This'll be my first chance to get out of new york
In almost two years.
It's not a vacation, jack, okay?
It just has to look that way.
You're there to do a job for us.
I know that.
Ireland would be a perfect site for us.
The company's got a lot invested in this project.
So have i.
Exactly.
So don't screw up.
So, was it a good trip, mr. Woods?
Yeah, yeah, it was fine, thanks.
Not too much of the old turbulence, then?
No.
On the airplane?
No, it was, uh... it was okay.
It was okay? Well, that's good.
Must be a terrible thing to be bounced about like that.
Don't you have a car?
Oh, yes, a fine one.
But, uh, i don't use it so much
Since the fitzpatrick brothers got their van fixed.
The traffic's been too bad.
Whoa, yeah...
Here we go.
There.
Wow.
That's "wow," yes?
You have a way with words there, mr. Woods.
You'll not see anything finer in the whole of kerry.
Mind the beam.
Boy, this house was built
For little people.
No! No! It's not!
not at all.
Well, it's perfect, just exactly what i was looking for.
Good! Good...
You-You here for a little of the old rest
And recuperation, you were saying.
Yeah, yeah, a little rest, do a little fishing, maybe.
Ah, well, we have salmon the size of dolphins
And trout that'll jump right into your pan
With a pat of butter already melted in their mouths.
How do the, uh, the lights work?
We have oil lamps in all the rooms.
Oh.
What, there's no electricity?
No...
Too far to carry it.
And the stove, is that, uh...
Is that oil, too?
Eh, that burns peat.
Straight from the bog, dried and makes a powerful fire.
So to cook, i have to... set fire to dirt?
And you'll never want to use anything else.
Will you be taking the let?
I can't believe i'm getting it so cheaply.
Are you sure there's not something
You haven't told me about this place?
No, no, it's just that letting's a bit slow
At this time of year
What with it being the, uh, summer and all.
And here to celebrate your new home
Is a traditional housewarming gift for you.
What is it?
Irish poteen, the finest.
What is it, like-Like whiskey?
A wee touch stronger, maybe.
Whoa...
Best not drunk close to a flame
And try not to let it touch your gums on the way down.
I'll just stick it in the house for later.
No, no, no!
I can do that for you, now.
Let me do it.
That's all right, i got it.
It's stuck.
Eh-Eh-Eh, let me try, now.
These old doors can sometimes be a bit tricky.
What was that?
Just mice.
It'll, uh...
It'll be safe there, now...
Uh, for your return.
Who are you?
I'm sorry, all right?
Get out of here!
Come on, now, you-You don't understand.
I understand well enough: peeping tom!
No... no!
Come on, i was just walking by.
I didn't realize
That you were... ow!
I'm sorry, okay?
You'll be sorrier when my brothers
Get hold of you!
Ow!
Oh...
I'll know you when i see you again.
Oh, no...
I've seen your face!
Oh!
Poteen...?
That's strange.
Okay...
Let's see what you've got.
To ireland.
What is this stuff made of?
Potatoes, ignoramus.
Potatoes?
How...?
Aah!
Ow.
Oh, not another drop.
Never, never again.
Eh! Oh! Hey!
Aah! Aah!
Help! Help!
Help!
Hang on!
I got ya!
Hang on!
Aah!
Ohh!
Hey! Wait up!
Oh, this is just great.
Come out, whoever you are.
Don't make me have to come in there...
Okay, i'm coming in.
Here i come!
I'm coming in now.
I'm in.
I know you're there.
I can see you dripping.
You're...
You're a...
A leprechaun.
A wet leprechaun.
Leader of the kerry leprechauns.
Seamus muldoon at your wet service.
What in the grand banshee's name
Do you think you're doing?
You're blowing it.
I'm talking to your man.
Are you mad as well as stupid?
I have to.
He saved me.
He saved you?
Gallantly, i'd have to say...
Without a thought for himself.
You were drunk.
Of course i was drunk.
Whew!
I hate water!
Just calm down, jack.
Get a grip.
It's just jet lag.
And you let him save you?
I didn't ask him, mary.
He just did it. That's no excuse.
You could have had the decency to drown.
Hangover?
Bump on the head?
You're fine.
I'm mary muldoon.
Oh, give me a break!
Seamus' wife for my sins
Of which there must have been hundreds
To have such a terrible fate.
They say that married men live longer than single ones.
It only seems like that.
We're in your debt now, mr. Woods.
You are?
When a mortal saves a leprechaun
Then that leprechaun is in his debt
Forever and a day.
We're pretty much immortal
Except when it comes to water.
If you fall in
Hmm...
But, of course, you saved me.
Well, hey... forget about it.
Can't do that.
Much as i'd like to.
I'd better go sit down.
You're soaking wet.
I'll get you a towel.
Hey, what about me?
You can get pneumonia.
Aah.
Oh, uh...
You should meet my son, mickey.
Mickey! Show yourself.
Hello, there.
Oh, there's another one.
Mickey, this is Mr. Jack woods.
Hello, mr. Woods.
Tell me something:
Are any more of you just going to, you know... pfft?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
There's just the muldoon family here at the cottage.
Course there's thousands of leprechauns
And other solitaries all around these parts.
All fun-Loving people full of pep and vigor.
And booze, given half the chance.
Here's your towel, mr. Woods.
Thanks.
Anyway, i'm off out, ma.
Where are you going?
Oh, just to do some mischief.
Oh, that's all right then.
Can you lend us
A couple of gold ones, dad?
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Sure, sure.
Don't squander it, now.
Promise me you'll only spend it on drink and women.
Oh, i promise.
Bye, ma.
Bye.
Good day to you, mr. Woods.
Ah, ah.
Nice talking to you.
Thanks, da'.
He's a... he's a fine boy.
And him not 200 years old yet.
Oh, huh.
So, this mr. Woods, he's not from around here, then?
No. From his accent, i'd say he was from dublin.
Ah, hmm.
Oh! Ee!
Ay!
Oh!
Whoa-Hey!
Quick! Quick!
Give us a drink, mickey.
The flowers make me thirsty.
No, you're always thirsty.
Actually, i'm always falling out of trees.
Well, that's true.
What are you doing up there, sean?
I was looking out for count grogan.
May his fairy bones rot.
I thought i could drop in on him, you know
Quiet-Like for a little flattering.
You flatter him quite enough.
Ah, your brother talks a good fight, jericho.
Yeah, well, if talking was all it took
He'd be heavyweight champion of all ireland, eh?
Ah, it's dunlang...
The dullahan!
How are things in munster
Dunlang?
Too peaceful.
Stay around here now. We'll stir things up for you.
I would, sean
But the grand banshee herself
Has forbidden us from fighting.
Ah, we take no notice of that.
None at all.
And today's the anniversary
Of meself meeting the executioner's ax
And i'll brighten up the sligo, celebrate.
Well, you're looking fine, honest, dunlang.
Thanks, mick.
I can see from up here
There's a few other dullahans already arrived.
I'd best be off.
Good-Bye, lads.
And wherever it is, out of mischief.
Bye, dunlang!
Take care now.
Dunlang's a doomy sort.
He doesn't enjoy life.
Ah, to be sure.
It's not easy with no head.
That's a fair point. I never thought of that.
It's count grogan--
The first of the fairy fools!
Mock on, mickey muldoon
You and that hairy mistake, sean devine
Make a fine raggedy-Arsed pair.
Clear the paths; you're polluting the grass.
And what if we don't?
Then i'll have to make you.
You and which particular thousand trooping fairies
Might that be?
I'll flatten you without raising a sweat.
Oh, we are trembling before sean devine--
A powerful man with a powerful set of eyebrows.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
(Metallic clanking)
So...
Ow!
Whoo!
Easy!
Have a look at the time!
Ah, come on now, grogan!
Come on now, can't you catch a little turnip cart?!
Next time, devine, next time!
It could have been one of those sleepwalking things.
You think you're sleeping
But you're really awake.
Maybe i worked too hard.
Oh, look.
A normal-Size person.
Hey, there!
What are you hauling there?
Turnips?
Going to market?
Well, i, uh, i got to be going.
Can't stand around here all day talking.
Hello, there, mr. Woods!
Hey, mr. Woods.
How's it going now?
All right, then.
It's really good of you
To let us stay in the cottage, jack.
Ooh, sorry.
Did i startle you?
I'm going to stop doing that.
Ah... would you look at all this nature.
Far too much of it, isn't there?
Those trooping fairies
Have a lot to answer for.
"Trooping fairies"?
Oh, they're responsible for all this.
I mean, why do they have
To make all these little leaves, huh?
Millions of teeny-Weeny mean things.
Why can't they just make a few huge
Gigantic ones?
That way, you'd have somewhere to go when it rained.
Yeah.
You try telling that to a trooping fairy
ooh...
About half a brain between them.
So, you, uh... you don't like them?
"Like them"?
They are the natural enemy of the leprechaun
Stuck up there in that fancy castle.
All of them together, hoo.
Very unhygienic.
Just because they look after nature
And make a few flowers grow
And get the odd tree the right way up
They think they're better than the rest of us. Ha!
If they were any further up themselves
They'd be inside out.
That leprechaun riffraff pelted you with turnips?
Turnips.
That's worse than cauliflowers.
Much worse.
Well, it could have been overripe tomatoes.
It just shows what they're capable of.
Avocadoes.
These bunk fairies must be taught a lesson.
Why don't we just talk to them?
