1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,505
YA'LL, THIS MORNING
I AM JUST
2
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,940
BRIMMING WITH REGRET,
I HAVE TO SAY.
3
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:13,012
COULD IT BE BECAUSE, OH,
I DON'T KNOW,
YOU CRASHED YOUR CAR
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,948
IN BEVERLY HILLS ON
YOUR WAY TO GLAMAZON PRACTICE
AND I HAD TO PICK YOU GUYS UP.
5
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,319
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T KILL
CARMEN AND BROOKE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
6
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:23,955
SHE STARTED WINDOW SHOPPING
AND SMASHED THROUGH BIJAN
OF BEVERLY HILLS.
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,825
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BIJAN IS A CLOSE FAMILY FRIEND.
8
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,760
I'M SURE HE'S JUST
GONNA LET IT SLIDE.
9
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,563
NOW WHAT I REGRET IS
THAT MY NEW LIPSTICK
10
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,433
IS, SHOCKINGLY,
THE COLOR OF DUNG.
11
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:38,870
YOU KNOW WHAT I REGRET?
THAT MARY CHERRY JUST LET LOOSE
A SILENT BUT DEADLY.
12
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:43,275
- I DID NOT!
- [GIRLS SCREAMING
UNINTELLIGIBLY]
13
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:49,581
WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GUYS?
THIS IS A MONUMENTOUS DAY
FOR ME.
14
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,916
BECAUSE I'VE REALIZED,
TALKING ABOUT REGRET,
15
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,619
THAT I HAVE NADA.
16
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,720
MY JUNIOR YEAR
STORMY WEATHER HAS PASSED.
17
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,922
I MEAN, GEORGE AND I
ARE DOING GREAT.
18
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:01,260
HARRISON IS ON HIS WAY
TO FULL RECOVERY.
19
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,395
LIFE IS PERFECT.
20
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,930
- LIL, YOUR TURN.
- UM...
21
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,233
I... I REGRET
22
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,969
NOT DRIVING THIS PRIUS
ELECTRIC CAR SOONER.
23
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:14,806
I SLEEP KNOWING I'M NOT
SHOOTING GASEOUS EMISSIONS
INTO THE ENVIRONMENT.
24
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,176
TOO BAD MARY CHERRY
CAN'T SAY THE SAME. OKAY.
25
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,810
[MORE UPROARS]
26
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,246
LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR.
IT WAS SPAM.
27
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:25,484
I HEARD IT, IT WAS SPAM.
STINKY LADY.
28
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,855
OKAY, CARM,
YOU'RE UP AT BAT.
29
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:33,792
I REGRET NOT HEARING
THIS OLD SCHOOL SONG IN YEARS.
30
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,761
OH, YEAH.
NOW PUMP UP THE JAM, Y'ALL.
31
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,266
[GIRLS SINGING RAP SONG]
32
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,394
- TURN DOWN THE MUSIC.
- WHAT?
33
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:13,698
OH, MY GOD, THERE'S
AN ACCIDENT OVER THERE
EVEN MORE TRAGIC THAN MINE.
34
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,500
OH, MY GOD.
35
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:27,879
CHANGED MY MIND, YOU GUYS.
I DO HAVE ONE REGRET.
36
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,949
I REGRET NOT BEING ABLE
TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO APRIL TUNA.
37
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,294
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
38
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,964
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST
IN THIS LIFE
39
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:50,636
♪ CHARACTER
OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
40
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,837
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
41
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,840
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES
IN WHAT YOU SEE
42
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,108
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN BABY
43
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,843
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
44
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,913
♪ WELL ME AND B
45
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,583
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
46
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:14,359
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED
OF BEING COMPARED ♪
47
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,201
APRIL TUNA IS DEAD.
48
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,870
- I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GONE.
- I'M NEVER SPEEDING.
49
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,807
- THERE BUT FOR
THE GRACE OF GOD.
- WOW.
50
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,043
- HEY, YOU GROWING A MULLET?
- WHAT? NO.
51
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,579
- LOOKS LIKE A MULLET.
- NO, IT'S NOT A MULLET.
52
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:39,050
[STUTTERS] I FEEL LIKE,
I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS JUST
NOT A WAKE-UP CALL FOR ME.
53
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:43,154
ENJOY LIFE, HAVE NO REGRETS,
'CAUSE YOU COULD
BE DEAD TOMORROW.
54
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,757
YEAH, BUT, NO,
IT'S NOT A MULLET.
55
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,628
I WANNA HOLD ON TO
ALL THE DETAILS
OF APRIL'S SAD, SORRY LIFE.
56
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:53,565
WHEN THEY PULLED APRIL OUT,
MARY CHERRY NOTICED SHE WAS
WEARING CAPPED SLEEVES.
57
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,403
APRIL TUNA WAS DECAPITATED.
58
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,873
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GONE,
AND MISSING A HEAD.
59
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,042
LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER
AT A GARAGE SALE.
60
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,077
- ARE YOU GROWING A MULLET?
- NO!
61
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,280
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M MORE IN SHOCK ABOUT,
YOUR MULLET OR APRIL'S DEMISE.
62
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,882
BOTH ARE SAD, BUT TRUE.
63
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,317
TRUE?
64
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:18,223
THE VERY FACT THAT
THE CLASSIC SPANDAU BALLET
SONG TRUE
65
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,692
WAS PLAYING IN APRIL'S CAR
WHEN SHE SMASHED INTO THE TREE,
66
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,427
WE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IT,
67
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:26,698
PROVES WE NEED FRIDAY OFF.
68
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,834
WE WERE THERE
AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT?
69
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,270
THAT IS HORRIBLE.
70
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:34,906
WE SHOULD ORGANIZE
A MEMORIAL AS PENANCE.
71
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:39,478
SO, YOU WANT ME TO LIE ABOUT
THE DEATH OF A STUDENT
WE ALL SADLY OVERLOOKED?
72
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,747
BE IN DENIAL ABOUT
MY TRUE LACK OF FEELINGS,
73
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,549
PRETEND WE CAN'T FUNCTION
SO WE CAN ALL GET FRIDAY OFF?
74
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,519
- UM... YEAH.
- I'M ON IT.
75
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,991
TRUE BY SPANDAU BALLET.
76
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,627
SONG I USED TO SLOW DANCE TO
AT MANY A FRAT PARTY.
77
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,630
IT'S A POP MUSIC HYMN
ABOUT ESCHEWING REGRET,
78
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:02,401
TELLING THE COMPLETE TRUTH
ABOUT YOUR LIFE
79
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,736
AND HOW YOU'RE LIVING IT,
WITH NO APOLOGIES.
80
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,072
WE BELIEVE APRIL
WAS SENDING US A MESSAGE.
81
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,941
ABOUT ENJOYING THE DAY,
82
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,243
OR DAYS, OFF.
83
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:19,350
- WE'RE OVERWHELMED.
- NO, I CAN SEE THAT.
84
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,988
- WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING TO DO.
- LET US OFF FRIDAY?
85
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,992
CALL IN A GRIEF COUNSELOR.
86
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,927
CRY! GO ON!
87
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,930
DO IT, I SAID! CRY!
88
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,867
AW, WHAT'S A MATTER?
YOU CAN'T BLUBBER?
89
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,571
EXCUSE ME.
YES, HI. GOOD MORNING.
90
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,740
YES, SIR.
MAY I HELP YOU?
91
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:46,277
HOW YOU CAN HELP ME
IS BY TAKING THIS DOG AND PONY
SHOW TO THE LEARNING ANNEX,
92
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,748
WHERE PEOPLE PAY MONEY
TO HEAR YOUR BRAND OF WHINY,
SELF-HELP DRIVEL.
93
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:52,484
- [GLASS LAUGHS]
- SIR, ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
94
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,219
THE NAME IS CALAMITY JONES.
