PREVIOUSLY ON POPULAR...
WHEN YOU STARTED HAVING HEADACHES, IT'S THE SAME THING WITH MY DAD.
LOOK AT ME, SAM. I NEVER FELT BETTER. DO I LOOK SICK TO YOU?
I DON'T THINK SO. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
HARRISON, IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'VE TRIED TO SUBVERT THE DRUG TESTING PROCESS?
I HAVE BEEN TAKING PAINKILLERS, AND THE REASON IS...
I HAVE LEUKEMIA.
THIS SMELL FUNKY TO YOU?
IT SMELLS LIKE FEET.
YEAH, THAT'S WHACK. I PAID 20 BUCKS TO HAVE MY SUIT SPRAYED WITH TOE JAM.
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO WEAR? - AIR IT OUT BEFORE TOMORROW, MAN.
JOSH, YOU'VE GOT TO COME TO THIS THING.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, SUG.
I'M STILL IN THE SUSPENSION BOX. YOU TALK FOR ME.
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE TALKING AT THESE THINGS.
LAST YEAR I WAS DRIPPING WITH SWEAT. I SHORTED OUT THE MICROPHONE.
HEY, FORGET THAT, MAN.
YOU'LL BE STANDING IN FOR ME.
WHEN THE SPOTLIGHT'S SHINING, YOU'LL BE WEARING TOE-JAMMING THREADS.
I MEAN IT.
TALK ABOUT WHAT A GREAT SEASON WE HAD,
BECAUSE OF YOU. THE GAME WHERE YOU...
[RIPPING]
...TOOK THE D LINE AND GEORGE SCORED.
OH, AND SUG, IF THEY HAVE THOSE SPICY CHICKEN WINGS AGAIN,
DON'T FORGET TO BRING ME SOME. I LOVE THOSE THINGS.
YEAH. ME TOO.
SUGAR, WHY ARE YOU THROWING THAT AWAY?
WHAT? THIS? IT'S OLD. TOO REGIS.
BESIDES, THE DRY-CLEANER SHRUNK IT ANYWAY.
BYE.
I THINK I'M GONNA BAIL ON THE BANQUET.
IT'S GONNA BE A MAJOR SNOOZE WITHOUT JOSH THERE.
YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS I GOTTA GO. SEE YA.
- HEY, BROOKE? - YEAH?
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
SURE.
YOU KNOW THAT PLACE THAT YOU WENT TO, AND THEY HELPED YOU WITH, YOU KNOW,
- YOUR WEIGHT? - IT'S CALLED AN EATING DISORDER CLINIC.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHISPER. I'M NOT ASHAMED.
I WAS LOOKING FOR A PLACE THAT MIGHT GIVE ME A HEALTHY CRASH DIET.
OR I COULD JUST EAT CANTALOUPE FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
THE CLINIC'S NOT ABOUT DIETING.
[RATTLING]
WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS NOW.
LISTEN TO ME. GET PAST THE SHAME. YOU NEED SUPPORT.
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. THAT IS THE FIRST THING THEY TEACH YOU.
YOU HONESTLY THINK THEY CAN HELP ME?
ARE YOU KIDDING? [LAUGHS]
I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
- YOU COULD BE TOO. - I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE EVERYTHING.
I JUST WANT TO BUY A PAIR OF PANTS THAT'S NOT LINED WITH ELASTIC.
YEAH. I'LL CALL YOU WITH THE INFO.
- THANKS. - OKAY.
HEY, IF YOU GET THE BOX, IT'S 'CAUSE I'M BUYING 100 CANTALOUPE.
- SUGAR. - WHAT?
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE
♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN BABY
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
♪ WELL, ME AND B
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪
HEY, UM,
ARE YOU PLANNING ON VISITING HARRISON AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
PROBABLY. WHY?
WELL, I WAS HOPING I COULD TAG ALONG.
I'D RATHER NOT GO THERE ALONE.
HOSPITALPHOBIC?
NO, I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF HARRISON REALLY WANTS TO SEE ME.
BROOKE, I THINK HARRISON'S GOT BIGGER THINGS ON HIS MIND
THAN YOUR STUDENT COUNCIL RACE.
WHOA. CHECK THIS OUT.
"WANTED. TEEN SCRIBE TO GHOSTWRITE PROVOCATIVE MEMOIRS."
MMM. EXCELLENT.
WHY WOULD THEY WANT A TEENAGER?
WHO CARES? BIG BERTHAS ARE PRICEY.
WHO'S BIG BERTHA?