Too much talking.
Too hard. Exactly.
You can't call the fairies to arms, your majesty.
The grand banshee has decreed
There must be no more fighting.
Oh, her?!
I'm king here, chamberlain.
I do all the decreeing
From now until michaelmas tuesday.
Yes, of course, of course
And when exactly is michaelmas tuesday, sire?
Whenever i decide.
Jolly good, jolly good.
We'll all look forward to that, then.
She's here! She's here!
The grand banshee!
Boric...
I decreed that all fighting
Between trooping and solitary fairies end.
There was a brawl this afternoon.
Well, it wasn't our fault.
Well, it never is.
Sean devine and mickey muldoon
And the other solitaries
Started the whole thing.
They threw turnips! Hmm.
I know they threw turnips.
I'm all-Seeing, remember?
I also saw that the count
And his hotheaded friends were just as responsible
As Mr. Muldoon.
It was a matter of honor.
Count grogan, you deal with your honor, such as it is
In a peaceful fashion
From now on.
I will deal with mr. Muldoon and the others
And i give you fair warning.
If this war does not stop
You will all pay the ultimate price
And you know what i mean.
That's a very interesting camera
You have there.
Will you stop that?!
I did it again, didn't i?
Sorry about that.
Maybe you'll get used to it in time.
I don't think so.
Ah, the old fitzpatrick place--
Home of the lovely
Kathleen.
Hey, uh, she doesn't... have dark hair
And fabulous green eyes, by any chance.
Oh, yeah, and a figure that'd make a monk cry.
Yeah. You know, i think i saw her swimming
Down by the waterfall.
Oh, that'd be
Kathleen bathing like a goddess.
Sometimes there's a big advantage of being invisible.
Get it. Get it.
Get it!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get it, get it, get it.
Go bury george's underpants! Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go bury it.
You.
I'm sorry. It's the peeping tom!
No, no, look... it's the peeping tom!
Look, i didn't even know, okay?
I was just...
Wait till i get me hands on you!
Aw, forget it! What was he doing to you?
Go after him!
Wait till i get my hands on you!
Just hold on!
Hold it!
Just hold on!
Come back!
Okay, now just hold on.
If this is about the other day
I can explain.
I got lost and...
Well, it's--
It's really kind of funny, actually.
You see, my foot got stuck and...
Get him.
Oh!
Don't worry, now, kathleen.
Leave him to me, huh?
Remember this.
You can always get the last word if you talk
To yourself.
There be mutterings against me in the parish
That i'm too old.
I'll never be too old-- Not until
I'm six feet under.
Kathleen fitzpatrick.
Sit!
And that goes
For your four muscle-Bound brothers.
Now then
Where was i?
Oh, yes, six feet under.
And... joseph shouts down to mary
"Whatever you do
"Don't let the child
Touch the water."
So, in the words of the good book...
Mohabismy watch pot.
Yea, go in peace.
The mass is ended.
That was a, uh, very inspiring
Sermon, father.
Oh, you think so?
Oh, yes.
Oh, thank you, my son.
Inspiring, you say.
Yes.
Which particular bit?
Sometimes i forget what i've said.
Well, pretty much all of it.
All of it. Oh, good.
Good. Hey, wait. Let me show you around.
I don't get many visitors these days.
I'd be delighted.
Oh, well, good.
Right over here's our side altar here.
I thought the front end felt a little heavy.
Oh, sorry, jack.
Say, muldoon, um, that girl
Uh, you know the-The one with the, um...
Kathleen.
Is she going to be here? Oh, no doubt, jack. No doubt.
So this, uh
Kathleen, huh?
Taken a bit of a fancy to her, huh?
Oh, well, no, i mean, i just
Don't want her walking around
Thinking i'm some kind of a creep.
how are you?
That'd be the only reason
You're wearing your best shirt then, jack.
What, this?
This isn't my best shirt.
Look all right?
Oh, very close, father.
Oh, the lord's abandoned me.
How's it going, father?
The whole thing's rigged.
I'm being cheated.
What's he doing?
He knows he can't win.
Give him a hand then, seamus.
Can you do that? What did you say?
Oh, i said, uh, oh, don't do that.
Let me give it a try, father.
Father
That's him; that's the man.
At least let me explain what happened.
I know what happened. No, you don't.
You were following me... not now, woman.
He's about to throw.
I want to hear
Angels pass.
It's a miracle--
Miracle of the rings.
You win, father.
Oh, that's very kind of you, my boy.
I'll have that big pink feller over there.
Reminds me of father donovan.
He was always seeing these things.
Father, this man here is the one i've been talking about.
And you're making a serious accusation
Against him.
Now then, jack... uh, ican call you jack, can't i?
Oh, i hope so.
Right. Now, are you a peeping tom as she says?
Nope.
Fair enough. There you are, kathleen.
You've got the wrong man.
I'm an impeccable judge of character.
Uh, come on, jack.
Let's find the bear tent.
I'll catch up with you, father.
Eh, right.
I'm sorry, miss fitzpatrick, uh...
It really was all just a misunderstanding.
That's him, kathleen.
We'll have none
Of that here, george fitzpatrick!
Keep up now, jericho!
Come on! Just do it with your legs!
Come on! Come on! Go faster!
Whoa, whoa.
Come on!
Whoo!
Faster now!
Go for the gate!
The what? Gate?
Here we go!
Whoa!
The old crock of gold.
Ah, sure, but animals have such good sense to drop us here.
Ah, they do, don't they?
Hey, hey, now, where do you think you're going, brother?
In for a drink.
No, no, no
You're not.
You're too young.
I'm 97.
See?
Not even out of double figures.
Oh, barney, now, look, look.
Look, you see...
You have to stay and guard the place.
Yeah, tell us if any trooping fairies
Turn up.
Be the guard?
It's a very important job.
Is it?
Vital.
We'd be depending on you.
You would?
Mm-Hmm.
All right then...
As long as i'm in charge.
Oh, you are.
You are indeed. Don't worry.
I'm in charge.
So what mischief shall we get up to, lads?
Eh, turn the milk sour?
No.
Flatten the wheat fields?
No.
Blossom shaking will be good.
No. No.
I hate blossoms.
It has no right to be there.
Is that the best you can come up with?
Yes.
What about we sneak up into the grand mitzma ball
Up at the castle?
It's the event of all the year for all the trooping fairies.
Ah, good on you, mickey.
There's beautiful young fairies up there
Who have yet to be introduced to the delights
Of a handsome, virile leprechaun.
Then we can cause a whole heap of trouble.
But... the grand banshee has warned us
To stay out of trouble, hasn't she?
Jericho, leprechauns are born for trouble.
We're the true spirit of old ireland.
We've got more get-Up-And-Go in us than a hatful of pookas.
Did someone call our names?
By the eyebrows of the great faracus
This'll get the blood racing and the feet tapping
Over the hills of galway!
Oh, that's quite a party
They're putting on for us up there.
But there's no way to get in.
Oh, we'll find a way, jericho.
We might have a few problems
Passing ourselves off as one of them.
Oh, barney, hurry!
Hey!
Four against one.
Oh, calamity!
Oh, let's get him.
Got you!
No, you don't!
Come back here.
My friends
I believe we've been invited to a ball.
Shh. Keep it quiet.
Get up here, now!
Look at the size of that thing.
It's huge!
Shh. Be quiet, come on.
Oh, up we go.
Hold on, lads.
All right, watch out, watch out!
How could you do that?
Oh, it's a powerful long way down there.
Oh, i hope this thing doesn't burst.
You're right there, sean.
What's that funny smell?
Oh, they must have been clean.
Clean?
Yeah, clean. It's clean.
Oh, you'll not have come across it before.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, come on!
Stop mucking about.
I was not!
They moved the ground.
Shh. Shh.
My invitation.
That's mine as well.
We're all trooping fairies.
Don't!
Just let me at them!
I'll massacre the lot.
Silence!
Jericho!
Listen, this is no place for a young leprechaun.
Yes, it is.
No! You're to stay here and wait.
Do some guarding.
Guarding? Again?
It's very important.
Am i in charge again?
You are the man.
The only man.
Well, that's all right, then.
And under no circumstances...
Not at all.
Take off
That stupid leprechaun mask, grover.
They're supposed to be stupid.
That's the whole idea.
Perfect for a mad midsummer ball.
You would think of something like that.
Yes, i would, wouldn't i?
Look at the wings
On her.
Ah, no, point, wait!
What?
Watch and learn from the master.
As one who's been out east and seen a few things
May i say you are absolutely gorgeous.
You may have this dance.
Don't you people ever knock?
Sorry, jack.
But we do live here, too, you know.
Would you like some?
Oh, well, now that you mention it...
Ladies first
Please.
Oh, isn't she
A magnificent woman?
Say, mary, look at all them great pictures.
Souvenirs, are they, jack
To take back with you?
Yeah, kind of.
In fact
I'm not just here for a rest.
I'm here for my job as well.
Must be a very important job, is it
To take all them pictures of the valley?
Yeah, i guess.
Say, um... this, uh...
Kathleen...
What's her story?
Jack's taken quite a shine to kathleen.
Not that i could see why.
Well, she's pretty enough in an ugly human
Kind of a way.
They'd make a fine couple.
Okay, okay.
Thank you.
Oh, jack!
Don't tell her brothers about us.
You hear me?
They'll want to catch us for our pots of gold.
Pots of gold?
Leprechauns are supposed to have pots of gold
Hidden all over the place.
