My father came to this country
with a Greek fisherman's cap on his head,
an empty suitcase, and one shoe.
Like many others, he wanted to make his fortune
in the land of the free.
Hey, beautiful.
- I guess he'd got on the wrong boat.
- A year later, my mother came over.
She came to be by my father's side
so they could build a better life together.
- And she brought his other shoe.
- (Steve's mother- Greek - Here I have it
- My parents did their best to bring me up
in a typical Australian home, double story brick veneer,
Doric columns, and concrete as far as the eye could see.
- And I guess I was a typical Aussie kind.
(Steve's mother - Greek - You like it? Come on my darling eat it, eat it you idiot what
are you waiting for? Eat it, idiot! And there was one show
that I really loved.
But I could never get that whistling thing to work.
And like a typical Aussie dad,
he wanted me to follow in his footsteps
and join the family business.
So I tried really hard to impress him.
Luckily, my mother insisted I get a good education.
Unfortunately, somebody told her I had
to be in uniform at school.
- Wog boy, wog boy, wog boy,
wog boy,
wog boy.
- And at lunchtime, things just got worse.
- Wog boy, wog boy, wog boy,
wog boy.
- So right there and then, I made a decision.
If that's what they were gonna call me,
well, that's what I was gonna be.
The car, the clothes, the attitude.
I dedicated my life
to becoming the best wog I could be.
Hey, how you going?
Our local nightclub was the hottest place in town.
People queued up for hours just to get in.
Good thing for me, the guys at the door were my cousins,
Taki, Laki, and Faki.
- And if there was anyone
who was a bigger wog than me,
well, that was my best friend, Frank.
Frank loved two things more than anything else,
chicks and himself, but not necessarily in that order.
Hey, Steve!
- And guess who our hero was?
The biggest wog of them all, Travolta.
What do you reckon?
Who are they?
- World Netball Championship's in town.
What team do you want, Norway or Czechoslovakia?
Hello.
Norway?
Yeah, Norway.
Norway.
Hello.
Norway, very cold?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you, uh, play netball, eh, netball?
Yeah, sure.
- Ah, good-
- I think she wants you, mate, she wants you.
Use the pickup line, use the line, the line.
Let's get out of here.
No, that's okay, it's okay.
I just wanted to see if it still worked.
Let's go dance, you want to dance?
Let's dance, okay, yeah, come on.
How you going, all right?
- Please exit the vehicle, making sure
to keep yourself between the vehicle
and ourselves at all times
and keeping your hands in full view.
Sorry, mate, what'd you say?
Get out of the car.
- Hey, I wasn't speeding or anything, was I?
- No, but may I inquire as to your intended destination
at this untimely hour?
Sorry?
- Where are you going so early in the morning?
Oh, I was just off to church.
- Yeah, right, you're an alter boy.
- No, no, I'm actually on the dole.
I just do favours for people.
- Your vehicle appears disproportionately well maintained
for a person of your fiduciary capacity.
- Nice car for a dole-bludger.
- Hey, do you guys mind if I just, uh,
grab something from the car to show yous?
You see, that's my father's car when I first got it,
you know, before I changed the colour on the vinyl roof.
As you can see here, I scraped the vinyl roof off,
and there's a hemi 245 engine.
Now, that's the old engine.
It looked really crappy so I just pulled it out,
you know, just yanked it right out of there,
you know... you know what I mean?
And then I dropped in the big V8.
That looks unreal, doesn't it, huh?
Unreal, that's my favourite photo, that one there.
I love that photo, I love it.
And there we are on our first drive together.
Aw.
Huh, isn't that a top shot, huh?
It's unreal, isn't it?
It's a very emotional moment for me, you know?
Oh.
Celia O'Brien speaking.
Yeah, okay, okay, well,
yeah, we'll meet you at the Department of Employment.
Senior citizens are fine, but no wheelchairs.
No, no, the Minister doesn't like crouching for photos.
Okay, good, okay, see you in an hour.
Good day.
- It was the first thing I noticed, too.
Got any Michael Bolton?
Get out.
How you going?
Morning.
Annie.
- Oh, relax, you act like you've never seen a dick before.
He was going through my CDs.
Should I spray them?
You know what your problem is?
- Yes, I walk into my lounge room,
and run straight into-
Dick?
It's okay, you can say it.
Don't start, all right?
Don't start, I've told you I'm choosy
about my relationships.
Yeah, well, the last time
you met a choice was in, what, 1987?
Look, Cels, I'm your sister.
I can tell you, you've got problems.
Oh, can you introduce yourself?
I've forgotten his name, please?
- No, I'm going to work-
- Do me a favour, come on, please.
You've gotta help me, come on, help me.
Hello, Steve.
And around and round it goes,
which ball comes out, only I knows.
22.
That's
eh and
Bingo!
Yay, we have a winner.
Congratulations, Mr. Li, you have won
an authentic plaster lion courtesy
of Manoli's Plaster Emporium, all right?
- But Vietnamese have elephant, not lion.
Elephant, lion, is same.
Same?
- Yeah, you see, Mr. Li, in Australia, eh, same, same.
Everything same, my father came to Australia on a boat.
Yeah?
And you came on a boat, too.
The only difference is your boat was a little bit smaller.
- Smaller, yes, smaller.
Same, same
Same boat
Yeah good
Bye, bye, see you later.
Hey, Steve, hey!
I have problem.
Is my nephew, is make trouble with government again.
- It's okay, Thea, relax, all right?
There's one thing I know how to handle,
it's the government, I'll fix it.
Oh, thank you, Steve.
- Thank you, thank you. - Okay, all right, okay-
- And this, this is for to say thank you for the bingo.
It's the bombonieres from my daughter's wedding.
Oh, bombonieres.
Yeah.
- Oh, that's, uh, very nice of you.
Beautiful, eh, special.
- Yeah, very beautiful-
- For you, all for you. - Thank you, thank you.
Bye bye.
I mean, look at this man.
He sacrificed his health for the service of this country,
and you cut off his disability pension, I am disgusted.
What sacrifice to the country?
He was a waiter.
Yeah, but what a waiter.
When somebody ordered a cafe latte,
his motto was, "better sooner than latte."
- And so as part of your recuperation,
your doctor recommended a trip to Greece?
I needed the sun.
Hey, he needed the sun.
And obviously the exercise.
- Oh, uh, someone kicked the ball up the tree, huh?
And we were having a barbecue,
and someone had to bring the goat, eh big goat.
Ah, that's, uh, my mother, my sister,
and my sister's sister.
- Mr. Papadopoulos, would you like to see the rest
of the photos that we took of you
and your relatives on that night?
We have it all on film, Mr. Papadopoulos,
your trial with the AEK Soccer Club,
your antics on the jet ski at Santorini,
and, of course, the strip tease
in the foyer of the local school.
