIKI VOGUE.
- [LILY] NICE. - THE BEST THING ABOUT A FOREVER CAUSE
IS NOT THE EXTRA BOOTY I'M GONNA GET FROM EXQUISITE. NO.
IT'S THE COMMON GROUND I FOUND UP IN THE AIR WITH A GIRL WHO I THOUGHT
WAS A HAIRY ARMPIT, CAUSE-OF-THE-WEEK, LOSER FREAK.
SUGAR, YOU'RE SWEET.
YOU KNOW WHAT AMAZES ME?
IT HAS BEEN TWO HOURS AND GLASS HASN'T DONE SQUAT.
MAYBE SHE REALIZED THE POWER OF PERMANENCE AND STABILITY.
[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]
HOT DANG, IT'S THE MEDIA.
OUR LITTLE TREE'S FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL HAS GONE GLOBAL. GLASS CAN'T TOUCH US NOW!
- THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE MEDIA. - OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT A MILITARY HELICOPTER?
[WHISTLING, EXPLOSIONS]
[LILY] OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THIS? IT STINGS.
[CLAW] ATTENTION, TROUBLEMAKERS.
WHAT YOU'RE TASTING AND FEELING IN YOUR LITTLE TREE-TERRORIST QUARTERS IS DDT,
A CHEMICAL AGENT, COMPLIMENTS OF MY BROTHER ROCK.
USED IN THE GULF WAR TO HELP SADDAM TO SURRENDER.
COME DOWN NOW FOR YOUR FREE CANCER CHECK.
YOU'LL NEVER FORCE OUR HAND, CLAW!
[SAM] SORRY, BROOKE?
SORRY. BROOKE?
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?
I'M SORRY. I'M FREAKED AND DISTRACTED ABOUT MY MOM AND DAD MASHING.
[STAMMERING] I JUST, I THOUGHT THEY WERE OVER.
- [BROOKE] ARE YOU OKAY? - NO, NO, I'M NOT OKAY.
I PROMISED MYSELF I WASN'T GONNA CRY TODAY.
HERE'S OUR NUMBER. MIKE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE. JUST...
GIVE HER A DAY TO COOL OFF. I'LL MAKE SURE SHE'S THERE TOMORROW AT EIGHT.
YOU MAKE SURE HE CALLS. WE CAN PATCH THIS UP, BROOKE, I KNOW IT.
OKAY.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
EXQUISITE.
TWINKIES.
EXQUISITE.
[SIGHS] MAN, SOME PEOPLE ARE SO LUCKY THEY CAN SLEEP THROUGH STRESS.
- [SNORING] - [SAM] HOW ARE YOU?
NOT GOOD. DDT SCARE ASIDE, I THINK I HAVE SCURVY,
MY JOINTS ACHE FROM LACK OF MOBILITY AND I'M A WRECK WAITING FOR THE CLAW
TO MAKE HER NEXT STRIKE. YOU?
HORRIBLE BUT HOPEFUL.
BROOKE AND I ARE WORKING TOGETHER TO GONNA PATCH THIS FAMILY UP.
- I KNOW IT. - SAM.
MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU FACED THE FACT THAT MAYBE
THE MERGER BETWEEN THE McQUEENS AND McPHERSONS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
I MEAN, CULTURALLY, FAMILIES ARE A DYING BREED.
SOMETHING LIKE 65 PERCENT OF ALL MARRIAGES ENDS IN DIVORCE.
"TILL DEATH DO US PART" SHOULD BE REPLACED IN THE AMERICAN LEXICON
BY "TILL SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG OR I GET BORED."
WELL, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF FOREVER, WHY ARE YOU UP IN THIS TREE?
THIS TREE HAS ROOTS, SAM.
IF YOUR FAMILY DOESN'T, I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE
NO AMOUNT OF WISHING OR PLOTTING CAN KEEP IT GROWING.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL, I USED TO PLAY WITH MY BARBIES.
AND YOU WOULD BE MALIBU SKIPPER.
