The last thing this area needs is another restaurant, and it's Italian.
I can't believe it. Right next door.
The owner says to me, "We be good neighbors.
Maybe we fix-a the sidewalk-a together."
Sidewalk's been like that for a hundred years.
Now they're gonna fix it?
- Who are they? - Some guys from the Upper East Side.
They had a successful joint, right?
Now it's time to invade Tribeca and pillage the Village.
God bless the uptowners.
- Are you gonna sue him? - Can we sue him, Gary?
'Fraid not. It's a free country, even in Tribeca.
Maybe we can get Black and Blue after them.
Can you believe those guys, bustin' our balls?
Black and Blue?
What ever happened to the good old mobster nicknames like Charlie Ears?
Joey...
Dega Doughnuts?
- I know him. - Did you know him?
Andy Provolone.
Frankie Numb-nuts.
What about the jackass who used cologne all the time?
Tony Cologne.
He used Aqua Velva. You could smell him a mile away.
What about Nicky Eyebrows?
Yeah, I know Nicky very well. Did you know Nicky?
He talks very highly of you, too.
- Listen, how do you like the food? - It's terrific.
Udo does a great job.
Tell him.
- This is Duncan. - Duncan made the food.
Duncan?
Enrico, come on. It'll be great.
Take this job, please.
- For a bunch of whiners? - It's New York. Everybody whines.
Gigi, I'm not a maitre d' anymore.
Besides, with your son, I always feel like I'm holding an heir.
Damn it, take the job.
Who are we afraid of?
I'm not afraid. I'm tired.
We've been doin' the same shit for 25 years.
- Time to get out. - Get out?
I got some new ideas. We open a Web site. On the Net.
We call it bookmakers-are-us. Com,
book-numbers. Com.
Enrico, let's call it a day.
Now, these guys aren't the brightest bulbs on the block.
They're not nice people. Let them have the book.
You give these guys an inch, they'll take a yard.
Next thing you know, they'll want the restaurant.
Never the restaurant.
I gotta go.
- Where you goin'? - I gotta pick up Lucy from school.
Think of Lucy and Natalie.
Think about bookmakers-are-us. Com.
Get the fuck outta here.
- Bookmakers-are-us. Com. - Could be.
It's catchy.
- I got you, Grandpa. - Got me good.
You got me good.
Come on, Grandpa.
Miss!
Do you know where Lucy lives?
She and Catherine are in the same music class.
- Grandpa, where are you going? - I gotta go, honey.
I got something to do.
- You go home with Catherine and... - Adrian.
- Will we still go to Maria's? - Yes, honey, we'll go to Maria's.
- Bye, Grandpa. - Good-bye, angel.
Thank you very much. Make sure she gets home safe.
Thank you.
Why don't you two fuckin' guys go back to Queens where you belong?
Why don't you just leave us alone?
Can you identify him?
It's Enrico Clemente.
Age?
Fifty-nine.
Two weeks before Christmas.
- Wasn't he your partner? - You know he was.
Any more questions?
Natalie, it's me... Louis.
Have you heard anything?
- Natalie... I’m sorry. - I knew it.
Hey, you guys!
Nicole, baby. How are you?
Look, change your shirts. Dry-cleaning bill comes out of tips.
Specials tonight are... Pere robiole speck.
That's grilled red pear, imported Robiola cheese,
and smoked prosciutto with yellow tomato dressing.
Panelle... chick pea fritters and goat cheese
with sautéed wild mushrooms.
- Insalata... - I'm sorry.
Quick, quick.
Fusilli con melanzane...
corkscrew pasta with eggplant, tomato...
And ri-cot-ta salata.
- Manicaretti al... - Ri-coat-ta.
Ri-coat-ta salata. Thank you.
Mani-caretti alla cre-ma di funghi...
- Mah-ni-caretti. - This is killin' me.
It's blasphemy, what you're doing.
Chill. Manicaretti alla cree-ma di funghi, asiago...
- Cray-ma di funghi. - Cray-ma di funghi,
- asiago, and ri-cot-ta cheeses... - Ri-coat-ta.
Ri-coat-ta... wrapped in pasta with a hint of mushroom cream sauce.
What the fuck is this?
- Tun-ne al verde... - To-no.
Tonno al verde...
...yellowfin tuna...
With mashed parsnips and potatoes.
Yellow and red currant tomatoes.
Galletto... rotisserie Cornish hen with fava bean puree and dandelions.
Vitello...
Seared veal chop cor Savoy cabbage... Nino.
Cor Savoy cabbage y roast potatoes...
And Porcini mushrooms.
And our specialty, Branzino... wild striped bass
with fennel, black olives, and red wine.
So, what do you fancy?
I need two glasses of red and a diet.
- What are you choppin'? - Chives, chef.
- These are chives? - For the veal chops.
These are snowflakes. Chives are identical.
Want me to show you? Let me show you.
This knife is dull. Is it yours?
You're fired. Get out. Get out!
Before you cut off one of your fingers.
This kitchen will not be the last refuge for misfits!
Has anybody seen Duncan?
- Harold, you're on the line. - I'm workin' the salad line.
There are three proper responses when I say something...
"Yes, chef," "No, chef," "I don't know, chef."
- You're on the line tonight. - Yes, chef.
Ardale! Let's go!
Thank you.
Good evening, Miss Thing.
- Just gonna grab a seat at the bar. - Yeah, go ahead.
- Excuse me. - Sure.
- What can I get you? - How about a Pisco Sour?
Nice drink, very exotic, but I'm afraid we don't have it.
- Bourbon with soda. - Got it.
- Can I get a bite to eat at the bar here? - Yeah, sure.
If you want the specials, just ask the waiters.
Enjoy, sir.
You want that with ice... on the rocks?
- I gotta talk to you. - About what?
- I need money. - Money? What for?
I need a new mixer, I need Lenox china,
I need to take care of a couple guys in the kitchen.
What guys?
Gabriel and a pair of Latinos you don't know.
Of course.
Why would there be Italians in an Italian kitchen?
Okay, you got the money.
Why do I have to come to the godfathers' table beggin' every time?