Then, of course, there's the matter
of half a million dollars of assets in Greece.
Oh, excuse me?
- Half a million dollars, which I believe is tied up
in an olive grove and a donkey obedience school.
Hey, that's my Greek money.
- Thanks very much for your time.
Hey, Steve.
Haven't I seen you before?
- Uh, maybe, do you go to Greek church?
- What's your name?
Don't tell him, Steve.
Steve, that's right.
Steve Karamitsis.
How's the job hunting going, Steve?
- Oh, it's all right, you know, it's good.
Do you know the Minister?
Great woman, she's really shaking things up,
making it hot for guys like you.
Why don't you stick around,
because she's going to be touring the offices today.
I think you two might really hit it off.
Uh, no thanks, I've gotta go.
- Hey, excuse me, what about my benefits?
No chance in hell.
Keep it, bloody poofter.
Come on, Steve.
- listen I had no idea he was, you know.
I mean, if I knew he was, you know...
Anyway, thanks for your time,
and, uh, yeah, and thanks for that too.
Jump in.
Re, it was worth a try, eh?
Listen to me, mate.
You ever do that to me again
and you're gonna need a neck brace for real.
I'm not a conman like you, understand?
Fuck!
My God, Fotis!
What was that, then?
- Hey, you smashed that car, are you stupid?
- Shut up, shut up.
You smashed the car.
You smashed the car, you stupid!
- Oh my God, oh my God, look at my car.
Look what you did to my car, mate.
- Relax re, it's just a tail light.
Relax, ti relax, , relax?
Mate, that's a '69 Valiant Pacer, do you understand, huh?
Is your hat on too tight or what?
You rammed me, mate.
I saw the whole thing.
Oh, good, I've got a witness.
Hi how you going, my name's Steve.
Yeah, could you tell him what you saw, please?
- I saw a lunatic reversing without looking.
Sorry, what?
- Fotis, get back in the car, I'll handle this.
You, you just hit a government car.
Did you say government car?
Oh, my neck, Steve, Steve, oh, my neck, Steve.
Oh, I can't feel my legs, Steve.
Steve, I'm paralytic, Steve.
- Shut up, man, shut up, get in the car!
Uh, listen, don't think you're gonna get away with this,
okay, 'cause I've got your rego.
- Well, unless you want to be a complete loser about this,
I suggest that you calm down, get back in your rust bucket,
and, uh, get out of our way.
The press are here.
What the hell are you doing?
- Whoa, baby, hey, give people some warning
before you stick that face out in public.
Do you know who I am?
Mrs. Ronald McDonald?
- I'm the Minister for Employment, you little worm.
Oh, really?
- We're not quite ready for you-
- Well, on behalf of myself and the other 799,000 unemployed
in this country, you're doing a great fucking job, nah.
Minister, Minister,
can we just have a shot over here?
No, no.
Where is it, man?
Oh, here it is.
- Domenic was Frank's cousin.
Now, it wasn't bad enough that Dom was a 38-year-old virgin
who still lived with his mother,
but he also had a huge gambling problem,
which meant he was always busting my balls.
- Mate, you really gave it to her, huh?
That's nothing, mate.
Wait 'til she gets my bill for three grand.
How you going, mate?
Serious?
Yeah.
- Oh, mate, you reckon you could lend me some of the money?
Take it easy there, stronzo,
I haven't even got it yet.
Mario's Pizza Shop was our hangout,
and where Frank shared his wisdom
with Tran and Van, his apprentices.
- Picking up women is about a lifetime commitment,
and remember, curls get the girls, all right?
Write that down.
Hey, thanks for the tips, Frankie.
- Hey, come on, boys, enough talk, huh?
We've got deliveries, come on, come on-
No, no more deliveries
until you admit you're wrong, Mario.
- Listen, huh, listen, I tell you once,
I tell you twice, I no tell you a second time, huh?
Hercules could kick Bruce Lee's butt.
Come on, go, go, go, go, come on.
- Mate, Bruce Lee could kick Hercules's hairy ass
from here back to Rome.
Oh, get out, come on.
- Hercules, Bruce Lee, it's very sad, isn't it?
I mean, everyone knows you don't measure a man
by the amounts of fights he's had.
It's how many roots he gets that counts,
and we know who the king was
in that department, huh, Elvis, man.
- Well, then I must be the prince.
What, you don't believe me?
Don't worry about me, mate, I get plenty of chicks.
- Hey, Domenic, your mother doesn't count.
Oh, ha ha, very funny.
Come to the chemist's one day
and I'll show you my video collection.
Videos?
- Of course, mate, I tape everything.
I'm a pervert.
Hey, Steve, bravo, huh, bravo.
Hey, Steve, you show them, huh?
You show them they can't kick us little guys around, huh?
Hey, hey, I remember the time, you know,
the time I fought Hassan the Turk
for the championship belt, eh?
Dad, please.
- They say I no win because I'm too small, huh?
They say I know fuck nothing, but I know fuck all.
Celia!
Celia.
Celia?
Hey.
- Oh, Nathan. - Isn't this lucky, eh?
Are you going up in the lift?
Uh, yeah.
- Shall we? - Yeah, okay.
- All right, that's a lovely jacket.
Thank you.
- And, uh, Tom Cruise and I share the same height.
- Uh-huh.
A coincidence?
Scary.
- Well, I love his movies, you know?
I think my favourite movie moment was
in "Jerry Maguire" when Tom says to the beautiful lady,
"You complete me."
- That's a touching moment- - Celia?
Yeah?
You complete me.
That's a good line.
He's a loser, hasn't had a job
since his old man's shoe shop closed down a couple
of years ago, no prospects,
no assets except the car, he's a hustler.
And this?
- It's a bomboniere, a Greek wedding gift.
Security cleared it.
- Thank you, Nick, that will be all.
Do you believe the gall of this guy?
$3,000?
What do you want to do?
Send him a check.
- Fotis had right of way-
- We don't need the media anywhere near
our chauffeurs, do we?
No.
- So send Mr. Karamitsis his measly three grand.
Let him think he's won his little victory,
and then I'll get him.
- Salud, Steve, I can't believe she sent you the money.
Hey, here's to the minister.
Hey, boys.
- Hey, Tony Yugoslav, how's it going, mate?
- Hey, can't complain, fucking, yourself?
Hey, good, very good.
- Hey, hey, Frankie, where's your cousin,
fucking, what's his name, fucking, uh, Dom?
- Hey, we haven't seen him today, you know, he was just-
- He was playing the pokers before, right,
but, uh, I don't know where he is now.
Well, okay, thanks.
See ya later, Tony.
- What are you laughing at, penguin, huh?
Oh, you think you're funny?
Well, you'll pay, huh?
Where?
There he is.
Where?
You bludger.
- Hey, what are you doing in here, you pervert?
- Shut up and wash your hands, you unhygienic bitch.