I AM THE GRIEF COUNSELOR.
95
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:59,791
MY VERY FIRST JOB WAS
HELPING ANDREW RIDGELEY DEAL
WITH WHAM'S BREAK UP.
96
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:03,394
SINCE THAT TIME,
I HAVE COUNSELED
OVER 3,000 PEOPLE
97
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,196
ON THE SUBJECT OF LOSS.
98
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,966
NOW, THAT SAID,
I HAVE ONE REQUEST.
99
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,001
CRY! GO ON!
100
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,336
DO IT! I SAID CRY!
101
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,972
CALAMITY?
102
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,075
HI. MARY CHERRY SPEAKING.
103
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:20,011
UM, WE'RE BEREFT.
COULD WE HAVE FRIDAY OFF?
104
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,648
I'M PROUD OF YOU, KIDDO.
YOU'VE TAKEN THAT FIRST STEP.
105
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:27,986
BY ADMITTING THAT THE DEATH
OF A STUDENT HERE AT SCHOOL
HAS ROCKED YOUR WORLD.
106
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,654
HERE, HAVE AN ARM BAND.
107
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,524
JOSH FORD, IS IT?
WELL, JOSH,
108
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:35,860
IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT
FORMING AN '80S STYLE
TRIBUTE BAND
109
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,997
TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR GRIEF,
SAY, IN THE VEIN OF...
110
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,100
WINGER, WHITESNAKE,
YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.
YOU GO WITH THOSE FEELINGS.
111
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:45,236
- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
- BECAUSE YOU HAVE A MULLET.
112
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,739
[LAUGHTER]
113
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:51,209
BACK ON POINT, WHEN I ASKED
YOU TO CRY, YOU COULDN'T DO IT.
114
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:55,279
YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE NONE
OF YOU HAVE DEALT WITH
THE DEATH OF APRIL TUNA.
115
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:59,751
NOW, I'M NOT SAYING THAT
ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY CAUSED
THE DEATH OF APRIL TUNA,
116
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,787
I'M NOT WRITING ANY MURDER
SHE WROTE SCENARIO HERE.
117
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:06,691
HOWEVER, TO MY EXPERIENCED EYE,
ALL OF YOU, INCLUDING MR. GLASS,
118
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,428
IS FIRMLY FIXED
IN THE FIRST STAGE OF GRIEF,
119
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,095
WHICH IS DENIAL.
120
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,398
AFTER WE WORK THROUGH
THIS PHASE TOGETHER,
121
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:18,336
THERE ARE THREE MORE
OFFICIAL STEPS TO CALAMITY'S
OFFICIAL GRIEVING PROCESS.
122
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:22,440
AND THAT IS ANGER,
ACCEPTANCE AND HEALING.
123
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:27,646
NOW, I'M GOING TO POST
A NON-JUDGMENTAL SIGN-UP SHEET
OUTSIDE THIS CLASSROOM
124
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:30,915
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE STILL HAUNTED BY APRIL TUNA.
125
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,254
LET THE GRIEVING BEGIN.
126
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:45,930
CAN I HAVE YOUR
MORNING REPORT, PLEASE?
127
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:49,133
- I GIVE. WHAT'S THAT?
- A GOVERNMENT-SUPPLIED
FOOD STAMP CARD.
128
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,903
THAT PUTS A HOT MEAL IN
THE GUTS OF UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS
129
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,939
WHO CAN'T AFFORD
MCMORNING MCMUFFINS.
130
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,907
OH, I DON'T EAT BREAKFAST.
131
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,777
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BUY SOMETHING, YOU SHOULD
PROBABLY JUST MOVE ALONG.
132
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,383
I'M JUST GONNA GET
THIS WHOLE TRAY.
133
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,886
- I LIKE YOUR BROOCH.
- AH, THANKS.
134
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:11,756
I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK
WE'VE BEEN INTRODUCED.
135
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:15,794
- YOU ARE?
- MARY LOU. MARY LOU PARKER.
136
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:21,600
MARY LOU, NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M NICOLE.
137
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,167
I'M ADOPTED.
138
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,739
MY REAL MOTHER'S NAME
WAS SHAGGY LOUISE GROUT.
139
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,141
SHE'S DEAD.
140
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,277
WHICH MAKES ME SAD, BE...
BECAUSE MORE THAN ANYTHING
IN THE WORLD
141
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,215
I JUST WANTED TO MEET HER,
YOU KNOW?
142
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,918
SEE MY FACE
IN ANOTHER PERSON'S.
143
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:43,121
WITH NO MORNING REPORT,
THAT'LL BE $57.50.
144
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,192
RIGHT.
145
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,666
KEEP THE CHANGE.
146
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,834
HI, SPAM. MICHAEL JACKSON CALLED
AND HE'D LIKE HIS EYEBROWS BACK.
147
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:33,838
I NOTICED HOW
UNCHARACTERISTICALLY
MUTE YOU WERE IN CHEMISTRY,
148
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,208
THEN I REMEMBERED: PENICILLIN,
OFTEN USED TO TREAT GONORRHEA,
149
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,511
RENDERS MANY PATIENTS
LIFELESS AND GROGGY.
150
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,616
OKAY. YOUR TURN.
151
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:48,953
COME ON, DON'T BREAK
OUR INSULT STREAK.
I LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
152
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:52,523
I'M SORRY, SPAM. I GUESS
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR
OUR REINDEER GAMES TODAY.
153
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,493
HMM. ANYTHING YOU
WANT TO GET OFF
YOUR CONSIDERABLE CHEST?
154
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:59,631
- YOU'RE NOT A WRECK
BECAUSE OF APRIL?
- NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF APRIL.
155
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:04,369
IT'S ABOUT MY MOTHER.
MY REAL MOTHER.
156
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,005
SHE'S DEAD, I HEARD.
157
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:09,674
I'M SORRY.
158
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:16,014
I THINK THE NEWS OF HER DEATH
MAY BE GREATLY EXAGGERATED.
159
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,553
LILY, COME ON.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
160
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,291
LET'S GO OVER IT AGAIN.
THE LAST TIME YOU SAW
BARBER JIM FOR A HAIRCUT,
161
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,959
WHAT EXACTLY
DID YOU SAY TO HIM?
162
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,328
I SAID, FLUFFY ON TOP,
A LITTLE OFF THE SIDES
163
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:32,496
AND DON'T TOUCH
THE BACK, WHY?
164
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:36,034
OKAY. FACE THE MUSIC,
BILLY RAY CYRUS.
165
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,601
YOU HAVE A MULLET.
166
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,071
I DO NOT HAVE A MULLET.
167
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,140
IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT
CUT FOR ME, OKAY?
168
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:45,476
YOU'VE GOTTA CUT IT, BABY.
THE '80S REVIVAL IS OVER.
169
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,711
I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU'RE PICKING ON MY 'DO.
170
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,114
I'M NOT GONNA CUT IT
BECAUSE, FOR THE LAST TIME,
171
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,283
I DO NOT HAVE A DAMN MULLET.
172
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:01,159
OKAY, THE INFO I SUBMITTED
TO "ASK MONA" IS DOWNLOADING.
173
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,661
NICOLE, I REALLY THINK
YOU'RE IN DENIAL HERE.
174
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:06,564
YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO.
BUT THERE IS
NO DEATH CERTIFICATE
175
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,500
FOR MY MOTHER
ANYWHERE IN FONTANA.
176
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:13,737
AND SECONDLY,
I THINK MY PHYSICAL
EVIDENCE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
177
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,573
YOUR EVIDENCE IS COINCIDENCE.
178
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:19,077
EVEN THE NARCOLEPTIC LUNCH LADY
HAD THE SAME UGLY BROOCH
FROM THE '70S.
179
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:23,014
NO, SPAM.
IT'S MORE THAN JUST A BROOCH.
