1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:02,567 [KNOCKING] 2 00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:06,538 COMING. COMING, COMING, COMING. HANG ON, HANG ON, I'M COMING. 3 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,107 [KNOCKING CONTINUES] 4 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,710 - HANG ON, HANG ON, HANG ON. - HI. ARE YOU BUSY? 5 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,480 - NO. - I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING, AM I? 6 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:19,017 NO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE WEIRD CROATIAN GUY WITH THE SCOOPER. 7 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,218 WHO? 8 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:22,421 HE FILLS THE ICE MACHINE 9 00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:25,591 AND HE ALWAYS COMES BY WITH A BURNING QUESTION WHENEVER I'M IN A TOWEL. 10 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,593 - ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE? - NO. YES. 11 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:33,365 MY HOUSE IS A WAR ZONE, SO CAN I SPEND THE NIGHT HERE TONIGHT? 12 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,600 YEAH, I GUESS. 13 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,470 IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A LOT OF EXTRA SPACE. 14 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,306 THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T NEED... I COULD SLEEP IN THE TUB 15 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,141 OR THE MINIBAR OR WHATEVER. 16 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,276 - WHAT'S GOING ON AT YOUR PLACE? - NOTHING. 17 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:48,247 MY PARENTS ARE FIGHTING AGAIN. CAN I GET REST OF MY STUFF? 18 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,914 THERE'S MORE? 19 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,121 - OH, CARM. - I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT. 20 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,856 THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T FOLD. 21 00:00:57,924 --> 00:01:01,226 EVERYTHING IN THAT BAG IS YOUR STUFF I BORROWED SINCE 4TH GRADE. 22 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:04,696 I THOUGHT THAT NOW WOULD BE A VERY GOOD TIME TO RETURN IT. 23 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,031 THERE'S NO RUSH. 24 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,501 IS THAT JACKET YOU'RE WEARING MINE, TOO? 25 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,702 WHOAH. 26 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,474 HELLO. I THOUGHT I PUT THAT IN THAT BAG. 27 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,142 YOU SEE WHAT LIVING WITH LUNATICS WILL DO TO YOU? 28 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:21,713 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE THIS. 29 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:25,950 I SPENT THE ENTIRE SUMMER OF 5TH AND 6TH GRADE LOOKING FOR THIS THING. 30 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,787 I EVEN POSTED A REWARD AT THE YWCA. 31 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,524 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 32 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,593 NOTHING. 33 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,861 I JUST GOT COLD. 34 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,999 SO, I CAN HOLD ON TO THIS JACKET FOR A COUPLE MORE DAYS? 35 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,267 YEAH, SURE. 36 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,170 YOUR MOM'S GONNA BE OKAY WITH THIS, RIGHT? 37 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,972 I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. 38 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,642 THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. 39 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,044 HOW DO WE KNOW THIS ISN'T AN UNDIGESTED LIMA BEAN 40 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,546 THAT WANDERED INTO MY UTERUS? 41 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,715 THAT HAPPENS. 42 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,884 THERE WAS A WOMAN WHO THOUGHT SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS. 43 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,888 TURNED OUT THAT IT WAS A PEPTIC ULCER. DO YOU HAVE CHANGE FOR THE METER? 44 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,626 I CAN'T AFFORD MORE PARKING TICKETS. AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE A BABY. 45 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:11,996 I MEAN, I'VE DONE THAT ALREADY. I AM DESIGNING A RETIREMENT PLAN... 46 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,632 THERE YOU GO. 47 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,300 [HEART BEATING] 48 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:18,603 HOW COME MY LIMA BEAN HAS A HEART BEAT? 49 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,012 ♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE 50 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,682 ♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE 51 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:35,353 ♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS 52 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:37,556 ♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE 53 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,558 ♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE 54 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,827 ♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO THEN BABY 55 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,562 ♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED 56 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,698 ♪ WELL ME AND B 57 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,334 ♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS 58 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:59,511 ♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪ 59 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:09,254 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE BREAKFAST FOR ME. 60 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:13,292 YEAH, DAD, I WANT TO. 61 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,262 I'M HERE NOW AND I WANT TO GET BACK TO OUR ROUTINE. 62 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,999 - LOOKS GOOD. - I CAN'T LET YOU EAT THIS. 63 00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,435 - I LIKE MY EGGS CRISPY. - IT'S FRENCH TOAST. 64 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:29,808 YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST FORGET IT. 65 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:33,512 - CAN WE CALL JANE, SEE IF SHE DELIVERS? - NO. COFFEE'S GOOD. 66 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:36,682 DAD, IT'S TEA. HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HER? 67 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,317 - WHO? - JANE. 68 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,486 - BROOKE, I TOLD YOU... - DAD, I'M CALLING HER IF YOU DON'T. 69 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,622 NO YOU'RE NOT. NOW WE'VE AGREED 70 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,558 WE'RE GONNA TAKE TWO MONTHS OFF SO WE CAN FIGURE THINGS OUT. 71 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:49,494 WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND? 72 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,696 THERE WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING, THAT'S IT. 73 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,899 COME ON, YOU CAN SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE, CAN'T YOU? 74 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,636 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - I'M GONNA MAKE SOME CRISPY EGGS. 75 00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,437 DAD, YOU MISS HER. 76 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,407 I MISS HER. 77 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:14,052 - YES, SANTA MONICA, PLEASE. - BROOKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 78 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,023 I WOULD LIKE A LISTING FOR A MOTEL. THE NO ROOM AT THE INN. 79 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,092 BROOKE, NEED I REMIND YOU THAT WHEN YOUR MOTHER WAS HERE 80 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,994 YOU FORGOT JANE EVEN EXISTED. 81 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,364 YOU ALMOST LEFT WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE. 82 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:30,301 AND NOW THAT YOUR MOTHER IS GONE, YOU'RE READY TO PICK UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF. 83 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,439 - I'M LATE. - IT'S ONLY 7:30. 84 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,743 WELL, I'M TAKING THIS PREP SEMINAR FOR THE SAT. 85 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,045 I HOPE THERE ARE NO QUESTIONS ABOUT FAMILY. 86 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,648 CLEARLY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORK. 87 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,717 I'M NOT MAKING YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. 