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00:00:10,201 --> 00:00:12,551
- This is Chet Ubetcha
with breaking news.
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00:00:12,682 --> 00:00:14,771
Everybody who's anybody is here
in the banquet room
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00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:16,816
of the Drowsy Truckers Motel
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00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:20,080
auditioning for the Dimmsdale's
Got Talent talent show.
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00:00:20,211 --> 00:00:22,344
In related news, how'd I do?
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- That was a brilliant audition.
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Your knack for mundane
description is sublime.
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00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:29,220
I laughed. I cried.
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00:00:29,351 --> 00:00:32,092
You've got talent.
You're in the show.
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00:00:32,223 --> 00:00:34,399
- In breaking news, nailed it.
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[microphone feeds back]
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00:00:35,922 --> 00:00:37,141
- Next!
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- I'm Madame Sasha,
the pet psycho.
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- Don't you mean pet psychic,
honey?
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- Okay!
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- Timmy, I'm kinda
overstimulated.
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I'm debuting my new one-woman
show in front of a real audience
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instead of just my parents
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and my talking Dr. Doctor
Maskowitz PhD LMFT!
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The reviews have been mixed,
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but I've used
the constructive criticism
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to really jazz things up.
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- Yeah, I'm here just 'cause
I've never been
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00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:07,867
to a flophouse before,
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and now that I have,
I can say sayonara, suckers.
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- Timmy, wait!
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You gotta audition.
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The grand prize
is a big balloon of yourself
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in Dimmsdale's semiannual
"We gotta have a parade
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because we have all these big
stupid balloons" parade!
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- I've always wondered,
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why do they keep making
the balloons
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if they only have the parade
because they have the balloons?
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- Wow, what a downer.
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Show a little Dimmsdale pride,
Wanda.
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- Wait. A big balloon of myself?
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I didn't know I wanted it, but
now it's all I can think about!
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- Madame Sasha the Psycho is
getting a vision...
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Mr. Weasel wants to go
to medical school.
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Ta-da!
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- And how do you know he wants
to go to medical school?
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- How do you know he doesn't?
Ta-da!
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- Bravo. You've got talent.
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You're in the show.
Next.
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- Brace yourself for the
ventriloquist stylings
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of Mr. Crocker and his dummy,
Speckles,
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who is not my nephew, Kevin.
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- This makeup is giving me
a rash, Uncle Danzo.
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- Shut it, Cackles!
I mean, Spevin!
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You know what I mean!
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- I'm telling my mom
you're making me do this!
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- Wow, Mr. Crocker, when Spevin
talked, your lips never moved.
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You've got talent.
You're in the show.
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- Way to set a low bar,
Mr. Crocker.
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With lame acts like this,
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that parade balloon's
got my name on it.
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- Next up, we have an audition
for a one-woman show.
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- Ooh, that's me!
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Finally I'll have the stage
all to myself.
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It is I, Chloe Carmichael,
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here to present
my new one-woman show...
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So Very Chloe.
- So Very Dad!
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[together]
What are you doing here?
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You stole my act!
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- Timmy's Dad, you can't do
a one-woman show!
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You're not a woman!
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- Don't put me in a box!
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- I'm seeing double!
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Double genius!
You've both got talent.
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You're both in the show.
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- [gasps]
- Eee!
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- Next!
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The bucktooth boy with the fish.
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Show me what you got.
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- Oh, I got plenty.
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Guys, what do I got?
- You got us, Timmy.
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Wanda, what do we got?
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- We have my beautiful
singing voice.!
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- We got nothin', Timmy.
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- Let's just sing.
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We've gotta be better than
Speckles and Sasha the Psycho.
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- Blow my mind!
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[thud]
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[together] Stage fright!
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- [beatboxing]
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♪ This is the song
we're singing ♪
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♪ So I can have a big balloon
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♪ But wait, why am I
the only one singing ♪
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[together] Stage fright!
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- Wow.
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The staring fish I get, but what
is it you were doing?
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Was that singing
or a cry for help?
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- Both?
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- Fish, you've got talent.
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You're in the show.
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[kazoo trills]
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Cry for help boy,
sadly you don't got talent.
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You're out.
[beep]
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- What? The fish didn't even
do anything!
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- But they sold it.
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I've never seen such commitment
to dull-eyed silence.