AND DADDY WOULD BE KEN.
AND YOU WOULD MOVE BACK INTO THE DREAMHOUSE.
I WAS SO HAPPY.
[LAUGHS] WELL, DREAMHOUSE IS AN APPROPRIATE NAME HERE.
BUT YOUR FATHER'S WITH JANE.
JANE MOVED OUT.
YOU LOVE DADDY... DON'T YOU?
YOUR FATHER WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME. ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT'S HAPPENED NOW.
I DID.
IF WE WORK ON HIM TOGETHER, HE COULD SEE THAT PEOPLE CHANGE.
[HORN]
[DIALING]
[PHONE RINGING]
OPERATOR, I'D LIKE YOU TO CHECK A NUMBER.
IT MIGHT BE OUT OF ORDER. IT'S A PHONE THAT'S IN A CRACK DEN.
- CAN YOU GIVE ME THAT PHONE? - NO.
I'M EXPECTING A CALL.
OH.
- SAM, HE'S NOT GONNA CALL. - [SIGHS]
HE WILL CALL, MOM. HE WANTS TO, I KNOW IT.
NO, I KNOW IT'S SAD, BUT EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS A BEGINNING AND AN END,
AND WE HAD OUR END.
HEY, COME ON. LET'S GO AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
YOU'LL NEED YOUR ENERGY IF YOU'RE COMING TO WORK WITH ME TOMORROW.
YEAH, COME ON.
IN ONE HOUR, I'LL HAVE A NEW RIGHT KNEE CAP.
AND ONCE AGAIN, I'LL BE PERFECT.
- THANKS, MARY CHERRY. - AS YOU KNOW, NIC,
I'LL DO ANYTHING TO BE POPULAR.
ANYTHING!
HEY, UM, IS THAT ANESTHETIC DARVON DRIP TAKING EFFECT, HON?
COUNT BACKWARDS FROM THE NUMBER OF YOUR LAST SEXUAL PARTNER.
[SIGHS]
NINE HUNDRED NINE, 908...
YEAH. I'LL DO ANYTHING TO BE POPULAR.
EXCEPT VANDALIZE MY STUNNING BEAUTY.
NOW, WHOSE KNEECAP CAN I BUY,
THUS REELING IN STATUS YET REMAINING SCAR-FREE?
[NURSE] GIRLS, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR SURGERY.
OH, NURSE JANE, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MILLION DOLLARS FOR YOUR KNEECAP.
[KRUPPS] OH, DON'T LOOK SO DOWN IN THE DUMPS, BOBBI.
IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE PULLED THE PLUG ON THE WNBA.
JUST WHEN I CAN ALMOST TASTE VENGEANCE BECAUSE OF MY ANTI-PROTEST TECHNIQUES,
THOSE TREE-DWELLING TROUBLEMAKERS REVEAL THEMSELVES
TO BE AS STRONG AND STUBBORN
- AS I AM. - WAIT A MINUTE.
ANTI-PROTEST TECHNIQUES?
NOTHING TO WORRY YOUR SUMMER BLOND HEAD ABOUT.
FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, I'VE BEEN HAVING A LITTLE FUN WITH SLEEP DEPRIVATION.
[SNORING]
[LOUD ROCK MUSIC BLARES]
BOBBI, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT PLAYING HEAVY METAL MUSIC,
A VIET CONG TORTURE TECHNIQUE, IS TAKING IT TOO FAR.
BUT THE KIDS LOVE THE HEAVY METAL MUSIC. THEY DO.
NOW, BOBBI,
WHY IS KENNEDY HIGH PAYING FOR YOUR INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH LAXATIVES?
THOSE ARE FOR MY PET HOMING PIGEONS
WHICH I ASSURE YOU, CALVIN KRUPPS, ARE USED STRICTLY FOR SCHOOL BUSINESS.
[CRIES OUT IN DISGUST]
I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY TO TREAT THE SITUATION WITH RESPECT AND DISCRETION.
WE DON'T WANT THE COPS INVOLVED.
- HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, BOBBI? - MY HMO DOESN'T COVER LITHIUM.
ALL RIGHT, I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.
IF WE WANT TO CHOP THAT TREE, WE'VE GOT TO CHOP THOSE KIDS AT THE KNEES
AND RATIONALLY, HIT THEM WHERE THEY LIVE.
[JANE] NOW, ISN'T THIS FUN?
YOU... ME... MY THRIVING NEW CAREER.
HMM?
- HOW DO I LOOK? - VERY AMERICAN BEAUTY, MOM.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OUR FIRST LOOKY-LOO.
JANE.
UH, BROOKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT HERE FOR THE FREE COOKIES.
I'M MOVING HERE, JANE.
WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU THE HOUSE.
ATTENTION, PROTESTERS, THIS IS VICE PRINCIPAL KRUPPS
AND I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS.
THIS IS IT, SD. THE VOICE OF REASON.
WE DID IT. WE SAVED FOREVER.
[KRUPPS] MR. BERNARDINO, HAVING LOOKED AT YOUR RECORD,
I SAW THAT YOU ASCENDED TO POPULARITY VIA ATHLETICS.
UNFORTUNATELY, IF YOU MISS ONE MORE FOOTBALL PRACTICE,
I WILL BE FORCED TO CUT YOU FROM THE TEAM.
[GLASS] WITHOUT YOUR GOLDEN JOCK STATUS,
HAVE FUN SITTING WITH THE TARDS AT LUNCH.
FORGET THE FOREVER TREE. IF YOU STAY IN YOUR PROTEST PERCH,
YOU WILL BE FOREVER ON THE OUTS!
- GO. - ARE YOU SURE?
[WHISPERS] YEAH.
I KNOW HOW HARD YOU WORKED TO GET YOUR STATUS, SD.
I'LL BE OKAY.
- YOU SURE? - MM-HM.
WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS NOW? [CHUCKLES]
[SAM] THIS IS JUST GREAT.
WHEN DID GRACE KELLY DECIDE SHE WANTED TO MOVE HERE?
LAST NIGHT. WE TALKED. DON'T SLAG MY MOTHER.
- I'M ALWAYS RESPECTFUL OF YOURS. - YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I JUST... I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO HAVE YOUR DAD CALL MY MOM LAST NIGHT.
- HE DIDN'T CALL? - [SAM] NO, HOW COULD HE?
YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM THE NUMBER.
OKAY, I FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO HIM.
THIS IS ABOUT THE SINK, ISN'T IT? YOU ALWAYS HATED SHARING THE SINK.
SAM, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SINK.
I LIKED HAVING YOU AROUND. I ALWAYS WANTED A SISTER AND...
EVEN THOUGH I FOUGHT IT, I GOT ONE.
I CAUSED THIS. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIE IN BED AT NIGHT,
AND HEAR YOUR MOM CRYING IN THE BATHROOM AND IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID MY MOM WAS THE MOTHER YOU NEVER HAD.
IT'S COMPLICATED, SAM.
MY MOM CAME BACK.
BROOKE...
...MY MOM'S THE ONE YOU SENT A CARD TO LAST MOTHER'S DAY.
HEY, YOUR MOM LEFT, HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE THAT?
I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE, SAM.
I COULD EITHER HATE HER FOREVER FOR WHAT SHE DID AND TURN HER AWAY
AND NEVER KNOW MY OWN MOTHER OR I COULD TRY AND UNDERSTAND WHY SHE LEFT
AND CONCENTRATE ON THE FUTURE INSTEAD.
AND JUST TRY AND GET RID OF SOME OF THIS PAIN AND SOME OF THIS ANGER
THAT HAS BEEN BUILDING UP IN ME FOR EIGHT YEARS.
WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY?
JUST KNOW ONE THING. IF YOU THREW AWAY THAT PIECE OF PAPER I GAVE YOU,
IT'S JUST THE SAME AS IF YOU THREW AWAY MY MOM AND ME.
BROOKE, HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
JANE...