88 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,086 YOU KNOW WHAT, DADDY, IT SURE FEELS THAT WAY. 89 00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:51,456 EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, SOMEONE IN THIS FAMILY IS UPSET, 90 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,058 OR THEY'RE ANGRY OR THEY'RE FEELING BETRAYED. 91 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,528 WELL, I'M FEELING TOTALLY LOST. 92 00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,998 MAYBE YOU COULD DRAW ME A MAP. 93 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,140 [MUSIC ON TV] 94 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,546 ARE YOU DONE IN THE BATHROOM? 95 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,949 UH-HUH. BUT, YOU MAY WANT TO ASK CARMEN IF SHE IS. 96 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,718 [LAUGHS] 97 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,120 WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 98 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:24,790 I NEED AN ESTIMATED TIME OF DEPARTURE. 99 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,826 MOM, BE COOL, OKAY. SHE'S OBVIOUSLY UPSET. 100 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,861 [LAUGHS] 101 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,501 CARMEN, ARE YOU PLANNING ON GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY? 102 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,269 [CRUNCHES AND MUMBLES] 103 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:41,606 THIS IS THE PART WHERE HER FAKE EYELASH FALLS IN HIS DRINK. 104 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,311 CARMEN, ARE YOU SURE THAT YOUR MOM'S OKAY WITH YOU STAYING HERE? 105 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,413 OH, TOTALLY. WHOA. THERE IT GOES. 106 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,215 [LAUGHS HEARTILY] 107 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,853 WELL, I'VE GOT A SEMINAR, I GOTTA GO. 108 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:56,988 CARM, YOU'RE GONNA MEET ME THERE, RIGHT? 109 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:00,992 BYE. 110 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,703 - SO, WHAT ARE WE WATCHING? - YOURS, MINE AND OURS. 111 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,372 LUCILLE BALL PLAYS A WIDOW WHO'S GOT LIKE EIGHT KIDS. 112 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,208 SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HENRY FONDA, AND HE'S GOT TEN KIDS. 113 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,478 - THEY HAVE EIGHTEEN CHILDREN? - I KNOW. 114 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,813 AND THEN LUCY GETS PREGNANT WITH NUMBER 19. 115 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:25,416 SHE DOESN'T TELL HENRY UNTIL SHE'S READY TO POP IT OUT. 116 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,318 REALLY? 117 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,688 AND THIS WORKS FOR HER? 118 00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:30,822 MM. 119 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,494 [HUMMING] 120 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,005 NICE TO SEE YOU CAN STILL AMUSE YOURSELF, ROBERTA. 121 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,342 UNCLE TIPTON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 122 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,812 I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIVING IN AUSTRALIA. 123 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,479 I AM. 124 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,383 - BUT I'M ON MY WAY TO MONTANA. - WHAT'S IN MONTANA? 125 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,019 BIG SKIES, BUNNY. WIDE OPEN FIELDS. 126 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,822 PLUMP, FLUFFY CLOUDS, SOFTER THAN A BABY'S BUM. 127 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,792 NOT TO MENTION THE WORLD'S LARGEST LUNCHMEAT CONVENTION. 128 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,260 - SO YOU'RE ATTENDING... - I'M THE GUEST SPEAKER. 129 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,332 THE WORLD HAS FINALLY EMBRACED THE VIRTUES OF OSTRICH BALONEY. 130 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,703 - THIS YOUR CLASSROOM? - YES, IT IS. 131 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,839 I AM TEACHING CHEMISTRY NOW. 132 00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:24,743 HOW'S THE FAMILY? THE MISTER, THE KIDS? HOW MANY YA GOT NOW? 133 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,546 WELL, JUST THE ONE. 134 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,414 YOU OUGHT TO DOUBLE YOUR ODDS. 135 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:34,452 WELL, WE'RE DEFINITELY CONSIDERING IT. 136 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,888 WITH... WELL... LIFE HAS JUST BEEN SO... 137 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:41,459 BUSY, HECTIC, WITH THE SOCCER CARPOOLS AND THE TUNA CASSEROLES. 138 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,495 LISTEN TO YOU, LAWRENCE OF SUBURBIA. 139 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,732 BRAVO, BOBBI! 140 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,536 IF ANYONE IN OUR PATHETIC FAMILY IS GONNA PRODUCE THE NEXT GENERATION, 141 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,471 I'M GLAD IT'S YOU. 142 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,941 BY THE WAY, I PICKED A LITTLE SOMETHING UP FOR YOU IN CAPE TOWN. 143 00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,378 WAS DOWN THERE VISITING ONE OF MY FARMS. 144 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,146 CANARY DIAMOND TIEPIN. 145 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,515 VERY RARE INDEED. 146 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:08,452 UNCLE TIPTON, THIS IS TOO MUCH. 147 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:13,124 OF COURSE IT IS. BUT FORTUNE NEEDS TO STAY WITHIN A FAMILY. 148 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:17,028 SO, WHEN CAN I MEET YOURS? 149 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:23,734 UNFORTUNATELY, THE SAT DOESN'T CONSIDER BAYWATCH A LITERARY REFERENCE. 150 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,270 YO, THAT'S WHACK, MAN. 151 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,539 DON'T FRET, MR. DADDY, 152 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:32,343 TESTING IS A SKILL THAT YOU AND EVERYONE IN HERE CAN MASTER. 153 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,579 IT'S ALL ABOUT PROBABILITY. YEAH? 154 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,716 IS IT TRUE THAT SOME COLLEGES, LIKE YALE, FOR EXAMPLE, 155 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,752 ARE FOCUSING LESS ON SCORES AND MORE ON GPA? 156 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,622 HOPE NOT, OR I'M OUT OF A JOB. 157 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:47,358 HERE ARE SOME STUDY GUIDES YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT. 158 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,828 BROOKE, I THOUGHT YOUR DREAM WAS STANFORD? 159 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,330 IT WAS. UNTIL I REALIZED ANYTHING IN CALIFORNIA 160 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,432 IS WAY TOO CLOSE TO MY FAMILY. 161 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,335 - HAD ENOUGH DRAMA. - WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU JUST UNPACKED. 162 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,903 WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW? 163 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,072 HEY. WHERE'S CARMEN? 164 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:05,911 SHE'S IN MY MOTEL ROOM WATCHING LUCY. SOMETHING UGLY'S GOING ON AT HER HOUSE. 165 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,612 - IS SHE OKAY? - I DON'T KNOW. 166 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:13,151 WHEN I LEFT SHE WAS ROLLED UP IN A BEDSPREAD, CHAIN-EATING PRINGLES. 167 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,057 VICE PRINCIPAL CALVIN KRUPPS. 168 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,292 MAY I ASK YOU AN ITTY-BITTY FAVOR? 169 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,561 SURE, BOBBI. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 170 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,396 - MARRY ME. - EXCUSE ME. 171 00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,765 I NEED A HUSBAND. JUST TILL TOMORROW. 172 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,268 YOU'VE BEEN WARNED ABOUT INHALING CHEMICALS. 173 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:34,605 WAIT! LISTEN UP, STUD. MY RICHER-THAN-SIN UNCLE'S IN TOWN. 174 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:39,044 HE THINKS I'M SUSIE HOMEMAKER. HE WANTS TO MEET MY HUSBAND AND MY KID. TONIGHT. 175 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:43,214 IF HE DOESN'T, I WILL DISAPPEAR FROM HIS WILL FASTER THAN A STEVEN SEGAL MOVIE. 176 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:47,586 WAIT. YOU'VE DECEIVED A RELATIVE INTO BELIEVING YOU'RE SOMEBODY YOU'RE NOT? 177 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,788 SKIP THE CLIFF NOTES. ARE YOU IN OR OUT? 178 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,690 OUT. 179 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,557 BE HONEST WITH UNCLE TIPPY. 180 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,393 IF YOU PERPETUATE A LIE, BOBBI, 181 00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:58,797 HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF? 182 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:01,833 [MAN] TWO MONTHS INTO EARLY RETIREMENT, HERE'S BOBBI GLASS. 