It's tough bein' a star, isn't it?
Soon this will be yours and you can do whatever you want.
- When? - When you stop askin' me when.
Mr. Cropa, can I get you anything from the kitchen?
No, Marti, not now. I'll wait a little longer. Thank you.
What did you say?
Why don't you stick with the bookmaking, let me run this business?
I've had this restaurant for longer than you've been alive,
and I still have it, and it's my money.
People squeeze through that door because of my food.
Yeah? Let's see here.
"Snapper carpaccio with blood orange juice,
"pumpkin risotto with chestnuts,
rabbit Piedmontese wine reduction with chocolate."
- You call this shit food? - Something for the critics.
Your mother made food not for the critics... simple, elegant.
This place used to smell like heaven.
You say you're a businessman. This place is packed every night.
He boffs one scary food writer, suddenly he's Mob.
It's hard for you to accept they love my food, isn't it?
These people wouldn't know food if it hit them in the ass.
Put a meatball on their plate, they'd think it was a miniature bowling ball.
I want food. There's nothing left to eat here.
I need something... What? Nourishing.
- What, traditional? - Yeah, traditional, substantial.
Something that tastes good, that smells good.
- Where the hell's Duncan? - I'm gettin' outta here.
We don't make meatballs here anymore.
The tomato smells smoky. Did you burn it?
Get to work!
Come on! Rapido!
Did your check come in this morning?
Yes, it did, but yours didn't!
Plato. Plato. Plato.
Was Nicole in here today?
More plato. More plato!
Did Nicole come in here?
Comin'. I'm comin', I'm comin'.
Mr. Late. Welcome. Welcome, Mr. Late.
All right.
Come on, guys.
Coming!
Rapido!
Carrots. The carrots.
- What's that smell? - What?
- What is that smell? - I stink.
Sausage and peppers is not made in my kitchen.
- How you doin'? I'm sorry I'm late. - Once again.
- I'm just makin' a little dish for your... - Yeah, for my dad.
Don't burn the sausage.
Where the fuck is my oregano?
Hurry up. Book's full tonight.
- What are you doin' there? - Workin' the line, according to Udo.
- Where is Nino? - Early casualty of the evening.
Nino firito. Eighty-sixed Nino.
I told you not to train when the book is full.
I changed my mind.
I can do it. I prepped your clams.
I got your balsamic vinegar.
You misplaced my oregano. You know what the French say?
Mise er place. Keep everything in its fuckin' place.
Look at this. Risotto here.
Pasta here, sauces there.
Oil up front.
You got it?
- I think so. - You gotta know so.
When things get slammed, you gotta know where everything's at.
Expect abuse. You get no sympathy from me.
In other words, you're fucked.
Very macho, this men's club down here.
I'm waiting on a snapper carpaccio.
Leave your order. Duncan, get that dish outta here.
Gabriel, come on.
Hey, Lou. Hope it's okay.
Got the sausages at Spargelli's.
He says hello.
He's also sorry about Enrico.
How's everything goin' down in the kitchen?
It's fine. You know, same old.
- Udo's on his little power trip. - Oy veh.
Sit down.
- Thanks, Marti. - A pleasure, Mr. Cropa.
You didn't call your mother like I asked you.
I told you, a real man takes care of his family.
My mom's fine.
I call whenever I get a chance, so...
So, good.
So I like the game at the Garden tonight.
Post has St. John's minus eight.
Forget it. How many times I have to tell you?
I don't handle your bets or anyone else's.
Besides, everything you touch turns to shit,
except for these sausages.
Louis, the game starts in 15 minutes.
If I took money from your salary for the next ten years,
it still wouldn't settle up our debt.
You bet, you lose, I pay.
Where's the sense in that?
How much do you owe?
To you or the other guys?
I already know what you owe me.
Six and a half thousand.
Black and Blue.
First time you ran into them,
you didn't pay, they came lookin' for you.
Unfortunately, they found Enrico.
You know they killed him?
Come on. You don't know that for sure.
You're right.
Like you don't know about the Garden tonight.
Louis, I need this fuckin' bet.
I don't...
and you don't.
Duncan, don't make this bet.
Yeah, it's me... Dunc.
What do you got goin' at the Garden tonight?
Johr's. Mirus eight.
I'll take St. John's and I'll give up eight.
- Double what I owe you. - What?
Double up on what I owe you.
Yeah, I know it's my ass.
- By the way. We're comir' by tonight. - How'd you guys get reservations?
- Gotta go. Phone’s ringin'. - Wait.
Shit.
Asshole.
When you got a guy who's 6'10" or the front lire.
You got to figure somebody's gonna shoot 45%. 50%...
If that prick on 56 touches my leg again, I'm going to stab him with this fork.
There are weird people here.
Someone asked for Zuppa di pesce with cream sauce.
Get you a nice table.
We have a reservation.
The name?
Excuse me?
Just show us the table...
when it's okay with the owner.
Here they come.
Buorasera.
Duncan is here tonight, correct?
- Duncan who? - Excuse me.
When I ask you a question, you give me a truthful answer, okay?
Duncan is here tonight, correct?
We'll see if we have a Duncan on our roster.
I love your outfits.
How come the cops can put Gotti away, they can't nail these two pricks?
Leo, good to see you.
Louis. Fine.
Nice place.
If you don't find what you need on the menu,
I'm sure the kitchen will oblige.
When you get a chance, come over.
That's Italian for what, Lou?
He said the place looks like Italy.
Fat fuck.
We're turnin' covers like crazy. What's with the radio?
Give me a couple seconds.
You're gonna lose an arm and a leg tonight.
We're gonna go, but I want to talk to this lady.
Excuse me, Miss Chan.
- Mr. Fitzgerald! - We were here before you.
- We've waited 25 minutes. - The table's ready.
- But why the long wait? - I'm sorry. Follow me.
- I'll be right back. - It's ridiculous.
- I'm so sorry. - An apology's not sufficient.
I'm sorry. You're gonna have a wonderful meal.
Maybe... Have a seat.
Maybe a nice bottle... Joseph, Joseph, here...
A nice bottle of Brunello di Montalcino '91,
compliments of Mr. Cropa, of course.