180
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:28,319
IT PINNED MY DIAPER
TOGETHER WHEN I WAS LEFT
AT THE FONTANA GREASY SPOON.
181
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,455
AND I THINK SHE'S WEARING
THE MATE AS A SIGNAL.
182
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:35,160
SHE'S IDENTIFYING HERSELF
AND WAITING FOR ME TO
STEP FORWARD AND CLAIM HER.
183
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:38,963
- YOU DID AND SHE DID NOTHING.
- SHE'S PROBABLY
AFRAID I'LL REJECT HER.
184
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,731
- [COMPUTER CHIMES]
- OH.
185
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,401
PRAISE MONA.
WE HAVE PROGRESS.
186
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,771
I THINK I'M PERPETUATING
A STAGE OF GRIEF
YOU HAVEN'T MOVED THROUGH.
187
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,740
OKAY, SPAM, WE HAVE A DEAL.
188
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:52,744
YOU DIG FOR ME AND I'LL DELIVER
TUNA'S MEMORIAL EULOGY.
189
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,681
- OKAY, HERE GOES.
- WAIT.
190
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,583
WHAT?
191
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:02,620
- PROCEED.
- [SAM SIGHS]
192
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,889
OH, WE HAVE GOOD NEWS.
193
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,326
UGH, AND WE HAVE BAD NEWS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU'RE RIGHT,
194
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,663
THERE IS NO OFFICIAL
DEATH CERTIFICATE FOR SHAGGY
LOUISE GROUT IN CALIFORNIA.
195
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:17,035
IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SHE CHANGED
HER NAME TO MARY LOU PARKER.
196
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,671
- AND THE BAD NEWS?
- THE BAD NEWS IS...
197
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,841
THERE IS NO MARY LOU PARKER
REGISTERED AT THE DMV.
198
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:28,012
WITHOUT THAT WE CAN'T CHECK
AND SEE IF THE BIRTH YEAR'S
THE SAME AS SHAGGY'S.
199
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,782
BUT I KNOW SHE'S MY MOTHER.
I KNOW IT.
200
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,351
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
CHECK YOUR MAIL.
201
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,387
- WHO IS IT, SPAM?
- IT'S HARRISON.
202
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:39,390
THAT'S WEIRD.
203
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:42,360
THE E-MAIL'S DATED
DECEMBER 20, 2000.
204
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:46,331
IT'S THREE E-MAILS ATTACHED,
ONE TO ME, ONE TO HIS MOTHER
205
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,566
AND ONE TO YOU.
206
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,202
BUT WASN'T HE SICK
IN THE HOSPITAL THEN?
207
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,604
WELL, IT MUST BE SOME
KIND OF A JOKE. READ IT.
208
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,606
OKAY.
209
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,141
IN ORDER...
210
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,613
"DEAR SAM..."
211
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:08,752
[HARRISON] AS I WRITE THIS
E-MAIL TO YOU, I'D FIRST
LIKE TO SET THE STAGE.
212
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,989
LOOKING OUT MY PRISON WINDOW,
213
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,392
IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE.
214
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:19,497
SUNNY, 75, YOU KNOW,
TYPICAL L.A. DECEMBER.
215
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,899
WISH I COULD GO OUTSIDE
AND RUN AROUND.
216
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,139
BUT I CAN'T, 'CAUSE I'M DYING.
217
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,842
'I WISH' IS A PHRASE
I'M TOSSING AROUND
A LOT THESE DAYS.
218
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:36,580
I WISH I COULD HOLD YOU
WHEN LIFE IS HARD AND NO ONE
SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND.
219
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,284
I WISH I'D TOLD YOU THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU,
220
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,052
WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
221
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,456
I LOVE YOU.
222
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,558
I LOVE YOU.
223
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,827
RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
YOU'RE LAUGHING.
224
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:53,698
SMILING YOUR SWEET SAMMY SMILE
'CAUSE YOU THINK I'M JOKING.
225
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,200
BUT I'M NOT.
226
00:13:56,269 --> 00:14:00,638
I REGRET NEVER TELLING YOU
IN THE MOMENT HOW I FELT.
227
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:03,507
[SIGHS] BUT I DIDN'T
HAVE THE NERVE.
228
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:07,211
I WAS AFRAID YOU
WOULDN'T LOVE ME BACK.
229
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,013
THAT'D KILL ME.
230
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,817
BUT, I'M GONNA DIE ANYWAY,
RIGHT?
231
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:17,588
AND I DON'T WANT TO
GO TO MY GRAVE, WITHOUT
TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL.
232
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,559
I LOVE YOU, SAM.
233
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,895
I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE.
234
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,299
HARRISON.
235
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,041
OKAY. WHAT'S HE SAY ABOUT ME?
236
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,852
WHY ARE YOU IN MY SPACE, SPAM?
237
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,922
I CAN TELL HARRISON'S E-MAIL
TO YOU WAS UPSETTING.
238
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:55,893
I JUST DROPPED BY TO OFFER
MY SENTIMENTS OF SUPPORT.
239
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:57,762
IF HE'D SAID
ABOUT ME WHAT HE SAID...
240
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,597
HOW'S IT FEEL
TO NEVER LOSE, SPAM?
241
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,266
TO ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP.
242
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,068
GET ONE THING STRAIGHT,
NICOLE.
243
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,405
I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT
WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME, OKAY?
244
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:11,242
I AM FREAKED ABOUT IT.
I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM TODAY...
245
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,911
I'M GONNA HAVE A TALK
WITH YOUR LOVERBOY, TOO.
246
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,547
EVERYBODY HERE ALREADY THINKS
I'M ONE TOUGH BITCH,
247
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,383
AND IT'S TIME I LIVED UP
TO THEIR EXPECTATION.
248
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,185
[LOCKER SLAMS]
249
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,753
GEEZ.
250
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,196
YOU LADIES SEEM VERY NERVOUS.
251
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,267
THAT'S OKAY. IT'S VERY
DIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT GRIEF.
252
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,835
JUST REMEMBER,
253
00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:41,239
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY
KILLED APRIL TUNA YOURSELVES.
254
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,076
[CARMEN] UM...
255
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,345
WE WERE SORT OF
THINKING THAT WE DID.
256
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,013
GIRLS, THE POLICE REPORT
CLEARLY STATES
257
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,916
THAT SHE DID NOT PURPOSELY
DRIVE HER CAR INTO A TREE.
258
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,920
MERELY, SHE SWERVED
TO AVOID A ROGUE SQUIRREL.
259
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,888
BUT WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT!
260
00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,191
WE CAN'T SLEEP,
WE CAN'T EAT...
261
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:03,227
WE WERE THE LAST STUDENTS
AT KENNEDY TO SEE APRIL ALIVE.
262
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,029
WE HAD A MEETING WITH HER
THE DAY BEFORE THE TRAGEDY.
263
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:09,834
- WE HEARD HER LAST WORDS.
- AND THOSE WORDS WERE?
264
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,170
[♪ SIR MIX-A-LOT:
BABY GOT BACK ]
265
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,196
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- [BROOKE] UM...
266
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:41,365
APRIL, WHAT WAS THE POINT
OF US WATCHING THAT?
267
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,534
THANKS FOR ASKING,
BROOKE MCQUEEN.
268
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,936
MY POINT IS THIS:
YOU GUYS SUCK.
269
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,706
AS CHEERLEADERS, I MEAN.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE PASTIMES
270
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:52,343
IS TO SIT IN THE BLEACHERS
AT GAMES AND MARVEL THAT NONE
OF YOU CAN DANCE.
271
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,945
I'VE SEEN PARAPLEGICS
BUST BETTER MOVES.
272
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,881
APRIL, WE WORK REALLY HARD
ON OUR ROUTINES.
