BROOKE.
PLEASE, JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES.
[SOFTLY] WAKE UP, BROOKE.
WAKE UP. HEY.
YEAH, WAKE UP. HI. HI.
HI.
OH, MY GOD.
WHERE THE HECK AM I? WHAT TIME IS IT?
AH! DID WE...
FALL ASLEEP DURING CONAN? YEAH.
THIS IS A DISASTER. MY DAD'S GONNA FREAK.
I KNOW. I'LL WRITE YOU A NOTE.
THIS IS SO NOT FUNNY.
I AM NOT IN COLLEGE LIKE YOU. MY DAD PROBABLY HAS THE COPS OUT LOOKING FOR ME.
WHAT DO I DO?
CALL HIM AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
YEAH?
[PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
OH! OH, SAM. HEY. IT'S BROOKE.
LOOK, I NEED YOU TO COVER.
BROOKE, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME IN THE KITCHEN?
WELL, I'M NOT AT HOME.
UM, I SPENT THE NIGHT AT JAMIE'S LAST NIGHT.
I THINK YOU LOVE HIM! YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM.
I NEED YOU TO COVER FOR ME IF JANE OR DAD ASKS WHERE I AM.
FINE. I'LL NEED THE FAVOR, TOO, SOMEDAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
TELL THEM...
NO, THANK YOU. WE ARE VERY HAPPY WITH OUR LONG DISTANCE CARRIER.
[BEEPS] MCI AGAIN.
YOU WOULD THINK THEY'D HAVE A LAW AGAINST TELEMARKETING AT THIS HOUR.
WHERE IS BROOKE THIS MORNING? SHE'S USUALLY THE EARLY BIRD?
OH, SHE MUST'VE JUST LEFT. YEAH, SHE DID. SHE LEFT EARLY.
SHE HAD TO GO TO GLAMAZON PRACTICE.
I DIDN'T KNOW THEY PRACTICE IN THE MORNINGS.
THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY DON'T.
THEY PRACTICE IN THE AFTERNOONS,
USUALLY IN THEIR GLAMAZON OUTFITS, WHICH I FOUND IN BROOKE'S BOOK BAG,
WHICH I FOUND IN BROOKE'S BEDROOM,
WHERE, CLEARLY, SHE DID NOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
START TALKING, SAM.
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE
♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN, BABY
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
♪ WELL, ME AND B
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪
[MAN NARRATING ] PERHAPS THE MOST DISTURBING EXAMPLE
OF THE INSECT MATING RITUAL OCCURS
AMONG THE MANTIS RELIGIOSA,
COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE PRAYING MANTIS.
IN THE SUMMERTIME, THE FEMALE EXCRETES A CHEMICAL ATTRACTANT
THAT TEMPTS A WILLING MALE.
MISS McIRRITATING, WHERE'S YOUR FABULOUS McSEAT MATE, MISS McQUEEN?
IN McTROUBLE.
WELL.
IN A THIRD OF ALL CASES,
THE FEMALE WILL SEIZE HER PARTNER POSTCOITALLY
- AND EAT HIM ALIVE. - [GULPS]
SOMETIMES, THE MALES ARE DEVOURED DURING THE SEX ACT ITSELF.
[GIRLS ALL CHEER]
- NICE WORK, MANTIS. - WAY TO GO, MANTIS.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
LIGHTS!
KIDS, FROM THE MOMENT THE FEMALE MANTIS
SEDUCES HER MATE,
SHE'S IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, USING NOOKY AS THE UPPER HAND
AND ALSO A TASTY SNACK.
THE MANTID SOCIETY, LIKE MOST INSECT SPECIES,
IS DOMINATED BY FEMALES.
THIS IS A RARE DISPLAY OF WOMEN GETTING THE UPPER HAND,
BUT SADLY ONLY THROUGH SEXUALIZED AMBITION.
EXCUSE ME? YES, HELLO, CLAW.
I'M SORRY, BUT I BEG TO DIFFER, AS USUAL,
WITH YOUR INSANE PRETZEL LOGIC.
ALTHOUGH I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT VERY FEW WOMEN HAVE POWER IN OUR SOCIETY,
I MUST POINT TO MYSELF AS AN EXAMPLE
OF A YOUNG WOMAN WHO'S BREAKING THROUGH THAT GLASS CEILING.
MISS JULIAN, A.K.A., CRASHING FEMINIST DISAPPOINTMENT,
THE ONLY POWER I SEE YOU EXPLOITING
IS THE LOVELY TWIN SET IN YOUR TWIN SET.
GIRLS, PAY ATTENTION.
IT'S JUST STRUCK ME.
DON'T BE A NICOLE. DON'T BE A MANTIS.
EVOLVE!
YOU ARE THE FIRST GENERATION WHERE THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF PARITY AND POWER
AMONG THE GENDERS WITHOUT RESORTING TO SEX.
EXCUSE ME! BACK ON POINT. I DO HAVE POWER.
MISS JULIAN, YOU ARE A TEEN MANTIS
WHO HAS LOST ALL OF HER POWER,
MAINLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NO LONGER ON THE GLAMAZONS.
I BET YOU DON'T EVER GET THAT POWER BACK.
I BET YOU I DO. I DON'T NEED SEX TO GET POWER. I'M...
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
LEAN OVER AND BITE OFF MR. JOHN'S HEAD, WHY DON'T YOU?
IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN WIN. OKAY, PEOPLE!
MOVING ON TO OUR DOUBLE FEATURE.
JOHN WATERS'S FEMALE TROUBLE.
MISS JULIAN, YOU MAY WANT TO PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION.
THERE'S MEANING IN THIS FLICK.
BUT I... I CAN'T PULL THE TRIGGER
OF THIS RUSSIAN ROULETTE POWER PLAY.
- I... - WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO SAY,
SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE CAJONES TO CUT ONE CLUB, KRUPPS.
APRIL, NO ONE SAID BEING PRESIDENT WAS ALL BOOK FAIRS AND BAKE SALES.
NOW, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO GIVE STUDENTS THE BAD NEWS, TOO.
- KRUPPS, WE HAVE TO TALK. - WAIT YOUR TURN, MISS JULIAN.
THIS IS IMPORTANT SCHOOL BUSINESS.
