OKAY, GUYS, I'M HERE. I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE BIG MYSTERY IS.
SPILL. WHY ARE BOTH OF YOU SO UPSET?
BROOKE, I'M SO SORRY.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I, WE, CARE ABOUT JOSHUA.
- AND HE'S SO YOUNG. - JOSH? WHAT ABOUT JOSH?
[BOTH] YOU'VE GOT TO DUMP HIM.
WE'VE HIRED A CONSULTING FIRM...
TO TRACK THE HOMECOMING QUEEN RACE.
- AN INDEPENDENT POPULARITY POLL? - [BOTH] YES.
IT'S FOCUS GROUPS YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO.
NAME: BROOKE McQUEEN. YOU KNOW HER, AND AT ONE TIME LOVED HER.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF THESE FOUR BOYS SHOULD SHE DATE,
TO RETAIN HER POPULARITY?
SHOULD SHE DATE: A. GEORGE AUSTIN,
B. JOSH FORD,
C. HARRISON JOHN
OR D. SUGAR DADDY BERNADINO?
THE WINNER WITH AN OVERWHELMING MARGIN OF 80% OF THE VOTE...
- GEORGE AUSTIN. - [NIC] JOSH CAME IN LAST.
BEHIND HARRISON, WHO RECEIVED ONLY 2% OF THE VOTE.
HE'S BRINGING DOWN YOUR REP, LADY.
HIS SUSPENSION LAST WEEK KILLED HIS NUMBERS.
OKAY, YOU GUYS, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
OKAY, I AM NOT MAKING A DECISION ABOUT MY EMOTIONAL LIFE
BASED ON SOME STUPID POPULARITY POLL.
- BESIDES, ISN'T GEORGE DATING SAM? - WELL, FOR NOW.
BUT AS THE HEAD GLAMAZON, BROOKY, YOU CANNOT DATE
A SECOND STRING QUARTERBACK.
GEORGE IS KENNEDY'S NEW TOP-OF-THE-MOUNTAIN BOY.
- CLIMB HIM. - OKAY, I'M SORRY YOU GUYS.
JOSH MEANS MORE TO ME THAN POWER.
SEE YA.
[SIGHS] NIC, I'M FRIGHTENED OF HER PLUMMET IN STATUS.
LOOK, ACCORDING TO THIS POLL,
89% OF THIS SCHOOL THINKS I'M A CALLOW, GREEDY, RETARDED PERSON.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME? THIS POLL SAYS, SINCE I'VE BEEN CUT FROM THE GLAMAZONS,
MY POPULARITY NUMBERS ARE LOWER THAN VENEREAL WARTS.
MY ONLY POWERBASE NOW IS MY FRIENDSHIP WITH BROOKE.
[SIGHS] GOD.
IT KILLS ME. I LIKE HIM.
BUT I HAVE GOT TO BREAK JOSH AND BROOKE UP.
- SHE HAS TO REMAIN POPULAR. - OUR VERY FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT.
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE
♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO THEN BABY
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
♪ WELL ME AND B
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪
- MORNING. - [TEEN] HEY.
MORNING, SPAM.
CONGRATULATIONS ALL. ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE DEMONSTRATED
A TERRIFYING INABILITY TO GRASP THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CHEMICAL COMPATIBILITY.
WHAT?
WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY GRADING YOUR EXAMS,
AND LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY ABOUT YOUR COLLEGE PROSPECTS,
A LIGHT BULB APPEARED ABOVE MY HEAD, IN IT WAS ME.
WONDERING ALOUD TO MYSELF, "HEY PRETTY LADY WITH A THAT GIRL FLIP,
THINK YOU COULD MAKE THIS CLASS EVEN MORE IDIOT-PROOF?"
THEN I REALIZED, YES, INDEEDY, I COULD.
LET ME DEMONSTRATE HOW BY SHOWING YOU MY BALLS.
- [GASPING] - I TOLD YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, JESUS.
MY LARGER BALLS REPRESENT ATOMS.
MY SMALLER BALLS, ELECTRONS. WHEN THEY ARE JOINED TOGETHER...
- THEY FORM... - OOH! CRÈME BRÛLÉE?
NO, CHERRY. MOLECULES.
THERE ARE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF COMBINATIONS, ALL OF THEM FASCINATING.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR, I DON'T SEE HOW ANY OF THIS AFFECTS OUR DAILY LIVES.
THIS IS YOUR DAILY LIFE, SCREECH.
EVERYTHING YOU SAY, DO, THINK AND FEEL
IS A DIRECT RESULT OF ATOMIC BONDING, EVEN YOUR PHYSICAL ATTRACTIONS.
SOME CHEMICALS ATTRACT AND BOND, SOME REPEL AND BREAK UP.
SO, SIR, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT SOME PEOPLE,
LIKE SOME ATOMS, ARE BORN TO BE TOGETHER.
VERY GOOD, MISS McQUEEN. HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN, FOR EXAMPLE,
ARE A TREMENDOUS UNION, CHEMICALLY BORN TO LAY ON SATIN SHEETS,
AND MACK ALL NIGHT LONG.
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT ATTRACTION IS A MYSTERY EVEN SCIENCE CAN'T SOLVE?
EXCUSE ME. NOT TO INTERRUPT YOUR BORING QUESTION, THERE, BUT
I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS THAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT FREE WILL.