273
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,385
YOU'RE TAKING THIS
THE WRONG WAY, CARMEN FERRARA.
274
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,787
I'M OFFERING CRITICISM
WITH A HAPPY ENDING.
275
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,588
MY PROPOSAL IS THIS:
276
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,491
LET ME BE THE OFFICIAL
CHOREOGRAPHER OF THE GLAMAZONS.
277
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,428
LET ME HELP YOU HIDE
YOUR LACK OF PAULA ABDUL PROWESS
278
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,931
BY ADDING KICKY,
NOVELTY DANCES TO THE MIX.
279
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,369
APRIL... THANKS.
280
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,638
BUT NO THANKS.
281
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:36,987
[SHARP EXHALATION]
282
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,922
DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
283
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:42,192
- I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.
- OH, ME, TOO, BROOKY.
284
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:45,629
VISUALIZING THAT HAUNTING SCENE
HAS MADE ME REALIZE SOMETHING
285
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,898
THAT I MUST'VE
GLOSSED OVER IN MY GRIEF.
286
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,635
APRIL WAS AN IRRITATING PERSON
WITH NO VALUE.
287
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:57,241
CHERRY, APRIL HAD VALUE.
BUT I DO REALIZE THROUGH
RECOUNTING THAT STORY
288
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,477
THAT WE DIDN'T REALLY
DO ANYTHING WRONG.
289
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:03,814
- RIGHT, CALAMITY?
- [SOBBING]
290
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,021
UM...
291
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:14,057
- MISS CALAMITY,
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
- [STILL SOBBING] YES.
292
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:17,228
YOUR HORRIBLE,
ELITIST BEHAVIOR.
293
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:20,298
OH, I'M ANGRY WITH YOU GIRLS.
VERY ANGRY.
294
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:25,369
AND IF YOU THINK I AM
JUST GOING TO BLINDLY ABSOLVE
YOU OF YOUR BEHAVIOR,
295
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,606
AND LET YOU JUST STEP OVER
THIS POOR,
UNFORTUNATE CHILD'S LIFE,
296
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,409
WELL, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN.
297
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:35,546
I'M JUST GONNA ASSUME THAT
THIS MEANS WE DON'T GET
FRIDAY OFF.
298
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,249
[HEAVY SOBS]
299
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,683
AW, DAMN IT.
300
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,625
- WOW. DID HELL FREEZE OVER?
- NO.
301
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:50,428
THE ONLY REASON WE'RE
SITTING WITH THING-A-MA-DICK
302
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:53,063
IS 'CAUSE WE HAVE GRIEF
HOMEWORK FROM CALAMITY.
303
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,967
SHE SAID WE HAD
TO SOCIALIZE WITH ONE KENNEDY
OUTCAST IN THE APRIL VEIN,
304
00:18:57,036 --> 00:19:00,238
SO THAT IF THEY CRASHED
THEIR CAR DRIVING HOME
FROM SCHOOL TODAY,
305
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,607
THAT THEIR LAST MEMORY WOULD BE
A HAPPY ONE, NOT ONE OF GRIEF.
306
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,712
LILY, WHAT'S WRONG?
307
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:11,081
JUST SITTING HERE, SEEING HOW
HAPPY YOU GUYS HAVE MADE EMORY
308
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:15,453
SIMPLY BY INCLUDING HIM
IN A DAILY RITUAL
THAT WE TAKE FOR GRANTED,
309
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:20,157
I SUDDENLY FEEL HORRIBLE
ABOUT WHAT JOSH AND I DID
TO APRIL.
310
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:23,194
I AM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF.
311
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:33,070
SAMMY. TO WHAT DO I OWE
THIS HONOR?
312
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:35,072
I HAVEN'T DINED
WITH YOU SINCE OCTOBER.
313
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:39,577
GEORGE SKIP THE BREAD LINE
AND DECIDE TO HIT
THE OLD WEIGHT ROOM INSTEAD?
314
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:43,414
IS THAT WHY YOU
WROTE ME THAT E-MAIL?
315
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,982
YOU'RE JEALOUS OF GEORGE?
316
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,285
WHAT E-MAIL?
317
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,322
OKAY.
318
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,890
AH...
319
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:57,194
MAYBE THESE WORDS
WILL JOG YOUR MEMORY.
320
00:19:57,263 --> 00:20:00,263
"DEAR SAM, I LOVE YOU."
321
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:03,133
"I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE."
322
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,636
"HARRISON."
323
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,309
SAM...
324
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:21,852
THAT WAS SO A JOKE.
APRIL FOOLS.
325
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:26,056
COULD YOU IMAGINE IF THAT
HAD ACTUALLY BEEN TRUE?
326
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:30,127
I MEAN, IF I HAD ACTUALLY
GONE TO THAT DESPERATE PLACE
OF REGRET
327
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:32,262
AND ACTUALLY
MEANT THOSE THINGS.
328
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,666
COULD YOU IMAGINE IF I WAS,
LIKE, ERASING ALL
MY DEATHBED MUSINGS,
329
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,167
AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT SEND.
330
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,803
[HARRISON LAUGHING]
331
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,676
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID?
332
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,853
YEAH.
333
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,490
THAT'S WHAT I DID.
334
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,395
UM...
335
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,631
- DO YOU...
- STILL THINK THAT I LOVE YOU?
336
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,336
HONESTLY?
337
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,541
YES.
338
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:23,547
- HARRISON, I'M WITH GEORGE.
- I'VE KNOWN YOU LONGER.
339
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,850
- I'M DATING GEORGE.
- I KNOW YOU BETTER.
340
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:28,051
[SIGHS]
341
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,858
I'M SO ANGRY WITH YOU
RIGHT NOW, HARRISON.
342
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,026
WHY?
343
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:40,764
YOU HAVE JUST RUINED
A WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP.
344
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:53,043
THANK YOU FOR INTERRUPTING
YOUR LUNCH TO SEE US, CALAMITY.
345
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,946
- HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?
- IT'S ABOUT APRIL.
346
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:58,248
WE NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT WE DID TO HER.
347
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,784
OH, WAIT. HOLD IT.
348
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:03,153
- [PILLS PLINKING]
- OKAY.
349
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,723
SHOOT. WHY ARE YOU ANGRY?
350
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:08,592
I AM ANGRY BECAUSE I...
351
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,261
- WE...
- [SIGHS]
352
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,497
...WOULDN'T LET HER JOIN US
FOR "LOVE PLUS ONE."
353
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:17,501
[LILY] IT STARTED A MONTH AGO,
APRIL'S BIZARRE LOVE FOR US.
354
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:20,438
ONE DAY, OUT OF THE BLUE,
SHE PLOPPED DOWN AND SAID,
355
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:22,305
GREETINGS JOSH FORD, LILY E.
356
00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:25,142
I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU'D LIKE TO FORM A MÉNAGE.
357
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:30,180
APRIL, I'M GETTING A "C"
IN SPANISH. NO LO COMPRENDE.
358
00:22:30,249 --> 00:22:33,450
APRIL, DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT THAT WORD MEANS?
359
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,686
[WHISPERS] THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE.
360
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:39,089
GEEZ, DOES SHE USE FIVE-SYLLABLE
WORDS LIKE THAT IN BED?
361
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:40,323
BRING IT!
362
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:43,460
[LILY] WE JUST
GOT UP AND LEFT.
363
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,530
JOSH.
364
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:51,434
SHE FOLLOWED LIKE A STRAY
LOOKING FOR A HANDOUT.
365
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:53,637
LOOKING BACK,
SHE WAS LONELY.
366
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:06,116
- OBVIOUSLY, SHE WAS
ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
- [APRIL PURRS]
367
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,819
WHO DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
368
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:21,532
I SHOULD'VE
DUG DEEPER WITH HER.
369
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:26,170
SAW THE LONELINESS INSTEAD
OF USING HER WEIRDNESS AS
AN EXCUSE TO FLAKE.