183 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:05,704 PUTTING TO WIN THE DINAH SHORE MINIATURE GOLF CLASSIC. 184 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,771 [CROWD CHEERS] 185 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,575 [MAN] LOOK AT HER GO. HOW DOES SHE LIVE WITH HERSELF? 186 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,111 VERY COMFORTABLY. 187 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,615 [BELL RINGS] 188 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,390 I LOVE YOUR JACKET. WHERE'D YOU GET IT? 189 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,927 THIS? PARIS. 190 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,795 - HAVE YOU BEEN? - NO. 191 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,031 OH, WELL, NOT YET. 192 00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:36,500 MAYBE YOU COULD RECOMMEND SOME COLLEGES THERE. NOT THAT I'D GET IN. 193 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,771 YOU KNOW, I CAN PROVIDE THE LEGAL CHEAT SHEET. 194 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,440 WHAT I CAN'T GIVE YOU IS CONFIDENCE. 195 00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:44,776 - IT'S BROOKE, RIGHT? - YEAH. 196 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,946 LET ME GUESS. YOU'RE HOLDING DOWN A 3.7 AVERAGE, 197 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,782 JUGGLING TOO MANY EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES, 198 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,351 A DAD WHO WORSHIPS YOU A LITTLE TOO MUCH, 199 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,686 A MOM YOU CAN'T COMPLETELY TRUST 200 00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:59,523 AND FRIENDS WHO WOULD SECRETLY LOVE IT IF YOU HAD TO GO TO BEAUTY COLLEGE. 201 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,026 WHERE DID YOU GET ALL OF THAT FROM? 202 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,628 THAT WAS MY RESUME, CIRCA 1991. 203 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,264 WOW. 204 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,233 - WERE YOU A CHEERLEADER? - THREE YEARS. IT WAS GOOD TRAINING. 205 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:12,136 YOU HAVE TO CLIMB ON A LOT OF BACKS TO GET THROUGH LAW SCHOOL. 206 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,972 YOU WENT TO LAW SCHOOL, TOO? 207 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,974 GRADUATED NINTH IN MY CLASS, 208 00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:19,210 CLERKED FOR TWO YEARS, HATED THE PEOPLE, 209 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,746 AND DECIDED THAT I VALUED FLEXIBILITY MORE THAN ARMANI SUITS. 210 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,349 AT LEAST WITH THIS JOB, 211 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:30,154 I FEEL LIKE I AM ACTUALLY AFFECTING PEOPLE'S LIVES. 212 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,290 WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? 213 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,793 OH... 214 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,228 I DON'T KNOW... 215 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,865 I JUST WANT TO BE OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. YOU KNOW, LIVING ON MY OWN. 216 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,867 MY FAMILY SITUATION'S KIND OF SCREWED UP. 217 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,404 WHO'S ISN'T? BUT THAT CAN HELP. 218 00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,174 ONCE I REALIZED THAT HOME IS WHERE THE HEARTBREAK IS, 219 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,242 I MADE SOME MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS. 220 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,744 REALLY? 221 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,080 SO HOW DO I GET TO BE YOU? 222 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,516 WELL, SOUNDS LIKE I DIDN'T MISS A THING. 223 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,584 DO YOU PLAN ON TAKING THE SATS? 224 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:04,522 BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU MIGHT, I DON'T KNOW, MISS COLLEGE? 225 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,857 I HAD OTHER THINGS TO TAKE CARE OF, LILY. 226 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,493 LIKE GIVING AWAY YOUR BLOOD? 227 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,031 - WHAT IS THIS? - I'M NOT GIVING IT AWAY. 228 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:16,367 - I WAS NICELY COMPENSATED. - LIKE WHAT? TWO CHIPS AHOY? 229 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,669 CARMEN, WHY ARE YOU SELLING YOUR BLOOD? 230 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:23,074 I NEED EXTRA CASH. EVERY APARTMENT I CALLED WANTS A SECURITY DEPOSIT. 231 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,977 HOLD UP. YOU'RE LOOKING AT APARTMENTS NOW? 232 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,546 CARMEN, WHAT'S GOING ON AT YOUR HOUSE? 233 00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,149 NOTHING? LOOK, MY FATHER GOES BALLISTIC 234 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,185 EVERY TIME MY MOM BUYS THE WRONG KIND OF SOAP. 235 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,121 I JUST NEED MY OWN SPACE. 236 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,502 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A SCRUMPTIOUS ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SURF-AND-TURF FEAST? 237 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,238 - WHAT? - YOU FREE TONIGHT? 238 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,707 [STAMMERS] 239 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,342 I DON'T THINK SO. 240 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,012 HEAR ME OUT, SOLDIER. 241 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,181 I GOT A RELATIVE IN TOWN, HE SELLS INSURANCE, 242 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:06,917 TURNS OUT I CAN'T QUALIFY FOR HEFTY BENEFITS IF I'M NOT WITH CHILD. 243 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,253 DO YOU WANT TO BE MY BABY? 244 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,157 YEAH... I'M, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS. 245 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,601 NICE ACCESSORY, SIR. HAVE WE RECENTLY COME INTO SOME MONEY? 246 00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,336 OUTTA MY WAY, BISCUIT BREATH. 247 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:29,073 DOES IT HAVE TO BE A SON OR CAN YOU IMPRESS THE OLD COOT WITH A DAUGHTER? 248 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,945 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - DO YOU THINK SOMEBODY COULD PULL UP 249 00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,681 TO THIS SCHOOL IN A LIMO AND I'M NOT GONNA INVESTIGATE? 250 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,118 I BROUGHT UP TIPPY'S NETWORK ON THE WEB. WOW. 251 00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:43,020 LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE MINX, STAY OUT OF MY FAMILY AFFAIRS. 252 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:46,691 MISS GLASS, FOR A MERE $10,000, I CAN BE YOUR FAMILY. 253 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,160 YOU? 254 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,061 I'D RATHER EAT A URINAL CAKE. 255 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,531 GOES DOWN EASY WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING DOM PERIGNON. 256 00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:56,434 NICE TRY, SISTER, BUT I AIN'T BUYING. 257 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,236 WHAT, EXACTLY, ARE YOUR OPTIONS? 258 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,448 EVERYBODY FEELS TRAPPED IN HIGH SCHOOL. 259 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,250 HIGH SCHOOL IS PRISON. 260 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,918 AND HIGH-SCHOOL BOYS HOLD ALL THE KEYS. 261 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:17,822 I SAY, SET YOUR QUARTERBACK ASIDE 262 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:21,359 AND AIM FOR SOMEONE WHO IS, AT LEAST, 19. 263 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,596 I'VE NEVER DATED A COLLEGE GUY. 264 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,666 - WELL, WHAT'S STOPPING YOU? - I DON'T KNOW. THE LAW? 265 00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:32,770 - [SCOFFS] - [BROOKE LAUGHS] 266 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,039 - GOD, THIS IS SO COOL. - WHAT? 267 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,909 NOT BEING IN THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA. 268 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,978 HAVING LUNCH WITH A REAL PERSON 269 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,247 WITH NAPKINS AND LEATHER MENUS. 270 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,582 A TABLE YOU CAN TOUCH WITHOUT A TETANUS SHOT. 271 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,619 - OH, EXCUSE ME. - YEAH? 272 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,522 COULD I HAVE ANOTHER BLOODY MARY? 273 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:55,894 - BROOKE, YOU WANT MORE COFFEE? - I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH OF A COFFEE DRINKER. 