- Of course, of course. - Everyone seated?
Here we go.
And soon, because we've been waiting so long.
- I know. - I want it now.
I didn't think I could make it through the night.
You gotta let me have Table 32.
- Here you go. - Great.
That sure is pretty.
Yeah, I don't know whether to eat it or fuck it.
You look at paintings in restaurants?
Do you look at the cheese tray at galleries?
Louis, sit down, please.
I'd rather stand.
They brought your tip.
- Sorry. I gave you the wrong dish. - No problem.
- There you go. - That's a bit more like it.
That smells wonderful.
How's everything?
The service is a little slow, but I understand.
I'm not being welcomed.
No, you're welcome here. I invited you...
to enjoy the unusual food my son takes such great pride in.
Give me a plate of linguini and clams, white sauce, I'm happy.
I don't go in so much for all this nouveau cuisine.
Word has it you don't, either.
Really?
That's why you keep that punk Duncan around.
- He takes care of you. - The way you take care of him?
If memory serves, it was you who shut the door.
Why don't you stop takin' his action? The kid's a pathological gambler.
He needs help... not another bookmaker.
No, come back. Can I have that?
That's for Table 40...
That's okay. Get another one.
Pathetic.
The guy couldn't pick a winner if his life depended on it.
Which it does.
Did my partner tell you to go fuck yourself?
Just a little something to start with, compliments of Mr. Cropa.
Is this a good place to talk?
The people here only listen to themselves.
It's too loud.
Let's take a walk.
We'll talk downstairs.
I like a man that likes to eat.
Whenever I have a private talk, I like to do it outside the toilet.
- Got a good crowd in there tonight. - Yeah, we do.
Do those kind of numbers on a regular basis?
- We do it every day of the week. - It's beautiful.
Restaurant's good cash business, right? It's not all credit.
It's mostly credit, but I suppose there is some cash, yeah.
What would you say a place like this is worth in a given year?
I think you'd have to ask my accountant Gary.
Let's just say it's 31/2 million.
You take 20%. That's $700,000.
It's a nice little nut.
You come up with those numbers right off the top of your head?
- You're not wearin' a wire, are you? - I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Let me come right to the point.
My brother-in-law and I, we're steppin' out on our own.
I'm lookin' around this place,
and I'm thinkin' this might be a good place to start.
Did you think about that on your way over from Queens
or did you just come up with it now?
I'll put it simply for you.
I'm offering you my partnership.
I had a partner.
Gigi...
- That's what they call you, right? - Yeah.
My wife and Enrico used to call me that, sure.
Gigi, Luigi, whatever the fuck your name is, don't worry.
We'll be good partners.
I invited you here to talk about a bookmaking operation,
not the restaurant.
I'm here to talk about something bigger...
a business proposition
that you take... or leave.
Bookmakin' I can understand,
but what do you know about the restaurant business?
Nothin'. That's your job.
You come all the way down here to muscle a piece of something
- you know nothing about? - No other reason.
I'd rather eat in Queens.
Now, think about it.
We'll be upstairs.
Let's eat.
Come on, get the ball.
Come on.
Try some of the olive oil.
Buorasera. Good evening.
My name is Marti. I'll be your waitress.
My name's Fitzgerald. I'll be your customer.
I always want to say that.
I don't know why they tell you their names.
Is there anything...
His name is Joseph, your other customer.
Joseph. A pleasure to meet you.
I'm pushing it.
Can I start you off with a drink, sir?
We asked for a bottle of Brunello di Montalcino '91...
- I'll bring it up myself. ...as a gift from Mr. Cropa.
We waited almost 45 minutes to get a table.
- Of course, sir. - Thank you.
Doesn't that bother you when they tell you their names?
So, how is it?
Very good.
Cavatelli? Is that how you say it... cavatelli?
Broccoli raw, roasted almonds... nice.
I read where the chef's one of these bright new stars.
Yeah, if you ask him, he is.
But he is good.
One of the reviews said,
"Italian is a new language for the flocking."
Do you want regular or decaf on that cappuccino?
Regular.
- Will you try this first, sir? - Yes, thank you.
If you need anything special or out of the ordinary from the kitchen,
don't hesitate to let me know.
Pour away.
Excuse me, what is your name?
Martha Arlene Wellington.
Where you from?
From Bowie, Maryland. Where are you from?
- Greece. - From Greece.
- Athens? - Near there.
He's one of the greatest modern Greek painters in the world.
It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
They wrote him up in The New York Times
as "The Blast from the Balkans."
We have a tendency to overcook
what this team is and what they've done.
32-31... a very entertaining first half.
I’m glad we had a little time to kill here at halftime.
Come back to Madison Square Garden at the court.
Halftime. And the Red Storm with a one-point lead.
Last year's team accomplished a lot...
Nicky.
Yes.
I miss you.
I don't know. We're, like, swamped now.
Come or. Baby. Two-minute break.
It's important. Honey.
Okay.
Man, I don't know which is worse...
you fucking with his food or his lady.
Dickman Duncan. You my hero, man!
You my hero!
What's the matter?
Got a little jealous.
Just not used to it.
Earrings.
You left them in the office.
You know, Duncan, what's happening to me and Udo
has nothing to do with you, okay?
It has nothin' to do with me. Nothin' to do with me?
Come on.
I don't have a say in who you sleep with?
No, not really, Duncan.
Not yet, you don't.
Come on. Back to work.
Who's pullin' dinners?
Thirty-two, right here.
Here!
Get the fuck outta here.
What'd he say?
Shut up.
I love you, man. I love you.
I feel like there's some shit going on here tonight.
There really is.
What do you think of Table 32, Ademir?
Fitzgerald? He's so cheap.
He likes to stay out late, really late. He's like a nocturnal creature.
- So are cockroaches. - Right.
You know what I hate most about this gig?
You'll give 'em the entire 12 specials, then they'll look at you and go,
"Could you tell me that third one again?"
Be careful. King Cropa's at the top of the stairs, watchin'.
- What is your last name? - It's Rifraud.
What the hell's going on here?
What's goin' on?
Excuse me.