370
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:30,373
I WANT TO TURN OUR GRIEF
INTO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE.
371
00:23:30,442 --> 00:23:34,912
I PROPOSE LEAVING DONATION CANS
IN THE CAFETERIA
372
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:37,314
SO THAT PEOPLE LIKE US
WHO IGNORED HER
373
00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:43,020
CAN CONTRIBUTE TO
THE NEWLY FORMED APRIL TUNA
SCHOLARSHIP FUND.
374
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:47,425
LILY, I THINK YOU'RE TAKING
THIS THING WAY TOO FAR.
375
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:50,194
REALLY?
WHY'S THAT, BILLY RAY?
376
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,330
PEOPLE LIKE APRIL ARE JUST...
FREAK-OUTS.
377
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,332
YOU CAN'T PROTECT THEM
FROM THE WORLD.
378
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:59,003
APRIL DYING SAYS TO ME
WE SHOULD AT LEAST TRY, JOSH.
379
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:03,373
GOD. YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON
THAN THIS, JOSH.
380
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,910
MAYBE YOUR MULLET
HAS DRAINED YOUR INTELLIGENCE.
381
00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:08,578
IT IS, AFTER ALL, THE HAIRSTYLE
OF THE CRO-MAGNON MAN.
382
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,914
HEY.
383
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:12,916
LAY OFF THE MULLET.
384
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:16,720
WHAT DO YOU THINK, MISS JONES?
385
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,557
[LAUGHS HEARTILY]
386
00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:25,095
[CRIES]
387
00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:30,868
HEY, NANCY-BOY.
388
00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:34,104
I BEEN LOOKING FOR YA ALL DAY.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY,
SAY IT TO MY FACE.
389
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:37,074
OH, GOD.
OH, NOT YOU, TOO.
390
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,544
WHAT WOULD THE STUDENTS DO
WHEN THEY REALIZE BELOVED
CANCER SURVIVOR,
391
00:24:40,613 --> 00:24:43,580
HARRISON, HE OF NOBLE HEART,
WROTE SUCH HORRIBLE FILTH
392
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:47,251
ABOUT THE VERY PERSON
WHO WENT THROUGH A SPINAL TAP
TO SAVE HIS LIFE.
393
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,187
- YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE IT.
- LOOK.
394
00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:53,290
NICOLE, YOU'RE HURT,
YOU'RE ANGRY. I GET IT.
395
00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:56,894
NO. YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE JUST SEEING
THE TIP OF MY ACID ICEBERG.
396
00:24:56,962 --> 00:24:59,596
AND MY ANGER
IS ZEROED IN ON YOU.
397
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,633
NEXT.
398
00:25:02,702 --> 00:25:08,906
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE
SPEAKING THEIR MINDS THESE DAYS,
SO HERE GOES.
399
00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:12,976
LOOK. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE MY MOTHER, YOU DON'T
WANT TO FACE ME, FINE.
400
00:25:13,045 --> 00:25:15,879
BUT JUST DROP THE STUPID
NON-SEQUITURS AND
THE DUMB-ASS ACT
401
00:25:15,948 --> 00:25:17,881
BECAUSE I AM ON TO YOU,
SHAGGY LOUISE.
402
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,621
[LAUGHS] LOOK, KID.
I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER. OKAY?
403
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:28,292
THAT'S JUST FINE, THEN.
I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
404
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,793
HAVE A NICE LIFE, SHAGGY.
405
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:33,397
AND TAKE A WILD GUESS WHERE
YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR DIAPER PIN.
406
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,588
HMM. BREAKFAST.
407
00:25:57,657 --> 00:26:00,623
BROOKE, I HAVE A PROBLEM
AND I NEED YOUR ADVICE.
408
00:26:00,692 --> 00:26:02,692
- MM-HMM.
- AH...
409
00:26:02,762 --> 00:26:06,696
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN
YOUR BEST FRIEND REVEALS
THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
410
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:09,399
HARRISON FINALLY TOLD YOU.
OH, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
411
00:26:09,468 --> 00:26:11,735
I THINK GOOD FRIENDS
MAKE THE BEST BOYFRIENDS.
412
00:26:11,804 --> 00:26:15,773
THEY KNOW YOU,
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
THAT'S WHAT TRUE INTIMACY IS.
413
00:26:15,841 --> 00:26:18,842
YEAH, BUT, SOMETIMES,
414
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:21,912
THE LEAP FROM FRIEND
TO LOVE OBJECT GOES WRONG
415
00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:24,281
AND THEN THE FRIENDSHIP
IS RUINED,
416
00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:27,084
AND I DON'T WANT TO
RISK THAT.
417
00:26:27,153 --> 00:26:31,956
WELL, SOUNDS LIKE HE DOES AND,
MAYBE YOU JUST
HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT.
418
00:26:32,024 --> 00:26:35,292
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK WE'VE GOT
THE MAKINGS OF A PERFECT OMELET.
419
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,895
- OH, GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
420
00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:48,338
[JOSH] APRIL TUNA,
WE BARELY EVEN KNEW YA.
421
00:26:50,676 --> 00:26:53,010
- TRAGIC, ISN'T IT?
- VERY.
422
00:26:53,078 --> 00:26:57,247
MAN, I COULDN'T EVEN SLEEP
LAST NIGHT, I KEPT THINKING
OF HOW I WAS MEAN TO HER.
423
00:26:57,316 --> 00:27:01,551
I NOTICED HOW YOUR HAIRSTYLE,
YOUR MULLET,
424
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:05,088
IT'S CAUSED THE DISSOLVEMENT
OF YOUR PARTNERSHIP WITH
THE FAIR LILY.
425
00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:09,192
IT'S LED TO TAUNTING,
THE LIKES OF WHICH EVEN
I HAVE NEVER SEEN.
426
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:11,061
YEAH, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?
427
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,697
I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT
THAT I HAVE A MULLET.
428
00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:16,900
I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH
TV LAST NIGHT AND
I CAME ACROSS JOHN STAMOS
429
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:20,203
FROM A LATE '80S RERUN OF FULL
HOUSE. I HAVE HIS HAIR, MAN.
430
00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:23,774
I JUST...
I CAN'T DENY IT ANY LONGER.
431
00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:25,976
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
432
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:28,011
TO HELP YOU ACCEPT IT.
433
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,348
ALL OF US IN
THE MULLET BROTHERHOOD
SHOULD STAND TALL AND BOND.
434
00:27:31,416 --> 00:27:34,717
- SAY, IN A CLUB.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "US"?
435
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:48,598
TICK, TOCK, SAID THE CLOCK.
APRIL TUNA'S MEMORIAL IS
TWO HOURS AND COUNTING.
436
00:27:48,668 --> 00:27:51,701
THEN THE WHOLE SCHOOL
WILL KNOW YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE.
437
00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:53,904
A BIG, FAT, EVIL CREEP.
438
00:28:27,606 --> 00:28:31,341
LISTEN UP, AND WELCOME TO
THE FIRST EVER MEETING OF
THE KENNEDY HIGH MULLETS.
439
00:28:31,410 --> 00:28:34,677
A SECRET SOCIETY DEDICATED
TO MULLET-WEARING MEN
WITH MULLET-UDE.
440
00:28:34,746 --> 00:28:36,813
WHAT IS OUR BROTHERHOOD
CATCHPHRASE?
441
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:38,716
[ALL] RICHARD MARX ROCKS!
442
00:28:38,784 --> 00:28:41,284
THANK YOU.
NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
443
00:28:41,353 --> 00:28:45,155
HERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF OUR
MULLETHOOD, MASTER JOSHUA FORD.
444
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,723
- JOSHUA?
- [ALL REPEATING] WHOO, WHOO.
