[La Cucaracha]
♪ ♪
[bright music]
[air horn blaring]
- Attention, citizens of Dimmsdale!
Today is the day that I,
Chloe Mahatma Gandhi Carol Burnett Carmichael,
will break the all-time international
perfect school attendance record.
[whistling]
Ah!
Whoever you are, you can't stop me
from getting to school.
I'll just chew my way
out of this net.
[chomping]
- Hey, it's me.
I wanted to catch you before you left for school,
and I figured the only way to do that
was with an actual net.
- [growling]
Ha!
Ah! [crashing]
- Anyway, I came to tell you
there's no school today.
And also, did you just chew
through a high-density carbon fiber net?
- [slurps] I'd chew through
a brick wall to get to school, Timmy.
You know that. - Yes, I do.
Anyway, didn't you get the robo-call from Mr. Crocker?
- No, yesterday was No Technology Tuesday at my house.
We turned off our phones, sat in a circle,
and passed around the talking stick.
- Wow, that's a whole new level of Carmichael cray-cray.
Anyway, school's cancelled today because of some kind
of stupid teacher seminar or some other stupid thing.
- Hello, dullards and parents of dullards.
School's cancelled today because of some kind
or stupid teacher seminar or some other stupid thing.
Get out of my room, Mother. I'm talking to my friends.
Eh, their names? Um...
That's none of your business. That's it!
You're washing your own hair tonight.
- This call will repeat.
- No school?
I-I always go to school. Ah!
Even on weekends--eeh! And holidays.
I go just to touch it. Ah!
Timmy, I need to touch it.
- I know what will take your mind off school.
Cosmo. Wanda.
- Ah!
Ah! - Chloe.
There's an obvious answer you're overlooking:
tacos! [laughing]
- Ah!
["La Cucaracha"]
- Ha ha!
Okay, so tacos aren't that obvious,
but still, you got to love 'em,
so I want you to come with me to the grand opening
of the single greatest taco chain
in the known universe: Taco the Town.
- I don't like tacos, but that is a clever food pun.
- Well, things are about to get even clever-er,
'cause they're giving away a free taco to every customer.
And since you don't like tacos, I'll get yours.
It's a win-win, and I win twice.
- [sighs] Very well.
I will escort you to your taco establishment, Timmy.
But just know, my heart will always be in the classroom.
- Chloe, if you want to keep learning today,
Cosmo and I can quiz you.
- Pop quiz! What came first? The chicken or the egg?
- That's really more of a philosophical question--
- Wrong! - Class dismissed.
It's taco time.
- Chet Ubetcha reporting live
from the grand opening of Taco the Town.
I'm here with the Taco the Town mascot,
Paco the Taco the Town Clown.
[horn honking]
What do you know. That was salsa in your flower.
Ha ha, a spicy twist on on old standard.
In related news, ouch-chi-wa-wa that burns!
- Pop quiz, Chloe: what am I gonna order?
- I don't know. - Wrong.
The answer is Frank Sinatra's car.
- Just order! I need to touch school.
I'm getting the twitch.
- Okay, let's see what I want.
There's so many taco choices.
The Pork-o Vallarta, The Chick-Ensenada,
The Cheese-en Itza.
- Garcon, I'll take Frank Sinatra's car.
With low-fat guac.
- Whoa, floating customer.
- Just order! I have to touch the school
before sundown or it doesn't count.
- Oh, Timmy!
Toot, toot! Here comes the dummy train.
Cutsies! I have ten wooden friends
who are totally alive and real,
and they all want their free tacos.
Isn't that right, Loud Larry?
[shouting] You got that right, Timmy's dad!
And you're not just using us
to scam free tacos for yourself.
Keep your voice down, Larry.
Oh, it's so convenient for me
to have so many taco-loving friends.
Farmer Ben likes his spicy.
[phony country accent] Yee-haw, city slicker!
Spicy puts a hitch in my giddy-up!
And Penelope loves tacos,
but doesn't like to eat with her hands.
[high-pitched voice] Oh, it's uncivilized!
I use a knife and fork like a proper lady.
Ooh, what a snob, huh?
- I don't know what's happening, but please order.
Must. Touch. School. - You're weird!
Isn't that right, Astronaut Bob? [imitates radio buzz]
Houston, we have a problem. [imitates radio buzz]
That's a cliché, Astronaut Bob.
Oh, how did you ever get into the space program.
[bell ringing]
- Wait. What was that?
I might be going cuckoo,
but I thought I heard the recess bell at school.
- [guilty laughter]
Well, you probably are going cuckoo,
'cause, uh, there's no school today.
Right, Cosmo?
- Ooh, big taco!
[chomping]
- Breaking news: my hat's being eaten by a mystical creature.
- Hey, there's a hair in my taco.
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
- I've got a lawyer right here.
Isn't that right, Sid Woodman?
I'll see you in court!
Ooh, don't trust Sid Woodman.
He's an ambulance chaser.
- And another thing: if there's no school today,
shouldn't there be kids here?
[desolate Western music]
Most kids love tacos.
- There are kids!
