OH, MAN.
[BELL RINGS]
KIDS, WELCOME BACK FROM SPRING BREAK.
IN MY DAY, WE WENT WITH FRANKIE AND ANNETTE TO FT. LAUDERDALE.
NOW YOUR GENERATION SEEMS TO GO STRAIGHT TO PROMISCUITY!
ALONG THOSE LINES, POP QUIZ, ESSAY STYLE.
JUST BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS, TAKE OUT A PIECE OF PAPER
AND WRITE DOWN WHERE YOU WENT TO SPRING BREAK THIS YEAR
AND HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU WERE INTIMATE WITH.
REMEMBER TO SIGN YOUR NAMES.
I WILL THEN GRADE YOUR ESSAYS
AND JUDGE YOU!
HI, STRANGER.
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE.
OVER A MONTH, TO BE EXACT.
SAM, MAKE LIKE AN EGG AND SCRAMBLE.
OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TIRED OF THESE CHILDISH GAMES.
WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS,
AND I AM SALVAGING THE RELATIONSHIP NOW.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
'CAUSE IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, AND I'M DANCING ALONE.
WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO GEORGE, YOUR BOYFRIEND?
-I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU. -WELL, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU.
WHAT DID YOU DO FOR SPRING BREAK?
APPARENTLY, HE WAS IN YEMEN, WHERE HE PICKED UP THE DEADLY RIFT VALLEY FEVER!
- [BOTH SCREAMING] - GIVE ME YOUR HANDS!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - TAKING YOU, PATIENT ZERO,
AND YOUR INFECTED FRIEND, PATIENT ONE, TO THE NURSE'S STATION,
ALSO KNOWN AS QUARANTINE!
HE'S NOT EVEN SICK. ARE YOU?
OF YOU? YEAH. PHYSICALLY, NO!
YOU'RE A BRAVE YOUNG MAN, MR. JOHN.
IT'S A TRAGEDY YOU'LL PROBABLY MEET WITH A GORY, FEVERISH DEATH.
MISS GLASS, WHO IS THIS?
I'M DR. JOANIE SALK FROM THE CENTERS OF DISEASE CONTROL.
YOUR QUICK-THINKING CHEMISTRY TEACHER HERE NOTIFIED ME PRONTO
WHEN SHE NOTICED THAT PATIENT ZERO, RECENTLY BACK FROM YEMEN,
HAD AN UNCONTROLLABLE NASAL HEMORRHAGE,
A FIRST SIGN OF THE RIFT VALLEY FEVER
WHICH IS SWEEPING AND DECIMATING THAT COUNTRY.
DR. SALK, I WASN'T HEMORRHAGING.
MY NOSE WAS BLEEDING BECAUSE MY NASAL PASSAGES WERE DRY
'CAUSE OF THE SCHOOL CENTRAL AIR.
- HE'S DELIRIOUS. HALLUCINATING. - STEP TWO OF THE DEADLY FEVER.
- WHAT SHOULD WE DO? - THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
I'M ORDERING A LOCKDOWN...
OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!
♪ THINK IT OVER ONCE OR TWICE
♪ WHAT LASTS THE LONGEST IN THIS LIFE
♪ CHARACTER OR ROCK-HARD THIGHS
♪ IN THE END DO YOU BELIEVE
♪ THAT BEAUTY LIES IN WHAT YOU SEE
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN, BABY
♪ YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED
♪ WELL, ME AND B
♪ WE HATE SUPERMODELS
♪ IT'S JUST THAT I'M TIRED OF BEING COMPARED ♪
WE'RE QUARANTINED. WHY DO WE GET A PET?
PETEY IS NO MERE PET.
HE IS A FINE-FEATHERED WARNING.
IF HE DIES WITHIN THE DAY, WE HAVE PROOF
THAT THE FEVER IS AT HIGHLY INFECTIOUS, AIRBORNE, CODE RED LEVELS.
HOW LONG ARE WE HERE FOR?
I'LL DETERMINE THAT TOMORROW, AFTER I REEXAMINE PETEY.
MY GUESS IS YOU'LL BE HERE TILL WEEK'S END, AND THEN LEAVE IN BODY BAGS.
YOU MUST BE LOVING THIS, SAM.
ME STUCK WITH YOU FOR DAYS.
- LOTS OF TIME TO CATCH UP, HUH? - LOVING THIS?
WHO WANTS TO TALK WHEN THEY'VE BEEN INFORMED THEY MIGHT DIE?
I AM FREAKED. SO TRUST ME ON THIS.
IF I'M GONNA KICK, YOU'RE NOT THE LAST FACE I WANT TO SEE.
HEY, HONEYMOONERS. SHUT UP!
CONSERVE YOUR ENERGY. YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.
THE PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF THE RIFT VALLEY FEVER ARE SWIFT AND DEBILITATING.
FIRST COMES THE NOSEBLEED. PIECE OF CAKE COMPARED TO WHAT FOLLOWS.
YOUR BODY WILL SHUT DOWN AND YOUR ORGANS WILL...
...LIQUEFY FROM THE EFFECTS OF THE 107-DEGREE FEVER.
KIDS, I CALL THIS THE "MY PANCREAS IS JELL-O, NOW WHAT?" PHASE.
- WHEN DO WE GO HOME? - YOU DON'T
UNTIL THE C.D.C. ISSUES AN ALL-CLEAR.