And when humans catch us
They want us to tell them where they're hidden.
It's a fairy story.
If we had pots of gold
You think we'd be living in a place like this?
Ha! We'd be living in a palace.
* I have always *
* Heard... *
Oh, i'm sorry, princess.
I've never danced so badly.
Oh, so you have danced before, then?
Oh, well, my fox-Trot was once the talk of the palace.
Of course, please.
A pleasure.
Hello.
* ...To our dreams *
* We can fly away... *
And what are you staring at?
The fairest beauty that ever stood
Before the eyes of a man
Since helen danced her willing way
On the wondering worlds of troy.
It's only a gift of words that you shower me, but i have to say
That they shine.
Oh, you shine, princess mine
You shine!
* ... My world, my hope *
* My goal *
* We can fly away over... *
May i cut in?
* ... Your love *
* You can fly away over it all... *
Nice set of eyebrows you got there.
* You reached out and touched the real me *
? Now there's no storm before us ?
* As strong as the love we both feel... *
You look so lovely in the moonlight.
Take off your mask.
Uh, th-That's not a good idea.
Are you frightened?
Yes. Uh... no. Um...
Then do it.
For your sake only.
I'll turn away.
But you're a leprechaun.
A real one.
I am.
But leprechauns are all vile and villainous and vulgar.
And trooping fairies are all sneering, snobbish and selfish.
That is not true.
We're not like that.
And we're not all vile and villainous.
Now, vulgar, maybe-- And that's fair enough.
I can't argue there.
But you're still a leprechaun.
And you are still a trooping fairy.
Does it make any difference?
No.
How dare you!
Oh, i dare.
Princess jessica, i dare.
Come back here now and apologize.
Oh, you're joking.
Well, you'll have to catch me first
And no flying.
You think a princess can't run.
No.
When i was young
I never wanted to dance
Because i thought
I had two left feet
And then i found out my feet were fine.
It was the two left shoes that were bothering me.
I'm not stopping you
From getting back to someone, am i?
I wouldn't want to monopolize you.
Ah, not at all.
I'm all yours now.
Lucky me.
Sire.
I think we've been invaded.
By who?
Whom. By whom.
By whom?
Leprechauns.
They wouldn't dare.
How do you know there are leprechauns here?
Smell.
If we accuse them and they're not
It would cause a scandal.
I have a better idea.
Meet me afterwards.
I can't. It's too dangerous.
You shouldn't even be here.
I know.
Friends!
Nobles!
We will all unmask on the last stroke of midnight.
Off with the masks, and all will be revealed.
Come on, come on.
You have to go.
Promise me you'll see me again.
Go before you get caught.
You must promise. Go.
You must promise me.
All right. I promise. Go.
Five...
Do you keep your promises?
Six...
Are you okay? Let's go.
Seven...
Eight...
Nine...
Ten...
Eleven...
Twelve!
Mickey, jericho-- Will you be much longer?
I'm powerful hungry
And i'm not sure who i'm guarding against. Whoops.
Why are we running? I could take them.
You did fine turning up as you did.
I did?
Saved the day by distracting them.
That's why i did it
Of course...
What do we do now?
Try to remember how to fly.
Mickey.
I-I don't know how i'm doing it.
I'm sorry to be the one
To tell you this, mickey lad
But you're in love.
Really?
That's the sign.
Is that a fact?
Grab him before he comes to his senses.
Come on quick. Hold on.
Hurry, jericho! Come on, now.
Quick! Down there! Down there!
She's a lovely girl, now.
Just keep it up.
Just keep flying.
Keep telling yourself that.
That's a very energetic
Way of doing the weeding, jack.
Seamus.
I'm not gardening.
I'm practicing my swing.
Your swing?
Yeah. Yeah, my golf swing.
You know, this whole area here
This would make a perfect golf course, don't you think?
No doubt, no doubt about it.
Mind you, i don't have
The slightest idea what you're talking about.
I tell you, a place like this
It would be every golfer's dream.
I mean, you got the beautiful countryside.
You got the pretty cottage, a blissful summer's day.
Golfers from everywhere-- New york, chicago--
They'd all come here.
Enjoy a relaxing, fun-Filled holiday playing golf
In perfect irish surroundings.
Are you all right, jack?
Is something bothering you?
No. I'm, i'm okay.
What time did you get in at last night?
Oh, um...
Late. I went partying.
I went up to the fairies summer ball.
Did you? Good boy, good boy.
You stuck it to them.
Ah, they hate that.
I met this girl.
Princess jessica.
Princess jessica?
King boric's daughter?
Oh, she's an angel
With a face...
Oh, no, no, no, no, no-- This is it.
You leave her be.
I don't want that sort of trouble.
Mary muldoon, this is your fault!
Jack, w-Will, will you tell him to listen to his father?
Why? I never did.
Neither did i. That's not the point.
So he's told you, has he?
You're his father-- Speak to him.
Mickey muldoon, you listen to me.
You stay away from that girl or i'll disown you.
How can you disown me? You don't own anything.
Don't speak to your father like that.
Well, you do.
It's expected. I'm his wife.
And don't speak to me like that.
Don't speak to her like that.
Who am i expected to speak to like that?
Don't be speaking to me like that.
She started speaking to me like that.
I told you the same thing last year, kathleen.
And the year before. No, i'm sorry.
Why can't i be in the race?
'Cause you're a little lady.
Told ya. See?
You can't.
I'm going to ask someone else to ride for me.
That seems fair, doesn't it?
Will somebody else drive firefly for me?
I'll ride for you.
Oh, it's peeping tom.
Jack. Peeping jack, if it makes you happy.
Peeping jack.
That's very good.
I wouldn't let you near my horse.
Why not?
I thought it might make up
For that little... misunderstanding.
Anyway, the tide's coming in
We should start the race.
You're too late now anyway.
All right. You drive for me.
My name is jack, jack woods.
Yeah, i know.
Kathleen fitzpatrick.
I know.
Hello, kathleen.
So, have you done much trotting?
That's what they call it, is it?
You have driven a buggy before
Haven't you, mr. Woods?
You sit in the seat and hang onto the reins.
How hard can it be?
The race will be one circuit of the track
To that far slab and then back again.
And try not to cheat too much.
Get ready...
Get set...
Go!
Yah!
Yes! You go on.
Come on, firefly!
What are you doing here?
We thought you might need a hand.
Don't worry, mr. Woods.
The old leprechaun magic will do the trick.
Great. Tell me what to do.
Get closer to the others.
That's it?
That's your advice?
Pretty much, yes.
That should do the trick.
Well, at the risk of sounding ungrateful
This is something i want to do by myself.
Go on, jack.
Go on, win it for the lady.
Come on, baby.
Come on, you stupid donkey.
Hold the line there, john.
Come in, come in, come in here!
We have him, lads.
Don't worry about it.
Okay, if that's the way you want to play it.
Time for a little freeway maneuver.
This is my exit.
Jack...
Jack! Jack! Jack!
Come on you, dopey dan!
Come on, come on, firefly.
Jack! Jack!
Jack!
Well done, mr. Woods.
You did really well, lad.
This is a really nice gesture, mr. Woods.
Call me jack.
You're from new york... jack?
Yeah.
How did you know?
Oh, well, i... you know, i just guessed.
Well, that's where i live now anyway.
I'd love to go there.
See all the skyscrapers and the statue of liberty
And the empire state building.
It's quite something, all right.
I've never even been out of ireland.
No?
I could think of a lot worse places to be.
Oh, do you like it here?
Yeah, very much.
A lot more than i thought i would.
Yeah.
Well, we don't get
Too many tourists, thank goodness.
You don't.
Well... i'd better be going.
Kathleen...
Could you do me a favor?
I don't know till i hear it.
Well, i'm taking some pictures
Of some of the beauty parts of ireland
And i was wondering, if it's not too much trouble
You could show me around the countryside.
Are you married?
No.
Why not?
Well, why aren't you?
Because i never wanted to.
Well, there you go.
All right.
I'll see you here tomorrow morning...
9:00.
So what do you do for this sperry...
Sperry... whatchamacallit?
Mcgirk.
Sperry, sperry & mcgirk.
I'm the executive vice president in charge of coordination.
Sounds impressive.
Well...
Yeah, if i can put together
This particular deal
I'm working on now, there's a good chance
I'll make senior vice president.
Of course, there's a lot of guys going for the same position.
There's no guarantees.
Got to come up with the goods.
You see this shell?
Isn't that just beautiful?
Yeah.
Yeah, that is beautiful.
Smile.
Are these things clean?
Yeah, oh, yeah, they're clean.
They're poisonous.
But they're clean.
That's very funny.
I'm just not used to eating anything
That doesn't have a expiration date.
Oh, go on, jack.
Why don't you take a walk on the wild side?
Those are good.
Yeah.
Those are really good.
It's better than in the store.
Mm.
Ow.
Oh, wait.
Hang on.
Just stay still.
Don't move.
Stop pulling.
Hang on, hang on.
That's it.
Jessica's the daughter of a king
Whose world spins on a rim of gold.
She'll not want to live in a dusty hole
Full of cold hills and long roads
Only fit for walking.
That's for the future, sean.
This is here and now.
I don't mind how it goes as long as i go with jessica.
No good will come of it.
But you're in love.
So you won't listen to me.
Listen to him.
Right there, jerry, me lad.
We're all just talking about love.