What are you guys doin' with the lights?
What's happening to the lights, man?
Duncan, what's the problem?
What the fuck do I look like?
Ask Sean to check the fuse box.
We goin' home early or what?
Get Sean down here.
Get outta here. Come on, let's go!
Don't worry.
Marti? Piper?
It's the romantic touch.
They always do something special whenever I come here.
Give me.
Here's another one. Get that out now!
I can't work like this. I need light.
Estupido. I feel like I'm back home, man.
This is ridiculous!
The city promises the power will be back on in minutes.
The city sucks!
I love it because it reminds me of those Thanksgiving dinners.
Drinks all around on the house. I'm gonna get drinks.
Drinks for everyone on the house, eh? Great.
We waited two months. We're not leaving.
I'm sorry, but, no, you're not leaving.
Keep the food moving.
I am not dropping one fucking meal.
I'm blown away, Gary.
This is the first time you've invited me to a candlelight dinner.
Watch your step. I apologize for the lights.
We should have them back on any moment now.
Give me your next question, please. Somebody had a question.
Bring that flashlight over here. I got one.
Where was the first Mai Tai poured?
Trader Vic's to you.
Who was Karl von Clausewitz?
He was the father of modern military strategy, and he was Prussian.
- Guys, I did say make 'em hard. - He's pretty good.
Who invented the printing press?
That is hard. Let's see.
Would that be Gutenberg? Next.
Lot of business for a Tuesday.
Louis, you familiar with Sodom and Gomorrah?
Yeah, I heard of 'em. But don't ask me any more than that.
Calamari?
It was destroyed by fire because of the sinfulness of the people.
What are you talkin' about?
Who invented peanut butter?
Now we're gettin' serious. Who invented peanut butter?
Let's see. George Washington Carver.
I did it, man. That's good.
Sean, I need a Cosmo and two reds, please.
Cosmo and two reds.
Bartender, I've got a question for ya.
Who's the main character in Breakfast of Champions?
Kilgore Trout. Go on. Double or nothing.
Who owes me some money?
What are the first five books of the Hebrew bible called?
Come on.
Under pressure a little bit, maybe, yeah?
Yeah, I think so.
The Pentateuch.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Sweetie, thank you very much.
One more.
Look how comfortable those two scumbags are.
They like it here.
I almost wish you'd taken the kid's action.
Gary, we're out of the bookmaking business.
From now on, I'm just a legitimate restaurateur.
...him getting up. Come on.
Am I seeing what I'm seeing?
...it's much later, then, I would be, like...
What two days that there's no professional sports play?
Before and after the All-Star Baseball Game, isn't it?
- He's not even an American. - I'm not even an American.
All right, I got it. I got it.
When did the dog become man's best friend?
Sorry, I don't see your...
I need a gin and tonic and a white wine.
Marti, marry me. I'm gettin' rich.
I don't see your money anywhere.
No. No fuckin' way. Answer the question.
Put the money on the bar.
Let's see what he's made of.
- When did the dog... - I heard you first time.
Around 10,000 B.C.,
the same time the Near Eastern hunter-gatherer tribes
domesticated the goat.
How did I know that?
How did I know that one? I don't know.
Keep your money.
Drinks all round!
Alcoholics.
Gabriel, the lamb, the risotto.
Rumor has it you had lunch with Boulard last week.
That guy won't put up with your shit like I do.
- More plato. - Get the risotto, not the potatoes.
Let me tell you something about this guy.
The food is old-fashioned, heavy. Be a stupid move on your part.
Forty-six... get it out.
Fuck Boulard, okay? We're turnin' covers like crazy.
More people are gonna get laid upstairs than in the last ten years.
That's no bullshit. You know I will.
Relax.
- One more question? - Shoot.
When are those lights gonna come back on?
Give me that fiver for a sec.
- What? - Nice one.
Finally, we got a winner.
Here we go. Move it up.
Come on!
Your mistakes are comin' out of my tips!
- Take it easy. - Who told me to take it easy?
We're just gonna say hi to Mr. Cropa, then leave, okay?
- So, it's time to go? - Yeah.
It wasn't the candles, or was the food bad?
No, I just gotta get Lucy back home.
And the food... my God, those little octopus thingies were so deli...
And that fish with the...
Where does Udo come up with all this stuff?
Who in the hell knows?
Lucy, say hi to Mr. Cropa.
- They bring over the pizza? - Yes, thank you, Mr. Cropa.
No... Louis. Always Louis.
We're gonna just take care of the check.
No, you can't pay for anything here.
I think I already paid, Lou.
Anyway, thank you for the food.
- Good night, Lucy. - Good night.
I know you miss him as much as we do.
It's just hard for me
because I feel like my father died for absolutely nothing.
You know... garbage.
One thing...
- All right! - All right!
Let's go, let's go.
Bravissimi!
- Turn them off. - It's better the other way!
Problem with your world, Lou,
is no one gives a shit about it anymore, all right?
Turn it off.
Welcome to the new world.
All right!
Back to normal. Now you gotta pay.
Come on. Puerro.
You little faggot, where's my snapper?
- I'm tryin', I'm tryin'. - I need my quail.
The quail's comin' up.
Where's 36?
Duncan, where's my quail?
You saw me put it in the oven. You know how long it takes.
Get off my ass. I'm busy.
I don't like your attitude. You want me to can you?
Yeah, fire me.
...back outside.
Carter to the basket. Ht goes up... hits it!
All right, come on! See? That's what I'm talkin' about.
I can't seat you just now. If you'll wait a few more minutes...
We're booked solid. I know you've been waiting.
Calata.
- Yes, you are half an hour... - Seat them.
- I'm... - Seat them.
Buorasera. Please.
- Anthony. - Miss Freely.
We tried that little place you recommended in the Berkshires.
It was quite extraordinary.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Good to see you.
Joseph, would you hang your paintings in a restaurant?
Would you, Bettina?
Well, you must be kidding me. We don't have a table on the balcony?
We're a little bit tight right now. We'll do what we can.
Udo, I gotta talk to you.
...fabulous for St. Johr's tonight.
Get that quail!