THEY'RE GOLF CLUBS. FOR HARRISON. A GIFT.
SOMETHING HE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO AFTER HIS FIRST ROUND OF CHEMO.
IS THAT YOUR BREAKFAST?
I ALREADY FEEL BLOATED.
SAM, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD HIRE A TEENAGER TO WRITE THEIR MEMOIRS?
- NOT ALL OF US HAVE BECOME CYNICAL. - I AM NOT CYNICAL.
FACE IT. YOU'VE EARNED YOUR BILE.
IF I LOST AN ELECTION AND GOT DUMPED BY MY BOYFRIEND ALL IN THE SAME WEEK,
I WOULD BE IN A FETAL POSITION CHEWING THE DRAPES.
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T CONSIDER EITHER OF THOSE EVENTS TO BE LOSSES.
WHAT I GAINED IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.
AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.
SEE YA.
- [WOMAN WITH ENGLISH ACCENT] HELLO. - YEAH, HI.
I'M CALLING ABOUT THE JOB YOU ADVERTISED FOR A GHOSTWRITER.
LOVELY. CAN YOU BE HERE AT 3:00?
THIS AFTERNOON? SURE.
- WHERE'S HERE? - DO YOU KNOW KENNEDY HIGH SCHOOL?
YEAH. I GO THERE. WHY?
BRILLIANT. BRING YOUR LAPTOP, LOVE, AND A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR TO THE GIRLS' LOO.
DON'T BE TARDY.
COULD YOU STOP SO I CAN WALK?
NO CAN DO. HOSPITAL POLICY.
WHAT POLICY? IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SOME FRIGGIN' BASKET CASE.
OKAY, THERE, BIG FELLA. LISTEN UP.
YOU'RE GONNA BE WITH US FOR AWHILE.
MENTAL OUTLOOK'S GOT A LOT TO DO WITH THE SUCCESS OF YOUR TREATMENT.
JUST TAKE ME TO MY ROOM, WILL YOU?
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THE FOOD.
THIS IS IT, SPANKY.
YOU'RE HOME. I'LL BE BACK IN 20 TO DRAW SOME BLOOD.
MISS ME.
HEY, THERE.
YOU MUST BE MY NEW ROOMIE. I'M CLARENCE.
- HI. - HAVE YOU BEEN SAVED?
JUST GOT HERE.
YOU LIKE ANGELS, DON'T YOU?
- CAN'T SAY THAT I DO. - REALLY? WOW.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT ANGELS WERE GOD'S WAY OF SAYING, "HEY, THERE."
CLARENCE, NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU CAN KEEP IT.
OKAY.
I HOPE YOU'LL CONSIDER JOINING OUR PRAYER CIRCLE.
WE MEET EVERY DAY RIGHT AFTER OPRAH.
THAT GETS STUCK SOMETIMES.
[RADIO] ♪ THANK YOU, JESUS
COULD YOU TURN THAT DOWN?
OH, I'M SORRY.
[CLARENCE SINGS] ♪ THANK YOU, JESUS THANK YOU, JESUS
♪ YOU'RE MY ROD
♪ MY SWORD
♪ AND MY STAFF ♪
I'M MICHAEL BERNARDINO.
- PEOPLE CALL ME "SUGAR." - I BET YOU ANSWER TO IT.
BAD NEWS, FOLKS. SOMEBODY MESSED WITH OUR SCALES.
WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? WE ARE CLEARLY NOT SUFFERING FROM THE SAME PROBLEM.
- WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? - VISION.
- MICHAEL, I APOLOGIZE. - NO SWEAT.
- PLEASE, CALL ME "SUGAR." - SUGAR, MEET YOUR TEAMMATES.
THIS IS ASHLEY WELD, THIS IS ASHLEY PESANO,
AND THIS IS ASHLEY CARMICHAEL.
EVERYBODY'S NAMED ASHLEY? IS THAT SOME KIND OF CODE?
ONLY IN HER CASE, BUT IF I CALLED HER WHAT I WANTED TO, I'D LOSE MY JOB.
LET'S EGO OVER A FEW RULES.
AFTER BEING IN THIS CLINIC FOR 15 YEARS,
I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING. I KNOW EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK.
PEOPLE, YOU ARE NOT HERE TO BE PUNISHED.
YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO REDEFINE
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.
TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU. NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.
ALL OF THE SUPPORT YOU NEED YOU CAN FIND IN THIS ROOM.
EXCUSE ME. I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THERE.
HELLO?