...I'M REALLY SORRY. I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU.
I'LL TAKE THE HOUSE.
[SCREAMS]
- YOU OKAY? - [PANTING]
YEAH. SORRY.
LONG NIGHT. WH... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I BROUGHT YOU SOME REINFORCEMENTS AT SUG'S REQUEST.
SOY MILK, TOFU SLIM JIMS AND LADY RAZORS.
- YOU NEED SOME COMPANY? - UH-HUH.
SIT DOWN.
WOW.
SO, UM, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT?
OF EVERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL, YOU SEEM TO HAVE A KNACK FOR PICKING
THE COOL CAUSES AND SEEING THEM THROUGH.
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER TO, LIKE, STAY OR GIVE UP?
OOH! UM, WELL,
I FOLLOW ONE CRITERIA.
I LISTEN TO MY HEART.
YEAH, AND IF MY HEART TELLS ME THAT SOMETHING'S WORTH FIGHTING FOR,
THEN I GUESS THAT'S HOW I KNOW.
AND DO YOU THINK A RELATIONSHIP CAN BE A CAUSE?
YEAH, TOTALLY.
I THINK RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE BIGGEST CAUSE OF ALL.
AT SOME POINT, YOU JUST HAVE TO DECIDE TO COMMIT.
HUH.
MARY CHERRY, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A GAY TURKEY?
TO IMPRESS YOU AND BROOKIE,
THE EQUALLY GLAMOROUS AND STUNNING JUDGES.
HERE, I BROUGHT YOU THE HOPE DIAMOND.
AT EASE.
LET ME GUESS. "BROOKE McQUEEN PLUS ALL OVER THE PLACE
EQUALS HER CURRENT PATHETIC STATE."
UM, NOT QUITE.
WHAT'S WRONG, DID I MISSPELL SOMETHING?
NO.
[LAUGHS]
BROOKE, IT'S OKAY. WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.
I MEANT WHAT I WROTE HERE.
AND I'VE DECIDED THAT TO MAKE IT NOW OR FOREVER,
YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED TO THE CONCEPT, AND IT'S HARD WORK, I KNOW.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA SHAKE THINGS UP, YOU KNOW?
TAKE BIG CHANCES, GIVE UP TO GET THAT DREAM OF FOREVER.
AND I WANT TO DO THAT FOR YOU.
CAN YOU DO IT?
YEAH.
I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO.
[LOUD CREAK]
[COUGHS]
COME ON, CARM. LET ME SEE THOSE CROCODILE TEARS OF DISAPPOINTMENT.
I'M IN THE MOOD FOR A GOOD LAUGH.
NICOLE...
...YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE PERSON. ONE DAY I'M GONNA STOP YOU.
YOUR HATRED ENERGIZES ME.
BRING IT ON AND WATCH ME RADIATE.
ALTHOUGH BRUCE LEE MIGHT APPROVE, CONSIDER THESE NUNCHUCKS MINE.
UH, I'M SORRY, MISS JULIAN, A QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHO WAS THE ALTERNATE TO THE SQUAD?
YOU MEAN THE WANNABE WHO DIDN'T MAKE IT? MS. CARMEN FERRARA, HERSELF?
HERE, CALVIN KRUPPS. I DID SOME DIGGING THROUGH THE TRASH IN THE NOVAK.
FOUND BROOKE AND THE ANTICHRIST'S PRACTICE PAD.
CARMEN WAS AWARDED THE RUNNER UP SLOT WHEN, BY GOD, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME.
I'M A FRICKIN' TEEN PAULA ABDUL!
UH, MISS JULIAN, WALK FOR ME AGAIN.
MODEL? CERTAINLY, CALVIN KLEIN. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
♪ YEAH, YEAH, SHE GOES BOOM, BOOM, BOOM...
[LOUD CRACKING]
♪ SHE GOES BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
♪ SHE ANNIHILATES ME...