IMPORTANT? WITH COMMANDER FIREPIE IN THE ROOM?
I'VE PAID MY DEBT TO SOCIETY.
- I WANT BACK ON THE GLAMAZONS. - WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.
- YOU WERE BANNED FOR THE YEAR. - THAT IS NOT FAIR.
JOSH FORD GOT CAUGHT SLURPING SYRUP, AND HIS PUNISHMENT LASTED THREE DAYS.
THAT'S A DOUBLE STANDARD.
MR. FORD DIDN'T ATTEMPT TO ENTICE ME IN A SEX SCANDAL.
- I SMELL A SLUT IN THE ROOM. - SHUT UP, MY LEFT FOOT. LOOK, KRUPPS.
BEING ON THE GLAMAZONS IS HUGELY IMPORTANT TO ME.
LIFE OR DEATH.
IF I CAN'T BE A PART OF THAT SQUAD...
REGAIN YOUR WICKED POWERS SOME OTHER WAY.
YOU ARE NOT GETTING ON THAT SQUAD THIS YEAR.
OUTSIDE, MISS JULIAN. NOW.
YEAH, GIRLIE. WAIT OUTSIDE TILL THE MENS ARE DONE.
[KRUPPS] APRIL, COME ON.
DUE TO THE BUDGET CRUNCH, ONE EXTRACURRICULAR CLUB MUST BE CUT.
NOW, THE STUDENT COUNCIL MUST MAKE THAT DECISION.
BUT KILLING EXTRACURRICULARS IS NOT IN MY FEMININE NATURE, MR. KRUPPS.
I'M A GATHERER AND A NEST-BUILDER.
I NEED A DECISION BY THE END OF THE WEEK, APRIL.
DON'T WORRY, KRUPPY. I'LL MAKE UP HER MIND FOR HER.
JOSH, YOU LOOK TORTURED.
I'M THINKING.
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.
DUDE, CHECK IT OUT. I JUST FILLED OUT MY COLLEGE SAMPLE FORMS.
IT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, HUH?
I DON'T THINK SKIING MT. BALDY CHRISTMAS BREAK, 2000,
COUNTS AS AN EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY.
JOSH, COLLEGES ARE LOOKING FOR WELL-ROUNDED CANDIDATES,
SO YOU HAVE TO CREATE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU DO MORE THAN PLAY SPORTS
- AND TAKE COOL VACATIONS. - OH, GREAT.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DAZZLE COLLEGES WITH, HARRISON?
ACTUALLY, I'M A LITTLE LIGHT IN THE ACTIVITIES AREA MYSELF.
BUT I WAS THINKING OF JOINING EMORY'S JOHN TRAVOLTA CLUB.
NOT ONLY DOES IT REQUIRE NO WORK,
BUT WHEN PRESIDENT TUNA WIELDS HER AXE,
AS SHE'S EXPECTED TO DO SOMETIME THIS WEEK,
SHE'S DEFINITELY GONNA SPARE HER BOYFRIEND'S PRIDE AND JOY.
YEAH, GOOD THINKING, BUT WHAT COLLEGE IS GONNA BE IMPRESSED
BY A CLUB DEVOTED TO THE STAR OF BATTLEFIELD EARTH?
ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT. IT'S CALLED "STAYING ALIVE."
SO, I FIGURE COLLEGES WILL THINK IT'S SOME SORT OF EUTHANASIA CLUB. RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
HAVING COLLEGE OFFICIALS THINK I'M INVOLVED IN A CLUB ABOUT ASIAN KIDS
IS JUST WHAT I NEED.
IT'S, UH, IT'S GLOBAL. I'M TOTALLY THERE.
HEY, SAM?
HEY, THANKS FOR COVERING FOR ME.
DID I MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT?
UH, ONLY A PRAYING MANTIS/ DIVINE DOUBLE FEATURE.
OH, AND THE OUTRAGE OF DADDY-O.
YOU SAID YOU HAD IT COVERED.
WELL, OPERATION ALIBI BLEW UP.
DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL HEAR MORE ABOUT IT
AT THE FAMILY DINNER/ FORMAL ARRAIGNMENT TONIGHT.
- HOW MUCH DO THEY KNOW? - ENOUGH.
AND LET ME SAY THEY'RE NOT TOO HAPPY WITH ME, EITHER.
LOOK, I'M SORRY I DRAGGED YOU INTO THIS WHOLE THING.
I DON'T MIND TAKING A BULLET FOR A NOBLE CAUSE.
SO?
- WAS IT WORTH IT? - HA, THAT'S THE THING.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
WE FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE TV. THAT'S IT.
I LIED FOR THAT? WHY DIDN'T WE JUST TELL THEM THE TRUTH?
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
WHEN MY DAD HEARS THE WHOLE STORY,
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
COME ON.
BO PEEP, SURELY A TOKEN GESTURE,
SOME SMALL BONE WOULD NOT BE INAPPROPRIATE
TO TOSS IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR FAVORITE BIG BAD WOLF?
I'M SORRY, EMORY DICK, BUT I'M COMPELLED BY MY OFFICE
TO CUT A CLUB IN AN UNBIASED MANNER.
NOW, STOP LOBBYING ME, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC.
I MUST BE STRONG.
[EXHALES]
[GRUMBLING]
OH!
[GIRL SOBBING]
[SOBBING CONTINUES]
NICOLE JULIAN?
ARE... ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HAS TOM FORD DIED?
[SNIFFLING] NO.
UM, HE'S ALIVE AND WELL.
IT'S JUST ALLERGIES. UM, THANKS FOR ASKING.
I'M DISTURBED TO FIND A RAPTOR AS VICIOUS AS YOURSELF SUFFERING PAIN.
HANKY?
HOW SWEET.
EVEN AFTER I TORE YOU A NEW ONE IN KRUPPS'S OFFICE.
I'VE BEEN CALLED WORSE BY YOU... ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES.
THAT'S TRUE.
BUT FROM NOW ON, WE WOMEN NEED TO STICK TOGETHER,
NOT RUN EACH OTHER DOWN.
YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB AS PRESIDENT, APRIL.
IT'S NICE TO SEE A WOMAN IN POWER WHO'S NOT A GLAMAZON.