We oakshees know all about love, don't we, lads?
Of course we do.
Who do you love?
We're tree spirits. We love trees.
Doesn't count.
Try and do anything to our trees
And you'll see how much we love them.
But you leprechauns are decent fellas.
You've always got time to stop and shoot the leaves.
Not like them troopers
With all their measuring and blossom nonsense.
They work too hard.
Work is the death of freedom as we know it.
Amen.
Absolutely.
No, they're good souls, really.
They're just a little bit...
They're overprotective since our parents died.
Do you have any family, jack?
Oh, yeah.
Got a full set.
Got a father who runs a cab company.
Got a mother who runs my father.
A couple of younger sisters
And an older brother.
And they all live in new york?
Well, my brother does.
Yeah, he's a lawyer.
But he's okay.
Everybody else, they live in arizona.
That's where i'm from.
Do you miss them?
Yeah... yeah, i do.
So why'd you leave?
Well, you know, career.
Lure of the big city.
Are you happy there?
I'm happy right here.
Right now.
With you.
Nobody there, not even a whiff of a leprechaun.
He said that he'd be here this evening.
They say a lot of things, do men
Especially leprechaun men.
They're fond of saying things they don't mean.
Mickey muldoon isn't like that.
Then where is he?
I'm here.
He made my heart go pit-A-Pat, pit-A-Pat.
Mine, too.
Lady margaret, he has come to see me.
You can wait down here.
I've only been a lady in waiting for 300 years.
I suppose i should be able to do that by now.
Oh, jessica, come with me where the rain is light
And the sun is hot.
I shouldn't listen
To you, mickey, but your words are stars in my ears.
I didn't know that leprechauns could fly.
We can't.
Unless we're... we're in love
And you can't lie to gravity.
Anyway, come away with me.
I can't.
We can do anything.
Oh, no, you don't.
(Shrieks)
Lady margaret!
I thought that you were my friend.
I am, or i'd have called the guards.
You don't have to.
They're already here.
I'll come back.
Mickey!
Oh, no.
Oakshees!
Oakshees! To arms!
To arms!
Troopers are damaging your trees with cobwebs!
Thanks, lads.
I got a date
With a princess.
Do you want us to come with you?
It could be dangerous.
On, no, jericho.
I'm not looking for trouble.
No need, it'll be looking for you.
Give her a kiss for me, mickey, m'boy.
Good night.
Good night, now, lads. Take care.
I almost kissed a trooping fairy once.
She had a fine set of wings on her.
Oh, barney.
Don't worry, lads.
I got them right where i want them.
Ah, muldoon, what a coincidence
Finding you here.
I don't want any trouble, grogan.
Let barney go.
You might not want trouble, but that's what you've got.
You don't get away that easy.
I'm not fightin'.
Oh, you'll fight.
Or your young friend here has done
His last spell at guarding.
Is that a fact?
Well, i'm happy to oblige you.
So am i.
My fight is with muldoon here.
Oh, well, as much
As it grieves me to watch
Another leprechaun have all the fun--
Go for it, mickey me boy.
Little morris here is begging for it.
Don't call me morris.
Well, then i won't.
Morris.
And neither will i, morris.
Morris, morris, morris.
Give him a taste
Of leprechaun justice, mickey, lad.
I'm not fighting, seannie.
Let him go.
That girl has unmanned you.
He's a yellow-Belly.
He has coward's legs, like all leprechauns.
That's it.
Enough's enough.
No more mr. Nice leprechaun.
Oh, i'll show you
A coward's legs and arms.
Don't do it. It's what he wants.
Here's the thing.
It's what i want, too.
If you need any help, sean
I'm right here for you.
Good man.
Seannie, leave him be!
Sean!
I don't feel so well.
I feel doomy somehow.
What's happening?
We leprechauns are immortal.
Well, it doesn't seem so.
Well, where's the rest of me?
I warned you'd pay
The ultimate price.
I'm taking him.
No!
Look...
I'm only half the man i was.
We meant no harm.
I could do with a drink
Of something, as long as it's wet.
Kiss her for me... mickey.
What news of mickey?
The worst.
No.
No, no, no, no.
He's killed your cousin grogan.
He's killed him?
But fairies don't die.
They do sometimes.
I must see mickey.
Jessica, get packed.
We're sending you away.
Where? Why?
War with the leprechauns.
They've killed our beloved grogan.
It was that mickey muldoon.
We're making sure you're out of the clutches
Of that murderous seducer.
Cousin grogan had a very bad temper.
Are you defending
His killers? No!
The child has a point.
If we go to war, the grand banshee
Will make it very real this time.
It would be sensible to wait till all the facts are known.
I'm not interested in sensible.
Jessica leaves in the morning.
I still can't believe sean's gone.
It's like we've known him
For centuries.
We have.
What are you going to do about it, muldoon?
Fight!
Yeah!
Grand banshee or no grand banshee.
Hey, jack.
Seamus
For the first time in my life
I am truly, deeply in love.
That right?
It's kathleen.
That's nice, yeah.
Look at this.
Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?
I mean, look at that.
Yes, yes, it's lovely. She gave it to me.
Huh?
Here.
Ah, no.
No, thanks.
What's the matter, seamus?
It's best you don't know, jack.
Some things are strictly
Leprechaun business.
Ah.
You know, if she finds out why i came here
She won't understand.
That a fact?
The grand banshee is taking all the fun out of it.
I was almost married once, you know?
She wants us to stop.
That's not right.
Boss's daughter.
Didn't work out.
A lot of, you know...
I hope we're doing the right thing.
I told myself, "jack
Maybe you just weren't meant to be in love."
Lo and behold, here it is again.
Grand banshee or no grand banshee
We are doing the right thing.
Yeah, sure you are.
I can't let 'em change anything here.
I just can't.
It'd cost me my job, but...
There you go.
Ah, yes, there you go.
Yeah, there i go.
Nice talking to you, jack.
Yeah, you, too, seamus.
Cleared the air.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, lady margaret
But i'd be obliged if you could keep
As quiet as a mouse on a platter.
Are you all right, princess jessica?
Yes, i'm fine, thank you.
You have to go.
They'll be looking for you.
Please, mickey, be careful.
I will. I will.
What are we going to do?
I'm being sent to the underwater palace.
I'll come get you.
You won't find us.
The palace is under the sea.
Is there someone there, princess?
No. Only lady margaret.
Now go.
I'm going.
It's time we taught
Those arrogant, snot-Nosed troopers a lesson!
It is that, yes.
This is our chance to crush those troopers
Once and for all!
By god, it is!
Break open the barrel and drink to victory.
Good man, grococh.
Drinks are on grococh.
He's buying.
We've already achieved full mobilization.
What about our work?
If we're all fighting
There'll be no one left to look after nature.
We'll have storms, floods, snow in summer.
The leaves will wither and die.
Don't be such a drab fairy, chamberlain.
Nature can take care of itself.
We've a war to wage.
Who's leading the army?
There is only one man.
General bulstrode reporting for duty, sire.
It's not a big, dark secret.
It's not anything like that.
I want to be honest with you, kathleen.
Now, now. When people say
They want to be honest with you
It usually means they haven't.
Well, i have been.
I have.
Well, up to a point.
But i'm not exactly
On a vacation.
In fact, it's not really
A vacation at all.
Mr. Woods!
Hello there, kathleen.
I've just had a telephone call from new york
And i was asked to give you this message.
They said it was urgent.
It's the first time we've had such a call
At the post office.
I thought it was the boys up to their tricks.
I put it into an envelope
For security.
He's to get back to america right away
For a meeting.
They've heard nothing
From him for days.
So, when do you have to leave?
Would you look at those leaves?
And it's the middle of summer.
We'd best be getting some shelter.
Come on.
The pony and trap's this way.
If i can remember where i put it.
It's like the seasons have all got mixed up.
What's going on?
I don't know
But i think i know a man who does.
Seamus muldoon.
Who?
He'll know what's going on out there.
Seamus!
He and his family, they share this cottage.
Nobody shares a cottage, jack.
He's a leprechaun.
Seamus, are you in here?
He's a leprechaun?
Where are you?
Yeah. Head of the kerry leprechauns.
You know, seamus muldoon.
Right. Seamus muldoon, of course.
Are you out there?
Where are you?
Jack, jack...
Seamus, i'd really appreciate it
If you could show yourselves.
Oh, there you are.
Seamus and mary muldoon at your service.
Here, drink some of this.
Are you all right?
You're real leprechauns?
You won't find any realer.
Of course, we only show ourselves to those that we like.
And we like you, pretty lady.
You're a fine swimmer.
It's a very nice stroke you have.
Enough of that.
What's going on out there with the leaves, seamus?
This is like fall already.
There's terrible trouble in fairy land, jack.
Terrible trouble, yes.
I have to go.
Very nice to meet you, pretty lady.
Jack there's a fine man, you know
For a human.
You could do a lot worse.
A lot worse.
Kathleen
I've never felt this way
About anyone.
I don't know what's going to happen between us
But i just know that i can't leave here
An-And not take you with me.
Well, then, stay.
You know, stay, and you can get sick
Of the sight of me, hmm?
I can't.
That call from new york, that's, uh...
Hey, it's the race cheat.
Forget it, george.
I invited him.
Boots.
What's he doing here?
None of your business.
I'm sorry, kathleen
But... i'm leaving on the evening train.
This evening?
Good riddance.
George...
Could you go, please?
You're going somewhere? Can i go with you?