THERE IS NO VACCINE FOR THIS VIRAL NIGHTMARE
WITH SUB-SAHARAN ROOTS.
OVER 100,000 SHEEP HAVE DIED
- FROM RIFT VALLEY FEVER, AND HUNDREDS OF SHEPHERDS. - MISS GLASS?
- CAN WE CALL OUR PARENTS? - AS OFTEN AS YOU'D LIKE.
ADDITIONALLY, KIDS, TO CALM YOUR FRAZZLED TEEN NERVES,
I THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO REGROUP YOU AND MAKE YOU TAKE A TEST.
[ALL MOAN]
EACH OF YOU, HERE.
INSERT A THERMOMETER INTO YOUR RECTUMS.
- EW, NO. - OKAY, YOUR MOUTHS.
IF, AFTER FIVE MINUTES, THE MERCURY RISES TO 107 DEGREES,
PRAY, AND THEN RAISE YOUR HAND FOR ASSISTANCE.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
OH, YOU KNOW, IT'S ME. SORRY.
HELLO?
[MAN] HELLO, CLARICE. HAVE THE LAMBS STOPPED SCREAMING?
NO, I'M SORRY. YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER. OKAY.
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT CALLING CLARICE.
I'M CALLING YOU. THERE'S SOMETHING FAR MORE DANGEROUS
THAN AN EPIDEMIC THAT'S THREATENING YOUR LIFE.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SPRING BREAK, MARY CHERRY.
I WENT TO FREAKNIK IN HOTLANTA AND TURNED THE MOTHER OUT.
SO?
LIAR! YOU DIDN'T GO TO FREAKNIK.
YOU MADE YET ANOTHER PATHETIC STAB AT FAME.
DOES THE TITLE, BOOZE COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO MONSTER RING A BELL?
WHO IS THIS?
LEAVE ME ALONE, DAMN IT!
MARY CHERRY SEEMS KINDA UPSET.
IT'S PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER ONE
OF HER CREDIT CARD BILL COLLECTOR PHONE CALLS.
I'M GONNA SNEAK OUT TO THE BATHROOM.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF!
REALLY? YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE PROOF?
LOOK UNDER YOUR DESK.
[GASPS]
I KNOW!
OH, MY GOD!
WHO IS THIS, PLEASE?
WANNA SEE, CRYBABY? TURN AROUND.
[GASPS] AHHH!
GUESS WHAT IT'S TIME FOR, MARY CHERRY?
TIME TO DIE?
PRETTY SMART... FOR A DUMB BLONDE.
[SOBBING]
MISS GLASS, MAY I PLEASE BE EXCUSED
TO RUN FOR MY LIFE?
WHATEVER. JUST DON'T LEAVE SCHOOL GROUNDS.
AH, NO!
NOOO!
NOOOO!
GO AWAY! LET ME GO!
OH, NO!
NO! AHHHH!
AHHH!
NO, AHHH! NO! NO!
CALL ME.
OH! OOOHH! AHHHH!
AHHH!
HEY, NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS, MISS.
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME.
WHO? I DON'T SEE ANYBODY.
OH. I THINK SOMEBODY'S PARANOID.
ANOTHER EARLY SIGN OF THE FEVER.
I'LL HAVE TO RUN SOME TESTS.
WHAT KIND OF TESTS?
WELL, WE'LL START WITH A SPINAL TAP.
AH!
I WONDER HOW HARRISON AND SAM ARE.
WHY DID HARRISON GO TO YEMEN FOR SPRING BREAK?
WHO KNOWS? I HOPE HE HAD MORE FUN THAN WE DID.
I'M SORRY! I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR, SPOILED BRAT CLASSMATES.
WERE YOUR SPRING BREAK PLANS A WASHOUT?
GOOD! TELL ME, JUST BECAUSE I LIKE PAIN,
WHERE'D YOU GO FOR SPRING BREAK?
THE PERSON WHO ANSWERS "HELL" MAKES MY DAY.
YOU GUYS? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
WE HAVE TO TELL SOMEBODY WHAT WE REALLY DID.
NO. LILY, WE MADE A PROMISE.
YEAH, A PROMISE BASED ON DISHONESTY IS NOT ONE WORTH KEEPING.
[SIGHS]
GUYS, LILY'S RIGHT.
YOU KILLED SOMEONE, DIDN'T YOU? LIKE IN THAT MOVIE.
THE ONLY THING WE KILLED WAS OUR SOCIAL LIVES.
AND OUR PARENTS' TRUST IN US.
IT STARTED OUT WELL ENOUGH.
WE WERE GOING EN MASSE TO MTV'S SPRING BREAK BLOWOUT.
UM, YEAH, IF THE NAME'S ANY INDICATION,
I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD ABOUT GETTING ON THIS PLANE.
OH, NIC, STOP BEING SUCH A WUSS.
I SAVED $2 A TICKET BY BOOKING ON PLUMMET.
HEY, GUYS, LET'S BE RATIONAL.
THERE'S A WEBSITE FOR CAUTIOUS TRAVELERS CALLED CRASH, BUCKLE AND BURN.
TYPE IN YOUR AIRLINE, YOUR DESTINATION,
AND IT'LL GIVE YOU THE ODDS OF YOUR PLANE CRASHING.
- SUG, YOU GOT YOUR iBOOK? - YEAH. LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
- SO WE DID. - HERE WE GO.