THANK YOU, NICOLE JULIAN, CONSTITUENT.
IT'S NOT EASY BEING YOU, IS IT, APRIL?
NO. MY 'RHOIDS BURN WITH A WRATHLIKE VENGEANCE.
NOT THAT. I WAS TALKING ABOUT BEING A WOMAN WITH POWER.
BOYS LIKE GUS AND EMORY THINK THEY OWN YOU.
KRUPPS DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
IT IS LONELY BEING AT THE TOP.
WHEW. I KNOW THAT FEELING.
HAVING HAD STATUS ONCE, I CAN SAY...
IT'S HARD TO HAVE IT, BUT IT'S EVEN HARDER TO LOSE.
THAT ONE'S GOING IN MY QUOTE FILE.
SO PROFOUND.
IT'S SO DAMN TRUE.
WELL,
ANYWAY, APRIL,
GOOD LUCK.
I KNOW YOU HAVE TO CUT ONE CLUB,
AND I KNOW THAT WILL BE HARD FOR YOU.
BUT MAYBE THE FATES WILL BE KIND, AND YOU'LL FIND A POWERFUL WOMAN LIKE YOURSELF,
A WOMAN WHO WILL ADVISE YOU ON HOW TO BEHAVE BECAUSE SHE CARES,
NOT BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO CONTROL YOU.
NICOLE JULIAN!
WAIT!
I'D LOVE TO HAVE COFFEE WITH YOU TOMORROW, TUNA.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
I CAN'T HAVE COFFEE, OR I TURN INTO A REVERSE KRAKATOA.
BUT THERE'S A FRUITOPIA WITH YOUR NAME ON IT IN MY OFFICE.
SUPER.
[DRUMBEATS]
[MEN SHOUT]
[DRUMS CONTINUE]
OKAY. I GUESS I'LL JUST WAIT FOR TRIBAL COUNCIL TO BEGIN.
BUT YOU KNOW, IF I'M GONNA GET VOTED OUT OF THIS FAMILY,
I SHOULD PROBABLY START PACKING.
CAREFUL, BROOKE.
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
I WOULD WATCH THAT GLIB TONE IF I WERE YOU.
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, THE WHOLE THING WAS JUST AN HONEST MISTAKE.
HONEST?
YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO USE THAT WORD
AFTER THE PACK OF LIES YOU FED US?
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LIED ABOUT SOMETHING SO INNOCENT.
YOU'RE GROUNDED.
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS,
IT IS SCHOOL, HOMEWORK, BED.
- WHAT? - I'M NOT DONE YET.
YOU WILL TELL JAMIE THAT YOU CAN NO LONGER SEE HIM.
I'LL NOT HAVE MY DAUGHTER BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY SOME PUNK.
THAT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.
JANE, TELL HIM I AM NOT A CHILD. HE CANNOT TREAT ME LIKE THIS.
YOU ARE A CHILD, BROOKE. YOU ARE MY CHILD.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE LIVING IN THIS HOUSE, YOU WILL PLAY BY MY RULES.
OUCH.
THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO. YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR ONE WEEK.
- WHAT? - I WILL NOT TOLERATE CONSPIRACIES IN THIS HOUSE.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. MOM, SAY SOMETHING.
GREAT. THIS IS JUST GREAT.
- OH. - HOW COULD YOU LET HIM GROUND ME?
WELL, GOOD MORNING TO YOU, TOO, SAM.
IN WHAT WORLD DO I DESERVE THE SAME PUNISHMENT AS BROOKE?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE IN CHARGE OF DISCIPLINING ME. MIKE'S NOT EVEN MY FATHER.
I WON'T DENY THAT THE PUNISHMENT IS A BIT HARSH,
BUT YOU SCREWED UP, SAM.
YOU LIED.
NOW, WOULD I HAVE LOCKED YOU UP?
NO, WE WOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
AND I'D WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU DID.
BUT CLEARLY MIKE FEELS DIFFERENTLY ABOUT IT.
HE MAY NOT BE YOUR FATHER, BUT HE IS YOUR PARENT.
I THOUGHT YOU BOTH WORE THE PANTS AROUND HERE. I WAS WRONG.
GOOD MORNING.
THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S TALKING TO ME.
AM I REALLY AN OGRE FOR TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR THESE GIRLS?
NO, YOU'RE NOT AN OGRE, BUT YOU'VE BEEN THROWING AROUND YOUR WEIGHT QUITE A BIT.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
YOU PUNISHED SAM WITHOUT CHECKING IN WITH ME FIRST.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT WITH BROOKE.
I'M... UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT KIND OF DOUBLE STANDARD...
I'M SORRY. I JUMPED THE GUN.
BUT I THINK WE AGREE THAT IT'S NOT OKAY
FOR THESE GIRLS TO BE GOING OUT WITH COLLEGE STUDENTS.
WELL... I DON'T KNOW.
BROOKE'S MATURE, AND I THINK THIS SHOULD BE A DISCUSSION
AND NOT JUST AN IMMEDIATE MANDATE.
WOULD YOU REALLY COME DOWN SO HARD ON HER IF BROOKE WERE A 17-YEAR-OLD BOY?
IT WAS BUILT AS A BOMB SHELTER.
BUT IN THE '70S, THEY STARTED USING IT TO CURE MYSTERY MEAT FOR THE CAFETERIA.
YOU GET USED TO THE FRIGID TEMP,
BUT THE JERKY SMELL NEVER GOES AWAY.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE WAS NEXT DOOR TO KRUPPS.
IT USED TO BE, UNTIL THEY CONVERTED IT INTO A LARGE TANNING BOOTH.
HE SAID THAT THIS WOULD GIVE ME MORE PRIVACY.
- HEY. - [ALIEN BEEPS]
- DID YOU COMPLAIN? - I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE WAVES.
[SIGHS] I HEAR THAT.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS ON THE GLAMAZONS,
I ALWAYS WANTED TO BRING YOU IN AS CHOREOGRAPHER, BUT...
NEVER HAD THE NERVE TO STAND UP TO THOSE CONNIVING BITCHES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO?
I SHOULD PULL THE PLUG ON THOSE 'REXIC PRIMADONNAS.
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES WHEN YOU DID.
WAIT. YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?
