[fast-paced lively music]
♪
[school bell rings]
[children laughing]
- Hello, Turner.
- Ah! Mr. Crocker shrunk!
- That happened to my nana when she got old.
She also got a forest of ear hair.
We called it the Ear-chanted Forest.
- Oh, silly Chloe, it's obvious what's going on.
Mr. Crocker's mother put him in the dryer.
- Or maybe it's a doppel-Crocker. Ha ha!
What? You got something better?
- Greetings, dullards and dunces.
I'd like to introduce my nephew, Kevin Crocker.
As you can see, he's a chip off the old Crock.
- See what he did there?
Good one, Uncle Denzel.
[both laughing]
- Kevin's on a semester abroad,
and since there's no way he could get an actual broad,
he's going to school here.
- That's two zingers in a row!
- And two Crockers.
That's it. I'm making a run for it!
- I anticipated that reaction, Turner,
so I had the windows nailed shut.
- [grunting]
- [screams]
- Geh!
- No, Kevin, it's not "geh."
It's "gah!"
Try it again.
This time, put your hips into it.
- Goo!
- No, that's what a baby says.
[melancholy music]
Anyhoo, let's get started with that thing we do--
you know, where I pretend to teach you
and you pretend to care.
- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Yes, glorious Kevin?
- That kid's chewing gum.
That girl's texting.
And Timmy Turner's sleeping with his eyes open.
- [snoring]
- Thank you, Kevin.
You'll get an A for tattling.
And the rest of you get an F for failing to be like Kevin.
Now, pick partners for your take-home science project.
And don't everyone fight over Kevin.
[cheerful music]
- Ah, no one picked poor Kevin.
[melancholy music]
Timmy, can't we--
- Make him our partner?
Nope, nuh-uh, no, not gonna happen.
No way, José.
[melancholy music]
- No! That's French and English.
- Aw, Timmy, lighten up on Kevin.
He's only a social pariah because he's Crockers nephew.
And perhaps because he's a touch off-putting,
in a really off-putting way.
I think Kevin's just lonely,
and if we let him be partners with us--
- [to "Hava Nagliah"] ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
- [sighs] He's Crocker's nephew,
so we'll probably get an automatic A
without you having to do any work.
- ♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes ♪
♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
♪ Okeydokey, yes, yes, yes, yes ♪
- [gobbling]
What's wrong, Kevin?
You don't like Mother's gruel?
Well, I don't blame you.
It's basically disappointment in a bowl.
- It's not the gruel,
although I do taste the disappointment.
It's just that I felt like an outcast
when no one picked me for the science project.
- You're a Crocker!
You don't need friends.
It's the family legacy to be a bitter loner
dedicated to stealing the magic from other people's lives.
- I was thinking of being a dentist,
but that sounds even better.
- That's my boy!
Or actually my estranged half-sister's boy.
I think you're ready to be schooled
in the ancient Crocker tradition of--
wait for it--
catching fairies!
- You mean like magical fairies?
- You nailed the fairy thing.
Now let's work on your "gah"!
- Eee... ork!
- Gah!
Almost none of the sounds that make up "gah"
were in that word!
Now let's catch us some fairies!
[phone playing music]
Cha-ching!
Fairies!
- This is the Crock-meister. Crock to me.
- Ooh, that's a groovy greeting, Kevin.
- Nerd!
- Hello, Kevin.
This is Chloe Carmichael.
What Timmy was trying to say
was that we would love for you to join our group
for the science project.
- Eh, sorry.
I'm busy being a bitter loner.
- I mean--I, meaning Kevin,
because I am Kevin,
would love to.
Crock to you soon.
- Eeh! I'm so confused!
- Again, it's "gah"!
And Timmy Turner has fairies.
And you, my little protégé,
are going to capture those fairies
by building a fairy catcher for your science project.
And to do that, you're gonna need these.
- Ladies' shoes?
- Gah! Wrong closet!
Notice I said "gah" and not "gork."
It was a teaching moment.
Take this tie with a two-way microphone
so I can hear everything you hear
and this earpiece so I can coach you
through your first fairy hunt
and rocket boots just because they're cool.
Now go meet up with Chloe and Turner,
locate the fairies, and capture them
by tricking Timmy and Chloe into building the fairy catcher
on this blueprint.
- But it's a blueprint.
Shouldn't it be blue?
- No! That's exactly what they'd expect!
You're thinking like a dentist, Kevin!
- Guh!
- Well, it's a step up from "gork."
- I feel so gosh darn good
about reaching out to poor Kevin.
It just feels right.
- You know what feels right to me?
Getting an A without doing any work.
If you need Timmy Turner,
he'll be rock-climbing with a sack of candy.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, I'm a little nervous about us being around.
After all, Kevin is Mr. Crocker's nephew.
- Relax, Wanda.
Being talking parrots is the perfect disguise.
Kevin'll never know we're fairies
unless some dummy spills the beans.
- Yo, yo, yo!