445
00:28:49,595 --> 00:28:53,096
HI. MY NAME IS JOSH FORD,
AND I'VE GOT A MULLET.
446
00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:55,365
- [ALL] HI, JOSH.
- HERE'S MY STORY.
447
00:28:55,434 --> 00:28:58,868
ALL WEEK LONG PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN
ME A HARD TIME ABOUT MY HAIR.
448
00:28:58,937 --> 00:29:01,004
AND I'VE LET THEM.
WELL, NO MORE, MAN.
449
00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,540
YOU THINK WE'RE OUTSIDERS?
THINK AGAIN.
450
00:29:03,608 --> 00:29:06,043
BECAUSE WE'RE IN GOOD
SUPERPOWER COMPANY.
451
00:29:06,111 --> 00:29:09,146
GUESS WHO ELSE HAS A MULLET?
THAT'S RIGHT.
452
00:29:09,214 --> 00:29:12,082
- THOR!
- [ALL] WOW.
453
00:29:12,151 --> 00:29:14,484
AND OUR NEW YORK
CHOLO BROTHERS HAVE MULLETS.
454
00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:16,286
SO WHAT DOES THIS TELL US?
455
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:20,090
THIS TELLS US THAT WE TRULY
DO HAVE THE ROCKIN' 'DO
OF THE GODS.
456
00:29:20,159 --> 00:29:23,460
SO OUT OF RESPECT FOR
APRIL TUNA AND HER DEATH,
457
00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:27,130
WE ARE GONNA MARCH INTO
THAT MEMORIAL AND
WE ARE GONNA SHOW THIS SCHOOL
458
00:29:27,199 --> 00:29:30,667
THAT WE LOVE AND RESPECT
AND ACCEPT
459
00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:32,769
OUR MULLETS AND OURSELVES.
460
00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:37,140
- RICHARD MARX ROCKS!
- [CROWD WHOOPS]
461
00:29:37,209 --> 00:29:39,276
- GO!
- YEAH!
462
00:29:56,695 --> 00:29:58,295
- OH. HI.
- HI.
463
00:29:58,364 --> 00:30:00,497
- [HARRISON STAMMERS]
- YEAH.
464
00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:02,432
YOU FIRST.
465
00:30:02,501 --> 00:30:05,668
- YOU STILL MAD AT ME?
- NO. HARRISON.
466
00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:08,605
I WAS NEVER REALLY ANGRY.
467
00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:12,442
- I WAS JUST A LITTLE...
- SHOCKED.
468
00:30:12,511 --> 00:30:15,945
- YEAH.
- LOOK, SAM.
469
00:30:16,015 --> 00:30:18,615
I DON'T WANT TO SELL YOU
ON HOW TO FEEL,
470
00:30:18,683 --> 00:30:22,652
BUT I THINK IF YOU
JUST GIVE US A CHANCE,
IT COULD WORK.
471
00:30:22,721 --> 00:30:24,788
I THINK WE'D HAVE
A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.
472
00:30:24,857 --> 00:30:28,125
- HARRISON, WE'RE BEST FRIENDS.
- WE COULD BE MORE THAN THAT.
473
00:30:29,928 --> 00:30:31,995
[CLEARS THROAT]
474
00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:34,398
I NEED AN ANSWER, SAM.
475
00:30:34,466 --> 00:30:37,900
SO DO YOU. YOU CAN'T JUST
HAVE THIS HANGING OUT THERE.
476
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:41,338
I DON'T WANT TO PRESSURE YOU
BUT AFTER THIS,
477
00:30:41,406 --> 00:30:44,641
I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW
WHERE YOU THINK THIS IS GOING.
478
00:30:44,709 --> 00:30:48,678
AND WHETHER
YOU ACCEPT MY OFFER TO...
479
00:30:48,747 --> 00:30:50,613
...BE TOGETHER.
480
00:30:58,757 --> 00:31:01,358
[KRUPPS] NEXT UP TO SPEAK,
THE VICE PRESIDENT
481
00:31:01,426 --> 00:31:03,893
OF THE KENNEDY HIGH
MULLETHOOD NATION,
482
00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:06,896
EMORY DICK.
483
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:09,899
[SIGHS]
484
00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:14,271
APRIL TUNA DYING...
485
00:31:14,339 --> 00:31:18,408
WAS THE BEST THING
THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
486
00:31:18,477 --> 00:31:21,744
HER PASSING IS
THE BEST THING THAT
HAS HAPPENED TO A LOT OF US.
487
00:31:21,813 --> 00:31:24,347
SAM, WHO ORGANIZED THIS FETE,
488
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:27,551
TOLD ME THAT IF
I WAS GOING TO SPEAK,
I HAD TO TELL A STORY
489
00:31:27,619 --> 00:31:30,987
OF MY MOST FOND MEMORY
OF APRIL.
490
00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:34,724
NOW, WITHOUT QUESTION,
THAT MEMORY IS...
491
00:31:34,793 --> 00:31:37,093
- KNOCK, KNOCK.
- BALDERDASH. WHO'S THERE?
492
00:31:37,162 --> 00:31:40,263
ME, IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET.
MEET ME THERE AT 4:00
AFTER SCHOOL.
493
00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:43,133
'CAUSE I'M GONNA GET ME
SOME FROTTAGE.
494
00:31:43,202 --> 00:31:47,237
[EMORY] I HAD NO IDEA
WHAT A "FRUITAGE" WAS.
WAS IT A SORBET?
495
00:31:47,306 --> 00:31:51,774
HEY, DICK. DID YOU HAPPEN
TO SEE THE HEADLINE IN
THE I'M HORNY TIMES? NO?
496
00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:55,878
IT SAID I'M GONNA GET ME
SOME FROTTAGE AT 4:00. BE THERE.
497
00:31:55,947 --> 00:32:00,717
NEEDLESS TO SAY,
I NEVER WENT TO
THAT JANITOR'S CLOSET.
498
00:32:00,785 --> 00:32:03,253
BUT, IF SHE WOULD
ONLY COME BACK,
499
00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:06,055
I THINK
I WOULD ACT DIFFERENTLY.
500
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,291
I'D SHOW UP.
501
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,892
I'D GIVE APRIL HER "FRUITAGE".
502
00:32:11,863 --> 00:32:15,999
AND I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE.
I THINK ALL OF US WOULD
GIVE APRIL, IF SHE WERE
503
00:32:16,068 --> 00:32:18,668
SOMEHOW REBUILT LIKE
JAIME SOMMERS, THE BIONIC WOMAN,
504
00:32:18,737 --> 00:32:21,571
WHAT WE DEPRIVED HER OF.
505
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,340
ATTENTION...
506
00:32:23,408 --> 00:32:24,974
...AND UNDERSTANDING.
507
00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,311
GODSPEED, APRIL.
508
00:32:38,223 --> 00:32:40,357
OUR FINAL SPEAKER,
509
00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:43,093
MS. NICOLE JULIAN.
510
00:32:58,209 --> 00:33:00,343
GOOD AFTERNOON.
511
00:33:00,412 --> 00:33:04,281
I'D LIKE TO BEGIN TODAY
WITH SOMETHING THAT
WAS WRITTEN TO ME, ABOUT ME.
512
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:08,285
THEY WROTE, IN PART,
"DEAR NICOLE,
513
00:33:08,354 --> 00:33:11,154
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BITCH
I HAVE EVER KNOWN."
514
00:33:11,223 --> 00:33:14,124
"YOU ARE THE SPLINTER
IN A FINGER
THAT WON'T COME OUT."
515
00:33:14,193 --> 00:33:17,394
"THE PUS IN A PIMPLE
ON AN OTHERWISE
PERFECT COMPLEXION."
516
00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:19,896
"IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN,
I FEAR FOR THEIR LIVES."
