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[La Cucaracha]
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♪ ♪
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[bright music]
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[air horn blaring]
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- Attention, citizens of
Dimmsdale!
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Today is the day that I,
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Chloe Mahatma Gandhi
Carol Burnett Carmichael,
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will break the all-time
international
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perfect school
attendance record.
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[whistling]
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Ah!
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Whoever you are,
you can't stop me
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from getting to school.
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I'll just chew my way
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out of this net.
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[chomping]
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- Hey, it's me.
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I wanted to catch you
before you left for school,
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and I figured the only
way to do that
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was with an actual net.
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- [growling]
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Ha!
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Ah!
[crashing]
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- Anyway, I came to tell you
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there's no school today.
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And also, did you just chew
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through a high-density
carbon fiber net?
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- [slurps]
I'd chew through
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a brick wall to get
to school, Timmy.
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You know that.
- Yes, I do.
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Anyway, didn't you get the
robo-call from Mr. Crocker?
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- No, yesterday was No
Technology Tuesday at my house.
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We turned off our phones,
sat in a circle,
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and passed around
the talking stick.
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- Wow, that's a whole new level
of Carmichael cray-cray.
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Anyway, school's cancelled today
because of some kind
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of stupid teacher seminar
or some other stupid thing.
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- Hello, dullards
and parents of dullards.
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School's cancelled today
because of some kind
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or stupid teacher seminar or
some other stupid thing.
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Get out of my room, Mother.
I'm talking to my friends.
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Eh, their names?
Um...
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That's none of your business.
That's it!
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You're washing
your own hair tonight.
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- This call will repeat.
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- No school?
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I-I always go to school.
Ah!
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Even on weekends--eeh!
And holidays.
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I go just to touch it.
Ah!
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Timmy, I need to touch it.
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- I know what will take
your mind off school.
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Cosmo. Wanda.
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- Ah!
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Ah!
- Chloe.
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There's an obvious answer
you're overlooking:
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tacos!
[laughing]
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- Ah!
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["La Cucaracha"]
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- Ha ha!
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Okay, so tacos
aren't that obvious,
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but still,
you got to love 'em,
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so I want you to come with me
to the grand opening
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of the single greatest
taco chain
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in the known universe:
Taco the Town.
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- I don't like tacos, but that
is a clever food pun.
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- Well, things are about to get
even clever-er,
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'cause they're giving away a
free taco to every customer.
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And since you don't like tacos,
I'll get yours.
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It's a win-win, and I win twice.
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- [sighs] Very well.
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I will escort you to your taco
establishment, Timmy.
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But just know, my heart will
always be in the classroom.
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- Chloe, if you want to keep
learning today,
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Cosmo and I can quiz you.
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- Pop quiz! What came first?
The chicken or the egg?
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- That's really more of
a philosophical question--
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- Wrong!
- Class dismissed.
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It's taco time.
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- Chet Ubetcha reporting live
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from the grand opening
of Taco the Town.
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I'm here with
the Taco the Town mascot,
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Paco the Taco the Town Clown.
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[horn honking]
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What do you know.
That was salsa in your flower.
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Ha ha, a spicy twist
on on old standard.
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In related news,
ouch-chi-wa-wa that burns!
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- Pop quiz, Chloe:
what am I gonna order?
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- I don't know.
- Wrong.
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The answer is
Frank Sinatra's car.
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- Just order!
I need to touch school.
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I'm getting the twitch.
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- Okay, let's see
what I want.
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There's so many taco choices.
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The Pork-o Vallarta,
The Chick-Ensenada,
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The Cheese-en Itza.
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- Garcon, I'll take
Frank Sinatra's car.
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With low-fat guac.
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- Whoa, floating customer.
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- Just order!
I have to touch the school
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before sundown
or it doesn't count.
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- Oh, Timmy!
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Toot, toot!
Here comes the dummy train.
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Cutsies!
I have ten wooden friends
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who are totally alive and real,
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and they all want
their free tacos.
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Isn't that right, Loud Larry?
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[shouting]
You got that right, Timmy's dad!
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And you're not just using us
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to scam free tacos for yourself.
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Keep your voice down, Larry.
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Oh, it's so convenient for me
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to have so many
taco-loving friends.
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Farmer Ben likes his spicy.
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[phony country accent]
Yee-haw, city slicker!
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Spicy puts a hitch
in my giddy-up!
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And Penelope loves tacos,
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but doesn't like
to eat with her hands.
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[high-pitched voice]
Oh, it's uncivilized!
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I use a knife and fork
like a proper lady.
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Ooh, what a snob, huh?
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- I don't know what's happening,
but please order.
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Must. Touch. School.
- You're weird!
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Isn't that right, Astronaut Bob?
[imitates radio buzz]
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Houston, we have a problem.
[imitates radio buzz]
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That's a cliché, Astronaut Bob.
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Oh, how did you ever get into
the space program.
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[bell ringing]
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- Wait. What was that?
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I might be going cuckoo,
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but I thought I heard
the recess bell at school.
