1
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,809
They're fighting again!

2
00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:06,232
Oh, boy.

3
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,987
Don't! Wait! Not my homework!

4
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,613
No! Stop it! No!

5
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,323
Problem, gentlemen?

6
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,908
Hey, dork-brain!

7
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:18,329
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat your face off.

8
00:01:18,538 --> 00:01:21,082
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat your face off.

9
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:22,623
You're calling me a girl?

10
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,125
You called me one!

11
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:25,919
You asked for it.

12
00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:33,052
Now get out of here!

13
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,059
Forget those guys.

14
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,562
They're jealous because you're
smart and funny.

15
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,773
And girls like that.

16
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,649
What girls?

17
00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:49,610
Lots of girls.

18
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,822
I mean... I like you.

19
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:56,910
I don't like you. Now everybody
thinks I need a girl to fight for me.

20
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,286
You are a dork-brain.

21
00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:05,000
My nose!

22
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:09,464
Wimp!

23
00:02:29,943 --> 00:02:31,778
Moe and Larry in the house.

24
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,323
Grant, what have we got out back?

25
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,409
All clear, sir.

26
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,370
Matthews, what do you got?

27
00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:43,540
Returnable cans, sir.

28
00:02:43,999 --> 00:02:45,835
I'm up to 75 cents.

29
00:02:47,378 --> 00:02:48,754
Hey, we got a cab.

30
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,215
Here comes Curly.

31
00:03:13,695 --> 00:03:15,113
The Three Stooges.

32
00:03:22,706 --> 00:03:24,915
Check it out, Ivan's packing.

33
00:03:39,389 --> 00:03:41,808
Thank you! We've got a briefcase.

34
00:03:42,016 --> 00:03:44,143
Hart, waiting for visual confirmation.

35
00:03:44,394 --> 00:03:45,977
No disc yet.

36
00:03:50,816 --> 00:03:52,402
Suitcase is opening.

37
00:03:54,613 --> 00:03:56,448
This woman's ass is in the way.

38
00:03:59,327 --> 00:04:03,289
Hart, we can't see a damn thing.
We need to see the discs.

39
00:04:05,247 --> 00:04:07,834
- This broad's got two asses!
- Do something!

40
00:04:08,251 --> 00:04:09,627
Excuse me.

41
00:04:10,128 --> 00:04:11,713
You wanting something else?

42
00:04:11,921 --> 00:04:15,467
Yeah. You know what?
I really love this borscht.

43
00:04:16,342 --> 00:04:18,303
Or, as they say in Russian:

44
00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:25,269
We got the discs.

45
00:04:25,477 --> 00:04:26,310
We're moving in!

46
00:04:42,495 --> 00:04:44,245
Get down!

47
00:04:46,581 --> 00:04:48,917
Keep your hands where I can see them!

48
00:04:52,254 --> 00:04:53,255
No English.

49
00:05:06,811 --> 00:05:10,273
Nobody moves until I see
some goddamn "Lazhitsa na pol"!

50
00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,278
Sir, he's turning purple!

51
00:05:17,655 --> 00:05:20,074
Hart, until we secure, you stay.

52
00:05:29,792 --> 00:05:32,670
That is one really, really
purple Russian, sir!

53
00:05:32,879 --> 00:05:35,340
He's still armed! Nobody moves!

54
00:05:35,464 --> 00:05:37,550
Hands up! Back off!

55
00:05:40,678 --> 00:05:42,178
No, sir. He's not gonna die.

56
00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:44,598
He's not good enough for that.

57
00:05:45,599 --> 00:05:49,980
His victims didn't get a chance
to choke on a peanut, did they, sir?

58
00:05:51,732 --> 00:05:53,149
Now you're going down.

59
00:05:55,986 --> 00:05:58,739
Drop the guns or I'll kill her.

60
00:05:59,739 --> 00:06:00,782
Ivan, out the back.

61
00:06:01,032 --> 00:06:02,867
You're not killing anyone.

62
00:06:33,314 --> 00:06:34,357
Party's over!

63
00:06:40,323 --> 00:06:42,574
How's your head, my little piroshki?

64
00:06:43,409 --> 00:06:45,994
This is gonna put you away
for a long time.

65
00:06:47,412 --> 00:06:49,414
Let's get that ambulance in here!

66
00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:53,711
- Shut up!
- Stay with me!

67
00:06:53,878 --> 00:06:56,964
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry. You did a great job!

68
00:07:12,063 --> 00:07:14,816
Nice work. See you back there.

69
00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:22,447
Come on, Hart. The van's waiting.

70
00:07:22,865 --> 00:07:25,910
I got Grant shot.
I shouldn't have moved.

71
00:07:26,077 --> 00:07:27,995
Come on, you made a choice.

72
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,998
It was wrong, but that's it.
It's over.

73
00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:34,127
By the way, you look like hell.

74
00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:40,588
- Morning, Mrs. Schwartz. Schnatzie.
- Good morning, Gracie.

75
00:09:41,257 --> 00:09:42,465
Hart.

76
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,926
Yes, sir.

77
00:09:44,135 --> 00:09:46,386
ETA, 20 minutes.

78
00:09:46,761 --> 00:09:49,138
No problem. Breakdown?

79
00:09:50,431 --> 00:09:53,936
Yes, sir. Negative.
Do not need assistance.

80
00:09:54,478 --> 00:09:56,815
Ten-four. Yes, sir, I know it's hot.

81
00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:23,464
Hey, you cannot park--

82
00:10:27,721 --> 00:10:30,013
It's an emergency. Official business.

83
00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,642
Aside, please. Thank you.

84
00:10:32,851 --> 00:10:35,353
Official business. Step aside.

85
00:10:35,561 --> 00:10:37,647
Hey, get lost! I'm waiting here.

86
00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:39,941
FBI. You might want
to stay out of this.

87
00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:43,277
Excuse me.
Sir, ma'am, please back off.

88
00:10:44,278 --> 00:10:47,657
All right. I need eight double-tall--

89
00:10:50,619 --> 00:10:52,996
Eight double-tall lattes.
One with no foam.

90
00:10:53,246 --> 00:10:55,874
Five decaf lattes with a long straw.

91
00:10:56,082 --> 00:10:58,084
Four caramel macchiattos.

92
00:10:58,209 --> 00:11:00,170
Double up on the cup.

93
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:03,505
Two blueberry scones
with the little granules on top...

94
00:11:03,715 --> 00:11:05,593
...and one Starbucks compilation CD.

95
00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:09,012
No! I would like....

96
00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:19,313
What's going on? Where's McDonald?

97
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:21,900
Could we put out an APB
on my Frappuccino?

98
00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:25,487
It's in the bag. Did he say anything
about last night?

99
00:11:25,695 --> 00:11:29,200
Relax. Don't annoy him.
Don't say anything. Don't argue.

100
00:11:29,407 --> 00:11:32,161
I don't argue. I never argue.
When do I argue?

101
00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:35,372
I might have a heated discussion
with somebody.

102
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,501
Is this you not arguing?
Because you suck at it.

103
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:40,211
Morning, everybody.

104
00:11:40,585 --> 00:11:42,545
Morning, sir. It's....

105
00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:44,547
Sir.

106
00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:46,216
Okay, everybody.

107
00:11:46,717 --> 00:11:50,262
I know you're all concerned
about Grant's condition.

108
00:11:50,471 --> 00:11:52,639
So I'm happy to report...

109
00:11:53,181 --> 00:11:56,769
...Jerry's gonna be fine. He'll be
out of the hospital in two weeks.

110
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,437
He says he's expecting lots of gifts.

111
00:12:00,106 --> 00:12:01,858
Okay, everybody.

112
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:06,445
So much for the good news. We got
another letter from the Citizen.

113
00:12:07,071 --> 00:12:09,073
Arson, explosives, poison...

114
00:12:09,281 --> 00:12:11,951
...this guy never works
the same way twice.

115
00:12:13,618 --> 00:12:15,746
The only thing we know for sure...

116
00:12:16,247 --> 00:12:19,249
...is, we get these letters full
of incomprehensible riddles...

117
00:12:19,417 --> 00:12:21,920
...he strikes and suddenly
the clues make sense.

118
00:12:22,837 --> 00:12:24,797
This one is down in Intelligence.

119
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:28,051
Hopefully, we'll get a lead
before somebody gets killed.

120
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:29,427
In the meantime...

121
00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:32,512
...Matthews, get a team together.

122
00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:35,600
Sir, you want me to take point?

123
00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,893
For five years you've wanted it.

124
00:12:38,145 --> 00:12:41,481
Last night, you earned it.
Pick your team.

125
00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:44,317
I want preliminaries by 3.
That's it.

126
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:46,571
Sir...?

127
00:12:50,156 --> 00:12:51,575
Who's buying me lunch?

128
00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:55,120
Sir, I would like to talk
about what happened last night.

129
00:12:55,286 --> 00:12:56,955
I didn't exactly follow orders--

130
00:12:57,163 --> 00:12:59,583
"Exactly" follow orders?
There's no such thing.

131
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,753
You follow orders or you don't.

132
00:13:01,919 --> 00:13:03,921
No arguments, sir. None whatsoever.

133
00:13:04,129 --> 00:13:06,131
Until the hearing,
you're out of the field.

134
00:13:06,339 --> 00:13:08,549
The hearing is totally warranted.

135
00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:11,344
Wouldn't I be better
on the Citizen case?

136
00:13:11,553 --> 00:13:14,014
I have a background
in profiling and decoding.

137
00:13:14,181 --> 00:13:15,432
I could contribute.

138
00:13:15,682 --> 00:13:17,267
Like you contributed last night?

139
00:13:17,517 --> 00:13:19,520
By putting yourself
and 5 agents in jeopardy?

140
00:13:19,729 --> 00:13:21,856
I'll save the rest
for the review board.

141
00:13:22,064 --> 00:13:25,317
You will bury yourself
under a mountain of paperwork.

142
00:13:25,525 --> 00:13:27,485
Discussion is over.

143
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,631
Mike, give me a pint.

144
00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:49,217
Rough day?

145
00:13:49,549 --> 00:13:51,052
The worst.

146
00:13:51,259 --> 00:13:52,595
Sure you want a whole one?

147
00:13:53,221 --> 00:13:55,933
Yeah. Hit me bigtime, baby.

148
00:13:56,183 --> 00:14:00,770
Hey, Einstein. If you figure out
that Citizen letter, let me know.

149
00:14:02,854 --> 00:14:05,774
Congratulations on the op.
It's a big shot.

150
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,568
Thanks.

151
00:14:08,028 --> 00:14:09,822
How are you doing? You okay?

152
00:14:10,071 --> 00:14:11,405
I'm good.

153
00:14:13,659 --> 00:14:15,077
You're starting early today.

154
00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:18,079
Yeah, I'm gonna get chip-faced.
Want to join me?

155
00:14:18,412 --> 00:14:21,416
I'd love to, but I have
a pressing social engagement.

156
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:23,167
Beth!

157
00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:25,087
Brownie meeting.

158
00:14:25,294 --> 00:14:27,129
Mike, give me a beer and....

159
00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:29,591
Milk. Give her milk.

160
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,717
White wine spritzer.

161
00:14:32,052 --> 00:14:34,428
Are most of the people in here agents?

162
00:14:34,638 --> 00:14:37,723
As a matter of fact, here's
an agent. Gracie Hart.

163
00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,475
Beth Carter.

164
00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:42,562
Right back to you.

165
00:14:42,771 --> 00:14:46,399
Beth is an undergrad at Vassar,
doing a paper on law enforcement.

166
00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:48,444
I'm helping her get an inside look.

167
00:14:48,694 --> 00:14:50,821
I bet she'll do the same for you.

168
00:14:51,154 --> 00:14:54,283
Gracie, I would love to get
a woman's point of view.

169
00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:57,911
You're barking up the wrong tree.
Right, Hart?

170
00:14:59,288 --> 00:15:02,666
Do all the women have to wear
those really masculine shoes?

171
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:09,631
I get these made special by the guy
that put the tattoo on my ass.

172
00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:12,634
We'll leave you with Ben and Jerry.
Catch you later.

173
00:15:12,842 --> 00:15:15,470
- Nice meeting you.
- You too.

174
00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:19,850
Hope you have a good time at the mall.

175
00:15:20,101 --> 00:15:21,768
Wohop is the place.

176
00:15:21,977 --> 00:15:25,315
Wohop is good, but if you like
variety, you go to La Chinita Linda.

177
00:15:25,522 --> 00:15:26,983
Their rice and beans are slamming.

178
00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:29,860
I don't want variety.
I get pork fried rice every--

179
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:33,323
I figured it out! I tried to create
a content-based pattern...

180
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:34,823
...similar to his previous letters.

181
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:36,910
But this time, he used a signifier.

182
00:15:37,118 --> 00:15:39,411
In this case, the word "miss"...

183
00:15:39,621 --> 00:15:43,250
...in the subsequent letters.
Will you let me finish?

184
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,418
It's the Miss United States Pageant.

185
00:15:45,627 --> 00:15:48,462
Yeah. Intelligence thought so too.

186
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:50,088
What do we got?

187
00:15:50,589 --> 00:15:53,759
Miss United States from San Antonio,
Texas, home of the Alamo.

188
00:15:53,968 --> 00:15:55,303
I forgot the Alamo.

189
00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:58,682
The pageant lasts three days.
Preliminaries, conferences...

190
00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:01,769
...the live telecast.
It's a logistical nightmare.

191
00:16:01,977 --> 00:16:03,311
Not just a babe-fest.

192
00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,856
Jesus, we've only got 48 hours.

193
00:16:07,189 --> 00:16:09,192
Okay, gentlemen.

194
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:11,444
Where do we start?

195
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:21,205
You might want to call the network and
pageant people. Set up a meeting.

196
00:16:23,414 --> 00:16:26,501
Because you'll probably need
their cooperation.

197
00:16:28,462 --> 00:16:30,673
Yeah, I can do that. Let's do that.

198
00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,508
What about jurisdiction?

199
00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:35,219
The Citizen has been ours
from the start.

200
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:37,846
You might want to call San Antonio.

201
00:16:38,055 --> 00:16:40,307
Grease some wheels so they like us...

202
00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:42,016
...when we need manpower and tech.

203
00:16:42,225 --> 00:16:43,686
While I'm at it, let's do that.

204
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:44,852
Good idea.

205
00:16:45,019 --> 00:16:47,981
He loves to make a splash.
His target will be public...

206
00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:50,984
...like one of these outdoor prelims
or a TV broadcast.

207
00:16:51,151 --> 00:16:52,987
Telecasters at the convention center.

208
00:16:53,195 --> 00:16:56,991
We're gonna need surveillance
on the interior perimeter.

209
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:59,743
We'll need more.
There's a million places...

210
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:03,580
...only these bikini-stuffers can go:
backstage areas, hotel rooms....

211
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,666
We need to get somebody in there.

212
00:17:05,916 --> 00:17:08,044
Yeah! Now I'm thinking...

213
00:17:08,919 --> 00:17:10,004
...undercover.

214
00:17:10,254 --> 00:17:11,715
Good idea, boss.

215
00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:13,257
I got just the girl.

216
00:17:18,387 --> 00:17:20,139
That's nothing. Check this out.

217
00:17:20,347 --> 00:17:23,685
Compliments of my daughter:
the "Dress Up Sally" web site.