Not me,him.
I don't want to go with him.
No one asked you.
Oh, right.
Could you all
Go now, please?
Kathleen, i...
I've got no choice.
If i... if i don't go back, i'm going to lose my job.
But are you so important to them?
They can't exist without you being there?
No, no, of course not
But there's just something i have to...
Stop from happening over there.
I can explain it to you
On the way, but...
Just come with me.
I can't.
Why?
Um...
Why?
I want to, jack...
I do...
But i-I can't.
Kathleen, have you got my pub shirt?
Yes, it's in the press, beside your socks.
I really can't. They need me... and this place
Needs running an-And...
And it's just... it's all happening too fast
You know, with you
An-And...
This...
And... the leprechauns.
Alfie's been using my shirt as his bed. I don't know...
Well...
It's your call.
It sounds like to me
You're just trying to make a bunch of excuses.
We only painted this last week.
How'd it happen?
Where'd the storm come from?
I don't know.
What are we going
To do, kathleen?
Huh?
Why does the weather keep changing?
Halt.
Halt!
Halt! Halt!
What's that?
Hello there, mr. Woods.
I thought you might need
A hand with your luggage.
Thanks.
Ah, i thought i missed you.
Back home, then, is it?
Did you have a good time, then?
Ah, you did, good.
Back to the big city, eh?
The big apple.
Ah... don't worry, now...
The train'll be here the moment it arrives.
Here she comes, mr. Woods.
Best get ready-- Beat the rush.
Ah, a glorious day for the army and for me, ah.
Charge!
Slaughter them!
Where's mickey?
Missing the fun.
Come on, you brigands!
Come on, where are you?
Thank you, jericho.
Don't mention it, sir.
Where's barney?
It was a dream.
Yes, literally.
What about our work?
What about the natural works?
If men are fighting
There'll be no one left to look after nature.
Nature can look after itself.
We can't take care of nature.
Nature can take care of itself, you hear?
We've a war to wage!
There's storms, floods
Snow in summer.
The leaves will wither
And die.
So... did you see me
Before you decided not to get the train
Or did you not
Get the train because you saw me?
I think i catch your drift.
I had decided
To stay anyway.
And what about you, miss kathleen?
Were you going to come with me
Or were you just coming to see
If i was going?
I had my bag, didn't i?
I've asked you
To warn me!
Sorry about that, jack.
Ah, the lovely kathleen.
Seamus.
So the spitting fish was your idea, was it?
Well, not directly, no.
But indirectly, yes.
All this crazy weather...
Was that you directly or indirectly?
There's a bit of a disagreement going on
Between ourselves and the trooping fairies.
If you wanted to
You could describe it as a, uh...
Well, mary, how would you describe it?
A full-Out war.
Mmm. Yes. Well, that will just about do it.
A war?
What's it about?
Oh, the usual.
Everything and everybody.
Nothing and nobody.
So, can i ask you
A question, jack?
I guess.
Have you ever done any fighting?
Being in the army
As it were.
I, uh... i did some basic training
In the military
But, uh... never saw any action.
Basic training!
Do you hear that, mary?
Jack's done basic training.
I heard.
Seamus, i'm not going to fight in your war
If that's what you're after.
I know that.
The fairies wouldn't let you anyway.
They'd disappear as soon
As they'd look at you.
No, no. But, you see
We leprechauns are free spirits.
Thinkers and drinkers.
We're not built
For marching in straight lines
And complicated battle plans.
They need to be told what to do.
And you've done basic training.
And they're about
As basic as it gets.
We'd give you the power
To see them all.
And you wouldn't leave empty-Handed.
We still have a few pots of gold left.
I thought those pots of gold were just fairy stories.
They are, but
In case you hadn't noticed, we are fairies.
Yes, we still have a few pots put away
For hard times.
What do you say, jack?
It's a noble cause.
Whichever side you're on in a war
Is always the noble one.
Yeah, and truly, it's not about taking sides.
It's about getting peace.
Getting things back to normal.
Right.
Right, so the quicker we win, the better.
Oh, i miss him so, maggie.
I miss my first husband, roderick goodrich iii.
A true gentleman.
When he stepped out of his bath
He always rang a small bell
So i wouldn't be alarmed.
In my day, you had to have impeccable manners.
You just couldn't make it in polite society
Unless you had impeccable manners.
Mickey's like that.
Never.
He's a leprechaun.
Totally different case.
A leprechaun wouldn't recognize a gentleman
If he was robbing him.
My second husband
Samuel balmoral-- He was even more refined.
He'd knock on an oyster shell
Before he opened it.
My third husband
Was a little delicate.
He was the only man i ever knew who was
Allergic to mathematics.
You only had to ask him to add two and two
And he'd retire to bed with a nosebleed.
Truth be told, he was a bit of a loser.
Aha...
There's things better than love and worse than love
But it's impossible to find anything that's just like love.
It makes a man think almost as much of a woman
As he does of himself.
Yeah...
You're right.
So, where are we going?
To the swampland
To see the butter spirit, sir aloysius jentee.
He's a friend of my father's
And the swamp is neutral territory
So they can't touch us there.
I can't see anything.
Nor me.
We should go the rest of the way on foot.
Yeah.
This way.
Why are they called "butter spirits"?
Because all they care about is butter.
Nothing else matters to them.
Mickey...
Beastly stuff.
This is the most high butter spirit.
The one and only!
Sir aloysius jentee at your service.
I'm delighted to meet you, mr. Jentee.
Mickey says that you're an old friend.
I've known him since he was literally
Knee-High to a grasshopper.
Now, you must be princess jessica.
Can you do anything for us, uncle aloysius?
Bust my gaiters...
Laddie, i can offer you sanctuary!
Come here.
This way.
You wouldn't have any butter about, would you?
Irish? Danish? English?
We're not particular.
Spread thick.
Gad, what delight!
What decadence!
No. Sorry.
Ah, no matter.
We've adapted.
Now, this is our domain.
This is little england.
Now...
We'll get you settled.
Then you must join me for tiffin.
What's tiffin?
Tea and cucumber sandwiches.
No butter, i'm afraid.
We've got mud...
Plenty of mud.
He spirited her away, your majesty.
It's the devil's work!
Are you sure you were watching, lady margaret?
My eyes were open 24 hours of the day.
I never slept.
I hardly ate.
And when i did, i didn't look at my food.
There, there. I'm sure muldoon
Won't harm her.
He needs her as a hostage.
I just had word that mickey muldoon
Has taken princess jessica
To the butter spirits in the swamp!
We can rescue her.
Don't punish her. It's in hand.
Everything's under control
Being organized like clockwork.
Nothing, nothing left to chance. Ha-Ha!
Everything's under control...
Is it?
God is in his heaven...
And all is well with the world...
But is it?
Now you may ask me why.
Why is it
That all these things are happening?
Why is it that the almighty god has deserted us
But shown us the rocky path
To eternal damnation?
You may ask me
What can we do to stop
These disasters getting worse and worse
So that our sins can catch us up
And then we are pulled down into the fiery pit!
I reply to you...
I have absolutely no idea.
Any opinions out there?
It's the little people.
The fairies and leprechauns
Have stopped looking after nature.
Anybody with any sensible opinions?
Could it be the state of the economy, father?
Or-Or maybe the railways, since they changed the...
Oh, sit down and shut up, man!
Ah, you made it.
This weather
Is unbelievable.
Are you okay?
What's the matter?
You're not on vacation, are you?
You're here to buy up
All these houses so you can turn this place
Into another disneyland...
Aren't you?
It wasn't going to be another disneyland.
Kathleen...
I tried to tell you.
I came here for work.
They sent me here
To buy up some vacation homes for americans.
You know, give people a chance to live out their dreams.
I wanted to tell you so many times.
So why didn't you?
Well, it doesn't really matter now
Because it's not going to happen.
But you were trying to take our homes.
No, no, i wasn't; i've just been down to the post office
Just now, calling new york
Telling them that this place is not suitable for them.
All right. Which, um...
Particular lie do you want me to believe, then?
I'm not lying.
Kathleen, i love you.
Oh, right. That lie.
Yes, indeed
Dear friends.
Princess jessica
And mickey muldoon are here
Under my protection.
Well, we want them.
Your term, sir, is offensive.
You can't have 'em!
We came under a white flag of peace.
Someone should have told you.
I'm color-Blind.
We didn't say good-Bye to aloysius.
I don't trust him.
We're better off far away.
Can i speak plainly?
I'd prefer it devious, but be plain if you must.
I'd like to bribe you.
Bribe?!
Never, sir.
The idea is offensive to my ears.
We are english to the bone!
Where given word kept an englishman's word!
Enough said.
Besides, what could you possibly bribe us with?
Butter.
Ah, butter, of course, yes.
Well, what's the verdict?
The verdict?
About joining our cause.
Well, to tell you the truth, seamus
I haven't given it much thought.
Here we are, engaged in a war
That could determine the future
Of civilization as we know it
And you haven't thought about it.
I had a fight with kathleen.
Is that all?
Women trouble?
I have that 24 hours a day.
Was it when she found out you were going
To buy up the cottages?
How did you know that?
We're leprechauns.
We know when there's mischief afoot.
I looked into your heart
And then i looked into
Your drawer inside.
Say, seamus...
Could you talk to kathleen?
Oh, uh, yes, maybe.
Maybe i could, maybe i could.
Of course, it would be in return
For a small favor you might do me.