Mrs. Dubois brought her whole brood of wooden children.
[Southern belle voice] I do declare, I did, Timmy's Dad.
And you are a handsome man.
Oh, you are giving me the vapors.
Please, Mrs. Dubois, this is a family establishment.
[Southern belle voice] I'm sorry, but my husband's
been off for so very long, fighting those Yankees.
You mean the baseball team? - Wow.
Okay, back on planet Earth, where are the kids?
And I mean non-puppet kids.
- [inaudible whispering]
I don't know what you're talking about, Chloe.
There's a bunch of kids right over there.
- What are we doing here? We're supposed to be in school.
- I'd stay for tacos, but there are
too many dummies in line ahead of us.
- Hmm, something's fishy...
- Fish tacos!
- I'd like my free taco, please.
And my friend's, 'cause she's a taco-hating school toucher.
I'm really hungry, so which is the quickest to make?
- Uh, Pork-o Vallarta and the Chick-Ensenada.
- Then I'll take the Cheese-en Itza.
- Timmy, why are you stalling?
Something weird is going on here.
- Well, yeah, my dad's playing Connect-the-Dots
on a Taco the Town place mat with a dummy in a space helmet.
- Look, Astronaut Bob! We made a sombrero!
[imitates radio buzz] Houston, we have a sombrero.
- I'm not talking about your dad, Timmy.
He's always weird, but if I didn't know better,
I would think you were selfish enough
to like about school being cancelled
to drag me here just so you could get an extra taco.
You hesitated!
Why did you hesitate?
- Uh, tacos are up.
- Yah!
Tell me the truth, Timmy Turner,
or you'll never see these tacos again.
- Ah! Stay calm, Chloe.
Step away from the tacos.
- Ooh, that's very interesting.
Tell Chloe what you just told me, Truant Officer Mike.
[Irish accent] There's school today,
and you're playing hooky, little missy.
I'd expect it of Timmy Turner here...
- Ah!
- But not the likes of you,
Chloe Mahatma Gandhi Carol Burnett Carmichael.
- [gasps] Timmy, did you hear
what Truant Officer Mike just said?
School's in session. I was right.
You jeopardized my chance to set the all-time international
perfect school attendance record
by twisting the truth to get tacos.
You're a taco-tricking truth twister.
- That is harsh, but right on target.
- I can still make it to school
before the final bell and set that record.
Ooh, and when I get there, I'm gonna totally
rat you out for playing hooky.
Timmy Turner, get ready to spend the rest of the year
in detention listening to Mr. Crocker
read from his dream journal.
I hear it's mostly screaming.
[dramatic music]
- No! [crying]
- Cosmo, Wanda, poof me to school.
Just do it!
Ha, nothing can stop me from getting to school now.
- Want to bet? Cosmo. Wanda.
Poof up a kitten stuck in a tree.
[cat meowing]
- [gasps] Except for that.
[triumphant music]
- Poof up a pile of trash.
- Oh, no! Litter!
Oh, you have a sick mind, Timmy Turner.
Trash, recycle, trash, recycle, trash, recycle--compost!
♪ ♪
- No one wins in a wish fight, Chloe.
Except me! Ha! Cosmo, Wanda--
- I wish Timmy was a troll and that he can't un-wish my wish.
- Ah! [garbling]
- I don't think you're winning, Timmy.
- I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Crocker.
But it was all Timmy's fault.
He selfishly convinced me there was no school
so he could get an extra free taco at Taco the Town.
So whip our your dream journal
and give him a lifetime of detention.
Uh, most importantly, because I was tricked,
but still made it to school before the day was over,
I technically broke the all-time
international perfect attendance record.
I'm touching school! [giddy laughter]
- Wow, you've gone totally around the bend.
You probably could have used a day off over the years.
- I almost got one, thanks to Timmy:
the most selfish, horrible former friend
in the known and unknown universe.
Including black holes!
- Okay, brace yourself for the weirdest thing
you've ever heard me say:
eh, Turner was actually the good guy here.
Ah, that stung!
- What?
all: Surprise!
- Congratulations for officially breaking
the all-time international attendance record.
I don't see the thrill personally,
but it's your life to waste.
Bring in the cake!
[lively music]
You see, it took all morning to set up
your surprise celebration party, so Turner volunteered
to distract you with the taco thing.
I said you were too smart to fall for it,
but apparently I was wrong.
- I'm so happy and humiliated at the same time.
I'm happ-imiliated.
Oh, I've got to apologize to Timmy.
Where is he?
- [garbling]
- Ah! It's a troll!
Run for the hills! This is a nightmare!
It's going in my dream journal. I need a pen.
[screaming]
- Oh, Timmy. I'm so sorry.
I never should have suggested that you'd put
tacos before our friendship.
Although, in my defense, it is kind of believable.
- [garbling]
- We're sorry we tricked you, Chloe.
- Wait, we were tricking her?
- Who wants cake?
[chomping]
- Mm, mm.
I know we're just sharing a taco,
Mrs. Dubois, but this feels wrong.
[jazzy music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Billionfold! ♪ - Inc.!
- Federator!