WE BASE ATTRACTION ON WHAT GIVES US STATUS AND CONTROL.
CARE TO BACK THAT UP WITH AN EXAMPLE, LUCIFER'S CHILD?
YES. NOW, SODIUM SEEKS OUT CHLORINE TO FORM A POWERFUL EXPLOSIVE.
BUT IF SODIUM SEEKS OUT JOSH, EXCUSE ME, CHLORIDE,
WELL, IT BECOMES WORTHLESS TABLE SALT.
- ARE WE GONNA BE TESTED ON THIS? - PLEASE, GOD, TAKE ME NOW.
YES, YOU WILL BE TESTED
VIA AN ASSIGNMENT THAT WILL TAKE COUNTLESS HOURS TO PREPARE.
TOMORROW YOU WILL BE RANDOMLY PAIRED BY MY COMPUTER, HAL.
THEN YOU AND YOUR TEEN ATOM WILL ATTEMPT TO EITHER BOND OR REPEL.
OH, HOW DO WE DO THAT?
BY FINDING THINGS YOU HAVE IN COMMON AND THINGS YOU DON'T.
CREATING A LIKE/DISLIKE LIST, IF YOU WILL.
YOU MEAN YOU WANT US TO EXPRESS OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER
AS SOME SORT OF CHEMICAL FORMULA?
EXACTLY.
SAM AND GEORGE SITTING IN A TREE,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
CARMEN, STOP. WE HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED YET.
[GIGGLING] I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS, ALL GIRLISH AND STUPID.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO ATTRACTED TO HIM.
HE'S SO UNLIKE ME.
BUT HE HAS THIS CONFIDENCE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, AND A TOM CRUISE SMILE
AND RIPPLING BICEPS AND HE CAN DANCE.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND I START BLUSHING.
I THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. IT SCARES ME.
WHAT IF MY ATOM WANTS TO BOND WITH HIM, BUT HIS ATOM...
WANTS TO BOND WITH A MORE MAGNETIC ATOM LIKE BROOKE?
[STUTTERS] BROOKE AND GEORGE?
[STUTTERS] WHAT MADE YOU SPIT OUT THAT MOLECULAR COMBINATION?
I WAS JUST THINKING HOW YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON
AND THEN I WAS LIKE, OKAY, WHO HAS STUFF IN COMMON WITH HIM
AND BROOKE'S ATOM JUST SORT OF POPPED INTO MY MIND.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR ON YOUR DATE?
HUH?
MOO.
OKAY, WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT SOUND?
OH, HI, JOSH. THAT WASN'T ME.
YOU'RE BEING HAUNTED BY THE FIVE COWS WHO HAD TO DIE TO MAKE YOUR PANTS.
[CHUCKLES] YOU, CHEMO-GLASS...
YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD ENOUGH LECTURING FOR TODAY. THANKS, THOUGH.
- MM-HMM. - OKAY.
SO DID IT REALLY TAKE FIVE COWS TO DIE FOR ME TO LOOK LIKE LENNY KRAVITZ?
YES. AND FURTHERMORE, COWS ARE INTELLIGENT.
THEY KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BEING LED TO SLAUGHTER.
FEAR THROBS THROUGH THEIR TISSUES. IT'S ONE REASON WHY I DON'T EAT MEAT.
BECAUSE TO DO SO, IS TO EAT THE FEAR.
[SIGHS] SO AT ONE TIME, MY PANTS WERE TERRIFIED.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
WELL, NOW YOU DO.
[COW MOOS]
NO, THANKS.
[MORE MOOING]
JOSH... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PANTS?
I DON'T KNOW. IN THIRD PERIOD I WAS HEARING THIS GHOSTLY RING OF COW BELLS.
I HAD TO CHANGE. ANYWAY, WE SHOULD HOOK UP TOMORROW,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO PAIR US UP IN CHEM CLASS.
- ARE WE FIGHTING NOW, B? - NO.
- OKAY. - OKAY, BYE.
- SEE? - YEAH, HI.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE DATING A PERSONA NON GRATA JOCK,
BUT A PERSONA NON GRATA JOCK WHO WEARS SKIRTS.
LOOK, B, I LOVE JOSH, BUT HE'S MELANOMA FOR YOU NOW.
SLICE HIM OFF, MOVE ON. HE IS SLIPPING IN EVERY WAY.
- I THINK HE LOOKS CUTE. - HE MAY BE DARLING,
BUT THE DROP IN YOUR PERSONAL CAUSE IS NOT.
ACCORDING TO AT&T, YOU ONLY HAD FOUR INCOMING CALLS LAST SATURDAY.
THAT'S DOWN 63% FROM THE WEEK BEFORE.
OKAY, HOW DID YOU GET MY PHONE RECORDS?
I HAVE MOLES EVERYWHERE IN THIS CITY.
I CAN GET YOUR PAP SMEAR RESULTS BEFORE NEXT WEEK.
LISTEN TO ME, ONE LAST TIME.
STAY OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE, OKAY?
- MM-HMM. - MM-HMM? OKAY.
GEORGE, SAM HERE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN BREAK-DANCE.
- YEAH, YOU SEEM A LITTLE... - TOO COOL TO GET DOWN?