WHY NOT? I'VE GOT... THE POWER.
WELL, APRIL, YOU CAN'T JUST CUT THE GLAMAZONS.
THAT WOULD KILL YOUR APPROVAL RATINGS.
IF YOU WANT TO BE RID OF THEM,
REMEMBER THE WORDS OF GERMAN MILITARY THEORIST VON CLAUSEWITZ:
"DON'T ATTACK TOO SOON, OR YOUR ENEMY WILL COME BACK STRONGER."
WOW. YOU ARE A VERITABLE DICK CHENEY.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO NOW?
I COULD TELL YOU, BUT, UM,
EVEN DICK CHENEY GOT SOMETHING FOR HIS TROUBLES.
- [INTERCOM BUZZES] - VICE PRESIDENT GUS LATRINE, GET IN HERE.
I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
CUT MY TOENAILS, WOMAN.
FIRST OF ALL, KISS MY FRECKLED ASS.
SECOND OF ALL, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE LYRICS
TO THE CLASSIC 1985 ARETHA FRANKLIN/ ANNIE LENNOX DUET?
NO?
[APRIL, NICOLE] "SISTAS ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES."
AND THIS MEANS?
IT MEANS YOU'RE FIRED, LATRINE.
[TIRES SCREECH]
NICOLE JULIAN, WILL YOU BE MY NEW V.P.?
I'D BE HONORED, MADAME PRESIDENT.
[GLASS CLINKS]
[DISCO MUSIC]
WHOA. IT'S LIKE AN ELVIS CONVENTION.
ONLY, INSTEAD OF ELVISES, THEY'RE JOHN TRAVOLTAS.
[HARRISON] ARE WE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS?
- JUST THINK OF COLLEGE. - [HARRISON] YEAH.
JUMP IN, GENTS. CATCH THE FEVER.
UH... SO, EMORY, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
JOSH AND I ARE THINKING OF GETTING OUR TRAVOLTA STRIPES AND JOINING THE CLUB.
SMASHING. ONE PROBLEM, THOUGH.
MUCH AS I'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU,
I CAN'T GUARANTEE THAT "STAYING ALIVE"
WILL ACTUALLY STAY ALIVE.
MY SWEET OYSTER GAL, APRIL, HAS CONCERNS.
YOU'VE BEEN DATING HER. SHOULDN'T THAT COUNT FOR SOMETHING?
IT BASICALLY CAME DOWN TO A "FACE/OFF."
APRIL FEARS THAT IF SHE SUCCUMBS TO MY SEXUAL MASTERY
AND SPARES THE CLUB OF WHICH I'M PRESIDENT,
SHE'LL BE CROSSING A "THIN RED LINE"
AND MAKE HERSELF VULNERABLE FOR "A CIVIL ACTION" OR WORSE.
ARE YOU TALKING IN TRAVOLTA TITLES?
THAT'S SOMETHING WE DO.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST APPOINT A NEW PRESIDENT,
THEREBY ELIMINATING THE CONFLICT?
PERFECT!
IF I REPLACE MYSELF AS PRESIDENT, THE CONFLICT WOULD GO AWAY.
THE ONLY QUESTION IS, WHO DESERVES THE JOB,
A JOB THAT WOULD LOOK MIGHTY IMPRESSIVE ON A COLLEGE RÉSUMÉ.
[BOTH] I'LL DO IT.
UH, SORRY, FORD. THAT WAS MY IDEA.
NOTHING PERSONAL, HARRISON, BUT SHOULDN'T THE PRESIDENT OF THE TRAVOLTA CLUB
KNOW HOW TO, YOU KNOW, DANCE?
- THAT IS A DISS. - YEAH.
WELL, JOSH, YOU CAN DANCE, JUST NOT TO THE BEAT.
SEE, YOU'RE NO TRAVOLTA. I AM.
EASY, JOHNNY-COME-LATELIES. NO NEED FOR A "BLOW OUT."
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO HAVE A, UH...
A DANCE-OFF. I'LL GET APRIL TO JUDGE THE COMPETITION.
THEN SHE'LL DEVELOP A PERSONAL STAKE IN OUR FUTURE.
- BRING IT ON. - LET'S DO IT.
HEY, CARMEN, DON'T YOU JUST FEEL AWFUL ABOUT NIC?
YOU KNOW, HOW SHE'S SUCH A LOSER NOW?
TOTALLY.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
AW.
OH!
OH, DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'VE JOINED THE SPAZZ SQUAD.
HAS IT REALLY COME TO THIS?
WELL, I GUESS SO.
OBVIOUSLY, IT'S NOT MY FIRST OPTION,
BUT WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE?
WELL, I, FOR ONE, THINK THAT IT SHOWS SPIRIT.
THANKS, CARM. WELL, WISH ME LUCK.
I'M OFF TO REHEARSAL.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY. WE'RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE FLOOR DURING GAMES.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT, LADY.
SEE, CARMY, WHEN YOU WERE A WANNABE AND NIC WAS A GLAMAZON,
SHE WROTE A BYLAW BANNING THE PEP SQUAD FROM EVEN WARM-UP FLOOR ACTIVITY
ON ACCOUNT OF THAT THEY WERE SUCH EYESORES
AND HAD EXCRUCIATING AMOUNTS OF FACIAL HAIR.
I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.
BUT HERE I AM.
I GUESS MY ONLY HOPE IS TO HAVE ONE OF YOU GUYS SIGN THIS...
WAIVER OF CONSENT...
ALLOWING US PEPPERS BACK.
"PEPPERS"?
NIC, I AM TRYING SO HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU,
BUT YOU'RE JUST SO PATHETIC
THAT IT'S MAKING ME DOUBLE OVER WITH CRUEL INTERNAL, SILENT LAUGHTER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NO HARM, NO FOUL, RIGHT?
AS SOON AS TUNA STARTS CHOPPING, WE'LL BE THE FIRST CLUB TO GO.
WHAT CAN IT HURT?
SHE'S REALLY NO THREAT TO US NOW, MARY CHERRY.
IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF, FINE.
BE OUR GUEST. CARMEN, SIGN THE STUPID WAIVER.
THANKS, GIRLS. I'D LOVE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE PEP SQUAD.