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- [guilty laughter]
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Well, you probably
are going cuckoo,
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'cause, uh, there's
no school today.
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Right, Cosmo?
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- Ooh, big taco!
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[chomping]
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- Breaking news: my hat's being
eaten by a mystical creature.
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- Hey, there's a hair
in my taco.
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You'll be hearing
from my lawyer.
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- I've got a lawyer right here.
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Isn't that right, Sid Woodman?
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I'll see you in court!
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Ooh, don't trust Sid Woodman.
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He's an ambulance chaser.
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- And another thing:
if there's no school today,
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shouldn't there be kids here?
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[desolate Western music]
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Most kids love tacos.
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- There are kids!
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Mrs. Dubois brought her whole
brood of wooden children.
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[Southern belle voice] I do
declare, I did, Timmy's Dad.
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And you are a handsome man.
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Oh, you are giving me
the vapors.
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Please, Mrs. Dubois,
this is a family establishment.
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[Southern belle voice] I'm
sorry, but my husband's
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been off for so very long,
fighting those Yankees.
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You mean the baseball team?
- Wow.
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Okay, back on planet Earth,
where are the kids?
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And I mean non-puppet kids.
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- [inaudible whispering]
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I don't know what you're
talking about, Chloe.
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There's a bunch of kids
right over there.
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- What are we doing here?
We're supposed to be in school.
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- I'd stay for tacos,
but there are
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too many dummies in line
ahead of us.
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- Hmm, something's fishy...
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- Fish tacos!
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- I'd like my free taco, please.
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And my friend's, 'cause she's a
taco-hating school toucher.
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I'm really hungry, so which is
the quickest to make?
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- Uh, Pork-o Vallarta
and the Chick-Ensenada.
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- Then I'll take
the Cheese-en Itza.
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- Timmy, why are you stalling?
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00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:29,334
Something weird
is going on here.
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- Well, yeah, my dad's playing
Connect-the-Dots
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on a Taco the Town place mat
with a dummy in a space helmet.
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- Look, Astronaut Bob!
We made a sombrero!
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[imitates radio buzz]
Houston, we have a sombrero.
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- I'm not talking about
your dad, Timmy.
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He's always weird,
but if I didn't know better,
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I would think you were
selfish enough
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to like about school
being cancelled
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to drag me here just so you
could get an extra taco.
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You hesitated!
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Why did you hesitate?
186
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,128
- Uh, tacos are up.
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- Yah!
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Tell me the truth, Timmy Turner,
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or you'll never see
these tacos again.
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- Ah! Stay calm, Chloe.
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Step away from the tacos.
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- Ooh, that's very interesting.
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Tell Chloe what you just told
me, Truant Officer Mike.
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00:07:12,146 --> 00:07:13,412
[Irish accent]
There's school today,
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and you're playing hooky,
little missy.
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I'd expect it
of Timmy Turner here...
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00:07:17,952 --> 00:07:19,118
- Ah!
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- But not the likes of you,
199
00:07:20,588 --> 00:07:23,188
Chloe Mahatma Gandhi
Carol Burnett Carmichael.
200
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:24,556
- [gasps] Timmy, did you hear
201
00:07:24,558 --> 00:07:26,258
what Truant Officer Mike
just said?
202
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:29,495
School's in session.
I was right.
203
00:07:29,497 --> 00:07:32,465
You jeopardized my chance to set
the all-time international
204
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:33,733
perfect school attendance record
205
00:07:33,735 --> 00:07:35,834
by twisting the truth
to get tacos.
206
00:07:35,836 --> 00:07:38,337
You're a taco-tricking
truth twister.
207
00:07:38,339 --> 00:07:41,139
- That is harsh,
but right on target.
208
00:07:41,141 --> 00:07:42,441
- I can still make it to school
209
00:07:42,443 --> 00:07:43,976
before the final bell
and set that record.
210
00:07:43,978 --> 00:07:46,445
Ooh, and when I get there,
I'm gonna totally
211
00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:48,080
rat you out for playing hooky.
212
00:07:48,082 --> 00:07:50,683
Timmy Turner, get ready to spend
the rest of the year
213
00:07:50,685 --> 00:07:53,018
in detention listening
to Mr. Crocker
214
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read from his dream journal.
215
00:07:55,289 --> 00:07:57,790
I hear it's mostly screaming.
216
00:07:57,792 --> 00:08:01,093
[dramatic music]
217
00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:03,128
- No!
[crying]
218
00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:06,298
- Cosmo, Wanda,
poof me to school.
219
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,134
Just do it!
220
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:13,638
Ha, nothing can stop me
from getting to school now.
221
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,142
- Want to bet?
Cosmo. Wanda.
222
00:08:16,144 --> 00:08:18,611
Poof up a kitten
stuck in a tree.
223
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,246
[cat meowing]
224
00:08:21,248 --> 00:08:23,415
- [gasps] Except for that.
225
00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:26,551
[triumphant music]
226
00:08:26,553 --> 00:08:28,687
- Poof up a pile of trash.
227
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,324
- Oh, no! Litter!