274 00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:58,596 - I NEVER LIKED THE TASTE. - HAVE YOU TRIED IRISH COFFEE? 275 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,598 OH, YOU NEED TO TRY IRISH COFFEE. 276 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,666 WOULD YOU BRING HER AN IRISH COFFEE? 277 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,669 - CERTAINLY. - THANKS. 278 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,506 WHERE WERE WE BEFORE THE TETANUS SHOT? 279 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:12,076 - BOYFRIENDS. - UGH. TOO DEPRESSING. WHAT'S NEXT? 280 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,711 ARE YOU CLOSE WITH YOUR MOTHER? 281 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:16,180 YEOW. 282 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,515 WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? 283 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,750 I'M JUST CURIOUS. YOU SEEM SO SURE OF YOURSELF. 284 00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,386 I WONDERED IF IT'S FROM BEING CLOSE WITH YOUR MOTHER. 285 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,222 YOU HAVEN'T MET MY MOTHER. 286 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,056 DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING. 287 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,225 FREAK. 288 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:32,763 WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU AND YOUR MOM BEST FRIENDS? 289 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,367 NOT REALLY. SHE LEFT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL, 290 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,870 AND SHE CAME BACK FOR MY DAD'S WEDDING. 291 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,707 REALLY LONG STORY, LOUSY ENDING. 292 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:46,177 - I'M SORRY. - HEY, I'M OVER IT. 293 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,878 REALLY. 294 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,648 YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I'M REALLY, REALLY CLOSE WITH JANE, 295 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,683 MY DAD'S GIRLFRIEND. 296 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,386 WAS. 297 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,190 THAT'S TOO COMPLICATED, TOO. 298 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,726 LADIES, IRISH COFFEE, 299 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,462 AND A BLOODY MARY. 300 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,630 - THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 301 00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:12,069 YOU REALLY MISS HAVING A MOM? 302 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,737 IT'S THAT OBVIOUS? 303 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,240 MOST THINGS ARE OBVIOUS WHEN PEOPLE STOP TALKING. 304 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,010 WHY DON'T YOU TRY YOUR COFFEE? 305 00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:26,517 ISN'T IRISH COFFEE A BEAUTIFUL THING? 306 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,386 SPEAKING OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS, 307 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:32,290 WHO ARE THESE HOTTIES WHO'VE BEEN STARING AT US SINCE WE WALKED IN HERE? 308 00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:35,159 - WHERE? - AAH! MM, UH-UH. 309 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:40,531 WE HAVE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS LIKE AN ADULT. THERE. GIDGET. 310 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:49,640 MM-HM. SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES. 311 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,816 [JANE] JOY? 312 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:02,953 OH, HI JANE, HOW ARE YOU? 313 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,590 I SHOULD'VE CALLED BEFORE I CAME OVER BUT I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD SO... 314 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:09,994 NO. NO, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 315 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,964 I'M JUST RUNNING TO MY JAZZERCISE CLASS. HOW IS EVERYTHING? 316 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,966 OH, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING MONTH. 317 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:20,504 LET ME GUESS, CARMEN'S ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND YOU WANT HER OUT. 318 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,707 NO. NO, NO... IT'S JUST THAT... 319 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,377 WHEN I SAW THE AMOUNT OF THINGS SHE BROUGHT OVER... 320 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,813 IF SHE'S IN YOUR WAY, JANE, JUST TELL HER. 321 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,815 SHE HAS OTHER PLACES TO STAY. 322 00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,652 NO, IT'S NOT... 323 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,954 WOULDN'T YOU RATHER HAVE HER HERE AT HOME? 324 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,325 SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD TO GIVE A KID SOME SPACE. 325 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,628 GIVES HER TIME TO ABSORB THINGS. 326 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:47,831 WELL, I WISH THAT WE HAD THE SPACE TO OFFER. 327 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,668 I DON'T KNOW IF CARMEN TOLD YOU, BUT MIKE... 328 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,205 WE SORT OF SEPARATED. 329 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,740 AND SAM AND I ARE SHARING A MOTEL ROOM... 330 00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:01,379 OH, I CAN BEAT THAT. MY HUSBAND LEFT LAST NIGHT FOR GOOD. 331 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,317 IF I DON'T GET TO CLASS, MY TEACHER'S GOING TO HUMILIATE ME. 332 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,787 OKAY, RIGHT. AND I DON'T MEAN TO KEEP YOU, IT'S JUST THAT... 333 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,261 I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. CARMEN NEVER MENTIONED IT. 334 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:22,199 WHY WOULD SHE? LITTLE GIRLS ALWAYS PROTECT THEIR DADDIES, DON'T THEY? 335 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:25,403 LISTEN, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR EX CAN WORK IT OUT. 336 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:28,606 CARMEN SAYS YOU'RE REALLY SWEET TOGETHER. 337 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,641 THEN AGAIN, WHAT DO KIDS KNOW? 338 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,242 WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE, 339 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:35,679 THEY ALWAYS COMPLICATE THE EQUATION, DON'T THEY? 340 00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:40,150 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU. I GOTTA RUN. 341 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,457 [LILY] HOW MUCH DID MISS GLASS OFFER YOU? 342 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,793 - A HUNDRED BUCKS. - AND YOU SAID NO? 343 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:52,996 THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. TO CARMEN, THAT'S LIKE THREE PINTS OF BLOOD. 344 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,766 OH, I GET IT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BECOME CLAW'S BOY TOY 345 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,569 SO CARMEN DOESN'T BECOME A HUMAN PIN CUSHION. FORGET IT. 346 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,105 CARMEN COULD USE THAT MONEY TO GET HER OWN MOTEL ROOM. 347 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,843 THEN, LET CARMEN BE HER LOVE CHILD. I'M NOT INTO IT, IT'S FREAKY. 348 00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,711 HARRISON. 349 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,916 IS SHE REALLY THINKING ABOUT MOVING OUT? 350 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,686 YES. SHE CALLED A TEEN SHELTER AT LUNCH. 351 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,389 AND AN APARTMENT MANAGER IN ANAHEIM. 352 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,559 SHE OFFERED TO SKIM THEIR POOL IN EXCHANGE FOR TWO MONTHS' FREE RENT. 353 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:24,328 - IT'S GOT A POOL? - HARRISON. 354 00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,897 BE SERIOUS, SHE'S DESPERATE. 355 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,669 [CASH REGISTER CHING] 356 00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,746 [CLEARS THROAT] 357 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,146 MISS GLASS? 358 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:46,217 I... I'VE GIVEN YOUR PROPOSAL 359 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:50,754 SOME THOUGHT, SIR, AND I'VE DECIDED THAT I WOULD LOVE TO BE YOUR SON. 360 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,357 TOO LATE, PENCIL NECK, I'M ALREADY WITH CHILD. 361 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,693 YOU ARE? SINCE LUNCH? WHAT HAPPENED? 362 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:59,463 EXCUSE ME, I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF CONDUCTING A GEOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT. 363 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,231 SCRAM! 