WELL, IF IT AIN'T MISS SYLVIA PLATH.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - HIRING YOU TO WRITE MY STORY.
YOU'RE GONNA SPIN MY PERSONAL PAIN INTO GOLD, SAM McPHERSON.
- NOT IN THIS LIFETIME. - HEY, THIS ISN'T A JOKE, HON.
MAMA CHERRY IS JUST WEEKS AWAY FROM PUBLISHING HER TELL-ALL MEMOIR,
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU PUSH, YOU CAN'T POP THIS CHERRY.
- WHO CARES? - WELL, I DO.
I HAVE JUST LEARNED FROM MY HANDY IN-PURSE FAX
IN THE FIRST CHAPTER SHE REFERS TO ME AS "TOENAIL FUNGUS,"
AND "THE GUNK THAT'S LEFT IN THE BUCKET AFTER LIPOSUCTION."
I'M GONNA BEAT HER TO THE PUNCH.
WITH YOUR HELP, I'M GONNA TURN IN MY MEMOIR
TO RANDOM HOUSE THIS MONDAY.
TEMPTING, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.
OKAY, I'M OFFERING $1,000.
- IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. - $2,000.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. - $5,000.
WHEN DO WE START?
OH, MY GOD.
- ARE WE TOO LATE? - HE'S IN THE BATHROOM.
[SIGHS] WELL, NO DOUBT.
THE SIGHT OF YOU TWO COULD MAKE ANYBODY RETCH.
- HOW'S IT GOING, BROOKE? - GREAT.
WOW.
I LEAVE THE ROOM FOR TWO MINUTES, IT TURNS INTO A GLAMAZON PEP RALLY.
SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
LIKE I WANT TO BE ALONE.
SORRY. DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO HONEST.
JUST COMES WITH THE TERRITORY THESE DAYS.
THAT'S OKAY. WE'RE LEAVING ANYWAY.
- I WILL CALL YOU, OKAY? - YEAH.
TAKE CARE, BRO.
SORRY.
SEE YOU, HON.
HEY.
HARRISON, LOOK...
I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR HOW I TREATED YOU DURING THE ELECTIONS, AND
PLEASE BELIEVE ME, IF I HAD KNOWN WHAT YOU WERE GOING THROUGH,
- I WOULD NEVER... - DON'T APOLOGIZE.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW BADLY I FEEL.
NO, YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW BADLY YOU FEEL.
PLEASE, STOP CAMPAIGNING.
STOP TRYING TO PRETEND THAT THIS IS ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
THAN YOU CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT DEEP DOWN YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON.
- THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE. - SURE, IT IS.
MY GOD.
PLEASE, IF YOU COME AWAY FROM THIS STUPID ELECTION WITH ANYTHING,
LET IT BE ONE OUNCE OF SELF-KNOWLEDGE.
YOU'RE THE LONELIEST PERSON I KNOW.
BEHIND THAT SMILE THERE'S THIS DESPERATE PERSON
WHO DOESN'T THINK SHE DESERVES ANY HAPPINESS,
SO SHE GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO CONTROL EVERY SITUATION.
WELL, I'VE GOT AN UPDATE FOR YOU, BROOKE.
YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME.
SO, PLEASE, SAVE THE SPEECH FOR YOURSELF.
CLEARLY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM.
I'M SORRY.
WHAT IF WE CALL IT BURY THAT CHERRY?
THE COVER COULD HAVE A BIG, FAT SHOVEL
- SMACKING MAMA IN THE FACE... - WE ALREADY HAVE A TITLE.
CAN WE SKIP AHEAD AND MAYBE WRITE THE FIRST SENTENCE?
YEAH, OKAY. YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT, HON,
BECAUSE I DO MY VERY BEST PLOT RIGHT HERE ON THIS POOF.
I NEED LOTS AND LOTS OF MIRRORS TO BE REFLECTIVE.
NOW, WE NEED TO START OFF WITH SOMETHING SPECTACULAR,
GRAPHIC, TORTURE SCENE.
- NOT NECESSARILY. - I WAS IN THIRD GRADE WHEN MAMA CHERRY
STRIPPED ME NAKED AND SUBMERGED ME IN A BUBBLING VAT OF VELVEETA.
CHEESE?
AND SHE BUNDLED ME UP IN TIN FOIL AND DROPPED ME OFF AT THE LOCAL DOG POUND.
MARY CHERRY, YOU'RE MAKING THIS UP.