Like if i help you out?
You scratch my back, i'll scratch yours, huh?
That's how the world turns, jack.
Anyway, it will take
Your mind off your troubles.
Okay, i'll do it
But you've got to square things with kathleen.
Oh, she's as good as back in your arms.
All right.
Hey, i want you to turn this hairy rabble
Into a fighting machine.
What?
I'm sure you'll do fine.
You'll do fine.
Anyway, you've all day to do it.
By myself?
Now, wait a minute.
Just let me explain.
You promised.
What did you do
To our sister?
She's been crying
Her eyes out all night.
Hold still so we can kick you.
Listen, i've been trying to talk to her.
Hold his arms, george.
I'll hit him.
No, you hold his arms; i'll hit him.
You hit the fella the last time.
I held his arms
The last one.
Are you sure about that?
Yes. Look, it's my turn.
I never get to hit anyone.
You're too young, little harry.
You've got to learn
How to clench your fists first.
Can i make a...?
That's right. You can't expect
To go straight to the hitting.
Listen, listen, listen.
Why don't we discuss this
Over a drink, like uh... gentlemen?
And if you still want to get physical
Well, i'll... i'll oblige you.
What do you say?
Come on.
What do you think?
Why not?
The beer's in the...
Well, i see you found it.
Well, that's okay.
I wasn't thirsty anyway.
Do you have any chips at all?
Or maybe, you know
Some little nibbles?
No. No, i... i don't.
Um, kathleen, is she okay?
I really want to talk to her.
She says you wanted to turn our farm into a casino.
That's not true.
You calling our sister a liar?
Of course not.
I suppose you would have paid a fair bit
For the, uh, the properties, you know.
That doesn't really matter now.
I'm not going through with it, not once i got
To know this place.
Right. Sure. Uh...
The money would have been good though, yeah?
If it's money you're after
How do you feel about getting some gold?
Some gold? Well, that...
Who said that?
Want to go through with this, seamus?
Who are you talking to?
You need help, don't you? Ask them if they've
Done any soldiering.
What's going on?
Say, um...
You boys know anything
About drilling, army-Type drilling?
Well, you know, me and the lads were in the school cadet corps.
Yeah. We like to shout.
Giving orders.
Stomping.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, maybe you'd be interested
In helping out our leprechaun friends.
Commander muldoon
Front and center.
Holy...
Mary.
Mother of god.
Commander muldoon
Meet the fitzpatrick brothers.
Gotcha!
Now then, little leprechaun
Why don't you tell uncle george
Where you've hidden your pots of gold.
What are you doing?
Don't worry about it, jack.
That's what these
Flat-Footed, ignorant peasants do
When they catch a poor, defective leprechaun.
We are rich.
Where'd he go?
I thought you might be able to behave
Like gentlemen, fitzpatricks
So we can do something about all these disasters
You farmers have been having before it's too late.
And maybe get your hands on some gold
For your troubles, after we win.
Sounds like a pretty fair deal
To me, lads, you know?
Yeah.
Oh, uh...
Commander, um...
You know, sorry about the, the grabbing
And the throttling and everything.
You'll, you'll be wanting your little green coat back.
There, there you go.
That's a lovely tweed.
Now, can you drill
Some discipline
Into this fine army
Of layabouts?
What army of layabouts?
All right, leprechauns, we're going
To start a little bit of basic training.
At the end of the training
You're all going to become
Little green berries.
Now... i am general george.
Now, we're going to start like this.
Attention!
That means you have to stand up straight
With your chests out and your shoulders back.
Very good.
Now, present arms!
No, don't wave at me.
That means you have to present your weapons.
Hold your weapons like this.
The sticks. The sticks.
Very good.
You especially, very good.
Now, we're going to try a little bit of marching.
Leprechauns...
Right hut!
I said right, right.
To your right.
To the right, quick.
A-March! Left, right.
Left, right. Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.
About face!
Left.
That means turn around.
Turn around the other... the other way.
Come back, this way.
Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right.
And halt!
I said halt!
Stop, stop, stop!
Kathleen, i'm so glad you came.
I've been wanting to explain to you.
Look, i want nothing more to do with you, jack.
You lied to me.
Okay? But i need you to do something about this fighting.
It's getting worse.
All our milk's turned sour, we've lost
A whole field of wheat
And if it goes on like this, we're going to be ruined.
What are they doing?
They're helping me help the leprechaun.
You shouldn't
Be fighting in the war.
You should be trying to stop this.
I am stopping it, okay?
I'm doing the best i can.
Oh, just great.
Big-City boy comes to ireland
To help save the peasants from destruction.
Now, you hold on just a minute.
I pulled somebody
Out of the river.
That's all i did.
And suddenly i find myself a military advisor
To an army of invisible people two feet high.
That was not in the brochure
And i'm having a little problem handling it, okay?
On top of that, i fall in love
With the most beautiful girl i've ever met
And even though she, she drives me crazy
And so as not to upset her
I lose my bosses a fortune, i lose my job
I lose my apartment
But does that mean anything to her? No, no.
She still thinks i'm lying to her.
Meanwhile, the world is probably coming to an end
And frankly, this city boy
Has just about had it!
Ah, kathleen, your brothers are doing a fine job.
Come on, me little ginger centurions.
Keep on drilling.
That's what war's all about--
Drilling and killing, drilling and killing!
We're tired.
Our little legs aren't used to it.
We'll have to become invisible.
It's less tiring for us.
Invisible?
Okay, then.
Oh, it's all right.
It's all right.
They're still there.
Keep going, yes.
Keep, keep going.
Oh, okay then.
All right.
Marching on the spot!
Hut, two, three...
Come on, lads, you're sounding good.
I hear you and jack
Have had a falling out, kathleen.
Now, if you
Want my advice...
I don't!
Right.
Well, i'll give it to you anyway.
It's no skin off my nose.
Forget about the troubles in your head
But listen to the joy in your heart.
He's a fine man, and you're
As beautiful a flower has ever graced the valley here.
If i was 200 years younger and three feet taller
I'd shove you...
Oh, hello!
There's mary muldoon.
Mistress kathleen
What are your four idiot brothers doing
Talking to themselves
In an empty field?
Well, they're drilling your troops, aren't they?
They've all gone invisible!
No, they've all gone for a drink.
Now marching in double-Time.
Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right.
Anything wrong, jack?
No, nothing much
Except that i have to stop a war
Save the world and win back the only woman
I ever loved.
Oh, is that all?
Yeah, that's about it.
I'm just an ordinary guy, mary.
You're the first human in years
To actually see us leprechauns and make friends.
You can't be that ordinary.
Well, that was just luck.
Maybe good
Maybe bad.
It makes you extraordinary.
So what do i do, mary?
Sleep on it.
On the right.
Quick march.
Oh, yes!
Basic training.
Can't beat it.
Straight lines.
Nearly straight.
Marching magnificently.
I don't know
What they do to the enemy
But they scare the bejesus out of me.
Mickey!
Down there. Come on.
I bear you bad news, sire.
Mickey muldoon's escaped our patrols
And still has your daughter.
The leprechauns
Will probably try and use her for blackmail.
Damn it. We are beaten!
Beaten?
I'm sorry, i don't know the meaning of the word.
"Beaten" means we're finished
Done for, kaput, sire.
We must try the same plan.
Now, the princess is important to us
So we have to snatch somebody
Important to them.
Ahh! Muldoon himself.
I wonder
Where he could be.
He's just outside.
I'm, uh, just going for a drink with fergus.
Helps keep up morale.
Yours or theirs?
You posted sentries?
Of course i have, and i've ordered them all
To stay sharp.
They're about as sharp as billiard balls.
Mary. Nothing will happen here tonight.
Ahh, this is the stuff they give the troops.
Uh, but shouldn't we be having a bit of an early night, sir?
You know, what, with there being a big battle and all that?
Gielgud, sometimes i suspect
You have a little trooper blood in you.
Sorry about that, sir.
Give me a nettle juice, there.
And make it a double.
You shouldn't be here, sire, it's too dangerous.
I must lead. I'm your king.
What was that?
An owl, sire.
Would you like me to take over?
Oh, no, no, no.
Ah, but, then, you go in front
And i'll be right behind you.
Right, men...
Away.
Shh.
It's for commander muldoon.
There's muldoon.
Oh... wait, wait. I'll get him.
I did it.
At last!
What is it, boric?
Victory! Glorious!
Magnificent victory!
I want my statue
On a horse; i look so good on a horse.
Copper, bronze, i don't mind.
What happened?
We kidnapped the leader of the leprechauns, seamus muldoon.
My father won't listen
Not even to me.
He'll think that i'm under a spell.
Mine will think the same.
And now evil thoughts
Sit on thy shoulders.
It's our fault.
If we hadn't run away together.
I may be
The new guy on the block here, but it's my guess
That you're just an excuse for them to keep fighting.
It's not just a fight.
The grand banshee's taking the lives
Of the soldiers.
We're not immortal anymore.
Who's the grand banshee?
She's the head
The chief, the grand avatar
Of all things fairy and leprechaun.
Well, let's talk to her.
Talk to the grand banshee?
Yeah, where does she live?
Top of moonstone mountain.
No, i think that's a good idea, mr. Woods.
I think that might work.
She has the power.
There you go.
I'd like kathleen, uh...
Kathleen fitzpatrick to come with us.
Why?
Well, another human.
She's from around these parts.
She's a woman.