WE'RE PRACTICING RIGHT NOW.
♪ VOGUE
♪ GO WITH THE FLOW
♪ VOGUE
♪ GO WITH THE FLOW
♪ OOOOOH
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO
♪ LET YOUR BODY MOVE TO THE MUSIC
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PEP SQUAD?
WE FIRED THOSE FRIDA KHALO-FACED LOSERS
AND REPLACED THEM WITH THESE HARD BODIES,
ALL OF WHOM USED TO DANCE FOR MADONNA.
MEET THE NEW PEP SQUAD, OF WHICH I AM CHOREOGRAPHER.
IT'S NOW CALLED "BRING IT!"
♪ VOGUE, VOGUE, VOGUE, VOGUE ♪
I SWEAR, MY DAD IS NOT USUALLY LIKE THAT.
I HAVEN'T BEEN GROUNDED SINCE I WAS IN THIRD GRADE.
- I TAKE IT YOU'RE NOT COMING TONIGHT? - UH, YEAH.
I'M SORRY. I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOUR FRIENDS.
NO, THAT'S OKAY. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
NOTHING DEFINITIVE. IT'S JUST THAT THIS IS ALL GETTING SORT OF COMPLICATED,
AND MAYBE WE SHOULD COOL IT FOR A WHILE.
WHAT WAS THAT? OH, GOD, JAMIE, I'M LOSING YOU.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU. TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.
HEY, B.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? THE RIVE GAUCHE COLLECTION STILL NOT IN?
BECAUSE OF MY FATHER, I HAD TO BAIL ON JAMIE'S PARTY.
HE'S NOT HAPPY.
YOU KNOW, B, I HATE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS.
YOU ARE A POWERFUL, ICONIC WOMAN.
DON'T LET YOUR FATHER, OR ANY MAN FOR THAT MATTER,
PREVENT YOU FROM REALIZING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL.
- YOU LIKE THIS GUY, RIGHT? - A LOT.
THEN SHOW HIM YOU'RE NOT DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL.
SKIP CHEERLEADING AT THAT GAME AND SNEAK OVER TO JAMIE'S.
WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I'LL NEED YOUR PRESIDENTIAL SIGNATURE HERE,
HERE AND HERE.
IT SURE COSTS A LOT TO BUY A QUALITY DANCE TROUPE THESE DAYS.
HOW CAN WE AFFORD ALL THIS WITH ONLY $16 IN THE SCHOOL ACCOUNT?
WELL, WE CAN'T.
THAT'S WHY I BORROWED SIX THOU FROM MY OWN PERSONAL TRUST FUND.
GEEZ, TALK ABOUT COMMITMENT.
NOW THAT WE HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE GLAMAZONS,
IS IT TIME TO OFFICIALLY SAY ADIOS TO THOSE ELITIST FASHIONISTAS?
NO. WE MUST BE WISE IN THE WAYS OF POWER.
REMEMBER OUR CLAUSEWITZ?
"THERE IS ONLY ONE DECISIVE VICTORY.
THE LAST."
YOU ARE ONE BAD-ASS MOMMA-JAMA, NICOLE JULIAN.
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT FUN.
WE ARE HAVING FUN, RIGHT, APRIL?
WELL...
EMORY AND I, WE'RE... HAVING PROBLEMS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
[EMORY] TAKE OFF YOUR BONNET. DO AS I SAY AT ONCE.
CONTINUE DOING AS I SAY. AH, YES.
I'M GLAD YOU SHOWED THIS TO ME,
THOUGH IT COULD BE DAMAGING TO YOUR PRESIDENCY IF IN THE WRONG HANDS.
WHO ELSE HAS A COPY OF IT?
- [EMORY] THAT'S RIGHT. - JUST ME AND EMORY.
DO AS I SAY. CONTINUE DOING AS I SAY.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT I CAN'T STAY LONG.
IT'S OKAY.
I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT PAST THE GUARDS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU CAN BE DEVIOUS WHEN YOU WANT TO BE.
- YEAH, AND YOU BETTER WATCH OUT. - MM-HMM.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
THAT'S NICK. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE NICK.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I COULD ASK THE SAME.
I EXPECTED TO FIND YOU AT THE GAME WITH YOUR HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS.
SO, ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME NOW?
NO, BROOKE.
I WENT TO THE GAME TO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT TRUSTING YOU.
LET'S GO.
ONE MORE THING, MR....
JAMIE, SIR. IT'S JAMIE ROTH.
SAY GOOD-BYE TO MY DAUGHTER, MR. ROTH.
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME THAT YOU WILL EVER SEE HER.
WELL, I JUST HAD THE MOST HUMILIATING MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
NICE TRICK, BROOKE. MAKE YOURSELF THE VICTIM.
YOU WILLFULLY DISOBEYED ME.
I'M SORRY. IS THIS 16th-CENTURY FRANCE?
BECAUSE YOU SOUND LIKE A FEUDAL LORD BOSSING AROUND YOUR SERFS.
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND RULES AND THAT THEY'RE NOT DESIGNED TO BE BROKEN.
MAYBE THEY WERE BROKEN INTENTIONALLY BECAUSE THEY'RE OPPRESSIVE.
JANE, HONEY, COULD YOU CALL AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL?
BROOKE'S BEING OPPRESSED. SHE CAN'T DATE A 20-SOMETHING GUY.
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT REGIMES BASED ON SEXISM TYRANNY ALWAYS CRUMBLE?
I LOVE YOU, DAD, BUT YOU ARE POWER-TRIPPING.
AM I POWER-TRIPPING?
UM...
I'M SORRY, MIKE. I'M WITH BROOKE.
WHY?
I DON'T DISAGREE WITH YOUR FEELINGS
BUT WITH THE WAY THAT YOU'RE EXPRESSING THEM.
MY FATHER DID THE SAME THING TO ME WHEN I WAS 17.
HE ENDED A RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAD WITH A COLLEGE GUY.
NOW THAT YOU'RE A PARENT, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND WHY.
I UNDERSTAND THAT TIMES ARE DIFFERENT, AND MAYBE WE NEED TO TRUST OUR DAUGHTERS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO WITH THIS GUY?
LET ME TELL YOU, 'CAUSE YOU HAVEN'T ONCE ASKED ME.