AM I? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU CALL THE SAN ANTONIO PLASTIC SURGEON
WHO TOOK THE MISSING CHUNK OF MY LEFT BUTTOCK
AND MOLDED IT INTO A COMELY DIMPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T WE TAKE A LUNCH BREAK?
NO. WE ARE NOT LEAVING THIS ROOM, MISS JUDY BLUME.
- NOT UNTIL WE FINISH. - I HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER YOU MIND,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA HAVE ALL THE ESSENTIALS DELIVERED HERE.
MARY CHERRY, I HAVE THINGS TO DO AT HOME.
OH, PLEASE. YOU CAN SQUEEZE THOSE BIG OLD PORES ANYTIME.
WE'RE WORKING UNDER A DEADLINE HERE, MISSY.
OH, NO. YOU CANNOT HOLD ME HOSTAGE HERE.
I THINK YOU UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MY WILL.
SMELLS LIKE SOMEBODY JUST WOKE UP.
IS THAT FOR ME? I DON'T LIKE SPROUTS.
I DO.
YOU MEAN YOU REALLY WANT TO EAT?
- SO SOON AFTER? - AFTER WHAT?
DID SOMETHING ROMANTIC HAPPEN AND I WASN'T THERE?
SWEETIE, I HEARD YOU THROWING UP IN THE BATHROOM. UPSTAIRS.
YOU PUT THIS HERE?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
DID I ASK YOU TO PUT THIS ON MY PILLOW?
YOU WANT PRAYER? HERE'S YOUR PRAYER.
BACK OFF.
IT'S MORE OF A COMMAND THAN A PRAYER.
THAT'S IT. I'M GOING HOME.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE HERE. - WATCH ME.
YOU KNOW, THE FIRST ROUND OF CHEMO IS PRETTY ATOMIC.
YOU'LL WANT TO BE HERE WHEN YOU'RE BARFING UP WHAT YOU ATE
- IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. - SAVE THE LECTURE.
WHO'S GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU AT HOME?
YOUR FRIEND BROOKE? I SAW YOU CHASE HER AWAY.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR HELP. I'LL FIGHT THIS ON MY OWN TERMS.
THIS? YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD.
- EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE? - I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT.
WELL THEN, PUT ME IN ANOTHER ROOM. NOW.
THIS IS A HOSPITAL, PAL, NOT CLUB MED.
WE'LL DEAL WITH YOUR REQUEST IN THE MORNING.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, I WAS JUST LOOKING IN THE MIRROR. THAT'S IT.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE BATHROOM BEFORE THAT?
WHAT?
- ARE YOU SPYING ON ME NOW? - DO I HAVE TO?
DAD, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. JUST LEAVE, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT!
- DON'T. STOP IT. - GIVE ME THE BAG, BROOKE.
NOW, ARE YOU GONNA MAKE THE CALL, OR WILL I?
- ARE THESE ALLOWED? - YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO EAT ONE.
DON'T SWALLOW.
PICK UP THAT PLATE AND SPIT OUT WHAT YOU'VE GOT IN YOUR MOUTH.
OKAY. NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST HAD INSIDE YOUR MOUTH.
PICK IT UP WITH YOUR FINGERS, PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH,
AND CHEW IT AGAIN, BUT DON'T SWALLOW.
GO ON.
- I CAN'T. - YES, YOU CAN.
YOU HAVE TO. TRUST ME.
YOU WILL NEVER CRAVE ONE OF THESE AGAIN.
THE SCENE IS NOME, ALASKA.
THE WIND IS BLISTERING COLD, AND I FALL THROUGH A HOLE IN THE ICE
WHILE HUNTING FOR A SEAL-SKIN MUFF.
MAMA'S FURIOUS.
SHE MAKES ME SPEND ALL NIGHT OUTSIDE IN MY SOAKING WET CLOTHES.
IF LITTLE MAN NUK HADN'T COME BY WITH HIS BLOW-DRYER AND DEFROSTED ME,
I'D HAVE SPENT MY LIFE AS A CHERRY POPSICLE.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT FOR A CHAPTER TITLE?
[SAM MUMBLES]
OH, HONEY. THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP YOUR STRENGTH UP.
OW!
TOSS ME ONE OF THEM SEA URCHINS, OKAY?
HEY, CAN YOU READ?
'CAUSE THE SIGN SAYS "OUT OF ORDER." THERE'S A PORT-A-POTTY IN THE HALL.
YEAH, THAT BOBBI GLASS JUST WENT INTO, AND I FORGOT TO PACK MY GAS MASK.
