1 00:00:10,201 --> 00:00:12,551 - This is Chet Ubetcha with breaking news. 2 00:00:12,682 --> 00:00:14,771 Everybody who's anybody is here in the banquet room 3 00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:16,816 of the Drowsy Truckers Motel 4 00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:20,080 auditioning for the Dimmsdale's Got Talent talent show. 5 00:00:20,211 --> 00:00:22,344 In related news, how'd I do? 6 00:00:22,474 --> 00:00:24,346 - That was a brilliant audition. 7 00:00:24,476 --> 00:00:27,261 Your knack for mundane description is sublime. 8 00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:29,220 I laughed. I cried. 9 00:00:29,351 --> 00:00:32,092 You've got talent. You're in the show. 10 00:00:32,223 --> 00:00:34,399 - In breaking news, nailed it. 11 00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:35,792 [microphone feeds back] 12 00:00:35,922 --> 00:00:37,141 - Next! 13 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:41,841 - I'm Madame Sasha, the pet psycho. 14 00:00:41,972 --> 00:00:44,453 - Don't you mean pet psychic, honey? 15 00:00:45,497 --> 00:00:48,021 - Okay! 16 00:00:48,152 --> 00:00:49,980 - Timmy, I'm kinda overstimulated. 17 00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:53,766 I'm debuting my new one-woman show in front of a real audience 18 00:00:53,897 --> 00:00:55,333 instead of just my parents 19 00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:58,815 and my talking Dr. Doctor Maskowitz PhD LMFT! 20 00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:00,338 The reviews have been mixed, 21 00:01:00,469 --> 00:01:02,079 but I've used the constructive criticism 22 00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:03,776 to really jazz things up. 23 00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:06,213 - Yeah, I'm here just 'cause I've never been 24 00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:07,867 to a flophouse before, 25 00:01:07,998 --> 00:01:11,567 and now that I have, I can say sayonara, suckers. 26 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:12,697 - Timmy, wait! 27 00:01:12,785 --> 00:01:14,265 You gotta audition. 28 00:01:14,396 --> 00:01:16,833 The grand prize is a big balloon of yourself 29 00:01:16,963 --> 00:01:19,531 in Dimmsdale's semiannual "We gotta have a parade 30 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,925 because we have all these big stupid balloons" parade! 31 00:01:22,055 --> 00:01:23,405 - I've always wondered, 32 00:01:23,535 --> 00:01:25,189 why do they keep making the balloons 33 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,279 if they only have the parade because they have the balloons? 34 00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:30,020 - Wow, what a downer. 35 00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,415 Show a little Dimmsdale pride, Wanda. 36 00:01:33,545 --> 00:01:35,678 - Wait. A big balloon of myself? 37 00:01:35,808 --> 00:01:38,898 I didn't know I wanted it, but now it's all I can think about! 38 00:01:39,029 --> 00:01:42,946 - Madame Sasha the Psycho is getting a vision... 39 00:01:43,076 --> 00:01:47,559 Mr. Weasel wants to go to medical school. 40 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,256 Ta-da! 41 00:01:49,387 --> 00:01:52,434 - And how do you know he wants to go to medical school? 42 00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:56,133 - How do you know he doesn't? Ta-da! 43 00:01:56,263 --> 00:01:58,483 - Bravo. You've got talent. 44 00:01:58,614 --> 00:02:01,355 You're in the show. Next. 45 00:02:01,486 --> 00:02:03,445 - Brace yourself for the ventriloquist stylings 46 00:02:03,575 --> 00:02:07,013 of Mr. Crocker and his dummy, Speckles, 47 00:02:07,144 --> 00:02:08,667 who is not my nephew, Kevin. 48 00:02:08,798 --> 00:02:11,104 - This makeup is giving me a rash, Uncle Danzo. 49 00:02:11,235 --> 00:02:13,324 - Shut it, Cackles! I mean, Spevin! 50 00:02:13,455 --> 00:02:14,978 You know what I mean! 51 00:02:15,108 --> 00:02:17,197 - I'm telling my mom you're making me do this! 52 00:02:17,328 --> 00:02:20,549 - Wow, Mr. Crocker, when Spevin talked, your lips never moved. 53 00:02:20,679 --> 00:02:23,595 You've got talent. You're in the show. 54 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,684 - Way to set a low bar, Mr. Crocker. 55 00:02:25,815 --> 00:02:27,425 With lame acts like this, 56 00:02:27,556 --> 00:02:29,819 that parade balloon's got my name on it. 57 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:33,605 - Next up, we have an audition for a one-woman show. 58 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:35,215 - Ooh, that's me! 59 00:02:35,346 --> 00:02:37,914 Finally I'll have the stage all to myself. 60 00:02:38,044 --> 00:02:41,613 It is I, Chloe Carmichael, 61 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,877 here to present my new one-woman show... 62 00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:48,533 So Very Chloe. - So Very Dad! 63 00:02:48,664 --> 00:02:50,622 [together] What are you doing here? 64 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,363 You stole my act! 65 00:02:52,494 --> 00:02:55,061 - Timmy's Dad, you can't do a one-woman show! 66 00:02:55,192 --> 00:02:56,715 You're not a woman! 67 00:02:56,846 --> 00:02:58,325 - Don't put me in a box! 68 00:02:58,456 --> 00:02:59,805 - I'm seeing double! 