AM I GONNA GET PREGNANT BY THIS GUY? NO.
I WON'T.
I VALUE MY FUTURE WAY TOO MUCH.
AM I GONNA TRY AND USE THE VALUES AND MORALS
THAT YOU'VE TAUGHT ME THESE LAST 17 YEARS?
YEAH, I WAS GONNA TRY THAT,
BEFORE YOU ROBBED ME OF THE OPPORTUNITY.
[FUNKY DISCO MUSIC]
[SIGHS] BOYS.
THEY CAN BE SUCH MACHO JERKS.
ALTHOUGH BRAVADO AND CHEAP COLOGNE ARE A TURN-ON,
I'D RATHER SEE YOU AS PRESIDENT OF THE TRAVOLTA CLUB
THAN EITHER ONE OF THOSE MANEROS.
YOU'RE A WOMAN! I WANT TO HEAR YOU ROAR!
WHEN DID THE WOMAN WHO DATES EMORY DICK BECOME AN ACTUALIZED FEMINIST?
RIGHT AFTER NICOLE JULIAN, V.P., POINTED OUT THAT,
ASIDE FROM THE GLAMAZONS, EVERY CLUB AT THIS SCHOOL HAS A MALE PRESIDENT.
THAT'S A GRIM STATISTIC.
YOU SHOULD CHALLENGE THOSE TESTOSTERONE POWER-TRIPPERS AND COMPETE.
MM, APRIL, I DON'T KNOW.
AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO SEE JOSH BEAT BY A GIRL
IN ORDER TO TEACH HIM A SOCIAL LESSON,
I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER OUTDANCE HIM.
OR HARRISON.
WELL, AS THE OFFICIAL CONTEST JUDGE, I CAN'T GUARANTEE A WIN,
BUT I KNOW YOU'LL GET EXTRA POINTS FOR COMPETING WITHOUT A Y CHROMOSOME.
THE KEY IS TO HOLD YOUR CHIN UP HIGH AND NEVER LOOK AT YOUR FINGER.
HOW'S THIS?
NOT BAD.
BUT TRAVOLTA HAS A CHIN DIMPLE. YOU HAVEN'T QUITE CAPTURED THAT.
- NOW, AN EYEBROW PENCIL... - LOOK.
I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT WEARING MAKEUP.
MAN, THE THINGS YOU DO FOR COLLEGE.
HEY, NO NEED TO GET HUFFY, CAPTAIN.
WE VALUE AUTHENTICITY, THAT'S ALL.
I WOULDN'T SWEAT THE DETAILS, DICK.
THAT'S LIKE REARRANGING THE DECK CHAIRS ON THE TITANIC, IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
I'M AFRAID I LACK THE ENIGMA MACHINE TO DECODE YOUR FOUL ACID TONGUE.
PLEASE, REPHRASE.
OKAY, WORD UP.
YOUR TREASURED PEEP IS GOING TO PULL THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU.
SHE'S CUTTING YOUR CLUB.
THAT'S SLANDER.
AT THIS MORNING'S PRESIDENTIAL REVIEW, APRIL QUESTIONED WHETHER OR NOT
WE REALLY NEED A BUNCH OF MEN TRAIPSING AROUND IN POLYESTER SHIRTS.
MAKE NO MISTAKE, GEEK BOY.
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN KILLING YOUR CLUB.
MY WHOLE RAISON D'ETRE IS TO GET APRIL TO CUT THE GLAMAZONS.
- BUT SHE WON'T ROCK THE BOAT. - SO SHE'S SINKING MINE?
I'LL SILENCE THAT PEEP.
SHE'LL PEEP NO MORE.
OKAY, THERE'S NO REASON FOR VIOLENCE, DICK. ALL RIGHT?
BUT PERHAPS YOU AND I COULD HELP EACH OTHER OUT?
THERE MUST BE SOME SKELETON IN HER CLOSET
THAT WOULD GIVE US LEVERAGE TO CHANGE HER MIND.
I DON'T KNOW, A PHOTO, A VIDEOTAPE OR SOMETHING?
- WELL, THERE IS SOMETHING. - MM-HMM.
BUT IF IT CAME OUT, IT COULD PROVE EMBARRASSING FOR ME, TOO.
[GASPS] OH, IT WILL NEVER GET THAT FAR.
DICKIE, TRUST ME.
GOOD LORD.
WE LOOK LIKE WINONA AT THE END OF AUTUMN IN NEW YORK.
YET ANOTHER ONE OF HER MASSIVE BOMBS.
AND NIC'S BECOME GWYNIE, AGAINST ALL ODDS.
WHERE IS THAT COOKIE DOUGH?
WE MADE A TOTAL DISGRACE OUT OF OURSELVES AT LAST NIGHT'S GAME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE SCHOOL
SAW ME WHACK MY HEAD ON THE TABLE
TRYING TO COMPETE WITH THOSE LIZA-LOVERS ON STEROIDS.
OH, WHO CAN HELP US?
I CAN, GIRLIES. [MOANS]
AS TUNA'S RECENTLY OUSTED AND DEEPLY BITTER V.P.,
I KNOW JUST HOW TO SEND THOSE AMPED-UP ACTION FIGURES
BACK TO JANET JACKSON'S REHEARSAL HALL WHERE THEY BELONG.
OKAY, I'LL BITE.
WHAT YOU GOT, LATRINE?
I GOT A CALL FROM THE BANK.
APRIL'S BEEN PAYING FOR "BRING IT" OUT OF SCHOOL FUNDS.
WHOA. WHY WOULD THE BANK CALL YOU?
BECAUSE I WAS IN CHARGE OF THE FINANCES.
WHO WOULD TRUST A BEE-ATCH WITH A CHECKBOOK?
MM-HMM.
NOW, WHY COME TO US?
WHY NOT DROWN TUNA IN THIS WHOLE WHITEWATER SCANDAL ALL BY HER LONESOME?
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN COOKING THE BOOKS AROUND HERE FOR SOME TIME, LADIES.
THE LAST THING I NEED IS AN EMBEZZLEMENT CHARGE ON MY RÉSUMÉ.
TELL US WHAT TO DO, LATRINE.