364 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,339 - HEY. - HI. 365 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:13,611 - IS THAT DINNER? - IT WAS. 366 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,080 I ATE MOST OF IT IN THE CAR. 367 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,050 I'LL ORDER ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU AND CARMEN. 368 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,987 WHERE IS SHE? DID SHE GO TO SCHOOL TODAY? 369 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,856 YEAH, YEAH. 370 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,959 SHE SPENT MOST OF TODAY ON A PAYPHONE SEARCHING FOR APARTMENTS. 371 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,895 SHE CAN'T LIVE ALONE IN AN APARTMENT. WHAT IS SHE THINKING? 372 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,766 SHE'S DETERMINED TO BE ON HER OWN AND NO ONE CAN TALK HER OUT OF IT. 373 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:39,036 DID SHE HAPPEN TO MENTION TO YOU THAT HER FATHER LEFT LAST NIGHT? 374 00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,971 - WHAT? - YEAH. HER PARENTS SPLIT UP. 375 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,042 AND HER MOTHER IS ACTING LIKE SOMEONE LEFT A PEACH PIT UNDER THE COUCH. 376 00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:49,179 - WAIT. CARMEN'S DAD IS GONE? - YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME. 377 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,582 SHE REALLY NEEDS TO GO HOME, SAM. 378 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:54,385 HER MOTHER IS PUTTING ON THIS BREEZY ACT, 379 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:55,986 BUT, CLEARLY, SHE NEEDS HER. 380 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,656 - WAIT. DID SHE SAY THAT? - I'M A MOTHER. 381 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,224 I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS THEIR KID. 382 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:03,861 LIKE NOW. 383 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,499 I'M PREGNANT. 384 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:13,036 - WHAT DID YOU SAY? - I'M EXPECTING A BABY. 385 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:17,140 NO, WAY. IS IT MIKE'S? 386 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,043 NO, THE LARGE CROATIAN GUY WHO FILLS THE ICE MACHINE. 387 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:23,146 OF COURSE IT'S MIKE'S. HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? 388 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,216 - DOES HE KNOW? - NO, AND YOU CAN'T TELL HIM. 389 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:29,352 HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? 390 00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:33,924 BELIEVE ME I... IT'S AN ACCIDENT. 391 00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:36,727 MOM, PEOPLE YOUR AGE DON'T HAVE ACCIDENTS. 392 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,896 SAM, I'M NOT 70. 393 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:42,165 - YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS BABY. - WE'RE NOT TAKING A VOTE. 394 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,635 OH, MOM, COME ON, BE REAL. 395 00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,904 WE'RE NOT EXACTLY LIVING IN THE LAP OF LUXURY. 396 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,740 WHERE'S IT GONNA SLEEP? IN THAT PIZZA BOX? 397 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:52,209 - THIS ACCIDENT AFFECTS US BOTH. - YOU KNOW WHAT? 398 00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:55,378 - CAN WE STOP USING THAT WORD? - WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. 399 00:21:55,447 --> 00:21:58,516 WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE, TOO. 400 00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:04,755 THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS HAPPY ACCIDENTS, OKAY? 401 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:08,759 NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE FITS INTO A DAILY PLANNER. 402 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,127 I WASN'T PLANNED? 403 00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:13,496 NOT IN THE FIRST YEAR, NO. 404 00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:16,767 YOUR DAD AND I, WE WANTED A SECOND BEDROOM BUT SOMETIMES 405 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,302 THINGS HAPPEN AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE A BLESSING. 406 00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,740 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS. 407 00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,942 I AM TOTALLY BAD TIMING. 408 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,378 SAM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 409 00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,848 I JUST... I'M TAKING A WALK. 410 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,116 I CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE. 411 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,024 ALLERGIES? WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? 412 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:43,060 BESIDES YOUR CHEAP COLOGNE? 413 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:47,130 YOU MAY WANNA SPRITZ, UNLESS YOUR UNCLE LIKES HIS BUNNY TO SMELL LIKE A GYM BAG. 414 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:58,308 - SCALLOPS. THEY MAKE MY ANKLES SWELL. - I GET THAT FROM PINEAPPLE. 415 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,644 - HOW MANY HOURS IN LABOR WITH ME? - WEEKS. 416 00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,480 - YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? - DEPENDS. 417 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:06,550 IN JAGUARS, RACING GREEN. BUT IF HE'S OFFERING A BEAMER, TOMATO RED. 418 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:09,219 - PLAY INSTRUMENTS? - NOT WITHOUT A GUN TO MY HEAD. YOU? 419 00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:12,289 ACCORDION, MARACAS, SPOONS. 420 00:23:12,357 --> 00:23:14,291 WHAT POSITION DO YOU SLEEP IN? 421 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:16,660 - ROYAL, FETAL...? - CANNONBALL, NAKED. 422 00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:21,832 ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH. ANY MORE PERSONAL INFORMATION ON YOU, 423 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,667 I'LL CAUTERIZE MY FRONTAL LOBES. 424 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:25,468 - SIT, WE'RE NOT DONE. - PLEASE. 425 00:23:25,537 --> 00:23:29,472 - THAT HEMORRHOID STORY WILL HAUNT ME... - SIT DOWN! NOW! 426 00:23:31,544 --> 00:23:35,779 IF WE'RE GONNA PULL THIS THING OFF, WE NEED TO GET TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF. 427 00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:37,414 NOW, HOW DO YOU EAT YOUR CORN ON THE COB? 428 00:23:37,483 --> 00:23:39,016 TYPEWRITER STYLE OR AROUND THE WORLD? 429 00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:48,659 HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? 430 00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:50,928 WE'RE OLD FRIENDS, COLLEGE ROOMMATES. 431 00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:52,963 WHERE'D YOU GO TO SCHOOL? 432 00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:55,098 - KENNEDY. - COLLEGE. 433 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,868 I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF KENNEDY COLLEGE. 434 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,438 IT'S VERY SMALL. IT'S PRIVATE. 435 00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:03,273 NAMED AFTER ETHEL. HOW 'BOUT YOU? 436 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,442 AMHERST. 437 00:24:05,510 --> 00:24:08,679 - TOMMY HERE'S A YALEY. - OOH. LUCKY YOU. 438 00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:12,349 YEAH, WELL, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK. 439 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,517 WHAT'S THE RUSH? FINISH YOUR DRINK. 440 00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:16,353 I GOT A BETTER IDEA. 441 00:24:16,421 --> 00:24:20,758 WHY DON'T WE CANCEL OUR 3:30 AND YOU TWO GIRLS COME OVER TO MY PLACE? 442 00:24:20,826 --> 00:24:22,092 HM? 443 00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,161 DO YOU SWIM? 444 00:24:24,229 --> 00:24:28,699 ONLY IF I HAVE SOMETHING TO FLOAT ON. 445 00:24:28,768 --> 00:24:30,668 I'LL MAKE THE CALL, YOU GET THE CAR. 446 00:24:30,736 --> 00:24:33,771 BONNIE, I REALLY THINK I SHOULD GET BACK TO ETHEL KENNEDY. 447 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:36,607 KEEP YOUR MIND OPEN, HON. ETHEL AIN'T GOING NOWHERE. 448 00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:44,414 - WHY'D YOU TELL THEM I WAS IN COLLEGE? - WHY NOT? 449 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:47,450 YOU THINK THEY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE GLAMAZON BAKE SALE? 450 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,487 - I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HIS HOUSE. - CAN WE FINISH THIS IN THE CAN? 451 00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:54,725 MY BLADDER IS PRESSING ON MY EAR DRUM. 452 00:24:56,696 --> 00:24:58,629 OOH. 453 00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:00,731 OH MY GOD. 454 00:25:02,201 --> 00:25:04,602 YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO HELP YOUR FRIEND GET HOME. 455 00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,436 I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES. 456 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,838 BONNIE? 