- WHY ARE YOU ALL TIED UP, SAM? - CARMEN, GO GET HELP.
- WHY? WHAT HAS SHE DONE? - SHOULD'VE RUN WHILE YOU WERE FREE.
THERE'S NO ESCAPING, ELSA.
MY LITTLE LIONESS.
JUST LET US GO.
IT'S NOT LIKE OUR PARENTS AREN'T GONNA NOTICE.
YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT MYRTLE BEACH.
HEY, GUYS, LOOK. DID YOU KNOW I'M TURNING SWEET 16 AGAIN?
- JUST KEEP HER OUT OF THIS. - FAT CHANCE.
I COULD USE HER TO HELP PICK SOME GLAMOUR SHOTS
FOR MY BIO CENTERPIECE.
NOTHING FROM THE FIFTH GRADE. I DIDN'T GET A CHIN UNTIL SIXTH.
[SAM] CARMEN, RUN, NOW.
I CAN'T. I'M STUCK.
- WHAT IS THIS? - THE STRONGEST ADHESIVE KNOWN TO MAN.
IT'S PRESCRIPTION.
IT'S WHAT LAUREN BACALL USES TO HOLD UP HER FACE.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, NOME, ALASKA.
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO STOP ME, DUDE, BUT DON'T.
- I'M CHECKING OUT. - I'M NOT GONNA STOP YOU.
YOU CAN LEAVE THE CLINIC AT ANY TIME.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO WORK.
I DID. I REALLY DID.
SUGAR, YOU'RE HERE JUST IN TIME.
THERE IS NOTHING THAT I CAN FOCUS ON
THAT'LL MAKE ME FORGET I'M SHARING A ROOM WITH A FANATIC.
RIGHT NOW THERE'S THREE GEEKS IN THERE SINGING ROCK OF AGES.
- I'M CHECKING OUT NOW. - YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
SUGAR, WHERE'S YOUR CAR?
I DIDN'T DRIVE.
I'M ACTUALLY SORT OF CHECKED IN HERE MYSELF.
FOR WHAT?
- [DAN] MAY I HELP YOU? - NAME'S McQUEEN.
- I'M CHECKING MY DAUGHTER IN. - BROOKE.
- WHY? - I WASN'T GIVEN A CHOICE.
[FRUSTRATED GROAN] I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T DRAW.
- IT'S STUPID. - THEY'RE NOT FOR DISPLAY.
THESE SELF-PORTRAITS ARE ONLY FOR YOU.
THAT'S NICE.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO DRAW YOURSELF WITHOUT CLOTHES.
- SAY WHAT? - NAKED. NUDE. BIRTHDAY SUIT.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS. I DON'T THINK OF MYSELF IN THAT WAY.
I KNOW, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO START SOMETIME.
WE DON'T START UNTIL EVERYTHING'S ON THE TABLE.
IS THIS BEETS? I DON'T EAT BEETS.
YOU HAVE TO EAT EVERYTHING ON YOUR PLATE.
DOES THIS PLACE HAVE A DEAL WITH A BEET FARM, OR WHAT?
YOU'RE LUCKY. LAST TIME I WAS HELD PRISONER ALL THEY SERVED WAS LIMA BEANS.
CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT FOOD?
SOME OF US ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST OF THIS.
- WHAT'S "THE BEST"? - GOD, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
- JUST IGNORE HER, BROOKE. - NO.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW HARD IS IT, JUST TO BE FRIENDLY?
I AM NOT LOOKING TO BE ON YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST, MARCIA BRADY,
- I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT FOOD. - SHE HAS A POINT, BROOKE.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER SIDE?
- SUGAR, YOU ALWAYS DO THAT. - DO WHAT?
YOU JUST GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE FEEL COMFORTABLE
WHEN CLEARLY, NO ONE FEELS COMFORTABLE.
- I FEEL COMFORTABLE. - NO, YOU DON'T.
BUT YOU THINK IF YOU PUT ON THE HAPPY HOMEBOY FACE,
NO ONE WILL NOTICE HOW MISERABLE YOU ARE.
YOU WANT EVERYBODY TO LIKE YOU. BROOKE, GET REAL.
YOU STILL BEAT YOURSELF UP BECAUSE YOUR MOM LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE LIKE, EIGHT.
THANKS, SUGAR.
I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FOCUSING ON OUR OWN MISERY.