ALL THE OTHER FLIGHTS LEAVING FOR CANCÚN THIS WEEK ARE SOLD OUT.
IF WE FLY PLUMMET, OUR ODDS OF DYING
IN A GRUESOME, DISMEMBERING CRASH ARE ABOUT...
[COMPUTER] ODDS ARE...
- ONE IN ONE. - [MAN ON P.A.] OSAMA BIN LADEN TO STANDBY.
BUMMER. WHAT'D YOU DO FOR SPRING BREAK, THEN?
BUMP TEEN X's AND O's IN AN ALL-OUT ORGY?
NO, YOU PERV. WE MADE A DEAL. WE SAID...
I HAVE AN IDEA.
I SAY WE SPLIT UP AND GET OUR SPRING BREAK ON INDIVIDUALLY.
OUR PARENTS WILL ALL THINK WE'RE IN CANCÚN, SPAIN.
ANYWAY, YOU GUYS, IF NO ONE TELLS
THAT WE BLEW OFF THE TRIP,
WE CAN HAVE A WEEK OF FREEDOM.
WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT!
ALL OPPOSED, SAY NAY.
- THE YEAS HAVE IT. - [ALL SCREAM]
APRIL? WE CAN TRUST YOU, RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE, BECAUSE THEN WE WOULD GET MAJORLY GROUNDED.
GUYS, YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH ME.
LET'S JUST HOPE NOBODY GOES NUTS FROM THE CLAUSTROPHOBIC CAPTIVITY
AND TRIES TO KILL SOMEBODY.
[PSYCHO MAN] LATER THAT EVENING.
SOMEONE'S GONE NUTS AND TRIED TO KILL ME!
MARY CHERRY, PLEASE. YOU HAVE SEEN ONE TOO MANY HORROR FLICKS.
NOBODY'S TRYING TO KILL YOU.
THEY DID! I SWEAR IT!
AND THEY KNOW THAT WE LIED TO OUR PARENTS
AND DIDN'T GO TO MTV'S CANCÚN JAM.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON KNOWS WHAT WE DID?
THEY KNOW WHAT I DID AFTER WE BROKE UP AND WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS.
HE HAS VENGEFUL PROOF OF MY SILENT SHAME.
- EXPLAIN. - I CAN'T!
OKAY, I'M JUST TOO ASHAMED.
OKAY, FINE.
THIS YEAR, FOR SPRING BREAK,
- I KNOW! - I TRIED OUT FOR A HORROR MOVIE.
[MAN] THIS AIN'T ERIN BROCKOVICH, GOT IT?
THIS IS AN EXPLOITATIVE HORROR FLICK ABOUT A ROOSTER
THAT DRINKS RADIOACTIVE ABSINTHE AND BECOMES A MONSTER.
THUS MY CLEVER TITLE, BOOZE COCK MONSTER.
WELL, I'D DO ANYTHING TO BE A SCREAM QUEEN,
MR. DIRECTOR MAN.
ANYTHING.
GOOD.
PLACES.
I WANT YOU TO SCREAM LIKE A HORNY VIRGIN WHEN THE COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO ATTACKS.
AND HURRY UP, BECAUSE MY MONDAY LUNCH APPOINTMENT'S WAITING AT THE IVY.
IS THERE FILM IN THE CAMERA THIS TIME, BAFFA?
AND... ACTION.
[CLUCKING]
PECK HER! PECK HER!
[CLUCKING]
- PECK HER! - AHHH!
WHOOOAH! NO!
[DIRECTOR] "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?"
- WHO'S YOUR DADDY? - DON'T SAY IT.
NO!
NOOO!
THIS IS THE ONE I'LL BE REMEMBERED FOR.
NO!
NOO!
NEEDLESS TO SAY, I DID NOT GET THE PART I COVETED.
AH, MARY CHERRY, I THINK THAT YOU ARE THE GIRL WHO CRIED WOLF.
YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE YOU'RE A GOOD ACTRESS 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET THE PART.
- HOW'D HE GET THE PICTURE IF I'M MAKING THIS UP? - IT'S A PUBLICITY STILL. DUH!
MARY CHERRY, IT IS MY OPINION
THAT YOU CONJURED THIS KILLER OUT OF YOUR FEAR OF DEATH.
WE'RE GOING TO THE CAFETERIA TO CUDDLE UP FOR THE NIGHT WITH OUR RED CROSS ISSUE BLANKETS.
YOU SHOULD BREAK OUT AND GET SOME THERAPY.
SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE TONIGHT.
WHO WILL IT BE?
IF THAT STRESS BALL HITS MY FACE, YOU'LL REGRET IT.
[PARAKEET CHIRPS]
GIVE ME BACK MY BALL.
YOU'RE THROWING IT AT ME SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ME.
YOU PROBABLY INFECTED ME WITH THE FEVER ON PURPOSE. AS AN ACT OF REVENGE?
OF COURSE. EVERYTHING I DO REVOLVES AROUND YOU.
I DIDN'T GO TO YEMEN TO BRING SOMETHING BACK TO STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH.
I WENT THERE TO FORGET YOU.
NOW WE'RE TALKING. CONTINUE.
NO. NO, GIVE ME BACK MY BALL.
HARRISON, I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU.
I CARE ABOUT YOU.
THIS IS WHY I BOOKED THAT TRIP. TO GET AWAY FROM YOUR PITY.
IT WAS SO NICE TO GO HIKING IN THE MOUNTAINS
AND SEE STUFF THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE
AND GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD.