[FUNKY DISCO MUSIC]
- WHAT DO YOU WANT, WANNABE? - JUST TO BUST YOUR ONIONS.
I HEARD THAT LILY, YOUR OWN WOMAN, WON'T EVEN DANCE WITH YOU.
WHAT DOES THAT SAY?
THAT MEANS I'M GONNA HAVE TO BEAT YOU WITHOUT A PARTNER, DOESN'T IT?
[LILY] YOU WON'T BE BEATING ANYONE.
LILY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THIS IS A MEN'S CLUB.
YEAH...
I'M NOT HERE TO HANG.
I'M HERE TO PICK UP WHAT'S MINE.
AND TO TELL YOU TWO GOOMBAHS THAT THE COMPETITION
TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE TRAVOLTA CLUB
JUST GOT A LOT MORE INTERESTING.
ONCE YOU ESTABLISH WITH EMORY THAT NO MEANS NO,
YOU'LL FIND HIM EASIER TO DEAL WITH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT NO MEANT YES.
MADAME PRESIDENT, MISS JULIAN, LEND ME YOUR EARS.
YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE IN HERE.
MAY I ADDRESS THE CHAIR ON A PRIVATE MATTER?
I'LL JUST LEAVE THE TWO OF YOU ALONE.
NO, SECOND, I WANT YOU BY MY SIDE.
VERY WELL.
I AM HERE TO PLEA FOR THE LIFE OF THE JOHN TRAVOLTA CLUB.
NO!
NO, I'M NOT, OR NO, I CAN'T?
YOU HEARD ME! NO MEANS YES.
I MEAN, NO! AND DON'T TRY AND BROWBEAT ME WITH YOUR MALE DOMINEERING WAYS.
YOU'RE LOOKING AT A NEW APRIL TUNA, BUSTER!
FINE. I'D HOPED IT WOULDN'T COME TO THIS,
BUT I'M PREPARED TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ENSURE MY CLUB'S SURVIVAL.
INCLUDING MAKING THIS, RAW TUNA...
- [GASPS] - AVAILABLE.
[GASPS] YOU DICK!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
I'M SPEECHLESS.
F.Y.I., GEEKAZOID,
I WASN'T EVEN GONNA DROP THE HAMMER ON YOUR MAN FAN CLUB.
OH, WELL THAT'S AWFULLY CONVENIENT NOW, ISN'T IT?
I WON'T BE MANIPULATED BY YOU.
INSTEAD I WILL DEVOTE ALL MY ENERGY INTO DESTROYING YOUR UNIVERSE.
I WILL BECOME A UNIMATRIX OF EMORY DICK DESTRUCTION.
EASY, PEEP. IT ISN'T PERSONAL.
IT'S ALL BUSINESS.
STOP CALLING ME PEEP, CREEP. GET OUT!
AH, HERE IT IS. RIGHT WHERE SHE SAID IT WOULD BE.
THANKS AGAIN.
I'M SORRY THAT BROOKE COULDN'T COME BY TO PICK IT UP HERSELF,
BUT YOU KNOW, SHE'S KIND OF RECOVERING FROM LAST NIGHT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
ACTUALLY, I AM WORRIED.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT BROOKE.
JAMIE, SHE REALLY LIKES YOU, AND I KNOW SHE DOESN'T WANT IT TO BE OVER.
I DON'T KNOW, SAM.
BROOKE'S GREAT.
BUT THE ANGRY, ALL-MIGHTY DAD VIBE
IS A LITTLE MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR.
WELL, I MEAN, YOU COULD JUST GIVE HER A CALL.
[KNOCKING]
HOW DID IT GO?
I FOUND YOUR BOOK BAG.
I'M SORRY. THAT'S ALL THE GOOD NEWS I HAVE.
SO HE WANTS TO BREAK UP WITH ME?
[CRYING]
[SIGHS]
WELL?
WELL, YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED. YOU SPLIT THEM UP.
I DIDN'T... WANT THIS.
SHE GONNA BE OKAY?
YES, SHE WILL BE OKAY. EVENTUALLY.
IT ONLY TOOK ME A YEAR AND A HALF TO FORGIVE MY FATHER.
[BROOKE SOBBING]
PRINCIPAL KRUPPS, AFTER SEVERAL NIGHTS OF FRENZIED DELIBERATION,
I AM READY TO CUT A CLUB.
FIRST, I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU.
THE FACT THAT YOU BAKE YOUR BUNS IN THE REAL PRESIDENTIAL SUITES
WHILE I STEW IN THAT MEAT LOCKER IS BOTH SEXIST AND UNCLEAN.
KEYS, PLEASE. I'M BREAKING THROUGH THE GLASS CEILING
- AND FINALLY CLAIMING WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE. - NO, YOU'RE NOT, APRIL.
WHILE I ADMIRE YOUR TRAILBLAZING AMBITION,
I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO RELIEVE YOU OF YOUR PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, KRUPPS? EXPLAIN.
IT IS AN IMPEACHABLE SCANDAL AND CRIME
FOR UNDERAGERS TO POSE PROVOCATIVELY ON TAPE,
PUNISHABLE WITH THREE MONTHS OF COUNSELING AND INCARCERATION IN JUVENILE HALL.
PRINCIPAL KRUPPS, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
WHERE IS YOUR PROOF?
[MAN] CORDOBA, JACA NEGRA,
LUNA GRANDE.
[MAN CONTINUES IN SPANISH]
WAIT A COTTON-PICKING MINUTE!
THAT'S NOT EMORY DICK'S VOICE. I WAS SET UP.
THAT JUDAS! HE DIGITALLY COVERED HIS TRACKS IN THE LANGUAGE LAB.
OR SOMETHING.
WELL, FORGET IT. KEEP DREAMING, KRUPPS.
AS A WOMAN OF POWER, I REFUSE TO STEP DOWN.
PRESIDENT CLINTON WAS IMPEACHED FOR A SIMILAR SEX SCANDAL,
AND HE GOT TO KEEP HIS OFFICE.
YOU'RE POWERLESS HERE!
YEAH. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT MAKE THIS DIFFICULT.
GUARD!
CAN'T YOU SEE? EMORY'S FRAMING ME BECAUSE I THREATENED TO CUT HIS CLUB.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I TRUSTED THAT MAN. HE'S TAKING DOWN OUR ADMINISTRATION.