- MM-HMM. - I AM. BUT THE '80S ARE BACK.
OOW!
[GIRLS LAUGH]
- WHAT IS THAT? - THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IN THE '80S.
SAY HELLO TO KENNEDY'S NEW POWER COUPLE.
IT'S JUST FLIRTATION.
THAT CHEMICAL COMBO WILL NEVER LAST.
CLASS ASSIGNMENT'LL PROVE THAT.
INTERESTING. WE HAVE A POSSIBLE SCAM BREWING HERE.
HARRISON JOHN IN LOVE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, SAM?
THAT'S NOT TRUE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
LOOK AT HOW GEORGE BLINDED SAM WITH SCIENCE,
AND HIS CHARISMA.
SHE'LL NEVER LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT, SPAZ.
EAT ME, NICOLE.
SORRY, LOVE. I'M ON APPETITE SUPPRESSANTS.
[HAL] HELLO, BOBBI. PLEASE PICK A FILE.
YOU'VE SELECTED CHEMICAL PAIRINGS.
OOH. CHEMICAL PAIRINGS, GROUP ONE.
SAM McPHERSON WILL BE PAIRED WITH GEORGE AUSTIN.
MUST BE FATE, HARRISON. EVEN THE COMPUTER PLACED THEM TOGETHER.
SO WHAT? IT'S JUST A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT.
THEN WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT DONE, HARRISON.
DON'T WORRY. I'LL SPLIT SAM AND GEORGE UP
AND MAKE SURE THE COMPUTER PLACES YOU WITH YOUR SOUL MATE.
AND WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?
AMUSEMENT, POWER.
HAVE YOU NO MANNERS? OFFER THE LADY A SEAT.
AH... THIS WILL BE OUR SECRET, RIGHT?
COMPLETELY. AND DON'T JUST STAND THERE, SPAZ,
PLAY LOOKOUT.
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
SORRY, BROOKY. I'M DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD...
AND MINE.
OH, HI FELLAS. YEAH, YOU TWO TORSO-SHARERS.
C'MERE. I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS FOR Y'ALL.
I'M THROWING A BENEFIT TO GET YOU TWO SEPARATED. LOOK.
"THE GENEROUS, NON-RETARDED MARY CHERRY
CORDIALLY INVITES EVERYONE TO A SKATING PARTY FRIDAY NIGHT."
"ALL PROCEEDS WILL PAY FOR THE MEDICAL SEPARATION OF RANDY AND ANDY."
YEAH. IT'S AT FUNKY TOWN. DON'T BE LATE.
- [WHISPERS] - WHAT IF WE DON'T WANT TO BE SEPARATED?
OKAY. SCREW UP MY IMAGE MAKEOVER, FREAKS,
AND WE'LL BE GOING ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH MY CHAINSAW. OKAY?
HI!
LISTEN UP, MY LITTLE UNEVOLVED SPECIES,
TO HOW THE COMPUTER HAS RANDOMLY ASSIGNED PEOPLE.
CUTTING TO THE COMBINATION CHASE,
BROOKE AND GEORGE ARE TEAM ONE.
RANDY, ANDY AND CARMEN, YOU'RE TEAM TWO.
MISS JULIAN, HMM, YOU SEEM TO BE THE ODD ANTICHRIST OUT.
NO MATCH. YOU'RE THE FREE RADICAL.
FREE RADICALS HAVE TO BREAK OTHER ATOMS APART TO SURVIVE.
- I'LL GET ON THAT IMMEDIATELY, SIR. - TEAM FOUR, JOSH AND LILY.
TEAM FIVE, SAM AND SUGAR DADDY.
TEAM SIX, HARRISON AND MARY CHERRY.
[SCREAMING CRESCENDOS]
YOU BITCH. I AM NOT GOING THROUGH WITH THIS.
I'M GONNA GO TELL CARL WHAT WE DID.
"LAST NIGHT I THOUGHT ABOUT SAM AND HAD A WET DREAM." END QUOTE.
"SHE WAS RIDING TOWARD ME, NAKED ON A PALOMINO.
"NEXT THING I KNOW SHE WAS GALLOPING IN THE PRODUCE SECTION OF GELSON'S MARKET."
CERTAINLY YOU KNOW I HAD COPIES MADE.
WHY MARY CHERRY, SHE'S YOUR FRIEND.
SHE RUINED ME. BECAUSE OF HER, I'M OFF THE GLAMAZONS.
NOW I'M DEPENDENT ON BROOKE'S POSITION FOR MY OWN POPULARITY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DEMEANING THAT IS FOR ME?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? - SHE HAS A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU.
JUST PRETEND YOU LIKE HER FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND THEN CRUELLY... DUMP HER.
EVER SEEN DANGEROUS LIAISONS? I'LL BE GLENN CLOSE, YOU'LL BE JOHN MALKOVICH
AND MARY CHERRY WILL BE MICHELLE PFEIFFER,
WHO'S DRIVEN OVER THE EDGE BY A BROKEN HEART.
- YOU'RE HEARTLESS, COUNTESS. - YES, I AM.
LET THE NEUTRON DANCE BEGIN.
OKAY. CHEMICAL COMPATIBILITY, TAKE ONE. YOUR TURN, SPAM.
LIKES: FONZ, THE NEW YORK TIMES, JULIE CHRISTIE.