YOU WENT HIKING?
WE USED TO DO THAT.
WE DID A LOT OF THINGS BEFORE YOU BROKE MY HEART. 'CAUSE YOU LOVE HIM.
YOU SPENT YOUR ENTIRE SPRING BREAK WITH GEORGE.
YOU MADE OUT FOR A SOLID WEEK WITH GEORGE.
IN FACT, I'M SURPRISED GEORGE ISN'T HERE RIGHT NOW.
HE WAS MARKED ABSENT TODAY.
AS ALWAYS, LUCKY GEORGE.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO IN YEMEN?
I MET A GIRL.
FROM LONDON. WE WENT HIKING TOGETHER.
TALKED FOR HOURS.
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
DID YOU?
LOSE IT?
NO.
[PARAKEET CHIRPS]
SHE WASN'T YOU.
[PARAKEET FLAPS WINGS]
[HARRISON] OH, MY GOD.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?
WE PROBABLY HAVE HOURS TO LIVE. THE BIRD DIED.
SOMETHING'S ODD ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.
DID THIS BIRD SEEM SICK WHEN THEY BROUGHT IT IN EARLIER?
PLAY "ANIMAL E.R." ON YOUR OWN TIME. I'M NOT LETTING THIS VIRUS KILL ME.
I'M GONNA GET HELP.
GREAT. GREAT. THE PHONES ARE DOWN.
PROBABLY SO WE DON'T ALERT THE MEDIA AND START A PANIC.
- DO YOU HAVE YOUR CELL? - NO.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[RINGING]
YO.
HELLO, CLARICE?
GOODY-GOODY.
DR. LECTER?
NO, JOSH, BUT WE'RE VERY SIMILAR.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SPRING BREAK.
AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID...
WITH YOUR LIFE!
SORRY ABOUT THAT. DROPPED THE SOAP.
SUG, IS THIS YOU?
'CAUSE IF IT IS, STOP IT, MAN. YOU'RE SCARING ME.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THIS IS, LOOK IN YOUR LOCKER.
I'VE LEFT YOU A TANTALIZING CLUE.
- I KNOW! - WHO IS THIS?
HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?
IF I TOLD WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT, YOU'D BE SUSPENDED.
IF I TOLD YOUR MOTHER, YOU'D BE GROUNDED.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?
TELL YOU WHAT. I WON'T TELL IF YOU PLAY A GAME WITH ME.
PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN,
PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT.
PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.
IT'S THE HOKEY-POKEY.
YOU DO THE HOKEY-POKEY AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
NO! NO!
[SCREAMING]
ALL RIGHT, YOU WANNA GO?
[SCREAMING]
NO!
AHHHH!
NO, DON'T DO IT! BE COOL, DUDE! STOP!
AHH!
- AH! - AH! JOSH!
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SAW A GHOST.
IT'S A KILLER. HE KNOWS WHAT WE DID LAST SPRING BREAK.
I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE.
HE WAS A BIG SCARY KILLER. [MUMBLING]
WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO HURT US?
WHY?
HEY, GUYS, UPDATE: MY TEMP'S UP ONE DEGREE.
THAT EITHER MEANS I'VE GOT THE FEVER, OR I'M OVULATING!
THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF. A KILLER'S ON THE LOOSE. WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
MAY I OFFER AN OPINION?
IN MY LINE OF WORK, WHEN AN UNKNOWN PESTILENCE
STARTS TO SPREAD, WE CUT RIGHT TO THE CHASE.
WE IDENTIFY THE MOST LIKELY POSSIBLE CONTAMINANTS.
- WELL, LET'S DO THAT. - SOUNDS GOOD.
I THIRD THE MOTION.
PLEASE STEP FORWARD.
STATE YOUR NAME AND PROBABLE REASONS WHY YOU WOULD LIKE TO KILL US.
SUSPECT ONE.
THE NAME IS ROBERTA GLASS. I TEACH CHEMISTRY HERE AT KENNEDY HIGH.
THE REASONS I WANT ALL OF YOU SIX FEET UNDER ARE LEGION.
FIRST OF ALL, HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER ONCE SAID,
"THANKS FOR IMPROVING MY LIFE, TEACH. SORRY YOU HAVE TO SHOP AT COSTCO." NO.
IF THIS GLASS COULD CLIMB THROUGH THE DOUBLE GLASS THAT'S PROTECTING YOU,
I'D BITCH-SLAP EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU INTO TOMORROW.
THAT SAID, I'M INNOCENT.
- [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] - SUSPECT TWO.
GREETINGS, SPRING BREAKERS.
MY NAME IS...
OOH! WHAT'S THAT SAD, MISUNDERSTOOD REDHEADED GIRL?
YO, WHAT IS FREAK-OUT DOING?
THE FREAK-OUT IS PROVING A POINT.
I DON'T REMEMBER MY GOD-GIVEN ASSIGNATION,
BECAUSE OVER THE YEARS, YOU, THE PRETTY PEOPLE,
HAVE LABELED ME WITH DOZENS OF HIDEOUS NICKNAMES
ALL DESIGNED TO LOWER MY SELF-ESTEEM.
WELL, YOU'VE SUCCEEDED!
THAT SAID, WHY WOULD I WANT TO HURT YOU?
MWAH!
AND LASTLY, SUSPECT THREE.
HI, GUYS. LISTEN.