218
00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:35,280
What did I tell you? Hot, right?

219
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:36,488
Yeah, baby.

220
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,950
You got a little problem.

221
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,451
She's perfect!

222
00:17:40,702 --> 00:17:41,910
Look to the left.

223
00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:45,415
Down... down....

224
00:17:46,374 --> 00:17:48,418
- There you go.
- "On maternity leave"?

225
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:49,878
That's not gonna work.

226
00:17:50,085 --> 00:17:52,757
Not unless it's
"The Miss Lamaze Pageant."

227
00:17:58,386 --> 00:18:00,472
Can you do a search?

228
00:18:00,722 --> 00:18:03,559
Female field agents under 35.

229
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:16,988
Jensen, Jensen!

230
00:18:28,668 --> 00:18:32,046
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
I got it, I got it!

231
00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:44,017
Oh, no!

232
00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:45,518
That's right, that's right!

233
00:18:49,271 --> 00:18:51,606
You think that's good?
Check this out.

234
00:18:51,857 --> 00:18:53,359
I got the winner right here.

235
00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:54,527
Scorekeepers ready?

236
00:19:00,534 --> 00:19:02,451
This is the best part.

237
00:19:15,214 --> 00:19:16,632
He's right behind me, isn't he?

238
00:19:16,841 --> 00:19:18,760
Not really my color, is it?

239
00:19:19,928 --> 00:19:21,137
Sir, we were just...

240
00:19:21,721 --> 00:19:24,474
...looking for someone
to go undercover at the pageant.

241
00:19:25,558 --> 00:19:27,394
And I'm the best we have.

242
00:19:27,602 --> 00:19:29,479
It doesn't inspire much confidence.

243
00:19:30,354 --> 00:19:31,689
Get back to work.

244
00:19:32,189 --> 00:19:35,861
- Hart, shouldn't you be at a desk?
- Yes, sir.

245
00:19:37,195 --> 00:19:39,906
You don't say anything?
Made me look like an idiot.

246
00:19:40,116 --> 00:19:42,741
Do I have eyes in the back of my head?

247
00:19:42,993 --> 00:19:45,452
- He was standing right behind me.
- What were we gonna say?

248
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,787
- What?
- This one.

249
00:19:47,789 --> 00:19:49,166
Are you kidding? It's Hart.

250
00:19:49,374 --> 00:19:51,710
Cut it off. Let's go back to work.

251
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:57,007
Very funny.

252
00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:58,758
Hold on. That's not bad.

253
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:03,597
Hold on, nothing. Hit the save button
because you won't see that again.

254
00:20:09,436 --> 00:20:11,646
- What do you say?
- No freaking way.

255
00:20:11,856 --> 00:20:12,982
Why not?

256
00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:16,028
I won't parade around in a swimsuit
like some bimbo...

257
00:20:16,194 --> 00:20:20,031
...named Gracie Lou Freebush,
and all she wants is world peace.

258
00:20:21,406 --> 00:20:22,782
It wouldn't be like that.

259
00:20:22,992 --> 00:20:25,243
You'd be on the undercover team.

260
00:20:25,494 --> 00:20:27,245
Right. In a thong.

261
00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:30,917
In a tasteful one-piece!

262
00:20:31,125 --> 00:20:33,585
You do a few butt-shaping exercises...

263
00:20:33,837 --> 00:20:35,255
...you could pull this off.

264
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:36,964
You know what? Pull this off.

265
00:20:37,214 --> 00:20:38,925
Is it because McDonald hates me?

266
00:20:39,049 --> 00:20:41,260
Or is it, like, a woman thing?

267
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:47,059
Don't kid yourself.
Nobody thinks of you that way.

268
00:20:51,854 --> 00:20:53,482
He's punishing me, isn't he?

269
00:20:53,648 --> 00:20:56,025
I had to beg him to let you do this.

270
00:20:56,274 --> 00:20:58,945
That's right. Like it or not,
you screwed up, pal.

271
00:20:59,153 --> 00:21:00,446
Sit down, sit down.

272
00:21:07,746 --> 00:21:10,457
I've never been in a beauty pageant.

273
00:21:10,623 --> 00:21:13,751
I don't even own a dress.
I don't even own a brush.

274
00:21:17,004 --> 00:21:19,715
Which part of that
is supposed to shock me?

275
00:21:28,810 --> 00:21:30,434
Let's suspend reality for a second...

276
00:21:30,685 --> 00:21:32,103
...and pretend I said yes.

277
00:21:32,353 --> 00:21:34,314
I got to do everything? Like...

278
00:21:34,606 --> 00:21:37,192
...the whole big hair
and the makeup and--

279
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,443
Damn right.

280
00:21:38,694 --> 00:21:42,906
The spinning, the twirling, the
smiling, the cute little tap number.

281
00:21:44,409 --> 00:21:45,659
Hundred bucks on Matthews.

282
00:21:46,243 --> 00:21:48,161
I don't know. She's got rage.

283
00:21:50,748 --> 00:21:52,207
I'll take that bet.

284
00:22:03,719 --> 00:22:05,471
Yeah, baby.

285
00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:08,473
So you're saying...

286
00:22:08,724 --> 00:22:11,059
...I have to wear the bathing suit?

287
00:22:11,351 --> 00:22:14,604
Yeah, you have
to wear the bathing suit.

288
00:22:15,272 --> 00:22:16,481
Okay.

289
00:22:19,068 --> 00:22:20,653
You go, girl.

290
00:22:23,281 --> 00:22:25,323
Where am I gonna put my gun?

291
00:22:25,699 --> 00:22:28,036
No place I want to know about.

292
00:22:29,786 --> 00:22:33,625
What could possibly motivate anybody
to enter a beauty pageant?

293
00:22:33,833 --> 00:22:36,127
Scholarship money,
a chance to see the world...

294
00:22:36,335 --> 00:22:38,212
...broaden your horizons--

295
00:22:38,463 --> 00:22:41,758
So join the Marines. It's like
feminism never even happened.

296
00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:45,928
Any woman that does this is catering
to misogynistic Neanderthal mentality.

297
00:22:46,178 --> 00:22:48,348
I dated Young Miss Scarsdale.

298
00:22:48,556 --> 00:22:50,516
Can you really be this superficial?

299
00:22:50,725 --> 00:22:52,352
Hard to believe, right?

300
00:22:52,561 --> 00:22:53,603
Here we are.

301
00:22:54,228 --> 00:22:56,856
Therefore, we'd like to use
one of our team undercover.

302
00:22:57,066 --> 00:22:58,775
Am I hearing this correctly?

303
00:22:58,984 --> 00:23:03,363
Kathy, these people want
to put one of their agents...

304
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:05,073
...in the pageant.

305
00:23:05,281 --> 00:23:06,406
They want her to win?

306
00:23:06,617 --> 00:23:08,201
No, ma'am.

307
00:23:09,118 --> 00:23:11,330
We will need your help
with the judging...

308
00:23:11,580 --> 00:23:13,874
...so our agent is in the top five...

309
00:23:14,124 --> 00:23:17,085
...to have access to
all the areas at all times.

310
00:23:17,294 --> 00:23:19,587
- Absolutely not.
- Miss Morningside...

311
00:23:19,796 --> 00:23:21,964
...we understand how important
this beauty pageant--

312
00:23:22,173 --> 00:23:23,592
Excuse me.

313
00:23:23,925 --> 00:23:25,968
This is not a beauty pageant.

314
00:23:26,177 --> 00:23:28,263
This is a scholarship program.

315
00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:31,225
And it has been ever since my reign.

316
00:23:31,391 --> 00:23:34,437
I fully intend on maintaining
that credo.

317
00:23:34,645 --> 00:23:35,979
Absolutely, Miss Morningside.

318
00:23:36,230 --> 00:23:38,856
We're here to protect the girls.
Women.

319
00:23:39,023 --> 00:23:40,275
Scholarship ladies.

320
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:45,824
There's nothing more important to me
than the safety of my girls.

321
00:23:46,031 --> 00:23:48,952
I'd rather cancel the pageant
than have them blown up.

322
00:23:49,326 --> 00:23:51,036
Especially without their knowledge.

323
00:23:51,703 --> 00:23:54,956
We went to the network to cancel,
but they refused.

324
00:23:55,165 --> 00:23:56,290
We can't force them.

325
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,086
I'm confused.

326
00:23:59,294 --> 00:24:01,130
What state is she going to be from?

327
00:24:01,296 --> 00:24:03,214
All the winners have been chosen.

328
00:24:03,967 --> 00:24:08,138
We recently discovered some
information about Miss New Jersey.

329
00:24:08,346 --> 00:24:11,975
And her performance in a little
film called Arma Get It On.

330
00:24:12,683 --> 00:24:14,101
Was that her?

331
00:24:14,435 --> 00:24:15,727
Oh, yeah!

332
00:24:16,395 --> 00:24:19,606
She was gonna drop out pretty soon,
if you know what I mean.

333
00:24:23,861 --> 00:24:26,239
Do you have an agent in mind?

334
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,161
Sorry.

335
00:24:33,996 --> 00:24:36,791
Let me get you
Victor Melling's number.

336
00:24:36,958 --> 00:24:37,958
Frank.

337
00:24:38,126 --> 00:24:39,668
He's our pageant consultant.

338
00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:41,421
Frank.

339
00:24:41,963 --> 00:24:43,798
Maybe he can do something to help.

340
00:24:43,965 --> 00:24:44,967
Frank!

341
00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:51,389
This is my assistant, Frank Tobin.

342
00:24:51,764 --> 00:24:53,391
Hi, everyone.

343
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,478
Would you get these people
Victor's number, please?

344
00:24:56,686 --> 00:24:58,062
And get me a spring water.

345
00:24:58,230 --> 00:24:59,814
And tuck in your shirt.

346
00:25:01,567 --> 00:25:04,194
That, that was... a water for you...

347
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,696
...and....

348
00:25:05,905 --> 00:25:08,364
Victor Melling's number.

349
00:25:23,380 --> 00:25:24,757
Mr. Melling.

350
00:25:24,964 --> 00:25:26,050
How are you?

351
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:34,266
If you are Grace Hart,
I quit here and now.

352
00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:38,605
I'm having a bad hair day.

353
00:25:39,396 --> 00:25:41,274
Bad hair decade, really.

354
00:25:41,565 --> 00:25:43,150
I'm Eric Matthews. We spoke.

355
00:25:43,525 --> 00:25:45,027
Your hair is perfect.

356
00:25:45,193 --> 00:25:47,112
However, I can't accept this job.

357
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,199
There's no way I can make
this woman ready in two days.

358
00:25:50,574 --> 00:25:53,954
Please, Mr. Melling,
give it a chance. Sit down.

359
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:56,414
Have lunch. Totally on the Bureau.

360
00:25:56,957 --> 00:26:00,127
I suppose that would be
the civilized thing to do.

361
00:26:01,752 --> 00:26:05,589
I'll take a rain check.
I got to take care of some FBI stuff.

362
00:26:05,799 --> 00:26:08,592
That thing I told you
about that I gotta do.

363
00:26:08,759 --> 00:26:11,679
But I'll see you later.
We'll hang out. You like caps?

364
00:26:12,472 --> 00:26:14,599
I'll get you an official FBI cap.

365
00:26:15,267 --> 00:26:16,434
See you later.

366
00:26:17,477 --> 00:26:18,602
What a pity.

367
00:26:19,771 --> 00:26:21,731
- Are you hungry?
- Yeah.

368
00:26:21,898 --> 00:26:23,941
- Yes.
- Yeah.

369
00:26:24,150 --> 00:26:27,612
It is always "yes,"
never "yeah." Sit down.

370
00:26:28,863 --> 00:26:32,867
Miss United States is always
well-spoken and polite.

371
00:26:33,118 --> 00:26:34,245
Do you understand?

372
00:26:34,494 --> 00:26:35,829
Watch the hands, garçon.

373
00:26:36,037 --> 00:26:37,664
- Excuse me.
- It's all right.

374
00:26:38,290 --> 00:26:41,376
I have a feeling we're going to need
a drop cloth later.

375
00:26:54,223 --> 00:26:56,641
Could I have another
cabernet sauvignon?

376
00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:58,435
Another keg for you?

377
00:26:58,810 --> 00:27:01,439
- I'm good, thanks.
- That's okay, Philip.

378
00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:05,400
So, how long have you been doing
this pageant-training thing?

379
00:27:05,650 --> 00:27:06,610
I'm sorry?

380
00:27:07,153 --> 00:27:11,574
What was the question? I was
distracted by a half-masticated cow...

381
00:27:11,824 --> 00:27:14,784
...rolling around
in your wide-open trap.

382
00:27:14,993 --> 00:27:16,786
Excuse me? What is your problem?

383
00:27:16,995 --> 00:27:18,121
- Problem?
- Yeah.

384
00:27:18,330 --> 00:27:20,876
I mean, yes.
Have I offended you in some way?

385
00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:25,129
You've been completely antagonistic
to me from the second I walked in.

386
00:27:25,296 --> 00:27:28,049
I was once the most
sought-after, highly paid...

387
00:27:28,299 --> 00:27:30,385
...consultant in pageant history.

388
00:27:30,592 --> 00:27:32,594
I had no idea.

389
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,600
Every season, girls would plead
with me to train them.

390
00:27:37,891 --> 00:27:40,019
Ten out of 11 years...

391
00:27:40,227 --> 00:27:42,229
...my girls were crowned.

392
00:27:42,481 --> 00:27:45,942
The year we lost,
the winner was a deaf-mute.

393
00:27:46,233 --> 00:27:47,903
You can't beat that.

394
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:51,530
Then...

395
00:27:52,449 --> 00:27:54,200
...in '96...

396
00:27:54,533 --> 00:27:58,204
...my girl froze like a puddle halfway
through her aria from La Bohème.

397
00:27:58,704 --> 00:28:02,041
Afterwards, she told
a reporter from Pageant Magazine...

398
00:28:02,250 --> 00:28:04,002
...that I was a perfectionist...

399
00:28:04,210 --> 00:28:07,880
...who had harangued her
to within an inch of her sanity.

400
00:28:08,213 --> 00:28:11,634
Of course,
after that article came out...

401
00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:14,929
...nobody wanted me.

402
00:28:19,101 --> 00:28:21,853
Okay. With all due respect here...

403
00:28:22,062 --> 00:28:24,564
...why did Miss Morningside
suggest you?

404
00:28:24,730 --> 00:28:27,484
Because I am the best.

405
00:28:31,154 --> 00:28:35,325
Or perhaps it's because everyone else
worth having had a contestant.

406
00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:39,914
They had their Southern belles,
their Midwestern farmers' daughters.

407
00:28:40,122 --> 00:28:43,041
Spunky Western cowgirls.

408
00:28:43,291 --> 00:28:44,376
And I have...

409
00:28:46,502 --> 00:28:47,963
...Dirty Harriet.

410
00:28:52,009 --> 00:28:53,803
Will you desist?

411
00:28:54,177 --> 00:28:55,138
Yeah.

412
00:28:55,345 --> 00:28:56,931
Yes.

413
00:29:02,144 --> 00:29:03,562
Oh, my God.

414
00:29:03,770 --> 00:29:06,064
I haven't seen a walk like that
since Jurassic Park.

415
00:29:06,231 --> 00:29:10,277
It's been working really well for me
for the past 30 years, all right?