I just did.
Out.
Tony, I'm so glad I found you.
Yeah?
What do you think, I'm fucking stupid?
You got my fucking money, fucking.
Listen to me, I'm half Serbian, half Croatian.
I wake up in morning, I want to kill myself.
So killing you is no problem, fucking.
- Tony, I don't have your money now.
- Then you do this thing you say you do for me
and we call it square fucking.
Okay.
Okay what?
Okay, fucking.
- So let me see if I've got this right.
You want me to run you over?
- Hey, not too much, just a little bit.
If you can get so much money for one little car crash,
hey, with a minister, hey, I can get rich re.
Ela Steve, I'm not asking for much,
just one little knock.
- No, you want money, go get a job or something.
What's wrong with you?
Haven't you got any ambition?
Ambition?
Ambition is just an excuse
for not having the guts to be lazy.
Hey, you know that.
You're like me.
I'm like you?
I'm nothing like you.
- Hey, just one knock.
- Good evening, Australia, I'm Derryn Hinch.
Everyone wants a life where they can do whatever they want
and get paid for it, it's the great Australian dream.
Well, one bloke's found the answer.
Ever want to go hoon around
with your mates and get paid for it,
hang out at the cafe, chat up chicks?
Well, why not do what this bloke did?
Become a dole cheat.
In fact, the only thing you're not allowed
to do is actually get a job.
After a tip-off, our secret cameras followed this bloke
around for two whole weeks-
All right, Ma, ball breaker.
A job interview
or even a Department of Employment office.
No, not this bloke.
He was quite happy spending his days-
Madonna!
- Living off hard working-
- Hey, no, I like the hair.
Guys, go turn around.
Really fresh.
Hey, turn around, turn around.
Yeah, that's unreal.
Yeah, but listen, hey, hey, changing your name
to Guido and Enzo I don't think is a very good idea, no, no.
You see, you don't pick up chicks just
because you look Italian, it's not about that.
- It's about being me, hey? - Look at this other bloke.
Frankie, look, look, look!
- Making obscene gestures-
But that's me!
And harassing people
- on the streets. - I'm famous!
- So we ask the question tonight,
is this Australia's biggest dole-bludger?
That's life, good night.
Good one, mate.
- Forget about the dole, you don't need it.
You're looking at it wrong, mate, you're famous.
People try their whole life to become famous
and they never get there.
You're famous for doing nothing, it's beautiful.
Imagine the chicks you're gonna score, huh?
Hey, you've been recognised,
you've been recognised.
- Weren't you on TV the other night?
See, I told you.
Yeah, that was me.
- Yeah, you fucking moron dole-bludger, get a job.
You're a disgrace, you wanker.
Eh, don't worry about it, Steve.
You just need to work on your technique a little bit more-
Give me your phone.
- What, you got the number already, how'd you do that?
- No, you idiot, I'm calling that "24 Hours."
That's it, mate.
You have to get up very early in the morning
to fool a wog boy, baby, nine o'clock.
No,00 am.
Yeah, uh, yeah, give me
that "24 Hours" TV show, the number.
No, don't touch my hair, please.
No, it's all right, my hair's all right.
Nervous?
Huh, oh, no, no, hey.
Well, just relax, Steve.
Look, I know we were a bit hard on you the other night,
but rest assured, we're gonna give you a fair go.
- Oh, good, thanks, Derryn. - Okay, folks.
- Five to go, four. - I'm a big fan, you know?
- Three, two-
Go, Derryn, go!
Oh, yes, Pietro, Pietro-
- Good evening, Australia, I'm Derryn Hinch.
Tonight, someone who's a disgrace to the nation,
a stinking dole cheat who is rorting the system
and flaunting it in our faces.
Steve Karamitsis, shame, shame, shame.
You're a cheat, you are a bludger.
You are living the good life at the expense of honest,
decent, hard-working Australian taxpayers.
What do you say to that?
- I-
- You can say not, you can't,
because you cannot answer me, can you?
Can you?
- Listen, Derryn, I think you're right.
Of course I'm right.
Yeah, my life's unreal, mate.
- And you're admitting that?
Yeah.
On national television?
- Yeah, bloody oath, but it's so good,
my life, you know, because I do nothing all day-
You are scum.
- Yeah, thanks, it's so good that I can't help
but feeling a little bit guilty.
- So you should be, you're a bloody disgrace to Australia.
Yeah, that's right.
So I tell you what I'm prepared to do, mate.
I'm prepared to swap my life for anybody else's life
in this studio, what do you say to that?
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, anyone in this studio.
Hey, how about you, mate?
Yeah, this bloke here, this guy twirling the knobs there.
You want to swap with me, mate?
- He's making such a fool of himself.
- You look like you work a bit too hard.
Why don't you come and do what I do, be a dole-bludger?
I mean, come on, who wants to be a dole-bludger, anyone?
Yeah, just like I thought, no one, and you know why?
'Cause it's bullshit.
Being on the dole is shit.
You're made to feel like you're nothing-
- Now hang on a-
- Don't interrupt, Derryn, I'm talking.
I just figured this out.
This is all about you big guys making
us little guys feel like we're worth nothing,
isn't it, Derryn?
You know, mate, where I come from,
people aren't like that, people try to help each other out.
You know, I do something for them,
they do something for me and we get by.
So listen, Derryn, you can call me whatever you want, mate.
I'm a wog boy and I'll always be a wog boy.
- Steve, I want to say something to you
and to everybody else in your situation.
You've been called a lot of names tonight
and I intend to call you one more.
Oh, great.
- You're a battler, you're a little Aussie battler,
trying to do your best in a hard, cold world,
and maybe the politicians of this country need
to appreciate that.
What?
What!
Uh, what?
- You heard me, I mean, if that's what it means
when you call yourself a wog boy, then I'm a wog boy, too,
and maybe what this country needs are a few more wog boys.
Coming up next on "24 Hours," the story
of the truckie who won't go anywhere without his mate,
Johnno the talking parrot.
What's this?
What's that?
Fan mail, eh?
Are you kidding me or what?
- All of it, it's all you, it's all to you.
I don't believe it, all of it, yeah, yeah!
- Yeah, well, uh, you know, a lot's happened
to me since I did that "24 Hours" show with Derryn Hinch.
- And everyone seems to know me now.
I walk down the street and it's, "Hey, wog boy!"
- Hey, hey, hey, watch this, this is the Hassan special.
- Frank, how do you feel about the wog boy's success?
Hey, hey?
- The wog boy's success-
- Oh, this is the best thing that's happened
to me since I got three head jobs
in one night at the Underground night club, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the wog boy is in the building.
Hey, you're Elvis Presley.
You're Elvis Presley!
Annie, I feel ridiculous.
Oh, come on, Celia.
What if someone sees me?
- Unclench, will you, this is exactly what you need.