BUT, HEY, SINCE YOU'RE IN THE MOOD TO SHARE,
WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT TIME
THAT YOU HAD TO LOSE FIVE POUNDS FOR THE WRESTLING MEET,
AND YOU ATE A WHOLE BOX OF LAXATIVES
AND THEN YOU CRAPPED IN YOUR UNIFORM ON THE MAT.
HOW'S LUNCH?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO MY ROOM.
NOT UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR MEAL, YOU'RE NOT.
MICHAEL, SIT DOWN. EVERYBODY HAS TO EAT.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT HERE?
[MARY CHERRY] SHE'S JEALOUS OF ME.
I MADE SECOND GRADE SPELLING BEE FINALS, I WAS THIS CLOSE TO THE BLUE RIBBON.
MAMA COULDN'T HANDLE MY BURGEONING SUCCESS,
SO SHE SABOTAGED ME.
SHE DOCTORED MY GRITS.
PUMPED ME UP WITH ENOUGH RITALIN TO TRANQUILIZE DUMBO.
I FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF SPELLING THE WORD "PEEPHOLE."
[MARY] P...
E-E...
[SNORING]
HEY, SUG, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
SUGAR, I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU.
IT'S OVER, BROOKE. DROP IT.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN THESE PROGRAMS.
THEY WANT YOU TO CRACK, THEN THEY PUT YOU BACK TOGETHER.
YEAH? WHAT'S THEIR SUCCESS RATE?
I'M NOT THE ONE TO ASK.
THEY TELL YOU TO FIND SUPPORT.
THOSE GIRLS, THEY LOOK AT ME, AND THEY CRINGE.
THEY SEE IN ME
EVERYTHING THEY HATE ABOUT THEMSELVES.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
NOT EVERYONE.
LOOK AT ASHLEY NUMBER ONE, THE GIRL THAT SAT NEXT TO YOU.
- YEAH, SHE'S OKAY. - YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER.
I'VE TRIED.
I JUST GET SHY AROUND HER.
WHY?
I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
I FEEL WEIRD.
EVERY TIME SHE SMILES AT ME...
MAYBE SHE'S SEEING THE REAL YOU.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. - COME ON. THAT'S FIVE GAMES IN A ROW.
GOD IS DEFINITELY HIS CO-PILOT.
HEY.
OH, NICE. I LEAVE FOR AN HOUR, AND CLARENCE THE SHEPHERD
IS LEADING MY FRIENDS BACK TO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.
- HE TAUGHT US A GREAT GAME. WANT TO... - NO, THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I AM TRYING TO GIVE MYSELF ONE SQUARE FOOT OF PRIVACY.
OKAY?
YOU MAY WANT TO CONSERVE ENERGY.
YOU'LL NEED IT AFTER THE TREATMENT YOU JUST HAD.
- ARE YOU STILL TALKING? - HARRISON, RELAX.
NO, I WON'T RELAX.
I'M STUCK HERE. I'M SICK OF HIM,
AND HIS FAT LITTLE ANGELS, AND I DON'T WANT TO WATCH ANOTHER TV SHOW
WITH A NUMBER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN.
OKAY. WE SHOULD LEAVE.
NO. STAY. I'LL GO.
IT'S ME HE WANTS TO GET RID OF.
HARRISON, HE'S SICK TOO.
- REMEMBER THAT. - HOW AM I GONNA FORGET IT?
- I THINK WHAT LILY MEANT WAS... - EXCUSE ME.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING SICK?
TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM RIGHT NOW?
PICKING OUT THE RIGHT VALENTINES FOR EACH OTHER?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MANY CARBOHYDRATES
- ARE IN THAT LIGHT FIXTURE. - [LAUGHS]
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
JUST A LITTLE NOTE TO ASHLEY NUMBER ONE FROM YOU.
BROOKE, WHY DID YOU...
SUGAR, I JUST PUT WHAT YOU WERE FEELING INTO WORDS.
WELL, WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR HER FIFTH WEDDING, I WASN'T EVEN INVITED.
IT WAS OUTDOORS, AND MAMA WAS AFRAID THAT MY BRACES WOULD ATTRACT LIGHTNING.
I WAS FORCED TO WATCH THE NUPTIALS THROUGH A CRACK
INSIDE MAMA'S CADILLAC TRUNK.
HEY, I DON'T HEAR THOSE KEYS A-CLICKIN', MISS AGATHA CHRISTIE.
I HAVE LOST FEELING IN MY FINGERS.
OLGA, BE A HON, WOULD YOU AND RUN SOME BOILING WATER OVER HER HANDS.
NO. LET'S CONTINUE.