416
00:29:10,486 --> 00:29:12,446
Well, glide, now. Glide.

417
00:29:13,949 --> 00:29:15,532
Don't look down, don't look down.

418
00:29:15,742 --> 00:29:20,245
Don't look down, look up. Your chin
should be parallel to the floor.

419
00:29:20,496 --> 00:29:22,123
Now glide. Glide.

420
00:29:22,832 --> 00:29:25,293
It's not the bloody Ice Capades.

421
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:26,960
Gliding.

422
00:29:27,837 --> 00:29:31,299
No, no. Don't pick your feet up.
Don't pick your feet up.

423
00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:32,967
Why are you picking your feet up?

424
00:29:33,217 --> 00:29:34,970
Because I'm preparing to run away.

425
00:29:35,179 --> 00:29:36,928
No, wait. Wait.

426
00:29:37,095 --> 00:29:38,097
Watch me.

427
00:29:38,264 --> 00:29:39,932
Glide. Glide.

428
00:29:43,644 --> 00:29:45,313
See? Glide.

429
00:29:45,522 --> 00:29:48,275
It's all in the buttocks.
Don't I look pretty?

430
00:29:48,650 --> 00:29:51,403
It takes a very secure man
to walk like that.

431
00:29:55,364 --> 00:29:56,825
Roll your hips.

432
00:29:57,033 --> 00:29:59,826
Head up, head up. Keep gliding--

433
00:30:00,746 --> 00:30:02,039
I'm gliding here!

434
00:30:02,246 --> 00:30:03,332
What are you, blind?

435
00:30:03,539 --> 00:30:04,874
Asshole.

436
00:30:40,035 --> 00:30:42,871
Look how she walks. She's floating.

437
00:30:43,039 --> 00:30:46,376
Lightly ascending
from cloud to cloud...

438
00:30:46,709 --> 00:30:48,336
...towards heaven.

439
00:30:49,921 --> 00:30:52,214
He takes one look at that fake rack...

440
00:30:52,422 --> 00:30:54,342
...he's gonna send her right back.

441
00:30:57,219 --> 00:31:01,139
Look, she's gonna cry again.
"If I only had a brain!"

442
00:31:02,100 --> 00:31:04,727
I am somewhat less than amused.

443
00:31:12,610 --> 00:31:14,279
How's she doing?

444
00:31:15,487 --> 00:31:17,700
With some intensive work...

445
00:31:17,991 --> 00:31:21,285
...she'll be ready for the world's
finest trailer park.

446
00:31:22,203 --> 00:31:23,454
Thank you!

447
00:31:27,750 --> 00:31:29,335
Both painful...

448
00:31:29,543 --> 00:31:31,087
...and grotesque.

449
00:31:31,546 --> 00:31:32,839
Isn't it?

450
00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:38,970
Oh, my God!

451
00:31:49,147 --> 00:31:52,443
Mr. Vic, we got everything
you asked for. Where do we start?

452
00:31:52,650 --> 00:31:54,819
Teeth, hair, manicure, pedicure.

453
00:31:55,029 --> 00:31:56,238
Which one first?

454
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,782
What are you gonna do to my teeth?

455
00:31:58,991 --> 00:32:02,410
Hopefully, remove the beer stains
and steak residue.

456
00:32:04,662 --> 00:32:06,373
Can't I get some Novocain?

457
00:32:06,664 --> 00:32:08,125
It's only a cleaning.

458
00:32:08,334 --> 00:32:10,627
Sweeney Todd, what are you doing?

459
00:32:10,836 --> 00:32:12,671
Your hair should make a statement.

460
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,800
As long as it's not,
"Thanks for the Country Music Award."

461
00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:18,093
You'll be lucky
if I can get it untangled.

462
00:32:18,303 --> 00:32:19,302
No mercy.

463
00:32:19,469 --> 00:32:20,804
Can I borrow that drill?

464
00:32:23,307 --> 00:32:25,476
Attention. Attention.

465
00:32:25,683 --> 00:32:29,855
All hair removal units,
wax, electrolysis, laser...

466
00:32:30,064 --> 00:32:33,108
...to commence at 2300 hours.

467
00:32:55,173 --> 00:32:56,257
Bikini wax.

468
00:33:07,894 --> 00:33:09,269
How you doing?

469
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,064
Ever seen one this big?

470
00:33:11,272 --> 00:33:12,775
Sandwich, I mean.

471
00:33:13,233 --> 00:33:15,025
That's a lot of meat.

472
00:33:19,572 --> 00:33:21,032
Thank you!

473
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,617
Nobody said this job was easy.

474
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,594
This earpiece lets you hear anybody
on our frequencies.

475
00:33:41,804 --> 00:33:44,682
I don't need it. With all this foil,
I'm getting HBO.

476
00:33:46,058 --> 00:33:47,518
This is a pin camera.

477
00:33:47,726 --> 00:33:49,685
There's an actual lens in there.

478
00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,772
It provides a digital video
feed to our hookups.

479
00:33:53,607 --> 00:33:55,400
Here's your new I.D.s.

480
00:33:55,567 --> 00:33:57,736
Pageant identity.

481
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:00,238
Gracie Lou Freebush?

482
00:34:00,573 --> 00:34:01,949
I remembered you liked that.

483
00:34:02,158 --> 00:34:05,453
Well, my IQ just dropped 10 points.

484
00:34:08,997 --> 00:34:11,499
More... fluffy.

485
00:34:12,001 --> 00:34:14,794
Eyebrows. There should be two.

486
00:34:19,842 --> 00:34:22,053
Another two coats. And a sealant.

487
00:34:22,344 --> 00:34:23,804
Unbelievable.

488
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,309
Where the hell is she? What could
possibly be taking this long?

489
00:35:03,344 --> 00:35:04,930
Hart, is that you?

490
00:35:05,138 --> 00:35:08,307
I'm in a dress, I have gel in my hair,
I haven't slept...

491
00:35:08,474 --> 00:35:11,812
...I'm starved and I'm armed.
Don't mess with me.

492
00:35:15,108 --> 00:35:17,317
I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm good.

493
00:35:18,528 --> 00:35:22,155
Yeah, that's her.
Mr. Vic, nice work!

494
00:35:22,364 --> 00:35:23,532
Thank you.

495
00:35:24,824 --> 00:35:26,451
My God, I'm good.

496
00:36:04,865 --> 00:36:07,076
Okay, Gracie Lou, listen up.

497
00:36:07,493 --> 00:36:09,912
"Operation Thong" has commenced.

498
00:36:11,247 --> 00:36:13,040
Why don't you stun-gun yourself?

499
00:36:13,707 --> 00:36:15,584
I knew she'd like that one.

500
00:36:16,835 --> 00:36:18,003
Victor?

501
00:36:18,504 --> 00:36:20,215
Try not to speak.

502
00:36:20,965 --> 00:36:22,300
Victor!

503
00:36:23,259 --> 00:36:25,304
Miss Morningside, if it's possible...

504
00:36:25,511 --> 00:36:27,638
...you look more radiant than ever.

505
00:36:28,639 --> 00:36:31,267
Then I guess it's possible.
Hello.

506
00:36:31,643 --> 00:36:32,642
Hi.

507
00:36:34,895 --> 00:36:35,856
Miss Hart?!

508
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,232
I mean, Miss Freebush.

509
00:36:39,441 --> 00:36:43,362
Victor, I see you haven't
completely lost your touch.

510
00:36:43,571 --> 00:36:45,449
You look absolutely perfect.

511
00:36:45,740 --> 00:36:49,078
And you're just in time
for the orientation breakfast.

512
00:36:49,703 --> 00:36:51,537
You'll take the bags to the room?

513
00:36:51,704 --> 00:36:53,956
It's been a while
since you've been with us...

514
00:36:54,166 --> 00:36:56,459
...but you remember
how everything goes.

515
00:36:57,294 --> 00:37:00,464
One little mistake
and I'm a bloody bellhop.

516
00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:04,259
Ohio. Oh-hi-yo!

517
00:37:04,635 --> 00:37:06,637
Washington. Nice apples.

518
00:37:06,803 --> 00:37:09,765
Original. You come up with that
all by yourself?

519
00:37:11,349 --> 00:37:13,977
- Miss Greenbush!
- I got it. I got it.

520
00:37:14,144 --> 00:37:16,187
New Jersey? Welcome.

521
00:37:27,658 --> 00:37:30,285
- Who's she?
- Have you seen her before?

522
00:37:33,747 --> 00:37:36,501
Oh, hey, New Jersey?
This one's empty.

523
00:37:38,962 --> 00:37:39,963
Thanks.

524
00:37:40,170 --> 00:37:42,674
- I'm Cheryl from Rhode Island.
- Hi, I'm--

525
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,677
Gracie Lou Freebush. I memorized
the orientation pamphlet.

526
00:37:46,843 --> 00:37:49,596
I know all 49 ladies
by name and picture.

527
00:37:49,805 --> 00:37:51,473
Fifty, including myself.

528
00:37:51,683 --> 00:37:55,853
Your picture wasn't there, so I knew
it was you from your lack of picture.

529
00:37:57,146 --> 00:38:00,442
How about a little song for the drive?

530
00:38:00,692 --> 00:38:03,193
I think you know the one I mean.

531
00:38:04,528 --> 00:38:08,032
From sea to shining sea

532
00:38:08,283 --> 00:38:11,661
Like Lady Liberty

533
00:38:11,870 --> 00:38:16,708
She reigns over all she sees

534
00:38:17,543 --> 00:38:21,169
She's beauty and she's grace

535
00:38:21,379 --> 00:38:23,714
She's Miss United States

536
00:38:28,220 --> 00:38:29,679
Entering Barbie-town.

537
00:38:29,887 --> 00:38:31,348
We're up and running.

538
00:38:31,556 --> 00:38:33,224
I love my job!

539
00:38:33,434 --> 00:38:35,227
- Not a bad view.
- Not at all.

540
00:38:35,477 --> 00:38:37,896
There's our table!

541
00:38:38,146 --> 00:38:40,105
I got here three days early
so I could--

542
00:38:40,316 --> 00:38:43,109
Look at all the hoochie mama!

543
00:38:43,276 --> 00:38:44,569
Not the pastry!

544
00:38:46,446 --> 00:38:51,326
Ladies, I would like you to meet
Gracie Lou Freebush from New Jersey.

545
00:38:51,534 --> 00:38:53,746
Karen Krantz, New York.

546
00:38:53,954 --> 00:38:55,247
What's up, Jersey?

547
00:38:55,456 --> 00:38:58,333
- Mary Jo Wright, Texas.
- Hi there.

548
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:00,544
Belinda Brown, Tennessee.

549
00:39:00,752 --> 00:39:02,045
- I like that!
- Oh, yeah!

550
00:39:02,546 --> 00:39:04,340
Leslie Davis, California.

551
00:39:04,548 --> 00:39:05,550
Hey, girl.

552
00:39:05,758 --> 00:39:08,094
And Alana Krewson, Hawaii.

553
00:39:08,678 --> 00:39:09,511
Aloha.

554
00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,096
Aloha to you too!

555
00:39:11,305 --> 00:39:15,975
I want you all to know, I believe what
it says on the sign at the Alamodome.

556
00:39:16,185 --> 00:39:17,852
We are all winners.

557
00:39:18,187 --> 00:39:20,607
Hey, Hart! You think she's hungry?

558
00:39:20,814 --> 00:39:24,318
Most important, we're getting our
issues out there for people to hear.

559
00:39:24,526 --> 00:39:27,279
And it's an honor
to have made it this far.

560
00:39:27,446 --> 00:39:29,908
Especially when you're
from a small state--

561
00:39:30,116 --> 00:39:31,784
That's so true!

562
00:39:31,993 --> 00:39:34,411
- Us Rhode Islanders--
- I wasn't finished.

563
00:39:36,414 --> 00:39:37,748
Did it sound like I was?

564
00:39:37,956 --> 00:39:39,083
I'm sorry.

565
00:39:39,292 --> 00:39:41,460
Why are you apologizing to her?

566
00:39:41,669 --> 00:39:43,754
She's been drinking
too much Coppertone.

567
00:39:43,963 --> 00:39:46,424
- Are you talking to me?
- Yeah, I am.

568
00:39:47,467 --> 00:39:48,510
Question:

569
00:39:49,678 --> 00:39:53,222
In Hawaii, don't you use "Aloha"
for hello and goodbye?

570
00:39:53,764 --> 00:39:55,140
So?

571
00:39:55,933 --> 00:39:59,145
If you're on the phone with
someone who won't stop talking...

572
00:39:59,312 --> 00:40:01,773
...and you say "aloha,"
don't they start again?

573
00:40:08,487 --> 00:40:10,573
At least she thinks I'm funny.

574
00:40:11,157 --> 00:40:13,034
Hart? Hart, do you copy?

575
00:40:14,243 --> 00:40:16,579
- What's up?
- I don't know. It's not working.

576
00:40:16,704 --> 00:40:20,333
- It worked five minutes ago.
- Who put it together?

577
00:40:25,380 --> 00:40:27,424
Check one, check one--

578
00:40:29,883 --> 00:40:32,470
Thank you so much. Thank you.

579
00:40:33,178 --> 00:40:34,849
For the past 21 years...

580
00:40:35,014 --> 00:40:38,435
...it has been my honor to serve
as director of this pageant.

581
00:40:38,601 --> 00:40:42,189
And I know that this year will be
our most exciting event ever!

582
00:40:45,525 --> 00:40:47,778
Couple of geniuses I'm working with.

583
00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:51,990
After the rehearsal and a photo shoot,
you can settle into your rooms.

584
00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:55,578
Tomorrow we will
begin the preliminaries...

585
00:40:55,744 --> 00:40:58,247
...hosted by our
master of ceremonies...

586
00:40:58,413 --> 00:41:01,375
...an American institution,
Stan Fields.

587
00:41:06,546 --> 00:41:09,008
Thank you! Oh, thank you, Kathy!

588
00:41:10,676 --> 00:41:12,803
Let's go! Get it back online!

589
00:41:12,971 --> 00:41:14,472
- We're working on it.
- We're trying.

590
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,141
Thank you, Kathy.

591
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,559
Isn't she ravishing?!

592
00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:21,687
How does she do it?

593
00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:26,859
I look in the mirror and say,
"Who's that old man in my pajamas?"

594
00:41:29,986 --> 00:41:34,325
And even though I'll be
retiring this year....

595
00:41:36,370 --> 00:41:39,205
Well, don't cry for me... Alabama.

596
00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,666
That's so sad. He's retiring.

597
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:44,668
He's not retiring.

598
00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:47,839
I spoke to him this morning,
and he blurted it out.

599
00:41:48,048 --> 00:41:52,427
They're firing him, going
for someone newer and younger.

600
00:41:53,429 --> 00:41:55,722
I hope it's Ricky Martin.

601
00:42:00,352 --> 00:42:01,937
Jesus Christ!

602
00:42:10,696 --> 00:42:14,950
I'm sorry. I had a bite of my bagel
and I forgot to pray.

603
00:42:18,787 --> 00:42:20,997
Dear Jesus, please forgive me...

604
00:42:21,207 --> 00:42:24,751
...for not praying before I had
a bite of my bagel and schmeer.

605
00:42:24,918 --> 00:42:26,212
Thank you very much.