Excuse me, excuse me, we've gotta get through-
Hey, hey, where are you going?
- Obviously-
You on the guest list?
- What's your name? - No, we're not.
Minkyaaa Where are you going?
There's plenty of chicks here, come on, come on.
Now, now, now, remember.
Walk like Frank, talk like Frank, be Frank, capeesh?
- Hey, hey, hey, give it here! - Hey, you!
- What's up, did you pick up something on the radar?
- Yeah, two of them with my apprentices.
Hey, the one looking this way is mine,
the other one is yours.
Minkyaa
Let's go.
Hey, guys.
Frankie!
- Hey, stand back, stand back, stand back.
Hi, I'm Frank.
Hi, I'm Annie.
Hi, I'm Steve.
Annie.
Frank.
- Annie, um, I'm ready to leave now.
Frank, let's go, buddy.
- I've gotta, I've gotta catch a cab
- if you're not coming. - Frank, let's go.
- Seriously, I'm going right now.
Come on, man, let's go.
- What's a matter with you, man-
- I want to go right now. - You're crazy.
- Okay? - Relax.
You know, that was
- about the sleaziest- - Are you sleazing up-
I'm sorry, me sleazy?
- Sleazy, excuse me, I'm not the one
who drives around in a penis extension of a car,
- crashing into people- - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no extensions, baby, okay?
And at least I don't set people up
on national television to be humiliated.
- Hey, listen, I wouldn't waste my energy on you, okay?
- Oh, really? - No.
- Is that why you turn up at a club where I'm a regular?
Hey, there's better ways to get a date than that,
no really, okay?
- I wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole.
- Woo, 10 foot poles, penis extensions.
Am I beginning to sense a theme here or what?
You want me bad, baby, you want me bad.
- Annie, would you hold my drink?
Would you let go of my sister?
- Let go of my sister! - Let's go, man.
- Let go of my sister, please. - Let's move, let's move,
you guys.
Just what are you doing?
- What, so you're telling me you know her, do you?
Hey, let me put it this way,
if I see you going near either of those two again-
I'll disown you.
Let go of my arm, Celia!
What?
- Oh, God, what am I worrying about?
By tomorrow, everyone will have forgotten
about the wog boy.
Yay, that's the way, come on.
That's the way, oh, sorry.
Oh, Mom.
Hey, turn it back on.
- Clayton, Brianna, if I hear you listening
to that song again, you can spend the rest
of the holidays with your father at the pig farm.
What do you see in that moron, anyway?
- Well, he's cool 'cause he's famous,
and he's famous for doing nothing, I like that.
Yeah, me too.
He's not gonna go away.
Celia, I've got a job for you.
I'd like a word.
I'm representing the Minister of Employment.
Mr. Karamitsis, the Minister would like
you to come on "24 Hours."
She'd like to exchange views with you.
No, thank you.
Why not?
- Because I don't want her to make me look like an idiot.
- Steve, the Minister's not like that.
She's, um, she's actually a great lady once
you get to know her, right, Annie?
So, what should I tell the Minister?
I was right about you from the beginning, wasn't I?
You don't believe a word you say.
You're a cheap conman.
Okay.
What time is it tonight?
It's not on tonight.
- Yes, it is, if you want me to do the show,
there's a price.
- Well, if you want me to know what you're talking about,
you're gonna have to be a little bit more specific.
Do you eat, you know, food?
You want me to eat with you?
Do you want me to do the show?
I don't get paid enough.
Annie, we have to go.
Annie.
- Oh, what are you saying, I can't have that?
Don't be so pathetic.
Well, I hope it was worth it, Celia.
I hope you got what you came for because I didn't.
- All right, tonight, I'll choose the restaurant,
and, uh, send someone with the details.
What are you doing?
Don't whistle at her.
Hey, listen, I'm gonna go.
You stay here.
- I want to get- - And you stay here too.
And I'm gonna go.
Come here, come here, relax.
- So it's a linguini pesto for the lady
and a ham and cheese toasted sandwich
for you, sir, antipasto?
- Uh, no, I'm very pro-pasto, yeah.
But tonight, I just want a ham and cheese toasted sandwich
on white bread, all right?
Don't give me that brown shit.
- Steve, um, antipasto, it's, uh,
it's like an appetiser platter.
Oh, right.
No, you know what I thought, you know,
antipasto, pro, you know.
- The waiters here can be merciless
if you don't know the lingo.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't,
I don't come to these joints a lot, you know?
Do you know the lingo?
A little bit.
- Pro-pasto, hey, Steve.
When are you gonna get a new joke, mate?
When you learn to cook, Roberto.
Hey, cheers.
- So why don't you come here anymore?
- Yeah, mate, you got too trendy for me.
These clowns, screw them.
Learn the word antipasto and think they're Italian.
- Hey, you know, I remember at school, you know,
I used to lay out all my food in front of me,
my salami, my pastadura bread,
all that stuff, but all the kids, they used to laugh at me.
Now, you lay it out on a platter,
you call it antipasto, and they'll pay 20 bucks for it.
Mate, I charge 30.
Anyway, so where'd you meet this guy?
Don't tell me he used the old pickup line on you.
What are you talking about?
Si.
Grazie.
Mm.
- I've gotta go sort a few things out in the bar.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
Come back soon.
Ciao.
Ciao, ciao.
- Tell your boss I'll see her on TV next week.
- You don't like to lose, do you?
About as much as you do.
- All right, good luck on the show.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here,
come here, come here, come here.
Don't wish me luck, all right?
Go and wish your boss good luck
because she's the one who's gonna need it
when she's on the dole next week, you understand?
- You know, that's the cutest thing about you,
your misguided confidence.
Cute?
- Good evening, Australia, I'm Derryn Hinch.
Tonight, the great debate.
In this corner, Raelene Beagle-Thorpe, Employment Minister,
outspoken critic of dole-bludgers, and a woman
I believe will be the first female prime minister
of this country.
Hi.
- In the other corner, a champion of the unemployed,
a man whose meteoric rise
as a working class hero has stunned us all,
Steve Karamitsis, the wog boy.
How you going?
Who's right, who's wrong?
Either way, I know there're going to be fireworks tonight.
- Actually, Derryn, I think you're wrong.
I beg your pardon?
- Well, there's not much that Steve has said
over the past few weeks that I disagree with.
You what?
Well, as I understand it,
what you're saying basically is people need a sense
of purpose, a sense of self-worth, correct, Steve?
Steve?
Yeah?
Uh, yeah, no, that's not right.
Oh, no, actually, that's exactly right,
what she... yeah, that's right.
Well, I agree.
- That... stop agreeing, stop agreeing.
This is meant to be a debate.
- Only because the media wants us to fight like idiots.
But that's what a debate is.
- This isn't a boxing ring, this is a vital political issue.