DISLIKES: COLOR PINK, LIMA BEANS, COMMUNISM.
IT'S CLEAR. I AM REPELLED BY YOU. WE DO NOT CONNECT.
I'M GONNA GET SOMETHING ELSE TO DRINK. YOU WANT ANYTHING?
[SIGHS] GREAT. HYDROGEN, MEET OXYGEN.
LIKES: DONATELLA VERSACE,
JIM VARNEY MOVIES AND THE CHA-CHA.
DISLIKES: SUNSHINE,
ALL WHITE FOODS. BIG BIRD.
OOH... JOE.
ME, TOO.
IMAGINE THAT.
- WHY BIG BIRD? - OH, HE'S SO MASCULINE.
- HE INTIMIDATES ME. - RIGHT. ME, TOO.
AS LONG AS WE'RE OFFICIALLY BONDED, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YA.
WHAT A PRETTY PROMISE RING, HARRISON.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING, FREE RADICAL?
RUTHLESSLY BREAKING UP COMBINATIONS.
BUT JUDGING FROM YOUR LIKES AND DISLIKES LIST,
THIS IS A BOND EVEN I CAN'T TEAR ASUNDER.
- [MARY SHRIEKS IN JOY] - TRY THE RING ON FOR SIZE, JOE.
OH. YOU LOOK LIKE A YOUNG LIBERACE.
I LOVE IT.
OKAY, HERE WE GO. FIRST, LIKES:
BEN GAY.
- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. - WHAT?
WHEN YOU HAVE A SPORTS INJURY, IT'S LIKE SOMEONE'S HUGGING YOU.
SOMEBODY VERY WARM.
HATE IT. GO ON.
VEGETARIANISM.
FUNNY. ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?
NO, REALLY. I STARTED IT YESTERDAY.
AND SINCE THEN, I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL CLEANER.
WHY'D YOU START?
I GUESS IT WAS THAT "EATING THE FEAR" THING, IT REALLY GROSSED ME OUT.
I EVEN TOOK BACK MY LEATHER PANTS LAST NIGHT.
- SO, THANK YOU. - OKAY.
- GO ON, YOUR LAST LIKE. - LAST LIKE...
- PLANET OF THE APES. - SHUT UP.
THAT IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE. I LOVE...
THAT THE APES WIN IT IN THE END? IT'S AWESOME.
YES. ONE OF THE FIRST ANIMAL RIGHTS FILMS AND ONE OF THE BEST.
CITY OF ANGELS ZOO SHOULD'VE WATCHED IT BEFORE THEY
KIDNAPPED BRUCE THE GAY CHIMP FROM HIS LOVER EARL IN UGANDA.
W-W-WAIT. CHIMPS CAN BE GAY?
YEAH. A LOT OF ANIMALS ARE OMNISEXUAL.
HUH. AGAIN, DID NOT KNOW THAT.
WOW. HOW HORRIBLE FOR BRUCE TO BE SEPARATED
FROM HIS MAIN SQUEEZE CHIMP DUDE.
SOMEBODY SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
GOOD IDEA.
MAYBE SOMEBODY WILL.
- SOMETHING WRONG, BROOKE? - OH...
- NO... OKAY... - HI.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN PROPERLY INTRODUCED. I'M THE FREE RADICAL.
LET ME GUESS. YOU HAVEN'T HAD ANY LUCK BREAKING UP PEOPLE'S COMBOS.
IT'S TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT. LILY AND JOSH'S PAIRING IS AN UNLIKELY SUCCESS.
JOSH AND LILY'S ATOMS CONNECT? WOW. I NEVER WOULD OF GUESSED THAT.
I WAS SHOCKED AT THEIR UNLIKELY CHEMISTRY.
[SIGHS] YOU KNOW, LILY USED TO BE A LEZZY.
GOD BLESS HER. SOME GUYS FIND THAT HOT.
WELL, BUH-BYE.
HEY, GEORGE, WOULD YOU MIND IF WE DID THIS A LITTLE LATER?
I WANT TO GIVE THIS ASSIGNMENT MY ALL AND...
- I'M A LITTLE DISTRACTED. - SURE. JUST LET ME KNOW.
- OKAY. BYE. - BYE.
THAT'S A PRETTY DRESS. WHO PAID FOR IT?
YOU DID. I SWIPED YOUR CREDIT CARD.
WELL, THEN, UNLESS IT'S FOR YOUR FIRST BIG DATE, YOU'LL BE RETURNING IT.
IT'S FOR MY FIRST BIG DATE.
WELL, AH... THEN...
WE'LL JUST STICK A COUPLE OF DRESS SHIELDS IN THE ARMS
AND RETURN IT THE DAY AFTER.
OH, SAMMY, YOU GREW UP SO FAST.
MOM, CALM DOWN.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GETTING MARRIED AND BUTTERFLY KISSES IS PLAYING.
I KNOW, IT'S JUST A BIG MILESTONE.
- SO WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY? - HIS NAME'S GEORGE.
HE'S VERY SMART. HE READS FREUD.
[SIGHS] HE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.
AND HE'S QUICK. HE CALLS ME ON MY STUFF.
OH, WELL, THEN I LIKE HIM ALREADY.
AND HE'S BLACK.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU, IS IT?