457 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:10,274 - IS SHE DEAD? - NO. 458 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:13,276 BUT SOMEBODY WILL BE IF SHE DRIVES. COME ON, SWEETHEART. 459 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,383 YOUR MESSAGE FOR THE GENTLEMEN? 460 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:23,987 YEAH, JUST TELL THEM I HAD TO FINISH 11TH GRADE. 461 00:25:34,767 --> 00:25:36,834 I FOUND OUT WHY CLAW DUMPED ME. 462 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:38,802 - SHE ADOPTED NICOLE. - WHAT? 463 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:42,572 I WALKED BY CHEMISTRY, SHE WAS TEACHING HER TO FLATTEN HER HAIR. 464 00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:46,276 OF COURSE. WHY DO THE ROTTEN ALWAYS GET REWARDED? 465 00:25:46,345 --> 00:25:48,611 DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU CAN BET THAT JUNIOR CLAW 466 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,680 AIN'T RAISING MONEY FOR CARMEN'S CAUSE. 467 00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:53,684 - DON'T MENTION YOUR AUNT JESSI. - WHY? 468 00:25:53,753 --> 00:25:56,419 TIPPY GETS A LITTLE MUSHY AFTER A COUPLE OF SIDECARS. 469 00:25:56,488 --> 00:25:59,657 HE MIGHT SEND MY INHERITANCE TO THE POWAY WOMEN'S PRISON.. 470 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:01,324 JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD. 471 00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:03,561 SAID HITLER TO MUSSOLINI. 472 00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:07,164 WE ARE NOT GIVING UP. 473 00:26:20,012 --> 00:26:22,012 BONNIE, YOU'RE HOME. 474 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,448 [GROANS, BURPS] 475 00:26:27,386 --> 00:26:30,220 - MISS. - OH, OFFICER. HELLO. 476 00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:32,856 - IS SOMETHING WRONG? - COULD I SEE YOUR REGISTRATION, PLEASE? 477 00:26:34,994 --> 00:26:38,963 - IT'S NOT MY CAR. - YEAH, THAT WAS MY HUNCH, TOO. 478 00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:41,899 OKAY. [RUSTLING PAPERS] 479 00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:45,735 BONNIE... BONNIE... DO YOU HAVE YOUR REGISTRATION SOMEWHERE IN HERE? 480 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,308 OFFICER, MY... 481 00:26:51,376 --> 00:26:54,478 MY TEACHER ISN'T FEELING VERY WELL AND 482 00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:59,717 I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE REGISTRATION, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY HER CAR. 483 00:26:59,785 --> 00:27:02,585 NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT. 484 00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:04,822 WOULD YOU STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE, PLEASE? 485 00:27:04,890 --> 00:27:06,056 WHY, WHAT'S WRONG? 486 00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:10,293 WELL, TO START WITH, YOU'RE DRIVING A STOLEN CAR. 487 00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:19,436 HEY. GOOD NEWS. 488 00:27:19,504 --> 00:27:21,304 THE GUY FROM ANAHEIM CALLED BACK. 489 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:23,773 HE SAID IF I HOSED DOWN THE LOUNGE CHAIRS ONCE A WEEK, 490 00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:25,375 HE'LL GIVE ME A WALK-IN CLOSET. 491 00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:27,744 - WHOSE PIZZA? - YOURS. 492 00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:30,447 MY MOM WENT TO PICK UP SOME SALADS. 493 00:27:30,516 --> 00:27:33,683 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOUR PARENTS SPLIT UP? 494 00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:38,055 - WHAT? - IT'S BAD ENOUGH OUR PARENTS 495 00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:41,724 WITHHOLD INFORMATION, IT'D BE NICE IF WE COULD COUNT ON OUR FRIENDS TO BE HONEST. 496 00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:45,228 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SAM? - CARM, STOP. 497 00:27:45,297 --> 00:27:48,131 MY MOM TALKED TO YOUR MOM TODAY. I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. 498 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,601 - STOP PLAYING GAMES AND TALK ABOUT IT. - WHY DID SHE GO TALK TO HER? 499 00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:54,771 - CARM... - I DIDN'T ASK HER TO, SAM. 500 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,941 GOD, IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS, OR YOURS. 501 00:27:58,010 --> 00:28:00,410 CARM, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN'T RELATE. 502 00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:03,981 I MEAN, I'VE CHANGED ADDRESSES AND FAMILIES TWICE THIS PAST YEAR. 503 00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:07,350 GREAT, GREAT, RUN AWAY. MOVE TO ORANGE COUNTY. 504 00:28:07,419 --> 00:28:09,619 YOU HAVE PEOPLE DOWN THERE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU? 505 00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:12,155 I WISH YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. 506 00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:13,991 LOOK, I KNOW YOUR PARENTS. 507 00:28:14,059 --> 00:28:18,028 YOUR DAD HAS A BAD TEMPER BUT IT ALWAYS BLOWS OVER. 508 00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:21,131 - MY FATHER'S NOT THE REASON I LEFT. - WHAT IS? 509 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,533 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 510 00:28:23,602 --> 00:28:26,603 IF THAT'S MY MOTHER, I'M NOT HERE. 511 00:28:29,508 --> 00:28:31,141 HELLO? 512 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:34,011 BROOKE, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. 513 00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,713 WHAT? 514 00:28:36,781 --> 00:28:38,281 BROOKE'S IN JAIL. 515 00:28:38,350 --> 00:28:41,151 - WHAT? WHY? - WHY? 516 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,086 - SHE STOLE A CAR. - SHE STOLE A CAR? 517 00:28:43,155 --> 00:28:45,188 YOU STOLE A CAR? 518 00:28:50,529 --> 00:28:53,496 IT'S AFTER SUNSET, DEAR. 519 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:56,066 PLAN ON TAKING THOSE THINGS OFF SOON? 520 00:28:56,135 --> 00:28:57,667 NOT UNTIL I HAVE TO. 521 00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:02,072 OH, MY. THIS PLACE IS DARKER THAN A WALLABY'S RECTUM. 522 00:29:04,443 --> 00:29:05,943 IS THAT YOU, ROBERTA? 523 00:29:08,647 --> 00:29:10,814 INDEED IT IS, SIR. 524 00:29:11,883 --> 00:29:14,251 AND THIS IS NICOLE. 525 00:29:14,319 --> 00:29:17,354 NICOLE? THAT'S A FUNNY NAME FOR A BOY. 526 00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:20,257 NICOLE'S A FEMALE, SIR. 527 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:21,358 [LAUGHS] 528 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:23,093 SINCE WHEN? 529 00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:27,030 I DISTINCTLY RECALL A LETTER YOU WROTE ABOUT YOUR SON'S BOWLING TOURNAMENT. 530 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:28,131 [STUTTERING] 531 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,867 DID I? 532 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:32,102 THAT WOULD BE ME, UNCLE TIPPY. 533 00:29:32,171 --> 00:29:36,339 I WAS JUST GOING THROUGH AN AWKWARD PHASE. 534 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:40,143 WELL, CAN'T SAY I'M DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED. 535 00:29:40,212 --> 00:29:42,279 YOU'RE A FETCHING SPECIMEN. 536 00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:44,248 SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU, BUNNY. 537 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,915 THAT WOULD BE THE LACK OF LIGHT, SIR. 538 00:29:45,985 --> 00:29:47,384 - HAVE A ROLL. - NO THANKS. 539 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,452 - YOU NEED CARBS. - NOT IF I HAVE YOUR GENES. 540 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,354 OH. 541 00:29:51,423 --> 00:29:54,424 QUICK ON THE UPTAKE, ISN'T SHE? I LOVE A GAL WITH PLUCK. 542 00:29:54,493 --> 00:29:59,196 BY THE WAY, THAT TIEPIN LOOKS MIGHTY GORGEOUS ON YOU. 543 00:29:59,264 --> 00:30:01,799 DOESN'T IT? I'D LOVE TO HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT MYSELF. 544 00:30:01,867 --> 00:30:05,435 IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE RING, YOU KNOW, NOTHING TOO TASTEFUL. 545 00:30:05,504 --> 00:30:08,172 [LOUD BURST OF LAUGHTER] 546 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:12,075 ACTUALLY, I DID BRING YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING, SAUCY GIRL. 547 00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:15,278 THAT JUST HIT THE MARKET. 548 00:30:15,347 --> 00:30:17,314 IT'S FLYING OFF THE SHELVES IN MELBOURNE. 549 00:30:17,382 --> 00:30:19,349 - WHAT IS THAT? - OSTRICH SALAMI. 550 00:30:19,418 --> 00:30:21,585 ANY MUSTARD ON THE TABLE? 551 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:22,719 I'LL PASS. 552 00:30:24,790 --> 00:30:27,624 WELL, WHY CUT UP SOMETHING SO PERFECT, YOU KNOW? 553 00:30:27,692 --> 00:30:30,293 I'D RATHER JUST RUB IT AND SEE IF IT GROWS. 554 00:30:30,362 --> 00:30:32,329 [BOTH LAUGH] 555 00:30:34,266 --> 00:30:36,566 THEY GROW UP SO FAST. 556 00:30:37,937 --> 00:30:42,339 - HERE'S TO YOU, BUNNY. - ME? 557 00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:47,277 SOMEONE FINALLY HAS PRODUCED A BLOOD RELATION THAT TICKLES MY FUNNY BONE. 558 00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:51,781 THANK YOU, THANK YOUR ABSENT HUBBY. YOUR EFFORTS SHALL NOT GO ON UNREWARDED. 