1
00:00:07,862 --> 00:00:09,172
- Are you ready, kids?

2
00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:10,862
all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

3
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:12,344
- I can't hear you.

4
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,482
all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

5
00:00:14,517 --> 00:00:17,344
- ♪ Ohh...

6
00:00:17,379 --> 00:00:19,448
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

7
00:00:19,482 --> 00:00:21,448
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

8
00:00:21,482 --> 00:00:23,344
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

9
00:00:23,379 --> 00:00:25,206
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

10
00:00:25,241 --> 00:00:27,482
- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

11
00:00:27,517 --> 00:00:29,344
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

12
00:00:29,379 --> 00:00:31,413
- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

13
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,448
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

14
00:00:33,482 --> 00:00:35,310
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

15
00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,620
SpongeBob SquarePants!

16
00:00:37,655 --> 00:00:39,551
SpongeBob SquarePants!

17
00:00:39,586 --> 00:00:40,896
- SpongeBob

18
00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:42,758
SquarePants!

19
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,482
[laughing]

20
00:00:45,517 --> 00:00:47,793
♪

21
00:00:47,827 --> 00:00:49,413
[waves crashing]

22
00:00:49,862 --> 00:00:53,965
[laid-back steel guitar]

23
00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:01,000
♪

24
00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:04,172
[elegant harpsichord music]

25
00:01:04,206 --> 00:01:06,137
- Well, what do you think?

26
00:01:06,172 --> 00:01:08,482
Do you love it?

27
00:01:08,517 --> 00:01:11,965
- Mr. Tentacles, I simply
cannot express

28
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,965
my true feelings about
your work!

29
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,482
- Yes, I realize my artistic
brilliance can be overwhelming.

30
00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:21,482
- Quite frankly...

31
00:01:21,517 --> 00:01:23,172
[inhales]

32
00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:25,034
It stinks!

33
00:01:26,413 --> 00:01:27,551
- Yes, and--what?!

34
00:01:27,586 --> 00:01:28,586
Now, see here!

35
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:31,241
Maybe this museum is too
low-brow

36
00:01:31,275 --> 00:01:33,172
for this masterpiece!

37
00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:34,586
- [gasps]

38
00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:37,241
How dare you! Be gone!

39
00:01:37,275 --> 00:01:40,000
- [grunting]

40
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,000
- And take your putrid painting
with you!

41
00:01:44,034 --> 00:01:47,068
It has no place in this
museum's art collection!

42
00:01:49,206 --> 00:01:52,896
- Won't anyone save my
precious painting!?

43
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:54,965
- Got it!

44
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,413
- Why couldn't it have been
anyone else?

45
00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:01,655
Give me that! [straining]

46
00:02:03,344 --> 00:02:05,000
What are you doing here?!

47
00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:07,620
- Patrick is the museum's
new security guard!

48
00:02:07,655 --> 00:02:10,689
And he's giving me
a guided tour.

49
00:02:10,724 --> 00:02:13,172
- [grunts] Heh.

50
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:14,517
- Him? Security?!

51
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,724
Pfft! Ha!

52
00:02:15,758 --> 00:02:18,448
This museum's dumber
than I thought.

53
00:02:18,482 --> 00:02:20,793
Hold on, Squidward...

54
00:02:20,827 --> 00:02:22,655
if that pointy-headed
pea brain

55
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:25,275
is the security guard
for this place,

56
00:02:25,310 --> 00:02:29,758
then I could sneak my artwork
into the museum!

57
00:02:29,793 --> 00:02:31,965
- Sneak what into a where?

58
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,724
- Think louder, Squidward!
You're mumbling!

59
00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:36,413
- Get out of my head!

60
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,551
[grunting]

61
00:02:38,586 --> 00:02:40,379
- [squeaking]

62
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:43,103
- [sighs] Give me that!

63
00:02:43,137 --> 00:02:44,344
both: Bye!