OH, YOU KNOW ME, SAM. DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR ME?
- NO. - NO, IT WOULD ONLY BE A PROBLEM
IF HE TURNED OUT TO BE A HEARTBREAKER.
SO DOES GEORGE LIKE YOU AS MUCH AS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU LIKE HIM?
I THINK WE HAVE CHEMISTRY.
BUT, HE'S A VERY ELIGIBLE GUY, MOM.
HE COULD HAVE ANY GIRL HE WANTS. I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL PLAY THIS.
DON'T PLAY ANYTHING, HONEY. WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS,
IT'S BEST TO JUST BE HONEST.
REALLY?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD MIKE YOU'RE CARRYING HIS MOLECULE?
[SIGHS]
I GUESS I OWE HIM THAT.
MOM, YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE HOUSE AND TALK WITH HIM.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE HE FEELS SOME OBLIGATION.
I WANT HIM TO WANT ME BACK FOR ME.
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL, ONE LOVELORN GIRL TO ANOTHER.
I'LL BE HONEST WITH GEORGE,
IF YOU ARE HONEST WITH MIKE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE SOMEONE AS SMART AS YOU
ACTUALLY LIKES PAULY SHORE MOVIES.
- AT LEAST I DON'T DIG ACE OF BASE. - WHAT? THEY'RE SWEDISH.
- THEY'RE LIKE ABBA. - THEY'RE GARBAGE.
- NO. THEY'RE SO OUT, THEY'RE IN. - NO.
[BOTH STILL LAUGHING]
- HI. - HEY.
WELL, YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN.
WE ARE... WERE.
[CLEARS THROAT] HI, YOU MUST BE GEORGE.
WOW, GEORGE, INTERESTING.
OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT YOU'RE ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND SHE'S A CHEERLEADER,
THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A CONNECTION HERE.
I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE MORE IN COMMON.
WELL, SAM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A LOT IN COMMON
TO BE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE.
ACTUALLY, SAM, THERE'S A HUGE ROADBLOCK WITH US.
GEORGE DOESN'T LIKE ACE OF BASE.
OH, YOU GUYS, I TOTALLY SPACED.
ACE OF BASE IS PLAYING THIS FRIDAY.
I HAVE TO COVER IT FOR THE PAPER. SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CANCEL OUR DATE.
BROOKE, I NEED TO BORROW YOUR SINK.
GOD, KNOCK MUCH?
WOW.
YOU CANCELLED YOUR DATE WITH GEORGE TO GO TO A CONCERT?
SAM, COME ON. YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
I AM NOT OVERREACTING, HO. YOU...
YOU JUST CAN'T BEAR TO LET ME WIN AT ANYTHING.
YOU WANT HIM, DON'T YOU?
NO, SAMMY.
I DON'T.
SIT.
OH, MY GOODNESS, WE HAVE TO REPAIR YOUR FACE.
A NEW EYE SHADOW IS IN ORDER FOR YOU.
YOU FELL HARD FOR HIM, DIDN'T YA?
[EXHALES] YEAH, I DID.
GEORGE SEEMS TO HAVE EVERYTHING.
LOOKS, SMARTS...
JOCK-THING... WHICH YOU HAVE.
I ALSO HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT I'M VERY HAPPY WITH.
YOU KNOW, I STOPPED... WORRYING ABOUT
WHETHER WE WERE COMPATIBLE OR NOT,
JUST ACCEPTED THAT WE CLICK.
YOU NEED TO DO THE SAME THING, SAM,
ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER.
I USUALLY DO.
IT'S... JUST HE INTIMIDATES ME.
SAM, YOU'RE THE MOST INTELLIGENT GIRL I KNOW
AND YOU LOOK GREAT.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TAKE THE TIME TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR.
JUST USE THE CONFIDENCE YOU ALREADY HAVE.
GO ON, SAY IT.
SAY IT SEXY LOVER MAN, SO THE WHOLE WORLD CAN KNOW.
MARY CHERRY, YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
WILL YOU PLEASE CHA-CHA WITH ME, AND BE MY LADY?
OH.
I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK, JOSE.
SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!
♪ CHA CHA CHA
[MARY] ♪ I'M A LADY IN LOVE
♪ CHA CHA CHA
[MARY] OOW!
♪ CHA CHA CHA
♪ [MARY] AND I GET WHAT I WANT
♪ I'M FEELING HOT AND STEAMY, JOE
♪ CHA CHA CHA
♪ SATISFY MY NEEDS
♪ CHA CHA CHA ♪
[GASPS, HEAVY BREATHING]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- HELLO. - HI, JOE.
NOW THAT WE'RE GOING TOGETHER, YOU'LL NEED A NEW WARDROBE.
RISE AND SHINE.
THIS IS SO EXCITING. I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL AND ETHICAL BEFORE.
I KNOW. THE RUSH IS AMAZING.
LOOK HOW SAD BRUCE, THE GAY CHIMP, LOOKS.
EVEN IN THAT POSE HE SEEMS TORTURED.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S DREAMING ABOUT?
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
[KISSING SOUND]
[LUSTY SIGH]
OKAY, IT'S BEEN AN HOUR. WE'RE STARTING TO LOOK SUSPICIOUS.
WE GOTTA MAKE OUT MOVE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - MAKING A MOVE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, TRYING TO THROW THEM OFF THE SCENT.