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- I wanna be a big balloon.
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On the upside,
this is delicious pie.
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- Wait a minute.
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I do see something in you.
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Turn towards the coffee pot.
Now step and step and step....
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and step...
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now pick up
that coffee pot and pour.
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And stir, and smile, and sugar
cubes, add one and two.
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And big finish with a splash
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of French Delight mocha
toffee creamer.
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- What am I doing?
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- You're getting me coffee.
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Your talent is being
my personal assistant.
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And scene!
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That's all for now,
cry for help boy.
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- I can't believe my only talent
is being Mr. Bickles' assistant.
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I gotta have something else!
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- Aw, sport, there's no reason
to feel bad
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just because you're devoid of
talent on any level.
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- Timmy, just kiss up
to Mr. Bickles.
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That way, if you stumble upon
something
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that you're actually good at,
which could happen maybe,
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he'll put you in the show.
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- Thanks, guys.
I think.
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I'll do it.
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- Congratulations, contestants.
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The big show's tonight
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and it's time to rehearse.
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First act!
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- I'm going to eat a pack of
crackers
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while my dummy Spevin--
I mean, Speckles--
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whistles a jaunty tune.
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Hit it, Speckles!
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- I don't know how to whistle.
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- Dang it! You could have told
me this earlier!
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Curse you, Speckles!
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- Ooh, that Mr. Crocker is a
wizard, Timmy.
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How does he do it?
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- He's not doing anything!
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He's just spitting crackers
at his nephew.
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I know I can come up with a
talent that's better than that.
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- Well, probably not, which is
why I want you to try
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these remote control
tap dancing shoes.
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[musical flourish]
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- Talent without effort?
I'm in!
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- Cry for help boy,
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I need a half-caf, decaf,
then re-caffed,
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chilled, then heated,
then re-chilled
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nonfat latte
with a caramel drizzle.
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- Coffee and my new dance talent
coming right up.
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- Dance, little man!
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- Whaaa!
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- You're a disaster.
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And you forgot my drizzle!
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- Thanks for letting me be part
of your act, Mom.
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Next to you, I'll probably
look talented.
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- I knew you were gonna say that
because...
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I'm psycho.
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- No, no, no, you mean...
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Yes, you are.
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- Dazzle me,
troubadours of talent.
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- Meet Mr. Mongoose
and Mrs. Cobra.
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They're natural enemies
in the wild
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but my psycho abilities
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are telling me
they want to be friends.
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- I don't think that's what
they're thinking, Mom.
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- How do you know they're not?
Ta-da!
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- [screaming]
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- Not crazy about the kid,
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but like I always say,
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I love me
some snake and mongoose.
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- This is Chet Ubetcha
with breaking news.
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Everybody who's anybody is
in the banquet room
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of the Drowsy Truckers Motel
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00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,924
for the Dimmsdale's Got Talent
talent show.
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- [snoring]
BJ and the bear...
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Smokey and the bandit...
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[cheers and applause]
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- This is it, people, dummies,
and psychos.
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It's show time!
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- Tonight's D-list celebrity
judges are...
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Doug Dimmadone, the mayor,
184
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and his curious life partner,
Chompy the Goat.
185
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In related news,
that was my act.
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What do you think?
187
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- Chompy gives it two hooves
down.
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00:07:36,299 --> 00:07:38,257
I would too if I had hooves.
189
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- Doug Dimmadome thinks it was
downright dimmit dumb.
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One more act like that and I'm
dimma-done with this show.
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[crowd booing]
192
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- This isn't going well.
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I'm perspiring!
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Cry for help boy!
195
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I'm too stressed
to chew my flax cookie.
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Chew it for me!
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00:07:55,448 --> 00:07:57,189
- Ahh!
198
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:01,367
- Ladies and gentlemen, prepare
to be knocked off your booties
199
00:08:01,498 --> 00:08:05,894
by the whimsical shenanigans of
Crocker and Speckles.
200
00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:07,547
- Should be Speckles and
Crocker.
201
00:08:07,678 --> 00:08:09,558
I do all the work.
- Well, don't tell them that.
202
00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:11,334
I mean, no, you don't!
203
00:08:11,464 --> 00:08:13,205
- If you're such a good
ventriloquist,
204
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:16,295
make me say something!
205
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:18,297
- You know I can't!