64
00:02:44,379 --> 00:02:45,448
- Bon voyage!

65
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,172
- Keep making pretty pictures!

66
00:02:48,862 --> 00:02:52,758
The first exhibit on our
tour is...

67
00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:55,965
[eerie music]

68
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,827
- Whoa!

69
00:02:57,862 --> 00:03:01,241
- The employee locker room!

70
00:03:01,275 --> 00:03:03,000
- Wow!

71
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:06,172
Your life is so
glamorous!

72
00:03:06,206 --> 00:03:09,620
- You could be my
junior assistant!

73
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:11,758
- Really?!
- Sure.

74
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:15,655
There's a ton of uniforms
in these metal boxes!

75
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:16,758
Check it out!

76
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:19,620
Let me just get my key.

77
00:03:19,655 --> 00:03:21,517
[straining]

78
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,206
Put this on!
- Okay!

79
00:03:23,241 --> 00:03:24,482
[yells]

80
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,689
Well, how do I look?

81
00:03:29,724 --> 00:03:31,965
- Guard-tastic!

82
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:35,758
[indistinct chatter]

83
00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:39,034
Now, rule number one
of guarding is,

84
00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:41,620
don't let visitors touch stuff.

85
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,586
- No touchy, no feely.
Eye-eye.

86
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:47,586
- Rule number B: no running!

87
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:49,862
[children shouting]

88
00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:54,758
- Single file, children,
single file.

89
00:03:55,793 --> 00:04:00,965
- But stampeding is just fine.

90
00:04:02,206 --> 00:04:05,448
And the most important rule
of all is,

91
00:04:05,482 --> 00:04:08,172
don't let visitors steal stuff!

92
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,586
If you see anybody suspicious,

93
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:13,448
you give them the ol'
stink eye!

94
00:04:13,482 --> 00:04:14,896
Hmm.

95
00:04:14,931 --> 00:04:17,724
- [chuckling]

96
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,793
Hm?

97
00:04:18,827 --> 00:04:20,448
[eyes hissing]

98
00:04:21,379 --> 00:04:24,931
[groaning]

99
00:04:25,448 --> 00:04:26,758
- Now you try!

100
00:04:26,793 --> 00:04:28,689
- [grunts]

101
00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:29,689
- Whew.

102
00:04:29,724 --> 00:04:30,931
[screams]

103
00:04:30,965 --> 00:04:32,620
- [straining]

104
00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:34,448
[squeaking]

105
00:04:35,517 --> 00:04:37,034
- Mmmm.

106
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,413
Ooh, delicious. [giggling]

107
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,793
- Ohh...

108
00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:44,034
- You'll get there, pal.

109
00:04:46,655 --> 00:04:49,241
Behold, SpongeBob.

110
00:04:49,275 --> 00:04:55,000
Before laughter, there was
the pre-hysterical period.

111
00:04:57,068 --> 00:04:59,310
- [gasps] Oh, look, honey!

112
00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:01,586
- [humming]

113
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:03,862
- What an excellent example

114
00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:05,931
of the primitive security
guard era.

115
00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:09,482
- Ooh! I almost forgot
rule number fourth!

116
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,448
No flash photography!

117
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:12,862
[both scream]

118
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:18,379
And that is everything I know
about being a security guard.

119
00:05:21,793 --> 00:05:24,379
[chomping]

120
00:05:26,068 --> 00:05:27,551
[belches]
- Oh!

121
00:05:31,068 --> 00:05:33,862
- Now, I'll teach you
everything I don't know.

122
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:36,620
[crickets chirping]

123
00:05:36,655 --> 00:05:38,862
Right this way.

124
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:40,689
- Oh, boy!

125
00:05:40,724 --> 00:05:42,793
An extinct wooly mollusk!

126
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,137
[trumpeting]

127
00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:46,310
Aw, this little guy looks like
my Gary.

128
00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:47,413
Meow.

129
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,896
Too bad we aren't
allowed to touch anything.