606
00:42:26,504 --> 00:42:27,004
Amen.

607
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,566
I hope I'm not disturbing you.

608
00:43:28,816 --> 00:43:31,152
Oh, no, I was just, you know...

609
00:43:31,610 --> 00:43:32,737
...grooming.

610
00:43:32,945 --> 00:43:35,782
I made some of my famous
hot chocolate.

611
00:43:40,912 --> 00:43:44,707
My roommate's asleep,
or she's starting to mold.

612
00:43:45,583 --> 00:43:47,710
But do you want to come in?

613
00:43:57,930 --> 00:43:59,848
I asked some of the other girls...

614
00:44:00,098 --> 00:44:03,185
...but when they heard "chocolate"
they slammed their doors.

615
00:44:03,352 --> 00:44:06,062
They didn't give me a chance
to say "nonfat."

616
00:44:07,606 --> 00:44:09,358
Well, here's to...

617
00:44:10,067 --> 00:44:11,484
...world peace.

618
00:44:11,943 --> 00:44:13,529
World peace.

619
00:44:20,661 --> 00:44:21,619
Hot.

620
00:44:21,828 --> 00:44:22,954
I'm sorry.

621
00:44:23,747 --> 00:44:25,248
I have to tell you...

622
00:44:25,499 --> 00:44:29,878
...I thought it was really great
how you settled that argument today.

623
00:44:30,213 --> 00:44:32,130
"Aloha, aloha."

624
00:44:32,382 --> 00:44:34,050
That's why you're gonna win.

625
00:44:34,509 --> 00:44:36,176
You're so clever.

626
00:44:36,344 --> 00:44:39,721
You should tell jokes for your talent.
What is your talent?

627
00:44:40,889 --> 00:44:43,392
It's-- It's kind of like....

628
00:44:43,767 --> 00:44:46,479
It's, you know,
it's like a surprise.

629
00:44:48,689 --> 00:44:51,358
But don't worry,
it's nothing embarrassing.

630
00:44:51,818 --> 00:44:54,905
Not anything like baton twirling
or anything.

631
00:44:57,030 --> 00:44:59,158
So, what's your talent?

632
00:45:01,577 --> 00:45:03,912
Oh, Cheryl, I'm sorry.

633
00:45:05,205 --> 00:45:08,042
Twirling can be a real art.

634
00:45:08,251 --> 00:45:11,754
I saw this cheerleader doing it
at a football game.

635
00:45:11,964 --> 00:45:15,882
She lit her batons on fire
and did this sexy dance.

636
00:45:16,050 --> 00:45:18,010
I wish I could do something like that.

637
00:45:18,219 --> 00:45:19,263
Why can't you?

638
00:45:19,470 --> 00:45:22,223
My parents don't like
anything ostentatious.

639
00:45:22,474 --> 00:45:24,767
And they really don't like fire.

640
00:45:26,812 --> 00:45:31,233
Cheryl, I think you have as good
a chance as anyone to win.

641
00:45:31,483 --> 00:45:34,444
You believe in yourself
to have gotten this far, right?

642
00:45:35,278 --> 00:45:36,905
- Really?
- Yeah.

643
00:45:40,117 --> 00:45:43,704
You're so nice and so smart
and so sensitive.

644
00:45:43,912 --> 00:45:45,663
You're definitely gonna win.

645
00:45:45,873 --> 00:45:46,790
That's it.

646
00:45:47,291 --> 00:45:51,294
Excuse me. I am in the middle
of a REM cycle over here.

647
00:45:51,502 --> 00:45:53,129
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.

648
00:46:24,661 --> 00:46:26,749
Not happening.

649
00:46:31,210 --> 00:46:33,087
- What?
- You took your earpiece out.

650
00:46:33,296 --> 00:46:34,796
- Vic needs you.
- Now?

651
00:46:35,047 --> 00:46:37,717
- I haven't slept in two days!
- I'll give you a cookie.

652
00:46:38,218 --> 00:46:40,136
It better be a big one.

653
00:46:42,388 --> 00:46:44,849
You don't walk, you float.

654
00:46:45,015 --> 00:46:48,143
Gently descending,
you don't look down.

655
00:46:48,353 --> 00:46:52,148
Go back up and do it again.
Never, ever look down, okay?

656
00:46:52,357 --> 00:46:54,527
Thighs touching....

657
00:46:55,318 --> 00:46:57,403
- Touching, not clenching.
- I'm touching.

658
00:46:57,612 --> 00:47:01,659
There's a gap between knees and calves,
your calves and your ankles.

659
00:47:01,908 --> 00:47:05,453
Right now there's a huge gap between
my brain and my spinal cord.

660
00:47:07,079 --> 00:47:08,832
Here. Take these.

661
00:47:27,518 --> 00:47:29,060
What, no armored car?

662
00:47:29,395 --> 00:47:31,397
That would be in my other dress.

663
00:47:32,064 --> 00:47:36,110
What are you planning to do
for your talent? Sing? Dance?

664
00:47:36,527 --> 00:47:38,320
Chew with your mouth closed?

665
00:47:38,529 --> 00:47:40,864
I'll do whatever you want, Yoda.

666
00:47:41,072 --> 00:47:42,448
Oh, Lord.

667
00:47:44,117 --> 00:47:45,410
Agent Matthews!

668
00:47:45,703 --> 00:47:49,582
- This woman has no talent!
- Don't shout it in front of her.

669
00:47:49,748 --> 00:47:53,419
I wasn't told to provide a talent.
I can't do so in the next five hours!

670
00:47:53,627 --> 00:47:54,712
Wait a minute.

671
00:47:54,921 --> 00:47:56,380
What are you talking about?

672
00:47:56,590 --> 00:47:59,049
She'll be on-stage
with nothing to do...

673
00:47:59,257 --> 00:48:01,760
...but convert oxygen
into carbon dioxide!

674
00:48:01,968 --> 00:48:06,432
You said you couldn't make her pretty
in two days, but she's gorgeous.

675
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,184
Compared to the car wreck
she was before.

676
00:48:09,393 --> 00:48:12,856
My duties are stated in a contract,
and I have fulfilled them.

677
00:48:13,064 --> 00:48:15,984
- You talent her up by tomorrow or--
- Are you threatening me?

678
00:48:16,150 --> 00:48:19,528
- Listen to me, you old fruitcake!
- How dare you, you cupcake!

679
00:48:19,736 --> 00:48:23,950
There's something I know how to do.
I haven't done it since high school--

680
00:48:24,116 --> 00:48:27,787
- You're not having sex on this stage.
- I didn't know it was an option.

681
00:48:27,955 --> 00:48:30,624
This thing,
I just have to call room service.

682
00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:32,417
Miss Hart.

683
00:48:32,626 --> 00:48:33,918
Please.

684
00:48:37,464 --> 00:48:39,633
Thank you. And the other one.

685
00:48:42,510 --> 00:48:43,553
Thank you.

686
00:48:50,602 --> 00:48:52,353
All right, all right, all right.

687
00:48:53,855 --> 00:48:56,315
Happy, you doughnut Nazi?

688
00:49:35,022 --> 00:49:37,817
Did I tell you Stan Fields
was getting fired?

689
00:49:38,026 --> 00:49:41,570
I'm on it. You just concentrate
on being Gracie Lou, all right.

690
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,991
And by the way,
you're doing a great job.

691
00:49:45,658 --> 00:49:47,867
I thought the evening gown looked....

692
00:49:49,078 --> 00:49:52,039
- I totally bought it.
- I know, you think I'm gorgeous.

693
00:49:52,248 --> 00:49:53,707
I don't think you're gorgeous.

694
00:49:54,083 --> 00:49:56,669
You think I'm gorgeous.

695
00:49:56,919 --> 00:49:59,380
You want to kiss me.

696
00:49:59,589 --> 00:50:01,215
You want to hug me--

697
00:50:01,425 --> 00:50:03,883
McDonald's more feminine.
I'd rather kiss him.

698
00:50:04,051 --> 00:50:07,430
--Iove me.
You want to hug me.

699
00:50:07,638 --> 00:50:09,224
You want to smooch me.

700
00:50:19,276 --> 00:50:20,818
Enjoy the rest of your night.

701
00:50:34,875 --> 00:50:37,085
Gracie, you look so tired.

702
00:50:37,627 --> 00:50:39,754
Oh, she had a busy night.

703
00:50:39,921 --> 00:50:42,923
I saw that gentleman stop by the room.

704
00:50:43,132 --> 00:50:44,133
Gentleman?

705
00:50:46,636 --> 00:50:50,515
- No men in the room.
- It's different on the mainland.

706
00:50:50,724 --> 00:50:53,810
Hold on, ladies. Let's hear
her side of the story.

707
00:50:54,061 --> 00:50:55,520
You sleeping with a judge?

708
00:50:59,858 --> 00:51:01,401
Oh, that guy?

709
00:51:02,402 --> 00:51:05,947
No, no, I was dating him
for a little while because...

710
00:51:06,156 --> 00:51:08,409
...he said he had
an incurable disease.

711
00:51:11,579 --> 00:51:13,955
I didn't realize it was stupidity.

712
00:51:14,123 --> 00:51:16,291
Oh, I know what that's like.

713
00:51:16,499 --> 00:51:18,126
He is such a pathetic loser.

714
00:51:18,334 --> 00:51:22,297
I'm sorry he's obsessed with me,
but at some point it's like, "Hello!"

715
00:51:22,506 --> 00:51:25,300
"Move on! Get over yourself!"

716
00:51:26,094 --> 00:51:27,929
His ego is this big.

717
00:51:28,179 --> 00:51:30,723
But his equipment is like this big!

718
00:51:31,891 --> 00:51:34,309
Good cover!
We worked that out together.

719
00:51:34,519 --> 00:51:36,269
Use it for a needle.

720
00:51:36,478 --> 00:51:38,689
Back to work.
Get ready for the Alamo.

721
00:51:40,358 --> 00:51:42,486
Thank you. Thank you.

722
00:51:42,818 --> 00:51:47,491
And welcome to
the Miss United States Preliminary...

723
00:51:47,698 --> 00:51:50,993
...here at the beautiful
and historical Alamo!

724
00:51:53,537 --> 00:51:55,665
Prepare for what promises to be...

725
00:51:55,873 --> 00:51:59,836
...a day of astounding musical,
theatrical and dancing talent.

726
00:52:00,086 --> 00:52:02,797
And after I'm finished,
you can see the ladies.

727
00:52:03,047 --> 00:52:04,007
Oh, yes!

728
00:52:06,592 --> 00:52:08,137
And now, put it together...

729
00:52:08,387 --> 00:52:12,055
...for Miss Mary Jo Wright from Texas!

730
00:52:49,428 --> 00:52:51,263
What's her talent, bartending?

731
00:53:16,539 --> 00:53:21,461
I made it very clear you weren't
responsible for making her credible.

732
00:53:24,254 --> 00:53:26,465
I wish I could explain...

733
00:53:26,965 --> 00:53:29,385
...but there are no words.

734
00:53:42,357 --> 00:53:43,691
Eagle-Eye.

735
00:53:44,651 --> 00:53:47,277
You might want to check out
cowboy at 1 :00.

736
00:53:48,154 --> 00:53:50,490
My 1 :00 or your 1 :00?

737
00:53:50,782 --> 00:53:53,117
The one under the white Stetson.

738
00:53:53,326 --> 00:53:55,453
There's Stetsons everywhere.

739
00:53:58,664 --> 00:53:59,998
He's moving, he's moving.

740
00:54:00,208 --> 00:54:03,378
- Toward the stage.
- Hold on, we're checking it out.

741
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,179
Guys, he has a gun. He has a gun.

742
00:54:13,138 --> 00:54:15,474
Who's got the 20 on the shooter?

743
00:54:17,641 --> 00:54:18,685
I'm taking him out.

744
00:54:18,892 --> 00:54:20,353
Wait for a visual!

745
00:54:22,355 --> 00:54:25,024
Gun! Gun! Everybody down!

746
00:54:28,988 --> 00:54:31,532
Better up to them, don't you think?

747
00:54:33,118 --> 00:54:36,577
In a bizarre incident at the
Miss United States Preliminaries...

748
00:54:36,787 --> 00:54:39,915
...the contestant from New Jersey
leapt off-stage...

749
00:54:40,123 --> 00:54:44,086
...and tackled a man in the crowd
who was trying to light a cigarette.

750
00:54:44,294 --> 00:54:46,714
She's here with me right now.

751
00:54:46,923 --> 00:54:50,300
What were you thinking when you
jumped off the stage?

752
00:54:50,509 --> 00:54:54,888
All the contestants are actively
involved in ending tobacco dependence.

753
00:54:55,097 --> 00:54:59,727
I think the gentleman will think twice
before he lights up again.

754
00:54:59,893 --> 00:55:01,604
I'm sure we all will.

755
00:55:06,484 --> 00:55:08,361
- Look, he had a gun.
- Of course.

756
00:55:08,570 --> 00:55:10,237
This is Texas, everyone has a gun.

757
00:55:10,445 --> 00:55:12,031
My florist has a gun.

758
00:55:12,323 --> 00:55:13,449
I don't have a gun.

759
00:55:13,657 --> 00:55:15,325
My ancestors were Quakers.

760
00:55:15,534 --> 00:55:17,494
Stan, please!

761
00:55:17,703 --> 00:55:20,457
We assume any man
with a weapon is a suspect.

762
00:55:20,665 --> 00:55:22,292
We got the DNA results.

763
00:55:22,500 --> 00:55:25,628
The envelope from the Citizen
was licked by a woman.

764
00:55:25,836 --> 00:55:27,671
There's never been DNA before.

765
00:55:28,131 --> 00:55:30,467
He slipped up, or I should say "she."

766
00:55:30,674 --> 00:55:32,427
This is preposterous.

767
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:34,846
You people are completely clueless.

768
00:55:35,055 --> 00:55:38,433
If I ran my pageant like this, we'd be
holding it in someone's basement!

769
00:55:38,641 --> 00:55:41,771
Every operation is bound
to have its screwups.

770
00:55:41,978 --> 00:55:44,440
As far as I can see,
she's still with us.

771
00:55:45,940 --> 00:55:47,066
Oh, God!

772
00:55:47,317 --> 00:55:50,486
Could I have a moment alone
with Miss Hart, please?

773
00:55:50,695 --> 00:55:51,821
Sure.

774
00:55:54,992 --> 00:55:56,577
Just for a tiny minute.

775
00:55:56,952 --> 00:55:59,454
We'll just be a moment.
Shop talk.

776
00:55:59,663 --> 00:56:00,664
Hair, gel, mousse.

777
00:56:03,167 --> 00:56:06,669
Look, I know I made a mistake.
I'm sorry.

778
00:56:09,339 --> 00:56:13,260
I've been fighting all my life
against your type.

779
00:56:13,426 --> 00:56:16,472
The ones who think we're
a bunch of worthless airheads.

780
00:56:17,056 --> 00:56:18,264
You know who I mean.

781
00:56:18,474 --> 00:56:19,892
Feminists...

782
00:56:20,100 --> 00:56:21,603
...intellectuals...

783
00:56:21,811 --> 00:56:22,895
...ugly women.

784
00:56:23,479 --> 00:56:25,855
I refuse to give in to their cynicism.