YOU WERE INSIDE MAMA CHERRY'S CRACK.
TRUNK. I WAS INSIDE HER TRUNK LOOKING THROUGH A CRACK.
ARE YOU TAKING YOUR GINGKO, OR NOT?
HOLD TIGHT, SAM. I'M GOING FOR HELP.
HEY, STOP HER.
[MARY CHERRY SHRIEKS]
I WARNED YOU NOT TO CROSS ME, HON.
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO SNAP YOUR NECK LIKE A PEPPERIDGE FARM PIROUETTE.
AND WHAT IS THAT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH? HUH?
YOU'LL ONLY BE MORE ALONE.
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU RUN OUT OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO PAY TO LISTEN TO YOU?
I PAY MY LISTENERS VERY WELL.
SAVE YOUR CASH, AND JUST TALK TO YOUR MOTHER DIRECTLY.
YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE A BOOK. YOU NEED TO WRITE A CARD.
EXCUSE ME?
THIS MEMOIR IS ONLY GONNA DRIVE YOU AND YOUR MOTHER FURTHER APART.
WHY NOT JUST ADMIT THAT YOU'RE HURT AND LONELY
AND WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A DAUGHTER?
- THAT IS NOT AN OPTION! - WHY NOT? YOU'RE HER ONLY CHILD.
SHE PROBABLY DID THE BEST SHE COULD.
YOU LOVE HER, DON'T YOU?
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA AT THE PLAZA?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA WIN OUT.
BELIEVE ME, I AM THE LAST PERSON TO TALK YOU OUT OF WRITING THIS BOOK.
I NEED THE MONEY.
BUT YOU'RE WORKING OVERTIME TO ASSASSINATE SOMEONE
WHO'S GIVEN YOU A PRETTY PRIVILEGED LIFE.
NOT TO MENTION AMBITION, TENACITY,
AND FLAWLESS SKIN.
WELL, THIS IS NOT WHAT I'M PAYING YOU FOR.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ME. - OF COURSE I DO.
WHO ELSE AM I GONNA GET TO SPELL "TENACITY" ON MY CARD?
[ASHLEY #1] WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
I THOUGHT WE HAD GROUP THERAPY.
I THINK IT'S AT 10:00.
OH.
WHAT ARE YOU READING?
ER... LADIES' HOME JOURNAL.
[ASHLEY #1 GIGGLES] CAN I JUST SAY
HOW COOL IT WAS, THE WAY YOU STOOD UP TO BROOKE AT DINNER?
SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO ATTACK YOU.
I DON'T THINK SHE WAS ATTACKING ME. MORE LIKE SHE WAS ATTACKING HERSELF.
I STILL THINK IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.
AND YOU DO.
CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
I DIDN'T WRITE THAT LETTER. I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I'M THIS POET,
OR SOME SMART PERSON. I CAN BARELY SPELL MY OWN NAME.
- WHAT? - IT'S BETTER THAT YOU KNOW NOW,
THAN TWO WEEKS DOWN THE LINE WHEN YOU BREAK UP WITH ME
- BECAUSE I'M THIS BIG, FAT SLOB. - SUGAR...
NO, LOOK, IT WOULD CRUSH ME.
OKAY?
AND I'M ALREADY WALKING ON THE EDGE.
SO JUST... DON'T.
IS IT JUST ME, OR DID MY BED JUST GET, LIKE, 25 FEET FURTHER FROM THE BATHROOM?
DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT, HUH?
HERE.
USE THIS.
THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS PARK MY TRAY OUTSIDE THE CAN.
NURSE DAN CAME BY.
SAID YOU'RE MOVING TO ROOM 507.
IT'S A NICE ROOM. GREAT VIEW OF THE CAFETERIA.
I REMEMBER WATCHING PEOPLE ENJOY SOLID FOODS.
I WAS ON JELL-O THAT MONTH.
DON'T YOU EVER GET TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU JUST WANT TO YELL, "STOP."
"PULL OUT THE TUBES."
"BRING ME A BIG MAC."
"LET ME JUST ROLLERBLADE IN THE RAIN AND GET SOAKED"?
[SIGHS] DON'T YOU EVER GET TO THAT PLACE?
EVERY DAY.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WEAR THAT STUPID HAT?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN BALD.
DEPENDS ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE. IF YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME I'M BALD.
IT GROWS BACK EVENTUALLY.
I'M SO NOT INTO LOOKING LIKE MR. BUBBLE.