- Come on. - No, stop it, Udo.
Let's see what you got on underneath there.
Stop. Udo, come on! You're amazing.
Now there are at least two of us here you've slept with.
Jennifer Freely is upstairs wearing the most hideous wig.
Freely's not on Tuesday. Who's she with?
A gorgeous babe.
I think she's known around the biz as the "food nymph."
Shit.
And that pain in the ass Fitzgerald wants you at his table
to show you off to his artist friends.
- Great. - Good luck, star chef.
Everybody get this, and get it straight!
Upstairs is one of New York's most important food writers.
I don't want a mistake, not one mistake.
Every morsel of food that leaves this kitchen has gotta be perfect.
- Shit. - What?
Come on, Dunc. Ardiamo!
- Let's move it! - Let's get workin'.
What do we got?
To Fitzgerald's left is Joseph Kamplos and to his right, Bettina Schwartz.
They're both L.A. Artists, very hot right now.
The rest of them are mostly hangers-on.
Nobody looks happy. Have they eaten?
Relax, chef. It's not the food.
It's the fine arts world. They don't want to be happy.
And over there at the corner is the lovely Jennifer Freely.
Christ, Udo.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We have a time-out. Time-out was called by...
The last few minutes have beer rather ragged...
What's that for?
Nothing. Just, you're cool.
I thought I was sexy.
Yeah, that, too.
How's your game going?
Did you know Jennifer Freely's upstairs?
That makes at least three women that Udo's slept with here tonight.
You need another Valium, girl.
- It's so good to see you. - Welcome.
This is the very famous Udo Cropa.
- This is... - Bettina Schwartz.
- And... - Joseph Kamplos.
And everybody. I've been telling them
that I came here when nobody came here.
Which was not that long ago.
They're here now. Just look at this place.
That little brownout you staged before was brilliant.
The place felt like a last supper.
If you don't mind me asking, how do you know us, Mr. Cropa?
Your reputation precedes you. I know your work.
Udo, you are the only restaurateur who hangs interesting art.
Am I the only one?
Danny Meyer does at the Gramercy Tavern,
but it's not that interesting.
I apologize there was a problem with the reservation.
Desserts will be on the house. Thank you very much.
If there's anything you need, ask me. Marti will take care of you.
She's already made her presence known.
Why does that not surprise me?
Listen, if you don't mind me asking...
Just wonderin', are you waiting for someone or something?
Just seem to be on that stool for a long time.
I'm just curious here, watching all these people.
Stargazing potential, you know what I mean?
Wonder when it all changed.
Meaning?
When did eating dinner become a Broadway show?
Good question.
For just five bucks, I can give you the answer.
...fires a three. Way off the mark...
Shit. Come on. Come on, get the ball.
These guys are so stupid.
Did you enjoy your appetizers?
Buorasera. Hello.
- Hi, I'm Udo. - I'm Sophie. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Now that you've totally blown my cover,
I might as well take off this silly wig.
No, Jennifer, leave it. It looks great.
There's no way you could go unrecognized in this place.
Couldn't you get us a better table up on the balcony?
As soon as something opens up, I'll get you right up there.
I know this is strictly confidential, but when are you taking over this place?
It's so obvious you're the one making it happen.
That information is supposed to be private.
What are you in the mood for?
God, the whole menu sounds delicious.
I know you can make something fascinating without butter.
No butter. Any other requests, or am I on my own?
Just no chicken. I'm in the mood for fish. Maybe shellfish.
You always do interesting things with pasta.
Please tell me you have grilled prawns tonight.
Honey, let Udo take care of us, okay?
Of course you'll pick out the wine?
Of course. Let me get you started, and I will be right back.
Start you off with some champagne, ladies?
What a night.
And it's only half over.
I gotta talk to you.
More money for the kitchen.
Would you excuse us a minute?
Yeah, excuse us, Gary.
- Thanks. - Of course.
Come on!
Shit! You fuckin' suck, man.
Your mother sucks my dick.
I'm workin' my ass off here.
I think it's time I was more than just an employee.
Top food writer in the city is all over me about it.
Pretty soon I'm just another face in the kitchen.
I understand, but this is hardly the time to discuss it.
There's never a time with you.
I want to be a partner. I deserve it.
I've only had two partners in my life, and they both died on me.
I can do without any more partners.
Forget it.
You know you can't threaten your old man.
Sometimes I'd like to take this place back
to what it was when your mother ran it,
but we can't, can we?
- Anything else, Mr. Cropa? - You want anything?
No, thanks.
Why do you always live in the past?
No past, no money for school, no famous chef.
No gangsters on the balcony.
What more do those morons want from you?
They want a piece of the trattoria.
You see, they don't see themselves as gangsters.
Those creeps see themselves as entrepreneurs.
Yeah, well, tell 'em to get lost.
Enrico already did that.
I'm sorry about that.
Look, you better get downstairs. Your public is waiting and hungry.
Duncan can handle it.
I gotta hit the head.
It's strange. Work my whole life to become a chef,
and my father wants somebody else to cook his food.
...throws it up the floor by Gray. Alone underneath the basket.
Lays it up. Draws the foul!
The basket courts. And that's gonna just about do it.
As the buzzer sounds...
Give me! Give me!
- It's okay, man. It's okay. - Easy. Relax.
- Take it easy. - Calmate.
- It's okay, man. - Relax.
It's okay! It's okay.
It's only a game. Calmate.
Just calm down, man.
What the fuck are you lookin' at?
It's over with. Let's go back to work.
Why do all gangsters hate homos?
I don't mean to bring you bad news,
but there are two thugs at Table 46, and they're asking for you.
You tell 'em to go fuck themselves.
How exactly do you want me to phrase that?
"Pardon me, Mr. Black and Mr. Blue,
my sous-chef has an interesting suggestion for you"?
If I was you, I'd just poison the bastards.
Homo, you want somebody to take this shit out?
Gabriel, how long has your neck been missing?
I love your suit, man.
Where's my Fiorentina?
Forty-six.
Twenty-two.
Gorillas, here I come.
Piper.
Make me another Fiorentina.
- You want me to make it? - Yes!