Crock-meister's in the hizzy.
- Groovy intro, Kevin.
You sound super street.
- Hey, Kevin!
We're definitely parrots and not magical fairie--
- Cosmo want a cracker?
- He totally bought it.
- Hey, Automatic A.
- Yay! Kevin, we're so glad you're here.
- Wait. You mean that sarcastically, right?
- No. Hasn't anyone ever been happy to see you?
- People are always happy to see me, because I'm
a magical--
- Okay, science project team...
and Timmy.
I thought we'd build this,
a device that turns garbage
into textbooks for needy children.
Sure, the books'll stink, but the stench
will keep the kids from dozing off while they learn.
- Uh-oh, you have an idea already?
That means I can't build my--
Code red. Code red.
- The bathroom's over there.
- Geh! Stupid rocket boots!
Little Crock to Big Crock. Crock to me.
- Don't sweat Blondie's plan.
It's just a little hump in the road.
To get her to make the fairy catcher,
all you have to do is act super pathetic.
She'll feel sorry for you,
and you can build the fairy catcher.
Pathetic should come naturally to you.
You're a Crocker!
- Eeeh!
- You were in there a while, Kevin.
I hope you lit a candle.
- Speaking of stink,
I can't wait to get started.
I have so much stinky garbage.
- Go for it, Kevin.
Unleash your inner loser.
- Um, Chloe?
I had my own idea for the science project.
I was just gonna make a stupid old vacuum cleaner.
But your idea is so much better.
It's no biggie.
I just kind of wish I was never born.
- Aw, I don't want you to be sad.
I guess I can wait another day
to change the lives of underprivileged children
around the world.
- Great! So we're doing my thing!
- [snoring]
[upbeat music]
♪
- It's finished!
all: Yeah!
- Oh, Kevin, your weird vacuum is a beauty.
- I got to be honest.
When I found out you were related to Mr. Crocker,
I didn't think we could, like, trust you
you ever want to be around you,
but you're automatic A-OK.
- Wow, no one's been this nice to me
since my going away party,
but that's because everyone was just happy to see me go away.
- You got 'em where you want 'em, kid.
Now fire up that fairy catcher
and bring home the bacon!
Actually, I'll stop for bacon on the way over.
And maybe some mango jam.
Mmm, mango jam.
You just get the fairies.
- Okay, Kevin.
You do the honors and test out our project.
- [stammering]
- Go for it, Kevin,
who's overcome the Crocker stigma of evil.
- Do it! Do it!
Mmm, mango jam. Do it!
- Go for it. - Do the honors.
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
Oh, mango jam, mmm.
- Must... be... a Crocker.
- Get the fairies!
- You looking for fairies?
We're right over here.
Yoo-hoo!
[fairy catcher whirring]
[both yell]
[dramatic music]
[both scream]
- Yippee!
My heart is soaring!
You really are a chip off the old Crock.
- Kevin? You're working with Mr. Crocker?
How could you?
- Yeah, I was counting on that A!
Not that I don't care about my fairies at all.
- I thought we were friends, Kevin.
And I thought I saw goodness in your heart.
But really you're just
a despicable little piece of Crocker!
- Big Crock to Little Crock.
Commence escape pattern Delta Mango.
I mean Delta Bravo.
I got mango on the brain.
[lively music]
- [screaming]
- Hang on! The ride's gonna be a little bumpy.
It's hard to shift gears in open-toed pumps.
[melancholy music]
You'll see, Kevin.
Being a fairy catcher
is way better than having friends.
Wow, there's real chunks of mango in this jam!
[gobbling]
- Still, I feel kind of bad, Uncle Denzel.
It seemed like Timmy and Chloe actually liked me.
- Forget them!
You've got a great life ahead of you.
I can already see you
living in a cave under your mother's house,
kicking back in a pair of super-stylish pumps,
and eating bowl after bowl of disappointment.
[electricity crackling and machine whirring]
- "Yoo-hoo"? "Yoo-hoo"?
Are you kidding me?
- As a reward for bagging these magical morons,
I'm letting you make the first wish.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Chi-ayi!
- Ha!
You cuckoo Crocks
are about to strike done.
- What does that even mean?
- I have no idea.
- They're all yours, Kevin.
Wish away.
- I wish...
I wish
that Timmy and Chloe's fairies were free
and none of this ever happened.
- Well done, Kevin.
No, wait. Gah!
- From now on, it's "gork"!
[ding!]
[all cheer]
[triumphant music]
[school bell rings]
[eyelids squeaking]
- See, Timmy?
I knew there was some good in Kevin.
- Huh? What was that?
I was sleeping with my eyes open.
- Now pick partners for your take-home science project.
And don't everyone fight over Kevin.
- I wish that everyone would fight over Kevin.
[musical fanfare]
[children clamoring]
children: Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
- A popular Crocker.
I'd take a picture of this moment,
but none of us Crockers show up on film.
Selfie with mango jam!
[gobbling]