MMM. I THOUGHT SO. MISS FERRARA, DUST OFF YOUR POMPOMS. MISS JULIAN,
I'M TERMINATING YOUR GLAMAZON MEMBERSHIP.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHY?
FROM THE SOUND, YOU HAVE THE KNEE OF A 90-YEAR-OLD.
IF YOU FALL DURING THE STAG LEAP, YOUR PARENTS COULD SUE THE SCHOOL.
WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO INSURE YOU. GOOD DAY, MISS JULIAN.
AND MISS FERRARA, CONGRATS. SUCCESS IS A GREAT COLOR ON YOU.
BRINGS OUT YOUR EYES.
♪ SHE GOES BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
- ♪ CRAZY, CRAZY - ♪ BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
♪ SHE ANNIHILATES ME ♪
MARY CHERRY, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KNEE?
IT'S CALLED "SHOW BUSINESS," NIC, NOT "SHOW FRIENDS."
[SAM] THANK YOU FOR MEETING ME HERE, KELLY.
I OWE THAT TO YOU, SAM.
OF COURSE I WOULD MEET YOU HERE.
I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN VERY ROUGH ON YOU AND I APOLOGIZE.
KELLY, PLEASE UNDERSTAND, I BROUGHT YOU HERE.
I'M THE ONE WHO, RESULTINGLY, RUINED THE ONLY HAPPINESS MY MOM HAS KNOWN
SINCE MY DAD DIED.
PLEASE HELP ME MAKE RIGHT WHAT I MADE WRONG.
SAM, I FEEL BADLY TOO.
I'VE CAUSED A LOT OF PROBLEMS AROUND HERE.
PROBLEMS THAT I NEED TO MAKE RIGHT AS WELL.
THERE MUST BE A WAY TO DO THAT OTHER THAN BUYING A HOUSE HERE.
THERE IS.
I'VE TALKED WITH BROOKE AND I'M MOVING BACK TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- AND I'M MOVING WITH HER. - NO.
- NO, FORGET IT, BROOKE. - I KNOW THIS IS HARD,
- BUT IT IS A WAY FOR BOTH OF US TO WIN. - HOW DO I WIN
IF MY DAUGHTER MOVES TO SAN FRANCISCO? WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHAT ABOUT HOW I RAISED YOU, ALONE? WHAT ABOUT HOW I...
[BROOKE] DADDY. IF I LEAVE
AND MOM COMES WITH ME, YOU AND JANE CAN WORK THIS OUT. I KNOW IT.
DADDY, I REALIZE THAT YOU TWO ARE THE ONES THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER.
I NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH MY MOTHER.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
[CRYING] IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ME BECAUSE...
...YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME.
[BROOKE] YOU CAN'T HOLD ON TO ME FOREVER.
I LOOK AT MY MOTHER, WHERE I COME FROM,
AND I DON'T KNOW HER, DADDY.
AND I THINK TO KNOW MYSELF...
...THAT IS A JOURNEY THAT I HAVE TO TAKE.
[GIGGLING]
IN THE MIDST OF WHAT HAS BEEN A SHOCKING WEEK
IT IS SO COMFORTING TO HAVE SOME VEGETABLE DIM SUM.
SUGAR, CAN YOU PLEASE POUR ME SOME TEA?
- SURE. - THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING BACK UP. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME.
WELL, IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. YOU KNOW?
I THOUGHT I'D BE NOTHING WITHOUT FOOTBALL,
AND THEN I REALIZED MY PRINCIPLES, AND MY RELATIONSHIPS,
MEAN MORE THAN ANY LAME LETTERMAN'S JACKET.
I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.
DESPITE ALL OF THE CHANGES,
SURPRISES AND TOPPLINGS OF SOCIAL HIERARCHIES THIS WEEK,
WE ARE STILL STANDING AND SO IS THE FOREVER TREE.
- WORD. - CHEERS.
[CHAINSAW STARTS UP]
[GLASS] TIMBER!
[CRASHING, SCREAMING]
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
♪ OOH, LA LA LA LA
♪ OH, LA LA LA LA ♪