- Gabe. - What?
Finish the sauce.
Where you goin', man?
I don't like waiting.
Especially when the chef knows who you are.
And you slept with him!
Honey, a little louder and we'll dance to it.
Maybe we'll get noticed. I'm fucking starved.
Christ, more champagne.
Sweetie, are we getting served sometime tonight?
Where the hell's Duncan? Where's my fuckin' sous-chef?
I don't know. I need dessert!
Harold, drop what you're doin', get me two lobsters right now.
Come on, let's go.
Tiramisu!
Steak Fiorentina.
I feel like a fucking king.
- Anything else right now? - No.
Would you stop it with the water? What do you think, we're aquamen?
Gary, can I use your phone?
Gigino. Buorasera.
Duncan, what are you doing? Where are ya?
Could you get that for me? My mouth's full.
Hello?
Hello, Lucy. This is Louis.
For you, Mom! Mr. Cropa.
She'll never call me Louis.
What's up?
I don't have $13,000.
$13,000?
I can't believe you lost $13,000.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I guess I just called to see if you were okay.
I'm sorry about earlier.
No, you have all the reason in the world to be as angry as you want.
Could you hold on?
- No, it's my problem. - What do you mean, it's your problem?
You can't just run and hide!
Good night, my sweet. I love you.
Good night, Mom.
Actually, my biggest problem right now is putting Lucy to bed.
She has these nightmares. She's afraid to close her eyes at night.
Can't you go back and talk to them at least?
What do you want me to say to them? "I can't pay you"?
What about you, Lou? How are you sleeping these days?
Not very well.
When you love somebody, you gotta figure out things together.
Do you love me?
Yeah.
My father was a big boy. He knew what the life was.
There was no life.
Come on, Lou.
Look, we weren't saints.
We were just two guys tryin' to make a couple of bucks.
Yeah, you two were a couple of Robin Hoods.
If we were part of a family,
the bastards who killed your father would be hangin'
from the Queens borough Bridge right now.
There was no family, no mob.
All an illusion.
It wasn't an illusion to me.
- Natalie... - Or Lucy.
I never held a real gun in my hand.
I don't think your father did, either.
I think I got a cramp in my leg.
You wanna come by?
Sure. Whenever you want.
Tonight?
At this hour?
There's a great chocolate dessert over there, the one with the almonds?
I could make coffee.
As soon as I can.
- Marti? - Yes, sir.
What do they call that new chocolate dessert?
Le cioccolato mandorle.
- Cioccolato... - Man-dor-lay.
Man-dor-lay.
Give me two to take out.
Would you like me to put the order in right away, Mr. Cropa?
No, about ten minutes, sweetheart. Thank you.
Thanks.
What the hell are you doin' in my coat?
Harold, in the office.
I need your help right now. I gotta make something for Freely.
Vanilla beans, split and scraped.
Minced shallot. I need some lime juice, champagne.
This is gonna be amazing. Vanilla lobster and sec.
Where'd you come up with the champagne-vanilla?
I had a dream.
Hello, Duncan.
Bistecca Fiorentina...
See you later.
That's a big fuck, man.
He came down like he was gonna eat the whole kitchen.
Is he a friend of yours, Duncan?
- What about the sauce? - Hang on.
I'll get it ready now just in case.
Man, that looks great.
Let's hope she says the same thing in print.
Thanks.
I love it when you talk dirty, baby.
Duncan, this is Ademir. It is not...
I'll get it.
Yeah, Duncan, what's up?
I still smell you on my hands right now.
Here we are.
Great. Perfect table.
We're gonna make this work.
Okay, darling, what's in this dish?
This is a Montauk lobster and rock shrimp.
It's in a champagne shallot sauce with vanilla bean,
and it's garnished with salmon caviar and a Tobiko caviar,
which has a wasabi flavor, and some chives.
And no butter.
Enjoy.
I will be back.
I don't want to put any emphasis on it or any...
Good evening, gentlemen.
Hi, Detective.
This is my wife Ellen.
Louis Cropa. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Drury.
- This is Gary Levy. - A pleasure.
Nice to see you.
So this is the joint with the buzz? Wasn't that hard to get a reservation.
Detective, look up in the balcony.
- It's crowded. - Just look.
I invited 'em so you can arrest them.
Sweetheart, let's find our table.
No, never. You'd never give them up. It's a code.
You still believe in that shit, don't you? Excuse my language, Mrs. Drury.
Seems language is the least of it.
Enjoy yourselves.
She's feisty, isn't she?
She is.
Marti, Nicole is seating two people on 38.
Give them a bottle of champagne on me.
- Certainly. - Thanks, sweetie.
Man, champagne for the cops, dinner for the crooks.
Something is not right here.
That fellow over there in the corner,
all the people stoppin' by... is he important?
The owner, father of the chef.
Nothing more?
Actually, I better go over there.
What do you really think of those bizarre portraits
hanging so utterly disorganized?
The fact that they're hanging in an Italian restaurant?
This is not the place to show them, but they're actually very interesting.
- Really? - Yeah, I think they're interesting.
I guess portraiture has gone somewhat legit,
but I always find it so... common.
These are unusual. I like these.
You're being much too kind. Are they yours?
Fitz, you drink too much.
Portraiture today is as much about looking
as it is about attracting a certain personality.
Well, it seems that our waitress is an art critic.
No, your waitress is an artist. Those are my paintings.
More wine?
How are we doing?
You are a genius, sandman, a fucking genius.
I'm sorry it took so long, but I wanted to make something special.
What did you think?
She's thinking about what's coming next.
So tell me, chef,
what is the history behind this culinary creation?
Actually, it's a dish my Uncle Enrico used to love.
- Is that Uncle Enrico on the menu? - On the menu? No.
Ademir, can I have a menu?
On the menu is a picture of my father and his grandfather
playing in the backyard in New Jersey.
Then who's Gigino?
You're asking too many questions. Will you leave Udo alone, please?
I get asked all the time.
My father's real name is Luigi.
"Gigi" is the nickname for that, and "Gigino" is "Little Gigi."
Italians are crazy about nicknames, I guess.