130
00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:51,655
- Pfft! SpongeBob,

131
00:05:51,689 --> 00:05:53,862
the rules don't
apply to us.

132
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,620
We're security!
- Hooray!

133
00:05:58,965 --> 00:06:02,172
[giggling]

134
00:06:03,758 --> 00:06:05,517
Pffft!

135
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:07,655
[giggling]

136
00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:12,655
[buzzing]

137
00:06:13,896 --> 00:06:16,344
- Is that it?
Come on.

138
00:06:16,379 --> 00:06:18,310
Do something!

139
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,620
[growling]

140
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:22,655
[panting]

141
00:06:22,689 --> 00:06:25,586
Why! Won't! You! Work?!

142
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:26,655
Huh?

143
00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:32,379
[both scream]

144
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:34,448
[grunting]

145
00:06:35,310 --> 00:06:40,413
And here we see the ancient
junk of the great empire

146
00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:43,413
of Pat-Lantis!

147
00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:46,482
[dramatic music]

148
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,862
- [whistles]

149
00:06:48,896 --> 00:06:49,896
- Hm?

150
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:53,068
Hey! No touching
the exhibits, buddy!

151
00:06:53,103 --> 00:06:55,310
[grunting] Oof!

152
00:06:55,344 --> 00:06:56,931
[rumbling]

153
00:06:56,965 --> 00:06:58,551
[all scream]

154
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,931
[dramatic music]

155
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,172
[toilet flushes]

156
00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,448
- Hmm...

157
00:07:04,482 --> 00:07:06,310
[gasps]

158
00:07:10,965 --> 00:07:13,379
- Sorry about that, mister.

159
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:15,482
Ooh!

160
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:19,551
- Huh? Oh, look, Patrick!
A mummy!

161
00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:22,517
- Mummy! Awww.

162
00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:25,137
- Uh, no, Patrick.
It's not your mother--

163
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:28,000
- Love your new look!
How's dad?

164
00:07:28,034 --> 00:07:29,965
- Never mind.

165
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,103
[stampeding]

166
00:07:34,482 --> 00:07:36,620
Will those kids be okay
in there?

167
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:39,620
- Oh sure, Mummy loves kids!

168
00:07:39,655 --> 00:07:41,758
I think this is yours.

169
00:07:41,793 --> 00:07:43,862
- Hm. Huh?

170
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:46,034
[stampeding]

171
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:48,310
Single file, children.

172
00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:49,758
[groans]

173
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:53,689
- Ooooh.

174
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,586
Ooooh!

175
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:57,344
Ooh-ooh-ooh.

176
00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:59,137
- [gasps]

177
00:08:00,103 --> 00:08:04,344
- Hee!
both: Whatcha doin'?!

178
00:08:04,379 --> 00:08:05,758
- [gasps]

179
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:09,551
I'm cleaning centuries of dirt
from this priceless painting.

180
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,517
- Going too slow!

181
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:14,413
- I think I know how we can
speed things along!

182
00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:17,034
- Please stand back
for your safety.

183
00:08:17,068 --> 00:08:18,793
Ooh!

184
00:08:18,827 --> 00:08:20,862
[grinding]

185
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000
[bells jangling]

186
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:25,379
Here you go!

187
00:08:27,896 --> 00:08:30,000
[shattering]

188
00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:33,000
[sunny music]

189
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:36,379
♪

190
00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:38,103
- [grunts]

191
00:08:38,137 --> 00:08:40,931
[maniacal laughter]

192
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:43,862
- Now to hang my masterpiece.

193
00:08:43,896 --> 00:08:45,896
Mm-hmm...

194
00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:47,896
[grunting]

195
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:50,137
[chuckling]

196
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,689
[muttering]

197
00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:56,689
- Ooh! I didn't know they had
pin the tail on the sea-donkey!

198
00:08:56,724 --> 00:08:59,241
- This place has everything!