228
00:08:32,326 --> 00:08:34,660
Oh, you have a sick mind,
Timmy Turner.
229
00:08:34,662 --> 00:08:38,096
Trash, recycle, trash, recycle,
trash, recycle--compost!
230
00:08:38,098 --> 00:08:39,899
♪ ♪
231
00:08:39,901 --> 00:08:42,134
- No one wins in a wish fight,
Chloe.
232
00:08:42,136 --> 00:08:45,371
Except me! Ha!
Cosmo, Wanda--
233
00:08:45,373 --> 00:08:48,574
- I wish Timmy was a troll and
that he can't un-wish my wish.
234
00:08:49,743 --> 00:08:52,578
- Ah!
[garbling]
235
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:55,347
- I don't think you're
winning, Timmy.
236
00:08:55,349 --> 00:08:56,682
- I'm sorry I'm late,
Mr. Crocker.
237
00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:58,116
But it was all Timmy's fault.
238
00:08:58,118 --> 00:08:59,918
He selfishly convinced me
there was no school
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00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,654
so he could get an extra free
taco at Taco the Town.
240
00:09:02,656 --> 00:09:04,656
So whip our your dream journal
241
00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:06,792
and give him a lifetime
of detention.
242
00:09:06,794 --> 00:09:08,961
Uh, most importantly,
because I was tricked,
243
00:09:08,963 --> 00:09:11,330
but still made it to school
before the day was over,
244
00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:13,365
I technically broke the all-time
245
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:15,234
international perfect
attendance record.
246
00:09:15,236 --> 00:09:18,804
I'm touching school!
[giddy laughter]
247
00:09:18,806 --> 00:09:20,972
- Wow, you've gone totally
around the bend.
248
00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:23,742
You probably could have used
a day off over the years.
249
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,911
- I almost got one,
thanks to Timmy:
250
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:27,746
the most selfish, horrible
former friend
251
00:09:27,748 --> 00:09:29,848
in the known
and unknown universe.
252
00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:31,483
Including black holes!
253
00:09:31,485 --> 00:09:34,086
- Okay, brace yourself
for the weirdest thing
254
00:09:34,088 --> 00:09:35,688
you've ever heard me say:
255
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:38,156
eh, Turner was actually
the good guy here.
256
00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:39,691
Ah, that stung!
257
00:09:39,693 --> 00:09:41,927
- What?
258
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,695
all: Surprise!
259
00:09:43,697 --> 00:09:45,497
- Congratulations
for officially breaking
260
00:09:45,499 --> 00:09:47,833
the all-time international
attendance record.
261
00:09:47,835 --> 00:09:49,735
I don't see the thrill
personally,
262
00:09:49,737 --> 00:09:51,537
but it's your life to waste.
263
00:09:51,539 --> 00:09:53,739
Bring in the cake!
264
00:09:53,741 --> 00:09:56,441
[lively music]
265
00:09:56,443 --> 00:09:58,176
You see, it took all morning
to set up
266
00:09:58,178 --> 00:10:01,413
your surprise celebration party,
so Turner volunteered
267
00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:03,482
to distract you
with the taco thing.
268
00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:05,217
I said you were too smart
to fall for it,
269
00:10:05,219 --> 00:10:06,751
but apparently I was wrong.
270
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:09,688
- I'm so happy and humiliated
at the same time.
271
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,823
I'm happ-imiliated.
272
00:10:11,825 --> 00:10:14,226
Oh, I've got to apologize
to Timmy.
273
00:10:14,228 --> 00:10:15,427
Where is he?
274
00:10:15,429 --> 00:10:17,129
- [garbling]
275
00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:18,430
- Ah! It's a troll!
276
00:10:18,432 --> 00:10:20,665
Run for the hills!
This is a nightmare!
277
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:23,369
It's going in my dream journal.
I need a pen.
278
00:10:23,371 --> 00:10:24,770
[screaming]
279
00:10:24,772 --> 00:10:27,539
- Oh, Timmy.
I'm so sorry.
280
00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:29,341
I never should have suggested
that you'd put
281
00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:30,975
tacos before our friendship.
282
00:10:30,977 --> 00:10:33,178
Although, in my defense,
it is kind of believable.
283
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:35,347
- [garbling]
284
00:10:35,349 --> 00:10:37,516
- We're sorry
we tricked you, Chloe.
285
00:10:37,518 --> 00:10:39,918
- Wait, we were tricking her?
286
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,987
- Who wants cake?
287
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:45,357
[chomping]
288
00:10:45,359 --> 00:10:46,691
- Mm, mm.
289
00:10:46,693 --> 00:10:48,727
I know we're just
sharing a taco,
290
00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:52,464
Mrs. Dubois,
but this feels wrong.
291
00:10:56,603 --> 00:10:59,605
[jazzy music]
292
00:10:59,607 --> 00:11:07,746
♪ ♪
293
00:11:16,556 --> 00:11:19,825
- ♪ Billionfold! ♪
- Inc.!
294
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:22,828
- Federator!