785
00:56:26,231 --> 00:56:30,694
That's why I have dedicated
my entire life to this scholarship.

786
00:56:31,361 --> 00:56:32,988
No one's going to ruin that.

787
00:56:33,989 --> 00:56:35,366
Not this year.

788
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:38,828
You get in my way, I will kill you.

789
00:56:40,496 --> 00:56:41,747
Do you understand?

790
00:56:42,872 --> 00:56:43,873
Yeah.

791
00:56:44,667 --> 00:56:45,875
Yes.

792
00:56:55,886 --> 00:56:56,888
Frank!

793
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:02,476
The interview is the single most
important part of the pageant.

794
00:57:02,726 --> 00:57:05,355
It accounts for 30%
of your total score.

795
00:57:05,563 --> 00:57:07,940
What's the other 70%, cleavage?

796
00:57:09,734 --> 00:57:13,363
Is this your idea of doing final preps
on the convention center?

797
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:17,199
Look. Liberace's got her
in a nice evening gown.

798
00:57:17,658 --> 00:57:22,164
McDonald called. He saw Hart's anti-
smoking commercial. He's on his way.

799
00:57:22,414 --> 00:57:25,877
Good, perfect. I'd hate for him
to fire me over the phone.

800
00:57:26,084 --> 00:57:27,128
I can't believe this!

801
00:57:27,335 --> 00:57:28,378
It'll be ugly.

802
00:57:28,587 --> 00:57:29,672
No shit.

803
00:57:30,130 --> 00:57:32,425
I gotta do something.
I'm gonna go do laps.

804
00:57:32,674 --> 00:57:35,217
We'll go over tomorrow's assignments.

805
00:57:35,426 --> 00:57:36,595
You got it.

806
00:57:36,803 --> 00:57:38,263
Hands folded. ..

807
00:57:38,930 --> 00:57:40,807
...ankles crossed.

808
00:57:41,057 --> 00:57:42,225
Neck up!

809
00:57:42,393 --> 00:57:44,394
And remember, smile.

810
00:57:44,603 --> 00:57:48,232
Smilers wear a crown,
losers wear a frown.

811
00:57:48,565 --> 00:57:51,234
I would so love to hurt you right now.

812
00:57:51,444 --> 00:57:53,987
As long as you smile.

813
00:57:54,446 --> 00:57:55,447
Now....

814
00:57:55,989 --> 00:57:58,325
Why is New Jersey called...

815
00:57:58,575 --> 00:57:59,743
...the Garden State?

816
00:57:59,994 --> 00:58:04,457
You can't fit "Oil and petrochemical
refinery state" on a license plate?

817
00:58:04,664 --> 00:58:07,168
I don't appreciate your immaturity...

818
00:58:07,418 --> 00:58:09,336
...when I'm working as hard as I am.

819
00:58:09,545 --> 00:58:13,089
What's the big deal?
It's fixed, I'm in the Top Five.

820
00:58:13,299 --> 00:58:15,218
Congratulations to me.

821
00:58:15,426 --> 00:58:20,223
Is that enough? Have you no pride
in yourself, in your presentation?

822
00:58:20,430 --> 00:58:24,352
I'm an FBI agent, right? I'm not
a performing monkey in heels.

823
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:27,231
You're also a person,
and an incomplete one at that!

824
00:58:27,397 --> 00:58:30,982
In place of friends and relationships,
you have sarcasm and a gun.

825
00:58:31,192 --> 00:58:32,360
Oh, I have sarcasm?

826
00:58:32,567 --> 00:58:36,113
When every word that comes out of your
mouth is dripping with disdain?

827
00:58:36,322 --> 00:58:40,826
That is because I am a miserable,
grumpy elitist, and that works for me.

828
00:58:41,077 --> 00:58:43,914
I don't have relationships
because I don't want them.

829
00:58:44,121 --> 00:58:47,625
And I don't have friends
because I work 24-7.

830
00:58:47,875 --> 00:58:51,254
And you have no idea why I am
the way that I am.

831
00:58:51,462 --> 00:58:54,507
As we're practicing interviews,
why are you the way you are?

832
00:58:54,715 --> 00:58:56,467
None of your damn business.

833
00:58:56,676 --> 00:58:59,555
The judges probably have
never heard that before.

834
00:58:59,762 --> 00:59:01,682
We have more to do here.

835
00:59:03,725 --> 00:59:05,601
No, we are finished.

836
00:59:07,061 --> 00:59:08,354
Finished?

837
00:59:10,941 --> 00:59:14,194
- Give me a 20 on Matthews.
- Be advised he's at the pool.

838
00:59:17,989 --> 00:59:20,284
"How do you feel about gun control?"

839
00:59:20,533 --> 00:59:21,868
Favorable.

840
00:59:31,128 --> 00:59:33,755
Thought I'd let you know
I was quitting. Take care.

841
00:59:34,423 --> 00:59:36,300
Hold on. Wait a minute.

842
00:59:36,925 --> 00:59:40,053
- What do you mean?
- I mean, you got the wrong girl.

843
00:59:40,262 --> 00:59:41,220
All right?

844
00:59:41,430 --> 00:59:42,638
I do not need this now.

845
00:59:42,848 --> 00:59:46,560
That's what I'm saying!
I'm totally screwing up in there!

846
00:59:46,810 --> 00:59:49,020
I don't feel
like a real agent anymore.

847
00:59:49,230 --> 00:59:51,732
I mean, Vic says
this thing that's so....

848
00:59:52,317 --> 00:59:55,528
I don't care what he said, you know?
I don't care.

849
00:59:55,695 --> 00:59:57,238
Because I am the job...

850
00:59:57,447 --> 01:00:00,032
...and I'm okay with that.
You're the job?

851
01:00:00,490 --> 01:00:02,618
Yeah, I'm the job.
We're all the job.

852
01:00:02,826 --> 01:00:04,662
Then what's wrong with me?

853
01:00:04,870 --> 01:00:08,582
I date. I know everyone thinks
I haven't had a date in 10 years.

854
01:00:08,791 --> 01:00:10,085
Is that what you think?

855
01:00:10,918 --> 01:00:12,252
I think you date.

856
01:00:12,462 --> 01:00:13,963
Damn right I do.

857
01:00:14,465 --> 01:00:16,549
But both times it was screwed up.

858
01:00:17,799 --> 01:00:20,094
I don't even care.
All I want to do...

859
01:00:20,344 --> 01:00:22,180
...is my job.

860
01:00:22,430 --> 01:00:25,600
For the last three days
I feel like I'm completely lost.

861
01:00:25,850 --> 01:00:28,603
I've been waiting five years
to run my own op.

862
01:00:28,811 --> 01:00:31,898
- Would I blow it on the wrong girl?
- You picked me...

863
01:00:32,107 --> 01:00:35,067
...because I looked good
and wasn't on maternity leave.

864
01:00:35,276 --> 01:00:38,320
No, that's why they let me pick you.
Know why?

865
01:00:38,529 --> 01:00:40,239
- Lost a bet.
- You're smart...

866
01:00:40,448 --> 01:00:44,911
...and funny and you're easy
to talk to when you're unarmed.

867
01:00:45,828 --> 01:00:49,040
Give yourself a break
and cut Vic some slack.

868
01:00:49,249 --> 01:00:51,670
Because if they see
what I see, then...

869
01:00:53,086 --> 01:00:54,295
...they'll love you.

870
01:00:58,299 --> 01:00:59,675
So, what do you say?

871
01:01:06,057 --> 01:01:07,392
I won't let you down.

872
01:01:07,601 --> 01:01:09,311
Good, that's what I want to hear.

873
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:12,523
In all honesty, I might let you down.

874
01:01:12,814 --> 01:01:16,067
But I'll try my best not to.

875
01:01:19,279 --> 01:01:20,781
Do not mess with the dress.

876
01:01:27,496 --> 01:01:30,123
Oh, Vic is gonna kill you.

877
01:01:31,165 --> 01:01:32,793
You in big trouble.

878
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:34,628
Why? You fell.

879
01:01:34,837 --> 01:01:36,462
- You look good wet.
- Shut up!

880
01:01:50,394 --> 01:01:53,355
Whoa, guys, Hart's
in the dressing room. Come on.

881
01:01:53,565 --> 01:01:56,693
- You see the legs on that girl?
- Who's your daddy?

882
01:02:12,749 --> 01:02:14,377
Those better be candy dishes!

883
01:02:14,918 --> 01:02:15,962
Turn around.

884
01:02:18,381 --> 01:02:19,716
Open.

885
01:02:21,258 --> 01:02:23,760
This guy's like an inch from death!

886
01:02:25,012 --> 01:02:27,140
But what a way to go!

887
01:02:27,348 --> 01:02:30,059
- Break it up. Nothing to see.
- What do you mean?

888
01:02:30,435 --> 01:02:32,188
She's a federal agent.

889
01:02:35,316 --> 01:02:38,360
Guess it's time to apply
at my local Hooters.

890
01:02:38,777 --> 01:02:42,363
Hemorrhoid ointment? You think
the judges will look that closely?

891
01:02:42,572 --> 01:02:44,782
It's for the baggies under your eyes.

892
01:02:45,033 --> 01:02:46,160
Really?

893
01:02:47,535 --> 01:02:50,163
Good, hair spray.
Finally something I recognize.

894
01:02:51,206 --> 01:02:52,665
What are you doing?

895
01:02:52,832 --> 01:02:55,002
It stops the suit from riding up.

896
01:02:55,210 --> 01:02:56,253
Riding up where?

897
01:02:56,545 --> 01:02:58,422
Just up!

898
01:02:58,631 --> 01:02:59,631
That's enough!

899
01:02:59,797 --> 01:03:01,299
Why do you make things hard?

900
01:03:01,466 --> 01:03:04,970
I can see this is an incredibly
embarrassing situation for you.

901
01:03:05,221 --> 01:03:08,682
Why does Georgia get to wear
a one-piece and I have to wear this?!

902
01:03:08,933 --> 01:03:12,853
If you can do this, then you can
convince anyone that you belong here.

903
01:03:13,103 --> 01:03:14,648
Places, everybody! Let's go!

904
01:03:14,897 --> 01:03:20,235
The Swimsuit Preliminary accounts
for 15% of the total score...

905
01:03:20,486 --> 01:03:24,031
...and tests the grace,
athleticism and poise...

906
01:03:24,198 --> 01:03:26,700
...of each lovely woman.

907
01:03:27,744 --> 01:03:30,788
The last time I was naked in public,
I came out of a uterus.

908
01:03:30,997 --> 01:03:34,167
I don't have breasts, my thighs--
I should wear a muumuu.

909
01:03:34,375 --> 01:03:36,669
I have avoided this experience
all my life.

910
01:03:36,876 --> 01:03:39,672
And here it is.
You must achieve a Zen-like state.

911
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:42,466
Listen to your breathing,
feel your heart...

912
01:03:42,675 --> 01:03:44,593
...think of the Dalai Lama.

913
01:04:04,447 --> 01:04:05,782
Texas!

914
01:04:10,746 --> 01:04:11,745
Rhode Island!

915
01:04:16,834 --> 01:04:18,335
New Jersey!

916
01:04:29,556 --> 01:04:32,058
Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama....

917
01:04:33,978 --> 01:04:35,270
New York!

918
01:04:39,441 --> 01:04:41,026
California!

919
01:04:45,113 --> 01:04:47,866
I would have to say,
world peace.

920
01:04:48,158 --> 01:04:50,702
Definitely, world peace.

921
01:04:50,994 --> 01:04:53,748
That's easy. World peace.

922
01:04:54,079 --> 01:04:55,041
World peace.

923
01:04:55,290 --> 01:05:00,087
What is the one most important thing
our society needs?

924
01:05:01,338 --> 01:05:05,593
That would be harsher punishment
for parole violators, Stan.

925
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,893
And, world peace.

926
01:05:20,191 --> 01:05:21,651
Thank you, Gracie Lou.

927
01:05:21,858 --> 01:05:23,568
And thank you, Stan.

928
01:05:25,612 --> 01:05:28,573
Cheryl Frasier from Rhode Island.

929
01:05:29,617 --> 01:05:31,744
That was charming. Are you drunk?

930
01:05:31,951 --> 01:05:36,248
Glad you enjoyed it. Now excuse me,
I have to go unscrew my smile.

931
01:05:36,625 --> 01:05:38,293
We got a lead.

932
01:05:38,501 --> 01:05:40,379
- The blood test?
- Photos.

933
01:05:40,587 --> 01:05:43,630
Cheryl Frasier, with members
of a radical animal rights group...

934
01:05:43,797 --> 01:05:46,258
- ...involved in bombings.
- It's always the quiet ones.

935
01:05:46,467 --> 01:05:49,553
She fits the profile:
loner, introverted.

936
01:05:49,762 --> 01:05:51,389
That Cheryl?

937
01:05:51,598 --> 01:05:55,143
Describe your perfect date.

938
01:05:56,645 --> 01:05:58,479
That's a tough one.

939
01:06:01,232 --> 01:06:04,194
I'd have to say April 25th...

940
01:06:04,403 --> 01:06:07,738
...because it's not too hot,
not too cold.

941
01:06:07,947 --> 01:06:10,535
All you need is a light jacket.

942
01:06:12,494 --> 01:06:14,956
Now, there is a hardened criminal.

943
01:06:16,456 --> 01:06:20,251
Maybe she's an accomplice.
Maybe she's his inside connection.

944
01:06:20,459 --> 01:06:22,671
That's what you gotta find out.

945
01:06:22,837 --> 01:06:23,839
How?

946
01:06:24,047 --> 01:06:26,466
Buddy up to her, you know, girl talk.

947
01:06:26,675 --> 01:06:28,845
- Girl talk?
- Yeah, girl talk.

948
01:06:30,179 --> 01:06:32,140
Sorry, I'm totally drawing a blank.

949
01:06:32,347 --> 01:06:36,976
Leg waxing, fake orgasms,
the inability of men to commit.

950
01:06:37,185 --> 01:06:38,687
Why don't you talk to her?

951
01:06:39,938 --> 01:06:43,775
Imagine she's me and you want to know,
but I don't want to talk about it.

952
01:06:43,985 --> 01:06:45,318
What would you do?

953
01:06:45,736 --> 01:06:47,320
You want me to beat her?

954
01:06:47,905 --> 01:06:48,991
Why don't you talk to her?

955
01:06:49,198 --> 01:06:51,491
Okay, forget about it. I will go.

956
01:06:52,201 --> 01:06:53,827
Put that back in your ear.

957
01:06:54,034 --> 01:06:56,204
I can't talk girl talk
with a guy in my head.

958
01:06:56,371 --> 01:06:58,499
I can't even do it with me in my head.

959
01:07:01,377 --> 01:07:02,836
Girl talk.

960
01:07:10,845 --> 01:07:12,304
Oh, my God!

961
01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:14,932
Hey, Rhode Island, how you doing?

962
01:07:15,098 --> 01:07:18,269
How can you ask that?
You heard my interview.

963
01:07:19,060 --> 01:07:21,397
I was like a female Rain Man.

964
01:07:21,606 --> 01:07:24,568
Oh, no, it definitely
wasn't Rain Man.

965
01:07:24,735 --> 01:07:26,361
Definitely not Rain Man.

966
01:07:26,570 --> 01:07:29,281
Come and have a midnight snack
with me and some...