You know, it'll show that we're all concerned.
You know, that we're all in it together.
Oh, right.
What?
Nothing.
To the right.
No!
Firefly, where are you going?
Firefly!
What's going on?
No, time. We're off to see the grand banshee.
Moonstone mountain.
How did you get the pony to come here?
That was me, i'm afraid.
Sorry.
Moonstone mountain, firefly.
What are you
Going to do now?
Interrogate her.
This is an interrogation room, ma'am.
I took the trouble of turning it into one myself, personally.
There's nothing in it except a chair.
That's what makes it a proper interrogation room.
You're going to interrogate me?
About what?
Seamus never tells me a thing.
He just grunts
When i ask him anything.
Just the same with boric.
That's husbands for you.
You've got it in one.
Excuse me, could we get on with the matter in hand?
So, what are you going to do with me
Now that you've got me?
Sperry, sperry and mcgirk wanted me
To look into some prospects.
That's it. That's all.
Well, no, no.
If you want to know the truth, okay?
It wasn't sperry and sperry.
It was mcgirk who asked me.
And do i care?
Well, i'm just telling you.
So you decided to come to ireland
And ruin our peace and quiet.
I haven't seen much peace and quiet since i've been here.
Well, normally, it's much quieter than this, mr. Woods.
Yeah, and anyway, it's about other things as well.
Like i didn't tell you.
Yeah.
He didn't tell you?
Not one word.
Have you any idea where we're going?
Do you?
Uh, problem.
Looks like we'll have to swing around it.
Just like that?
Unless you've got a better idea.
Is that necessary?
I've done some climbing, you know.
Mountain or social?
Give us the rope there, mr. Woods.
I'll tie it off somewhere up there.
It will be
A human-Size knot, won't it, mickey?
Hello, don't look down.
That's it. You're doing fine there.
Yeah, that's easy for you flyboys to say.
Would you stop shaking the rope!
That's not the rope. That's me.
Quick! Crawl under this ledge.
I got you!
We've got to help them.
Thank you, mickey and jessica.
Thank you for all your help.
That's fine.
See what happens when fairies
And leprechauns work together.
Yeah.
Oh, that's okay, kathleen.
No thanks necessary.
I was just about to thank you.
Oh. Oh, well, okay.
Thank you.
What? That's it?
Just thank you?
No small gift?
No offer of adoption?
Well, thank you very much.
Very much.
Thank you very much.
Okay, i'll take "very much" for a start.
And don't make anything of that.
Nothing gets to a lady's heart quicker
Than saving her from falling to her death.
Yeah, i've got her right where she wants me.
That's the entrance there.
It's tiny.
We'll never get through there.
Okay, i'll go by myself.
I'll deal with the grand banshee.
And me.
No, jessica, it might be dangerous.
Mickey, we do this together
So she can see that both sides want peace.
It makes sense, mickey.
I know, but leprechauns have no sense.
Jessica...
I'm coming whether you like it or not.
Jessica.
It's a trojan!
Fergus flynn, esquire.
The fiery changeling
Of moonstone mountain, if you please.
The one and only guardian
Of the cave of the high counselor.
Killer of cattle
Destroyer of towns
And general all-Around goodfella.
We want to see the grand banshee.
Have you an appointment?
No.
We didn't know we needed one.
Well, you do.
So how do we get one?
From the grand banshee.
Oh, to see the grand banshee
We have to get an appointment.
From the grand banshee.
Not easy, is it?
Hmm.
"Hmm"? What does "hmm" mean?
It means i know a bag of hot air when i see one.
You talking about me?
I'll squash you flat.
You're not big enough.
Still think i'm not big enough?
Well, you're big, flynn
But you're still nothing.
Now! Go!
You can't do that.
It's cheating!
Whoa!
(Fergus roaring)
Uh-Oh.
Oh, dear.
Funny-Looking fellas.
Can we help you?
We've come to see the grand banshee.
Have you an appointment?
Do we need one?
No, but you can't see her without one.
How do we get one?
Ask the grand banshee?
Oh, you know that routine.
From the fiery fool at the entrance.
Yes, you just can't get the staff nowadays.
Will you call her?
Please?!
Oh-Hoo, the "pl" word.
We don't hear that around here very often, do we?
No, we don't.
Let's see what we can do.
Ah, look, you're in luck.
We've had a cancellation.
The grand banshee can see you now.
Ah. Welcome to the hotel splendide.
Would you like a drink?
No, thank you.
We're here to...
I know why you're here.
This is beautiful.
Thank you.
Why are you living in a hotel?
Because i really like the room service.
Grand banshee
We came here to ask you to stop this war.
We started it, mickey and me.
We're in love, but our families don't approve.
Well, it's very good of you
To come and try to take all the blame on yourselves
But i know there are other reasons.
Well, perhaps, but people are being hurt.
Everything is being destroyed.
Can't you stop it, grand banshee?
No. No, i can't.
Well, why not?
Well, because you can't stop people doing
What they really want to do.
And i warned them and i warned you
But nobody listened.
I took away their immortality, and still nobody paid
A bit of attention.
But if this war carries on
Then there'll be no fairies left in ireland.
If this war carries on
And they don't take care of nature
There'll be no ireland or anything else for that matter.
Come, let me show you something.
From here i can see mother nature herself.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Except that her leaves are usually green and growing
As they have been for thousands of years.
And now they're brown and falling.
Because she's been neglected.
When the last leaf falls
From the tree
All growth and all things will end.
Can we stop it?
I don't know.
I've never seen her look like this.
Perhaps if we could stop the fighting
Maybe it's too late.
How long do you think we've got?
Not long.
What about us?
You know what i mean.
What? I cannot trust you anymore.
As simple as that.
No, it's not as simple as that, kathleen.
You know i'm in love with you.
So you say.
Listen to me.
I have given up everything because i want to stay here.
I want to be happy!
Well, i'm not stopping you.
Well, as a matter of fact, you are.
Get out.
Sorry. That was him.
Stop that.
Sorry.
Sir! Sir! Where's
Mickey and princess jessica?
I don't know.
They're still missing.
What's your orders?
Oh, uh... well, i suppose
I have to do the honorable thing
And rescue my wife.
We'll attack.
Great.
They might torture her if we attack.
You're a good lad, jericho
But you can't cheer me up that easily.
Come on.
The fools are trying to break in. Impossible!
You'd better learn to fly if you want to take me on!
Right, my oakshee friends.
Do your best.
All right, now, lad.
Brace yourself.
I am braced, you fool.
Fire!
Marquis!
Guards!
Jericho!
Retreat.
Retreat!
All that we did was fall in love.
It was enough to set them
At each other's throats.
There are hardly any leaves left.
The thorn tree.
Evil things sit on those twisted branches.
They say that lovers who lean against the thorn tree
Lose their love forever.
I don't want to lose my love.
No, no, nor do i, but...
But if we... if we stopped
Caring so much about each other
Maybe we could return to our families
And, and they'd make peace.
Mickey...
Are you sure?
No, no, i'm not
But shouldn't we at least try?
Yes.
So, how do you feel?
All right.
And how do you feel about me?
All right.
How do... how do you feel about me?
All right.
Oh, good.
Well, that's all right, then.
Yes. Yes, it is.
So, to test it--
To make sure it's all over--
It's all finished between us--
If i were to give you a little kiss
Like this... you feel...?
Nothing.
Oh, right.
And, well, if i was to kiss you back...
Like this...?
Not a thing.
Good. Yeah.
Same here.
And if... if i were to...
To hold onto you like this...?
And if i... i were to put my arms around you
Like... like this...?
Maybe a little tremor there.
Just a little one.
You're rich, boys!
You're rich!
Time to get the gold i promised you.
Lads. Lads!
I found something.
Seamus, what's been happening?
Did you win?
It was a glorious draw.
So, does that
Mean peace?
Never.
Total victory or nothing.
If you don't make peace
There'll be nothing left to fight over.
But the trooping fools will have to agree to peace, as well.
They'll never
Do that so long as they think
That mickey has spirited jessica way.
Then we'll have to get them to explain.
Where could they have gone, seamus?
Oh, probably the swamp.
That's neutral territory.
The swamp.
You know the way
There, do you?
I know this is a stupid question
But is there real gold?
Hah!
I told you
There's more, there's more!
There's one there.
Where? There's one over by the trees.
Keep going.
And you give us your word that you won't try to escape?
Of course i won't.
And even if i did, would you believe me?
This is a very bare-Looking room, your majesty.
You could do wonders
With a few flowers and some scatter cushions
And maybe a small sofa.
Sire? Sire?
I think you should come
And see what progress we have made.
Excuse me, ladies.
What is that
Idiot bulstrode doing now?
He's digging a tunnel under the palace.
Digging a tunnel to get out?
That's not right.
We're besieging you.
We should be digging a tunnel to get in.
That's what i keep saying
But they won't listen to me.
They never do.
And they've completely forgotten about my daughter.
Poor, sweet jessica...
Under that leprechaun's spell!
I think you'll find it's the other way around.
Mickey has been bewitched by a chit of a girl.
Of course, you would say that, wouldn't you?
It's typical, double-Dealing leprechaun behavior.
Double-Dealing, is it?
Now, you listen to me.
I won't listen to someone
Whose idea of having a wash
Is to stand outside and wait for the rain.
And i won't listen to someone
Whose only idea of a friend can be found in a mirror.
Our engineers are working
On the tunnel night and day.