I'm gonna have something else sent up,
and if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask.
- I won't. - Bye.
Damn, he's cute.
How you doin' tonight?
- What are you drinking? - That's a rye and soda.
Rye and soda?
- Would you like one? - I would love to try it.
Two... one...
What's in a rye and soda?
That's really just old-fashioned bourbon and soda.
When I think of bourbon, I think of men 55 drinking bourbon.
- I'll be 55 next week. - No, you won't.
Thank you.
Hi, guys. Little somethin' from the kitchen.
Thanks.
So you're not afraid to be up here? Everyone else seems to be.
Well, now, you don't look so tough with that baby face of yours.
Besides, I'm workin' a much rougher table than this.
I hear you guys are brothers-in-law?
Which basically means I'm married to his sister.
- You got a photo? - A photo?
Excuse me, Marti. That table's all yours.
- I'll just take Fitzgerald's table. - No way. I just brought up peppers.
- Please take the table. - No way. Fitzgerald's my table.
Fuck. I need a Valium.
The bookmaking operation's yours.
So finish your dinner and give my regards to Queens.
And the restaurant?
That's out of the question.
We're not leaving here until we're partners...
...in the food business.
Your boy lost his bet. He's into us for 13 large.
Reprehensible.
Who is?
Greed is.
I'll give him 15 minutes.
See how you like that.
- It's my first time in here. - I don't believe you.
- It is. - I don't believe you.
- I just wandered in. - And why?
I was hungry.
Miss? Please.
I hope I did not insult you before,
but leaving your work hanging out here for anyone to see is taking quite a risk.
It's like what your chef does every night.
But in his case, he's almost always perfect.
So you hate them.
No, I wouldn't say "hate." Hate implies passion.
That's something that these, sadly, leave me without.
Could we have another bottle of red
for the people at the end of the table?
- Yeah, right away, sir. - Thank you.
- I don't think l... - What's the matter?
I don't know. I don't know whether I... I don't know.
Why did you make me apologize to her?
- Nicest man in the universe. - What?
Did I do the wrong thing again?
Duncan, come on, let's move!
- Duncan? - What?
Come in here.
- Close the door. - Where you goin'?
You know Udo is up my ass.
He'll wait.
- So you had to make that bet? - Yeah. I gave it to somebody else.
You called Carmen and Paolo again and you lost again.
I know I lost. I don't need to keep on hearin' it every five minutes.
What did you say to me?
Louis, I'm your cook in your kitchen.
Whatever I do outside of your kitchen is my fuckin' business.
You're such a degenerate gambler. Listen to yourself.
I told you to cut it out, stop.
And what are you, my father now?
You're reprimanding me now?
When I tell you I don't want to take your bet, there's a reason.
I know those guys. They'll put you in a wheelchair.
But maybe that's what you need.
I'm handlin' the situation on my own. You don't have to worry about me.
I'm not gonna be in a fuckin' wheelchair.
Everything's fine. Everything's all right.
You brought 'em in my house. You brought 'em here in my life.
Carmen and Paolo are upstairs,
and not only are they lookin' for a piece of you,
they're hustling me, too. Me.
I don't understand why you're putting this shit on me.
I didn't bring 'em here.
I didn't know they were gonna start some war.
- I'm sorry! - You're fuckin' sorry?
You're sorry? My friend is dead!
Dead!
Twenty-five years... nobody ever got killed!
They wouldn't be around here if it wasn't for you.
It stops here right now.
You're done.
Take this.
- What's that? - It's $13,000.
- Pay 'em off right now. - No, I can't, man.
No, you can take it, and now your ass belongs to me.
If I ever hear you place a bet again, I'll break your fuckin' legs personally.
If I could change stuff, I would.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too, and so would I.
Look, just take a few days off.
I want to give you some time to think about everything.
I got 200 people upstairs waiting for food.
You wanna get back on the line?
Don't mess it up.
No more chances. Take care of it now.
All right.
- We're out of the veal. - I don't wanna hear it.
All right, I can't take it anymore.
Take what?
If I can't be in charge of my own kitchen, I don't want it.
Fine.
Do what you want to do.
That's it? Your way or nothin'?
Is that what I said?
You don't have to say anything. There's no give and take with you.
Is that the way you see it?
In your words, I fucked up?
I fucked up?
Somebody fucked up.
Enrico's dead,
Duncan's doin' his best to join him.
Let's face it, this gangster business sucks.
You people are fuckin' ridiculous.
Judgin' by your folks upstairs, I'd say we're in a dead heat.
I gotta get back to work.
- We're gonna break 250 tonight. - That's great.
- Nice way to celebrate. - Celebrate what?
I'm outta here. I'm walkin' away.
The restaurant is yours, but I'll keep a small percentage.
You plan this?
For a long time.
Gary's got the papers for you to sign.
And, Udo, whether you believe it or not,
I'm proud of you.
For what, bein' able to cook?
Yeah.
For exactly that.
For being able to cook
and being able to teach...
...and being able to understand not to follow in your daddy's footsteps.
I wish Mom were here to see this.
- I miss her. - So do I.
Now, she could cook. No, I'm kidding.
I gotta get back.
Listen, the round table in the corner, you're gonna have to give that up.
That is not part of the deal, boss.
- Who are you? - Mr. Cropa, I'm Harold.
- Are you new here? - Yes, sir.
First time I've seen you. Where the hell you been hiding?
They had me on the salad line.
- You like the job? - Yeah, a lot.
- What's your name? - Harold.
- You Italian? - No, sir.
Well, can't have everything.
All right, guys, 47.
I have to ask you this question. The double stripes.
- What? - Who wears double stripes?
I just got this tie last week.
I'm so sorry, but double stripes always bother me.
I always think of men that work on Wall Street.
- I do. - You work on Wall Street.
- I always meet the ones... - You're very sharp.
Most people can't tell I work on Wall Street.
Chef wanted you to taste a few more things, so enjoy.
The envelope's from Duncan.
He's sorry he couldn't come up yet, but it's really busy in here.
Anything else?
- This-a no hurt? - Nothing hurts right now.
- Cropa keeps saving this kid's ass. - Too bad.