967
01:07:29,573 --> 01:07:30,865
...girl talk.

968
01:07:31,073 --> 01:07:34,076
Are you crazy?
We can't have pizza and beer!

969
01:07:34,326 --> 01:07:36,996
Do you know how many calories
you're talking about?

970
01:07:37,205 --> 01:07:39,874
It's light beer and
she's gonna throw it up anyway.

971
01:07:40,083 --> 01:07:41,042
Come on.

972
01:07:41,375 --> 01:07:43,878
Come with. No?

973
01:07:44,128 --> 01:07:45,672
No takers? No?

974
01:07:47,299 --> 01:07:49,133
All right, I'll just...

975
01:07:49,300 --> 01:07:52,595
...sit here. You guys
go back on your bicycles...

976
01:07:52,804 --> 01:07:57,059
...and I'll sit here with my
very large, cheesy pizza.

977
01:07:57,434 --> 01:07:59,436
Oh, look at all that cheese.

978
01:08:00,979 --> 01:08:02,899
Cheryl, don't.

979
01:08:03,106 --> 01:08:05,358
At least scrape off the toppings.

980
01:08:05,568 --> 01:08:09,320
First step, pizza.
Second step, flaming batons....

981
01:08:16,287 --> 01:08:18,747
I guess we'll be needing more pizza.

982
01:08:36,474 --> 01:08:38,643
I want another drink!

983
01:08:40,145 --> 01:08:41,771
We're gonna get a drink.

984
01:08:58,997 --> 01:09:00,999
Another round, ladies?

985
01:09:01,790 --> 01:09:04,501
- I can't do another one!
- Yes, you can!

986
01:09:13,136 --> 01:09:14,470
This is so weird!

987
01:09:14,679 --> 01:09:17,391
This is my third one
and I don't feel a thing!

988
01:09:17,641 --> 01:09:18,599
Really?

989
01:09:18,808 --> 01:09:21,227
Like when I did my interview question.

990
01:09:21,436 --> 01:09:23,271
Don't worry, we all sucked.

991
01:09:23,605 --> 01:09:27,358
You know, I had such a good answer
to that question too.

992
01:09:27,567 --> 01:09:30,738
My idea of a perfect date
would be a man...

993
01:09:30,905 --> 01:09:33,157
...who takes me to a romantic dinner.

994
01:09:33,364 --> 01:09:36,534
Then we walk along the beach barefoot,
discussing books...

995
01:09:36,701 --> 01:09:39,580
...and music and movies!

996
01:09:41,206 --> 01:09:42,708
No wonder you're still a virgin.

997
01:09:45,710 --> 01:09:48,212
Time to paint. Come on.

998
01:09:48,422 --> 01:09:49,965
No, my contacts.

999
01:09:51,592 --> 01:09:53,469
- We'll stay here.
- I want more pizza.

1000
01:09:53,677 --> 01:09:56,012
We're gonna have more pizza and beer.

1001
01:09:58,390 --> 01:09:59,808
Have fun!

1002
01:10:00,183 --> 01:10:03,311
- This is so much fun.
- Yeah, it's fun.

1003
01:10:03,521 --> 01:10:05,606
It's so fun it should be illegal.

1004
01:10:05,898 --> 01:10:08,776
Speaking of illegal,
have you ever, like...

1005
01:10:08,943 --> 01:10:10,402
...committed a crime?

1006
01:10:11,445 --> 01:10:12,737
Yes!

1007
01:10:13,906 --> 01:10:15,532
Yes, I did.

1008
01:10:17,743 --> 01:10:18,911
Go on.

1009
01:10:20,454 --> 01:10:23,916
One time I stole red underwear
from the department store.

1010
01:10:24,166 --> 01:10:25,960
My mother wouldn't buy them!

1011
01:10:26,169 --> 01:10:28,880
She said they were Satan's panties.

1012
01:10:31,590 --> 01:10:33,759
- So is that it?
- Yeah.

1013
01:10:33,968 --> 01:10:37,221
Oh, there was
this one thing in college...

1014
01:10:37,429 --> 01:10:39,390
...with my Lit professor.

1015
01:10:39,598 --> 01:10:44,604
One day I came to his office. He said
he wanted to discuss a paper I wrote.

1016
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,941
He wanted to discuss a paper, right?

1017
01:10:48,148 --> 01:10:50,944
Hey, can I get another
one of these tubie things?

1018
01:10:51,110 --> 01:10:53,112
Yeah, can we get another tubie?

1019
01:10:54,155 --> 01:10:56,282
Anyway, he attacked me.

1020
01:10:58,951 --> 01:11:01,413
Cheryl, did you report him?

1021
01:11:01,622 --> 01:11:04,791
No, I never told anyone before this.

1022
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:07,293
I know that happens all the time.

1023
01:11:07,501 --> 01:11:09,796
No, it doesn't! Cheryl, it doesn't.

1024
01:11:10,005 --> 01:11:12,882
There are so many maneuvers
that I could show you.

1025
01:11:13,091 --> 01:11:14,217
Really?

1026
01:11:14,426 --> 01:11:16,679
Yeah! Come on, get up.

1027
01:11:18,763 --> 01:11:20,932
I want you to firmly plant your feet.

1028
01:11:21,142 --> 01:11:22,809
I'm gonna move the chair.

1029
01:11:23,019 --> 01:11:24,853
Now if someone comes at you--

1030
01:11:32,027 --> 01:11:34,363
She's completely trashed.

1031
01:11:34,571 --> 01:11:37,908
We should get her back
before Miss Morningside finds out.

1032
01:11:38,116 --> 01:11:40,995
Kathy's got a boot up her ass
about something.

1033
01:11:41,162 --> 01:11:44,081
I don't think she ever
got over those rumors.

1034
01:11:44,247 --> 01:11:45,415
Come again?

1035
01:11:45,623 --> 01:11:47,584
Her pageant years
she was a runner-up.

1036
01:11:47,792 --> 01:11:50,754
But then the winner mysteriously
got food poisoning.

1037
01:11:50,963 --> 01:11:52,173
Bizarro!

1038
01:11:52,380 --> 01:11:55,843
No, Stan told me she got a letter
a few weeks back from the network...

1039
01:11:56,010 --> 01:11:58,471
...and they're firing her too!

1040
01:11:58,679 --> 01:12:01,806
She threw a chair out the window!

1041
01:12:03,224 --> 01:12:04,977
We gotta go. Come on.

1042
01:12:05,311 --> 01:12:07,856
I got 20 people here
waiting for confirmation.

1043
01:12:13,653 --> 01:12:15,905
Don't tell me I don't understand.

1044
01:12:16,114 --> 01:12:18,241
I hate when I don't see
a wet paint sign.

1045
01:12:18,406 --> 01:12:19,574
Stop it. Listen.

1046
01:12:19,741 --> 01:12:23,245
- Can't hear you, took out my earpiece.
- I have a lead and it's not Cheryl.

1047
01:12:23,411 --> 01:12:25,831
Forget it. They bagged the Citizen.

1048
01:12:26,208 --> 01:12:27,708
What? Where?

1049
01:12:28,334 --> 01:12:29,960
It's confirmed.

1050
01:12:30,252 --> 01:12:32,379
He was holing up in a shack in Nevada.

1051
01:12:32,923 --> 01:12:35,258
Place had enough C4
to make a new Grand Canyon.

1052
01:12:35,508 --> 01:12:37,343
Let's pack up and get out of here.

1053
01:12:38,762 --> 01:12:41,722
Sir, I need to talk to you.
One second of your time.

1054
01:12:42,306 --> 01:12:43,892
Hear me out a second.

1055
01:12:44,100 --> 01:12:48,314
I feel the situation bears further
scrutiny and our continued presence.

1056
01:12:48,522 --> 01:12:51,775
Do you have paint in your ears?
We caught the guy!

1057
01:12:51,942 --> 01:12:54,985
I respect what you're saying.
I'd say the same to me...

1058
01:12:55,151 --> 01:12:57,114
...but what if we were wrong?

1059
01:12:57,655 --> 01:13:01,034
What if the Citizen didn't send it?
What if it was a copycat?

1060
01:13:01,909 --> 01:13:04,329
The letter didn't follow
the normal pattern.

1061
01:13:04,496 --> 01:13:06,666
The linguistic scheme
was uncharacteristic...

1062
01:13:06,957 --> 01:13:09,292
...and the DNA said it was a woman!

1063
01:13:09,794 --> 01:13:12,670
Maybe he got his girlfriend
to lick the envelope.

1064
01:13:12,837 --> 01:13:15,173
I think we have reason
to monitor Morningside.

1065
01:13:15,339 --> 01:13:18,760
Why don't you jump on her
dressed like a Bavarian fruitcake?

1066
01:13:18,968 --> 01:13:21,680
You're the reason I had
to drag myself down here...

1067
01:13:21,889 --> 01:13:24,141
...and I don't want to hear anymore!

1068
01:13:24,267 --> 01:13:27,102
You're absolutely right, sir.
Not another damn word.

1069
01:13:27,310 --> 01:13:28,312
Thank you.

1070
01:13:28,771 --> 01:13:31,940
But she's getting fired this year,
which she didn't tell us.

1071
01:13:32,107 --> 01:13:35,110
You're already in enough
trouble with the review board.

1072
01:13:35,318 --> 01:13:38,905
Yeah, but when she was in the pageant,
the only reason she won was...

1073
01:13:39,157 --> 01:13:42,909
...because the winner got
food poisoning. How bizarro is that?

1074
01:13:43,076 --> 01:13:44,327
"Bizarro"?

1075
01:13:44,579 --> 01:13:48,332
She threatened me. According to Mary
Jo, she has a history of violence.

1076
01:13:48,541 --> 01:13:49,791
Who is Mary Jo?

1077
01:13:49,999 --> 01:13:52,628
Are you getting your information
from a pajama party?

1078
01:13:52,836 --> 01:13:54,213
Would you shut up?

1079
01:13:54,463 --> 01:13:56,632
You're shutting up enough
for both of us.

1080
01:13:58,009 --> 01:14:00,261
Is there any reason
to suspect Morningside?

1081
01:14:07,268 --> 01:14:08,268
No, sir.

1082
01:14:12,231 --> 01:14:13,274
There.

1083
01:14:13,483 --> 01:14:16,695
I request permission to stay
with a small contingent.

1084
01:14:16,944 --> 01:14:17,695
Denied.

1085
01:14:17,945 --> 01:14:20,489
Then I request permission
to stay alone.

1086
01:14:20,699 --> 01:14:25,077
You know what, I don't care
what you do. You want to stay, stay!

1087
01:14:25,286 --> 01:14:28,623
But as a private citizen.
Turn in your badge and your gun.

1088
01:14:29,332 --> 01:14:32,084
Everybody, I suggest we start packing.

1089
01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:36,965
What?

1090
01:14:37,216 --> 01:14:39,343
Don't look at me like I betrayed you.

1091
01:14:39,551 --> 01:14:41,470
Betrayal implies action.
You stood there.

1092
01:14:41,719 --> 01:14:43,262
You got nothing to go on.

1093
01:14:43,471 --> 01:14:45,598
I know everyone thinks I'm a screwup.

1094
01:14:45,807 --> 01:14:49,353
But I feel like I'm in the right
place at the right time.

1095
01:14:49,603 --> 01:14:52,648
I have to protect those girls.
It is my job.

1096
01:14:52,856 --> 01:14:54,232
Part of it is following orders.

1097
01:14:54,441 --> 01:14:58,236
The other part is using your brain.
Throw out the rule book--

1098
01:14:58,446 --> 01:15:01,573
I like the book. I like knowing
what I can and cannot do.

1099
01:15:01,740 --> 01:15:03,908
You're not the only one who lives
for the job.

1100
01:15:04,076 --> 01:15:07,163
I want to keep mine
for the next 20 or 30 years.

1101
01:15:08,329 --> 01:15:09,915
Jesus, Hart.

1102
01:15:10,082 --> 01:15:11,375
Give it a rest.

1103
01:15:11,584 --> 01:15:13,335
Sure, give it a rest.

1104
01:15:15,338 --> 01:15:16,631
What are you doing?

1105
01:15:18,216 --> 01:15:19,675
Don't do it.

1106
01:16:02,802 --> 01:16:04,178
Thank you.

1107
01:16:05,178 --> 01:16:07,348
Thank you so much.

1108
01:16:09,101 --> 01:16:10,852
I can't believe it!

1109
01:16:14,355 --> 01:16:15,732
Hi, Mom.

1110
01:16:16,774 --> 01:16:18,318
Don't do that!

1111
01:16:18,485 --> 01:16:22,822
That slow, creepy thing in the shadows.
Your father used to do that.

1112
01:16:23,032 --> 01:16:24,073
Mom.

1113
01:16:26,576 --> 01:16:28,078
This isn't gonna work.

1114
01:16:28,746 --> 01:16:31,247
Why, of course it's going to work.

1115
01:16:31,414 --> 01:16:34,584
The feds caught the Citizen.
We have no one to pin it on!

1116
01:16:34,877 --> 01:16:36,170
Okay, that was bad luck.

1117
01:16:36,420 --> 01:16:40,674
But what about all these other letters
from terrorist groups threatening us?

1118
01:16:40,882 --> 01:16:42,468
"Women's Liberation Front."

1119
01:16:42,759 --> 01:16:46,138
"Islamic Jihad." They're not so nuts
about the Swimsuit Competition.

1120
01:16:46,347 --> 01:16:48,682
Any one of these
could have planted a bomb.

1121
01:16:48,932 --> 01:16:50,642
When did we get those?

1122
01:16:51,017 --> 01:16:53,354
I just finished writing them.

1123
01:16:53,561 --> 01:16:55,647
Just like the Citizen letter.

1124
01:16:56,690 --> 01:16:57,982
You're a genius.

1125
01:16:58,149 --> 01:17:00,735
No, Frank. I'm just pissed off.

1126
01:17:00,945 --> 01:17:03,238
Nobody fires me and gets away with it.

1127
01:17:03,447 --> 01:17:05,616
They want a newer, hotter show...

1128
01:17:05,867 --> 01:17:06,910
...they're gonna get it.

1129
01:17:07,533 --> 01:17:09,203
Mom, you're a little scary.

1130
01:17:09,410 --> 01:17:10,996
And you're a little bit sloppy.

1131
01:17:11,205 --> 01:17:14,042
Tuck your shirt.
I don't want to tell you again.

1132
01:17:15,208 --> 01:17:16,293
Let's go home, honey.

1133
01:17:17,044 --> 01:17:18,046
Mom?

1134
01:17:19,172 --> 01:17:20,465
Oops.

1135
01:17:39,651 --> 01:17:41,735
- Need a hand, boss?
- I got it.

1136
01:17:48,910 --> 01:17:51,120
Okay, Vic. Beautify me.

1137
01:17:51,287 --> 01:17:55,291
Hair, makeup, shellac, whatever
it is you do. That shiny stuff--

1138
01:17:55,458 --> 01:17:56,792
Where are you going?

1139
01:17:57,002 --> 01:18:01,296
Your Agent McDonald insists that I
depart, or I won't be compensated.

1140
01:18:01,631 --> 01:18:04,425
No. After the Top 10!
I am completely on my own.

1141
01:18:04,634 --> 01:18:07,179
The FBI is gone, it's not fixed.
I need you!