206
00:08:18,428 --> 00:08:21,126
I'm in this for the stupid
balloon like everyone else!
207
00:08:21,257 --> 00:08:23,215
You're the worst, Speckles!
208
00:08:23,346 --> 00:08:25,696
[audience booing]
209
00:08:25,827 --> 00:08:28,046
- That act was dimma-dumb.
210
00:08:28,177 --> 00:08:29,221
- [chewing]
211
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:30,832
- This show's bombing.
212
00:08:30,962 --> 00:08:34,183
I chew fast when I panic,
so pick up the pace.
213
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:35,793
- [aggressive chewing]
214
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,013
- Good evening, audience.
215
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,493
It is I, Chloe Carmichael,
216
00:08:40,624 --> 00:08:43,192
here to debut my one-woman show.
217
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:46,630
So Very Chloe.
- So Very Dad!
218
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,806
[both scream]
You're wearing my dress!
219
00:08:48,937 --> 00:08:51,940
Get off the stage,
Timmy's dress-wearing dad!
220
00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,332
- Make me!
221
00:08:53,463 --> 00:08:56,422
- Normally, I am not
a fan of violence,
222
00:08:56,553 --> 00:08:58,860
but every rule has an exception.
223
00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:00,035
- [shrieks]
224
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,212
- ♪ Girl power
225
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:04,343
♪ This is my hour
226
00:09:04,474 --> 00:09:05,997
[shrieks]
227
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,781
[clunky piano playing]
- ♪ This is my hour
228
00:09:07,912 --> 00:09:10,088
♪ It's Timmy's dad power
[audience booing]
229
00:09:10,219 --> 00:09:13,091
- Boo! This show is
dimma-doo-doo.
230
00:09:13,222 --> 00:09:15,398
- Probably a bad call to lure
the audience in
231
00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:17,661
with free rotten tomatoes.
232
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,011
- Chompy's live-bleating a
scathing review
233
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,752
of this lack-of-talent show.
234
00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:24,624
And it's being re-bleated
by every goat in town.
235
00:09:24,755 --> 00:09:27,149
- Oh, dear.
It's always been my nightmare
236
00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:30,065
to be live-bleat-shamed
by a goat.
237
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,676
- Excuse me, angry audience!
238
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:36,941
My Kodiak bear as escaped
and my psycho abilities
239
00:09:37,072 --> 00:09:39,726
tell me he's looking
to maul someone.
240
00:09:39,857 --> 00:09:41,641
Ta-da!
[laughs nervously]
241
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- [roaring]
242
00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:45,689
- [screaming]
243
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,648
[all screaming]
244
00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:50,824
- Ahh!
245
00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:53,566
Cosmo, Wanda, help!
246
00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:55,177
- We'll save you, Timmy!
247
00:09:57,657 --> 00:09:58,920
[together] Stage fright!
248
00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:00,443
- Ahh! Oof!
249
00:10:00,573 --> 00:10:02,488
Whaa!
250
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:04,099
Ahh!
251
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,449
- Hey, the screaming kid
and the scary bear
252
00:10:06,579 --> 00:10:07,798
aren't stinking up the joint.
253
00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:09,582
- [bleats]
- You're right, Chompy.
254
00:10:09,713 --> 00:10:11,106
The bear stinks a little.
255
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,152
- This act is what the kids call
dimma-dope!
256
00:10:14,283 --> 00:10:16,981
- [grunting]
257
00:10:17,112 --> 00:10:18,809
- [roaring]
258
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:21,855
[cheers and applause]
259
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,252
- I never thought I'd say this,
260
00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:30,473
but you've got talent,
cry for help boy.
261
00:10:30,603 --> 00:10:32,388
[cheers and applause]
262
00:10:32,518 --> 00:10:36,870
- ♪ So very Timmy
263
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:39,308
- I'm a big balloon!
264
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,179
- Twirling makes me tired.
265
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:43,616
Assistant, bring me
a power muffin.
266
00:10:43,747 --> 00:10:45,705
- I could have had my own
balloon.
267
00:10:45,836 --> 00:10:47,446
Curse you, Speckles!
268
00:10:47,577 --> 00:10:48,970
[shrieks indistinctly]
269
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,755
- You're a disaster
270
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,191
and still no muffin!
271
00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:54,584
- Mother!