517
00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:23,633
"FOR THEY WILL NO DOUBT,
TURN INTO CORRUPT,
HIDEOUS MONSTERS
518
00:33:23,702 --> 00:33:25,201
JUST LIKE YOU."
519
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:32,909
I WAS GOING TO REVEAL
THE PERSON WHO WROTE
THAT LETTER,
520
00:33:32,977 --> 00:33:37,013
BUT TODAY I AM CHOOSING,
PERHAPS FOR THE FIRST TIME,
521
00:33:37,081 --> 00:33:40,583
TO TAKE THE HIGHER ROAD,
BECAUSE WHAT THEY WROTE,
522
00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:43,620
AND I CAN'T DENY THIS:
523
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,856
IT'S TRUE.
524
00:33:46,925 --> 00:33:50,494
I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT
I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A CONNECTION WITH MY FAMILY.
525
00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:53,563
AND SO I STRIKE OUT
AT ALL OF YOU
526
00:33:53,632 --> 00:33:55,832
TO GET ATTENTION.
527
00:33:57,569 --> 00:34:00,637
I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT
528
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:03,873
I WILL NEVER FIND
MY BIRTH MOTHER.
529
00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:09,846
[CLEARS THROAT]
530
00:34:14,953 --> 00:34:17,254
THE TURNING MOMENT FOR ME
WAS WHEN I SAW
531
00:34:17,322 --> 00:34:19,121
APRIL TUNA'S SHRINE.
532
00:34:19,191 --> 00:34:23,526
AND I REALIZED,
STARING AT IT, THAT IF I DIED,
533
00:34:23,595 --> 00:34:25,862
STILL SO ANGRY,
534
00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:28,598
THEN NOBODY WOULD EVEN CARE.
535
00:34:30,669 --> 00:34:33,537
AND I DON'T WANT THAT.
536
00:34:33,605 --> 00:34:36,105
I WANT...
[GASPS]
537
00:34:36,875 --> 00:34:38,708
[APRIL] HEY!
538
00:34:40,044 --> 00:34:42,112
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE?
539
00:34:42,181 --> 00:34:44,114
- [DRAMATIC] AAAH.
- [THUDDING]
540
00:35:03,668 --> 00:35:08,104
- AH, LILY, WE NEED TO TALK.
- OH, HI, RICK JAMES.
541
00:35:08,172 --> 00:35:11,140
DID YOU COME TO DEMONSTRATE
MORE SEXIST, MULLET BEHAVIOR?
542
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:14,877
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,
SLAPPING ME UPSIDE THE HEAD
WITH A SKILLET, OR DID YOU...
543
00:35:17,482 --> 00:35:19,716
OH, BABY.
544
00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:22,485
- YOU CUT YOUR MULLET.
- YEAH.
545
00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:26,489
THERE COMES A TIME WHEN
A MAN HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN
HIS HAIR AND HIS WOMAN.
546
00:35:26,558 --> 00:35:29,926
AND WHEN IT CAME DOWN TO
MY WHITE MAN'S JERRY CURL
OR YOU,
547
00:35:29,994 --> 00:35:32,929
- I CHOSE YOU, LILY.
- OH, JOSH.
548
00:35:32,997 --> 00:35:34,964
- YOU LOOK SO...
- CUTE AGAIN?
549
00:35:35,033 --> 00:35:36,733
- MM-HMM.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
550
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:39,969
ALSO, LILY,
I WAS WRONG IN THERAPY.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
551
00:35:40,038 --> 00:35:43,673
I THINK PEOPLE IN POSITIONS
OF POWER HAVE AN OBLIGATION
TO PROTECT PEOPLE
552
00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:46,343
WHO SOCIETY MISTREATS,
LIKE EMORY AND APRIL.
553
00:35:46,411 --> 00:35:48,745
AND THAT'S WHY
ME AND THE MULLET CLUB,
554
00:35:48,813 --> 00:35:51,114
OF NOW WHICH I'M
AN EMERITUS MEMBER,
555
00:35:51,183 --> 00:35:55,285
WELL, WE RAISED $500
FOR THE TUNA SCHOLARSHIP
FOUNDATION.
556
00:35:55,354 --> 00:35:58,921
- JOSH, THAT'S AMAZING.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
557
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,790
WAIT.
558
00:36:00,859 --> 00:36:04,261
THEY DIDN'T GET
THIS MONEY THROUGH STRONG-ARM
MULLET TACTICS, DID THEY?
559
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:06,028
[MULLETS ROARING]
560
00:36:06,097 --> 00:36:08,030
[SCREAMS]
561
00:36:08,099 --> 00:36:10,032
MULLETS, NO!
562
00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:14,136
- WE'RE MULLETS. DO AS WE SAY!
- I'M BLIND, I'M BLIND.
563
00:36:15,006 --> 00:36:16,473
NAH, I DON'T THINK SO.
564
00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:21,344
EASY, WATCH THE HAIR, BABY.
565
00:36:26,818 --> 00:36:31,654
I'M SORRY THE LUNCH LADY'S
NOT YOUR REAL MOM, NICOLE.
566
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:33,990
YEAH, WELL.
YOU LIVE AND LEARN, HUH?
567
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,961
AND ALSO... I NEED TO GIVE YOU
PROPS FOR NOT OUTING ME.
568
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:42,832
YEAH, I GET IT.
MOVING ON TO THE HEALING PHASE.
569
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:48,838
- I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YA.
- WE ALREADY COVERED THIS,
STUD, OKAY?
570
00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:51,474
NOT INTERESTED IN DOING
THE DIRTY WITH YA. OKAY?
571
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:55,178
SERIOUSLY. YOU KNOW
HOW YOU SAID YOU FELT SAD
572
00:36:55,247 --> 00:36:57,847
BECAUSE YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU WERE GIVEN UP
573
00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:00,617
SO YOU FELT LIKE
YOU WEREN'T CONNECTED
TO ANYTHING?
574
00:37:00,685 --> 00:37:04,020
I REALIZED THAT YOU ARE
CONNECTED TO SOMEBODY.
575
00:37:04,088 --> 00:37:06,690
ME. FOREVER.
576
00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:11,127
BECAUSE OF THAT MARROW
TRANSPLANT, YOUR RIVER
RUNS THROUGH ME, NICOLE.
577
00:37:12,797 --> 00:37:14,897
HERE.
578
00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:21,303
- WHAT'S THIS?
- I FOUND TWO AT A GARAGE SALE.
579
00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:24,040
THERE'S ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.
THEY HAVE SUPERPOWERS.
580
00:37:27,312 --> 00:37:30,680
WE CAN WEAR THEM
WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.
WHEN YOU SEE ME WEARING IT,
581
00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:34,016
YOU'LL KNOW THAT YOU'RE
CONNECTED TO SOMEBODY.
582
00:37:38,757 --> 00:37:42,291
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
583
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:46,262
HARRISON, GOOD LUCK WITH SPAM.
584
00:37:53,672 --> 00:37:55,872
LIGHT A CIGARETTE?
585
00:37:57,809 --> 00:38:01,110
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO SMOKE IN HERE.
586
00:38:01,179 --> 00:38:04,381
OH, REALLY?
OH, WELL...
587
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:07,283
THAT'S TOO BAD,
'CAUSE I REALLY NEED ONE.
588
00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:09,686
HERE.
589
00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:13,322
TAKE YOUR DIAPER PIN BACK.
590
00:38:15,326 --> 00:38:20,162
IT'S NOT A DIAPER PIN, MARY LOU.
IT'S JUST A FANTASY I MADE UP.
591
00:38:20,231 --> 00:38:26,770
- IT DIDN'T COME TRUE.
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
IT IS A DIAPER PIN.
592
00:38:26,838 --> 00:38:28,505
AND, IT'S SHAGGY.
593
00:38:31,610 --> 00:38:33,242
SHAGGY LOUISE.