You got room for this?
Why not? It's buorissimo. You should eat a little bit.
Look like you're witherin' away to nothin'.
I worry too much.
Miss.
- What was in that envelope? - I beg your pardon?
The envelope you just gave those guys... what was in it?
You wanna know what's in the veal, chicken, or pasta, I'll tell you.
The envelope, you're on your own.
Look, I'm a detective. I could force you to tell me.
And I'm a Capricorn. You can't force me to do shit.
Talk to my boss.
We go out once every three months.
May we enjoy ourselves?
And people wait three months to get a reservation to eat at this place.
Ellen, I got these too easy. They were a gift.
- From? - Louis Cropa, the owner.
We are sittin' here on this particular evening
because somebody wants us to be.
Martha Wellington. A beautiful name for an artist.
Am I an artist, Mr. Kamplos, or merely a waitress?
The second you're not sure, it's all over.
You're an artist if you say so.
- You're a successful artist... - If he says so.
I'd hardly consider myself successful, Mr. Fitzgerald.
Let's not get dramatic, Marti.
You're doing pretty terrific here in New York.
Your work is hanging at one of the hottest eateries in town.
Frankly, I won't be happy until my work is hanging
in one of the hottest galleries in town.
Don't listen to him.
He's just bitter because he can only hang work that makes money.
Good for you.
She can understand that a man in my position
needs a really good reason to look at the work of a new artist.
Admit it. It's too risky to encourage young talent.
Slow down, Joseph. I'll leave her my card.
She can show me her slides.
We'll see whether she's really an artist or merely a waitress.
Thanks for the thought, Mr. Fitzgerald, but I'd rather you leave me a big tip.
I'm poor.
Excuse me.
She's always late, but this time, she just never showed up.
- Well, it happens. - It happens all the time.
So you work on Wall Street. You do what?
A little of this, little of that. Investment banking.
- Investment banking. - The market.
What should I do with my money?
Keep it.
Don't start in.
Good evening, gentlemen.
- We got enough bread. - Funny.
So, what, you don't have any good Italian restaurants in Queens?
And "pasta vizul" to you, too, pal.
So you don't need me to translate?
I think I can figure it out.
- Am I making you nervous? - A little. You threw me.
- I threw you for a loop? - A little one.
Ladies, compliments of the chef.
- What is this? - Taglierini with white truffles.
- Delicious. - Enjoy.
Listen, is Udo involved seriously with anyone right now?
Behave yourself.
You can tell me. It's not for publication.
Everything is for publication.
Let's just say Udo is involved with everyone.
Now, if you're talkin' seriously... no one but himself.
Excuse me.
This is divine.
Let me see.
Oh, my God.
Salud.
We'll see you downstairs.
I'll be right down.
I hope you're enjoying yourselves.
The food is divine, even better than the reviews.
- Thanks for the champagne. - It's my pleasure.
Billy tells me we're your guests tonight. Thank you for that.
I just wanted a New York City policeman and his lovely wife
to enjoy their night.
Besides, you never know when you're gonna need a cop.
- Good night. - Good night.
He's a very nice man.
Vinnie, you takin' her home?
I'll see you, sweetheart. Take care. Get home safe.
Thank you.
Mr. Cropa, your chocolate desserts. They look very yummy.
Yummy? I hope Udo doesn't tell you to describe his food as "yummy."
No, sir, it's a description of my very own. Good night.
Duncan's gonna take a short vacation starting tomorrow.
I hope you can go with him.
Well, you know, he really needs a therapist.
Yeah, I know, but he also needs someone he cares for.
Why not?
And thanks for everything.
Good night.
Where's the ladies' room?
How should I know? I think it's over there someplace.
Excuse me.
Where the fuck is this guy?
How you doin'?
Sorry.
- Do you think I'm waiting all night? - It's out of order.
- I need to use the bathroom. - Sorry.
It's all yours.
Sorry about that.
- Excuse me. - What can I get ya?
There's a man blocking the way to the ladies' room.
That's not me problem, sweetheart.
Excuse me. It's all yours now.
Move it! Police! Get out of the way!
Get back. Police!
Get out of there. Move it, move it.
Somebody got smoked.
Lock the fuckin' doors. Nobody leaves.
God damn it.
Unbelievable. Only in New York
can you count on a double murder to triple your business.
You'll be booked solid for a year.
You really think so?
The bodies of two men shot in the head at point-blank range
were discovered here at this restaurant, and we're hearing just downstairs
from where a New York City police detective was having his dinner.
Two men found shot to death execution-style
in the basement of this trendy Tribeca eatery
are believed to be low-level Queens hoods.
Do I see you later?
No, I have plans.
And besides, why do I have the feeling that it's the food nymph's time?
What philosophy predates Plato?
The Sophists'?
You're going broke.
This thing with Duncan is serious?
Getting there.
We did 263 tonight.
Perfect.
Perfect night, except for the two on the balcony.
Carmen Donnelly and Paolo Macaroni... I'm sorry, Paolo Marcori.
They are the victims in this case.
Sources are telling us that this place doubles as a bookmaking operation.
Good night.
Good night, star chef.
- I've never seen a dead body before. - It's very strange.
We're hearing that the victims were members of an organized crime family.
I heard some things...
Duncan, who is the sous-chef in this restaurant...
What do you know about what we're hearing
that this was all about revenge for a prior homicide
in connection with this restaurant?
I was cookin', you know. I don't know anything.
You don't know anything?
I don't know... I'm the sous-chef, so...
Actually, I made the guy beef Fiorentina, which is pretty good.
You come by, I'll hook you up, whatever.
Once again, a double murder in Tribeca. Police have no suspects at this time.
Here.
No, it's yours.
That's a lot more than I expected.
If I was you, Mr. Rolof, I'd get out of here as soon as possible.
I want you to give that to Sean.
Tell him it's for gettin' all the answers right.
I could've taken care of this in Queens. Look at the mess you got now.
My son can handle it.
- Later. - Later.
That's a cool guy. Works on Wall Street.
You know, they say revenge is a dish best eaten cold.
- Served. - What?
Best served cold.
{{{ the end }}}