559 00:30:51,851 --> 00:30:53,917 [CASH REGISTER CHINGS] 560 00:30:53,986 --> 00:30:55,685 BOBBI, BOBBI... 561 00:31:10,635 --> 00:31:13,871 HOW THE HELL DOES SOMEONE STEAL A CAR WITHOUT EVEN TRYING? 562 00:31:13,939 --> 00:31:16,973 LOOK, I TOLD YOU, YOUR KEY FIT THIS CAR, TOO. 563 00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:19,809 DO ME A FAVOR. KEEP THE WHINING DOWN TO A MINIMUM. 564 00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:23,480 BROOKE. I CAN'T GET YOU OUT. 565 00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:25,449 YOUR FRIEND HERE IS A MINOR, 566 00:31:25,517 --> 00:31:28,518 WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE A CREDIT CARD WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME ON IT. 567 00:31:28,587 --> 00:31:32,021 - YOU WANNA EXPLAIN? - TELL HER THAT JANE IS MY MOTHER. 568 00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:35,792 - I SUGGEST YOU CALL YOUR PARENTS. - I CAN'T. 569 00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:38,495 I DON'T WANT MY FATHER TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. 570 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:40,730 THEN CALL SOMEBODY ELSE IN YOUR FAMILY. 571 00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:42,732 I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY ELSE. 572 00:31:42,801 --> 00:31:45,668 I AM HER FAMILY, OFFICER. OUR PARENTS ARE... 573 00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:49,139 WELL, THEY'RE SEPARATED NOW, BUT... 574 00:31:49,208 --> 00:31:52,275 UGH, GOD, NOT THIS STORY AGAIN, PLEASE. 575 00:31:52,344 --> 00:31:54,811 - THEY'RE ENGAGED... - THEY'LL GET BACK TOGETHER. 576 00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:57,380 WELL, THEY HAVE TO BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH INCREDIBLY LONELY AND... 577 00:31:57,449 --> 00:32:00,250 MY DAD IS, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR JANE. 578 00:32:00,319 --> 00:32:02,786 OH, BUT I CAN, AND SHE'S A MESS. 579 00:32:02,854 --> 00:32:04,621 SHE'S EATING WHOLE PIZZAS IN THE CAR. 580 00:32:04,689 --> 00:32:07,190 THAT MAY BE BECAUSE SHE'S EATING FOR TWO NOW, BUT... 581 00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:10,092 WHY IS JANE EATING FOR TWO? 582 00:32:12,964 --> 00:32:16,165 - IS SHE PREGNANT? - I DIDN'T SAY THAT. DID I SAY THAT? 583 00:32:17,636 --> 00:32:21,038 OH, MY GOD, SHE'S PREGNANT. 584 00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:25,208 BLAH, BLAH. CAN WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I'M HOME ENJOYING A LEAN CUISINE. 585 00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:29,112 I'M SORRY, LADIES. BUT I CAN'T RELEASE A MINOR TO ANYONE BUT AN ADULT. 586 00:32:29,181 --> 00:32:31,381 AND CLEARLY, THERE AIN'T ONE HERE. 587 00:32:34,853 --> 00:32:36,719 [LAUGHS] 588 00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:38,655 SO, AFTER OUR SEAWEED WRAP, 589 00:32:38,723 --> 00:32:41,391 WE FELL ASLEEP AND MISSED THE VOLCANO. 590 00:32:43,095 --> 00:32:45,695 GOSH, THERE'S JUST SO MUCH OF HAWAII I NEVER GOT TO SEE. 591 00:32:45,764 --> 00:32:49,632 I'LL SEE TO IT YOU GET BACK. I GOT A CHUM THAT RUNS A SNAPPY LITTLE RESORT. 592 00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:52,269 CALL HIM NOW. 593 00:33:01,847 --> 00:33:04,213 SORRY I'M LATE, MOMMA. 594 00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:06,616 WHO IS THIS? 595 00:33:06,685 --> 00:33:09,186 I'M YOUR NEPHEW, UNCLE TIPPY. 596 00:33:09,254 --> 00:33:10,920 MY NAME IS LYLE. 597 00:33:14,459 --> 00:33:16,058 HEY, SIS. 598 00:33:26,205 --> 00:33:29,171 SO, YOU DO HAVE A SON? 599 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,474 ARE YOU THE ONE WHO BOWLED IN THE TOURNAMENT? 600 00:33:31,543 --> 00:33:33,075 NO, NOT ME. 601 00:33:33,144 --> 00:33:36,446 MAMA NEVER ALLOWED ME TO COMPETE IN TEAM SPORTS. 602 00:33:36,515 --> 00:33:38,215 SHE PREFERRED I PLAY WITH DOLLS. 603 00:33:40,152 --> 00:33:42,051 HAVE WE ORDERED YET? I'M STARVING. 604 00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:45,254 WHY DON'T YOU TRY CHEWING ON THIS? 605 00:33:45,324 --> 00:33:47,590 I DON'T EAT ANYTHING THAT ONCE HAD A HEAD. 606 00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:51,461 WHAT'D YOU SAY? YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE NAMBY-PAMBY VEGETARIANS? 607 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,863 - IS THAT A PROBLEM, SIR? - IT MOST CERTAINLY IS. 608 00:33:53,932 --> 00:33:56,299 THE MEN IN OUR FAMILY ARE STRICTLY MEAT AND POTATOES. 609 00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:59,369 MAMA SAID I DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE 610 00:33:59,438 --> 00:34:02,705 WHETHER I WANT TO BE A MAN OR NOT, UNTIL I TURN 18. 611 00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,375 STILL DEBATING. 612 00:34:06,077 --> 00:34:07,310 YOU TOLD HIM THAT? 613 00:34:10,482 --> 00:34:13,850 MY SOCIAL WORKER THINKS THAT ONCE THE EMOTIONAL SCARS HEAL, 614 00:34:13,918 --> 00:34:16,286 I'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION. 615 00:34:16,355 --> 00:34:18,688 - BACK TO HAWAII... - WHAT EMOTIONAL SCARS? 616 00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:21,123 - WELL, AFTER MAMA KILLED PEPE... - WHO'S PEPE? 617 00:34:21,192 --> 00:34:22,925 OUR PARAKEET. 618 00:34:22,994 --> 00:34:26,996 MAMA FED HIM THREE ALKA-SELTZER ONE NIGHT AND LEFT THE CAGE OPEN. 619 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:30,267 SHE WANTED TO SEE HIM EXPLODE IN MID-FLIGHT, AND HE DID! 620 00:34:30,335 --> 00:34:33,636 COULD YOU MAKE THOSE HAWAII RESERVATIONS IN MY NAME? 621 00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:36,038 DID YOU DESTROY THIS POOR BOY'S BIRD? 622 00:34:36,107 --> 00:34:37,607 SHE'LL DENY IT. 623 00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:41,211 BUT THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO MOVE INTO THE SHELTER. 624 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:45,382 - YOU'RE LIVING IN A SHELTER? - IT'S NOT SO BAD. 625 00:34:45,450 --> 00:34:47,884 ONCE YOU TRAIN THE LICE, THEY MAKE REAL NICE PETS. 626 00:34:49,988 --> 00:34:51,788 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 627 00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:55,292 OKAY, I CALLED MY MOM, SHE'S NOT BACK YET, BUT CARMEN TOOK THE MESSAGE. 628 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,628 - DID THEY PLAN THIS BABY? - IT'S AN ACCIDENT. 629 00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:01,431 - WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THAT WORD. - WHY NOT? 630 00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:04,066 BECAUSE THEY'D RATHER WAIT UNTIL THE BABY'S 16, 631 00:35:04,135 --> 00:35:06,268 SO THAT WHEN THEY SAY IT, IT HURTS. 632 00:35:06,337 --> 00:35:08,170 WHEN IS JANE GONNA TELL MY DAD? 633 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,807 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT. 634 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:12,776 SO JUST TRY AND KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. 635 00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:15,044 ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THIS? 636 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:17,480 I DON'T KNOW. 637 00:35:17,549 --> 00:35:19,583 ARE YOU? 638 00:35:19,651 --> 00:35:22,151 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM. 639 00:35:22,220 --> 00:35:24,887 - MAYBE A LITTLE HAPPY. - WHY? 640 00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,957 ISN'T IT JUST MORE FAMILY YOU'LL HAVE TO MOVE AWAY FROM? 641 00:35:28,026 --> 00:35:30,359 MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. 642 00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:33,530 HOW DO YOU THINK MIKE'S GONNA FEEL ABOUT THE ACCIDENT? 643 00:35:36,267 --> 00:35:39,236 HE WON'T CONSIDER IT THAT. I KNOW MY DAD. 644 00:35:39,304 --> 00:35:42,872 HE'LL SEE IT AS SOMETHING THAT CAME AT JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT. 645 00:35:53,585 --> 00:35:55,518 OH, HEY, CARMEN... 646 00:35:55,587 --> 00:35:58,555 - I DON'T KNOW IF YOU LIKE GREEK. - I'M NOT STAYING FOR DINNER. 647 00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:01,758 - OH, YOU'RE GOING HOME? - NO, I STAYED TO TELL YOU 648 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:04,394 SAM AND BROOKE ARE DOWN AT THE POLICE STATION 649 00:36:04,463 --> 00:36:08,831 BECAUSE BROOKE STOLE A CAR AND THEN SAM TOOK YOUR VISA, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. 650 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:11,334 WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BROOKE STOLE A CAR? 651 00:36:11,403 --> 00:36:14,737 I DON'T KNOW. APPARENTLY, IT LOOKED LIKE THE ONE SHE AND BONNIE DROVE TO THE BAR. 652 00:36:15,940 --> 00:36:17,540 THE BAR? 653 00:36:17,609 --> 00:36:19,709 WHO'S BONNIE? WHY IS BROOKE GOING TO BARS? 654 00:36:19,778 --> 00:36:23,613 I DON'T KNOW. ALL I KNOW IS THAT THEY WON'T LET SAM POST BAIL 655 00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:25,482 AND SHE WANTS YOU TO COME DOWN THERE 656 00:36:25,550 --> 00:36:28,952 BUT BROOKE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO TELL MIKE. 657 00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:32,922 - ARE YOU OKAY? - CARMEN, YOU NEED TO GO HOME. 658 00:36:34,593 --> 00:36:37,159 ALL RIGHT, NOW, LISTEN TO ME. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH 659 00:36:37,228 --> 00:36:39,896 BUT I CANNOT BE A MOTHER TO ANYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW. 660 00:36:39,964 --> 00:36:42,599 ALL RIGHT? YOU NEED TO BE AT HOME. WITH YOUR MOTHER, 661 00:36:42,667 --> 00:36:45,301 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL SHE'S GOT. 662 00:36:58,182 --> 00:37:01,918 I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF ANY RELATIVE STYLING HIS HAIR WITH A TOILET BRUSH. 663 00:37:01,986 --> 00:37:03,986 WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS SHELTER? 664 00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:08,758 OH, IT'S CALLED THE CARMEN FERRARA HOME FOR UNWANTED YOUTH. 665 00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:11,428 BUT, YOU CAN MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO CARMEN FERRARA. 666 00:37:11,496 --> 00:37:14,364 HOLD IT. IF WE'RE MAKING OUT CHECKS HERE, OLIVER TWISTED, 667 00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:15,932 THE FIRST ONE'S MADE OUT TO ME. 668 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,335 - WHY? YOU GOT YOUR SALAMI. - CHILDREN, PLEASE. 669 00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:21,871 - FAMILIES NEED TO STICK TOGETHER. - OH, FAMILY? 670 00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:25,975 YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN YOUR ACCOUNT TO MAKE ME PRETEND I'M RELATED TO HER. 671 00:37:26,044 --> 00:37:27,544 HIM, WHATEVER IT IS. 672 00:37:27,612 --> 00:37:30,613 AND HOW MUCH IS MISS GLASS PAYING YOU TO SAY YOU'RE HER DAUGHTER? 673 00:37:37,288 --> 00:37:39,422 WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TRY THE LAMB? 674 00:37:42,326 --> 00:37:47,296 I SHOULD'VE KNOWN. DEEP DOWN I SUSPECTED YOU WERE AS USELESS AS YOUR SIBLINGS, 675 00:37:47,366 --> 00:37:49,366 BUT I WAS HOPING FOR A PLEASANT SURPRISE. 676 00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,468 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF? 677 00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:58,007 I... 678 00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:00,476 GUESS... 679 00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:03,813 I GUESS I'M USELESS. 680 00:38:03,882 --> 00:38:07,016 JUST ONE MORE SHRIVELED FRUIT ON THE FAMILY TREE. 681 00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:10,787 YOU'RE WORSE, MUCH WORSE. NOT ONLY HAVE YOU WASTED YOUR LIFE... 682 00:38:10,855 --> 00:38:15,191 EASY, CROCODILE DUNDEE. SHE MAY NOT BE YOUR IDEA OF SUCCESS. 683 00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:18,895 YOU'RE NOT SUBHUMAN IF YOU DON'T SPEND YOUR WEEKENDS STEPPING ON LEGOS. 684 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,330 - MISS JULIAN, FREEZE. - NO, THANK YOU, I WON'T. 685 00:38:21,399 --> 00:38:23,432 I DON'T KNOW WHAT PLANET YOU HAIL FROM, 686 00:38:23,502 --> 00:38:26,769 DOWN HERE PEOPLE'S WORTH ISN'T MEASURED BY CHILD-BIRTHING HIPS. 687 00:38:26,838 --> 00:38:29,839 BESIDES, IF YOU LIKE KIDS SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN? 688 00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:32,008 THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 689 00:38:32,077 --> 00:38:35,312 AND WHAT CLAW DOES WITH HER LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 690 00:38:35,380 --> 00:38:39,582 - THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU, STRANGER. - I MAY BE A STRANGER TO YOU. 691 00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:41,183 BUT SHE IS NO STRANGER TO ME. 692 00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:43,753 I SEE MORE OF MISS GLASS THAN I DO MY OWN PARENTS. 693 00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:47,023 HELL YES. NOW SHE MAY BE AS TEDIOUS AS A BAD PEDICURE, 694 00:38:47,091 --> 00:38:51,427 BUT WITHOUT HER LECTURE ON STDS, I'D THINK SAFE SEX MEANT LOCKING THE DOOR. 695 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,196 THERE ARE OTHER KINDS OF FAMILIES, MR. GLASS. 696 00:38:54,265 --> 00:38:57,700 MAYBE YOU'RE SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH OSTRICHES. 697 00:38:57,769 --> 00:39:00,369 TOUCHÉ. TIME TO PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND, TIPPY. 698 00:39:08,413 --> 00:39:11,681 NICE TO SEE YOU'VE KEPT BUSY CORRUPTING AMERICA'S YOUTH. 699 00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:15,685 IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE. 700 00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:34,370 LILY, WOULD YOU PLEASE PASS MISS GLASS THE MINT JELLY? 701 00:39:39,978 --> 00:39:41,577 THANK YOU. 702 00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:56,525 OH, JANE. THANK GOD. 703 00:39:56,595 --> 00:40:00,096 WE GOT A CALL FROM THE RESTAURANT. YOUR VEHICLE'S BEEN LOCATED. 704 00:40:00,164 --> 00:40:01,898 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 705 00:40:01,966 --> 00:40:04,633 IT MEANS THAT'S TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE I'M NEVER GETTING BACK. 706 00:40:04,703 --> 00:40:08,170 WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THE TWO HOURS THAT YOU SPENT IN A BAR WITH A TEENAGER? 707 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,106 - IS THIS YOUR MOTHER? - NO. 708 00:40:10,175 --> 00:40:13,242 - YES. - YES. 709 00:40:13,311 --> 00:40:15,878 - A TRICK QUESTION? - FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, YES. 710 00:40:15,947 --> 00:40:17,614 RIGHT NOW, I AM HER MOTHER. 711 00:40:17,682 --> 00:40:20,650 I'D LOVE TO STAY FOR LECTURE, BUT I HAVE MY OWN MOMMY FOR THAT. 712 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,220 - SEE YA. - YOU'RE NOT LEAVING JUST YET, TEACH. 713 00:40:24,288 --> 00:40:27,690 WE'RE GONNA MOVE TO THAT LITTLE ROOM OVER THERE AND CALL YOUR SUPERVISOR. 714 00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:29,859 [LAUGHS] YOU'RE KIDDING ME. 715 00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:31,360 I HOPE NOT. 716 00:40:33,665 --> 00:40:37,099 - DOES MY DAD KNOW? - I'M NOT GONNA TELL HIM. 717 00:40:37,168 --> 00:40:40,203 - THANK YOU. - OKAY. COULD WE GET OUT OF HERE? 718 00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,538 OH, WAIT, NO. I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING FIRST. 719 00:40:42,607 --> 00:40:44,974 OH, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, YOU DIDN'T... 720 00:40:45,043 --> 00:40:46,909 NO, NOT ABOUT THE CAR. 721 00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:50,346 THE WAY I'VE TREATED YOU THE LAST FEW MONTHS. 722 00:40:50,414 --> 00:40:54,183 JANE, IT WAS WRONG AND I'M REALLY SORRY. 723 00:40:54,252 --> 00:40:56,719 I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. 724 00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:59,789 YOU SAID IT, THANK YOU. 725 00:40:59,858 --> 00:41:05,294 OH, YOU GUYS. YOU'RE DOING THIS IN A PRISON. IT'S, LIKE, SO HBO. 726 00:41:05,363 --> 00:41:07,563 CAN I HUG YOU, TOO? 727 00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:12,835 IT'S NOT NECESSARY. 728 00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:15,838 I REALIZE THAT SOME ACCIDENTS CAN BE HAPPY. 729 00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:17,807 OH, RIGHT. 730 00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:18,941 CONGRATULATIONS. 731 00:41:21,446 --> 00:41:24,513 - OKAY, NOW I'M MOVING TO ORANGE COUNTY. - SORRY. 732 00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,382 BROOKE, I DON'T WANT YOUR FATHER... 733 00:41:26,450 --> 00:41:29,586 HEY, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OUR SECRET. 734 00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:32,221 LOOK, YOU DON'T TELL MY DAD ABOUT MY PRISON RECORD, 735 00:41:32,290 --> 00:41:35,625 AND I WON'T MENTION THE... 736 00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:38,427 WHATEVER. 737 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:42,698 NOW YOU HAVE TO TELL ME, IS IT A BOY OR IS IT A GIRL? 738 00:41:42,767 --> 00:41:46,202 'CAUSE I THINK IT FEELS LIKE A BROTHER. 739 00:41:46,270 --> 00:41:47,904 NO, THAT WOULD BE PEPPERONI. 740 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,373 COME ON. 741 00:42:04,589 --> 00:42:08,925 [RINGING] 742 00:42:08,993 --> 00:42:12,294 - [JOY] HELLO? - HEY, MOM. IT'S ME. 743 00:42:16,167 --> 00:42:18,935 WHERE ARE YOU? 744 00:42:19,003 --> 00:42:22,071 [CARMEN] I'M AT SAM'S MOTEL STILL. ACTUALLY... 745 00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:25,808 I WAS KIND OF THINKING 746 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:31,147 THAT I KNOW THAT I SAID YOU WOULD NEVER SEE ME AGAIN BUT I WAS REALLY UPSET. 747 00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:36,886 I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO APOLOGIZE. I DON'T WANT AN APOLOGY. 748 00:42:38,523 --> 00:42:41,157 I'M SURE YOU HIT ME BECAUSE I WAS IN THE WRONG PLACE 749 00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:45,895 AT THE WRONG TIME OR WHATEVER, BUT... 750 00:42:45,964 --> 00:42:48,765 I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO COME HOME. 751 00:42:52,770 --> 00:42:55,071 DID YOU HEAR ME? 752 00:42:56,808 --> 00:42:58,707 I HEARD YOU. 753 00:43:00,111 --> 00:43:01,978 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? 754 00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:06,082 DON'T BOTHER. 755 00:43:08,587 --> 00:43:10,987 [DIALING TONE] 756 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,808 ♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK 757 00:43:31,876 --> 00:43:35,745 ♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE 758 00:43:35,814 --> 00:43:39,148 ♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE 759 00:43:39,217 --> 00:43:43,519 ♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY 760 00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:48,490 ♪ OOH LA LA LA LA 761 00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:55,231 ♪ OOH LA LA LA LA ♪