IF WE LOOK LIKE A COUPLE ON HONEYMOON HERE TO SEE BRUCE, THE GAY CHIMP...
- WELL, THEN, WE'LL... - LOOK LESS SUSPICIOUS.
GOOD IDEA, JOSH.
WOW, YOUR SKIN'S PRETTY SOFT, LILY.
OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR. LET'S GET CRACKIN'.
[WHISPERS] OH, RIGHT.
[CHIMP SOUNDS]
- OKAY, BRUCE, HERE WE GO. - SSH.
[LOUD SCREECHING]
NICOLE!
PLANNING A TRIP TO THE CASTRO FOR SPRING BREAK, GARY GLITTER?
NO. I'M NOT. AND YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME
THAT GLAM ROCK WAS MARY'S FAVORITE FASHION PERIOD.
BREAK HEARTS ALONE, GLENN CLOSE. I'M THROUGH.
WELL, THEN I GUESS YOU'LL MISS THE BIG NEWS
THAT SAM CANCELLED HER DATE WITH GEORGE.
BROOKY, GEORGE'S CHEMICAL COMBINE PARTNER,
IS PROVING TO BE STIFF MOLECULAR COMPETITION.
DON'T QUIT NOW, YOU FOOL. IT'S WORKING.
HEY, NIC. DOESN'T JOE LOOK ROCKIN'?
- MM-HMM. - [MARY] BYE, NIC.
SEE YA AT LUNCH. MOVE IT, JOE.
KEEP THAT ASS HANDY.
HONEY, WAIT UP. I HAVE A SCOOP.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
HONEY, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT...
I JUST SAW THEM, SOWING SOME WILD ELECTRONS.
I'M SO UPSET FOR YOUR REPUTATION.
THE ONLY THING WORSE FOR YOUR REP THAN DATING JOSH
WOULD BE IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT THAT HE CHEATED ON YOU AND DUMPED YOU...
...FIRST.
[CHAMBER MUSIC]
[WHIMPERS]
[SIGHS] WELL...
OPERATION "FREE BRUCE THE GAY CHIMP" HAS HIT A SNAG.
SAFFRON, MY ANIMAL RIGHTS POINT PERSON,
SAID SHE CAN'T GET HIM A FLIGHT BACK TO UGANDA TILL SATURDAY.
- TILL THEN HE'S OUR PROBLEM. - HE STILL LOOKS SO SAD.
BRUCE MUST MISS EARL LIKE CRAZY.
HEY THERE, LITTLE BUDDY, HEY.
- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? - IT'S MY CRAZY MONKEY FACE.
CHECK IT OUT, IT'S CHEERING HIM UP.
[CHIMP SOUNDS]
YOU KNOW... YOU MAY PROJECT
ALL OF THIS JOCK BRAVADO BUT YOU,
JOSH FORD, ARE A BIG SOFTY.
- [LAUGHS] - I HAD NO IDEA, IT'S COOL.
THANKS, LILY.
YOU KNOW, BEFORE MISS GLASS'S ASSIGNMENT, I HAVE TO ADMIT,
I UNDERESTIMATED YOU.
BUT, YOU'RE SENSITIVE AND REALLY BRAVE.
YEAH... WELL...
THANKS FOR MAKING ME ACT INSTEAD OF JUST REACT,
WHICH I'VE BEEN DOING FOR MONTHS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD. 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN PREACHING
AND PREACHING AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS STILL EAT MEAT.
AND NONE OF THEM WERE INTERESTED IN FREEING A GAY CHIMP FROM HIS CAGE.
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE AFFECTED.
WHAT YOU DO MATTERS, LILY.
[DOOR OPENS]
AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?
NO. I WAS JUST LEAVING.
- C'MON, BRUCE. - [CHIMP NOISES]
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
LISTEN, BROOKE, I'M SORRY.
I SHOULD'VE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT THIS.
I GUESS... I GUESS I WAS FACING THE INEVITABLE.
YOU EVER HEARD THAT SONG, BREAK UP TO MAKE UP?
WELL, THAT'S BECOME OUR SONG.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE.
DO YOU LIKE HER?
I THINK... I COULD.
IT'S ALL RIGHT... JOSH.
TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS, I WAS GOING TO CALL IT QUITS A FEW WEEKS AGO.
WE GAVE IT OUR ALL, RIGHT?
I MEAN, NOBODY TRIED HARDER THAN US.
I GUESS IF RELATIONSHIPS WERE ABOUT FREE WILL,
WE'D HAVE WORKED OUT.
SO I GUESS,
THAT IF I WERE TO BREAK UP WITH YOU, HERE AND NOW,
THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY HARD FEELINGS?
NONE.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER, BROOKE.
AND WE'LL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS, RIGHT?
ALWAYS.
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFING]
- BROOKE? - OH?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T DO MY LIST RIGHT NOW, GEORGE.
- I'M SORRY. I'M A LITTLE... - DISTRACTED?
- YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT. - YEAH.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I GUESS JOSH AND I DIDN'T HAVE AS MUCH IN COMMON AS I THOUGHT WE DID.
[STUTTERS] AND... I'M NOT GONNA GO TO THE SKATING PARTY.
BROOKE, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALONE RIGHT NOW.