I say shame on you, Derryn, shame, shame, shame.
- She can't say shame, that's my line-
- Hang on a minute, mate, hang on a minute.
What's going on here, Derryn?
- Steve, it's simple, come and work with me.
I know it's hard and it's a lot of work,
but you look like the sort of man
who is not afraid of hard work, or are you?
- I'm Nick, good to have you on board, Steve.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks, Nick.
Okay, now, Steve, basically, the reason you're here is,
um, is that the Minister's launching a new policy-
Right.
- And, um, she'd like you to become the poster boy.
Poster boy, that's me.
Mm, that's right.
Good.
- So obviously that means you're gonna be doing a lot
of work with the media, uh, you'll be-
Handing out my posters.
We'll get to that.
You'll be working closely with me, uh-
- Are we talking about exchanging body warmth here or what?
- Good day, Steve, Nathan Barnes, how are you?
Thanks, Nathan.
Right.
- Steve, Nathan's gonna be looking after you
'til we're ready for you.
Cuddle up.
Come with me.
- Hey, Nathan, what am I supposed to do, huh?
Do, no, mate.
You're a public servant now,
you're not supposed to do anything.
I'll show you how to jam the photocopier
and crash the computers.
What, is that important?
- Of course it is, it creates work.
Oh, right, oh, I see,
so being in politics is a bit like being on the dole.
They pay you to do nothing.
No, don't say that too loud.
He might hear you, come here.
Now, the most important role a public servant has
to perform is deciding what to have for lunch.
Now, personally, I usually go with the rule of threes,
okay, you've got your ham, your cheese,
your tomato, sit there, get your, uh,
your egg, your lettuce, and your mayo,
and you've got your turkey, your cranberry on rye.
Simple, but important.
Oi!
So what are you doing after?
Um.
Hey, Nathan, you got a chick?
Oh, yeah, I do, actually.
She's, uh, she's in the building.
Yeah?
- Mm, you know, she wants me bad.
I give it to her day and night
and she is still not satisfied.
- Nathan-
- I tell you, she is insatiable-
- Hey, Nathan, you're bullshitting me.
Yes, yes, I am.
See, I'm sort of like the office joke.
You know, you're new here
and you still think I'm a pretty cool guy,
but eventually you're gonna realise
that behind this debonair facade beats the heart of a nerd,
and then you're gonna dump me.
Just like everybody else.
It doesn't matter.
Hey, Nathan.
I'm about to give you something
that I want you to use very carefully, all right?
- Mm-hmm?
- It's a line I use that always works for me.
It's never failed me, always works.
Like a pickup line?
- Yeah, it's never failed me, all right?
But please, promise me you're gonna be careful.
Yeah?
All right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah?
Shit.
It's really jammed.
- Yes, it is, now, I find if you can't unjam it from here,
just try giving it a little kick down here
and see what happens.
- Are you sure, or what? - Yes, I'm sure, give it-
Not gonna get me into trouble?
Give it a kick.
Doesn't that feel good?
This is unreal, man.
Give it another.
You guys are spinning me out.
You're the biggest bludgers I've ever met.
- Oh. - Oh.
- You get paid all day just to kick the machine.
I had more work on the dole.
I'm gonna use the line.
- Oh, you be careful, all right, it's lethal.
- I left the proofs in there-
Oh, all right.
- Oh, look, just listen to this, I believe-
Um.
Nathan, I had no idea.
The thing, um, no,
that's no offence to you, but-
Just, can we-
Nathan.
Yes?
Oh, Nathan.
- It's actually Steve's pickup line.
Tell me, Nathan, do you drive?
It's Steve's line.
Steve?
- Steve's pickup line, yes, I'm just gonna.
Did it work?
Yes, yes, it did.
- Tony the Yugoslav escaped the war
by hiding in a chicken coop for four years.
He was all right if you didn't owe him money
or mention chicken nuggets.
- Hey, you're still the best fucking, hey?
- Did you see the girls-
- Tell me the boy's not here.
In the back.
Thanks, Mario.
Hello, boys, Stevie.
Hey, Tony.
- Hey, Frankie, Frankie, where's your cousin,
the chemist, fucking?
Huh?
Domenic, fucking.
No, I haven't seen him.
- You tell him Tony Yugoslav is look for him, all right?
I'm not fucking wait for him, fucking.
He's got my fucking money, I want my money, fucking.
In my country, in the war, many people think
I'm stupid fucking, but I'm not stupid, I'm hide from them.
I'm go with the chicken, fucking-
- What you want, a chicken pizza?
I don't want no chicken pizza.
I don't want the chicken pizza.
I want my money, fucking, that's what I want, fucking.
I want my money, I want my money,
- fucking, I want my money. - Easy, boss.
- Now we always knew that Dom had problems,
apart from the fact
that his mom breastfed him until he was 14.
But what we didn't know what how far gone he really was.
Hey, what's going on with you and Tony the Yugoslav?
None of your business.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, be nice.
- All right, I'm gonna show you something,
but you gotta be quiet, Mom's in the kitchen.
Hey, Dom, what's going on?
What's this, a speed lab?
Yeah, beautiful, isn't it?
I'm gonna make about five kilos a week
and Tony the Yugoslav's gonna distribute for me.
Hey, don't touch the settings, they're critical.
- Dom, when exactly did you lose the plot, buddy?
Mate, think about it.
Once I've cleared my debt with Tony, the rest is profit.
That's what I want talk to you about.
Together we can cut him out.
You listen to me, mate.
Shh.
- If you ever mention this shit to me again,
I'm gonna cut off your corleoni and,
I'm gonna feed them to you, do you understand me?
- Let him go, let him go, let him go.
- Do you guys want to stay for dinner?
Gnocchi tonight.
- Tomato sauce or cream sauce, what is it?
- Cream sauce, yeah, cream sauce?
Save me some, huh?
Ball breaker.
Unemployed, napkins.
Step one in my political education
was learning Raelene's new policy.
Coffee cups, you know who they are?
Big business, okay, sugar packets, not in it, I know.
Celia tried to simplify it for me,
but I had a little trouble concentrating.
Hey, you, hey, look, hey, hey, everybody here,
free sugar packets, would you like some sugar, mate?
Step two was finding me a look for Raelene's posters.
So what does a wog boy look like?
Come on man, are you, are you serious?
Is this what you want?
Check it out, Luke Skywalker on ecstasy.
Yeah, that's it.
I think we need to make him more ethnic.
Hmm.
Hey, you live here?
I'm gonna build you a new fence.
Hey, I show you something, look.
- Annie, Annie, this isn't really it.
What we want is more of a meeting of cultures,
an everyman who embodies Australia.
What?
An everyman.
- Who am I supposed to be, Zorba Dundee?
That's it.
- How you going, good day, good day.
This isn't working.
- Look, Celia, we'll think of something.