199
00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:01,310
[both giggling]

200
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:04,689
[camera shutter clicks]

201
00:09:04,724 --> 00:09:06,517
- Hey! No flash photography!

202
00:09:06,551 --> 00:09:07,896
- Whew!

203
00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,413
[chuckling]

204
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,724
[gasps]

205
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,965
- Yahhh!

206
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,137
- [neighing]

207
00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:19,620
- The winner!

208
00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:21,344
- [chuckling]

209
00:09:21,379 --> 00:09:23,241
- Did you see that guy?
- Yeah!

210
00:09:23,275 --> 00:09:26,103
No running allowed!
Let's get him!

211
00:09:28,827 --> 00:09:31,344
- Hee-haw!

212
00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:34,103
Ah! They're finally gone!

213
00:09:34,137 --> 00:09:36,827
[chortling]

214
00:09:36,862 --> 00:09:38,448
Hmm? Hmm.

215
00:09:38,482 --> 00:09:39,793
[grunts]

216
00:09:45,482 --> 00:09:47,724
- Hey, Patrick?
I think that guy's trying to--

217
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,482
- Touch that painting!

218
00:09:49,517 --> 00:09:50,896
- Hmm? Hmm.

219
00:09:50,931 --> 00:09:52,068
[chuckling]

220
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:56,000
- Uh-oh!
- And now he's stealing it!

221
00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:58,551
- [imitates siren]

222
00:09:58,586 --> 00:10:00,793
- [panting]

223
00:10:00,827 --> 00:10:02,758
Oh, no. Dead end!

224
00:10:04,206 --> 00:10:08,103
[sitar music]

225
00:10:08,137 --> 00:10:10,275
[gasps]

226
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,000
- Stop, thief!

227
00:10:12,034 --> 00:10:13,482
- [panting]

228
00:10:13,517 --> 00:10:14,862
Ha, ha--oh!

229
00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:16,827
[grunts]

230
00:10:19,379 --> 00:10:21,793
- Looks like this case
is all wrapped up.

231
00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,172
- [mumbling]

232
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:27,862
- Thank you, Mummy.
- Anytime, sweetie.

233
00:10:27,896 --> 00:10:29,724
- [gasps]

234
00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:33,413
[all panting]

235
00:10:33,448 --> 00:10:36,793
- [wheezing]
We're never gonna catch him!

236
00:10:37,551 --> 00:10:39,793
- Ooh! The woolly mollusk!

237
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,310
Ah!

238
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:44,586
- Hi-ya!

239
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:46,482
[dramatic music]

240
00:10:46,517 --> 00:10:48,551
- [roars]

241
00:10:51,965 --> 00:10:54,137
- Hmm.
- Um...

242
00:10:55,172 --> 00:10:58,000
[grunting] Come on.

243
00:10:58,034 --> 00:10:59,206
[grunting]

244
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:02,620
- [panting]
Ha, ha! Too slow!

245
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,724
[stampeding]

246
00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:06,517
- Single file, children.

247
00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:08,724
Single file.

248
00:11:08,758 --> 00:11:10,689
- [chuckling]

249
00:11:10,724 --> 00:11:13,206
[both shout]

250
00:11:13,241 --> 00:11:16,379
- We've secured
the purple-tater, over.

251
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,206
[siren wailing]

252
00:11:19,241 --> 00:11:21,965
- [sighs]

253
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,103
Hmm?

254
00:11:24,137 --> 00:11:26,034
- There! Back where you belong.

255
00:11:26,068 --> 00:11:29,137
- [mumbling] It's beautiful!

256
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:31,551
- You actually like
that eyesore?

257
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:35,758
- Why, it's the greatest
painting I've ever seen...

258
00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:38,724
hanging in a museum!

259
00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:40,827
[cackling]

260
00:11:40,862 --> 00:11:43,724
- Okay, that's enough, weirdo.

261
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:48,206
- [chuckling]