YOU SHOULD BE WITH FRIENDS.
YOU WANNA COME WITH ME?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
- I MEAN YOU AND SAM ARE... - SAM DOESN'T WANT TO GO. REMEMBER?
SHE MADE OTHER PLANS. I'M JUST GONNA BE SITTING AT HOME
FRIDAY ALONE AFTER THE GAME.
GEORGE, HEY. WAIT UP.
- HEY. HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT.
I DECIDED TO BAG ACE OF BASE AND STICK WITH MY ORIGINAL COMMITMENT.
SO, FUNKY TOWN, FRIDAY NIGHT?
I'D LOVE TO, BUT SINCE YOU BAGGED, I MADE OTHER PLANS.
I DIDN'T HAVE MY HEART SET ON THE SKATING PARTY...
- I'M STILL GOING TO THE SKATING PARTY. - BY YOURSELF?
NO, WITH BROOKE.
[SIGHS]
SO...
NOTHING LIKE RIDING TO FUNKY TOWN IN STYLE, IS THERE?
JOE...
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HOLD SWEATY HANDS?
- NO. - [WHISPERED] OKAY.
[SIGHS] YOU KNOW, JOE,
- I WANNA THANK YOU. - I TOLD YOU, MARY CHERRY.
RUBBING THAT WHOLE JAR OF CRÈME DE LA MER INTO YOUR BACK...
- I WAS THRILLED TO DO IT. - NO, NO. NOT FOR THAT.
FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME AND EVERYTHING.
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW? - WHAT THE KIDS AT SCHOOL THINK OF ME.
I KNOW THEY MAKE FUN OF ME BEHIND MY WELL-MOISTURIZED BACK.
CALL ME, PSYCHO CHERRY, AND STUFF.
YOU'RE NOT A REAL PSYCHO, MARY CHERRY.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR MOM LOCKED YOU IN A BASEMENT WHEN YOU WERE A KID,
AND YOU HAD TO CATCH MICE TO SURVIVE.
WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?
WELL, ANYWAYS...
I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS,
I KNOW YOUR NAME ISN'T JOE.
THEN WHY DO YOU CALL ME THAT?
I DON'T KNOW. YOU JUST SEEM SO SPECIAL.
YOU'RE NOT FAKE LIKE THE OTHER BOYS.
I GUESS I THOUGHT THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET EVEN A LITTLE PIECE OF YOU
WAS TO MAKE YOU UP COMPLETELY.
THUS, JOE.
SO, THANK YOU...
HARRISON.
[DISCO MUSIC]
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, YOU GUYS DON'T WANT TO BE SEPARATED.
- WHY DON'T YOU WANT SEPARATE LIVES? - CARMEN.
WHAT'S CARM HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
EVERYTHING. WE BOTH REALLY LIKE HER.
IF WE'RE SPLIT, WE BOTH COULDN'T HAVE HER. WE'D FIGHT OVER HER.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER, WE DON'T LIKE TO BICKER.
AND IF THOSE ARE OUR OPTIONS, WE'D RATHER REMAIN FREAKS.
GUESS SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORN TO BE TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, HARRISON?
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I WAS ANDY'S DATE IF CARM COULDN'T HANDLE
BEING A SIAMESE TWIN SANDWICH,
BUT, I'M LEAVING.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE GEORGE.
RUMOR HAS IT HE'S DOING THE ATOMIC SHUFFLE WITH THE OLD McNEMESIS McQUEEN.
YEAH.
YOU LOSE SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.
COME ON, SAM. HE'S JUST A GUY.
I KNOW. HE'S JUST A GUY.
I THOUGHT THIS TIME,
MAYBE HE WAS JUST THE GUY FOR ME.
BUT YOU CAN'T CREATE ATTRACTION.
IT'S EITHER THERE...
...OR IT'S NOT.
CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU.
WE WEREN'T EVEN PAIRED RANDOMLY.
- I'M SORRY, SAM. - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
CAN YOU GIVE THIS MOTEL KEY TO CARMEN?
I'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
BYE.
GEORGE, WHO ARE WE KIDDING? WE DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.
- I KNOW. - I'M IN BREAK-UP MODE.
ALL I WANNA DO IS SIT HOME AND WATCH TITANIC FOR THE 50TH TIME.
YOU WANNA BE WITH SAM. EVEN THOUGH SHE BLEW YOU OFF, SHE'LL COME AROUND.
AND THE TRUTH IS, SHE DID COME AROUND.
YEAH. SHE INVITED ME HERE YESTERDAY BUT I TOLD HER I WAS COMING WITH YOU.
GEORGE, PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO THAT.
SHE'S GOING TO MISUNDERSTAND.
SHE'S GONNA HATE ME.
ACTUALLY, BROOKE, WE BOTH SCREWED UP. IF WE'RE ADULT ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT.
AREN'T WE BOTH HERE TO STIR UP SOME JEALOUSY?
YOU WITH JOSH AND ME WITH SAM?
JOSH AND BROOKE ARE OVER, SAM AND GEORGE ARE OVER.
THE ONLY DOMINO LEFT TO FALL... CHERRY.
DUMP HER HERE, PUBLICLY IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND DESTROY HER.
WE'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. SHE'S A PERSON WITH FEELINGS, NICOLE.