That's it, hey, Steve, that's the look.
Looking good, baby, excellent.
All right, that's it.
Oh, baby.
- Step three was meeting the leaders
of Australian business.
Steve?
- Give me a second, give me a second.
So who is everyone?
This is the big seven.
- Well, how come there's more of them?
These are the directors
of the seven biggest companies in Australia.
- Oh, okay, so what you're saying to me is
that I shouldn't fart at the table, eh?
You hungry?
- Yeah, yeah, right, I'm starving.
Madame, sushi.
Sushi?
Thank you.
Do you like sushi?
Enjoy your meal, sir.
- Before you say anything, yes, the fish is raw,
and no, they won't slap it on the grill for you.
- I've had sushi before, smarty pants, all right?
Good.
Enjoy it?
Oh, yeah, it was good.
Good.
It was really nice.
Sushi, huh, nothing like a good piece of sushi, huh?
Get it into ya, I reckon.
Thank you.
Celia?
Hmm?
What's this, another entree?
It's the main course.
Pizza, pizza, pizza, anyone?
Hey, Frank, over here.
- Hey, Steve, large triple cheese,
extra salami, no anchovies.
Here you go, and we've got a Hawaiian chicken,
no chicken, no pineapple.
Hey, what's going on over here, huh?
Party or something, what's going on?
- Hey, thanks, Frank, you're a lifesaver.
- Hey, I give good mouth to mouth, too, all right?
"Mouth to mouth," you get it,
'cause he's a lifesaver, you know, he's giving mouth to-
Steve.
Huh?
Oh.
What's up?
Hey, Frank, um, come here.
Come here a second, come here.
What's up?
Hey, what's up?
- Listen, Frank, uh, thanks for bringing the pizza around,
all right, I'll see you at the cafe later on, all right?
What, you want me to go, huh?
- Hey, just, you know, I'll see you back,
- I'll see you back- - I just got here.
Frank.
I just got here,
you want me to go? - Don't give me the shits now mate.
- All right, man, I'm going, I'm going,
I'm going, all right?
- All right, good on you, Frank-
- Sit down, enjoy the party, all right?
I don't want to spoil your fun.
Hey, Mario's Pizza's deliver anywhere in the city,
all right, okay, anywhere in the city.
Best pizzas in town, here, a fridge magnet.
A fridge magnet, baby, fridge magnet for you,
anywhere in the city, all right?
It's a fridge magnet for you.
Do you guys want a slice?
I rang Mario's back and ordered another 50 pizzas
for the big seven.
Mate, I had to, those guys were starving.
Steve?
Mr. Walker has a question.
Yeah, what's up, Walks?
What I'd like to know, Steve,
is what your understanding of the new policy is
from the perspective of having been unemployed
until recently, that is.
- Well, it's all about the extra prawns.
Everybody wants them,
but who's gonna pay for them?
I mean, you've got them, but what about the people
who can't afford a salami?
Not that I'm saying that poor people aren't doing okay
in the salami department, we're doing fine,
thank you very much.
What this policy is all about is saying to people,
"Hey, hey, you, you can have the extra prawns, yes?
But you've gotta help us."
You've gotta help us build the base
because without the base, my friends, you've got no pizza.
But with the base, you've got a super special,
juicy, delicious, super supreme
with plenty to go around for everybody.
Now, it was a good thing that they knew
what I was talking about because to me,
that was the biggest load of bullshit
I've ever spun in my life.
Oh, well, I guess that's what politics is all about.
Hi ya Steve
How you going?
Listen, uh, it's still early.
Do you want to maybe go and celebrate or something?
- Oh, I'd love to, but I've got a stack
of work back at the office.
Oh, no, that's okay.
See you, drive safely.
Hi.
Oh, yeah, hi.
- Magnificent car, seats leather?
Yeah, what do you reckon?
Where's Pietro?
- I stupidly gave Pietro the night off.
Would you mind driving me home?
You did very well tonight.
Thanks.
I found your approach very...
exciting.
That's good, thanks.
So, very nice house.
Raelene, what are you doing?
- Please, Steve, at these times, always call me Minister.
Hey, Raelene.
Raelene, what?
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Raelene, please, Raelene.
Ow, my ear.
Fantastic, isn't it?
Wait 'til you see what I've got inside.
- Raelene, please, I'm very scared, don't do that.
- Fear is such an aphrodisiac, go with it.
- Please, Raelene, please remember who you are, Raelene.
Raelene, you're the Minister for Employment.
You have no idea
what you just missed.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, God.
I can't hear, I can't hear.
Hey, eh?
God, do I know this guy?
It's Steve.
Do I know you, mate?
- Come on, guys, don't give me attitude just
'cause I haven't been around, all right?
If you knew what I'd been through tonight,
mate, you wouldn't believe it, woo.
Leave him alone, will you?
Unreal.
Hey, guess what, Frank?
I'm going to let you be a part of the policy board,
what do you reckon, huh?
Oh, I'll do it.
As what?
What do you mean, as what?
As a wog boy to stand next to me.
- I'll do it, I'm cheap, too, I swear.
Shut up, forget it.
Hey, Frank, what's up?
What's going on, Frank?
I mean, you know, we've always done everything together.
What's your problem with this?
I haven't got a problem, mate.
You're the one with the problem, you've changed.
- Oh, don't say that-
- Don't shit me, Steve, I saw you tonight.
You were loving it, so go back to your friends, mate,
because you've changed big time.
No, I haven't, mate, okay?
And you know who's got the problem?
You, that's who,
'cause all you do all day is sit around on your ass,
you know, getting money from your old man,
looking through your little black book,
ringing up your chicks.
You're the one with the problem 'cause you haven't changed.
You see, you see?
You see, you admit it, you've changed.
Frank, where are you going?
What are you doing here?
- I've just been walking around thinking, you know.
- Mm-hmm.
I just had the biggest fight
with the best friend I've ever had in my life,
and now I'm thinking, for what?
Celia, what am I doing here?
- At first we thought you were an easy target,
but the way you present things,
you make people like you.
Like those women at the party tonight, and, um,
um...
Steve, I, I have a policy about people that I work with.
Not on the desk.
Oh, yeah.
Ah, it's the old double clip.
Oh, oh, that jacket's mad.
- The thing, you gotta do the top one first.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I knew that, I knew that, hang on.
It's a, I've gotta take the... I've got it,
I've got it, hang on, hang on, wait, wait, wait.
You're very good.
Yes.
What's that?
It's my singlet.
What?
My singlet.
Grab my hair, grab my hair.
- Pull it, pull it, pull it. - Frankie, Frankie.
- Let go, let go, let go, okay, let go.
Don't touch me, don't touch me.
Oh, Frankie.
- Mm-mm, not on the desk.
Oh, Steve.
- Domenic, I want you tell me everything
for drugs, fucking.