And it had to be in the middle
Of the ballroom, did it?
Yes, sire.
It's a direct line between here and there.
Has the queen seen what you've done to the floor?
Not yet.
Well, make sure i'm there when she does, will you?
Certainly.
Come, sire.
I'm not going down there.
Not here.
Outside, to see the rebel camp.
We're digging a tunnel under that field
And under their camp.
They'll be surprised
When we pop up behind them.
If the tunnel doesn't collapse.
Good point.
Oh, that's a first.
I made a good point.
See it doesn't, bulstrode.
That's already taken care of, sire.
I've given strict orders to it that it's not to collapse.
Oh, that'll work, then.
We can all sleep easy in our beds tonight.
Ah!
And english butter to boot.
This puts
A whole different complexion on the matter.
Butter changes everything.
I had a feeling
It might make a difference, uncle.
But we haven't come here for sanctuary.
We want your advice.
Really? Why me, lad?
This situation needs someone who's clever
Devious, slippery and crooked.
Someone who can see around corners.
Flattery will get you everything.
What's the problem?
We want to put a stop to this war
Bring our families together.
It'll have to be something
Really spectacular and shocking.
Hmm.
Have you thought
Of dying at all?
Well... well, if...
If you think that it might
Really help, then...
No, i don't mean for real.
That might succeed
But you wouldn't be there to enjoy it.
That would defeat the whole point of the exercise.
No, if your families thought you'd go that far
Rather than be parted
That would do the trick just as well.
It might.
But... but how could it work?
Follow your uncle jentee.
This...
Is poison.
Well, let's say, it acts like poison.
Drink it, blood stops, you go into a coma.
Of course, a lot of people i know are in a coma
Without drinking this-- No names.
No patrial.
Anyway, for all intents and purposes
That's it.
Now, this...
Is the antidote.
Drink it...
And you'll be fine
Provided you drink it
Within ten minutes
Of taking the poison.
If you don't...
No more cricket on the green.
No more warm beer.
No more butter.
Mickey!
Jessica!
Mickey!
There.
Kathleen.
Hey, thank goodness you're safe.
You have to come back and explain.
They think you're under some magic spell.
We are. We're in love.
We have a plan.
Listen.
Okay, that sounds good.
Yeah, if you think it'll work.
They'll need time to prepare though.
Good luck, mr. Woods.
Good luck.
Good luck, jack.
Look.
You really should watch
Where you're going, mr. Woods.
You know who i am?
Course.
I'm the grand banshee.
You're the grand banshee?
You don't have to look so surprised.
What were you expecting--
Two heads, fire breathing?
I could do that, too.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I've been watching you.
I'd like this war to end as much as you would.
Yeah?
We have a plan.
I know.
You do?
I'm all-Seeing.
That's why i plucked you
Out of the twister.
Oh.
Well...
Thanks.
Well... you're welcome.
So, will it work?
Your plan?
Yeah.
I'm... all-Seeing.
That's a little vague.
Well, i'm not a fortune teller, am i?
Good day.
Oh, so, you wouldn't... you wouldn't know
By any chance, if kathleen and i were...
Whoa.
Aah... troopers.
Seamus?
Seamus.
Oh, jack.
Oh, I'm glad to see you've decided
To join the side of right and justice.
I need to talk to you... alone.
Listen, seamus...
You got to call a peace conference here now.
What?
Mickey and princess jessica--
They believe that their love is the reason
For all this fighting.
They'd rather die than be parted.
They wouldn't.
Oh, they would
And they will, unless you get in touch
With king boric and at least talk.
I can't do it.
I can't.
I just can't.
I have my pride.
What's that against your son's life, seamus?
The white flag?
What the devil does he want?
No, no, no, no.
And my mickey?
Uh, together
Unless both sides meet and talk.
I don't believe it.
I believe it.
She wouldn't do it.
She would!
She's in love!
Muldoon wouldn't think up that trick
Just to get you talking.
Aye, he only wants us to talk.
If we don't talk, and the two of them do it...
Well, of course, we'll talk.
Boric!
They have a human to fight for them.
Don't worry.
They're docile
So long as you don't make any sudden movements.
And where is bulstrode?
Underground, still digging.
Best place for him.
And who's this?
A neutral.
He's here as an observer.
I'm not fighting.
It wouldn't matter to us if you did.
Chamberlain.
On behalf of king boric
And the trooping fairies
We thought you might like to say "hello" to your wife.
Hello.
Now, let's get on with it.
Is that all you have to say
You half-Gutted mackerel?
The man asked me if i'd like to say "hello"
And i have said "hello."
Now, let's get on with the important stuff.
I am seamus muldoon
Whose clan were the lords of offaly
1,000 years before his ancient majesty here
Was even born.
My clan stretches back
To before a leprechaun had even thought
Of building
A mud hut.
We're not here to prove whose family's the oldest.
We're here to make peace for your children's sake.
"Peace"?
What peace?
These trooping fairies killed sean devine
And drove my son into exile!
These leprechauns
Have kidnapped my daughter, jessica
Cast a spell on her
And killed my nephew, count grogan.
Where's my daughter?
What have you done with her?
Well, i have no idea where she is.
She...enticed my son away from his duty
With her female magic.
That's right. Yes, she did.
We're here to make peace.
Okay.
It must be
Within ten minutes.
Yes, i know.
Don't worry.
Over here!
Over here, quickly!
Hurry, take them to their parents!
Hurry!
Right there!
Would you believe this?
With our husbands in charge?
Yes. Yes.
Jessica!
Mickey!
They took a potion.
No!
I warned you.
They thought that they were the reason for this war.
They thought this way it would end.
You can't let their sacrifice be in vain.
End this war now.
There must be a peace treaty.
Later.
Right now
All you have to do is
Shake hands over the bodies of your children.
"Shake hands"?
A handshake between gentlemen
Is more binding than any treaty in the world.
Ah, that's true.
Do it.
Shake hands!
Now, boric!
Where's jack?
Won't someone help?
Someone help, please!
Jack?
Jack, i didn't mean any of it.
I love you, jack.
Come on, men, we're there!
You're nowhere, you blundering fool!
It's happening.
No!
Why won't she save
Our children?!
Save them. You must!
Bring them back to us.
And jack. Save jack.
I can't save jack.
He doesn't need it.
He's only winded.
What?
Jack...
Jack?
Jack!
Ah, but mickey and jessica, that's another story.
They're not so easily saved.
But that's what comes from stupid war.
But it's over.
They... they shook hands.
There's nothing i can do
Unless, of course
You really want peace in your hearts.
Gentlemen's agreement--
No more war.
Never again!
Don't say that, sire!
I'd be out of work!
Unless everyone wants peace.
We do!
We do! We do!
Bulstrode!
Oh, all right, then.
Look! Oh...
Jessica...
What's happened?
Sean!
Sean how's it going, lads?
I must have fell asleep.
I had a few, and i was dead tired.
Yeah, you were dead, all right.
What's going on, grand banshee?
It's a surprise.
I didn't know you could bring them back like that.
Well, if you knew, it wouldn't be a surprise
Now, would it?
Where is count grogan?
Oh, i'll be keeping him for the next 100 years or so
Just to be on the safe side.
Good thinking, grand banshee.
Wife's side of the family.
Uh, how about a drink before you go?
Oh, no, i couldn't.
Oh, yes, i could.
Save me a branch; i'll be back.
Drinks all around!
On me!
Great idea.
Nothing.
Nothing!
Hey, you!
You scurvy knick-Knocker!
There's no pots here!
There's no gold.
He cheated us!
You and that... toddlin' tripe
Called muldoon.
Somebody call?
There he is, lads.
Now, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
Gold is there.
Just haven't dug in the right places.
We've dug every place.
You haven't dug...
There.
That looks good.
What's happening, lads?
What's happening now?
It's an earthquake!
Yes, boys, you're rich! You're rich!
I want to get married here in ireland.
I haven't asked you yet.
Were you going to?
Maybe.
All the words in the world
Won't make a marriage binding.
Only you can do that.
It's up to you.
I now pronounce you
Man and wife.
* I have always been certain *
* Things are not always what they seem *
* Though the heavens stop turning *
* I'll be holding onto our dream *
* We can fly away *
* Fly away... * Drink up, bulstrode.
What's the matter?
No more wars.
Aw, write your memoirs.
"How i saved the world and other fairy stories."
Yes. Yes, that's a marvelous idea.
* ...You heard my word, my hope, my call *
* We can fly away over *
* You gave your hand, your heart, your all *
* We can fly away over it all *
* In a magical moment *
* You reached out and touched the real me *
* Now there's no stone before us *
* As strong as the love we both feel *
* We can fly away, fly away *
* If we give our love, love will come our way *
* Fly away, fly away *
* From the darkness to the sun, let our spirits be as one *
* You heard my word, my hope, my call *
* We can fly away over *
* You gave your hand, your heart, your all *
* We can fly away over it all *
* Fly away over... *
It is beautiful.
I can see it now.
I can.
It's the second most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.
* ...Fly away, fly away *
* If we give our love, love will come our way *
* Fly away, fly away *
* From the darkness to the sun, let our spirits be as one *
* You heard my word, my hope, my call *
* We can fly away over *
* You gave your hand, your heart, your all *
* We can fly away over it all *
* You heard my word, my hope, my call *
* We can fly away over it all *
* You gave your hand, your heart, your all *
* We can fly away over it all... *
---The end---