YOU WANT TO LABEL ME A SOCIOPATH WITH MURDEROUS TENDENCIES? FINE.
BUT FOR MAKING ME SHARE OXYGEN WITH THESE LOSERS IN A LINEUP,
THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION.
WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE,
I'M GONNA MAKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU PAY FOR THIS!
I'M GONNA BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES!
YEAH, OKAY THEN. THAT'S IT. NIC IS CLEARLY THE KILLER.
I AGREE. ONLY SOMEONE POSSESSED WITH THAT MUCH RAGE
COULD TURN HOMICIDAL.
OR TAKE THAT BLACKMAIL PICTURE OF ME.
TAKE A VOTE. ALL THOSE WHO THINK NICOLE'S THE KILLER, RAISE YOUR HAND.
HERCULE POIROT, AGATHA CHRISTIE,
YOU CARE TO SHARE THE DETECTIVE THEORY THAT MAKES YOU ABSTAIN
FROM LOCKING UP THIS THREAT TO YOUR LIFE?
TELL THEM, JOSH.
LET'S JUST GET IT OVER WITH.
ARE YOU SURE, LIL?
NICOLE'S NOT THE KILLER.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE WE'RE HER ALIBI.
SHE KNOWS WHAT WE DID LAST SPRING BREAK.
- I KNOW! - AND VICE-VERSA.
AFTER THE GANG BROKE UP AT THE AIRPORT,
LILY AND I DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL
WHERE WE COULD HAVE A ROMANTIC YET INEXPENSIVE VEGAN DINNER
AT THE PLACE WHERE WE FIRST GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
IT WAS PERFECT, TILL SHE SHOWED UP.
WELL, MY, MY, MY. ISN'T THIS A PRETTY PICTURE?
FLOWERS, CANDLELIGHT, AND A BIG BOTTLE OF BOOZE.
NICOLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
MY PLANS WERE DASHED, AND I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.
UNLIKE YOU, I DIDN'T PLAN ON SPENDING MY WEEK
BEING A LIQUORED-UP WHORE TO AN OVERSEXED DUMB JOCK.
- NICOLE, JUST LEAVE. OKAY? - THAT'S TOUGH TALK
FOR A BOY WHO'S ABOUT TO BE SUSPENDED AGAIN.
FIRST COUGH SYRUP, AND NOW ALCOHOL ON SCHOOL PREMISES.
WHAT A PRETTY PICKLE YOU'RE IN, PRETTY BOY.
LOOK, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, NICOLE.
- REALLY? OF WHAT? - THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE ME.
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET REVENGE.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET BACK AT YOU. NOW I WILL.
UNLESS... TELL YOU WHAT.
WHY DON'T I THROW THE TWO OF YOU A LITTLE INDECENT PROPOSAL? HMM, YOUNG LOVERS?
JOSH,
YOU KISS ME,
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW,
AND I'LL LEAVE, TAKING YOUR ALCOHOL INDISCRETION WITH ME.
AND IF I DON'T?
THEN PEOPLE WILL GET SUSPENDED, AND THEY'LL LOSE THEIR SCHOLARSHIPS.
WHAT'LL IT BE, STUD?
LILY, FEEL FREE TO WATCH.
PROOF YET AGAIN THAT NO GOOD EVER COMES FROM UNDERAGE ALCOHOL ABUSE.
DO IT, BABY. IT'S NOT YOUR MIND OR YOUR SOUL.
IT'S JUST YOUR BODY.
NICOLE, I'D RATHER PULL HAIR FROM THE BOYS' LOCKER ROOM SHOWER DRAIN
THEN EVER HAVE TO KISS YOUR PUTRID MOUTH AGAIN.
WELL, I THINK THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
Y'ALL, THIS ONLY PROVES THAT NIC IS THE KILLER!
OKAY, SHE IS NATURALLY VENGEFUL.
SHE KNEW WHAT YOU HORN-DOGS WERE DOING OVER SPRING BREAK,
AND SHE COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT BLACKMAIL PICTURE.
THE PROBLEM IS, I SPENT ALL DAY MONDAY WITH JOSH AND LILY
WHEN YOU TRIED OUT FOR YOUR FLICK.
I CAN'T BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE. I COULDN'T HAVE TAKEN YOUR PICTURE.
THAT'S TRUE. THAT MEANS THE KILLER IS EITHER CHEMO GLASS OR APRIL TUNA.
- WHAT DO WE DO? - THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS.
WE LAY A TRAP AND HOPE WE CAN STAY ALIVE UNTIL THE KILLER FALLS INTO IT.
- [BELL TOLLING] - OKAY, THAT'S IT.
UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE ONLY THING LEFT TO DO. I'M TAKING ACTION AND GETTING OUT OF HERE.
WHAT? STOP IT.
HELP WILL COME. I PROMISE. YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF.
HEY!
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE. TRUST ME.
COME ON. SIT DOWN.
SO, EVEN IF WE DID GET OUT OF HERE, THEN WHAT?
YOU AND I ARE RUINED FOREVER. GEORGE AND I ARE PROBABLY OVER.
YOU AND GEORGE ARE OVER? WHY?
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS HAD THIS GREAT SPRING BREAK.
WHAT HAPPENED?
AFTER OUR MTV TRIP IMPLODED,
WE DECIDED TO SPEND THE WEEK AT HIS HOUSE.
SO, ONE NIGHT WE HAD DINNER, AND...