What for is this one here, fucking.
- Look, don't touch-
- Why no touch something-
- Don't touch anything. - Oh, come on.
It's important.
I'm busy!
Ball breaker.
- Hey, don't talking to your mother like that.
- Sorry, Ma, I'm nearly finished-
- Why you taking so long, this is-
Don't touch that!
- Frank, what are you doing?
Hall of fame.
Are you serious?
- Hey, hey, not everyone makes it up there, all right?
Only the special ones.
Oh, you keep records, too.
Yeah.
Frank?
Hmm?
- One day, you've gotta see my hall of fame.
Hall of fame?
- Uh-huh.
You got a hall of fame?
Yeah.
You're kidding me.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, what's that, indecent assault, huh?
So, um, did it work?
What?
Your famous pickup line.
- You think I used my pickup line on you?
- Well, it's been, um, it's been a while for me, you know?
So now I'm just, I'm just wondering,
this line of yours, this magic line
that makes women melt, maybe, maybe you-
- You want to hear my line, is that what this is about?
Well, come on, I'll tell you my line, come here.
Here's my line.
That's it?
Yeah, that's it.
Good.
It was definitely my idea, then.
That's right.
Bye, bye!
Nothing is what it seems.
Nathan, what are you doing?
I've been there, pal.
She pretends to like you, but she's just doing her job,
keeping you away from the truth.
Nathan, what truth?
- Oh, you want the truth, do you?
You can't handle the truth!
- What the fuck are you talking about-
- Ow, the nipple ring, just, ow, just, ow.
Come with me.
Come on.
What's this?
- That's Raelene's gift to the unemployed,
lunch and a train ticket.
Like the punch card?
You don't get a punch, you don't get your welfare benefits.
The only way to get it punched is
to work for one of Raelene's mates, the big seven.
This is bullshit.
No one's gonna go for this.
- Unless the wog boy tells them to.
Anyway, that's not even the best bit, can you read?
Of course you can.
This is a letter from Raelene to her big business buddies
that explains everything, wog boy.
- In the letter, there was all this stuff
about how Raelene's mates, the big seven,
were gonna look like heroes by paying for the dole,
but what they were likely doing was getting people
on the dole to work for them as cheap labour.
They were gonna save millions.
I was really pissed off.
Raelene and Celia had sucked me in a beauty.
Steve, I've got a problem, mate.
What do you want?
- I'm desperate, the lab blew up, Tony's gone nuts.
I need five grand to keep him happy.
- Hey, I've got no money, eh, capeesh?
- Steve, please, help me, you bastard.
Can't you see I'm begging you?
Main foyer, I've got him.
Sorry, Steve, he slipped by us.
- Hey, take it easy with him, all right, he's gone nuts.
- Hey, you'll pay for this, wog boy!
I've got the dirt on you, mate.
Hey, hey, take it easy.
That's the jacket my mother bought me, hey.
- And I need you to call the agency
and arrange for another chauffer.
Pietro is no longer with us.
Done.
Let's talk.
Celia, go and sit down.
What's?
What's this?
- This policy is about turning people on the dole
into slaves for Raelene's big seven mates.
- Don't be ridiculous, this is community-
- Meanwhile, they make those things there
and she gets the kickbacks.
That's how it works, isn't it?
Isn't that how everyone makes the money?
And the little people in the middle get screwed.
- Where are you getting this from?
- It's all here, I unjammed the photocopier,
so I've got lots of copies.
- By the way, Celia, I forgot-
What's going on?
- You know, your sandwiches, they taste like shit.
Hi.
Remember me?
What do you want?
Gonna throw me out of my own shop?
- Actually, I came to see if we could do some business.
- Well, that depends on what business that is.
- Depends on whether you're serious
about having some dirt on the wog boy.
- Well, that depends on whether you're paying cash.
Ah.
- There's a bit-
It's a fake.
- It's been signed-
- It was somehow he set the whole thing up.
- How could he get the-
I've got Nick looking into it.
- Raelene, you would not believe what I've got.
A tape I did,
this'll be the promo for the last "24 Hours."
- Tonight, exclusively on "24 Hours," the wog boy,
Steve Karamitsis, caught on camera
in what is known on the streets as a speed lab.
- It's a network promo, it'll be on air right
around the country in one hour.
Good work, Nick.
So what do you think of our wog boy now?
I take full responsibility.
I should have known he was wrong from the start,
the hot car, the clothes,
that sleazy pickup line.
- The line, how did you know about that?
How do you think?
Let's just say that
I made a lot of mistakes where Steve was concerned.
- Derryn, this is Steve Karamitsis, mate,
the wog boy, yeah, remember me?
Hello, Steve.
Hey, Derryn, listen, mate.
I've got a huge story for you.
I uncovered this, uh, this plot by Raelene-
- Yeah, sorry, mate, we can't help you.
What?
Well, what do you mean you can't help me, Derryn?
This is big, man.
- Yeah, we've got a breaking story here
and we're very, very busy, very busy.
So sorry, can't help you, that's life.
Fuck him.
Huh, huh?
How can you show your face in here, re?
What are you talking about?
Huh, well, Derryn.
- We have exclusively on "24 Hours" the wog boy,
Steve Karamitsis, caught on camera
in what is known on the streets as a speed lab.
Domenic?
Domenic!
Not the same boat.
I've seen the tape.
Yeah, I was set up.
Oh, right.
Celia, there's an explanation.
- And, um, you and Raelene, can you explain that one?
What?
- I believe the police are looking for you.
- Hey, Pa, there's someone I want you to meet, eh?
- Tape obtained by "24 Hours,"
where one of Steve's gang members-
What's this?
- Hey, that's me and that's Steve.
I don't understand.
Really confirm.
I went to Mario's with a plan.
Raelene's policy launch was gonna be
in my neighbourhood in a few day's time
and I needed Frank's help.
Come outside.
- This hypocrite has conned Australia,
has ripped our government in two,
and has undermined our freedom and security.
- I can't, Steve, you know I'd do anything for you,
but I can't do that.
- Come on, Frank, Raelene's policy launch is this Friday,
all right, and you're the only person
I can think of to get us out of this shit.
- I know, but I can't, all right, it's Annie.
I think I'm...
Look, I don't know how to put it.
- Hey, it's all right, I understand.
- No, Steve, you don't understand, love.
Love, Steve, it's the best feeling,
but it hurts, too, you know?
Yeah, I know.
- You wanna give them everything, everything,
and they look at you like you're Elvis or something.
- It's okay, Frank, I understand.
- No, you don't, Steve, it's love.
Frank, I understand.
- Hey, hey, Frankie, Steve, what's going on?
See?
Yeah.
That's it.
Okay, anyone up for a gyro?
There you go, a gyro, gyro, traditional Greek food, enjoy.
Cheers.
- That's it, keep them happy, they should be here soon.