1142
01:18:07,387 --> 01:18:09,431
Not anymore. The cocoon is open.

1143
01:18:09,681 --> 01:18:12,642
I've taken a woman
without a smidgen of estrogen...

1144
01:18:12,852 --> 01:18:14,477
...and made her a lady.

1145
01:18:14,687 --> 01:18:17,273
- Come on.
- I've never been prouder of myself.

1146
01:18:18,691 --> 01:18:19,816
Or...

1147
01:18:21,359 --> 01:18:23,778
...of any girl I have ever coached.

1148
01:18:24,780 --> 01:18:26,531
You are truly unique.

1149
01:18:27,366 --> 01:18:31,704
If I ever had a daughter,
I imagine that she would be...

1150
01:18:32,162 --> 01:18:33,455
...something like you.

1151
01:18:35,791 --> 01:18:37,459
Which is why I never reproduced.

1152
01:18:39,544 --> 01:18:42,923
I have a really strong feeling
something will happen to these girls.

1153
01:18:43,174 --> 01:18:44,799
You need to stay for me. Please.

1154
01:18:45,050 --> 01:18:46,385
I can't.

1155
01:18:46,969 --> 01:18:50,139
But I can leave you this.
I was saving it for tonight.

1156
01:18:50,389 --> 01:18:52,808
It's your size, I believe.

1157
01:18:53,310 --> 01:18:55,060
Good luck to you, Gracie Lou.

1158
01:19:00,648 --> 01:19:02,359
It's been a privilege.

1159
01:19:21,378 --> 01:19:23,005
No insults today?

1160
01:19:23,215 --> 01:19:24,548
You're a Don Ho.

1161
01:19:24,716 --> 01:19:28,178
Has anyone seen Gracie? I can't
believe she missed dress rehearsal.

1162
01:19:28,427 --> 01:19:31,847
Maybe she couldn't take the pressure.
She ate four slices last night.

1163
01:19:32,056 --> 01:19:37,228
We all saw her glasses performance.
She is not making the Top 10!

1164
01:19:38,271 --> 01:19:40,231
I overslept my beauty sleep.

1165
01:19:40,440 --> 01:19:43,151
- Do you need help?
- No, I'm fine.

1166
01:19:43,693 --> 01:19:45,946
I wonder which one of these...

1167
01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:47,656
...is lipstick.

1168
01:19:51,075 --> 01:19:52,034
Ladies!

1169
01:20:15,141 --> 01:20:17,936
Good luck, ladies! Keep it moving.
Let's go!

1170
01:20:18,144 --> 01:20:19,229
Looking good, ladies.

1171
01:20:19,396 --> 01:20:21,732
Will you go back to the mothership?

1172
01:20:21,982 --> 01:20:23,568
As long as you go with me, Tex-Ass.

1173
01:20:23,818 --> 01:20:26,945
Let's go, Pennsylvania,
New Jersey, Texas....

1174
01:20:27,611 --> 01:20:30,115
I can't open the goddamn bottle.

1175
01:20:31,617 --> 01:20:33,785
Have a good show. You guys excited?

1176
01:20:40,835 --> 01:20:41,962
Where are you going?

1177
01:20:42,169 --> 01:20:44,588
I forgot my breasts.
Hold on, I'll be back.

1178
01:20:50,427 --> 01:20:51,679
Going live.

1179
01:20:51,929 --> 01:20:54,974
In five, four, three....

1180
01:20:55,308 --> 01:20:58,519
It's the 75th Annual
Miss United States Pageant. ..

1181
01:20:58,770 --> 01:21:02,315
...live from San Antonio, Texas!

1182
01:21:13,492 --> 01:21:16,037
Good. That's the one I use at home.

1183
01:23:11,779 --> 01:23:14,574
And your host for the evening,
Stan Fields!

1184
01:23:14,824 --> 01:23:17,410
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

1185
01:23:17,577 --> 01:23:22,249
And welcome to a night of beauty,
talent and poise.

1186
01:23:22,458 --> 01:23:24,877
I'm not just talking
about my cohost...

1187
01:23:25,127 --> 01:23:27,670
...Kathy Morningside!

1188
01:23:30,591 --> 01:23:33,342
- Hello, Kathy.
- Stan, you charmer.

1189
01:23:33,552 --> 01:23:36,888
But you forgot to mention
"incredible intelligence."

1190
01:23:37,055 --> 01:23:40,100
That was incredibly stupid of me.
How can I make it up?

1191
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:42,686
By helping me to announce
the Top 10...

1192
01:23:42,979 --> 01:23:47,064
...chosen based on their performance
during the preliminaries this week.

1193
01:23:47,315 --> 01:23:48,817
Here's the envelope.

1194
01:23:48,984 --> 01:23:52,112
Thank you, Scott.
Ladies, hold your breath.

1195
01:23:54,990 --> 01:23:56,450
Hawaii!

1196
01:23:56,658 --> 01:23:59,870
And we're following.
Come in for that reaction.

1197
01:24:01,372 --> 01:24:03,290
- Go to two.
- Going to two.

1198
01:24:03,457 --> 01:24:05,043
California!

1199
01:24:07,294 --> 01:24:08,545
New York!

1200
01:24:11,923 --> 01:24:13,051
Alaska!

1201
01:24:15,887 --> 01:24:17,472
Texas!

1202
01:24:25,104 --> 01:24:26,939
New Jersey!

1203
01:24:31,820 --> 01:24:32,654
Oh, shit!

1204
01:24:34,322 --> 01:24:35,657
That was graceful.

1205
01:24:35,782 --> 01:24:37,450
That must have hurt.

1206
01:24:37,867 --> 01:24:39,953
But she's up and at it.

1207
01:24:46,167 --> 01:24:49,338
And last but not least, Rhode Island.

1208
01:24:54,092 --> 01:24:57,970
And there they are!
This year's Top 10 finalists.

1209
01:25:01,056 --> 01:25:02,976
The Top 10 have been chosen.

1210
01:25:03,185 --> 01:25:06,896
We'll be right back with tonight's
Swimsuit Competition.

1211
01:25:13,736 --> 01:25:15,947
I checked out Kathy Morningside.

1212
01:25:16,154 --> 01:25:18,491
- Anything?
- Not even a traffic ticket.

1213
01:25:18,658 --> 01:25:23,288
Model citizen. Beauty contestant,
pageant director, loving mom.

1214
01:25:23,497 --> 01:25:25,790
- She's married?
- Widow. One son.

1215
01:25:25,958 --> 01:25:29,044
A sniveling, obsequious
weasel of a human being.

1216
01:25:30,087 --> 01:25:33,214
- You know her son?
- So do you. It's Frank.

1217
01:25:33,465 --> 01:25:36,218
- Her assistant?
- Asshole Frank?

1218
01:25:36,343 --> 01:25:37,344
One and the same.

1219
01:25:37,552 --> 01:25:40,514
She never mentioned anything.
Anything come up on the CCH?

1220
01:25:40,723 --> 01:25:42,141
Nothing on Frank Tobin.

1221
01:25:42,350 --> 01:25:44,518
There wouldn't be.
His name is Morningside.

1222
01:25:44,685 --> 01:25:47,563
He changed it to cover
his many indiscretions.

1223
01:25:48,355 --> 01:25:50,025
Wait. How do you know that?

1224
01:25:50,858 --> 01:25:53,359
I've been around this pageant
for many years.

1225
01:25:53,569 --> 01:25:56,822
I could shock you with the intimate
details I'm privy to.

1226
01:26:13,881 --> 01:26:15,759
Good job! Good job

1227
01:26:23,975 --> 01:26:25,353
I got you something.

1228
01:26:28,520 --> 01:26:29,689
I couldn't--

1229
01:26:29,898 --> 01:26:32,524
You ate pizza, you stole panties,
you're wild.

1230
01:26:32,691 --> 01:26:34,653
We worked on this, remember?

1231
01:26:35,445 --> 01:26:36,738
You're gonna be great.

1232
01:26:43,995 --> 01:26:46,455
- Can I see your ticket?
- Federal officer.

1233
01:26:47,248 --> 01:26:48,792
I'm with him.

1234
01:27:20,991 --> 01:27:22,702
Gentlemen, you can't go in--

1235
01:27:22,951 --> 01:27:23,953
Victor!

1236
01:27:24,953 --> 01:27:26,287
He's with me.

1237
01:27:27,665 --> 01:27:29,916
Wait. I'm not "with him" with him.

1238
01:27:30,126 --> 01:27:31,752
Come on, muffin.

1239
01:27:45,808 --> 01:27:49,354
Thank you! She certainly lit my fire.

1240
01:27:51,023 --> 01:27:53,358
Now you can wear Satan's panties!

1241
01:28:02,908 --> 01:28:04,869
- Hey, Hart.
- What are you doing here?

1242
01:28:05,119 --> 01:28:08,790
I think you might have been right.
Frank is Kathy Morningside's son.

1243
01:28:08,999 --> 01:28:10,541
Disgusting, perverted Frank?

1244
01:28:10,792 --> 01:28:13,085
He cleared under another name.
I ran a new CCH.

1245
01:28:13,295 --> 01:28:15,755
DUI, assault, even a weapons charge.

1246
01:28:16,005 --> 01:28:17,423
Are we doing full deployment?

1247
01:28:17,590 --> 01:28:20,342
McDonald didn't want to hear about it.
It's just us.

1248
01:28:23,472 --> 01:28:25,265
Good show, Mr. Tobin.

1249
01:28:33,106 --> 01:28:35,233
You're up next, New Jersey.

1250
01:28:35,442 --> 01:28:36,984
I gotta get my glasses.

1251
01:28:38,653 --> 01:28:40,863
Hey! You're drinking my talent!

1252
01:28:41,114 --> 01:28:43,200
You got to make it into the Top Five!

1253
01:28:43,451 --> 01:28:45,077
- Can you whistle?
- No!

1254
01:28:45,328 --> 01:28:47,288
- Make hand puppets?
- No!

1255
01:28:47,455 --> 01:28:49,539
I had a girl who rearranged furniture.

1256
01:28:49,791 --> 01:28:52,249
You said all I have
is sarcasm and a gun.

1257
01:28:52,417 --> 01:28:54,126
That and a right hook.

1258
01:28:55,045 --> 01:29:00,009
And now, the musical stylings
of Gracie Lou Freebush.

1259
01:29:04,430 --> 01:29:05,389
Good evening.

1260
01:29:05,598 --> 01:29:09,476
The program says I'm supposed to play
the water glasses for you...

1261
01:29:09,684 --> 01:29:11,185
...but the girls got dehydrated.

1262
01:29:12,896 --> 01:29:13,981
No water glasses?

1263
01:29:14,856 --> 01:29:16,858
You want me to go to a commercial?

1264
01:29:17,026 --> 01:29:19,403
No, stay on her. Go with it.

1265
01:29:19,612 --> 01:29:23,991
I believe no woman should be without
a basic knowledge of self-defense.

1266
01:29:24,158 --> 01:29:28,287
So in order to show you this,
I'm gonna need a little help.

1267
01:29:28,787 --> 01:29:32,625
I would like to bring out
my assistant, Eric Bob.

1268
01:29:36,838 --> 01:29:39,758
More changes?
Follow her. Stay on her.

1269
01:29:39,924 --> 01:29:42,803
--how to inflict damage
with the least amount offorce.

1270
01:29:43,344 --> 01:29:48,641
In some cases, your attacker might
come at you in a frontal assault.

1271
01:29:55,064 --> 01:29:56,984
Use the heel of your hand and thrust.

1272
01:29:57,233 --> 01:30:00,821
This will cause the nose to break
and your assailant's eyes to tear...

1273
01:30:01,028 --> 01:30:02,656
...giving you a chance to get away.

1274
01:30:02,822 --> 01:30:06,826
All right. Let's say your assailant
comes at you from behind.

1275
01:30:12,290 --> 01:30:13,876
Attack me!

1276
01:30:15,752 --> 01:30:18,504
Little Eric looks a little scared.

1277
01:30:21,757 --> 01:30:24,178
Maybe he needs a little applause.

1278
01:30:40,694 --> 01:30:42,404
She's kicking his ass!

1279
01:30:44,699 --> 01:30:46,325
You were the best queen ever.

1280
01:30:46,492 --> 01:30:48,661
Thank you, that is so sweet.

1281
01:30:48,869 --> 01:30:51,496
Ladies, give Lori
some room to breathe.

1282
01:30:51,664 --> 01:30:53,123
Go on, now.

1283
01:30:53,457 --> 01:30:55,043
You need some powder.

1284
01:30:55,292 --> 01:30:57,251
You don't have to hold
the crown all night.

1285
01:30:57,419 --> 01:30:59,923
My God, that is disgraceful.

1286
01:31:00,088 --> 01:31:01,089
Frank!

1287
01:31:01,381 --> 01:31:04,718
Take this to the prop master.
See if you can't get it to shine.

1288
01:31:04,928 --> 01:31:08,848
If all else fails, go for the four
sensitive areas of the body.

1289
01:31:09,057 --> 01:31:10,725
But just remember to "sing."

1290
01:31:10,933 --> 01:31:12,894
S-I-N-G.

1291
01:31:16,856 --> 01:31:18,775
Solar plexus, Instep...

1292
01:31:18,983 --> 01:31:21,026
...Nose, Groin!

1293
01:31:22,319 --> 01:31:23,487
Sing.

1294
01:31:30,912 --> 01:31:32,372
Cue Stan.

1295
01:31:35,582 --> 01:31:37,377
Welcome to the Garden State!

1296
01:31:37,584 --> 01:31:42,632
When we return, we'll find out
who those lucky Final Five are.

1297
01:31:45,093 --> 01:31:46,595
Let's go find Frank.

1298
01:31:46,803 --> 01:31:48,556
Take left. I'll take this side.

1299
01:31:48,764 --> 01:31:50,432
No. Evening gown, now.

1300
01:31:59,190 --> 01:32:01,526
Ladies! In one moment,
five of you...

1301
01:32:01,776 --> 01:32:04,029
...will be one step
closer to the crown.

1302
01:32:05,573 --> 01:32:08,033
And one of those five...

1303
01:32:08,449 --> 01:32:09,784
...is...

1304
01:32:12,328 --> 01:32:13,454
...California!

1305
01:32:16,250 --> 01:32:18,001
Leslie Williams is a music major.

1306
01:32:18,210 --> 01:32:22,047
She believes in the healing power
of music. Loves opera, reggae...

1307
01:32:22,256 --> 01:32:25,927
...and, like any true California girl,
the Beach Boys.

1308
01:32:27,302 --> 01:32:28,803
Rhode Island!

1309
01:32:29,887 --> 01:32:32,891
Cheryl Frasier is a science major.
Her field is...

1310
01:32:33,099 --> 01:32:37,229
...nuclear fission with a minor
in elementary particles.

1311
01:32:39,190 --> 01:32:40,524
Nebraska!

1312
01:32:41,610 --> 01:32:45,194
For Kelly Beth Kelly,
all the world is a stage.

1313
01:32:45,529 --> 01:32:47,448
A theater major...

1314
01:32:47,655 --> 01:32:51,660
...she helps run a drama program
for underprivileged children.

1315
01:32:52,202 --> 01:32:53,705
New Jersey!

1316
01:32:54,831 --> 01:32:58,543
Gracie Lou Freebush hopes
to become a pediatrician.