69 00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:02,416 Double genius! You've both got talent. 70 00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:03,896 You're both in the show. 71 00:03:04,027 --> 00:03:05,158 - [gasps] - Eee! 72 00:03:05,289 --> 00:03:06,595 - Next! 73 00:03:06,725 --> 00:03:08,553 The bucktooth boy with the fish. 74 00:03:08,684 --> 00:03:09,772 Show me what you got. 75 00:03:09,902 --> 00:03:12,252 - Oh, I got plenty. 76 00:03:12,383 --> 00:03:14,211 Guys, what do I got? - You got us, Timmy. 77 00:03:14,341 --> 00:03:15,517 Wanda, what do we got? 78 00:03:15,647 --> 00:03:18,128 - We have my beautiful singing voice.! 79 00:03:18,258 --> 00:03:20,086 - We got nothin', Timmy. 80 00:03:20,217 --> 00:03:22,001 - Let's just sing. 81 00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:24,395 We've gotta be better than Speckles and Sasha the Psycho. 82 00:03:26,571 --> 00:03:28,181 - Blow my mind! 83 00:03:28,312 --> 00:03:30,357 [thud] 84 00:03:30,488 --> 00:03:31,968 [together] Stage fright! 85 00:03:32,098 --> 00:03:34,753 - [beatboxing] 86 00:03:34,884 --> 00:03:36,625 ♪ This is the song we're singing ♪ 87 00:03:36,755 --> 00:03:39,018 ♪ So I can have a big balloon 88 00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:42,021 ♪ But wait, why am I the only one singing ♪ 89 00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:43,719 [together] Stage fright! 90 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,503 - Wow. 91 00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:48,898 The staring fish I get, but what is it you were doing? 92 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,640 Was that singing or a cry for help? 93 00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:52,771 - Both? 94 00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:55,121 - Fish, you've got talent. 95 00:03:55,252 --> 00:03:56,122 You're in the show. 96 00:03:56,253 --> 00:03:57,776 [kazoo trills] 97 00:03:57,907 --> 00:04:00,213 Cry for help boy, sadly you don't got talent. 98 00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:02,085 You're out. [beep] 99 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:06,524 - What? The fish didn't even do anything! 100 00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:08,178 - But they sold it. 101 00:04:08,308 --> 00:04:11,442 I've never seen such commitment to dull-eyed silence. 102 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,141 - I wanna be a big balloon. 103 00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:17,230 On the upside, this is delicious pie. 104 00:04:17,361 --> 00:04:19,102 - Wait a minute. 105 00:04:19,232 --> 00:04:21,278 I do see something in you. 106 00:04:21,408 --> 00:04:24,716 Turn towards the coffee pot. Now step and step and step.... 107 00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,196 and step... 108 00:04:26,326 --> 00:04:29,199 now pick up that coffee pot and pour. 109 00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:33,464 And stir, and smile, and sugar cubes, add one and two. 110 00:04:33,595 --> 00:04:35,553 And big finish with a splash 111 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:38,034 of French Delight mocha toffee creamer. 112 00:04:38,164 --> 00:04:39,775 - What am I doing? 113 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,777 - You're getting me coffee. 114 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,518 Your talent is being my personal assistant. 115 00:04:44,649 --> 00:04:46,390 And scene! 116 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,218 That's all for now, cry for help boy. 117 00:04:48,348 --> 00:04:52,439 - I can't believe my only talent is being Mr. Bickles' assistant. 118 00:04:52,570 --> 00:04:54,659 I gotta have something else! 119 00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,966 - Aw, sport, there's no reason to feel bad 120 00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:00,665 just because you're devoid of talent on any level. 121 00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:02,885 - Timmy, just kiss up to Mr. Bickles. 122 00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:04,713 That way, if you stumble upon something 123 00:05:04,843 --> 00:05:07,585 that you're actually good at, which could happen maybe, 124 00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,108 he'll put you in the show. 125 00:05:09,239 --> 00:05:10,544 - Thanks, guys. I think. 126 00:05:10,675 --> 00:05:12,459 I'll do it. 127 00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:14,331 - Congratulations, contestants. 128 00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:16,246 The big show's tonight 129 00:05:16,376 --> 00:05:17,943 and it's time to rehearse. 130 00:05:18,074 --> 00:05:19,292 First act! 131 00:05:19,423 --> 00:05:20,946 - I'm going to eat a pack of crackers 132 00:05:21,077 --> 00:05:22,948 while my dummy Spevin-- I mean, Speckles-- 133 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:25,255 whistles a jaunty tune. 134 00:05:25,385 --> 00:05:27,039 Hit it, Speckles! 135 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,606 - I don't know how to whistle. 136 00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:31,348 - Dang it! You could have told me this earlier! 137 00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:32,958 Curse you, Speckles! 