GO UP ON THAT STAGE RIGHT NOW AND HUMILIATE HER.
THAT WAS THE DEAL.
[CHAMBER MUSIC]
MM.
- [FEEDBACK] - CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION?
THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE OF PLAN.
IT SEEMS THAT RANDY AND ANDY, WHILE THANKFUL FOR OUR SUPPORT,
DON'T WANT TO BE SEPARATED.
AS FAR AS THEY'RE CONCERNED, THEY HAVE A PERMANENT BOND
THAT SHOULDN'T BE BROKEN.
SPEAKING OF BONDS,
I HAVE A JOKE I'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU.
IT WAS MAYBE NOT AS FUNNY AS NICOLE AND I MEANT IT TO BE.
YOU KNOW HOW WE WERE ALL RANDOMLY PAIRED UP BY COMPUTER
TO EXPLORE THE NATURE OF OUR CHEMICAL ATTRACTIONS?
YEAH, AS IT TURNED OUT, IT WASN'T RANDOM AT ALL.
NICOLE AND I DELIBERATELY PUT TOGETHER THESE ODD COMBINATIONS OF PEOPLE
TO SEE IF OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS COULD BE MANIPULATED.
AS A RESULT, THERE WERE A LOT OF...
...COMBUSTIONS.
MISS GLASS, I'LL GLADLY TAKE AN "F" FOR MY MALKOVICHIAN MISTAKE.
OH, AND I'D LIKE TO GIVE A PERSONAL APOLOGY TO MARY CHERRY
BECAUSE I THINK THAT THE JOKE, IN THIS CASE, WENT TOO FAR.
BUT, I'M REALLY ACTUALLY GLAD WE WERE PUT TOGETHER.
I REALIZED WHAT A SWEET AND GENEROUS PERSON YOU REALLY ARE.
YOU ARE NEITHER CALLOW NOR RETARDED.
AND, I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF...
...YOU'D HAVE THIS FIRST COUPLE'S DANCE WITH ME?
OKAY.
AH, RANDY AND ANDY, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU AND YOU.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
- UM... I'M GONNA GO. - OKAY. HEY, WAIT.
WHY? IT'S A COUPLE'S DANCE AND WE'RE NOT A COUPLE.
- YOU'RE DATING BROOKE. SKATE WITH HER. - I BROKE UP WITH BROOKE, LILY.
OH.
EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT WITH HER YOU, JOSH,
YOU HAVE TO FACE THE FACT THAT OUR PAIRING WAS A JOKE.
SO WHAT? LOOK, I'M JUST AS CONFUSED AS YOU ARE.
I KNOW SCIENTIFICALLY WE DON'T BOND, I MEAN WE'RE SO DIFFERENT.
BUT WE'RE BETTER TOGETHER THAN ALONE.
LIKE A FUNKY KIND OF ALLOY. SO, YOU WANNA SKATE?
- YEAH, I'D LOVE TO. - COME ON.
NICOLE JULIAN, FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME TONIGHT,
I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL MONDAY!
THE COUNTESS. YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND THE EXIT.
THE PEASANTS, IT SEEMS, ARE CALLING FOR YOUR HEAD.
BROOKE? I KNOW YOU HATE ME RIGHT NOW BUT,
ONCE YOU HEAR MY EXPLANATION YOU'LL UNDERSTAND AND THANK ME.
I FORGIVE YOU FOR THE JOSH THING.
IF MY RELATIONSHIP COULDN'T SURVIVE A CHEMISTRY ASSIGNMENT,
IT WAS OVER ANYWAY.
BUT DID YOU REALLY THINK BREAKING US UP WOULD SAVE YOUR POPULARITY?
IF YOU ONLY TRIED, NIC,
YOU MIGHT FIND SOME WAY TO LIKE YOURSELF.
AND THEN, MAYBE OTHER PEOPLE WOULD LIKE YOU, TOO.
[WISTFUL CHAMBER MUSIC]
[KNOCKING]
I LEFT YOU THE KEYS, CARM.
HI. I LOOKED FOR YOU AT THE SKATING RINK, BUT YOU HAD ALREADY LEFT.
- BROOKE'S NOT HERE. - I DIDN'T COME HERE TO SEE HER.
I CAME HERE TO TALK TO YOU, SAM. DON'T BE ANGRY WITH HER.
SHE DIDN'T SET YOU UP, I DID. YOU BLEW ME OFF, I BLEW YOU OFF.
IT'S A CHAIN REACTION. IT'S DUMB, SAM.
- SO YOU DON'T LIKE BROOKE AT ALL? - SHE'S NICE AND ALL.
BUT I WAS JUST FULFILLING MY ASSIGNMENT.
I REALLY WANTED YOU AND ME TO BE PAIRED TOGETHER, SAM.
I FEEL THIS ENERGY BETWEEN US, SOMETHING I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE.
- ME, TOO. - SO, LOOK, I APOLOGIZE.
OKAY? LET'S START OVER.
WE CAN HAVE OUR FIRST DATE... RIGHT NOW?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[JANE] I'M FEELING SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO FEEL IT, TOO?
NOW, I STUNK AT CHEMISTRY. BUT CAN I TELL YOU ONE THING I REMEMBER?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TWO ATOMS COLLIDE?
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A MOLECULE?
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA ♪