1317
01:32:58,751 --> 01:33:01,046
Gracie, it's you. Go!

1318
01:33:01,254 --> 01:33:05,591
Her hobbies include figure skating,
water ballet...

1319
01:33:05,758 --> 01:33:08,762
...and taking long,
luxurious bubble baths.

1320
01:33:10,930 --> 01:33:12,641
You go, Gracie Lou.

1321
01:33:13,265 --> 01:33:15,769
And our fifth finalist:

1322
01:33:16,019 --> 01:33:17,937
Texas!

1323
01:33:18,688 --> 01:33:21,316
Mary Jo Wright is a psychology major.

1324
01:33:21,523 --> 01:33:24,818
In her spare time,
she works in a homeless shelter...

1325
01:33:25,028 --> 01:33:26,613
...and eats Mexican food.

1326
01:33:28,323 --> 01:33:31,994
Thank you, ladies.
You were magnificent.

1327
01:33:37,166 --> 01:33:39,292
I want all the lesbians to know...

1328
01:33:39,500 --> 01:33:41,795
...if I can make it to the Top 10,
so can you!

1329
01:33:42,045 --> 01:33:43,797
Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!

1330
01:33:44,547 --> 01:33:45,799
Get her off of there!

1331
01:33:46,049 --> 01:33:47,384
Go to Stan!

1332
01:33:48,300 --> 01:33:50,095
Tina, I love you, baby!

1333
01:33:50,262 --> 01:33:52,597
I love you, Karen!

1334
01:33:57,685 --> 01:34:02,232
And we'll be right back with our
final five lesbians. Interviews.

1335
01:34:02,440 --> 01:34:05,611
Bumper. Commercial.
Can we say "lesbians"?

1336
01:34:05,819 --> 01:34:07,488
You got a problem with that?

1337
01:34:08,322 --> 01:34:12,159
In a way, America is like a big ship.

1338
01:34:12,452 --> 01:34:15,621
When we work together
and respect each other...

1339
01:34:15,870 --> 01:34:18,498
...that's when the ship
gets safely home.

1340
01:34:19,542 --> 01:34:21,126
Terrific answer.

1341
01:34:21,460 --> 01:34:22,461
Damn it.

1342
01:34:25,423 --> 01:34:26,674
New Jersey.

1343
01:34:27,008 --> 01:34:29,969
As you may know,
there are many who consider...

1344
01:34:30,177 --> 01:34:35,349
...the Miss United States pageant
to be outdated and antifeminist.

1345
01:34:35,640 --> 01:34:37,393
What would you say to them?

1346
01:34:37,643 --> 01:34:39,019
Oh, my God.

1347
01:34:39,228 --> 01:34:42,399
I would have to say,
I used to be one of them.

1348
01:34:44,567 --> 01:34:46,861
And then I came here...

1349
01:34:47,070 --> 01:34:48,696
...and I realized that...

1350
01:34:48,904 --> 01:34:53,451
...these women are smart,
terrific people...

1351
01:34:53,659 --> 01:34:58,289
...who are just trying to make
a difference in the world.

1352
01:34:59,415 --> 01:35:01,917
We've become really good friends.

1353
01:35:02,878 --> 01:35:07,300
I know we all secretly hope the other
one will trip and fall on her face--

1354
01:35:08,258 --> 01:35:10,926
Wait a minute!
I've already done that!

1355
01:35:15,890 --> 01:35:20,103
For me, this experience has been
one of the most rewarding...

1356
01:35:21,521 --> 01:35:24,232
...and liberating experiences
of my life.

1357
01:35:27,194 --> 01:35:28,820
My God.

1358
01:35:29,529 --> 01:35:30,781
I did it.

1359
01:35:33,909 --> 01:35:35,203
And if anyone...

1360
01:35:35,660 --> 01:35:36,995
...anyone...

1361
01:35:37,454 --> 01:35:39,664
...tries to hurt one
of my new friends...

1362
01:35:40,124 --> 01:35:41,666
...I would take them out.

1363
01:35:42,335 --> 01:35:45,754
I would make them suffer so much,
they'd wish they were never born.

1364
01:35:45,962 --> 01:35:49,925
And if they ran,
I would hunt them down.

1365
01:35:54,596 --> 01:35:55,805
Thank you, Kathy.

1366
01:36:00,894 --> 01:36:04,857
A brief, shining moment,
and then that mouth.

1367
01:36:06,358 --> 01:36:08,568
Helps if you pull it out.

1368
01:36:10,028 --> 01:36:11,948
Good luck, ladies.

1369
01:36:12,155 --> 01:36:14,367
I wanted to rub the crown for luck.

1370
01:36:14,574 --> 01:36:16,245
Frank took it to get it polished.

1371
01:36:16,452 --> 01:36:19,247
I'll have it by the time
they announce the winner.

1372
01:36:20,456 --> 01:36:21,998
My God! It's the crown!

1373
01:36:22,165 --> 01:36:24,251
Yes, it is. You can taste it now--

1374
01:36:24,460 --> 01:36:25,670
No, no, no!

1375
01:36:30,341 --> 01:36:32,385
Not the-- This in the--

1376
01:36:32,635 --> 01:36:34,262
Finale positions.

1377
01:36:34,471 --> 01:36:39,476
Yes. Wear the crown. Be the crown.
You are the crown.

1378
01:36:44,647 --> 01:36:49,987
And now, the moment
of truth and beauty.

1379
01:36:51,028 --> 01:36:52,531
The envelope, please.

1380
01:37:05,918 --> 01:37:06,961
What?

1381
01:37:08,046 --> 01:37:09,965
A lot of tension.

1382
01:37:10,340 --> 01:37:12,050
The fourth runner-up is...

1383
01:37:12,885 --> 01:37:13,886
...California!

1384
01:37:22,644 --> 01:37:24,396
The third runner-up is...

1385
01:37:26,858 --> 01:37:28,191
...Nebraska!

1386
01:37:36,366 --> 01:37:38,995
- Am I in danger here?
- Wait here.

1387
01:37:39,202 --> 01:37:41,539
The second runner-up is Texas!

1388
01:37:56,512 --> 01:37:57,764
Drop it!

1389
01:37:58,096 --> 01:37:59,682
I mean it! Drop it!

1390
01:37:59,891 --> 01:38:00,933
This is it.

1391
01:38:01,184 --> 01:38:02,268
The moment.

1392
01:38:02,435 --> 01:38:06,397
One of these two ladies
will wear the crown.

1393
01:38:07,523 --> 01:38:09,400
Listen to me!

1394
01:38:09,609 --> 01:38:11,736
I'm gonna reach for my badge slow.

1395
01:38:11,944 --> 01:38:13,821
You do, and you're dead.

1396
01:38:16,240 --> 01:38:17,616
The first runner-up...

1397
01:38:17,825 --> 01:38:21,079
...who will have to take the winner's
place if, for any reason...

1398
01:38:21,288 --> 01:38:23,289
...she cannot fulfill her duties is:

1399
01:38:25,250 --> 01:38:27,001
New Jersey! Which means...

1400
01:38:27,210 --> 01:38:28,585
...our new Miss United States is:

1401
01:38:28,795 --> 01:38:29,878
Don't take the crown.

1402
01:38:30,088 --> 01:38:31,755
Rhode Island's Cheryl Frasier!

1403
01:38:31,965 --> 01:38:34,592
Don't take the crown. Trust me.

1404
01:38:42,976 --> 01:38:44,936
She's beauty and she's grace

1405
01:38:45,145 --> 01:38:49,857
She's queen of 50 states
She's elegance and taste

1406
01:38:50,484 --> 01:38:52,736
She's Miss United States

1407
01:38:53,736 --> 01:38:56,824
Hold your crown up high

1408
01:39:04,873 --> 01:39:06,583
Raise it to the sky

1409
01:39:08,460 --> 01:39:09,920
Jersey's gone berserk!

1410
01:39:10,337 --> 01:39:11,922
Get her off the stage!

1411
01:39:14,633 --> 01:39:17,135
Hold your crown up high

1412
01:39:18,638 --> 01:39:21,640
Raise it to the sky

1413
01:39:33,444 --> 01:39:34,695
She stands for all that's good

1414
01:39:35,446 --> 01:39:38,158
She loves her neighborhood

1415
01:39:40,200 --> 01:39:43,203
She's friends with everyone she meets

1416
01:39:45,290 --> 01:39:47,332
She's beauty and she's grace

1417
01:39:47,667 --> 01:39:49,793
She's queen of 50 states

1418
01:39:52,255 --> 01:39:54,506
She's elegance and taste

1419
01:39:55,800 --> 01:39:57,510
She's Miss United States

1420
01:40:00,012 --> 01:40:01,013
Gracie!

1421
01:40:25,205 --> 01:40:28,167
She's Miss United States.

1422
01:40:30,586 --> 01:40:32,004
Okay.

1423
01:40:33,380 --> 01:40:35,172
Good show, everybody.

1424
01:40:36,216 --> 01:40:38,676
I was right in the middle of my song!

1425
01:40:42,681 --> 01:40:45,392
You got nothing on me.
This is ridiculous.

1426
01:40:45,600 --> 01:40:49,188
Where you're going, they'd love
to meet a former beauty queen.

1427
01:40:49,396 --> 01:40:51,607
When he says meet, he means M-E-A-T.

1428
01:40:54,025 --> 01:40:55,568
Miss Hart, you don't understand.

1429
01:40:55,778 --> 01:40:59,405
All I'm guilty of is trying to make
the world a more beautiful place.

1430
01:40:59,615 --> 01:41:00,908
Look at yourself.

1431
01:41:01,116 --> 01:41:04,245
When I met you, Dennis Rodman
looked better in a dress.

1432
01:41:04,453 --> 01:41:06,872
But now you're a lady! I did that.

1433
01:41:07,039 --> 01:41:11,251
Vic did that, and a team of highly
specialized federal manicurists...

1434
01:41:11,459 --> 01:41:13,962
...and people who make you beautiful.

1435
01:41:14,171 --> 01:41:15,548
Get in the car.

1436
01:41:15,797 --> 01:41:17,675
You think you saved something.

1437
01:41:17,884 --> 01:41:22,221
All you did was to destroy the dream
of young women all over the country.

1438
01:41:22,430 --> 01:41:24,056
Their dream is to get blown up?

1439
01:41:24,266 --> 01:41:26,268
You got a good shot
at that insanity plea.

1440
01:41:26,810 --> 01:41:27,893
I earned it!

1441
01:41:28,103 --> 01:41:30,688
Years of bitching beauty
queens and what do I get?

1442
01:41:30,938 --> 01:41:34,858
Fired! They steal my life,
they steal my beauty pageant.

1443
01:41:35,734 --> 01:41:39,280
It is not a beauty pageant.
It is a scholarship program.

1444
01:41:39,489 --> 01:41:40,949
Yeah, yeah.

1445
01:41:41,241 --> 01:41:42,242
"Yes."

1446
01:41:47,580 --> 01:41:52,418
Enjoy running the Miss San Antonio
Women's Correctional Facility Pageant!

1447
01:41:56,506 --> 01:41:58,967
Get it? The Women's Correctional--

1448
01:42:00,303 --> 01:42:01,803
That was good work.

1449
01:42:04,306 --> 01:42:05,514
Right back at you.

1450
01:42:08,642 --> 01:42:11,062
So, how does it feel?

1451
01:42:11,688 --> 01:42:13,607
Throwing the rule book
out of the window?

1452
01:42:13,815 --> 01:42:15,568
Pretty good, actually.

1453
01:42:16,526 --> 01:42:18,153
I was thinking...

1454
01:42:18,361 --> 01:42:19,739
...when we get back...

1455
01:42:19,947 --> 01:42:23,366
...after we write up our reports
and you get all ugly again...

1456
01:42:23,699 --> 01:42:25,868
...maybe we could have dinner?

1457
01:42:26,035 --> 01:42:28,496
What? You asking me out on a date?

1458
01:42:29,206 --> 01:42:30,874
No. Just a casual dinner.

1459
01:42:31,041 --> 01:42:34,002
If we happen to have sex afterwards,
so be it.

1460
01:42:37,590 --> 01:42:40,549
You think I'm gorgeous.

1461
01:42:40,759 --> 01:42:43,553
You want to date me...

1462
01:42:43,763 --> 01:42:46,556
...love me and marry me.

1463
01:42:58,027 --> 01:42:59,986
A part of you is gonna miss this.

1464
01:43:00,196 --> 01:43:02,406
The heels.
They do something for my posture.

1465
01:43:02,572 --> 01:43:04,784
I'm suddenly very aware
and proud of my breasts.

1466
01:43:04,991 --> 01:43:07,370
- Funny, me too.
- Agent Matthews! Gracie!

1467
01:43:07,536 --> 01:43:08,955
Thank God you're still here.

1468
01:43:09,205 --> 01:43:10,705
There's been an emergency.

1469
01:43:10,958 --> 01:43:14,378
Somebody found some
sort of incendiary device.

1470
01:43:14,627 --> 01:43:16,419
Come on, quickly!

1471
01:43:16,962 --> 01:43:17,797
Excuse me. FBI.

1472
01:43:18,005 --> 01:43:22,301
She saved the pageant, she saved
our lives, and here she is!

1473
01:43:25,597 --> 01:43:26,931
That's not gonna work for me.

1474
01:43:27,975 --> 01:43:29,309
I can't go up there!

1475
01:43:29,476 --> 01:43:30,851
It was his idea, Gracie Lou.

1476
01:43:31,060 --> 01:43:33,938
I'd never get you here unless
you could shoot someone.

1477
01:43:34,147 --> 01:43:35,940
You'll get yours, Henry Higgins.

1478
01:43:37,817 --> 01:43:39,277
Come on!

1479
01:43:42,114 --> 01:43:47,159
Ladies and gentlemen,
agent Gracie Hart of the FBI!

1480
01:43:50,621 --> 01:43:51,999
Not so fast!

1481
01:43:52,207 --> 01:43:55,334
Because even though
you're a federal officer...

1482
01:43:55,501 --> 01:43:59,296
...to us, you will always be
Gracie Lou Freebush.

1483
01:43:59,506 --> 01:44:04,303
The nicest, sweetest,
coolest girl at the pageant...

1484
01:44:04,511 --> 01:44:07,305
...and this year's Miss Congeniality!

1485
01:44:25,824 --> 01:44:27,910
I don't know what to say.

1486
01:44:29,035 --> 01:44:30,996
Except for...

1487
01:44:31,538 --> 01:44:33,206
...I can't wear this at work.

1488
01:44:35,625 --> 01:44:38,462
I never thought anything like
this would happen to me.

1489
01:44:39,004 --> 01:44:42,675
I kind of hoped it wouldn't.
But now that it has...

1490
01:44:43,134 --> 01:44:44,677
...I just want to say that...

1491
01:44:44,885 --> 01:44:46,304
...I'm very...

1492
01:44:49,556 --> 01:44:50,641
...very honored.

1493
01:44:52,142 --> 01:44:53,143
And...

1494
01:44:54,311 --> 01:44:55,355
...moved.

1495
01:44:56,022 --> 01:44:57,273
And...

1496
01:44:59,901 --> 01:45:01,569
...truly touched.

1497
01:45:05,239 --> 01:45:06,407
And...

1498
01:45:13,664 --> 01:45:15,666
...I really do want world peace.