SAM, TELL ME THIS... WOULD YOU PASS ME THE PEAS, DEAR?
DOES MY GEORGIE HERE HAVE THE MOST DAZZLING SMILE YOU'VE EVER SEEN,
OR WHAT?
YES. YES, HE DOES, NANA AUSTIN.
I AGREE.
YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY SMILE.
WHAT'S A PRETTY GIRL LIKE YOU DOING OUT HERE ON SPRING BREAK WITH A FRIEND?
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEBODY SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE?
HOW DID YOU FEEL?
HORRIBLE.
SITTING THERE, I REALIZED, HE HADN'T TOLD HIS GRANDMOTHER HE WAS SEEING ME.
WHICH MEANT...
I AM NOT ASHAMED OF YOU!
THEN WHY DOES SHE THINK WE'RE JUST FRIENDS?
LOOK, MY BROTHER DATED A GIRL WHO WASN'T AFRICAN-AMERICAN,
AND MY NANA POUTED FOR WEEKS.
SO, AGAIN, BASICALLY, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CRAP.
NO, I AM NOT. LOOK, IT'S JUST THAT SHE'S OLD.
IT'S A GENERATIONAL THING.
SHE'S NEVER GONNA CHANGE, SO WHY ROCK THE BOAT?
BABE, IF I WAS ASHAMED OF YOU, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS,
WHY WOULD I ASK YOU TO STAY HERE?
MY MOM KNOWS. SHE LOVES YOU.
WITH WHAT YOU SUBJECTED ME TO AT DINNER TONIGHT, I THINK MAYBE YOU DON'T.
I WAS SO UPSET, I LEFT AND CHECKED INTO A HOTEL THE REST OF THE WEEK.
I REALIZED, MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME,
THAT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE WE'RE DIFFERENT RACES,
THERE ARE TIMES I'M GONNA FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER.
I JUST NEVER THOUGHT HE'D BE THE ONE WHO'D MAKE ME FEEL THAT WAY.
HEY.
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
I-I'M HERE.
YOU WEREN'T THIS WEEK WHEN I WANTED TO CALL MY BEST FRIEND.
I AM NOW.
- ISN'T THIS A PRETTY PICTURE. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- GEORGE... - SHUT UP, HARRISON!
I WANT SAM TO EXPLAIN.
FINE. THEN I'LL BREAK THE ICE.
I WAS BREAKING IN HERE AND RISKING MY LIFE
TO GET YOU HELP, SAM.
BUT CLEARLY YOU'RE DOING JUST FINE.
I'M SURE MY GRANDMOTHER WILL BE RELIEVED.
SO NOW SHE'LL HAVE A REAL REASON TO DISLIKE ME?
YOU KNOW WHAT'S IRONIC?
SHE LIKES YOU.
I TOLD HER ABOUT US, AND SHE'S GLAD THAT I'M DATING YOU.
I THOUGHT SHE DIDN'T LIKE MY BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND
BECAUSE SHE WAS WHITE.
TURNS OUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.
SHE DIDN'T LIKE HER BECAUSE OF HER CHARACTER.
- GEORGE, LET ME... - SAVE IT.
I TRUSTED YOU, SAM.
THERE'S NOTHING, NOTHING YOU COULD SAY OR DO
THAT WILL UNDO WHAT I JUST SAW.
NO, WAIT, GEORGE! GEORGE!
OKAY, BROOKY, YOU KNOW THE PLAN.
STRIKE A POSE LIKE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS,
AND THAT WILL ATTRACT THE KILLER.
WHEN WE SCREAM, BACKUP WILL RUN IN AND CATCH THE PERPETRATOR.
TRY TO LOOK VULNERABLE AND KILL-WORTHY.
OKAY.
OH, GOD, OKAY. THIS IS WRONG.
THERE IS NO KILLER.
IT'S SOMEONE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION, AND I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE IT TO THEM.
I WOULD RATHER USE MY TIME TO STUDY FOR FINALS.
YOU COMING?
NO, BROOKY, I'M SORT OF HAVING A GOOD TIME
DOING THE WHOLE VULNERABLE WHORE THING.
[SIGHS]
WELL.
AT LEAST YOU HAVEN'T SAID IT WAS WRONG.
IT WAS WRONG.
I'M DATING GEORGE, AND HE SAW ME KISSING ANOTHER GUY.
YEAH, BUT THE OTHER GUY WAS ME,
THE PERSON YOU'VE BEEN CLOSEST TO FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS.
NOW, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T FEEL SOMETHING WHEN YOU FINALLY KISSED ME.
FINE. YOU WANT TO BE IN CONFLICT FOR WHAT MAY BE YOUR FINAL HOURS ON EARTH, BE MY GUEST.
BUT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU PSYCHO?
HERE. YOU'RE FREE.
GO INFECT GEORGE LIKE YOU'VE INFECTED ME WITH YOUR INDECISION AND YOUR FEAR.
NO, I INSIST. GO TO HIM.
AS OF NOW, I'M TAKING AWAY YOUR CHOICE.
I AM NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR YOU TO TOY WITH AND TORMENT.
NIC, WHAT THE HELL!
WE'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR YOU TO GET KILLED.
[CARMEN] WE'RE TIRED OF FEARING FOR OUR LIVES.
- WE JUST WANT TO SLEEP. - DON'T BLAME ME.
I LOOK LIKE A WHORE. I'M ALL ALONE. FRANKLY, I'M STUMPED.