THAT'S NOTHING. WAIT TILL PEOPLE ON THE STREET START STARING.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I WISHED I WAS PACKING A HIGH-POWERED SQUIRT GUN
FILLED WITH CHINESE DUCK SAUCE. "HEY, YOU."
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? BAM!"
NICE SHOT. [LAUGHS]
WHAT HAPPENED TO "TURN THE OTHER CHEEK?"
DAVID CARRIED A SLINGSHOT.
FIRST BOOK OF SAMUEL, CHAPTER 17.
WERE YOU ALWAYS INTO THAT RELIGIOUS STUFF?
I WENT TO CHURCH MOSTLY TO SLEEP.
BUT...
THINGS CHANGE.
I KNOW YOU THINK A PRAYER CIRCLE
IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH DRINKING YOUR OWN URINE.
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
I GO 'CAUSE IT GIVES ME ONE LESS HOUR
IN THE DAY TO THINK ABOUT BEING SICK.
HERE'S THE THING.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF GOD'S GONNA BE THERE FOR ME
IN THE END.
I'M JUST TRYING TO COVER ALL THE BASES.
WHOA.
LUCKY DAY. CHANNEL NINETY IS SHOWING THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
RIGHT NOW. YOU INTO IT?
I'M EASY.
THIS IS HIGHER THAN YESTERDAY.
I'VE BEEN UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS?
- WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? - NEVER MIND WHERE I GOT IT.
ROMANCING A FELLOW PATIENT IS AGAINST THE RULES.
DID SHE GIVE THAT TO YOU?
- WHO ELSE HAS READ IT? - CALM DOWN.
YOU'RE ABOUT TEN POINTS SHORT OF A STROKE.
SHE NEVER READ IT.
FORTUNATELY, I WAS IN THE ROOM CHANGING AN IV BAG
WHEN YOU SHOVED IT UNDER THE DOOR.
SHE NEVER READ THE LETTER.
HEY.
- DID SHE SAY ANYTHING? - WHO?
WHO? ASHLEY NUMBER ONE.
HEY. WHY WERE YOU SO QUIET DURING DINNER?
EVERY TIME SHE TALKED TO YOU, YOU JUST BURIED YOUR HEAD IN THE BROCCOLI.
SHE NEVER GOT THE LETTER.
- NURSE GRETCHEN INTERCEPTED IT. - WHAT?
DOESN'T MATTER. IT WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED OUT ANYWAY.
OKAY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU LIKE SOMEONE. YOU FIND OUT THEY'RE NOT SHALLOW.
CLEARLY, SHE'S ATTRACTED TO YOU.
- I DON'T WANT HER TO BE ATTRACTED. - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
BECAUSE I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO ME.
IF I CAN'T GET NAKED IN FRONT OF MYSELF,
I SURE AS HELL CAN'T DO IT IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. I MEAN,
IT WON'T HAPPEN. CAN'T HAPPEN.
SO...
I MAY SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE LOOKING LIKE THIS.
YOU MIGHT.
YOU MIGHT NOT.
SUGAR, THIS IS A HUGE STEP.
IS IT?
THINK OF WHERE YOU WERE WHEN YOU CHECKED IN.
GOD, THINK OF WHERE I WAS.
SUGAR, THREE DAYS AGO I WAS AVOIDING ALL OF MY FEELINGS.
- ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW? - WHAT?
I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL, BROOKE,
BUT WHY ARE YOU USING YOUR TIME IN HERE
TO TAKE CARE OF ME?
YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.
DON'T PUT YOURSELF ABOVE IT ALL, LOOKING DOWN.
I AM NOT LOOKING DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE NOT DOWN,
BUT YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH THIS GLASS WALL
THAT YOU BUILT TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM GETTING CLOSE.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
BUT YOU USE GLASS BRICKS.
AND I USE WHATEVER...
I CAN PUT IN MY MOUTH.
LOOK, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
IT TAKES TIME, RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T KILL GODZILLA WITH A FLY SWATTER.
RIGHT.
- [MAN #1] OKAY, ON THREE. ONE, TWO... - [MAN #2] GOT IT?
- WHAT'S GOING ON? - [MAN #1] LET'S GO.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHERE'S HE GOING?
- TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE TAKING HIM. - I.C.U.
HE HAD A BAD REACTION TO A DRUG COMBINATION. GET BACK TO BED.
- I WANT TO GO WITH HIM. - BACK TO YOUR ROOM, HARRISON.
PLEASE.
PRAY FOR ME, DUDE.
HARRISON?
WHAT'S WRONG?
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA ♪