THEY MAY HAVE WON THE BATTLE, BUT THEY HAVE NOT WON THE WAR.
SORRY, NICOLE JULIAN. YOU BELIEVED IN ME. I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
I WILL NOT QUIT UNTIL I GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
I SWEAR...
TO UPHOLD THE DIGNITY OF THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT...
AND STRIVE FOR THE LEVEL OF INTEGRITY
ASSOCIATED WITH THE KENNEDY NAME.
AND STRIVE FOR THE LEVEL OF INTEGRITY...
ASSOCIATED WITH THE KENNEDY NAME.
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE BOARD OF EDUCATION
AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF WHITE MALE DOMINATION,
IT IT MY REGRETFUL HONOR
TO SWEAR YOU IN AS CLASS PRESIDENT.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
OKAY, JUST DON'T TOSS YOUR COOKIES YET, CARMEN.
THAT WINONA MAY BE A SCRAPPY LADY,
BUT US GWYNETHS ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP.
THANK YOU, FELLOW STUDENTS...
REMEMBER, WE'VE GOT A SMOKING GUN.
SO TO QUOTE MILITARY STRATEGIST CLAUSEWITZ,
"STRIKE AND TOPPLE YOUR ENEMY ONLY AFTER
THE CONCLUSION OF THE TRAVOLTA CLUB DANCE-OFF."
[DISCO MUSIC]
HMM.
AND THE WINNER OF THE TRAVOLTA CLUB PRESIDENCY IS,
BY MY DECREE,
JOSH FORD.
YES! UH! UH!
BOYS, HITHER.
ARE YOU SO CONSUMED WITH YOUR OWN POWERMONGERING
THAT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR SOUL SISTERS IN THE MOVEMENT?
WHAT CAN I SAY, LILY? YOU JUST DIDN'T CUT IT.
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, WOMEN WITH TRUE POWER NEVER SHARE IT WITH OTHER WOMEN.
[SIGHS]
BUT THEY ALWAYS WISH THEY HAD!
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE OUSTED IN A COUPE DE VILLE!
- COUP D'ETAT. - NOT NOW, CARMEN. I'M ON A ROLL.
TELL HER WHAT SHE'S WON, FORMER V.P. TURNED STATE'S WITNESS, GUS LATRINE.
GUS, NOW WOULD BE THE MOMENT TO WHIP OUT THOSE FILES ON THE MISUSE OF FUNDS
THAT YOU TOLD US ABOUT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR MEMORY, LATRINE. IT'S YOUR LEGS THAT ARE LAME.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING, CALVIN KRUPPS?
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT CARMEN AND MARY CHERRY
ARE THROWING AROUND FALSE ACCUSATIONS,
ACCUSATIONS THAT COULD BE VERY DAMAGING TO VICE PRESIDENT GUS LATRINE'S REPUTATION.
WHEN I DID THAT TO YOU, I WAS SUSPENDED.
YES, YOU'VE GOT A POINT, MISS JULIAN.
AS PRINCIPAL, I CAN'T BE GUILTY OF HAVING DOUBLE STANDARDS.
MISS CHERRY, MISS FERRARA,
YOU'RE BOTH SUSPENDED FOR ONE WEEK.
ONE MORE THING, WINONAS. I'VE DECIDED WHICH CLUB MUST GO.
HERE'S A HINT. IT BEGINS WITH "G" AND RHYMES WITH "AMAZONS."
NICOLE,
YOU CANNOT CUT THE GLAMAZONS.
[GASPS]
I JUST DID, AND WHILE I'M AT IT,
I'M PULLING THE PLUG ON YOUR STUPID TRAVOLTA CLUB.
- WHAT? - WHY?
BECAUSE I CAN.
DON'T WORRY. HE'S NOT HOME YET.
ANY CHANCE OF YOU JOINING US FOR DINNER TONIGHT, BROOKE?
NOT IF YOU-KNOW-WHO IS GONNA BE HERE.
YOU KNOW, UM...
BROOKE, SOMETIMES FORGIVENESS CAN BE HEALING.
NOT AS HEALING AS THE SILENT TREATMENT.
JAMIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WAS INVITED. HI.
[BROOKE] BY WHO?
BY ME. IF YOU'RE GONNA BE GOING OUT WITH A GUY, WE SHOULD GET TO KNOW HIM.
[BUZZING]
HELLO, APRIL.
NICOLE JULIAN, MY ONLY CHUM.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE YOUR FRIENDLY, OVERLY MADE-UP FACE.
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW, VALENTINE. SCRAM.
WERE YOU ABLE TO SCORE COUNT CHOCULA?
GOD!
NO MATTER.
ANY PROGRESS ON EMORY DICK?
NO. THAT'S BECAUSE I CANCELLED IT, APRIL.
WHY? MEN ARE SWINE, EMORY BEING THE BIGGEST PIGGY OF ALL!
EMORY DIDN'T SET YOU UP.
GOOD ONE, NICOLE JULIAN!
PRANKSTER!
IF EMORY DIDN'T SET ME UP, WHO DID?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU.
I COULDN'T KEEP IT SECRET ANY LONGER.
I DID IT, APRIL. IT WAS ME.
IT WAS YOU WHO BETRAYED ME?
YEP.
I STOLE YOUR LITTLE TAPE AND GOT IT TO KRUPPS.
I ENGINEERED THE FALL OF THE GLAMAZONS, I GOT ALL MY POWER BACK...
AND THEN SOME,
ALL AT YOUR EXPENSE.
AND ALL WITHOUT ONCE USING SEX.
BUT WE'RE POWERFUL WOMEN!
AND POWERFUL WOMEN STICK TOGETHER.
YOU TAUGHT ME THAT.
FROM NOW ON, APRIL,
THE ONLY PERSON I LOOK OUT FOR IS ME.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE CLASSIC 1974 ELTON JOHN TITLE?
THE ONE CALLED...
"THE BITCH IS BACK."
NICOLE JULIAN, I SWEAR,
WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE IN TWO YEARS,
I'M GONNA MODEL MYSELF ON YOU!
YOU ROCK!
AH!
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
♪ OOH, LA LA LA LA
♪ OOH, LA LA LA LA ♪