138 00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:36,005 - Ooh, that Mr. Crocker is a wizard, Timmy. 139 00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:37,180 How does he do it? 140 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:38,747 - He's not doing anything! 141 00:05:38,877 --> 00:05:40,966 He's just spitting crackers at his nephew. 142 00:05:41,097 --> 00:05:44,100 I know I can come up with a talent that's better than that. 143 00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:46,624 - Well, probably not, which is why I want you to try 144 00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:49,018 these remote control tap dancing shoes. 145 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:50,193 [musical flourish] 146 00:05:50,323 --> 00:05:52,021 - Talent without effort? I'm in! 147 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:54,023 - Cry for help boy, 148 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,373 I need a half-caf, decaf, then re-caffed, 149 00:05:56,503 --> 00:05:58,201 chilled, then heated, then re-chilled 150 00:05:58,331 --> 00:06:00,246 nonfat latte with a caramel drizzle. 151 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:06,165 - Coffee and my new dance talent coming right up. 152 00:06:07,471 --> 00:06:09,125 - Dance, little man! 153 00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:12,128 - Whaaa! 154 00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:15,435 - You're a disaster. 155 00:06:15,566 --> 00:06:17,220 And you forgot my drizzle! 156 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,547 - Thanks for letting me be part of your act, Mom. 157 00:06:20,571 --> 00:06:22,660 Next to you, I'll probably look talented. 158 00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:25,271 - I knew you were gonna say that because... 159 00:06:25,402 --> 00:06:27,752 I'm psycho. 160 00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:29,623 - No, no, no, you mean... 161 00:06:31,277 --> 00:06:32,452 Yes, you are. 162 00:06:32,583 --> 00:06:34,672 - Dazzle me, troubadours of talent. 163 00:06:34,803 --> 00:06:39,416 - Meet Mr. Mongoose and Mrs. Cobra. 164 00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:41,810 They're natural enemies in the wild 165 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:43,855 but my psycho abilities 166 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,162 are telling me they want to be friends. 167 00:06:46,292 --> 00:06:48,009 - I don't think that's what they're thinking, Mom. 168 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:51,515 - How do you know they're not? Ta-da! 169 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,473 - [screaming] 170 00:06:53,604 --> 00:06:55,214 - Not crazy about the kid, 171 00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:56,520 but like I always say, 172 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,784 I love me some snake and mongoose. 173 00:06:59,915 --> 00:07:02,178 - This is Chet Ubetcha with breaking news. 174 00:07:02,308 --> 00:07:04,267 Everybody who's anybody is in the banquet room 175 00:07:04,397 --> 00:07:06,095 of the Drowsy Truckers Motel 176 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,924 for the Dimmsdale's Got Talent talent show. 177 00:07:12,797 --> 00:07:14,625 - [snoring] BJ and the bear... 178 00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:16,845 Smokey and the bandit... 179 00:07:16,975 --> 00:07:18,542 [cheers and applause] 180 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,023 - This is it, people, dummies, and psychos. 181 00:07:21,153 --> 00:07:22,981 It's show time! 182 00:07:23,112 --> 00:07:25,549 - Tonight's D-list celebrity judges are... 183 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,072 Doug Dimmadone, the mayor, 184 00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:30,293 and his curious life partner, Chompy the Goat. 185 00:07:30,423 --> 00:07:32,121 In related news, that was my act. 186 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,731 What do you think? 187 00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:36,168 - Chompy gives it two hooves down. 188 00:07:36,299 --> 00:07:38,257 I would too if I had hooves. 189 00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:41,260 - Doug Dimmadome thinks it was downright dimmit dumb. 190 00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:44,220 One more act like that and I'm dimma-done with this show. 191 00:07:44,350 --> 00:07:46,396 [crowd booing] 192 00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:48,224 - This isn't going well. 193 00:07:48,354 --> 00:07:49,791 I'm perspiring! 194 00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:51,140 Cry for help boy! 195 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,751 I'm too stressed to chew my flax cookie. 196 00:07:53,882 --> 00:07:55,318 Chew it for me! 197 00:07:55,448 --> 00:07:57,189 - Ahh! 198 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:01,367 - Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be knocked off your booties 199 00:08:01,498 --> 00:08:05,894 by the whimsical shenanigans of Crocker and Speckles. 200 00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:07,547 - Should be Speckles and Crocker. 