- Okay, who's for a gyro, anyone for a gyro?
Congratulations.
- Hey, hey. - Hey.
- Well done, boys, I see you got the job.
- Mate, two for the price of one.
Where's the tape?
Oh.
Ta-da.
Excellent, Frank.
- Welcome to graduation, let's go.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Minister of Employment, Raelene Beagle-Thorpe.
Hello, hello.
Where's Steve, man?
He's should have been here by now.
- I'm sorry, baby, I have to do it, okay?
Please forgive me.
- It's my unpleasant duty to inform you
that a collision between our vehicles is imminent.
- He's gonna wreck that beautiful car.
- Woo-hoo, you ripper, nothing, no marks.
- Come on, mate, hey, hey, hey, put this tape on, come on.
Here, here, take some money, 300 bucks.
Here, take it.
- This policy is about getting people working again,
eliminating unemployment forever.
What are you doing, idiot?
- Oh, come on, Steve, just a couple of more inches.
Please, Steve, eh, run me over, come on.
Move, you psycho.
Just put it on, okay?
What?
Let me go, let me go, let me go!
What is, what are you doing, hey, what are you doing?
- Let me go. - This policy is
the greatest weapon in our fight
to make this country a decent place to live again.
- Steve, I sense my sincerest apologies would be most timely
at this juncture.
- I'll take your car, wouldn't want it to get hit.
Oh, I'm hit re, hey.
- Oh, I'm hit, I'm hit. - Shit.
What happened?
- He came out of nowhere, I didn't see him.
- Where are you injured, sir?
- My legs re, my legs, I can't feel my leg,
I'm gonna bloody sue you.
My legs, oh, can't you see?
I'm gonna bloody sue you poofters.
Look what you do to me, you make me cripples.
Look what you've done.
- Everybody out of the way, come on, move, move your asses,
move, move, move, move!
Everybody out of the way, move!
Annie?
Hey.
What the hell is this, grab him.
Hey, hey, what's wrong, Raelene?
You scared of a little bit of free speech?
- Wait, let's hear what he has to say for himself.
I'm innocent.
- If you're innocent, why don't you surrender
to the police and prove it?
- Because you set me up and they'd just throw me in jail.
Don't be absurd.
What do you take these people for, idiots?
They don't buy your lies.
No one buys your lies-
You're the liar, Raelene.
Say what you want, Steve.
Who do you think everyone believes, you or me?
- Why, what makes you and me so different?
- You are a conman, a dole cheat, and a drug dealer.
You know nothing about what it's like
to be hard working, to be a moral, decent human being.
That's the difference.
Frank.
Grab him!
Frank, where are you?
Frank, get the tape.
Frank!
- Please remain-
- She set me up, hey, didn't you hear what I said?
Remain calm.
Come on, let me go, will you?
- Remain calm-
- Um, Celia, this might not be the time
or the place to bring this up,
but I just wanted to say something.
All right, take it easy.
- I believe that you are what you eat,
and by tomorrow, I plan to be you.
I assure you
that everything is going to be all right, everything's-
That's Steve's line.
Damn.
- I'd like to take this opportunity actually-
So you're not interested?
- To thank you for coming to this,
this rally this afternoon.
Shit.
- I know-
- You know, you finally get a line,
and the only one it works on is Raelene.
You used that line on Raelene?
- Um, you know, by mistake, I thought that she was you-
- Excuse me, could you please put this in?
- This will all be over in a moment.
Everything's fine, please, please remain calm,
remain calm.
What's going, what's going on?
Please, now kneel to me-
What are you doing to me?
Please, switch it off!
Celia, Celia, turn it off!
Turn it off now or you're fired!
Switch it off, switch it off!
What should we do now, Raelene?
- You're supposed to say, "Miss Minister"!
Man, you've got one hairy ass.
Thanks, mate, just like Frank, eh?
- That was the end of Raelene's political career.
Celia saved the day, but then she did the strangest thing
and just disappeared, I couldn't work it out.
We spent the rest of the night in the lockup
until the cops got the uncut versIon of Domenic's tape.
They arrested Dom and Tony the next day.
They found them both hiding in a chicken farm.
I'm gonna show them the video, it's gonna be okay, Frank!
Being locked up wasn't too bad.
I spent most of my time signing autographs
for the sergeant's kids, and you know,
somehow that bloke seemed very familiar to me.
Do I know you from somewhere, mate?
Yeah.
Wog boy, wog boy!
- But we've all changed a lot since then.
- I tried to find Celia for ages.
I just wanted to talk to her, you know?
Finally Annie told me that she had left the country,
and then one day, she suddenly reappeared.
We are gathered here together
to witness this magical union.
Welcome, all, to this truly wonderful event.
- My cousin, Frank, he'sa getting married.
Yeah, all right, everybody get married.
Please, Lord.
Except you, you shit man.
- I'm obliged to ask-
You got car?
I've got a car.
Hey, hey, you run me over?
Shut up!
- To this marvellous coupling to please speak them now
or forever hold your peace.
Go, Frank.
- Go, Frankie, go, Frankie. - Go, Frankie, go, Frankie.
Go Frankie, yeah, go.
- Francesco Maurizio Di Benedetto.
- I just couldn't believe the way
she was just standing there, no hello, no smile.
- Do you take-
- Mate I just couldn't handle it anymore,
you know, I mean, I just had to say something.
- To cherish-
Where have you been, huh?
I mean, I've been trying to call you.
Did you use me for sex or something?
- Maybe I had to get away for a bit,
did you think about that?
- Get away, well, why didn't you call me-
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm getting married over here!
What's going on, take it easy, will you, oh.
- Now-
Sorry.
Where was I?
- Me, Father, you were with me, the "I do" bit.
Yes, I do.
Yes, you do.
And now do you, Anne Louise Agnes O'Brien, take this-
Who are you, anyway?
My mother? I mean,
why do I have to tell you where I am?
Shut up, Celia!
- Do you, Anne Louise Agnes O'Brien, take this-
When were you, uh, planning
- on calling me exactly- - I wasn't using you
- for sex, that is the most- - That's it!
- I can't believe we were chucked out of a church.
This has never happened to me before.
This is the most embarrassing thing
that has ever happened to me.
- Yeah, well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it.
What did you mean, get away?
What, what, get away from me?
- Do you have any idea what you've put me through?
What I put you through?
They locked me up.
Well, I lost my job.
- Well, I'm really sorry you lost your job.
Well, don't be.
Well, I am, I'm really sorry.
Well, don't be.
Well, I am.
Well, don't be.
Fuck!
Frank, Frank, oh!
- If I get to you in prison, I break your head, you stupid.
Oh, you're fucking stupid, you.
- Hey, I think your son tonight, he.
Hey, Mario, calm down.
- Good boy, okay that's a cut.
Hi.
That's life, good night.