IN THE HORROR MOVIES,
DON'T KILLERS USUALLY GO FOR THE VIRGINS?
WELL, NO WONDER NIC'S BEEN A FLOP AS A DECOY!
LI'L LILY, YOU'RE ON DECK.
LIL, WHY ARE WE MAKING OUT ON THE GIRLS' BATHROOM TUFFET?
TO LURE THE KILLER,
WHO IN HORROR FLICKS ALWAYS SEEMS TO BECOME EXCITED TO THE POINT OF HOMICIDE
WHEN HE WITNESSES A NUBILE TEEN VIRGIN ON THE VERGE OF SEX.
COOL.
NOOOOO!
I KNEW IT WAS YOU, FIRE PIE!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WAS JUST RETURNING LILY'S BUTCHER KNIFE I BORROWED IN HOME EC CLASS.
LIKELY STORY. SUGAR, GRAB HER.
SIT HER DOWN. WE GOT SOME INTERROGATING TO DO.
IF YOU'RE NOT THE KILLER, TUNA BREATH, WHY'D YOU BUST IN WITH A KNIFE?
IT'S JUST RUBBER. YAH!
I WAS LOOKING FOR ATTENTION.
YOU GUYS, IF APRIL'S NOT THE KILLER, THEN...
THEN THE KILLER IS STILL ROAMING THE HALLS.
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
HELLO?
HELLO, CLARICE.
- WHO IS THIS? - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SPRING BREAK.
I WENT TO A CAT SHOW AND CANNED OKRA. BIG WHOOP.
NOW, WHO IS THIS?
WANNA SEE? TURN AROUND.
- ARE YOU THE KILLER? - FRIGHTENED, BOBBI?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M RELIEVED.
WHAT?
PLEASE, TAKE ME NOW. PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY.
UM, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RUN.
THIS ISN'T THE WAY IT'S...
TURN THIS LAB COAT SCARLET. CONSIDER IT A MERCY KILLING.
JUST DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO TEACHING THOSE KIDS.
OH, FORGET IT.
CHICKEN! YOU BIG GIRL!
[BROOKE] I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THIS.
IF YOU'RE SINGLE, FINE, FOOL AROUND.
BUT IF YOU'RE BOTH WITH SOMEBODY.
WHO'S HARRISON WITH?
NOBODY.
NOBODY. YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S A SINGLE HO.
MAN, I FEEL SO STUPID.
I WAS SUCH A SUCKER FOR HER.
I BROKE INTO A QUARANTINED SCHOOL TO PATCH THINGS UP.
WHAT DO I GET?
SOME DEADLY FEVER.
GEORGE?
YOUR HEART MAY BE BROKEN,
BUT THE REST OF YOU IS FINE.
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HARRISON ISN'T SICK
AND ISN'T CONTAGIOUS.
I KNOW WHAT HARRISON REALLY DID FOR SPRING BREAK.
IT WAS A LARGE KNIFE, CAPABLE OF GUTTING A STUDENT WITH ONE SWIPE!
BASED ON THE BODY TYPE, DO YOU KNOW WHO THE PSYCHO MIGHT BE?
NOT A CLUE.
IT'S A TRAGEDY, ISN'T IT, KIDS,
THAT IF FEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU, CHANCES ARE A KILLER WILL.
OH!
WHO ARE YOU?
LATE. MY APOLOGIES.
MY TRAVEL AGENCY SCREWED UP MY FLIGHT
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
AND THE DOORS WERE LOCKED, SO I HAD TO COME THROUGH A WINDOW.
I'M JOANIE SALK. C.D.C.
MY NAME IS SUZI KLEIN.
- NEVER HEARD OF HER. - I THINK YOU HAVE, MARY CHERRY.
I'M YOUR TRAVEL AGENT.
THE TRAVEL AGENT YOU SCREWED OVER LAST WEEK
WHEN YOU CANCELED YOUR TRIP TO CANCÚN.
YOU PUT US THROUGH THIS NIGHT OF TERROR
JUST BECAUSE WE CANCELED SOME STUPID PLANE TICKET?
OH, YOU CANCELED MORE THAN TICKETS.
YOU CANCELED MY SPRING BREAK!
THANK YOU FOR CALLING PERKY TRAVEL.
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT OUR FUN FAMILY PACKAGE TO BURBANK, CALIFORNIA,
THE HOME OF JAY LENO AND THE CAST OF JACK AND JILL?
[SUZI] HOW THRILLED I WAS THAT DAY,
A DAY I HAD LOOKED FORWARD TO FOR MONTHS.
COULD I TALK YOU INTO TRAVELING VIA PLUMMET AIR?
IF YOU BOOK PLUMMET, I GET COMPENSATED
AND FINALLY GET ENOUGH POINTS TO GO TO SANDALS,
A PARADISE RESORT CREATED FOR TWO.
[CHUCKLES] YOU WILL FLY PLUMMET?
OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST TERRIF.
WITH THAT ONE CALL, I FULFILLED A DREAM.
I HAD EARNED MY OWN SPRING BREAK TRIP OF A LIFETIME.
CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR JUST A SEC? I'VE GOT ANOTHER CALL.
PERKY TRAVEL. MAY I HELP YOU?
YEAH, CUT THE CHEERFUL CRAP, OKAY?
THIS IS MARY CHERRY. CANCEL MY NINE PLUMMET TICKETS TO CANCÚN.