201 00:08:07,678 --> 00:08:09,558 I do all the work. - Well, don't tell them that. 202 00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:11,334 I mean, no, you don't! 203 00:08:11,464 --> 00:08:13,205 - If you're such a good ventriloquist, 204 00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:16,295 make me say something! 205 00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:18,297 - You know I can't! 206 00:08:18,428 --> 00:08:21,126 I'm in this for the stupid balloon like everyone else! 207 00:08:21,257 --> 00:08:23,215 You're the worst, Speckles! 208 00:08:23,346 --> 00:08:25,696 [audience booing] 209 00:08:25,827 --> 00:08:28,046 - That act was dimma-dumb. 210 00:08:28,177 --> 00:08:29,221 - [chewing] 211 00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:30,832 - This show's bombing. 212 00:08:30,962 --> 00:08:34,183 I chew fast when I panic, so pick up the pace. 213 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:35,793 - [aggressive chewing] 214 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,013 - Good evening, audience. 215 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,493 It is I, Chloe Carmichael, 216 00:08:40,624 --> 00:08:43,192 here to debut my one-woman show. 217 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:46,630 So Very Chloe. - So Very Dad! 218 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,806 [both scream] You're wearing my dress! 219 00:08:48,937 --> 00:08:51,940 Get off the stage, Timmy's dress-wearing dad! 220 00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,332 - Make me! 221 00:08:53,463 --> 00:08:56,422 - Normally, I am not a fan of violence, 222 00:08:56,553 --> 00:08:58,860 but every rule has an exception. 223 00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:00,035 - [shrieks] 224 00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,212 - ♪ Girl power 225 00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:04,343 ♪ This is my hour 226 00:09:04,474 --> 00:09:05,997 [shrieks] 227 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,781 [clunky piano playing] - ♪ This is my hour 228 00:09:07,912 --> 00:09:10,088 ♪ It's Timmy's dad power [audience booing] 229 00:09:10,219 --> 00:09:13,091 - Boo! This show is dimma-doo-doo. 230 00:09:13,222 --> 00:09:15,398 - Probably a bad call to lure the audience in 231 00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:17,661 with free rotten tomatoes. 232 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,011 - Chompy's live-bleating a scathing review 233 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,752 of this lack-of-talent show. 234 00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:24,624 And it's being re-bleated by every goat in town. 235 00:09:24,755 --> 00:09:27,149 - Oh, dear. It's always been my nightmare 236 00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:30,065 to be live-bleat-shamed by a goat. 237 00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,676 - Excuse me, angry audience! 238 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:36,941 My Kodiak bear as escaped and my psycho abilities 239 00:09:37,072 --> 00:09:39,726 tell me he's looking to maul someone. 240 00:09:39,857 --> 00:09:41,641 Ta-da! [laughs nervously] 241 00:09:41,772 --> 00:09:44,209 - [roaring] 242 00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:45,689 - [screaming] 243 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,648 [all screaming] 244 00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:50,824 - Ahh! 245 00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:53,566 Cosmo, Wanda, help! 246 00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:55,177 - We'll save you, Timmy! 247 00:09:57,657 --> 00:09:58,920 [together] Stage fright! 248 00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:00,443 - Ahh! Oof! 249 00:10:00,573 --> 00:10:02,488 Whaa! 250 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:04,099 Ahh! 251 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,449 - Hey, the screaming kid and the scary bear 252 00:10:06,579 --> 00:10:07,798 aren't stinking up the joint. 253 00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:09,582 - [bleats] - You're right, Chompy. 254 00:10:09,713 --> 00:10:11,106 The bear stinks a little. 255 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,152 - This act is what the kids call dimma-dope! 256 00:10:14,283 --> 00:10:16,981 - [grunting] 257 00:10:17,112 --> 00:10:18,809 - [roaring] 258 00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:21,855 [cheers and applause] 259 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,252 - I never thought I'd say this, 260 00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:30,473 but you've got talent, cry for help boy. 261 00:10:30,603 --> 00:10:32,388 [cheers and applause] 262 00:10:32,518 --> 00:10:36,870 - ♪ So very Timmy 263 00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:39,308 - I'm a big balloon! 264 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,179 - Twirling makes me tired. 265 00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:43,616 Assistant, bring me a power muffin. 266 00:10:43,747 --> 00:10:45,705 - I could have had my own balloon. 267 00:10:45,836 --> 00:10:47,446 Curse you, Speckles! 268 00:10:47,577 --> 00:10:48,970 [shrieks indistinctly] 269 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,755 - You're a disaster 270 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,191 and still no muffin! 271 00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:54,584 - Mother!