594
00:38:43,588 --> 00:38:45,322
ALL CLEAR.
595
00:38:48,359 --> 00:38:51,594
- THAT WAS... THAT WAS NOT BAD.
- [APRIL GIGGLES]
596
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,797
IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME.
597
00:38:54,866 --> 00:38:58,367
LUCKY FOR YOU,
THE NEWS OF MY DEATH
HAS BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED.
598
00:38:58,437 --> 00:39:03,105
IF IT WASN'T YOUR BODY
THAT WAS CARTED AWAY FROM
THAT HORRIFIC CAR CRASH,
599
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,641
WHOSE WAS IT?
600
00:39:04,709 --> 00:39:08,511
ACCORDING TO THE POLICE,
SHE WAS A DRUG ADDICT
NAMED NELLIE GUSTAV.
601
00:39:08,580 --> 00:39:10,547
AND I SAY ROT IN HELL,
NELLIE.
602
00:39:10,615 --> 00:39:14,651
NOT ONLY DID SHE STEAL AND
TOTAL MY CAR, BUT THE RESULTING
CRASH DESTROYED MY...
603
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,554
BEST OF KAJAGOOGOO TAPE.
604
00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:21,157
FEW PEOPLE GET A CHANCE
TO REPAIR THEIR REGRETS.
605
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:24,694
THAT BEING SAID,
I'D LIKE TO BE YOUR ESCORT
606
00:39:24,763 --> 00:39:26,829
TO THIS YEAR'S JUNIOR PROM.
607
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,432
REALLY?
608
00:39:30,501 --> 00:39:33,970
I... GET TO GO TO... A PROM?
609
00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:37,373
IF YOU'LL HAVE ME...
AND MY MULLET.
610
00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:41,377
I'D LOVE THAT, SIR GALAHAD.
611
00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:49,451
- HEY, APRIL, GOOD NEWS.
- GREAT TIMING, LILY. WHAT!
612
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:53,455
WELL, JOSH AND THE MULLETS
HAVE RAISED OVER $500
613
00:39:53,524 --> 00:39:55,357
TO START
THE APRIL TUNA FOUNDATION.
614
00:39:55,426 --> 00:39:58,528
YOU GUYS, THAT'S SO SWEET.
615
00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:01,463
THIS IS
A MOST SPECTACULAR DAY.
616
00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:03,833
- IT GETS BETTER.
- [APRIL] CARMEN FERRARA.
617
00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:07,637
MARY CHERRY, AUDREY HEPBURN...
I MEAN BROOKE.
618
00:40:07,706 --> 00:40:11,974
YOU'RE TALKING TO ME PUBLICLY.
TO WHAT DO I OWE THE HONOR?
619
00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:16,045
I THINK I SPEAK ON BEHALF
OF ALL THE GLAMAZONS WHEN I SAY.
620
00:40:16,114 --> 00:40:18,715
[♪ SIR MIX-A-LOT:
BABY GOT BACK ]
621
00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:29,591
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BABY IS THE
CHOREOGRAPHER FOR THE GLAMAZONS.
622
00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:32,161
I KNOW.
IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE.
623
00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:34,797
I SHOULD'VE DIED YEARS AGO.
624
00:40:44,876 --> 00:40:46,443
SO,
625
00:40:46,511 --> 00:40:49,111
WORD HAS IT TRUE BY THE BALLET
626
00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:52,515
WASN'T APRIL'S
REGRET ANTHEM AFTER ALL.
627
00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:56,218
APPARENTLY IT SHOULD'VE BEEN
KAJAGOOGOO'S TOO SHY TO SHINE.
628
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:58,822
WHICH YOU HAVE BEEN TODAY.
AND NOW?
629
00:41:02,661 --> 00:41:05,527
HEY, YOU KNOW
WHAT IT'S GONNA BE.
630
00:41:05,596 --> 00:41:08,197
[SIGHS] HARRISON,
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
631
00:41:09,868 --> 00:41:13,236
YOU, YOURSELF, ADMITTED
YOU SENDING THAT E-MAIL
632
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,473
WAS A BIG MISTAKE, WHICH MEANS
YOU'VE HAD SECOND THOUGHTS.
633
00:41:16,541 --> 00:41:18,141
BUT I LIED.
634
00:41:18,209 --> 00:41:23,045
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEND
THE ATTACHED ONE TO NICOLE.
635
00:41:23,114 --> 00:41:25,815
BUT THE ONE I SENT TO YOU,
636
00:41:25,884 --> 00:41:28,885
I SENT THAT MONDAY ON PURPOSE.
637
00:41:28,954 --> 00:41:30,887
- [EXHALES] WHOA.
- YOU KNOW,
638
00:41:30,956 --> 00:41:34,023
THERE WAS ALL THIS TALK
ABOUT DENIAL SWIRLING AROUND
639
00:41:34,092 --> 00:41:37,459
AND I REALIZED THAT
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN
THAT STATE ANY MORE WITH YOU.
640
00:41:37,528 --> 00:41:42,431
AND THE REASON
THAT I AM SO FORTHRIGHT
AND STUPID ABOUT MY FEELINGS
641
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,533
IS THAT...
642
00:41:46,137 --> 00:41:49,939
WHEN I ALMOST DIED,
I REALIZED...
643
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:53,309
...THAT LOVE
IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
644
00:41:54,779 --> 00:41:58,047
SAM, CHOOSE.
645
00:41:59,417 --> 00:42:01,884
I'M DYING HERE.
646
00:42:01,953 --> 00:42:02,952
OKAY.
647
00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:09,358
OKAY. IF IT'S GONNA BE
THAT CUT AND DRIED...
648
00:42:09,427 --> 00:42:12,461
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
649
00:42:15,233 --> 00:42:17,766
...THEN I HAVE
TO CHOOSE GEORGE.
650
00:42:21,772 --> 00:42:24,506
HARRISON, DON'T DO THIS. OKAY?
651
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:28,277
LOOK, THIS IS HORRIBLE,
BUT WE CAN FIX THIS,
I MEAN, WE CAN GO ON,
652
00:42:28,346 --> 00:42:31,680
WE CAN STILL
BE BEST FRIENDS...
653
00:42:31,749 --> 00:42:35,217
YOU KNOW,
AH, MAYBE YOU CAN, SAM.
654
00:42:35,286 --> 00:42:37,753
- BUT I CAN'T.
- WHAT?
655
00:42:37,822 --> 00:42:39,621
YOU...
YOU MADE YOUR DECISION.
656
00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:43,426
NOW I HAVE TO MAKE MINE.
657
00:42:43,494 --> 00:42:46,328
AND... [SIGHS]
658
00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:48,965
I CAN'T SEE YOU
EVERY DAY WITH HIM.
659
00:42:49,034 --> 00:42:54,036
I CAN'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT
STUPID, SUPERFICIAL THINGS
660
00:42:54,105 --> 00:42:57,306
WHEN WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY
661
00:42:57,375 --> 00:43:00,710
IS WHY COULDN'T YOU
HAVE AT LEAST TRIED WITH ME?
662
00:43:00,779 --> 00:43:04,480
SO, WH... WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
663
00:43:05,850 --> 00:43:08,751
TH-THAT'S IT? WE'RE OVER
COMPLETELY?
664
00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:11,787
REGRETFULLY, YOU NEVER WANT
TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN?
665
00:43:14,625 --> 00:43:16,525
YEAH.
666
00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:25,567
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
667
00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:32,642
GOOD-BYE.
668
00:44:06,678 --> 00:44:10,246
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
669
00:44:10,314 --> 00:44:14,183
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
670
00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:17,586
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
671
00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:20,823
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
672
00:44:23,528 --> 00:44:26,195
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA
673
00:44:30,901 --> 00:44:33,469
♪ OOH LA LA LA LA ♪