THIS MEANS REFUND MY MONEY!
[SUZI] WITH THAT ONE CALL, MY COMPENSATION BONUS POINTS WERE PULLED,
AND MY SPRING BREAK TRIP TO SANDALS WAS CANCELED.
TO SAY I BROKE WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT!
SOMEBODY IS GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT THEY JUST DID TO ME.
WITH THEIR LIVES!
WITH YOUR HOME ADDRESSES IN MY DATA BANK,
I FOLLOWED YOU, ALL OF YOU, TOOK PICTURES AND PLOTTED MY REVENGE!
BUT WHAT I REALIZED AS I STALKED YOU WAS...
WHAT?
REVENGE ISN'T SWEET. IT LEAVES A SOUR TASTE.
IT SOLVES NOTHING.
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - [ALL SCREAM]
[SALK] WHO'S THIS?
THIS IS PATIENT ZERO,
THE ONE INFECTED WITH RIFT VALLEY FEVER.
LOOKS PRETTY HEALTHY FOR A KID WITH A HIGHLY INFECTIOUS, DEBILITATING VIRUS.
I SHOULD DO AN EXAMINATION.
GREAT. WHILE YOU TAKE CARE OF MR. JOHN,
I'LL ALERT THE AUTHORITIES ABOUT MISS KLEIN
AND CALL EACH OF YOUR PARENTS
AND INFORM THEM OF YOUR ILLICIT SPRING BREAK ACTIVITIES
THAT WILL GET YOU GROUNDED FOR MONTHS.
NO! NO!
BLOOD PRESSURE'S NORMAL. TEMP'S NORMAL.
GREAT.
OH, LOOK, THE SUN IS COMING UP,
USUALLY, IN HORROR MOVIES, A SIGN THAT ORDER IS ABOUT TO BE RESTORED.
OKAY.
I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE THE RIFT VALLEY FEVER, MR. JOHN.
HE KNOWS HE DOESN'T.
TELL THE GOOD DOCTOR
WHERE YOU REALLY WERE ON SPRING BREAK.
OR SHALL I FINISH THE SORDID STORY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
[BROOKE] TELL SAM, HARRISON, OR I WILL.
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO HER AGAIN.
SAM, UH...
I DIDN'T GO TO YEMEN.
I LIED.
I SPENT MY SPRING BREAK WITH BROOKE.
BROOKE, YOU TOLD ME YOU SPENT IT WITH JAMIE.
I LIED, TOO.
I WENT TO VISIT HIM AFTER WE LEFT THE AIRPORT.
I WAS EXCITED BECAUSE HE'D GIVEN ME A KEY TO HIS PLACE.
NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT HE
AND HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND WEREN'T EXPECTING ME.
OH.
CARE TO TAKE IT FROM HERE, HARRISON?
I SPENT MY SPRING BREAK AT A HOTEL, SAM.
BROOKE FLED THERE, TOO, 'CAUSE SHE CAUGHT JAMIE LIVING OUT A SHAGGY SONG.
SO...
WE HUNG OUT.
WHY IS IT WHEN YOUR HEART IS BROKEN,
ALL YOU EVER HEAR ARE LOVE SONGS
THAT MAKE YOUR HEART HURT EVEN WORSE?
I HATE JAMIE.
I HATE SAM.
DO YOU THINK IT'S IRRATIONAL TO WANT TO HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE?
LOVE ISN'T RATIONAL.
I WANT TO HURT SAM.
I WISH WE HAD A VIDEO CAMERA.
UM, WHY?
OKAY, CLEAN UP YOUR MIND, DIRTY.
TO MAKE JAMIE JEALOUS.
AND TO ENACT MY PATHETIC REVENGE.
WE COULDN'T SHOW THIS TAPE TO SAM.
NEVER. SHE'S JUST GOTTEN OVER THIS
WHOLE CONSPIRATORIAL, BROOKE-ALWAYS-WINS PHASE.
IT WOULD HURT HER.
MM-HMM.
SO,
IN THIS VIDEOTAPE...
MM-HMM?
WHAT EXACTLY WOULD WE DO?
WELL, I THINK...
WE WOULD START OFF WITH OUR FEET...
INTERTWINED.
LIKE THIS.
YEAH, THAT'S CUTE.
OH, THEN.
- WHAT? - THEN,
AS THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN,
YES?
I LOOK DEEP INTO YOUR EYES,
SOMEONE WHO GETS YOU,
SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR HEARTACHE.
NOW WHAT?
♪ ONE STEP AT A TIME
♪ LET'S LINGER...
YOU LIED TO ME.
YOU DID LOSE IT.
SAM, UH...
IT JUST HAPPENED.
JUST LIKE THE KISS BETWEEN YOU AND HARRISON.
SO NOW I GUESS EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN BACK AT EVERYBODY ELSE.
AND NOW EVERYBODY'S HEARTBROKEN.
I'M SORRY, SAM.
- SAM? - NO.
NOW IT IS MY TURN TO SAY...
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
[PARAKEET CHIRPS]
[HARRISON] HE WOKE UP.
LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY DID.
♪ TO BEND AND NOT TO BREAK
♪ CHIN UP, TRY NOT TO QUAKE
♪ I'M GRINNING ON THE OUTSIDE
♪ BUT I'M A WRECK INTERNALLY
♪ OOH, LA LA LA LA
♪ OOH, LA LA LA LA ♪